#i watched mor a week ago
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Of Oblivious Minds (3)
Pairing: Azriel x Reader
Summary: You're positive Azriel is in love with Elain. It seems so obvious. But Cassian is laughing at you and suddenly nothing makes quite so much sense anymore.
Word count: 2.3k
Warnings: Azriel's POV (it's a warning here), angst
a/n: I am blown away by all of you and your support!! I really love writing for this fandom omg. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy ♡ Let me know what you think!! I'll get the next update up soon!
Part 1, Part 2, Part 4
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Azriel was losing his ever-loving mind.
A few weeks ago, everything was fine. Not optimal, but fine.
He knew his mate, and that was more than could be said for most of Prythian. But even more than that, he could love her from afar. He could make small remarks and catch the smiles they would elicit. He could send his shadows after her on her walks home, protecting her even though she had the entire Inner Circle looking out for her wellbeing. He could buy the ridiculously expensive pastries she loved and stock the kitchens with them, listening for the small gasps she let out each time she found them.
He could talk to you, listen to you, love you in his small ways, even if it wasn’t the ways in which he longed for.
Because it wasn’t the right time yet. You hadn’t felt the bond for yourself.
So, yes—admittedly, Azriel had not been in the most optimal position with you. But it was leaps and bounds better than the purgatory you were subjecting him to now.
He mulled over his current reality as he sat opposite to you at the dining table. He had had to snag the seat from Mor, ripping the chair from her hand in an uncharacteristic show of aggression, and you hadn’t so much as looked up from your plate. He would’ve rather fought for the seats beside you, but Rhys and Cassian had been sitting before he even entered the room. So now he fought for your eyes and was too far away to offer any lingering, accidental touches.
Not that you would reciprocate either.
You were avoiding him, and Azriel was at his wit's end trying to decipher why.
His shadows had relayed dismal reports, only whispering the words sad and alone and contemplative into his ears each morning. He could have guessed as much, if the display of emotions he had tried to comfort you through all those days ago told him anything.
But Gods, did they really tell him nothing, because you hadn’t spoken to him since.
“—that is certainly something to consider. Y/n, would you be open to the job?”
“Hm?” you hummed, and Azriel watched as your eyes flickered over to Rhys in one abrupt movement. “Sorry, what?”
Rhys raised a brow lined with humor, and Azriel realized he hadn’t been listening to the conversation either. “Helion has extended an invitation to the Night Court—for diplomatic relations and all. It’s mostly a weekend stay for show, but he has quite an extensive library. Feyre and I went last time so it would only be fair if—”
“Yes,” you nodded, the most emotion Azriel had seen on your face in days blooming into a joyous array. “Of course, I would love to go. Are you kidding?”
Rhys chuckled. “I figured. Helion has been quite eager to get you to come as well. Seemed like the perfect time.”
Azriel didn’t miss the way the High Lord’s eyes shone with something other than mirth as he looked closer at the scholar… as he inspected your facade the same way Azriel had been for the past week.
“When can I leave?”
Something in Azriel scratched to a halt. “She’s to go alone?”
Feyre offered the spymaster a soft smile from the other side of the table. “If she wishes. Helion’s invitation was open-ended.”
“Take the vacation, I say,” Mor piped in, wine glass raised in a solitary toast.
“Or… you could take me,” Cassian grinned beside you, jostling you in a playful grip.
You sent a scoff his way. “Aren’t you banned?”
“No, actually. I’m banned from Summer Court, which is completely unrelated.”
A short laugh trickled from your lips. It wasn’t a full one, not like the ones Azriel was so used to—the ones he basked in—but it was a laugh, nonetheless.
He felt the way his eyes seemed to follow the crescendo of it, his blinks in time with the sweet sound.
He committed it to memory.
“Right, well let’s keep you away from neighboring courts as much as possible so we can avoid a repeat of that, okay?”
Something like a grin fought at the side of Azriel’s mouth at your quip.
Cassian prattled on. Something about unjust rules or ridiculous high lords—Azriel wasn’t paying attention. He was too caught up in you and the way you were so close to meeting his gaze.
“Perhaps she shouldn’t go alone,” Azriel spoke up, interrupting his brother’s spiel. You still didn’t look at him, instead turning to catch Rhys’s response.
“Azriel, I can assure you this is a safe visit,” Rhys offered. He knew. Everyone seemed to know but you. “It’s hardly even business. It’s more of a vacation. I’ve been shoving century-old relics in her face for the past few months. She deserves time to herself, don’t you think?”
His High Lord was speaking in code. A terrible, frustrating code that really meant, “give her some distance.”
Azriel had had enough of distance.
He nodded his head all the same.
And then, despite all odds, you looked at him.
You looked at him and it was as if the air had been knocked from his lungs. As if he had been wrung out and stretched thin and every bone in his body forced him to sit up straighter. You were looking at him and Azriel couldn’t conceptualize the way the spectrum in his chest moved so quickly from utter relief to the brink of desolation.
Because you looked at him as if you were broken. A sad—such a sad—smile graced your face, one he had never had the displeasure of seeing before, and he wanted to wipe it away. He wanted to kiss it from your face with soft touches and reassuring whispers and that was startling for Azriel because he usually kept his overwhelming urge to kiss you at bay.
“I’ll bring you back a souvenir,” is all you said. Such simple words to accompany an expression that sent him reeling.
“Thank you,” he replied, with the most sincerity he could muster.
And then he held your gaze as it became downcast. He craned his neck to catch every last second of your eyes as they turned back down to the table.
It was hours later that Azriel found himself in the townhouse, boots creating an indent in the office carpet. Rhys sat just feet away from him, leaning back against the desk, waiting for the Shadowsinger to erupt.
“I would like for you to position your spies further into Autumn. I know you have a few that have integrated into the court, but I need more intel on Eris and his plans.”
“Of course.”
“You can take out any currently residing in Day. Just for the next week or so. With y/n going, she can report any happenings.”
A muscle in Azriel’s jaw jumped. “Would that be wise?”
Rhys stared back at his brother, expression giving nothing away. “Why wouldn’t it be? Do you not trust y/n’s word?”
Azriel’s wings were taut against his back. In truth, he hadn’t felt relaxed in days. With you leaving, that tension would surely pull him into thin compliance.
“Obviously I trust her word, Rhysand.”
“Rhysand? What have I done to earn your grievance?” the High Lord asked, crossing his arms over his chest, still the perfect picture of calm.
Azriel was a juxtaposition before him as he clenched his hands and replied, “You already know.”
“Do I know? I’m not sure you’ve been clear or honest with anyone. Y/n especially.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Rhys bent at the elbow and rubbed a restless hand across his jaw. Azriel ignored the movement in favor of holding eye contact with the High Lord. Azriel was being stubborn, he knew that, but there was no other way to be.
He needed to be consistent and reliable. He needed to be a pillar for his family to lean on, and you were part of that. He wasn’t going to take that away from you—to be selfish and call upon a mating bond you hadn't even been made aware of yet.
He wasn’t going to squander your friendship in the hopes of something more.
There was a chance, no matter how much the prospect pained him to consider, that you wouldn’t want the bond. You had never hinted at wanting more with the spymaster, so there was no telling how you might react to the cauldron blessing you with a union. You could reject it, and with it would go your friendship.
Just the thought sent ice through Azriel’s veins.
Truth be told, he had never shown you many signs either. When the bond snapped months ago, it had taken time for Azriel to come to terms with the truth. He had ruminated on it amidst many sleepless nights, watched you from a new perspective over many dinners, and contemplated the path that had led him to you.
And then he had regretted. Cauldron had he regretted.
The feeling still lingered, a reminder of each woman he had taken to his bed before you. All of the fae that had meant nothing, and even the ones that had boarded on something, he wished he could do away with.
Because you had been privy to them all. He knew you had witnessed a few late-night trysts, and even worse, that you had watched him pine after Mor for a century. It all seemed so frivolous now; it all paled in comparison to you.
And the absolute worst part of it all is that he knew.
He knew how easy it would be to fall in love with you from the start, so he pretended not to notice.
He threw himself into impractical longing and meaningless lovers and he pretended that it didn’t hurt to look at you.
The bond had only cemented his foolishness.
He hardly had a chance with you by the time it snapped.
“Late night then, Az?”
You had teased him over breakfast just days before the bond had snapped for him, a small smile on your face as you lounged at the table early in the morning. At the time, Azriel had bit the inside of his cheek and reeled in his snarkiness. He had avoided your gaze, avoided the robe that barely covered your nightgown, and made himself toast in silence. He had already coaxed the blonde fae out of his bed, and he hadn’t needed a reminder of the woman he had been imagining all throughout the night.
Because that had been something else he opted to ignore—that he pictured you, imagined you, at all times.
It snapped three days later. He had been accompanying you through Velaris. “Shopping for fun,” you had said, “and I hate to go alone.”
The only thing Azriel had taken home that day was a gaping hole in his chest and the knowledge that lying to himself had brought him nothing but pain.
The months following were different.
Everything was different.
But for you, he had come to the grim realization, nothing was different at all. He was still Azriel, your friend Azriel, who was secretive and private and cared from afar. You still pictured him as a man who chose his lovers based on convenience and quick practicality even though he hadn’t so much as looked at another woman since your emotions began flowing through his chest.
Gods, your emotions. They were so positive, so addicting, he could sit back and live his days through you until the end of time. You had so much unrestricted joy coursing through you—so much curiosity and delight. Part of Azriel dreaded the day you did recognize the bond; it would dim the connection to you.
That day in the library had been the first time the bond had chafed against his lungs. He had felt the earthquake beneath his feet and thought nothing of it, but then your fear punctured his being and he had run so fast his wings ached.
And then you started having nightmares, ones he couldn’t fix, and Azriel began to feel like he was losing you. Like the bond was withering and eroding within him and you along with it.
“How long, Azriel?” Rhys’s voice cut through the air with a harshness.
The shadowsinger breathed through his nose, jaw tight.
“Tell me. Tell me how long you’re going to keep this up for.”
“You don’t understand, Rhys,” came Azriel’s low reply. “None of you do.”
The High Lord scoffed. “Right, because I had it so easy with Feyre. Az, mates are complicated—”
“Don’t,” Azriel breathed. A dangerous shakiness accompanied the word.
“Explain it to me. Help me to understand how—”
“There was nothing for you to lose!” The rise of the shadowsinger’s voice sent Rhys into silence. “There was nothing! You hadn’t known Feyre for three centuries—hadn’t known what it was like to see her cry over worthless males or laugh until she was doubled over. You didn’t have time to memorize the sound of her voice or understand how it felt to lose that small piece of her. Because she won’t even talk to me anymore and—”
Azriel cut himself off, moving for the first time since he entered office. He paced, the motion of his feet doing little to dispel the tension from the air or from his body. Azriel tugged a hand through his hair, his shadows following the aggressive pull and weaving through the strands.
“How long?” Rhys asked again, but this time, Azriel knew that he was asking a different question. One that even he himself had avoided answering.
The shadowsinger paused. His next words were tainted and his voice cracked.
“I think forever.”
Part 4
#azriel x reader#azriel x you#azriel acotar#azriel shadowsinger#azriel fanfic#acotar fanfiction#azriel#azriel angst
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#end of year review except this is probably the most Lived™️ year and i wanna whisper it#jan - got sc*mend hated myself but also i watched the newsroom and went to seattle w renata!!!#feb - turned 20 🤢 but i met the reid's this month that's all i remember spring sem was a blur#march - spring break i watched the newsroom again but i don't remember the experience also dc and cherry blossoms and prepping clue week aw#april - agong passed away i don't remember a lot else oh and started wr*ting because of that :( still remember watching chuck finale w laura#and tash that night :( mightve declared music major this month also i know i started working on the concerto#may also a blur at this point having met the reid's every week and jamie's hug when i gave her the snacks 🥺🥺 also maple and curo aw finals#etc being saur excited for ireland and bath omg but ten days in charlottesville and then IRELANDDD cliffs of moher my home#june bath program literally best housemates rereading austen and mhairi so good gojng to london and oxford genuinely so good i love travel a#and pubs and yeah just so many treasured memz#july getting covid 😭😭 terrible worst time of my life being alone in my parents house no actually like i realized i really hated myself lolol#aug wisdom teeth removed 😭😭 july/aug a blur seeing hs friends visitng angela's convent aw sunsets and then driving cross country with my par#parents bruh... cannot believe we did that and then ra training#sept also a blur lots of hanging in anna and ty's room not the most exciting classes idk that was so long ago but ohhh picnics and kayaking#w the reid's and then hurricane weekend and spending like the whole afternoon w them sweet sweet times#oct terrible busy packed taking my harp out every weekend ew but it got restrung ! weddings were also really fun but ya too busy then hallow#oh i forgot howloscream <3 and then i got sick and wmso halloween concert fun times#nov i barely remember the beginning like. nothing happened and then thanksgiving break ! lovely lovely sunken picnics and time alone and mor#family times w the reid's :') and omg the neighbors hosting us was literally one of the best times ever they're sooo sweet black friday shop#ping was so fun too then suddenly it's december ?????? the two weeks btwn tksgv did not exist but ahhh miss jellison's hug omfg best person#in the world i love her then wcc cofm advent joy week was so special then this past week kinda one of the worst weeks witnessing laura and h#er family lose her mom 😣😣😣😣 god#in conclusion : jaimie evie and miss jellison hugs :( cried practiced wrote the most this year omg i cant believe i forgot to mention bsf on#e of my strongholds and things keeping me upright i feel like this last semester was the closest i've been and most dependent even when i#didn't have the feeling like i was learning to constantly depend and praise Him it's incredible and i feel so so loved by my Father by the p#ppl He loves me through so. it's almost midnight on the east coast 2022 you were lived and loved.#dec 31 2022#i also forgot joining small group and actually getting involved in acf truly one of the best parts of campus#best media the newsroom and 27 dresses !!!!
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The Shadows Want You to be Happy
Summary: Azriel’s shadows overhear a conversation where you doubt Azriel’s true intentions, and they urge him to rectify the situation.
Author’s note: this is just pure fluff baby! Pure unadulterated fluff. Go to the dentist! Also I didn’t proofread this, so enjoy at your own caution!
His shadows didn’t mean to spy on you, they promise. They just liked keeping an eye on you at all times.
Azriel had no idea why his shadows seemed to adore you so much - well, he could understand it, because he adored you just as much as his shadows did. But he can’t figure out why - they don’t like being around Elain, but most of the others the shadows just watch.
Not you, though. Whenever you two are in the same room his shadows roam over you, greeting an old friend. If he’s been away for a days on a mission, they spend several minutes swirling around you, seemingly doting on you, like they’re asking “are you okay? Did you eat while we were gone? Did you sleep?”
A few shadows have taken it upon themselves to stay stationed with you at all times. He thinks they have a schedule, out of jealousy and need to share their time with you, but they don’t really tell him too much about what they see. The most they’ll tell him is if you haven’t eaten in a while or that time they told him about you having a cold and not wanting anyone to find out. He spent three days in your apartment with you, feeding you soup and taking care of you.
His shadows absolutely do not tell him the things you say or how you’re feeling, or so he thought. Both of the shadows that were asking as your bodyguards came to him, like little kids with a story to tell.
-
You were laying on the couch in the library with Feyre, engrossed in your independent books. The two of you do this weekly, enjoying each other’s presence without much social obligation. Sometimes the two of you will talk, but it’s often followed by long, comfortable silences. Just when you thought the silence was going to stay for a while, Feyre spoke up.
“so, sweetie, how are things with you and Azriel?” She asks, closing her book to turn to you.
Your cheeks heat immediately. “Um,” you say, closing your book to turn to her, knowing that she won’t relent until she gets what she wants out of this conversation.
You had kept your feelings for him mostly to yourself, except one drunken night a few weeks ago you had told Feyre about how pretty he was. You thought she might have forgotten about it, but this conversation is telling you she wants more. Thank the mother it wasn’t Rhys or Cas you had told that to - they would have mocked your word choice of “devastatingly pretty” for years.
“Well, we have plans to go out tonight,” you reply, very nervous about opening up to Feyre. She looked at you, her face asking for you to continue. “We’re trying all of the bakeries in Velaris to see who has the best pastries and hot chocolate, so once a week we try a new one and gorge ourselves on baked goods and chocolate.”
Feyre smiled at how absolutely adorable that was. “Are these… dates?” she asks, smiling at how absolutely oblivious the two of you were.
“We call them dates,” you reply.
“Do you two do anything physical? You don’t have to be gratuitous with details, I’m not Mor.” Feyre says, shuddering thinking of Mor grilling you for details on if the two of you have had sex yet.
“Um well the bakeries are usually cozy so we usually are tucked away in a corner, pressed up together. In one of them we had to wait for a table, so he just wrapped his wings around me while we waited.” You told her, grinning at the memory of his body heat.
“Do you two ever kiss?”
You sink a little further into the couch, your cheeks blazing with heat now, your hands covering your face as you say, “yes”.
“Has there been more than kissing?”
Feyre watches the head hiding behind youe hands nod ever so slightly and squeals. She actually squeals.
The people of Velaris love to gossip with her, and when she heard rumors of two of her friends being spotted around town looking very coupley, she decided to investigate. It also doesn’t help that the Inner Circle has a betting pool on when you ans Azriel will get together. Her bet was this week, so she’s doing what she can to win. And because she wants the two of you to be happy. And because Cassian bet that you two would be together next week, and she can’t lose to him, his gloating is atrocious.
“So, you two are together?” She asks, practically bouncing in her seat.
“I’m not sure,” you say, “honestly I’m a little worried that this means more to me than it does to him.” You look down at your hands, “I don’t really do casual dating, and I’m a little worried that this is just a fling to him. It’s really incredible and hot and sweet and all but.” You look around to see if anyone is listening before you whisper, “honestly, it would break my heart if this was just casual for him.”
Feyre was shocked at how sad you looked at the idea of being something casual to Az. She knew the two of you were head over heels for each other, they all knew that, but you looked devastated.
“Sweetie,” she says, trying her best to console you, “there is no way that that male views you or anything to do with you as ‘casual’.“
“Are you sure?” You ask, hesitation lacing your every word.
“Absolutely. He lights up whenever you’re around and I’ve never seen him miss a function you’re at.”
You thank your friend for the reassurances and settle back into your respective books. You knew that Azriel’s shadows often followed you around, even without him being anywhere nearby. He once told you that they find you adorable. However, you didn’t realize that the two who were stationed with you left very quickly after your discussion with Feyre.
-
The shadows relayed the whole story to him, in part because they, like the inner circle, want the two of you together. But also because they understand that you were upset and Azriel could fix it.
Azriel was more shocked at the insistence from them to make you less upset - usually they are just uninvolved observers, simply passing along information to him, allowing him to draw his own conclusions. The way those shadows spoke to him you’d think that they were in charge of him.
He met you outside of your apartment later that night, dressed in an all black casual outfit. “Ready?” He asks, extending his arm out for you to take. You lock the door behind him, straightening your coat before taking his arm.
The two of you start these dates off by walking through Velaris. Winter has just begun and there’s a light falling of snow covering the two of you.
“What’d you get up to today? I haven’t seen you since breakfast,” he asks you, not-so-subtly reminding you that you were, in fact, his breakfast, before he left your apartment this morning.
“I spent most of the day in the library with Feyre, reading a few books, doing some research. I had to get out of there, the words were all starting to blend together,” you reply, nuzzling into his arm to retain some of his heat, despite his jacket covering his arms.
“Mm, well then I guess you could consider me you’re handsome knight, off to whisk you away for an evening of delicacies in your time of need,” he retorts.
You chuckle and begin to speak, not stopping yourself before blurting, “why are you only like this with me? Don’t get me wrong, I love this side of you, but you only show it to me. Why’s that?”
Azriel stops your walk to stand in front of you, “ignoring your recent declaration of love,” you huff, “I just.. feel different around you.”
The look he’s giving you makes your knees go weak. He’s looking into your eyes with deep, raw honesty, like he wants you to see inside his soul.
“I love my family, despite their best efforts to annoy me into murdering them,” he says. You giggle. “But you’re.. different. The way I feel about you is different. I thought I loved Mor, but I didn’t. I loved the idea of saving her, of being her knight.” He sighs, unbelieving that he’s spilling all of this to you out in public. Luckily the other pedestrians just ignore the two of you, out of kindness or fear of him, he’s not sure. He pulls you into a quiet little alley, in the hopes to retain some privacy.
“It was stupid, but I thought I could save the girl and we’d live happily ever after. Then I met you. When I was a kid, I always wanted someone to come rescue me, and I thought that that was how you fall in love. But it’s not. I didn’t need to save you to love you. After this big revelation about myself, I took some time to really think about what I want. It’s why a few weeks back everyone thought I went to check on the war camps. Well, I did check on them, but I spent most of the time thinking. And I want you, no rescuing required. Though if you’d have me, I’d rescue you from anything. A bad day, my annoying family, the flu, anything. I’m not sure how clear my intentions have been, I figured showing you off around Velaris was enough, but I guess not.”
He paused, a mixture of nerves and intense determination radiating off of him.
“I haven’t thought about another person since I met you. I haven’t even considered looking at anyone else. Rhys has started calling me a puppy, because I follow you around everywhere, and I don’t care. I’ve never been so public with anyone, not giving a damn who sees or what they think, because I want them to know that you’re with me. I want everything you’ll give me.”
You’re stunned. It’s so quiet, you can hear the snow falling. It’s as if the world has gone silent to hear what you’ll say.
“Anything I’ll give you?” You say, a smirk crossing your face, wanting to draw out his confession a bit more.
“Anything.”
“Even if I snore?” You ask.
He laughs, “you don’t snore. You’re actually quite adorable when you’re asleep, hate to break it to you.”
“Hmm,” you say, stroking your finger on your chin, looking quizzical. “Guess you’ll just have to get used to my adorable sleeping, because if you’re accepting it, I’m giving you everything.”
He leans down, capturing your laugh with his lips, his shadows dancing around the two of you in excitement.
He pulls away after several minutes, laughing at the groan coming from your lips, “did you know that the idiots have a bet about us?”
He begins again after seeing your confused face, “If we’re together this week, Feyre wins the betting pool. Next week is Cassian.”
“Oh!” You exclaim, “that’s why she wanted us to be together so badly! Hm, maybe we should let Feyre win, because Cassian would be-
“Unbearable.” You both say in unison.
“When should we tell them? And how?” You ask.
“Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow we can just have sex on the dining room table, that’ll send the message loud and clear.” He says, raising his eyebrows suggestively.
You swat his arm, “no, we’re better than Cassian and Nesta. Maybe we should have a banner made. It’ll say “we had sex!” And point down to us.”
He chuckles, grabbing your arm again and steering you towards the bakery, as the two of you contemplate how to tell your family the news that will make them all so incredibly happy.
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for some reason, your enemy, yandere! katsuki bakugo, is oddly possessive over you
lowkey yandere! reader. smut. fem!reader. regular au. enemies (with benefits) to lovers. virgin! reader mentioned. jealous! bakugo. lowkey! angst the highkey! fluff.
warnings: nsfw, mentions of virginity being taken by katsuki, public sex stuff, tit fucking, degrading, free use, oral (fem receiving), rough fucking, choking, masochism??
a/n: should i start doing more drabbles & headcannons or do you guys like the long fics?
---
katsuki loves seeing you angry.
it's such a strict contrast, really. you're usually calm, put together, level-headed with a hint of dark humor & sarcasm. you seemed like you had unweavering patience when it came to the daily annoyances from stubbing your toe to helping a student that couldn't seem to grasp a subject, no matter how many times you tried explaining it.
the only person who could get under your skin was a certain, arrogant classmate who always had something to say. he would never say anything absurdly rude, but it would always get on your nerves. "the back of your shirt isn't tucked in, dumbass." "your lip gloss color is too bright on you, fuckin' idiot." "there's an easier way to do that, stupid."
maybe it was the tone he gave you-- condescending. maybe it was the way he was so predictable, always following up with a coy smirk. you didn't know why he was the only one to irk you, but you do know one thing, you hate him.
& he hates you.
yet for some reason, you two know more about each other than anyone else. you know how much katsuki hates sweet things, so you'll dump half a bottle of that cheap teriyaki sauce that tastes like artificial sweetener into his spicy ramen when he's cooking. he knows how you have your backpack organized, so he'll purposefully put things into the wrong place just to annoy you.
you two were obvious rivals in almost all aspects of life, & yet the two of you are attached by the hip. he was always in your dorm room while you did your homework, blowing on your ear or messing with stuff he knows he's not supposed to. you would find yourself in the gym with him late at night, sitting on the floor as you watched him to an exercise you didn't wanna do.
your friends would always ask about him, which was another way he would get on your nerves. even when he's not there, his name would get thrown around. "so, (y/n), when are you & bakugo gonna make it official," snickered jiro.
