#i truly believe once u dont care about who reads ur stuff or how many ppl read it
Text
The Protagonist - Hyunjin
❀ Slice of life
❀ Warning: mentions of death & covid-19
❀ Word count: 8k
❀ When your best friend Ryujin cheats on her boyfriend who you’re also friends with, you’re stuck to pick up the pieces of their relationship. When Ryujin starts pushing you away and Hyunjin starts keeping you close, you wonder who was a better friend to you in the first place and uncover new feelings you never knew you had.
❀ A/N: i know i haven’t written in like a year?? but i suddenly had inspiration to write. Honestly, I felt the inspiration after I didn’t get picked job opportunity I really wanted (and thought I was going to get). I was put on the waitlist, but it still hurt my ego. But, I had some other good news and you can read on my blog about it, but I still wanted to write. I didn’t really have anything in mind, but I just let my words take me where it needed to be. Also, don’t get used to me writing, I won’t be writing often or at all. I’m not that into skz anymore LOL
------
Do you ever feel like you’re not the protagonist of your own story?
Yeah, that’s how I feel everyday.
Especially today.
“Ok, on the count of three, we reveal our statuses ... one... two..”
“And three!”
I tore open the letter from my dream college, Seoul University, probably giving myself a paper cut in the process.
“OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, I GOT IN! I got in y/n, holy shit!” I heard my friend’s words over the speaker, but I just couldn’t get the stupid envelope open.
“Fuck this.” I grabbed the scissors nearby and cut the damn thing open, revealing a thin piece of white paper.
I regret to inform you that you have been...
I felt tears well up in my eyes instantly at the words “regret” and “inform”, already knowing where the letter is taking me.
“Y/N?? What does it say?!”
I cleared my throat. “I didn’t get in...”
I cried harder, silently, when I heard her moans of agony. “No fucking way! You’re a WAY better student than I am! There’s something wrong.”
I shook my head. I was a good student, but I wasn’t the best personality. I was only in two clubs: acapella club and bagel club. Not good enough for the best university in our city.
“It’s ok. I have plenty more universities I applied to, I’ll be ok. I’m so, so happy for you though! I swear you’re gonna have so much fun!”
My stomach churned as I said those words. Did I really mean them? I didn’t feel happy in the moment.
“Ugh, I hate this... I really thought we would be roommates!”
I set the pristine piece of paper on my desk; I didn’t even want to look at it anymore.
“Don’t worry about it. This could even be a good thing! We’ll meet new people and just widen our group of friends. It’ll be awesome. Plus, I’m too weird for this clean cut college.” I joked.
That made her laugh. “You’re right, they couldn’t handle your personality. Anyways, I got to go to drama club right now, talk later? And again, I’m really sorry y/n.”
I pursed my lips. “Talk later, and don’t worry about me!” I ended the phone call and let the tears fall freely from my eyes.
I knew this would happen.
How could I compete with a chemistry major with a 4.0 GPA and the president of 2 clubs with a bombass personality? I was nothing compared to her.
I picked up the piece of paper and took one good look at it before crumpling it into a ball and throwing it. The soft thud barely made a sound which was anticlimactic. I was trying to have an angsty teen moment here??
Sometimes I felt like I was just a side character in a movie or a book. I was that girl who watched her best friend experience all these things in life and you just stand by them and cheer them on. They are the ones who have a mental breakdown and somehow end up with the love of their life at the end.
That was my best friend, Ryujin.
She was the one that every guy and girl fell for. Her charisma bounced off walls and even made me dizzy at times. And it wasn’t even like she was the “girly-girl” that we see in movies, no no no, tomboys are much trendier nowadays. She was confident around guys and wasn’t afraid to embarrass herself in front of anyone. I was insanely jealous of her sometimes which I would never admit.
She’s funny and adventurous, pretty and athletic: she is everything I ever wanted to be in a person.
She even had the hottest guy in the school as her boyfriend, Hwang Hyunjin.
I, on the other hand, was the opposite of her. I wasn’t overly awkward and uncomfortable to be around like the protagonists of some books. I wasn’t even cold and hostile like the mysterious girl in fanfiction.
No, I was just completely and utterly average.
I wasn’t “ugly” or whatever that means. You wouldn’t cringe away if you saw me, but the only guys I attract on the streets are the ones who might follow me home. I was friendly to people I met and was the queen of small talk. I was girlier than I wanted to be and try to put on makeup, but end up with botched eyebrows and nonexistent mascara-- that didn’t stop me from trying though.
I cringed at every horror movie, I hate sports, I love astrology, and the only close friends I have are girls.
Well, the only friend I truly have is Ryujin and all her friends became mine.
Any who, I was the girl that if a story was written about her, it’d be about 2 minutes long. I never had any big failures or big achievements. No family issues or tragic past. Nothing. I was a normal girl with a normal life.
And now one who wouldn’t even be going to college with her best friend who she depends on for her social life. Oh yeah, I was a burden too. Now she can’t even be fully happy because of me.
Great, just great.
I felt a buzz near the bottom of my foot. I sighed and kicked it towards me.
‘Ok i wasnt going to ask you this, but i just have to. did you know?’ -hyunjin
I squinted my eyes, re-reading the message to see if I got that correctly. What the heck is he talking about?
‘what are you talking about?’
‘are you being serious?’ -hyunjin
Ok, now this is just weird. I sat up in my bed, suddenly interested in this conversation.
‘im being serious. i have no clue what you’re talking about. care to inform me?’
I sent the text, realizing this is probably the longest conversation Hyunjin and I have had over text. We often hung out in person in groups, since he was Ryujin’s boyfriend and we did have the occasional deep conversation, but talking like this was new territory.
‘im 100% sure ryu would tell her best friend that she cheated’ -hyunjin
Wait. What did he just say?
Suddenly I was standing, pacing around the room.
‘ok, i’ve officially lost whatever ur talking about. what the hell are you saying? ryujin did not’ I typed in confidence, but realized I shouldn’t immediately attack the victim. I erased the message and called him.
He picked up almost instantly.
“What the hell did you just say?” I heard him shift around, probably in his bed.
“I said, I’m sure that Ryujin would tell you if she cheated-”
“Ok, that, stop right there. You’re saying Ryujin cheated on you?” I felt my head spin.
Ryujin can’t be a cheater. That’s impossible. And plus, she would’ve told me if something was wrong in her perfect relationship.
I heard a loud chuckle on his side. “Wow, you really don’t know do you.” I shook my head, but I realized he couldn’t see me.
“Um, I really don’t, so I would really love it if you explained.”
“What’s there to explain? She came to my house two days ago and told me she was cheating on me with Jeongin. Yang fucking Jeongin, who is, yes, a grade younger than us!”
I winced at his volume. Hyunjin was a lot of things, but he definitely wasn’t a liar. Neither was Ryujin which is why I had no idea what was going on.
“You have anything to say?” He asked. But I was in complete shock.
“Well, um... I’m gonna talk to her about this. Bye, Hyunjin.” I hung up the phone and tossed it on the side of my bed despite his muffled talking.
What the fuck is going on?
-------
“I’m asking you a simple question, did you or did you not cheat on Hyunjin?”
After Ryujin came home from drama club, I was already there waiting at her door. She gave me a weird look since we live a good 20 minute walk away from each other, but yes, this conversation was worth the exercise.
“Excuse me, what did you just say?” She asked with a sassy tone, but I had no time for this bullshit.
“Did you cheat on Hyunjin? God Ryu, just answer the question!” I felt my face turning red and I knew I was losing my temper. I had no idea why I was so upset, but I just was.
I saw her features contort, and I knew I was going to hear the truth.
“Ok, yeah, yeah I did.”
My heart dropped.
We didn’t say anything to each other for a couple of seconds. It was like we were both taunting each other, which she doesn’t have the right to do in this moment.
“Are you serious? Why?” I asked incredulously.
She didn’t say anything yet walked passed me and straight to her door.
“Hey, what the hell?”
“Y/N, I cheated on him, what else is there to say? It’s done, it happened!” I almost flinched at her tone. It was bitter and angry and it was a tone I was used to with her.
“What the fuck? Ryu, why wouldn’t you tell me? And this is breaking Hyunjin’s heart-”
“You know what? I don’t have to tell you everything about my relationship! It has nothing to do with you. It doesn’t even matter, ok? I just don’t wanna talk about it.”
I stood silently, wondering who was this person in front of me.
“Fine, I’ll leave then.”
As I walked back to my house, I couldn’t help but feel like I was stuck in the protagonist’s drama once again.
-----
It was almost 1am when I got back home. Thankfully, my parents were asleep and thought I was staying the night at Ryujin’s like I told them. I snuck in the house and collapsed on my bed. This was too much emotion for one day.
