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urlocalkpoptrash · 5 years

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Barely Human| Kim Namjoon.

Kim Namjoon x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst.

Warning: None?

Concept: Worn out and frustrated, namjoon finds himself trusting a bartender he just met, getting himself into a little bit of a pickle.

A/N: This took me so long to write, and I’m proud of it. I will add the ‘read more’ option when I get on my laptop later.

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“I’ll take another shot,” Namjoon tossed his glass across the bar, the single bartender catching it in the curve of his hand.

“Rough night?” The man asked, lifting a brow.

“Hah, you could say that,” He grumbled, rubbing his face.

It was the last night in America. They had been on a press tour, discussing their upcoming album, and how it tied into the rest of their concept. It had been amazing with all the place they had gotten to see, and the American ARMY’s that they would have never met, if it hadn’t been for the publicity they were trying to get. He was beyond grateful, but the fatigue of barely sleeping, and constantly writing for their new album, he was unbelievably irritable and overly tired.

He was almost always level headed, and was usually the one to keep everyone in line. He was the leader after all, that was his job, and he did it well, a real overachiever. So, when he exploded tonight on yoongi, of all people, he knew he had to get out and get some air, or in this case, some whiskey. It was stupid, really, he left the hotel without any security or telling anyone where he was going to go. His phone was blowing up, mostly calls and texts from the other members, but the worst of them being from the managers. He knew he would be in a world of hurt when he got back, but right now, he couldn’t care less.

It was his third shot, and his sorrows still sat at the bottom of the glass, tempting him to drown them with the only warmth he could find. He was so deep in his own self deprecation that he hadn’t even heard the front door open, but he did feel the gush of cold that swirled around the lonely bar room, greeting his turned back with chills. He didn’t bother to turn around, it was probably best that no one saw him anyways.

He felt like hours had passed while he had his head down. He could hear a faint female voice coming from behind the bar, and the male bartender was saying his goodbyes to her, thanking her for coming in on such short notice. Joon finally sat up, his eyes fighting to crack open. The lighting was dim, but the alcohol had already started to fill up his eyes, blurring his vision.

“Hey there, stanger,” you said softly, walking across the back of the bar, a towel dragging over the used wood, and water rings from drinks left too long, “I thought we might have lost you to the daniels,” you grabbed his empty glass, dropping it in the sink.

“Hey,” he dragged out the word, as if it were more than a four letter word.

“Hey to you too,” you laughed softly, walking over to the taps. You poured him some water, and a small amount of ice.

“What if I wasn’t done drinking?” He tried to straighten his back, as if he was attempting to prove his sobriety.

“I’ve done this job for long enough to know when someone has had enough,” You set down his water, leaning over the counter to cup your chin in your hand, resting your elbow against the rag you left out.

“You don’t know me,” he challenged, leaning the same way you did, trying to mimic your actions, hoping to annoy you a little.

He was taken back when laughter fluttered from your chest. His eyes widened slightly, now leaning in so he could be a little closer to you. His vision had finally started to come back, and he could really see your face. You were gorgeous, and it wasn’t something that was lost on you. He could tell you knew you were attractive, but you never used it as an advantage. You tried to downplay the way your face expanded when you smiled, or the way your eyes almost closed when you laughed. You wore your emotions so clearly on your face, a raw human being, unafraid to unapologetically be yourself.

“So, sorrow boy. What are you trying to numb?” You asked, nudging the water towards him.

He took the hint that you wanted him to actually drink it, and in his crusade to get you to like him, he took a sip of the water. He looked up to you, his lips tugging to one side, morphing into a lopsided smile. He tried to clear his throat, not that anything was stuck, except for his words.

“You don’t have to tell me,” you started to pull away, dragging the cloth away, but Namjoon was quick to grab your wrist. It was a gentle, but urgent gesture.

“Oh shit, sorry. I didn’t mean to grab you like that,” he immediately started to apologize, and never once trying to justify his actions, but was truly apologetic.

He rubbed the back of his neck, his ears that had been peeking from the messy brunette tendrils started to turn a shade of red. Your heart melted in your chest a little, he was completely appalled at what he had done.

“Hey,” You reached over, patting the top of his hand, “It’s okay. I know what you meant, you don’t have to be sorry.”

He looked at you, an unknown emotion washed over his face for a moment, but as quickly as it came, it faded. He took a deep breath, and nodded, his hair shaking from the motion.

“Do you really want to know why I’m here?” He inquired, unsure of your motives.

“If I didn’t want to know, I promise you, I wouldn’t have asked,” you settled back into your resting position. You prodded him on with questioning eyes.

