#i will never understand how ppl can go about their days ignoring the horrors of what’s going on the propaganda and hate and lack of care of | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ca-suffit · 19 days

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yeah anon I don't want to publish ur specific ask for the reasons u said, but thank u for reminding me of this post. this post from nalyra-dreaming was part of the affirmative action drama and I think a lot of what's in this post got lost out being talked about because of that. so let's talk about it. let's comb thru this so ppl can rly understand nalyra's racism and what they're defending when they want to defend her.

first off, lol take ur own advice. but anyways. this way of speaking is crazy. this is why this whole group of besties put everyone off as time went on. that's why it's lol when ppl come to me saying nobody likes u, we prefer them. okay?? ur weird and u like being yelled at idk. these ppl read some dumb books and think they work on the show. they reference each other's fanon more than anything else. there's no discussions. they talk AT u. it's a bunch of ppl who want to be seen as smart and popular. that's it lol. "we've been trying to tell them" girl u don't work on the show stfu.

this bitch is a whole bitch. u act like u have been victimized by a black fan because you had a disagreement. u play up "I tried to listen and I agree too! poor me, THEY don't want to hear anything else but what THEY want to hear :(" and THEN u have the fckn audacity to say shit like why aren't u all listening to BLACK MAN JACOB ANDERSON. why aren't u listening to black fans? why are u here making this post to act like a victim to "mean" black fans who just don't listen to facts and logic and jacob anderson himself. why are u here twisting this shit up to pretend u have empathy for black ppl by stepping over everyone here (who does not have to filter anything for show press) and saying "actually ur all wrong and stupid and ur the REAL racists because u take away jacob and bailey's own voices."

this is a real level of fucking evil racist shit and why I'm spelling this out rly slow rn so u all understand.

"Louis is not chained to his coffin guys, he could have left, and a fight which shows off power discrepancies within the show story line is not automatically domestic abuse."

u jump thru so many hoops for lestat's defense it has made u dumb as fuck.

where was louis supposed to go? he's black, his family hates him, his husband is a demon spawn who stalks everyone down who tries to leave. who BEAT HIS ASS already at the *thought* that he'd even leave. that's not DV?? he could have left?? how are u like 50 years old and victim blaming like this and then saying u have authority over analyzing these books for the peasants here lol.

the favorite go to line from this dumb group is "they're monsters" "they're vampires." anne rice was famous in the first place for using iwtv to humanize vampires. I think she used this type of "logic" over time too tho and that's prbly where this comes from. it's a bad excuse tho. we're talking about DV but u say it's not DV and then say "they're all murderers anyway so nothing matters." girl the redemption isn't about vampirism, it's about whiteness. u big fucking dummies who can't talk about race always want to pretend this is about lestat being a vampire and how we're too stupid to understand vampires and monsters. the horror of lestat rn is his whiteness. the horror is the power that gives him as he's the least capable of rational thought in that whole "family" unit. he's ignorant, controlling, and quick to anger. he never tries to fix his ignorance, he makes excuses for all his behavior because he CAN. because society allows him to do that! louis and claudia can't make any mistakes or be forgiven because black ppl are not given that same grace. u can call lestat a monster because on a white man that's still an attractive quality. ppl LUV white serial killers and abusers so much and hype them up like they're galaxy brain heroes. calling a black person a monster is just every day. with no benefit. that's the one u rly believe is the threat and then u shoot to kill.

she's so dumb omfg. isolation doesn't mean put in an empty room. lestat wove himself into every aspect of louis' life so that louis could not exist without him. yes, on a level, louis was showing off his man, but u see how the "roots" take hold more and more over time. he's living in lestat's house, lestat is now the one driving the car. more and more lestat is telling them what they're doing and becoming critical of what louis will not give up. acting up v loudly when he doesn't get his way (he brings antoinette in when louis isn't "acting right" so he can torture louis at his job so he'll fix himself already, then he "allows" louis to see other people except now I'm gonna overreact about that too, now I've chased claudia off but btw did u know I've always had a big dick and u not being fun for me anymore is why all of this has ever happened??)

again with the evilness of trying to prove ur shit point by saying "if u disagree with me then u hate black people (jacob anderson) even tho I'm speaking over all black ppl here with this post." ok lestat lol. u are always trying to excuse lestat's actions for being what they are by saying there's a book reason behind it or saying louis or whatever black or brown character is the REAL abuser. do u think abuse has to be intentional to count as abuse? do u rly think lestat's actions are justified when he could have easily explained any of it without doing all that? his response to louis' depression is to do everything I wrote above. u think that's not abuse? u think that's not isolation? "be my companion" but he didn't mean emotionally. u don't think that's maybe the arc lestat is going to have to go thru to be a better partner to louis? what do u think his arc is then, louis just made it all up and soon we won't have to care about race and lestat has been a cool guy this whole time just kidding?? anne rice rly gave u a smooth ass brain.

I don't even know what this means. u all love to skip over points and just say "okay SWEETIE u just don't understand dark themes and monsters, u won't ever get it." okay U, SWEETIE, ur 50 years old, talk slow for me. I know u can do it. if u want authority then prove u know ur shit. a loud voice by itself doesn't do anything but yell. but this is all mama rice taught u tho. so here we are lol.

"everything is unreliable narration except for lestat who is always telling the truth because his egotistical crazy ass white woman author who wanted to be a white man so badly and wrote in his voice IRL to yell at ppl for real said he's telling the truth" u are all so crazy and racist and then u get big mad when ppl notice how crazy and racist u are lol. this gap between series airing has been annoying af but it's sure exposed ur asses because ur not smart like u think u are. when someone rly shows up and breaks down ur arguments to ur face and that is the sole reason I'm here, u all have nothing to say anymore. so fuck u lol enjoy this well earned fallout.

#interview with the vampire #amc interview with the vampire #interview with the vampire amc #iwtv amc #amc iwtv #iwtv 2022 #fandom racism #nalyra-dreaming

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xuanelle · 10 months

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12 and 13 for ask game!

the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

mirei park. do I understand why some people don't like her? yes absolutely. what she did to kiryu I can fully get bothering people, and I can understand people who don't like her because they don't like her relationship with majima (not that she's to fault for it but just more so the idea that majima would do that) but genuinely though gamerbrosTM are so fucking annoying about her that it made me like her more after finishing the game. if I have to see one more gamerbro say her getting an abortion was an awful thing for majima and centering his feelings when a woman has a right to abort a kid if she wishes to and also he was the one in canon who y'know. hurt her. and notably majima realized he fucking fucked up and left the very next day and never talked to her ever again. like I can get people who don't like her/the relationship bc they think it's ooc even though I think blaming her for it is :/ (I mean the relationship isn't something to like obviously I just mean more so how it affects how they think of her) but seeing people say she was wrong for aborting the kid and deserved to get hit fuck you and never talk to a woman irl ever again

and again these same people act like she's the worst character because she did that to kiryu but I've seen more general love for someya who was a y6 villain who was a piece of shit to his partner or just men who are worse then her but because she's a woman and is mean and does a fucked up thing in her first apperance she's the worst alive

and like this is the same series where mine yoshitaka is a beloved character and he destroyed an entire oprhanage because he wanted the land the orphanage was built on. and those kids were hurt by his men. but mirei who genuinely did seem to want the best for haruka's dream as an idol, who knows the horrors of the idol industry and the danger of rumours and y'know what happens to your idol career if people know you have a relationship with a yakuza finds out kiryu is Yakuza and gaslights kiryu into him thinking he's not a good influence to his kids and that he should leave and that if haruka wants to be an idol he needs to go is evil and a bitch. which. is wrong. she is wrong for this. but I'm saying the double standards here are fucking insane

like they're both wrong. they both fuck up but the thing is. they're both also given sympathy by the narrative. mirei and Haruka have a sweet dynamic she buys her clothes and plays games with her and does care abt her !!!! and mirei does do a lot less harm then mine who is a Yakuza patriarch!! but she gets all the hate for daring to be a woman who is mean and complicited and messy. like I get why some people wouldn't like her but the way gamerbros talk about her is fucking insane they act as if she's the worst character in the series (I've seen ppl say she's worse then fucking oda who y'know. trafficked women) is insane because g-d forbid a female character being given character traits the male characters in these games have.

anyway this really wasn't me talking abt why people should like her but I guess my answer is if you like male characters who are similar to mirei then well. why don't you like her (again her and mine r different but that's the closest comparison I got) ALSO her relationship with Haruka is sweet Haruka says she's like a mother to her and thats :")

worst blorboficiation

sigh. i've already said majima so i don't wanna say him again </3 but know he's the first one that popped into my head for this. anyway i guess my answer for this is..... damn my brain really really wants to say majima 😭😭 but i guess uh maybe marc spector. i think this is mainly a twitter thing but I've seen so many people talk abt marc as if he's just some badass cool guy and that he's that guy™ and such a surface level take of who he is and genuinely tend to ignore his past or the wrongdoings he has committed. or just. any of the complicated aspects of the character (the show made all of this way worse)

marc spector was a bad person who did horrible things and is trying to change and often ends up right back at where he started but depsite that, despite how much he hates himself he keeps trying to protect people, he keeps being a hero even when he earnestly believes the man behind the mask is anything but. and He has an addiction to violence that's completely and utterly unhealthy for him. and he admits to this. and yet people will see that and go marc spector is just THAT GUY™ and it's such a surface level take of him that I despise.

#ask answers

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msookyspooky · 2 years

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So I’m watching scream as one dose and can we just talk about how all these parents just let their teenage children go to Stu party while there was a serial killer on the loose. Could never been my parents lol

Lol fr!! It's not even strict vs lenient parenting it's I give a shit about my kids safety. I'm only 25 and don't want kids but my kid would not be going to a party a few days after their classmates were viciously murdered...Of all the times to party, this ain't it. They'd be pissed at me but all well, there's a killer on the loose, dumby. You'll be thanking me when you see a murder happened at the party you didn't go to ☠️😭

I could understand Tatum's parents letting her go bc her brother as a cop would be there but the other kids parents didn't know that! It's even more of my hc that Stu had neglectful parents bc not only did they not call but no neighbors checked up on them or anything and his parents stayed gone during a killing spree like 'all well, he's fine'. (Little did they know...Maybe that was even a factor in his killings? That he had symptoms of anti social low empathy behavior and they ignored it)

I think that was the meta horror gag how dumb horror movie parents and cops are in movies Scream was poking fun of.

Then again, kids were have full block parties at the height of covid when ppl were supposed to be on lockdown and we didn't hardly know anything about it. So it's honestly not too far fetched they'd have a huge party and some of their dumbass parents would let them go serial killer on the loose and all.

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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Ur take on a malec beauty and the beast au please

ugh you got me in a difficult position here because on the one hand, i do love the idea of a beauty and the beast malec au. i just think the idea of a socially isolated person who thinks themself/is perceived as monstruous and who has locked away their heart and doesn't believe they could ever be loved fits magnus like a glove. but on the other hand, i don't want to make magnus, a brown character, animalistic, for obvious reasons. and i can't really think of a way to make him monstruous that doesn't fall into animalization/beastification (both racist tropes) or ableist tropes

so i'm thinking... maybe the spell is just that people are repulsed by him/fear him automatically? like it just creates this horrible almost impossible to ignore repulsive/fear/"fight or flight activating" aura around him for absolutely no reason and makes ppl be repulsed and/or hate him. even if it doesn't change his appearance at all. it's not really a changing or shifting spell, more like a spell of hatred

which like.... i know doesn't sound like anything poc/queer people don't already go through but there is a main difference which is that it makes it impossible to find a community. like even other brown and queer people look at him and feel this... huge disgust and even fear and might even hide and so the isolation is absolutely total and it fucking hurts. and besides it is one thing (a very bad thing) to walk around and have to be on constant alert because you never know if someone is going to be violent, and have to deal with occasional comments and disgusted reactions... it's another to consistently have like, children screaming and people cowering 100% of the time without exception, you know? he's basically living the life ppl with social anxiety think they live and he has nowhere to turn to, no one who understands or who's more likely to actually want to talk to him because of his differences. there's no one to lean on. even the people who love him aren't immune to it, even if of course they are not turning their backs on him

so anyway here are my thoughts: this was totally done by camille lol beacuse the whole backstory about being mean to an elderly lady doesn't fit magnus anyway and also i just like sprinkling camille angst where i can. so after magnus finally got himself free of her and her stupid claws she hexxed him back into isolation. both as punishment (a kinda "if you don't want me, then you have no one" logic) and just to make him more vulnerable because again, abusers want you alone and isolated and away from a support network so you are more dependant on them and more likely to buy into their thwarped logic if they can immerse you in it. so she's just trying to manipulate him into getting back with her, because she wants him and most of all his power

and basically you know the drill, if he doesn't find anyone who will love him romantically until the rose withers yada yada he will die. and again she just wants to make the spell so it constantly drives home how alone he is and how he can't find anyone who will love him (except for her), and make it so he's more and more likely to come back to her as time goes by because then the spell will be broken