I peered down at my phone and saw the light illuminate the room.
‘So. is your world shattered like mine?’ -hyunjin
I bit my lip. Was it weird to text my best friend’s ex-boyfriend like this? Technically, we were somewhat of friends too. So I’m not breaking any rules.
‘this is fucked up. im rly sorry man, she really didn’t tell me.’ I brushed my hands through my hair and felt the sweat sticking to it. I had walked back in the spring heat, it was too much.
‘Damn, I didn’t think she would pull something like that and not even tell YOU. that’s cold.’
‘tell me about it. we were just fine earlier today, dont know whats goin on with her.’ I hesitated before typing the next part. ‘also, i know we arent the closest and ik im also ryu’s friend, but im here for you bro. this is a messed up situation’
‘Thanks, that means a lot... most of my friends are making fun of me for getting cheated on... with a JUNIOR. disgusting.’
I snorted. ‘technically, if ryujin didn’t skip a grade, she’d be a junior too.’
‘y/n, pls don’t ruin this moment’
‘fine, fine, disgusting, she cheated on u with a junior. plus ur friends are felix and jisung who are also complete insensitive dickheads sometimes’
‘Thank you.’
I laughed. Hyunjin was always an interesting guy to hang out with. Sure we never texted or talked much, but he was always a joy to have around. He was quiet in school, but he was animated around his friends. And of course, an awesome boyfriend to Ryujin.
Seeing them together made me more aware of my singleness. He would open doors for her, give her his jacket when she was cold, pay for her meals, he even knew how to braid hair, like what the fuck? He was perfect.
And then she cheated on him.
And didn’t even tell me.
I rubbed my forehead. I was always a fixer. I fixed other people’s problems, which made me quite involved in their issues even if I shouldn’t be.
‘but seriously though, im rly sorry this happened to you...’
‘yeah ... a year down the drain. and plus, i got accepted to Seoul University with her today.’ My heart sank, even when I knew it shouldn’t.
Hyunjin was a smart guy, maybe a little too studious for his own good. He had lots of fun in high school, but made sure to go home early to events and not drink if he had a test the next day. He spent hours at the library at times and read in his free time, like me. Ryujin always hated it and thought we were too similar at times. Which is untrue because Hyunjin was way cooler than me.
‘If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t get accepted’
‘That actually did not make me feel better and made me even sadder because what the fuck?? you’re an amazing student!’
That made me smile of course, the valedictorian was complimenting my intellect.
‘aha thanks, i’ll probably end up going to incheon uni which isn’t too far from here so i’ll be ok’
‘That’s good, maybe i should consider going since half the senior class is going to seoul lol’
I scoffed. “hyunjin, don’t give up your dream uni just because ryujin will be there. you probably wont see her as often as u think’
‘If I decided not to go there, it won’t be because of Ryujin. But seriously, I rarely try anything new and i feel like i’m confined to a small group of people. At least at Incheon, I’ll know less people.”
I sighed loudly. Oh Hyunjin, it must suck to get a mental breakdown right before going to college. It happens to the best of us though.
‘well ok, where ever you go, i’ll know you’ll thrive!!’
‘:) thanks y/n. also, ik we dont talk much, but i really do appreciate you.’
Well, that warmed my heart... and my cheeks.
The fact that I was texting my friend’s ex boyfriend snapped me back into reality. And the fact that she cheated on him.
I gulped.
‘aw thanks hyunjin, i appreciate you too. Now get some sleep! it’s almost 2am’
I didn’t get a response back, and I hoped he fell asleep. I changed into my pajamas and did my nightly routine and fell asleep to thoughts of my friend’s ex-boyfriend.
------
I woke up to several buzzes that tickled my side. I grunted and threw the blanket off of me. I found my phone that was flung somewhere and picked it up. I turned off the notifications to stop the constant moving.
“It’s too freaking early for this.” I moaned.
I rubbed my eyes and peered down at the message.
‘hey im sorrrryyy for lashing out yesterday. i just feel guilty about the whole thing and i was afraid to tell you... also i think im in love with jeongin’ -ryujin
My eyes naturally widened at this confession.
Love? Ryujin dated Hyunjin for a whole year! How could she fall in love with Jeongin so easily??
‘excuse me?? what the fuck did you just say cuz i think u just said u LOVE jeongin??’
‘stfu. just hear me out, he’s a great guy and he’s just... normal’ -ryujin
Ok, time to call this bitch.
“Define normal?” I heard her sigh and adjust in her bed. She’s always been an early riser.
“Just, when I was dating Hyunjin, it felt like it had to be this perfect relationship. We were all friends before and it just seemed right that we dated. He was super nice and perfect and not to mention, hot, but it just felt superficial. I don’t know.”
Well this was new. Ryujin never told me much about the problems in their relationship and I thought everything was going well. Well, until now.
“I mean, I get that, you shouldn’t have to date anyone you don’t like. But, you should’ve broken up with him before!”
“You think I don’t know that? I made a mistake, ok? Can you just get off my back about it?”
There’s that temper again.
“Are you serious? You’re the one who texted ME in the morning.”
“I’m just, whatever.” She paused in between her words. “You just wouldn’t understand ‘cause you’ve never been in a relationship! I just can’t describe it, ok?” And on that note, I just hung up the phone. I was in no mood to play these games with her emotional roller coasters.
I bit my lip, knowing she would probably call me more times for hanging up on her, but I wasn’t in the mood. I was caught in between two of my friends, and I knew who was in the right and who was treating me better.
I saw my phone light up a few more times, which made me curious as to what she was sending me.
‘Hey, do you wanna have breakfast with me this morning?’ -hyunjin
I raised a brow. This was not the message I was expecting.
‘only if you’re paying’
‘deal’
-----
Soft r&b played from the speakers as I sipped from my small cup of apple juice, yes, I still drink apple juice.
“So, how are you feeling?” I finally asked the boy.
He was wearing a black tshirt and jeans and his hair was messier than usual. I could tell he wasn’t getting lots of sleep.
“As good as I can be.” He shuffled around in his chair like he had more to say. “Just, it’s still crazy to me. Getting cheated on... it’s a whole new feeling.”
I nodded, but I couldn’t relate to it.
“Yeah...” I trailed off, not really knowing what to say or how to cheer him up.
We locked eyes suddenly and I grew shy. Hyunjin was always hot in my eyes, even though I pretended he wasn’t, for my friend’s sake. And for mine.
“What did she say when you talked to her?”
I laughed. “She totally flipped on me and told me to leave. I have no idea what’s going on with her right now. She’s lashing out for no reason.” I confessed.
“Yeah, she’s acting more temperamental lately. She always had a temper but this time... this time it’s out of control.”
I nodded, understanding what he was talking about. Ryujin was a feisty girl with lots of emotions. I respect her for being in tune with her emotions, but sometimes her actions go too far. Most guys thought it was hot though.
“Anyways, I don’t want to talk about her anymore. What about you? Any relationship problems?”
I forced a small smile. “Nope, all the guys that were ‘into me’ were trying to use me to get to her.”
Hyunjin took a bite out of his sandwich and shook his head. “Stone cold Slytherin.” I laughed at that one.
“Stone cold Slytherin indeed.”
“You know, Ryu has never watched any of the Harry Potter movies?? Which is crazy because I swear the first time we talked to each other it was about what Hogwarts house we would be in.”
I nodded slowly. “Yes, yes I do know that my best friend has never watched the movies. And it pains me everyday.” He rolled his eyes at my teasing tone. “Also, I think that’s because you guys met in Mrs. Park’s English class which I also happened to be in. Remember, we all were friends first?”
I thought back to those days, those simpler times. Hyunjin and Ryujin only dated for a year, but they’d known each other since our first year of high school. We were all somewhat of friends, more like acquaintances. But one day, their friendship just went to the next level.
Hyunjin nodded his head slowly. “Yeah, you’re right. Ryujin isn’t as nerdy as you.” I scoffed, knowing that was not true. I was the dumbest in the friend group.
“Alright, whatever you say.” I was out of witty banter.
We called for the check and walked slowly to his car. For a moment, we just seemed like two friends. Two kids from school who were eating breakfast together.
But we weren’t really. I was his ex-girlfriend’s best friend. And he was the guy my best friend cheated on.
And we were both losing a person who was ignoring us.
“This is me. See you sometime?” His expression was hard to read and I didn’t know if he was saying this just to be kind or if he actually meant it. Either way, I didn’t care.
“Sure. See you.” I waved at him awkwardly and he gave me a small wave back.