He nibbles on the inside of his cheek, contemplating whether or not he should tell you. It wasn’t like he’d ever see you again after tonight, and what would be the harm in finally being able to talk about what’s going on in his life.

“I work in the music industry,” he admitted - believing you had not idea who he was, because why else would you actually treat him like just another person, “and the group I’m apart of has been doing a lot of press, while finishing up an album. Not only that, but I’m the person everyone goes to. I don’t mind it, I do love my members, they’re like brothers, but we’re all getting worn out. Everything we do is always being watched, whether it’s our vacations being broadcasted, or us doing live streams for the fans. I can’t even go out to get coffee in the morning without a full security team, because our fans can be… unpredictable at times. I feel like I’m living in a cage, watching the world around me go by. I don’t know who I am outside of the personified version of myself that I try to sell to everyone,” He exhaled loudly, as if a physical weight had been brought off his shoulders.

“It sounds like you have everything,” you said, watching him immediately deflate, thinking you didn’t understand what he was trying to explain, “but, you’re not really living. You’re not enjoying life, because you’re running on low all the time. Your mind and body never has time to adjust,” you have all but climbed over the bar and sat in his lap, you two were close enough to each other that you swore he could feel your breath against his cheeks.

“I feel like I’m a robot on autopilot. Most days, I feel barely human,” his eyes fell, looking at the bottom of his water, rolling the glass between his palms.

You didn’t know this boy, you didn’t know his life or to what extent his problems branched, but for tonight, you wanted to erase them. You pulled away from the conversation, NamJoon’s head snapped up, the fear in his eyes was evident. He was afraid he had scared you off, or that you didn’t actually care for his problems.

“Come on. I’m closing up early, I want to take you somewhere,” you began the closing ritual, but made it as quick as possible.

You put the money from the till into the safe, which was in the back office. You went down the line, turning off all the lines that led to the taps. You could feel his gaze on your back as you moved about, switching off the lights.

“What if someone tries to come in?” He asked, a little bit of worry dripping from his question.

“Ah, yes. The busy hours between 2am and 4am,” you teased, glancing over your shoulder.

He caught your eyes immediately, that same goofy lopsided smile had founds its way back on to his lips. You bit the inside of your cheek, turning away to finish up what you had been doing. What had you been doing? You had completely lost track of what you were in the process of, he really made your mind go blank.

“Let’s go,” you closed the register with your hips as you walked by, the small door to the back of the bar swinging behind you.

Joon stepped off his stool, keeping a firm hold on the metal that separated him and the bar. You giggled to yourself, usually you found drunk guys to be rather annoying, but he was sweet, and clumsy. You took a step towards him, offering him your hand. He stared at it for a moment, as if your fingers had transformed into man eating snakes.

“I don’t have cooties, I swear,” grabbing his hand anyways, pulling him out of the door, the chairs taking a rather tipsy beating as his feet stumbled over themselves, crashing into the furniture.

“First of all, we’ve got to get some food in you, and sober you up.”

He didn’t disagree, partly because he was starving, but mostly because he was afraid this was all a drunken dream, and that he was bound to wake up at any moment.

“How did you find this place? Especially since it seems that you’re extremely recognizable,” you wrapped his arm around your shoulders, letting him lean some of his weight on you. You hadn’t truly realized his height until now, which somehow made this so much more adorable.

“I just started walking, honestly. There is something freeing about getting out of a place that has four walls,” he lean his cheek on the top of your head.

“And sometimes you need those four walls to protect you,” you reached up, gently wrapping your hand around his fingers, which were dangling over your shoulder.

“It sounds like you may have the same kind of mind as me,” he paused for a moment, “And I’m sorry for that,” you could hear the sadness rounding out the corners of his slowly sobering speech.

The rest of the walk down the street to the only hotdog stand open, was quietly, except for the soft pitter patter of both your feet tapping against the pavement. He never moved his head, but his fingers played with yours, absentmindedly. The man standing with the cart smiled towards the both of you.

“Hungry love birds tonight?” He chirped, getting some buns ready for your order.

Namjoon went to open his mouth, but you nudged him, and he quickly closed his lips, burying his nose in your hair. His shyness was starting to make another appearance.

“Two dogs, fully loaded, and two water bottles,” you reached into your pocket, pulling out some money that had been through the wash too many times, and it smelled of detergent.

You two exchanged money and hotdogs, while Namjoon walked slowly over to the bench. You watched from your spot, making sure he didn’t stumble over his intoxicated limbs. He plopped down, with a loud push of air leaving his chest. You walked over to him, two water bottles under your arms, and the hot dogs in your hands. You sat beside him, sliding close, so that both your legs touched. He took a water and hot dog, leaving one of your arms free.