"yeah! we wanna know," momo chimed in. you've had this conversation with anyone who knew you & bakugo, & your answer was always the same.
"NEVER!"
the funny thing about "never" is that it means you, at no time in the future or in the past or on any occasion, would ever, ever even glance at bakugo with any sort of care or attraction. "never" means the only look you'd throw his way is a glare.
yet, there you were, under him, contradicting "never." this arrangement -secret rendezvous & lustful activities- happened a few weeks ago, you remember it so vividly. it was a late night, & you & bakugo were dead tired after training (aka fighting non-stop) with each other for hours followed by studying at his dorm. the two of you weren't done until late, so you told him that you were going to stay in his dorm whether he liked it or not.
another snarky argument ensued, which mellowed into vulnerable confessions. you told him you've never had a partner because you've never had any intimate experience before, so how would you even cope? that night, you lost your virginity to your enemy, & it was so addictive.
after that, your guys' dynamic didn't change outwardly. if people paid attentions a bit more, they would've seen the two of you holding pinkies during lunch. he would sit a tad bit closer in class. it's a good thing you've been wearing your hair down because your neck was covered in hickies.
today, katsuki was even more annoying than he has been the last year. something was coursing through his veins. he was so much more daring, so much more of a bully today.
it started when you woke up in his bed, naked after a night of taboo touches. even last night, he was different, something on his mind. groggily, katsuki shot you a lazy smirk. his fingertips ghosted over your exposed skin while you laid on his bare chest. goosebumps followed in his fingers' wake. you laid there for a moment longer then said, "we should probably get ready for school."
"hm.."
"what?"
"i just need something taken care of, (y/n)," said katsuki, voice deep. you felt him against your thigh that was draped across his hips.
"k-katsuki, we-we can't," you blushed. your protests went unanswered as he started to mark your neck. his love bites trailed around your neck, down to your collarbone.
"shhh, just relax," katsuki whispered as he groped your tits. as quickly as he removed his hand, it was replaced by his mouth, suckling on your nipple; his fingers pinched the other. his free hand dove between your legs.
"katsuki!" you gasped, pussy still sore from last night. you couldn't help but grind your clit against his palm while his fingers were knuckle-deep and pressing against your g-spot. "go-gonna cum," you moaned out, & it was like a switch flipped inside of katsuki.
he pulled his fingers out of your dripping cunt. climbing atop of you, katsuki sneered"didn't i tell you quiet?" he shoved his fingers coated in your juices down your throat, making you gargle in surprise.
his heavy cock laid between your hickey-covered tits. "press your tits together," he commanded. you must've given him a confused look because he instructed sternly, "use your hand & fuckin' press your tits around my cock, nerd." oh god, how he made you so mad. you couldn't even tell him off.
that morning, he finished all over your face & tits. he smacked your cheek a couple of times with his semi-hard cock before getting off of your body to get a towel for you.
the two of you sat in aizawa's class, next to each other, like you didn't have to wash katsuki's cum out of your hair just before school started. what was embarrassing was that your friends (bless their sweet, sweet souls) complimented you, which wasn't out of the norm. however, they were gushing about how your skin was absolutely glowing.
katsuki, knowingly, shot you look of pride. he is truly the worst.
the next period came & went, & then you were stuck in another class with katsuki. your teacher decided that they were sick & tired of the regular routine, so they led the class to the library. they essentially said, "run wild, don't leave the library, & leave me to my own devices."
it's not like you were complaining; you've been wanted to pick up a new book to read so you browsed the aisles. were you also avoiding katsuki? a bit. today, especially, he was just too much. his unfortunately well-placed cockiness & his eagerness to get his hands all over you was a deadly combination.
as your eyes darted from the selection of books, the one you wanted just so happened to be on the top shelf. it wasn't unreachable to you, but it was an inconvenience. you creased your shoes as you went on the tips of your toes, trying to get a grasp of the book when a larger, familiar hand gripped yours. standing behind was katsuki, towering over you. out of instinct, you retracted your hand away, & he grabbed the book
you were about to say thank you when he placed it on top of the shelf. you could barely even see it, so there way no way you were going to be able to reach it. "i want to read that," you deadpanned, trying to turn around but katsuki's hands were on your shoulders. "h-hey, you're not doing what..." your voice trailed off.
his hands glided down your shoulders, caressing the curve of your figure, then stopped at the hem of your skirt. "are you crazy?!" you whisper-shouted at the blonde, to which he just scoffed.
he unbuckled his belt, unzipped his pants, & all you heard was rustling of fabric. he flipped your skirt up, covering his erect cock with it. sandwiched between your thick ass, he started to grind against you. "then stop me," katsuki whispered into your ear. he brushed your hair away from your neck & blew on your sensitive bruises forming on your skin. "just don't be too loud~ you don't wanna get in trouble, do you?" he snickered, pushing your panties to the side. katsuki shoved his girthy cock inside of your hole, stretching your already-aching walls.
you slapped your hands over your mouth to muffle your gasp. you could hear students, your classmates, talk all around the library. sure, you were tucked away on the second floor in a quiet corner, but you were still in public.
he started rutting his hips against you, shallow & uneven. he was testing the waters to see how far you'd let him go. with the fear of getting caught & utter adrenaline pumping through you, you tried to push away katsuki. his response was to pin your hands against the book shelf & pound your dripping pussy. soft smacks were only heard by you two, no one else close enough to hear the huffs & the mewls.
they say keep your friends close, & your enemies closer, & maybe you've taken that to heart. now, katsuki, your sworn enemy, knows your body inside & out. he knows how much you love being manhandled, which is why he made you arch your back as held your arms above your head while he thrusted in & out of you.
your pussy twitches, as it does every time when you're about to lose yourself in the pleasure, & katsuki knows this too. you were chasing your high, your eyes lulled to the back of your head when, suddenly, he pulled out. "k-katsuki!" you groaned in annoyance & shock. he was a selfish person with the stamina of a sex god. you'd usually cum several times all over his cock before he'd ejaculate inside you.
he flashed you his signature smirk as he wiped his dick with your navy blue skirt. he zipped his pants back up & redid his belt. with a shrug, he sauntered away, & you were left with a knot in your stomach, ratty hair, & frustration bubbling inside of you.
you were not going to entertain whatever sick fantasy he was trying to fulfill. you avoided him the best you could, however the two of you shared pretty much every class together. purposefully, you'd be the last one to class so you wouldn't have to sit beside katsuki. it always landed you in the front of the class, & you could feel his gaze burning holes in the back of your head, but it didn't matter. distance is what he deserved.
you were so mad at him that you didn't even want to look his way, you didn't want to be in his general vicinity.
the moment you saw him notice you, you would walk away from him. your plan was working to your favor until the evening. katsuki & you had very similar day-to-day routines. because you were always stealing portions of katsuki's food in the evening, your stomach began to grumble like clockwork. however, the moment you go downstairs, you would have to confront katsuki.
between the hunger you felt & your distain for the blonde, your hunger felt insatiable-- unfortunately for you. it was hard to ignore because you, while trying to avoid katsuki, skipped your regular meals. all you have in your room is an empty mini fridge, a water dispenser, & a couple of snacks that won't do anything but upset your stomach.
"ughhh," you let out a groan, getting out of the comfort of your bed. you slipped on a pair of pj pants over your spandex shorts & house slippers, prepared to tell katsuki off while stuffing your face with the food he's cooked.
knock. knock.
you jumped, almost letting out a shocked gasp. "oi! open up, stupid!" it was katsuki on the other side of your dorm door. you held your breath... maybe he hasn't heard you yet? "i know you're in there!"
"goddamn it, katsuki! go away," you shouted back as you walked towards your door. you looked through your peephole, only to see an agitated katsuki holding onto something.
"would you stop being a fuckin' child & open the door?"
"no, you're the childish one! get out of here, & go suck midoriya's dick!" just as katsuki can effortlessly get under your skin, you can do the same with him.
he punched your door, which sent vibrations around the door & frame. "you're such a fuckin' kid, (y/n)! i know this is 'cuz i didn't let you cum all over my co-"
abrasive, you threw open your door & dragged the loud-mouth into your room. your hand threw itself over his mouth as you seethed, "would you shut your damn mouth, people can hear you." under your hand, he smirked & kissed the palm of your hand. you tried to pull away with an embarrassed blush, but he gripped your wrist to keep you in place.
he kept leaving butterfly kissed on your palm, maintaining eye contact with you. each gentle kiss shot tinges of pleasure through your nerves. "wh-what are you doing?"
"you're so sensitive, y'know," he responded, kissing up your arm while pulling your closer to him. since when was katsuki this affectionate? your eyes glossed over slightly as he trailed kissed up your arm. sighs of content escaped your plush lips when he started to kiss your collarbone. something brushed against your leg, & that's when you noticed him holding something.
"wh-what is that?" you asked, dragging your nails down his arm that was gripping it. goosebumps appeared all over his arm, & he tensed up.
he cleared his throat. he pulled away from you, &, if you didn't know any better, it seemed as though he were nervous. "it's the reason i'm here in the first place," he grumbled, avoiding eye contact. it was a box wrapped in an all-might cloth.
"oh, you mean you're not just here to torment me & use me," you shot back. you were still so, so angry with him.
he looked at you, eyes wide. "what the hell are you goin' on about, woman?"
you were about to tell him off, all your pent-up frustration about to spill out of your throat when you were cut off by a distinct grumble-- your stomach. katsuki scoffed, but it was clear what you said played over & over in his mind. "it doesn't matter right now, just eat." he shoved the cloth into your hand & sat on your bed; you followed in suit.
unwrapping it by pulling the knot, it came undone to reveal two dark wood bento boxes, two pairs of chopsticks, & two spoons. he took the utensils off the top to place them on the fabric & opened the top bento to give to you. decorated beautifully (& almost intimately) was a homemade bento with onigiri shaped in the traditional triangle along with your favorite protein with pieces of bell peppers, carrots, & other veggies cut into the shapes of hearts & stars. your rice ball had a cute cat face made out of seaweed. you bursted out in laughter, "wh-what is all this!?"
"shut up, asshole!" face flushed, katsuki yelled. "i fuckin' care about you or whatever." your laughter died down, taking in the words he was saying. "when you didn't eat lunch or come train with me or go get a pastry at that one god-awful cafe, i knew i pushed you too far."
"you think?" you retorted as your tapped the tips of your chopsticks against the bento. he took his & took off the lid to reveal his: scraps. it was enough to make him full, but it wasn't as pretty as yours. it was all just thrown in there without a care. the middle of his carrots & bell peppers had heart-shaped holes cut out of them. while your sauce was in a small container to avoid your food getting soggy, his was tossed in there, coating everything. his onigiri was just a ball with the classic seaweed strip.
"learn to shut up for once, will ya?! god, i made you food, so could you just sit there & look pretty & just listen?"
"fine, say what you wanna say," you huffed, taking a bite out of your food.
"listen, (y/n)," he started, "i know i'm harsh & not the best, & i get why you hate me, but i'm not trying to use you. yeah, i like that you & i do the nastiest shit together, but i also like just... walking around with you. you might think that it's just 'cuz i wanna get in your pants, but i couldn't care less about that shit. i don't know, i'm just, i'm sorry, alright?" this rant was so uncharacteristically not him but him at the same time. he was vulgar, yet vulnerable. he apologized.
"katsuki..."
"& i was just messin' with you 'cuz damn raccoon eyes told me that dunceface was gonna ask you out. i know that we're just doing stuff so you'll feel more confident in, i don't know, fucking, but i don't want you with anyone else. i messed up, i know. i just... d'know, i just want you to yearn for me as much as i need you."
"katsuki," you called out. "c-can i admit something to you?"
"what is it?"
"i really like you." a suddenly quiet ensued. katsuki, the guy who always had a snappy comeback, was speechless, & it made your throat tighten.
"(y/n), seriously, don't mess with me-"
"i'm not!" you yelled, but you weren't upset. "the reason i was so mad at you was because i felt used... i don't like feeling like that, especially since i really, really like you. all the stuff we do together let's me be delusional & pretend we're dating. & it's hard to stop because you're just so... doting in your own way. but then today, you didn't wanna make me, you know, so i just thought-"
"we'll that's what you get for thinking," katsuki teased, placing his & your finished bento on your desk. he sat close beside you; if you were to turn your head, your lips would've been centimeters away from his. it's not like you guys haven't kissed before, but this time was different. it felt like the first time all over again.
"(y/n), look at me," he whispered into your ear. you shifted in your spot, but you did as you were told. facing him, you backed your head up, only for it to be stopped by your headboard. "i'm so sorry, angel. let me make it up to you."
"katsuki, i-it's okay-" you were cut off.
he hushed you, eyes half-lidded & clouded with lust. "you'd think by now you'd learn your lesson about shuttin' up, huh?" he said as his hands slid under your shirt, up your torso. you raised your arms, allowing him to take off your shirt. under his breath, he whispered, "fuck."
katsuki climbed in between your legs, looming over your figure. he kissed the valley between your breasts while his arm snaked around your body. with one hand, he unclasped your bra. you threw it onto your dorm floor, & he wasted no time to latch onto your tit. he swirled your perky nipple around his tongue. you squirmed under him, your pants, shorts, & panties joined your bra
to take a moment to breathe, katsuki pulled back, & you, as eager & as horny as ever, ripped off his shirt. "woah, someone's impatient."
"you piss me off, let me have this," you snarled back, a possessive tone in your voice. katsuki made a note to himself: edge you as much as humanly possible. you pulled him close to you. sure, you crushed your face against his chest when you did so, but you didn't care. you started to nip at his exposed skin. hickeys crawled up his chest, decorating his collarbone & creeping onto his neck.
"sh-shit, angel," he breathed out. against your thigh, you felt his clothed dick twitch with every bite. he pushed you away from his bruised skin with a gentleness, his tongue trailing down his body. & just like that, he was the dominate one again.
katsuki, spreading your legs wide for him, placed your legs on his shoulders. your thighs could crush his skull if you so pleased. "you're dripping, (y/n)~" he snickered, followed by a long, slow lick against your slit. you gasped out in shock, back arching out of instinct.
"m-more," you whined. he chuckled that sinister chuckle he always does when he's about to say the most annoying shit ever.
"ask nicely."
"katsuki," you said in a stern voice. you didn't want him at that moment, no, no, no. you needed him. you needed him to make you cum; you needed his stupidly talented tongue on your pussy. you needed to be destroyed by his dumb, heavy cock. "i'm not playing around."
"i'm not either, (y/n). just swallow your damn pride & ask like a good girl, hm?" he replied as he spread your pussy lips apart with his thumbs, blowing cool air on your clit. you two bantered the way you usually do, as though he weren't in between your legs, mouth ghosting against your weeping hole.
you knew he wasn't going to let up, so you swallowed thickly. "k-katsuki?"
"yes?"
"pl-please eat me out," you begged. you looked at him with faux tears welling in your bright, doe eyes.
"how could i say no when you look at me like that, sweet girl," exasperated katsuki, acting like he was doing you a favor when, in reality, he was a selfish man. he loved eating you out, he loved watching you wraith in pleasure, hand clasped over your mouth as cute, little moans escaped your quivering lips. if anything, it got him rock hard & throbbing.
it started out with kisses against your clit, like it always does. soon, the kisses turned into licks & sucks. your hands found themselves entangled in his unruly, platinum hair, & your hips bucked forward. you rubbed your clit against him. one hand started to tease your entrance while he flicked your clit with his tongue. your juices with his drool made it easy to slide his middle & ring finger inside of you.
as if you were holding in a breath, you exhaled in relief. his fingers pumped in & out of you while his tongue circled your bud. the all-to-familiar knot began to form in your stomach. "g-gunna cum!" you whisper-shouted, back still arched & head thrown back. for a second, your vision turned white as you creamed all over katsuki's face. he lapped your juices up like it was an elixir given to him by the gods. overstimulated, you thought he would pull away after cleaning you, but he relented.
that's what you get for thinking.
"hey, wh-what are you doing?" you gasped out as you propped yourself up with your elbows. this time, instead of attacking your clit, his tongue jetted in & out of your hole. he didn't say anything, only looking up at you with his ruby red eyes. you found yourself bucking your hips onto his face once more, finding pleasure in the friction. every time you would look away, he would slow down or stop completely. you came, then came, then came again.
after the fourth time, he finally stopped. you took a deep breath, your frustrations wiped away. "f-fine, you win. y-you made it u-up to me," you stuttered out as you tried to steady your heart rate. your eyes were closed, & your chest heaved with every breath you took.
"why do you look so comfortable? we're not done yet, angel," katsuki growled, & that's when you felt it; his tip running up & down your folds. your eyes snapped open, & your jaw dropped. he eased inside of your pussy, which sucked him in eagerly. you felt full, stretched, yet he was only half way in. he snapped his hips forward, covering your mouth because, every time he does that, you'll let out a droned-out moan.
the fact that he's made you lose your unwavering, cool composure made him feral. you're dripping wet all because of him. you were sucking him in so good. his eyes were trained on your gorgeous face, your eyes were half-lidded, tearing up. whimpers muffled by his large hand made his cock twitch inside you. the way your body looked as you took him in full was the reason he can't let anyone else have you. honestly & truly, you made him crazy.
he showed this in this thrusts. they were harsh, tip slamming against your cervix. as he pumped in & out of your pussy, he uncovered your mouth, his hand travelled down to your neck. with a firm grip, he cut off your airway. your tongue hung out of your mouth as you panted like a bitch in heat. fast & hard, your body jerked forward with each one of his rough thrusts.
choked out mewls escaped your lips, & your eyes rolled to the back of your head. you were about to pass out when he released your throat. you gasped. with every exhale, you couldn't stop yourself from moaning out his name. "k-katsuki~ k-kat-m~"
"such a good fuck," growled katsuki. he draped your legs over his shoulders. the blonde, smirking viciously, loomed over you, leaning forward. your knees were against your bare chest, you feet passed your head. you were folded in half, powerless. all you could do is squirm, cry out his name, & let him pound the shit out of your pretty pussy.
he held himself over you with one hand. his other cupped your face. he squished your cheeks together so your lips would pucker. "you're such a fuckin' pretty asshole," he chuckled. "you know how many guys wanna piece of you? none of 'em get t' have you though, that's all my privilege," katsuki gloated, his voice sounded muffled yet so clear. you tried responding but all that came out were lewd moans
he let go of your face as his thrusts started to become erratic. his grunts were animalistic, the sound of skin slapping skin echoed off the thin walls. possessively, he growled sweet nothings into your ear, & you had to bite back your screams of pleasure. at this point, you felt so good that you couldn't even begin to care about who might find out. hell, even if someone told aizawa that the two of you were breaking rules, you would tell him to scold you the next day.
"c-cum," you rasped, your legs sore from being folded. you squirmed under him to find some comfort for your legs. you tried pushing him away, yet you still chased your high. was the pain turning you on? there's no way.
"tch, cum, you fuckin' brat," commanded katsuki, & it was clear he wouldn't let you change positions until you creamed all over his thick cock.
"c-cumming!" your legs shook as your walls spasmed around katsuki. you heard him curse under his breath, his dick twitched inside you.
"gon-gonna fill you up, 'k?" he told you, all you could do is weakly nod. for a moment, he didn't care about your pleasure. he had one mission, & that was to use you so he could cum. he was treating you like a toy. your legs fell near his hips, but you couldn't find the strength to wrap your legs around him. gripping your hips, he moved you up & down his dick like you were a fleshlight.
"you're such a naughty girl, (y/n)~ everyone's gon' know that y'er all mine," he told your through gritted teeth. he didn't wait for a response, groaning loudly. "take it, fuckin' take it, baby," he said as he slammed his cock inside of you before his thrusts became needy, shallow. hot ropes of his cum painted the walls of your pussy. with the entirety of his cock inside you, his cum seeped out of you, dripping onto your duvet.
you felt your heartbeat in your core, & you struggled to catch your breath. he captured your lips in a passionate kiss, it was so unlike him. since when has anyone described katsuki bakugo as gentle? yet here he was, tending to you, cleaning you up & giving you soft kisses on your plush lips. "you okay, babe?" he questioned, just a hint of snarky pride behind his tone.
"y-yeah," you stuttered out, stretching your your legs. they quivered with every movement, & your face was flushed with embarrassment. he scooped you up with one arm while the other swiped the duvet off your bed. he tossed it in your dirty laundry hamper. your arms were around his neck as you cuddled into his bare chest when you told him, "you were just rough is all."
he laid the two of you down, covering you with your fluffy, (what you dubbed) "emergency" blanket. he started to scratch your head, & your eyes felt droopy. "i'm sorry, sweet girl. was i too rough?"
"no," you sighed with a smile. "i can handle it."
"yeah, i'm sure you can."
"i can! i just proved it to you!" you retorted, your eyes closing.
"whatever."
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Hello love I have a request that I would love you to write!
Cassian or Azriel I am not picky and Y/N
Y/n gets into an argument with Cassian and or Azriel about how they are not attentive, and they’re for them anymore and says that if things don’t change they’re leaving. Things do not change and it is the night that the inner circle goes into Hewn city. at the gala, Eris ask Y/N to dance. And one of the boys is really brooding just standing in a corner just watching YN and Eris dance and then is the part where Taylor goes. “I can see you staring honey like he’s just your understudy like you get your knuckles, bloody for me” I want their eyes to connect from across the dance floor. That would be great. then I am giving you full creative freedom with the undertones of exile by Taylor Swift. give me all the angst you can give the more the better.
I absolutely love this idea! I hope that I live up to your expectations and provided enough angst to feed that burning hunger of yours! Also apologies that it has taken me so long, in all honesty I kept forgetting what I was writing and I wanted it to be PERFECT.
Exile
Paring: Azriel x Reader
Word count: 4k
Summary: Azriel starts to distance himself from you. Fed up with his disappearing acts, you confront him, only for it to end in driving you away entirely.
Warnings: Angst (and lots of it), Fighting, Language, Hurt and comfort (from Mor)
If there was one thing Azriel was known for, it was his dedication to his work and his undying loyalty to Rhysand. He was also your mate, someone who meant the entire world to you. You had met Azriel about two hundred years ago when you started your bakery. He came in after watching you struggle with carrying the large bags of flour, extending a helping hand. Since then, he started coming daily to see what new goods you were cooking up, and that's when he asked you on your first date.
The first date was a bit awkward as he shied away, speaking in such a hushed tone that you had to repeatedly ask him to repeat himself. Despite Azriel's strength, you loved his shy side. There was something so docile and soft about it, and you were the only one who truly got to see that side of him.
When the bond snapped into place, both of you were fighting over who would mix the flour, ending with both of you covered from head to toe. It was when he heard your infectious laugh that he felt it, and it was obvious when you gave him that loving gaze he was drawn to. Your eyes were so soft, and your smile was wide. So, that evening, you made him his favorite treat and offered it to him, which soon led to Azriel making sure Rhysand got it through Cassian’s head that you two were not to be bothered for a few weeks.
Those were the moments you missed more than anything. You missed curling up with Azriel as you read the same book, often sharing your reactions. You missed hiding from him to scare him, only to fail the moment his shadows shot out to greet you after a long day. You missed your mate, and your happy memories felt like a fever dream. He was starting to become a distant memory, and part of you wasn’t even sure if you wanted to put up a fight.
You couldn't recall the last time you had spent more than a few moments with him. Lately, he had been staying at the House of Wind to be closer to Rhysand, ready for any last-minute missions that might arise. Initially, you didn't mind, considering Rhysand's frequent missions, especially when Feyre was pregnant and needed his support. However, what began to trouble you was that he never invited you to join him, nor did he visit your shared home to see you.
Then you heard about the time he started spending with Elain. You weren't bothered by her, as you couldn't blame her for shutting everyone out. Her entire life had been stripped away in a matter of moments, and now she was essentially immortal, with a mate forced upon her. However, understanding also brought weariness. You could sense that she had developed feelings for your mate, and Azriel, being who he is, most likely was unaware of the affection she held towards him. Strangely, this knowledge made you want to be around him more, but you didn't know how to navigate the situation.
