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kitttenteeth · 5 months

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:,( vampy I was worried about you! Glitter angel <///////3 not to sound parasocial but things do feel rlly dull whenever you do your stray kitty thing. Always thinking about you, I hope you know you were missed! And hoping life has sweetened for you and that you were able to get that procedure for your bunny :( You’ve always been the sweetest girl to me and I know things started getting rlly hard, you are something so special and unique so pleaseeeee do not let this world take any of that sparkle from you. Idk why I am shy too shy send this off anon but I’m hoping any of this strikes some familiarity in you lol, message me if you ever need to talk! Love you kitty

;-; too sweet 4 me not to respond to rly quickly . Thank you so much! i feel too shy & very sugary over this lol, thank u ^^ My brownbunnie ended up not needing the botfly removal &she Is okay, i feel so blessed abt that. I am okay! my life has been feeling incredibly frustrating ! But all is okay. this msg means a lot & I feel inspired to vent. pretend we r all squished on the countertop 2Gether like we used to , when I was miss blogger. i’ve been In limbo with my living arrangement for nearly half a year + My family situation is . if I am speaking sweetly I would use the word disheartening lol + Mostly most of all When things go wrong with my animals There Is just genuinely no way of coping 4 me . i am so blessed that all the animals I take care of are currently healthy But a few scares happened + i became responsible for even MORE!! animals which ;-; isn’t necessarily where the issue lies . Ohh boo Trying not 2 ramble much but :

I have been taking care of animals truly as soon as i could start walking lol , my dad has always owned all sorts of farm animals & etc. And as a kid I took on a lot of that responsibility so it’s always been my life &very willingly so , It’s what makes me happiest [<- this is to explain I am confident in my care , It is so most definitely the thing i am best at / most proud of myself about. i feel strange sort of bragging abt it I guess but if it is true . Then YK i rly feel like i am allowed to lol! i do anything 4 animals I’m responsible for and I am rly proud of the amt of time &dedication & especially physical work I put into making sure they r all healthy and as happy as possible] flipside : I am aware it is a problem and all my life I have been told / attempted 2 work on it But anything happening to my animals has always been totally unsurvivable for me almost. it is , idk. It is rly distressing for every1 to see what happens to me ig And especially to hear the sorts of thoughts i have. So rambly ALL OF THIS TO SAY - i feel my dad Is irresponsible with the way he takes care of his animals So i have taken ~all~ of it up myself but with the limited resources i can afford + energy i have lost bcus I have been unwell for a while, i am rlyly frustrated with the circumstances and so badly at myself for not being able to give all these animals the type of care they deserve . If my love was enough Then they’d all be living in their own slice of heaven with heated blankets and heart - shaped ice cubes in their water containers but. :[ I have been doing the best i can with what I have the money for but this totally by far has been tenthousand bullets to my psyche And how can i blog when everyday i am crying abt my animals or digging the dirt out from my fingernails &cleaning outside until a snotbubble is frozen to my face . I just wish every animal in the world was okay lol . anyways. I love u! iknow who you r silly I will dm you soon <🐾3

#answering other lovely little things & Dms soon i promise -///-;

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toxicanonymity · 10 months

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Do you ever struggle with feelings of discouragement or inadequacy if your fics don’t do as well as you had hoped?

I’m struggling with that myself. I try not to get so hung up on it but it’s very hard, especially when something I’m so proud of doesn’t do as well as my other works.

I don’t even feel motivated to write bc I don’t wanna set myself up for disappointment

Discouragement, sure, I think that's natural sometimes. But I really don't feel like stats have anything to do with adequacy. Baring my soul, yuck. But fuck it we ball. Sorry it's a long answer.

I don't think I've ever answered a serious ask aside from the time i created Dr. rock which hardly counts but I've seen a lot of people struggling with this lately and hope this might be idk comforting to a person or two without leading to debate/discourse.

You mentioned something you're proud of isn't doing as well as your other works, and I can see how that would be disappointing. For laughs, I'll compare 2 of mine. These fics are impossible to compare (as are most, I think) but I def understand the urge to measure yourself against what you see as the potential. Aches: <1k popular trope I banged out in no time, wasn't sure about it, literally thought "people don't have to like it" before I hit post. >4 notes per word. Left in Lincoln: >22k posted so far, challenging, writing it for months. Has possibly driven me crazy bc I had this passing thought the other day and not about TLOU. (I didn't feel like re-reading it all): "I should just rewatch the movie. . .wait." 🤡 The whole Lincoln series combined has fewer notes than Aches lmao. But it's far more rewarding in getting to see it come to life, quality of engagement, and stretching myself 😏. It's not for everyone, for various reasons. Surely would have better stats without the twist I went with. But at what cost??

-------

Often, if people don't read or like something, it's a reflection of their own interests, limitations, and assumptions. And the right "fit."

I don't rly read much in general, but specifically, I rarely read long stuff (if I do I prob scan a lot tbh). I normally only want, if any, just enough plot/premise to build sexual tension. I don't read fluff or angst. I don't have the attention span / commitment to get invested in original characters. I tend to avoid stuff similar to what I'm working on. I make assumptions - If there's no word count, maybe it's too long. I know a lot of the fics I skip for these reasons must be fantastic. Assumptions I experience - I've seen very popular fics in the wild that strike me as dark, creepy, or pervy but aren't tagged that way. So some things that are tagged dark, etc., including plenty of mine, might not be dark in the way people assume based on their own ideas, or based on what others do tag. Also some people think I only write dark when sometimes it's just horny (see master list).

I've sometimes found myself thinking "It sucks more people don't read this bc i bet they would enjoy it" (not just my own fics). It might sound egotistical but I think it's often true.

------

Of course I want engagement because that means more people reading something which can mean more interaction, discussion, learning what you liked, what you think, etc. that's what I love.

But notes aren't rly near the top of what I care about, even though it does feel great to get them and I truly appreciate every single one.

Night walks doesn't get nearly as many notes as some of my other stuff, especially these days, but it's fun to write and I like to feed his feral fans who only get more into him with time. Same with raider: among those who do read and engage, I sense rising enthusiasm, thirst, and rate of falling in love with him (my bad). That's all worth more than 1000 likes to me. I have a good time writing these guys, so I write them more than other ones that get way more notes 🤷. I'm not saying notes don't matter at all, I know they affect exposure and engagement. But if just did what gets notes, I don't think I'd have such high quality engagement bc I'd just bang out more stuff with the most popular tropes instead of our fave Joels and those destined to become our faves bc they offer something special.

My outlook was the same before I had so many followers btw. Rock Bottom (22k) was what I felt like writing, still more ambitious than anything I've done in the Halloween fandom. I was disappointed it got way less attention than my one shots, but I know it's a banger, just certainly not for everyone lol.

I'm sorry for what you're experiencing and feeling, but I think it's very common and hope you can reframe it to not feel inadequate. I especially hope it doesn't discourage you from writing. ❤️

#ask #how the sausage is made #toxicanonymity writer's room #this doesnt mean i answer serious asks now lol

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xoshepard · 2 years

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(tried to put this in the notes of your therapy post but hit the limit so putting it in your asks instead) so okay, you should definitely listen to your gut. if you feel that this isn't working out, something has to change and if that's something is getting another therapist, that's a GOOD thing. but before that, it seems as if that there's a communication issue of what you want from this therapy and what she's giving you. if you're talking about deep shit for a while and she's just nodding, she's probably thinking that this is a venting session and listening intently is what's needed. work related issues are here and now and require support and unpacking asap, and talking about anxiety and working through it is also something to be immediately addressed, so she seems to be playing this EXTREMELY by the books. give it a good faith shot to ask to realign your goals and what you want out of this. say what's working and what's not! the only way things can go the way you need in therapy is by talking about it, ironically.

if she starts to throw a fit or push back against your goals in a way that's not just "oh here's why I'm doing this" or continues to talk abt herself (btw that's a red flag but also may just be trying to have you relate in your situation so shrug) then drop her like a hot potato and start looking for another.

I've been in and out of therapy for a good while, this is normal and you are fine.

thank you for this!! i talked to my friend and we basically came to the same conclusions, but addressing my needs in any kind of relationship is always super hard for me so i’m trying to psyche myself up right now lol. thankfully i do tend to ask for what i need more in a relationship where i’m paying the person for a service, so i’m gonna do my best to ask for the kind of therapy i need! i did also realize that she probably didn’t notice that i was talking about deep stuff for coaching purposes bc i never rly explicitly said that, so i’m willing to give her the benefit of the doubt

i also 100% agree with what you said about her talking about herself- it may have just been to build rapport or to relate to what i was saying at the time and she really had no way of knowing that it would make me feel like i couldn’t talk, so i will give her the benefit of the doubt.

thank you again for responding! it really validated how i was feeling and the steps that i’d decided to take

#we just got a letter #anonymous #things to remember

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jennifersbod · 7 months

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It's the terrifier anon again. I'm.sorry I'm anon (we are mutuals 💖) but I had people come for me about these movie so many times on twitter when I said I didnt like them I just got sick of going through the same discourse with angry fans I'm so tired lmao. But you're absolutely right- that's the reason I dont like them too! like I love 80s slashers as well so it's not like I have a problem with people getting on screen death scenes like some tried to make out when I explained my dislike, it's just that I feel like the whole thing has a different vibe to it like you said, it's like both trying way too hard to do the most! but also like it enjoys watching women die in horrible ways in a way that I dont get from other horror movies even slashers. I havent watched terrifier 2 because the description of allies death was rly upsetting to me as someone who has survived more than one life threatening attack. I know it probably would sound silly to some but it just rly upset me especially how some people were apparently cheering and getting off to it, so I figured know my limits and not force myself to watch something that will def trigger flashbacks. But yes thank youuuu for getting it 💖

i’m so sorry you had to go through that. that scene was triggering even for me tbh (my history with assault was not life threatening but is there) and the movie is simply not worth it 💖 i love slashers but this is a whole different beast that took the worst of every horror sub genre.

also no need to apologize for anon 💖 because yeah the fans can be so scary for that franchise; when they released it theatrically before i’d even seen any of it (at home because i’m not paying for that <3) i was like i wouldn’t feel comfortable in that theater in a million years after seeing the fanbase online + descriptions of parts of the movies (attacks on women mostly because of course). the way the filmmaker talks about it is even worse from what i’ve seen (he says he toned it down 😬)

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thecontumacious · 2 years

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can you make a mysta x streamer!gn!reader like the one you did with vox? except this time they're doing a cooking simulator stream collab and reader can cook so they're trying to teach mysta how to cook :] i'm an avid mysta fan and i really love your headcanons <3 keep up the great work, author-chan!

Infuriating

pairing: Mysta Rias x Streamer!GN!Reader

a/n: as a person who can cook decent meals myself AND a perfectionist to measurements, that cooking stream was painful to watch, man 💀 also, anon, i don't wanna say reader is exactly 'teaching' in this instance. let's just say that reader is teaching mysta the hard way--

y’all know the deal

you were a nijisanji streamer, particularly debuting earlier than mysta

your first meeting on stream officially was as a host and him debuting

and let’s just say things fell into place naturally after you decided to drop by mysta’s chat~

especially for mysta

this man adored your charm and always found himself enjoying his time more when you dropped by the chats

at that point, you and mysta talked a lot over discord and he always, always tried to invite you for any possible collabs

the chat thinks mysta is obviously down bad for you

“hi y/n!”

“y/n’s here???? hi y/n—wait, YOU GUYS TRICKED ME THEY'RE NOT HERE FUCK YOU GUYS” 凸(｀⌒´メ)凸

the chat has so much fun

[COOKING SIMULATOR] 🔴 mysta cooks for y/n and chat [NIJISANJI EN | Mysta Rias]

“aight mysta, i’m counting on you not to poison me, kay?” you giggle

mysta exclaims, “i’m not poisoning anyone! in fact i haven’t poisoned anyone!”