(sidenote: camille obviously doesn't actually love him, because anyone who does that to someone doesn't love them. but as the one who cast the spell, she can lift it whenever she wants. so all she has to do is kiss him and lift the spell and be like "see, magnus? who else would love you like this, but me? even after all these years?". and honestly if it had come to that magnus would know she was lying because there is no way this is love, none. but anyway it doesn't come to that, that's just what her plan is)

anyway it still doesn't work because magnus is done and he won't get back to her, and he particularly doesn't want to get back with her after, you know, all this trashfire. and he just sets his jaw and is like "fine" and accepts that he will live however long he still has with his friends and people he loves and away from her, basically

and like gosh sidenote but this would have been so painful for his friends. camille very deliberately made it romantic love because she knows magnus has so many fucking people who love him, but him and the immortal squad have found family dynamics, not romantic ones. so there is nothing they can do even though their love for magnus is just... so real and pure and they hate to see him like this, hate to know that right when he finally got rid of her she made sure he still couldn't go out in the world. especially since magnus has always been so damn sociable, loved to be surrounded by people and to meet them and care for them. but here he is, walking as hidden as he can and with his head down avoiding eye contact because he knows the horror is there and some children run away screaming when they see him

and i just picture this desperate little scene with raphael in particular where he's just like.... "i'll try to kiss you. we have to try" and magnus is all, "my boy, you don't even like kissing, and she was very adamant that it had to be romantic" and raphael is almost in tears like "but i do love you, goddamn it! i should be able to undo this spell" and it's so sweet that he's trying and willing to be in this really awkward position where he kisses (yikes) magnus (which is just weird especially since magnus is kind of a father figure to him) because he's just... so desperate to have him free of her, finally, once and for all, you know?

but obviously it doesn't work, not even with dot, who had a kinda fling with him in the past but doesn't really feel Romantic Love™ for him even though she does love him, it's just... not what the spell requires. and it's unfair as hell and there are lots of tears but just the fact that magnus falls asleep surrounded in a teary cuddle pile after some of the absolute worst kisses of his life because his friends/family love him enough to put themselves in such an uncomfortable position in the hopes of making him free, is enough to make him feel a little better. and the fact that they are still there for him and obviously still love him so fiercely even though looking at him now literally evokes fight or flight instincts in them is already more than anything camille could ever give him. if anything, she's proven how loved magnus is

and that helps him get through it that day and is something he tries to hold unto in the worst days, but still, it's hard and it just... sucks. it's tiring to go out in the street and always have people staring at you and to see the horror in their faces and be so isolated and never really know what might happen, if he will be attacked or harrassed or what exactly will happen. so he isolates himself more and more and soon the only people who ever see him or visit him are his friends. and fuck, do they hate seeing him like this

things settle in a weird kind of way. magnus is still living his life and working as a wizard and etc and in a way the spell even helps him have some more credibility because you know, isolated scary person is kinda what ppl expect from wizards. but he avoids having contact at all costs and mostly sends the potions they request and stuff their way, and the only ppl he sees are his friends unless he absolutely can't avoid going outside. and he's fucking miserable. and every once in a while camille will come back to be like "so, magnus, are you ready to stop with this little tantrum of yours and come back to me now? how is the rose doing, by the way?" because god forbid he catches a break

also it turns out that magnus' adoptive streak becomes even stronger because he is 1- extra lonely; and 2- empathizing more than ever with the outcasts. don't get me wrong, he always has, he's a fucking brown, bi trans man for fuck's sake. we all see ourselves in the stray dogs and lonely people one way or another. but now this is turned up to a thousand, so, you know

so he has one (1) extra kind of contact in his life which is basically with stray animals (particularly cats cuz u know, this is magnus) that he finds around in need of help. they can all leave if they want, but a lot of them stay, particularly the black cats, disabled animals, and others that have a particularly hostile environment outside. you know

(not me again with my very specific hcs about deaf pitbulls who fall in love with my faves but LOOK pitbulls are very sweet and caring animals who don't deserve the fame of monsters that they have and if the idea of one being best friend's with magnus and them having a loving and caring relationship doesn't appeal to you then idk what the fuck to tell you)

this of course doesn't help his image cuz this guy is just going there and collecting black cats and snakes and has a huge pitbull around with him at all times but it's not like it can get any worse so magnus doesn't care, and besides, he can't just leave them out to die in the cold and harrassment of middle ages white ppl who think black cats are the worst possible thing but rats carrying deadly diseases are fine (and look, i know rats are also animals that get a lot of shit and persecution, but like, seriously, clean the streets)

and every once in a while there will be a person in need too, like a homeless person in need of a place to stay or some sick person who has been abandoned or something of the sort, so magnus brings them in as well and cares for them as well as he can, but also tries to maintain minimal contact because he's been burned too many times, okay

so like, cue alec! i know in the original BATB belle ended up with the beast to save her father's life but fuck that. i lowkey consider making it "izzy ran away from home so alec comes after her and they both end up staying with magnus" but i think i like it better if it's just alec who decided to leave. like he's done with the abuse both towards him and his sister and he wants to be able to live his life even if he's gonna have to start over in some other village all alone. anywhere but here and all that

and of course alec used to be plenty rich and he has a lot of skills that help him pass by - he's a good archer and hunter, he's a good leader and organizer so he could do wonders for a failing business, he's smart and cunning - but he also has, like, 2 gold coins to his name. maybe some more from stuff he took from home and sold, but still

initially he is living at a tavern and i guess i'm making simon, raphael, and maia tavern owners again! i don't even care anymore, it suits them. rapha is the cook and the three of them run the business and simon also makes musical appearances during dinners every once in a while, and they are living the happy queer polyamorous life of their dreams. we have no choice but to stan

anyway alec is staying with them and he becomes friends with i think maia in particular since, you know, she is the one with the most contact with the customers since rapha is in the kitchen and simon is up the stage most of the time. plus they are both the same brand of bastard and they have an easy understanding between them that just works

and look! simon, raphael, and maia are 3 trans, non-christian/non-white (unnecessary addendum: the concept of whiteness didn't exist until around the 17th century, but whiteness as a concept came basically as a substitute for christianity [link to source], so i'm counting the fact that simon is jewish and raphael and maia are not culturally european as equivalent to non-whiteness in this context) people, so it's not like they would ever kick a gay man running from an abusive home out. but you know what they also are? magnus' friends. and after a while of talking to him maia thinks he is trustworthy enough for them to send magnus' way, because magnus needs as many friends as possible. plus, he wouldn't kick a person in need out, so unlike with them magnus can't really push this newcomer away so he'd have more company. plus, the possibility that he might fall in love with magnus and undo the stupid spell is there, i'm just saying! i'm not saying it WILL happen but why not give it a fucking shot?

raphael in particular is of course super protective of magnus and he swears to god that if this guy gives him half a bad look raphael will end him, which earns him some pats on the shoulder for his troubles and "rapha, we don't want magnus to be hurt either"s. maia says that she's been assessing him for quite a while now and she's pretty positive that he won't be terrible to magnus, but if she's wrong, she'll kill him personally too. and rapha trusts maia. how could he not? she's maia

so, they send alec magnus' way. "i'm sorry alec, but we are struggling to make ends meet *hides gigantic gold stash* and the tavern is packed *raphael upstairs stomps at maximum speed to make it seem like their 13 empty rooms upstairs actually have people* and we really need your room to give to this customer *simon in a wig* BUT we have a friend who we're sure will give you shelter if you ask, it's not very far away, and once we have a free room we will let you know". and alec is just like, okay, because he's been staying there for free or considerably less than the usual fee/in exchange for some stuff he hunts for quite a while now, and they are nice, so it's not like he can complain

and they don't tell him about the spell exactly because it is not their story to tell but they do let him know what to expect re: magnus' vibes and say it's a spell. and alec's like ok i guess. alec's very practical, he doesn't really care, and it's not like it's the guy's fault anyway. which is exactly why maia is sending alec there

so they send magnus a heads up ("magnus this guy is HOMELESS and we are SOOOOO packed can you please give him shelter for a little while thx xoxo"). alec arrives there a while later carrying like 3 prime rabbits he has hunted as a thank you gift because he hates being dependant on people but it's not like jobs abound in the middle ages, and he is actually a little embarrassed to go in and ask this guy he doesn't know for shelter but he IS kinda desperate. for now

anyway he is standing there with his 3 rabbits debating whether or not to knock on the door and magnus just opens it magically like "i know you're there, dear, just come in" so alec does and awkwardly presents him the rabbits and shit and is all "thanks for letting me stay, uh. i can help you with food and taking care of the house and stuff" even though, you know, magnus has magic and doesn't need it

(and magnus appreciates it deeply, because it is tiring to do it all magically on his own but most non-magical people don't even consider that)

and like... it is very awkward at first because magnus does NOT trust at all and he mostly just wants to keep away from anyone who can... look at him. but they ARE living together (oh my god they were roommates!! just kidding they each have their own room but you get it) so it's inevitable. but like magnus' insecurity makes him keep to himself for long times and makes things awkward, kinda like how the initial days with the beast and belle the beast was rude and kinda shitty except magnus is not shitty, just... private

and maybe the subject even comes up like "thanks for the meal alec. i'll go eat it in my room" "i mean, you could eat here if you want" "and ruin your appetite? no thank you" and alec is just like "*shrug* it won't ruin my appetite. unless you are my parents, the concept of failure, or some girl wanting me to marry her, i don't think there's a lot the spell can do to make me scared. besides, you literally have a kitten on top of your head right now and you refuse to remove it and are using a spell to keep her from jostling when you move" "her name is Fluffy, and she is sleeping!" "right, my bad" "wait did you say the concept of failure?" "yea"

it's not that the spell doesn't work on alec; it does, just like it works on his friends. but he is willing to go beyond that initial repulsive reaction that he knows is illogical anyway (and alec is the kind of guy who is just like "if my feelings aren't logical, i don't listen to them" which in this case is useful lmao). and the thing is that once you get to know magnus there is nothing about him that is scary, and the feeling just becomes completely ignorable, because humans are nothing if not adaptable. but most people don't want to go through the trouble to try, and magnus himself doesn't want to let himself be vulnerable enough to give them a chance because there IS a great chance that he will be met with some level of aggression, even if it's an unintentional microaggression

and eventually they grow closer and build trust. i think this happens particularly when camille steps in for one of her regularly schedule shoving-it-in-magnus'-face visits and alec is just like. "hey why don't you just use magic to keep her away?" and magnus realizes that he never even THOUGHT of that and like, jesus, how much has he been unconsciously torturing himself? so he does it, and he ends up telling alec about the story of the spell, which might be the first time he's told someone that didn't know him before the spell was cast

(alec: "so she's basically just killing you slowly?" magnus: "don't be silly, alexander. torturing me first is the most important part". and he sounds self deprecating and almost resigned and god alec feels murderous)

ohh but wait bonus: magnus says that she will only undo the spell if he gets back with her, he doesn't mention that it technically can be undone by romantic love or whatever bullshit's going on because he doesn't believe it can happen anyway, so, who cares

anyway! time goes by. fun fact: alec and magnus get along really fucking well. magnus is so so smart and knowledgeable and he shows alec many of his inventions that never got to see the light of day or that were stolen by someone else who wasn't cursed and took all the credit. he also fascinates alec with his magic, but mostly with his personality. there's something just endlessly endearing about this guy who is so fucking proud of his puns and so so nice and gentle to every creature he encounters, be it a kitten or a pitbull, who's letting alec stay with him for no reason other than that alec needs it

and alec is so goddamn appreciative of it because like he IS and we stan! and he's always trying to give back to magnus which is kind of a rarity, but most of all he's also extremely funny beneath the whole no-bullshit attitude, he's caring and fierce and resourceful and strong (so's magnus) and they click so well. they can also talk about their similar experiences with like, abuse and trauma without making it super heavy and they're just,,, so supportive of each other. so like yeah surprise surprise they fall in love

but they don't really say anything because (on magnus' part) that's just fucking ridiculous, he's a monster; and (on alec's part) he will put magnus is a way too uncomfortable position if magnus doesn't like him that way and they will just... be living together. and magnus will feel like he has to compensate to alec somehow and alec doesn't want that. it's just complicated when one of them is dependant on the other, and besides, alec has had very little to offer magnus so far