“Thank you,” He said between hurried bites.

“Man, you really were hungry,” you laughed, taking a sip of your water.

He looked down to hide his shy smile, “Yeah… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t eat so fast,” he slowed down his bites.

“You don’t have to apologize, you’ve done nothing wrong,” you patted his knee.

“Has anyone ever told you how comforting you are?” He asked, after taking a sip of water.

Now it was your turn to blush, “A couple times, but it’s hard to believe, only because believing good things about yourself is much harder than it should be,” you shrugged, crumpling up the little paper that was holding your hotdog.

“I know exactly what you mean.” He grabbed both of your trash and stood up, clearly gaining some of balance back.

“Thank you,” you said softly, watching him walk. His long legs striding across the sidewalk.

You stood up when he walked back over to you, and he reached out, draping his arm around your shoulder, but this time it was just to have you a little closer to him. You looked up at him, catching his profile. His long neck, meeting the angular curve of his jaw. You were mesmerized by him, feeling as if you were the one who had drank all that Jack Daniels. You hadn’t even noticed that there was a group of girls following pretty far behind you, but joon had. He picked up his pace a little, turning his head to look down at you.

“There are some girls following us, and I can’t have them seeing your face, I don’t want you caught up in my life,” He was serious, and you really just started to realize how well known this guy may be.

“How fast can you run?” You asked without moving your head to look at him.

“I mean… not that fast,” he admitted, which would have been slightly endearing if it weren’t for the gaggle of girls following you.

“I’m going to need you to run as fast as you can, and don’t let go of my hand, got it?”

He nodded, wordlessly agreeing to your plan. In all honesty, you could have been working with them. You could trap him in a corner or hurt him somehow. He didn’t know you, and here he was trusting you. This brought a whole new meaning to blind trust. He dropped his arm from around your shoulders, and you found his fingers, tangling them with yours. You glanced over at him, and he was already looking at you. You couldn’t help the smile that snuck onto your lips.

“Go!” You yelled, taking off with him slightly behind you.

You could hear the girls behind you taking off as well, which pushed your legs faster. Namjoon was following behind you, but tugged on him, and with great effort he picked up his speed. You turned down a street, heading into a suburban area, houses that all looked the same. You could feel him losing momentum around the third block, but you needed one more block from him.

“We’re almost there,” you called back at him, and he groaned, but kept his pace.

The girls were gaining on you, so you had to make a detour, running in between the fences of peoples houses, pulling joon around the trees. You could see the high school just in your view. There was always a broken gate around the back. Unfortunately, for joon it was an extra minute of running. He was panting behind you, and you could also feel your legs giving out. The gate was so close, you reached around little door, opening it from the inside. You shoved it open, yanking joon into the courtyard with you.

“Namjoon! Namjoon!” The girls called out, and if their words were whips, he shuddered away from his own name.

Once you two made it towards the auditorium, you started pushing on all the doors till you found one that was open. You grabbed the front of his shirt, stumbling into one of the locker rooms. You forced the door closed, latching the lock just in time to hear the smack of multiple hands hitting the metal door. You hunched over next to him, both of your breathing heavily.

“Holy shit,” Namjoon had started to laugh between deep breathes.

You looked over at him, and the laughter that was sitting in your chest trickled out slowly. Soon, both of your were laughing hysterically. You both had just out ran a group of fangirls, and broke into a high school. Neither of you could believe what this night was stacking up to be. After a few minutes of falling into each other with giggles, you finally caught your breath, standing up straight.

“This has got to be the boys lockers room,” You crinkled your nose, the stench of unwashed jock straps and sweaty socks filled the air.

“I think you might be right about that. We need to get out of here,” he turned towards the door, but you whipped around, grabbing his hand.

“Wait!” You pulled on him, which made him turn on his heels to look at you.

“What? They should be gone,” his eyebrows sinking to the middle of his forehead.

“Come on, I want to show you something,” you tugged on him, and he followed you. He was starting to think he would follow you anywhere.

“One time you’re going to tell me to follow you, and you’re going to lead me to my death,” he laughed softly, watching you from behind.

You turned your head to look back at him, and in that moment he knew he never wanted to forget your face. He took a mental image of you, and how beautiful you looked under the dim fluorescent lights above the two of you. He’d never forget the way you looked at him, the way you made him feel fully human.

“As long as you hold my hand, I promise I won’t let anything happen to you,” you swore, and you meant it.

His breath caught in his chest, and without a second thought, he knew he’d do anything to keep you safe. You were a stranger to him, he didn’t know your name, he didn’t know your story, or if you were a sister, a girlfriend, a best friend. He didn’t know you, but he wanted to spend a lifetime figuring it out. The echo of a door opening brought him back to reality. He looked around and he was in what looked like a swimming area.