“it’s a miracle that hasn’t happened too”

“oh fuck you, y/n”

but despite this, mysta enjoys your company

he is well aware of his limitations in the culinary world and your actual decent skills in it

why does he (a terrible chef) think streaming cooking simulator with you (a decent chef) would be a good idea for himself, hm?

to mysta, it’s not rly about impressing okay maybe just a bit hush but he’s looking forward to imbedding the memory of it

it’ll probably end in chaos but if it has made you laugh, mysta won’t mind

“alright, what should we start with y/n? cakes and cookies or pizza?“

“ooh dessert or pizza… personally, i’d like to see you try cakes and cookies first, mysta.”

“cakes and cookies? chat what’d you think?”

“cakes and cookies probably”

mysta frowns, “whys that?”

“bcs it’s relatively harder,” you begin to wheeze

“WHAT CHAT IS THAT TRUE OH MY GOD AND THEYRE SAYING THEY WANT CAKES AND COOKIES TOO—CHAT WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME SUFFER LIKE THIS”

“you’ll be fine, mysta,” you tell him, still laughing. “mostly.”

“you’re not really on my side either are you????” mysta whines, clicking on the cakes and cookies sim anyway

“i’ll try not to backseat, mkay?”

“you better fucking not. don’t flex your cooking skills on me. do that when vox is around”

but you just couldn't help but itch so much when mysta kept over measuring or doing the technique wrong ;-;

“you know what? it’ll be fine” mysta claims, flour overmeasured by a hundred or so grams

“no it's not mysta, that cake is gonna have too many solids now”

“IT'LL BE FINE!! believe in me for once!” he begins to protest once more, moving on to put in the next ingredient he's going to add too much of again

6:35 minutes of y/n being tortured by mysta’s inability to cook

y/n malds because of mysta’s food

continuation utc!

the gas tank arc 🛢:

“MYSTA DON'T PUT THAT THERE”

“WHAT WHY IT'LL BE FINE”

“EVERY TIME YOU'VE SAID THAT, EVERYTHING’S GONE WRONG”

mysta puts the gas tank on top of the stove anyway, just for the spite of it

“i’m gonna call it chat. if that thing explodes, i’m calling it—“

💥

“oh,” mysta deadpans

“i’m not even gonna say anything💀”

“guys look this looks so good!!” mysta exclaims as he pulls out the finished cake out from the oven, appearing with a surprisingly very decent result

“oh shit wow that does look good,” you comment to which mysta grins at

that camera may not catch it, but he’s very very flustered about getting your compliment(´ω｀*)

he's done something right in his life

“see? see? i can totally do this. okay okay let’s decorate it now! this one’s gonna be for you, y/n.”

“ah- thanks mysta-“

you had to call him out for all the unseiso references tho omfg

tbh mysta was just fishing a reaction from you lol

“mysta we’re in the goddamn kitchen this isn’t the time”

mysta could only giggle unseiso-ly moving on

the fact you call him out and react to it just makes him want to tease you even more hwjshsish

“mYSTA!”

“WHAT” mysta laughs his ass off

you can say that he kinda likes it when you scold him┐(-。ー;)┌

same goes for the pizza arc 🍕

“parme-SAN? what’s parme-SAN?”

you stare at mysta, absolutely baffled

“what’d u call it?”

“par-muh-SAN?”

“mysta it’s par-muh-ZAAN”

“… same thing.”

🧀 😭👎

“cant be surprised from someone who said it as ja-la-pe-no.”

“oh shut the fuck up”

🌶

the banter between you two is just the cutest thing the chat has ever seen, you won’t believe how many clips the clippers have made just you guys arguing over the most stupid things💀💀

“i wonder where food hygiene went,” you sigh upon seeing mysta drop the whole container of dough

“went up my fucking ass,” mysta retorts, casually putting the dough back in and on the counter again as though it hadn’t caught the floor’s bacteria

foodhygiene.file not found

“i’d never eat this pizza. i’d die first before doing that”

“come on it’s not that bad??? the worst outcome is prob like just a stomachache or sumn”

“food poisoning, lawsuits from the customers and probably the shut down of the actual restaurant mysta, that’s the worst outcome.”

“i’m not opening my own restaurant and it's just a game, y/n.”

“that’s not the point mysta—“

hardcore facepalm

“guys what cheeses have you tried? what about you, y/n?” mysta suddenly asks, picking up the mozzarella from the in game pantry

you hum before stating your answer

“huh i see,” he says. “i mean i have tried some cheeses. oh god but please not blue cheese. that’s literal mold. and you think i’d eat it because you’ve seen me eat mold”

“you eating bacteria aside mysta all cheese are mold, you idiot”

“no they’re not???? they’re just like processed milk right? and then like for blue cheese it’s left out for a long time until like mold forms,” mysta argues

you roll your eyes, “goddammit mysta that’s not how cheese making works. they’re all mold”

“well how do you know that?? it’s literally just milk and they add shit to it so it hardens to become cheese”

“exactly. it’s when it becomes cheese is it mold, mysta.”

“tHAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE??? MOLD TAKES LIKE A LONG TIME TO FORM, DOESN'T IT?"

“IT'S BASIC SCIENCE, BIOLOGY MYSTA. OF COURSE IT MAKES SENSE”

“OKAY OKAY DON'T FUCKING YELL AT ME”

“I WOULDN'T IF YOU HADNT BEEN SUCH AN IDIOT”

“ITS NOT MY FAULT CHEESE WORKS WEIRDLY”

“YOU'RE INFURIATING ME WITH YOUR LACK OF FOOD KNOWLEDGE”

“WELL YOU'RE INFURIATING ME WITH HOW FUCKING CUTE YOU ARE”

“YOU—“

wait what the fuck did he just say again

“what’d you say mysta?”

“I'M MAD YOU'RE SO FUCKING CUTE THAT I LIKE YOU SO MUCH AND IT'S MAKING ME SO STRESSED OUT”

even the chat was too stunned to say anything

you sit there, staring at mysta who is quiet, probably just as baffled by what he just sputtered out himself

you honestly… didn’t know what to say????

I MEAN WTF SHOULD YOU BE SAYING ANYWAY MYSTA RIAS HAD A CRUSH ON YOU AND LITERALLY ANNOUNCED IT ON STREAM

(ಠ_ಠ)????????

it’s only when the chat exploded, you had to say something

“m-mysta—“

“ALRIGHT ANYWAY ENOUGH ABOUT CHEESES THIS PIZZA ISN'T GONNA BAKE ITSELF” mysta cuts in, returning to his unfinished pizza and you to your own thoughts

chat wasn’t willing to let it go either, with the overwhelming roll of messages and supas waiting to be given attention by mysta about what he just said

“okay chat, we’re gonna speedrun this pizza okay? okay sauce first!”

how could this guy just move on from what he said like it was nothing???

you just sit there, dazed as though you had woken up from the weirdest dream while mysta continues to decorate his pizza

“wait it says garlic, did we get garlic?” you hear him say again. the chat was asking for your input on the matter too it seems, with how worryingly quiet you were

so you decide to follow mysta’s footsteps and play along with the causality, “no i don’t think we got garlic. go back to the pantry mysta”

mysta’s camera pans around, into the said pantry and quickly cuts up the garlic needed for the pizza, all the while you were unable to comment and the chat buzzing in with chaos

“okay let’s just put this in the rack thing—wait hold on, i can't interact with it,” you turn to the screen and indeed see the game glitching

you breathe a sigh of relief, seeing the open opportunity to take a break and... recollect

“is that a bug? you got bugged?” you inquire, leaning closer to the screen

mysta tries clicking everything on his keyboard and nothing reacts

while for the chat it was upsetting, you were never more glad for a game to bug

with how mysta was looking, he probably was too

“you’re moving tho, are you sure??” you ask again

“no! look! nothing is highlighted! chat i just broke the game,” mysta chuckles, aggressively running around the kitchen. “okay okay so i might have to end the stream now and probably start again after like 10-15 minutes because this is bugged.”

“yeah, you can’t even open the main menu either,” you add in

the chat hasn’t even calmed down from the recent “confession”

“okay chat i’ll see you in 15 minutes aight. im so sorry this happened. y/n thanks for coming too! i haven’t completely made you insane have i?”

“mysta you know fucking well enough how much that tortured me,” you hiss, to which mysta laughs

“okay okay fine i’ll buy you real pizza or something,” he says. “okay chat i’ll see you in a bit. mwah, bye!!!”

and with that, mysta’s screen switches to the ending display, finishing all misery you had to face that day

on the discord call, it’s quiet

and that’s when you realize mysta just went offline

the audacity

“THIS GUY HAS TO GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME” you curse out loud, grabbing hold of your phone to call the said culprit on discord

there was no way he’s gonna run from this. you needed clarification!! why the fuck did he say that??? what the fuck is going on even???

“mysta come on pick up…”

it took a whole killing 30 seconds before your call is answered

“he-hello?” mysta speaks, obviously shy with how he was stuttering

“mysta i-“ you inhale, admittedly nervous as well.

"THAT WAS FUN RIGHT? I ACTUALLY LEARNED SOMETHING FROM YOU!" mysta exclaims, shuffling around in a restless matter. he continues, "OKAY I NEED TO SET UP THE STREAM AGAIN, GOTTA GO NOW--"

“mysta don’t fuck around with me. what was that???? what you said on stream??”

the line is silent again and all you can hear is the erratic beating of your own heart and the shaky breaths of mysta

“alright,” he sighs. he takes a long breath in before saying, “i meant what i said. a-about liking you…”

“i really do think you’re cute and it makes me so mad that you are. i just wanna make you laugh and hang out with you all the time. but i also don’t wanna bother you too much or annoy you with how i game. i’ve always wanted to say i like you but like i said, who the fuck would like me?” mysta’s voice is soft and the chaotic person he usually is online is gone

it’s almost as if you’re opening a different side to this man

“say something. anything,” mysta pleads.

“mysta i… “ warmth envelops your entire face, everything finally settling in. “you fucking idiot, don’t say that kind of shit to me. i-i like you too… you’re pretty fun to be around and i’m always excited when you ask me to collab. don’t just say no one would like you. i would, alright?”

the air hung awkwardly, not a single word spared.

sniffles

eh?

“mysta? are you okay?”

“no shit,” his voice is cracking up and it was very obvious he was breaking down.

your heart wrenches for him, “hey seriously what’s wrong? did i say something wrong?”

“no you idiot, i’m just—“ mysta sniffles again. “i can't believe you actually like me back. you’re just so cool and out of my league—“

“didn't i tell you not to say that kind of shit to me?”

mysta pauses and lets out a chuckle, “sorry.”

you sigh, “look mysta. you are an amazing person. look at how far you’ve come. you have so many good friends, co workers and a great audience! if anything, i thought you wouldn’t like me…”

“oh so we’re degrading ourselves now, hm?” mysta says, and you both laugh

“fuck you that’s not the point.”

“cheese nerd”

“shut the fuck up”

“… hey”

you reply, “hm?”

“i don’t know if you’re okay with this but,” mysta clears his throat once. “i-i don’t know like… are we a thing or something? like dating or whatever?”

“dating or whatever?” you snort, to which mysta begins to whine

“shut up. you get the idea”

your laughter dies down and you answer, “sure. let’s try dating or whatever.”

when you two finally end the call, for the first time, mysta feels like he doesn’t have to go for another sleepless night. he doesn’t feel like he had to miss your presence just as much. with the barrier finally broken between you two, it feels as though the one piece mysta had been looking for all this while is now here in his own two hands.

and he’s going to make sure he’s gonna take care of it the damnest he can.

🧡🧡

later post stream:

mysta rias 🟢: um y/n

mysta rias 🟢: can i ask for help

y/n l/n 🟢: with what?

mysta rias 🟢: i’m hungry and i still don't know how to cook

y/n l/n 🟢: pick up the phone ok

Masterlist!

#luxiem x reader #luxiem #mysta rias #nijisanji #nijisanji en #nijisanjien #mysta rias x reader #mystart #author chan’s delivery service ?

