i don’t know how to convey serious emotions in any way but comedy so here is a meme

i don’t ever want to talk about my personal life again but i felt this needed to be said just if anyone else can relate to my situation :)

Willex + ⛵️💍💫

ohoho bestie i had fun with this (also it’s almost 2k oops lol)

it’s also available on ao3!

may i present to you:

Two Ghosts... Having a Date on a Stolen Boat... They Might Kiss...

Alex had to admit: even for Willie, this act of delinquency was a lot.

When he’d first floated the idea of joyriding a sailboat under cover of night to Alex, albeit somewhat casually and hypothetically as they strolled along the pier during a mild June afternoon, Alex had gone along jokingly in that way you do when a friend asks who’d be eaten first if the whole group were trapped on a desert island.

But then Willie had brought it up again on their next- Date? Outing? Meeting?

(Alex was vehemently avoiding putting labels on their spending time together, just in case Willie were to put a different one on it to the one he ascribed it.)

And then on their next, next… hanging-out session… Willie had mooted a date for the grand theft boat and didn’t phrase it much like a question. And then he’d gently pointed out when the sailing class stopped for the night on said date: a Sunday, no less, so it closed before the sun even got close to setting, meaning anyone inside the little shed where they stored the paperwork and lifejackets would certainly be gone by the evening.

This wasn’t accounting for how objectively shocked Alex had been to learn that Willie knew how to sail, of all things. He knew Willie knew how to skate, though that was hard to miss, and he knew Willie had mentioned he used to surf a little when he was alive, but as far as Alex was aware, and he was sorting through all of their conversations just to be sure that he was sure, Willie had never mentioned he could sail.

-

In retrospect, that could have largely been because he couldn’t, strictly speaking. Alex had watched on in a strange mix of awe and terror as Willie had untied a small sailboat that lent itself easily to being pitied, if he was honest- all chipping paint and scuffs on the body and sunbleached sails- from its docking, and then suddenly he'd been yanked onto the vessel by his arm and made to crouch just behind Willie, close enough for the wind kicking up to whip his hair occasionally in Alex's face, and then Willie had knelt behind the sails and done something, Alex couldn't be sure what, that meant they were off. It was pleasant at first, which had surprised him immensely. Initially they were travelling relatively slowly, but still smoothly, not too far out from the shore, and the longer the joyride had lasted at this pace, the closer Alex had been to letting himself relax.

But then it had very quickly become apparent that Willie was somewhat out of his element: not majorly- he'd probably taken a few classes in a summer, maybe- but enough that he had psyched himself out. And whenever Willie felt psyched out, he turned reckless. Well, more reckless.

Despite the fact that he was a ghost, which meant that even if they had capsized they would have both been able to breathe, and that even if they had crashed no one would have been hurt and it would be physically impossible for the crime to come back to them, Alex had found himself with a white-knuckled grip on either side of the boat as it had picked up speed almost exponentially and began coasting erratically from side to side, the sail changing direction so obviously and violently that even an absolute novice, which Alex was, could have seen that something was wrong.

'You alright up there?' Alex had asked, even though "up there" was about four inches from his face.

'Yeah, I'm just- hold on-' And then Willie had let go of the tiller, which had filled Alex with the fear of God for a good six seconds, before rolling his shoulders back, shaking out his hands, exhaling a quick breath through his mouth and grasping it again. Willie must have gotten himself out of his Beserker state in that time because the boat had then begun moving in a relatively straight line again and, after a little while, had eased itself back down to a manageable speed. Alex would have to ask about that coping mechanism when he got the chance.

After what felt like maybe ten more minutes of sailing lightly around, but may have been quite a bit more, spent mostly in comfortable silence, Willie had pulled clumsily back into where the boat had previously been docked and Alex had clambered out from the little space he had been guided to originally and had remained in the entire joyride, tying the rope back around the little wooden pole that tethered it to the beach. Sailors' knots Alex could do. He'd been so afraid of getting lost in the woods one spring when he was a child, although an opportunity had never presented itself for him to go into the woods, that he'd read a Boy Scouts handbook cover to cover to the point where, even now, if he closed his eyes, he could see the passage on how to sterilise river water laid out in front of him.