Azriel had been a significant presence in your life, and the sensation of him slipping away was something you loathed. At some point, he had closed off the bond, making it nearly impossible to reach out to him through it. Running your hands over your face, you attempted to dispel the exhaustion before deciding to visit the House of Wind to ensure Azriel was at least alive.
Your arrival at the House of Wind did not go unnoticed. Cassian, upon spotting you ascending to the training area, made your presence known. "Y/N! You're here. We've been wondering when you would show up. We were starting to think you didn't like us," he teased, capturing everyone's attention.
Clearing your throat, you offered him a small smile as the breeze tousled your hair. "Yeah, things have been hectic at the bakery. Have you seen Azriel? It's been hard to find him lately," you inquired, noticing Cassian's expression contorting into one of pure confusion.
"What do you mean? He said he was with you this morning," Cassian replied, scrutinizing your every move. Dread began to fill your body as the realization that Azriel had even been deceiving the others dawned on you.
Forcefully laughing, you scratched the back of your head, clearing your throat. "No, he was! By 'lately,' I meant during the day since he's usually all over because of the missions Rhys keeps assigning him," you explained, even your forced smile fading as Cassian's gaze filled with concern and pity.
"Y/N, Rhys hasn't assigned him anything for a while, not after what happened with Feyre and your injury. Rhys wanted him to be around you more because of that close call. Are you telling me you haven't seen him?" Cassian inquired, raising a brow and challenging you to lie. By now, the entire area had cleared out except for Nesta, who stood in the background watching you and Cassian, her jaw tense. She knew something, and you would extract it from her if necessary.
"No, I haven't. I mean, he comes home once in a blue moon, but then he just sleeps in the guest room, and he's gone by the time I wake up," you admitted, your shoulders sagging. "I really miss him, Cass. The nightmares are starting to return. He's not avoiding me because he blames himself for what happened, right?" Just a few months ago, Azriel had angered someone, resulting in a dagger being firmly lodged in your side. Recalling that moment, you realized Azriel wasn't present when Cassian and Feyre found you on the floor of the bakery's kitchen that morning.
You heard Nesta curse before she joined Cassian's side. "I spoke to the idiot already, and I thought I got through to him. He's with Elain in the garden. I saw them just before training started, and considering how often they spend time there, he should still be there," she divulged, her expression shifting from anger to guilt. You wanted to be furious, but part of you couldn't muster the anger towards her. Nesta had tried her best to handle the situation discreetly, but with her knowing, you wondered just how long Azriel had been sneaking around with Elain while deceiving the rest of his family.
You hadn’t heard anything else Nesta had said as your feet carried you through the house. Just as you turned the corner, you collided with a solid chest, causing you to stumble back. Looking up, you sucked in a deep breath as your eyes locked with a pair of hazel ones. "Azriel," you breathed, reaching out towards him. Your hand fell to your side when he pulled away from you. "I've missed you. You're never around anymore," your voice thick with emotion as you struggled to say anything beyond the standard 'I miss you'.
Azriel glanced over your shoulder, his expression hardening. "You're not supposed to be here. Why are you here?" His eyes eventually met yours as a scoff escaped your mouth. You hadn’t seen your mate for the past few weeks, and that’s what he had to say to you? That you weren’t supposed to be there, trying to ensure he was alive?
"You're joking, right? Azriel, I haven’t seen you for weeks, and that’s all you have to say? A hello would’ve been nice at least," you snapped, crossing your arms. Rolling his eyes, he turned on his heel and began to walk away. "No, you don’t get to walk away from me, Azriel. That’s not fair. You don’t get to pull a disappearing act without some sort of explanation. You don’t get to lie to your family and expect not to get caught," you snapped, following after him. As the two of you entered the dining area, you missed the others sitting at the table, their conversations cut short as you stomped after Azriel.
Azriel stopped and spun towards you, his wings flaring slightly. "My gods, Y/N, can’t you just get off my back? I’m not going to be there every single second of the day with you. You need to learn how to live without me for once in your life." Any sound that filled the room suddenly fell silent as you took a step back, feeling as though he had slapped you.
"Oh, shit." Looking around, you came face to face with your family, all silent as they watched you. Nesta was glaring daggers at Azriel, while Cassian and Rhysand were positioned to intervene if things went south. Mor and Feyre looked at you, their faces filled with guilt. Then there was Elain, sitting there with the audacity to appear clueless about what was happening. Your entire family was there to witness the potential downfall of your relationship with Azriel. Great.
"What's your issue, Y/N? Why are you on my case today? I haven’t done anything to deserve this nagging. Gods, it’s like after you healed, you became an overbearing mess," Nesta slammed her hands down on the table and stood, prompting Cassian to grab hold of her to prevent her from lunging at Azriel across the room.
A dry laugh escaped you as you narrowed your eyes. “Overbearing? Azriel, you haven’t been around in weeks! You can’t even stand to be in the same room as me. And overbearing? Day to day, I have to deal with the people you anger, and I constantly fear for my life because of your job. I took a damn dagger to the side and almost died because of your job. I’m sorry if accepting you for who you are and your job is overbearing. I’m sorry that worrying for you is just so awful. You’ve changed, Azriel, and I don’t know if it’s because of the damn elephant in the room or if you’ve simply given up. I’m tired of dealing with the nightmares alone, and I want you back by my side when I wake up screaming because I constantly feel that dagger ripping me apart.” Tears streamed down your face as you looked around.
Rhysand had slowly made his way towards you with Mor by his side, the two members of this family, besides Cassian, whom you trusted with your life. Glaring down at the ground, you looked up at Azriel, your face void of any emotion. “If you can’t clean up your act, I’m done.” Azriel froze as a flood of fear slammed into you. He slipped, and you could tell the moment he slammed those walls back up.
“Clean up my act? You’re the one to talk. It’s like ever since you woke up, you became afraid of the world all over again. You shouldn’t need us to walk you to work and back. You shouldn’t need us hanging around the store all day just because you’re scared of someone showing up. I can’t stand to have a mate who is so fearful of the world.” You dropped your shoulders in defeat at his words. It was true; after what happened, you had been terrified of being in that shop, fearing they would come back and finish the job.
Rhysand was next to you in a second, followed by Mor, who caught you as your knees gave out. “That is no way to speak to your mate, Azriel,” Rhysand spat. “You sat around moping because you wanted one. The Mother blesses you with one, and this is how you thank her? Seriously?” Rhysand crossed his arms, the room noticeably darkening.
“Well, maybe she made a mistake. Maybe Y/N isn’t supposed to be my mate. We have nothing in common, meanwhile, Elain and I do.” The moment the words left his mouth, your head snapped in Elain’s direction as you clenched your jaw.
Looking back at Azriel, you shook your head. “I mean it, Azriel. If you can’t clean up your act, I’m done. Don’t bother looking for me until you figure out your mess. I’m done,” you spat, winnowing from your very spot into your room. Grabbing a duffel bag, you began to cram things into it just as you heard footsteps sprinting down the hall towards your door, and the echoes of voices calling out to the owner of those steps.
As Azriel threw open the door, you looked at him as he reached out for you, his mouth opening to say something. Before you could hear what he had to say, you disappeared, leaving him standing in the middle of your room.
---
It had been a month since you chose to seclude yourself in Mor's guest bedroom. As the door slowly opened, light flooded into the dark room, and Mor stepped inside. Sitting on the bed, she gently rubbed your back to draw your attention. "Hey there, sweetheart. It's time to get you out of this room. Velaris has started to notice your absence now that the bakery is closed," she said softly, sensing your reluctance. "He still asks about you, but he's also spending more time with her. Rhys has tried talking sense into him, Cassian kicked his ass, and the girls have been giving him the cold shoulder. I'm sorry, my love, but perhaps attending the Gala in Hewn City would do you good," she suggested, brushing your hair away from your face gently.
You nodded and turned onto your side to look at her, a small frown forming on your lips. Mor's gaze softened as she sighed softly. "Come, I want to show you something," she said, gently pulling you out of bed. Standing up, you followed her out of the room toward another one just down the hall. Mor pushed the door open, revealing a mannequin adorned with a stunning deep purple gown featuring delicate beadwork climbing the bodice. The main skirts bore the design of a tree and leaves, with the beads on the skirt representing flowers. It was the most beautiful gown you had ever seen.
"I had it made for you to wear tonight. You deserve to look and feel beautiful. Azriel is taking you for granted. With your beauty and eyes that could bring a man to his knees, this dress is perfect for you," Mor whispered from behind you, resting her hands on your shoulders gently.
A wide smile graced your lips for the first time in a month as you turned to face Mor. "Thank you, Mor. Truly, it means a lot to me that you did this," your words were soft and heartfelt. A sense of brokenness lingered within you, the result of Azriel's neglect over the past month, compounded by the knowledge of his time spent with Elain. Mor guided you to the bathroom, where she helped you into the tub and began to wet and wash your hair.
"You know, we’re all upset with him for treating you like this. Yes, Elain needed help before, but even Nesta started to reprimand him for spending too much time with her. I remember when he first came home after meeting you. He was covered in flowers and had the biggest grin on his face. He couldn't stop talking about you, and Cassian often had to beg him to stop. But then, after one of his missions went awry and you got hurt, everything changed. He refused to see you, or even go near that part of the house. And then he kissed Elain. I thought Nesta was going to tear him to shreds. After that, he began lying to us about spending time with you, even after Rhysand practically forced him out of the garden." Mor's words pierced through you, mentioning the kiss shattered your fragile emotional state.
A wave of despair washed over you. Shoulders slumping, you gazed down at the water surrounding your bare form. "Do you think he still loves me?" you asked, your voice trembling with uncertainty. Mor took a deep breath, visibly caught off guard by your question. She hummed softly as she poured water over your head, grappling for the right words.
"I'm sure he does. Azriel is complex, we all know that. For centuries, he's prayed to The Mother for a mate. I heard him whispering a prayer every night until he met you. Then it turned into begging her to ensure your safety. Azriel tends to shut down and push away those closest to him when he's struggling to cope. He avoided Rhysand when he returned from Amarantha's clutches. His treatment of you isn't fair, but I genuinely don't know how to reach him anymore." Mor cleared her throat, rising to her feet. "I'll leave you to dry off and get into a robe. When you're ready, come downstairs, and I'll help you dress and do your hair," she offered with a comforting smile, squeezing your shoulder before exiting the room, leaving you alone with your thoughts.
It didn’t take long for you to exit the tub once the water turned cold. After drying off your body, you slipped on a black silk robe and began to towel dry your hair. As you made your way towards the stairs, you made a mental note to find a way to thank Mor for everything she had done for you. Nearing the bottom of the steps, you froze upon hearing Mor engaged in a conversation with someone. Peeking around the corner, you spotted Azriel standing with his back to you in the middle of the living room, while Mor stared at him with an intense gaze. “She thinks you don’t love her, Azriel. You’ve pushed her to the brink of giving up,” she snapped, causing him to tense at her words.
Azriel ran his fingers through his hair, his mouth opening and closing as he struggled to find the right words to say. “I do, I just... I don’t know. I haven’t seen her for a month, and I’m starting to go crazy, Mor. I don’t know what to do about it anymore, and it feels like everything I say comes out wrong,” he confessed. You noticed his shadows lurking in the room, beginning to slither their way towards you.
“And what about the kiss, Azriel? You kissed Elain while your own mate was at home, thinking you were off on some mission Rhysand assigned to you,” Mor jabbed a finger into his shoulder. “You gave up, and she kept pushing. This is your doing, and you need to figure it out. She was serious when she told you to clean up your act. Right now, you’re showing her you’ll never change, not after you hadn’t even bothered to come see her for a month knowing she was here. You pushed her aside for Elain. It’s time you finally accept the consequences of your actions, Azriel. If you lose her for good, that’ll be on you.” Before Azriel could respond, he tensed and turned towards you, his eyes widening.
Allowing your gaze to fall into a blank expression, you looked at Mor. “I’m ready,” your voice came out as a whisper, and Mor nodded, shoving past Azriel. You both made your way back up the stairs, leaving Azriel standing alone in the middle of the room. Once again, you were just out of his reach, and once again, he was on the verge of losing you for good.
---
The gala was breathtaking. Witnessing the courts gathering together always brought you immense joy. Tamlin made his way towards you, a wide smile on his face. “Y/N! It’s good to see you again. We've been missing your baked goods dearly,” he grinned, prompting a laugh from you. Born in the Spring court, you had grown close to Tamlin, and it was there that you honed your baking skills while growing up. When the time came for you to seek a new path, Tamlin had let you go, assuring you that you would always have a home to return to.
When Azriel pulled his disappearing acts, leaving you alone with your thoughts, you often debated returning to Spring, where you knew you had a family who would welcome you with open arms. “Thank you, Tamlin. If I'm ever permitted, I’ll be sure to bring you some of my cookies that you drooled over,” you teased, brushing a curl away from your shoulder.
Tamlin looked around, a questioning look flashing across his face. “Where’s your mate? The last time you and I talked, he was glued to your side.” Your eyes dulled slightly as you shrugged. You hadn’t seen Azriel all evening, though you knew he was here as you were constantly followed by a shadow.
Before you could respond, Eris made his appearance, as fashionable as ever. “Y/N, you truly outdid yourself this time. You look absolutely breathtaking in that dress. Shall we have a dance?” Without waiting for your answer, Eris grabbed your hand and led you towards the dance floor, where bodies swirled in a mesmerizing pattern. You and Eris fell into an easy rhythm as he looked down at you. “Sorry to drag you away from Tamlin, but I couldn’t help but notice how sad you looked. Is it because of your mate?” His eyes bore into yours as you sucked in a deep breath.
“It would be a mistake to lie to you,” you grumbled, earning a laugh of agreement from him. “Azriel and I haven’t talked for a good while. He’s been busy with other things,” you mumbled, avoiding eye contact. As you both spun, you caught sight of him standing in the corner of the room, watching you. Your eyes hardened as they locked onto his.
Eris cleared his throat, pulling your attention back to him. “You know, if you need a break from your home, you can stay in my court. We obviously have the room, and I can make sure you get the space you need to think. As much as Morrigan hates me, she’s worried about you to the point where she asked me for help.” Studying his gaze, it wasn’t hard to tell that he was being genuine.
Looking towards Azriel again, you studied him, your eyes narrowing as Elain walked up to him, handing him a glass. Biting back your tears, you let your walls down, throwing every ounce of anger, betrayal, sadness, and fear at him. You watched as he stumbled back slightly, his hand flying up over his chest, his eyes locking onto yours. You watched as Elain reached out to him, running her hand over his arm as she tried to check on him. Eris stopped moving as he stood next to you, watching the interaction between the both of them. “Just say the word, and I can take you away from here,” he whispered.
You waited for him to brush off Elain, but he didn’t. He let her hand rest on his cheek as he kept his eyes on yours, his eyes widening. “He doesn’t care about me anymore, Eris. Take me to your court,” you said, looking up at Eris, who only nodded. You didn’t miss how he glanced at Rhysand and the others, giving them a small nod. You didn’t miss how their shoulders sagged in defeat once they realized you were leaving. You didn’t miss how the crowd began to part as Azriel raced towards you, dropping to his knees in front of you. You watched as his body shook with sobs, how he begged you to stay, begged you to stay by his side. “Where were you when I begged The Mother to bring you back to me? Where were you when I was dying on the kitchen floor of my own bakery after taking a knife for you? Where were you when I woke up screaming for you? Go back to Elain, Azriel. You made your decision.” With that, you turned to Eris, giving him a small nod. With that, the both of you walked away, leaving Azriel on the ground sobbing into his hands before he disappeared from your sight as the crowd closed behind you.
#acotar#azriel x reader#azriel acotar#azriel spymaster#azriel shadowsinger#shadowsinger x reader#acotar fanfiction#feyre archeron#rhysand#cassian#elain archeron#morrigan#mating bond#acotar fandom#acotar series#angst#reader insert#sarah j maas#eris vanserra#azriel angst#azriel and elain
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Of Nightmares and Memories |seven| Azriel X reader
Series Warnings: Kidnapping. Mistreatment. Cursing. Pining. Violence. Depression. Talks of suicide. Eventual smut
Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six
A/N: Little bit of a filler, setting up for the second act. I'm very excited for you guys to see where this is going <3
The week that she was gone was more miserable than most. Your fae healing would kick in, leaving little trace of Tamlin’s brutality, only for him to return and beat you to a pulp once more. You were starting to lose track of the days, only seeming to exist in between Tamlin’s visits, when Feyre reappeared. Not looking worse for wear, but instead looking a little lighter than when she left, but filled with the same amount of anxiety.
You could hear Tamlin lock her away into the study, questioning her on everything about the Night Court. Feyre saw so little though, you knew that. Your brother wouldn’t put the Court at risk by bringing her anywhere but the Moonstone Palace. But she met with Mor, and that was enough to bring me to my knees. Just knowing she was alive was enough. But then Feyre mentioned Cassian and Azriel and tears started to flow freely. Because they were alive and in one piece. After everything they made it, they were alive and well. Rhys wouldn’t have mentioned them otherwise.
You sobbed on the floor of your rooms, curled in a ball. Because he lived. Despite it all, Azriel lived. And maybe, somehow you would see him again. Maybe, just maybe, you would be able to escape and make it home. Bide your time until the faebane was out of your system enough to reach out to Rhys for help.
The Tithe came a week later. You hadn’t left your rooms in months, hadn’t felt the sun on your face. Food was brought to you by Alis, sometimes Feyre would sneak into your rooms for a moment. You wish she would’ve after she returned from the Night Court so you could learn how Rhys and Mor were first hand, instead of having to strain to hear it all.
You watched from my window as Feyre sat beside Tamlin, looking like the picture of a Spring Court lady. It made you sick. She belonged here just as much as you did. You couldn’t hear from where you stood, but you could see them just fine. The way half of the people barely had enough to pay the Tithe. It broke your heart, Tamlin should have delayed it again. Should have given his people more than three months to recover from the fifty years of pain and suffering they had to endure. But Tamlin was proud, too proud.
So when Feyre gave her jewels to a water wraith, you knew he would be furious. You could hear it over the dinner that followed. The way they snapped at one another, and then silence, like Feyre left the room.
It was hours before you heard the sound of what seemed like an explosion. You couldn't move to find out what happened, so you strained my ears to hear whatever you could. All you could hear was Tamlin apologizing over and over again to Feyre. He keeps promising he’ll do better, keeps promising they’ll get through this and that things will change. You wonder if she knows it’s all a lie?
Rhys comes for her a few weeks later. In the middle of the night, while you’re all fast asleep. You don’t wake until Tamlin comes bursting into your rooms, demanding to know how he can get Rhys to release Feyre from their bargain. When you tell him that your stubborn brother would rather die than give Tamlin something he wanted, he beat you. And then beat you some more, until you were nothing but a bloodied mess on the floor.
He was waiting by an oak tree at the end of the week. Your body was sore and broken, but healing slowly. Rhys appeared with Feyre in tow, looking exhausted as always. You were beginning to truly worry about her, because it was obvious she was a shell of the human you met months ago. A shell of the one who slapped Tamlin and dared to go against Amerantha.
Now she was nothing. And there was nothing I could do about it, and hardly anything Rhys could do in one week every month. He could try to get her back, but in the end she would return her and fall deeper and deeper. She was right when she told Tamlin she was drowning.
All hell broke loose the following day though.
Though Ianthe returned, you were finally allowed to leave your rooms for a time. You found Feyre standing by the front door, begging Tamlin to take her with him on his trip. He refused, of course, leaving her alone in the doorway. When Feyre said she was coming whether Tamlin liked it or not, you could see something change in him. That’s when she slammed against an invisible wall. That’s when you realized we were both fucked.
She begged and begged, but he kept moving. He mounted his horse and rode away. Lucien lingered for a moment, saying something I couldn’t quite make out from the ringing in my own ears. She was going to rip herself apart or die in this manor house.
You watched as Lucien and Tamlin disappeared. Watched as Feyre crumbled in on herself and slowly began to lose control. Darkness seeped out of her, then fire and ice. She was wrapping herself in a cocoon of it as she crashed to the floor. your heart broke, because you had no power to help her.
Alis called her name, begging her to calm down. But Feyre couldn’t hear her, or chose not to. You felt the need to vomit as I watched on, feeling more helpless than you ever had before.
“Help her!” Alis demanded, finally seeing you standing there.
“I can’t,” you choked out, “I have no power. Your master….he…I can’t do anything.”
Feyre was going to die. There would be nothing left of her by the time Tamlin and Lucien made it back here. She would be nothing but a pile of ashes at this rate. you felt utterly sick, and angry. Angry that you had no power left to help, angry that you’d been locked away too for too long. Angry that Tamlin would even think about locking Feyre away like this, knowing that she would react poorly.
But reacting poorly is an understatement. She was going to bring the whole place down around us. We would all die at her hand, and she wouldn’t mean to do it. She would topple the Spring Court tonight, without meaning to do it. And you would finally be free, in life or in death.
But then the very foundations shuttered, and the sight of blonde hair filled my eyes. you fell to your knees, because it was Mor, whole and beautiful as ever. She couldn’t see you from where you were, but you could see her as she reached into the cocoon of darkness and pulled Feyre out.
“Go,” Alis whispered to me, “Go with them.”
You shook your head, unable to move. Surely it couldn’t be that simple. Surely there would be something else to stop me from leaving. you couldn’t even make it to the gate before. Why would now be any different?
“Please-please take care of her,” Alis begged Mor, “Take care of them both.”
“Both?” Mor questioned.
It was then, with the thought of Azriel and finally returning home to Valaris. Finally being able to fly again and feel the sun and wind on my face. Finally being able to feel Cassian’s bone crushing hugs, and Rhys….oh Rhys. It was only then that you got to your feet and moved from your hiding spot.
Mor faltered upon seeing me. You thought she might even drop Feyre as a sob ripped from her lips. Feyre seemed to be unconscious in the woman’s arms, unaware of what was happening. But Mor knew, the second she laid eyes upon me, she knew. Even though my body had changed and I’d matured, she still saw me.
“How is this possible?” She questioned, taking a small step towards me.
“You don’t have time,” Alis warned, “Someone will have alerted the High Lord, he’ll be on his way.”
“Take me home Mor,” you beg, “Please Mor, take me home.”
“Consider yourselves very, very lucky that your High Lord was not here when we arrived,” Mor warned.
With tears in her eyes, Mor nodded towards me and took a step towards the door. Feyre finally took in a breath, deep and shuttering. You swallowed hard and followed them out of the door. Mor told Feyre that nothing was going to keep them from her, and that Rhys shattered the shields without a second thought.
What would he do when he realized what else he freed? Would he be happy to see you again after so many years? Or would it be too painful for him, after moving on hundreds of years ago. Because surely they all moved on. Surely they didn’t think about you the way you thought of all of them. Surely they didn’t spend every day mourning the life you could have had if Tamlin hadn’t told his father and brothers where to find you that day, or if Rhys hadn’t told Tamlin, or if he’d simply showed up to meet you that day. So many things could be different.
“Hold onto me,” Mor told you , tears streaming down her face.
You grasp onto her arm and hold tightly to it as she winnows you. Your eyes strain against the bright light that floods your vision. Rhys is leaning against a tree, and straightens the second he sees the three of you. He falters, just as Mor had. Eyes blinking furiously as if he’s trying to clear his head.
“You-”
“Rhys,” your voice cracks, “It’s me. I promise.”
“I-” He shakes his head, “You’re dead.”
“No,” You whisper to him, “That’s what they wanted you to think. I’ve been locked away this whole time.”
He reaches for you. Like you’re a ghost that’s going to disappear the second he touches you. Only you don’t, because you’re living and breathing. He breaks then, tears streaming down his face as he pulls you into a tight hug.
“We need to move, Rhys,” Mor reminds him, “The faster we’re in the Night Court, the better.”
“Take me home,” You say again, “I just want to go home.”
“Oh, Little Star,” for the first time in hundreds of years, the name is said with such love and adoration. You don’t flinch when you hear it, you don’t expect it to be accompanied by a blow. Because you know you’re safe now. Safe and loved and protected, “Let’s go home.”
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#acomaf#acotar#acotar fanfiction#azriel#azriel x you#azriel x reader#acotar fic#azriel acotar#azriel fanfic#azriel shadowsinger
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I love you - Azriel
Maybe I got carried away, maybe this is not my best work. But I needed to write this and here it is! Let me know if you like it, and if you have any idea for requests!