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ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is · 2 years

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Hi Em! If you have time would you mind helping me out with finding my MBTI type? I think I use Fe/Ti and Si/Ne but not sure what order. 22 y/o grad student, don’t have a solid career plan, I’m just doing what I’m passionate about & hoping it gets me somewhere. Into lots of different creative hobbies & I feel worthless if I can’t produce things for too long. That being said, I rarely finish projects if they can’t be completed in a few days, I lose motivation to do things if I don’t get immediate results

I’m easily influenced by people around me, don’t have great emotional boundaries. I end up mirroring people a lot even if I don’t feel the same way about a situation. I’m not afraid to be weird or say something shocking if I think it’ll get a good reaction, I’m just scared to come across as annoying. Also bad at trusting myself, I like to get outside opinions on pretty much everything. I don’t think abt my own emotions very often and have a hard time articulating what exactly I feel

I could be accused of not taking anything seriously. I don’t like confronting difficult topics and tend to ignore things that bother me. I’m def not the emotional support friend, I have no idea how to comfort people besides just being like “oh no that sucks.” I feel like I need instructions for how to perform different categories of social interaction, it doesn’t come naturally to me. Approaching new people makes me anxious, but I love having roommates and doing things with others, I hate living alone. I never get caught up in drama bc I’m pretty deferential. I enjoy public speaking and acting, but only when I have a memorized script and have practiced beforehand. I’m not comfortable with impromptu stuff because my thoughts stop when my mouth opens and I don’t want to look like a fool.

Big on conscientiousness when it comes to deadlines and punctuality, I absolutely never turn things in late. I work comfortably within the structure of academia and I like knowing what to expect, but it has me constantly craving new experiences and feeling like I’m missing out on life. But it’s easy for me to ignore my feelings to get a job done. And I always try to produce the best quality work I can even if I hate the assignment. But I’m bad at doing important yet boring/unpleasant things just for ME. No one is affected by me not making doctor’s appts or not getting my drivers license, so I just don’t

I set high standards for myself and I don’t feel worthy of the kind of love I want unless I fix all of my perceived flaws. I’m physically uncoordinated/oblivious and very self-conscious about it. I obsess over my appearance but honestly I don’t put a lot of effort into how I look because it’s all so overwhelming, time consuming, and expensive. If there’s no quick and easy fix I just stew over the problem until I can convince myself I don’t care

My real life living space is a mess but I rly enjoy organizing intangible information, I’m good at synthesizing ideas, making mind maps, etc. Also good at coming up with tons of ideas for projects/stories/papers, but I’m limited to things I already know about. I don’t think I’m very original, I just have a good memory and an associative mind. Terrible at math tho, numbers & equations just don’t stick in my mind because they seem so abstract and impersonal. The rules of spelling/grammar/linguistics make more sense to me because they’re directly applicable to my own life and have more obvious meaning behind them idk

Hi anon, my guess is ISFJ; I think you are right about your functions. The simultaneous focus on always getting other people's opinions/not having a great sense of what you necessarily want and some lower Ti peeking through with the willingness to occasionally try to shock indicates high Fe; the obsessions and organization and punctuality seem like Si. In particular, a very strong dedication to obligations other than those that only affect yourself is VERY ISFJ to me.

#mbti #isfj

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icharchivist · 3 years

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cries think I made my ask too long so like half of it got deleted bc I typed it right into the askbox. anyways. I come bearing a3 thoughts! at first i was gonna watch the spring/summer and autumn/winter ones and then give my thoughts on both but. turns out i had too many thoughts lol? which i shouldve expected but i actually kind of... got bored by the first two chapters of this event! so i skipped and went to the stranger. and then went back. (1/?)

and then i got to like "tsuzuru and kazunari are having a fight?" and jumped on that like a starving wolf bc helllll yeah! i rly adored kazunari in sardine search, i think he was great! hes just so nice and has good vibes. he and taichi are kind of similar i feel? but i think their respective ages contribute to a lot of difference in their characters. why does it feel like this askbox limit personally wants me dead. (2/?)

anyways! i rly enjoyed the improv scene devolving to a real fight. admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event... it was still good tho. the scene i mean. (3/?)

also i rly liked tenma ragging on them afterwards. like he was mean but. first i adore tenma. second he just felt like. a different meddling type to muku lol? like the vibes he gave me were always like... im going to be a considerate leader and watch out for the ppl under me! therefore im gonna make sure theyre doing fine! aggressively. i think tenmas also just like a friendly person who likes to take care of others in general? like im not saying hes omi or anything but just like. (4/?)

that time he offers his car ride to juza so they can go to school together like hes surprisingly open compared to his initial prickliness. also ive got thoughts abt the tenma juza SSR conversation thing i read. one day ill make a tenma and juza fic and complete a trifecta haha... but thats something for another day! back to the actual story. the way tsuzuru dives right in after kazunari! that was so nice. like its easy to see how much they care abt each other. (5/?)

to the point where like even while theyre fighting theyre like angry but still like fairly quiet bc i think theyre both at least trying to be considerate of each other. ah the moment kazunari didnt respond to tsuzuru trying to talk to him i KNEW he was sick tho. felt proud of myself for calling that one but also the reason i knew is bc i have used the "character being sick during an argument causing them both to make up with each other" trope myself before so uh. like recognizes like haha. (6/?)

anyways the cg there was fuckin beautiful like kazunari looks so sad in the middle bit but then u see his shy smile? like hes sick but hes also like. happy to be there. idk. lovely. i adore kazu i think hes just deeply sweet to other people. tsuzuru telling him "you make everyone around you feel as bright and cheery as the things you design” is so wonderful too (7/?)

now im thinking. ah tsuzuru probably feels quite drained after a script and such (i know i am when i finish any piece--its like the emotions just rush out of me) so i like to think that like yknow. kazunari dropping by his room or whatever helps him set himself back to normal! but also when tsuzurus like oh u left ur magazines here! i suddenly remembered. wait shit kazunari and tsuzuru arent even roommates. wonder how much they bother masumi lmaooo. anyways overall very good story! (8/?)

some more thoughts: itaru and citron were so cute in this event! just like. citron saying itaru winking makes his heart skip a beat and itaru quoting citrons wrong sayings (which. i am also guilty of today i told my brother "we'll jump that bridge when we cross it" so) also i love how yuki is like "thank god i wasnt partnered with that hack" but like. yuki. u could literally just not talk about him. like its so funny to me yuki is like wow i hate tenma but he wont shut up abt him haha (9/?)

i also was a lil taken aback at hearing itaru go "for the lulz" tbh... like it fits him. but im mad it fits him? anywaysss thats all i had for this one! im gonna watch autumn/winter and go say my thoughts on that soon. sorry the ask was so broken up, idk what happened!

OLA FRIEND! Glad to see your thoughts again omg :3c

tho omg the fact tumblr deleted it all + the ask limit was all so evil D: poor friend.

I'm putting my answer under a read more because. Well. *waves hand* it got long.

The non-play events can be perhaps a little harder to get into because unlike the plays events that you start with a clear idea of at least the main plot (re: "they are preparing a play, i know the leads so i know who it will focus on"), non-plays events take a little longer to first set up what event they're participating in, how to prepare for it, and then bring up the conflict and which characters are going to have something to do with said conflict. So i can understand that they're a little harder to get into when we know the plays awaits.

On top of that, the first few events still were a bit tame because since it was early when the app released, i think they didn't go too heavy at once in case some people were still stuck on earlier chapters (esp since especially Winter is hard to unlock)

ANYWAY glad that it sucked you in on the second read :3c

So glad you were invested in that conflict!

Totally agreeing with you about Kazunari, and very good point about Taichi as well! they aren't the Puppy Pair for nothing :'D (Yuki took one look at both of them together and just Knew. His suffering knows no end (lovingly)). But yeah i think they have a lot in common, they both are the really bright and friendly figure, both also started in overcompensating a bit because both wanted to be popular in some ways.

But we do have, on one hand, Kazunari who wanted that rather late in his life while Taichi always thrived for that, the fact Kazunari made friends easily and it's just that he was scared of getting to the next level, while Taichi always struggled with this quest for popularity. In a way too both of them were at least scared to share a part of them, Kazunari worrying to show his thoughts, and Taichi being a spy and all of that... which impacts them really differently considering the guilt it puts on Taichi. And then you add their age into the mix, especially the fact Kazu is the oldest of his troupe and Taichi the youngest of his, it makes them fairly similar all while being fairly different.

both are so interesting to me and i love them bothhh, so it's always nice to see them have focus.

admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event

i love how you are seeing the patterns a3 tends to do it's so neat!

It's true the fight isn't really similar to their actual fight, though i do love that they had "swapped" their personality for the act and ended up insulting each other for theirr swapped personality. Like, Kazunari insulted part of himself in Tsuzuru's character and Tsuzuru did the same?? and then the fight escalated and the way Kazunari broke character hurts bc it's really that Tsuzuru hit where it hurts. But yeah it still wasn't too relevent to their actual fight, though i think the thing is that their fight was as such mostly because they tend to clash often due to their personalities rather than just this singular reason why, so to have the play go more "it's their personalities the problem" kinda hurt lol. But yeah still agreed that it didn't reflect much on the plot itself

I was rereading the improv bit to answer correctly and man since we're going to talk about Tenma next, i just. Love that when Kazunari, breaking character, his eyes sad, tells Tsuzuru "you have no rights talking to me like that..." it then cuts on Tenma being upset. Bc like. Exactly like you say, he wants to look out for the people under him. and like. Kazunari is his friend. A friend he also snapped at once and insulted for being who he was, so he probably could have relived a bit of his fight with Kazunari seeing those two fights; Except that now Kazunari is one of his closest friend and he doesn't like that.

Also like. It was also because he could still hide under the plot of the improv but it's so rare, and it never happened before that point, that Kazunari stands for himself in a "the way you treat me is unfair"? Like again re: his fight with Tenma, when Tenma snapped at him, while Tenma was unfair with him, Kazunari took the blame, called himself annoying and all yaknow?

The fact Kazunari is starting to accept that he can take more place for himself is something the whole Summer Troupe have been trying to help him work on, but especially Tenma. Tenma is always there trying to push Kazunari to say what he means, to express his feelings, to stop hiding.

And for once, Kazunari does that in front of everyone... and it's because he's breaking because of his fight with Tsuzuru.

I think Tenma probably felt it was even more of a reason to get involved like, this is the thing he's been working on with Kazunari about, and now he's being all hurt about it, not on Tenma's watch!

And i totally agree with your take on Tenma! (and would LOVE to read the Tenma and Juza fic once you get to it :3c). I think, Tenma is really caring and is trying to take a place as a caretaker and all, but unlike Omi, he has absolutely no reference for it.

Omi is the eldest of multiple brothers and everything indicates his parents have always been lovely to him. Add to it how he ended up leader of a delinquent crew he was clearly looking after, Omi has a history of taking care of people, of nurturing them, and he knows what he's doing. Meanwhile Tenma grew up on TV sets, mostly surrounded by adults and not by people his age, mostly getting advice from being ordered around by directors i think. And his parents are distant, hyperfocused on their job, not really nursing with him. So Tenma meanwhile really didn't have a family emotional support and was in situation where he couldn't befriend other kids his age. His only reference was probably Igawa (his agent) and i think for a long time he didn't exactly see it, and Igawa remained mostly professional so there was probably the idea of it not being sincere? That Tenma had to grow out of.

So like, they're both extremely nurturing and caring, but my point is that Omi has experiences in it and is at ease with it, while Tenma has been so alone and in places were he had no support system that even if he wants to support others, he still struggles with how to do it because he has no set exemple. And that's his development in the main story arc, to learn from how Izumi shows she cares in order to care back at them all.

Like i mean the way Tenma yelled at them about their mistakes at first feel like he would have picked it up from some directors on TV set yaknow? Probably hearing them say that with no consequences on others actors, seeing it worked, didn't think "that's an abuse of power and the actors probably all think badly of their director for that" but "wow that works", tried it on his troupesmates and realized this is... not how that works. And it's spending time watching how Izumi encourages them that have him fix his way to approach it.