'When you're done come back onto the boat. I wanna sit here for a little bit.'

Alex had looked up from his handiwork to meet Willie's gaze. His eyes had been bright, filled with the leftover mischief from their escapade, and a soft smile which had made Alex wonder if Willie had something else up his sleeve had played on his lips.

'Okay, yeah, I'll be back in a second,' he had replied, leaning down one last time to tighten the knot in the right places.

-

Willie had genuinely expected Alex to tell him to stop at some point, but the more Alex had gone along with what was originally at least partially a joke, the more Willie had wanted to see if he could actualise what had previously only ever been a poorly planned pipe dream. When everything started more or less crashing down around them, however, and their outing previously slated as some dangerous, blockbuster-level adventure had fizzled out into the anticlimax of the season, Willie couldn't help but worry that he had done something to threaten what the two had going for them, which would be poor timing, considering.

Now sitting sideways on the boat together, ghost legs phasing into the shallow water below, hands in touching distance if one of them just worked up the courage to splay their pinky finger a little more, Willie was getting nervous. A little giddy, too, at the possibility of this going right, but mostly nervous.

'Alex?' he began, a little embarrassed, though he knew that was needlessly so, at how his voice hiked in pitch from the nerves.

'Yeah?' Alex responded, his eyes suddenly fixed on him. Willie felt his face grow warm at this, and hoped the relative darkness afforded him some ability to hide the blush he knew was developing.

An added problem was that now Willie had no idea what to say next. He was great at listening to people divulge their emotions, sure, but he always struggled a little with expressing his own, preferring to offer solutions to the other people in his life's struggles and pretend like his own feelings weren't always too close to overflowing for comfort. Willie was suddenly hit with the overwhelming urge to backtrack as quickly as was humanly possible.

'No, never mind, actually. It's not important.' Willie attempted to sound casual, but was unsure of how successfully it actually came off.

'Well, see, now I definitely wanna hear what you had to say,' Alex retorted jokingly.

‘No, it’s stupid. Really.’

‘No, it’s not,’ Alex was now looking Willie pointedly in the eyes. ‘I don’t think you’ve said a stupid thing ever-’ Willie opened his mouth, ready to counter him- ‘Not when it counts.’

And it’s not like that admission of blind faith in Willie made the next words out of his mouth any easier, but they were now propelled from hiding by an added energy that wasn’t there before.

‘Okay, so I went to Tokyo a few weeks back-’

‘You- ...okay.’ It was obvious that this anecdote would have Alex wanting to throw himself into one of his crises about the afterlife and ghost powers and the limitations of poofing, but he was, so far, very valiantly, in Willie’s opinion, holding back. ‘You’ll have to tell me about that later.’

Willie couldn’t help but giggle at how resigned Alex sounded. ‘Oh, I will, hotdog, don’t worry.’

'Anyway,' Willie began again, more confident now that the conversation had taken on some humour. 'So I went to Tokyo, and I was walking down a street with a bunch of vendor stalls, and I saw this one stall and I, uh.' He paused a little, taking a few gentle breaths to build up the courage necessary to continue. 'I remembered my Mom telling me about these, uh, these rings.' Willie could almost feel Alex's eyes widen as he drew out the small, purple pouch that kept them safe from his hoodie pocket. He rushed to clarify. 'They're not- it's not a big thing in Japan. They're not like promise rings.' Alex audibly exhaled. 'Yeah, don't- I wouldn't... spring that on you.'

'No, yeah, I didn't... think you would.'

A silence came over them, uncharacteristicallly awkward, and Willie felt a little hopeless to save the moment.

Eventually, it was Alex who broke it. 'So, these rings?'

'Yeah,' Willie quickly responded. 'I stole them.' Alex chuckled under his breath. 'They're called couple rings, and people- well, couples- they buy them to mark the fact that they're- well, that they're couples.'

'Seems simple enough,' Alex joked, evidently warming to the idea.

'Oh yeah, very simple.' Willie could feel a smile spreading across his face. 'And there's no implication that you're gonna, like, do anything else later on either, which I like because, I mean, we're ghosts.' He gestured at how their legs became translucent where they dangled into the water. 'And that's probably already enough thinking about "forever" on its own, without the added pressure of any big promises.'