-------
A few weeks went by and soon, Ryujin and I were back to normal. I still texted Hyunjin quite often, but Ryujin didn’t know that. It’s not like I was lying to her, but I didn’t feel like she needed to know. It’s not like we were going behind her back and doing anything. He just needed a friend, and so did I.
The whole world was on lockdown and school got shut down early. Everyone was locked in their homes and told to keep a distance from each other in public. My electricity bill was off the charts and I was living off of Netflix for entertainment. Sometimes Ryujin came over, but she was the only one I really saw. She was an only child, so I pitied her.
“Ok, this one or this one?” She held up two outfits that were completely different. One was a dark green shirt that tied in the front and sparkly paired with black jeans that flared slightly at the bottom. The other was a pink blouse with flowers paired with a blue denim skirt.
I looked up from my phone and sat up on the ground.
“That dark green one, it compliments your skin tone and the jeans are cute.” She nodded and tossed the other on her bed.
“Great, Jeongin will love this.”
“Are you sure he understands fashion? He’s like 12.” I felt a pillow hit me face in an instant, but the comment was worth it. The age jokes never got old.
“Shut up! He’s the same age as me, only a grade younger. You know because I skipped a grade.” She bragged. I rolled my eyes and went back to playing on my phone.
“Okay~ Whatever you say. I’m just saying, your boobies hanging out might confuse him-”
She gave me a glare to shut me up from finishing. I shrugged and looked down at my phone.
“Should you even be hanging out with him? We aren’t supposed to hang out with people during this time.”
Ryujin snorted. “It’s my boyfriend, am I supposed to ignore him? I’d rather die.” I rolled my eyes are her insensitive statement. “Plus, aren’t we hanging out right now? You’re not my family.” Ouch, I’d always considered Ryujin family, but I guess she didn’t feel the same.
“That’s different. We’re best friends and I consider you my sister, since you don’t have one.” I spat. She narrowed her eyes at me and I saw the wheels turning in her head to clap back.
“Whatever, these rules are impossible."
I stayed quiet for a little bit, but I had so much to say.
“What? If you have something to say, spit it out.” Wow, was her aggressive tone always this annoying?
I threw up my hands in aggravation. “Fine, I just think you’re moving on too fast from Hyunjin. You just broke up with him-”
“I cheated on him.”
“Ok, you cheated on him. Shouldn’t you wait a little longer to get into a relationship? It’s ... It’s sort of cruel.”
She narrowed her eyes at me but her eyes softened.
“Look, what happened happened already. He knows I have feelings for someone else. I have to live for myself, ok? I’ll see you later.”
She left the room and I knew that was my queue to leave her house.
I picked up my phone and checked my messages before I left. I only had one, how popular of me.
‘what are you doing right now?’ -hyunjin
I furrowed my brows. His timing was impeccable.
‘um... nothing now. why?’
‘can you meet up rn?’
My eyebrows rose in surprise. Mr. Rule Follower wants to break the rules of quarantine? Interesting.
‘... we aren’t supposed to hang out unnecessarily right now.’ I reminded him, just in case he forgot.
I stood from Ryujin’s floor and started to look for my car keys. The perks of being the youngest sibling is that I was given my older brother’s car when he went off to college. Sadly, he’s back, but we share the car.
‘my mom is sick. shes getting tested today’
I froze.
You never expect those words to come out of your friend’s mouth.
‘where r u?’
------
I got in my car and booked it. It’s like I was moving faster than I could think.
Hyunjin’s parents were divorced and he lived with his father, so I knew he was safe to be around. But still, he saw his mom during the summers and occasionally throughout the year. They were close.
I drove up to his house and saw him sitting there with his head buried in his arms.
“Shit.”
I parked on the side of the road and ran out as soon as I could. He jolted up when he heard the slam of my car.
“y/n-”
I grabbed him and immediately pulled him into a hug. I wasn’t sure why I did it, but it felt right.
“It’s ok, it’s going to be ok.” I said before I could think. I wasn’t sure she was going to be ok, or if he was going to be ok, but he didn’t need to know that.
I felt him shake as tears he sobbed into my shoulder.
“She’s so old, y/n. I’m so scared. I hope she doesn’t have it. I fucking hope so bad.” I squeezed him tighter. Tears fell slowly from my eyes as I felt his pain.
“I’m sorry. We’ll be ok. It’ll be ok.” I rubbed his back soothingly and sat on the steps with him when he calmed down.
“I’m sorry for being such an emotional mess right now, I hope you weren’t anywhere important when I texted you. Honestly, I called Ryujin first but she didn’t pick up.” He mumbled the last part.
I frowned, but realized why she didn’t pick up.
“You look guilty, why?”
I thought about lying to him, but what was the use?
“I was actually at her house when you texted me... she was getting ready to go on a date with Jeongin.” I admit.
I saw his face contort and he let out a few strangled cries. I pulled him closer to me and felt his head on my shoulder.
“I’m sorry, I told her not to go.”
“Why? We broke up already. She made her choice.”
He took a small glance at him. His face was red and puffy; his sleep schedule was also not getting better. I knew that because we always texted at 1am.
“I know my opinion doesn’t matter, but I think she made the wrong one.”
He turned to face me and we locked eyes.
Usually with other guys, I’m skittish and sometimes awkward. I wanted to get away from them as soon as I could. But with Hyunjin, I felt at peace. I felt comfortable with him, safe even.
The boy gave me a small smile and patted me on the back. He rested his head on my shoulder again.
“Your opinion always matters, and thank you. For everything.”
“It’s not a problem.” I pet his head like I’ve seen in movies. I don’t think I’ve ever comforted a guy besides my brother. And my brother did not like to get his hair pet.
I guess Hyunjin didn’t either when he shot up. I gave him a startled look.
“What-”
“It is a problem. Why do you run to everyone who needs help, y/n?”
I froze in my spot, not knowing what to say.
“Um, I don’t know. I guess I’m just good at helping people. I like comforting people. I like making people happy.” I tried to cheer him up. I did not want him to feel like he was a burden.
Hyunjin moved out of my grasp and faced me.
“Doesn’t it get tiring though? I’ve never seen you get sad about something. And you got rejected from your dream college that we’ve been talking about for years. Still, nothing.”
I laughed and looked away. This conversation was getting too focused on me and I wanted to shift the topic immediately.
“Um, well of course I get sad. It’s just I deal with my emotions better when I’m alone. I don’t mind people seeing me sad I just want alone time when I’m upset.” That was a good answer.
He wasn’t buying it though.
A calming silence washed over us for a short moment. He kicked a small rock to the side and it trickled down the steps.
“Why do I feel like that’s a cop out answer?”
I was about to give him a snarky response, but I saw the pain in his eyes. He wanted to be distracted from his pain and wanted to focus on me.
“Do you ever feel like you’re just a side character of someone else’s story?” I blurt out. Immediately, I felt like I shared too much about myself, but I couldn’t take it back.
His silence made me anxious. So anxious.
I started to shake my leg, a nervous habit I had. Suddenly, he placed a gentle hand on my leg to stop it from shaking.
“Bad habit. Also, I guess I haven’t before. Because we are actually the protagonists of our own story. Even you.” He peered deeply into my eyes to get his point across. I gave him a weak smile because I knew he wanted to cheer me up. But I didn’t need cheering up, I accepted that I wasn’t protagonist material. I accepted it a long time ago.
But he didn’t need to know that.
“You’re right. I’m being silly.”
“Oh c’mon, y/n. You’re not being silly. You’re an amazing person. Total main character material!” I raised my brow but said nothing. He knocked gently on my head. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
So many things were going through my head. Including the fact that if I were main character material, I wouldn’t be sitting here with him right now. I’d be on some date with a cute guy. And then the whole situation would blow up in my face. And I would learn from it. And everyone would forgive me except maybe one or two people, but I would be ok with that because I learned from my mistakes and am a better person.
But that’s not me. I don’t make mistakes. I pick up the pieces of those who make mistakes. I fix them. I heal them. I’m the one who makes the main character realize they’re a shitty person.
“Too many things, Hyunjin. Too many things.” I whispered.
We said nothing for a while until he wrapped his arms around me.
“I hope your mom is ok.” I quietly said as I rested my head on his shoulder.
“Yeah, I hope so too. And I hope you realize your worth one day.”
------
‘she’s not sick!! the tests came back negative!! WOOO! party at my house... ok virutal party lol’ -hyunjin
I cheered alone in my room. The test results came back pretty quickly yet it seemed like forever ago when Hyunjin cried in my arms. And we ended up spending the whole day together after I vented my feelings to him. But that’s besides the point.
‘that’s awesome bro!!!! im so happy !!!!!!’
