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#i was also undeniably very sad and messed up
cats-in-the-clouds · 2 years
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for me personally back when i was a crazed young internet leftie, abortion was the one thing they never managed to change my mind on. and i think it’s because 1. it’s probably the easiest to argue against from a secular/purely ethical point of view (not that you can’t do so for the other issues but they’re trickier) and also 2. it’s like the one modern controversy that they were willing to actually touch back in Catholic school. they were willing to condemn the atrocity that is abortion to young kids and teens who like. didn’t even know where babies came from. always found that kinda funny. but i guess as long as you know what pregnancy itself is then you get the gist.
but nobody wanted to talk to the kids about the various issues surrounding gender and romantic/sexual attraction. they never wanted to teach that because they never even wanted to touch that. possibly because back then it honestly wasn’t even a mainstream topic yet- it was still just some horrid taboo to be laughed at in passing at most (which just absolutely sucks no matter what you believe- nobody should be mocked for a feeling they didn’t choose). but if you don’t teach your kids about a topic, then someone else will do it for you. and if that someone is wackos on the internet, your kid is fresh outta luck.
i didn’t start hearing actual well-formed Church arguments on sexuality and gender stuff until i was in high school and already indoctrinated otherwise by hyper liberal internet circles. it’s a miracle i met this one really great teacher who finally explained stuff in a way that made sense to me because otherwise i probably would’ve gone the rest of my life hating the Church and hating myself.
anyway basically proper Catholic education makes a world of difference and people need to find a way to incorporate it into the lives of the kids they’re raising/teaching. without seething with contempt or insensitive, ignorant mockery. because the depressed girl who’s convinced she’s a nonbinary lesbian or whatever sitting in the back of the classroom hearing you say some nasty crude stuff that demonstrates how little you understand about her life experience is not gonna wanna jump into Jesus’s arms is all i’m saying
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bupia · 6 months
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29 with cardinal copia 🌚
PHONE SEX
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"I never thought you could make such sweet noises." - "Me neither..."
There's a smut under the cut, +18 only, please.
(AFAB!Reader: teasing; dirty talk; Italian swearing; masturbation)
Day 21 | Day 23
This is the Part 2 from Erotic Photos
The subtle buzz of your phone beneath your pillow signaled the moment you had been eagerly anticipating: a call from Cardinal Copia. After sharing photos, videos, and texts just a few hours ago, you couldn't wait for his return to the hotel and the ensuing call.
It was well past midnight, but you were fully aware that it would have taken him some time to return, but truth be told, you couldn't have been less concerned about the hour. All you longed for was to converse with him, to savor the sound of his voice, and above all, to fuck with him.
With your phone retrieved from under the pillow, your bleary eyes scanned the dimly lit screen, and there it was – his name. A wave of anticipation washed over you, and you bit your lip, unable to contain your excitement. You turned onto your back, eager to hear his voice.
"Hello?" you answered the call with a soft tone as you brought the phone to your ear.
"Amore mio!" Cardinal's voice resonated from the other end of the line. "Did I wake you up?" Copia inquired. "I probably did, sì?"
"Yes, you did, but it's alright. I was eagerly waiting for your call," you replied.
"Were you, amore?" he asked.
"So much, you have no idea..." you replied. "How was the show?"
"It was great, very great," Copia said. "But I couldn't stop thinking about you..."
"Yeah?" you giggled. "Were you thinking about me?"
"Sì, amore," he admitted, his voice laced with desire. "I couldn't stop thinking about the photos you sent to me, how gorgeous your body is, how it would look even more gorgeous under me or on top of me..." he took a deep breath. "You made me hard while I was on stage, if it wasn't for the cassock... That would have been a problem."
"Oh, so we're getting straight to the point?" you teased.
"Mi dispiace, should I... Amore, I thought that I could just say it."
You chuckled at his reaction. He was undeniably adorable, especially in these moments when he was horny.
"Copia, it's okay," you reassured him. "I'm just messing with you. Please, continue."
"You're messing with your Cardinal, eh? Wait until your Cardinal can mess with you."
His words made you blush instantly. You wished he could be with you right now, but you knew he had you in the palm of his hands even from a distance.
"Oh Copia..." you sighed, running your fingers through your body. "I want you to mess with me so much... Especially now... I'm so lonely here on my bed..."
You heard him grunting in frustration. "If I could just teleport..."
"That would be really cool and very useful now, right?" you chuckled, shifting in your bed as you spoke. "You could come here, fuck me, and go back to your shows."
"So I would also need to freeze time too," he replied, a hint of longing in his voice. "Because I wouldn't want to come back any sooner. I would have to fuck you for so long..."
"Mmm... Copia..." you purred, your voice laced with desire. "That sounds perfect."
"It really does," you heard him sighing. "But we don't have to worry, sì? As soon as we're together again, I'll be back to the ministry, back to you, and we can hang a little sock on the doorknob, and no one will bother us."
"Copia!" you chuckled. "No one does that!"
"Eh!?" he exclaimed. "But I... I always heard of it."
"Copia, we won't be hanging any sock on the doorknob!" you assured him with a laugh.
"Ok... Ok, amore..." he chuckled. "Oh amore mio, I love you..."
At the moment you heard those words, you fell into a warm silence. Your entire body shivered, and you felt it deep in your heart, as if it expanded within your chest. It brought tears to your eyes, not tears of sadness, but of overwhelming love. Copia was more than just adorable; he was an extraordinary man, and even without those three words, you knew he loved you. However, when he said them directly to you, it was one of the most precious moments in the world.
"Amore?" his voice broke the silence. "Are you still there? Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?"
"Loud and clear," you replied in a hushed tone.
"Are you okie dokie?" he asked.
"Yes, I am 'okie dokie', Copia..."
You took a deep breath and used your free hand to wipe away the tears from your eyes. Then, you settled back onto the bed, letting out a contented sigh.
"Bene," he said, and you could hear the smile in his voice. "Amore, can you believe they gave me a room that is bigger than mine at the ministry? It's so big, even the bed is big!"
"I love you too," you said, a tear of joy escaping your eye and rolling down your cheek.
In that moment, Copia fell into a brief silence. It was funny because it wasn't the first time you two had exchanged those three little words, but in such an intimate moment, it felt different, somehow more profound.
"But I doubt you love me more than I love you," he said with a chuckle, a mischievous hint on his tone.
"Oh, are we really going to do that?" you chuckled back, your fingers brushing away a stray tear that had escaped.
"Sì," he replied playfully, his grin evident in his voice.
"Yes? What a shame, I thought you were actually going to tell me how much you were thinking about me on stage," you said, your voice laced with anticipation.
"Is that what you want to hear?" he teased, his words accompanied by a soft laugh.
"One of the things I want to hear," you said in a soft tone. As you spoke, you reclined further into your pillows, your thoughts drifting to him. "But I can manage with just that for now."
"I was, in fact, thinking a lot about you on stage," he confessed. "I was particularly fixated on the video you sent me. Cazzo, you made such sweet sounds... I never thought you could make such sweet noises."
"Honestly? Me neither," you replied with a grin. "But just the thought of you..."
"I can still hear your voice calling for me..." he whispered.
"Cardinal..." you whispered, your fingers tracing patterns on your thigh.
"Sì?" he breathed.
"Mmm... Cardinal..." you purred, your free hand wandering down your body.
"Are you trying to tempt me, amore?" Cardinal's words quivered with desire.
"Is it working?" you asked, a seductive tone lacing your voice.
"A lot..." he confessed, his breathing growing heavier. "I've been thinking about how you pleasured yourself, thinking about me, how you moaned my name, how you came with your fingers... Ah!" he let out a gasp. "How you... Ah... How you'd look beneath me... completely mine... Ah! My... Ah! How it would feel to be inside you..."
His words sent a shiver down your spine, and you could feel the desire surging between your legs, causing your inner muscles to clench involuntarily. The anticipation was making you increasingly desperate for him, and it was clear from what you were hearing that he was equally consumed by desire.
"What are you doing, my Cardinal...?" you asked in a seductive whisper, your fingers tracing a teasing path along your thighs.
"Just rubbing... through my pants..." Cardinal confessed.
"I want to see you..."
Cardinal's free hand moved to unbutton his trousers, and you could hear the faint sound of a zipper being undone.
"You want me to take a picture for you?"
"No... Remember I told you about the video call?"
"I... I do... merda, I really need to see you..." Cardinal's voice quivered with longing.
"Okay, you're going to take your phone from your ear, and then you're going to press the camera button, can you do that for me?" you instructed.
"Sì, amore, I can. Just give me a minute," he replied.
You glanced around, searching for a suitable spot to place your phone for the video call. But then, you noticed an incoming video call from him. Desperation to see him took over, and you quickly sat on the bed, prioritizing the view of him over finding the perfect spot for your phone. With a quick tap, you accepted the call and held your phone.
As the screen switched to his feed, you couldn't help but bite your lower lip in delight. He looked so good, having shed his cassock, shirtless with slightly disheveled hair, and his face paint still intact. He moved around a bit, not initially facing the camera, but he held his phone in a way that gave you a view of him.
When he finally turned to face you, his eyes widened, and a glint of appreciation shone in them. He broke into a soft smile and stopped moving.
"I almost forgot how beautiful you look," he said, his voice filled with admiration.
"Copia!" you exclaimed, a shy smile playing on your lips, and you shook your head slightly.
"I wish I could just kiss you right now, I would do anything to kiss you right now."
"I would do anything to kiss you too..." you replied, your voice filled with longing.
You lowered your body, settling back on the bed, and watched as he did the same on his end, the desire in your gaze mirroring his.
"Are you still... with nothing on?" he asked, his voice laced with desire.
You shook your head, and with a seductive smile, you clicked the button to switch your camera to the rear one, revealing yourself in your nightclothes. As he laid eyes on your form, you could see a noticeable shift in his demeanor. He took in a sharp breath, his gaze becoming half-lidded with longing.
"Merda, I really need to be with you right now," he said, a note of frustration in his voice.
"Do you?" you teased, your voice sultry and inviting.
"Sì, so I could take all your clothes off," he continued, his words filled with desire, "kiss your whole body, inch by inch, hold you closer to me, feel your body against mine..." He closed his eyes, lost in his words. "Feel your hot body, your lips, your touch... your pussy... how wet you are... how hot..." he trailed off.
"How hot...?"
"How hot your pussy would feel around my cock..." he whispered, his voice heavy with desire as he opened his eyes.
You bit your lower lip, the desire to have him overwhelming you. You smiled seductively and ran your fingers down your neck, over your collarbone, down your chest, tracing the outline of your curves through your nightclothes.
"I want to taste you so bad," he continued, his voice low and husky. "I want to kiss every inch of your body..." he whispered, his eyes fixed on your hand as it moved sensuously. "And then I want to have you... all for me, on the bed, on my office's table... anywhere..."
His words sent a shiver of anticipation through your body. Your breath quickened as the intensity of the conversation deepened. His words had ignited a burning desire within you, and you couldn't help but continue your sensual exploration beneath your nightclothes. Your fingers danced over your skin, tracing the outline of your curves, and then slipped lower.
"I want to feel you, Copia," you murmured, your voice husky with need. "I want your hands all over me, your lips on mine, your body against mine. I want to taste you too, and give you everything you crave."
Copia's eyes locked onto your movements, his own desire palpable as he listened to your words.
"I ache for you, amore," he confessed, his breathing heavy. "You drive me wild, and I can't wait to make you mine in every way."
As the heat between you two intensified, you continued to tease your own desires, your fingers slipping further beneath your nightclothes. You let out a soft, sensual sigh, your eyes never leaving the screen. Copia's gaze remained fixed on your every move, his own need evident as he watched you. He reached out, running his fingers along his own chest, tracing the contours of his body, all the while keeping his eyes locked on you.
"I can't wait to make you mine in every way," he repeated, his voice filled with longing. "I want to give you all the pleasure you desire, to make you scream my name as you cum."
Your fingers continued their sensual exploration. "I'm aching for you, Copia. I want you so badly, I can hardly stand it."
Copia's voice was raw with longing. "Amore, the thought of being with you, of making you mine, it consumes me. I want to taste every inch of you, to feel your body shivering under my touch."
Your breath hitched as you replied, "I want to feel you, your hands holding me close, and your cock inside me, filling me..."
Copia's eyes darkened, and his voice was a seductive whisper. "I'll make you feel things you've never felt before, and I'll ensure you scream my name in pleasure."
The heat between you two increased exponentially, and you couldn't help but let out a small moan as you continued to run your fingers along your body. Your fingers slipped lower, trailing along your stomach, your hips, and then your thighs, caressing yourself through your nightclothes. Your breath grew heavier with each tantalizing touch.
Copia's eyes was filled with desire as he watched your actions. "Amore, I can't wait to touch you, to feel your warmth beneath my hands."
"I need you to make me yours."
"You want me to make you mine?"
"So much..." you sighed. "I want you to make me scream your name so loud while you fuck me that the whole ministry will know who I belong to."
Copia's eyes widened with your words, and he quickly sat on the bed, watching your every move with desire and anticipation. You could see him moving his head as he was searching for something. He placed the phone on the bed and got up.
"Copia?" you called for him.
"Un momento, amore mio."
You chuckled as you stared at the ceiling of his hotel room. After a few seconds, you saw his face approaching from the screen, and he took the phone, placing it upright next to the bed. You watched him adjusting it, ensuring the view was perfect, and then he gazed at the screen and the bed. Slowly, he removed his hands from the phone, took a few steps back, and extended his arms toward the device. His legs bumped into the bed, and he sat down, turning to face the camera.
"Now, that's better," he said, nodding with his head. "Can you see me, amore?"
"Yes, I can."
As Copia's hands went to his already unzipped pants, his eyes locked onto the screen, and his lips curled into a seductive smile. He slid his hand inside, and slowly pulled out his hardness, letting it spring free from its confines. You could see it glistening with precum, and he began to stroke himself, moving his hand up and down the shaft, spreading the moisture around the tip.
"I want to be inside you," he moaned, his voice deep and sultry. "I want to fill you with my cum, to make you scream my title."
Your heart raced as you watched him, his eyes locked onto the camera and his own reflection. The desire and need in his gaze fueled a fiery longing within you. You found yourself motionless, unable to move or even breathe as you fixated on the scene unfolding on the screen. The anticipation and desire were driving you wild, and you felt yourself growing wetter by the second. The intensity of your desire couldn't be contained any longer, so without a second thought, you swiftly discarded the lower part of your nightclothes, kicking them to the floor.
Copia's eyes widened as he watched you disrobe, his own arousal evident in the way his hand continued to glide along his length. "Cazzo... I'm feeling desperate for you," he whispered, his voice husky with desire. "Seeing you like this, so eager for me, it's maddening."
You bit your lip, your fingers trembling as they moved to touch yourself, mirroring his movements. "Please, Copia, I need you. I need you now."
"Touch yourself for me, amore, I need to see you doing it... Per favore, I need to hear you moaning my name, calling for me..."
With his words sending shivers down your spine, you obeyed without hesitation. Your hand moved down your body, your fingers grazing your sensitive flesh. You gasped and moaned softly, the sound of your own voice heightening your desire as you touched yourself in response to his fervent request.
Copia's eyes remained locked onto the screen, his own hand continuing its rhythmic movement along his throbbing length. His voice grew huskier as he spoke, "That's it, amore. Just like that. Show me how badly you need me."
Your fingers moved more urgently, pleasure building with each passing moment. "Cardinal," you moaned, your voice filled with longing. "I need you... Oh, I need you so much."
His breath hitched as he watched you, his own need intensifying. "Mi stai facendo impazzire, amore. I want to be there with you, to feel you beneath me, falling apart for me."
Your breath caught as you replied, "I want your touch, Copia. I crave the feel of your lips on me, your tongue exploring my every inch, and your cock buried deep within me."
Copia's gaze intensified, his moans and growls becoming increasingly desperate. You nibbled on your lip, your fingers quickening their movements, your body trembling with longing as the echoes of your moans filled the room's silence. His own pace quickened as he listened to your words and watched your desperate need for him. The lust between you two was palpable, and you could see the fire in his eyes through the screen.
"Per favore, mio amore... I need to savor you, to have your essence coating my tongue, to inhale your scent. Per favore... Let me taste you."
The room was saturated with desire, making each breath heavy and laden with longing. You yearned for him, your need growing more intense by the second. His words sent an electrifying shiver through your body, stoking the fire in your core to an even greater heat. Copia brought his hand closer to his face, moistening it with his saliva before returning it to his throbbing member, stroking it with increased urgency.
"Cazzo, amore... I can hear how wet your pussy is... I ache to be inside you so much..."
The sensual sounds of his hand moving up and down his length filled your ears, intensifying your arousal. You both yearned for each other desperately, and Copia's grip on the edge of the bed reflected his longing as he clenched his eyes shut.
"Please... Please let me have you, Cardinal," your voice carried the unmistakable plea of desire
In response, you heard Copia's voice tremble with longing. "Oh, per amore di Satana, I need to cum on you, in your mouth, in your pussy... I simply must fill you with myself."
Your fingers continued their movements, quickening their pace, and your breathing grew increasingly labored. The muscles in your thighs quivered, and your knees threatened to give way. You bit your lip to stifle your moans and continued to pleasure yourself. Copia's eyes opened once more, riveted on the screen, and his gaze shifted to you, watching with rapt attention.
Your fingers slid down to your clit, and you began to rub it in earnest. As pleasure coursed through your body, you arched your back slightly, your moans growing louder. In your mind's eye, you pictured Copia doing this to you, heightening your own desire. The sound of your arousal mingling with his on the call was intoxicating, and your breath hitched in your throat. Your hand moved lower, gathering your wetness before returning to your clit, using it as lubrication.
"Ah... Ah... Cardinal... That feels... so amazing... I need you so much... Fuck, I need you, Copia..."
Copia's voice, filled with desire, spurred you on. "Put your fingers inside for me, amore. Imagine my cock deep inside you, fucking you fast and hard."
Your fingers traced your wet folds, teasing yourself before pushing two fingers inside. The sensation was electrifying, and your body quivered in response. You started to thrust your fingers in and out, your moans growing louder and more urgent.
"Yes... Cardinal... Copia... Just like this," you purred, your voice heavy with desire. "Can you imagine it? Your cock inside me... filling me up, just like my fingers are right now..."
Copia watched you intently on the screen, his own pleasure evident. He continued to stroke himself, each movement in sync with your own, building a crescendo of desire between you. Your moans filled the room as you continued to pleasure yourself, matching your rhythm with Copia's fervent strokes.
"I can feel it, Cardinal... I can feel you inside me," you gasped, your voice trembling with raw need. "Just like this... deeper and harder... Ah!"
Copia's breathing grew more erratic as he watched you, his desire mirroring yours. He responded with a voice thick with passion, "Sì, amore mio... I'm inside you... fucking you hard... Our bodies moving together..."
our gaze remained fixed on Copia's hand as it gripped his throbbing length, his strokes growing faster and more urgent. With a shudder, he withdrew his free hand from the bed's edge, moistening it with his saliva before returning it to his aching hardness. He couldn't suppress a hiss of pleasure, his body quivering as he released a deep, guttural groan.
"Cardinal, I'm so close," you moaned, your voice a sultry whisper. "I can feel it building, growing, ready to... Just a little more..."
Copia's eyes were locked onto the screen, his gaze never wavering as his hand moved relentlessly over his own throbbing length. He groaned in response, the longing evident in his voice, "Sì, amore, let it consume you... Cum for me."
The room filled with the sounds of your ecstasy, his name falling from your lips like a fervent prayer. Copia's head tilted back, lost in the throes of desire, as your cries of pleasure crescendoed, pushing him to the edge. His strokes became increasingly erratic, matching the frantic rhythm of your own movements.
"Copia... I'm going to cum... I'm going to cum on your cock... My Cardinal..."
The desire in your voice was like a siren's call, and Copia's control began to falter. His whimpers mingled with your moans, rising to a high, fevered pitch as the room became a symphony of longing and pleasure. His body tensed, and then, with a final stroke, he came. Spurts of his essence erupted, painting his belly, chest, and hand in glistening evidence of his release. The intensity of the sight, combined with your own climactic peak, overcame you. Your legs snapped shut, and your phone tumbled to the bed, forgotten as your eyes closed and your mind dissolved into the bliss of your orgasm.
You continued to breathe heavily, your chest rising and falling with the aftermath of your intense pleasure. Copia's voice reached you like a distant echo, and though you could hear him calling for you, you couldn't respond. Your mind was in a whirlwind, and rational thought eluded you in the post-orgasmic haze. It took several minutes for your senses to return, and gradually, you managed to pry your eyes open.