'Yeah, I agree.' Alex let out a sigh.

There was a beat of quiet before Willie continued.

'But obviously actually seeing them and putting them on is the main event, so I'm going to get them out of the pouch now, finally,' he joked, pulling open the hole in the top and lightly shaking two thin, silver bands out onto his hand. He then placed them gently onto the edge of the boat, and turned them so that Alex could see clearly what they looked like, or as clearly as was possible at this time of night.

'They've both got this line engraved in them almost the whole way 'round, and then one has a star stamped into it, and the other has a moon,' Willie explained, the nerves returning now that his gift was out in the open.

'I can see that,' Alex responded breathily, leaning a little closer to the rings. 'Willie, these are- they're beautiful. Thank you.'

'I thought you could be the star,' Willie suggested, the arm of his that was further away from Alex reaching up to rub at his neck, lightly avoiding how to respond to Alex's gratitude.

'Okay.'

Gingerly, Willie closed the gap between their hands and slipped the band onto Alex's ring finger, and then donned his own. Neither of them spoke for a little while, both stunned into silence and afraid to break this air of closeness they'd achieved. Once again, Alex was the first to move.

'So, this definitely means we're dating, right?'

Willie flung himself backwards into the hull of the ship, his hair somewhat cushioning his head as he landed, his legs sticking up over the top, now opaque. 'Ugh. Yes, hotdog, we're dating,' he called back up in fake annoyance.

'Cool, just checking,' Alex called back.

Shadowhunters Rewatch!  Episode 1x02: The Descent into Hell isn’t Easy

- The descent into hell isn’t easy but it’s easiER when you have cramps and there’s a plumber opposite your bedroom again lmao Let’s do this

- Damn Jace no need to be RUDE

- I really love the dilapidated church cover thing btw

- See the tech was something that bothered my sister about the series, she preferred the more medieval feel of the first book and movie. Personally I love it lmao but then again I’m more of a sci fi nerd than her

- I totally forgot the misinformation thing they did after the revolt ew. What kind of coverup bullshit

- Lol early Sizzy moment #godbless

- I feel like this whole ‘runes on the floor will kill mundanes’ thing is underutilised in the future… may have to use it in a fic lol

- HA I forgot they made Izzy’s lack of cooking skills show-canon as well lol

- Additionally Alec’s character development is very interesting to me in a ‘wtf did Magnus see in s1 Alec’ kind of way, so I’m starting a separate list to try and track his motivations and biases and stances to see how they shift. Probably gonna do the same thing for Maryse bc I buy her redemption but I can’t quite pinpoint WHY I do (except my favourite thing is when people are nice to Magnus lmao)

- OH LOOK IT’S HODGE. FUCK U HODGE (ahem. Moving on)

- (Main shadowhunter squad looking around their parents) Isn’t there ANYONE HERE WHO WASN’T A FUCKING TERRORIST??? (Shh Louise we only know Jocelyn and Luke so far)

- Clary I get that you feel bad but apologising once was enough, Hodge is a big boy who can make his own decisions lol

- ‘What is a GI Joe’ lmao

- ‘No training and no plan gets you killed’ I think that’s interesting, because it speaks to Jace’s idea that as long as he trains hard enough and have a plan, things’ll work out.

- I thought it was pretty cold of Clary to seriously consider Jace’s ‘what if Dot is working for Valentine’ point, but then again LUKE has turned on her as far as she knows so I guess that’s a reasonable amount of suspicion

- Izzy looks so proud of herself aw bless

- ‘Jace is the ultimate protector’ oh no oh help I’m having smol-boy-Jace-Wayland-carving-himself-an-identity feelings

- I just noticed the runes drifting in the background of the UI all Matrix-style lol. Can u believe Shadowhunters tried to tell us that WARLOCKS were the #extra ones lmao

- ‘A little too much in my opinion’ imagine thinking Izzy is straight lol couldn’t be me

- ‘He’s in good hands with the boys’ oh POOR Simon XD

- LOOK at the connection between these two. I’m love them. Can u believe they were already kindred souls BEFORE becoming parabatai, truly beautiful

- oKAY canon divergence I want::: Simon leaving without a hitch, googling how to kill demons and FIGURING IT OUT. He comes back for Clary and now the gang have this mundane demon-killer on side lol, and Alec’s all like ‘he’s a fucking MUNDANE he can’t be here in Shadowhunter business learning secrets and getting himself killed’ and Izzy’s like ‘he killed four demons wtf you worried about bro???’