So yeah i got lost too into it but like. I feel you on Tenma i love him so much and i love his development so to see him get pissed and involved there? was really nice. even if he was aggressive about it. He's still learning.

ANYWAY back to Tsuzuru and Kazunari, totally agree with what you say next. They still care a lot about each other and yeah they're at a point where this consideration they have for each other make their anger more quiet than trying to attack one another (Banri could NEVER-). so yeah totally agree with you!

DLKFJDLKF i LOVE the reasoning on "recognizing that Kazunari was sick". Your writer's powers making you see through... *coughs* unlike Tsuzuru....

AND YEAH ALL YOU SAY ABOUT THE CG.. YEAH. Kinda crying thinking about it again now LDKJFLKDJF It's just. Everything about it is so soft and tender. The things Tsuzuru tells Kazunari are soo so sweet sobs. They're just adorable i love those kids. and also i feel you for Kazu he's just that great huh?

The whole set up about Kazu dropping by his room is so so cute! I love it! Like probably the very first time Tsuzuru braces himself because "oh no i'm not in the mood to stand mister hyperenergy himself" but Kazunari quickly adjust his energy so that Tsuzuru can just recharge without being overwhelmed. Yes it would drive Masumi completely nuts. Which i think is a plus for Tsuzuru like, hey, if Masumi gets annoyed once in a while it's a win. But yeah also i think that Tsuzuru and Kazunari should really have the Artistic Soldiarity of Students in Art school Probably Working Until Very Late To Complete Their Projects. Would love if at the end Tsuzuru gave it back yaknow?

but yeah their story was really nice i'm so glad you liked it! :D

oh god yeah Itaru and Citron were SO cute in it too, i also love the comments Citron makes about Itaru's winks. Just there flirting in front of everyone like those two embarrassing friends huh. (probably with Muku being all starry eyes considering he greatly admires both Itaru and Citron and, well, Romance.). And yeah i love how Itaru ends up so much into Citron's rhythm (and this idiom you said? is glorious actually, 10 points for you)

DLKFJDLKF what a call out toward Yuki. "yes i hate Tenma,no i won't shut up about him, also if YOU say you hate Tenma i'm going to stab you with my needles, have a nice fucking day.". I love their dynamics so much aha

And yeah Itaru is there cursing us the whole time with the fact he's the greatest nerd ever and it fits him perfectly. It makes me laugh so hard.

Thank you so much for having shared your thoughts there! it's always a blast to read through them and i dearly enjoyed it! (+ it makes me relive the event a little and it makes me soft!)

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! So glad you had so many thoughts about all of this, what a blast.

thank you for sharing, and looking forward the Autumn/Winter reactions :3c

Take care!

#ichareply #ichafantalks a3 #sonnets of beauty

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seunqs · 3 years

Text

[ a long get to know me tag ]

tagged by: losers @woosohn @yeonjuins

what day is your birthday?

27th june! it’ll be on a monday next year

what’s your favourite colour?

blue! a rather specific shade of light sky blue but i also like dark blue! might be misleading because everyone would think beige/black since that’s the aesthetic i like + almost everything i own is black...

what’s your lucky number?

i don’t have one i think but i tend to say 7 if i’m asked?

do you have any pets?

sadly no >:( will get one in the future idc idc

how tall are you?

158cm tiny i wna be abit taller

how many pairs of shoes do you own?

off my head i think 3 pairs...? just 2 black and 1 white that i rotate depending on the outfit i’m wearing

favorite song?

asdjekw i don’t think i have one specific one but recently i’ve been listening to maniac by nct doyoung & haechan!

other honourable mentions: a book of love by ha hyunsang, wide eyed blind by saint raymond, irreplaceable by nct dream, lmly by jackson wang. that’s all i have off my head

favorite movie?

surprisingly i’m not big on movies... but i’ll always answer parent trap when someone asks! why do i sound like i always have prepared answers in my head for various questions... okay that’s bc i do.

what would be your ideal partner?

@june look away i already know you’re gna say this sounds a lot like someone..

shy... is the main characteristics lmao idky it’s not even like i’m outgoing but i tend to find myself liking shy-er boys over the outgoing ones! aaa those with very obvious leadership qualities and quietly cares and looks out for those around them :’) tsundere! i think shy may appear cold sometimes but i’m rly :’) when the shy ones become very affectionate in private or when you get to know them better :’) or shy with strangers but very goofy and silly with their closer social circle heh those that are more cat-like than dog-like, only approaches you when they’re comfy. okay also shy but willing to speak up when necessary! doesn’t let themselves get bullied for being quiet and also pls speak up for me i hate ordering food pls do it for me HAHAHHA also if they’re passionate about something they like/are good at! good listeners too heh doesn’t need to always have the best advice, just if they would sit with me silently and listen to me and give me a hug afterwards :’’’’’) i think i’m on the touchier side too so if they don’t dislike that it’ll be nice! OH someone who’s good at cooking too bc i hate cooking and the kitchen in general.. i’ll do the dishes though HAHAHAH ok that is all there is a certain idol in my head that is the embodiment of my ideal type and i hate him >:(

do you want children?

no... not so much bc i don’t find them cute or i can’t handle them but i think it’s a commitment that scares me! bringing up the child well with the right character and values ajksdbwkje i don’t know if i’m up to that HAHAHAH

have you gotten in trouble with the law?

nope @woosohn @yeonjuins pls be proud of my direct no why are the two of you.........

bath or shower?

shower! i don’t know if i’ve actually taken a bath before... probably when i was younger HAHAH i think i’ll get bored in the bath and i much rather be relaxing in bed than in the tub

what color socks are you wearing?

barefoot at the moment! the socks i own are mostly solid colour socks / simple cartoon or animal patterns but all ankle socks that can’t be seen with my shoes

favorite type of music?

i listen to pop, r&b and indie! that’s about all and favourite depends on the mood!

how many pillows do you sleep with?

just 1! and a bolster too

what position do you sleep in?

either on my back with hand over my head lmao or turned to either sides while hugging my bolster and face buried into the bolster

what you don’t like when you’re sleeping?

when it’s too hot! canNOT sleep if the weather is too hot. also if i get woken up rudely, by screaming or someone smacking me awake LMAO just tell me nicely to get up and i’ll be out of bed in 10mins pls give me awhile my brain is turning on HAHAHA

what do you have for breakfast?

recently i haven’t woken up early enough for bfast or my family is just about to go out to buy lunch by the time i’m up hahaha but on the days that i’m alive for bfast, iced coffee and any pastry sitting in the fridge! my family is big on pastries like croissants and cakes like banana and carrot cakes! so one of those but the iced coffee is a constant in my first meal of the day

have you ever tried archery?

nope and idt i’ll be good at it tbh....

favorite fruit?

strawberries, apples, peaches! there are some seasonal favs where i rly like them for a period of time and then suddenly not anymore but these 3 are the constants

favorite swear word?

hahahaha i dont think i have a favourite one..... but i say tf a lot and mf for kpop boys who make me more flustered than they should

do you have any scars?

i don’t think so! i have a few stretch marks around my waist and tummy tho

are you a good liar?

yes... HAHAH i used to get scolded so much for lying as a kid lmfao

what’s your personality type?

isfj-t has probably only dipped to isfp-t once but if not constant isfj!

what’s your favorite type of girl?

HAHAHAH uh.... okay with all kinds i think? except people in general who try too hard

innie or outie?

innie. was this question necessary tho AHHAHAHA

left or right-handed?

right-handed

favorite food?

ramen! but i like lots of food lmfao tiramisu, pork belly, lots of noodles, also lots of rice, beef, cakes, ice cream, i think i’m more salty > sweet!

favorite foreign food?

japanese ramen, korean cuisine!, lasagne

are you clean or messy?

clean

most used phrase?

i think alot of keyboard smashes, lmao, wtf, HAHAHAHHAHA, sigh, i’m tired LOL

how long does it take for you to get ready?

depends! fastest i think i can get out of the house 20mins after i’ve woken up. longest probably an hour where outfit is taking a while and accessories needs to be chosen

do you talk to yourself?

in my head yes.

do you sing to yourself?

not often but i sing out loud for the family to hear LOL in my head very often a song is playing up there

are you a good singer?

nop. i don’t think i’m a BAD singer but wouldn’t classify as good either HAHHAHA

biggest fear?

wow so many things but i think biggest is complete darkness, i need to see and know what is going on around me. i sleep with a night light on heh

are you a gossip?

with closer friends yes def HAHAH my school culture tends to have lots of tea that my friends and i don’t like to get too involved in but we do talk about the gossips that goes around hahaha have also been in the center of gossip way too often

do you like long or short hair?

long! can’t imagine myself with short hair.. used to have reallllyyy long hair that goes beyond my waist and cried when i cut it to slightly below shoulder length. that’s the shortest i’ll ever go

favourite school subject?

wow nothing i don’t like school lmfao but humanities and language are way more bearable than math and sciences

extrovert or introvert?

introverted

what makes you nervous?

unpredictable situations, being alone in public (contradictory because in private i would strongly prefer to be alone but i don’t enjoy being alone in public i feel judged HAHAHA), also currently waiting on a reply for something and that’s been keeping me anxious the past 2 days :’)

who was your first real crush?

when i was 13/14, tablemate in school that was kinda shy and had very limited social circle but talked to me endlessly in class lmfao he apparently liked me too but we never dated and went to different schools at 16 y/o. we’re still kinda in touch though! we talked quite a fair bit last month just catching up but he’s more of an acquaintance now

how many piercings do you have?

2! just one normal lobe piercing on either ears, don’t think i’ll get anymore

how fast can you run?

back in school i used to be one of the fastest girls in my class LMFAO i could clock 12.5 minutes for a 2.4km run. stamina came from dancing since i had to run laps before dance class 2 times a week. but that is long in the past and now i get tired from climbing more than 4 flights of stairs pls spare me

what color is your hair?

naturally black but dyed brown! my hair has grown quite abit since i dyed it though now its black at the top and brown from above my ears onwards

what color are your eyes?

a very dark brown lmfao almost black

what makes you angry?

irresponsible people. just pushing responsibility to others or avoiding their responsibilities. don’t need you to do a good job with your responsibilities, just don’t make your issues my issues. and if its a shared responsibility like group projects, then do your part to contribute and don’t expect others to cover you

selfish people, in many ways. just being self-centred, not caring about how others feel, doing things for personal gain at the expense of others

speaking in a passive-aggressive/sarcastic manner. i say this even though i’m afraid of confrontation but i much rather someone outright tells me they’re unhappy about something or wants to get a point across. i hate when they talk about it sarcastically or tries to sugar-coat their words to make themselves look less aggressive about their words. tell me straight as it is, if you’re already gonna talk about something bad don’t piss me off with your attitude at the same time

do you like your own name?

rae is nice! has a very nice ring to it and looks pretty!

do you want a boy or a girl as a child?

i don’t.. want one.. but both have their good and bad i can’t decide.. i want a puppy

what are your strengths?

is this an interview question i have had a few interviews over the past weeks i am well-prepared for this HAHAHA

i think i’m pretty resilient! i bounce back from bad times pretty quickly or i psycho myself to see the situation positively. but it is ofc coupled with a lot of complaining to the people around me first

although i hate unpredictable situations and having to quickly adapt to new settings, i think i adapt pretty quickly too. flexible? easy-going? idk what’s the right way to call it but yeah something along those lines. good at it but i still enjoy my stability and calm don’t want to have to quickly adapt to new situations.

what are your weaknesses?

very emotional HAHAH used to be much worse but i often let my emotions rule my head. i think i’ve improved A LOT though i used to be so bad but i think i’m now able to make rational decisions even if im bawling LMFAO

this sounds like a compliment but i’ve been told this too often as well. i tend to be way too nice to people who don’t deserve it. even if the person doesn’t deserve it or they’ve pushed all my buttons in the wrong way possible, i would still try to be as nice and polite as i can. really helps with me working in the f&b industry lmfao.

what’s the colour of your bedspread?

dark blue / grey!

colour(s) of your room?

white & wood (throughout my house actually + green from the plants in the living room) @yeonjuins says i live in a muji showroom

#/#this took so long

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stormra · 3 years

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omg if ur not too busy could i request an ososan matchup!! I'm a bi demigirl, my personality type is INFP 6w5 and I'm a sagittarius. my love language is physical touch on both sides lol. I'm mostly p shy and i have a lot of trouble initiating conversations but i am a rly good listener and super friendly. once i get comfortable around someone they are basically my friend for life. i care a lot about my friends and the people around me and i always try to comfort them when they need it. i am usually a relaxed person and i prefer to think in the present. i like to joke around a lot and not take life too seriously but there are times when i can get super anxious over something small. i also have a hard time opening up about my problems and i am an emotional person but i have a tendency to bottle up my own emotions. im very self conscious and i can get insecure easily but i try not to show it. I'm not an assertive person at all and i absolutely hate fights but i try to stand up for myself when I need to.

as for my appearance, i have pale skin and rlly dark brown hair that goes to my chin + brown eyes. i also have freckles on my face and my arms. I'd say my fashion style/aesthetic is basically pastel goth, i love cute things and pastel colors but i also wear a lot of black.

some of my hobbies are drawing, playing piano, and rollerskating. i also love to listen to music and walk through the woods. i occasionally play video games. i also like to collect plushies!

tysm for doing these!! hopefully this is enough! :"D

❝ 𝐈 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 :

❝ 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐎 𝐎𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐔 !

𝐫𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 - 𝐮𝐩𝐬 : 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐨 𝐤𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮, 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐨 𝐣𝐲𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮

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Osomatsu has such a carefree, energetic spirit. While he does have an array of flaws that he cannot erase, as all of the sextuplets do, his positive traits would mesh excellently with your own! For the most part, Osomatsu is as joyful as joyful can be, constantly using life for her beauties and methods of relaxation. He acts off of impulse, but he knows his limits as well as the limits of others. I don't see this talked about enough, but he is an excellent big brother who gives pretty realistic advice. I think this down-to-earth temperament of his would pair excellently with you!

You describe yourself as a great listener who makes friends for life, a person who tends to think in the present. Although you might have trouble starting conversations, Osomatsu, for sure, has no such hindrance. He thrives off of being conversive and curious, beyond eager to share the stories of his life. He'd appreciate your ability to listen, as he doesn't really get much of a spotlight at home. It's pretty hard when you have six brothers that look exactly like you! I couldn’t imagine living that life.

Osomatsu, too, bonds for life. No matter who you are, once you've grown close to him, he's there until the end, meaning you two would have such a strong bond. He wouldn't care about your shyness. He wouldn't be disturbed by your occasional bursts of anxiety. As he is always thinking in the present, he'd be able to keep you grounded, letting you fall back into the same way of thinking that makes you two so compatible in the first place. While opposites do attract, there are instances where similarities are just as consistent! As well as helping you keep yourself in the moment, he'd be such a great protector with endless patience, prepared to let you take your time and offer reassurance when you need it! He’s also got some wicked smart advice.

. . . ▓▓▓██

. . . 50%

❝ 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒 :

The quickest way to Osomatsu's heart is by playing the piano for or around him. He loves when you tap away at the keys, lost in your own world. I know he doesn't look like the type of guy that would like music as much as he would like yours, but I promise you that he thinks nothing is more stunning than you poised over ivory keys.

Please take him roller skating as often as you can! He loves the adrenaline rushes that come with almost falling on his face. He craves to see the way you look as you slide across the rink, entirely in your element. You fill him with such child-like fascination.

He buys you plushies to add to your collection! They might not be the most luxurious purchases, but just know that each and every plushy comes straight from his heart. He also asks if he can help name them. What a dork.

I'm not telling you to draw him, but you should draw him. Art is so fascinating to him.

He loves it when the two of you get to wander around the woods together. As I've always headcanoned that quality time is how he best shows his love, I can imagine he loves to spend time alone with you, content with doing whatever... and if that's walking around the woods en route of nowhere, he doesn't mind at all.

. . . ▓▓▓▓▓

. . . 100%

I hope you enjoyed and I’m sorry for the wait! Enjoy your shitty-eldest, red-clad NEET 🖤🖤🖤

#matchup #matchups #osomatsu san matchup #ososan matchup #osomatsu san #ososan #osomatsu #osomatsu matsuno

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panharmonium · 4 years

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I like good romantic pairings as much as anyone else but lbr viewing media solely thru the lens of “shipping” is rly reductive, so I appreciate ur view on romance not being a priority in merlin. Like, I’ve seen too many posts abt Merlin mocking Arthur at their first meeting w ppl saying things like “that is not a straight thing to say 👀” Guys. You’re missing the point, which is that Merlin is brave and cheeky and rn Arthur is a bully. It’s a good moment, but an obsession w shipping ruins it yk?

god, yes. thank you.

i'm putting the rest of this under a cut just because i know for a lot of people the above kind of fandom experience is fun, and i'm not here to harsh anyone's vibe. i'm glad that people are able to enjoy fandom in their own way, and me talking about my own preferences does not mean i think anyone else should change what they're doing. i am comfortable curating my own fandom experience to suit my needs - @ everyone else, please continue to do your thing and have fun with it!

I’ve seen too many posts abt Merlin mocking Arthur at their first meeting w ppl saying things like “that is not a straight thing to say”

YES. this is my least favorite shipping-related trend ever.

it's not just that scene. it's every single moment in the show (and not just between merlin and arthur, either). every possible interaction gets pulled out and twisted to be about how in love two characters must be, when the actual point is Clearly Not That, and it's exhausting. i know other people find it fun, and i'm glad they're having fun, but for me, it's exhausting.

for a show where the main character canonically demonstrates virtually zero interest in romantic attachment, it's really...difficult for me sometimes to fully immerse myself in this fandom, because almost all of the fannish content is about shipping merlin with arthur. and if you don't think arthur is good enough for merlin (valid lol), you ship him with gwaine, or somebody else who you think would treat him better. merlin without a love interest - the merlin i know from canon - is so hard for me to find. i don’t really see him anywhere.

(also, to clarify: the PEOPLE in this fandom are fantastic. everyone I've encountered in my limited experience has been beyond lovely; and pretty much everyone I've met has always seemed totally warm and welcoming of various ships and opinions, which obviously isn't something you find in every fandom, so in that sense, my experience with the merlin fandom has been consistently awesome. what i'm musing about now isn't individual shippers or their preferences; it's about the overarching content-related experience of being a non-shipper in a fandom where, content-wise, shipping is The Main Thing To Do.)

and of course, this isn't just a merlin fandom trend. this is the way things have been done in every fandom i've ever been involved in. every single interaction between two characters always ends up getting pulled out and viewed through a shipping lens, and suddenly everything about the characters as individuals is made to be about the relationship. EVERYTHING. things that very clearly have actual, non-romantic explanations get taken out of their context and framed as "they're in LOVE."

and again, as I said before - there's nothing inherently wrong with that, and if people have fun with it, good! that's what fandom is for. but it's not my jam, and it can be a bit frustrating sometimes, because a) it’s a reductive analysis, like you said, and b) as someone who is deeply invested in all the friendships on this show, i'm not sure what the institution of friendship is even supposed to look like in this fandom. does it actually exist? because a character can't do anything even remotely kind without immediately having it captioned "they're so in love" or "today in totally platonic things, winkwink nudgenudge"

what tiny smidgen of caring is small enough to fall under the category of friendship? how cold and unfeeling do characters have to be with each other for their interactions to qualify as friendship? literally everything that happens in merlin bbc is, in fact, a product of the love merlin feels for his friends, and nothing about that fact was ever difficult for me to believe while i was watching the show, but once i got out into the wider fandom, it was like that just wasn’t possible. nobody would do these things for "just" friends. nobody would be that gentle or caring or loving with "just" friends. nobody would look at "just" friends like that. nobody would grieve for “just” friends like that.

to borrow a phrase from one of george lucas's discussions about a different media issue - "i don't like that and i don't believe that."

nothing about that philosophy is interesting to me, or remotely realistic. and i don’t necessarily think it’s what shipping as an institution is actively trying to communicate, but it is still what’s actually being said in those kind of *wink wink, nudge nudge* posts.

[it’s worth noting also that the *wink wink, nudge nudge*, “every little thing is romantic” lens only applies when people want it to. i see a lot of the following two modes in the merlin fandom: when it comes to merlin/arthur, fanon interpretation of the show is twisted to make every single one of their interactions serve as evidence for an imaginary romance, but when it comes to arthur and gwen's actual, demonstrated romantic attraction for each other, fandom twists everything the opposite way. i constantly see posts that are like "i think arthur and gwen loved each other, but they weren't IN love" - uh-huh. ok. convenient, that. suddenly we’ve lost the ability to perceive romance in every single innocuous gesture? apparently we can fabricate romance out of two people blinking at each other, but only when the relationship in question is a pretend pairing we wish was real. otherwise, the canonical romance and all of its attendant acts of devotion just don’t register.]

and you know, it's whatever. i've been involved in fandom long enough to know that this kind of shipping is just how things always go, and i’m happy enough keeping to my own area and trying to curate my fandom experience in a way that brings me the most enjoyment. but i 100% feel you on ubiquitous shipping goggles being a difficult thing to constantly navigate.

#fandom #replies #the once and future slowburn #this is another episode of 'pan is tired of constant shipping' so if you know that's gonna bug you - scroll by!#<< fair warning has been given and the read-more has been applied #that's as much as i can do

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ziracona · 4 years

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so can u tell us a little about ur characterization of Lisa?? What's she like inside and outside of trials? Does she have a lot of lucidity, what were her relationships with others like, would she ever get better, do you think? ( im SAD.) Just. What's she like!! Also, same for Sally? Oh! And I'm rly enjoying two songs by Meg Myers which maybe you'll like? Running up that hill (Cover) and Desire. Maybe check em out? :3 - Sleepy

Sure!

My Lisa is from a bit before the archives for her placed her (early 1970s), because I wrote ILM back when there was no date given for many killers or survivors, so I just hoped they were historically accurate with the things they did mention & went through a fairly exhaustive list of drained swamps in the Southern US & paddleboat makes & placed her according to that data (it’s been a bit so I don’t remember the exact date without looking up my notes) in the 1920s-1930s, I believe? And in her early 20s, since she’s described as a girl & young woman, which DbD usually does only for characters in their early 20s. (Which I’d still assume is her age, bc even though her archives, if you go by them, have her in her teens, they’re not connected to the events of her disappearance/definitely happened before them.)