(no, he has no idea how much his company means to magnus and has brighted his depressed ass life. he is stupid)

sometimes magnus' friends visit and they're always just so happy for him, to see how he's hanging out more and let someone into his life after so long. it earns him a lot of forehead kisses and "i'm so happy to see you like this". and over time he starts to invite them over more as well as just open up back to the people in his life :')

angsty but also kind of fluffy sidenote: i picture that every time they kiss his forehead or cheek or whatever they linger for a little while and then open their eyes slowly and sigh like "i had been hoping that it would work this time. magnus, you know i love you, right?" and magnus is all like "i know just from you saying that, darling. it's just not how the spell works" and aaa

and like to be extra clear im not saying that alec fixes him or romantic love heals him or whatever, just that having let someone in, someone who didn't know him before the spell, and have them completely accept him and realize how much he had been missing out re: touch and human contact helps him realize how much he misses his friends and how pushing them away is stupid when they've never been anything if not supportive of him. they don't care that he's cursed. and obviously magnus was already on the way to that if he even managed to let alec in anyway

anyway! dramatic healing scene. LOOK. usually i'd be all for "they don't change back actually because people don't have to look beautiful to be lovable". like the original BATB disappointed me sooo badly because i had just been hoping that he'd stay the same way and still be loved. but in this case it's not that magnus doesn't look beautiful! it's that the spell has made him be hated by people for no reason other than existing. and breaking the spell is not changing magnus himself, it's changing that hatred. so, yeah. i'm not saying it's a deep metaphor or anything, just, you know daudhasdja it's different from the usual monster thing

and i'm torn here because on the one hand i LOVE the drama of the original BATB where everyone decides to gather to kill the beast and belle saves him and shit, but idk if it fits with the vibe ive been building here. no actually @ me shut the fuck up. you know how i mentioned that they kick camille out with magic finally? i actually had no intentions of following through with this in any way but like of COURSE she would be absolutely pissed out of her mind and want to get back in some way, we already know she's vindictive. so i'm gonna use that. this is what neil gailman meant when he said that writing is just making a rough draft and then writing it again but like it's on purpose this time

anyway! so after they yeet her camille is obviously furious and fuming and it might have finally dawned on her that magnus will NOT fucking cave and she is losing power over him, not gaining it. so she decides to play a last card and get him to almost die so he kind of HAS to take her bid, you know? so she makes up some shit about how magnus has kidnapped the lightwood heir and she's only now hearing about it, and no one else is safe and yada yada. and she has "proof" because alec IS indeed there and again the spell just helps everyone easily agree with her that magnus is That Kind Of Guy or whatever, and middle ages ppl weren't exactly waiting for a good enough reason to grab their pitchforks. and they don't even KNOW about the spell, really. all they know is that he's very powerful, secluded, and they all fear and almost hate him just from one look

so camille makes up some bullshit story about how he made a deal with the devil to become extra powerful, and that the source of his powers is the rose, so they have to get rid of the rose to kill him. (sidenote: i never understood why the hell the rose was never used as a weakness against the beast. like was he keeping it super guarded and safe just for the fucking shits?) so they devise an attack so someone can sneak up and get the rose, and camille makes up some bullshit story about how they have to destroy the rose a specific way so it takes longer and she has time to manipulate magnus before he dies. man, it's easy to be a villain when your target is secluded

anyway! big attack at magnus' house. magnus' friends don't hear about it until it's too late because camille knows exactly who they are and warned them that they were on "the witch's" side. alec is maybe away hunting when it happens? camille obviously has magic in this AU so she can check for that information. maybe she even says that she will be the one responsible for finding the lightwood heir so there is minimal risk of him revealing that she lied lmao

oh no, violence! they battle and yada yada. catarina is probably the first one to realize what is happening because i figure she, madzie, and dot are the ones who live closest to magnus'. they send fire messages and get ragnor, simon, maia, raphael, and meliorn to help. oh yeah, and alec i genuinely forgot trust me to forget about romance in a romance-focused au. but alec is the only one of them without any magical resources and he's far away and on foot, so he's gonna be the last to get there, which camille had been counting on

but alec or no alec, they can keep the attackers at bay because they're all powerful and smart and shit and a lot of them have magic as opposed to the mundanes who don't, but of course that's mostly because they are holding off on attacking and the invasion is mostly a distraction because their PLAN is to use the rose. and camille tells them all to leave once the petal puckering starts so she can "protect them from any lashouts" (have her big villain speech). and it's not like any of magnus' friends is gonna leave to go after them when magnus is dying, bUT they also won't attack camille because she's his only hope. and they won't be able to get to stop the rose plucking in time because that's in another room and while she made it slower than something that the person can use to kill him in a second it's also not slow enough for them to get there on time (maybe there's a spell against magic use near where magnus keeps the rose? just for extra safety, so the ones with magic can't portal there or whatever)

anyway. big villain speech. magnus screams in pain every time a new petal is plucked. his friends are either running to the rose thing desperately or trying to get camille to stop this madness, she's going to kill him for fuck's sake. i don't know which chooses to do what so you can figure that out i guess. and for that extra drama, right when the last petal was going to be plucked, wee woo alec lightwood arrives! and he went straight for the rose because magnus had told him about it and he figured that there was a good chance the attackers might go for it. so he shoots the person's leg or something and gets them away from the rose and yay, day saved! mostly. because now there is only one petal left to fall before magnus dies, so at the very least, his lifespan has been shortened considerably. also, he is still in pain

i'm torn about what happens to camille then. on the one hand, i love killing camille! bonding activities for the whole family. on the other, she kinda is the only one who can save him now. they all know magnus won't want to get back with her, but hey, it's not like camille wants a relationship! she wants magnus to be her asset. a relationship was just the best way to get him to do that she had initially. but magnus doesn't want to cave and be dependant of her, so, you know. but maybe they can try to convince her to stop this fucking madness, god knows how

so okay yeah no camille-killing yet because they don't want to jeopardize magnus' safety, so she just leaves convinced that either way, she wins, and this might be the best possible scenario actually because magnus will have lots of times to think it over and be real desperate and come to her and strike a deal. so, yay her! she just needs to lie to the mundanes that the mission was successful or whatever, and it's not like that's gonna be hard because magnus won't want to be seen there again, so

we are all running to check up on magnus now. he's kinda like, on the ground coughing blood, but he'll live for as long as the last rose doesn't fall. still, they all settle on trying to help him, getting him in bed, tending to his wounds, etc. and thinking about what the fuck they are all going to do now. so you have raphael and maia making magnus soup, simon running his mouth as he throws around ideas on how they can fix this, ragnor, cat, dot, and madzie (who is here now that the danger is over ofc) checking and rechecking magnus' vitals for the billionth time and trying to figure out how much time they have, meliorn using their fae powers to stop his pain. and madzie is all snuggled in bed with magnus holding his hand and asking if he wants her to tell him a bedtime story, and magnus just... feels cared for and loved

alec meanwhile i think would tell what ACTUALLY happened to the person who was doing the rose thing - i actually have thought about it and think it might make sense for it to be luke. just because i love him and it kinda fits the whole "initially sided with shadowhunters, lately became a downworlder" thing. and like luke genuinely believed he was saving a person/people so alec brings him in too and magnus is all "catarina, dear, can you help heal his leg? i would, but i don't think i have enough magic right now" because he is the sweetest man immediately wanting to help the guy who almost killed him. and luke is in awe

(and alec brings him on purpose, too, because he knows that anyone who actually talks to magnus for a little while will see what an amazing person he is. and he hopes that luke, as a mundane, can tell the others that and turn them against camille)

and after that, of course, alec sits down by magnus' side and Does Not Leave. he's just there holding his hand and talking to him and magnus' friends, who are all also kind of. sitting there, trying to snuggle up in a gigantic pile of like 10 ppl to cuddle close to magnus and make sure he feels loved and cared for and that they know he is real. madzie gets special privileges in that sense because she's smaller and also a kid, so she gets to be kinda snuggled up with him. so alec has to be content with holding magnus' hand lmao (which he is, he's just happy that he's alive and okay. and he has a whole plan to get camille to undo the spell, mostly involving getting the mundanes against her and telling her that she is only safe for as long as magnus lives, because once he dies, she will have a bunch of ppl who will hunt her down to the faces of the earth to make her pay for what she did to him. the only reason they didn't do that yet is because she can still save magnus' live, so is she really going to let him die knowing that she will be next?)

so alec takes his hand and tells magnus that they will fix this, he promises, and give a little kiss on magnus' hand. just a little peck, no deep intentions, but magnus gasps a little because he feels something, and his eyes water a little bit because he's so touch starved and tired and hurt and alec kissed his hand and he can feel this kind of ache inside him, somehow a good ache, but he just can't explain it. and so alec notices his watery eyes and he very tenderly wipes his tears away and tells him that they're all on his side, will always be, and kisses him on the forehead. and this kiss? this kiss is full of adoration and love and purpose, and magnus gasps and the wounds that hadn't been healed suddenly mend together, and the petals that had fallen go back to the rose before it disappears in a beautiful flash of light, and suddenly magnus' magic is back full force and he just looks at himself for a second, and everyone erupts into joy because holy shit, the spell is broken

and alec is so confused because again! he didn't kNOW about the whole true love's kiss thing or he would have asked magnus to let him kiss him as soon as he learnt about his feelings, because even if magnus didn't feel the same way, alec could undo the spell. and he's like "why the hell didn't you tell me?? we could have fixed this months ago" and magnus is like "i didn't think it would make a difference. wait, you're in love with me? have been for months?" and alec is like "first of all, yes. second of all, i have nothing else to say, i just said 'first of all' because i was so indignant"

and magnus laughs and jumps on him and kisses him on the mouth this time and they are both smiling and laughing into it and so so happy. and raphael is kind of just peppering kisses on maia's face too, like, "you were right, he undid the spell, thank you" and maia was never sure that this would happen but she will take the credit actually please and thank you

and they all live happily ever after and kill camille together the end i guess. god this post was so long i'm so sorry

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saintsofvoid · 3 years

Note

Not saying you have no reason to feel "bleh", sometimes the brain just insists, but there is so much character in the little snippets and commentary and photos you do. Even if they are similar to other people's (which is really hard not to do), they are so unique to themselves it's absolutely worth it.

Hopefully you're feeling better soon, and can find joy in creating and talking about your boys again ❤

Its late so I'm gonna kinda reply to this with what has been going on on my end and where this funk is coming from. Putting it under a read more to spare everyone, but first and foremost I do appreciate all of you beyond belief for reaching out and having such kind words to say. I know its just a me thing but sometimes it all does just get to me. With that being said, feel free to ignore the whole next bit.

I 100% understand and accept its never going to be completely possible to make completely original characters, especially given the restricted format we have for CP2077. I wish we had more power to craft our characters, more like Fallout 4's character creator (which despite the game's flaws I still go back to just to make characters lol). The problem is I see Valor in game and these screenshots of him and while I do like how he looks... its not him. Not completely. His scars are wrong, he doesn't have his tattoos, hair isn't right, he's missing the ports on his body, and overall things just aren't 100% with him. But despite all that, 3rd time around I think he looks pretty good. Again though am limited to what the game allows so a part of me does get a bit offed when I see other ppls Vs that look a bit too similar. I know its just me, I don't take it to heart, its just upsetting reminder I can't make him look how he's supposed to. Same with Umbra, he looks nothing like how he looks in our TTRPG and it really hurts because I spent a long time making him with our GM and I can't show that. Its not possible in game and my art doesn't do him any justice. So it gets frustrating because I look at some of these guys and they're not my characters, just similar figures to them, but not them.

Which is really hard especially when it comes to Val because long ago he was a self insert that I used to project how I wanted to look. I Have never done well with identifying as trans, I don't like to glamorize it or be recognized for it. I'm saving up for chest surgery but I'm fucking terrified of having the scars. I just don't want to be associated and recognized with it after my transition just because it's been really rough to go through in general. I haven't enjoyed this journey at all really, and really wish I didn't have to go through it. Valor in the RPG was my way of coping and going through stuff. Instead of gender though it was his association with cyberware and having parts of his body and "humanity" removed, replaced with machine and wires. I don't project onto him as much as I once did but he still will and forever hold pieces of that history because that's how I made him.

With all that, all I really do have is my words. Part of the problem with that is there's literally years worth of lore. I've been playing the same campaign with the same group of friends since my freshman year of college. So like 6/7 years now? There's a lot. The issue is these are people I'm really good friends with. This game has become a kind of safe zone for us. We're all a bunch of artist that mainly specialized in horror content. We were part of a movie club that mainly watched horror movies. We're the bitches that watched the Saw series during our free hour in the school library, like we are chill. That also just kinda means there's a lot of dark and twisted subject matter that ends up in our games. Characters having experienced some fucked up shit, witnessed some fucked up shit, and have done some fucked up shit. Feel kinda weird posting or sharing some of the more dark things in detail. So end up watering them down and they don't always feel right.

Top of all that, I just don't have the time to do things I wanna do. I feel so goddamn pressured at home and like I should be doing more. I honestly don't know how half these people have the time to learn and do the amount of mods and edits they do. I'm not gonna lie, I'm envious of it. I get 8-10 hours of being yelled at by customers, and then I may or may not have an hour long drive to take my brother to work or pick him up some days, and then whatever my parents have going on. I want to get back into art, I want to learn 3D modeling, I want to learn how to properly mod but I'm usually so stressed out or just exhausted nothing sticks so I don't even bother really. It sucks, because I want to learn, I want to do things, but I can't. I feel like because I have so little private and personal time now if I can't get things quick enough its not worth the effort. Its frustrating but again that's all on me.

