#i’ve been on them for quite some time now
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pairing: paige bueckers x fem! reader
synopsis: you’re jealous and paige blows your back out to remind you she loves you.
warning (s): literally the nastiest thing I’ve wrote — smut, strap, pussy eating, finger sucking, choking, squirting, cervix play, dacryphilia, public stuff a little, nipple sucking, degrading, spitting, humping, drunk sex, Paige literally destroys you.
word count: 3k.
author note: been havin some terrible writers block so might be last post for a lil while — unedited, this sex is just so raw nd nasty I’m sorry bro I cannot pls read at own risk
You found yourself at the draft afterparty, separated from Paige, your girlfriend, but you hardly noticed as you knocked back drinks one after another. Time slipped away as you chatted with your two closest friends, Mrs. Griffin and Mrs. Arnold, jokingly referring to yourselves as future NBA wives, with you as Mrs. Bueckers in jest.
As the drinks flowed, tensions rose. You were on your fourth shot in fifteen minutes when Aubrey's girlfriend remarked, "You know, I understand why you're so possessive, girl. If I were dating Paige, I'd be on edge too. She's quite the ladies-man." In your interpretation, her comment suggested that if she were in your shoes dating Paige, she wouldn't let Paige out of her sight. You had full trust in your girlfriend, without a doubt, but it was other girls you didn't trust. Knowing Paige's attractiveness and the constant flirtation she encountered throughout her life, you understood she might not always notice when a bitch wanted to fuck, leaving an opportunity for other girls to take advantage of the situation. Spurred on by the alcohol, you staggered to your feet and clumsily balanced on the chair you had just vacated. "Where is she?" you slurred.
"Over there," Aubrey's girlfriend pointed.
You spun back around, irritation evident on your face. "Oh, hell no," you spat, contemplating. "Should I go? Imma go!"
"Don't do it, girl!" your friends called out, but it was too late. Determined, you marched over to Paige, who was seated on the couch beside another girl, chatting and laughing, the girl's hand casually resting on her shoulder as she spoke.
There was absolutely no reason for her hand to be on your girlfriend. You were gonna crash-out.
"Paigeyyy!" you exclaimed, drawing most eyes in the party to you. "What... are you... doingg, babe?"
Paige smiled at you and exchanged words with the girl beside her, pointing in your direction. However, as you approached, her smile faltered, turning forced. You hovered over your girlfriend's form, pouting down at her. "Fix your face," she murmured softly as her hands found yours, holding them tightly. Your eyes darted towards the company Paige was keeping, silently hoping that after her subtle request to fix your expression went unheeded, she'd catch the hint as you focused on the source of your discomfort. "O-uhh, babe, this is Holly. She's my high school coach's daughter," Paige explained.
You smirked, subtly digging at her. "You're breaking a cardinal rule, Paige. Didn't they say the coach's daughter was off-limits?"
Holly's response hit a nerve, even more so if you were sober. "Well, that was back in the day," she said, still grinning politely.
You smiled, amplifying yours to mimic hers as you sat down. Not in-between them, however. You swiftly settled into Paige's lap, feeling her hands involuntarily wrapping around your waist, since she was still holding your hands before you sat. "So it's changed now, Holly? You're one for bending the rules?" you pressed. "When a boundary isn't visible, breaking it becomes effortless," she smoothly retorted, a subtle dig that undoubtedly rankled you, adding fuel to the fire of your annoyance. "Well, Holly, I'm right fucking here," you asserted firmly, the intensity of your words conveying both defiance and a challenge to her audacious remark. "Safe you made it in time. It was like I had a ticking time bomb, just waiting to explode," Holly remarked, subtly implying that any further delay might have jeopardized your relationship.
Before you could speak, Paige intervened, diffusing the tension as she spoke up, "So, guys. Who can forget that buzzer-beater from last year's championship?" As Holly began to yap, you couldn't help but stir in Paige's lap. Your girlfriend always looked majestic, but especially now, under the spell of alcohol. You rocked your hips forward, feeling the stirrings of arousal. You were now horny. And while tipsy and horny, if there was one thing you didn't care to respect was the conversation. So, while Paige was mid-sentence, you turned and began to make out with her, your desire overriding any concern for the topic at hand. Paige kissed back at first, but with your chest pressed against her, she couldn't resist allowing a hand to brush against it, stroking your hardened nipples in the process. When she noticed your arousal, she pulled away slightly and whispered sensually, "We'll continue this later," before unashamedly turning back to Holly, seamlessly returning to the conversation.
Later? You were a wreck. If somebody who wasn't already in the loop with all the others had been at the party, they'd surely be filming this, and you'd be looking insane. Your drunken antics drew a bemused smile from Paige as you pressed your lips to her jaw while she tried to speak, your warm breath giving her chills. She gently tried to steer your body away, to steady your hips, but you had other plans.
It was as if you had forgotten you weren't in the privacy of your own home as your hand moved to your own chest, intending to let your tits spill from your top before Paige stopped you, concealing your intent with a quick, "Wardrobe malfunction?"
At her words, you remembered she had lips, and kissed them before whispering, "Want them off," into her ear, "Want your mouth on them." Her mouth watered as her fingers helped you fix said wardrobe malfunction, giving her an excuse to marvel at your hardened nipples through your dress, begging to be sucked. With a playful glint in her eye, Paige allowed herself to be swept away by the moment, ghosting her hands over them and eliciting a hushed whine from your lips. Reveling in the sensation of your bodies pressing together, the allure of the party gradually faded. Soon, she found herself leading you home, your fingers intertwined as you stumbled through the door, eager to continue the intimacy in the privacy of your own space. Once inside, the air crackled with electricity as Paige pulled you close, her lips finding yours in a heated kiss. Your hands roamed eagerly over each other's bodies, seeking out every inch of exposed skin with fervent desire. "You know, I'm starting to hate Holly," you muttered against Paige's lips, jealousy prominent in your tone.
Paige leaned in, pleased, as she whispered, "Well, jealousy looks sexy on you, babe."
Clothes were discarded in a frenzy of lust, and Paige found herself above you on the bed with her lips trailing a path of wet kisses down your neck and chest. With tender care, she teased your hardened nipples, eliciting soft moans of pleasure from your lips.
Her hand trailed lower, down the curve of your stomach, before finally finding its destination between your thighs. With gentle strokes, she teased your clit, reveling in the slick wetness that greeted her touch. She brought her fingers to her lips, sucking them clean with a sinful groan before plunging them back into your eager cunt.
Deftly, Paige slipped a finger inside you, marveling at the way you clenched around her in response. But she wasn't content to simply watch from the sidelines. Leaning down, she captured your lips in a searing kiss, her tongue dancing with yours as she devoured you whole.
With hunger in her actions, touch, and eyes, she descended lower, trailing kisses along your thighs before finally finding her destination.
With a flick of her tongue, she tasted your essence, savoring the sweet nectar that flowed from your core. With each stroke of her tongue, she brought you closer to the edge, her fingers working in perfect harmony to push you over.
"More?" she asked, her voice breathy and gravelly, and you nodded eagerly from above her. "Please," you whispered, breaths catching in your throat.
She smirked up at you. "Fuck, you're a slut." she moaned, pupils dilated as she arched her back, pressing her mouth flush against your pussy, closer, for a more precise to-the-clit angle.
When you nod, "I am, mommy," you watch hazily as she indulges in you, her tongue tracing a slow, tantalizing path from your clit down to your folds repetitively. Up and down, up and down, up and down.
Your body trembling with pleasure, Paige knew that she had finally proven herself to you. She was the only one who could satisfy your deepest desires. She wanted to be the only one. For her to eat you like this, so unapologetically, it'd stole all those seeds of doubt from your mind that Holly had planted.
"Wanna eat this pussy every day," she speaks tightly against your pussy, so deep in your folds, and your eyebrows furrow at the slight pinch of her teeth against your clit. But she swiftly distracts you by recycling the saliva and wetness on her lips, spitting onto you, further soaking your already dripping cunt.
The feeling of being soaked, then getting lapped up like a dog drinking water, was making your head spin. You grabbed your tits, squeezing them like your own personal stress balls, and the sight caused Paige to moan. "Play with them like that, ma, fuck." she groaned, her fingers pumping into you ridiculously nice, the perfect tempo to match her tongue work.
Your toes curled. "M' gonna—"
She nodded like, "I know," and watched as your body writhed, surrendering to the pleasure.
"Fuck, Paige, please don't stop. You're amazing, oh shit," you moaned.
She didn't. Not for a second did she quit eating you like her life depended on it, and you cried out in pleasure until the moment you released all over her face and fingers, painting her in your cum.
Your stomach contracted as she kept fucking her fingers inside you, pushing it all out.
Not even a second later, she had turned you over on your stomach and whispered in your ear, "Looks like I need to show you your place again, don't I?"
It might have been the alcohol in your system, but you swore you had never been this horny for anything or anybody before. There you were, sprawled out on Paige's bed, your legs spread apart with her in between them, to your utter dismay, the blonde doing absolutely nothing. You felt like you were about to burst as you nodded your head vigorously, turning back over to give her your puppy eyes. "Want it, baby," you whispered urgently.
She pressed herself flush into your body, her tongue eagerly exploring your wet lips, probing its way into your mouth as you whimpered desperately.
Allowing you to speak, her tongue trailed up your neck, to your breasts, and as she sucked your tits gently, you whined. "Wanted this all night."
"Please..." you pleaded, voice thick with need, "Please, Paige, don't make me wait any longer," begging for what you knew was merely inches away from your pussy, tucked away. Her finger, previously servicing you, found its way into your mouth, and she pushed the long digit into the warmth repeatedly, teasingly fucking your throat as you eagerly sucked and moaned around it, savoring the taste of your own arousal.
It was so hard not to give in when you looked this way—just so fucked out and slutty, when nothing had even really happened yet.
Breaking face, she pressed her lips against yours, and your tongues danced together in a manner that made you think Paige was genuinely trying to receive and keep your taste, eat you alive.
By each passing moment, your bodies found themselves closer than before, deepening the connection between you involuntarily.
It was half-intimate and half-raw, and it felt all the way good. Way too good. When you finally felt the thick, hard piece of plastic against your pussy, you sighed into the kiss, tilting your head back as Paige began to grind it against you.
Her hand, previously holding your thigh and pressing you into the mattress, trailed down your body with deliberate intent, settling at your hip. You tried to squirm away from the feeling below you both, but she effortlessly held you there, a showcase of her immense strength that only turned you on even harder.
She continued to rut her hips against you relentlessly, dragging the member up and down repeatedly with slow, sharp thrusts of her talented hips. She groaned, the dildo on the other end vibrating, squeezing and fucking sequencly against her wet, warm, tight walls.
"Feel that?" she murmured, her voice husky with desire. "You like it when I fuck you like this, don't you?" It was all euphoria—you were too spent to reply, but you managed to murmur, "Inside,"
Paige held the base of it with her hand, groaning your name as she watched your pussy slowly swallow it all in with her piercing blue eyes.
"Look how that just stretched you out, ma, feel it," she moaned, pumping into you so hard your entire body rocked, and causing the dildo to slide past her G-spot precisely, coaxing a throaty breath from her.
All you wanted was to please her. It meant good for you in the end. She was in awe watching your incredibly tight cunt be stretched that wide, so you complied, reaching your hand down and feeling it with shaky hands.
"Fuck," you gasped, "So big, baby, god." She smirked down at you. "Play with your clit, baby, let me watch you." and like a puppet, your hand falls to between your legs, rubbing yourself hastily.
You're still sensitive from your last orgasm, but you keep going, the deepness of Paige's cock feeling like a punch and stab to your guts each time she plows down. But the pressure inside you and the one you delicately place upon your clit feel so, so good that despite the overcapacity, you find your other hand coming to her back, then to her ass, squeezing it as you plead, "Don't stop!"
You're crying now, tears staining your cheeks, and all it takes is for Paige to really look at your face, seeing how hard you're working for her right now before the tension begins to mount. She tries to hold out, but everywhere she tries to look makes it worse. Her head dips low to avoid your face, and you're sluttily playing with your clit. At your mid-section, your tits are bouncing in her face. And she knows if she looks at you one more time, it's over. Her body falters, and she lays on you as she fucks into you so carefree of anything in the world.
You cry out whinily as you feel her deeper, the tip placing kisses to your cervix, and her weight on your lower stomach pressing the bulge the strap makes DEEP.
"So good," you whimpered, clenching around her with each drag of her stroke against the depths of your body. "Take me, Paige, take all of me."
She loses it at that, growling out, "Open your mouth, sexy," and you stick your tongue out to meet a hot, thick glob of spit into it.