‘:) Thanks for being the best friend i have right now lol’ -hyunjin
I paused at the words ‘best friend’. I knew he didn’t mean best friend, but it still made me smile.
Honestly, it was pretty cool being friends with Hyunjin and I wished that we were closer friends sooner. I guess I didn’t want to get too close in case him and Ryujin broke up. I didn’t know I’d be comforting him and not her.
‘ofc. u deserve happiness hyunjin’
He didn’t respond for a couple of minutes which concerned me. He would usually tell me if he was busy, but he just left suddenly.
I tried not to think much about it so I set my phone on my table. I kept peering down at my phone every few minutes, but still nothing.
I pulled out a good book and started to read a few pages.
“y/n! I think your friend is here.”
I furrowed my brows and closed my book with a pink bookmark keeping my page.
“Friend? Didn’t know Ryujin was coming over.” I whispered. “Ok dad, I’ll be there!” I threw off blanket and opened the door. I shuffled to the front door and opened it. I ignored my dad’s weird looks as he made his way back to his room.
Once I opened the door, I saw not Ryujin, but Hyunjin.
His face was bright and I couldn’t help but smile back. His happiness was contagious, which is why he was so well-liked.
He finally fixed his hair that was getting long due to the quarantine, but it suit him. He wore gray shorts with a sweater on top.
I was suddenly aware of the gray shorts I had on.
“Hey, we’re matching.” I said lamely. He laughed with his eye smile which was his best look. “What are you doing here?”
“Wow, I’m hurt, no hello Hyunjin, I hear you come bearing good news.”
I laughed. “You texted me said good news.”
“I know, but I was wondering if you wanted to hang out right now...?” I crossed my arms and leaned against the door.
“Hyunjin, we aren’t supposed-”
“I know, I know, but I’m bored! I’m an only child too you know and I only live with my dad who hasn’t gone anywhere. And neither have I unless to see you. I know you follow the rules, so you’ve probably only seen Ryujin besides your immediate family.”
I hesitated, wondering if it was the right thing to do. My heart was saying yes, but my brain wasn’t sure.
“Just go, honey. Just be safe.” My dad’s voice boomed. I looked back and saw him giving a thumbs up.
“Really dad?” He nodded.
“Yes, but sure not to come in contact with any other people.”
I held my pinky up, and I noticed Hyunjin was holding his up too.
“Promise.”
------
The roads were so empty.
“You make me! Feel like I’m living a, TEENAGE DREAM!”
Hyunjin and I bumped to Katy Perry bops as we drove through a deserted city.
“Don’t ever look back! Don’t ever look back~”
“My heart stops!! When you look at me!” I sang.
“Just one touch, now baby I believe~” He playfully poked me.
“This! Is! Real! So take a chance and don’t ever look back~” I finished.
He turned down the volume as we reached our destination.
An empty parking lot.
“Aw, how romantic.” I joked.
“Sorry, not much places were open.” He gave me a small smile as he parked the car and rolled down the windows. We didn’t get out in case other people were around.
I unbuckled my seat belt and turned to him. He was already staring at me.
“I’m really, really happy about your mom,” I said finally. He smiled, I had never seen him this happy for almost a month now, ever since Ryujin cheated on him.
“Thank you. Also, thank you for being there when I needed you.”
I thought back to a few days ago when he was sobbing in my arms. I felt my heart shatter for him. I loved his mom too, she was always around when we were at school and was just a ball of light.
“It’s no problem.”
"Right, because you’re ‘a side character’.” He used quotation marks with his fingers to get the point across.
I rolled my eyes and pushed him. “Stop! It’s true though.”
He looked at me again, his eyes saying “explain”.
“Stop giving me that look. It’s completely obvious.”
“Tell me again, how is this obvious? Because, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but all of your thoughts are yours. You see things from YOUR eyes, your point of view, and whatever. Your life is your life; no one else is the main character y/n.”
I hated when he said my name so much. It reminded me too much of myself. I always made sure to use people’s names in sentences to show that I knew their name and to make them feel special. I knew what he was trying to do. I hated that it was working.
“Look, if I was the main character of my own story, then why would my only purpose right now to be helping yours and Ryujin’s?”
He flinched at my words.
“What?”
I sighed, feeling uncomfortable again when the topic was focused on me.
“You know what I mean. For months now, it feels like all I do is to help Ryujin’s character development. And maybe even yours. She’s the one who makes shitty decisions, I’m the one who fixes them for her. She says stupid things, and I’m the one who makes her apologize. She even gets accepted into Seoul University, leaving me behind. I just feel like everyone is accelerating and changing while I’m static! I’m the same as I was in freshman year, sophomore, junior and now senior. I’m the same person!”
Hyunjin stayed silent while I ranted. My chest rose and fell from my heavy breathing and my cheeks were dusted with pink.
“Also, if I wasn’t a side character, would I be here, hanging out with you, to help you get over my best friend cheating on you?”
He had no response for my words. And I knew he wouldn’t because he knew I was right. I was the push to get them back together. I was probably going to get a text or a call sometime by Ryujin while she begs for them to get back together. Or to ask me to fix this whole situation.
I was right.
“You really think I ask you to hang out so much because I want your help to get over Ryujin?”
His accusing tone shocked me, and it made me nervous.
I tried not to focus on the police cars passing by and calmed my nerves.
“Um... yeah, why...”
He wasn’t looking at me initially, like he was focusing on something outside of the car.
“Y/N, I ask you to hang out so much because I like hanging out with you.” He confessed.
At my lack of words, he kept going and ran his fingers through his hair.
“Just... this is hard to say... but I-I feel like I made a mistake dating Ryujin.” He blurted. This definitely got my attention.
“What??”
“Please let me finish.” The desperation in his eyes lulled me to listen.
“We were a good couple at first, but the chemistry wasn’t there. We never clicked. We didn’t talk about the same things and we could never have a deep conversation. Everything we talked about was so surface level or about her problems. She was fun to be with and a great girl while it lasted, but it wasn’t like when we hung out, even when I was still dating Ryu, we got along better.
We could talk about conspiracy theories and weird things in history like it was normal! You were always the first one I talked to when I read a new book or if I learned a cool fact. I could never do that with her and I hate that I just realized it after we broke up. And when I started to hang out with you.
It was always you all long, y/n. It was always you.”
What on earth was going on right now? This isn’t supposed to happen. I was supposed to fix this relationship-
“Ok, I see you’re kind of freaking out. And it’s freaking me out, please say something.”
My leg wasn’t even shaking, that’s how numb I was at this conversation.
“I-” my voice trailed off, like I couldn’t get the words out.
“I have a lot to think about. I’m sorry, I can’t... I-” Tears filled my eyes. I didn’t know what was going on. This stuff never happened to me. Am I supposed to give an answer right away? That’s impossible! I need to talk to Ryujin first and maybe my brother and then just ignore the whole situation.
“It’s fine, take as long as you need.”
The drive back was silent, contrary to what it was before. I regret not taking my own car. I regret even hanging out with him in the first place.
As soon as we got to my house, I got out.
“Thanks for the ride.” I mumbled, because I still had manners.
“Hey y/n.”
I paused and turned around, mortified of what he was to say next.
“I meant everything I said when I said it has always been you. I think.. I think if you think about our memories together, you’ll see that.
I just.. I just needed you to know that.”
I nodded slowly, unsure of what to say.
Then he was gone.
-------
My first reaction was to eat my pain away, but I couldn’t even finish my banana.
Ryujin would never forgive me for dating her ex boyfriend right? That’s girl code 101. Even if she did cheat on him. Or does that cancel out if she cheated?
I downed a cup of water in anger.
“Woah, slow down there, you don’t want to drown yourself.” I slammed the cup down and glared at my older brother.
“Chan, please. I’m not in the mood right now.” I tried stomping away from him, but he kept talking. Like always.
“Uh oh, is it because of your boy? I can beat him up if you want.” I felt my cheeks turn red.
“No! Don’t beat him up. And he’s not my boy. He’s Ryujin’s.” I muttered.
“Wooo what? That’s a plot twist! Dad said he was completely smitten with you though. And Dad’s usually never wrong about boys and their feelings. He’s a therapist you know-”
“I know who my father is, thank you very much! And, ugh, God, I can’t even.” I couldn’t even make it to my room before I collapsed on the floor.
In the blink of an eye, Chan was sitting next to me. “Woah there, okay, this is some teenage angst I don’t know how to deal with anymore.”
Anger rushed through my body at his words. And I’m not sure why.
“Shut up! I don’t have teen angst! I don’t have any problems, ok? Just Ryujin cheated on this guy. And now I don’t know what to do!”