“I used to come here a lot when I was younger. My friends and I would get drunk on really shitty vodka and break in for a swim,” you started to pull off your shirt, tossing it on the ground.

Joon opened his mouth to speak, but choked on his words, coughing. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen a girl take her top off, but you were so nonchalant about it, like you two had been best friends for years, and you were comfortable with him. You lifted a brow, gesturing towards his shirt.

“Do you swim fully clothed?” You asked, cocking a brow up.

He swallowed and started to remove his shirt, while you stripped from your jeans, wiggling your hips. He quickly looked away, his cheeks blazing a deep shade of red. You tossed your head back and laughed.

“You’re so cute,” you walked towards the pool, “but cute won’t get you a kiss,” you looked back at him, diving into the pool.

Suddenly, he felt a fire blaze in his stomach. He practically ripped his pants off, stumbling as the bottom of his jeans clung to his ankles.

“Oh come on,” he cursed, flailing his leg around wildly.

He was finally free of the grip his pants had on him. He almost sprinted to the pool, jumping in haphazardly, his body making a small wave that washed over you. You laughed loudly, as he swam over to you, but you couldn’t let him win that easy. You dove under water, swimming between his legs, popping up behind him.

“Darn, so so close,” you splashed him as he turned around.

“That’s it!” He lurched forward, causing you to squeal.

He captured you in his arm, wrapping his limbs around your waist, but the water lubricated your skin, making it easy for you wiggle free by dunking his head down. You tried your hardest to swim away from him, but his fingers attached to your ankle, pulling you back to him.

“No! No! I’m sorry!” You tried to beg for your freedom, but he got you, and he wasn’t letting you go.

He finally had you pressed against his chest, and this time you didn’t fight him. Instead, you wrapped your legs around him, hanging your arms around the back of his neck. He leaned forward, and for a split second you thought he was going to kiss you, but he placed his forehead against yours.

You both sat in silence, just the sound of water splashing the edge of the pool, and your gentle breathing. He had closed his eyes, but you didn’t dare do the same. You weren’t ready to miss a second of his face. The water had taken off any makeup he might have been wearing and his bare skin was showing. It was the prettiest color of tan you’d ever seen, just enough of a sun kissed glow to make his skin look perfect. You could see the small freckle under his lip, and you had the strongest urge to kiss it.

“You’re looking at me,” he whispered without opening his eyes.

“I don’t want to forget anything about you,” you replied in a hushed voice.

In a flash, his cheeks bloomed into a beautiful hue of pink. You’d been able to see him blush before, but now it was so much more intense, you were so close to him now. His lashes fluttered before he opened his eyes, looking at you.

“The sun's coming up… we should get you back to your group,” you brushed the tip of your nose over his.

“You’re right, even if I don’t want you to be,” he sighed, swallowing back the leftover words that he wanted to say, but never would.

After both of you got dressed, soaking your clothes from the wet undergarments you were both wearing, you had started to walk back the way you came. The sun was painting a masterpiece of orange and reds, you swore that if heaven was real, this is what it would look like. You walked hand in hand, joon swinging your arms lightly. You could see the bar getting closer, and you knew this was coming to an end.

“I wish the sun would never rise,” he confessed, stopping in front of the bar.

You smiled sadly, the corner of your lips never fully reaching your eyes. You placed both your hands on his cheeks, running your thumb over his bottom lip.

“You spend too many hours in the night, you need to take a walk in the sun,” you watched as he placed his hand over yours, leaning his cheek into your palm.

“You do the same,” he turned his head to press his lips into your hand, “can I ask you one thing?” He said, barely loud enough for you to hear, “what’s your na—“

He was cut off by your finger over his lips, you shook your head, “Let’s not do that. If you know my name, than it’ll make it harder.”

He looked at you for a moment, searching your eyes. He didn’t want to say goodbye, he didn’t want this to end, but his plane was leaving in just a few hour and his members were losing their mind, not knowing where he was.

“If you ever find yourself back here, you know where to find me,” you glance at the bar, and smile.

You lean into your toes, and he brings his head down slightly, dropping it lower. You press your lips into his forehead, and he hugs you tightly from around the waist. You can’t bare to stay that way, because you’re starting to wonder what would happen if you didn’t let go, so you had too.

“Goodbye, sorrow boy,” you whispered.

“Goodbye, beautiful girl,” he caressed your cheek, before turning away.

He started to walk away, but when he got to the end of the street, he turned around to see you one last time.

You were already gone.

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