Plot: after the worst possible outcome after one of your missions, Azriel comes back to you, trying to fix what was broken.
Azriel hesitated to even go home for the night. Part of him wondered if it would be a better idea to sleep it off at Mor’s, maybe crash with Cassian and Nesta. Even risk getting an infection and go to the soldiers’ barricade to wait until sunrise.
Then, he would be sure that you’re off to work again. He was beaten, bruised and bloody, and through normally the blood wasn’t mostly his, that time it was coming from gashes everywhere around his torso.
He looked once more at the faint light in your shared room, at your form reading in the divan with your feet tucked under your legs. The sight was enough to ease the pain of the week, to make up his mind about finally going home.
After a week in the Illyrian camps, he thought he deserved it.
“Damn it”
As soon as he put a foot inside your apartment, he heard you curse, throw the book to the ground and rush to the entrance. Azriel didn’t have time to do anything but close the door behind him before you appeared.
In your nightgown, with no socks on and messy hair, you looked like a heavenly sight. Azriel gave you a small smile, the first he had muttered in a week. But not as full or confident as the ones he gave you a months ago.
“Az” you whined. “Please, tell me that’s not your blood”
“Sorry. Would have crashed at the Wind House, but –“
“Damn it, Az!”
You weren’t angry at him, he knew. Anger was your way of showing concern, frustration, and the rest of pent-up emotions you had felt during the last two months. Usually, when he came home battered and hurt, you were besides him, leaning against his side and sharing stories about the battle. Usually, you would return to a cold house and warm it together, after long missions together.
But that was not your reality anymore.
Azriel watched you walk from the bedroom’s door to him, still not steady on your feet. It made him want to go back to the camp kill them all again slower, crueler. He waited until you were besides him. It only took him a few days to understand you needed your space, that you needed to learn how to move once more.
How to live without the extra weight of your wings behind you, now only horrible, scarred skin on your back.
“How bad is it?” you asked your hands on his shoulders. Maybe it was for his comfort, or for your support. You just started undoing the straps on his shoulders, that held together the protection vest.
“They got a few good hits, but I’m fine. Just need a bath to clean them before they heal” he whispered, his voice rough. “Wanna join me?”
“Where are they?”
You ignored his invitation, just as you had ignored the last twenty times he had proposed anything to do with you naked. As you unfastened his vest, belt and jacket, Azriel stared at you.
It felt weirdly nice to see you so focused and worried, trying to find the hidden wounds on his body. Even though he felt the pain and soreness in every inch of his body, it was a nice change from your usual demeanor.
Azriel looked away from you to the fire that was still burning, to the half-eaten dinner on the table. It was his home, had been for the last century. And still, he felt himself looking at it through stranger’s eyes.
“This one is pretty deep” you muttered, brushing your fingers against a gash on his collarbone that finished close to his armpit. “And it’s caked in mud”
“They didn’t sweep the floor before I arrived, can you believe it?”
Without your brain’s permission, you snorted a laugh. Azriel’s body went tense under your arms, and for a moment, you feared having hurt him. Only, when you looked at him, there was only surprise and shock on his tired eyes.
You pressed your lips together, almost regretting the sudden outburst. It had been strange for you too, as if there was someone else laughing from inside your body. Someone that you had been before, but now was lost.
“I guess you need a bath”
Going back to your previous task, Azriel couldn’t tear his eyes away from you. The pain and tiredness had evaporated, and now he could only repeat in his head that snort. It hadn’t been feminine, hadn’t been lovely. Still, if you were really a heavenly sight, then that was the sound of heaven’s bells.
He fell into a trance and only woke up when you patted his naked chest. You had left his underwear on, but the rest of his clothes were on the ground, now stained with blood and dirt. After a century of being a mated couple, you were more than comfortable around each other’s bodies.
You should have been around yours, but Azriel had yet to see the scars on your back.
The week of the events were blurry on his mind, foggy in a haze of panic, terror and rage. Azriel remembered feeling a shattering pain through the bond while you were visiting Illyrian camps, then Rhys winnowing him and Cassian through multiple locations until they found you. Almost five hours later, when nothing could be done.
The picture of you lying in a pool of blood, naked from the waist up and tied to a pole was printed into his memory. Azriel remembered himself crying, sobbing, screaming and begging as they took you back to the house, your attackers nowhere in sight. Remembered Madja with tears in her eyes telling them that it hadn’t been a normal clipping, that it would take you long to recover.
He could only remember the open wounds on your back, muscle and bone sticking out, only your Fae inheritance keeping you alive. Azriel had yet to see how it looked now.
“You should take that bath now, before they start healing” you said, taking a step away from him. “See if we should call Madja”
“There’s no need. I’ll be fine in the morning”
The fire crackling was the only sound in the apartment as you two stared at each other. He had been the one gone for a week, yet the bags under your eyes rivaled his. Azriel was lost without you, and navigated blind the new situation you had been forced to adapt to.
In the past was now the anger, the rage and protectiveness. He had tried to find your attackers everywhere, but they had vanished. He had found their friends, people who had witnessed the carnage and cheered on them. They all lay dead, forgotten, in the mountains, where their bodies and souls would find no rest.
And while he was sure he would find those responsible of the attack and make them pay, now you two had to adapt.
During the past month, you had often refused his presence more than what it was necessary. He kind of expected for you to go back to bed, and find you in the farthest side of it when he came back.
However, you didn’t move.
“They should have swept the floors” you started. “You’ve got dirt all over your hair”
“You already know us Illyrian males are brutes” Azriel smiled again, this time wider. He extended his arms slowly, not fully believing you were there and not about to bolt away. “Come with me to the bath”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea”
“Darling, please.”
Silver lines appeared under your eyes, and your breath started to speed up. In the last months, Azriel had watched you cry and scream, sob in his shoulder until you had fallen asleep, and his own tears had mixed with your own.
“Let’s have a bath together. I’ll let you scorch me with hot water and I won’t complain about the shampoo. And then I’ll cook something and eat together.”
“Az…”
“Please, Y/N”
Before it happened, before you were so brutalized by them, you used to bath together. A tube big enough to fit both of your wings, where you could lay against his back and kiss him until you were all wrinkled.
More than anything else, Azriel missed that. Part of it was his fault for spending so much time outside your house, haunting down the animals that hurt you. He wouldn’t rest until they met their death by his hand, and if the information he had gathered during the week was correct, it would happen sooner than later.
Ready for your rejection, he wasn’t expecting the small nod nor the silent steps you took until your head was resting on the crook of his shoulder. It wasn’t the first time you had hug, yet it was the first time you had hugged him. Azriel didn’t hesitate for long, and wrapped his bandaged arms around your middle, bringing you closer to him.
Without your wings, you were easier to hug than before. There would be no more wings’ brushing or tangling, but he held you as tight as he used to.
“I love you” you whispered, sucking a breath to keep you from breaking down once more. “I love you”
“I love you too, more than anything” he answered back.
The blood and grime were staining your nightgown, but you didn’t complain as he quietly picked you up and led you to the bathroom.
Between the wings and the grief, you had lost much weight. It made it easier to climb up his torso and nestle on his chest, your legs wrapped around his waist. Although any other time it would lead to other type of activities, Azriel only held you tight and got the water running.
Through the nightgown, where he was holding your waist, he could feel the end of your scars. Where your wings had ended, where they had ripped them. Azriel felt the rough edges of the scar, still swollen and probably sore, so he tried to be gentle.
The male ignored his own pains and aches as he prepared the bath like he used to. Even if he had shared more tears lately than during his whole life, he couldn’t help the knot on his throat as he held you close with one arm.
Your warmth, your smell, felt familiar. Like home. The bond had been nothing but pain and sorrow, but as he carried you around the bathroom, he soaked in the comfort you emanated through it.
“It’s ready” he said eventually, when the tub was full. Slowly, he let you touch the ground, though his hand found your cheek. “Do you want me to turn around?”
“No” you didn’t break eye contact. “It’s okay”
His left hand managed to touch any part of your skin while you took the nightgown off, letting it fall to the ground. Azriel kept his hand steady, but his eyes traveled quickly across every inch of your skin. From your shoulders to your ribs, from the scars he already knew to the new ones in your knees and wrists.
You turned around to get in the bathtub, and Azriel felt his power roaring inside him, screaming at him to let go. Destroy something, anything. Destroy the world for being such a cruel place and letting it happen to you, destroy everyone until you were the only one standing, safe and sound.
It took him all his willpower to stay still as he watched where your wings were. The place he had teased so often, with the pads of his fingers as you squirmed under him. Now, there were two long, wide and irregular scars. The new skin had tried to regenerate the space between the wounds, and it was all pink and wrong.
Azriel would never say it out loud, but the scared boy inside him begged for running away. For ignoring the problems, the pain, and pretend for a little longer it was all just like before.
But he forces himself to watch them, to watch you as you winced when the hot water covered the scars. As soon as you were inside, he dropped his underwear and got besides you.
“Why are you standing so far away?” he opened his arms for you to get closer, but you only stared at him. “Y/N. Come here”
“They’re really ugly, Az” you almost cut him off. It was the first time you ever talked about the scars. “And – I try not to, notice them. But they’re rough and maybe it feels wrong against your chest”
“They won’t feel wrong”
“Maybe they do. Maybe you can’t stand the feeling and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable”
“Without you here, I am uncomfortable”
Azriel didn’t let you argue further, taking your arm and dragging you where you belonged – between his open legs, your back against his chest, his head on your neck. The skin there was soft and warm, nothing like the feeling of your back against his chest. Your scarred, rough back, that had him swallow a breath.
His arms circle your body close to him, lips on your shoulder. Your wings had been much smaller than his, so in the past you had used that position many times. He already missed the accidental bumps against your wings when you moved them, the additional warmth.
“I love you” he repeated for what it felt like the thousand time.
“And I – “
“No, let me finish. I love you, darling. With or without wings, and what those monsters did doesn’t change the fact that this, right here, is my home. With you. Always” his arm, that was wrapped around your middle, brought you closer to him. “I love your toes, and how you scrunch them when you excited. And your knees and legs, when you wrap them around me and I feel”
Being so close to you made him feel complete again. As if he had lost a part of himself with your wings and had finally found it again. There were no sounds beside your breathing, no lights but the moon and the candles. Nothing else but you in his arms.
Testing the waters, he pressed his lips higher, where you neck and shoulder met. They were chapped, rough, but you leaned back and let him free access. If you let him, he knew, he would kiss every inch of your body before the sun came up.
“I love your thighs so much, and your hips. If I could, I would physically attach my arm around them and never let you go” he continued. “I love your belly so, so much. How sensitive it is and how ticklish”
You scoffed and shifted when Azriel ran his fingers through your lower belly, but didn’t move away. If anything, you ended up closer to him. He closed his eyes, breathed your scent, and left another kiss higher in your neck.
“And I could spend hours talking about how much I love your breasts. But behind them, I love your heart more than anything, Y/N. How compassionate, and brave, and caring you are. Y/N, nothing, and I mean nothing, will make me love you less”
“I feel so, so embarrassed” you confessed suddenly. One of your hands was holding his, and you squeezed. “I had gotten so far with them. They… I survived adolescence, I thought I was safe. And I was trained! I was supposed to –“
“You were supposed to nothing. What happened wasn’t your fault more than mine for not being there sooner” Azriel cut you off.
It was silent for a moment, where Azriel didn’t move from your neck. Once he felt like he wouldn’t snap the world in two if he moved, he turned your head with his free hand so he could look at you.
Once more, there were tears on your eyes. Tired, frustrated tears. But also so much love and trust in him that made him dizzy.
“What happened, doesn’t change your value as a warrior, as a person. As my mate” he looked between your lips and eyes, willing to repeat it as many times as you wanted. “It doesn’t change how much I love you, darling. How much I’m ready to give up for you only to make you see yourself the way I do”
Azriel held his breath for a second, waiting for you to say something. Either to keep the conversation, to step out of the tub or to turn your head away. It was the longest talk you two had had until now.
What he didn’t expect was for you to move forward until your lips met his. They were just as he remembered – as watching Starfall or witnessing a wish come true. They fit perfectly with his own, noses brushing each other while he trapped your upper lip between his own.
The first tear rolled down his cheek before he could control it, and he moved you two around so you were more comfortable. Your scent changed, gone the bitter taste of fear and replaced by sweetness of your love that he had grown used to.
“I love you” you repeated against hips lips, not moving away. “I love you”
“More than anything, darling” he answered back before linking your lips together one more time.
Want to read more? Check out my side blog @imaginesmaimasterlists, where I keep all the masterlists! Feedback is always appreciated
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Bar Fight
Azriel x reader
A/n: I didn’t mean for this to be over 1,000 words it was supposed to be a silly lil fic but I can’t help myself
Warnings: violence and injuries
Girls night had taken quite the violent turn. You were currently being held up between Feyre and Nesta as Elain, Emerie, Amren, Gwyn, and Mor led you back to the River House.
You never considered yourself a violent person. Especially not in public. There was a reputation to uphold since you work for the High Lord of Night. But all of that went out the window when you heard a few males talking about Elain and Gwyn.
That was something you couldn’t let go. So you calmly approached them. Telling them to watch their mouths and you walked away. You heard the males snicker behind your back, but you kept going forward. But something hit the back of your head. And another, and another, until that something felt like food. You went deathly still, turning and whipped the drinks at the males.
An all out brawl between you and the stronger one broke out. The smaller one was easy to get down, all it took was one punch to the nose and he was on the ground cradling his face, screaming in pain.
The big one put up a fight. He got a few good shots in before you finally got him on his ass. By then Feyre was breaking through the semi circle that had formed, breaking up the fight, pulling you to your feet.
What had surprised you the most was how much energy Elain had after the kerfuffle. She never came out with you guys, nor Gwyn, so to hear her giving the girls a play by play on the walk home was hilarious. “Now I wanna punch something!” The precious flower exclaimed. “Woah, down girl. How much did you drink tonight?” Emerie asked with a smirk. All Elain did was giggle.
You couldn’t help but smile, even if a stinging pain coursed through your split lip. You now sport a black eye, bloody nose, and a bruised rib or two. “Thank god the boys are in Illyria until tomorrow.” Nesta hugged out. You make a half grunt, half humming noise in agreement.
Rhys, Cass, and Az had to make an emergency visit to Windhaven a week ago. You were thanking the Mother that they wouldn’t be back until tomorrow night. Azriel would be such a mother hen about your injuries and chastise you for getting into a bar fight.
“You’re goin’ to heal me right Fey?” You were so tired from the fight, your adrenaline finally wearing off, your words came out slurred. “Of course. We’ll go right to the sitting room.”
Finally, you reached the River House and slouched in relief in the sisters' hold. Amren opened the door ushering you all in. Gwyn and Mor went ahead to make room for you on the couch. Through one open eye you noticed the two of them pause in the entryway, eyes wide and panicked.
“Hi guys!” Mor said a little too enthusiastically. Shit, you did not want Azriel to see you like this.
More alert now you, Nesta, and Feyre quickly improvise a new way to get you past the boys. You rip a jacket off the coat rack and throw it over your head as Nesta scoops you into her arms.
Nesta casually tries to walk you past the living room while the others bombard the three males with questions about their trip.
But nothing gets past Azriel and his shadows. You feel the one that’s always beside you sweep across your shin, leaving as quickly as it came.
“Nesta,” Azriel called out sweetly, “is that y/n? I can take her up to bed.” A small smile on his face, hopeful to have you in his arms again.
She panicked and fumbled over her words, “No! No it’s ok…I uh…I got her it’s fine.” She let out a nervous laugh. Azriel gave her a strange look. You could feel your friends hold their breath as your boyfriend moved past them.
Azriel approached Nesta, his nostrils flaring at the scent of dried blood. His shadows moved faster than she could. Ripping the jacket from your face dropping it to the floor.
He audibly gasped at the sight of your face. You shot him an innocent smile. “Hey baby. Welcome home.” You shimmed out of Nestas arms standing in front of Azriel. His shadows were going crazy as they informed him of your injuries. “What happened?” He bit out. You winced a little at his tone. “Bar fight.” His eyes went wide like he couldn’t believe the situation. “I won though. So I got that goin’ for me.”
You gave him a widened smile that broke your split lip, causing the bleeding to start again. You winced moving to hold your bleeding lip. Azriel’s face quickly shifted from shock to worry. “Come on, let me clean you up.”
You begrudgingly nod at him as Azriel ushers you upstairs to your shared bedroom. His silence is driving you mad. You can’t even read his mood even with his eyes piercing the back of your head.
Sitting on the edge of the tub you watched as Azriel pulled out a salve and some bandages from the cabinet under the sink. He stood in front of you tilting your chin up to face him.
Azriel dabs at your still bleeding lip before rubbing salve on it. Then cleans up the dried blood and puts more salve on your black eye.
He picks up your right hand and wipes away the dried blood there, gently wrapping your knuckles. There was no need for this. It would all be healed by tomorrow but Azriel didn’t care. He wanted to take care of you. Make sure you heal faster.
“Thank you,” you say quietly with a hint of guilt. “Of course, love.” You look up at his still unreadable face. “Please, say something,” you beg.
Azriel took a deep breath, slouching his shoulders and wings, leaning against the counters with his arms crossed. “I just didn’t ever think you’d get into a bar fight. It was stupid and irresponsible. You could’ve been hurt worse than this, y/n.”
You drop your head looking down at your feet. You could tell he was prepared for a fight. “I know. But they were talking about Gwyn and Elain, then they threw something at me. I couldn’t let it slide.”
Looking back up at Az his face was contorted in rage. “They threw stuff at you.” You nodded slowly. “But hey, I took care of it just like you taught me.” He let out a breathy laugh. At least his mood was improving.
Azriel knelt in front of you, cradling the back of your head leaving a small kiss on your forehead. “That’s my girl.”
#acotar#acotar fanfiction#acotar reader fic#acotar reader imagine#acotar imagine#azriel x reader#azriel shadowsinger#azriel acotar#azriel x you#azriel fic#azriel imagine#azriel fanfic#acotar azriel
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Young Love and Old Money (Cassian x Female! Reader)
Young Love and Old Money Masterlist
AN: Sorry I’ve been a little MIA recently. I was pretty busy last week, but I’m back now and I’m so excited to be writing this series!
Summary: She was the most beautiful woman in Prythian, sister to the High Lord of Night, and now she is the soon-to-be wife of Eris Vanserra. Despite her many titles and her aura of unattainability, Cassian can't help but fall deeply in love with the princess of the Night Court. But will it be enough to stop her impending wedding to a man who is sure to destroy her from the inside out?
Warnings: Sexisim, trauma from under the mountain, Rhys isn’t the nicest in this but he has his reasons.
Word Count: 3,458
As I sauntered down the hallway towards my brother's study, I couldn’t help but feel my palms sweat and my heart race. It was the first time he had ‘summoned’ me in such a manner since we had escaped from under the mountain. That was a year ago, and ever since we made it back to Velaris he had been different. Colder. Not that I could ever fault him. Rhysand and I’s time under the mountain was grueling, but it was far worse for him. First he sacrificed his freedom to save Velaris, then he sacrificed his body to save me.
My whole life I had been told I beheld a beauty that was otherworldly. However, I had no powers to go alone with my looks. Once I got older rumors across Prythain grew of two siblings of night. Rhysand, who would be the most powerful High Lord to ever grace the land, and me, his younger sister who was born without magic but given the most coveted gift of all. Some even said that Rhysand stole my magic away in our mothers womb, making him the most powerful high fae alive and leaving me with nothing but a pretty face.
At first I loathed the idea of being powerless, but I soon realized the power my beauty had over others. High Lord’s begged for my hand left and right, males of reason and education would lose all inhibition around me. I quickly became The Jewel of Prythain, a name that was used far more often than my own. The second Rhysand and I’s mother and father realized that, they locked me away. Me and my virtue were far too good a bargaining chip to be let loose into the world. At first it was jarring, having all my freedoms taken away. But Rhys would always come home and tell me the tales of him and his new friends Cassian and Azriel. In a way I got to live through him and I was forever thankful for it.
When our parents died Rhys gave me more freedom but I neglected to take them. I became close with our cousin Mor and even spent time with his friends Cassian and Azriel, but that was the extent of it. I had grown so used to living in solitude that I didn’t long for much more. His time as High Lord was short lived, soon after the death of our parents Amarantha came into power and Rhys was to be taken under the mountain. As the princess of the night court, I had no other option but to go with him, or risk Velaris.
The second we were down there Amarantha sunk her claws into him. Rhys fought and resisted her, and for a few weeks he had been able to keep her at arms length. All of that changed when Hybern came to check on the state of things. He took one look at me and ordered Amarantha to hand me over to him, to be his whore. I had never been so scared in my life, and I had no idea what to do. Rhys spoke up and told Amarantha that if she kept me safe he would go to her bed willingly. It was enough for her to spare me, but it never spared me from the grief of knowing what Rhys was putting himself through to protect me.
50 years came and went until we were finally free from under the mountain. I remember the smell of night blooming jasmine gracing my nose as Rhys winnowed us home. Mor was the first to greet us, then Amren. Finally Cassian and Azriel flew to the townhouse and the sight of all of our old friends was almost unreal. As I watched them all embrace us, my eyes couldn’t help but float to Cassian. Had he gotten taller since I last saw him? Bigger muscles? More handsome?
After settling in Rhys changed. He was harsher, colder, no doubt the things he experienced under the mountain still plaguing him. He stayed in the townhouse while I took up residency in The House of Wind, both of us needing time to ourselves to process what had happened.
I had lived in the House of Wind for a year now, only seeing my brother once a month for family dinners, and I suppose today. I approached his office doors and knocked quietly.
“Come in,” his voice boomed, more High Lordly than I had ever heard before.
I step in the door and shut it quietly. For what reason? I’m not sure, there was just something about this new Rhys that made me feel so small, especially now.
“You wanted to see me?” I ask my brother, standing before his desk.
“Yes I did,” he started, sifting through papers. “I wanted to tell you that I finally read fathers will and there’s something in it that concerns you,” he says.
“What?” I ask in disbelief. While our father wasn’t a cruel man he never paid much attention to me, focusing all his attention on Rhys, his male heir.
“He has it written in his will that he struck a deal with Beron and Eris Vanserra years ago.” Rhys says sliding a paper over to me. “The Autumn Court will give us their armies if you marry Eris.”
I glance at the paper Rhys has handed me. Sure enough in fathers hand writing is a contract signed by all three parties. An agreement I was never told about until now.
“Hybern is on the move and Azriel say’s that he will dock on our shores when he arrives. I think now is as good as ever to call in the contract.” he states leaning back in his leather chair.
“You want me to marry Eris?” I ask, hoping it wasn’t true. I knew very little of the Prince of Autumn, except that he was a sadistic brute who had a way with women.
“Not just me sister,” Rhysand drawls sensing a fight. “It was our fathers will as well. I have every intention of finishing what he started. We leave tomorrow for the Autumn Court. You will meet Eris, and Beron and I will go over the details once more.”
Part of me boils at the idea of what my brother is saying but then I remember why our mother and father locked me up. Why every High Lord thirsted for me under the mountain. I could still hear their voices uttering, “There’s The Jewel of Prythian” and, “The most beautiful female of Prythain,” completed with, “I heard that Rhysand stole her power in the womb leaving her with nothing but her beauty”
This was my fate from the moment I came of age. A bargaining chip to whatever High Lord or Prince was willing to pay the most for. I wanted to scream and cry and beg Rhys not to make me do this. But then I thought of all he sacrificed for me under the mountain. I could do this for him.
“Then I’m excited to meet him brother,” I said, giving a fake smile.
“I was hoping you’d say that,” Rhys smiled, the tension from his shoulders dissipating at my words of cooperation. “You are dismissed to begin preparations for tomorrow.”
I nod my head and take it as my queue to leave his office. The second the double oak doors close I feel my heartrate pick up and I’m suddenly dying for a breath of fresh air. I walk quickly to the front door, my dress billowing behind me as I try to keep my tears from falling. I sit down on the front steps of the townhouse and let the spring air blow across my face. My tears fell slowly but surely as I let all my composure go.
My mind raced with thoughts of Eris, all the terrible things I had heard of him over the many years. How other High Lords were terrified of the day Beron passed and Eris took his place. If they were terrified of him as a ruler, how scared should I be to have him as a husband?
A shadow slammed into the ground outside the townhouse pulling me from my thoughts. I tried to wipe my tears away and act like nothing was wrong, but I knew better than to think I could fool my Spymaster for one moment.