Without needing to be told, you swallow, knowing it's what she wants. Her impending orgasm is evident as she speaks, her voice filled with urgency. "Fuck, bae, I'm gonna cum. You gonna—" she waivers with a grunt, then continues, "you gonna let me cum in you?"
Your arousal allows her to penetrate you insanely deep, even though she shouldn't be able to on a regular, non-drunk sex having day.
"Yeah," you moan, your body ablaze with desire, "fill me up."
The room falls silent, save for the embarrassing squelching sounds of your cunt. The sounds your pussy makes are just embarrassing. Like pure water being swished, and you grip her dick so tightly it burns momentarily when her stroke falters back, but it meets your guts again within no time, and all feels way too good again.
Your pussy's grip on her tightens, your body craving every thrust she delivers. Paige's hand tightens around your neck, restricting your airflow as she fucks the life out of you.
She is genuinely killing you. Stabs inside your cunt, hand around your neck, toned body weighing down on you — petite below her.
She's relentless, her motions driving the familiar knot in your stomach to form, but this time, with a little something different about it that you just can't place your finger on.
You want to be concerned on why your pre-orgasm phase feels this way, but with each thrust, you can't help but surrender further into the pleasure, neverminding it.
As your climax approaches, you're overwhelmed. Your eyes shut tightly, your world consumed by white light. When you feel it coming, you want to scream, but you can't.
Before you know it, your body is involuntarily pushing, and pushing, and when the intensity stops, blending into an orgasm, you realize you've just squirted all over Paige.
She's realized long before you, apparently, because she's left cumming herself with moans and exclamations of, "Aw, fuck, baby, look at that."
You guys have no time to tell each other you're cumming; it's just wet, hot, and heavy, both of your releases coating the sheets and the both of you too.
Paige collapses on you, and now you really can't breathe, so you have to use your remaining energy the squirt took to push her off, the strap exiting you with the most empty feeling ever. Your hand, still on your clit, feels all the cum, and you exhale sharply, shocked.
Both of your bodies are drenched, covered in sweat.
And as you catch your breath, Paige rolls onto her side, looking at you with a mix of satisfaction and tenderness in her eyes. "Is that attitude gone?" she asks, a playful smirk tugging at the corner of her lips.
You meet her gaze, a mischievous glint in your eye. "If I say no, will you fuck me like that again?" you retort, a hint of a smirk playing on your lips.
Paige chuckles, reaching out to pull you close to her. "Guess you'll just have to find out," she replies, pulling you into a deep, passionate kiss.
When you guys draw back, you're panting as you confess, "I can't believe I just... squirted."
Paige raises an eyebrow, offended. "I can. You doubtin' me?"
You've essentially been fucked back into sobriety and know not to test her. "Absolutely not," you assure her, and she relaxes at that. "You're gonna be hella sore tomorrow morning," she teases, "I literally went swimming in that pussy, deadass."
You smack her gently. "Stoppp," you protest.
She grins. "Ion feel bad tho. Maybe next time you get an attitude, you'll think about how dumb I just fucked you."
And Paige Bueckers is absolutely fucking right.
You will. Attitude or not.
MASTERLIST
A/N: might be some errors in posting and stuff!! i'll correct it later i'm rly tired now lol.
#paige bueckers x reader#smut#uconn wbb#paige bueckers#paige bueckers smut#march madness#ncaa tournament#paige x fem reader#paige bueckers fic#paige x oc#arlertwhore#wlw post#wlwuconn#wlw smut#smutuconn#uconnnsmut#uconnwbb#paigebueckersmut#PAIGEBUECKERSMSUT#paigesmut#Paige fics#paige x reader#wbb#wnba#paige#buecker#bueckersxfemreader#smut bueckers#smutpaigebueckers#paige bueckers fluff
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How do you write boys dialogue? it’s really hard when I write it it comes out like girls usually talk but when I write it to sound like a boy it comes out cringy and weird
Boy Dialogue vs Girl Dialogue
It's important to note that, generally-speaking, how a person speaks is not dictated by their sexual organs or gender identification.
There can be differences in when and how language develops, but these differences are general. Individuals vary.
Historically-speaking, and still today to a lesser degree, socialization into gender roles and cultural norms have also played a role in how people speak. But again, this is a general difference because individuals vary.
Can you tell whether the following sentences were said by boys, girls, or nonbinary people?
-- I'm in biology and recently we dissected a frog, which was really cool because everyone got to participate, and when my partner, Rachel, cut into it, it like splattered all over her, and I was just like whoa!
-- Me and my brother collect corks, like, bottle cap corks, and um, we have a couple hundred in our rooms upstairs.
-- My relationship with my parents I think, relatively, is pretty good. Obviously, being a teenager, there are moments when I don't really feel like talking to them.
-- When something's on my mind, I usually go to my friends about it, I don't really talk to my brother.
-- I don't know if they'd like to hear it, but [my friends] are definitely the burnout/stoner kids. But they're great people!
-- I'm pretty nerdy. I do computer science.
Those are all real sentences spoken candidly by teens of different genders, but you can't really tell who said what, right?
So, when writing characters, it's infinitely more important that you make your character sound authentic to who they are. If you are writing about a 17-year-old girl in 1950, then of course there will probably be some differences in the way she speaks compared to her brother, because at that time gender roles were much stricter, and there was a lot of pressure on young women to be "prim and proper."
However, if you were writing a 17-year-old boy in 1950, he would speak quite differently from a 17-year-old boy in 2024. Not only because societal expectations and cultural norms were different then compared to now, but also because things like slang, pop culture, popular phrases and idioms, etc. are different now compared to then.
So, instead of worrying about your character's gender and how that influences how they speak, focus instead on who they are. What is their personality like? What is their education like? What types of people and things might influence how they speak? How does their society and family expect them to speak? What are their hobbies and skills? As long as what they say makes sense with what you've laid out for this character, you're writing authentic speech.
Here are some other posts that will help:
Writing Natural Dialogue
Giving Your Characters a Unique Voice
Recognizing a Flat Character
Also, I think it's very helpful to make sure you really know your character, so here's a post for that. Also, I find it helpful to cast my characters with real actors/models, because it helps me imagine them more clearly, which helps their dialogue come across more naturally in my head:
5 Tips for Getting Attached to Your Characters
Guide: Casting Your Characters
Happy writing!
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I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!
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♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking
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I have a very genuine question and I come with no intent of provoking anyone, but what do "masculine" and "feminine" mean if we don't go by stereotypes like wearing skirts and bows or having a certain attitude? Or are you saying that wearing pants is masculine is an outdated concept? I can understand that man and woman go well beyond presentation and stereotypes, but I thought masculine and feminine meant just that.
Gender is an ever evolving social construct and complete genuine horseshit, but there are some declarations of what is and is not belonging to a certain gender presentation that are wildly outdated. So yes, I’m saying that “wearing pants makes a woman manly” is outdated, because it literally fucking is. That’s what I’ve been saying this whole time. Maybe that would mean something in a piece of media from the god damn 1800’s, but it doesn’t mean shit now, and it’s patently ridiculous to act like most women don’t have a pair of fuckin’ pants in their wardrobe in the year of 2024 in the continent of America.
To look at a woman who is hyper-feminine and declare her masculine on the principle that she is wearing fucking pants is weird and sexist because no normal person thinks that way without themselves also being sexist, often to a very substantial and oppressive degree. There’s women’s pants. There is a women’s pants aisle. Do you earnestly think a pair of bedazzled bellbottoms with BABYGIRL printed on the ass and no pockets and zero crotch room is intended for men to wear? Because they’re not. Like, I’d love for men to wear that shit, obviously, but it’s demonstrably not intended for them to wear - again, zero crotch room, no pockets. Women’s pants are a real thing that exist and they’re notoriously built differently from men’s pants. And by differently I mean often built like shit, and this is why some women, regardless of gender presentation, will shop in the men’s pants aisle, and this does literally nothing to damage their own femininity.
In the context of Meenah, it is even worse to declare that she is masculine purely on the basis that she is wearing fucking pants, Jesus shitting fuck Christ, because she’s very, very clearly Black coded. This dips straight into Misogynoir, quite clearly. A big part of Meenah’s character is her femininity, but she’s often labeled as masculine purely for stupid shit like “being mean” and “wearing pants”. It smacks of how every Black woman has to fight just to be seen as herself, because society so often strips people of the choice to be perceived how they wish to be seen on bigoted grounds. Black women are frequently labeled as manly no matter how feminine they are on the basis of them not performing femininity to white standards - not quiet, prim, dainty, minimalist, subservient.
Any little thing gets a Black woman’s Woman Card yanked from her hands. “Too loud”? Scary, manly. “Too mean”? Aggressive, manly. “Dressed wrong”? Sloppy, oversexual, manly. It’s practically the default form of Misogynoir. And here people are, proudly declaring it and defending it using some logic that only works in the 1950’s and back, or proudly declaring that saying that wearing pants makes a woman more masculine by default is a totally normal thing to say by pulling out some absolute Spiders Georg examples. Tone deaf.
It’s… Really not that difficult to parse, but Tumblr has an issue with recognizing any form of misogyny or racism, especially in itself, Jesus Christ, so… What can one expect.
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I Don't Know Which Way's Home
Chapter 19: Nightmares
ao3 link, Part 1, Part 18
tw: minor descriptions of physical assault, PTSD panic attack, car crashes, and emetophobia (very minor description)
Present Day, June 1986
It’s been three weeks since the court ruled in Steve’s favor, and he still doesn’t quite believe it. Doesn’t believe it when his lawyer calls to tell him that the payment will be coming to him soon. Doesn’t believe it when that money gets transferred to him. When he pays his lawyer and it’s all over.
Steve doesn’t have to fight with them anymore. Have to think about them anymore. They have absolutely no power over him whatsoever.
He doesn’t know what to do with that really.
All his life, he’s been playing the part designed for him. Done what other people wanted, doing things for himself later. In secret. Now that most of it was out, the pressure gone, he doesn’t know what to do anymore.
Steve gets up to go to a job that he didn’t want in the first place. Really only got because his dad wanted him to get a part time job as punishment for not getting into college. Following Robin after the mall blew up. It was all just stops on a train that he was given the ticket to.
Now he switched trains on his own accord. Went in a different direction. One that he chose because he wanted it. Sounded like a life he wanted to live. Sounded like there were other passengers on the train that might get off at the same destination. Want to spend time with him as they traveled. Get to know him. Maybe even love him.
And that’s what happened. He still doesn’t know how, or why. What to do with it. But he’s learning to.
If anyone were to ask him what he was going to do with this life he has now, with the winnings, he wouldn’t know. He doesn’t know what he wants to do tomorrow let alone in the next five years. The picture he has in his head looks the same as it is now. Happy with everyone he loves around him, looking exactly the same.
But that’s not what’s going to happen.
The kids are going to grow up, change, go off to school. Julie will too, leaving his house empty again. Robin will eventually go to a school that can give her more than a community college can. People in the town will continue to outgrow it.
While Steve continues to stay in the same spot forever. Rooted in the same place that hurt him so much. The same place that helped him grow into someone he’s actually proud of. Showed him the life he could have if he was just brave enough to go and catch it.
Now that he has it, it’s all he’s ever wanted. He’s not ready to let it go quite yet.
“Do you think you could teach me how to drive?” Julie asks Steve over dinner.
Steve freezes in shock, head shooting up to look at her. “Yeah, sure, I guess.”
He’s known her less than a year but the question still makes him feel so old. Feeling like he watched her grow up as she went through so many changes. So many emotions. Slowly formed into the person she is now right in front of him.
“Cool.” Julie says, going back to her dinner.
Steve wonders how long she’s been wanting to learn how to drive. She’s been able to for over a year now, just never got around to it. With the nature of her mother’s accident, he wasn’t sure when she would want to ever learn. If she would want to.
“Is there a reason you wanted to learn?” He asks, trying to sound nonchalant.
Julie shrugs. “Just haven’t yet. And I’ve been thinking about maybe getting a part time job, saving to try and get a car of my own before I go to college. I know it’s still a year away, but cars are expensive and minimum wage is shit.”
College. Something he knew was coming but was hoping it could be a little farther away. He wonders if this is how every parent feels. Wishing their kid would just stay in one place for a little while longer and stop growing. Stop changing. So they don’t have to change with them.
He’s not a parent. Not yet, and not for a long while. But he can’t help but feel some sort of protective instinct over these kids that changed his life. Want to look out for them in every situation, make sure that nothing ever hurts them. He knows that’s not how life is supposed to go. Kids are supposed to make mistakes and learn from them. That’s the way it went for him, so it’s the way it will go for them.
He just didn’t want it to.
“I don’t know why you’re so worked up about this,” Robin comments while unboxing the newest releases. “We all knew this day would come someday.”