With deliberate effort, you removed your fingers from their intimate exploration, and Copia's voice became more audible, expressing his concern.
"Amore? Are you still there? Are you...? Amore? I'm worried!" his voice, filled with concern, emanated from your phone, reaching your ears.
You languidly reached out to retrieve your phone, its screen displaying Copia's worried visage, his face closer to the camera, partially zoomed in. You couldn't help but chuckle softly and flipped the camera to the front-facing view, focusing it on yourself.
"Hi..." you murmured, your voice still soft and sultry.
"Hi, amore..." Copia sighed with relief. "Are you okay...?"
"Yes... I am perfect," you assured him with a mischievous grin. His concern had faded, replaced by a satisfied smile.
"Was it good, amore?" he asked.
"It was amazing... But I wish I could feel you..." you replied.
"You will, amore, we are going to be back soon. Just some more days and I'll be all yours, I promise," he reassured you with unwavering commitment.
Your smile radiated happiness as you gazed at his image on the screen. Copia leaned in closer to the front camera and virtually kissed it, causing you to break into a shy, delighted laugh.
"What was that?" you inquired.
"Me sealing my promise with a kiss," he answered with a hint of playfulness.
"Oh... Copia," you responded, touched by his sincerity and the affection that transcended the physical distance between you.
"You should go back to sleep. I know it's very late for you, probably almost morning, and you need to rest..." Copia urged gently.
"Yes... I should..." you replied, turning to your side and placing your phone beside you.
"I love you, you heard me? I love you," Copia professed as he lay down on his own bed, staring at you with affection.
"I heard you, Cardinal, and I love you too," you reciprocated, sealing the moment with a heartfelt exchange of love.
As you closed your eyes, you could still hear his voice gently speaking to you, and with a smile on your face, you let yourself drift into a peaceful sleep, cherishing the connection you shared with Copia, even when miles apart.
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BPP, oh my god, the MHJ New Jean's news?? Do you have any thoughts? That's actually insane! What do you think is going to end up happening with New Jean's?
*
Ask 2:
Have you read about what’s happening with Ador and Hybe? What do you think?
*
Ask 3:
The TEA today about Ador Ceo was sad but not surprising. BTS is the story of betrayal by outsiders.
I was surprised when Tae worked with HER for his album. I didn't see that collaboration coming.
I have to wonder if she purposefully misled Tae into a "mid" album. Look, Layover isn't a bad album but its not a masterpiece regardless of what Tae solos believe.
The results are so different between albums like JITB, Astronaut, DDAY, Indigo, Face and Layover its crazy. The depth/personal experience reflected in those albums is undeniable while Tae's was all surface.
Golden is departure and its own thing. JK went for global popstar and achieved/ate!! His choreo reflected his status as part of 3J and his vocals were on display. Gorgeous!!! (Had to add that in because in this house we don't leave out members)
I feel bad for Tae today realizing he worked with a traitor. I will always wonder what he could have released if he had just worked with the Bighit team instead of Ador Ceo.
Maybe you have more insight into all this?
*
Ask 4:
Sooo... what are you thinking about this inter-hybe conflict between belift and ador? I know you're a nj fan but I think I've also heard you say that people are too quick to call things a nj copy, so I'm curious what you think about mhj's claims. I'll be honest that I thought that what I've seen so far seemed kind of unhinged-main-character syndrome to me but I also don't follow these groups and don't know how deep this goes. Certainly, I think mhj has been very deliberate and successful in building nj's brand, but I found this public argument unnecessary and potentially damaging to both groups. What kind of fallout do you expect?
*
Ask 5:
Bpp! Thoughts on the Min Heejin Hybe mess? I thought we were done with the corporate drama but tuns out no!
***
There's really nothing to say... yet.
News leaked that HYBE has leveled some allegations and accusations at ADOR, most likely based on a tip off, and launched an audit to ascertain if these allegations are true - in HYBE's statement confirming the audit, they don't name the people accused, but the news leak makes a point to name Min Heejin specifically, keeping the name of the VP who is accused of committing the acts unknown.
Min Heejin has responded in an exclusive interview and statement by ADOR, that she's innocent of most of the accusations and that this dispute started because HYBE has refused to curb inter-label plagiarism of her ideas with NewJeans. She refers specifically to Be:lift's new girl group Illit, noting how everything from choreography to visuals to styling to sound is based on her ideas, without proper attribution to her from Belift, nor an apology for what she calls blatant theft of concepts she's developing at ADOR. She accuses Bang PD of being complicit and prioritizing short-term profit over long-term viability of the new groups he's pushing out.
There are reports (unconfirmed) that HYBE has called for Min Heejin to resign. If ADOR doesn't call for a shareholder meeting by tomorrow, HYBE has indicated they might sue. The fact the meeting is being called before the audit is concluded, has all the hallmarks of a textbook corporate power play move, and implies to me something else than what I'm seeing most people here allude to. But still...
--
...there's nothing to say because what we're seeing is the middle innings of a power play game. There's simply too little info to make any decisive statements.
I immediately get a headache whenever things like this happen in k-pop because, even for more innocuous subjects, there's nobody more mind rotted than the average k-pop stan. And before long we'll have people whose only experience with executive/corporate power struggles is watching Succession, giving us endless takes in endless discourse. And this particular discourse is going to be more annoying because (1) Min Heejin is a woman who is already widely disliked, (2) There's an overwhelming amount of intersectional motives and interests both within and outside HYBE given the nature of the dispute, which typically leads to people infusing moral language into the discussion. It's going to be the HYBE-Kakao-SM discourse on steroids (and even in the HYBE vs SM drama, we had far more information to go on that what's available in this case).
I mean... Anon 3, you're already convinced this is a story of "betrayal", and claiming she is a "traitor", and you're tying a corporate power struggle to BTS. Not like I'd expect to see anything less from most other people to be honest.
This is really a dispute between Min Heejin and Kim Taeho (Belift's CEO), with increased grievance due to Taeho supposedly enjoying Bang PD and Park Jiwon's support and Heejin, supposedly, not.
The fallout, predictably, is going to be nasty. Given all the above. NewJeans is slated to have a comeback next month, Illit is only just ramping down debut activities while ENHYPEN is just starting the final leg of their FATE+ tour. If HYBE is indeed demanding MHJ resign, it's likely they only mean for her to resign from the CEO role but remain as the Creative Director of NewJeans - because the reality is that if there is no MHJ, there is no NewJeans. And it's that reality that in my view, is the primary leverage MHJ has. And she doesn't strike me as the sort to bluff. The worst case scenario is she leaves HYBE completely and NewJeans is put on hiatus, or the members sue to break their contracts with HYBE to follow her while she courts outside investors, similar to the Fifty Fifty situation.
Inter-label competition and drama is expected in a company like HYBE, it's wonderful because it can yield truly incredible results and unique approaches, but also potentally horrible because it can result in cases like MHJ's vs HYBE. There are ways to properly manage this competition to prevent the latter case, but I can't say I've seen any indication that with Jiwon nor Bang have done so. I said above that MHJ leaving HYBE completely is the worst case scenario for NewJeans, but it looks like the scenario most preferable for certain parties given it's one of the only viable outcomes from having this news broken this way. And so, most likely to happen. Unless Bang PD develops some hitherto unseen business acumen... so yeah I'm not holding my breath.
I have nothing insightful to add. My opinions about the suits at HYBE and Bang PD's business decisions for the last 2 years have skewed mostly negative, and that's not changed in this case. I'd rather not share my full opinions because I feel they run contrary to the dominant talking points here, and partly because they're not fully formed and nobody here is paying me to fully develop a view. I'm really not going to do that work for free.
We're all just going to have to wait and see.
What I will say though and something I find particularly interesting, is that HYBE has been accused of what Min Heejin is alleging, since at least the start of last year. Also, Belift in particular has been accused of plagiarism since the start of the year, twice, on issues unrelated to NewJeans. The first was when 'mobiius_music', an indie music producer on Instagram, accused them of lifting his music almost bar for bar for ENHYPEN's 2023 GDA dance break. The second was when Kelley Sweeney, an American choreographer who shares her routines on Instagram and tiktok, accused Belift of using her choreography for Illit's pre-debut practice without credit. Both times it was for low-level offences as it wasn't related to official music releases or album content, and so in that way Belift is better than bigger and more known agencies, but it still reflects a lax vetting process in the best case and unethical creative practices in the worst.
Anyway, my concern is for the artists involved while the suits try to play god with their careers. I can only hope that whatever happens is only the best possible outcome for all involved.
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shkika · 11 months
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All, any, and every drop of Pebbles & Suns content adds +5 years to my lifespan. Every word from you about them is double that. Thank you for your service
I'm really charmed you like my rambles though oh gosh. Let's try to do a small Suns and by extension Pebbles ramble.
A warning from me is that this will be a VERY headcanon-y, because we know so little about Suns. I'll still reference the game, but I will also fill any holes I see fitting.
Which means btw that this will be very LONG I am sorry hehe.
I'm gonna pick apart their natural conversation they have in the deep green pearl. I think it's unfair to craft an idea of how they interacted when Suns was worried about Pebbles literally dying WHILE killing his sister.
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WHICH HOLLY SUNS. I think they have ISSUES! Because god you are MEAN to someone who is being genuinely vulnerable to you. And sometimes that means you yourself are scared of being vulnerable.
Even after Pebbles tells them to ease down, because he's genuinely looking for advice, Suns doesn't miss out on implying he's stupid.
We also know Pebbles really looked up to Suns as well, with them acknowledging this in their conversation with NSH and with Pebbles himself referring to them as mentor-like.
In my interpretation of Suns' character, they were made by a very religious colony. As in they were kind cultish in their way of treating Suns. You've seen vague(?) hints on my blog pointing towards this with Moon saying they have political power over their own colony and with the entire deal of that one Sunstone comic I made (x). (and even here (x) "Blesseth be my name" as a little joke that people probably use their name to exclaim.
I don't think they ever wanted that attention or responsibility. I think things were messy and words were often put in their mouth by various houses. Pushed to make decisions they wouldn't have really made. Their fluffy over the top garments didn't really fit at first until they grew to play the god they were made to be. They played being an all knowing god and they hated it, but they grew into that persona until it became an undeniable part of their character.
They LOOK really put together. And they LOOK like they have a lot of power and are revered by the ancients with no drawbacks.
At least that's how it looked to Pebbles at first.
Not only was he referred to as an abomination from before being even built. With some ancients on Moon REFUSING TO MOVE on him, because they don't want him.
Now we have Suns who by all means is kind of the opposite in every way of the person who Pebbles is constantly compared to (Moon) and is STILL adored, even worshiped.
And you get the idea of how maybe they became someone who he really looked up to. And they had very similar interests too!
(Time for canon lmao)
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Moon about the music pearl (riv campaign) states that there were those that loved cultural archiving. Obviously Pebbles is one of those iterators and given he and SRS were close friends I don't doubt they enjoyed being art nerds together. <3
So they clicked. They were genuine friends, but there was some sort of dynamic there. Suns was probably kind of condescending all the time as we see in the conversation. They tried their best to be good influence, but I cannot tell you if they succeeded.. eeh
They also didn't spare him any harsh truths, despite of what Pebbles might need to actually hear. Which ironically I think perhaps made Pebbles feel more respected. Aside the fact they showed genuine interest in his research and theories and so on.
I also think Suns really enjoyed Pebbles' company, despite the fact I can't tell you how healthy it was for them to have yet another person look up to them so much.
In conclusion those two are a complicated mess to me I think!!!! They care and they left each other deeply hurt and it's sad they never got to reconcile.
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reaveries · 1 year
Text
▬  an admiration for perennials
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summary: arthur meets a woman with an affinity for cliff maids
pairings: high honor!arthur morgan pov x female!reader
warnings: sad introspective arthur, sh*t word (:o), mention of mary, dying from flu, pollen (?? this thing is so fluffy, i'm grasping for straws here)
word count: 6.2k (estimated 26-minute reading time)
a/n: i have proofread this piece so.. many.... times... i'm so ready to finally publish it and get it the eff away from me. i hope y'all like it, i'm really happy with how it turned out! (i think, i can't tell anymore). i have a part two outline in the works so if you'd like to see that, please let me know by interacting w/ the post! also, this is categorized as a reader/self-insert but at one point there is very brief character description. i try to keep that to an absolute minimum and leave it generally gray enough to remain a self-insert fic. if that bothers you, i'm sorry, just overlook it! anyways, njoy, pardners <3
masterlist archive of our own
Revised for clarity 1/5/2024.
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He takes a long drag from the cigarette between his lips, letting the harshness of the warm smoke enter his chest with ease. The cigarette had nearly met its end, so he knew it was getting to be that time. He jabs it into the ashtray along with the ashes from all the other bargoers and bids the barkeep a good night, leaving some change for his good company.
Unfortunately, Arthur hadn't found the solace he was searching for in the homely saloon. He’d filled himself to the brim with watered-down beer and a few shots of whiskey when he felt especially plagued by his thoughts. But as he pushes open the swinging doors and steps into the cool night air, his head still swarms with a myriad of upsetting things. 
His life is a complicated mess, though part of him knew it always had been. It just wasn’t until recently that he realized how unnecessary it was for it to be such. On the same street where he currently stands, he’d been responsible for putting lead in the heads of countless men a few weeks prior. He didn't even know their names, and he surely doesn't remember their faces. It was a wholly avoidable disaster. Not to say he’s bothered by the act of killing, for when he finds it justified to end a man’s life, there’s often no reason to dawdle. No, the mess of it all perturbed him the most. 
Undeniably, the land he calls home is becoming a different entity than the one he was born into, a land of law and structure that spits upon his way of life. The West is becoming a docile place, its wildness broken by the cracking whip of civilization. And if the West can’t survive, then all hope is lost for men like him. The only logical step to ensure that he, and the people he cares for, won’t meet their fates at the end of a rope is to adapt to this changing world. This meant mess would have to be a thing of the past. No more massacres over stolen oil wagons and certainly not wiping out an entire town to free a man he didn’t care for from a cell he belonged in. No more innocent bystanders gruesomely losing their lives over foolishly shallow plans like the botched ferry job in Blackwater. No more lives need to be taken for his benefit or the ambitions of the man who guided him. Somehow though, that man didn’t see things the way he did.
Whenever he brought up these concerns, Dutch always told him, “Don’t be so simple-minded, Arthur. Look at the bigger picture.” 
But the bigger picture was all he could see, and it was a terrifying sight.
His heels sink into the damp earth as he makes his way to Saint’s Hotel, crossing his fingers that a room is available for the night. He made the mistake of riding his horse with a stomach full of liquor before, and somehow it almost ended up with him drowning. How he ended up sopping wet and his horse dry as a bone is still a mystery to him. So, a room at Saint's is in order since he doesn’t particularly care to die tonight, even despite the pervasive thoughts that plague him.
Just as he’s about to step onto the hotel’s wooden porch, he hears a loud banging noise come from behind him. He turns around and, in the darkness of night, sees a woman knocking on the front door of the general store across the street. She raps her knuckles a second time against the door, just as loud as the first. The door opens and out steps the store owner, looking irritated.
“Hi, I know you’re about to close, but I’ll just be a second, I promise!” She says this with her hands clasped together.
“Alright, alright. Come on in,” the man says, stepping aside so she can enter.
As the woman moves past the older man, light from inside the store hits her, and he can see her more clearly. She’s dressed simply with her hair loosely pulled back into a plait that falls past her shoulders. These things are ordinary enough, but then the light catches on a dainty pink flower tucked behind her ear on the left side.
He stops in his tracks.
It looks identical to the one he keeps at his bedside, a memento of his mother. However, those flowers, cliff maids, he thinks they’re called, only grow out west in the rocky terrain bordering Oregon and California. He’s a long way from California and possibly even further from a level head, so he dismisses the possibility, chalking it up to the delusions of a drunken old man.
He heads into the hotel, and thankfully a room is available, the same one as always. He closes the door behind him and starts fumbling with his gear, letting it hit the floor haphazardly in a heap. As he stumbles over to the bed, he regretfully catches a glimpse of his reflection in a mirror. He usually tries to avoid looking at himself unless it’s absolutely necessary. Simply put, he doesn’t like the look of the man who stares back at him. There’s a residual yellow blotch fading away on his cheekbone from a dust-up he’d been in a few days prior. He doesn’t even remember the reason. His shoulder-length hair has tangles he’s had no energy to comb through, and his eyes are lidded for want of sleep. They have a far-out look even when he’s staring right at himself. 
“Maybe it’s you that’s the mess,” he mumbles, then gives way to his exhaustion and collapses against the mattress. His boots, spurs and all, remain on his feet. So remain his worn trousers and unbuttoned maroon shirt, and so does the dirt caked beneath his nails that never seems to leave. 
He checks out of his room early the following day and rides out beneath a sky as golden as dandelions. His mind feels clearer after a night’s rest, and he thankfully doesn’t feel as dreadful as he did when his head hit the pillows. Dew hangs in the chilled air and mists his face as he takes the beaten winding path leading back to Clemen’s Point, this new place his people called home. As he rides, he passes by some cottages and homesteads a ways off the path. He can recall the inside layout of a few of them, and even which ones filled his pockets the most back when he first arrived in the Heartlands.
Tall, thick-bodied oak trees loom over him and dance in the morning breeze. The way the sunlight flickers through them is beautiful but unfamiliar. It quickly becomes apparent that he’s taken the wrong path somewhere along the way, but just when he’s about to wheel his horse around and turn back, there lies a cottage beyond the tree line. 
It’s a quaint wooden home with a thin stream of smoke rising from the chimney. In the window of the cottage sits a vase of pink flowers. The closer he rides, the more confident he is that they’re cliff maids. There must be at least twenty stems in that one vase.
“I’ll be damned….” He says under his breath.
Suddenly, he hears the sound of a woman grunting coming from the side of the home. He presses his heels to his horse’s belly and trots toward the noise source. When he turns the corner of the house, he sees her, the woman he saw last night, pushing a wheelbarrow spilling over with dirt. She attempts to use her weight against the handle, but it hardly makes a difference, and the wheelbarrow doesn’t budge.
He clears his throat to make his presence known to the woman.
“Jesus Christ!” She yelps and turns to face him, shocked to see she has company.
“Didn’t mean to frighten ya. D’ya need any help, ma’am?” He asks.
She looks him over with caution.
“Uh, I’m alright, thanks,” she says slowly, her brows warily drawn together.
Arthur nods his head with a tight-lipped smile and pulls the reins to head back to where he came from. He considers asking her about the flowers in the window but disregards it seeing as she doesn’t seem to care for company. As he begins back down the path, he hears a clattering noise and the sound of the woman cursing.
“Hey, mister!” She shouts. He looks over his shoulder and sees her standing with her hands on her hips and the wheelbarrow completely turned over, the dark soil spilling out onto the ground.
“I take that back.” She says with her head cocked to the side and a bashful smile.
He lightly chuckles at the sight and rides over, swiftly dismounting from his horse a few feet from the mild disaster.
“Could you help me scoop it back in?” She asks as she goes to the front of the wheelbarrow and picks up the dirt with yellow gloves.
“Sure,” he says, kneeling beside her. His hands are perpetually dirty as it is, so a little more filth couldn’t hurt. As he helps her pile the dirt back into the cart, he notices she smells earthy and sweet, reminiscent of the air before a storm.
“Alright,” she says, standing up and brushing her dirty gloves against her smock. “Would you mind wheelin’ it for me?”
He moves to grab the handles and pushes them down with ease so that the wheelbarrow can roll properly. 
“What’s all this dirt for anyways?” He asks the woman walking beside him.
“Just a project I’m working on. It’s back behind here, mister.” She points to the rear of the cottage, which quickly becomes dense with plant life the further they step. 
She crosses her arms over her chest as they enter the more secluded area.
“Don’t get any funny ideas, alright?” She says, looking up at him out of the corner of her eye.
He furrows his brows at the slight, but he can’t deny it makes sense she’s thinking that way. He looks the part of someone with foul intentions. The brim of his hat darkens his eyes, which would normally obscure them from anyone else. But, given that he's a head taller than the woman, she sees their darkness fine. He internally curses himself when he remembers he's wearing the one jacket stained with animal blood. It's still smeared dark brown across his shoulder. Of course, he looks like a damn menace. To top it all off, the rifle slung on his back casts a long shadow across her cheek like some twisted reminder of who he is, lest a single act of kindness threatens he forgets. 
He glances at her with a small smile that raises up on one side more than the other.