Chan was silent for a moment, unusual for a person like him.
“What? What do you mean what do you do?”
“I mean, how do I fix it?”
Chan laughed. “Fix what?”
“Fix their problems, are you not understanding what is going on here?”
Chan stood up, then picked me up. I would usually struggle but he plopped my on the couch, so I was ok with him... for now.
“Y/n, it isn’t your job to fix other people’s problems. How about you focus on your own right now?”
I peered down at my hands, embarrass to tell him what was going on in my life. I felt like such a trader. I helped my friend her whole life and suddenly, I was catching feels for her ex-boyfriend.
I opened my mouth to speak, but I got cut off my a buzz in my pocket. Then I got like 10 more. I pulled my phone out and saw the texts from Ryujin.
‘i think i made a mistake’
‘i dont like jeongin that much anymore’
‘hes not a gentleman like hyunjin!! he doesnt even pull out my chair when i sit or open doors for me. plus jeongin is lowkey childish and he is always pulling pranks on me!’
‘tell me what 2 do?? how do i fix this?!!??!!?’
‘also my parents are fighting again and it’s sooooo irritating !!!!’
‘sos 911 aaahhhh’
“Who is it? What do they say?” Chan asked curiously. I shoved him away from reading my phone.
“They’re from Ryujin. She’s already regretting dating Jeongin. The guy she cheated with Hyunjin on.” I wasn’t sure the sentence made sense, but Chan would understand.
Chan’s eyes widened. “Damn, dick move.” I gritted my teeth.
“And now, she misses Hyunjin. She says Jeongin doesn’t compare to Hyunjin who is nice and a gentleman. And her parents are fighting again. I got to go help.” I stood up to grab my keys, but Chan stopped me.
“Tell me why you were upset earlier.”
His stern voice shook me.
“Y/n, tell me.”
Suddenly, my tears were unable to hide and fell freely onto my cheeks. Chan’s face didn’t soften, but he let go of my arm.
“Tell-”
“Fine! Hyunjin told me he liked me. And that he regretted ever dating Ryujin.”
I fell down on the couch while Chan held me close. He pet my head, like I did to Hyunjin earlier. I guess that was a good comforting tactic.
“And now, Ryujin wants him back. What am I supposed to do?” I whispered.
“Do you like him back?”
I paused.
Did I like him back? I wasn’t sure...
Chan patted my back and stood. “I’m gonna make us some lunch, sit here and think about it. And don’t you dare think about responding to those texts.”
Hwang Hyunjin.
We’ve been in school together since we were kids. We saw each other grow up. We were never close, but we wouldn’t be awkward if we were paired together in a project.
He was always nice to me. He would remember my name contrary to all the boys in our grade. I faded into the background, especially when I became friends with Ryujin in the sixth grade.
We were in acapella together and we were always in the same friend groups, especially when Ryujin and Hyunjin got closer.
Everyone would yell and shout at us if we started talking about a book we just read or conspiracy theory we saw online. Or when we were both contemplating being vegan when we saw a deer get hit by a truck.
He was the one who encouraged me to wear makeup even if Ryujin told me I was shit at it. He was the one who told me I could join acapella even if I was too shy to be on stage, because he was too. He was the one who dressed up as Harry Potter characters with me when no one else wanted to. He was the one I went to when I wanted to talk about the things I loved most.
He was the one... He was the one all along.
“Oh my god. It’s always been Hyunjin. Oh my god.”
Chan set down a crappy sandwich in front of me, but I was on a mission.
“You figure it out?”
“Yes, yes I did! But what do I tell Ryujin?”
Chan scoffed. “What do you tell Ryujin? She’s the one who cheated on him. And she’s always been a crappy friend to you.” I frowned. Ryujin wasn’t the best friend, but she was my best friend...
“If she’s truly your best friend, she’ll forgive you for this. So go, go get your manz.” I cringed at his language. He was not as young as he thought.
Then, I realized something.
I looked at Chan who was just sitting on the couch, cheering me on.
“Oh my god, you’re a side character in my story.”
The made him pause before he took a bit. “Uh, ok? Aren’t we all each other’s side characters? The protag will always be ourselves, dork. Now go!”
I ran out the door and checked my phone. Those can be dealt with later. Or right now. I’m not sure. Maybe at the same time.
I jumped in my car and called Ryujin and put her on speaker.
“Hello? Y/n?? Where have you been, I texted you like 20 minutes ago! I said SOS!”
“Am I your best friend?”
“W-what? Where is this coming from? Yes, of course you are-”
“Then you’ll forgive me for anything right?”
She paused.
“Maybe. I’m not sure, you’ve never really done anything wrong.”
I gulped. You can’t back down now.
“Is everything ok, y/n?”
“I have something to tell you. And you’re going to hate me for it.”
“What?”
There was silence.
“What, y/n, seriously-”
“I have feelings for Hyunjin!” I shouted.
Dead silence. I could hear the few cars driving in my neighborhood and kids laughing outside. The silence was terrifying.
“You what?”
“I have feelings for Hyunjin. Your ex-boyfriend.”
I heard shuffling on the other side.
“Y-you can’t. He’s my ex-boyfriend. That’s breaking girl code, and I am not over him. What the hell, y/n?”
I felt tears fall from my eyes. This is not how I wanted this to go. But this is what I expected.
“I’m sorry. But my whole life, I have been living for you. Ever since I met you. And this time, I have to do things for myself. I’m sorry but I- I want to be selfish and I want to make mistakes that you’re gonna have to decide if you forgive me for.
I want to be the main character of my story right now.”
“Y/n, wait-”
I hung up the phone. I couldn’t let her get in the way of me living for me. Even if it was selfish and bitchy. I need to make mistakes to grow. And I haven’t made many ground breaking mistakes in the past, but this one feels pretty good.
I parked outside of Hyunjin’s house and ran up the steps.
Before I could knock on my door, it opened revealing a disheveled Hyunjin.
“You came.”
I was shocked at his sudden appearance, but nodded.
“I did, um, how did you get to the door so quickly?”
“I was waiting.” A cute blush danced across his face.
How have I not seen him before? For how I truly feel about him?
For a minute, we didn’t know what to say.
“I-”
“I-”
We laughed.
“You first,” he said.
I cleared my throat.
“Hyunjin, um, I’m not very good at speeches to declare my feelings. Most likely because I’ve suppressed them over the years and haven’t shown them to anybody.
I’m dumb and stupid and now I’m selfish because I don’t care what anyone thinks right now because I realized that I am falling in love with you.”
His eyes grew to the size of his hand at my words.
“What?”
I laughed nervously.
“Um, I was .. I was talking to my brother. And I just realized that every moment in my life that I was insecure or unsure of something, you helped me through it. And when I just wanted to talk about something nerdy like a book or a poem that made me cry, I wanted to talk to you.
It really has been you all along.” I whispered the last sentence, but I knew he heard it.
He took my hands and wrapped them around his waist.
“I’m falling in love with you too. I think I always have been a little, which sounds fucking up since I dated Ryujin. But I think we both knew we weren’t right for each other.”
I nodded, feeling safe in his embrace.
Then, I felt him hold my face and bent down to kiss me. His lips were soft and it felt like he was hesitant. Before I lost the courage, I pulled him closer. I could feel his smile across my lips.
He made my heart flutter like I was reading a cute romance novel.
Except I was in the romance novel now.
And I was the protagonist.
