#i wish i could turn thinking off
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ptsd is being such a bitch to me tonight guys. your girl is not doing well.
#i don’t want to feel this way#but i don’t know how to stop it#i just feel myself spiraling out of control again and all of these thoughts keep coming with it#it wont leave me alone#i want it to leave me alone#i don’t want to go on more meds bc they fucked me up even more and i want to be able to think#but my heart has started pounding so quickly again that i can’t focus on anything else#i feel so empty and weird and vague#december is always a bad time and it’s hard when i don’t have class or work as a distraction#i’m always on the verge of crying and#i just do all these breathing techniques that don’t work#and i just lay in a ball on my bed shaking and hurting#you know it’s bad when even writing doesn’t calm me down#ocd combining with ptsd is a hell of a thing#how can you calm yourself down when you’re not thinking rationally and it won’t leave your head#part of me just wants to panic and get it over with but i feel like if i start i won’t be able to stop and just simply fly into hysterics#idk#just haven’t felt this bad in a while#i just want to get out of my head so bad#i wish i could turn thinking off#sorry i know y’all aren’t my therapist and i should get my own#but im still on my parents insurance and i don’t think they would allow that#i don’t mean to vent#i just feel really hopeless and shit rn#anyway#i’m going to try to sleep and hope it will be better in the morning#it wont be tho lol#nothing is ever better#bc the universe and god hate me
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this fucks
#i wish i could turn off the replies of this post now 😭#men are so insecure#you’d think barbie herself called to kill all the kens#barbie movie#barbie#barbie review#1k#10k#20k#30k#40k#50k#60k#70k#80k
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Maybe I'll make a post on this at some point but like, something deeply fucked up about TNP and Po3 that people have totally forgotten about is how badly they try to whine that "Tigerstar Had Good Traits :("
Firestar does it, Brambleclaw does it, and they keep doing this after it becomes this GRAND irony that Firestar almost gets Tiger'd to death in a fox trap because he was too trusting. Bramble gets his pity award of keeping deputyship and then cries to his son about how No One Saw The Good In Tigerstar :(
And it's wiiiiild that no one else in this fandom has done anything with the fact that Leopardstar broke the Warrior Code to appoint Hawkfrost, who had no apprentice, an extremely aggressive and warmongering Tigerclone who says things like "Tigerstar wasn't the worst cat to look up to." ONLY qualifying trait was being kinda like Tigerstar.
And she practically did that the SECOND Mistyfoot went missing. And then Leopardstar continued to be one of the most violent and xenophobic leaders through Po3, joining with WindClan to attack ThunderClan.
What I'm getting at is that like, a few years ago, with books like "Blackfoot's Reckoning" and "Shadow in RiverClan" it's like they suddenly decided to retcon in a bunch of "redemption arcs" in hindsight. They just pretended like there was this grand high reckoning with TigerClan, when there literally wasn't, and if anything that caused SERIOUS problems for the cast that the authors didn't fully acknowledge as such.
And now ppl haven't actually read the main series and are just working with their recent memory of all these retcon books.
But TNP and PO3 are still there, and you can go and see the ACTUAL timeline where Leopardstar is really not apologetic at all, and Blackstar is a useful stooge for the very next wannabe dictator that strolls in, in spite of the new side content that COMPLETELY mischaracterized them for their plots to work.