- Seelie scouts??? The Clave really will make a show of unity when it suits them huh

- They were KIDDING about the floor runes are you KIDDING me XD I figured it was just a continuity problem lmao (also I know they’re being dickheads but that little smirk between Jace and Alec is maybe the first time we properly see them as a brotherly team aha)

- Okay but with hindsight you can really tell this whole cold demeanour ISN’T Magnus. His mannerisms are SCREAMING ‘coping mechanism in a time of crisis’ rn

- That being said if Dot’s magic is dangerously low I bet he regretted leaving her behind alone and vulnerable, she’s a grown woman who can make her own choices but it’s kiiiind of a dick move especially since he entreated her with sarcasm instead of earnestness to try and convince her to come with

- It continues to be exceedingly funny that Pandemonium is never mentioned outside of S1, when it’s painted almost as Magnus’ MAIN job in that. I mean it kind of makes sense that we see his public face in this beginning and his more personal details later on – the warlock stuff, the clients and politics that are more ‘core’ to his job and identity – but still. Not even MENTIONED, I don’t think. XD

- All of them stepping out of the van… Scooby Doo vibes lol WHERE is my mystery-solving AU with these five???? Do I have to write all of my unvoiced fanfic ideas myself??? Unbelievable

- Clary talking about the void she felt… I’m not crying about 3x22 you are

- ‘Wasteful warlock life’ Valentine. My dude. She has CENTURIES to learn and love and travel and experience, and you’re wasting your handful of decades on racism But go off I guess lmao (loser)

- I know the liquid is bad but also there is a HUGE bubble in that syringe. Valentine how is she gonna be useful to you after a mahoosive stroke

- Random shot of the moon. I mean I love her but WHAT ‘Look it’s night-time!!!! Spooooooky!!!!’ XD

- Okay Izzy is halfway-smitten, lbr. She and Simon fit so well okay

- ‘I can’t be here anymore’ Listen s1 Alec is a serious, grumpy lil shit but he DOES have a sense of humour okay

- Jace LET THEM HUG :C

- ‘We carry it to remind us that light can be found in even the darkest of places’ Jace stfu it’s a TORCH X’D (Like, no disrespect to traditions in general, but that one just SMACKS of Clave Sanctimony lol, and by Jace’s next line he knows that aha)

- …Is Nephilim the dative??? I need to look that up lol. Also think it’s funny that Hell (in its various realms) is the one place Shadowhunters CAN’T go, re 3x21

- ‘You assume I have feelings’ Jace. Bro. You are perhaps the CRYINGEST CRIER IN THIS SHOW. Let go of the toxic masculinity friend, you’re gonna be nicer once you do <3

- I’m revisiting my earlier point: WHY ARE LITERALLY ALL OF THE PARENTS CIRCLE MEMBERS LMAO

- ‘No more I’m sorries, you’re a Shadowhunter now’ YIKES if that don’t say it all about Shadowhunter hubris lmao. Apologies are good and necessary <3

- RECOGNISED THE CLAIRVOYANCE RUNE, HIGHKEY PROUD OF MYSELF AHA

- Think how much less beautiful and adorable the Malec wedding would have been if Brother Zachariah looked like this kind of Coraline experiment gone wrong lmao

- I’m not always a fan of a flashback but that ‘you’re strong enough’ one definitely makes it seem less like Clary’s just being reckless aha

- ‘It’ ALEC STOP BEING SUCH A RUDE BITCH. Also I do love Sizzy but I definitely think Izzy needed to be in a less defensive position when they got together (re ‘he passes the time’, I don’t ACTUALLY care I’m just a heartbreaker out for a good time), I’m kind of glad they waited until her caring side had been more nourished instead of stifled