And in other news, lotta people around me are dying or have had family die do to COVID and other things. Earlier this year a close friend of mine lost her dad to COVID and she's still struggling with that. A family friend of ours died earlier this week at the age of 35 from unknown causes. I have another friend who is in the psych ward because he is once again dealing with mental stuff and wellness check did not turn up well. Round it all off, my grandpa has basically given up on his life as well, flat out saying there's nothing worth living for anymore. Given his health issues I know its only a matter of time until I'm saying my final goodbye to him as well. So its rough, and fucking sucks. Not much I can do about it, but it makes me feel fucking worse with my own depression and suicidal thoughts. I know I'd never act on the thoughts, but seeing how death effects those around me makes me feel fucking worse for even thinking about it.

The part that sucks the most about it all, and even something I've expressed to my therapist is I'm completely self aware that its all in my head. I know I can't control these situations, and that skills take time to be acquired and grow. I am so grateful for all friends and support I do have, here, on disco, irl, I see the kind words and love and it really means a lot. I feel like a horrible friend because I don't know what to do really. I know its in my head, and I know what I can and can't control. I know what I need to do, yet I don't feel any better. I feel worse, I feel like I'm distant, and dismissive. I feel like what content I am putting out is stale and boring. I just feel lost and I'm not sure what piece I'm missing to really get things going again. I love my characters, I love making stuff with them. I love the story arch I have for Val and Ker and I want to share all of that with you all. I just feel really weird.

#asks #really do feel free to ignore #i'm sorry this is going to you rindemption #your ask is just the only thing I had #i do appreciate you though #thank you for the kindness

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mavspeed · 3 years

Text

First Line Meme

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line, then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

Hey @applesfallingfromblondehair, thanks for the tag love!! likewise i dont usually do this but this feels interesting so lets see if my ass has improved over the last few stories lmfkjgjk

also this will prob be a mix of xmcu fic + kingsman fic bc i think i have a more or less equal number of fics written for both

The first time Charles meets Lucifer Morningstar, actual devil from hell, ruler of the underworld, fallen son of the lord above and god knows what else, it had been after Erik had been sentenced to life imprisonment in the highest security cell in the Pentagon.

- this is from a professor and a devil walk into a bar, which is kinda a crossover rarepair fic that rose out of me and mutuals on twitter discussing tom ellis and james mcavoy being roommates and kinda... devolved from there. i am proud of this one lmfnjgkj

“Are you okay, Professor?” Hank asks quietly.

Charles blinks. He supposes it’s a valid question. He’s been in a bit of a funk the past few days- scratch that actually, the past few years. He’s just lost so much- his father, and then his mother’s love, and then Raven and Erik and Sean and countless others. Building a school, gaining students he loved to teach and nurture hadn’t helped him in the slightest, and he’s as lost as he ever was, wandering the halls of a drafty mansion alone, feeling like he’s been stranded at sea even whilst surrounded by people.

- from in the belly of the beast, which again came out of me wondering what would have happened if fox had gone w their original plan and charles had been that last horseman instead of erik. this story will prob gain a sequel... sometime in the near future when im not too bogged down by current wips

The Xavier family hall of the deceased- because of course they’re weird enough to have a cemetery- is full of rows upon rows of holograms. Charles is four and gets bored of his father crying over his mother’s hologram, so he toddles over to the other rows. Unfamiliar names, all of them- Charles is young, and he doesn’t understand death. He doesn’t even know who his mother is, who’d died at childbirth and left him with a father still at a loss when it came to bringing up a kid.

- from tequila on a spaceship, the sequel to a fic that still has some people angry at me i think. this fic never did gain as much traction as the first one but im still proud of it esp since it discusses certain themes of reincarnation that ive always wanted to see explored for myself in reincarnation aus (and i only ever saw it in danveresque’s reincarnation au)

There are cork boards covering every inch of the wall. Red strings, photographs, conspiracy threads, everything. Raven takes it in, swallowing, noticing the picture in the middle.

It’s one of Charles, when he’d been in university. His final year- he'd just been done presenting his year- end project, his fringe a tumbled mess and a bright smile on his lips. Erik had taken the picture, Charles scurrying to his side once he’d been done and demanding to look at the image, his tongue poking out the corner of his mouth. He looks like how Raven had always imagined him to be.

“He wouldn’t want this,” she finally says, turning to look at Erik.

- from tequila on a beach, the first fic to the fic above. this fic is v special to me because i actually wrote this on a spiral after having a very tough visit with one of my parents in the hospital after a surgery for organ removal to prevent the onset of cancer. its simpler than my other fics yet i think more powerful because of what happens. also i think the first time i killed charles off lol (spoiler alert). also idk if ppl were aware of this but this is called tequila on a beach precisely bc charles and erik were tipsy from tequila at a frat party and then went to a beach. its the way they first met (and will continue to meet for all their next lives)

Erik doesn’t know how it all started. Maybe it was when his insane sergeant had started rambling about imaginary cities, treasures of gold and cursed incantations. Maybe it was when trickles of rumours had started pouring down about the higher ups wanting to investigate unfound territory, disregard the Egyptian government’s feelings on the matter, and put a previously unfound myth on the map for all the world to see. Or maybe, Erik thinks, it was when archaeologist Klaus Schmidt put a bullet through his mother’s head and he ended up going to America armed with dual citizenship and the sole intent of wanting to drive a coin directly between Schmidt’s eyes, joining a division of the American military focused solely on guarding archaeological digs- more importantly, in Egypt, where Schmidt’s interest had shifted.

- from courting the end of the world, another one i’m just insanely proud of! this is the first time i’ve ever attempted a multichapter movie au and it actually managed to work pretty well, i at least haven’t run out of inspiration for it yet lmfjgjg. also erik as himbo rick connell... very rent free in my head

The day after they murder Shaw and leave his house of horrors, Erik crosses the Canadian border with Charles across his back. Charles had started getting tired while they’d been walking, stumbling and nearly tripping until Erik had forced him to get on his back, ignoring Charles’ protests.

The blood’s seeping out steadily from Charles’ nose, staining his shirt and soaking it through. It’s been leaking on and off, and the effects are already obvious in the dark circles beneath Charles’ eyes. Any more, and Erik knows they’ll have to find him a doctor. He hopes the nearest town in Canada has one that would be willing to treat them.

- from a world built for two. i actually dk where the inspiration for this came from, i think i was once again on a depressive spiral and wanted to break my comfort characters into pieces and put them together again. this also deals with codependency and unhealthy coping mechanisms as a result of trauma which i showed as sweet in the fic but i would def not recommend in real life. pls if u relate to either charles or erik in this go see a therapist

The call comes in the afternoon, an hour before Charles is supposed to teach his Intro to Genetics class. Frowning, Charles abandons the game of Candy Crush he’d admittedly been playing rather badly and picks it up. “Charles sp-”

“We need you, Prof,” Kitty says desperately into the phone. “He’s been in a temper all morning, and then Alex’s reports missed out a whole subsection, so he’s fired the entire marketing team! Please, Professor, you have to come immediately!”

- from and we can be pirates. i wrote this in like 4 seconds for my friend who wanted professor charles and ceo erik and actually did not expect this to gain the attention it did... its always the fics u write in like 4 seconds lmfjggj. a sequel for this Is coming too probably at some point in the very far future

Charles Xavier can admit as he sits across from Essex, hands cuffed to the desk, that in hindsight, this had perhaps not been one of his better ideas.

He refuses to admit it as he controls Erik’s mind, preventing him from lashing out and making him close his eyes to the nightmare unfolding in front of him. He refuses to admit it as he gets shoved into the back of a black pickup truck, and the butt of a gun is smashed across his forehead hard enough to knock him out cold for a few hours. He refuses to admit it when he wakes up what appears to be hours later in a cold interrogation room, hands cuffed to the table in front of him, with a suppression collar rendering his mind dark and almost achingly silent.

- from from the land of gods (bring me home). i’ve been struggling w this fic a lot (it didnt come as easily to me as the first one did) but its getting there. also i put charles through hell in this rip sorry mister xavier

In the aftermath, both of them stand at the border of the mansion. The air feels frigid, slicing into Raven’s lungs like a thousand paper cuts. “Charles, please,” she begs, heart in her throat and voice hoarse. “He wouldn’t want you to be like this. He wouldn’t want you to do this. It’s not too late, you can come back.”

Charles gazes back, a brick wall. He hasn’t even cleaned up, still in that damnable yellow and blue suit with blood drying in the corners of his mouth, the bridge of his nose. There’s nothing in his eyes- blank, almost see through. He looks as if he’s a mere shade, a ghost lounging about where he once was. Raven knows better.

“I will raze the world to the ground,” he finally says, his voice free of any inflection, “and when I’m done, no one will be left standing. Not you, and certainly not me.”

- from where all the poets went to die, a dark fic based on what would have happened if moira had killed erik with the bullets. its the first time ive written dark charles and it was v fun if im being honest

10.

Charles is a light sleeper. It’s a trait that stays with him- all the way from his father and the tests to taking care of his mother to Cain Marko and his fists to Cuba and then now, the dust of Washington settling over him and making the waking world lie an inch beyond his eyelids. It therefore stands to reason that the second the windowsill creaks he’s up in a shot, hoisting himself up and lashing out with his telepathy instantly.

That’s not a trait that had stayed with him. That’s a newly formed trait, bitter and bold, carved into existence by Cuba by his students disappearing one by one in Vietnam by the letters that announce Sean’s death in black unfriendly print by-

The tendrils of his telepathy forged cold and distant meet a barrier and recoil, stunned. He focuses his eyes and then widens them, staring at Erik who stares back, hidden beneath that infernal muddied magenta helmet of his. They stare at each other for a moment before Erik clears his throat.

- from in the valley of kings (you will come home). my first ever cherik fic! im actually also proud of this one even if i ended it horribly and half my mutuals refuse to read it bc of how it ended LMFJGJGJ. i cant believe this was supposed to be a funny and cute kid fic and then i turned it into an angst ridden mess. also leo is actually an oc whose adult version is fancasted as charlie rowe by me and another mutual on twitter and im v proud that readers are willing to die for the baby

11.

Mike has to google it, finding a crafts shop nestled into the corner of the street right smack in the middle of Louisiana, past a long and winding dirt road and the crumbling farmhouses relics of a time long past. The air is hot, humid, sticking to the back of his neck like an unwieldy parasite as he pushes the door of the shop open to the sound of the bell tinkling above.

He finds the origami paper quickly enough and has a momentary breakdown about what Bill’s favourite colour even is- he had never thought to ask him. Twenty seven years of following every single footstep of his like a dedicated, most definitely creepy stalker, three months of more than a few states traversed with Bill’s laughter now echoing in his ears like a shadow that trails after him, and this is what stumps him. It takes ten minutes, but he finally settles on light green.

- my first and last entry into the IT fandom bc i love these two but to be very fair there isn’t much content out there for him (and twitter content actually intimidates me lmfjgjjg) a thousand paper cranes never got much traction either but i suspect its bc i was horrible at promoting it. also i very much love this fic even if it never did that well bc ive always wanted to write a fic like this after watching the movie in cinemas in 2019

12.

ok nsfw i guess

Mornings start like this- Eggsy snuffling into David’s neck, attempting to work his way back up to wakefulness as David sleeps the sleep of the dead, the streams of morning sunlight gradually lightening up the room. It’s a while before he gets the energy to sit up, pushing an eager V off the bed- V for Vendetta, a kitten named after one of David’s favourite movies that they’d adopted about a month after moving in together- before stumbling to the loo. He’s already in the shower when David comes in, naked as the day he’s born with his arms entwining themselves around Eggsy’s waist as he murmurs a sleep-soft, “Good morning, love,” as he presses a kiss into the two-days-old hickey on Eggsy’s shoulder. His breath smells of toothpaste, the minty fresh kind he insists on buying from Target no matter how much Eggsy insists that the other brand is much better. Without fail, Eggsy always has a split second thought of thinking that he must truly be in heaven because no way can this be his reality, every single day, before sinking to his knees and allowing David’s cock to hit the back of his throat.

- from that’s the kind of love i’ve been dreaming of. i genuinely wish i had an opinion for this but i don’t remember writing this its been way too long

13.

The first time Eggsy sees her is in Trafalgar Square.

Trafalgar Square is uncomfortably packed on any normal day, but on New Year’s it is quite the hothouse. Sweating armpits and hot bodies plastered against each other, the twinkling lights overhead providing a flash of blue and green and yellow and red, screaming children and giggling teenagers shoving their way through- it’s a recipe for disaster. Eggsy doesn’t know how he ends up there. It happens sometimes- one second he blinks, sequestered in the comfort of his living room, and the next he’s somewhere else, as if he’s been teleported. “Life goes past you,” Tilde had said once, “and you don’t even notice.” Tilde would be right.