Steve sighs, leaning on the door of the stock room. “I just wanted that someday to take longer to actually get here. It’s like the last few years went by so fast and got so muddled in my mind that I forgot time kept moving.”
“I get that. But,” she places the last tape on the cart and turns to him, “just because the kids are getting older, doesn’t mean that they’re leaving.”
They are in a way, though. Even though he knows that won’t be permanent. That they won’t forget about him the way other people have, it still makes the anxiety trapped in his chest start to rise. The instinct to hold on tight and never let go so much stronger.
“This town is too small for them. We both know that. They are going to go do amazing things, while I’m still here doing the same mediocre things I always do.” He holds the door open for her as she rolls the cart through.
“Have you ever thought about doing other things?”
Steve pauses in front of the cart, making Robin run into him. “What?”
“You’re acting like you can’t do other things. If you hate what you’re doing right now, try something different. No one’s forcing you to do the same thing you were doing yesterday.”
She pivots the cart to move around him, leaving him with thoughts he’s honestly been scared to think about.
Steve’s made a routine for himself. Go to work, pick up the kids, drive them around, go home. Live a life that he enjoys and work a job that he kind of hates. Follow his best friend wherever she goes because he’ll love whatever it is.
Was it what he thought he’d be doing with his life, no. Is it something he wanted to do the rest of his life? He doesn’t want to answer that question. The rest of his life was uncertain for the longest time. Each year testing the strength of his body and his mind. Making it feel like tomorrow was some bright future he may never get to see.
It was easy to get so stuck in the present when the future seemed like it would never come. Now that it is, Steve is scared to figure out what it is. What it means for him.
“Look,” Robin continues, knowing exactly how he’s feeling. “I’m not saying you have to pick what you want to do right now. Or tomorrow, or the day after that. I’m just saying that if you really hate doing this,” she waves towards the shelves, “then you can start thinking about what you would want to do instead. There is still so much time for you to figure it all out.”
Time is something Steve’s learning how to deal with. But Robin’s right. Maybe it’s finally the right moment to think about what he can do with it.
. . .
“That is so exciting,” El exclaims when Julie tells her that Steve is going to teach her how to drive. “You will be the first one of us to learn how to drive.”
“Well, that’s actually Max,” Lucas corrects. “She learned how to drive a while ago.”
“Yeah poorly,” Mike adds. “And only in a parking lot.”
Max rolls her eyes. “I drove in the street that one time.”
“And almost got us killed.”
“Scared Steve shitless.” Dustin laughs.
“Scared all of us shitless.”
“Not me,” Lucas defends. I wasn’t scared.”
Dustin snorts. “So that wasn’t your high-pitched scream then?”
Lucas kicks him under the table.
El turns to Max. “When did you drive?”
Max motions for El to get closer and whispers it into her ear. Just another reminder that Julie has no idea what they are talking about. Another inside joke that she’ll never understand. El takes a second to be shocked before bursting out into giggles.
When the bell rings, Max stops Julie before she can walk away. “Hey, could you help me bring my stuff to my next class. El has a test today so she can’t do it.”
Julie shrugs. “Yeah, sure.”
She picks up Max’s backpack and carries it in front of her. Following after Max as she yells at the groups of seniors who like to stand in the hallway and block everyone’s path.
“So, you and El have gotten pretty close, yeah?” Max asks way too casually than she should for such a loaded question. And in the middle of the hallway.
“I mean we’re friends, right,” Julie tries to play it cool. Especially since to El, this is all they are.
Max stops, turning her chair to Julie and giving her a look that tell her to cut the shit. “That’s not what I meant.”
“I don’t really want to talk about this here.”
She barely wants to talk about it at all. The hatred for herself slowly turning into guilt that churns her stomach each time she looks at El. Knowing that she’s feeling something that she shouldn’t. Almost asking El for something that she can’t give. Wishing that this feeling could go away and they could just go back to being normal friends. Without all this complicated shit.
“That’s fair.” Max resumes rolling down the hallway, stopping in front of her classroom and reaching out to take the bag from Julie. “Your house after school then?”
“You’re not going to let this go, are you?” Julie wishes she would.
“El’s my best friend. Of course I’m not.”
The school day ends, and they go over to her house. She sits next to Max in her room like it’s some interrogation. Waiting for her to be the first to speak. Not wanting to share too much too fast.
“You know, El’s probably going to be pissed when she figures out that we hung out without her,” Max finally breaks the silence.
Julie huffs out a laugh. “Yeah, probably.”
The thing about actually having a crush, Julie realizes, is that it’s so special to have one. Like a little secret that she and only a few other people know. This special little feeling that, at the end of the day, brings her so much joy to have. Even though it’s terrifying. It’s a good terrifying.
“I was really happy when El became friends with you so fast,” Max continues. “I love the guys, but she needed someone else who knew how to take it down a notch. Someone calmer. Someone like you.”
Her lips can’t help but turn into a soft smile. “Really?”
“Yeah,” Max nods. “I think we all needed that too. Life has been crazy the last few years and it’s been nice to have someone to remind us that life doesn’t always have to be tied to that. Especially for El.”
“What do you mean?”
Max takes a deep breath, shifting the pillow behind her. “There’s a lot that I can’t tell you, and there’s stuff that I don’t even really know. None of us do. She wouldn’t tell us all of it. But you know how El is adopted right?”
Julie nods.
“I, uh, don’t know how much of this she wanted me to tell you. Just that she didn’t want to do it herself so bear with me here. Before she was adopted, El was in a really bad home. If that’s what you could even call it. And a lot of really terrible things happened there that none of us like to talk about. She escaped from there one night and eventually got adopted by Hopper.”
Julie remembers that night she stayed at the Byers after they got kicked out of the house. How she told El about the fourth of July when the mall burnt down, and she saw all those people walking to their death. The face El made after she said it. Looking determined as all hell and older than she needed to be. Like a switch in her mind flipped and she was a totally different person than Julie knew her to be.
How horrible her life must have been to take the joy out of her face so fast. To turn defense mode on in a way that made her look like a soldier.
“That’s terrible,” are the only words Julie can think to say.
Max nods, looking down at her hands. “Yeah, it is. This is the same place, same people, that are responsible for a lot of the bad things that happened in this town. They worked at the Hawkins lab.”
“Shit,” Julie sighs, leaning back against her wall.
“Yeah, shit.”
The room fills with silence.
“Why are you telling me all of this now?”
“Because I’ve never seen El open up to a person as fast as she has with you. It took a long time for her to open up to me, and sure there were other things in the way that stopped that, but I’m talking right as we became friends. We were close, but not you guys close.”
Julie can’t imagine Max and El being different from the way they are now. The soft interactions full of a trust that looked so natural. Like they had been friends for a lifetime, fully comfortable around one another.
“And I’m starting to notice, and please tell me if this is out of line, that you might be thinking about El differently than I think about El.”
Julie wonders if this is the time where it isn’t taken well. That someone tells her that this is the worst thing that she could do. Having a crush on a friend could break relationships. She didn’t want to break this one.
“I do,” she finally says to Max. Ready for the berating to start.
Instead, Max nods with resignation. “I think El does too.”
The room starts to buzz as Julie’s heart starts to pick up. “What?”
“She hasn’t, like, told me anything. And she’s probably going to hate me for telling you this at all. But I want to protect her and protect you too and this weird waiting period is really awkward for me, and I’d rather just get to the point where I’m third wheeling.”
“I’m sorry,” Julie interrupts her, still trying to wrap her head around the idea that there’s a possibility that El might like her back. “You think El likes me?”
Max raises her eyebrow. “Have you seen the way she’s been acting around you? Complimenting you every day, clipping your hair back, giggling at literally every joke you say. No offense but that’s a little excessive, your jokes aren’t always that funny.”
Moments start to replay in Julie’s mind. Having been so focused on the way she’s been acting, that she didn’t even notice the way El’s behavior around her changed. How she interacted with Julie just different enough from the rest of the group for it to be significant. For it to be special.
She remembers shrinking in on herself when she knew El was looking at her for longer than she should. Thinking that it was because Julie was making her feel uncomfortable. Never because she could have been doing the same thing Julie has been doing this whole time. Admiring in secret.
“I didn’t notice.”
Max groans. “Of course you didn’t. Neither of you did. It’s like Will and Mike not realizing that they’re into each other. Do you know how frustrating it is to know that your friends like each other but they’re too stupid to do anything about it.”
“Oh my god, you noticed the Will and Mike thing too, I thought that was just me.”
“Don’t try and change the subject. You like El, and I think El likes you. What are you going to do about it?”
Julie winces. “Is nothing an option?”
Max grabs Julie’s arm. “You are driving me crazy. Ask her out or some shit.”
“What if it doesn’t work out?” Julie says, full of fear. “What if I mess up and then I lose all of you guys. I already feel like an outsider sometimes when you guys start talking about the things I don’t know about. I’m the friend that everyone would be ok to lose if this doesn’t work out.”
A few beats pass before Max starts to speak. “Ok, one, you are not the friend that everyone would be ok to lose. You have integrated yourself into the group more than you think you have. Second, you are so focused on a relationship that you haven’t even started yet. Life’s too short to have regret for the steps you didn’t take. Believe me, I know.”
Max wraps her arms around her leg, shifting it to a better position. Inadvertently reminding Julie of the things that have happened the past few years. The events she was just a bystander to, never fully experiencing what happened. When they did, somehow. She still wished she kind of knew.
But maybe Max was right. Maybe Julie could take the risk. Ask El on a date. Hope that it would work out, and that she wouldn’t regret it later. What would she regret more? Asking, or forever wondering how it would have turned out had she not.
. . .
July 1987
The room is blurry as Steve comes into consciousness. The bright lights giving him a headache, and the taste of copper resting on is tongue. His one eye can’t open that well, almost swollen shut. His wrists burn against rope as he twists them. Trying to get them apart.
His good eye blinks, focusing on a pair of black boots in front of him. Raising his head, he meets the scowling face of the Russian officer. Hearing words spoken in a language he doesn’t understand to the other man in the room.
“Ah, he’s awake,” The Russian slurs in English. Stepping forward and looking down at Steve. Menacing.
“Let me go,” Steve begs. “I don’t know anything.”
The officer grabs his hair, pulling his head back to look at him. Steve’s tempted to spit in his face.
“I am only going to ask you this again. Who do you work for?”
Steve can’t help but let out a sad laugh. Knowing he won’t be awake for much longer. “I already told you. I work at Scoops.”
The ringing in his ears starts when his cheek burns. Vision blurring again. He straightens his head, panting to try and get the air back into his lungs. Only for it to leave as the officer hits him again. Always the right side of his head. It hurts so much it’s almost numb.
“No, no, no,” Steve pleads as the officer winds up again. Blood pooling in his mouth with the next collision. He spits on the group. “I work at Scoops,” he screams with as much breath he can muster.
The world goes dark again.
Steve wakes with a scream. The surroundings not matching that of his cell. A weight around his torso preventing him from getting up. He rips the blankets off of him, pulling the weight off and throwing it away. Cursing as his feet can’t kick off the sheets. Can’t get free.
Tears are streaming down his face as he struggles. His hands free. The rope burn stinging his skin. His torso itches like crazy. Like small little bites stabbing into his skin. He needs to find Robin. Needs to see if she’s ok.
“Steve,” a voice says to him. How do they know his same? Did he tell it to them? What are they going to do to him now.
He still struggles with the blanket, finally pulling his feet free. Attempting to get off the bed and search for anything as a weapon. This place isn’t the cell he was in before. They must have moved him when he was knocked out.
“Steve,” the voice says again. Sitting up on the bed and starting to move towards him.
Steve flinches from the touch, raising his fists. Ready to strike them first this time. His heart is beating in his ears, the constant ringing in his right only amplified. Adrenaline pumping through his veins.
He needs to get out of here.
A light clicks on. Illuminating the room he’s in. It doesn’t look like a cell. It looks like a bedroom. Have they constructed this just to give him a false sense of security?”
“It was just a dream, Steve.” The man gets out of the bed, taking a cautious step towards Steve. Hands outstretched to block any punches Steve might throw.
Steve wasn’t the threat here. He was just trying to protect himself.
“Can you tell me three things you notice about this room?” The man cautiously spins them around, clicking on another lamp in the room.
The bare walls reflect the light, the soft yellow so different from the blaring white. The walls a tan instead of white or grey. It looks so familiar, but Steve’s mind is so confused. The tears continue to stream down his face as he tries to figure out where he is.
“I work at Scoops,” Steve stutters.
“I know you do.” The man replies quickly. “I believe you.”
More tears. Steve’s hands lower. They know now. Does that mean he’s free to go?