“Hey are you okay? What’s wrong?” Azriel cooed. Azriel and I had gotten close since I came back from under the mountain as he and Cassian also lived in the House of Wind. He had taken on the role of big brother since Rhys was battling his own demons.
“I just got done talking to Rhys,” I sniffled, feeling the large Illyrian sit next to me. “He says I have to marry Eris.”
“Vanserra?” Azriel clarified and I nodded. “He can’t be serious, Eris is a monster.”
“Apparently our father had it arranged years ago, but I didn’t know about it till now. We’re going to the Autumn Court to meet him tomorrow.” I explain, wiping my eyes.
“Well I guess that explains why Rhys called me down. Do you want me to talk to him? Maybe I can stop this.” Azriel says, taking my hand in his.
“No it’s okay. Rhys is right, war is coming and if this marriage can protect you and Cassian as well as our people then I’ll do it. Besides, Rhys sacrificed so much to keep me safe under the mountain, I owe it to him to do this.” I sigh, feeling my breathing calm down as Azriel rubs circles on my hand.
“You shouldn’t have to sacrifice yourself for Velaris and you shouldn’t be trying to even the score with Rhys. Rhys did what he did because you’re his little sister and he loves you, not because he wanted an IOU,” Azriel explains, continuing to rub circles on the tops of my hands. His scared and calloused hands soothing me.
“Maybe, but I’m going to do it anyway. I won’t let this city down or my brother,” I say, taking a deep breath.
“Then you are the bravest princess I know,” Azriel says, kissing my brow. “Not that I haven’t always known.”
“Thanks Az,” I smile, bumping my shoulder into him.
“I’m sure this meeting won’t be very long, want me to fly you home when I’m done?” Azriel asks.
“That would be great, thank you,” I smile, even though my eyes are still glassed over.
With that Azriel went inside to talk to Rhys, leaving me outside to take in the fresh air. I sat watching the people of Velaris going about their daily lives. Couples holding hands on the Sidra, children playing in the streets. I couldn’t help but wonder if the Autumn Court would have a place like this, and even though I was still here I couldn’t help but feel a bit of prophetic homesickness.
The next morning was full of primping and trying on a million gowns. Rhys had sent Nuala and Cerridwen to make sure that I was groomed to perfection. Even though they had taken hours I couldn’t help but fuss over every detail while looking in the mirror in the living room of the townhouse. After I made sure that the pins holding in my crown were secure I smoothed my hands over my dress a million times, trying to wipe the sweat from my palms.
“You look beautiful,” crooned a deep voice.
I nearly jumped out of my skin, bumping into the table under the mirror and knocking over a vase. I turn to find Cassian standing next to me, red siphons faintly glowing and looking handsome as ever.
“Sorry I didn’t mean to startle you,” he smiled, picking up the vase and turning it back upright.
“It’s okay,” I smile. “It’s my fault for being so lost in thought.”
“Everyone ready?” Rhysand asks stepping into the room where Cassian, Azriel and I have been waiting for him.
“Ready as I’ll ever be,” I sigh, stepping towards him so he can winnow us to the Autumn Court.
The second we arrive I’m greeted with a cold chill running up and down my arms. The smell of wet leaves and woodsmoke surrounds me, and if I wasn’t being brought here to be sold off like cattle I might even say that I liked this place. Rhys led me up the stairs to the palace, Azriel flanking Rhysand’s side while Cassian flanked mine. The closeness of him almost made my skin buzz with excitement. I mentally slapped myself, reminding my brain that I was about to meet my future husband.
The palace of the Autumn Court is beautiful to say the least. The marble floors are bathed in amber light from the various chandeliers that hang from the ceiling and swaths of deep red and golden fabrics are all over the rooms. A set of large oak double doors opens before us and I’m greeted to the sight of Beron Vanserra sitting atop his throne, his eldest son Eris standing at his side.
Eris was tall and lean. His eyes were like molten fire and his mouth turned up at the sight of me. If I didn’t know a thing about his character I would’ve said he was handsome. The throne room was intimidating and I couldn’t help but notice that only one throne sat atop the dias. Apparently The Autumn Court didn’t believe in High Lady’s.
“Rhysand, welcome to my court,” Beron greeted us, stepping down to walk towards Rhys.
“We are honored to be invited,” Rhysand smiled with a charm that only he could possess.
“This must be your sister y/n,” Beron smiled. “Step forward girl.”
I wasn’t sure if Beron’s voice was like a spell that propelled me forward or if I was just so scared my body was acting on instinct. But the second the command left his mouth I took two steps toward him.
“Very nice,” Beron drawled as circled me like prey making my cheeks burn with embarrassment. “I see that all the stories of her beauty are true. Can you vouch for her purity, Rhysand?”
“I can assure you that she remains untouched,” Rhys says and bile nearly rises in my throat.
“Wonderful,” Beron claps his hands together. “Eris why don’t you and y/n take a stroll around the terrace while Rhysand and I finalize the details.”
“With pleasure father,” Eris says, stepping down from the dias towards me taking my hand in his. “You are even more beautiful than the stories say,” he smiles, pressing a kiss to my hand.
“You flatter me Prince Eris,” I smile, allowing him to lead me outside.
“I’ve been told that flattery is one of my many talents,” he smirks as the fresh Autumn air hits my face.
We walk until we reach the bannister of the terrace. I lean against it, peering out over the valley below us. Bright bursts of reds, oranges and yellows flow throughout the land, the setting sun making the scene picture perfect.
“Over there are the kennels where I keep my hounds,” Eris tells me, pointing to a large red barn off to the left.
“That’s right, I’ve heard you’re a magnificent hunter,” I smile, craning my neck to see more of the barn.
“It’s true, I’ve been hunting for years. I’ve tried thousands of other hobbies but nothing gives me quite the thrill that hunting does,” he explains and I can sense the double meaning in his words.
“What’s that over there?” I ask, pointing to a patch of land riddled with targets, bows, swords and what appears to be a fighting ring.
“That, my dear, is where my brothers and I train, and that’s where our sons will train once they can wield a sword,” he explains and his words make me sick.
“And if we have a daughter?” I tease trying to keep the conversation light.
“Then she will be a pretty little wall ornament for a future High Lord, just like you are,” he says brushing a hand down my bare arm. “But know this, you will bear me a son.” he growls and it feels like an order.
I swallow hard trying to keep the tension rolling through my body from gracing my face, “Of course my prince,” I say turning towards him.
From the corner of my eye I see Cassian leaning against the door watching the two of us, and I wonder if he has been here the whole time.
“Who are you?” Eris sneers.
Cassian straightens up, a playful glint in his eye, “I'm merely the humble guardian of your future wall ornament, ensuring she remains as exquisite as she is now." He says with a charming smile that would normally bring me to my knees. Instead it was taking everything in me not to laugh.
Eris’ jaw ticks at Cassian’s tone but he remains ever the calm and collected prince he was brought up to be. “Very well then.” was all he could say before we were interrupted by my brother and Beron.
“Look at them, they already make a very handsome couple,” Beron says to Rhysand.
“I can’t argue with that,” Rhysand smiles. “Come sister we’re going home, you and Eris will have time to talk later this week.”
I don’t argue or ask questions as I am dying to get out of this wretched palace as soon as possible. I bid my goodbyes to Eris and take my brother's hand as he leads me out of the palace and winnows us away. It isn’t until the scent of jasmine fills the air that I let myself finally take a deep breath. I barely have a moment to think before Rhys speaks up.
“Things went well, but Eris has asked for the contract to be changed,” Rhysand states.
“In what way?” I ask, fearing the worst.
“He wishes for you two to court for a month, if at the end of that month he finds you agreeable you will become his wife,” Rhys states.
In a way part of me is relieved, if at the end of the month Eris decides he doesn’t want me anymore I’m free. Free from this marriage, free to stay home with my family.
“Then I guess I’ll have to continue to spark his interest,” I say, my words betraying me.
“Precisely,” Rhys nods. “Azriel come with me I have a mission to discuss with you, Cassian fly y/n to The House of Wind.”
“On it boss,” Cassian replies jokingly, turning to me. “Ready to go?” he asks me.
“More than you know,” I sigh, tossing my arms around his frame and letting him fly me out of the townhouse.
I had always loved flying, I remember when Rhys first summoned his wings and was learning how to use them. He would come home with cuts and bruises all over him that Madja had to clean up. She always joked that he spent more time being bandaged up than he did in the air. But the day that Rhys finally learned how to fly he rushed to tell me all about it. Later that night he snuck me out of the townhouse and took me on a flight around the city. I had never felt so free in my life.
I felt the same way now as the wind whipped my hair behind me, Cassian’s warmth seeping through my clothes keeping me from getting cold. I tried to not breathe in his scent of cedar and leather, but with my face so close to his neck it was hard to ignore.
A sudden gust of wind had us blowing sideways and I gripped his neck tighter, peering down at how far the drop would be.
Cassian chuckled, “Don’t worry princess I got you,” he assured me, holding my body a little closer to his own just to ease my worries.
“I know you do,” I laugh nervously, trying to act unaffected.
“Are you sure? Because you’re still gripping my neck like you’re going to topple out of my arms.” Cassian chuckles again.
I loosen my tight grip, feeling embarrassed. “Sorry,” I murmur, trying to cover my blushing cheeks.
“No need to apologize,” he laughs, touching down on the balcony outside of the living room.
“Thanks for taking me home,” I say softly, turning towards the door.
“Of course, anytime,” he smiles before taking off into the sky again.
I watch his form disappear into the clouds and as I make my way into my room I can’t help but long for that smell of cedar and leather.
Part 2
Taglist: @crystalferret202, @nickishadow139 , @graceshifts , @writeroutoftime , @heyyitsnat21,
#cassian x reader smut#cassian angst#cassian smut#cassian acotar#cassian x reader#cassian x you#rhysand acotar#azriel shadowsinger#azriel x reader smut#azriel x reader#azriel x you#azriel smut#rhysand smut#rhys acotar#rhysand x reader#rhysand#rhysand angst#rhysand fluff
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Home
Azriel is lost, and cannot seem to find his way home, and it's tearing him apart
word count: 1.1k
Part II
Azriel is spiralling. He had convinced himself he was of equal standing with his brothers, but the past few years has proven otherwise. Three sisters for three brothers, that was what he had convinced himself of, and had seemed to be what Elain had wanted. But the bond he was so convinced was wrong, the bond he was so sure that would break apart as soon as the Cauldron had realised its mistake and weaved one between the two of them instead, never waivered.
And now, he sits opposite that of the woman he is so sure he loves, is the one from him, as she rips his already fractured heart in two. She's crying, and there's no part of Azriel that finds any satisfaction in it, no matter how much he wishes he could. She is the one doing this, choosing Lucien over her. But he cannot blame her.
For a time, they seemed to be happy, even if there were those around him that didn't approve. Lucien had accepted Elain's choice without anger or betrayal, and had wished she could find the happiness in Azriel that she could not seem to find in him.
It was Rhysand and Cassian, the males he called his brothers for centuries now, who had been angry for Lucien. Both of them understood a pain like that - both having to watch as their mates found solace outside their arms for a while.
it had taken weeks of coaxing from Nesta and Feyre for them to even look at him, but whether it was for their sister's benefit or his, he wasn't so sure.
Days turned to weeks, and weeks to months, and Azriel found himself the happiest he had ever felt, but it seemed the ever observant spymaster began to miss details. He lost himself in that feeling, not realising the person he found it in was not following down the same path.
It had taken Elain five years to admit her mistake, nothing in the eyes of a fae's long lifespan, but to Azriel he felt like he'd lost centuries.
And now, he watches the world he so sorely craved crumble at his feet with a measly few words.
"I'm sorry, Azriel.... I've hurt so many people because of this. I wanted someone who never should have been mine, while carelessly leaving the male made for me behind."
Azriel had thought his heart had cracked all those years ago when he realised he'd never have Mor in the way he wanted to, but he felt it now. That large, hollow crack that vibrated down the very centre, tearing every string that had slowly began to knit itself together without caring if he could ever mend it again.
He couldn't hear the rest of what Elain said over the cotton in his ears, didn't rise to see her out as she got up and left through the door.
He knows, he knows Lucien hasn't done this, that this is purely Elain's choice. The youngest Vanserra hasn't been seen since Elain had chosen Azriel, off on the continent somewhere with no contact and no sign of ever coming back.
his shadows swirl around him, the thickest they'd been in months. They had never truly gotten used to Elain's presence, and her timidness towards them had Azriel sending them off without a care if it had made her more comfortable. Now, the wrap around him, twisting and turning as if trying to find the ache that their master seemingly has, but finding no open wound.
He takes whatever comfort he can find in them. His shadows have been the only thing that has ever truly been his, no fear of someone ever taking them away from him, being better than him. He is the Night court's Shadowsinger, there is no one else who can fill that role.
And so, Azriel grasps onto that thread and tugs so hard it will either break or rip his hand where it sits. Rhysand cannot find enough problems for him to fix, Cassian refuses to spar more than usual, and his spies have begun to disappear when he is around, leaving their findings in reports he pours over meticulously. He's barely eating, most definitely not sleeping, but he hasn't had to feel the affects of what had happened with Elain.
It's only a matter of time when it fails, Fae are strong, but not indefinitely. It isn't when everyone expects it though.
if not for Cassian, who had watched his brother go down like a rock does when dropped into a pool of water, steady and unmoving, no one would have seen the spymaster hit the treeline so hard they'd ripped his wings to shreds as they lay spread out and lax.
Had waking up been optional, Azriel would have decided against it. Rhysand looked at him with so much pity in his eyes that he had to turn away, Feyre sat at his window, refusing to even acknowledge he was awake.
"You're on leave indefinitely, you're no help to yourself, never mind the rest of us, in the state you're in." Rhysand's words had cut him deeply. His mind swirling as he realised he wasn't good enough to hold the position he'd cherished for centuries. But what could he say against it unless he tried to lie? So he remained silent, eyes downcast as Rhysand went on.
"I'm sending you to the continent, away from -" he didn't need to finish. "With Mor's work, we've made a few connections, and you can stay and figure out for yourself what you need to do."
Azriel looked to Feyre, who had finally moved from the window and stood close to the side of his bed, beside her mate. "Az, please understand, we're worried for you, and this could do you some good."
He scoffed. They had each other to lean on, he had no one - never had anyone to call home. And now they were sending him away from the one place he could pretend to feel like it was. He'd lost the female he loved, and had now lost everything that made him who he was. Why should he even bother...
But the look on Rhysand's face told him he'd order it if it came to it. His brother may always wish those he loved had a choice, but he was still High Lord first, and what Azriel was doing wasn't something he could let slip without repercussions.
He'd go to the continent, spend however long necessary it took to convince his family that he was fit to come back, and he'd hide the despair better. Hide from them all and spend whatever time he could with them before it consumed him whole.
#azriel shadowsinger#acotar#feyre archeron#rhysand#azriel angst#azriel spymaster#feysand#nessian#nesta archeron#cassian#elain archeron#azriel acotar#azriel x reader
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oh, how the turntables. 💜
(sort of continuing this, because payback is in order and what better way to get it than to just beat Azriel at his own game.)
don't mind me, I'll just be in my little corner, giggling and kicking my feet.
“Hey, uh, Az?”
Azriel's caramel eyes flickered towards me, and the others quieted down, all turning towards me.
It was Friday evening, and my friends were all scattered over the couches in the townhouse, lazy conversation flowing as Rhys kept everyone supplied with drinks. I was sitting next to Mor, watching the shadowsinger in the armchair across from me.
It had been weeks since the night at Rita's, and it was well time for retaliation.
Furrowing my brows in faux confusion that I knew from past endeavours looked completely convincing, I leaned forward just a bit.
“I think you,”, I squinted as I tipped my head to the side, raising my hand to tap my finger against my collarbone, “you got – something on your –“
Everyone's gaze moved as one, over towards the shadowsinger who's brows were drawn together, and I barely kept my lips from curving upwards as I parted them innocently, eyes narrowed contemplatively.
“Is that a –“
The others leaned forward in unison. Then Mor's eyes widened comically, Cassian snorted, almost spitting out his drink, and Rhys squinted, his lips slowly forming a shit-eating grin.
“Well, you look like you had fun earlier, brother.”
Feyre's mouth fell open, and Azriel scowled.
“What the fuck are you –“
Realization flashed over his features, and he blinked, and while Cassian began to laugh and Rhys grinned like someone had just presented him with the greatest gift in history, Mor gaped at him.
“You have a hickey?!"
Grinning widely, I curled up comfortably in my seat as Feyre leaned forward with a snort to pull the collar of Azriel's shirt to the side, the shadowsinger batting her hand away with an even deeper scowl. His gaze found mine over the coffee table, and I could see the moment his thoughts flashed back to only two hours ago, to him hovering above me, his arms straining and small, deep sounds leaving him as I trailed my lips over his neck, kissing and nipping at his skin, my fingers, buried in his hair, tilting his head back as I got to the base of his throat and -
Azriel's eyes widened almost indiscernably, and slowly, very slowly, I started to beam at him.
Gotcha.
Az stared at me, and only because I knew him, knew him like the back of my hand, did I catch the light sparking in his eyes like he was biting back a slow growing grin.
“So, who can we thank for this unexpected but very welcome entertainment?” Rhys was smirking as he raised his brows and Azriel's eyes flickered away from mine to scowl at the High Lord.
“Yeah, who's the unlucky lady?” Cassian squinted. “Or lord; no judgement –“
“Is it someone we know?” Mor squinted, clearly mulling things over in her head.
“Yeah, Az.” I grinned brightly. “Is it?”
Azriel glowered at me.
“I mean, I know it was definitely not there this morning.” Feyre pointed her glass at him. “He wasn't wearing a shirt during training, no bruises.”
“So it happened today.” Mor was starting to grin as she wiggled her brows suggestively, and Azriel groaned softly, dropping his head to pinch the bridge of his nose and muttering under his breath: “Mother help me.”
Breathing a laugh, I shook my head with a grin. “Leave him alone.”
Everyone's gaze turned towards me incredulously, and I blinked, feeling my lips curve cheekily as I shrugged innocently.
“What? I mean, let's just be happy for him.” I smirked lightly. “It was about time Azzie gets some.“
Cassian started to laugh, Rhys joining in as his head tipped back, shoulders shaking, and I grinned, wide and beaming as I sent Azriel a cheeky wink. The shadowsinger scowled, but his eyes piercing my face were bright like the stars outside.
Snickering, Mor got to her feet.
“Alright, I'm going to go get dessert, but this is not over!” She pointed at Azriel almost threateningly, raising her brows as she held out the other hand towards me. “Come on, I need help.”
Giggling, I took her hand and let her pull me to my feet before I followed her around the couch and towards the door.
Falling back a bit, I turned around in the doorway, my eyes finding Azriel's. The others were still teasing him, and slowly, I started to grin, bright and beaming. Then I saluted sarcastically and turned around with a snicker, skipping after Mor happily.
When I looked back at the door to the kitchen, Azriel was staring after me, a brilliant twinkle in his eyes that made my breath catch.
part III
#azriel x reader#azriel#azriel imagine#azriel x female!reader#az x reader#azriel/reader#az/reader#acotar x reader#acowar#acotar#acomaf#az imagine#azriel drabble#lalacliffthorne
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Shadows Dance🐦⬛
Azriel x Reader
Summary: You are Azriel’s mate of 150 years. Your home used to be Velaris until your sister mysteriously disappeared 60 years ago without a trace and it’s been your life’s mission to find her. That is until one day you’re back in Velaris for the first time in years to meet the new high lady and you get your first clue as to where your sister may be after all these years.
Warnings: mentions of missing child, mentions of death in child birth, implied sexual content.
Part 1 ↓
“Wait, Azriel has a mate?” Feyre gawked at her mate, eyes wide and mouth ajar.
“How did I not know this? I thought he was interested in Mor?”
“Azriel and Morrigan do have a strong love for one another. But not in a romantic sense. Azriel as been mated to (Y/N) for little over 150 years.” Rhys confirms, with a grin
“How come I haven’t met her yet?” Feyre asks, her interest peaked at this mysterious woman that’s never been mentioned to her—confused when her mate's grin falters.
“(Y/N) comes and goes. It’s hard for her to stay in one place for to long. When her and Azriel first mated he was around for a long time, a valuable member of the inner circle. About 60 years ago her younger sister went missing, she just disappeared one day. Little Sarah, was just a mere 16 years old—much younger than all of us. We never found her,” Rhys pauses, taking a deep breath. “(Y/N) can’t let it go. She won’t stay here long before she has to go back out and we let her go and just hope she’ll return home with her sister one day.”
“Oh, gods,” Feyre gasps, knowing if it were her sisters she would never stop looking either. “I can’t say I blame her. But 60 years? (Y/N) still has hope her sister is out there?”
That is silent, his eyes flicking down to the floor and Feyre feel a tug on their bond. A sad thing and she frowns.
“You all think she is?” She asks and Rhy sighs
“Honestly? I don’t know. I feel like anything is possibly until we know otherwise. Best case scenario she’s found and returned home. Worst case scenario we find out she’s…gone and we avenge her death in any way we can.”
“You all must have really loved her?” Feyre breaths, grasping her mate's hand.
“(Y/N)’s mother died giving birth to little Sarah. (Y/N) and Azriel raised her here in the House of Wind—we all did. When she was lost…it was devastating. We searched endlessly for years before we had to make the decision to stop. (Y/N) stopped for 3 years and stayed here with Azriel but she soon became restless. She needed answers about her sister and she couldn’t find them here. It was a hard day when she decided to leave. Azriel almost went with her but she talked him out of it, telling him he needed to stay here. He sees her more than we do of course, he’ll travel to her when he can. She only pops in here once in a blue moon, I think it’s too painful for her to come home to where she raised that child and not have her here.” Rhys explains, emotional and sympathetic. The loss of a friend and a child had to have been hard on them all.
“I hope to meet her one day, she seems lovely,” Feyre offers, and Rhys violet eyes meet hers lovingly.
“You two will be quick friends, just like you and Mor,” Rhys grins, and Feyre makes it a mental point to talk to Azriel—to check in on her friend knowing the situation he’s in is not an easy one to deal with.
——————————
2 Weeks Later
I slid through the shadows of the familiar halls I knew so well. I could hear voices and laughter drifting down the corridors and smirked to myself. Everyone was here, perfect. I looked up winnowing myself into the rafters, tucking my wings tightly and letting my body shift further into the shadows as it moved closer and closer to them.
Five people sitting around a dining table—only one missing. Food and wine scattered about as they talked and laughed. I grinned, lifting my shield just enough to let the shadows and house know someone was here before concealing myself completely again, watching as the three males at the table instantly became alerted to the presence of an unknown guest.
Mutterings of someone being in the house started and I laughed to myself jumping to another rafter. I half lifted my shield again, jumping to another rafter, all heads snapping above. Continuing until I was above one specific Illyrian before dropping down—gasps and shouts echoed around the room as I landed on his shoulders, shadows trying to wiggle past my shield to fight off the threat before I completely lifted it. Grinning down at my mate as I crouched on his shoulders.
“Long time no see,” I told him sweetly, bending down to kiss him.
“(Y/N)!” He exclaimed, reaching around to grab me and pull me into his arms.
Those shouts and exclamations turned into ones of my name and I laughed as my family gathered around prying me away from Azriel so they could get hugs of their own.
“You always did like to make a dramatic entrance,” Rhys grinned and I laughed as I hugged him, the second to last person standing around me.
I turned my attention to the female standing next to him hugging her as well, knowing exactly who she was.
“It’s so nice to meet you, Feyre,” I said, pulling back to look between her and Rhy. “I’ve heard so much about you from Az. I’m honored to finally meet you. I apologize for waiting so long to officially meet you.”
I take a step back, letting my mate envelop me in his arms once again.
“Oh, no apologies necessary, I’m glad you’re here now,” Feyre smiled warmly—her energy warm and inviting. “Will you be joining us?”
“Only for a bit before I drag my mate away,” I grinned up at him, the others around us laughing.
“I might drag you away first,” He growled, shadows tangling around us making me laugh.
The others snickered and made lewd jokes as they dispersed back towards the table.
My chair next to Azriel’s was waiting for me. I sit and his shadows twirl around me lovingly as he fixes a plate for me—a glass of wine appearing in front of me at the snap of Rhy’s fingers. I grin at him happily snatching the glass up and downing half of it in a large sip.