- this is a roxy and eggsy friendship centric fic that i abandoned bc i lost my ardor for this world about the same time i got into xmen lmfjgjg. all the king’s horses also had some great fancasts in it with dev patel fancasted too... rip ig

14.

once again, nsfw

Eggsy, truth be told, doesn’t actually like having sex in bathrooms. First of all, bathrooms generally have an unsanitary air about them. Besides that, the granite of the sinks always feel cold against his hips, there is the ever present fear of being walked in on and unlike what people might say, he actually really isn’t that much of an exhibitionist- and truth be told, he’s never liked the look of himself in the mirror mid coitus.

For David Budd, however, he suspects he might be up for anything.

- from do you ever dream of me. im actually proud of this fic and this series, i never usually write straight up porn or friends w benefits and i think it worked well in here. once again didnt get much traction but that was very of the norm for my kingsman fics lmfjgj

15.

It is on his fifth meeting with the therapist on site that she brings the issue up. The elephant in the room- or the bomb , David thinks morbidly. If asked, he can’t remember specifics about that day now. All he remembers is this- the burn of Julia’s picture in his wallet against his thigh, the Botticelli painting on the far wall and Miss Paulson’s face, severe and unsmiling.

“When you couldn’t reach Julia,” she says, after he finishes describing the feeling of running to Julia, the panic searing his chest as he’d prayed for his legs to work faster so he could do something, anything to reach her hand. “How did that make you feel?”

- from your haunted social scene. i genuinely... do not remember anything about this either helpfkjgjg,,, this has 55 comments tho which. Nice

16.

David brings her home on- in a move far too cliche for it to be reality- a stormy night. It’s in fact storming so hard the windowpanes shudder like leaves in the wind, droplets crashing against the glass in a cacophony so loud Eggsy more than once considers turning the radio all the way up to drown it out. He’d gone scrounging for David’s sweatshirts instead of his own halfway through, wincing intermittently at the flashes of thunder. At a particularly loud one JB had jumped up, squeaked in a very undoglike manner and skidded across the floor to cower beneath the sofa, only coming out when coaxed by Eggsy to do so. Officer Oatmeal had watched the proceedings from her regal place by the armchair, dozy eyed and blinking heavily.

- from a cat named lavender. from what i remember this was also my first try at bringing up trans eggsy

17.

He first appears at the black prince on a cold Monday evening, eyes like Frank Sinatra and lips arresting anyone’s gaze if they weren’t careful enough. He stood out too, clad in a respectable bomber jacket and boots that clicked against the tile rhythmically and loudly, a sort of organised, measured cacophony.

“Go and serve him,” Andrew said, fat and disinterested, seated behind the counter and idly flicking through bills, less than ten percent of which he pays Eggsy. “I’m busy.”

- from trust is left in lovers after all. i never continued this which is sad bc this did get a lot of attention... it was just v hard to keep the story going

18.

It usually rains cats and dogs in London but for some reason, the rain is heavier than usual today. The droplets splatter against the windows in a constant buzzing rhythm, the sound meshing together in a melody not altogether pleasant to the ears. It’s half past five and yet the light has to be kept on because that’s how dark the sky has gotten- thunder rolls like a loud crack, abrupt and deafening, causing Daisy to jump in her seat.

“Just a thunderstorm, flower,” Eggsy says. They’re seated at the dinner table, Eggsy going over her homework while David sits opposite them, hunched over his laptop as he attempts to finish a post mission report. Eggsy is half convinced he gave up ten minutes ago- he’s got his earbuds in and he hasn’t really typed anything in a while, eyes focused on the screen. His eyebrows are scrunched up in a glare that’s too adorable for his own good- and for Eggsy’s.

- from could feel like kryptonite. a lot of my kingsman fics are actually so much happier than my cherik ones... i should prob look into that rip

19.

“When you’re done lazing around you can come in, you dozy dog,” he tells Officer Oatmeal, who butts her nose into his knee. She’s the only one not on a diet in the house, Eggsy deeming her far too healthy and skinny to need one anyway. In fact, she’s under strict instructions by Eggsy to fatten up instead.

Once the animals are done feeding- Eggsy sporting a suspicious scratch on his left forearm- they settle down to eat their scrambled eggs and toast. David’s taken a large gulp of his scalding coffee when Eggsy says, all of a sudden, “So, I have a school reunion.”

- from gonna set this dance alight. don’t remember much about this either tbh

20. (the last one FINALLY)

It isn’t a big event or explosion that makes David realise he wants to see his father’s ring sitting pretty on Eggsy’s index finger. No teary confessions in the rain like in the rom coms Eggsy loves to rent out and sniffle his way through, or a fight that makes David see sense. In the end, it’s breakfast that cinches the deal for him.

The day had started out normally enough. David wakes up at eight like clockwork, the soft downy hair at the base of Eggsy’s neck tickling his nose with his arm locked tight around his waist. He’d yawned, exhausted- mostly because they’d stayed up very late into the night making good use of the bed- before standing up and shucking his shirt off to head for the shower. Eggsy had shifted in his sleep, mumbling something unintelligible, and the sight had been too endearing to resist so he’d bent down, pressing a kiss to his forehead and smiling when Eggsy groaned out loud.

- from lover boy rules. i actually started a lot of my kingsman fics in the same way which is rather awful of me. im glad thats changed with my xmen fics lmfjgjk. also this has 15 comments???? i dont even get that much attention with my xmcu fics these days... which is arguably a more active fandom... Hello

anyway that’s the end of it needless to say i do not know 10 other authors so im just gonna tag whoever i know rn: @hellfre , @queerneto, @ikeracity, @drinkingstars, @zebraljb

#whew this is super long i apologise #u can pinpoint the exact time i replaced taron with james as my number one boy #fic tag #fic meme

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misterbitches · 3 years

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Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas.

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL.

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers!

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die.

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more. i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done)

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom.

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through.

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao. basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman. anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord.

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop.

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t. beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are.

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid.

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc.

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me)

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex)

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!

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feelhuman · 4 years

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ʻ / wow , i am so excited to introduce jessica delaunchy to our current students at cape coral . she is extremely excited to join track / field & latin . coming in as a twenty one year old junior , they shouldn’t worry about fitting in . the cisfemale leo has always reminded me of zoë love smith , but some people don’t see it . trying to keep the fact that she was under witness protection from getting around this school is going to be tough . no worries , though , cape coral will create a new life for them , i assure you . ʼ

hiya beans ! i’m nae ( she / her , twenty , australia gal / acst tmz ! ) and i’m real pumped to get crackin’ & introduce you to this walking tragedy ! ── this is my gal jess , who is rlly smthin else , phew . i truly am in love with her tho & i hope ya’ll like her too ! click .... the .... read more .... now .

basic stats .

* find her full stats here !

current legal name : jessica blaire delaunchy.

nickname / alias : jess , jj. / none.

gender / pronouns : cisfemale , she / her.

dob / age : august 13 1998. / twenty one.

place of birth : long beach , california.

currently living : portland , maine.

ethnicity : curaçao , indonesian.

nationality : american.

languages spoken : primarily english , learning latin .

religion : her father was christian & her mother was muslim , so she was exposed to both growing up ( her dad wanting her to feel closer to her mother in a way. ) jess doesn’t really know which bracket she falls in , if at all , so instead she respects both . does this make sense ..... no.

sexual / romantic orientation : pansexual , panromantic.

occupation : self - employed , ig ? she takes odd jobs wherever possible , and the $$ is always under the table : house / pet / baby sittin’ , deliveries , written papers / tutoring , even ... dare i say it ... gambling.

education : scholarship student at cape coral international school.

major : archaeology.

biography .

* tw : parental / family death , murder , gang activity , & nae’s obsession with rlly bad tragic backstories .

the unfortunate beginning to this story is this : a girl understands death before she understands life ; a sad truth , a lost mother on the birthing bed as they try reviving the infant & succeed , a broken family from day one ━ she’s born novi ovard , with a head of thick raven hair & a set of lungs you can hear three floors down , but healthy , alive ; her mother meets a much more grim fate that very hour , and it’s almost as if she carries that misfortune as a stain for the remainder of her childhood , because if she wasn’t here , maybe her mother would have been .

her father is a stern man , strict & abrasive ; he loves his daughter though , that is crystal . nora grows up wanting little , and some could say that is her father’s way of over - compensating for the lack of maternal parent in the household and the way he works long hours at the police department . he remarries when nora is twelve , to a woman with a couple of daughters & a son . it’s not a bad thing , no evil step - mother or new step - siblings horror stories ; nora likes the feel of a feminine presence , likes having siblings to confide in . most importantly , she sees her father smile for the first time in years , and that’s more than enough . it’s a family , not entirely by blood , but it feels just as close ; like pieces that finally form a whole .

FAMILY OF FIVE FOUND MURDERED IN LONG BEACH SUBURBAN HOME : nora comes home from a night out with friends to find strange men in her house & bloody stains on the carpet . they don’t see her , if they had perhaps she wouldn’t be breathing right now , but she see’s them and that’s just as bad ━ the lights flash bright red & blue as the cops ask for a recount of the events that occurred , but she can only describe faces and remember a few names shouted as the culprits ran from the crime scene . they presume it’s connected to the L.A mafia , looking for justice from a cop that did them dirty a few years back , but there’s not enough evidence yet & they say her safety is at risk now . so , they offer her protection , say it’s for the best if she leaves her california life behind , leave everything behind and start anew .

portland is a big city , not entirely ideal but it’ll do for now . she leaves california as novi ovard , and is reborn as jessica delaunchy in maine ━ no one remembers a jessica delaunchy , or at least , no one truly knows who she is . she lives with her aunt , no ; her parents work overseas so she lives alone . she’s from somewhere in west virginia , except she doesn’t sound like it , so maybe it was oregon ? apparently she got expelled from her last school for setting fire to the gym , or was it trashing the headmaster’s coupé ? in truth , not much truth is known about jessica delaunchy . she’s only at cape coral because the thought of getting a free ride to an expensive school sounded appealing , and a refreshing change from a life of constant camouflage ; she only joins track , because everyone hates track . she only joins the latin club because who really has the patience for it ? jessica blends in , jessica is just jessica ━ an enigma , hell in heelys , possible undercover secret agent ( ? ) and a heck of a lot of fun to have by your side on friday nights .

other tid bits .

phew , where do i begin . . . in general she’s a pretty fun gal ! knows how to let loose & have a good time . we’re here for a fun time , not a long time , homeboys .

this is also her downfall because she will literally do ANYTHING to have fun ━ jump from a moving car ? sounds cool . jump into a tank full of piranhas ? best idea she’s ever had , get the camera , tony .

does NOT understand boundaries !! at all !! she’s not sorry !!

bit of a compulsive liar too tho ?? she’s one of those people that you never rlly know if they’re telling you the truth or just mucking around , which she is like 99 % of the time , and no - matter how much you pester her , she will just come up with more extravagant ways to deter you from the truth because she has some sort of . . . allergy to sincerity , ig .

for ex . don’t ask abt her family unless you want a 5 hr presentation on how she’s related to the lost romanov family & was disowned because they were too intimidated by her big dick energy .

really in denial ?? over everything that happened ?? she’s been ignoring the truth for years & tries not to let her thoughts wander too close to family . which is # yike !

as much as the portrays this too cool for school persona , she actually enjoys it ! she’s v smart & studious , loves history , philosophy , literature , loves it .

a complete DORK .

rlly bad attention span tho & one of those annoying ppl that�� waits until a person finishes talking and says ‘ u say smthin ? ’

lives on her own w/ her cat larry , who she uses as a judge of character but he hates everyone so its .... useless , but one day this asshole is gonna like someone and she’s gonna be STUNNED .

has a big heart .... somewhere . she just forgets she’s supposed to have one sometimes dfkjlhhfdhg

will always do the unconventional way of doing things because she hates following the norm or being labelled as a stereotype !! def one of those ‘ i liked it before it was COOL ’ bitter ppl too.

i think that’s iT ?? I THINK .

wanted connections .

* find her wc page here ! if nothing floats ur goat tho , pls hmu & we can figure something out ! ( either here or on d*scord : i’m stu pedasso #7836 )

#capecoral:intro #whew !! we did it .... it is Done

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spacials · 4 years

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𝑤𝑒𝑙𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑡 . . . !

this is a private writing blog for an original character, technically a reboot of one that i created like . . . man . . . just about seven years ago! so, yes, the concept is definitely dated, but i wanted to try my hand at bringing a character who was previously named gallifreya (hehe) into a more modern interpretation. the way i’m approaching this blog is an exploration of space drama / dramedy. gracie tyler is the daughter of rose tyler and the metacrisis doctor, corin. i will never force this canon on anyone who doesn’t want it and can happily adjust if you’d still like to write but don’t feel that fits your universe – just let me know! i won’t be offended in the least.

