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#i’m doing better though no worry !
incorrect-fnaf-quotes · 2 months
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A Dr. Scraptrap fic for everyone? Yes :) I’m nervous, but I still really wanted to do this one.
Title: Didn’t Want To Be Her
Description: The rabbit wishes that he hadn’t stepped out when he had—or, that he had brought her with him.
Scraptrap stared at the creation of his laid across the table, smirking. He messed with a few of the items that were strewn about.
Ever since he began working on her, he chose to keep her in one of the more secure rooms of the building.
After all, she was one of his more... lengthy, projects—it would be an annoyance if something were to happen, and he’d have to start all over.
‘Scrap Baby.’ That was the name that the rabbit had chosen to call the clown. A fitting and nice name, he’d thought.
Progress is going well... He mentally noted, chuckling to himself. Soon—Scraptrap was certain—soon, she’d finally do what he wanted her to.
If not for some complications, the rabbit assumed that she would have been finished years ago. He supposed the substitutes were fine.
“Scraptrap.” Spring Bonnie’s voice finally broke the silence. It almost sounded like they were trying not to laugh. Not doing that amazing. Scraptrap thought.
“What? What is it?” He turned away from the clown, and to his right, where the yellow rabbit had been standing.
By the time he’d made the other rabbit his assistant, Scraptrap had already been making progress on Scrap Baby—albeit rather slowly.
Of course, now Spring Bonnie was helping with her—but the scientist recalled, during the earlier days, that it had been completely different.
Not wanting any mistakes to happen with such an important project—one that was already having issues—he had Spring Bonnie deal with other, less important things.
He knew that the yellow rabbit was good at what they did—but he didn’t want to risk any potential mishaps when already dealing with a problem.
When he finally let the yellow rabbit join in on working on her, it had been a rather huge relief. Scraptrap was glad that he had chosen them for an assistant.
Before discovering the other rabbit, Scraptrap recalled having other choices, but couldn’t remember what any of them ever looked like, or their names.
His reasons for not wanting them varied—however, it was typically because they either seemed far too clumsy, or the rabbit just... didn’t like them.
Staring at Spring Bonnie, he noticed how they were pointing past him. Sighing, the rabbit turned after a moment.
The thing about the room they were in, was that it had a keypad attached on the wall, to the right of the door. He knew the code, as well as his assistant.
It was rather high up, too. And the rabbit was almost certain that he had never told the code to either Plushtrap or Elizabeth before.
...Which was why the scientist never expected this to end up happening. He stared at the sight in front of him, frowning.
Standing in the entryway of the now opened door, was Plushtrap, grinning excitedly. On his shoulders was Elizabeth, who must have entered the code.
Scraptrap sighed, rubbing at his eyes. “Children, how did you...”
“Get in?” Plushtrap tilted her head to the side, snickering.
“Sorry, Daddy!” Elizabeth started to get off of her sibling. “We saw Spring Bonnie enter the code earlier. We just wanted to see...”
Once they were sure she was off, Plushtrap grabbed her hand, and scurried into the room, approaching the other two rabbits.
“That’s Scrap Baby?” Plushtrap and Elizabeth stared up at her. The smaller rabbit started to move closer, only for Scraptrap to pick him up.
“Yes, yes.” Scraptrap nodded, ears twitching. “But you two shouldn’t be in here. You should be back in bed, you should be asleep.”
For a second, Spring Bonnie glanced at a nearby clock, before returning their focus on the three. “Why are you two up at one in the morning?”
“Why are you?” Plushtrap responded.
“Plushtrap, we’re still-“ The yellow rabbit had started, only for Scraptrap to move closer, and place a finger against their mouth.
“Spring Bonnie, take the children back to their room, now. I should finish up a few things.”
He’d started to hand the smaller rabbit over to his assistant, only for Scraptrap to stop when he felt a tug against his other hand.
“What is it, Elizabeth?” The rabbit questioned, looking down after a moment.
“Not Spring Bonnie.” She shook her head. “Could you come with us instead, Daddy? Please?”
The rabbit sighed. He glanced between her and the clown for a moment. “I still need-“
“And maybe tell us a story? Pleaseee?”
“Elizabeth, Spring Bonnie could take you to bed, and still tell you a story.” He answered. She just frowned.