The night is wonderful, I’m seated next to Rhy who’s at the head of the table, Feyre on his other side and directly in front of me. I enjoy getting to know her—Rhy’s mate. They fit together so well. I enjoy catching up with cassian and Mor, oh how I missed her. I was endlessly happy to be back with my family.
———————
The Next Day
I woke up before the sun rose. I didn’t sleep much the night before. After Azriel and I dragged one another out of the dining room and to our shared quarters we made love over and over again to make up for time spent apart.
I had missed him so much. His hands on my body, his lips on my skin, how he would stroke my wings, his scent, the way his shadows would caress my body as he slowly took me apart with his mouth and fingers before filling me up and our silent communication—a bond only mated pairs know. It was always the perfect feeling, being with him after so long.
I couldn’t sleep though, I hadn’t slept well in this house in decades. So, I got up and dressed, kissed Azriel’s forehead and headed out into the dim hallway. I made my way to the training deck, I needed to burn off some of my pent up energy—to my surprise Feyre was standing there, hands wrapped and a few strands of hair stuck to her sweaty forehead.
“High Lady,” I grinned as our eyes met, a pretty smile spreading across her own lips—she really was as beautiful as everyone said.
“I wasn’t expecting anyone else to be awake,” She says, pushing the hair off of her forehead.
“I don’t sleep well here,” I shrug and she nods, a look of understanding in her eyes that lets me know she knows why.
“Would you care for a morning spar?” She asks, gesturing to the opening.
“Oh hell yeah,” I nod excitedly.
We spar for hours. She’s good. I can tell she was trained by the boys—but I was able to teach her a few moves of my own. She caught on quick too—putting me on my ass only after a few tries of each move.
We bantered back and forth, playful jabs of sarcasm. It was nice. I used to love sparring with Mor, too…back when I was around long enough to actually train with her that is.
“Do you yield, high lady?” I sneer mockingly, dagger pressed under her chin as I straddle her chest, knees on her elbows pinning her effectively.
I’m keenly aware when there’s a presence of another but I don’t let it distract me, my attention focused on the woman under me.
“No,” She grunts, bucking hard enough to throw me off, sending the dagger tumbling from my hand. She’s on top of me then, forearm pressed against my throat. “Do you yield, (Y/N)?”
I tap the ground three times watching her grin form before she slides off of me, sitting to my left, both of us breathless. I let my eyes find him then, standing there arms across his chest looking gorgeous in the early morning sun—I can’t help but smile at him.
“I’ll give you two a few minutes,” Feyre says with a knowing smirk, pushing up and heading inside past Azriel with a smirk in his direction, too.
As soon as we’re alone he’s on me. Hands, mouth and shadows on every inch of skin he can get to. It wasn’t the worst way to finish off the morning.
Breaking apart only when Rhys called us inside, an urgency in his voice I hadn’t heard in a very long time.
An urgency that had every instinct in my body on alert.
#so excited for this series#what is so urgent for Rhys to speak with them?#Feyre and y/n are the best together#acotar#acomaf#azriel#azriel x reader#azriel fanfic#shadow dance
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Falling in Love on the Fourth Floor - Part 6
Summary: Out of an act of desperation, you move in with a guy you kind of know who happens to have a really hot brother who lives next door.
Author’s note: getting some tension here 👀 and yes the opening scene is inspired by How I Met Your Mother. This ends on a sad note for Azzy Baby so a bit angsty
(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Masterlist)
Azriel isn’t surprised as his front door opens to find you bursting through it, as you had texted him about fifteen minutes ago if you could come over and tell him something. You quickly lock the door behind yourself, turning to face himself and Rhysand.
“So you guys know how Cassian and I got drunk last night after dinner,” you start before Rhys cuts you off with his hand. “Please don’t tell me Cass made it three weeks with a female roommate before having sex with her.”
You grimace at him, “ew, no.”
A look passes between Azriel and Rhys, one you can’t quite make out, but Azriel stands a bit straighter after your words.
“As I was saying - we got drunk, and after you guys left, we were walking down to go get donuts from the place on the corner when we passed a tattoo parlor and we went in.”
After the dinner with Mor last night, Feyre dropped the four of you off and you all had congregated into yours and Cassian’s apartment. You were tipsy for most of the night, Rhys and Az had the slightest hint of a buzz, and Cassian was bordering on blackout because he “wanted to take advantage of not doing anything the next day”.
Your mention of a tattoo parlor got their attention very quickly. You start giggling then, jumping up and down at what you have to tell them. You can’t contain your excitement as you blurt out, “Cassian got a tramp stamp and I don’t think he remembers it.”
They both look at you in shocked silence then start laughing. They start asking a million questions - “what is it? What color is it?” After a minute you tell them, “he’s awake and I know he’ll be over any minute - we have to remain calm. You need to see it.”
You turn back, unlocking the door for Cassian. The three of you wait in pained silence until you hear the knob turning, prompting you and Rhys to begin two completely different conversations to fill the silence.
“So like I said she was hot-“
“My professor is a jackass who wouldn’t -“
Cassian walks in, too hungover to notice the conflicting dialogues. He walks in shirtless and you start practically buzzing in excitement. You send warning glares to his brothers, trying to communicate, “please please please you need to see it before you say anything”.
Cassian groans a greeting to you three, walking past the three of you to open the fridge door. As he searches for whatever it is he wants, the three of you crowd behind him to look at the little blue candy heart that says “babygirl” in pink script tattooed just above his ass.
Rhys shoves his fingers in his mouth to keep from laughing and Azriel’s about to break when you slap a hand over his mouth. You all try so hard to keep from laughing, which makes it that much harder to restrain yourselves.
Rhys cracks first, unable to stop himself as he asks, “are you lost, babygirl,” referencing that godsawful 365 Days movie Cassian made you all watch a few days ago.
The three of you lose it, and Azriel collapses to the floor in giggles, taking you with him. From the ground you watch Cassian’s confused brain try to make sense of why you all were laughing so hard when Rhys slaps right where the fresh tattoo lied and Cassian yelps in pain.
“Oh gods, why does that hurt so much?” He stills, running straight for Azriel’s bathroom. The three of you follow, standing outside the door listening for Cassian’s moment of realization. He screams in shock, running back out, pointing a finger at you.
“You did this!”
“Me?” You ask, between giggles, “I think it was you, babygirl.”
That sends Azriel over the edge again, and he starts giggling into your hair.
“I’m getting it removed asap,” Cassian grounds out, storming out the apartment, leaving the three of you to giggle and mock him a bit more.
-
The week goes by in a blur of classes and project work. You don’t see much of Azriel, but the two of you text frequently after sending him that first message about Cassian’s tattoo.
The two of you would send photos of valentine’s hearts to each other, clearly mocking Cassian, asking, “would this look good on my chest?”
You had spent most of the week glued to your phone, waiting for his responses. Feyre even got mad at you when you had dinner at her place on Wednesday because you kept glancing at your phone while she was telling you something.
You began apologizing, telling her about you and Az texting, when her own phone buzzed taking away her attention. You had sat back as her gaze moved to her phone, hands itching to respond to Rhysand.
“Go on,” you told her, “pot calling the kettle back, I see.”
Today was Friday, so you didn’t have any classes, however you did spend the day TAing for several Organic Chemistry labs, the first of which had Rhysand in it. He had offered to drive you to campus, and after dinner with Feyre, you’re wondering if it’s just so he can talk to you about your friend.
You walked into their apartment, ready to meet Rhysand when you were met with a beautiful girl on their couch. She had long blonde hair in a nest braid on her head, and her silver eyes pierced you as you entered the apartment.
You look around, checking that you’re in the right apartment, and offer her a small smile, trying not to look as shocked as you feel as you shut the door behind yourself.
Was Rhys seeing someone?
She tells you, “I’m Nesta,” and you nod, offering her your own name back. She quirks a small smile at that, leaning back in the seat. “Interesting,” she says, “you’re just like Azriel described.” Her eyes roam up and down your body, and her face remains neutral, not giving you any hint of what she sees.
You want to know more about how Azriel had described you, when the man in question comes out of his room and stops at the sight of you talking to Nesta.
“Hey,” he tells you, and you’re too focused on watching him to notice Nesta roll her eyes at how much he had deepened his voice. She starts to say something, and he realizes it, strolling over to give her his notebook to keep her quiet.
The teasing words die on her tongue, replaced by words of gratitude. Azriel breaks eye contact with her to see you’ve started to stand, saying, “I’m gonna go wait outside - uh clearly you have company.”
Azriel looks at you, your face riddled with confusion and something else he can’t quite place.
“No, don’t worry. I was just leaving. I’ll see you tonight?” She asks, turning back to Azriel, “7?”
You wince at the date they’ve made, and Azriel definitely notices. He nods, “yeah, I’ll see you.”
He walks her to the door, before turning back to you, an interesting look on your face.
“She’s uh nice,” you stammer out, heart beating wildly once he shuts the door behind her.
Of course someone as pretty as Azriel needs someone as striking as Nesta. Were you a fool this whole time? To consider he might harbor affections for you? Was all the texting just niceties between neighbors?
“Not to new people she isn’t,” he replies, hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth on his feet.
“She was nice to me,” which makes it ten times harder for you to hate her. Your face flushed with embarrassment at having read this whole situation wrong. You are internally pleading with any force in the universe to make Rhys hurry up so you can bury yourself in shame and embarrassment away from Azriel.
“Well that’s because-“ but the words die on his tongue, as Rhys strolls out of his room, clearly hearing your prayers.
“Oh there you are, come on let’s go,” he tells you, grabbing his bookbag, snapping at you like you’re the problem, “we’re going to be late.”
Azriel’s brows furrow, “where are you two headed off to?”
Rhys smiles, “didn’t you know? She’s my lovely TA for O Chem lab.”
-
Azriel pulled up to the building later that night, hopping off his bike after spending hours with Nesta at the library. She was doing a minor in computer science, so she was taking the same electives as Azriel and they met weekly to do their homework together.
Tonight’s topic for review was all about you and how Nesta is certain that you were jealous of her sitting in his apartment and she was equally certain that any man in a city block would be lining up to ask you out.
“Don’t wait too long, Az,” she had told him as they walked towards the parking lot, mostly empty due to how early it was in the semester and the late hour. “She’s awfully pretty and smart. I’d date her.”
She smirked at Azriel’s disapproving look, thanking him for the notes from yesterday’s lecture.
Nesta’s words ring in his head as he spots you at the door of your building, a little black dress adorning your body. He walks closer, opting to leave his helmet on, eyes glued to how the dress covers your curves, and it takes a moment to realize that you’re with someone.
And not just anyone.
A guy. Some guy. Some guy that wasn’t himself.
Fuck, he thinks.
Did he have it all wrong? Were you seeing someone - responding to his texts because of pity? You had been so nice - were you just this nice to everyone? The subtle touches, the quick glances, did he make them all up?
He hadn’t thought much of your lack of communication today - you had told him previously that Fridays are a busy day for you, but now he knows you likely spent the afternoon getting ready for this date.
He keeps the helmet on as he walks past, not even hearing your conversation with the guy. He tries to keep himself from being noticed as he walks right past you, the scent of vanilla and flowers hitting him. He walks through the lobby, straight into the waiting elevator.
His fingers stay pressed on the button that leads to your floor, moving to stay pressed on the “close doors” button. He can’t stomach the sight of you two, and he certainly can’t stomach sharing an elevator with you two, forced into making small talk with your date.
His thoughts whirl and swirl with the texts you had been exchanging all week since you all had dinner together as he leans his helmeted head against the closed elevator doors. Jokes shared between you two into the odd hours of the night.
He couldn’t remember the last time he had stayed up texting someone, not wanting to go to sleep for fear of ending the conversation. He thought he had even heard you laughing through the wall at his dumb jokes. He had even fallen asleep while waiting for your response last night, his phone unlocked next to his face to your chain of texts the first thing he saw that morning.
The doors to the elevator open and he walks to his apartment, unlocking the door, and trudging into his room. He pulls off his helmet, chucking it somewhere in his room. He replaces it with his headphones, cranking the volume up as loud as it will go, to drown out any noise that could filter in from the apartment next door.
#acotar fanfiction#azriel x reader#azriel x you#azriel#azriel fanfic#azriel fluff#azriel x y/n#azriel angst#acotar writing
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Drowning Without You
Azriel x reader
Warnings: some violence, sexual references and scenes. Mainly fluff , hurt/comfort
The first mission that you had together. You could barely contain your excitement when Rhys pulled you and Azriel into his office. Not excitement for the alone time, you told yourself, but excitement to finally have a purpose.
You had been in Velaris for months. Training with Cassian and Azriel day in and day out, trying to find that place of belonging. While you weren’t an Illyrian warrior, you had experienced the gruff life of battle before. In your place of birth, the Dawn Court, you were brought up training just like your mother before you. Only after Amarantha’s terror-laced reign did you decide it was time to get out, finding Velaris to almost call to you, beckoning you to visit.
What was supposed to be a short trip turned longer once you were introduced to Feyra, Nesta, and Mor. The three of you clicking immediately, especially during training. Elian was okay, too, you just couldn’t shake the sting of seeing her intimate moments with a certain shadowy figure.
It wasn’t jealousy, not when you had barely shared words with the dark haired, tanned god of a man. Other than in training and “family” nights in, as the group called it, did you ever really see him. You were confused when you first felt the longing. Desire to touch him, to speak to him, the desire to find him in the crowded rooms. You shoved the longing deep down into your gut the second you saw the beautiful, timid, sweet look of Elain looking at him that way too. You could almost see the exact explanation of the feeling in your chest, just by her look. And by the looks of it, Azriel replicated her looks of longing, only not towards you.
You had to remind yourself that you were new here. They had known each other for Gods knows how much longer than you had. Azriel was always kind, unless he was pushing you in the training field, but you never felt like he was seeing you the way you were seeing him. The only intimate moment the two of you had shared was weeks ago, when Cassian had accidentally landed a particularly hard blow to your arm, spraining your wrist. Azriel quietly lead you inside, helping you wrap it in the kitchen, before giving you a soft smile and retreating back to his room.
“Y/N? Are you listening?”. Your head jerked up at that, a small blush heating your cheeks when you realized Rhys was looking at you expectantly, realizing you had zoned out. You had to pull it together. This was your first chance to prove yourself, and you damn sure weren’t going to have it ruined by a petty childlike crush on the shadowy figure to your left. To your luck, Rhys continued on, explaining the purpose of the mission. He didn’t miss the small grateful look you passed his way.
“The Autumn Court guards were spotted by one of Azriel’s men just outside of the Winter Court. I need you both to watch, and listen. They are still under the guise of the Queen, and gathering what they know could be detrimental to our side. Do not engage unless absolutely necessary.” Rhys explained, swiftly and strictly. You felt yourself nodding along, noticing one slight nod from Azriel on the other side of the room.
“We do not know their plans, who is with them, only that they are aiming to kill. We have spoken to Eris, and he is in agreement with you two staking them out. Remember, if the power of the crown reaches you, you will succumb to anything they desire. Be careful. I’ll winnow you a mile north from the soldiers at dawn.” He added, nodding to both of you, and disappearing into the house elsewhere. You forced yourself to remain stoic, awaiting words from the Shadowsinger. “See you at dawn, Y/N” he muttered, disappearing into the shadows around him.
Trying not to let the disappointment of the small encounter grace your features, you straightened your spine, heading up to your room in the townhouse to prepare. You took a particularly long bath, soaking in oils and scents. After removing all of the hair on your body besides your head, you slipped into a silk nightgown, brushing out your long, damp hair. As your head hit the pillow, you felt a nervousness deep down in your bones, anxious to get on with the mission.
Serenity. That’s the best way to describe what Azriel was seeing as he and Rhys stood next your bed. It was still early, but when they heard no noise coming from your bedroom, they decided to wake you so you had time to prepare. You laid on your side, facing the two sculpted men. Your lips slightly parted, no noise coming from you besides the small sound of your breathing. Your eyelashes were long, lying against your cheeks, a slight blush on your face from whatever thoughts invoked you in slumber. The strap to your nightgown hung off of your shoulder, resting on the top of your arm, and the blankets were pulled right up to the neckline of the silk garment. Just as Rhys was about to wake you, he got a distant look in his eye, muttering something about Feyra before instructing Azriel to wake you.
He really, really didn’t want to. You looked so peaceful, like the kinder opposite to the sleep Az had gotten last night. Tossing and turning, he was confused by the stress he garnered, most of it coming from you and your eagerness to go on this mission. He told himself to snap out of it, that you were strong and capable, but he couldn’t shake the eating feeling in his gut. His shadows kept him awake for most of the night, whispering horrifying thoughts and outcomes into his ear up until the early hours of the morning. He sucked in a deep breath as he approached your bed, sitting lightly on the edge, scared to touch you with his scarred, brutalized hands. Almost like it would hurt you… poison you.
“(Y/N)”. You stirred, another night with dreams tainted by a certain Illyrian warlord you assumed. You had just about fell back into slumber when you heard it again. “(Y/N)”. Only this time, you felt the gentle touch of something on your shoulder. Your eyes slowly opened, having to blink a few times to clear your vision before you took in Azriel, sitting in front of you on the bed. You shot up, the other strap to your nightgown falling, as you anticipated what he was doing here. “It’s okay. I just wanted to wake you up before we had to leave.” he almost whispered. With a few intakes of air, you simply muttered “oh” before you laid yourself back down, the air seeping into your nightgown suddenly donning realization that you were half naked in front of him.
“Before we go, I just wanted to remind you that uh— you can handle this. Your training proves that.” he stated, halfway stuttering as he thought of what to say. A small smile graced your face as you looked at him in thanks, and you almost didn’t notice his gentle touch as he lifted both straps of your nightgown back into place, his touch lingering for half a second before he was up, marching for your bedroom door.
After winnowing into somewhere deep in the cliffy forest, Rhys went over the plan one more time before he left you two, nothing but your leathers and packs, standing alone. “What now?” you asked, stretching out your sore ankles you glanced at Az. “First, we get to high ground. We’ll have better advantage that way.” a man of few words, you noted. You simply nodded, and that was exactly what you did.
Hours later, your breaths ragged, you dropped your pack onto a bolder. You had finally made it up the cliff, and boy was it challenging. Not only with the cold temperatures, but also the close proximity of a certain male, you struggled to find breaths that didn’t sting when you inhaled. Your eyes were glassy from the wind, and your hands frozen every time you wiped away a stray tear. Being a fae didn’t matter when it came to your sensitive eyes. Just before you, Az just watched as you gathered yourself, not a hair out of place. You slightly chuckled when you saw his look, almost of humor, pointed towards you. You could’ve sworn you saw the corner of his lip raise before his back was to you, assessing the things in his pack.
By the time it was nightfall, you had dawned a few more layers, sitting on the cliff with a blanket wrapped around you. There was a lake at the bottom, the water almost as black as the shadows that danced around your partner. You couldn’t look away from it, even as Azriel had cooked dinner, rabbit meat, you assumed. You felt his presence before you heard him, and looked up to see him outreaching a plate towards you. “Eat.” He said “We have more climbing tomorrow.”. You grabbed the plate from him, and didn’t realize how hungry you had grown until you took the first few bites. In silence, Azriel plopped down beside you, his wing raising to fight off some of the biting wind from hitting you. “Do you ever wonder… wonder what things lie out in the world that we have no idea about?” you almost whispered, your empty plate having been deposited into the snow minutes ago. “Sometimes.” was all he offered, his gaze on the side of your face, before he spoke again. “We should get some sleep.”
With the wind chill and the dropping temperatures, Azriel decided that sleeping in a cave would be best. You both tucked into it, the only light coming from the moon outside the mouth. Just as you laid your head down, you felt Azriel shift beside you. He too, had laid down, only he was facing you. “If you get too cold, wake me up and I can share some of my blanket with you.” he said. You nodded, before saying “I’ll take first watch.”. He simply nodded at you, and turned the other way.
Dripping. Dripping was all you heard as you peered out the mouth of the cave. Dripping and a slight snore from the large man laying behind you. He had fallen asleep, and you didn’t trust not having eyes on the outside in case of emergency. You should’ve woken him hours ago, but he looked so calm and so peaceful, that you decided a few extra minutes wouldn’t hurt. Right as you were turning to tap him, you heard leaves rustling and cracking sticks outside of the cave. You crept onto your feet, being light as a feather kicking in by your instincts before you even thought about it. Once you reached the mouth of the cave, you peered out into the moonlight. You heard something. Someone. “(Y/N)!!!! (Y/N)!!!!” It screamed, your heart stopping. It was your mother. Your mother calling for help in the darkness of the night. Before you even thought about it, you were running. Running and running and running. Running until something hard knocked you in the head, and you collapsed. The faint screams of your mother haltering in the distance.
When you awoke, the first thing you noticed was the pounding. The head-splitting throb you felt right in the spot of that object’s collision. You groaned, slowly raising your head, and took in your surroundings. You were tied, both hands extended by ropes attached to the trees on either side of you, your feet barely hanging off the ground. Everything ached. Your wrists were numb, your shoulders contorted and tired, and you didn’t miss the trail of blood coming down your face from your hairline. Once you assessed yourself, you looked ahead. There, 25 feet in front of you, was Azriel, kneeling on the snow. They had his hands tied as well, and what looked to be ash arrows were protruding through his wings. His head was hung low, as if looking at you would disgust him.
“Well…. Look who decided to join.” a deep, older voice sounded. Berron appeared in your line of vision, and you could’ve sworn you saw Azriel’s head snap up just over his shoulder. Surrounding you, there were a dozen Autumn Court warriors, all with that familiar glassy look in their eyes. “Now we can really get to the fun.” he growled. Without a warning, his fist collided with your face. With nowhere else to go, your head jerked backwards, your gaze landing on the clouds above you for a split second. Another blow, this time to your gut. Nothing but a gasp escaped your lips at the impact, the breath being knocked out of you.
“Stop!” Azriel growled, and you almost sighed at the sound of it before Berron started laughing. “I’ll stop when you tell me what business my son has with the night court.” Berron mused. You sagged. He knew, he knew about the alliance, and he damn sure wasn’t letting either of you go without answers. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Azriel growled. You caught Azriel’s gaze, and quietly said “I can take it Az.” A silent pleading to give up nothing to save you. He didn’t dare look your way and out himself. Internally, he was panicking. They had dosed you with Faebane in your sleep, your wounds still slowly bleeding. You didn’t have long before you succumbed to blood loss, and Az didn’t have a plan. The guards were too close, too feral for him to get to you. “Maybe this will motivate you..” Berron drawled, inching closer to (Y/N). In half a second, he had drawn his sword, slicing through the ropes hanging you from the tree, and launched his foot into your chest, sending you flying backwards. Only, you didn’t hit the ground. Between the blood loss and the impact, you barely registered that you were still falling, falling so slowly you could see the birds flying above you. Your back impacted with something sharp, something so cold it had you alert in milliseconds. Right before you submerged into the beautiful lake you were analyzing the night prior, you heard a deathly roar rattle the world around you.
Darkness, darkness, and more darkness. What you had failed to notice earlier, was that along with your wrists, your legs had been bound as well. As you kept sinking deeper, your hands struggled, fighting against the rope tying them together. You were going too deep, too deep to be able to reach the surface before you drowned. Focus. Focus. Got it. The rope snapped from your ankles, and you immediately pushed to ascend back to the surface. Right has you started kicking, something sharp seared into your ankle. You shot your gaze downwards, and some creature had dug its claws so deep into your leg you let out a shout in the water. You started kicking it, fighting it, but it was relentless. Its claws sliced up and down your legs, pulling you further down with it. Air. You needed air. You started to internally panic as you fought against the creature. Right as everything started to go dark around you, your body stilling, you saw a blue glow just in the distance of the water.
Rage. Rage and fright was all Az felt as he watched your body soar over the cliffs edge. Without even thinking about it, he tore himself from his restraints, taking down all 12 soldiers in the matter of seconds. Berron only watched as Azriel sprinted to the edge, and dove right down into the water. It shocked him, but he kept going. You had been under for too long. There was no way you were coming back up. He pushed deeper and deeper until he heard it. A slight yell in the water. Without his vision, he used the blue glow to guide him in the darkness. Down towards the bottom, he saw you thrashing against a creature so mortifying he was even slightly scared. In a quick battle, he used his shadows to bound the creature to the sandy floor before he grabbed you, pushing off the bottom and racing to the surface. All he could hear was his heartbeat in his ears, and he felt your body jerking with the intake of water.