- SIMON. YOU SAID YOU HAVE SEEN HORROR MOVIES. WHY DID YOU PUT HEADPHONES ON

- ‘The night children have broken no laws’ Wait, so kidnapping a Mundane ISN’T against the law??? I mean I get Shadowhunters not being able to KILL them for it - …oh. OH. HANG ON. Are the Accords just to stop Shadowhunters KILLING Downworlders for the smallest of crimes???? Does Raphael mean ‘kidnapping no longer constitutes a capital punishment (like it did before)’??? Either this is a script issue (bc if Shadowhunters protect Mundanes, kidnapping one SHOULD be against the law) or a hint of just how fucked up the Accords are, that ‘the law’ isn’t the law how WE understand it but instead ‘things which are still valid excuses to severely punish Downworlders, when we used to do so willy-nilly’ :S

- Season tagline: ‘Everybody wants that damn cup!’ Valentine wants it to wield it, the Clave wants it APPARENTLY to protect people from Valentine, Luke hinted that the werewolves want it, now the vampires…. Damn.

 This one gets an 8/10 for enjoyment – I’m having fun! – and actually a 7/10 for quality. Not NEARLY as many script issues and cringe factors as in the first ep lol. Thanks for reading. ^^

what’s up! hope you don’t mind if i ask for a kin matchup 👉🏻👈🏻 where to start.. i really enjoy collecting little things, like rocks, maybe a cool little toy thing i find, not really hoarding them i don’t think? i just have a little shelf of them. i ramble a lot, if you couldn’t tell, and love to talk when i’m comfortable in a situation! if i’m not comfy though, i’ll probably try and keep quiet. i say sorry a lot and feel guilty over small things that i probably shouldn’t be. ( i’ll continue)

+ AH SHIT IM SORRY HI ITS THE 👉🏻👈🏻 ANON!! danganronpa would be preferred!! so sorry! on a more positive note for my description, i’m very affectionate and try to stay positive. i also try to help a lot! i used to be a huge empath but recently it’s been more hard to do all that. i do still try and help- i use humor and helping others to cope ( and animal crossing smh ) and am also quite the simp for my friends 😔 i’ve been told i’m a more whole kazuichi smh. that’s all i think? have a great day

+  update from 👉🏻👈🏻 anon i’m really stupid and realized your post might not be directed towards me??? i’m really sorry LMAO i’m dense asf

tumblr legit ate the first paragraph of this. SO LET’S RE-ADD IT don’t worry about it at all!! the post wasn’t directed at you but i am really thankful that you added a source- plus, all of the descriptkin-ing you did was really helpful!! thank you so much for that too!!

first off, i match you with...!

kazuichi souda!

honestly... i was reading this and yes, there are tiny nuances where you’re different from him- but the best description i could give you is... a wholesome kazuichi! i think that both of you do genuinely want to help your friends and be affectionate towards them, as well as ending up simping for them a lot regardless of your attraction to them. which goes along with being very affectionate, though i feel like the two of you are both the types to try and keep boundaries in mind! especially with what you said about feeling guilty for little things, though neither of you seem like the types to really let it get you down! he would definitely use the 👉🏻👈🏻‘s the way you do, haha~.

you both are big ramblers when more comfortable, and get really hyped about the things you’re into! however, the both of you are quick to back down whenever there’s something more hostile coming your way. but i also feel like souda’s totally the type to use his mechanic skills to help others, though, and definitely cope with humour, the way that you do- and um, not to be creepy, he does seem like the type to look away from his own problems by helping others with theirs. and i’d imagine that you share that with him! plus, i do think that he tries to have empathy for others and stay positive, but can get overwhelmed by other things going on in his life- that’s another thing i think you share with him.

i also match you with...

tenko chabashira!

okay i know that tenko’s a bit of a controversial character sometimes, so if you’d like me to take her off of this list i’m more than happy to. however, i do think that you have a lot in common with her- she can definitely be chattier at times, although if she’s uncomfortable with a situation(which admittedly doesn’t happen much ingame) she tends to get quieter and more thoughtful. she would definitely keep random little stuff she finds- adhd solidarity that’s all i’m saying, and she’s definitely affectionate and positive a lot of the time!