#stray kids scenarios#stray kids#hyunjin#hwang hyunjin#stray kids imagines#hyunjin imagines#hyunjin scenarios#skz#skz scenarios#skz imagines#hwang hyunjin scenarios#hwang hyunjin imagines#wow i havent written a piece this long in ... so long lol#this has been really therapeutic for me#but dont get used to it#lol#i truly believe once u dont care about who reads ur stuff or how many ppl read it#writing just comes to effortlessly#and it feels so relaxing .. like this is my world i am creating#i might private this later as well
163 notes
·
View notes
Note
tbh after covid i started remembering how shitty the world can rlly be and seeing everyone seemingly stop caring about the lives of others and realizing that we truly are the same human beings that have done torture and world wars and stuff and i feel like its really hard to keep trying to find the goodness in people. but reading ur blog gives me hope that there are still people out there who are gentle and kind or at least well meaning. idk ik that sounds privileged but i think this was my first personal experience w mass tragedy and i didn't realize that you dont rly genuinely know what it's like until you experience it
honestly i don't blame you at all LOL like i basically had the same experience and i think a lot of ppl did, esp young ppl. it was just like idk. the suspicion we had our whole lives that we're surrounded and governed by unempathetic assholes at best and downright heartless lunatics at worst was confirmed in 24K for 2+ yrs straight while the death toll climbed and that was that. it was and is really disillusioning. of course it's privileged to say that, but it's also simply the truth for many. there are tons of nuance-adding factors to covid and the way ppl responded to it but a lot of the behaviour has been straight up fucking unhinged, and just so beyond ignorant lmfao in such a universal way too. nobody has any conception of anyone or anything mattering outside of their own bubble, including me to an extent obviously. it's just jarring as fuck to think we live in that every single day, so cognitively dissociated from it to get by. it's awful, and i agree that it echoes the cruelty of the past in a really uncomfortable way :( the capacity for human maliciousness is truly something else.
anyway, all that to say, it definitely doesn't mean there isn't kindness out there, and in abundance too, it's just a difficult and weird world at the same time. so many conflicting realities all occurring at once, sense is bound to be scarce. thank u lovely!! <3 im beyond glad my blog can give you a bit of comfort while we're living through what seems to be an increasingly ridiculous joke. it does the same for me tbh half the reason i believe in Anything is because of random girl bloggers online. anyway it might be like getting blood out of a stone LOL but i genuinely believe in u. and i think the people we come across are sometimes well meaning, we're just all kind of alienated from one and other too. and i think u can and will find the support system you deserve with time, for real. maybe it's just more of a weeding out the bad sort of process, rather than being able to trust and believe in everyone and everything with freedom, sadly. sending u a lot of love! i know it's hard. don't doom scroll/stay stuck watching the news if you can help it, it just makes things feel heavier for no material change in return for that pain. mwah x
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
I dont even know how to start this but for me, today, was the bottom rock of this tom and heidi thing! I am just a simple fan like so many others and its a fact that nor even me or anyone have the right to put our noses into these 4 guys private lifes.
Now, I think something is normal as a fan for over 15ys to want to see each one of these guys truly happy with or without someone! These might divide opinions but I think georg and gustav are pretty happy with the people they choose for they lifes and I trully happy for them! And I wish the same for Bill and Tom! I truly do! I grow up listen to their music! While they were having a suffocating life due to their concerts, promo interviews and so on around the world actually I was happy! I used to count the days for the concert that I would attend, just see them and listen to their music! These might look a little selfish but who in the middle if us wasnt excited to now that at certain they would be in town and we could see another show?
I am (and I know that I am not the only one) that passed the last 2ys (almost 3) asking herself "what happen to tom?" Or saying "Tom never was like this, whats happening?". I guess its like an undeniable thing for all of us that we noticied that tom changed from day over night since he started to date Heidi.
Before I proceed, if for any crazy moment on this universe somehow tom reads this, I am truly sorry for writing these cause I know this is ur private life but believe it ot not, I truly want to see u truly happy and bill (as I said georg and gustav too). But seeing what I have seeing (and I might maybe be a too conservative person) I dont think its normal!
Today I just a video of an interview of Heidi Klum saying that tom wouldnt ever let her post the shower video singing the frozen II song. And even says that if she would ask tom if she could post it he would imediatly say no so she just posts the stuff and then when he sees it and gets mad apologizes to him! And the "best" part is the way she says it. In such a relaxed, uncaring way. She does it about the "man of her life"!
This, in my honest opinion, is pure abuse! Not only showed how much she only thinks about herself, it shows too that she doesnt look in which methodes she uses to achieve her goals!
This isnt love! This is NOT love!
If she knows tom dont want certain things to get posted for the world to see why she keeps doing it? And then apologize! And for what it looked like this keeps being happening over and over again! This is pure manipulation!
I am really sorry but these guy, Tom, deserves way better than this! He deserves someone who loves him for what he truly is has person. He deserves someone who RESPECTS him! He deserves someone that is with him with all his qualities and flaws too! No one is perfect...
Have anyone wondered if it would be tom saying and doing these instead of heidi? Yeah, I know! He would be the total machist with no feelings! He would be the worst person on the face of earth!
So can we just stop pretending that this is all normal and stop bullying tom for no reason? Can we just, for once (I know I am asking for a miracle) get all united and just give support to them? Can we start once and for all ignore this woman? All she wants is attention and she had way more than enough! She needs tom and tokio hotel way more than they need her!
They had a crazy and amazing career! The won awards after awards! They sold millions of copies of their music! They had lots of sold out venues around the world! They fought for their dream and they did it!
Now heidi? What career? Top model? Where? No one ever truly cared about her! She just got headlines because of her "love" life which she even needs to call the paps and pay for articles! Even ex gntm models say bad things about her! Her work collegues dont like her! What talent does she have? I can name tons of models with a truth career! A solid one! She has been living all her life being a "wanna be"!
So we can focus on the band projects and stop once for all giving attention to this "human wanna be"?
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
literally just a dumb unorganized list of school tips
source: im a grad student. i’ve had a lot of school. also i’m adhd & mentally ill and require +8 organization. this is mostly directed @ college students, but maybe high school students can use it too, fuck, idk, it’s been forever since i was stuck in that hell hole
just say “professor” either ur using the correct title for a person (will make them feel good) or you’re giving them a bigger title on the assumption they deserve it (which will make them feel good) and also prevents having to ever i mean ever use their names
talk at least 1 time a week in each class, aim for 1 time a day. even lecture classes. i fucking hate talking in front of more than 5 people, so what i would do is prepare a question about the hw/etc (even if i didn’t need it answered) to ask the professor after class so they saw me and got used to me and saw i was invested in their class. about 89% of teachers - if they see you try, they will pass you. i mean it’s literally that easy. i know people who went from like a c- but because they legit tried, their grade got bumped up to a b-.
if u have to bring a laptop, pre-download the required material/screenshot it, and then turn off your wifi. it’s too easy to not listen.
physical writing will always give you more information recall over typing.
nobody cares about stupid shit anymore trust me they don’t remember that you were accidentally locked in a towel out of your room bc they have their own dumb shit that happened.... in college all the “cringe culture” turns into “god i wish that were me” culture ... wear ur onesie to a party trust me you make +800 friends and 799 of them will be girls telling you you’re adorable and they’d die for you
about locking urself out.... if ur like me and can breeze past post-it notes placed in obvious areas, don’t be a dumb bitch and rely on post-it-notes. while most schools offer 1 free lockout, dont rely on it - it once took 2 hours before someone could get to me. i was in a towel, which meant no phone. so like. anyway, what i do now is i put something on the handle of the door i have to open/unlock. i can’t just open the door w/out the thing falling down and making a loud “you dumb bitch unlock the door before u shower” sound.
this works for all important don’t-forget it things. other obstacles i’ve used to remind myself to do something include: putting a chair with my wholeass posterboard in front of the door, an entire printer with a single piece of paper that just read “for the love of god check to be sure you have that essay”, and a recycling bin i kept forgetting to empty. guess what bitch finally emptied the bin once it was between me and a swift exit!
no offense and like the whole “it’s the best years of your life!” thing is great but in reality everything goes better scholastically when you treat it as “i came here to win, not to make friends.” i still did make friends, went to parties every weekend, was popular enough i’d be invited to several on one night - but i came there to win. when i put my scholastic life and my mental health first, i went from a 2.0 to a 3.98. yes you can, bitch.
you’re spending the money. don’t squander it. trust me when i say i know plenty of people who breeze through, bc you often can. but like. don’t. challenge yourself bc like. talk about an investment.
if you hate your major, change it. don’t make your life something you can’t stand. on that note, do NOT agree 100% to a track until you have at least some experience in the field. i cannot tell u how many ppl i know who got their whole masters/phd program done, walked into their new profession, and were like, Oh Fuck, I Can’t Live Like This.
college literally offers so many free things and if you’re not taking advantage of them whenever possible i get it but like. try to take advantage of them. this is everything from your gym (which probably has free classes dude) to clubs to like. sober events. these sober events are so ... fuckin good dude i’ve made mason jars with little plants in em... bee aviaries... candles.... go to the free stuff
oh ps on free stuff i wanna say about 4 of 5 days there’s free food on campus just look for things like job fairs, presentations, or discussion groups. also while you’re there at the job fair like. u know, go to the job fair in earnest
i took off 2 years to work and also to just. recover from my bullshit. and it took me 6 years and 3 schools to get my bachelor’s. it wasn’t easy but bitch i lived. there’s no such thing as “too long” to graduate if that’s truly what you want to do.
if on the meal plan, eat as clean as you can the first week. then introduce each part of the cafeteria’s possibly-food-poisoning-creating foods one at a time. give @ least 2 days between each experiment so you know for sure if you get sick what caused it. i literally never eat meat at school but you can still get sick off of unwashed lettuce/salad dressing that hasn’t been refrigerated properly/weirdass things you won’t even think of. this prevents like. dying in a public bathroom.