The surface broke. Just as you were fading out, your lungs ingested a breath of air so hard it hurt. Coughing, you pushed your hair backwards, reminding yourself to kick your feet. You looked beautiful. Your hair was slicked back from the water, your eyes large and clear, eyelashes dripping. Your lips were slightly blue from the cold, your delicate neck and chest expanding and shrinking with each breath you took. All Azriel could do was stare. Stare at you as you pulled yourself together. He was panting, too, but nothing could tear his gaze away from you in this moment. Just as he was about to speak, you launched yourself towards him, wrapping your arms around his neck and burying your fingers in his hair, your face tucking into his shoulder. You pretended you didn’t notice your legs wrapping around his waste. His arms snaked around you, shadows too, as he gripped you just as tight. You both breathed together, grounding yourselves on eachother. When you pulled away, eyes looking up, so intoxicatingly into his, he didn’t even fight it when he cupped your face, and kissed you. A kiss so deep, so cold, that your eyes had no choice but to close. His hands were all over you, on your neck, in your hair, on your ass. Nowhere and everywhere all at once. Your tongues met each others in a pattern, his grip landing right on the front of your throat. It wasn’t gentle, wasn’t rough, it was perfect. You wrapped your legs tighter around him, and ran your fingers through his hair, earning a low groan from him, making heat pool between your legs, even in the frozen water. As if he could sense your arousal, he arched your back into him further, and you let out a slight moan.
Azriel yanked his head away from you, and with a frenzy in his eye, growled “mine” before pulling you back in.
(Should I make a part 2???) IM IN LOVE WITH HIM
Update: PART TWO IS ON MY PROFILE ;);)
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ACOSM | The Night they went to Rita's
azriel x rhysand's sister (oc)
warnings: alcohol/drinking, this was meant to be just fluff and a drunk Az but smut somehow made its way in so did both possessive and pouty Az
summary: Mor shares bad news with Valeria and the two decide they are in need of a fun night out. Rhysand invites himself and brings Az and Cas along. The finally go to Rita's and they all get a little carried away with shots.
A/N: this is an imagine among my collection that follow Rhysand's sister, Valeria. while I'm still working on them, you can find the masterlist for it here. this turned out to be waaay longer than I originally planned and I also wasn't happy with some scenes so I rewrote them a lot, which is why it took forever to update.
**
As the sun dipped, painting the sky with shades of pink and orange, Valeria found herself seated before her piano in her room. The open balcony doors welcomed in the cool, refreshing breeze. A week had passed since her haunting violin performance, the memory of its disappointing outcome lingered. She hadn’t seen her father since that night, avoiding him like a plague.
But this moment was different. She wasn’t performing for her father. Instead, she played solely for the love of the instrument she cherished the most–the piano.
Noctis, her devoted bird, perched on the music stand let out a chirp and stretched out his wings in encouragement. She took a deep breath, her fingers hesitating over the keys before they found their place. They tentatively pressed against the piano’s keys until a slow melody emerged from her fingertips, guiding her in a graceful dance across the keys. The song was delicate, its cascading notes forming a shimmering, dreamlike tune.
As the last note dissolved into the air, she felt a cool caress dash across her cheeks and swept her hair aside, curling against her ear to whisper to her. Beautiful. She turned in time to see Azriel sit beside her, his wing extending and curling around her to accommodate the both of them on the piano bench. Her wings were glamored–something Azriel noticed she did more of since Mallory’s death.
His hazel glimmered with admiration as he looked down at her. She returned his gaze with a warm smile. “Would you like to play?”
“I’d rather listen to you.” He replied smoothly.
She spared a glance to Noctis who observed the Shadowsinger curiously. “I think Noctis wants to hear you play,” she teased and Noctis chirped in agreement.
Azriel rolled his eyes in mock frustration. It seemed Noctis was always on her side. He knew he was not going to win this one so he bowed his head at her, silently conceding her request. Velaria beamed, resuming the delicate melody she had been playing moments ago. Azriel’s own fingers glided effortlessly across the keys, his own crafted melody harmonizing seamlessly with hers.
He knew how to play the piano thanks to her. After learning that Shadowsingers do not sing, despite their name, she had offered to teach him, insisting that if he wouldn’t sing aloud, he would have to sing with his heart. Their lessons began shortly after he moved in with her family. Cassian and Rhysand weren’t as welcoming of him initially so he was grateful for her. They spent their evenings after dinner practicing and despite their youth, she was always patient with him. Their sessions gradually tapered off as Rhysand and Cassian grew warmer towards him. He only played the piano occasionally, usually at Valeria’s request.
Azriel never forgot the night he met Valeria, the memory forever engraved into his mind. She had met his shadows, looked into their darkness and smiled. She embraced the very thing many feared. He watched as his shadows whirled around them as they played the piano, warmth pooling into his heart as she welcomed their cool touch, a fond smile gracing her lips.
“Perhaps you’ll sing for me next?” Valeria mused as their song came to a delicate end.
His shadows twirled in excitement, almost eager at the thought of hearing their master sing. He couldn’t help but let out an amused huff. Even his shadows were in her favor today.
Valeria’s laughter filled the air and his heart fluttered at the delightful sound. He loved seeing her happy and cherished every moment that made her smile. It had taken all his willpower to contain his rage toward the High Lord the night he broke Valeria’s heart. He hated the way she’d pale at the sight of her father after and he hated having to show loyalty to the cruel man as his spymaster. It was unfortunately the only way he could remain close to her.
“What?”
Azriel blinked. He hadn’t realized he had been staring at her in a daze, his thoughts lost in the moment. “Nothing,” he mumbled, trying to sound casual, though a gentle flush warmed his cheeks.
“You’re adorable.” Valeria said softly, leaning in to plant a tender kiss on his cheek. An affectionate gesture that brought a rush of warmth to his heart.
“Adorable?” His response carried a hint of surprise. He had never been described that way. His fingers reached out to her face, coaxing her to meet his gaze that had darkened slightly. “I don’t aim to be ‘adorable’.”
“Tell me, then. What do you aim for?”
Your heart, he wanted to answer. Although, he could not bring himself to say those words aloud. A part of him feared that she did not want him the way he did. That perhaps she only desired him physically but he could not go back to how things were before. Not when he already had a taste of her perfect lips. Her soft skin and breasts. Her pretty cunt as she came on his tongue.
If all she wanted was his body, he would gladly keep giving it to her. He would rather have her the way he did now than not at all. He leaned in further, his breath fanning her face and lips ghosting over hers.
“Your pleasure.”
He was then claiming her lips, his grip still firm on her chin, as his words ignited a heated desire in her stomach. He kissed her softly and slowly, taking delight in the way she melted into him, wanting to press against him. Gods, he would never have his fill of her. He craved her. Desperately. And all the time. The inexplicable pull toward her had not dwindled one bit since he first felt it and a part of him wondered if she could feel it too.
He released his hold on her chin and placed his hands at her hips instead, shifting her onto his lap. His lips parted from hers as he pulled her back flush against his chest, one arm wrapping itself around her waist. The movement caused his wings to brush against the piano, making it sing clumsily and scaring Noctis at the abrupt sound. The bird flew away, accompanied by some of Azriel’s shadows, toward the open balcony.
Azriel brushed her long hair to the side, deciding to claim another of his favorite spots–her neck—his cock straining against his pants. He was sure she could feel it pressing into her back. She tipped her head towards his shoulder to allow him easier access as he kissed her neck, easing his way down. He already knew the spot she was most sensitive to. His teeth grazed her soft skin before sucking, smirking against the curve of her neck when he heard her let out a quiet moan. The sound had his cock throbbing and aching. He was filled with the urge to elicit more moans from her, louder ones.
His mouth did not leave her neck nor his arm from her waist as he used his knee to spread her legs further apart. His free hand lightly traced his way up her leg, then her thigh, his shadows bringing the skirts of her dress up with him. He could smell the sweet scent of her arousal, already feeling how wet she was for him as his fingers ghosted over her core.
“Do you still find me adorable now?” He whispered against her skin.
“Yes.” Her reply was quick and breathless and his shadows reported that she was smiling.
“Wrong answer.” He told her, his fingers leaving the spot she needed him most and resting at her thigh instead.
She whimpered at the loss and grinded against his thigh, coating his pants with her arousal. He responded by tightening his hold on her waist, large hands splaying across her abdomen to keep her from moving. “Azriel.” Her voice was begging this time, a desperate prayer of his name.
“Yes?” He grazed his nose against the curve of her neck, inhaling her scent. He took delight in the power he held over her in the moment. The way she begged for him, the way she was so willing to submit herself to him.
“I don’t just find you adorable. I find you enchanting. Beautiful” –Valeria grasped the arm wrapped around her and he reluctantly let her pull it away, keeping his other at her thigh. She wrapped both of her hands around his larger one, tracing the calluses. She pressed tender kisses along the back of his hand, drawing stars along his scars with her lips–”Every part of you is beautiful.”
Azriel was glad she could not see him as her words had brought a deep blush to his face. His hands had always been a haunting insecurity of his. Yet, she loved them, reminding him every chance she could. His wings fluttered softly around her.
He decides her words were good enough, fearing that if he let her continue he’d melt into her completely. The fingers that rested at her thigh continued their trail to her dripping core and her breath hitched as he rubbed against her sensitive clit. He teased her entrance before eagerly sliding two fingers in.
“Do you know how pretty you are?” He praised her as he thrusted his fingers into her, his thumb grazing against her clit. “Spread for me and dripping for me like this.”
“Not as pretty as you.” She gasped as he abruptly slid another finger in.
“Fuck,” he breathed into her neck, curling his fingers and eliciting a cry from her. “I need to be buried inside you. You think you can take me now?”
“Please.”
Azriel was then carrying her to her bed. He hovered over her, wanting to be able to see her beautiful face as he buried himself into her. His shadows brought her skirts up again, pooling the thin fabric at her waist. He wasted no time in ripping her underwear off of her in one smooth motion before pulling his aching and throbbing cock free. Its tip was angry and seeping with precum as he fisted his generous length.
“Are you sure, princess?”
“Yes, I’m ready. I can take it.”
Valeria licked her bottom lip, remembering the first time she had taken him into her mouth and the delicious sounds she had drawn out from him as he came down her throat. That mouth of hers would be his downfall, Azriel thought with a curse as he recognized the look on her face. He spread her legs wider, pressing his tip in slowly and torturously until he was filling her up completely. They both let out a moan as her walls fluttered around him.
“That’s it, my pretty girl.” Azriel leaned down, tugging the top of her dress down to expose her breasts. He took one into his mouth, kneading the other with his hand as he began to move with slow and hard strokes.
His wings unfurled behind him, casting shadows across her body as they fluttered in pleasure, his thrusts picking up in pace. She was already a mess for him, her soft moans and the sinful sounds of skin slapping against skin filling the room. Her final breaking point was when his thumb reached down to rub against her clit again. He pulled away from her breasts to watch her. Her beautiful face was contorted in pleasure, eyes fluttering shut as he made her see stars.
Azriel’s breaths started to grow heavy, sweat glistening on his forehead as he felt his release surface. He let out a deep guttural sound as he spilled into her, his abdomen clenching and hips stuttering.
Valeria’s eyes opened at the beautiful dark sound that escaped from him to find him gazing down at her. The way he was looking down at her had her coming undone again, her walls pulsing around him and eliciting more whimpers from him as she milked his cock for every drop.
Her teary eyes, wide and wild, locked with his, her breath hitching as pure shock flashed across her features briefly. In that moment, it was just the two of them, filled with unyielding desire for one another. That intangible silver and gold thread radiated from the very depths of their intertwined hearts.
“Valeria,” Azriel couldn’t hold himself back any longer, three simple but powerful words hovering over the edge of his lips. “I—fuck.”
“Az?” She called out softly, watching as a shadow curled against his ear.
He kissed her lips softly, an apologetic look on his face when he met her gaze again. He pulled out of her, nearly groaning at the sight of their cum seeping out of her. The desire to lap it up with his tongue, to have her coming undone for him for the third time was strong. But his shadows notified him that there were footsteps approaching.
“I’m so sorry.” His voice cracked, his eyes swirling with an emotion Valeria couldn’t quite place.
“It’s okay.” Valeria was reassuring and full of understanding.
Yet she couldn’t help the ache in her heart as he disappeared into his shadows.
With a slight wince, she hastily got up and ran to her restroom to clean herself up. She adjusted her dress to cover herself back up again, discarding her torn underwear. She placed a glamor–a skill she had perfected– over herself to cover the scent of night-chilled air and sex. She barely had enough time to compose herself before she heard the doors to her room burst open without a knock in warning.
She slapped her warm cheeks and took a deep breath, feigning nonchalance as she walked out of her restroom. But there was an inner turmoil within, her heart still heavy with the words Azriel had wanted to say.
“Oh Val! I’m so sorry for missing your performance! My father locked me away for a week!” Mor exclaimed, rushing toward her cousin and dramatically throwing her arms around her. She then pulled away, choosing to sit on Valeria’s bed with guilt in her deep brown eyes.
“It’s alright.” Valeria brushed off, her heart still racing from Azriel.
Mor frowned. It was evident by the look in Mor’s eyes that she knew all that transpired last week and she wasn’t surprised, considering Keir had been present when she confronted her father.
Valeria shifted uncomfortably, not wanting the memories of that night to resurface. Her eyebrow furrowed as she pushed thoughts of Azriel away and processed Mor’s initial words. “You said your father locked you away?”
It was now Mor who shifted uncomfortably. Her gaze fell, landing on all the jewelry that adorned her hand. She absentmindedly twisted one of the rings on her finger—a simple gold band with a small engravement of illyrian wings. Valeria recognized it as Mallory’s.
“He punished me for talking back to him.”
Valeria walked toward Mor, cursing the world for bestowing cold fathers upon them. She could sense there was more to it. While she would not be surprised that Keir would punish her for merely breathing, Mor’s eyes were telling that there was more to the story.
When Mor finally looked up, there were tears brimming her eyes. “I’m engaged, Val.”
Valeria’s eyebrows rose in concern. “What? To who?”
“Beron’s prick of a son. Eris.”
Valeria’s eyes widened. The heir to the Autumn Court had found his bride after all, and an immediate rush of anger coursed through her. She knew Mor had no desire to be married, dreading the day her father would force an engagement upon her. It was a day Valeria dreaded for herself too. Being a female in Prythian unfortunately meant being sidelined, deigned to breeding and parties and child-bearing.
“Engagements can be broken off as quickly as they are made,” Valeria told her, gently brushing a loose blonde curl behind her hair in a comforting motion. “We’ll find a way to get you out of this.”
“Thank you.” Mor’s eyes met Valeria’s warm violet ones. She knew she could count on her cousin for anything, whether it was something as fun as learning how to pierce each other’s ears, having a shoulder to lean on when needed, or sharing their deepest secrets–secrets that not even Rhysand knew. Valeria would gladly be her partner in crime whenever, wherever.
Mor’s gaze then fell upon Valeria’s neck and let out a gasp. “Val…what is that?”
Valeria’s hand shot up to cover her neck, the exact spot Azriel had been fixated on earlier. The marks Azriel would leave on her body were usually covered by her clothes. This was the first time he had marked her neck and in her haste to cover the evidence of her scent, she had forgotten all about it. She felt the heat rise to her neck before she could control it, mentally cursing herself.
Still, she desperately attempted to feign nonchalance.
“Nothing.”
“That is not nothing!” Mor insisted with a teasing smile. It was as if a flip switched inside her, her earlier sadness and grief replaced by curiosity and amusement. “That’s a hickey, isn’t it?”
Sensing the lie about to unfold on her tongue, Mor gave her a look.
“Why ask if you know the truth anyway?”
Mor squealed in excitement, urging Valeria to join her on the bed. She hadn’t heard any good gossip in weeks and she wanted to know more. “Who?”
“I can’t say.”
Mor’s jaw dropped and she let out another gasp as realization dawned on her. Valeria hated how intuitive her cousin could be, how quickly she could read her. She was glad Rhysand was not the same when it came to things like this, despite his daemati abilities. “It’s him, isn’t it?”
Valeria’s silence was enough of an answer and Mor, with an amused laugh, dramatically threw herself onto the bed. “Val, you naughty girl!”
When Mor turned to look at Valeria, she found her cousin with her hands clasped over her face in sheer embarrassment, attempting to conceal the blush that colored her cheeks. “Tell me everything! Now!”
Valeria dragged her hands across her face, sending Mor a deadpanned look.“Aren’t we supposed to be discussing how to get you out of your current predicament?”
“You two fucked didn’t you?”
“Mor!” Valeria exclaimed sheepishly.
Mor’s eyes were glittering with delight. She propped her head on her hand as she looked at her mortified cousin. “Is it true what they say about Illyrian wingspans?”
There was a pregnant pause.
“Yes.”
And then Valeria was collapsing onto the bed as Mor had done, the two girls laying side by side as they burst into laughter.
“How?” Mor was then asking.
“I don’t know. It just happened.” Valeria replied with a shrug, staring up at the stars and fairy lights hung over her bed. “He wanted me and I wanted him and I know it’s wrong. I should’ve saved myself but I didn’t want my first time to be with whoever my father–” She winced at the mention of him “--deems worthy. There is very little I have a choice in but this, this is something I wanted to have control over. It may be silly but I wanted my first time to be special.”
“I have always felt something for Azriel. I never saw him like a brother the way I do with Cassian.” Valeria continued, feeling her heart pounding at her throat. She had never voiced her feelings aloud and it was terrifying but there was a weight being lifted off her shoulders–one she hadn’t realized she’d been carrying for a while. “I thought that maybe it was just a crush but after the first time we slept together, I wanted more. I still do. I want him. All of him and all the time and I’m scared…”
Mor frowned. “Scared?”
“Of what this could mean, of where this will lead us.” Valeria said, her eyes glistening and heart aching. “There’s also a lingering thought…that while he does care for me, it is all driven by attraction and other–” Valeria struggled to find the words. She didn’t want to say it outloud, voice her suspicions. It wasn’t a lack of trust towards Mor. She trusted her with all her heart. But because saying them aloud would make them more real and she wasn’t sure she was ready to face it all yet.”--other forces.”
The words that had almost slipped from Azriel’s mouth…she had an inkling of what they could be. They were words she was yearning to hear, she was sure of. Words that would mirror what she feels for him but something snapped in her earlier when their gazes locked. She wondered if he had felt it too, if that’s what had spurred him to dare to say those words and if it did, it brought a terrifying sense of uncertainty to her…
“Stop that.” Mor’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts. “What you and he have is not merely attraction or inspired by forces beyond our control. It can’t be. I’ve seen the way he looks at you since our first solstice together.”
Valeria allowed Mor’s words to comfort her, desperately clinging to them. She knew she should talk to Azriel but she didn’t want to let her insecurities and unease destroy what they have. Perhaps, it was selfish of her. But she would rather have him the way she does now than not at all.
Mor sat up with a sigh. She was happy for Valeria but also worried, knowing that the High Lord would not be accepting of the relationship between her and Azriel. There was also still the pressing matter of her engagement to Eris and all the implications that would follow. Her having to move to the Autumn court–away from the two people she loved most, Valeria and Rhysand. Not to mention having to give herself to the cruel prick and bear his children to secure him an heir.
No, she grimaced at the thought. She refused to allow that to be her future, a thought lingering in the back of her mind already. She turned back to look at Valeria, who remained laying in the bed. “Well, we’re fucked aren’t we?”
Valeria chuckled humorlessly in agreement. “Should we raid my father’s wine stash?”
“Are you sure you want to piss him off even more right now?”
“Fuck him.”
Mor then grinned as an idea sparked within her mind. “Let’s go to Rita’s!”
“Yes!”
“Absolutely not.”
Mor and Valeria whipped their heads at the intruding voice. They found Rhysand, who had appeared just in time to hear Valeria’s offer at raiding their father’s wine stash. He was leaning against the doorway with a smirk on his face and arms crossed. He hadn’t meant to sneak up on them, the door to her room was left slightly open. Anyone could’ve easily walked in.
His violet eyes were sparkling when he added: “Not without me.”
Mor’s grin widened. “Invite Az and Cass.”
It was decided then–that they would all go out to Rita’s for fun and a very much needed night out.
Mor winnowed back into Valeria’s room after being gone for a couple of minutes. In her arms, she carried a towering assortment of dresses. When Valeria had complained of having nothing to wear–despite her actually having plenty to wear, something Rhysand had annoyingly reminded her of–, she hadn’t expected Mor’s enthusiasm to let her borrow something of hers.
Valeria could barely see her cousin’s face and couldn’t help but laugh. With a huff, Mor threw the pile onto the floor and began to go through it, picking out the dresses one by one. She showed them to Valeria, who seemed to shake her head no to every one of them, until finally, something caught her eye.
Mor squealed in excitement and then insisted on allowing her to do Valeria’s makeup, reminding her that she had to cover up the hickey before anyone else noticed it.
**
The night was sparkling when Azriel spotted Valeria. When Rhysand had invited him and Cassian to go out tonight, his initial answer was no. That is, until he found out that Valeria was going. Always the gentleman, he had been waiting for Valeria and Mor to arrive to walk them inside while Rhysand and Cassian found them a table inside RIta’s.
His gaze darkened as his eyes swept over Valeria. The dress she wore was sinful, short and tight, exposing the luscious skin of her legs. The legs he had wanted to wrap around his shoulders as he made her come with his tongue earlier.
“Hey, Az.” Mor called, pulling his gaze away from Valeria. The blonde motioned to her mouth. “You got a bit of drool there.”
His heart skipped a beat, body tensing as he was reminded he had to be more careful.
Valeria smiled at him, brushing her fingers against his hand as he guided them through the entrance. “Don’t mind Mor,” she whispered to him. He would have to ask her later but for the moment, Valeria’s calm demeanor was reassuring to his worries.
Azriel would’ve allowed his body to relax had it not been for the ravenous eyes that fell upon Valeria and Mor when they entered. His wings curled around the two females on either side of him with a glare, making Mor roll her eyes.
If he thought the dinner party with the High Lords was torture, boy did The Mother have something even more tortuous in store for the night.
**
The vibrant colorful fae lights cast playful shadows as Valeria and Mor moved effortlessly on the dance floor. The upbeat rhythm swirled around them, pulling them into the heart of the pulsating music. Laughing and swaying, they were engulfed in the euphoria of the club.
Mor, with her carefree spirit, spun around, her laughter filling the ear. “We should take more shots!”
“Yes!” Valeria was quick to agree, finding Mor’s energy infectious.
Grasping her hand, Mor led Valeria to the bar. Valeria let out a curse once they reached the counter. “I left my bag with Rhys.”
Mor’s lips curled into a smirk. “Oh my sweet Val, we’re not paying for our shots.”
She then placed her shoulder on Valeria’s, prompting her to turn slightly to her right. She found a handsome young male watching her with an appreciative gaze. He smirked at Valeria when he realized he finally got her attention. Mor leaned in to whisper in Valeria’s ears. “He’s been staring at you all night.”
“I’m not interested,” Valeria whispered back, offering the male a timid smile.
Mor giggled. “It doesn’t matter. Just act like it so he can buy us drinks! Quick, he’s coming!”
Valeria barely had enough time to act nonchalantly as the male approached them.
“Hello, beautiful.” He greeted her.
Valeria looked up. When she took too long to respond, she felt a slight shove from Mor. “Hi,” she managed to breathe.
“Allow me to buy you and your friend a drink.”
Valeria’s lips curled into a smirk that mirrored Mor’s. Was it really this easy? She found herself nodding at the interested male, teasing him as she leaned in to tell him what Mor and her wanted. The bartender was quick to prepare the shots, handing them out to the three of them.
The male licked his bottom lip, his gaze not leaving Valeria as the three of them raised their glasses. “To–”
“Fuck off.”
“Hey!”
Valeria glared as Azriel appeared out of nowhere and snatched the shot glass from her hand, downing it himself in one big gulp. Unlike the fae male, he didn’t wince as the amber liquid burned his throat. He glared daggers at the male, who was too close to Valeria for his liking.
Mor’s eyes darted between the two males and she downed her shot before Azriel could take hers too.
The male chuckled. “It’s alright, I can just buy you another one.”
Azriel’s lips curled up in a snarl. He stood tall in front of the male, towering over him and blocking his view of Valeria. His eyes were dark and full of rage. “I believe I told you to fuck off.”