#I just wish people could be more critical of this#And im not entirely anti-retcon. Mind you#But I am here because i think these retcons make them WORSE characters. It's BAD for a character to GET a book with a redemption arc and--#Then they don't change at all and act like totally different people later in the timeline#And Leopardstar is the worse one between her and Blackstar BECAUSE she has sooo many active choices here#Im confident in my choice for BB the more I think about it. Leopardstar's dismantling of the bonehill was good#But it works better as a tragedy imo with the rest of the series in mind#That for a brief moment. A fleeting whim. She could have changed.#But she never did.#And Blackstar who was FAR less repentant at the time DID eventually turn around.#At the end of the day one of them appointed Hawkfrost as codebreaking deputy.#And the other did not.#And I think it's fucking bullshit the way that Leopardstar's retcondemption implies that Hawkfrost was just so tricky he mislead her#The old and experienced leader who had been fooled by a tiger before and was soso sorry for it. Just got tricked.#Like fuck off. She never had a redemption. Stop trying to tell me she did 15 years later#She's a girlboss who empires too close to the sun in pursuit of power and drags everyone down with her#Not a sad weepy smolbean#Bone babble#Warrior cats analysis
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.
#i wanna run off and disappear off the face of the earth#i wanna be held and told everything is gonna be ok#i want to leave everyone behind and stay by myself for the rest of time#i wanna to not give my love so freely knowing it can't be returned at least not as eagerly#i want to be able to sleep easily#i want to not turn to sleep as my only way off running away from stuff when i can't just get high#i wish that i could talk about my problems and have them magically disappear right afterwards#i want to be loved back by the person i like the way i love them#i want to not be so naive#i just want a hug for once#i want to not over think everything#i want to be consistently happy for at least a fully day#i want to be able to talk to people everyday and check in and hear about everything they have to say#i want to not cry over everything so easily#i want things to truly go my way for once#i want to not feel guilty for everything
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PREDICTIONS: Ralsei
or, why this pile of rock is going to tear my heart out
Ralsei is a Titan.
"The unending pillar of darkness that gives my body form" dedication in Ralsei's manual matches Ralsei's description of Titans "tak[ing] form from the FOUNTAINS"
Ralsei's body completely disappears when downed
Ralsei was first completely shadowy and amorphous within his hooded cloak, then a bit more defined but still shadowy under his hat, before finally settling on a more visible form at the end of Chapter 1
Just before removing his hat, for a couple of frames Ralsei's sprite changes his paw color from black to white. As well, where Ralsei previously had black paws in various animations such as clapping or spell use, they are now white in Chapter 2. These suggest that Ralsei's shadowy appearance is not simply caused by the shade from his hat.
Ralsei's initial description is a somewhat ambiguous "Dark-World being"
Unlike normal Darkners, Ralsei does not turn to stone and can seemingly teleport between Dark Worlds at will
Ralsei is the sole denizen of Castle Town, an area seemingly abandoned or evacuated, where Titan-like eye marks and darkness covers the land
Ralsei knows a lot about the Roaring
"Do not be alarmed... I am not your enemy." is one of Ralsei's first words to Kris and Susie
Ralsei wants to redeem himself for participating in the last Roaring by stopping it from happening again.
Again: Ralsei is the sole denizen of Castle Town, an area seemingly abandoned or evacuated, where Titan-like eye marks and darkness covers the land
Ralsei’s portrait/sprite when talking about the Roaring seems haunted
Ralsei says “I...I’m sorry!!! I repent!!!” in the generally foreshadowy Poppup dialogue
However, Ralsei is an unwitting pawn in a greater villain's scheme.
Ralsei is characterized as overly keen to follow orders.
Poppup dialogue: “Ralsei moved to click on an ad with a bunny on it teaching you how to make friends... ...and accidentally clicked on an ad of a machine gun that appeared over it!” / “Ralsei tried to click on an ad with a castle on it... ...but it was actually an ad for a company that demolishes buildings with bazookas!”
Again: Poppup dialogue: “I... I didn’t mean to do it... I... I’m sorry!!! I repent!!!”
In order to fix his mistakes or save the world, Ralsei may sacrifice himself, perhaps becoming the Waterfall statue in Undertale.
Undyne states "That statue's been here forever... No one knows where it came from." This description seems similar to Gerson's explanation of the Delta Rune: "That emblem actually predates written history. The original meaning has been lost to time..."