“Tell me three things you see,” he repeats. So soft it makes Steve want to crumble.
“A bed,” he whispers. “A nightstand. A lamp.”
The man takes another step forward. Coming into more clarity. Brown curls fall onto his shoulders. He looks nothing like the Russians.
“Good. Anything else?”
“There’s a picture on the nightstand. The bed has blue sheets. There’s a poster on the wall.”
Eddie places a gentle hand on Steve’s shoulder, he flinches before leaning into it. Closing his eyes and trying to focus on the touch. Letting it ground him.
There’s a knock on the door. Steve’s eyes fly open again as he whips his head to look. Heartbeat increasing again.
“Take a seat, sweetheart, I’ll get it.”
Steve freezes, unable to move. He’s directed toward the bed, somehow, he sits down. Knuckles clenched into white.
“Are you guys ok,” he hears a soft voice say. “I heard screaming.”
Eddie doesn’t open the door more than a small crack. “Yeah, we’re fine. I got this, you can go back to bed.”
The door shuts with a small click. Eddie returning to Steve. Sits next to him as the adrenaline fades. Leaving his body exhausted and his mind still searching for explanations.
“Can you tell me what year it is, Steve?”
He shakes his head.
“It’s July second, 1987. You survived them, Steve. Everyone did.”
A sob escapes his throat. His body collapsing into himself. Curling up as the energy releases. He’s wrapped into a hug and pulled further into the bed. Being protected while he falls apart.
Steve wakes up again a few hours later. Gets out of bed and into a routine. Takes a shower, gets dressed, makes himself breakfast. Goes through the motions of a normal morning.
The front door closes quietly. Eddie and Robin coming into the house. Sitting with Steve at the table.
“I took Julie to school, that’s why I wasn’t here,” Eddie explains. “I told Robin what happened.”
Robin looks down at the table, biting at her lip. “Tomorrow marks two year since-.”
Steve looks at his coffee. “Yeah, I know.”
“I can’t believe it’s been that long. It feels so close yet a lifetime away.”
“It was like I was back there. Even when I woke up.” Steve takes a deep breath. “I thought it was going to be better this year.”
Robin’s hand finds his, her fingers shaking. “Me too.”
They find themselves curled up on the couch for the rest of the day. Eddie there just to make sure they’re both ok. The house quiet except for the low volume on the tv. Lights off so they don’t flicker. Robin’s fingers pressed into Steve’s wrist to feel his pulse. His arm holding her close, proving that she’s there.
They made it out of there. They’re both alive. He wishes that their minds would stop trying to tell them otherwise.
. . .
Julie walks into a dark house. Steve and Robin asleep on the couch with Eddie awkwardly sitting next to them. Looking out of place. She wants to ask about what she heard last night. How she heard the screams from across the hall.
Eddie gets up when he notices her. Motions for her to meet him in Steve’s bedroom. Shuts the door gently behind them before turning on the light.
“You probably have a few questions about last night.”
Julie nods. “Is he ok?”
Eddie runs a hand down his face. “Physically, yeah, he’s fine. But other than that, he will be. This week is an anniversary of something for him. He was reminded of that last night.”
“The mall fire,” Julie fills in. “I know that they were there that night.”
“Do you know why?”
Julie shakes her head. No one would tell her more when she asked.
Eddie nods, crossing his arms and swaying on the balls of his feet. “I’m not sure if I’m allowed to tell you what happened. I don’t even know the full of it.”
She thought Steve told him everything. “It was bad, wasn’t it?”
“Yes. It’s the reason Steve can’t hear well in his right ear anymore. And the reason he gets really bad PTSD attacks. Like the one he had last night.”
“And that’s why,” she tilts her head to the door. Knowing that Steve and Robin tangled together in the living room.
“She was there too.” Eddie looks at the door. Pain painting his face. “A part of me wishes I knew what really happened to them so I could help. But they already relive this pain more than they should, they don’t need to do it again just to fill me in.”
Julie pauses before asking the question that’s been on her mind since the first time she heard screams through the walls. Wonders if there’s a part of her that really wants to know. Or if this is just morbid curiosity. But there were memories of her own that haunt her. Placing her back into moments of her life with things left unexplained.
She cares about these people. It hurts to know that they are in pain. And if she could help, know how to help them through the panic or PTSD attacks, she thinks it’s important enough to know.
“Do you think you could tell me what you know,” she asks softly. “Or at least what you do to help calm him down. I think it would be good for me to be prepared in case it happens and you or Robin aren’t here.”
Eddie presses his lips together. “I’ll do the second one, not the first. As much as he doesn’t want to talk about it, it’s not my story to tell.”
“That’s fair.”
Eddie tells her what he does to calm Steve down when it gets really bad. How with the panic attacks, it’s good to count with him while he breaths. And if he’s willing, grab his hands to help ground him. Tell him about what’s in the room. How it’s different than the pictures in his mind. More things kind of all based on that.
Julie takes it all in, making a mental list in her mind, hoping she doesn’t forget it. Hoping that if it ever happens, she won’t mess it up. Saddened by the fact that this is Steve’s reality.
. . .
A few days pass since Steve’s reality morphed with his nightmares. The date crossed out on his calendar far enough away that it’s finally starting to sink in. Steve made it out of there two years ago. Yet it still affects him like it was yesterday.
Just like back then, life moves on. He goes to work and comes home. Gets weird thinking of the future, and what that means for him. How each milestone will pass, the anniversary of dates coming and going. Affecting him in more ways than he realizes. Until he’s waking in a cold sweat and his body is transported back into his past selves. Some fucked up time travel.
His mind stays fixated on that night. How long it took for his brain to recognize Eddie’s face. To differentiate the safety of his home with the danger of his interrogation cell. How dangerous it could have been.
Eddie told him that Julie has asked about it. How he didn’t say anything, but did tell her ways to help him through an attack. It’s something he never thought of before. Out of all the possibilities that run through his mind, the thought of her being present for one of the attacks never crossed. He never thought she would be there for one of them.
But she almost was. If Eddie hadn’t been there, it would have been Steve opening the door. He didn’t want her to see him like that. He didn’t want the monsters in his head to meld her into something she wasn’t.
She wasn’t a part of this life, he wanted to keep it that way. But Steve has never really gotten what he wished for. It was time to tell her the parts he could.
No one wants to hear about the truth. They don’t want to know the dangers that rest beneath their feet. Blissfully ignorant and wanting to stay that way. Ignorance, however, can hurt sometimes. He didn’t want it to hurt her.
When Julie gets home from school, Steve asks her to sit in the kitchen. Takes the seat across from her and starts to lay out everything. How this conversation can’t leave the room, and she’s never to let anyone know that he told her this.
“This is about Starcourt, isn’t it?” She asks somewhere in the middle of his warnings. “Why all those people walked straight to their death.”
“How did you know about that?” Steve knew that people must have seen it, but it was kept out of the news.
Julie tells him about the night she went looking for her mom. How she got caught in the crowd of people walking toward the mall. Saw the names of people she knew flicker on the tv screen the next morning.
Steve tells her more than he should. About how Will going missing five years ago was a catalyst to so much more. How he got roped into everything. Skipping the bit in the middle for the most part, focusing on how Max came into it all. Then gets to the Russians.
Tells her the story of an innocent mystery turned terrifying nightmare. The interrogation that thankfully didn’t end in his death. Fireworks that crashed into the monster the size of a building and crashing a car into a possessed maniac. All of it ending in burning red, leaving the survivors to cope with their loss.
She’s taking it better than he thought she would. And he hasn’t even said everything yet. Just barely gets to spring break before Julie is pulling him into a hug. Until he realizes the wetness of his cheeks.
“I’m so sorry,” she chokes. “I am so sorry you had to live through that.”
He doesn’t finish telling her everything. It’s probably a good thing. The NDA’s aren’t as loose as the ones from a few years ago. And it’s better for her to process this and maybe learn the rest later. If she wants to. If he wants to explain it all again.
. . .
“Alright, now turn on the blinker and slowly hit the gas again,” Steve instructs as Julie sits at a stop sign. No one else around.
It’s been a few weeks since she’s started learning how to drive. Slowly easing into it in random parking lots while no one is there. Learning where all the signals were, and basic traffic laws. Most of it was review, but she didn’t mind the practice.
She pushes on the gas, jerking the car into motion. Pulling away from the parking lot and onto the street. For the first time. Julie is driving on the road.
“Ok, good. Just try not to hit the gas so hard next time.”
Steve’s been an ok teacher. Patient for the most part but gets frustrated when he can’t explain something properly. But he hasn’t gotten angry at her yet. Carefully corrects her but makes sure she knows that she’s doing ok. That she’s starting to get this right.
Julie pulses the gas. Learning how to keep the speed of the road. Overcorrecting when she gets too close to the yellow lines. The overcorrecting again when she gets close to tree line.
It’s scary driving something so large. So powerful. Hearing how the engine revs each time she pushes her foot down too hard. Feeling the pull of the seatbelt against her chest as she hits the breaks too fast.
But she’s getting it. Adjusting herself as she gets used to the feel of the petals beneath her feet. Loosens her body as she gets more comfortable gripping the steering wheel. As she gets used to the size of the car and the way it moves.
“Great. You’re doing really great, Julie. How about we turn here and-.”
A deer jumps in front of the car.
Julie slams on the breaks as she swerves close to the trees. The car coming mere inches from the trunk. Her arms shaking as they grip the wheel.
It all can happen so fast.
Steve unbuckles his seatbelt, turning towards her. “Julie, take a breath ok.”
One wrong move and the hood of the car would be curved around the tree. The airbag would be in her face.
“Just take a breath, we’re ok.”
What if her foot had slipped as she pushed down on the breaks? What if her hands fumbled the turn? Would the deer have contacted the car? Would she have killed it?
“You followed your instincts. We’re ok. That’s all that matters. We’re ok.”
Was this what it was like right before her mom’s crash? Did a deer just jump in front of the car? Her foot missing the break as she slammed into a tree. As it crashes just right to take her life. Was this mistake so easy to make that Julie almost made it too?
“Julie,” Steve touches her shoulder, comforting her. “It’s ok. Take all the time you need.”
Julie unbuckles her seatbelt and bolts out of the car. Runs to the wood as bile stings her tongue. Let’s the adrenaline out onto the dirt as she crashes. As the air escapes from her lungs.
Steve’s beside her rubbing her back. Saying something but it doesn’t register. Too stuck in her head to think of anything else.
“I’m sorry,” slips out of her mouth. Not sure of what else to say.
“Don’t be. It was just an accident, it happens all the time.”
Tears start to make their way out of her eyes. “But I didn’t see it. I could’ve. I could’ve crashed the car. Or worse and.” Sharp, shaky breaths interrupt her sentences.
Steve turns her to look at him. “Julie, hey. Look at me.” She does. “Take a deep breath, ok.”
He counts as she forces herself to breath in. She holds it, feeling the beat of her heart in her lungs. Releases it. Does it again.
“I didn’t see the deer either,” Steve admits once she calms down a little. “Something must have scared it, and it ran into the road. And you did a good job avoiding it.”
She doesn’t feel like it was a good job. “It all happened so fast.”
The tears continue to stream down her face. The feeling of the break pressed into the bottom of her foot. Throbbing. Her shoulder stinging from the pull of the seatbelt. The feeling of it all finally registering.
Her forehead hurts. Something is dripping down in between her eyes. She reaches up and swipes away blood. The buzz coming back to her veins.
“Fuck,” she mutters, eyes glued to her hand.
Steve gets up and comes back with a small first aid kit. Wiping away the blood with some napkins and pressing them against her forehead. Waiting for the bleeding to stop.
She doesn’t even remember her head hitting the steering wheel.
They sit in silence while Steve cleans the cut. Julie wincing when the alcohol wipe hits her broken skin. Steve finds a small piece of gauze and tapes it to her forehead. Packing up the first aid kit and returning to just sitting next to her.
“We’ll sit here as long as you want to, then I’ll drive us home,” he says.
Drive. Julie doesn’t know how she can sit in the car again. Knowing how easy it is for it all to fail.
“It all happened so fast,” she says again. Fixated on it.
“Yeah, yeah it did.” Steve’s trying to stay strong but she can see the shock in his actions too.
“Was it that fast when,” a lump forms in her throat. “When she? When my mom?”
Steve realizes what she’s talking about, starting to open and close his mouth. Trying to find something to say.
“I,” he starts. “I don’t know.”
“That’s all I could think about.” She looks at him. “All I can think about is how I could almost have died just like her. One wrong move and I-. And we-.”