“Their stories are shit.” Plushtrap piped up.
The two scientists were silent for a moment, before Scraptrap released a wheeze, and knelt down. Spring Bonnie just frowned.
Spring Bonnie placed their head in their hands. “Plushtrap, where did you-“ Scraptrap was still laughing.
Finally clearing his throat after a moment, Scraptrap turned to stare at the yellow rabbit. He raised a brow, grinning. “What ones have you been telling my children?”
Spring Bonnie groaned, ears lowering. “Well, I had certainly thought that they were good ones!”
Scraptrap stood back up, but not before reaching over, and picking up Elizabeth as well, who was quick to cling to him.
“Alright, alright.” He looked down at them, both grinning. “I’ll take you both back to your room, okay?”
“And a story?” Elizabeth asked.
The rabbit sighed. “And a story, yes, Eli. But you both have to stay and sleep after that, am I clear?”
Elizabeth nodded.
Plushtrap wasn’t saying or doing anything—except for having a rather mischievous grin plastered on her face. Elizabeth snickered.
Scraptrap narrowed his eyes. “Plushtrap, I know that look. Do not do whatever it is.” His voice was firm. “When we get back, stay. in. your. room.”
The two stared at each other in silence for a moment, before Plushtrap groaned loudly, lowering his head. “Fine!”
Scraptrap hummed lightly. As he began to leave the room with them, the rabbit glanced back for a moment. “Spring Bonnie, finish up for tonight.”
The yellow rabbit nodded.
_____
Halfway to where the room was located, Scraptrap heard the sound of snoring. Looking down, Plushtrap seemed to be the source.
While, admittedly, there were a ton of corridors and rooms in the building, Scraptrap never found himself getting lost.
He’d shown the others around a lot—but even then, the rabbit typically found Spring Bonnie or Elizabeth having trouble with the building.
Scraptrap was almost certain that, on occasion, Plushtrap would get lost... but she still seemed to find a way to wherever they wanted to go—just in... strange ways, he’d say.
There was a ceiling vent right above Scraptrap’s bed in his room. He remembered, one night, where it had opened, and Plushtrap fell out.
Finally reaching the room, Scraptrap managed to get the door after shifting Elizabeth and Plushtrap into one arm. Then, he stepped inside.
Moving over to the right side of the room, he slowly placed Plushtrap in his bed, the smaller rabbit still rather loudly snoring.
“Alright, Elizabeth.” The rabbit started making his way over to her bed. “Do you still want me to tell you a...”
Trailing off, Scraptrap looked down at her. She’d been quiet throughout most of the walk down to the bedroom—and he assumed she just hadn’t wanted to say anything.
Now, though, he knew that she had to have fallen asleep—most likely not that long after Plushtrap had, Scraptrap guessed.
He placed his daughter in her bed, pulling the covers over Elizabeth. A moment later, he gently placed a hand on her head, ruffling her hair.
“Sleep well, children.”
Removing his hand, the rabbit backtracked to the door, closing it behind him as he re-entered the corridor.
_____
Spring Bonnie groaned. Entering the code once again, they were greeted by the same thing—the keypad flashing red, followed by a beep, and the door remaining closed.
They typed it again once more. To their annoyance and confusion, the same thing occurred.
The yellow rabbit started to knock on the door after a second. “Scraptrap!” They called out. “Are you in there?? Something’s wrong with the door!”
A few seconds passed, before the door suddenly slid open after the keypad flashed green. Scraptrap was standing in the doorway.
He shook his head. “Nothing’s wrong with it, Spring Bonnie.” He stepped out of the way to let them enter the room.
“Well, then why wasn’t it working?” The yellow rabbit questioned, moving past the scientist.
“I changed the password earlier today.” He simply answered. He made his way over to the table that Scrap Baby was laid on.
Spring Bonnie followed him. “Was it because of Plushtrap and Elizabeth?”
Scraptrap sighed, and then nodded. “I didn’t want them to come in and mess with anything.” The rabbit answered. “Especially Plushtrap.”
“Mmm... I wouldn’t be surprised if she managed to find a different way inside.” Spring Bonnie commented. They didn’t see any vents or anything, though.
Standing in front of Scrap Baby, the old rabbit held a clipboard and pen, skimming through everything that was already written down.