The statue is greyscale and cracked, like Darkners such as Lancer when turned to stone
The statue has horns, like Ralsei (note that the direction of Ralsei's horns varies across sprites/portraits and concept art, sometimes being turned inward and other times outward)
The statue is associated with the song "Memory," which is associated with Asriel, who appears connected to Ralsei
The statue in Waterfall may have been part of the original Royal Memorial Fountain before Mettaton's statue replaced it
If so: Ralsei is associated with all three concepts of a "Royal Memorial Fountain," being a prince who is made from a Dark Fountain and, as "memory" is a prevalent theme in Deltarune and Ralsei sings its "Don't Forget" motif in battle, with remembrance as well
Other things:
Ralsei appears self-aware in the same way as Jevil and others.
"(SAVE and take a break anytime you want, OK?)"
"Even if it's not real, you can still have fun, right?"
"It seems like it was just a corrupted program."
There may be multiple "Ralsei"s in some way.
“They [two Ralsei plushes] are both correct. Both beautiful.” (Toby Fox on Ch 1 Livestream)
“Every Ralsei is equally beautiful.” (Toby Fox on Ch 1 Livestream)
“I just wonder what... being “Ralsei-like” even is...?”
Unknown: why does Queen not notice Ralsei?
“How Thoughtful You Two Have Come To Help Me / Kris, Susie / Which One Of You Wants To Be The New Knight”
“Hey Was There A Third Guy?????????”
“I Will Miss Each Of You / Noelle, Your Un-needed Honesty / Susie, Your Foolish Bravery / Kris, Your Chill Vibes / ... / B...Burghley?”
Unknown: why does Ralsei (seemingly) know about the ThornRing?
"..." if given
(screenshots: 1 2)
DISCLAIMER: this is a predictions post, just laying out the predictions that i have currently and my personal reasoning. eg. i am by no means the first or only person to consider titan ralsei rofl
#deltarune theory#ralsei deltarune#utdr theory#ralsei#deltarune#this is just me putting my chips down i can be wrong super hard#this is more for the express purposes of flipping a lid if i turn out to be right actually#<- mission statement of this blog. if im wrong it will be funny if im right it will be funnier#anyway the statue stuff is wishful thinking but i do genuinely feel ralsei will be an antagonist but not evil. hes just easy to manipulate#and im getting tragic ending vibes off him but it could just be setting up a subversion since we already went there with asriel#...oh also this wasn't clear but if the statue is ralsei i'd assume he gets statuefied from being cut off from deltarune entirely#since he seems immune to normal causes of statuefication. but being in an entirely different game could qualify as 'not fitting'#i like to think maybe he would stay behind in undertale or something knowing his fate for some heroic sacrifice but i have no idea lol#ETA forgot about the thorn ring
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I love finding images of Riders and just being hit with some of the most beautiful stuff imaginable
I know exactly what episode this is from but the way this image is cropped and framed is so perfect???? Hayato may be about to engage in combat but he looks so pretty....
#kamen rider#double riders#ichimonji hayato#hayato ichimonji#kamen rider 1971#he's so precious#scrolling through google images at midnight is HORRIBLE for my mental health#i see pretty bugs and my brain turns off#the aro ace in me cries because I wish I could say I want him but the best I can come up with is '#he's so silly#I don't know if it's because of the clothes or just the dumb ways he fucks with people#I just think he's my favorite out of the two Double Riders#getting halfway through the original has done horrible things to my mental heslth#health*
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[fic: wicked love] and [fic: pyrite] what do the Tonys and Peters think about their multiverse counterparts or their respective relationships/dynamics? is there anything they might respectively envy?
PYRITE (BROTHERCEST) TONY AND PETER
Tony: Hey, kid? Don't fuck our dad.
Peter: Oh my god, I wouldn't!
Tony: Look, it was worth saying. We don't not share some DNA.
Peter: That's different! You're… you. …And that version of you seems like a really good dad, too.
Tony: The bar is that low, huh?