plus, even though humor isn’t her biggest thing, she definitely tried to help others as seen in the case of himiko specifically, as well as other characters like shuichi though it’s in her own personal way. even if she’s not the best at showing it sometimes, she does want to genuinely help the people around her and can simp for the people closer to her, as you say! and i feel like you share a lot of these traits with her! oh, also, something i forgot to add, she’s very much in tune with her emotions, and i think that she has a lot of empathy, too! although it can get a bit sidetracked.

finally, i match you with...

masaru daimon!

you might have to hear me out with this one. masaru isn’t... *exactly* like you but the two of you have several similarities! at least, in my eyes. first off, the two of you definitely are the types to collect little things you’re interested in- light spoilers for another episode, but in his bedroom, his desk is rather messy and cluttered with little stuff related to his talent. while he doesn’t say sorry a lot, i think his upbringing makes him feel very guilty for a lot of his shortcomings, however he tries not to show it. this ties into another big part of his character.

both of you seem... not exactly reckless, but very chaotic and energetic! this, along with him considering himself a ‘hero’, is where i think you two really meet in terms of similarities- both of you, even if sometimes you’re not the best at showing it, are really caring when it comes to your friends and are very affectionate towards them, wanting to help them and support them at almost any cost. plus, whenever he’s more comfortable, masaru is a big talker who huffs and puffs, but whenever he’s uncomfortable he gets more... um, it’s a touchy subject. but he definitely starts talking less and curling in on himself. it’s not exactly the same as you, but there are parallels between behaviours! sorry, that sounds sort of creepy. this is a smooth segue.

-

here we go! the last handful of characters, in order of most to least similar to you(imo, of course)! in the high category, you seem similar to kaito momota! in the somewhat category, you remind me of yasuhiro hagakure and kotoko utsugi! lastly, in the not very, but rather low category, you reminded me a bit of himiko yumeno and sayaka maizono!

wow! that was a bit of a doozy to write, as the tags essay might suggest lol. it’s... kind of hard to associate that much detail with just one character... that’s why this post is really long, as a lot of the kin matchup posts are- i do have these separately tagged, so maybe it’s not too bad? though i can make a special tag for these if you all would like! but anyways, i hope this was helpful, anon! if you’d like anything changed, please let me know, and remember that you know best !!

-mod tsu, who’s... probably gonna post the next matchup tomorrow. sorry! happy pride, everyone!

PERSONAL VENTING WARNING

I think there’s a grand total of like two of y’all that aren’t porn bots but whatever. This is more for me to set things straight in my own head than anything, feel free to read though. It’ll be a long one. 