𝑏𝑎𝑠𝑖𝑐𝑠 . . . !

though i recognize this is the most goofy fanon-y, bad fanfic concept, and i will definitely make a lot of jokes about that hehe, i do ask you be nice generally! if you really hate this idea just like . . . don’t follow me!

typical rules apply, no godmodding, etc. i will unfollow if you are racist, transphobic, sexist, homophobic, lesbophobic, and otherwise anything gross. i will reblog both resource posts regarding current global issues when needed and will also reblog callouts when warranted – all will be tagged as best as possible.

though gracie is an extremely human character, knowing myself and my love for horror there’s likely to be the following triggers from time to time, tagged but something i would like to warn everyone about in advance anyway! body horror, descriptions of gore/violence, etc.

though gracie is going to be set in her early to mid twenties and therefore of age, i don’t care to write sexual content in depth. it’ll be rare to be mentioned, even, at least in any way more than just a joke or a loose reference or smth.

gracie is a concept more than anyth rn! i’d love to plot w ppl to decide just how she manages to start traveling, what she ends up doing with her life, etc. at the core of her story, gracie is unhappy with herself, lost in terms of motivation, and aching for meaning. she is absolutely, undoubtedly, human. she thinks that maybe, somewhere, there’s a bigger truth to her, or that she’s more capable, maybe one day she’ll find out she’s a goddess reincarnated, or the destined champion of a far off world. anything but this, that she is now – just a girl. just a person.

anw all to say my biggest concern on this blog is that i am not up to date on dw and really just going based on what i liked about it when i watched it – i’m really trying to build a newer canon that’s a little separate from the source in some ways and just wanna have a little fun hehe. i may not be absolutely brilliant abt lore so feel free to let me know if smth sounds wrong but also understand if ur a dick abt it i will ignore u. this is the law

𝑟𝑒𝑔𝑎𝑟𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑔𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑖𝑒 . . . !

gracie tyler, daughter of rose and corin tyler, has spent her entire life wanting to be special. though her mother and father were never unsupportive, she always felt isolated and lost in her own body, whereas her sister seemed to thrive. when it came time for university, gracie’s sister thoroughly impressed the family with a passion for biology, and looked to be on track to become a great, innovative mind in the field one day. meanwhile, gracie thought herself lacking. she faced rejection after rejection from colleges, and lacked any concrete calling past wanting to go somewhere. [ to be continued, ]

#intro.#pin.

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karliahs · 4 years

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fic notes: walk a mile

time for this boy

this one is forever entangled in my head with The Time I Accidentally Went to Sleaford, because i wrote all of it on the day when i did trains very wrong, and ended up in sleaford. so the writing of this one was like: on platform waiting for train, on train blissfully unaware that i was heading in entirely the wrong direction, on train once i was informed of the mishap and was finished panicking & complaining to various people about the fact that i was going to sleaford, in the costa nearest the station while consuming a self-pity brownie because it was february & freezing cold & the next train wasn’t for an hour & there were 0 indoor areas open at the station, then eventually on a train going in the correct direction. i got home with 2/3 of it done and was like well i will just relax now and finish it tomorrow, which i managed for about 20 minutes before i just had to keep writing. most i have ever written in one day, academic writing included. apparently the secret to productivity is just making travel mistakes that take five hours to resolve

i have said this before but in my heart this one is called “uninvited guest” from a tmg lyric. thought of it a day too late

do you ever just think about the existential horror of being enfleshed in another human being’s body, because i feel like we understandably gloss over that in a lot of body swap stuff. like, every day up until now you have woken up as you, and then one day you just don’t. akin to the sun not rising in terms of catastrophising anxiety scenarios, plus the weirdness of just the fact that different people feel differently. different lungs, different aches, different eyesight. had to have shinsou just utterly lose it here to explore some of the inherently fucked up nature of this trope

along similar lines, the inherent invasion of privacy there is so interesting and a little horrible to me! body swap stuff i’ve read usually touches on this a little, usually in terms of awkwardness around changing outfits and showering, but like...nakedness is not the extent of the issue for sure. suddenly having all this access to someone’s private space, to the person they are when there’s no one else around, feeling the physical sensations they might have chosen to keep hidden, seeing their scars, learning what it’s like to be them...it’s magical and a little terrible, i think. it prompts a lot of empathy for shinsou here that is ultimately good for both of them, but the situation itself involves a lot of vulnerability and exposure not of their choosing, and i tried to keep both of those elements in mind when writing.

oh, random body swap quirk villain, how i treasure thee. i feel like when other people write random villains they’re like: here’s something interesting and scary and cool, and i’m like: here’s a disaster who’s never once achieved any of their goals? in my mind the dude tries to swap people who are fighting him for the purposes of disorienting them so he can get away, but his concentration and general control is poor enough that a much weaker connection occurs between the kids in his firing line instead, a psychic link that only manages to take effect once they’re sleeping

i had a lot of fun here trying to capture a voice in shinsou-perspective narration that was kind of quippier and sharper and more wry than what i usually go for with izuku’s or even aizawa’s

i profoundly relate to the problem-solving methods shinsou employs here, namely: 1. go back to sleep and pretend nothing is happening, 2. snoop, 3. Go Back To Sleep and pretend nothing is happening; panicked redux

i’m not like shinsou in terms of keeping his room very spartan but i do also just Get It. both ways that these boys try to gain a sense of agency feel very real to me even though i don’t exactly do either of them. that’s something i really enjoy about writing, i think - as much as i like to joke that i’m always projecting onto characters, it’s fun to kind of explore a way of thinking, feel it out until it seems authentic and real, but also have it be totally separate to how you feel about things. it’s also why i think Write What You Know shouldn’t be taken too literally, because what i know are just like...broad yet specific feelings that can be applied to a lot of things?

it’s a good thing that i’m p sure this quirk was weak enough to just wear off on its own, because i think aizawa’s soul just fully exits his body when he discovers this situation occurred. he was on a bus with these children for So Long. then his class got attacked by villains again, albeit useless ones, and he had/got to just chuck them about until they were subdued. but no, a problem is never over that soon, not with this hell class. i’m pretty sure he only agreed to this vague field trip in the first place because he wanted to help shinsou connect with the rest of the class, which technically kind of worked, but also god at what cost. the man already has 20 kids to deal with. now their consciousnesses can just go hopping around? Great, Excellent, he’s resigning

i have a lot of feelings about shinsou saving a kid and getting only fear back and wondering if he would have tried again if things played out like that again...similar to sth i wrote in something else to pretend about izuku sometimes wishing he could just ignore the kids kacchan is picking on. not sure how to articulate it exactly...something about how being good doesn’t mean you never think these kinds of things, or at least i don’t think it does. it doesn’t mean you’re never hurt & tired & scared & just want to look after yourself. for all bnha’s love of heroes, i think it gets this too; the moments when the kids are just terrified and desperate to run anywhere else. bravery isn’t synonymous with a lack of fear

shinsou is Growing here and i’m proud of him. i find it interesting how like...shinsou being very much In The Right about how ppl treated him bc of his quirk doesn’t mean he hasn’t picked up some maladaptive behaviours from that time. parallels with izuku again.

#fic notes #walk a mile

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volgotha · 4 years

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Holy shit I just read your text post I'm so sorry! How are people so easily sold on bullshit??? What happened that lead up to all that?

Okay, strap yourself in. I’m only typing this mess up once more and then I’m never mentioning it again as long as I live. I’m not going to tag it with anything relevant either so once its posted, i’m letting it get lost in the sea of reblogs. Here we go, warning; this is gon be long.

In 2006 I went to college. From 2006 to 2009 I hung out with 5 friends and my bf at the time, Andre. It was in 2007 that we started to poke our heads into the 2C11 room (the clubspace room). Matt and his best friend Jogn Carlo started coming with us to Rocky Horror, a thing only myself and two of my 5 friends would do together, along with ppl they knew from their old highschool. By 2009, we had formed a big gang of friends from the clubspace, and we all started going to movies and sushi together. One of my friends organize panels for Otakuthon, where we’d all meet up.

But in 2009, two of the 5 ppl I hung out with had a falling out. They stopped being friends. One went to university, the other was around for one more year then she went to university in 2010. That’s when the old group began to change from a family to a clique: In 2010 new members joined the club, and became new staples in the old group–most importantly, a guy named Tin.

It used to feel like a big family, but when the new semester started in September 2010 and new members flooded the club, everything changed. Tin instantly gave me a strange feeling in my gut, like there was something off abt him I couldn’t articulate. Shannon was dating Alex, the then club president, who stepped down in disgrace after I and one of those 5 friends went to the student union to complain abt him being the Harvey Weinstein of the club,. He wanted to permanently ban her from the club bc that summer when he was making a shitty youtube movie, he asked her out and she said no. The only reason he stepped down is bc I helped her take it to the student union and took him down. So when 2010 came along, Tin swooped in and became Alex 2.0, and when I warned ppl abt him they didn’t listen.

Fast forward a year to 2011, and the shitstorm happens; My mom had bvee battling with cancer since 2009. She had a hysterectomy but it didn’t work, and the cancer came back with a vengance.

January 15th 2011: My mom comes into my room and tells me her doctor doesn’t give her 1 year left to live. A few minutes after she leaves my room, Tin talks to me on Steam. He starts trolling me, I exploded on him. I felt bad about it so I tried to apologise to him, and I wrote on my facebook wall a message: “Just found out my mom has a year left to live, not in my right head, plz stay away from me for a while” so i wouldn’t explode on anyone else. I said I tried to apologise to Tin on steam, because him being an abujsive sociopath, instead of just accepting the apology or not like a normal person, instead he starts demanding that i admit to being a shitdisturber. I ignore him at that point, tell him im sorry, wish him good night and then sign off steam, and go to bed.

The following day, Shannon heads me off as I’m in the 2C11 hallway heading to the clubspace room; she warns me that Kelly is having a shit fit and screaming about how much of a horrible person I am, that apparently Kelly thinks my facebook post is me using my mom as an excuse to get away with being a bitch. I run to confront her, because excuse me, no it fucking wasn’t yknow? and whatever trauma she hasn;’t resolved yet doesn’t give her the right to twist my meanings and paint me as a monster. Thats when she goes into the Oliver’s caf so I follow her, and she screams at me calls me pathetic and heads back into the clubspace, and everyone followed her and left me in the caf crying with Shannon and Alex. :/

The situation was made ten times worse later that night by a certain person named Mathew, remember him? He was supposed to be my friend. Instead, he took the opportunity to write a huge post on fb tearing me down, on which everyone else joined in taking a public jab at me. Matt was seen as the community leader at the time. He could have used his power to calm the situation down, instead he made things worse. To this day, I suspect that troll Tin is the one who twisted my words to trigger Kelly and cause all of this, and that he also had Matt in the palm of his hand, but i digress; Matt’s post convinced most of them to ditch me. That devastated me in an already overwhelmed state, and I attempted suicide a few nights later.

That summer, I saw that my former friends were all having a big party, “What Killed the Dinosaurs? The Bad Movie Night.”, and I wasn’t invited. Shannon saw how much it hurt me, so she invited to her bf’s party instead, and that’s where I met Paul.

The following school year of 2011-2012 went by without much incident. The people who had ghosted me slowly added me back, Matt even apologized for his shit, and things seemed to be on the up and up. It looked like all this drama was behind us. I was wrong.

After I graduated, I decided to go visit the club in Fall 2012. Big mistake.

I saw someone I knew, Sarah, crying on someone’s lap, and asked her what was up. She told me she was in an abusive relationship with Tin. For giving her the advice to leave him, Tin came at me on steam again, and I told him that he was an abuser, that he would not intimidate me and to go fuck himself, and I blocked him. Suddenly, Matt was trying to extort 100$ from me for 2 locks I had broken the year before, which should’ve only cost 42$. Where did that come from? Well, Tin was the club’s Treasurer that year. He was trying to get back at me for standing up to him and helping his victim escape, and he was doing it through Matt, who was going apeshit on me on MSN for refusing to pay 100$. I insisted I should only have to pay what I owe, which was 42$. He kept freaking out on me, so finally I threatened to get a lawyer involved, and that’s when he backed down. I still paid the money I owed for the locks I had broken but I blocked Matt, having had enough of his bullshit, and that’s when suddenly a bunch of ppl from the group ghosted me for good.

Why was I ghosted when Matt was clearly the one in the wrong? Because Tin. They ghosted me bc Tin told them to. Tin and Matt told them all sorts of shitty things about me and they believed them. They don’t hold Tin or Matt to any of their shitty actions though bc they don’t want the same abuse that happened to me to happen to them. They turn a blind eye to every shitty thing Tin and Matt do. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand there’s an extremely toxic abuse dynamic at play in that group.