Steve grabs her arms, looking her dead in the eyes. “Hey,” he says softly. “It’s ok. Whatever could have happened, it doesn’t matter right now. What matters is that we’re here, and we’re safe. You got shocked and followed your instincts. And because of that, we’re both ok.”
Ok normally doesn’t feel like this. But she tries, really tries to listen to his words.
“I know none of this is going to stop the what ifs in your mind. Believe me, I know. But those what ifs are not going to change what happened. It’s important to remember that.”
She knows he’s right. But it’s so hard to keep her mind on track. Letting it off rail to the ends of possibilities. Wondering if there was ever one where there was never an almost crash to begin with.
“Let’s go home. Get an icepack on that head and make sure it’s ok before you go to sleep. Ok?”
Slowly, Julie nods. “Ok.”
She gets in the car. Buckling the seat belt and tugging it to make sure it locked. Steve gets in the driver’s seat and readjusts it and the mirrors before slowly pulling away. The almost accident fading as she stares in the sideview mirror.
It was just an accident. It can happen to anyone. It just had to happen to her.
Tag list(let me know if you want to be added or removed): @homoerotictangerine, @mugloversonly, @thesuninyaface, @imyelenasexual, @anaibis,
@ilovecupcakesandtea, @brainsteddielyrotted, @jackiemonroe5512, @eddie-munsons-missing-nipple, @goodolefashionedloverboi,
@cinnamon-mushroomabomination, @lolawonsstuff, @writingandmushroomdragons, @stevesbipanic, @sierra-violet,
@steddie-as-they-go, @dauntlessdiva, @mousedetective, @the-daydreamer-in-the-corner, @zombiethingy,
@connected-dots-st-reblogger, @that-agender-from-pluto, @allyricas, @cheddartreets, @devondespresso,
@crypticcorvidinacottage, @queenie-ofthe-void @chronicpainstevetruther, @melonmochi
#i don't know which ways home fic#stranger things#stranger things fanfic#steve harrington#eddie munson#robin buckley#steddie#julie lawson#max mayfield#el hopper#lucas sinclair#dustin henderson#mike wheeler#long lost/secret sibling#steve has a sibling au#cs physical assault#tw physical assault#cw ptsd#tw ptsd#tw car crash#cw car crash#tw emetophobia#cw emetophobia#very light on all of these though
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Electric Summer pt 5
A/N: I'm sorry this took so long but please let me know what you think! and Enjoy!!
Plot: Sy and Lainie lead the kids in a scavenger hunt, spend some time at the beach and catch up finally spending some quality time together.
Warnings: Cursing, explicit language, fingering, orgasm
Not Beta'd, I claim my mistakes and will die on that hill lol
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“Lainie come on, the boys are catching up!” Emma called from the front of our group. I laughed and shook my head.
“The boys,” I said, “are still one clue behind us, and they’re going the wrong way.” The girls laughed.
“Okay but we still don’t know where we’re going!” Emma groaned. The girls stopped and turned to me. “Will you look at the clue again?” She asked, holding the card out. I nodded and took it from her. I read over the words on the page. ‘Frisbee, No! Football! Softball? Maybe flashlight tag! Just don’t wander too far from the pack when its dark or you’ll get lost in the woods.’ I thought for a moment while the girls continued to bicker.
“It’s gotta be the softball field by the lake!” Nikki argued.
“They said there won’t be two clues in one area, we already found our clue there under home plate!” Emma said. I stared at the card for a little longer and it clicked. I knew exactly where we were going. And if the boys had caught up then Logan would too.
“Girls follow me! There’s no more time for arguing, come on!” I spun on my heels and we took off in the other direction.
“Where are we going?” One of them squealed from behind me.
“We’re going for a hike!” I said. They didn’t argue but the puzzled look on their faces was priceless. I lead them to the opening of the path in the forest.
“What does this have to do with a sports field?” Nikki asked.
“You’ll see,” I said. “Hurry I think I hear the boys!” We took off in the woods. I tried to remember the path but it had been years since I’d been on this path. And it hadn’t been in the daylight.
“You’re gonna let the girls beat us?” I heard Sy say somewhere behind us. They were catching up. The twigs snapped under our feet as I started to run quickly down the path trying to remember.
“They’re catching up!” Emma called.
“We can’t out run Sy have you seen that guy?” Nikki panted. I looked back at the girls and laughed.
“Come on, don't quit on me now! We’re almost there! I think..” I snickered.
“You think?” One of them questioned from behind me. Instead of answering I lead them on a sharp left off the path through a small space in the trees. The boys were right behind us. Logan knew exactly where he was going. We had to find the last clue first. The counselors had a cheat sheet to help lead to the clue but we were only allowed to lead our campers to the right area not help them find the clue. The girls had to do this by themselves.
“Where do we even look? It’s all grass and trees!” Emma was extremely competitive and her brother was in Sy’s cabin. She was hellbent on not letting the boys win.
“Read the clue again,” I suggested.
“I’ve read it like 10 times! You’re the one that got us here!!” she cried. It took everything in me to hold back my laughter. I forgot how dramatic teenagers were. It wasn’t so long ago that I was one.
“Okay, calm down,” I said softly.
“Lainie this is no time for calm!” she said. Just then Ethan and the rest of the boys came running through the trees. “See!!” she said.
“They haven’t found it yet!” one of the boys said. And they started running around the field flipping over rocks and shaking tree limbs.
Sy stood leaning against a tree with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face. I walked over and watched our kids all searching in a panic. It was chaos.
“That …is your strategy?” I asked. Watching one of the boys attempt to climb up a tree.
“Got us this far.” he said tearing his eyes away from the group and looking over at me. “You worried we’re gonna beat you?” He raised an eyebrow. I laughed so hard I snorted. I blushed covering my face.
“Not a chance, pretty boy.” I smiled and bit my lip. Sy smiled and inched closer.
“You remember this spot?” He asked his voice just above a whisper. I nodded. My cheeks felt even hotter.
“I do. You got us in trouble.” I said.
“That’s not how I remember it,” He chuckled. We heard a loud gasp from one of the girls.
“I found something!” immediately the boys groaned.
“You cheated!” Ethan yelled. Nikki rolled her eyes.
“We did not cheat, if you guys didn’t search like cavemen maybe you’d have found something! Whatcha got Em?” She asked her.
Emma stared at the little charm in her hand confused.
“It’s not a card like the others but it has our cabin letter on it like it's supposed to.” she said. I walked over and looked at it Trying to hide the smile on my face. Logan and I of course knew what the twist at the end was. “What is it?” she asked gesturing to the charm.
“It looks like it’s incomplete. Look on the side, that’s a tiny magnet. Like it’s supposed to connect to something, and on the back where our let is… it started to spell and …but it’s cut off.”
“So we have to help the boys find their piece?” Nikkie asked.
“Yup,” Sy nodded leaning in over my shoulder. “We have to return back to campfire site with our complete charm as a family before everyone else to win the scavenger hunt.” He said. Without another word the kids scattered. They broke off into teams of two each boy and girl. Searching together.
“Where did you find your piece?” Chase asked Emma frantically.
Nikki yelled at Ethan as he tried to climb another tree. They were all workign hard searching to find the other piece.
All except one.
Beckett still lagged behind, I followed Sy as he approached him.
“Hey man, How was Ryleigh, when you she left?” he asked him. He was startled not expecting us to be there. I watched as he tried to put on a face for us. Trying to mask his anxiety. I was a pro at that, or I thought I was. Logan always managed to see throught it when we were kids. I’m sure he could now too.
“She was okay, her ankel was really hurting, though. I just feel bad.” Sy nodded and put a hand on his shoulder.
“That’s not your fault Beck. Stuff like this happens all the times. Lainie and I had a friend that sprained her ankle during a game of kick ball while we we’re here. Accidents happen. Don’t beat yourself up bud.” Beckket nodded sadly.
“Yeah,” He mumbled softly. “Uh her parents said if her ankles not broken and if she can take it easy she can come back to camp. And the nurse told Ryleigh while we were waiting she doesn’t think it’s broken.” He said. I gave him a soft smile.
“Thats great. I’m sure she’ll be just fine and we’ll be seeing her in no time. You guys were becoming good friends huh?” I asked. I looked over at Sy and he was already looking in my direction trying to hide a smirk. Beckett ran his hand through his hand nervously and face got red.
“Yeah. She’s just really cool and um…”
“WE FOUND IT!” Ethan yelled from across the field.
“That’s our Que,” Logan smiled and nodded toward the others. We quickly joined them and found that they had in fact found the other piece connecting the two into one charm.
“What did we find exactly?” Nikki asked.
I observed the charm in Emma’s hand. It was round. Almost spiraled with little square pieces etched into it.
“It looked like an old film reel. But we’ll have to find out!”
“She’s right! We better head back to the campfire circle before we lose first place let’s go!” Sy called. He managed to get them all amped up again. Even Beckett. It was cute how competitive he was still. I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped me.
“What’s that all about?” He smiled as we jogged behind the kids following them back to camp.
“Nothing,”I said, “you're just, still you.” I blushed softly. Logan chuckled.
“I’d hope so.” He raised an eyebrow and I laughed
“No, I mean, you really haven’t changed since we were here, it’s …cute” I smiled. He smiled big, pulling me in and stopping to kiss my head.
“You’re still that same beautiful girl I never stopped thinking about.” He said. I looked up at him for a moment. I was lost in the way he was looking at me. Like I was the only thing that existed in that moment.
“Lainie! Sy! Come on! Carrie and Andrew’s Cabins are catching up we have to go!” Emma called. Our trance broke and we both looked at each other wide eyed before we started running again. An awkward giggle escaped my lips but the moment had passed, we didn’t have time to discuss it anymore. We quickly caught up to our campers and we jogged the rest of the way to the campfire, which was about as far away as a football field. We just beat the other cabin there by about 20 seconds.
Emma and Nikki and Ethan all ran to the center where the camp director Becca was waiting for them.
“Alright! Our first place scavenger hunt Winners! Cabin C and Cabin H. Let’s see your charm!” She said enthusiastically. Emma handed it to her. “Great! So since you’ve one first place you get the first choice to either Make a trade or keep your charm. Your charm tells us what your activity is for tonight. And this one!” she paused looking at the piece in her hand. “Is a drive in movie night ont he lawn! Grab your blankets. We’ll have plenty of snacks and if your counselors are nice enough you may just get a double feature!” She looked over at us and winked. “You’ll get an opportunity to do all of the activities in the scavenger hunt. This just means you get first pick. Its up to you.” She handed back the charm and greeted her next group, turning them loose back to us.
Sy was the first to speak when they headed back our way.
“Well what do you think? Should we hold on to it and wait to see what everyone else has? Or should we keep it and plan our movie night?” The kids thought for a minute. Some of them were obviously exhausted from all the running. Then Beckett spoke.
“I think we should keep it! We’ve done a lot of running around today already. It’s supposed to be nice out tonight and if Ryleigh comes back it’ll be super chill and it’ll be something she can handle with her bad ankle and she won’t have to feel left out right when she gets back… uh.. If everyones cool with that?” Sy silently put a hand on his shoulder and I smiled.
“I think that’s a great idea Beckett. I certainly don’t want anyone left out. It’s nice of you to think of her.” One of the boys snickered but Ethan turned and smacked him on the back of the head.
“Dude shut up,” He said.
“I didn’t say anything!” Chase argued.
“You were gonna! If homeboy wants to be in love, let him.”
“Boys!” Sy Barked quickly stopping their argument and saving Beckett from further embarrassment. “Knock it off, you’re both pretty.” he smirked. “But we’ve got other things to settle.” The girls fell into a fit of giggles. Before finally answer the matter at hand.
“I don’t mind,” Nikki said. “I’m tired already and we still have half the day left. We should just chill tonight! And I want our friend to be included!” she said.
“Yeah me too! I really like Ryleigh, I feel so bad that she got hurt! I want to help her feel better when she gets back. I think that’s a good idea Beckett!” Emma said. The other girls in our cabin agreed. The all seemed to have bonded quickly that first night. Ryleigh was quiet but I guess I wasn’t the only one keeping an eye on her. That made me feel good.
The boys agreed. Ethan saying something about ‘bro code’. If looks could kill Beckett would have knocked him out.
We headed back to the campfire and the kidslet Becca know that we were staying with our movie night. I checked my watch and saw we still had like 3 hours to kill before dinner. We were going so hard for the scavenger hunt we literally almost missed lunch.
“Okay, Well you guys have free time now. If you're gonna swim or go Boating give yourself enough time to get back here and dry off for dinner! If you need either one of us I think I’m gonna head down to the beach myself and Sy…?” I asked, looking over. Again his eyes were already on me. My throat immediately went dry.