In trials, Lisa has like 0 lucidity. I talk about this some in chapter notes, so I’ll try to give a quick overview instead but sry if I restart myself. She’s so starved that any time she sees a living being, she is just completely overcome with hunger and can’t do anything but operate on it. Very scary. Feral. Like being attacked by a starving animal. She’s super out of it, and is completely wild and violent and has no control, only the need to eat. Outside of trials, if no one is around, she’s lucid again, but will remember trials and what she did to people, and spends that time in horror and despair. She’s tried to kill herself before, because the last thing she ever wanted was to become the thing she swore vengeance on (the Entity’s a real cruel motherfucker. Did the same to Rin, to Philip, to everyone it could. Likes to really twist decent people into what they would most despair to be), but in the realm, she’s stuck as it. She’s not really aware for trials, but remembers them with decent clarity, and is in constant agony over what she’s done. Unfortunately, suicide does not take in the realm, and every one of her attempts failed, just like her attempts to maim or tie herself up so she wouldn’t be able to hurt people did. She’s horribly alone and despairing, and also in physical agony. She’s at the worst end of what a human can be at as far as emaciation and starvation while still being alive goes, and that’s physically awful. It fucks up your brain chemistry too, and everything is just really fucking miserable all the time. It hurts to move, it hurts to breathe, your breath smells tastes like rotten fruit but in a way that’s so much worth than that can sound. She’s so hungry, her addons are things like dragonfly wings consumed to give her extra stamina. That’s the kind of bare sliver of relief she ever gets. God, poor Lisa’s life is hell. She’s completely heartbroken and isolated and almost dead. As far as relationships go, she didn’t have any for a long time. No one can really interact with her, because she goes feral at the sight of food. She’s kinda utterly alone. But briefly, when Alex, Philip, Vigo, Benedict, and Sally were a group, she kind of got stumbled into, and after a kind of nasty first encounter, was able to regain lucidity around other people, and had a truly sweet and memorable and invaluable bit of time with love and friends and other people. She was kind of in love with Sally, who did her hair for her and was really kind to her, and Sally liked her too. They were close. Lisa was close with all of them. But when things ended the way they did, the Entity took that away. Lisa remembers it, but she could never get them or it back, and was cast aside and left behind until the end of ILM, when she finally got peace and found happiness in finally getting to be at rest in the arms of a friend. Overal, she’s a fairly young and wide-eyed, bright, cautious, fun and sweet girl by nature, now massively traumatized and hopeless and broken, but still with a truly incredible amount of that kind nature retained. She would have really loved reading fantasy novels aloud and exploring the worlds of lore and history, travelling, seeing other cultures and geographic features and animals. Enjoys fashion too, and has a heart for designing and making cool, personal and cultural and symbolic tied designs, and would have been both great at that and loved it if she’d lived long enough. (Shoutout to @artianaiolanthe who inspired the fashion take & it is so suited to her I love it). A little shy, but an extrovert at heart under it, just a nervous one. Loved people. Liked climbing trees and fording brooks and baking bread and throwing rocks and baseballs to knock a target out of a tree and win a prize at little town fairs. Didn’t get the length or quality of life she was owed, and it’s just not fair or okay at all. Liked to watch the stars.

As far as getting better goes, mentally, totally. If they could get her out of the realm or break the Entity’s connection, she’d immediately stop killing. She has never done it of her own free will. She’s a sweet small town kid who was just trying to live her life. As far as physically goes though, Lisa is in one of the worst possible spots. Unlike say Amanda, who was on death’s door but healed by the Entity, or the Legion, who weren’t injured at all, Lisa was on death’s door and like Adiris, did not get healed. Just preserved in that near-death state and forced to work in it. Honestly, it’s possible she could survive long enough to get to a hospital and be saved, but at best, she’d probably live another year. When you starve, your body begins to catabolize/eat your own tissue to save itself, starting with fat, and ending with muscles and organs, which, when it reaches the heart, kills you. Lisa was so close to dead, the organ damage was probably awful, and would leave her with complications that would take her very young. The most likely thing, since she was saved literally seconds before death, would be for her to step outside the realm and immediately die. However, it’s possible she got lucky on body damage and could be saved—kinda up to interpretation—and if say, she was around for Quentin’s Vigil going healing batshit, and got some organs repaired that way, she’d have a real shot. (I also am sad. Lisa was actually the only determinate character in ILM to me/that I wasn’t sure the ending for, and while I am very happy with what ended up being her closure, I also would like to see her live for even more love and peace TuT. Lol, if I ever end up doing my goddamn four fate route fics like I’ve joked now a truly dangerous number of times about doing [>.> me @ me] then maybe she will get a variety of lives in the end). I’m glad you wanted to know! I really like and pity her. This poor kid really did nothing wrong, much like Rin, and just got eternally tortured for asking for help and justice against the monsters who took her life so violently. Fuck Brittany. (Read: the Entity.)

Ahhhh Sally. My sweet, sweet girl. Uhhh, not sure which of the Lisa questions you meant for her too, so I’ll try to speed-answer them all? Sally’s intelligent and understanding and thoughtful, patient, polite, almost elegant despite how impoverished she spent most of her life—she just tries to act like a lady and treat people with as much respect and esteem as she can (unless they suck lol). She’s also very mentally damaged and not there though, and has extremely unstable mood swings, especially into despair. Her relationships with the other killers were limited. She talked to & was on polite terms with any who would talk to her and not be condescending or a dick so openly she’d pick up on it (so like, on cordial terms with Evan, Herman, Caleb if she’d been there that long, but not like, Kenneth or Freddy or someone who wouldn’t bother to put up an act). But mostly, after figuring out she wasn’t really of any use to them, they quit communicating with her. Sally has been extremely isolated since shortly after being taken. She believes that the survivors are innocent and suffering and knows that they don’t deserve the hunt, but has no way to stop the whole system, and has been convinced by the Entity that if she does a good job and earns moris, the ones she strangles to death get to stay dead instead of coming back after death to suffer endlessly again, so she works very dedicatedly and slowly trying to earn kills to save them. It took her physical eyes when it got her and lets her see through it’s powers, and uses that to randomize what survivors look like in her memory so she doesn’t catch wise it’s the same people over and over and she’s not saving them at all. It’s extremely tragic. God it’s one of the most cruel Entity tricks, which is saying a lot. Poor gentle woman is Sisyphus pushing a boulder up a hill day after day year after year and she doesn’t even know how hopeless and meaningless it all is. : (

When the Vigo-Philip-Alex-Benedict team was going, though, she met and attacked, then was convinced to instead befriend them, and quickly became very attached and well liked by them. Met Lisa while with the group, and became extremely fond of her and loving towards her and was truly, truly happy for a brief period of time. Still remembers her, even as lost as all her memories are. Not her name, but what she looked like to Sally, and how her hair felt, and how nice it was. Sally would have considered everyone in that group a dear friend, and in ILM, Philip most definitely becomes her deepest, closest, and best friend, just like she does to him. She’s a very faithful woman to her soul. Loved her family, loved her husband and mourned him, worked as hard as she could. Cared for her patients, and did her best in that hell until the Entity slowly whittled away at her sanity until it broke her mind and left her convinced the only way to end their pain would be to give them death, and she had to do it to save them. Sally loves little pretty things and neatness and collections. Flowers, bows and ribbons, china and colored glass. She would have treasured gifts like decorative holiday cards and carved animal figures and left them on her mantle or carefully tucked in lovingly organized and decorated books she could open to revisit the memory. Likes dresses and skirts and the way the wind feels. Hopeful and very enduring. Loving. Had a mom heart, and will never really get entirely over the loss of her children, but is strong and kind and will find new love that makes life still worth living in other people. Will remember both kindness and cruelty a long, long time. Loved Quentin from the second he gave her flowers (Dwight: Quentin, why did the entity let you have three moms? Quentin: Because I fucking earned it >:[“ [author’s note: he did. God that poor kid...]). Loved Kate from the day she sat with her in a hospital and held her hand. Is like that. Remembers small kindness and treasures them.

Sally could definitely recover. Not all the way probably, physically or mentally, but by far enough to be complete and happy and realized and who she wants. She never meant to hurt people, so she really just needs some stability, and I think she finds that with her new family. I mean, it is a lot to adjust to. It’s been like nearly 100 years. The Entiry broke her mind, and she’s got some damage that just probably can’t ever be fixed, but a lot can be, with drugs and treatments and therapy and kindness and a good support system, and honestly, the biggest things she needs are people to keep her memories together and herself present, and influences to protect her from being manipulated and controlled now that she’s so suggestible and easy to hurt, and she’s got that. I am 100% certain that while some things—the scatteredness, the ease of slipping into other moods especially deep sadness, the different way of thinking altogether—never leave her, she gets better in the most important ways and is truly happy and quite functional and what she wants to be. While there’s no way (yet anyway lol. Cybernetics that good when?) to give her new eyes since the Entity ripped hers out, and she’s blind now, and can’t be changed, her seeing eye dog does a great job for her, and she’s very happy and adjusts well. She has a lot of friends to be her eyes, and learns to lean into what she can do and has a quite fulfilling and blissful life outside the realm in ILM.

Also: thanks for the recs! I’m going on a run soon, and I’ll add those to my iPod and give ‘em a listen if I can. Hope this answered what you wanted to know! ^u^

#ask #sleepy #in living memory (fic)#in living memory #ilm spoilers #dead by daylight #Lisa Sherwood #Sally Smithson #long post

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alphaketoglutaricacid · 4 years

Text

@onehithero said: also we know theres at least some actual animals besides gadoll liek the scorpion n cows tht show up for a sec in ep 1 so tankers hav tht going for them re: food sources ..SORRY FOR RAMBLING SO MUCH deca dence essay got sleeper agent activated

onehithero said: i rly like what usaid abt kabu from natsumes pov too but i cannot form a half cohernet thought abt tht one

onehithero said: ALSO ALSO i think its interesting how the ep 8 conversation w minato is i think the only time kabu talks abt being jealous of humans being able to choose their own paths

onehithero said: also how minatos convinced hes like a good lil cog in the machine yet hes done 50 things tht wuld get him labeled as a bug but he just ignores all tht. the both of them can be so disconnected w reality

onehithero said: like minato didnt know abt 1)natsume 2) how the system has made kabu so severely depressed n he culdnt put up w it anymore.n minato continues pushing the just go along w the system shit he doesnt understand tht he was contributing to kabus misery.. n bc of tht kabu doesnt trust minato enough to tell him abt natsume for so long but then he goes n asks smth so big of him as go against the system

onehithero said: thinks abt how kabu n minato r obviously so important to each other but minato understands him less n less over time & kabu kinda already knew its risky to confide in minato like minato did know abt pipe which was a long time ago but he didnt know abt natsume til kabu was already sacrifing himself for her sake. n yet kabu then goes n tries to get him on his side anyway cuz he wants tht so badly..

onehithero said: OMG OMG CHEWS THESE WORDS SLOWLY N THROUGHLY SO DELICIOUS THANK U THANK U u get it u understand i love reading n writing essay lengh responses abt deca dence & again u just hit the nail on the head w this

Please let me know if this @ u 8 times and sorry if it did. I will reply under this readmore but i love this enthusiasm! I like discussing this stuff so if u want keep it coming. I wanna understand deca dence better and i think i will by sharing ideas w other ppl.

I think kabu and minatos relationship is as good as it is because theres clearly a lot of mutual love and respect between them even when they don’t understand each other and thats why minato still runs after him when he hears kabu going suicide mission lets go baby. I think its interesting that minato was like ready to lie down and accept getting mass scrapped until he hears kabu go im about to be hilarious and hes like actually living and staying alive sounds great actually forget what i said about it being over. you are so right about kabu and trust and natsume. I will always cherish episode 5 where kabu gives this big rousing speech about how natsume inspired him and saved his life and minatos there like ..who? ..what?? I think they may not be used to hiding things from each other. Also I think them drifting apart mirrors natsume and feis drifting apart tho I think while feis the instigator on that side kabus more on his side and minato like natsume is like wondering what in da world is going on. I think someone else wrote about this better than I can.