white loaf bread can be gross & boring. discount bakery section for your slightly chewy artisianal bread needs. if overstale, either toast it or dunk it into water and microwave it (unless u got an oven. use the oven if u can)
steal as many apples from the dining hall/events/etc as physically possible just do it they keep FOREVER and @ some point you’ll be like. fUCK i need a nutrition. ps if you’re keeping them in ur backpack (i wouldn’t keep more than 2) make sure to wrap w/a few paper towels so if you drop your bag you don’t get apple mush
write it all down bitch. “i’ll remember it” no you won’t. unless you are capable of remembering every idea on this list and in order, you won’t remember it. in general, if you write something 3 times, you will recall it correctly at least 80% of the time. i also read it out loud to myself, bc, you know, auditory recall
DO NOT just put your assignment at the top of your notes, unless you’re 100% sure that will work for you. in most cases, it’s much better to have a planner/agenda/place you expect to look for assignments. +7 points if you lie to yourself about deadlines and move them all up.
like not to sound too much like a DARE ad but like. if you don’t like it/don’t want it, don’t fuckin do it. the idea that “there’s nothing to do if you don’t party” is such bullshit. like i promise if you’re like “i am a grouch and want to stay in and binge netflix” about 45 ppl will show up in pjs like “bitch fullscreen it, im a grouch too.” there’s also like. the chance to just.... not overindulge. on wednesdays i have “wine wednesdays” where we sit around and drink a glass of wine while we do our hw. it’s chill and friendly instead of like. drink until u vomit. don’t feel like you either gotta slam the breaks or the gas pedal, is what i mean.
PLEASE know the signs of alcohol poisoning/overdose. most schools have a “Safety Always Matters Most” policy, which means that you can call for help w/out getting into trouble. if you think someone is in danger, act. this also goes for making sure ppl get home safe even if they’re just incapacitated, not poisoned. step in, dudes.
also just. notice when ur starting to rely on stuff too much. i’m super easily addicted to things, so i keep a healthy distance from liquor. i don’t let myself “drink to feel better” bc that’s a scary, scary thing to link to feeling better. if you or somebody u know starts drinking all the time/gets anxious if they don’t drink/drinks in the daytime .... get help. schools have counselling services for a reason.
you’re gonna get a cold/flu of some sort in the first 2 months just brace for it. in the meantime, drink vitamin c, try not to touch too many handles, and when people say “there’s something going around” believe them.
watch kaplan nike just do it
if you can teach it, you know the material. a super good way of knowing if you studied the right way is to try and teach the material to a stuffed animal/imaginary class.
“i don’t know how to study” bitch me too the fuck. this is usually bc we’ve been taught that studying is just sitting down and staring @ ur notes. it’s not. it’s different for everyone, and you need to understand it’s 99% preventative care. if you don’t go to the class or do the homework, studying is going to fucking suck, bc you’re learning the material all at once for the first time. the place you should consider “studying” is “i’m confident in 70-90% of the material, but need to review.” do not let yourself fall behind .... just go to office hours and ask questions if ur not getting something. studying should feel like you’re remembering what you already knew but kinda forgot, not like you’ve been blindsided.
the whole “writing it down in ur own words” while u have been told this 700 times it really helps bc it means u gotta translate it through your own understanding. if you can’t, and it’s not bc the material seems too obvious to you to state in another way - ask yourself if you don’t understand the material. chances are u are missing a bit of info.
i know it’s like A Thing that Some People do but i never had the mental health points for it but i know some people just take 15 minutes after every class to review their notes. since i’m 100% early to every class ever, obnoxiously so, i try to do it before class. having the last class’s notes up in my head super helps. like. put down the phone i know you’re socially anxious me too but review those notes. chances are if u start flipping through pages other ppl will too. this is also fun bc as soon as you start this whole thing, at least one person will be like “is there a test?” no bitch there’s no test but im gonna be ready when there is!
literally so much of success is fucking posturing i could link about 800 peer-edited studies that show that when a student is expected to do well (and knows they are), they do well. like i literally didn’t change my appearance at all, never bothered to look nice (once winter hits i wear 67 layers all the time), but when i showed up after my 2 years off from school, i presented myself with the whole “i came here to win” vibe and people... really respected me? i mean in hs i remember ppl saying shit like “yeah, well, you aren’t gonna have the homework”. by the time i was in college i had an honest-to-god conversation which included someone being like “so tell me what you’re overachieving at right now” like they just expected it from me. wild.
i live by “bite off more than you can chew, and then CHEW IT” but it’s probably unhealthy. the truth is that i have a lot of energy all the time (lmao adhd!!!) and i used to get told i was “trying too hard” and for a long time (still???) i didn’t (i don’t?) know what that was, you know, bc i had a D average, clearly i wasn’t trying. it turns out i was just. putting all my energy into stuff that wasn’t making me happy like toxic friendships etc. when i decided “nope, all this energy is for me and my schoolwork”..... uhhhhh suddenly i was a golden child and everyone praised my try-hardness ... it’s a fuckt up system tbh
take at least 1 class just for fun. i try to do that every semester. it helps break up all the requirements. if you’re like an engineer and got no time or credits left to spend, try to audit your fun course.
make ur advisor love you i don’t care what it takes make them cupcakes show up to thank them i dONT CARE just do it
the library isn’t always the best place. if i start getting anxious bc i pavlovian train myself that library=work, i find a new place to go to do hw. try to go outside if you can!!! not like where i live bc like it’s snow all the time but try. a little green really really really helps depression.
if you’ve been in the same “Studying” place for 1 hour and haven’t done anything the chances are Something Isn’t Right. first, look @ ur body. are you not focusing bc of some pressing physical need? sometimes just taking a shower and coming back helps. are you uncomfy? are you too comfy and going to sleep? if body okay, look @ the material. do you not understand it? do you just need to switch to a new topic for a little bit? can you find a youtube video that will help you better understand it? make notes on what you don’t get so you can ask in the next class. if it’s not the material, it’s not ur bod, check the Actual Space. sometimes just getting up, going for a short walk to a new place, and trying it there actually? really works? if none of this is working.... try ur brain next. hardest to reset bc like, what, turn it on and off again? i use things like caffeine, a short workout, a nap, or a podcast all to just... give me a little boost.
don’t be afraid to leave. i mean this about class, friend groups, and the college ur at. just get up on outta there if ur not feelin it. i cannot recommend “drop the class” enough. even if it’s a required course see if u can switch the times if u hate the professor day 3 it’s not gonna get better just get the fuCK out
don’t nap in the same position u go to sleep in, nap upside down w/ur head away from ur pillow. don’t ask me why but it works to 1. fall asleep faster 2. make sure u sleep okay at night and 3. wake up less annoyed
on that note don’t ever do anything in ur bed in a sleeping position unless it’s genuinely sleeping in it. body will get confused. just sit up, lazybones.
when/if the library has those therapy dogs during finals week.... just go pet them make the time for it
ask before hugging people, but don’t expect a “yes”
get a backpack that fits and doesn’t hurt ur back u fuckin hippie idc how cool it is to wear ur backpack super low just don’t do it it’s not worth it
the tutoring center is a fucking goldmine.... free essay edits my dudes
bring a fan dorms are always hotter than u expect
switch dorms if u can if u realize ur in the wrong room/wrong roomate like just don’t bother with nonsense
when in doubt, follow preschool rules. tell ppl when they did something cool, just ask when u need help, and be confident even in your mistakes, because at least u tried
6K notes
·
View notes
Note
hi michelle! so want to start saying that i identify as bi and honestly, I would LOVE it if jake was bi. I think it'd be great. But i'm also okay if he's not, bc how cool is it that they're allowing a man to break down traditional gender norms/roles! i think one of the greatest parts of loving a show like b99 is that it lets us escape the 'real world' for twenty minutes every week. and that means something different for every person watching the show. 1
SO while i believe you are entitled to your own opinions, and you can share them on your blog bc it's yours, i don't think its fair to invite people to share their opinions but shut down anyone who feels differently than you. for example, you said to someone who said they didn't care if jake was bi that you hope they 'get well soon'. also, you posted saying that if bi people didnt want jake to be bi then they're wrong. im sorry but thats really hurtful. you dont get to decide how people think 2
just bc someone feels differently than you doesnt make their feelings less valid, ESPECIALLY someone who identifies as lgbt+. you run a popular blog and it makes me sad to think people might feel their opinions are less valid or wrong bc they see it here. again, im not saying you cant have opinions or post them. but maybe just think about how your words can affect others. also saying this off anon bc i respect you and am open to having a conversation. Thanks for reading, hope u have a good day
hi. thank you for ur mannerly tone and for having the courage to go off-anon.