So, in March, I came to uni for my first year, and met and started dating an amazing guy (or a guy who I thought was amazing). I’ll describe how we met (it will be relevant later on). During O week at my uni, there were lectures that were compulsory for everyone to attend, and you attended the one for your course. It was basically an introduction kind of thing to your course and the content you would be studying. My ex and I are both studying a Bachelor of Geoscience, and there are only six of us in that course. I spoke about a dozen words to him that first day, he seemed like a nice guy, and I thought he was gorgeous. The next day, we had to go to a general lecture for everyone studying what could be considered a biological science. I went in and sat down by myself near the back. About five minutes after the lecture started, I heard the doors slam open. I thought “lol rip whoever that is”. The person who cam in came and sat down next to me. I saw that it was the guy from yesterday, my ex. The lecture we were in was a series of smaller lectures, so when the professors were swapping around, we started chatting. I have never clicked with someone so quickly in my life. After the lecture was over, the uni provided a free pizza lunch. We got some pizza, and sat down on the floor to talk. We talked for two and a half hours. We didn’t notice everyone else leave. We didn’t notice that the tables holding the pizza were packed up and put away. When we did finally realise, we just decided to move somewhere else and keep walking. We went to the front verandah of the beautiful old original university building that overlooks the valley, and talked for another five hours. FIVE HOURS. It felt like five seconds. Once it got dark, we agreed that we couldn’t stay there, and he said that he had to get home for dinner (he grew up in the town where the uni is, so he still lives with his parents). There was a party on at the uni club that night, so I invited him to come with me, but he was reluctant. About an hour later, he messaged me saying that he was going to come. Bit of a long evening short, we went to pre drinks in my college block together, went up to the club together, and ditched it after about five minutes to go and sit on the verandah of the old building again. We were there for about an hour before I got too cold (it was a toga party so I was wearing a K-Mart tablecloth, naturally). We went to my room, got jumpers, stayed up there for another hour, then got in his car and drove around town for an hour or so. By this point it was 2am so he took me home. That was a thursday. That Saturday, he invited me to go to the pub with him and his best friend. I went, and met his best friend, who is an absolute legend, and very relevant to this long story. I had a drink, his mate had a drink, and then it started getting loud so we decided to go for a walk. We walked across town to a beautiful old building, and after chasing a possum around for five minutes, the friend decided to go back to the pub. We decided we wanted to go back to the verandah at campus. So we did. We got jumpers from my room on the way, and my ex ended up wearing his and mine, because he was freezing. He was still shaking though, and I though he was cold, so I got him to sit on the ground, and I sat behind him and wrapped my arms around him. He started shaking harder (I later found out he was nervous, not cold). We stayed like this for a while, before I started getting incredibly worried about the shaking, and suggested that we get in his car, because it has heating. So we did, he stopped shaking, and we drove up to a lookout that we had been at on thursday night while we were driving around. Up there, we did the same sitting thing for a few hours. In the car on the way back we determined that we were dating. Everything was amazing for about seven weeks (or so I thought). I lost my virginity to him, and he was not the first guy I ever dated, but he was the first guy I fell in love with (I’m still in love with him and I fucking hate myself for it). Anyway. We would hang out in my dorm room, I’d go to dinner at his parents’ house on the weekends, everything was great. Then, after about 3 weeks, I’m not really sure when it was, he stopped spending time with me. After about two weeks of not seeing each other except in the classes we have together, he told me that he had some bad news. He told me that he wanted to focus more on his uni work (which was all that he did anyway) and was going to spend less time with me. In my head, I said; “the fuck are you going to do, not turn up to lectures, its the only time we spend together anymore”, but I said to him, “yeah ok, it’s important to prioritise your school work”. So, things continued exactly as they had been for the past two weeks because there was no time together to cut back on. This went for another two weeks or so. The thursday night before last, I was thinking about how we hadn’t spent any time together for a month, how he would never hold my hand, hug me, kiss me, which were all things we had been doing before. So I called him about it and asked what was going on. At first he danced around it, denying everything, saying there was nothing wrong. I wouldn’t take that answer though, so he said: “Ok, I’ll tell you the truth. I haven’t loved you for a month”. This devastated me so much that I immediately threw up. I started sobbing, and I could hear him on the phone (it was on speaker) saying things like “I didn’t mean to hurt you”. I ran find my friends, but they were all pre drinking to go out in another block of the college so I couldn’t find them. So, I went back to my room, where he was still on the line. I sat down and cried for a few minutes, before I took a deep breath and said “We are not doing this over the phone. Come up here now”. He agreed, and came up to the college. We talked, and ended up cuddling and kissing on my bed. We agreed that I needed to work on being “less negative” (I have severe depression and use dark humour as a coping mechanism, and self centred bubble-boy couldn’t handle it). We also agreed that he needed to actually put some effort in to the relationship, and spend some time with me. After a couple of hours, he left, and I slept fine, but the next morning from