“Mm...” Scraptrap picked up the pen attached to the clipboard, and began to circle a few things listed.
“How long have you been in here?” The yellow rabbit questioned.
“Oh.” Scraptrap started waving a hand around dismissively for a moment. “Since about... four in the morning, I believe.”
Spring Bonnie looked towards the only clock in the room. It read: 8:10 PM. Sighing, they looked away, refocusing quickly on the green rabbit.
“You’ve been in here for that long?” The yellow rabbit’s ears twitched, and they frowned. “I thought you must have gone to sleep this time.”
Scraptrap set the clipboard down, and glanced towards his apprentice. “Well, after putting Elizabeth and Plushtrap to bed, I worked on a few things in my room.”
He moved closer to the table that Scrap Baby was laid across. “Then, I returned here. We’re getting closer, Spring Bonnie.”
“You think so?” The yellow rabbit asked. Should still probably sleep, though.
“I know so.” Scraptrap hummed. He reached forward, picking up one of Scrap Baby’s arms, seemingly inspecting it. “No more delays...”
The old rabbit chuckled, smirking. He let go of the clown’s arm, carefully placing it back on the table. “It’ll all be worth it.”
“Is she even going to be living?” Spring Bonnie questioned. “So far, I’ve only seen Plushtrap. How are you going to make that happen?”
So far, no response from Scraptrap, but the yellow rabbit continued. “How did you exactly do that with Plushtrap, by the way, Scraptrap?”
They remembered meeting Plushtrap after she was finished—and actually alive, but it was one of the things that they hadn’t had a part in.
It wasn’t really something that Spring Bonnie knew the reason for, though—and they typically never bothered Scraptrap to know.
There was still no response from the old rabbit. “Scraptrap?” The yellow rabbit raised an eyebrow.
He just seemed to be staring off at a nearby wall—however, they noticed the rather large smirk on his face. His laughter wasn’t very quiet, either.
Spring Bonnie rolled their eyes. “I know that look. It involves Henry, doesn’t it? You’ll deal with him using this?”
Ears twitching, Scraptrap looked away from the wall, and towards his assistant. “Well...” He cleared his throat.
“A purpose, yes. I might send her to mess with Henry,” He answered, “But trust me, Spring Bonnie. There are so many more purposes...”
_____
The children had slept in late—by the time he and Spring Bonnie left the room, Scraptrap assumed that they could have still been asleep in bed.
If not for the fact that, while walking down the corridor, Scraptrap and Spring Bonnie could hear something from above them. “What was that?”
Shrugging, the old rabbit paused, and looked up. Right where he had stopped, there was a vent on the ceiling. Scraptrap just sighed.
He immediately held out his hands—and just in time, too. Seconds later, Plushtrap fell from it, and was caught before hitting the floor.
Spring Bonnie looked around a little bit. “Plushtrap, how do you even keep getting into those?” They questioned. “Scraptrap, maybe we should do something about that.”
The scientist ignored them in favor of his child—or, rather, children—as footsteps could be heard, before Elizabeth entered the same corridor.
“Could you please watch a movie with us?” She grinned.
_____
Scraptrap found himself back in Scrap Baby’s room. He didn’t plan on doing too much—there were just a few minor things on his list that he wanted to get done.
He’d put his children to sleep earlier—and about thirty minutes earlier, Spring Bonnie had gone to sleep, too. They seemed pretty tired.
The rabbit would have requested that they stay with him, and work on Scrap Baby, but with how tired Spring Bonnie had seemed... Scraptrap didn’t want anything going wrong.
Just as Scraptrap started to reach for something, he suddenly froze upon hearing a rapid series of knocks coming from the other side of the door.
“D-Daddy?” A muffled voice came from the other side. Elizabeth, no doubt.
For a second, Scraptrap glanced at the clock that rested on the wall. 10:10 PM.
Scraptrap made his way over to the door, quickly entering the code on the keypad, and watched as it quickly slid open. “Yes, Eli-“
Once it was open, Elizabeth rushed forward into the room, and hugged her father as tight as she could.
“Elizabeth...” Scraptrap stared down at her. He placed an arm around her, before kneeling down. “What happened, Elizabeth?”
Elizabeth didn’t let go of her father, her face buried into his chest now. When she spoke, the girl became muffled. “Nightmare...”