“Most of my ideas are funny, ma’am. But I ain’t gonna hurt you if that’s what you mean.”
Her shoulders drop from their tense position as she lets out a half-hearted laugh.
“I’ll take your word for it, mister,” she says, slightly more relaxed than before.
The grass starts to reach his knees, and all along the path are bushes and fruit-bearing shrubs with dangling under-ripe berries. Various species of flowers grow throughout the backyard in no organized manner, like they’d been living here long before anyone else. White bark trees stand tall amidst the entropic garden. Dark moss creeps up their trunks, and instead of leaves, canopies of draping blossoms erupt from the branches like something out of a storybook. They hang limply in the air, and when the wind tugs on them, they sway in synchronization while their blossoms flutter away in the breeze. It’s all so beautiful. He’s never seen an abundance of such natural beauty in all his life.
“Is this all yours?” He asks, turning to the lady with a near slack-jawed expression. 
“It is now,” she says, nodding her head. “My mama used to care for it, as did her mama before her. But uh- well, the flu took my mama a few years back, and as fate would have it, now my grandma’s flame is startin’ to flicker too. So it’s left to me to care for all this.”
“Oh. I’m sorry to hear that,” he responds. Her voice sounds sad, and it reminds him somewhat of Ms. Adler, the widow staying with them for the time being.
“It’s okay,” she says, waving him off. “Sometimes in the darkness, there’s light, and this is definitely the light. I get to care for this thing, and in a way, it cares for me too. Gives me purpose, ya know?”
“S’Good to have somethin’ that makes you feel that way. Lord knows most people don’t.”
“Yes, I’ve noticed that. Oh! I’ll hold the door open for ya.” She leaves his side and jogs ahead of him.
“Door? What door?” Arthur looks around, but he sees nothing but trees and plants.
Suddenly, she reveals an entrance blocked by the tall grass, and he realizes that a small building made entirely of glass is right before him. It camouflaged against the greenery and the vines that drape across it. Now that the door is ajar, he sees inside plants of all kinds strewn about in terracotta pots and deep soil beds.
“What in the….” He begins to say but trails off, caught off guard by the unexpected reveal.
A sort of giddiness takes her when she sees his expression, and she waves her hand excitedly to usher him inside. 
“Come in! Come in!” 
He rolls the wheelbarrow inside the structure, and once again, he’s greeted by the humble beauty of the natural world. Leaves spill out of pots hanging from the rafters, creating curtains that brush against him as he passes through. She gently closes the door behind him, and the air starts to feel thicker, heavier, like he’s being swaddled in a damp blanket.
The pots each have their own label, but the writing is so messy that he can hardly make out the names. Of the ones he can read, he recognizes names such as Sparrow’s Egg, Clamshell, and Dragon’s Mouth. They’re exotic flowers that the corset man in Saint Denis once asked him to collect, but he never got around to doing it. If only he had enough time to frolic through fields and pluck orchids. He’d prefer that over the menial errands he’s been consumed by as of late.
“Back here!” The woman shouts.
He can’t see her behind the tall plant-filled shelves that take up the center of the room, so he pushes past the vines and turns the corner to see her standing next to an empty plant bed. She looks at him expectantly because his task is clearly to dump the soil. But his mind is elsewhere. Behind her is another plant bed. This one is full and brimming with cliff maids so densely packed that he can hardly see the soil they’re in. He’s never seen so many of these flowers in one place. Whenever he found one in the wild, it was usually nestled between two rocks and sprouted three or four blooms. They weren’t nearly as impressive as the ones infront of him.
“What is it?” She asks when he remains in his spot. She follows his gaze and gasps.
“Why, are you a gardener too, mister?” Her voice gets high with excitement.
“Who, me?” He laughs. “No, ma’am. I’m no gardener. I’d make for a pretty awful one seein’ as I’m not too good at keepin’ things alive.”
“Oh, forgive me. I just- you seemed interested in the perennials. Most people aren’t, considerin’ how unassuming they look. Pretty things but nothing outwardly special about ‘em.” She moves towards the tall blossoms and reaches out her hand to stroke the petals. 
“You know, they don’t like it here,” she continues. “They like the sun, which would be easy enough if they liked the heat that came with it, but no, it’s the cool shade of cliffs and rocks they like. These little blooms aren’t easy to care for, but if you can figure it out, they’ll live all through the years. That’s what perennial means, after all. Anyways, these guys are my favorite. I think it’s cause they give me such a hard time.”
She twiddled with the petals between her fingers as she rambled about the flowers. When she finally looks back at him, it’s like she has stars twinkling in her eyes. There’s a new liveliness about her, something that sparked when she was given room to air out her affinity for the pink blossoms. Arthur stands there, attempting to wrap his mind around the unlikely chance of finding someone who holds this particular flower as close to their heart as he does. He doesn't notice his aforementioned heart beating a little faster in his chest.
“I- I like ‘em too.” The words clumsily stumble from his mouth when he realizes she’s waiting for him to speak. He quickly gathers himself. 
“I mean, it was my ma that liked ‘em, but I guess she sorta rubbed off on me. They're pretty little things.”
“You’re kiddin’... what are the odds?” 
He can tell she’s thinking about something during the half-beat of silence that follows, but he can’t find any hint of what it is when he searches her face.
“I never got your name, mister,” she says abruptly.
“Arthur,” he says. “Just Arthur.”
“What, you ain’t got a last name, Just Arthur?” She laughs.
He considers telling her his real name but quickly dismisses it. On the off-chance she recognizes it from the bounty posters, it would mean that whatever was happening here would come to an unfortunate end. Of course, no harm would befall her, but he’d have to leave and go right back to his mess of a life. He’d rather stay here, in the sanctity of the greenhouse, with this person he strangely feels like he was meant to meet. 
“Oh, I didn’t realize we were on a full name basis, ma’am,” he says flippantly, but he can’t help the smile that forms when she raises her eyebrows at him.
“Well, Arthur, you have good taste,” she says playfully, but her gaze falls to the wheelbarrow he’s still holding, and her eyes widen. “Oh, that must be heavy. I talked so long, I forgot you still had that. Go ahead and pour it into that empty bed right there.” She gestures with a quick wave of her hand.
He looks down at the wheelbarrow he also forgot he was holding and does as she says, tilting the lip of it into the wooden frame and letting the soil spill out. 
She smiles at him and pats his shoulder before leading him out of the greenhouse. They step back outside, and the cool air is a welcome feeling. He props the wheelbarrow against the wall of the structure while she shuts the door behind her.
“Thank you again. I would’ve had a much harder time without you there,” she says.
He wipes his soiled hands on the front of his jeans and opens his mouth to speak, but when he looks at her, she’s already looking at him with a gaze sweet as honey. It makes his breath catch in his chest. Not many women have looked at him like that before, and hardly any were as easy on the eyes as her. A thread of sunlight catches her eyes and reveals faint traces of amber, like sap spilling from the source. Her long lashes flutter when she blinks, and they rest against the soft edge of her brow as she looks up at him. Her hair, woven into a braid, is loose, disheveled like she’d slept in it. Stray strands feather around her jaw and frame the angles of her face, not unlike ornate golden borders that surround paintings in a gallery.
He clears his throat upon realizing he’s been gawking at the poor woman like some boyish fool.
“Ah, it was nothin',” he says, directing his attention elsewhere as heat creeps up his cheeks. 
A dragonfly jitters down from above and lands on the stem of some thyme growing over a narrow creek. Water trickles over smooth stones into a basin where leaves float along the surface. Some of them sprout delicate white flowers that open up to the sky. A thought comes to him as he looks at them.
“If it’s not too much trouble, would it be alright if I draw a picture of this place?” He asks. He’s never had to ask anyone permission for this sort of thing before; it felt unnatural. But it certainly would’ve been more so if he’d asked her what he really wanted, which was to draw her alongside it.
She tilts her head and looks up at him curiously.
“How charming…” She says, then ponders it for a second. “I don’t mind as long as you let me see it after.”
He chuckles, “Alright, just don’t make fun of it.”
“I would never!” She says, feigning indignance. “My mama taught me manners, Arthur! That means if it’s bad, I’ll just make fun of it in my head. Now go do your thing. I also have some work to do.”
She waves him off with a smile and steps back inside the greenhouse, closing the door behind her. He lets out a sigh, the tight feeling in his chest relinquishing now that he’s finally alone. He walks over to a bench along the path and sits down, taking his journal from his satchel and flipping to a new blank page. Before him, tall pink flowers that smell of vanilla cast long, dark shadows over the smaller flowering shrubs surrounding them. If they weren’t so dainty looking, their height and the size of their leaves would give the impression they own the place. He gives them the most detail in his drawing. Then he starts to etch the dirt path, adding the indentation the wheel of the wheelbarrow had left behind and the imprint of the woman’s footprints next to his. Just as he finishes up the sketch, adding minute details in the leaves, he hears light footfall behind him.
On instinct, his hand moves to hover above his holster, but once he sees what’s behind him, he feels ridiculous for it.
“Hey,” she says quietly, a sheepish smile on her face. She holds nearly a dozen cliff maids in her hands, stems clipped and bound together with a thread of twine.
“I thought you might like to have these.”
He looks at her for a moment, unsure what to do or say. She’s giving him flowers. No one has ever given him flowers before. That was usually something a man might do if he were sweet on a lady, a gesture shared between lovers. But maybe for a woman who spends all day surrounded by them, it must not have the same romantic meaning he knows it does.
“Those are for me?” He asks. His hands hang loosely at his sides. He doesn’t quite know what to do with himself.
She nods. “If you want.”
The talkative woman from earlier seems to have been replaced by someone different entirely, her sentences suddenly simple and sweet. He also struggles to find the right words.
“That’s too kind of you. Truly.” He reaches out to take them, and she places the bundle gingerly in his hands. 
His hold is gentle for fear he’d snap the stems if not careful. He knows he has to look a little silly. A man as rough around the edges as himself, with ammunition draped across his chest and pistols hanging at his hips, holding an overflowing bouquet of pink blossoms as a gift from a lady. If Dutch could see him now, he’d tell him he lost his edge. But if this is what it feels like to have gone soft, then he doesn't mind that much. The warmth in his chest is too comforting a feeling to let go of.
Her sudden gasp brings him out of his head.
“Is that the drawing?!” She points at the journal lying open on the bench. There’s no time to answer before she reaches over the seat to hold the leatherbound book in her hands.
“Wow… I- you captured it perfectly,” she says, her mouth slightly hanging in awe. “I didn’t expect anything like this.”
“You’re just minding your manners.”
She lightly thwacks him on the arm.
“You’d know if I was, I’m not a good liar. No, this is something special.”
He hardly knows a thing about this woman, and yet for some reason, her songs of praise feel so good that he wants to make ten more drawings. Hell, he’ll move as much dirt as she wants if it means she’ll look at him the way she is now each time. As her eyes flit between him and the sketch, he feels a fondness growing that he could’ve never anticipated when he first laid eyes on her. God, he almost feels like a boy again. It’s a feeling he hasn’t experienced in ages since he was last with Mary. Though, admittedly those feelings were guided by something less innocent than what he feels right now. What’s happening to him?
She clasps her hands together and takes a sharp intake of breath.
“Arthur, would you, um- would you like something to drink before you head out?” She asks. “I have just about anything.”
Without giving it much thought, he opens his mouth to answer, but a ringing noise sounds before the words can come out. It’s a clear jingling sound of a bell, and it’s coming from the house. 
“Oh, never mind. It seems like my grandmother needs me,” she sighs and hands back his journal. “Maybe another time?”
“Another time,” he agrees with a thin smile, deflating slightly at the abrupt goodbye.
She walks briskly to the back door and slips inside the house, the door swinging shut loudly behind her. He approaches his horse he’d left hitched to the woman’s front porch and goes to find a place to secure the flowers. As he’s slipping them through a notch on the saddle, the front door flies open.
She steps out, looking grateful he hasn’t left yet.
“Hey!” She calls out to him. She stands at the edge of the top step with one hand on her hip and the other shading her eyes from the sun.
“I’m sure you know already, but those can only last so long now that they’re cut. Perennials live all through the years but only when they’re planted,” she says, shifting her weight on the step.
Arthur’s mouth parts slightly as he searches for the words to respond.
“Oh. Alright.”
She sighs and brings her hand to her forehead in an exasperated motion.
“Okay- what I’m trying to say but failing at, is that when those flowers start to wilt, you come and find me.”
He tilts his head down, so the brim of his hat hides the smile forcing its way onto his lips. He hadn’t been sure if she was just being polite before, if every word was mere courtesy. But now, part of him felt that maybe some of it was more than that. He could at least tell for certain that she liked him, and that was enough.
“I’ll do that, miss. You take care of yourself, now.”
She then waves him goodbye before heading back inside.
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The sun has risen high above his head by the time he returns to camp. Everything seems to be just as he left it a few days ago. Dutch is sitting outside his tent with a book in his hands, a finger pensively to his lips. Some men are sharpening their weapons or cleaning their guns and talking to one another while they work. Over by the campfire, Micah gestures wildly to Bill and Javier, who sit on the log by his feet. 
“If we leave at dusk, they should be sittin’ pretty at the station a while before leaving for town. So once things get movin’, I say Javier handles the lockbox, I’ll deal with Walton and his lady wife, and Bill, you hang back in case anyone else shows up.”
Javier looks up from polishing his pistol, “You don’t think Walton’s going to have any extra protection? He’s carrying a lot of goods, it’d be stupid for him not to.”
“Well, that’s what Bill’s for. Ain’t that right, Bill?”
Bill nods his head with a serious expression. “Damn right.”
As Arthur listens to this conversation, it’s as if he can see a dark thread spinning and tangling itself into a knot. A knot on top of a knot, on top of another. Soon enough, the thread will become one giant, twisted mess so tightly entwined it’ll be nearly impossible to unravel. The way things are headed, this seems like the only plausible ending for his people. But before that happens, the Pinkertons will likely find them again, and they’ll be packing their things again, only prolonging this mess of things a little bit longer, letting it become bigger than it ever needed to be. People will keep dying for nothing like they always have, and maybe he’ll be one of them, an unfortunate tally added to their death toll, necessary for the bigger picture.
The young woman had the right of it. Her words still echo in his head even now. 
Perennials live all through the years, but only when they’re planted. Only when they’re planted. 
The world won’t open its arms to drifters, even with a pistol pressed to its head. It’s past time they grow some roots, start living like people, and stop living like wild animals backed into a corner. Sure, there’s no glory in honest work but there sure as hell isn’t any in dying. Arthur had given this idea some thought before. He wouldn’t mind settling, living a simple life working odd jobs, or even finding work on a ranch somewhere. A peaceful life, a predictable one; it sounded just fine in his head.
He passes by Mary Beth and Tilly, scrubbing clothes on a washboard and laughing. Tilly looks up from her busy hands and waves at him.
“Hey, Arthur!”
“Hey there, Miss Jackson,” he says with a friendly nod.
He finds his tent and sets the bundle of flowers down on the cot before reaching into his satchel. 
“Are those flowers, Arthur Morgan?” 
He jumps as Tilly’s voice is suddenly right behind him.
“What the hell! Don’t sneak up on me like that, girl,” he says, turning to face her and Mary Beth standing just outside his tent.
“My goodness, they are!” Mary Beth says, her hand flying to her mouth. “Where did you find those?”
“A lady,” he responds, biting his cheek to force away a smile he doesn't want them to see. He doesn't want to be stuck rattling off every detail to the excitement-starved women. 
“Like, you purchased them from a lady?” Mary Beth leans forward and raises her eyebrows.
“They were… given to me,” he reluctantly admits as he places the stems inside a gin bottle on the table. He moves a few of them around so they look nice.
“Don’t tell us they’re from Mary, Arthur.” Tilly's voice goes low with disappointment, no longer seeming excited.
He grimaces at the thought. “No! No, they’re not from Mary. I met a woman earlier today, and she gave them to me, that’s all.”
The two women quickly glance at each other and share an enthusiastic look.
“Arthur Morgan, you’re in love!” Mary Beth nearly squeals.
He scoffs loudly, “I am not in love. I hardly know the woman!”
“Well, she’s surely in love then. What kind of person just gives someone flowers if they ain’t sweet on’em?” Tilly says matter-of-factly.
“Exactly! So when are you gonna see her again?” Mary Beth asks.
“I don’t know,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. He should’ve known this conversation would happen. He should’ve sucked up his pride and said he purchased the flowers for himself to have avoided it entirely. “She told me to come back when they start to die, so whenever that is, I guess.”
Mary Beth hums and looks past him at the flowers in their makeshift vase. 
“Hmm… well, they look a little limp if you ask me. Dare I say… dead even? What do ya think, Tilly?” 
Tilly nods her head dismally, but even she can’t hide her smile, “Yeah, look at ‘em. They’re all sad-lookin’. Seems like you’ll need to head over first thing in the morning. Just to be sure.”
He shakes his head and laughs, “Alright, out. Both of ya. I can’t take it no more.”
He takes both women by their shoulders and guides them away from his tent despite their protests.
“We just want you to be happy, Arthur! Is that so bad?” Tilly cries out.
“I know, I know. Thank you, ladies. But I’m happiest when people ain't meddlin’ in my private business. Now go on.”
“This ain’t the end of it, Arthur!” Mary Beth calls out as they both walk away. They start talking animatedly as they return to work and keep throwing glances that he can only shake his head at.
Later that night, Arthur sits alone at one of the tables, eating his stew and staring off into the water. Most everyone else is off doing their own things, evening chores, and such. He's in the middle of bringing the bowl to his lips to get the last bit of broth when Mary Beth sits down beside him.
She keeps her word, not letting him hear the end of her numerous questions. Some of them he entertains, like when she asks what the garden looked like, and if she can see his drawing to get a better idea. He can practically see the story forming behind her eyes.
"What's she look like?" She asks, leaning against her hand on the table. "I'm picturing a sort of Isabelle Standish type in my head."
"Ah, come on now. You can't ask those sorts of things."
"Oh, Arthur! Please! This is the most exciting thing I've heard in so long. Just give me something to work with!" She gives him a pleading look, to which he dramatically rolls his eyes at.
"Alright. Well, she gives them girls on cigarette cards a run for their money, I'll tell you that."
She giggles, and asks him, "So when are you gonna see her again?"
He shrugs his shoulders, "I don't know yet."
“You don’t want to keep her waiting too long,” she says, in warning.
“Nah, I think she’ll be plenty busy without me. I’ll give it a few days.”
“A few days? But what if tomorrow another man comes by and sweeps her off her feet? What if she gives him flowers and forgets all about you because you took too long?” Her voice gets higher as she spitfires these potential events. 
“Mary Beth. If I visit her tomorrow, I’ll look like an idiot.” His face scrunches up, cringing at the thought. "And if that's really what happens then I can't do nothin' about that."
“Well, if I were her, I’d find it romantic,” she says and pats his hand on the table.
“Yeah, well, you find a lotta odd things romantic,” he chuckles, thinking back on the strange things in her novellas that have made her kick her feet.
For a second, it looks like she can’t tell if she should be offended. But then she joins him in laughter, giggling at herself.
“You might be right about that!”
Following his talk with Mary Beth, he retreats to his tent and slumps in his cot. He closes his eyes and turns to face the side of the wagon, but sleep doesn't come easy. The cot creaks beneath him as he shifts, trying to get comfortable. He groans and rolls over, opening his eyes to stare into the darkness. Against the dark canvas of his tent, he can make out the silhouette of the cliff maids standing tall in their bottle. He traces the outline of their leaves and thinks back to the woman and her garden, the tranquility of her home, and the opposing restlessness of his heart whenever she looked at him. Before he’s ushered into unconsciousness, a strange thought enters his head that he can only explain away as the delirium of drowsiness. It was that in the distant future, he could see himself settling down, working odd jobs, or finding work on a ranch, sure. But maybe, the preposterous idea of taking care of flowers wasn't so bad neither.
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anfie-in-the-box · 1 year
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X-tra Dark Cream & Dark Cream Week
Notes
Yeah, I'm a mess and have decided to write both prompts for each day of Dark Cream Week. Is it crazy? Yes, especially since I write rather slowly and with lots of difficulties and insecurities. Does it work out? It does, kinda. Did I manage? Who knows! Definitely not present-me, not yet, it's still a bit before the actual Week when I'm making this post. It's okay though, even if I end up not finishing. It's way more than what I've written for events before this one, so it's a win anyway! I am quite proud of myself.
No real spoilers for Turns, twists, and paradoxes, but feel free to skip my works for Dark Cream Week if you prefer reading the main piece chronologically!