Peter: I mean it! It seems like he makes the other me really happy.
Not that, um-- obviously we're not doing what they're doing-- they're like, together-together, and we're-- we're just-- s-so yeah, it's different--
Tony: …Yeah. Sure.
-----
WICKED LOVE (DADSON) TONY AND PETER
Peter: …They're kind of sweet?
Tony, pained: Baby, no.
Peter: Well, I mean-- it's not the best--
Tony: Peter.
Peter: --it's bad, but I don't know, it seems like they both needed someone to talk to about stuff? Like… they could actually be good brothers, if…
Tony: If one of them wasn't molesting the other one? That 'if' is doing a lot of heavy lifting there, Atlas.
Peter: Maybe… maybe he really loves him, you know? Like you love me.
Tony: …
Yeah, sure. Maybe he does.
#fic: wicked love#fic: pyrite#wicked love: peter#wicked love: tony#pyrite: peter#pyrite: tony#starkercest#prompt: multiverse#ursa interlude:#both tonys just like /DEFLECT#anyway they danced around the actual questions so#pyrite!peter thinks DILF tony is super hot and is very wistful over the idea of getting to have a real romantic relationship together#he wishes that WL!peter hadn't done so much to make WL!tony sad#pyrite!tony has all kinds of feelings about watching a version of himself try to be a dad but has zero envy towards the WLs#WL!peter has a better understanding of consent etc. than this but he saw a version of himself--#--get to be in blissfully oblivious toxic codependent love with a tony that isn't wracked by guilt about it and his brain turned off#WL!tony is HORRIFIED about pyrite!tony's sleaziness and pyrite!peter's future and thus also has zero envy towards the pyrites#but realizes that his peter is just projecting Their relationship shit on the situation and is like.#well I could drill down on how that still wouldn't make it okay. but then that would just make him sad about us. so#better repress it instead#these multiverse questions are so funny it's just a circle of tonys all judging each other while peter tries to find the silver lining
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i am so tired, im just so tired of everything, i want to hibernate for an year or smt
#text#i don't even think i rest when i actually have time to rest#i just wish i could turn my mind off and actually stop thinking for a moment#probably will delete it later idk
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saturday is the only day when a time loop should be allowed. it can’t be any other day because i guarantee there would only be one iteration of the loop. if i woke up on a monday twice i would not hesitate, i would absolutely find a way to break the loop by committing an act so heinous that every single fringe universe and every time stream would feel the repercussions of my action
#time loop tag#thinking thoughts instead of completing my writing assignment lol#i wish i could turn my brain off and just write my god
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@ladamebrunette IT’S ME!!!!! I WAS YOUR WAYFARER EXCHANGE PARTNER!!!!!!!!! thank you so much for posting so much about cass cause it was such a goldmine of symbolism to use for this piece <3 i hope you like it, and thank you again to the @wayfarer-exchange mods for hosting 💕
#cassander inteus#wayfarer game#wayfarer#my art#the only thing i wish i could have done are some treats#i just was not able to get anything out cause of uni . because i am a director this year OTL#studying animation will make you want to eat glass#ANYWAYS THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REFS FOR THIS IT WAS SO FUN TO WORK ON!!!!!!#based off how u said cass would be the page of cups#and the water falling is in the shape of the coast (IM FORGETTING THE EXACT PLACE) from his backstory/origin#i believe its vodena and the coast around it? and the river that leads to the delta ??#and how that water feeds the fire lillies at the bottom and flame rises from that as well!!#and the background was kinda gutting me but its fine i think it turned out alright!!!#again such a fucking blast to include details like that !#queue#and being a bit cheeky and timing this for hong kong timezones cause i know i'll forget in the future#ive got a dissertation due LMFAO#anyways MWAHH!!!! ENJOY!!!!