“You had a nightmare?” The old rabbit repeated.
Elizabeth silently nodded.
Wrapping both of his arms around his daughter, Scraptrap picked her up, while standing back to his full height.
“I... I don’t want to go back to sleep...” Elizabeth murmured.
Scraptrap sighed. He looked around the room for a moment, seemingly debating on something, before looking back at his daughter.
“Would you like to stay in here and assist me?”
_____
Remaining focused on the inside of the panel connected to Scrap Baby, Scraptrap cleared his throat, and held out his left hand.
“Elizabeth,” He spoke—voice raspy, yet gentle as he addressed his child. “Hand it to me now, please.”
With how everything was going, after this, the old rabbit would simply finish up for the night, before sending Elizabeth back to bed.
She’d mentioned that she had a nightmare, but hadn’t explained it—and Scraptrap himself hadn’t asked about it. Perhaps she’s forgotten now.
He was still holding out a hand expectantly, yet nothing happened. Scraptrap cleared his throat once more. “Elizabeth.” He repeated.
“Daddy, it’s not here.” His daughter replied. Frowning, Scraptrap looked away from the clown, and down at his daughter.
“It isn’t?”
Elizabeth shook her head, and Scraptrap simply sighed. “That’s strange... I could have sworn that I brought it in here earlier.”
He glanced towards the rooms door for a second, before returning to his daughter, and slowly kneeling down in front of her. Elizabeth began messing with her bow.
Scraptrap pointed towards the exit. “I’m only going to go out there for a moment to retrieve what I need, alright?”
She turned around to look when he pointed, but only for a second. “Elizabeth, can I trust you not to touch anything while I’m gone?”
He knew what it would be like if it had been Plushtrap—the rabbit would absolutely not be able to trust her to not do anything.
Smiling, Elizabeth nodded. “Uh-huh! I promise!”
“Good.” Scraptrap chuckled. He pat her head, before standing back up, and making his way over to the door, while Elizabeth watched.
It took him a moment to remember the new code. He was planning on writing it down somewhere—but just hadn’t done so yet.
He wandered through the corridor, before taking a left, and coming to a stop. The rabbit always happened to leave things in this area.
Right in the corner, was a massive table, and—not to his surprise, contained quite a lot of items messily strewn about. “I should probably fix that...”
He couldn’t have it too messy. Maybe what he was looking for was over there—at least that’s what the old rabbit was hoping for.
Approaching the table, he began looking at all of the items, hoping to find the correct one—all while making it more orderly.
“Scraptrap?” The scientist turned around upon hearing his assistant’s voice. They looked like they had just woken up.
“Ah, Spring Bonnie. Hello.” The old rabbit cleared his throat.
“What are you doing?” The yellow rabbit questioned, moving closer.
“Well, what are you?” Scraptrap said, raising an eyebrow. “I assumed you’d be sleeping.”
Then again, that was what he had assumed for Elizabeth—and she had been—at least until her nightmare occurred.
“Well, I was.” Spring Bonnie nodded. “But, you see, Plushtrap wanted-“
Before the yellow rabbit had the chance to finish, Scraptrap’s attention—as well as his assistant’s—was pulled towards an unsettling noise.
Albeit muffled, what sounded like a shriek could be heard from one of the other rooms—before promptly being followed by a soft thud.
The old rabbit’s eyes widened, and he unceremoniously dropped one of the items—it missed the table, and hit the floor with a clatter.
He knew where that was coming from—he knew who it had to be coming from. “Elizabeth?!”
Scraptrap rushed past Spring Bonnie, causing them to stumble back a bit. He could hear their footsteps, but paid them no attention.
“Elizabeth?!” Spring Bonnie’s voice was laced with concern, while they attempted to keep up with the other rabbit. “Scraptrap, what’s going on?”
They never thought that Scraptrap could be this fast—it was rather surprising. They were usually always able to keep up with him.
When the old rabbit came to a sudden stop in front of the door to enter the code, Spring Bonnie nearly ran straight into him, but managed to stop.
The first try, in his panic and worry, Scraptrap proceeded to get the new code wrong. The second time, however, he got it right.
Once the door slid open, both of the rabbit’s raced into the room, Scraptrap managing to enter first.