。。。
Sacrifice
To survive, Dream sacrifices parts of himself. His kindness. His helpfulness. His understanding. His empathy. Everything he used to be goes away, forming something new. He's not sure what yet. It's dark, heavy with the burden of the entire world, bent on revenge for all the unfairness in the Multiverse, and in so much pain it wants the others to feel it too. Dream never knew he could be so cruel and wish others harm, but the curse changes him, bending and twisting but never breaking. Dream can't let himself break. Can't let the curse win. So he fights, choosing the lesser evil, being evil to everyone but his family. His loved ones.
Dream keeps the balance within himself, feeding his soul shattered positive feelings of thousands of humans and monsters he doesn't know yet never hurting those who truly matter. It's a fickle process, but Dream manages. He's hurt Cross enough before meeting Nightmare in that clever illusion of his. He failed to support his brother before everything started. Nevermore. Not if he can help it.
"Dream?" He startles at Cross' voice so near. Dream didn't notice him coming closer. "Are you okay?"
Dream smiles slightly, "I am. Just lost in thought."
"Whatever about?"
"How atrocious the world has been to all of us, mostly." Dream finds Cross' hand and caresses it gently with his. Cross smiles at him, content and peaceful, at least as much as even possible. "Never gets old, that. We were all good in our own ways and look what it's done to us. I've never hurt in return, despite the way I was abused my whole life, and what good did it do to me?" he pauses, then confesses, "It's so nice to be angry. So freeing. I've always tried to stay positive and bring light to everyone in need; I never let myself properly experience negative emotions, and only now I realise how unhealthy it was. I was miserable and in denial, and now that nothing stops me anymore…" Dream trails off, at a loss of words.
"It's okay if you don't know how to express yourself," Cross reassures, taking both Dream's hands in his. "It's also okay to be angry. You have every right to feel whatever emotion you feel at the moment. You're a person, not a perfect angel, and that's okay, too. I'm just sorry I never saw the pressure you were under before," he says quietly. "I'm sorry you felt like this was the only way."
Dream frees one of his hands and pets Cross' cheek, so very gently. "I forgive you." There's undeniable fondness in his voice, but also sadness. Dream's sorry, too. But that's exactly how unfair the world has been to them. That's exactly his point. They tried so hard, and it didn't change anything. There was no happy ending. But maybe there will be. Dream hopes.
Oh, how he hopes.
So maybe he's not sacrificing his old self after all. Maybe he's just hiding it deep inside, only for his loved ones to see. He's still different, even with them; he's sharper, tougher, more resolute. But that's alright. Because…
"I love you," Cross whispers.
Yeah. That's why.
"I love you too."
。。。
Credits
Undertale © Toby Fox
Dream!Sans © jokublog
Cross!Sans © jakei95 / xtaleunderverse
Shattered Dream © galacii-gallery /shattereddreamsau
Dark Cream and Dark Cream Week © zu-is-here
X-tra Dark Cream © me (anfie / anfie-in-the-box)
。。。
Notes
I love how different it is from Egoism, its dual piece. Dream is steadier here, more certain, although he still has a long way to go. It's really interesting to observe.
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The Morning Gift
Author: Eva Ibbotson
First published: 1993
Rating:  ★★★★☆
I adored this story! A romance born on the eve of WW2, that holds the foreboding but still shows you that people still lived their lives and had their hopes. I was happy to note that for once the main female character of Ibbotson´s is not a sheer perfection (this girl has actually some issues to go through), though I admit I could still do without the comically evil rival (it would have been so much more interesting if there actually at least appeared a possibility the other girl might succeed). But all in all, especially because of the last third of the book, I thought this was a well-crafted romance with some, perhaps cheesy, but well-used tropes. Just, for the love of god, DO NOT listen to this as an audiobook recorded by Kate Lock, who insisted on using a fake German accent and squeaky voice for the main character, making her sound like a stupid child of 10. (And that is not the only horrible thing she does to the selected characters).
Jane, the Fox & Me
Author: Fanny Britt
First published: 2012
Rating: ★★★★☆
A beautifully executed graphic novel in which the story somewhat fizzles out and feels unfinished, definitely could have been longer and yet I rate it quite high simply because it hit me like a train. I was not a fat kid but all my life I felt I was, even if in my case there was no bullying. I felt this little girl´s pain deeply.
The Witches: Salem, 1692
Author: Stacy Schiff
First published: 2015
Rating: ★★★☆☆
I think Stacy Schiff is an excellent historian and has an extremely readable style of writing. I also think she has done a stupendous job putting this mammoth project together, but I need to agree with those who complain about the density and slowness of the text. It is next to impossible to keep track of the names and the accusations/descriptions of the alleged witchcraft are so similar (or completely the same) that it is very taxing to keep up. I am not sure whether I should be complaining though, because, after all, I DID want a book about these events and I got it. I would recommend an audiobook though, makes it easier to get through.
The Clockmaker's Daughter
Author: Kate Morton
First published: 2018
Rating: ★★★★☆
This is a story of a house and people connected to it in an intriguing web of connections. It spans from the 1860s to the modern day, not always in chronological order, and I must say that Kate Morton managed to jump through the timelines quite effortlessly. There is a great number of characters but I had no problems following who was who, though admittedly some of the timelines were less interesting than the others (notably and predictably for me I enjoyed the modern one the least). I also had trouble when some things, already revealed to the reader, were "revealed" again. The main voice is that of a ghost (trust me, this is not a spoiler), and while I did not mind it, I also believe the book would have been stronger had that been completely committed and we only got to know that particular character from the other stories it touches. Even after all that I have to say I was surprised at how easy this was to read (it IS a chunker) and how much I enjoyed it.
A Face Like Glass
Author: Frances Hardinge
First published: 2012
Rating: ★★★☆☆
I adore the fact that Frances Hardinge does not talk down to children, because this is undeniably a middle-grade book, but does not shy from some pretty heavy stuff. However perhaps I have read too much Frances Hardinge at this point because I tend to really like/be intrigued by the start of her books, her world-building and her unique ideas, but then it all became too much with this one and I was impatient for the story to be over.
Brigid of Kildare
Author: Heather Terrell
First published: 2009
Rating: ★★☆☆☆
I am sad to report that this book was kind of a mess. The historical bits would have been just fine on their own, even if I had wanted a little more depth, many a time I felt like we were merely dipping our toes into the fascinating story of Brigid. But then the author decided to weave in a "mystery" set in modern times and those chapters, apart from being unnecessary to the story, felt just tedious to the point I was considering skipping them altogether. A bummer.
When Women Were Dragons
Author: Kelly Barnhill
First published: 2022
Rating: ★★★☆☆
As long as it was a family tragedy infused with the elusive and unexplained, I was enjoying this book quite a lot. But then, in its second half, it becomes too wordy, too idealistic, too uninteresting.
The Silent Unseen
Author: Amanda McCrina
First published: 2022
Rating: ★★☆☆☆
The good thing: the topic, even if you have read loads of WW2 books, is an unusual one. The bad thing: the story is extremely weak (walking and talking do not an intriguing narrative make), the characters shallow, the motivations extremely basic, the romance needless and not particularly well done. No matter how many betrayals posing as shocking twists you cram into the last third, you cannot make me invested in this.
Charlotte's Web
Author: E.B.White
First published: 1952
Rating: ★★★★☆
As a non-UK and non-US child, I have never read this book when I was its target audience. I picked it up now more for the super cute edition than anything else. And indeed throughout I kept thinking: sure, it´s cute. But is it that great? And then I got kicked in the guts by that friggin ending.
Emily Wilde's Map of the Otherlands
Author: Heather Fawcett
First published: 2024
Rating: ★★★★★
Just as enjoyable and delightful as the first volume! I love the tone, the language, and the romance (I am SHIPPING Emily and Wendell so hard), it can be both touching and humorous at the same time. Cannot wait for the conclusion of this series which so far I find to be one of the most joyous literary events in years.
The Great Mortality: An Intimate History of the Black Death, the Most Devastating Plague of All Time
Author: John Kelly
First published: 2005
Rating: ★★★★☆
The Black Death epidemic of the 14th century remains one of the most gruesomely fascinating events in European history and I dare say this book is a very accessible, informative and well-organized study of it. It is strictly chronological, leading you in the steps of the disease, and adding stories and explanations that make it all less clinical and more humanly tragic. Just perhaps the ending sounds way too much like "but in the end it was a good thing" felt like a very, very weird conclusion.
Psyche and Eros
Author: Luna McNamara
First published: 2023
Rating: ★★☆☆☆
I finished this book out of spite more than anything else. The myth of Psyche and Reos may just be my favourite of all the Greek myths, unfortunately instead of crafting it into something fresh and memorable Luna McNamara tried her hand at mixing every Greek myth you have ever heard of and made Psyche insufferable during the process for good measure. It is not even subtle mixing, instead, she goes full Marvel Universe of Greek gods on you, twisting the story to incredible lengths just to cram more of the mythology into her book. I would also say that the original myth takes quite a beating in this reimagining, being stripped of much that made it so appealing to me as a reader. Sometimes less is more.
A Middle-Earth Traveller: Sketches from Bag End to Mordor
Author: John Howe
First published: 2018
Rating: ★★★★★
Beautifully executed "sketchbook". It would seem that while Alan Lee was more concerned with the Elven stuff, John Howe focused on Dwarves, Orcs and the more gritty parts we saw in the movies. There are, however, also illustrations from the Silmarillion included. I would imagine this is a perfect book to take with you outside, where you can sit under a tree and just leaf through, dreaming of Middle-Earth.
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onmyo-jin · 5 months
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Pairing KanJian/cake feat. The Very Baffled (and obscenely famous) Patisserie Xiaoge
Xiaoge didn't need to check where everything was-- this was his kitchen, his kingdom, and everything would be where he left it.
It was not.
One of his several cake layers (the Victoria spunge, delicately fluffy and melt-in-the-mouth) was MIA. Without it, the five-tiered cake requested by the Wu heir would not be complete. Not only would it miss a very obvious middle layer, the jump in sizes between tiers ugly and unworthy of any Zhang bakery cake (and the price tag those warranted). What was worse: the balance of flavours would be off. The heavy chocolate bottom tier and the fruit and floral tiers above it would have no proper counterpoint in the simple beauty of the Victoria spunge cake.
Time to redo the cake he had not, by the time the cake would be cool the party it was intended for would have begun already. And yet an unfinished cake was equally out of the question. Uncertain of what to do next, Xiaoge looked around himself at the pristine worksurfaces.
If one thing was missing from Zhang Qiling's kingdom, what else might be awry?
A quick check revealed a missing cake knife, piping bags, cream and spatulas... and also a sudden clatter of noise in the next room.
Xiaoge rushed in, not noticing the knife in his hand until he heard a yelp as he came upon a crime scene.
In the scullery, the worktop was no longer pristine. An abandoned piping bag slumped sadly over the ledge, its contents exploded over the table and the culprit. The only thing it had not managed to cover was the cake.
Behind the table stood Kan Jian, the missing cake in front of him in undeniable evidence of his theft. A second piping bag was held on his hand, poised to start attacked the cake, when he looked up.
"Xiaoge! I didn't know you'd be in this early! I figured I'd start icing the cake so we could get to Wu Xie's party early," Kan Jian said, seemingly unaware of the mess, or the whipped cream that covered not only the table but also his arms (a risk of wearing no sleeves), and his face. No amount of cream could hide his brilliant grin, however. And just like with Wu Xie’s sad looks, that grin held a power all its own. If it were anyone else, Xiaoge would have been mad-- but not Kan Jian. No man existed who was strong enough to be mad at Kan Jian.
Xiaoge placed the knife back in its knifeblock, and said only: "I'll demonstrate."
No cake was allowed to leave the bakery in a less than perfect state-- except if it was made by one's friends.
~
Send me an ask with a pairing and an AU and I'll write you a ficlet!
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Ok thoughts are coherent finally so here's some UK Newsie stuff, apologies for the length-
So I remember reading on another post that UK Crutchie's real name is Sean Hanlon. Not info that Matthew himself told me, but what he did tell me was Crutchie became disabled whilst he was a newsie, and it was an accident whilst getting on or off a trolley. Apparently he did consider playing Crutchie with cerebral palsy, but in his own words people born with CP tended to be in institutions rather than out and about (very sad but unfortunately true).
Onto how he is in the show, he's more clearly established as high up in the Manhattan hierarchy, and I know a lot of people probably won't agree with me but I think he's got more of a presence than Race (I'm willing to admit that's because I focus on him more). I don't think Crutchie was utilised poorly in the USA shows, but here he's undeniably on an equal footing with Jack and is looked up to by the other boys. He's a Menace and messes with the others a lot, but he's also very protective of them and gets involved in the riot scene to fight off the strikebreakers.
Then there's Scope and Pips! I fully agree these two don't get talked about enough, and I think that's partially because we don't really know a lot of canon about them (If anyone knows anything Kamilla or Mireia has said abt them I'd love to know though!)
Truth be told I can't remember Scope very well, which is a shame bc I remember she stood out to me for being the only one in a dress (I was a dumb fuck and didn't notice Splint wears a skirt/dress too skdksjd). Her outfit was also very nice, although a little more uncoordinated than her successor Pips'. She seemed to be one of the older girls, although not necessarily part of Spot's inner circle.
Pips has my favourite outfit of all the newsies in the UK show, it's a lovely shade of blue and I love how well they made it look mismatched but still coordinated, like she's actively tried to put together an outfit out of hand-me-downs. She gives me vibes of being one of the younger newsies, and she doesn't seem to be quite as assertive as the other girls.
I can't remember much else abt Elmer bc I only really cemented who he was on the last two visits, so ig the only other observation is that my gripe with the ensemble costuming still stands, those boys are not distinguishable enough😅
Apologies again that it's so long😅😅 (most of my thoughts on Scope and Pips are pure hc as there's not a whole lot to go off, although I'd happily ramble abt them if you wanna hear em ksfksk)
Thank you so much for this Clyde!!!
One of my favorite things that I've heard about this production is how Crutchie is handled. I know I don't post or reblog stuff about him a whole lot, but I can't properly put into words how much he means to me, and that's even more true for Matthew Duckett's interpretation of him.
Ummm...if it makes you feel better I am also a bit of a dumb fuck because I also thought Scope, and later, Pips, were the only two newsies who wore skirts/dresses (although, tbf, I've only seen like one picture of Splint compared to idk how many pictures I've seen of the other two).
That's a totally fair observation about the costuming for this production. I'm pretty good with names and faces but it took me longer to identify everybody in West Endsies just because with Livesies I used their outfits to tell them apart easier.
(I'm absolutely never going to complain if you want to ramble about any characters; I love your hcs)
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ivarlover · 1 year
Text
UNDENIABLE PART 3 (Sequel to UNLEASHED)
Alex + Modern Ivar
Mentions of Female Reader + Hvitserk
This was supposed to be just a one-shot, but the story has come alive for me, and the need to write more can't be ignored. At this point, I have no idea how many chapters this will end up consiating of. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it! 🔥 This is the last chapter of Undeniable. However, there will be another sequel called Unexpected that I will hopefully be posting soon. After Unexpected is finished (& I have no idea how many chapters it will be), that will be the end of this roller coaster ride. This chapter has thoroughly kicked my ass! Hope it's worth it! 😘
Summary: During a hot weekend with your classmate, Alex, and his best friend, Ivar, the two of them had their own fun together. And now, it had turned into what looked like a confusing situation in the light of day. What did it all mean to them now? What would happen with their friendship? Can they move forward as friends or has all been lost? Is friends to lovers even a possibility at this point?
Inspired by a naughty conversation with a friend of mine. 😍 (You know who you are).
Warnings: This chapter: A little bit of heartache but also all the feels. Smut, Ivar being Ivar.
The sequel in general: Totally NSFW, Unprotected anal sex (male receiving), oral, male to male contact and more, heartbreak, and a bad case of the feels, and smut, with me, there is ALWAYS smut 🤣
Please leave a comment and let me know what you think!
*LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT ON OR OFF OF THE TAG LIST*
Words: I don't know; there are many, many words 🤣
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It was finally here. The after-party was scheduled to begin in almost an hour, and there were already people arriving. You didn't know who the newlyweds were, but you were certain they had more money than you were accustomed to. They'd rented out the entire bar for only their guests, so it was closed to the public.
You watched as the bouncers continued to turn people away and how sad they looked learning they couldn't enter for a second night in a row. You couldn't help but to feel proud knowing your friends had accomplished this, of course, with your help. "I can't thank you enough for your help tonight, Y/N. Looks like we're going to need as much as we can get. Did you see how many people are already here?" Alex buzzed passed you, headed for more champagne.
"Alex, you're very welcome, but remember, you're the boss. Let us help and you, I don't know, you just stand here and look pretty. I got this. Which table gets the champagne?" He smiled his flirty smile at you and told you which table. "Yes, sir," you smiled back and headed toward the table.
"Y/N?"
"Yes?" you replied.
"I like it when you call me sir."
"Oh my God!" you blushed and punched him playfully in the chest.
"Nah, seriously, Y/N, thank you," he grinned proudly, "For everything."
You shrugged and went to work. It was almost weird for you, thinking about that hot weekend you'd had with him and Ivar. It was great but so much had changed so fast and now, all you really wanted was for him to be happy with Ivar like you knew he could be, like you knew he wanted. You made a mental note to have a heart to heart discussion with Ivar as soon as you found the chance. Alex and you had become really close friends really fast and you were determined to sort out this mess the two of them had made.
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"So much for me standing and looking pretty, huh?" Alex said as the two of you ended up at the bar at the same time for the first time all night. He was washing glasses beside you. "Damn, I think we needed more help."
"No. It's ok. Don't freak out now. Look at the time. We're almost at the end. Everyone is happy and having a good time," you reassured him.
"This has been one hell of a night! It's a good thing we closed the place to the public. There's no way we would have had enough space for more people," Alex laughed.
"Oh fuck!" Your heart completely stopped.
"What? Oh God, what is it?" Alex panicked.
You just pointed to the door. Ivar and Hvitserk were standing just inside it and you could see Hvitserk standing in front of him, clearly trying to hold him back. Ivar flung his arms around and shoved Hvitserk out of his way. He headed toward the bar and he made eye contact with you. He had a murderous look across his face that appeared to be directed at you and Alex.
"What the fuck is wrong with him? Doesn't he know how big this event is?" Alex was frozen in his spot.
"I got this. You go get Hvitserk and keep him with you. He doesn't even need to be in here!" You walked into the crowd and stopped in front of Ivar. "Ivar, this is not the time or the place."
"What's it fucking to you?" He slurred his words a little and as you got closer to him, you could smell alcohol on his breath. Just great. You had no idea what he was like when he's drunk or what he was capable of.
You began, a little sweeter than before. "Ivar, look around you. This place is full of people. People who paid you guys good money to be here. Don't ruin their wedding night. You know Alex will talk to you. Just wait until we close up later tonight and you sober up some."
He looked at you straight in the eyes and said one word, "No!" He managed to walk around you, or stumble was more like it, and went straight to where Alex stood at the bar, headed to Hvitserk.
You gave Alex an apologetic smile and went to Hvitserk yourself, praying the whole way that at least he was sober.
"So, that's it? We're done? It's all over before it even begins?" Ivar's voice was so harsh and cold.
Alex looked at him, sadly, "Ivar, are you drunk?"
"No, I'm not fucking drunk! I'm pissed! Answer my damn question, Alex!" As he got louder, people around them began to stare. "It's seriously all over before it even begins?"
Alex tried to calm him. He wasn't sure how to answer him in this state. "Ivar, let's go talk in the back and I..."
"Fuck no! Answer me here!"
Alex had seen him like this before, just never had it directed at him. He spoke quietly. "Ivar, we don't know what the future holds, but you have to recognize the timing is not in our favor right now."
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
Alex dropped his head. After the last couple of weeks he'd had, he couldn't believe he was shutting this down. "Ivar, please. Can we talk later? When everyone has left from here?"
Even in his drunken stuper, Ivar recognized the pain in Alex's face and he suddenly felt bad. Just as he was going to apologize, you and Hvitserk walked up.
"Hey, Ivar," you said, "Want to go with me to the office?" He looked at you with a funny smile. "Oh my God! No! Jesus! I meant for you to get some rest until everyone is gone."
He laughed and looked at Alex, who still seemed taken back by this entire situation. "Umm, yeah sure. I guess so," he answered, thinking only of Alex now.
As you walked him toward the office, you playfully smacked him in the shoulder and said, "You're such a pervert."
"Hey, I wasn't sure what you were offering," he replied and you punched him this time.