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had a character development moment today where I realized maybe I simply do not have a healthy relationship to classical music anymore
#i always felt terrible about 'losing interest' but it never felt right to say that#partially as a music student but partially because i *love* classical music I always have and I still do#so perhaps it's not that i've lost interest#for lack of a better term i just can't be normal about it anymore#it just. exhausts me#like i wish i could just turn the analysis brain off even for a moment#and just enjoy it#but it's ironic because the analysis brain is a result of the fact that i love it so much#idk. i just want to be able to listen without it feeling like it has to be a source of self-improvement.#without it feeling like an educational endeavor every single time#i love learning about it but if you turn every single interaction you have with a thing into a learning interaction#it does kind of eat away at the fun you have with it if you're not careful#because at a certain point you stop thinking about what you enjoy about it and what you love about it#in favor of what you can glean from it#and like. if you just think about that out of context. that's not a healthy form of love#idk. ironically enough maybe i need to not immediately jump to the score videos#i think i need to just listen to things again#like I don't actually Need to know how they work immediately. that information is going to be there regardless#i can just. try to listen again#idk. very specific problem to have#the things you go through when you spend your life so intensely steeped in one art form#i would be more normal about it if i was less intimate with it in a way. it's a double edged sword#because at least i know it's this thing i carry with me so deeply and so permanently#this thing that has ingrained itself into my very being and the way i think#it's as dangerous as it is wonderful#i just wish i could wield it better#anyway.#composerposting#mine
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That one piece of DBZ fanart where Krillin his holding android 18 by her fat ass while she holds onto him, his face buried deep into her chest, will never not be funny to me, who drew that shit
#and they look beat up 😭#I just#saw it again… crying everytime I see it#I think about it at least once a week#someone redrew the art with falin and marcille I wish I could reblog it it’s so cute but they got reblogs turned off
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#man i wish#i could jus#*turns off my anxiety*#why didnt think of that#sorry im petty mhscmnscmnsc#aka doodles#this is a shitpost
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Not very fond of people like waving off testament’s gender as just a Gear Thing but well at least it becomes funny when people apply it to gears as a whole. Like yeah i can agree with that. It has nothing to do with being a gear tho theyre all just transgender
#okay ill talk about it seriously down here#it does feel like the original intent behind their androgyny was to kind of Other them from humanity#daisuke saying theyve transcended humanity / talking about their ‘inhuman beauty’#i dont want to call it dehumanizing since theres like. a weird positive (…i guess) angle of them being ‘above’ humanity#thats just kind of a trope though. like nonhuman characters without a human concept of gender or sexuality. yknow#but anyway strive didnt really go back on this. they kinda made it a part of their arc?#i think dev backyard says that theyve ‘lived without the concept of gender’ since being turned into a gear#but theres no disconnect from humanity that goes along with that anymore#i like the implication that reconciling with humanity and more importantly their OWN humanity coincided with their presumable transition!#alright now for the part of this i dont like. its weird to assume the gear conversion had some effect on their body and THATS why theyre nb#i think any implications of that are vague enough to be dismissed#i wouldnt even call them Implications its like. messy (and contradictory!) early 2000s phrasing and a theory about 1 line of dialogue lol#early fandom stuff im aware of but dont know enough to talk about aside. nowadays its just used to like#excuse their androgyny. by gamers who cant just. believe that theyre nonbinary because they want to be. lol#not because of anything that was done to their body against their will. or even more simply because theyre just a gear and are Above gender#literally theyre just nonbinary. isnt that cool. i wish everyone could agree this is cool and end the discussion there.#except for me. i can discuss it all i want forever. because im the understander.#whatever. at least the section of testament’s wiki page theorizing about their genitalia is gone now. kissaroo for whoever took that off.#I NEED TO WRITE UP THAT TIMELINE IM LITERALLY NOT KIDDING WHEN I SAY IM AUTISTIC ABOUT TESTAMENT’S GENDER. CLEARLY#the kat goes meow#gg
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Can't believe Scar saw a rapidly approaching, dishevled mumbo and went "he's so cute." I need to run unorthodox experiments on them.