Looking around, everything seemed to be perfectly fine... until Elizabeth was spotted.
She was still where Scraptrap had last seen her—except, now, she was collapsed on the ground, motionless. Her back was facing them.
“Elizabeth!”
While Scraptrap rushed over to his daughter, kneeling beside her, Spring Bonnie remained where they were—frozen.
“Elizabeth?!” Scraptrap reached over, picking her up, and holding her close. She seemed rather pale, too.
“Scraptrap, what happened?!”
“I don’t know!” Scraptrap hissed. He didn’t turn to look at his assistant, only staying focused on his daughter. Does it look like I do?!
He hadn’t been gone for very long—he assumed when he returned, everything would be the same as he had left it.
Had she accidentally or purposely touched something? Elizabeth was laying rather far from Scrap Baby, though, he noted.
“Pulse. Pulse. Pulse..” Scraptrap began quietly repeating to himself, trying to find and check just that.
Some of the areas—mainly the corridors, had cameras—but this room was one of the many that didn’t have any. It wasn’t like he could check those to see what happened.
Spring Bonnie still remained where they were. From the corners of their eyes, they thought they saw something move. Just my imagination...
“She’s breathing...” Both of the rabbit’s sighed in relief. Slowly, Spring Bonnie started to make their way over.
Scraptrap kept his daughter close to him, not letting go. What happened, Elizabeth? He frowned.
Once reaching Scraptrap and Elizabeth, Spring Bonnie crouched down, ears lowered. “...You know, maybe... maybe we should-“
“D... Daddy? Spring Bonnie?” Elizabeth. That was Elizabeth’s voice—Scraptrap certainly knew that. They both knew that.
He was staring at his daughter, though. Her mouth didn’t move—she seemed to be unconscious. His daughter in his arms didn’t say that.
Was it his imagination? Scraptrap shook his head at that thought. Spring Bonnie seemed to have heard it, too. Not just him.
“Daddy?” The voice repeated. It was coming from behind the two of them.
Turning around, Scraptrap and Spring Bonnie were greeted by the sight of Scrap Baby. She was sitting up, frowning, and staring at the two of them.
“Elizabeth...?” The rabbit whispered. He started glancing between her and the body that he held in his arms. Spring Bonnie was silent.
His grip on Elizabeth’s motionless body tightened, while he met the terrified and confused eyes of just who was in the clown.
“Oh no.”
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nerdgirlnarrates · 8 months
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Have just been informed that most people do not consistently worry about having unknowingly deeply offended a friend or if a friend secretly hates them. They just go about their business, socializing, worry-free.
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pallotdip · 10 months
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self-reflection.
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scribblemakes · 10 months
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[ID: A collection of black and white sketches showing everyday objects that are haunted by little creatures. These creatures fill in gaps with black space and white dots for eyes /End ID]
As some of you might’ve seen: I’m no longer posting art on Twitter, so Tumblr is now the only social media I’ll be consistently posting art to. However: I’ll also be posting it to my website and possibly other social media platforms in the future.
I also post monthly sketch pages to my Patreon (April’s is on this post) with early access for Patrons, and I’m hoping to add more things to it soon!
Thanks everyone for your support (your tags mean a lot to me!) and I’ve put more of my thoughts in the tags.
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soliusss · 9 months
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art school was the best decision I made I think. I have class 3 days a week. 4 days off. Never overwhelmed. Homework is ramping up but I can manage it perfectly well and I still have chill and hobby time. Never felt better. Loving my classes. 3D stuff is really fun for me I feel like I did the right thing I’d be miserable doing anything but art
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roselise · 7 months
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I fell on the way home, but thankfully my dress and my tights are ok c:
I’m just a little bruised, but it’s actually a very pretty bruise !!