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"What the hell was that all about?" Hvitserk asked Alex as you and Ivar walked away.
Alex smiled. "Umm, long story. For another time."
"Right. Something tells me I don't even want to know."
"Yeah, probably not," Alex answered, laughing. Then he saw the serious look across Hvitserk's face. "What is it?"
"I'm just trying to figure things out here. How did you manage to make my baby brother so angry with you and yet so into you all at the same time?"
"Wait. What?" Alex was floored. He stumbled over his words, "I, I, umm, did no such a thing! Why would you even say that? You know we've been best friends for years, Hvitserk."
"Yes, I do, but this, this is more than just best friends. I've never seen him like that over any woman and Alex, you know he's been in love with one before." You both grimaced at the memory of her. "This is way deeper than friendship."
Alex tried to keep his composure. "You've never seen him act like what? I really don't know what you're talking about. He's not into me. He's just drunk."
Hvitserk was persistent, "Alex, you can knock off that innocent act with me. I know something happened with you guys, and don't worry. It doesn't bother me. As long as he's happy, I'm happy. And he is convinced he'll be happy with you."
Alex stood there in shock for a minute, trying to decide how best to answer. "Wow! I wasn't expecting that. Look, I'm not going to violate his trust like that. All I will say is our friendship took a turn that neither of us were expecting at all and now, we're just trying to navigate through the changes. It's difficult, Hvitserk."
"It's not, actually, Alex. When you feel that strongly about someone, that's major. You don't just let them slip away from you so easily. Especially if your feelings are as deep as his seem to be. All he talked about to me all afternoon was you and how he may have fucked up the first real, true thing he's ever found. I don't need details, man. I just need you to fix this. There's no reason the two of you should be suffering like this when you both clearly want the same thing. And if it's mom, don't worry about her. He can handle her. I promise you that."
"I, umm, I really don't know what to say." Hvitserk was one of the last people that Alex had ever expected to be so insightful or accepting of everything.
"You don't need to say anything, man. Not to me, at least. Just promise me you'll talk to him before you leave tonight."
Just as Alex started to answer, you walked up. "He pretty much passed out as soon as his head hit the sofa," you laughed, looking at the two of them. "Alex, you have to talk to him. Tonight."
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"Ok, ok already. The two of you don't need to gang up on me! I plan on talking to him. I want to even," Alex smiled at their genuine concern.
You turned to Hvitserk, "Now, I can give you a ride home." Then you turned to Alex, "It's ok, right? I'll be right back. And don't worry, Hvitserk, Alex will be sure Ivar gets back home." You smiled.
Hvitserk put his hand up, "No, I'm fine. I don't want to leave. I'd really like to stay here with you guys. I can even help out with whatever you need." You and Alex both gave him a confused look. "Seriously, guys, it's not the alcohol that I have a problem with. It's umm, it's drugs. When I'm high is the only time I ever want to drink. You can ask Ivar. He understands this now. He drank most of the evening in front of me and it didn't bother me. It's my mom who didn't want to leave yet. She wanted to be sure I am seriously ok. Although, Y/N, I wouldn't mind you giving me 'that ride' a little later." He gave you that same shit eating grin of Ivar's.
"Oh my God! You're horrible!" You playfully smacked him on his arm.
"Yeah, but something tells me you like it," he continued to smile as you began to blush. Of course, he was right. There was definitely something about these Lothbrok boys that you couldn't get enough of.
"Ok, ok. Sorry to break up the relentless flirting, but we still have work to do," Alex interrupted them. "Hvitserk, if you're sure Ivar won't disown me for letting you stay, we definitely could use the extra help."
"I'm sure. Where do you want me, boss?" Alex rolled his eyes and put him and you to work but not before giving you very specific instructions to watch out for him, while he went to the back for more bottles of alcohol.
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The night was finally winding down. It had been almost two hours since Ivar had came in demanding answers from Alex and the place was thinning out. You had checked in on Ivar a few times and he'd just smiled and waved you off. Alex had sent you and Hvitserk to close off a section of the bar and begin having people move to the other side of the bar.
Alex was behind the bar, throwing out empty bottles. He was smiling at the success the evening had been. He'd just had the DJ do a last call and was happy that they'd be closing soon. He was more tired than he'd expected to be.
One of the bartenders alerted Alex that the office door was open so Alex told her, "I bet someone thought it was a bathroom. I'll be right back." He needed to go check that everything was ok with Ivar and to close the door back.
To his surprise, just as he got to the end of the bar, he ran straight into Ivar. It was like colliding with a brick wall. He'd forgotten just what a muscular body Ivar had. He wasn't sure how in the hell he'd forgotten but this was a nice, shocking reminder. "Oh, um, hey. I, uh, I was just headed to check on you."
"What for?" Ivar's voice was cold, but he was definitely sober now. Staring, his eyes piercing through Alex's, he asked, "If everything is over before it even began, then why bother?"
Alex felt sweat beads on his forehead. He looked up at Ivar and blushed when he saw just how sexy Ivar looked, even with his anger directed at him. "Ivar, umm, it..."
Ivar interrupted him before he could finish, "It wasn't over at all, was it?" He walked closer to Alex, pushing Alex backwards against the wall. He placed his left hand on the wall beside Alex's head. Alex panicked, not having a clue what was coming next. "And it still isn't over." He placed his right hand on Alex's cheek. Before Alex could say a word, he leaned in, pressing his body against Alex's, breathing heavily into Alex's stunned face and grazed his lips against Alex's, just lightly kissing him. He slowly pulled away and looked at Alex for reassurance. Alex's face was shocked but his lips were still puckered up and slightly parted, clearly waiting for more, as he leaned toward Ivar, chasing the kiss.
Alex was in a complete daze. Ivar leaned in again and tenderly kissed Alex on his lips once more, his heart racing, his chest heaving, his feelings undeniable. He kissed Alex as if it were the first time and the last time. As their lips pressed together heatedly, he couldn't get enough of this feeling that surged through his veins, this feeling of contentment, of overjoy. He held Alex's face between his hands as they became completely lost in eachother. They were the only ones in the room, hell, in the world. Nothing else mattered, nothing else existed, just the two of them and this loving, sensual kiss shared between them.
That is, until the clapping they heard from behind them. Ivar slowly pulled away from Alex and looked around, stunned. Several staff members and even a few guests were clapping and whistling and making cat calls. Alex immediately blushed, feeling the heat rushing to his face.
A little embarrassed, Ivar dropped his head. He looked back at Alex and then decided to make the best of it. He turned back to everyone and bowed before them and said, "'Thank you. Thank you, guys. Now, the show's over." He leaned back, laughing and a few people clapped again before going on about their business.
He grabbed Alex's hands and turned to look him straight in the eyes. Ivar then said to him, "Umm, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so umm, well, forward here in front of everyone but I couldn't help myself. I'm scared as hell to want you, so, so scared, but here I am, wanting you more and more every day. And umm, I'm, umm, I'm even more scared to lose you. How I feel is undeniable, Alex, and I can't do this to myself anymore." His eyes began to water and he dropped his head. His palms were sweaty. The anticipation of what Alex's response would be was almost too much to bear.
Squeezing Ivar's hands, Alex stared at Ivar in complete disbelief. He hadn't expected any of this. He'd really thought that giving Ivar space had really been what he wanted and needed. He put two fingers under Ivar's chin and pulled his head up to face him. "Hey, my feelings are actually undeniable, too, Ivar."
Alex felt a sense of relief run all through his body. He leaned to Ivar and closing the small gap between them, kissed him back quickly and then pulled away from him almost just as quickly as it had began. "Will you come back to my place when we're finished here so we can really talk? Just the two of us? And no interruptions. We have an audience here and I'd really rather talk when it's just the two of us." He then looked over Ivar's shoulders. "That is if Y/N can keep an eye on Hvitserk for you. I'm sure she wouldn't mind. Look," and he pointed across the bar, behind Ivar.
When Ivar turned around, he saw you and Hvitserk on the other side of the bar, making out. He laughed and turned back to Alex, "He's always in competition with me." Alex laughed. "Yes, Alex, I'd really like to talk with you more when we're finished here. We have lots to discuss, I guess, huh?"
"Great! Guess I should get to work then," Alex finally exhaled. He hadn't realized that he'd pretty much been holding his breath, maybe for the last two weeks even. He didn't know what would happen, but he felt better than he'd felt since that weekend at your place.
"Ok, where do you need me?" Ivar asked and Alex put him to work out on the floor as he went back to working behind the bar.
The bartender who he'd spoken to earlier smiled at him. "What?" Alex asked her.
"Umm, nothing."
"That's not nothing. What are you all smiles about?"
"Umm, well, it's about time," she answered.
"That?" Alex really had no idea what she meant.
"Well, we've all been watching you two for some time now. We knew it was just a matter of time before the two of you got together. And I, personally, am glad."
Completely shocked, Alex asked her, "What? Are you serious? Is that what the clapping was all about?"
"Yes!"
"How did you all even know?" He was extremely surprised.
"Can I speak freely?"
"Of course," he answered her, placing the glasses back in their spot.
"Well, I think, literally, everyone knew except for the two of you, of course. Just the way you guys treat each other and speak to each other. True relationship goals, ya know? It's rather sweet. And since I know you both so well, it makes me very happy. The two of you deserve it," she patted him on the back. "So, do whatever you need to make it work. Something tells me you won't regret it, Alex."
Alex let that soak in as he finished up behind the bar. Had they been that obvious? Seemed like nearly everyone around them had noticed except for themselves. Apparently, neither of them were particularly good at hiding their emotions. He smiled to himself as he thought of it all and continued cleaning.
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They were finally in the car ride back to Alex's place. You had all too eagerly agreed to see to it that Hvitserk got home safely and all but jumped on Alex and Ivar for suggesting it.
The event had went well. The couple had thanked Alex and Ivar and said they were putting in a word for them with some of their well known associates. Only good things could come from this evening and it certainly called for a celebration.
Although, the Uber ride to Alex's was kind of quiet. Alex looked over and watched Ivar looking out the window and wondered what he was thinking. He tried not to be a paranoid idiot but he couldn't help it. What if he was having second thoughts about everything? What if the staff in the bar had embarrassed him and he realized this was something he couldn't do? Alex knew Y/N had been right about the need for them to defend anything that may happen between them. Maybe it would be too much for Ivar. He wanted to ask him about it but he didn't want to begin a conversation like that in the Uber.
As if instinctively knowing what was going through Alex's mind, or maybe just from feeling him stare, Ivar looked over to Alex. He saw the concerned look on Alex's face and just placed his hand on top of Alex's, that was sitting in the seat between them, and gave it a gentle squeeze. He sweetly smiled at Alex and said, "We've come a long way umm, since that first night, umm, that we opened the bar, Alex. I'm so happy where we've ended up so far and umm, extremely excited to see what happens from here." He winked at Alex and Alex couldn't help but smile with relief.
Well, that was obviously nothing to do with the bar and everything to do with their current situation. Alex took a mental note to try to stop expecting the worst. He knew it would be a challenge but he also knew he just needed to let go of his fears.
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Once they were inside Alex's place, he kicked his shoes off at the door and headed to the kitchen. "Hey, would you like beer, wine, or liquor? I think we've earned ourselves a celebration, don't you?"
Ivar loved that he still felt so welcomed as he took his jacket off and hung it up by the door. "I'll take a beer," he answered, following behind Alex. "And did my pig of a brother eat all of that pizza last night or do you still have some? I'm actually a little hungry."
"There's definitely still pizza. I'm not sure why Y/N ordered so much for just two of us but I guess it's a good thing she did because I'm kind of hungry, too," Alex answered, pulling the pizza and two beers from the refrigerator. "Help yourself. You know where the plates and everything are. I have got to go take a shower before I can feel comfortable enough to eat or even talk at this point."
Ivar looked at him, smiling. "What?" Alex asked him.
"Nothing. Umm, I'm just glad it's still the same with us," Ivar blushed a little.
"I'd have it no other way, Ivar. And umm, if you want a shower when I'm done, you're more than welcomed."
"Aww, you mean I have to wait for you to finish first?" Ivar flirted. Alex gave him a serious look that said now wasn't the time to be naughty. Ivar coughed and straightened up, "I'm umm, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, man."
"It's ok. I'm not uncomfortable. I umm, I just feel like we really need to have that talk. I'll be back. Please, make yourself at home."
As Ivar set about warming his pizza, he thought about the conversation they desperately needed to have. His palms were sweaty and his heart was racing. For a moment, he felt more nervous about this than he had about being intimate with Alex and he knew that definitely said a lot. However, he knew he could do it. He had to get everything out in the open and off of his chest.
Ivar went ahead and warmed up Alex's food, too, and set their plates on the table. He got himself another beer and went to put some music on in the living room. The silence was deafening to him right now.
Just as he was finishing his second beer, Alex came through in sweats and a white t-shirt. As Ivar looked over to him, he realized just how much he liked this look on Alex. "Hey, I've already got your plate here at the table with mine. Come eat."
Alex looked at Ivar's still very full plate. He asked, as he sat down with him, "Why haven't you eaten your food yet?"
"Well, I knew you wouldn't be too long so I just figured I'd wait for you." Ivar warmly smiled.
They ate and talked about the after party and all the highlights of the evening. They discussed Y/N and Hvitserk and laughed at how into you he seemed to be. They laughed and drank and talked a little about almost everything. Everything except for the one thing they needed to. It seemed the elephant in the room couldn't get any bigger.
Alex stood up to take the plates to the sink and Ivar stopped him. "I've got this. You've already worked too hard tonight."Alex gave him a curious look. "Don't look at me like that. Go. Go get comfortable on the sofa and rest your feet. I said I've got this."
Holding his hands up in mocked defeat, Alex played, "Ok, ok. You've got it. I understand. And Ivar, thank you."
Alex went to the sofa as instructed and waited for Ivar to join him, mind wandering out of control.
Moments later, Ivar sat down beside Alex with two more beers. Handing one to Alex, he smiled softly. They sat there in silence for a few minutes with nothing but soft music playing in the background.
Alex felt nervous and glanced over at Ivar only to find him nervously glancing back at him. At the same time, they both began to speak.
"Alex,"
"Ivar,"
Simultaneously saying each other's name, they laughed. "Do you mind if I go first, Alex? I really need to say what's eating away at me. Umm, before I lose my nerve."
Alex gestured to Ivar, "The floor's all yours."
Alex shifting in his seat, Ivar's voice small, Ivar began, as he looked straight into Alex's eyes. "Alex, I know I already said this, but I am truly sorry for hurting you. It really wasn't my intentions. That night," he dropped his head and swallowed thickly. Clearing his throat and looking back at Alex, he continued, "That night at Y/N's everything took me by surprise. You've always meant the world to me so I never thought anything about it. And when you first touched me," Ivar coughed, "I felt a surge of emotions. And umm, I decided to listen to Y/N. She was right. As soon as I got out of my head, she was right. But Alex, I certainly wasn't expecting everything else." He stopped, trying to gather his thoughts to be sure he expressed himself the way he wanted to.
Alex felt uncertain of where this was going but he sat back and waited, giving Ivar the time he needed. It was worth it. Ivar was worth it.
Ivar sighed and began again. "Forgive me, Alex. I just don't want to fuck this up. I, umm, I was so confused. I've been with other people before. You know this. Even with women who meant a lot to me. But you and I, we connected on a level that I've never experienced before in my life. Sure, the sex was amazing," he blushed, and sweat beads began to form on his forehead, "But I never expected the emotions that came along with it. It confused me. It scared me. It..." he was cut off.
Alex interrupted him, "It's ok, Ivar. You don't have to..."
Ivar reached up and gently placed his finger over Alex's mouth. "Shhh," he smiled. He scooted closer to Alex and grabbed both of his hands and held them in his lap, rubbing his thumbs over the back of them. Alex's heart rate sped up so quickly, he was sure Ivar could feel it in his hands. "It terrified me, Alex, and I'm still terrified but, umm, now I know why. I-I'm terrified to actually love someone this much, much more than I've ever loved anyone else before, and there be the possibility that the feelings are not mutual."
He placed his hand on Alex's cheek as a single tear ran down it that he caught and wiped away. "I'm terrified of what it means to give myself to you wholeheartedly, heart, mind, body, and soul, and maybe be rejected in return. I'm terrified to love you, Alex, and the possibility of losing you over it, but, umm, Alex," he slid closer to Alex on the sofa and leaned in closer to his face and held it between both of his hands, staring deeply into his eyes, "I'm even more terrified of walking out that door without ever trying to give us a shot, without ever telling you how I feel. Because that's just it. I love you, Alex. I'm in love with you. I know that now. My feelings for you are undeniable. I love you, and I've always loved you. I want to shout it from the rooftops! I can't hide it any longer. I have never felt like this about anyone else in my life before, Love. When I'm with you I feel like I'm whole, like that empty, black hole in my heart is finally full. I've never known love this pure before, Alex. I want to share my everything with you!"
Ivar was trembling all over. He couldn't remember another time when he'd been this completely scared to his core or this vulnerable to another. He was a ball of emotions as a tear began to roll down his cheeks.
Alex sat in silence for a moment, trying to take it all in. He was in a daze and completely stunned at Ivar's admission. This was intense and probably even more intimate than he and Ivar had been yet. He knew just how big this was for him, for them. He worried his heart would burst from his chest before he could could even say anything. He tried to gather his thoughts and make some coherent response. He stared blankly at Ivar, missing the panic as it stretched across Ivar's face.
Ivar took his silence as rejection and began to pull away from Alex immediately, his heart beginning to crumble. "Oh. Umm," he dropped his hands from Alex's face and his body stiffened, "Alex, I'm umm, fuck, I-I'm sorry. I'll umm, I'll go..."
Just then, it registered with Alex what Ivar thought was happening. As Ivar's eyes began to water up even more, Alex placed his hands on either side of his face and pulled him to him. His soft lips reaching Ivar's, his kiss cut Ivar off in mid sentence. He tenderly kissed Ivar, it taking a moment for Ivar to catch up to what was happening and kiss him back. Alex's hands quickly wrapped around Ivar's shoulders, and he held him tightly as he pulled away from their kiss and buried his face in Ivar's neck.
He stayed there for a moment, breathing Ivar in, before pulling away and facing him. He saw Ivar's worried look and said, "Ivar, you don't know how relieved I am." He moved a strand of Ivar's hair away from his face. "Ivar, umm, I-I am in love with you, too. I love you more than anything in this world," he smiled warmly. "And umm," Alex dropped his head as he felt the blush color his face, "I've known it for quite some time."
Ivar was just as stunned as Alex had been. His heart swelled in his chest and bubbled over into tears that steady streamed down his face. He tried to catch his breath as he spoke, "Alex, oh my God. Alex, I never knew. Are we really this fucking lucky?" He cupped Alex's cheek in complete disbelief and smiled through his tears, finally taking a deep breath. "I can't remember the last time I was this fucking happy. I have been so fucking scared I was going to lose you over this."
He pulled Alex in for a tight hug and they could feel the hard thumping of their combined heartbeat. They sat, reveling in eachother's arms for several minutes before Alex finally spoke.
Alex laughed and said, "We've really tortured eachother these last two weeks, huh?"
Ivar broke their embrace and looked Alex in the eyes and said, "Alex, promise me that whatever happens from here on out, wherever we end up, we will always be honest to eachother about everything. We're going to have big enough issues defending our love fron the very beginning so as long as we have open communication, that's one less thing to worry about." Alex smiled at him with pride.
"Oh wait. Fuck! I'm sorry, Alex. I just automatically assumed that we'd be together after all of this. I realize I should ask you how you feel about any of that. So," Ivar combed through his hair nervously with his hand, "Where does this leave us? What's next for us?" Ivar was still so nervous. This seriously was all so new.
Alex smiled at him. "Ivar, I am all yours. I love you, and I want nothing more than to be with you. Officially. That is, if you'll have me." Alex couldn't help the singe of fear that coursed through his veins. He knew what Ivar had just told him but it almost seemed too good to be true. He was still insanely scared.
Ivar's smile stretched widely across his face, "Of course I want to be with you, too! 'If I'll have you,' " he mocked Alex, "Are you serious? I'll happily "have" you," he gave his devilish grin, "In every way possible, Alex."
Alex blushed but leaned in to kiss Ivar again. Just as he deepened the kiss, Ivar pulled away from him. "Umm, Alex? This is going to sound kind of twisted coming from me, I know, but.."
Alex interrupted him, "I like you twisted, preferably twisted naked between my sheets," he gave a mischievous smile.