“I’m gonna head down to the beach too, you know where to find us or you can find anyone with a radio and they can get ahold of us for you! Be safe, don't do anything stupid! Go have fun! We’ll meet you at the dining hall at 5:45!” He told them. They were running off in different directions before he could finish his sentence. “And then there were two,” He chuckled.
“Yeah,” I chuckled, “and here I thought they liked us,” I said. Sy let out a soft laugh his shoulder brushing against mine. “I should, go get ready,” I blushed. “I’ll… meet you at the lake?” I asked.”
“Uh, Yeah,” He cleared his throat, “I’ll see you there,” He said quickly. And we headed off in separate directions.
This was turning out to be much harder than I thought. It’s clear that we both want each other. But its not like we can be reckless and flirty and be all over each other when the kids are around. And I’m not sure thats what I want. I can’t get over the way he kissed me in the woods this morning. I can still taste him on my tongue. Being near him. Lights something up in me. But I’m terrified. I’ve never really done this before. Everything he’s done for me. Even without touching me, makes me feel better and makes me feel good. What if I can’t do that for him. What if I’m bad at it. I clearly don’t have nearly as much experience as he does. I don’t have any at all. What if we when I am ready… I suck at it. And When would we even have time for something like that? Does he want that? Am I not doing enough for him now? No, he would say something, and we literally just saw each other for the first time in 7 years 2 days ago! but… What does he expect from me? I felt my heart racing.
When I got back to the cabin it was empty. All of the girls were running around elsewhere. I flopped down onto my bunk and took a deep breath. Breathe Lainie. You're not a child anymore. You’re the adult here. I took one more deep inhale before I sat up and started to sift through my bag. My best friend had talked me into bringing a couple of two pieces I'm not so sure I'm comfortable with. As I was pulling the bathing suits out there was a knock on the door. Surely that couldn’t be Logan.
I stood quickly and opened the door. Ryleigh was there with her Dad. She was on crutches but her ankle was only wrapped tightly in a bandage. “Hey, sweetheart!” I said quickly trying to keep the surprise off my face. I looked at her dad and gave him a gentle smile, “what did we find out?” I asked him? He returned my sympathetic look and patted Ryleigh on the shoulder.
“It’s sprained but not too bad. Dr just wants her to take it easy a couple of days, try to stay off of it best she can. But he okayed her to come back. And she begged us. I couldn’t say no.” He chuckled.
“Dad,” she blushed.
“Alright, you just be careful, watch out for any flying footballs” he winked teasing her.
“Ugh,” she groaned. I chuckled softly.
“We’ll take good care of her and keep her in one piece. Thank you for bringing her back! The kids were worried about her!” I told him. We said our goodbyes and I let Ryleigh get settled in. “Are you doing okay, How are you feeling?” I asked her. She sat on her bunk and let out a deep exhale that resonated with me more than it should have.
“My ankle hurts,”She said flatly. “But it’s really not too bad. I think I’m just overwhelmed. That was a lot happening at once.” I nodded and walked over to sit with her on her bunk.
“I understand. We were all really concerned about you, I’m glad you came back!” I told her. She smiled shyly.
“I was having fun, I wasn’t gonna let this stop me,” She said.
“I’m really glad to hear that!” I smiled. She looked over at my bunk, her eyes landing on the swim suits.
“Were you about to go to the beach?” she asked.
“I was, I was going to meet Sy down there, but If you wanna chill out and relax for a while I can hang out here with you!” I offered.
“Actually… Can I come with you? I’ll have to just sit in the sand but I wanna get out in the sun and not just mope around.” she said.
“Of course you can! Do you think you can get down there okay?” I asked, gesturing to her ankle. She nodded.
“I’ll figure it out.” she said. We both changed into more beach appropriate attire. I went back and forth for a moment about which swimsuit to wear, it was Ryleigh that helped me decide.
“He already likes you, ya know.” she said. “Sy, I noticed the way he looks at you. But if you want his attention… The blue two piece is really cute.” she said. I wanted to protest. Or to retort with literally anything. But I couldn’t. I wasn’t naive enough to believe that the kids wouldn’t see it or not notice at some point. And Ryleigh was incredibly observant. I did end up wearing the blue two piece. After throwing on some shorts to walk down to the beach and grabbing a towel, Ryleigh and I left the cabin.
She did really well with her crutches until we hit the sand. Sy saw us immediately and stepped over to help.
“Hey, you made it back!” He greeted her with a smile. He took her crutches and I let her lean on me
“Yeah, it’s just a sprain!” She answered, with a shy smile.
“You need some help?” He asked her. She shook her head and I walked with her as she slowly hopped along the sand.
“She’s got!” I assured him. She found a spot to settle in, refusing to let me help her lay down her towel. She was stubborn. “You want us to hang out here without?” I offered. Again she shook her head.
“I brought a book with me in my bag. I’m just gonna chill here!” She smiled. I nodded and Sy gave her a gentle smile.
“Alright darlin’ we won’t be far. Let us know if you need anything!” he said. Ryleigh nodded. We left her alone walking off a little further down the beach.
Now that we were alone and I had the chance to look at him, I suddenly felt shy. He looked so good. We stopped and set my towel up next to his and I had to stop myself from staring. He was shirtless. Of course he was, we were spending the afternoon by the water. His chest was strong and covered in hair that trailed down his toned stomach. I quickly flicked my eyes back to his. By the smirk on his face it was clear I’d been caught. Neither of us said anything. I sat down on my towel taking in the sun. I closed my eyes and stretched my legs out in front of me leaning back on my hands.
“I needed this” I finally spoke. “It’s beautiful out here today.” Logan hummed softly in response. When I looked up his eyes were still on me before he finally sat down next to me.
“It sure is.” He said. “Does this feel crazy to you too? Sittin here together again after all this time?” he asked. I nodded.
“It does, It’s weird. I never thought I would see you again. But now we’re here repeating the past. It’s like deja vu.” I laughed softly.
“Or fate, bringing us back together again.” He smiled. He looked over at me brushing a strand of hair out of my eyes.
“Logan,” I blushed. “I-I’m gonna go swim. Do you wanna join me?” I asked standing up quickly trying to avoid the moment. I quickly took my shorts off leaving me in just my bathing suit and ran toward the water. I figured he would follow. When I turned back Logan was still standing there with a sultry look in his eye, staring at me. And suddenly I felt naked. A shiver made its way down my spine before I finally found my voice to speak. “Are you coming or are you just gonna stand there staring all day?” I joked.
Logan let out a chuckle before he ran toward me. I squealed, running into the water but he was faster than I was. He knelt down scooping me up in his arms carrying me further into the water. Instinctually I wrapped my arms around his neck holding on tight.
“Put me down!” I kicked at the water in protest. He adjusted me in his arms, holding me close and letting his hand slide up to my hip.
“Nope, You’re right where you should be.” I blushed. “You look so damn good,” He licked his lips, his eyes trailing up my body. I bit my lip feeling a bit self conscious in this position.
“Logan there are so many people around right now.” I reminded him. He groaned, dropping his head to my shoulder. He set me down in the water. But he grabbed my hips underwater pulling me close. His lips brushed against my ear as he spoke.
“Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep my hands off of you?” he whispered. I swallowed hard as he pulled away looking me in the eyes with a mischievous smile. I felt his thumbs graze against my hips making it difficult to stay upright, let alone string together a sentence.
“Sy, I -I can’t. I mean. I…don’t know how. I’ve never….” I couldn’t say it. But the way his eyes suddenly soften told me he knew what I was trying to say. I was afraid I couldn’t keep up with him. I couldn’t please him. I’ve touched myself…I’d have got bat shit crazy by now if I hadn’t found some kind of release. I’ve never gone any further. My breath caught in my throat when he spoke again.
“I’d be happy to show you darlin, we’ll go slow.” He said softly. The moment was ruined quickly by a group of campers that had gotten ahold of some super soakers. We had become collateral in their water war.
“Sorry Lainie!” Ethan yelled as he aimed his gun at Chase.
“It’s my bad bud, The middle of the lake is fair game for a water fight. But watch out for the little ones okay?” He gave me a nod and quick thumbs up before dodging getting sprayed by Zach who was a few feet away. “Do you encourage this behavior?” I looked up at Logan with a smirk, I watched him chuckle softly.
“I don’t discourage it.” I laughed
“That checks out.” I said. He looked at me with a raised brow.
“Really, and whats that supposed to mean?” He challenged. I smirked as he watched me carefully.
“Just that you always liked to start trouble.” I giggled splashing him playfully.
“Oh is that right?” He grinned as a slowly started to back away, looking over my shoulder to make sure I wasn’t going to run into anyone. “Because I don’t remember ever getting caught for anything, unless… you were there.” I took off running in the water as quickly as I could. Which, arguably, was pretty slow. Logan ran behind me and we continued splashing each other.
“I was a good kid until I met you Syverson!” I squealed trying to get away from him. “We only got in trouble because it was your idea!” He caught up to me by the dock and caught me around my waist.
“You didn’t have to go along with it,” He smiled. I pouted turning around.
“I did. Because you’re so cool and so cute and I had a crush on you and… I just wanted to hang out with you. And you knew that!” I swatted at his chest playfully, “and you still did things that got us into trouble knowing I would go with you!” I watched as he took a moment to look around and then he chuckled.
“You know we’re still in the middle of everybody,” He said, reluctantly letting go of my waist.
“I know, we suck at this.” I laughed. Logan paused, thinking for a moment.
“You still wanna hang out with me?” I raised an eyebrow curiously and nodded.
“Of couse I do!” I smiled.
“Well, if you aren’t doing anything later, me and bunch of really cool kids are seeing a movie on the lawn, if you wanna be my date?” I soft giggle escaped me. He made it feel like we were still the campers. Of course it’s not like we were old. But it felt like we could be carefree and wild again.
“I’ll think about it.” I answered.
***************************
Later that night after dinner and the end of the evening campfire, we set up for our movie. Logan and I set up the Projector Screen and set up the projector while the kids were off in the cabin getting lawn chairs and blankets. We discussed Movie options at dinner. Somehow they all ended up agreeing on the new Top Gun. I don’t know how but That was Logan’s fault.
“You know, you didn’t tell me I’d be working during this date,” I teased as we finished tying the screen up to the pavilion.
“So it is a date then?” he smirked. He walked over turning on the projector to make sure it was working.
“Yeah, it is.” I stated. He walked over quickly taking a look around before pulling me against him and placing a soft kiss on my lips. I breathed him in kissing him back slowly. It was only a short soft kiss. But it had my head spinning, and my heart racing. I held onto his shoulder as we pulled away and he smiled.
“I wish it wouldn’t have wasted so much time not kissing you. I can’t get enough.” He murmured softly. I blushed. I heard chatter in the distance and I was sure it was some of our campers.
“We should, get this set up and get settled in,” I stuttered. Sy finished setting up the movie waiting to play until all of the campers set up their chairs and blankets to lounge on the lawn. I watched them all get settled for a while. Beckett helped Ryleigh get settled. He was so excited when he saw she had made it back to camp. The two of them were sat on a blanket together. They probably would watch much of the movie. They'll likely just talk. They're so sweet.
Logan and I sat together on a blanket at the very back behind all of them so we could keep an eye on them. At least that was his excuse. But after the movie started to play and the kids were distracted Logan started making his move.
“You warm enough?” He asked, noticing me tug my hoodie sleeves down over my hands.
“Yeah, Just a little cold.” I stated. He grabbed the extra blanket and scooted closer.
“C’mere,” He spoke and stretched his legs out leaving space for me to sit between them. I bit my lip and hesitated for a moment. Before settling between his legs and leaning back against his chest. He laid the blanket over our laps and wrapped his arms around me. “Better?” his breath was hot against my ear.
“Mhmm,” I hummed biting my lip. We stayed just like that for a while. Logan ran his hands up and down my arms to keep me warm. He started to press a few kisses to my shoulder. And then soft kisses to my neck.
“You looked so good today in that little two piece. You were driving me crazy.” He mumbled, still lazily pressing kisses to my neck.
“Logan, we.. I… can’t,” I stuttered. Trying to find my words. I held in a moan as he started to softly suck on my neck. “Please, we shouldn’t,” I said, trying to make sense.
“Shhh, relax Darlin,” he cooed in my ear, “I’m not gonna do anything you don’t want me too. I just wanna right my wrong, shouldn’t have left each other like we did back then. I wanna make you feel good, show you how you should be treated. Will you let me?” He whispered. I swallowed hard. He had slipped his hands under my hoodie and his thumb was brushing against the skin of my lower belly. The soft touch made me want more. I turned my head meeting his eyes. Although they were filled with lust and desired and want, they were sincere. I knew he’d never do anything I wasn’t okay with. I knew he’d never hurt me. I knew I was safe here in his arms. I nodded.