I do think minato does know kabus severely depressed because theres this line in ep 4 where he puts his hand on kabu and says like you’ve toiled enough at that awful job. and also in episode 11 when he and kabu talk and kabu says he was in a similar place as minato now in that he was waiting every day to be scrapped minato has no reaction until kabu says but that bug saved me. I think he knows kabus very depressed but he does not know how to address it cuz the system never gives either of them the tools or options for it. Though also I feel the system discourages meaningful relationships between the cyborgs so I think what minato and kabu have is likely pretty rare. Kabu donetello and turkey also fought together for a long time but turkey turns on donetello in a second even tho they fought together, he was his number two, and they were in prison together, and were pretty much all they got and donetello kills him in turn. I also think minato probably knew because he’s empathetic. Like I’m not sure about compassion but he’s very good at understanding where other ppl are and how to meet them in the middle so both parties get something they want. That’s how he got all the gamers to collect the old deca dence parts. Not by cashing in on ppl doing the right thing but by framing it as the final mission. He gets his lgbt community center coworkers for fight with him one last time by appealing to their sense of duty. He got the system to put kabu in jail instead of getting scrapped when Mikey got scrapped for a lesser offense. The list goes on. A tangent but I think the fact he acknowledges the living conditions of the humans are gonna get worse if nothing’s done even tho he’s apathetic at best towards them shows even when the system tries to mold the cyborgs into the roles it wants, sometimes the traits they have just keep on going despite themselves. I’m gonna stop myself before I go into jill and this theme but I’m gonna talk about it someday. So I think its more likely than not he knew but he didn’t know how to navigate around it also because it’s heavily implied he’s going thru the same thing and I think kabu might genuinely have no idea Bc kabu lacks empathy but his heart... is huge. When he hears minato express his feelings of not knowing what he wants he instantly tries to reach out and explain minatos not alone in what he feels. This is why they’re good foils. while kabu moves past where he was in the start where he states he does not intend to oppose the system and his compliance while also trying to do the bare minimum drives him to suicide, and finds the willpower and a reason to live and rebel against the system through his connection to other people (first natsume , he hangs out w kurenai sometimes too, and then with the jail robots). Meanwhile minato whos stuck in his literal ivory tower (it’s a Metaphor) never makes any of these connections. It’s the irony of kabu working at a armor repair job giving him some ability to connect w others vs minatos higher position isolating him from everyone else. I think kabu living amongst the ppl he harmed drove him to give up on life quicker, while minato being far apart shielded him from rlly having to see the effects of his actions I think he was headed a lil slower in the same direction. I think we’re led to believe minatos okay where he is but I think towards the end it’s clear minato has spent most of the series also in a bad place. I think he views things very similarly to kabu in that he wants to use what power he does have to protect the ppl he cares about similar to how initially kabu tried to just convince natsume to quit several times and he was like whatever at the rest of the humans who are natsumes comrades dying but he chooses to put it all on the line and try for some systemic change when he sees natsumes determination to fight. Also I think minato holds very little loyalty to the system cuz he doesn’t only like breaks 1000 rules for kabu (the hypocrisy) but he also looks the other way a lot. For example, when he overheard the top rankers talk about limiters he’s like I’ll pretend I don’t hear it also turn on private mode next time and he doesn’t berate them for considering cheating. Also donetello has been using an illegal avatar to climb to S rank again (isn’t it interesting that even after the ranked system is abolished something similar took its place). And his avatar looks the same as it did when minato worked with the guy. There’s probably like not that many ppl in s rank. And he calls himself donetello. Minato knows he’s supposed to be in jail but does he tell anyone? He’s like well.. that looks like someone else’s problem if they notice *goes and vapes* it’s so funny how little minato cares but it’s also not funny Bc some of minatos cruelest actions and things he’s complicit in are born not outta malice but apathy to everything. I think it shows (tangent number 4?) how the systems use of excessive force is counter productive cuz neither minato nor kabu are willing to report anything to disrupt the order Bc neither of them think the level of punishment is warranted. I also think that minato is probably the first person kabu really opens up to about why on a personal level he feels the system needs to be destroyed after Ep 7 is really interesting. It really speaks to how deep their [mutual and not platonic relationship I don’t know how to label ] is. I also think that he admits to minato that he envies human is rlly interesting and would like to hear what u have to think! I think it’s interesting that what really sets minato off is kabu saying he wants to choose for himself and also wants other cyborgs to have that freedom and I think it’s one of the few times we see minato get genuinely angry and have it not stem from worry. Tangent 5 I’m really extrapolating here but I think it’s very likely given how high up minato is that he likely knows of several cyborgs that rebelled against the system for similar reasons as kabu and knows how it ends and I think it probably feeds into his defeatist attitude. I think his role in the system must really kill whatever grasp of whatever minato has cuz he constantly has to act like it’s almost the end of the world and he’s strapped for resources all the time for like decades and decades of having to fake that type of desperation to entertain ur player base and cuz ur also on tv to entertain the general populace to distract them from their soul sucking jobs. I think that’s gotta mess with his perception of himself and also his ability to see that struggle as real and genuine. I think that’s also gotta be hard cuz he seems like out of his whole fuck we r under attack persona he seems like he’s a lil closed off but generally chill and somewhat upbeat to ppl who know him and he just wants to be isabella from animal crossing. I got really off track here. I think what really gets me is their relationship is built on knowing each other so well and so long , and how it’s managed to survive and persist through all this tragedy. They really mutually respect and love each other and that’s why kabu let’s minato walk away from his revolution even tho it compromises everything he works for. It’s why minato ultimently accepts kabus willingness to die for a tanker even tho he really doesn’t get it at all and it means it’s goodbye forever. But it’s still not enough to save either of them. Minato can’t save kabu from trying to passively starving himself to death and I’m not sure if kabu even knows where minato is at mentally. Sometimes no matter how close u are to someone there r things u miss and things u can’t help each other with. Even tho the two resolve to fight and then die together cuz this seems like the best choice Bc the system they were born into offers no alternatives, the deca dence doesn’t even activate without the help of other ppl. I think it shows one relationship cant support all that weight. In the end it is through their bonds with other ppl that gets them to an ending where they both survive when they decided alone their only option is death. Also u are so right about the other animals existing I totally forgot ty I cannot believe I forgot about the scorpion which calls to natsumes hairstyle which is a visual gag on how natsumes a bug and how like a scorpion, although unassuming, and fucking kill u, just like how her trying to get her boss to open up eventually leads to the whole thing toppling down. I also have a lot of thoughts about natsume but I’m still thinking of them and thinking hard Bc sometimes she becomes kabus inspiration Pinterest board and I don’t like that. When she shines she really shines but it starts getting sloppy towards the end so I have to think a lil longer about it. Okay I’m done. Also it’s kinda hard for me to look like I’m agreeing to ur points and nodding in this format but I really appreciate ur thoughts and will try to convey this. Maybe by formatting as a response to each of ur replies next time

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gingerwritess · 5 years

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All I can think is “ vending machine “ idk why?? Maybe you can do something with that??

lmao i don’t think many people like this pre-dating idiots kick i’m on but look i’m just proud of myself for actually managing to create a plot and i rly love this so oops have some more t e n s i o n

also i’ll answer asks asap so sorry it’s taking me a while!!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Thirteenth floor. Break room down hall H. Use code 1217. Now.

Who is this?

Your lover.

Right. Your lover, the not-yet-released psycho who’s pretending to be a doctor in the same facility where you work, and now apparently has a phone.

And your number.

Great.

We’re not dating, you type back. I’m busy.

I’m dying.

Good for you.

You grin to yourself—nice one.

A couple minutes pass with no response and you wonder if he’s actually dying…would that be the worst that could happen?

No. No, I don’t think that’d be too terrible.

But why would he ask you for help? I mean, it’s not like you’re friends—but then again, you’re the only one who knows who he really is…who else can he ask?

Fine. Be right there.

Turns out your fake doctor boyfriend already has a higher clearance than you. Your ID stops unlocking doors by the seventh floor, much to your chagrin, and you have to use the code Loki gave you to enter the psych/physiology floor.

Hall H turns out to be the furthest hallway from the elevators, so by the time you find it and start looking for the break room, you’re pretty sure he’ll already be dead. Since he was dying, after all.

You’re half expecting him to be lying in a puddle of his own blood, some other worker having discovered his real identity and not having as much self control as you did, but nope.

He’s still Robert Laing, reddish-blond and donning a lab coat that’s a little too short for him, staring at the vending machine in the corner.

“You came.” He doesn’t look up when you walk in, a dollar in one hand and two quarters in the other. “I’m shocked.”

“Of course you’re not dead,” you groan, turning right back around to walk out the door. “I gotta admit, by the fourth floor I was hoping—”

“I’ve given you every opportunity to kill me,” he snaps, making you stop in your tracks.

“You’re hard to kill. I shot the hell out of you that first time.”

He rolls his eyes. “Oh, please, your heart wasn’t in that.”

“Well, gee, I’ll be sure to mean it next time—”

“Next time?”

“I’m not very optimistic about our relationship, Doctor.” You cross your arms over your chest, scowling at him from the doorway. “Why’d you call me all the way up here? Just to rub it in my face that you have a higher clearance than me?”

“That was just an added bonus,” he sighs, turning back to the vending machine and waving his dollar at it. “I, erm…could use some assistance.”

Oh my god.

“You don’t know how a vending machine works??”

“I’m from another realm, stop laughing,” he hisses, and one of his quarters bounces off your forehead.

“HEY—”

“Just help me, woman. Please.”

“Well, since you said please…” you can’t help one more snort of laughter as you head over to him and take his money out of his hand. “Okay, what are you trying to buy?”

He points.

You try not to laugh.

“Okay, you have to punch in the code underneath it. B-4, see?”

“Here?” He points again.

“On the keypad, idiot.” You point to the keypad and watch him carefully enter the code. “Now you have to put in your money. Coins in here, bills in here. It’s a dollar fifty.”

“But I only have a dollar twenty-five—”

“Yeah, cause you threw one of your quarters at me, genius.” A big part of you wants to just tell him oh well, guess you can’t eat, but you fish around in your pocket for another quarter.

“Here.” You press it to his open palm, trying not to sound too annoyed. He’s just a big baby, you’re quickly discovering, death threats aside. “Found it on my way up, get your candy bar.”

There’s a beat of silence—shouldn’t have done that.

“…thank you.”

He sounds genuinely surprised.

“No problem. I mean, you are dying, after all.” You brush it away with a chuckle, smoothing out the corners of his dollar before trying to slip it in the machine.

“I didn’t know how to get you up here,” he admits, watching you closely. “Though nobody usually responds to my death announcements anymore.”

The machine spits his dollar back out and Loki huffs, trying to shove the bill back in the slot.

“Easy, Loki, stop it,” you laugh, taking the bill from him and trying to flatten it again. “Don’t force it in, just let it take it gently.”

You guide the dollar back in and this time it takes, whirring to life to retrieve Loki’s Snicker bar.

“That’s what she said,” you mumble to yourself as an afterthought, realising what you just said.

Loki coughs behind you.

“Sorry.” You turn around and give him a sheepish grin—he’s a little red in the face, but that might just be part of the facade. “Can’t help it.”

“That’s…quite alright,” he replies smoothly, taking the candy bar as you hand it to him. “Although…is that what she would say?”

“You disgust me.”

“And here we almost had a decent moment.”

“Almost,” you sigh, throwing up your hands in a helpless shrug. “I almost forgot you were Loki, to be completely honest.”

“Ouch. That seems unnecessary.”

“Dr. Laing isn’t completely unbearable,” you continue, holding up a finger to shush him. “So you can take…like, fifteen percent of the credit.”

He rolls his eyes again, ripping open his candy bar. “How gracious of you.”

“No need to thank me.”

You just stand there for a moment, arms crossed as he takes a tentative bite.

“Y’know, you seem more like a KitKat kind of guy.”

“I like chocolate,” he shrugs, “even more so when it comes with caramel.”

“Seriously?” You can’t help but grin—the more you talk to him, the less and less intimidating he becomes. There’s no way you’re letting this guy actually threaten you anymore.

“It used to be considered a delicacy meant only for the gods.” A flash of light fills the room and Loki’s back to Loki, gesturing at himself. “Back before your kind corrupted it.”

“Um, Loki, hate to burst your bubble, but humans invented Snickers.”

“Well, you’re not all terrible.”

Figuring you might as well take advantage of the opportunity, you flop down on one of the couches, staring at the god across from you.

…munching happily on a Snickers.

“Why are you doing this?”

He blinks and clears his throat, taking a couple steps closer. “What?”

“What are you getting out of this, all this pretending to be a doctor, getting hired here?”

“I have nothing better to do,” he answers carefully, studying your face with a quizzical gaze. “I certainly don’t want to be sitting in a cell talking through my emotions, so I might as well be putting my skills to use.”

“You’re actually taking patients??” You can only imagine what happens to them—Loki doesn’t come off as the kind of guy who’s taken his pledge to never harm. “What kind of doctor even are you?”

“To use your terminology, you’d consider me a neurosurgeon.” He sighs and lowers himself onto the couch across from you, still working on that candy bar. “Maybe in part a physician, as well.”

“Damn,” you whisper, undeniably a bit surprised. “That’s…a lot of work—for humans, I mean. Did you go to school for that?”