IKR SAME OMG
They’re literally perfect for each other <- delusional
But seriously they have so much lore together in my silly brain and the few interactions they do have (WHICH HAS BEEN INCREASING A LOT LATELY MAY I ADD) has been FUELING the fire rapidly and gods gods GODS do I have many thoughts about them
#literally making an illustration type comic on Mumbos whole vampire timeline#Scar will be next with his vex schenanigans..#the worst part is I always cycle like three to five different backstory’s in my brain for these two I CANNOT decide#but now that I’ve written a short ficlet (that no one will see unless asked) abt a few scenes of Mumbos backstory I think I’m pretty set on-#-his part#Scar tho??? no clue#I have the Hotguy backstory (which I daydream about WAY too much) I have the apocalypse backstory. I have the single player raised by villa-#-gers for years and years cuz his mom dropped him off in the single player world when Scar wasn’t conscidered a player yet since he was an-#-infant cuz it was a teen pregnancy and she was too scared to tell anyone so she just dropped him off with the villagers never to be seen#again. and since it was technically HER single player world when Scar DID grow up old enough to be recognized as a player he couldn’t#access any of the 'exit world' stuff or anything like that since it wasn’t his world#and then like a watcher or smth pulled him out of it so that Scar could be put through the horrors of gun related things for experimentstuff#and then there’s the backstory of where scar IS a watcher. like not a person turned watcher he was BORN (if you could say that) a watcher#and like the other watchers wanted to do an experiment of basically 'could a watcher if stripped of its memories and placed in a people-#-world be able to produce its own feelings and emotions?' and so they did that to Scar but they didn’t place him there as a baby no. they#placed him there as a full grown man so bros even more confused. and when the life series stuff started he had exactly one ☝️ dream per#Series and it was tiny little snippets of his watcher self but he didn’t know that it’s him but like he felt a strange pull towards these#dreams so that’s basically the reason why he kept coming back to the life games even tho they hurt him deeply as we all know#and then when he won secret life the secret keeper asked him what his wish was now that he’s won and he didn’t ask to know who he was and#where he came from (since he just appeared one day as a full grown man with no identification) since he’s made peace with that maybe it is#better not to know. so instead he asked abt the dreams he always has in these series and wth their abt and the context and stuff#and then BAM the secret keeper just drops all that information on him and he has an identity crises :D#anyways. I put both of these guys through many horrors I just have so many ideas for scar specifically. oh also there’s that backstory where#hes an assasin guy and he feels rlly guilty abt it when he gets split in half (gtws and btws) cuz like he has morals now apparently?? also#it explains the scammer stuff cuz he was a HUGE scammer bacl them#asks#hermitcraft#goodtimeswithscar#mumbo jumbo#redscape
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ngl the more I hear about Wish, the more excited I get about it
#ik the animation is turning ppl off and ngl i do wish (lol) it was more unique#though i do like the blended 2d/3d look creating a storybook effect#but the songs are all bops so far. i really love ‘this wish’ it gives me those good chills#and it feels really uh relevant to living/growing up in today’s society#wanting things to change for the better… if you’ve listened to the song then you know what i mean#I’m excited about the conflict in this movie#seeing the lies and the cracks the flaws in a system you once trusted#someone from a younger gen wanting to change that system#clashing with someone from an older gen who put it in place and benefits from the system#plus the in-universe lore is already intriguing#what do you MEAN you can give your wish to this guy for him to MAYBE eventually grant it but you forget ever wanting it#that’s crazy !! the wish literally being part of someone’s heart !#that’s sick !!#and well. i of course cannot help but think of the ways this movie could join the kh universe lol#I’m also excited about the villain magnifico bc it’s fun to watch characters progressively lose it#not a twist villain. you know this guy’s gonna snap. you just get to witness the snapping
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