“Please,” I whispered. Logan kissed me softly and reluctantly pulled away.
“Good girl. Now you just watch the movie and let me take care of you baby.” I kept my eyes on the screen as I felt him slip his hand past the waistband of my shorts. “Gonna go slow baby, just gonna make you feel good.” He whispered in my ear.
I bit my lip holding in a gasp as his fingers grazed my clit. He brushed them down my folds circling my entrance letting out a deep groan. “So wet darlin, can’t wait to feel you.” he spoke softly. He moved his fingers back up pressing them against my clit teasing me in small circles. I clutched his arm holding in a moan. “Easy baby, you like that?” he asked. I nodded. He kept toying with my clit for moment before slowly pushing a finger inside me.
I let my head fall back against his shoulder as he started pumping in in out. I let out a soft whimper trying to stay quiet. “You need more baby?” he asked. Again I nodded. He added a second finger pumping them faster. I felt a pressure build in my stomach and I started to grind on his fingers.
“Thats it baby, you’re doing so good for me. You’re close aren’t ya,” He smirked kissing my neck. I continued to chase my high and Logan pressed his thumb to my clit as he kept fucking me with is fingers. I couldn’t take anymore, I let head fall back against his shoulder. Logan used his other hand to cover my mouth to stifle my moan while I came on his hand.
“You’re so fucking beautiful.” He whispered in my ear as he held me. He slid his fingers out and I watches as he brought them to his lips sucking my juices off his fingers. “So good,” he groaned. He held me in his arms until the movie was over. We sent the kids back to get ready for bed as we packed every thing up.
“You alright?” he asked, when we closed the pavilion for the night. I blushed nodding.
“I’m great.” I giggled softly. He let out a laugh and pulled me in for a passionate kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck kissing him back.
“Easy baby, we’re taking slow, I don’t wanna push you too fast,” He smiled as we pulled away.
“You’re an amazing guy Logan,” I smiled. He lifted my chin giving me one last soft kiss.
“Goodnight sweet girl. See you tomorrow. He smiled.
“Good night Logan, I’ll see you in the morning.” I said, before we both reluctantly went our separate ways to check on our campers and settle in for the night. This summer was just getting started.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Happy birthday Dan. I found you at a very, very low point in my life. It’s funny, because that point was only a few months ago. March 3rd. March 3rd. Jesus Christ. I was dealing with severe bullying, depression, hopelessness, isolation, gender dysphoria (i have been out/socially transitioned for like 5 years), and most of all, loneliness. I had a circle of about 3 friends who i talked to regularly, but only 1 i even saw in person more than once per year. Then, two of those 3 people began having relationship issues and were on the verge of breaking up. I felt like i was a bother, a burden to their already existing issues. Every single day I’d walk into school, put my headphones on, and not talk to a single person. I’d read, sleep, listen to music, dissociate, and sleep some more throughout the day just to distract myself from everything. From class, from parents, from the outside, everything. I fully and truly believed everyone besides those 3 people hated me. They found me disgusting, annoying, taking up space, and simply didn’t want me there. I think that is true to an extent, but i don’t like how i was just letting that be how it is. My dad was genuinely hopeless, he told me to just ride it out and if i could try to be just a little bit normal-er, maybe i wouldn’t be ignored by every person every day. That didn’t work. Instead, i decided to do some self work. Or rather, my dad stopped intruding on my free time which allowed me to still be awake and do things i wanted to do in peace. I thought, “Dan and Phil….those two emo guys with the cat whiskers….i have such a vague memory of a friend mentioning them or scrolling across a post of them, who even are they?”. I typed into the YouTube search bar “Dan and Phil”. A gaming channel? Are these people streamers? Oh god (i did not know you were one of us 🏳️🌈….or british…..). I watched one video. Now, ACCORDING TO YOUTUBE HISTORY, i somehow watched What Dan And Phil Text Each Other 4 as my first video. Not even the gaming channel, i don’t know how this happened maybe YouTube is lying to me. Whatever. Ok so which ones Dan and which ones Phil? Why do they look SO different? They’re British? I started watching Dan and Phil edits on TikTok. Ok, i know who you are, i get the vibes. Oh, coming out timeline? Gaming channel timeline and hiatus? Reacting to PINOF? On March 13, i watched Basically I’m Gay and Coming Out To You. It took me an entire month from then to watch Why I Quit YouTube. By late April, i was in it. I was watching Dan or Phil every day. Before, during, and/or after school. Since then, I’ve purchased YWGTTN (limited edition signed updated paperback). It was 38 fucking dollars in USD but it was worth it. I also now own TATINOF and DAPGO, one of which is signed by Phil, i bought second hand. So yes, now this is my new thing. But you know what else? I was getting happier. I was going to more concerts. I was doing my schoolwork, or at least trying to. I was reading!!!! I’ve since finished The Secret History. I made a friend; reconnected with an old childhood friend and started eating lunch together and hanging out and having shared trauma dump sessions, and we are so so close now. My two friends broke up, but it’s ok. I’m best friends with one of them and he’s so much better off, and the other and i are still casual friends!! I value them both for the multiple years I’ve known them. I’ve taken family vacations and done religious holidays with genuine care while getting to reconnect with my family. I’ve very passionately finished acting in a musical that I’ve put so much care into for about 5 months. I’m graduating tomorrow!!! And me and my close friend will be going to a concert tomorrow night afterwards, and I’m going to have a great summer where i see my close friend who i haven’t seen IRL since March of 2023. I’m getting closer with my dad and seeing a new therapist. I am having medical problems as of right now, but i would 100% be lying in bed crying and skipping graduation had i not found a reason to enjoy my days.
Did i just take one sentence referencing Dan to write a whole autobiography on tumblr? Yes, but also no. Dan and Phil are real people. They really do rescue pigeons named Steve and getting 10 sauces for their pizza and say hi across the city with binoculars. But they also genuinely have an impact on people, and they see that, and they LIKE to see that. I don’t think Dan will see this post. But I’m making it anyway. For me.
I love Dan so much. I cried twice while watching We’re All Doomed in my kitchen. I have actively watched Dan and Phil videos while crying at school. Once, in my bedroom, i was having a panic attack. I had an overwhelming rush of thoughts around 10 or 11 at night about how worthless i am and how terrible everything was going. I opened my tiktok, and there was THE edit that saved me. It was a video of fetus Dan on YouNow talking about his dream home. And then it was cutting back and forth to the Phouse. Then, Dans hopeful monologue in Basically I’m Gay. Finally, Dans hopeful monologue in We’re All Doomed. All of this in a softly shaky screen with sad music behind it. I cried a lot. This aspect of my life means so much to me. I think about the Halloween 2023 baking video at least 5 times a day (and sister Daniel’s….uhm….legs…). I am still so mad i did not buy the satanic Craft shirts. I just rewatched Dans interview last year with Anthony Padilla just because of how goddamn much I’m obsessed with that angle of Dan with his cute chin and cheeks and fucking dimple. I think about Dans bluntness in his defined-self and truly feel inspired to be like him. I look at his change over the years, his comfortability in his body, seeing that his face and neck are shaped like my face and neck, and he’s fucking beautiful. I don’t think I’d feel comfortable in my weight if not for Dan Howell, and i mean that so insanely sincerely. I read Dans book whenever I’m feeling hopeless and need a soft sexy British man to tell me the scientific reasoning behind why i feel this way and to assure me he’s felt worse. I’m so serious when i say i cannot imagine a day of my life without Dan and Phil. I truly don’t understand how i lived before or how I’d expect to live without it. “Live”, in the sense of find a way of life, not as in “stay alive.” I can’t imagine a day without those big brown boba eyes and that cute dimple and mainly that calming voice that reminds me someone else has felt this way. That reminds me love is possible. That reminds me i have so much ahead of me, so much life and love and joy.
Phil’s birthday stream may be my favorite piece of Dan and Phil media, or at least one of them. I find it so comforting and wholesome and beautiful and hilarious. I have such high hopes for Dans birthday stream. Until then, I’ll be working on my long-awaited (still very very unfinished) 2009!Dan and Phil art piece within my art initiative (pinned on my profile) (just for funsies, no money or anything involved). I’m going to sit there at 3pm (my time) and watch with a huge smile on my face to see my amazing dads spend the time of their lives being sexy and old and happy and disgustingly homosexual while i just embrace all you’ve done for me.
Happy birthday Dan
@danielhowell
#dan and phil#daniel howell#dan howell#phan#amazingphil#dnp#dan and phil games#dans birthday#happy birthday#dnpgames#d&p#phil lester
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Headcanons: Jack primal predator kink hunting MC as prey, down and than devouring MC once he caught them (aka sex with MC once he hunted MC down).
hope you don’t mind a little drabble for this, I love it!
“Sunshine? Where are you, my sunshine….” Jack called through the apartment, opening each door carefully as he searched for his prey. His voice was tinged with an almost saccharine dark growl, a departure from his normal cheery tone. “Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you, just wanna eat you up cuz’ you’re so cute…”
MC had made the mistake of stowing away inside of the closet in their bedroom, holding a hand over their mouth as they heard Jack’s heavy footsteps shuffle into the room. They could hear him quietly humming as he searched the room, tearing the covers off of the bed, then looking under, and then moving furniture around. Was he always this strong? Was this desperation to find them?
“Come on out, sunshine. I’m dying for a little taste of you.” Jack sounded closer, and closer still, damn near outside of the closet. MC peeked through the cracked door of the closet, catching a glimpse of Jack’s form; toned, determined, desperate to find them and consume them whole, he embodied the hapless determination of a predator hunting for his hidden prey, tearing through the room for them. MC inhaled sharply, watching him palm at his clothed length- god, he was huge- as he walked slowly towards the closet.
Smirking, Jack approached, a growling chuckle leaving his throat as his hand reached for the doorknob.
“I’ve got the advantage here, sunshine. God, you’re so cute when you think you can hide from me-“ Jack taunted, drumming his fingers on the door. MC backed up as quietly as they could, putting some distance between them and their pursuer, but effectively cornering themselves. As the door opened and they got a peek of Jack’s blue hair, they felt the fearful arousal building inside of them, and just as quickly as it built, it paused as Jack turned his head, striding off as he seemingly heard something coming from the next room over.
MC let out a soft exhale, and quickly realized their mistake, clasping a hand over their mouth as they heard Jack’s grumbling laughter and his footsteps approaching the closet again, slowly opening the doors with a satisfied smile.
“There you are. Almost threw me off your trail there.” He chuckled, leaning over his “prey”, blocking them in the corner of the closet. Jack’s imposing, broad figure, usually brought them comfort; some sort of safety; but this time it was quite the opposite. The Jack MC was used to, the soft, sweet, jokester had taken on a darker persona. Breathing over them, he scanned his lover’s form, adjusting himself as he seemingly planned his next move.
The look in his eyes, even despite the poor light in the space was unmistakable: hunger.
The clown that MC loved so much looked at them with a nearly primal hunger, an ache, a lust they had never seen before- like Jack had let go of his usual carefully crafted code of conduct, and the beast just below the surface had been given control.
“I can’t wait to eat you up.” Jack breathed out, his voice heavy with a hungry satisfaction as he gazed over your form. Swiftly, they were engulfed in his embrace, his broad form over them as he scooped them into his arms. He tucked his head into their neck, taking in their scent as his hands wandered across their form. His eyes- half lidded- as he licked his lips, taking the view of them in like a man starved for days seeing a three-course meal.
Jack brought them to their shared bed, laying them underneath him. He took their wrists in his hands, not quite pinning them there, but holding them still enough to where they couldn’t squirm out of his grasp.
“No use running now, sunshine. You’re mine now…” He teased them, breathing another ragged breath just shy of the shell of their ear.
“I hope you don’t mind, but I like playing with my food…” Jack’s right hand released its grip on their wrist, slowly tracing down their body to meet their most sensitive of areas, a pleased expression crossing his face as he felt their building arousal. Jack leaned down, pressing his chest heavily against them, his heart racing as he had his beloved exactly where he wanted them.
“By the time i’m ready to devour you, i’ll have you begging for me to do it.” He growled.
#HI THIS IS SO UNFINISHED AND PROBS OOC BUT HEYYYYY#sdj jack#swwsdj#somethings wrong with sunny day jack#my drabbles#sunny day jack#grown ass posts
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Hello friends!!