But the story doesn’t end there. Remember that party I went to with Shannon, and that guy I met named Paul? From november 2011 to march 2015 we were together. I was isolated from whoever was left, only hung out with him and his friends. In 2014, I became close friends with a girl name d Ariel, a member of that old groiup who ghosted me. But that was probably a manufactured relationship manipulated into existance by Paul, so he could jump to her when he was done with me.

Paul was extremely abusive when no one was around. The night he left, we had a huge fight. I tried to escape the situation by running upstairs. He chased me and when I ran into my TV room and closed the door behind me, he started pounding on it and trying to push his way in. When he did manage to get through the door, I panicked, picked up a glass bottle and threw it at him, and then slammed the door again when he backed out. The bottle broke, and cut his finger very deep. He used that cut to get everyone present during the situation on his side. Nevermind all the crazy abusive stuff he had just pulled in front of them, no, I was the bad guy, and once he had them convinced, he left to my then bff’s house, who later became his new gf.

He posted a picture of the wound on facebook, and because of that and previous drama from years ago that never really went away, most of the friends I had left from Dawson believed him, and ghosted me. I couldn’t tell them that a week earlier he had raped me, and that’s why I was scared enough to throw that glass bottle at him.I filed a police report, I warned everyone who would listen to me about him, and I warned her. I did all I could.

I was too scared to tell this story for such a long time, because if asking for understanding while my mom was dying was twisted into me using my mom as an excuse to get away with being a bitch, then asking for understanding for the outbursts I had after being raped would just be twisted into me using my rape as an excuse to get away with being a bitch. I couldn’t handle the idea of my rape being trivialized as just some excuse–and Mathew is in part responsible for it all, because of that fucking post he made publicly tearing me down. Had he not posted that, I would’ve never lost my support system, I would’ve never gone to that party with Shannon, and I would’ve never been raped.

So I spent the better parts of 2016-2018 telling those involved off for their part in my current situation and blocked them, and the rest rebuilding what I had back in 2009, with resounding success.

So, there you have it. That’s what happened. Fuuuuuuuucking insane isn’t it. Its over now, none of them can hurt me anymore and Ive once again surrounded myself with friends I can actually trust, so everything’s good now. I still have my low days bc this was yknow, a lot, but I’m doing much, muuuuch better now.

#T-Abyss

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cheshiresense · 6 years

Note

Hello! I adore all your works and devour them whenever I see something new. I totally binged on your dreamwidth stuff yesterday and I read that Lin Chen/Changsu snippet you posted and my feelz are just all over the place. So I was wondering if you had anything else on these two? Streams of consciousness or headcanons or anything? There's not enough fics for them and I'd love anything you came up with. Thank you!

I’m glad you liked it! I can’t say I have anything really concrete written down, I love NiF but I’m not actively writing much for it atm. I have the rambling beginnings of a fic with these two if you want that? It’s not much but I started this a while ago so you can tell me if I should quit while I’m ahead lol~

Pinglist: @yoshifics @bewarethemandragora @runeofluna @selenedreamwalker @hypnos28 @verticallychallengedintrovert @fandommaniac2401 @lovingempress @cynthia-of-the-wallflowers @shadowsofmoonracer @pairp @warriorofbooks @charlottedabookworm @lyra689 @sheyrenawyrsabane @sora-the-empress @xadriannax @yumeniai @arrysa @lirial89-fanfiction @skysong246 @caiahat @grimreaper19 @arosethornbyanyothername @mtkiseki @kaminoko-x @nesskyru @tatarako @parklena42 @zibeth-a @aerdnanocte @timegrenades @healingmichiko

(I’m not sure if I should ping ppl for this, how many of you even read NiF fanfic, but whatever, just ignore if you’re not in this fandom.)

Summary: After he finds justice for his family and Prince Qi and the Chiyan Army, after fighting off Da Yu for Jingyan, Lin Shu finds something else to live for. Lin Chen’s waited fourteen years. And Nihuang’s kept faith for just as long. The least Lin Shu can do is try, for them.

A/N: My plan for this fic - if I ever actually get around to writing it - is endgame Lin Chen/Lin Shu/Nihuang. I thought it could be an interesting dynamic to explore, and not one I’ve seen before.

Lin Chen has always had the uncanny ability to see rightthrough him, but Lin Shu is willing to bet he doesn’t know one thing - Lin Shuhas never once been able to look at Lin Chen without wondering why he choosesto stay. One, two, twelve years and he never once strayed, never stoppedtaking care of him, never washed his hands of him even though Lin Shu knowsfull well he’s probably the worst and most difficult patient in existence, andthat fact has very little to do with his illness and everything to do with histemperament. But Lin Chen stayed through every animal noise and wretchedscream in the early days, and every stumble and fever and frustrated curse ashe learned to eat and stand and walk again. He stayed through Lin Shu’s transformation into Mei Changsu, through hisrise as the Lord of the Jiang Zuo Alliance, and at the end of it all, he waseven here to witness the culmination of Lin Shu’s vengeance.

And now here they are, fourteen years after they first metin the aftermath of the massacre at Meiling, and the Master of Langya Hall -distantly omniscient, removed from world politics, peaceful, neutral -is still here and about to follow him into a war.

Lin Shu can understand Fei Liu’s loyalty, he can understandLi Gang’s and Zhen Ping’s and Gong Yu’s, even Meng Zhi’s and all the people whofeel indebted to him for one reason or another, but Lin Chen owes him nothing -if anything, it’s definitely the other way around - and Lin Shu has no ideawhat he did to deserve any of his devotion. So it chafes at something inhim, something like guilt and horror and old family honour, something that scoldshim in his mother’s voice - how could you, Xiao Shu - because they bothknow Lin Shu isn’t planning on coming back from this, that this is as much asuicide as a blade to his own stomach would be, and Lin Chen is the one who isgoing to have to shoulder that weight too, who is already shoulderingit.

He glances at Lin Chen again now, sidelong and discreet, andnot for the first time. The man is dressed in imperial armour and has hisback turned to Lin Shu, occupied with adjusting the straps of his horse’sstirrups. He looks strange. Wrong. No matter how good a fighter he is, and Lin Shu knows he’s excellent,Lin Chen should not be here. He belongs in sweeping white sleeves andplum blossoms and treetops, in white doves and rice wine and laughter, and allthe freedom the world can give him. He has his own responsibilities ofcourse, his own work, his own duties, but this certainly shouldn’t be one ofthem. Lin Shu shouldn’t be one ofthem.

He knows he’s a selfish man. He does what he wants,and he gets what he wants (most of the time). He’s lied and brokenmore promises than he cares to count (he counts every last one of them)because he can’t bear to deal with the grief that would come from facing thetruth (sometimes it feels like he’s never stopped grieving). Sohe’ll do this too, go to war at the northern border once again, and part ofthat is for Jingyan, as everything always has been, but he can dress it up allhe wants and it still won’t change the fact that this too is for himself.

Dying on the battlefield where his father and fellowsoldiers died, where he should’ve died all those years ago, is farbetter than wasting away in bed for what little time he still has left. He was almost relieved when Da Yu attacked as he predicted they would.

And yet…

He didn’t expect Lin Chen to insist on coming with him, eventhough he probably should have. The Young Master of Langya Hall shouldn’teven leave Langya Mountain, or at the very least the jianghu, but he came toJinling anyway, didn’t he? For Lin Shu, again.

“Shu-ge.”

He glances to the side as Nihuang rides up beside him,straight-backed and tall on her horse as always. She still looks a littlepale, a little tired, and more than a little unhappy, but her eyes are dry, andthe stubborn ferocity that he’s always admired in her is back in thedeceptively delicate lines of her face.

“Nihuang,” He says, and even tries to smile. Itdoesn’t quite work, if the quelling, unimpressed look Nihuang directs at him isanything to go by. He sighs and doesn’t try again.

For a while, they both remain silent, watching theirsoldiers begin riding out instead. Some of them won’t come back. That’s a fact of war but, well, Lin Shu willtry. He catches sight of Yujin andJingrui, and he knows that for those two at least he’ll do everything in hispower to return them home alive. Uncle Yan didn’t say anything eventhough he did randomly come by the Su Residence and sit down for tea one lasttime a few days ago about two hours after Meng passed along the news that Yujinhad signed up for the army, and Lin Shu hasn’t even seen Aunt Liyang since theevening of the Emperor’s birthday, but he knows what they both would want toask of him. He’s not actually sure if they know the truth by now, if theyknow who he is (was, will never really be again, not entirely), but LinShu or Changsu, they would still want to ask.

They don’t have to though. It’s the least Lin Shu cando for them. All of them.

His gaze slides, unbidden, back to Lin Chen, who’s swunghimself up onto his horse by now and is leaning over to say something to FeiLiu. Fei Liu doesn’t smile but Lin Chen doesn’t either so Lin Shu doubtsthere’s any teasing going on. It’ssomething he misses already.

#nirvana in fire #myscrap #fic snippet #lin chen/lin shu/mu nihuang #lin chen #lin shu #mu nihuang #lmao no one is going to read this

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gyeommine · 6 years

Text

MONSTA X as Roommates

wow sorry this has been a LONG absence. i am swimming in school work and deadlines atm so bear w me. my final exams are this year so i am trying my best love u all <3

(all gif creds to the original owners)

Shownu:

( AN ACTUAL ANGEL )

okay so he’s a typical male but he tries really really hard okay?

he’ll say he will do his chores, make his bed or do his laundry

but he’s a busy sweetie

so he’ll fall asleep in a crumpled duvet

and it melts your heart so you have to do it

and he’ll always thank you super sincerely where his eyes disappear into his face and honestly ur roommate is the most adorable human alive.

u always catch him being an actual dad

he’ll be in his favourite sofa crevice, scratching his chin w his arm up in that position the bois make fun of him for.

and you have to try with all your might to not burst out laughing

instead you send a picture to the mx groupchat.

it’s called tender blackmail.

he also falls asleep on the sofa a lot but u can’t move him so

another dad thing he does is that he’s lowkey super protective

he’s not often an emotional person so it’s quite well hidden

but he does worry if you’re home later than him and will probably call u.

and will let out a prominent sigh of relief when you respond

lets you wear the baggy shirts he doesn’t wear anymore or so he claims

it just makes him chuckle when his shirts completely drown you

you also get to see a v sincere side to shownu

you can clearly see how his performing on top of variety shows exhausts him (esp when he claims variety is not his thing)

but he’ll never snap at you when he’s like that

because he’s so sincerely appreciative of having you around

but doesn’t disguise his dumbness

you guys can’t have many expensive ornaments

bc he’ll go to thoughtfully polish it to cheer you up

and end up breaking it

he’s a literal sweetheart that tries so hard, love him please

Wonho:

(wOW i would protecc this man w all my heart. purest)

he would be the sweetest roommate in th world

even tho he’s busy 24/7

he’ll sometimes randomly buy you your usual coffee

or he’ll see you’re almost out of milk or something

where he’ll promptly restock so you don’t have to

he’s incredibly thoughtful

it makes you a lil sad sometimes when he’s particularly busy

bc you miss him like crazy

but when he gets the chance, he makes sure he hangs out w you and dedicate some set time to his best friend

bc he really appreciates you

you’re both each other’s main support

he knows that when he walks in through the door after a shit day

you’ll be sat on the sofa ready to hear him out

it leads to way too many profound chats till like 3 in the morning

he’s a lil’ bit protective

on the rare occasion he’s not working and you’re not home

he’ll be snapchatting you, texting you

‘wonho i was just at the gym?’ ‘can i come too??!!”

and then suddenly you’re hanging out as per

living w wonho is the chillest thing

except when he neglects to wear a shirt when he’s having a lazy day

and you’re red in the face, throwing fabrics at him to cover him damn self.

friends or not it’s illegal for wonho to walk around like that

you both gel without arguments

you like the same films, music and even like to eat at similar places

never any arguments over takeout lol

you even end up giving each other skin care tips

which makes for a pretty blissful living arrangement if you ask me.

Minhyuk:

(a visual??????)

okay you two are the ultimate best friends.

you have a long list of movies and tv series/anime that you two have to watch together

primarily because you know how whiny and salty he will be if u break it

you’re both pretty relaxed roommates

like the dishes don’t need to be done right this second

magically chores still get done

thankfully, minhyuk isn’t the typical gross male

but he will probably shamelessly steal food that you have labelled

which is probably the only source of any conflict in your house.

when you’re both at home

you better believe this loud ass will wake you up super early to go do something together

“time to bond (y/n)!!!!” “what r u, 5?”

but you’re lowkey kinda grateful that he wants to do stuff with you

since you’re always afraid you’ll lose him to his schedule

you’re still super super close

you guys create your own dance routines and memorise current choreos that are trending

you prank each other, which may involve you printing pre-debut pictures of minhyuk and plastering them everywhere

you have you’re own handshake that may or may not last for like 5 minutes

and if either of you forget it oH THE b e t r a y a l

did i mention that minhyuk is a massive drama queen?

but in a funny way (unlike a certain member who’s about to follow)

you will have named your shared apartment, no doubt

and will reference its name in the invites of the house parties you guys host

you basically act like siblings when their parents go out for the evening... 24/7...