Ivar couldn't help but smile back at that. "I'm serious, Alex. I-I umm, I feel like maybe we should take things a little slow."
Alex gave Ivar a gentle kiss on his forehead before pulling away to rest his forehead on Ivar's. "What worries you, Ivar? We've already went all the way. We know we connect in the bedroom as well. Am I missing something?" He tried not to panic before hearing Ivar's reasoning but it was definitely easier said than done.
"Well," Ivar began, "It's not necessarily that I'm worried. I can't even believe I'm going to say this, but umm, I just want to be sure that everything isn't based solely on sex. We have so many new aspects of our relationship to explore and develop and I want to build our emotional connection as well as the physical one. You see the best in me and I want to give you my very best."
Ivar gently placed his hand on Alex's cheek and Alex could feel his warm hand trembling. "I need you to know that I have never had that kind of sexual experience before. And I don't just mean by being with a man, Alex," he grinned. "I've never felt so connected on such a deep level, especially not during sex. It was quite intense and some of the best sex I've ever had." He felt himself blushing but continued, "And Alex, I want that to be the same in other aspects of our relationship, too. I want to spend my days doing nothing but making you happy and showing you how much I truly, deeply love you."
Ivar looked at Alex for understanding and followed up, "I just wanted to be sure you know this has nothing to do with our sex not being fulfilling because it is, more than words can properly explain. I just want to also express my love for you in other ways as well and think we should just take our time."
This was a first for Ivar. He shocked himself at just how true this feeling was and even more that he was so openly and honestly telling Alex, but this was the very reason he wanted to be with Alex. He knew he wouldn't be judged for being so honest. For one of the very few times in his life, sex wasn't the priority and this was why he knew that this immense feeling was real.
Alex grabbed Ivar's hand, still pressed against his cheek, and pulled it to his mouth. He gently kissed the back of it before looking back at Ivar. "And this, my dearest Ivar, is exactly why I love you so. You always look out for me, for us. You just want what's best for us and I appreciate that. Of course, I'm ok taking things slow," he felt his heart was going to explode out of his chest. "However, it may be a little difficult sometimes," he said as his eyes quickly scanned over Ivar's hard body, "Because, damn! Look at you," he gave his best flirty smile. He hadn't been ready for Ivar to say all of this and he'd be lieing if he said he wasn't blown away by it. He leaned over, hugged Ivar, and kissed him on his cheek.
Ivar felt better having said everything he needed to. He was still in disbelief that this was real. He looked at Alex, who was still smiling from ear to ear even though he still had a look of worry on his face. "So? What's that concered look on your face, still?"
As Alex pulled away, he answered him, "Ivar, I do have a question. What about your mom? And what about everything with Hvitserk? That's why I stopped everything last night. Your mom was clearly way too perceptive and was not happy about what she suspected. I know you have a lot of responsibility right now with your family, and I understand that. I just don't want to make things even harder on you, Ivar. I'd hate for you to resent me."
Giving a gentle, sweet smile, Ivar began, "Alex, that's so sweet of you but please, don't worry about my mom. When she sees how happy I am with you, she'll be fine with it. It may take her a minute to adjust but she honestly just wants her boys to be happy. And for whatever reason, if she can't accept you as my choice, then she'll quickly realize how serious I am about you because I definitely won't lose you over her prejudices. This is my life and she'll have to accept that. Don't worry."
Alex's eyes widened at Ivar's words. He was a bit surprised but he'd be lying if he didn't admit that he was really relieved. "What about Hvitserk, Ivar? I know he needs you right now."
"Hvitserk is the reason I got my nerve to come to the club tonight. He understands and just wants me to be happy. His problem is controllable and he will probably stay with me for a while even once mom returns home. He needs to make new friends and stay away from those losers back home. He will be ok, Alex. It's just, being with mom makes him a little crazy. I'm sure you can see why," Ivar laughed. "Being here will be good for him. Don't worry about him. I promise I could never resent you." Ivar smiled sincerely. He could hear Alex's sigh of relief. "So? What next?"
Alex grabbed the TV control from the table, "I was tired, but now I'm wide awake. If you're not sleepy yet, how about a little Netflix and chill? Do you need another beer?"
Ivar smiled with pride, happy to see their relationship was otherwise the same as always, "No, I'm good with this one still."
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Alex settled on the sofa, and they found a good movie to watch. Ivar looked over to him and decided to move closer. He rested his head on Alex's shoulder and looked up at him, "Is this ok?" he asked.
"Of course it is," Alex responded, kissing Ivar on top of his head and his arm coming to rest around Ivar's shoulders. Holding him snug, they cuddled together in front of the TV.
They began watching the movie, and it all just felt so natural for them to be together this way.
As he felt Ivar's breath against his his chest and Ivar's muscles beneath his shirt as he gently rubbed his back, Alex was a little too distracted to really pay much attention to the movie, but he didn't say anything. The feeling was nice.
After a few minutes, Ivar looked up to Alex, smiled sweetly, and just stared.
"What? Do I have food on my face or something?" Alex laughed.
"No," Ivar laughed, "It's nothing. I-I'm just happy," he smiled a smile that melted Alex's heart.
Alex couldn't resist that smile and placed his left hand under Ivar's chin and pulled his face up some toward him and leaned down, and kissed him. It was a gentle, quick kiss, and he pulled away from Ivar.
Ivar felt a little dizzy as if he'd been spinning in circles. He sat up beside Alex and looked over to him, his heartbeat quickening. Alex looked back at him, "Seriously, what is it? What?"
Ivar leaned over Alex's body and, with his right hand, pulled Alex's face closer to him and kissed him back passionately. It was slow at first but rapidly changed to a more heated kiss, his hands roaming down Alex's chest.
Reluctantly, Alex pulled away from him. "Hey, as much as I love this, I think we need to stop. I want to respect your wishes, Ivar, and I'm not so sure I can if you continue kissing me like that."
Feeling heat surge through his body, Alex straightened up and sat back on the sofa a little futher away from Ivar so he could catch his breath, desperately trying to ignore how he was feeling. "Umm, what is this movie even about again?" he nervously laughed.
Ivar sat there in his thoughts for a moment. He looked over at Alex, who was fumbling with the remote control. The more he watched him, the more he was sure of his next actions.
He slid over on the sofa closer to Alex yet again. Alex looked at him out of the corner of his eyes, trying not to be affected by his proximity.
"Oh, fuck this!" Ivar practically cried out. He leaned over to Alex and grabbed him with both hands, pulling him so close that he could feel the heat radiating from Alex's skin. Ivar's heart raced with anticipation as he quickly picked Alex up before Alex even knew what was happening, and swiftly sat him in his own lap so that Alex was straddling him and facing him
Alex's eyes widened as he was completely caught off guard by Ivar's strength. "What the..." and before he could finish his sentence, Ivar's lips crashed into his, his hand going to the back if Alex's neck and holding him firmly. They embraced as the kiss intensified, Ivar's arm wrapping tightly around Alex's waist.
Alex broke the kiss and leaned away from Ivar. Confused, he brought his hand to Ivar's cheek and began, "Ivar, I thought you said you wanted to take things slowly. I can't be with you this way and not want more. You.. umm, you're just too much for me to resist." Feeling defeated, he looked down.
Ivar looked up at him, catching his eye again, and flashed his devilish grin. "Good!" he laughed. "I can't resist you, either, love. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking saying we should take things slowly. Fuck that! I want you. Now." His eyes had an almost pleading look in them as he waited for Alex's response.
Excitedly, Alex grinned, "Then, take me. I'm all yours."
Ivar didn't hesitate for another moment. He grabbed Alex on his hips and squeezed. His hands then slowly traveled up Alex's sides and back to his waist, giving him goosebumps. He slipped his hands just under Alex's shirt and marveled for a moment at Alex's hard, muscular chest as his hands explored it. "Damn, Alex. You have so many muscles. I want to count them."
Alex looked down at him quizzically. Ivar smiled and answered his questioning look, "With my tongue."
Alex dropped his head backward, laughing but quickly stopped and looked back to Ivar as he felt Ivar lift his shirt up. Leaning forward, Ivar placed his hot, wet lips on Alex's stomach, just beside his navel, and began to softly kiss him. Alex felt buttflies doing somersaults with each kiss from Ivar's moist lips.
Looking up at Alex, into his eyes, Ivar pushed his shirt up higher and trailed his tongue slowly up Alex's chest behind his shirt, all the while, never losing their eye contact. "Damn, I lost count of your muscles. I'm not very good at math. Guess I'll have to try again."
"Oh fuck!" Alex placed both of his hands on Ivar's head and intertwined his fingers in his hair. He gave a little tug and Ivar bit him on his nipple. Alex moaned out in erotic pleasure.
In his most sultry voice, Ivar said, "That's it, love. Let me know you like it."
"You've ruined me. I was a good boy," Alex panted, "That is before we started all this."
Ivar pulled his mouth slightly away from Alex's skin. "Oh? I can stop then," he teased.
"No the fuck you can't!"
Ivar nodded, "That's what I thought." He yanked Alex's t-shirt up and completely off of him and dropped it in the floor as Alex shivered. "Now, where were we?"
Once again, Ivar began tracing Alex's muscles with his tongue. He looked up at Alex who was struggling to sit still in his lap. He grabbed him by his waist and held him tightly as Alex moaned. Ivar pulled Alex until he was leaning over him, his chest heaving, and he began kissing Alex's collarbone up to his neck. As he gave a gentle nibble, he felt Alex's entire body jolt in his hands. "Fuck! Take me, Ivar!" Alex panted. "You're driving me crazy. I.. fuck, I want you so badly. Now!"
Alex began to untie his sweats and Ivar removed his mouth from his neck and placed his hand over Alex's, stopping him. "No, not here, love." Alex looked at him, confused. "Hold onto me," Ivar began to slide forward to the edge of the sofa and Alex wrapped his arms tightly around him, not sure what Ivar was doing. Ivar placed his hands under Alex and before Alex knew what was even happening, Ivar stood up.
"Oh hell!" Alex exclaimed, his heart beating harder from the excitement and his legs interlocking around Ivar's hips. Ivar smiled and began to take a step. "You sure I'm not too heavy? You, you don't need me to walk?"
Ivar flashed his devious smile, "Where's the fun in that?" Alex gulped and before he knew it, Ivar slammed him against the living room wall that was behind them.
"Holy shit!" Alex gasped.
Still holding onto Alex tightly, Ivar pressed his body against Alex's and his lips ghosted over Alex's mouth, breathing him in. Ivar signed in enjoyment. Alex's eyes rolled into the back of his head as his back arched. Ivar began kissing up his neck again, sending chills all over Alex's body. Alex pulled Ivar's shirt up and gently caressed his hard body, reveling in the feel of it.
Ivar slowly made his way to Alex's mouth and sucked Alex's tongue into his own mouth as Alex whimpered. The kiss took his breath away. Somehow, everything felt different than the last time, more passionate, more intimate and Alex was taken back at this realization. He wasn't quite sure what it was or why, but he was enjoying every second of it.
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With his hands still tightly on Alex's ass, Ivar broke their kiss, nearly out of breath. "As much as I'm enjoying my hands full of ass here, I need to touch you. Are you holding onto me tightly enough?"
Alex studdered, "I..Ivar, this really isn't necessary. I, umm, I can walk."
"Shut up and hold on!" IvaYr demanded. With Alex still in his arms, Ivar swiftly pulled Alex off of the wall and began to walk with ease again, headed toward Alex's room. Alex eyes widened. He was blown away by Ivar's strength. He always knew he was strong, but this was insane.
As Ivar approached Alex's bed, he leaned over it and laid Alex down with a thud. Alex looked up at him in dismay and Ivar grinned down at him. "Sorry," he nearly whispered. He hovered over Alex for a few moments, looking him deeply in his eyes but saying nothing. Alex began to squirm with anticipation and swallowed loudly. Ivar leaned back and told him, "I.. umm, I'm sorry, Alex. I need to use your restroom. Don't move. I'll be right back."
This was perfect for Alex. You had given him some of your muscle relaxing, dilating tablets that they'd used at your place, saying how he'd need them more than you and now he was certainly glad for it. He quickly crawled up his bed to his night stand and grabbed them from the drawer and the bottle of water he had sitting there from the night before and took some. He was a little surprised at how nervous he felt but his excitement was much stronger. He then laid back against pillows propped on his headboard and impatiently waited for Ivar to return.
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With both hands on each side of the bathroom sink, Ivar leaned forward and looked at himself in the mirror. What the fuck was wrong? He couldn't figure out what was going on or why his nerves were suddenly so shot. Turning the faucet on, he splashed cold water in his face and rubbed his hands over it. "Get a fucking grip, dumbass!" he said to himself, "It's just Alex."
Ivar walked back into Alex's bedroom where he saw Alex waiting on the bed, shirtless, still, and quite beautiful. He gulped as Alex looked up at him with his bedroom eyes and patted the bed beside him. "You planning on joining me or are you just going to stand there? You like what you see?" Alex flirted and smiled widely.
Ivar swallowed, "Obviously." He crawled up the bed to Ivar's side and laid beside him. His voice shaking, "I.. umm, I love you." His heart was pounding.
Alex turned to his left, facing Ivar. He moved his right arm across Ivar's body and cupped his cheek. "And I," he smiled, "Love you." He straddled Ivar and Ivar's eyes widened. Alex leaned down to kiss him while his hands found their way to the bottom of Ivar's shirt. As Alex leaned away from him, he pulled Ivar's shirt up and over his head. "We won't be needing this." He threw it somewhere behind him.
Ivar nervously smiled and placed his hands on Alex's hips. Alex looked him directly in the eyes, "It's ok. Calm down. It's just me." Ivar felt his face blush, surprised Alex had sensed his nervousness but almost relieved.
Alex leaned down and began kissing Ivar's neck. He trailed wet kisses down his neck and to his collarbone as his hands ran over his firm chest muscles.
Ivar's breathing picked up and Alex smiled as he continued with his gentle pecks. As he began kissing his chest, Ivar's hands started rubbing Alex's back.
Alex started to undo Ivar's pants as he looked up at Ivar. He saw the stressed look across his face and sat up, moving his hands away. "Hey, did you change your mind? We don't have to do this, ya know. I wont be upset."
Ivar grabbed his hands and held them. "No, that's not it. I.. I want this. I wa..want you."
"Then what is it, Ivar? Talk to me. I don't want to do anything you have seconds thoughts about." Alex's concern outweighed his desire.
"Fuck! I don't know. I just, umm, I'm nervous."
Alex smiled, "With me? Why? We know this is good." He motioned between them, "Really good, remember?" he sheepishly smiled again.
"It's just, do you know how long it's been since I've been with someone that I was in love with, Alex?"
Alex couldn't help but smile at how sweet he found Ivar's concern. Always wanting to please. He remembered how very different it was seeing this vulnerable side of Ivar and his smile softened and widened even more. Then he saw the seriousness in Ivar's eyes and tried to comfort him. Rubbing his hands, that Ivar still had in Alex's, he answered,"Yes, Ivar. It's been two weeks," and he winked.
Ivar actually smiled at this. He hadn't thought of it like that. It's just that he felt so intimidated. "I-I'm just worried that I, I'm gonna fuck it all up." He ran his hand over his face as he sighed.
Alex placed his hand over Ivar's heart. "Look. This is all that matters. The only way you can fuck this up is if you fuck me and leave me," Alex grimaced. "And you're stuck with me now. I'm not letting you leave me again. You are what matters. Not the sex. If you want to wait, we can. If you want to continue, we can. But Ivar, if we continue, you have to get out of your head. Stop worrying. My feelings for you will never change based on the quality or volume of sex we have. Or don't," Alex smiled sweetly at him, hoping he'd eased some of his worry.
"I'm sorry, love. I, umm, I guess I just needed reassurance. This is just too fucking good to be true." Alex couldn't believe how nervous Ivar was. He squeezed his hands and brought them to his mouth, kissing his knuckles.
As Ivar looked up into Alex's beautiful face, he felt his heart skip a beat. This beautiful creature sitting in his lap was actually in love with him. What had he done to deserve such an amazing person? As his eyes followed the shape of Alex's body, the definition of his chest and arm muscles, the warm smile on his face, the love he held in his eyes, his hesitation slowly began to disappear and his nervousness somewhat subsided. He knew it would still be there in the back of his mind but he was determined to ignore the small voice in his head telling him he wasn't good enough. He loved this man. He wanted this man. And he was going to show him just how much.
Just as Alex began to say something, Ivar sat straight up so he could reach Alex's lips. He put his arms underneath Alex's armpits, pulling him closer, and grabbed Alex's head from behind. Pushing his face closer, he planted a hungry kiss on Alex's mouth, sucking his lips and entering his tongue to, again, play chase with Alex's. As the moment grew more intense, Ivar couldn't believe he'd even been so worried. This is right where he was meant to be.
His courage growing, Ivar quickly turned, still holding Alex tightly against himself, and rolled Alex over onto his back, falling roughly halfway beside Alex and halfway on top of him.
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Words escaped Alex's lips as Ivar leaned over him and gently kissed him but he quickly pulled away as panic spread across his face. "Alex!" his voice cracked, "We can't do this! It's way too soon to do this without any of those tablets of Y/N's! Oh fuck! It will not be pleasant for you at all, love."
Alex laughed, pulling Ivar back to his mouth and kissed him as Ivar pulled away again. "Alex, seriously. We can't make..."
Alex placed his finger over Ivar's mouth. "Calm down, you fucking protective sweetheart!" Alex grinned, his heart bubbling over with joy at Ivar's thoughtfulness. "It's ok. Y/N gave them to me the other night! I already took them when you went to the bathroom earlier. I also have plenty of lube." He felt Ivar instantly relax.
"Aww, thank fuck," Ivar looked relieved. "You should have started with that. Next time start with that. Fuck!" He wiped the sweat from his brow, "So when will you be, umm, ready?" he shyly asked, blushing again.
Alex smiled, "I already am!"
With a smile on his face, Ivar leaned down and began softly kissing Alex on his neck. It was as if Ivar's soft lips were massaging his skin that literally felt like it was on fire, and his tongue was savoring the taste of him with every painfully slow lick.
As Ivar's wet, erotic kisses slowly traveled down to Alex's chest, he looked up to Alex and their eyes locked in a steamy hot gaze of desire. Alex felt his heart began to race as Ivar's kisses trailed lower and lower over his torso, leaving goosebumps in their wake.
Ivar placed his right hand gently on Alex's chest as just his fingertips ghosted over his hot skin. His touch was electric. Never breaking their gaze, he slowly, barely, rubbed Alex's abdomen up and down while holding his weight on his left arm and continuing with his kisses.
Alex's hands combed through Ivar's hair as one grabbed a handful and gently tugged, and the other found Ivar's shoulders and squeezed. Ivar smiled into Alex's chest as he continued lower.
As Ivar reached Alex's waist, he grabbed the drawstring to Alex's sweats with his teeth and held it in his mouth. Alex loudly gulped. Ivar began to pull the drawstring until he untied the sweats. Smiling from ear to ear, he looked up at Alex. Winking, he asked, "Do you still want me, love?"
Alex's heart began to pound and between his heavy panting, he answered, "Fuck! That was so fucking hot! I have never wanted anything or anyone more."
Ivar quickly raised himself to his knees. With Alex lifting his body from the bed, Ivar slid Alex's sweats completely off of him and instantly dropped them to the floor, licking his lips.
Alex blushed as Ivar scanned his body with his eyes. His hands automatically went to cover himself, but Ivar caught them and laid them to either side of him on the bed. "That won't be necessary, love. Trust me when I say, I like what I see," Ivar smirked.
Intertwining his fingers with Alex's, he bent Alex's arms back so that his hands were beside his head. He slowly crawled over Alex's body, their eyes locked in a gaze of pure desire, as Alex's breathing began to speed up, and his hands in Ivar's grip squeezed tightly.
As Ivar hovered over Alex, his hand slowly trailed over Alex's chest, lightly and softly grazing him with his fingertips, igniting flames of passion all over every inch of Alex's body. As he reached Alex's stomach, he broke their enchanted kiss and whispered in his ear, "You're sure you still want to do this, right?" and he nibbled Alex's ear, sending chills down his spine.
He held Alex's hands there as he leaned down to kiss Alex. Alex felt as if he would melt into the bed as their lips met with a fiery passion. The way their tongues danced together, the sensation of their lips touching and caressing eachother, the warmth of their breath on one another, and the closeness of their bodies, skin on skin, made them become as one as they were lost in the moment, consumed by their heated passion. It was as if they were the only two people in the world, and absolutely nothing else mattered at this moment.
Alex moaned, "Of course! Absolutely!"