(It looks a little like a heart I think? It’s really neat honestly ♡)
To cheer myself up though, I’m gonna make thumbprint cookies from a recipe I found on pinterest! I did all my reading on my break today, and have earned a fun baking night I think . . so wish me luck !! ♡
🤍 ₊ ࣪⋆ ♡ 🎀 ⋆。˚ 🧸
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tariah23 · 2 months
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Well, I’m still glad that Gojo was always a character who was growing and learning at least. He’s literally one of my favorite characters of all time now. Like, he’s never been as perfect as how the fans would make him out to be despite canonically being viewed as an absolute nuisance to everyone around him (I don’t think his peers necessarily hate him but a lot of them probably hate to see him coming and the ones who’ve dealt with him long enough to consider him a friend, tolerate him and groan whenever he opens his mouth, too 😭… out of love. He’s extremely childish so there is only sm the other adults around him can take and to an extent, his students. I think the only characters in canon who adore him and their eye’s sparkle whenever he’s around, and being a silly teacher was Yuuji and Miwa (she asked him for his autograph (he’s the most famous sorcerer in the jjk world) and when she was alone, she did a little dance in the empty hallway 🥺…) from what we’ve seen even though the others still care about him, too. They just find him rather annoying, which he most definitely is. And he does it on purpose. He plays too much.)
#I’m also not usually one to get annoyed whenever ppl shit on the things I like#like I’m an adult sorry idc 😵‍💫#but it’s always annoying seeing ppl who know nothing about the story complaining about it#even just as recently with the Gojo being racist shit 😭..#like he’s a really great character despite all of that and even though Gege’s#execution of that could’ve been better or didn’t need to happen at all#because idk what gege was doing even though I do strongly believe that he used a moment like this to showcase Gojo’s ignorance and#that how he’s also human and makes mistakes since if you’re familiar with the series Gojo isn’t really treated like person at all#more like a deity and he doesn’t like that#but he’s never been one to voice his personal feelings and talk about his trauma ever#he gets treated like a god and because of this he’s never felt like he could truly connect with other people#so that’s why he puts on that whole act of being overly friendly/ playing with others and even rude to shut others out because of his#aversion to opening his traumatized self To other ppl like he’s so cool#and when he’s friendly he gives the others just enough of his affection so that he wouldn’t be worried about and not have others pry#but he’s incredibly flawed as well#I feel like gege could’ve showed Gojo being ‘humbled’ some other kind of way over the racism tho 😭. But it’s fine lmfao#I’m still so grateful that he had Gojo actually apologize instead of waving Miguel off like he didn’t matter because like I’ve said before#he literally never apologizes (this is probably the first time that I’ve ever seen gojo apologize to anyone in canon I’m so serious 🗿)#that’s literally not part of him#like he feels regret but he never apologies or shows that he actually cares about what others are expressing to him when they’re upset with#him. like this is crazy. but it shows that he did care about the mistake that he made which I appreciate…. like idk how I would’ve felt#about his character if he showed that he could care less when hurting someone like this🗿…..#I adore him so much sorry sorry for taking about anime I’m just 😭…. ❤️❤️❤️#rambling#I’m glad that everyone is fucking with Miguel now because he is a really interesting character even though we haven’t seen much of him#he’s one of the few ppl who Gojo trusted enough to look after someone who he cared about despite the horrors#because he knew that Miguel would protect yuuta and do right by him#it’s very 😭❤️…
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justinefrischmanngf · 8 months
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HAVE SHIFTS FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS AND BY GOD ARE THEY SEXY!!!!!!!!!!
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whenthegoldrays · 23 days
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I’m sorry to my cousin but that was lowkey the lamest party ever
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voiceshearingyouloud · 9 months
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I was feeling extremely suicidal today, like the worst I have in maybe four or five years now, and I was deliberating over whether I should go to the hospital like pretty much all day and now that I feel better I realise that the moment I started drafting my suicide note in my head was probably when I should’ve decided that 😭
#it’s so hard to think logically in the moment though; and I didn’t want to worry my dad or my partner#even though me killing myself would hurt them more obviously lol#I’m glad I feel better though#finally at like 5pm after doing all the chores and getting dressed and making meals and napping and going outside and exercising and calling#people and watching my favourite things#and none of it made even the slightest difference#(and I was drafting my suicide note)#I was like alright I need to do something about this because I’m gonna get exhausted and lose the fight pretty soon#which is always how my suicidality has been#I’ve never made a plan I’ve just come very very close to being worn down by the constant obsession and just giving in#which is hard to explain to ER nurses!#anyway. as soon as I decided that it instantly was like a cloud went away so that was weird as hell and I still don’t get it but at least I#don’t want to die as much anymore!#I’m seriously good now; like just normal sad and tired#but it does scare me that it took me so long to decide to go to the hospital#cause that was really cutting it close for a while there 😬#I don’t trust myself to get it right the next time. but hopefully I’ll remember this and just go#anne speaks#now I’m just dying over how hilarious it was that I was literally drafting my suicide note and still was like hmm I wouldn’t want to worry#my partner so I don’t think it’s wise to go to the hospital.#like girl?? what???#suicidality tw#tw suicidality#suicide mention#suicide tw#tw suicide#all the trigger tags cause this post is pretty graphic lol#but anyway I’m totally safe now#wouldn’t want anyone to worry if you’re the type to worry about this#:-)
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chilapis · 4 months
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THERE YOU ARE!! ask game attack,,,
other than garnet after that beautifully written post, maybe late night cuddles, comforting silence at times, a shared understanding of how rough life can be, but also of how much you both love each other
and last but not least, the sea itself, beautiful on the surface but with unexplored depths, a sort of love that spans so far and wide it practically swallows the earth.