Kihyun:

(his smile could sAVE lives. it’s so bright)

the ‘drama queen’ i previously mentioned

if u wanted a relaxed roommate, dude look elsewhere

i reckon yoo kihyun is a clean freak

he is mad about a rota of chores, to ensure it’s equal

but i can imagine him redoing them anyway if they weren’t done exactly how he normally does it.

this causes some some minor bickering

it’s always resolved when you ask what you’re doing for dinner that night

you guys have this insane ability to just drop arguments in a flash

which is why the intense cleaning regime never bothers you

plus, it contents your parents that you don’t live in a pig sty

(and silently wish that they could hire kihyun to clean on the side)

but beneath the bitterness, he can be super thoughtful

he’ll remember a food you were craving that one time

and suddenly you’ll find it in the cupboards

when you ask, he’ll shrug it off

but he lowkey loves to cook for you.

you guys will love to buy furniture together

prepare yourself for many trips to look at random decorations or house plants to liven up your two dead souls

relishing the simple joys like buying new plates or cutlery like the secretly middle aged people you are.

surprisingly, yall have a v similar ideal

i can just picture this modern (not to mention spotless), monochromatic apartment in seoul

mx and your friends will be so jealous of how well you run your appartment together

although they quietly question your friendship, yall get it each other

your closeness is measured in bitterness and insults

and you don’t really need anyone to understand your friendship

bc it works

Hyungwon:

(ONE OF THE BEST LOOKING PPL IN KPOP HANDS DOWN hOLD me)

this living arrangement will be the exact opposite to living w kihyun

“organised mess”

it’s just you guys are always so busy with your careers and lives

so tidiness happens to be the bottom of the priority list

except when parents come over

then you’re doing hurdles over each other to tidy up

trying to find as many convenient dark spots in the place to hide unwashed laundry

when you are both at home

it’s a quiet contentedness in each other's company

you’ll most likely message each other instead of yell

but when you do call out to him, it usually takes 3-6 times before you receive at least a mumble in response

you’ll probably text each other when you’re right next to each other

well, if hyungwon’s even awake

you will definitely leave passive aggressive notes to each other

‘close the cupboard u moron - love (y/n) xoxo’

and hyungwon will reply on the same cupboard door

‘even ur writing is loud omg - hyungwon’

and the door will be wide ajar

and you’re genuinely not sure whether he hasn’t noticed the actual issue or is blatantly ignoring it

nevertheless, it’s your guys’ sense of humour

you guys probably stay up a lot together when you’re both free and not feeling up to doing much

a few beers while watching some b-rate movie to laugh at

but the film will soon be forgotten and you’ll be talking about anything from love to what vegetable you identify with

and end up falling asleep on the sofa next to each other at 6 am

and the cycle starts all over again

Jooheon:

(one of the sweetest dimpled people alive)

a golden, pure apartment

you guys are inseparable and the cutest friends alive

yall really take care of each other, even if its a little out yours’ way

you both can immediately sense when something is wrong

when you drag your feet into the flat, your face completely drained

jooheon is alert and ready to let you rant about your day

and he’ll offer to pay for food that night or cook something

likewise with him. you just sense when he needs a cry or a moan.

you guys are also super goofy

jumping around like 10 year olds to your favourite playlists

having your own lip sync battles and completely slaying the raps

i can also imagine you two having a redecorating day together

you playfully bickering over a shade of blue for the living room

idk it just seems like something you guys would do together

you also leave sweet notes for each other

especially if you don’t see each other at home for a while

you’ll wake up to a lil’ sticky note wishing you a pleasant day

it’s honestly sickly sweet

you’ll prank and tease the other members when they come over

because you guys are an unstoppable, mischievous duo

unfortunately shownu doesn’t really scare like jooheon does

so the tables over turn :/

jooheon has also put a ban on horror movies

because he’s so jumpy and he knows he’ll never live it down

you guys will also share a bed in a completely platonic way

like you have just missed your best friend

so you have a sleepover... in the flat you share... as adults

everybody just assumes you’re dating and mx think you should

esp when jooheon gets lowkey jealous when you go on dates, since he’s so openly protective of you

but you guys know where you’re at

and you’re happy as best friends

I.M:

(i love this gif of changkyun. look at his cheeks ahhhh)

you guys are long-term childhood friends so the apartment vibe is chill

you have been friends so damn long, you know exactly how each other click so there are rarely any problems

if there is, you threaten to blackmail w the thousands of ugly photos you have of him.

then you remember he has an equal amount as you, and the actual issues is dropped within seconds

because you guys are still goofy through it al

like i said, it’s a v chill household

chores get magically done, eventually, but there’s no real rush

but you are both rarely there to have to thrive in it

it does make kihyun want to die a little when he visits

changkyun is often at his own studio

and you’ll receive calls asking you to listen to something he’s produced and see what you think of it

it means you guys end up spending more time at his studio than the apartment you both pay for lmao

but it doesn’t bother either of you

sometimes, it does take some prompting from you to stop him from overworking himself

what you guys love to do is go out on drives

just drive somewhere completely random, sit and watch the night creep in

you guys can pretty much talk for hours and hours

be it reminiscing, talking about the future or about the new music that you have been listening to

this does mean changkyun always has headphones in

so you’ll have to call his name repeatedly to get his attention

your apartment will also always smell good

you both end up buying heaps and heaps of incense and candles

careful in not making the landlord believe you guys are doing drugs lmao

but it just creates such a relaxed atmosphere

and you don’t have to think too hard when buying each other presents

sorry if the lengths aren’t v well balanced. i had LOADS of ideas for some members and fewer for others. curse of writer’s brain grrrr. some of these were so cute, and i would so room w changkyun tbh

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hobisolostan · 6 years

Text

85 question tag thing 🏹

tagged by: @sleepbugs (ilu !!! 😙)

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 (lmao funnyyyy) people

tagging: uhmmmmmmmmmmm @libraop @justinsgf @lilchims @namugf @brightjoon @moon9oddess @joonsgoth

last:

1. drink: h2o

2. phone call: my mom

3. text message: my yearbook group chat .. its just spams from my friend cause she’s touring Europe ALONE , lucky bitch

4. song you listened to: always you - astro (stan talent !!!)

5. time you cried: two days ago ish

ever:

6. dated someone twice: no

7. kissed someone and regretted it: what is this kiss?

8. been cheated on: no

9. lost someone special: yea

10. been depressed: is this a question?

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: no

12. favorite colours: blues/neutrals

in the last year have you:

15. made new friends: yup!!

16. fallen out of love: no

17. laughed until you cried: yea ig ?? not like crying with tears streaming down my face but definitely a few tears slipped out

18. found out someone was talking about you: o yea

19. met someone who changed you: yup

20. found out who your friends are: lets not go there :)

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list: nope

general:

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: all of them ??? stranger danger kids dont friend people u dont know irl

23. do you have any pets: skjfl i wish :((

24. do you want to change your name: no actually, as much as i hate when it gets mispronounced and not like even a tiny mispronunciation, it literally gets butchered :) , it has a lot of ties and significance to my culture which is important to me

25. what did you do for your last birthday: my friend whom i would die for (the one in Europe rn) invited me over to her place and her and two other friends planned surprised gifts and hot pot ! her mom literally paid for all the ingredients akfdskjl i love her sm :((

26. what time did you wake up today: 7 am, my body she just did it ? idk lol

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: watching a horror movie

28. what is something you can’t wait for: MONSTA X CONCERT TOMORROW AKFSJD;LF IM SO MFCKING EXCITEDDD GONNA SEE ALL MY BABIES 🤩🤩🤩🤩

29. what are you listening to right now: aint nobody takin my baby - russ

30. when was the last time you saw your mom: this morning

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom: no

32. something that gets on your nerves: narrow-mindedness, arrogance, ignorance, when ppl chew with their mouth open skfsjldfjs

33. most visited website: definitely between tumblr and youtube

34. hair colour: black

35. long or short hair: short, it’s just below chin level rn sklfjsld

36. do you have a crush on someone: u ask me when hoseok is right ... there ?

37. what do you like about yourself: uh my lips and dimples and the fact that I’m pretty self-driven

38. want any piercings: more like need ????? ive been wanting double helix piercings for the longesstttt time. might get some this year .. hopefully

39. blood type: i literally dont even know sklfjskd but its definitely a or b or ab since my parents are a combination of those

40. nicknames: utshee ? just my normal name but instead of the ending ah sound its an “e” as in the letter e lol and then ironically its usa, long back story id rather not get into lol. shira if ur reading this u know 😔

41. relationship status: married to hoseok obviously

42. zodiac: this is virgo solidarity !!!

43. pronouns: she/her

44. fave tv shows: dont really watch tv shows anymore tbh but the last good one i can remember was supernatural but its .. been awhile lmao

45. tattoos: nooooooo , i want a few small ones tho one day when im of age

46. right handed or left handed: normal regular righty

47. ever had surgery: nope, i did fracture my arm once tho when i was like uh 2-3

48. piercings: 2! just regular earlobe piercings, one on each

49. sport: volleyball, lacrosse, and gymnastics i did for a while competitively. i also love ultimate frisbee and long distance running on my free time

50. vacation: i havent been out of country since i came here to the states ksdjsdf my family just isn’t one of those that take family trips, at least out of country 😔ig my last family vacation was 2016 winter break where we drove down to las vegas and arizona to see the grand canyon. it was so damn cold omg

51. trainers: um i have superstars and two pairs of nikes that i wear on the daily. i really want some new van slip ons tho ugh

more general:

52. eating: i eat literally everything lmao, im one of the least picky eaters tbh but i prefer seafood over meat. i still like and eat meat but sometimes id just .. rather not lol

53. drinking: water !!!!!!!!!! ( i down a good 10 cups at least everyday) i also love boba so much omggg u dont understand but i really do try to limit myself 😔

54. i’m about to watch: perfect man jimin focus skdjfklsdf jimin stans raise up for ur national anthem !!!!!

55. waiting for: college apps to be over even tho they technically havent opened yet akfjds;lfs

56. want: to go into my career field with zero in debt so basically impossible but a girl can dream :(

57. get married: yea if it happens sure

58. career: medical !!! looking into anesthesiologist but im not set on anything, just wanna do Doctors Without Borders as my end career goal 😔

which is better:

59. hugs or kisses: kisses pls

60. lips or eyes: eyes bc they just convey sooo much about a person but also pls ... if ur lips are as cracked as the sidewalk outside of my house we’re never smooching

61. shorter or taller: definitely taller, also wanna be the little spoon during cuddles so yea

62. older or younger: older for sure because i look at the underclassmen and shudder in disgust bc they’re ur typical overgrown yet immature high school students. honestly dont know wtf happened to selecting genuine students to enroll into our school but skfjsdfjs im out of there in less than a year so whatever

63. nice arms or stomach: arms bc i like tummies but if u have abs i dont mind either

64. hookup or relationship: can’t really see myself doing hookups so relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant: depends? i definitely want a playful relationship but they should know when their behavior is verging on immature so ig slightly leaning on the more hesitant side

have you ever:

66. kissed a stranger: no

67. drank hard liquor: o yeaaa, new years eve and home alone with my in-college cousin lmaoo

68. lost glasses: I LOST MY FIRST PAIR IN 5 MONTHS AND I STILL DONT KNOW WHERE THEY ARE ???? i had to buy another pair after begging my parents for a good 2 months bc the first pair were so mfcking expensive ksfjsld tbh the ones i wear right now are a lot cuter tho so

69. turned someone down: yes

70. sex on first date: no

71. broken someone’s heart: maybe ? dont know to the extent the other person liked me so

72. had your heart broken: no

73. been arrested: no

74. cried when someone died: yea

75. fallen for a friend: yea

do you believe in:

76. yourself: love urself right hahha :)) lmao im trying ig

77. miracles: hmm sure

78. love at first sight: idk depends, im neutral. definitely think theres more to it tho

79. santa claus: no, wish i was still at that age where i did

80. kiss on first date: hmm depends

81. angels: yea

other:

82. best friend’s name: i have two: one’s andreana and the other is sybil (the one who left me here to die while she went to europe yea, love that betrayer)

83. eye colour: dark brown

84. fave movie: was gonna say black panther but thats too much of a popular opinion so the ritual ?? its a horror movie which i love so much omg fljsd and it was surprisingly good ??? definitely have not said that about a horror movie in the longest time bc the newer ones are always so cringy and predictable

85. fave actor: mistre kim seokjin of course 🤩🤩

#ok before someone gives me crap abt using facebook i cant help it ???#like the only way to keep up with school announcements and stuff is through facebook like we have class pages and announcement pages #its just .. engraved into our school culture lmao #this was so long akfjsdlfs #so obviously u dont have to do this if u dont want to !!!#long post

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