"You know the drill. You tell me if that changes."
Alex only nodded his head, unable to speak any longer. Every touch from Ivar's warm hands to Alex's hot body felt electric to Alex.
Ivar moved his hand further down until he finally reached Alex's already hard, throbing dick. Staring directly into Alex's eyes, he wrapped his warm hand around it and gently squeezed. He began pumping his fist up and down around it while watching Alex's eyes roll into the back of his head.
Alex whimpered when Ivar leaned back down and began kissing up his neck. Breathing heavily into Alex's ear, he asked, "Where's the lube, love?"
Alex pointed to the nightstand beside his bed. Ivar removed his hand and mouth from Alex and leaned over him to the nightstand. As he did, Alex rubbed his hands down Ivar's chest, admiring the feel, to his waist. He began to undo Ivar's pants while he leaned up and licked his collar bone. Ivar jolted, and Alex smiled. He nibbled on Ivar's shoulder and his plump lips, then kissed over the marks he left. Ivar hummed in delight.
Alex began sliding Ivar's pants down and as he reveled Ivar's ass, he grabbed his cheeks and squeezed before giving his ass a slap, sending chills over Ivar's body.
Ivar helped take his pants the rest of the way off, and suddenly, he felt nervous again. "I, umm, I want to make this perfect, Alex." He felt himself beginning to panic.
Alex placed his hands on each side of Ivar's face and looking him deeply in the eyes, said, "It already is, Ivar." He softly kissed Ivar and smiled as he pulled away from him, "Shhhh, stop worrying."
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Ivar gave Alex a pillow and nervously told him, "Facing me again, ok?"
Alex placed the pillow underneath himself and laid back again. "Definitely. I have to see you."
Grinning, Ivar sat back on his knees again, in front of Alex's widespread legs, and squeezed the lube into his hands. He coated himself with the lube, spreading it, very generously, all over his very hard cock. Looking at Alex, he gave himself very slow, tantalizing strokes as Alex whimpered.
Alex bit his bottom lip as he watched. He leaned up again and softly said to Ivar, "I want a taste." Not giving Ivar an opportunity to respond, he forcefully pushed him backwards and yanked his feet out from under him.
Ivar started to protest but as he opened his mouth to speak, Alex shoved two of his fingers into Ivar's mouth. Ivar's eyes widened but he began to suck them.
Alex flinched and leaned forward to face Ivar's cock. Wasting no time, he sucked the tip of Ivar's dick into his mouth. Ivar squeezed his eyes shut and his breathing began to pick up.
Alex twirled his tongue around Ivar as Ivar began to squirm. Then Alex took as much of him as he could into his mouth and began bobbing his head up and down as his hand found the base of Ivar and started to pump up and down in sync with his mouth.
Ivar was completely consumed by the moment. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he lost track of where he even was, conscious only of Alex. He moaned in pleasure, only urging Alex on.
Alex glanced up at Ivar and was pleased to see what his work was doing to him. Gripping Ivar tighter with his hand, he let his tongue concentrate on the tip of him while his other hand began to lightly rub his side up and down.
The sensation of Alex's tongue and lips working their magic combined with his hands on Ivar's body was too much. Ivar jolted up and pushed Alex off of him. Startled, Alex's eyes widened and his hands grasped at Ivar but Ivar quickly pushed them beside them on the bed and held himself slightly above Alex. "Love, you still want me inside you? I can't fucking take anymore of that. It's too fucking hot," Ivar practically growled.
Alex bit his lip and shook his head yes. Ivar grabbed the lube and slowly squeezed it out and let it run down Alex's butt cheeks. He smiled widely as Alex jerked from the feeling. "You like that, humm?"
Ivar placed his hand on Alex and rubbed the lube all over his entrance as Alex squirmed. Even though he was still wet from Alex's mouth, he still put more lube in his hand and lathered himself up. Looking down at Alex's red face, he asked, "Are you ready, love?"
"Fuck, yes!"
Ivar positioned himself at Alex's tight opening as he leaned over his body. He could feel the heat radiating from Alex's skin and he smiled. He slowly pushed the tip of himself into Alex and waited a moment as Alex gulped and tried to adjust. "You ok?" Ivar, ever caring, asked.
"Yes," Alex answered, placing his hands up around Ivar's neck, as he stared deeply into his eyes, fluttering around Ivar's thickness.
Ivar slowly pushed himself deeper into Alex until he finally bottomed out. He remained still for a moment, gazing into Alex's loving eyes, still not believing this was real. He wanted it to be perfect for Alex so badly and wanted Alex to know, for sure, how he felt. Pushing his nerves aside as best he could, and trying to ignore what a wreck he was, he leaned down to quickly kiss Alex and then told him, "I will seriously never get tired of this."
Alex cupped his cheek and raised up a little, and kissed him back. "Neither will I," Alex panted.
Slowly, Ivar began to rock his hips, moving back and forth inside of Alex. He held himself up on his elbows, on each side of Alex, so not to crush him and looking down at him, asked, "Is this good with you, love?"
Alex's breathing sped up as he answered, "Oh my God! Yes!"
Ivar, remembering Alex's preference from the last time they were together, pulled back to almost exit Alex altogether and then began to slam back into him, but as he made eye contact again with Alex, he felt the need to take his time and savor the moment. He moved himself back into Alex slowly, passionately, their breathing increasing, their hearts pounding, and their desire for eachother growing even more. As Ivar reached as far as he could, with the flick of his hips, he thrusted into Alex one hard time. Alex moaned out, "Damn! Do that again!" and Ivar did, never losing eye contact, making everything even more sensual.
Lost completely in eachother, they began moving together in perfect harmony, their breathing almost in sync. They locked eyecontact and interlocked their fingers in eachother's hands, squeezing tightly. The closeness and rush of emotions they each felt as they explored eachother's body with eagerness was so intense, it was almost overwhelming. With their moans of pleasure echoing in the stillness of the night, flames of passion ignited every inch of their bodies like a wildfire burning hotter and hotter, their bodies fitting together perfectly like puzzle pieces.
Ivar's long, slow thrusts into Alex were intoxicating and Alex could barely catch his breath. Alex broke their eye contact and pulled Ivar down to him and feverishly began kissing him as his hands got lost in Ivar's hair. The kiss was a long and languorous kiss that caused Ivar to jolt forward into Alex with another hard thrust. Alex whimpered into Ivar's mouth as they hungrily continued their kiss.
Skin on skin, becoming connected as one, the intensity of their passionate kiss increased. Sweat glistened over Ivar's body as his slow stroking up into Alex began to grow a bit faster and harder. Ivar's touch was electrifying on Alex's skin as he lightly trailed his fingers down Alex's side leaving goosebumps along the way.
Alex was trembling when Ivar's hand finally reached between them and found his hard, pulsating cock. Alex's heavy breathing led way to a muffled groan with the heat from Ivar's hand slowly stroking him in rhythm with his pelvis. Ivar kissed from Alex's lips to his jaw and slowly up his jawline to his ear. His voice small, "I love you," he whispered into Alex's ear and Alex thickly swallowed. Alex then wrapped his arms tightly under Ivar's arms, hands holding onto his shoulders. Using his hands on Ivar's shoulders for leverage, he thrusted into Ivar causing Ivar to moan in surprise, "Fuck!"
Alex did it a second time and Ivar dropped his head, nearly collapsing. Alex turned his head to Ivar's ear, "I love you, too."
Ivar was taken back. He couldn't remember ever exchanging those three words before during sex. As much as he'd thought he'd been in love before, now he thought maybe he hadn't been. He, at least, knew it had been absolutely nothing like this. He'd barely said it to his ex at all but definitely never like this. This was another first for him and he struggled to hold back the tears. He felt more vulnerable now than ever.
His movements slowed almost to a complete stop as he buried his face into Alex's neck. Alex, sensing the change, turned to Ivar. "Hey, hey. What's wrong, Ivar? What happened?" He rubbed his hair away from his face and kissed his cheek. "Hey, talk to me."
Still moving painfully slowly, Ivar raised his head up. Tear filled eyes stared back at Alex. "Oh, fuck! What is it? Are you ok? Look, we can stop," Alex panicked, trying to sit up and stop Ivar's movements.
"Shh, it's ok," he said softly, placing a finger over Alex's lips. "I'm just, umm, I'm happy, love. That's all. I promise. And that's as new to me as everything else." Alex looked deeply into Ivar's eyes for confirmation that he was being honest, but he could already tell he was. "Happiness, like this, is sincerely a new, new thing for me. I won't lie. I'm a wreck, Alex, but I'd really like to finish this if you still want to."
Alex was stunned. How could he tell this beautiful creature who was looking down at him so lovenly no? And so he didn't. "Of course, Ivar. I want to finish this with you. We can talk later." He pulled Ivar to him and kissed him again, barely stopping for air. He then pulled away from him and began to blush. "Umm, is there... uh, do you think..?" he stumbled over his words.
"What is it, love? What do you want?" Ivar asked, his voice dripping with concern.
"Ummm, well, do you think it's possible for me to umm, be... FUCK, on top?" Alex quickly covered his face with his hands, trying to hide his embarrassment.
The thought aroused Ivar even more and, removing Alex's hands from his face so he could see into his eyes, he shot him his devilish smile. "Oh, fuck yeah!" he gulped. "But it may be a little too painful for you."
"Umm, can we try?" Alex asked, all too eager.
"Of course." Ivar was so excited, he'd already forgotten about how tight his chest felt, all lost in his emotions. He decided to focus on the physical aspect of it all, knowing he could pick apart every one of his feelings later. He hadn't expected this emotional roller coaster but the excitement he felt now took over. He slowly pulled himself completely out of Alex as his heart rate increased rapidly and Alex moaned. He rolled over onto his back beside Alex. "I'm all yours, love." He flased his flirty smile once more.
Alex asked him to sit up and lay back against the headboard of the bed. Ivar did as requested. Alex grabbed the bottle of lube and and put more into his hand. As he gripped Ivar's hard dick and began to spread it all on him again, Ivar's head fell backwards, moans of pleasure exiting his mouth. Alex crawled into Ivar's lap and hovered his body over him. Looking at Ivar, he asked, "Are you ready for this?"
"Fuck yes, love! Just don't hurt yourself. I'll be ok if we have to stop."
Smiling, Alex answered, "Always putting me first. Thank you, babe." He leaned down and quickly kissed Ivar and then sat back up, lining himself up with Ivar as Ivar held himself in place.
Alex slowly began to sink down onto Ivar's now throbing cock. As the tip entered him, Ivar removed his hand and grabbed Alex by the hips, trying to help steady him. Alex moaned out, "Oh, fuck!"
"Take it easy, love," Ivar said, focusing only on Alex's reactions.
Alex slowly lowered himself more and more onto Ivar as Ivar patiently waited for Alex to be ready for movement. The tightness Ivar felt was almost too much for him and he wasn't sure how long he'd last this way but all he could think about was not hurting Alex.
The two were so hyper aware of the other's body and reactions that it was almost distracting. Alex asked, "Are you ok, Ivar? Do you need me to stop?"
"Oh, hell no! I'm good, love. Take your time," he smiled.
Alex finally sank all the way down onto Ivar, swallowing up Ivar's twitching cock. He wrapped his legs tightly around Ivar's hips, interlocking them behind him, bringing the two of them even closer. The intimacy Ivar felt was overpowering as he looked up and into Alex's eyes. He placed his hand on Alex's cheek and pulled him in for a kiss. His heart was pounding harder than it had all night as the kiss grew more heated. He wrapped his other arm around Alex and held him tightly as he panted into Alex's mouth.
Alex pulled slightly away, Ivar's lips chasing his. "Please stop me if I hurt you." Ivar only knodded.
Keeping his eyes locked in their gaze of passion, Alex slowly began to rock his body. He groaned unrecognizable words. Wrapping his arms around Ivar, they both now sat in a tight embrace as Alex's movements began to speed up a little.
Alex gulped and moaned with every movement. "Are you ok?" Ivar asked, willing to stop if needed.
"Yes. It's a good pain, remember?"
Ivar removed his right arm from their embrace, still holding Alex tightly with his left, and slowly trailed his hand up Alex's back and down his chest, sending chills all over Alex. Still looking him straight in the eyes, his hand found Alex's ever ready, hard cock and quickly wrapped tightly around him. He began to stroke him up and down as he leaned forward a little and kissed Alex's collarbone. Ivar's hand motions made the pain Alex felt subside into pleasure.
Alex felt heat spread throughout his body as he continued to move painfully slowly up and down on Ivar. The closeness and intimacy he felt looking into Ivar's eyes staring back at him in complete wonder was breathtaking. He knew he would never get enough of this intensity.
Ivar's heavy breathing sped up with each small movement of Alex's hips. Staring into Alex's eyes, still, he thrusted his hips forward, jolting upward and into Alex. Alex whimpered and Ivar did it again. Within seconds, the two found their rhythm and Ivar began fucking up into Alex as Alex rotated his hips seductively.
With every thrust from Ivar, sounds escaped Alex's mouth, echoing into the room. As Alex moved his hips in sync with Ivar's, their passion grew even more. Ivar's grip around Alex's waist and back held him tightly to him as his hand pounded up and down on him even harder. Their stare intensified, an unspoken agreement not to look away from eachother, and Alex, again, softly said, between pants, "I love you."
A tear rolled down Ivar's cheek and Alex caught it with his finger. He brought his finger to his lips and slowly licked the tear from his finger. Ivar gasped, his heart beating even faster than before, and he knew he couldn't handle this anymore.
Before Alex even knew what was happening, Ivar moved forward, held onto Alex even tighter, and quickly turned to his side, landing Alex on his back with himself hovering over him, still inside him. Alex's eyes widened as he gulped. "Did I hurt you? Are you ok?" Ivar asked him, concerned.
"I'm fine. You, you just shocked me. Damn, that was fucking hot," Alex whimpered as he responded.
Ivar leaned down and hungrily kissed Alex as he slowly began to move inside of Alex again. Trembling, he looked back into Alex's eyes again. As he slowly moved his hips, he brought his hand to his mouth and spit into it. Alex gasped at the sight as he shivered in anticipation.
Ivar's hand found Alex's hard dick again and wrapped tightly around him. The sensation of Ivar's wet palm sent chills down Alex's spine as Ivar began pumping him up and down again along with his stroking in and out of him.
Something about it, now, was slower, calmer, and way more intense than anything between them had been as of yet. Alex's heart rate sped up and beads of sweat rolled down his forehead.
As Ivar held Alex's gaze, every movement was more sensual than the one before. Alex's hands tangled in Ivar's hair and he pulled him closer. Ivar dropped his head to the nape of Alex's neck and he feathered kisses up it as Alex whimpered. When he reached Alex's ear, he softly bit it before raising his head back above Alex and once again, staring into his eyes
With every roll of his hips, pounding deeper into Alex, Alex's heart fluttered and his tight grip around Ivar vibrated causing Ivar to arch his back with his eyes rolling into the back of his head. "Cum for me, love! I want to hear you yelling my name as you cum for me," Ivar's raspy voice commanded.
Clutching Ivar's shoulders, Alex began thrusting up into Ivar in sync with Ivar's movements, causing Ivar to groan out Alex's name in pure extasy. The two of them melted into eachother and as they moved together, lovenly, passionately. Ivar whispered, "I'm close, love. I need you to finish first."
Alex was already close to his release and as Ivar leaned down and licked Alex's lips, it was enough for Alex as it sent electric shocks throughout his veins. His entire body tensed up as white, silk streams of his cum shot out between them as he called out, "Oh my God, Ivar!"
Alex clinched his ass cheeks around Ivar and held him even more tightly as Ivar's pace picked up and fell out of any kind of rhythm. He grinded into Alex sloppily and his movements quickly stammered as his entire body stiffened and twitched. He shot his load as he tried to tell Alex, "Alex! I'm, I'm..."
"Yes, babe! Now you cum for me!" Alex said, breathing heavily.
Ivar slowly stopped his movements and collapsed on top of Alex with a thud. Alex grunted and Ivar grinned, "That was absolutely fantastic, love. I've...umm, I've never experienced anything like that. Not even the last time we were together. Fuck!" He swallowed thickly and slowly pulled out of Alex and rolled to his side, his arms still wrapped around Alex.
Hot and sweaty, and very messy, they still laid there entangled in eachother, taking in everything and coming back down together. As their breathing slowed and heartrates returned to normal, their grip on eachother never loosened. They laid like that, intertwined in eachother, in complete silence, comfortably enjoying breathing eachother in.
Not really wanting to break the peaceful, comfortable silence, Alex hesitated, "That really was fantastic, Ivar. I, umm, I don't think... umm..."
"What is it, love? You know you can tell me anything," Ivar tried not to panic, rubbing his hand over Alex's cheek and giving him a quick peck on the lips.
"I-I don't think I've ever made love to anyone before, Ivar. And that, umm, that's what that was, right? It was so different and so amazing. I've never experienced anything like that before either," Alex blushed and looked away from Ivar's piercing eyes.
It hit Ivar like a ton of bricks. No wonder he had been such a wreck. It was more than just having sex with the one he loved. It was making love with him, which had such deeper meaning than he'd ever imagined. The connection they shared was unreal and seriously like no other. He couldn't put words to it. Alex looked back at Ivar and saw the understanding and realization in his face. "I, uh.. I..ummm," he tried.
Alex cupped his cheek and replied, "I know. Oh my God, I know. It's ok. You don't have to say it. Believe me, I understand completely." He smiled and kissed Ivar deeply.
Ivar pulled away, "Now, you know the rule, love. You can't do that, or I'll have to have my way with you again."
He gave Alex his shit ass eating grin again, and Alex laughed, "You're terrible."
"Yes, and you love it. Let's go get washed up," he continued to grin. "Oh, and Alex?" he said as he sat up in the bed and looked back at Alex.
"Yes?"
"When we come back to bed, I want to be entangled with you the rest of the night just like we were right now, ok, love? I'm seriously not letting you go this time."
Alex smiled as he felt warmth spread all throughout his body, "Absolutely, Ivar. I wouldn't have it any other way."
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
@istorkyou @vero-maris-zamo @chapada010101010 @ivarhoegh @lostasalice-thisway @lonewolf471 @lemonsarepink @covidinducedsocialreject @tessakate
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trashlie · 8 months
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You're right it's very possible that Nol had a fight with his mother... I was also moved to a different country as a child, and I remember having a phase where I resented my parents for it because I was promised all these good things, but all I got was homesickness and feeling lost in the new environment. It was probably similar for him, and it would make complete sense if he argued with Nessa about it. And related to what you sad about Nol being angry and bitter and hot-headed... I keep thinking about the dialogue that was like "He sent someone's son to the hospital" or something like that. We know it was not Kousuke, because he seemed physically fine after whatever happened. So it must be someone different then. And... Nol must have gone to school, right? Yes they were illegal immigrants, but surely Rand could have pulled some strings to get his son into a school. If he was homeschooled like Alyssa, we would probably know that, right? So, what if before the incident with Kousuke, Nol got into a fight, maybe even multiple times? Maybe those kids in school teased Nol for something. For looking different, the red hair, the freckles, his foreign name, maybe not speaking the language well. Maybe they were rumors going around about his mother, how she is a mistress, how his father is a skirt chaser, how Nol is an illegitimate child, how they're all bad people. Kids can be cruel and probably used less polite words, if you know what I mean. And Nol was already dealing with everything you mentioned. Maybe those kids pushed it too far and he snapped and lashed out. Similarly to what happened with Shin-Ae, basically. Except Shin-Ae was this small girl, she couldn't do *too* much damage (though the boy she fought looked pretty rough), but Nol was always big and tall for his age, so maybe he underestimated his strength and severely injured someone.
Think of it this way, too: One instance of being violent and unstable isn't really enough to justify locking a child into a mental facility for two years, especially with the media involved and the whole story being very public. There are procedures and protocols in place. Sure, Yui could've arranged it regardless. But what I think happened is that she got wind of the fight at school, and used it to her advantage. Made Nol appear like a repeat offender. There were already rumors and even "proof" of him being unstable and aggressive, which makes him getting violent again so much more believable, right. Much easier to convince everyone that putting him in the facility is necessary, that it's the right thing to do. It would also make it easier for Kousuke to believe Yui's narrative, because the kid attacked someone at school and you're his victim too but don't worry he is under control now you're safe. And most importantly, it would make it easier to make Nol believe that about himself. I didn't do anything to Kousuke but everyone keeps telling me that I did, so maybe I'm wrong? I know I lost control and hurt someone before, so maybe they're right and it happened again? Can I even trust what I remember, what I believe? Maybe there really is something very wrong with me? Maybe I am an unstable dangerous person that should be kept away from everyone? That deserves punishment? It would be so much easier to insert these beliefs into his head, mess with his memories and his self-perception, when there is undeniable proof of violent behavior and he probably already feels guilty about that and is starting to question himself...