i really hope you can feel at all better today, lapis, you're just one of the most amazing people on this app
The garnet association… I feel like that one meme that’s like “this is good. I’m going to get a good grade in selfship; something that is both achievable and reasonable to want.” I got a new garnet ring (of… many) just about a week or so ago so, I am so deeply ecstatic to have it be my stone; our stone. Aside from that, the softness and domesticity of the rest of the associations, and to be related to the sea… you’re as much of a sweetheart as ever.
Which is why I have to put you down, here’s my associations for you and Xianyun: home-made meals with fruits cut in different shapes, such as stars and hearts; the scent of rain, fresh spring, loving glances when the other isn’t looking, excited ramblings with the most genuine smiles, shared curiosities, playful banter, and soft reminisce that leaves you sniffling and teary-eyed; not out of grief, or melancholy, but. contentment, strangely; the type of internal peace that makes you feel so at home that it becomes overwhelming; a feeling that has no words that could ever possibly do it justice; the tears aren’t bitter or hard to drink down, but rather almost. sweet? Bittersweet hurtings of the heart because it feels about to burst at the seams.
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arthur-r · 9 months
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(wrote this song before i left for college but it’s sure applicable to life right now!!!!)
lyrics: falling from grace, i’m a rusting lace artifact / tears down my face as i break my immortal pact / trust me, i want to be healthy / trust me, i want to be special and loving and sweet / trust me, i know that i’m broken / please, i just want one more chance to prove that i could be the— / best friends know how to reveal me / best friends know how hard i try to have something to say / best friends know that it’s not helping / can i just go far away to where there’s nowhere else to— / turn around, up and down, i’m melting!!!! / turn around, i have something to say!!!! / color bleeding, heartbeat leaving, need a place to lay my head / arms are folded, fine print bolded, everything is overloaded!!!!!!!! / color faded by the sun, i bite my tongue, i’m coming undone / color faded by the sun, i bite my tongue, i’m coming undone / color faded by the sun, i bite my tongue / trust me, i want to be healthy / trust me, i want to be special and loving and sweet / trust me, i know that i’m broken / trust me, i know that i’m broken….