when I woke up I began to feel worse and worse and worse. I ended up calling him in the afternoon, when I was about to sit my chemistry mid trimester exam, because I felt so bad and had to talk it out with him. We pretty much just had the hell phone call from the night before all over again. About ten minutes after we hung up from that, he messaged me and said that his friend was staging an intervention, and would come pick me and one of my friends up that evening. Before we get any further in to this, if any of y’all are reading this, I just want to say that this friend is an absolutely amazing bloke, and he has been here for me the entire way through the ordeal that I’m about to go in to. So, after I sat my exam (that I failed, who would have guessed), I grabbed one of my best friends, and jumped in the car with my then-boyfriend and his friend. It was my second time meeting this friend, the first time was the night my ex and I started dating, the three of us went to the pub together. The friend and I got along like a house on fire. Anyway, the car ride was the tensest experience of my life. I could literally feel the pure rage radiating from my friend, as she was friends with my ex as well as me, and she knew exactly how the whole thing went down. We decided on going to Maccas, as the food is cheap. We went in, the boys grabbed a table in the corner, and  bought my friend some nuggets as a thankyou for coming with me. We went and sat down, and got straight in to it. My ex’s friend got my side of the story, and then his (there wasn’t much to his at all). The friend then proceeded to tell me how he was absolutely blown away by how my ex actually talked to a girl, and interacted with someone for longer than five seconds. He was actually the reason that my ex went to that party, he made him go. And he was blown away by how easily and how much we talked on the pub night. I’m really bad at telling this, but trust me, it was really profound what he said (he’s an incredibly smart man with a real way with words) and really blew me away. Over the course of about an hour, I went from shaking and staring at the floor, to smiling at my now-ex. My ex decided that he was just being silly, and he did actually love me. We had a fully lovey-dovey reunion right there in Maccas, and walked out of there hand in hand. He had promised to spend monday afternoons and one afternoon on the weekend (we have a three day weekend friday-sunday) with me. That Saturday, we went for a walk for two and a half hours, and had so much fun. We ended up cuddling and kissing in my bed after we got back, I was in heaven. The way he was playing with my fingers, staring and smiling at me, kissing me, holding me as tight to him as he possible could, all read to me that he still loved me. Then on the Monday, he came over to go for a walk again, but we couldn’t drag ourselves out of my bed for over an hour. Nothing NSFW, just cuddling and talking. It was so amazing. I was absolutely on top of the world. We were going to hang out Tuesday afternoon after our Geology prac as his brother was home from the army and  had his car and he had to wait for his dad to give him a lift home, but the prac ran so late that he went straight home. Same thing on wednesday with chemistry prac. On Thursday, he has a lecture in the morning where I don’t have one, then we have an hour, and then a lecture together. I messaged him Thursday morning asking if he wanted to grab lunch together after his lecture. He said: “yeah, sounds great”. So, after his lecture, we went to the cafe and bought food. On the way there we were chatting and laughing. I was looking for a place to sit after we got our food, and he said “Let’s go to [name of the old building with the verandah]” (it was our special spot). I was overjoyed. I thought, “oh, here he is, putting effort in to things, doing something special”. When we got there, we sat down, and he was suddenly quiet. I asked him what was wrong, and he said: “this isn’t working, I’m breaking up with you”. My world was turned upside down. I looked for some explanation, and he told me in no uncertain terms that he didn’t want to invest the time and effort in to me. He wanted his life to just be him by himself in his room. So that was that. I was utterly devastated. He told me that apparently, despite what he said, and despite what his body language told me, that we hadn’t actually wanted to give our relationship another go, that he had been lying. It had been less than a week since the intervention at Maccas. He told me that he still really wanted to be good friends, and I took him at his word. And he had to drive me an hour and a half to another town the next day so that I could catch a bus back to my hometown for the mid trimester break. The first half an hour of the car ride was no fun, but after we established that we were friends, we had a great time. That trip ended with both of us screaming take me home country roads, and having an amazing conversation at the bus stop when we got there. I got on the bus with promises to send photos of my hometown (I’m from right out in the outback, the kind of place my ex had never seen before, and he claimed he wanted to see it). So when I got home, I sent him a message, with videos of my horses running, sending red dust flying. I got a reply two days later: “oh wow, cool”. A day or so later, there were several disasters in my household, and I put a humorous spin on them, and sent him a message. No reply for a day, then, “oh wow”. As side note, my dad is a horrific, abusive bastard, and my time at home was 99% horrific due to that. I told my ex that. No reply for three days. “Oh wow, that sucks”. I ended up buying bus tickets and leaving a week early, because I couldn’t take it any longer there. I told my ex that and he said “oh cool”. Today, back at college, I booked a ticket to see endgame, and I messaged him asking him if he wanted to come see it with me, because only one of my friends is at college at the moment, and she has already seen it and doesn’t want to see it again. After three hours, he asks me what time. I tell him the time. After eight hours, he says no. So much for being friends I guess. And yeah, there’s not much point to this. If you read all of this, I’m sorry.