First off, Nonny 💕 Thank you for sharing your experience 🥺 I can't imagine that must've been easy for you as a child to deal with such a radical change to your life.
But yes, I very much agree with you! I can't remember if I've ever said it on here or if it's only come up in my conversations, but I've been wondering for a while now if Nol DID, in fact, hurt someone. It used to be that I wondered if he really DID hurt Kousuke - quimchee has said before that they've had one fight. But a couple things never made sense. Wasn't it curious that he said "people got hurt"?
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In retrospect, it seems like an odd way to put it - that he had issues plural and that was what kept them apart. People got hurt. Even the article that mentions the heir being attacked doesn't make it sound like Kousuke had to be hospitalized. But right, I agree he very well still could have sent someone's kid to the hospital with everything he had on his plate - his unhappiness, the hot-headed anger, kids being cruel and bullying him, spreading rumors, being xenophobic, etc.
There's also this
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"Especially after hearing how you were treated in middle school."
This has stuck out to me ever since this episode dropped because of what we DO concretely know... nothing really fits that logic, does it? Had Nol ever fought Kousuke, that's not something that he'd think relates to Shinae being bullied and fighting a kid in act of desperation.
But if Nol was fighting kids, had really hurt someone and his very important father pulled weight so Nol got into less trouble... That feels like it could be something he fears will change her perception of him, what he thinks of her. Because right, even if he was lashing out after being pushed too far, the right button was pushed and he attacked, it's SO easy to see how he could turn that on himself. Further to this point, it sounds like he was put through anger management therapy and we know he uses his punching bag to let out his anger, we can absolutely see how very easily he blames himself, how HE could have been convinced of all of this. That he's unstable, he's dangerous, he needs to be subdued.
And further to that, it makes me wonder if punching Sangchul was parallel to what happened in his past. Again, Sangchul was the one taunting him, baiting him because he was certain Nol was too much of a coward to attack, so he pressed his buttons and Nol snapped. And what's more, Kousuke knows a LOT of intimate details about Nol and his family. Plenty of people know rumors about Nol and his institutionalization. Maybe Sangchul figired not only was Nol too much of a coward to act out but because he has a pre-existing record he couldn't lash out without getting into trouble.
And because everything is a parallel and Nol and Shinae are mirrors, it feels very likely that his own incidents with fighting and hurting someone were similar to Shinae's experience, where he reached his limit where it all spilled out where he lashed out at the people who were making his life hell and more miserable than before. Again, it's SO EASY to twist it around on him if he made that first move. "You should have just ignored them. You shouldn't have let their words get to you. You struck first. You hurt someone."
Likewise, it makes it so much easier to kind of brainwash him with this thinking in the hospital. To convince him that he's a bad person who deserves no kindness, who needs to be punished. As readers we get it, we understand. We see how he's been treated by people, reduced to nothing, made to feel like a bother, a mistake, that he only makes things worse. His mother's death looks like suicide, like she took her own life and abandoned him in this foreign country so far away from anyone he knows and left with this cruel family who treats him like he doesn't exist, shouldn't exist, and all of the kids who have bullied him and made him feel like shit. 😭😭😭
How easy it would be to convince this poor kid, this illegitimate bastard of the Hirahara family living as an undocumented immigrant in their shadow, that he is a terrible person who has hurt so many people who doesn't belong here who only hurts people, who can only bring harm to the people he cares about. It also would explain why he worked so hard at absolution - he believes he has so much to atone for.
And that's the worst part, isn't it? To know that he probably did fight, probably did hurt someone after putting up for so long with people taunting him, mocking, bullying him, that no one defended or protected him and when he reached breaking point, he was faulted for how he reacted. It sounds like no one gave him the help he REALLY needed, the understanding and compassion as well as the anger management. All too often when it comes to bullying we see this kind of thing, too. Those children were responsible for pushing his buttons but instead he gets blamed because he couldn't "just ignore them". Instead he was made to feel like a monster, to take all of the blame for not being able to handle what others did to him. Expecting people, especially children, to be able to carry that kind of stress, to live with those kinds of harassment and never to step in or defend them, to try to put a stop to it before it reached that stage. 😭
Once again and as always, these children were all failed by the adults meant to protect them and I will never get over it.
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petrichoraline · 9 months
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why do you think everyone is so hyped up for OF? i'm not really a fan of any of the pairings or storylines like this one so i'm just here like enjoying seeing all the mutuals lose their minds lmao without really getting it i guess
took me a bit to answer because i wanted to make sure to find this post to link, i remembered it as a very nice and insightful post but for the most part it goes a bit off-topic, the answer is basicaly in the last few sentences (i do recommend going through it though!!)
i personally might be in the same boat as you, dear, as i just got reminded of the show today and my dash won't let me forget about it BUT MY MIND IS ON HIDDEN AGENDA. WHERE EVERYONE'S WAS JUST YESTERDAY i cannot keep up with this fandom goodness gracious
i was excited way back when it was announced but it was never at the level of people who'd get asked what they're most excited for from the gmm23 lineup and everyone and their mom's answer was ONLY FRIENDS DUH..with time my enthusiasm kinda faded out and was replaced by, dare i say, annoyance. it's natural when you aren't as hyped about smth as everyone else seems to be. at times i do get a bit more excited though! who knows, i might be unbearable once the show drops hahah, i haven't really gotten myself acquainted with the characters, i avoid speculating and making up theories so i hope whatever only friends turns out to be, it's fun 😊
but yeah, i think people are excited about the drama of it all. p'jojo has been teasing non-stop, it will give us favourite actors in messy relationships not contained within their assigned pair but with everyone and anyone else. it gives off the feeling a crossover does though it isn't one. seeing neo who only got a more seirous role just this past year with the eclipse as a pos gremlin wreaking havoc is new and exciting! mark as a sad pining bub that will undeniably make us scream "love, do BETTER"? EXCITING. topmew seem like they're gonna bring so much angst to the table in a more horifying way than the melancholy that sanray seem to promise. firstkhao are the basic beloved pair that everyone would love watching even if they don't tune in for them specifically - theyre great actors who also have amazing chemistry with each other and we have proof they will bring their all into it. smth else that goes for them is the fact many want to see them go beyond what the eclipse fave them in terms of opportunities to be intimate. force is about to give villain, I can feel it, and as much as it scares me I think it's very intriguing. forcebook are another established couple who are besties irl and have shown theyre comfortable and can bring that spark, this show gives us the chance to witness just how far that actor compatibility can take their performance. and markneo!! theyre absolutely a wild card. many of us are fond of them because of their memorable side roles but we haven't seen them doing anything spicy with their established partners (louis and ford). and that is another thing, theyre a completely fresh pair unlike the other two so we don't know exactly what they're capable of or how they act off of each other, that's also super fun to anticipate. I personally am going wild about papang becoming a part of the mess as a part of nick's plot, there seems to be a wlw pair too, jennie is also present - there are plenty of smaller appearances and details aside from the main couples and their plots that make viewers curious. yes, sex portrayed by fave actors who dont usually portray those scenes is a big deal but it's not just that, boundaries are being pushed with this show and the crew and cast seem incredibly excited to be working on it. it feels like a passion project and that enthusiasm gets to the fans as well. it's true however that many will be disappointed because they keep projecting their ideas of what the show should and would be on it and it simply can't be everything at once. a part of the overall excitement comes from the fandom discussions and participation but that is what gets theories to evolve and expectations to grow which is risky.
tldr: favourite actors in roles that show them either build on their already established chemistry or challenging an inexplored part of their acting skill; a big bunch of said actors tangled up in dramatic scandals - everyone is involved with everyone, gives a collab vibe; jojo's unique lens and directing style; other actors and plots that are yet unrevealed etc.
that's what I've noticed at least 😁 sorry to go on a tangent and thank you sincerely for the ask, hope you get to enjoy the show! i'm sure there will be plenty to appreciate about it even if the premise isn't your cup of tea 💗 and enjoy everyone having fun with it, when one's moots are happy one should also be happy 🥰 even if it can get a bit much lol we'll be getting some yummy meta and gifsets so we're winning anyways ✌️feel free to update me on your feelings on it haha, I'd love to hear from you again 💓
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wifiwuxians · 1 year
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Why is nieyao the least popular of the 3zun variations? Don’t they spend 100+ years in a coffin together, if not forever?
Is it?? Its the most compelling of the 3 for me just due to how god damn fucked up things got. Desire to have it fixed immediately etc etc people will disagree w me but I do not care!!! I wanna see people happy got tammit
But yes they do spend all that time together in a coffin!! They do the mxtx coffin gays thing !! But apparently they're just mindlessly fighting in there 🙄 forgive me for choosing to believe otherwise, ma'am
I do love all 3zun and their variants, I love how genuine nielan is and how intense and undeniable xiyao is despite it also being a goddamn mess, but simply going off canon xiyao is more the poor sucker being manipulated type of ship, even though jgy means well it is a total sad beast of a problem constantly and lxc ends up emotionally destroyed. and nielan is basically without problem, very straightforward grieving over someone you lost, someone who you loved deeply and were the only one who could make them see reason, someone who you weren't able to save. lump it in w wangxian and songxiao, it fits well, it has pain and tragedy without veering into "one of these is a horrible person actually" so it's a Safe Zone ship.
nieyao compared to these two to me could fall into lovers to enemies, even if canon wise they weren't the former they have rich history and clearly cared about one another. even though there is a clear cut Bigger Wronged Party (nmj), he is not totally powerless against jgy and gives him a good thrashing. keeps him on his toes. they have a steadily declining relationship and steadily rising tension, and the reminder that they used to love each other is what fuels a fixit maniac like me. i can't speak for any other nieyao lovers DKJFKD
i also just love pairing the biggest toughest one with the smallest, so it's a matter of aesthetics as well :p
but yeah! hatred for jgy can't even apply to this because if you're shipping 3zun you have to like him somewhat anyway, so i'm thinking it has to be something pertaining to the dynamics?? nielan is straightforward, two hot guys in love, great to indulge in but not something i need to dedicate 5000 hours sighing over because the only thing i need to fix is nmj not dying. xiyao has i guess the advantage of showing that they really cared about each other to the bitter end, almost to the point of beating it over our heads, with lxc refusing to see any wrong in jgy and jgy clinging to lxc because he never treated him as inferior, and it can be argued jgy would be worse as a person if lxc weren't there. even though lxc never knew the other side of him at all. it's compelling, it's terribly bittersweet, and there is a character who stays alive and has to work through all his grief and trauma. xiyao's unkindness lurks beneath the surface but people also do like toxic messes. a lot. but idk it must have to do with the fact they really obviously love each other despite it all
nieyao??? anger and violence. to the end. you kill me, i kill you. i've noticed people don't tend to gravitate towards those mutually assured destruction ships so much so maybe it's that. I Don't Know. i just know that i like them best for some reason, because it is more wish fulfilment for me i suppose and i love stopping things before they get terrible and seeing what the world would've been. The potential, 👌👌👌👌
God I am so sorry I am verbose today and this is probably all nonsensical because I just woke up
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quinnzland · 2 years
Text
Shattered
Random thoughts on a fic.
Today I read the Letters of Tomorrow series by AkaneRei just again, and god it gives me the same heartache like the very first read. Maybe because Jeankasa is the endgame here that Rivamika's story hurts so bad. Probably one of the most tragic RM writing ever.
(Fyi, it wasn't finished yet so the Jeankasa endgame still isn't there for now, just confirmed by the author. And although I'm not a multi-shipper, I'm pretty chilled with any other pairings in RM fics except EM heh)
I especially LOVE how the author made Levi the helpless man obsessed with the thought that his house was haunted by Mikasa.
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Have y'all read Richard Siken's Crush? There was a poem named Boot Theory that went like this:
"A man takes his sadness down to the river and throws it in the river but then he's still left with the river.
A man takes his sadness and throws it away but then he's still left with his hands."
Yes, I think it pretty much summed up Levi's despair and yearning for his lost love there.
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It literally breaks my heart here. How he knew he shouldn't keep her ghost next to him, all the while fearing the precious memories of her will slip through his hands like sand. Why I love seeing Levi hopeless and tortured - I don't know, so - sorry.
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I think I can pretty much picture Levi burning down his own house, watching it collapsed while he can't help but admit that the cruel woman named Mikasa has completely ruined him, left him a mess of a man. Now, have you guys watched Decision to Leave (undeniably this year's best film and also to be one of the greatest in history), dir. Park Chanwook? It's about a detective who fell for a mysterious widow after she became the prime suspect in his latest murder investigation. Did she really murder her husband? Yes. But he found out, still he set her free and told her to destroy the sole evidence, because obviously - he loved her. When they parted ways, he said:
"I'm completely shattered".
(붕괴: shattered, collapsed)
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You know what, to break Humanity's Strongest Soldier is to break a Wall. God, who could even leave Mr. Ackerman a man broken beyond repair if not our little Ms. Ackerman?
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That said, this was one of my favorite RM piece even though it killed me inside out. But what would it be of RM if not tragedies? Maybe I just can't stand suffering from this pain all alone lol.
Sorry.
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hinderr · 1 year
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Listen, I've read the last chapter and I want to say so much… First of all, it's insanely emotional. I really read with bated breath. I have so many emotions and thoughts about the ending right now, it's not what I expected, but it's insanely logical for this job. Gideon, as people in my country say, "what he fought for, he ran into."
It is interesting to watch how Grogu releases his attachment to him over the years - and at the same time how much he looks like him in places, it's creepy. This manipulativeness and the ability to make a naive, unhappy look in order to get your own - this is not from Din and not from birth. I'm really interested now to wait for the Nurture someday to understand how all this will reflect even more time later. And I still find it valuable that in past charter everyone - Din and the others - accepted Grogu's right to LOVE Gideon. Regardless of whether would he continued to feel it all his life or not, it was extremely important at that moment and, I think, it is important now. Because Grogu can now understand that even if he is not on the "right" road and feels "strange" feelings, he is still loved. Whether the situation changes or not is a matter of less importance. This is very important knowledge regardless of the present point.
By the way, Gideon's reaction to the meeting is interesting. He throws mockery at the fact that Grogu still cares, but he too does not behave like a person who does not care. It would seem - you never loved this child, five years have passed, what difference does it make that he is happy with another person? But no, Gideon behaves like… painfully attached, when it seems like he doesn't really need it himself, but you can't give it to another either. It’s hard to explain, but I really didn’t get the impression that he didn’t give a damn about all this long history.
Also, I don't think that's what you meant, but at some point I had a thought… what if Gideon purposely ran into a gunshot? It is clear that at first he was angry and really perplexed, but at some point … I thought so because it must be extremely difficult for a person of this kind to live in a prison cell. He has no power, no purpose, no Empire, for which he fought, in general, quite sincerely, regardless of methods. He is nobody and nothing. And he's smart enough to be fully aware of it. What if at some point he saw that Grogu was sufficiently angry with him and he had a weapon with him - and decided to take advantage of the situation. But that's just my thoughts.
I do not know what to say. This is probably one of the first works not in my native language that so captivated me and that I read in the process, looking forward to each chapter. Because the languages we speak are different, but the theme is international. The whole work is very … reliable, and sometimes the emotions from reading were such that I morally departed from the new chapter couple of days. This is something unique and beautiful, although it tells about terrible and sad events. I love each of the characters. Wren is not a canon character, usually I don’t perceive OC at all, but with you he is so alive and real that he looks … native. He doesn't stand out from others in a bad way. His character, personality, motives and feelings are all so believable, he's beautifully written.
Thank you. It was cool)
This is so so undeniably sweet and so so thoughtful and god I am so, so happy you enjoyed the finale (I'll be honest, your reactions was one of those I was anticipating the most!) And I'm glad you were willing to look past the language barrier to read my silly story! It means the world to me, and I can't possibly express just how much I've appreciated your support - every ask and reply and interaction makes me so so happy!!
There's a bit of Gideon in Grogu, but there's a bit of Grogu in Gideon as well. You're absolutely right that Gideon got just a tiny bit attached, in the most messed up way possible. He hated the fact that his Asset saw another person as his father, and that 'he was a better buir than (he'll) ever be', even though he hated it when Grogu called him father too. What you said about not needing something but not letting anyone else have it is exactly on point, and I'm so so happy you got that
And I'm so happy you liked Wren Farvo too! He was a plot device at first, but I've grown to genuinely love and adore him. He means the world to me and I'm so happy you liked meeting him (I probably won't be able to resist slipping him into some of my other works as a side character. Just to carry him along as we go)
Again thank you so so much! I'm happy you've enjoyed it, and I'm happy to have made you happy <33
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mermaidsirennikita · 9 months
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ARC Review: Fly with Me by Andie Burke
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4.25/5. Releases 9/5/2023 (audiobook).
Vibes: hot lesbian pilot/anxiety-ridden bi nurse, mental health dealt with wonderfully, fake dating, trauma bonding in a good way, and very solid vibrator usage.
While on a flight to fulfill her comatose brother's bucket list, nurse Olive has to leap in and save the life of a passenger, unintentionally becoming a viral sensation. She wants to avoid the attention--but the super sexy pilot Stella makes an instant connection with her. So when Stella asks Olive if she'd like to fake a relationship in order to help Stella move up the career ladder... I mean, Stella is very hot.
A sapphic romcom debut that had me totally engaged the whole time--and it did hit me me in the gut a couple times. Yet it was also fun and sexy! Very impressed.
Quick Takes:
--One thing I really appreciated about this novel was the way that it was funny, but was also a bit devastating. There are a lot of intense things dealt with here. I never felt overwhelmed, however. A sad moment would be cornered by a happy moment. There was a lot of bittersweetness. Never in the romance, but in everything surrounding it. And I think that, overall, Andie Burke did a great job with having those issues act as an impetus for Stella and Olive to be together, rather than a distraction from their love story.
--I really appreciated the way this book touched on how nurses are diminished and dismissed by the general public, especially in the wake of COVID. The author is a nurse, and she does a great job of, again, framing this without letting it take over the fact that this is a romance novel.
--About this being a romance novel... I so enjoyed this love story. I often feel like sapphic romances kind of turn into "everyone is smiley and smart and they don't have dumb issues" stories. Which I get! We want queer love framed in a positive light. But the thing is, men in m/m romances get to be dumb and horny and messy.
Stella and Olive are undeniably both good people, but they are also dumb and horny and messy. A good part of the reason why Olive agrees to this fake dating scheme? Is because she really really really really wants in Stella's pants. And why wouldn't she? Stella is a hot pilot, hypercompetent, super lovely, and very good in bed. And you did get to see how good she is in bed.
I think that Andie Burke did a thing I would love to see in more sapphic romcoms, which is just like... mess. Olive and Stella act like a couple of morons in the best possible way, because feelings are hard. Olive has a crazy ex who I feel some may object to, but I don't know. She felt like an old school romcom crazy ex, which is to say, loathsome, but--not impossible. Especially with a partner like Olive, who feels so concerned about accommodating others.
--Speak of accommodating others, I will say, the emotional abuse Olive receives from her mother in particular is like... intense, and it's not the stereotypical sapphic romcom issue, and it did make me feel so fucking bad for Olive. The situation she was in is just impossible and heartbreaking and something I think a lot of people should put more thought into.
And frankly, there isn't a bow put on the issue at the end. Sometimes families are rough. I appreciated that this romance could cover love and cover that at once.
--That said, Stella has a similarly complex but more loving family unit. I don't think I've read a contemporary romance before where the heroine is gay and her dad is also gay? And we should see more of that.
--The one thing I will say is that I think Andie Burke could've written this as dual POV, and it would've benefited from that. At points, being in Olive's head only made it feel like she was a universal victim. I would've liked to see more of Stella's POV, not just because Stella is probably my favorite out of the two, but because she had a lot of her complex issues going on that I think we should've seen more of.
The Sex Stuff:
This is a slow burn, and it does take a while for this two to have sex. But when they do, it is quite hot. I really loved the usage of toys in this book, which we should totally see more of. I feel like whether I'm reading m/m or m/f or f/f or even poly romances, I don't see enough toys.
Anyway it was hot and I especially love the shower scene.
A very strong debut, and a great edition to the f/f romcom canon, which needs to be broader. The narration was solid as well.
Thanks to Macmillan Audio and Netgalley for providing a free copy of this audiobook in exchange for an honest review.
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