“I’ve studied my entire life. Never one particular subject, on Asgard w—they steer clear of limiting children’s knowledge to one specific field.”

“That’s pretty smart. Here, you’ve gotta pick one thing and just try to be good at that.”

“Identity can be terribly limiting,” he says quietly, picking at the candy wrapper. “If I identified myself as a ‘good’ neurosurgeon and only that, I don’t think I’d ever have discovered my aptitude for diplomacy, writing, mathematics, anything else.”

Diplomacy, neuroscience, math, writing, chocolate, caramel—this guy has layers, that’s for certain.

“So is this some kind of redemption plan?” You try for a smile, maybe feeling a little bit guilty for laughing before. “Gonna help a bunch of people to prove yourself and then make a big reveal to your brother?”

“That’s not a terrible idea.” He stands and stretches, crumpling his empty candy wrapper and tossing it into the trash bin. “Though I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I were ever redeemed.”

“You need to meet a nice someone, maybe settle down for the next few centuries,” you laugh, following him out the door as he shifts back into Dr. Laing. “Have a few creepy, greasy-haired babies. Might be good for you.”

He laughs and holds the door for you to leave the room, heading away down the hallway as you wait for the elevator. “That’s the furthest from a future I’d ever want, darling.”

“I’m not your darling, dipshit.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

hope you enjoyed, please reblog and feel free to send me ideas!

~ masterlist link in my bio ~

loki tags: @bluediamond007 @himitoshi @drakesfiance @destiel1597 @dangertoozmanykids101 @archy3001 @jcalpha1 @yzssie @skullvieplu @forthesnakeofdragons @skulliebythesea @wegingerangelica @storiesfrommirkwood @agarwaeneth @adaliamalfoy @laurfangirl424 @paradisaicsam @fitzsimmons-is-forever @ladylokimischief @katelinwrites @tarynkauai @polaristrange @loavesofmeat @canadian-ravenpuff-multishipper @lou-makes-me-strong @holyn0vak @chocolatealmondmillk @swtnrholland @kenzieam @jessiejunebug @catticas @the-republic-and-face-of-texas @doralupin01 @whitewitchdown @atomiccharmer @falconfeather23435 @babygirlicecream @avengrcs @vethrvolnir2 @bookgirlunicorn @wabisabigrl @myhealingstar @khaleesi-marvel @ei77777 @spacecrumbs @scarlettghost13 @rocks-are-pretty-odd @confessionsofastrugglingteen @easilydistractedwriter @arttasticgreatnessoftheawesome77 @fluffyllamaswearinghats @milktearose @lcyouinhell @h0tshotholland @dontmesswithmemundane @southsidesarcasticwriter @helnik-s @lilith-akemi @fire-in-her-veinz @unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt @mischievousbellerina @kcd15 @mellowgirl01 @lokislilcaribbeanprincess @allthingzhiddleston @scorpionchild81 @lokixme @blue-automne @galaxycharmed @devilbat @kangaroobunny @end-up-well @planetariumx @sarcsep @mrfandomtastic @amaru163 @im-way-too-many-fandoms @caswinchester2000 @kybaeza @wester-than-west @vintagesunshinebitch @adefectivedetective @poetic-nikolai @moonduhsted @kerri-masson @iamverity @innaminitus @spnbarnes @narcissxblack @woohoney @anxiousamandapanda @padmeisgay @authordreaming13 @lokisironthrone @theunknowinglys @highfuncti0ningfangirl @epicfallenismine @stubby-toe-589331 @fandomnerdsarecool @retrofantasyland @arch-venus25 @forever-trapped-in-my-dreams @littleredstarfish @marshyrebelcloud @okie–loki @atterodominatus @stfxlou

#loki x reader #loki reader insert #loki slowburn #loki enemies to lovers #loki fake dating #loki imagine #pre-dating idiots

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lambourngb · 4 years

Note

1 Hi! I saw the Michael wants a family w/ Alex thread & saw you're maybe planning a fic. First off I am such a fan and feel free to delete this if it in anyway offends bec i I swear it's never my intent. It's your fic and you can 1000% write w/ever you want. I can't figure out how to reply to the thread but I saw someone putting in a request not to shade M for not wanting kids. So I thought maybe it'd be okay to reach out too w/ a concern (i hope I'm not overstepping, if so ignore me please).

2 I get that the idea of including her in the 1st place was from a comment who wanted a fun petty moment (no judgement) but it grew to addressing Michael's passiveness. I just wanted to put it out there that I hope incl. her doesn't come off as if she's the 1st option for this. Given the OG text post, it'd be great if Alex is the 1st person Michael thinks of when thinking about a child. The idea of it being a last resort or that he went to someone else 1st just makes me so anxious and sad.

3 I feel like Alex deserves better & that Michael chooses him because he wants to not bec he has no options so I hope it isn't written like that. The show forcing things is tiring me out and it's making me anxious about things I'm usually pretty chill about. I don't even know if you will write it and I don't mean any harm. I hope you're not mad and I didn't offend & this isn't coming off as whiny or demanding, I was just rly hoping to reach out to voice a concern. Thanks for reading.

Hi Nonnie- first of all, thank you. I’m glad you enjoy my writing! That’s always nice to hear. And second of all, I’m not offended and I completely understand your anxiety about Alex being a second choice here with Michael. I’ve always believed that Maria has been Michael’s second choice in canon. He’s convinced himself that things are too hard with Alex and it’s best to give up. I hate that for Michael because it says a lot of things about his non-existent self esteem and his abandonment issues. Anyway, my “Michael wants a family” story is just a nebulous idea at the moment and is obviously something I won’t dive into until I finish off Last Year’s Wishes. I basically smack my brain with a rolled up newspaper and say “No! focus on the thing you started before you start another!”.

When I am ready to dive in- here’s what I’m thinking and hopefully this helps gauge your future interest in this story- like Last Year’s Wishes, I like to write from one limited point of view. I have only tried briefly to write from Michael’s POV, but I feel like this story has to be told from his and that’s intimidating as hell, haha, especially because I feel a deep connection to Alex.

What we know from canon regarding kids and a family is- Michael wants a family. Other than Isobel leaving the door open for herself in the future, he’s the only one who has definitively said he wants kids. I don’t know how Maria or Alex feels about kids, Maria I think I can guess on (more on that below), but Alex, other than saying that Roswell felt like home for the first time because of Michael (triggering Maria’s iconic line “Home can be a person”) hasn’t said much in the way of marriage and family. The fact he bought or rented a house in Roswell, instead of the cabin - maybe that signals he wants to set down roots? Maybe he just hated the commute from the cabin?

Maria is a little easier for me to make a guess over, and I could be wrong, but she’s been working extremely hard to support herself and her mother for many years. Did she dream about being a singer? Did she ever want to leave Roswell? We don’t know, but she is savvy with money and is constantly looking for opportunities to better her position in life financially. And that financial security is still shakey with her 24/7 hustle. Nursing home care in the US is so costly it could be considered a crime, and with Mimi not being old enough to qualify for social security or medicare, that cost is on Maria’s shoulders. From a young age- Maria’s entire focus on the future was based around the knowledge that she was going to have to take care of her mother. I don’t know if that leaves energy for the idea of taking care of a child. Maria also knew she too would face this neurological disorder at some point and become a burden herself. Now does the bracelet stop her decline? How long does the pollen’s keep things in check? And if she does keep her mind healthy and intact, what sort of thing would she be passing on to a more-than-50 percent alien child?

Again I could be projecting my own feelings here, but I just get the vibe that Maria has a lot of caretaker burnout still and is reaching for things that make her feel good in the moment but is in no hurry to take on another big future responsibility outside of making enough money to survive.

And what does that mean for Michael’s relationship with her? If he wants to have a long-term relationship with Maria, he would have to let go of the idea of kids. Here’s the thing, that Michael himself said, he’s good at giving up. He gave up college, he gave up on hope/people, he gave up on the idea he could have a happy ending with Alex- everywhere you look in canon, you see him holding up empty hands when it comes to things he wants and basically saying “I tried for a bit, it was hard, so I’m done trying” (and personally I think he tried for 10 years with Alex, the longest and most stubborn grab for happiness).

Other people get him to keep pushing past that impulse to give up - Liz when it came to curing Isobel, Liz again when it came to saving Max, and Alex- when it came to looking for some hope in a dark story (Nora and Tripp). So I want Michael to be the one who pushes himself past that impulse. I want him to come face to face with his oldest, most wanted desire (A family) and draw a line in the sand, and so no, “I want this, I want this for me” and not back away when it causes conflict with someone else.

But here’s the thing, Michael’s so used to “going where you want me” that I think even in the face of Maria saying “you know, kids aren’t in the future here” he would still try to make it work. I have long joked that I ship everyone on RNM with a therapist (except for Kyle, who is perfect) but I really want Michael to seek out help. I think he would go, but for entirely the wrong purpose- in my story, he would go see a therapist and say to them, “I can fix a busted transmission, but I can’t fix this. Can you help me with this? She doesn’t want a family but I do. How can I change myself”

And oh boy is that a pandora’s box for a therapist. Digging into the meat of you don’t think people will stay so you push them away- Alex, then when they do express they want you, you don’t believe it will last so why bother trying again. In the process of Michael trying to fix himself so he can preserve his relationship with Maria, he discovers though guidance - that he can’t be a good partner if he’s not good to himself, and letting someone else’s desires supersede his own isn’t healthy. Then finding the balance after you figure out you can say no- because compromise is also important.

Somewhere in this mess is Sanders, who after hearing that Michael’s ready to ditch the idea of being someone’s dad, shakes him by the shirt collar. Explaining to Michael that just maybe he should have tried harder all those years ago to be someone who could adopt him, that shame never leaves him. Trying twice was good but not good enough, who’s to say the third time wouldn’t have been successful? But somewhere along the line Sanders decided it was easier to be the old gin-soaked junkyard dog than be someone who was willing to do the work of sobriety. Does Michael want to follow in his footsteps? Leave some kid in a place they don’t belong if he has the ability and desire to provide a home? And Michael decides he is done telling himself it won’t work out, that he wants this with an impulse stronger than his self-defeatist instincts.

And that is the death knell on his relationship with Maria- incompatible.

Then, because I’m a Malex shipper through and through, there’s Alex. He’s shown up for Michael all through season 2. And in my eyes, they’ve worked on their friendship (drown in those 2x04 feels) and Michael calls him for advice, lays out what’s going on with him and Alex supports him on that path to being happy. Alex gently probing him about how long he’s had this dream of being a parent, hearing how it predated senior year, but after senior year Michael inserted Alex into the dream. Michael sharing even after everything, he still thinks of Alex of being there, maybe an uncle? And Alex, overwhelmed by how serious Michael was and maybe still is? Takes it slow, this can’t be a rebound, just urges him to take the small steps, like mentoring with Big Brothers/Big Sisters or through the YMCA.

Those logical steps get escalated when Michael discovers a hitchhiker stowed away in flatbed of his tow trunk after a stop at a rest area. He sees himself in this angry, but desperate kid. He doesn’t want to give the kid up and so he calls on Alex yet again, to do a background check to make sure the story is true and then pleads for him to help. Make Michael foster-parent worthy in the eyes of the law. I don’t know if this skirts the fear you have that Alex is the last resort? In my mind, his two oldest desires are having a kid AND having Alex, and once he works out he can have the first, he realizes that all is not lost with Alex as well.

Anyway my very long thoughts on this story I AM NOT WRITING RIGHT NOW: a take on ‘fake engagement because of CPS’ where Alex installs Michael into his house all so they could give a home to this stray kid.

#anon ask #writing thoughts #wip #malex fic prompt #Anonymous #my thoughts on this predate that post i commented on #basically i spend a lot of time thinking up ways for M*luca to break up #i need a break up that leaves me not hating anyone #and if Maria just decides she's just not into Michael while Michael is all in? Yikes #dude is not good at trying again after defeat #michael guerin deserves good things #therapy is needed stat for this disaster #tags added after my commute to work

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