#when i write a song and don’t know what it means and then i have a breakdown and suddenly know what it means#turns out i have been compartmentalizing since i was a VERY young child as if there are two parts of me completely separate#and one of them is this golden child perfect person always so ready to please#and the other one is a literal fucking monster. that’s how i’ve been thinking about myself since i was a little kid#and i sort of. i had a breakdown about that last week and then yesterday i was so upset about not being able to separate myself from illness#how i’ve always been treated and treated myself as if there’s a perfectly healthy person in there somewhere who is just plagued with demons#so i’m constantly reaching for this person that doesn’t exist and never has and never will#because i can’t accept myself as a whole being complete with good and bad parts of me#it’s also just autism/POTS venting shdhdhdf but i knew that much#it wasn’t until i thought about my childhood though that i realized i’ve always been autistic i’ve always had mobility issues (though less)#and that i have never let myself integrate those aspects of myself into my permanent identity. like i’m waiting for them to go away so i can#prove myself and show how good i can be at just being normal. so i don’t know. anyway here’s a song#P.S. i processed my emotions so good and i’m normal now. gonna get dinner with that guy today and have a normal person conversation#so don’t worry about me. i pretty much fell asleep after i posted and i’m doing a lot better now#anyway i’m not great at this instrument shdhdf and i’ve also been crying so like as a piece of music this isn’t great#but as an expression of a feeling and idea. these are the feelings and ideas i’ve been thinking about#of all the things to theoretically be overheard by a ton of neighbors though. living in a dorm is nerve-wracking!!!!#most people don’t hang around my dorm at this time of day though i’ll be alright. hope everyone is doing well#me. my post. mine.#ask to tag#music
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lucyvsky · 7 months
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thinking
#ok so like. ignore this i just need to type things out#it’s weird because i don’t ever know what to call my hyperacusis right. like i don’t know what to do about it i just call it a sound thing#and move on but it’s like. i don’t know if it’s a disability or not because yeah it’s like. well it makes my life miserable and impacts like#everything about how i interact with the world. etc. but since i can manage it better now it doesn’t worry me as much and i don’t think that#i struggle with it as much as i used to so it just doesn’t count for me. but it’s also like. i don’t know. my audiologist thinks it’s caused#by me playing trombone but i’m willing to bet it’s all the concerts too but in any situation it’s my own fault and i don’t know how bad i’m#allowed to feel about something that i did to myself. like just the consequences of my actions. etc. on another note though it’s hard too#because i can’t find like. anything concrete about hyperacusis really like it sort of exists but also not really but demonstrably it exists#because i can feel it but there’s no research. and so i don’t know how to figure out my relationship with my sound thing. at all. because on#some levels it’s just like nooooooooo :(( too loud noise but then you go on the wikipedia page it’s like. people have killed themselves#because they had this and it’s just like. ok so that’s a possibility here. great. and i need to survive this??#i don’t know man. blame the random onset of tinnitus five minutes ago for this#it’s just hard because i don’t know how seriously i should tell other people to treat it like my friends from high school were there with me#when it was the worst it has ever been and so like. they know how bad it could get but i just get really dismissive of it now when people#ask me about it because it’s like. well it hasn’t been that bad in a while but it could be at any time. and so having to define how much it#bothers me to other people is hard because on some days i’m so normal and then on other days i’m near tears over something#i just miss my friends
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bensiskos · 8 months
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roselise · 1 year
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I was tagged a while back by @somekindof-disaster to do this. c:
Thank you most kindly ~ ! ♡
♡ Are you named after someone?
Hm! Partially!
♡ When was the last time you cried?
When my puppy passed away. </3
♡ Do you have kids?
No!?! I haven’t even finished school yet??!??
♡ Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Nope!
I always speak very sincerely, and I’m really proud of that. c:
♡ What’s the first thing you notice about people?
Their character! Honestly, it’s like the saying: when someone shows you who they are the first time — believe them!
How someone is when they first meet you is who they are, and a good indicator of how they’ll treat you!
I like to surround myself with kind, compassionate, honest, and uplifting people so I really pay attention to that kind of thing. c:
♡ What’s your eye color?
Brown!
♡ Scary movies or happy endings?
Happy endings! <3
I can see how scary movies can be fun at times, but honestly there are already far more terrifying things happening in the world!
So I’d rather be uplifted!
♡ Any special talents?
Well, I don’t like to speak praises of myself, but I am very good at baking! (And I really like baking for people I love!!) <3
I’m also quite proud of my gardening skills! I had a very pretty garden at my old home, and I was really proud of that!
♡ Where were you born?
I’m a Southern girl since birth hehe. c:
♡ What are your hobbies?
Clothes, makeup, reading, writing, painting, singing, dancing, acting! I also like hiking, and just being outside with my puppies. c:
♡ Have you any pets?
My puppies Wall-e and Eve!
♡ What sports do you play/have you played?
I only dance! <3
♡ How tall are you?
5’3”
♡ Favorite subjects in school?
Art & History. c:
♡ Dream job?
Acting or dancing — I love performing ~ ! <3 It’s so much fun !! :D
Okay! I’ll tag @rainberrydrops @coffeeperson99 @bratty-vampyre @prettysavagelikethat ! ♡ ⊹ * ·̩͙ ✿
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cashew-milkk · 4 months
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i didn’t want to buy anything during the strike but my cat got sick and i panicked and took her to the vet. i wish i had paid with money instead of my credit card though :/
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