“Azriel!” Valeria called to him sharply but he did not falter.
“You should’ve told me you had a boyfriend, gorgeous.”
“He’s not her boyfriend.”
It was Mor who had replied with a mischievous glint in her eye.
Azriel let out a growl, his fists clenching at his sides and a flash of hurt crossed his eyes. His shadows coiled and slivered up his shoulders, ready to strike like a venomous snake.The male was smart to take that as his sign to leave, recognizing that the glaring male in front of him was a Shadowsinger and one to not be messed with.
But the male couldn’t help but glance at Valeria once more. “I’ll see you around, gorgeous.”
Azriel turned to the two females. A glare was still etched onto his face. Valeria felt his wing against her shoulders, shielding her from the male’s lingering gaze. She noticed the way it twitched, sensing he was irritated. She bit her lip, finding a sliver of delight in Azriel’s jealousy and a heat daring to pool in her stomach.
“What the fuck, Az?” Mor then whined. “We were just trying to get free drinks!”
Azriel directed his gaze towards her, glare still on his face but now waning. Digging his hand into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of golden coins, brashly throwing them onto the counter. Mor’s eyes lit up at the sight. His eyes were locked on Valeria’s when he spoke. “If you want a drink, you ask me.”
“Alright, then.” Valeria replied, holding his gaze in challenge. “Then take a shot with me.”
So Azriel did and then they were taking another.
After three shots, the three decided to head back to the table they had picked out, surprised that no one else had taken it as Rhysand and Cassian were no longer seated there. Valeria shuffled into the booth beside Mor and Azriel seated himself across from them.
Valeria’s eyes darted around the hall. She couldn’t find her brother at the bar nor the dance floor. “Where’s Rhys?”
“Fucking some girl in the alley.” Azriel answered with a nonchalant shrug.
Valeria choked on her drink at his bold words. She had only heard him speak that way when it was just the two of them in the intimacy of her room. “And Cas?”
“Also fucking that same girl.”
Mor’s eyebrows knitted together while Valeria’s eyes widened. It was Mor who spoke next. “What about Tanwyn?”
“He says she doesn’t mind sharing.” Azriel shrugged again, uninterested in continuing the conversation. He was already accustomed to Rhysand’s and Cassian’s sexual endeavors. There was a short time, back when they had just discovered the pleasures of being with a female, that the three of them would bring a female back to the training tents to share.
Azriel had stopped joining them. He had stopped seeking pleasure with other females shortly after as he could no longer find the release he desired with them. He brought his drink to his lips as he looked at the reason why, who was sitting right across from him and avoiding his gaze.
“What about you?” Mor dared to ask, although she had an inkling as to where his desires were.
His gaze was still locked on Valeria as he spoke, his shadows dancing around him. “I realized I don’t like sharing.”
**
Valeria and Mor had returned to the dance floor. They had tried to convince Azriel but he did not give in, not even when Valeria had given him an adorable begging look. The music throbbed in their veins and they twirled to the rhythm. Their care and worries dissipated as they enjoyed the liberating dance and sheer fun of the moment.
A sentiment that Azriel, who had decided to watch them, did not share. He didn’t know what drink he was on but he could feel his heart pounding in his ears and the world began to spin. He was still mulling over the male from earlier. He couldn’t blame him for being interested in Valeria. She was beautiful, after all. What stung had been Mor’s word. While him and Valeria shared many intimate moments together, she was not truly his and he knew he was selfish to believe she could ever be.
Rhysand joined him at the booth moments later, reeking of sex and alcohol. He wore a smug grin on his face.
“What a shame you didn’t join us, Az.” He said, wiping away the glistening remnants of his endeavor on his mouth with his thumb. “What a tasteful little thing she was.”
Azriel only hummed in response. His eyes returned to the dance floor to the exact spot Valeria and Mor had been dancing in. His gaze softened, amusement flickering in his hazel eyes as they caught Cassian, who rushed toward the girls enthusiastically. He watched as Cassian swayed his hips to the music, almost grinding against Mor in a playful manner while Valeria, who danced in front of Cassian, cheered them on.
Azriel didn’t know when it happened but after engaging in light conversation with Rhysand and returning his attention to the dance floor, he found a shirtless Cassian. It wasn’t long before the dancing male had found a table to climb on. He waved his shirt around with one hand, a drink in his other. He chugged the drink in his hand as he moved his hips sensually, eliciting cheers from the dancing crowd. Mor and Valeria were among the crowd, throwing coins–the ones Azriel had left with them–at the dancing Illyrian.
“We should stop him.” Rhysand mused.
“Yes, we should.” Azriel quipped.
But neither of them made a move to do so.
They continued to watch their best friend make a fool of himself, bursting into laughter when Cassian lost his footing and fell off the table. Cassian had made his way back to their table, wings hanging low, distraught over the way his performance had ended. His words were slurred as he complained to Rhysand and Azriel.
Rhysand and Azriel were in the middle of consoling the defeated Illyrian when Valeria and Mor appeared. Their hands were full as they carried shot glasses.
“A round of shots to celebrate the best performance ever!” Valeria exclaimed with a grin as she clumsily raised her glass.
Cassian’s head lifted from the table. “The best performance ever?”
“Best performance ever!” Mor echoed, encouraging the rest to grab a shot.
Cassian’s eyes lit up as he took the remaining shot glass. They all grinned at each other as their glasses clinged, cheering for Cassian and then they were downing the amber liquid in one go. The night continued on, full of more dancing and drinking.
Valeria had lost count on how many shots they had taken but it was enough to have them all stumbling their way out of Rita’s. She let out a curse as she looked at her brother and friends behind her, realizing they were too drunk to winnow back to the Moonstone palace and too far away from the House of Wind to fly.
Rhysand, who couldn’t remember his name but could remember all the lyrics to an old song, clung onto Cassian, who joined him in singing out loud. Mor was right behind them, lost in a fit of giggles. Valeria allowed them to walk ahead of her before she proceeded to continue but a large membranous wing came into her view, halting her in her step.
“Let’s fly back?”
Valeria laughed as she looked up at Azriel, who now stood in front of her. “I think we’re too drunk for that.”
“M’not.” Azriel objected with a defiant look on his face.
Valeria watched as he unfurled his wings, preparing to push off the ground. She reached forward in an attempt to grab his hand and stop him. He made it almost five feet into the air before he lost his balance and came crashing down.
“Az!” Valeria exclaimed but she couldn’t help the laugh that escaped from her.
She ran to Azriel to make sure he was okay, relieved that his injuries were nothing but a bruised knee. He looked up at her, still on his knees. His shadows swirled around him, some reaching out to caress her face in a loving manner.
A sly grin formed on his face. “Looks like I’ve fallen for you.”
Valeria blushed. “Yeah, sure.”
“Sure? What do you mean sure?” Azriel’s lips pressed into a pout. A sight Valeria found absolutely adorable. “Are you mad at me?”
He was then wrapping his arms around her, burying his face into her stomach. “Please don’t be mad at me.”
Valeria ran her fingers through his soft hair.
“I’m not mad at you.”
“I love you.”
They said in unison. Azriel’s three words hung in the air. She froze, her fingers no longer brushing through his hair, eliciting a small whimper from him.
“You’re drunk, Az.” She replied, her voice soft and quiet, opposite to the beating of her heart. “I’m drunk.”
“I still mean it.”
The fingers embedded into his hair made their way to his chin. She coaxed his gaze to meet hers as she lifted his chin up.
Her eyes, glossy and tinged with red, still shone with an unmistakable longing and admiration–feelings she held exclusively for him. She reached out to lightly brush his cheek with her thumb.
“Then, I love you too.”
His eyes fluttered shut at her touch. “I want to be your boyfriend.”
“I want you to be my boyfriend too.”
Azriel inhaled sharply, his thoughts a swirling tempest like the shadows around him. He wasn’t sure if the alcohol was to blame entirely. He wondered whether her words were genuine or merely an agreeable response.
**
Valeria didn’t know how but by some miracle–perhaps thanks to the help of Azriel’s sober shadows–they found themselves in the middle of his room. His arms were still around her and head still resting on her stomach. She crouched down to shift one of his arms around her shoulder, looking at his shadows for help. They complied and together, they heaved him onto his bed.
The room around her was spinning and she lost her balance for a moment, the effects of all the alcohol still strong. She blinked the room into focus and her eyes darted around. She had never been inside Azriel’s room at the Moonstone palace. It was neat and simple, adorned with dark shades of blue and black.
Her heart swelled when it landed on his nightstand and she recognized the worry dolls she had gifted him years ago, neatly placed. She noticed some were missing but she caught sight of one of them peeking out from his pillows.
When her gaze traveled back to Azriel, she found him propped on his elbows, looking right at her, awakening butterflies in her stomach. His black dress shirt was rolled up to his elbows and unbuttoned, revealing the tattooed muscled skin below. His dark hair was tousled and earring glimmering under the fae lights. His eyes were hooded, clouded with admiration and lust.
He looked absolutely sinful.
Azriel smirked at her, spreading his legs further for her. There was a devious glint in his hazel eyes as he glanced to his lap and then back to her. “Won’t you join me in my bed, my pretty girl?”
Valeria bit her lip. Her legs were moving before she could form a proper reply. She didn’t hear the thud against the door or the footsteps behind her, too consumed by her desire. But she did catch a figure out of the corner of her eye.
“I’ll be your pretty girl, my pretty boy!”
Valeria swayed on her feet as Cassian swept past her. He dashed for Azriel and threw himself on the bed. Azriel let out a groan, cursing under Cassian’s weight. It was then that Valeria heard Mor’s voice and she turned towards the open door just in time to see Rhysand face plant on the floor.
**
Cassian had been the first one to wake up, finding himself cuddled against Azriel’s back. Mor was on Cassian’s side, curled up against a pillow, snoring softly. When he sat up, he grimaced at the pounding in his head but also at the drool he had accidentally left on one of Azriel’s wings.
His eyes had then darted around the room, remembering that Rhysand had been the one to winnow them back to the Moonstone palace. It had taken a couple of tries to get them to the Moonstone palace due to Rhysand’s inebriated state. He had winnowed them to Windhaven right outside of Lord Devlon’s camp on accident first and then to the Sidra before finally succeeding. As soon as they had arrived at the Moonstone palace, Cassian had insisted they–him, Rhys and Mor–sleep in Azriel’s room as his bed was the largest and comfiest.
Cassian couldn’t help but let out a chuckle when he found Rhysand near the door. He remained on the exact spot he had face planted on. Except, he was laying on his side.
But where was Valeria?
A slight frown formed on his face as he searched for her. He could smell her so he knew she had to be in the room too. Something prompted him to look to Azriel again. He followed the curve of his wing–the one that didn’t have Cassian’s drool. His eyes widened, lips pressing into a taut line. Hidden beneath Azriel’s wing and curled into him was Valeria.
His hands were pulling at Azriel’s shoulders, forcing him to lay on his back. Valeria shifted, turning the opposite way. Azriel let out a groan, squinting his eyes. “What the fuck, Cas?”
“Get up.” Cassian almost seethed. “Now.”
**
tag list: @justrepostandlove, @kemillyfreitas, @thelov3lybookworm
A/N: pls don't hate me for az and val choosing to live in ignorant bliss and not communicating with each other. they will communicate soon! I just couldn't help myself with a drunken confession, who knows if they'll remember it the day after. also, it ended up working out with having a both slightly possessive and pouty drunk Az (:
#acotar#acotar imagine#acotar x reader#azriel x oc#azriel x reader#azriel shadowsinger#rhysand's sister#azriel x rhysand's sister#rhysand imagine#azriel imagine#acosm#acotar smut#azriel smut#azriel fanfic
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Word count: 2800+
Warnings: mentions of blood, nausea
I lightly edited it, but as I have headache I probably didn't notice quite a lot of mistakes. I know I could try another time, but I'm afraid this will take few days
Part XIV | Part XVI
Even days after your conversation with Feyre, your mind was often returning back to Tamlin with more worries than sadness. You somehow assumed that he didn't miss you as much as you missed him and that he most likely forgot about you and moved on, focusing on his court and its restoration. Otherwise he would stop Rhys back then or he would come to visit you or at least tried to contact you. But what if he couldn't? What if Feyre was right and Tamlin was hurt by your departure?
You wanted to ask somebody about Tamlin and his wellbeing, needed it, but who would answer you? Who could have such information?
Rhys, as High Lord, most likely knew what was happening in Spring Court. However he wouldn't tell you. You dismissed the thought as soon as it occurred to you because, well, now you knew your brother well. Although he left Tamlin alive, angry wasn't a strong enough word to describe his feelings toward him. And except of his family, Rhysand hardly forgave and definitely never forgot.
Another person who could know something, was Azriel. As a spymaster he for sure kept an eye on other courts. He was kind and nice to you, but no matter what feelings he had, his loyalty to your brother was on the first place. If you asked him, he could tell about it to Rhys and then it would be even more difficult to learn anything from anyone.
Feyre mentioned the redhead, Lucien, who claimed to be Tamlin's friend. You hadn't seen him around, but apparently he came for visit from time to time. He seemed to be the only possible choice. Only problem was how to contact him.
Tamlin wasn't the only one occupying your mind. In moments when you weren't thinking about him, your mind filled with old memories and feelings that Rhys revived. You had only one sitting with him so far and even though it was days ago, you were still confused and needed time to process it.
The memories made your life easier in certain ways. You didn't feel so out of place, so homesick anymore. This place changed, but people even though a bit older where still the same. Your current feelings kept mixing together with the old ones and you couldn't say how you felt about individual members of your family and that was main reason of the chaos in your heart.
Thankfully there was Azriel always ready to patiently listen to your rambling which helped you clarify your thoughts and slowly work through it. He never failed you and advised you wisely, guided you when you got lost.
And so it happened that you started meeting him more often, sometimes spending even all day long with him. You were afraid to leave Rhys' property because of the possibility to be again engulfed in the smell of magic. In order to get rid of the stress fresh air and mainly the contact with nature were very important for you. Therefore you were mostly outside, walking together in the garden, rarely staying inside of the house.
The garden around the house was large, kind of smaller park, full of flowers and surprisingly even herbs. It reminded you of your life in the forest and walks with Tamlin. You always picked up some herbs and Azriel made you a tea out of them. In the evening you sat together on the terrace, sipping your teas and silently watched the setting sun. However peaceful these moments were, they weren't perfect and you always missed something. It was unsettling.
Your life was changing little by little, but you weren't content with it. You knew you loved your brother and his two best friends, Mor became kind of friend, although still far from the relationship you had before memory loss, but better than last few weeks. Amren was complicated. You hardly met her at all, so it didn't matter much. You liked even Feyre. However her sisters were different case.
You didn't mind Nesta. She wasn't kind, but she wasn't bad or mean to you. She just.. was. The oldest of the sisters had enough of own problems to solve. And Elain? Before you hardly saw her, now you were meeting her wherever you went. She was like your shadow, staring and frowning at you every time you looked in her direction.
There were also small incidents. Salt in your drinks, dirt on clothes Rhys gave you, that just came back from washing, small amounts of grass, dirt or mud raining on you while you took a walk in the garden alone. At first you tried to ignore it. However the situation was escalating and it was hard to ignore now. You didn't want to point a finger to the culprit, but you knew who's doing it was.
After some time when you didn't react, culprit took it even further. Now it wasn't only following you around and angry looks. Every time you spoke with Azriel Elain appeared and totally ignoring the fact you were in the middle of conversation she started telling him about flowers or something that just happened to her.
Azriel was shocked at first, but as it repeated daily, you knew him enough to notice he was starting to be fed up by her behaviour. Still he tried to be gentleman and gently dismissed her, pointing out the fact that he was busy with something else which she paid no attention to and kept talking, flashing smiles at him.
At those awkward moments, well, you rather backed up. Giving up on your favourite time with Azriel was the best and easiest thing to do to prevent being in the center of the drama. Whatever was between the two of them, it had nothing to do with you. Or that was what you believed. You just assured Azriel that it's okay, that you could talk later and left.
One afternoon, after being again interrupted by Elain, you were wandering through the house aimlessly when you heard an angry voice coming from behind the Rhys' closed office doors. Normally you would ignore it and leave quickly to give him privacy, but when you heard Tamlin's name, you couldn't help it and came closer listening.
"I'm telling you, Rhysand, it's much worse than before. If we don't do something and very quickly, it'll be too late," the voice snarled. That voice. You had already heard it somewhere. But where?
"She is the only one who can help him. Let her at least visit him and talk with him.."
"No," you heard Rhys flatly refuse. "In this state Tamlin is too dangerous. He could hurt her."
"I'm sure he won't."
"Look at yourself. You are his closest friend, yet he would turn you into shreds if you didn't winnow away fast enough. I won't risk her life." Closest friend? Was it possible that the fox-like redhead was in Rhys' office now?
"He seems to have feelings for her and pretty deep ones. Otherwise he wouldn't be so broken after you snatched her away," Lucien snapped.
"Don't dare you!"
There was silence for a moment.
"Your sister is the only person who can help him get out of it. We both know it," Lucien said lowly, his voice still angry, but he tried to speak more calmly. With his every word your heart clenched so painfully that if you looked down at your chest, you were sure you would see a deep gaping wound there.
"You may not agree, but this isn't something you can decide. We ought to ask your sister what she wants. What she thinks. You've already decided for her that she has to come here with you, however, I heard that she doesn't like it. That she isn't happy here and wants to return to Spring Court. If that's the true you can't hold her here against her will."
"You would be surprised how much has changed since your last visit." Now Rhysand was definitely mad, his deep voice icy, dangerous. You hoped Lucien was smart enough not to annoy your brother even more. It could cost him too much.
"If you want to save Spring Court, she is the best shot we have. Think about it carefully. There's little time left."
You didn't need to stay to know what Rhysand answered him. It was too clear. With wildly beating heart you left unnoticed. You knew their conversation was over. Rhysand didn't want to even think about your return to Spring.
You didn't hear what exactly happened to Tamlin, but it wasn't necessary at the moment. You were already too worried after talking with Feyre. However now wasn't the time for that. You had to act. This was the chance you hoped for. Lucien was here and you had to take an advantage of it. He would leave soon, but you needed to talk with him before that, somewhere nobody could see you or hear you.
You hid into a dark alcove in a hall that Lucien had to pass on his way out and waited. Long time nothing happened, house was too silent and you started to worry that he left through the garden. You shut eyes, tears gathering in them, your head fell back against the wall. You missed him, your only chance to learn something about Tamlin.
A sound of angry footsteps filled the hall. Somebody was coming your way. You held your breath, peeking from your hideaway. As the person passed by the window his hair caught the light, shining brightly as a fire. You breathed a sigh of relieve. It was Lucien.
When he was only few inches from your alcove you whispered. "We need to talk."
Lucien's eyes widened, following your voice to the darkness you hid in. It took only a second. He halted and bending down he pretended to adjust his shoelaces. "Where?" he whispered. Really clever of him. You smiled.
"Meet me in the garden. Under the oak tree."
Without another word he stood up and left. You waited long enough and then stepped out from your hideaway. Walking slowly as if nothing happened, you headed to the opposite direction. You passed the terrace and stepped into the garden. Pretending to be on one of your strolls, you walked until the house disappeared behind the dense grove.
A massive oak tree grew in the farthest part of the grounds, hidden from prying eyes. It was ideal place for secret meeting. You looked around. You were all alone. You hoped Lucien would be already waiting here, but maybe he couldn't find this place even though this was the only oak tree in the garden. You sat down dejectedly between two strong roots and pulled knees to your chest, praying to the forgotten gods for a pinch of luck.
"I hoped to see you around," male's voice came from behind your back. You turned around, eyes wide. You didn't hear him come. Lucien stood there leaning against the tree trunk, hands crossed on his chest, playful smirk on his face. "And meanwhile you came to me."
He reminded you of a curious fox, his russet and gold eyes scanned you from head to toes. His smirk disappeared and jaw clenched, eyes narrowed. "I shouldn't have mentioned you in front of him," he muttered more to himself than to you.
You were curious what it was about, but you didn't ask. You were sure you already know the answer. You decided to get straight to the point.
"I heard what you and Rhys were talking about." With a thoughtful expression he scanned you one more time.
"You are really interesting being," he muttered. "I didn't know we had company. But I didn't sense you in that hallway either."
You shrugged. "What happened to Tamlin?"
His lips pressed into a thin line, he seemed to be considering whether to answer you.
"I don't care what Rhys says or wants. In this case. Tell me everything."
He ran hand through his long red hair and sighing sat down astride on one of higher roots. He leaned back against trunk and looked into the garden.
"It's bad with him," he sighed, worried.
"Is he hurt?"
"No, I guess not yet. But.. Do you remember the state he was in when you two met?"
You nodded. "He was quite wounded."
"I didn't mean his physical state," he snorted.
"I wasn't talking about his physical state. He was depressed. So much that he didn't want to eat and drink. He had also nightmares."
"Ah." Lucien stayed silent for a few heartbeats. His voice was grave. "It's even worse now. He won't change from his beast form, snarling like wild animal, lashing his claws all around. When I went to talk with him, he tried to kill me. I don't know whether you've been in his manor, but it's in catastrophic state. Like some beast's lair. He quite destroyed it.."
Your heart grew heavier with each word. Pain in your chest and behind your eyes was almost unbearable. "Why do you think I can help him? You are his friend. You could do that, too."
Lucien's brows raised and his lips slowly parted in a grin. "Tell me. Do you know the reason why he gave you that pendant you're hiding? What it symbolises?" Your brows furrowed, but before you could open your mouth he continued. "It's not that I don't want to help him. Otherwise I wouldn't be here, right? Unfortunately I can't help him. Nobody can. Except of you." His gold mechanical eye turned too you.
It didn't make sense. Why couldn't anyone else help him? You gritted teeth.
Your fingers touched the pendant through the fabric of your clothes. How could he know about this? You took it out only in your room when you were alone. The only person who saw it was Feyre. You looked up at him.
"You didn't answer me."
He rolled his eyes, slightly annoyed by your incomprehension. "You really didn't notice? I saw you two together for a short while and noticed. For Tamlin you aren't just an ordinary friend. Whether he acknowledge it or no, he seems to have quite deep feelings for you. The pendant is proof of that. Roses have a very special meaning for him."
You turned away from him, so Lucien couldn't see your face. You were shocked by his assertion and.. hurt. That was not true. He couldn't be further from the truth. Tamlin.. he didn't need you. Last time you were together he was already fully healed, ready to leave the cottage and you behind and return to his duties. The pendant was just a gift of gratitude. There wasn't anything else behind that.
You bit down on you lip so hard you drew the blood. This just added to your overall confusion and there wasn't enough time to start spiralling now. It was only a matter of minutes before someone would start looking for you. So you pushed those thoughts away, decided to think about it later.
"What can I do to help him?"
Lucien straightened, intrigued by the change of subject. He exhaled deeply. "The best would be if you went to him. I think he needs to see you, have you close enough to touch to have some effect on him."
"I don't think Rhys would allow it."
"I've already heard his opinion," Lucien grimaced. "His is as stubborn as-"
"Be careful what you say," you snarled. "He's my brother."
Lucien gaped at you. With open mouth. "Are you kidding me? Last time I was here you couldn't stand him. Nobody here. Feyre said you-"
"Stop messing around and rather tell something I could actually do for Tamlin," you interrupted him for the second time.
He seemed to want to say something to that. His eyes narrowed at you, but changing mind the fox-like male closed his mouth and instead looked around the garden, thinking. "As I said before, your visit would be the most helpful. Maybe.. maybe you could try to write him. I'm sure he'll chew it up before finding out who sent it, but who knows. Even stranger things happened."
"I'd have to go to the house. Somebody could notice." Sudden smell of magic took your breath away and a wave of nausea rose in your throat.
Lucien handed you two sheets of paper and pen. "Is it enough?"
You just nodded with clenched teeth and taking the writing tools you stood up, walking away from him. He didn't need to know what you were writing. When you were done, you put the letter into an envelope, sealed it and handed it back to redhead.
"It better work," the sighed. "I'll let you know if he reads it or replies." With that he winnowed away.
You stayed seated under the oak tree, thinking about Tamlin and things Lucien told you, until Azriel came looking for you.
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#english isnt my first language#tamlin fanfiction#tamlin x reader#tamlin acotar#tamlin#pro tamlin#rhysand#azriel#lucien#elain#acotar fanfiction#acotar#sarah j maas#fiction writing
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