This is a Polin adjacent personal post. I’m looking for some moral support, advice, etc. if anyone is willing to offer any
See below for more 🙏🏼
- - - - - - -
So, I made myself some thematic Bridgerton Jewelry for funsies in April, and at the behest of some Internet friends, made some more in May
Soon enough, Season 3 Part 1 dropped, and I have since been in that BRIDGERTON BRAINROT™️ that I know we all suffer from
Unfortunately for me, my ADHD/OCPD ass always needs both my brain andddd my hands occupied, so rewatching S3 P1 a billion times somehow led me to create 120 extra Bridgerton themed earrings and 60 extra necklaces 🫢🫠
My husband is a very kind man that has watched S3 P1 with me 3 times already (and slept through more hahahah), anddddd he has let me litter our dining table and our ottoman in front of the tv with my jewelry stuff for weeks now
I promised him I’ll try to just sell some of this jewelry online so that this new brain rot / stimming hobby doesn’t bankrupt us, but I’ve been procrastinating on this soooo fucking hard because I’m scared of Etsy and also quite possibly the post office??? 🥲🙃 I know that’s incredibly stupid, but somehow my neurodivergent brain doesn’t know it’s stupid and she’s also just like aaahhh what if I put this stuff online and people actually buy it??? As if that isn’t the solution I’m looking for
Anyway, I’m just blabbing about my personal incompetence here cause I’d like some moral support or advise or someeeething if anyone cares to offer any 😭😭😫😫😫
My husband told me I’m just overwhelmed cause I have 180 items to post, and that I’ll get there eventually if I try to post at least 10 per day. My OCPD brain thinks that’s nuts (cause of the different theme breakdowns and mix and match sets I’ve made lol). Even so, I set out to post 10 today, and I’ve legit just been doing dumb shit like editing out my living room background from the photos I took, and adding Bridgerton inspo pics to the background and all that jazz, as if I’m some professional at this instead of someone who went batshit crazy stimming between S3 P1 and P2
^That’s an example of my OCPD brain doing too much and why I’m sitting on a massive pile of pretty handmade things instead of posting them for sale 🙃
Please… someone that knows how to deal with this aggravating combo of ADHD and OCPD better than me…. SEND HELP!!???!!
#polin#lukola#bridgerton#bridgerton netflix#bridgerton season three#bridgerton brainrot#ADHD#OCPD#neurodivergent#the struggle is real
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...why hello there, my chaos kittens.
I’m about to post one of the most personal things I have ever posted beneath this cut, but I kind of feel like I need the closure and saying this may help me. there are talks of disability, negative headspace, and overall a sombre tone.
I know it’s not my normal content, but it just is what I’ve been feeling.
TLDR: I’m coming back after a long, unannounced and unplanned hiatus.
I've had quite a long time to stop and collect my thoughts about the future of my blog, and if I am honest with you all, I came very close to deleting. a lot of things went wrong in my life with my health, etc. and due to that, I was in a really dark spiral.
the past few months have been hell, to say the least.
thankfully I've had the best people to pull me out and hold me steady and keep me afloat until I got my feet underneath me. the days aren't always easy and my new diagnoses don't make it exactly a cake walk, but if it wasn't for my circle I wouldn't be here typing this. if I could give them the world I would, but they are my world.
a lot of things have changed for me in all aspects, and due to that I have decided that while it will be very different, I am coming back to writing and tumblr as a whole.
I miss the hobby that opened me up, and while it has been close to 3 months since I have been able to write, and I likely will not be posting any new fics for some time, I still miss where I made my home.
I honestly think a huge part of what went wrong and what sent me down that spiral was creative burnout. writing has been my escape consistently for the past 2 years, and while that is not a long time at all, with my disability (god, it's hard acknowledging that now) I can become extremely and extensively exhausted beyond what should be possible. I know I only have myself to blame in a way, but I learnt my lesson and from this point on I'm going to take it a lot easier on myself.
please be patient with me while I reacquaint myself with this and the fandom, I'm so far behind and in my isolation, I have lost a lot of confidence. the love for writing was torn away but I am slowly, slowly patching it back up and holding it close.
to those that have reached out and to those that have and I haven't managed to get back to just yet, please know that your love and support has been what's carried me through this. I know I have neglected a lot, and I have possibly lost a lot too, but I will forever say that I am beyond grateful to those that have stuck with my dumbass. I am making every effort I can to reach out to those that I haven't replied to, but it is taking a lot of time to build the confidence to talk.
but for now, I look forward to catching up on what I have missed, and let's see what mischief we can get up to. 🩷
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Why have my lips been salty for a few days now? We all know I can be a salty person, but this? Physical manifestation of my own hubris?
#internet is saying maybe hormone related issues#can steroids do this?#i’ve been on them for quite some time now#and a LOT#personal
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I’m ready to walk out of my job.
The last straw was, this week they cracked down on overtime. This was the last straw for two reasons:
1. Normally (pre-COVID), our patient volumes are lowest in summer. This year, we’re having winter-flu-season patient volumes (flu season is always the busiest time in the hospital). We now have the second busiest ER in the metro, seeing hundreds of patients per day (we’ve reached a thousand per day several times this year!!!) in a 25-bed ER. This is coupled with the fact we’re operating at 30-50% (a third to a half!!) normal nurse staffing, and have been doing so since 2021. There isn’t a staff member in the hospital who is twiddling their thumbs for a second. I heard tonight that the hospital is trying to end all their contracted labor early (and I assume we’re relying heavily on contracted nurses to fill staffing shortages!)
2. Because of this patient load vs low staffing, it is literally impossible for us to finish all the tasks we are assigned each day. But we still have to meet our metrics and are chastised/penalized when we don’t meet them! Worsening the situation: instead of asking each ‘problem’ staffer why they’re always clocking out late, my department management emailed all the problem people with “suggestions on how to leave on time”. Suggestions that are bullshit because they don’t address the actual reason the person gets overtime consistently.
So this whole perfect storm is coming together to convince me that corporate expects us to work off the clock. Which I’m about 95% sure is fucking illegal.
#it’s been a long time since I’ve been this angry#I feel helpless and trapped#we need to go on strike but I don’t know how to get the nurses involved#our sister hospital just kicked out their nurses union :(#I quiet quit months ago#now I’m fucking ready to riot#the corporation lost a lawsuit about 15 years ago regarding making people come back from lunch#and not paying them for that time#denying their lunch break#I got some money out of that suit#I want the corporation to pay for this insult through the fucking nose#and also denying staff COVID boosters#but that’s a whole different rant#I fucking hate this place#I need a new job but I don’t know where to go#and this corporation owns half of the hospitals in the city#I will fucking walk out of my job before I work off the clock#is there somewhere I can report this shit???#I can’t believe they’re getting away with this
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have had a bit of my crash after flying too close to the sun this past week and you know what, it’s very annoying and also very good for me in a stabilizing way.
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Y’all is Hollow Knight hard or do I just suck because oh my god??
#not gonna inflict my ramblings onto someone else’s post so just making a text post for myself#but oh my god#what the fuck?#maybe I’m not a hardcore metroidvania fan but I like them well enough#do I suck that badly at games now?? am I old to the point that my hands can’t do this shit????#did I just somehow fuck myself at some point???#because wow this feels kind of sadistic????#and not even in the fun kind of way?????#like I think I’d rather submit myself to fear and hunger again rather than continue where I am now in hk#idk maybe I’m missing something#but I just got wall jump and was so happy until I fell down to where you can challenge those mantis dudes#got myself out of there but then as I was exploring northwest I keep dying and reviving from the fucking bouncy balls over water#and the normal mantis mobs are also kicking my ass?#and dont even get me started on the weird tentacley nuclear bomb mushroom things those are just bullshit#AND THEN AS I WAS HAVING A GOOD TIME EXPLORING HEADING TOWARDS A SAVE BENCH I GET DROPPED INTO DEEPNEST??????#WHAT KIND OF JUMPSCARE BULLSHIT??????????#AND THE FUCKING COCKROACHES THAT NEVER SEEM TO STOP SPAWNING KILL ME#and then I see how fucking far back I’ve been dropped in the corner of fungal wastes#and I try jumping through the fucking bouncy balls again#and I die and lose my money#I can’t fucking do this shit anymore y’all holy fucking shit#the number of times I’ve died and restarted from that fucking fungal wastes bench I am so sick of it 💀#legit I think this is the first time I’ve rage quit a game#it’s been a while since a game’s actually made me this angry I want to fucking throw something 😂#the willpower and self control I needed to not chuck my pro controller across the room…#if I didn’t have neighbors and a unit below me I’d be throwing shit for sure though#but instead I must smack pillows against my mattress in a rage 😂#I think I hate the ‘go back to where you died to get back your money’ punishment system… like legit I actually really really hate it.#I do think the game is fun and I know I’ll probably quickly gain the money… but it feels like the game’s telling me I fucking suck lmao#suffice to say I will not be playing any more hollow knight for the foreseeable future 💀
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I wish I could go back and tell younger me that I would in fact find that place one day full of people that I adore deeply and who I know love me in return. Who make me feel wanted and cared for and appreciated in a way I never thought would be possible. And none of it required hiding, or forcing myself to be a person I’m not. And I still have that space even though I’m aroace.
For the first time ever, I see a future where I’m not alone. And I wish I could go back and tell my younger self it would happen. It’s possible to not be constantly lonely.
#ravenpuff rambles#I’ve been lucky enough in my life to make amazing friends several times#several of whom are still in my life now#but it’s only been recently that I’ve felt like I truly found my place#I don’t know how to explain it#I guess up until now I have always gone into friendships expecting them to end and holding back just a little bit#and this is the first time I don’t feel like I have to run because I don’t feel like these people are going to leave me#maybe it’s just because one of them is also aroace and we’ve talked a lot about those similar feelings of being left behind#never had someone quite get that before#and maybe it’s just I feel more willing to open my heart#admittedly this group of ours went through some shit together and that’s how the friendships really started forming#and so maybe that helps#but it’s like#Have you ever met someone who is so much like you in so many ways that its like the joke of ‘#‘can I copy your homework?’ ‘yeah just be sure to change it so no one knows’#It’s a weird thing of feeling so completely and totally seen by somebody sometimes without having to say a word#anyways#I’m really happy with this little place I found and I wish I could tell younger me#and also tell xem that no it doesn’t look like a fanfic dream#no im not their person but yeah they’re kind of mine but that’s okay#its nothing and everything like I always thought of#and for the first time in my life I don’t feel a crush sense of loneliness#yes I wish I could see them in person#but I can be okay with everything I do get
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Sier? I haven’t even met her! Laugh.
#keese draws#oc art#oc#ocs#eternal gales#today has been a shit day but Im feeling a bit better now that I’ve drawn sier#long story short one of my friends is being harassed by their ex#so I’ve been in a blinding rage all day and combined with me not getting enough sleep and cleaning all day today quite sucked#but hey. I drew sier and made them a new mini ref so that’s gotta count for something#but yeah sier my beloved I’ve been thinking abt them all day they’re just so cute and I love drawing them#I forgive them for being a human character they’re silly and have shapes#I now have only 4 eg refs to go I think? which is honestly a lot closer than I thought I was I thought this was gonna be another year of#last minute refs for artfight and some that don’t get remade but honestly this is super doable#rly the only big problem is going to be fydd since it’s been so long since I’ve drawn him properly#the other three are just dodie tali and bloom which shouldn’t be too bad at all#now idk if the icons are happening but it’s definitely feeling a lot more doable now so idk maybe I’ll get to some of them#key word maybe I make no promises#thankfully I don’t rly have any other ocs that I feel pressed to make new refs for so I can take it easy leading up to artfight this year#I’d like to get some of them icons but that’s not necessary#hopefully sier will get drawn this year she hasn’t been attacked since her old design from years ago lol#but sier is also a character I’ve gotten other pieces of art of over the years so I won’t be heartbroken if they keep getting ignored lol#I don’t rly know who I’d like to see attacked most tbh#obviously I’m always happy to see art of any of my ocs but usually I do have a preference#so Im excited to see who gets attacked even if it’s only a few of them#I’m willing to bet teke will get at least one attack I believe in him#hopefully teka gets drawn too I love her dearly as well#anyways shower time and then sleep time gn gamers
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Baylan and Shin are INCREDIBLY interesting to me. I really like them so much already and I want to see so much more of them
#Ray Stevenson is honestly giving a phenomenal performance I’m captivated#and this whole padawan master thing is so interesting because while we’ve seen dark side user have ‘apprentices’ or whatever they’re not#quite like this#there’s seems so much more similar to a Jedi master padawan thing than a Sith one#shin has a padawan braid#I’m just so curious abt them#and Marrok!!!#they specifically used him when referring to him#and I’m gonna hold out hope that they’re not gonna do some dramatic reveal of oh I’ve been a women this WHOLE time thing#that would be lazy imo#but I’m trying to think of any male Jedi Ahsoka might’ve known that would still be alive now?#allo can think of is those kids from that cw arc w gungi?#ahsoka spoilers#my post
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