mlm/bi representation will always be more important than ‘straight man comfortable with his sexuality’. while i am not saying that straight men in media shouldn’t be portrayed as comfortable in their sexualities, the stance that it’s okay to take away representation from people in the lgbt community as long as we have Good Hets is harmful, and it gives people in the tv/movie industries a cop out. they don’t have to give us more lgbt characters! straight characters who Know What’s Up are good enough to make them seem woke and avoid criticism! and whether you’re comfortable with this happening as an lgbt has nothing to do with it. we have to hold the media accountable, we can’t just settle for less. whether you want to watch b99 uncritically or not is entirely up to you. i get that it’s exhausting to analyze the media content you consume! i more than understand just wanting to escape and not ask for more! it’s tiring! it’s draining! it’s disappointing, it hurts so much and it gets so so lonely. but we can’t just let the world stagnate. progress needs to be made constantly, and shows can’t be made to feel like they can just do one or two good things and not be expected to do anything else! i’m not asking you to fight for this, i just want the acknowledgement that this is the right thing to do
i didn’t exactly... invite anyone to say anything. i truly am just sending my thoughts out into the void. and yes, i am aware that my words reach a wider audience because i have a larger than average follower count. of course i know my words can affect others. that’s what i’m trying to do. aside from getting thoughts out my brain, i want to promote a less passive line of thinking. i want lgbt folk to want better for themselves. unfortunately, because words and actions have responses, people will climb into my inbox and start conversations that i inevitably have to take part in (sometimes i don’t though. it really depends on where my head’s at that day. having to discuss this repeatedly is draining). most of the time, i’m just making a statement
i don’t particularly enjoy “shutting down people who feel differently from me”. usually, if i’ve done that, i really am tired because i’ve likely discussed and explained numerous times whatever it is the person who got shut down said to me. i might also come off as mean-spirited or perhaps aggressive if i know some anon is just trying to pick a fight/spew hate at me. if you don’t understand where i’m coming from/don’t believe why having an opposing stance is harmful (this might vary depending on the issue), i am (given i have energy that day) more than willing to elaborate on whatever it is i say here. if i say stuff like ‘get well soon!’ it is a tired response to something i have already covered in depth and i am making some semblance of a joke to deflect/put a lid on the stuff i really want to say (likely because i have already said it)
i never said that bi people who didn’t want jake to be bi were wrong. i was trying to get them to think deeper and explore why they don’t want that. being lgbt sometimes means that we allow and normalize a lot of unfair treatment. we think that we have it good enough so we decide not to ask for more, to settle. and i will never blame any lgbt for falling victim to this line of thought. we were brought up to think this way, we were conditioned to think this way. acceptance does not equal inclusion, and sadly many of us are so grateful for the acceptance that we do not bother to even think about having inclusion. or, better inclusion, for that matter. of course, it is definitely not up to me to decide how anyone thinks. i’m just trying to convince you! very desperately. but if you don’t agree no matter what i say then what can i do? it’s your life. it doesn’t affect me much in the grand scheme of things. i’m not going to hate you for disagreeing. i’m not going to sic the dogs on you. am i going to be kind of annoyed if someone walks into my inbox, turns on anon, and hurls insults at me? yes, that’s hurtful, and it’s kind of funny sometimes depending on how dumb you sound, but it’s mostly tiring and a lot of pain. so like... read, if u don’t like it, move on, if your well-being is drastically affected from reading the things i say, i’ll tag it so you can blacklist
the sad thing is, being a member of the lgbt community doesn’t automatically make your opinions on lgbt issues valid/unproblematic. internalized homophobia exists. things i described in the point above can lead to this. just because a bi person says ‘im bi! and i don’t care/don’t think bi jake is important!’ doesn’t mean that suddenly, there is no need for him to be canonically bi, that we aren’t being queerbaited/pandered to by the show. do i think that the show is intentionally/heinously queerbaiting us? not exactly. but lack of awareness and lacking understanding on why bi-coding jake w no intention to make it canon is just as harmful bc it produces the same result (in jake’s case)
once again, i don’t intend for people to feel “less valid/wrong” when they read what i have to say on this blog. self-reflection is important. sometimes, people have opinions that are wrong! including myself! which is why more often than not i think deeply into the things people say to me here and consider whether my opinion holds up. you don’t have to feel bad for being wrong. we are all constantly wrong on stuff. everyone, at some point, has had a bad take/the wrong take on something. if you hold yourself up to this standard that you must always be right or you are suddenly a horrible person/must feel bad and demoralized, i suggest that you change your approach to issues such as this. i hate to say this but it is not my job to make sure everyone is 100% cool and chill about everything i do and say here. some things need to be said. some things need to be acknowledged. i’m sorry if any of you have been hurt/upset by anything i’ve ever posted but after a certain point... that is your issue and not mine
#ask#ncrit#sorry for the long post#thank you once again for being respectful#i hope this wasn't too harsh#i hope you have a nice day too :)#arnie-santiago
87 notes
·
View notes
Note
alright dude yea EVERY NUMBER FOR SWEETHEART ASKS
… what have i signed up for?
//cracks knuckles
grab a juice box, grab a snack.
we’ll be here for a while. what have i gotten myself into
1. Talk about your first love.
oh jesus. i actually recently found my old journal lol
from way back when. 2009 i think? i was 13 or some shit. jesus. ok. so my first love was actually over the internet.
yeah, i know. nowadays we’re spoiled with tinder n shit, but back in 2009, all we had was myspace and msn and i met this fucker on skype.
i was so ahead of my time.
anyway, it was october 25, 2009.
here’s a snippet from my journal entry:
well i met a guy on skype. he’s a month younger cause my b-day is on oct 14 and his is on nov 18. but i don’t mind it.
yoooo i was into younger guys even at 13, jfc hahhaa //kill me jk hmu
and then on the next page hahahhaa omg
december 2, 2009
well me and ___ are no longer together. well we never began. he broke my heart two times already. going in depression. please don’t bother. first love, ha!
omfg damn, two months. yeah, that lasted long. also old me: ur so dramatic lol
also i was a feisty lil fella, jeez.
2. What’s the most beautiful songs you’ve ever heard in your opinion?
this one
3. How’s your heart feeling right now?
a lil stressed. im like, hoping i can get through all of these questions without my computer crashing. pray 4 me.
4. What kind of self care is your favorite to do?
ok, first thing to note, i fucking love self care. like, too much if im honest.
baths with bubbles and nice smelling scents, lotions, a face mask, taking my time with washing my face and hair and putting on the cutest clothes after. also snacks, always snacks.
when im feeling like spending money: massage. full body. best thing ever. i treat myself to it at least once a year for my b-day.
5. What’s your skincare routine?
ok so i just got a new skincare line. it’s from nature republic. i have a cleanser, a toner and a moisturizer. it’s fairly simple (unlike 9 steps in korean ahhahha, but like i’ll probably get there in time) also i have a peel mask that smells like bananas that i put on twice a week to get rid of dead skin cells. oh and sometimes i do korean face masks, too.
6. How did you get to be so beautiful?
answered that q here
7. Do you have any stuffed animals?
NO! //hides them all away
8. Best trip you’ve ever been on?
thailand. my parents took me w/ them on their honeymoon.
lol idek why either. trust me.
i was just there for the swimming, riding elephants, getting food poisoning and downing two banana splits in one afternoon. good times.
9. Favorite thing about your room?
i live in a jungle. but also in an art gallery cause my mom buys paintings online and resells them, but it’s become such a habit for her they are literally EVERYWHEREE I CANNOT.
also sorry mom i keep forgetting to water the GAZILLION plants THAT YOU HAVE MOVED INTO MY ROOM FOR SOME REASON. they’ll be dead by the time ur home. srry ilyyyyy.
also tae hmu if u want some paintings. i got way too many.
10. Opinion on love?
dude. idk. i mean. it’s definitely not something one can describe easily or fully grasp.
im still waiting for my big love to come along, so like, we can talk about that when we get there.
otherwise, i’ll say this quote that i heard in a song:
give your heart, but keep your head.
11. Are you affectionate?
with certain people. im weird.
with some people im like no, don’t touch me pls. i bite and scratch.
and with others you cannot get them out of my death love grip.
12. Who do you look up to?
i look up to bts a lot. they’re doing a lot of good and they’re very respectable artists.
but i also look up to a lot of writers on here because i want to create worlds and writings like them. i won’t tag them cause rip them trying to find why i tagged them in this long ass post haha.
13. Favorite poet?
@psycho-slytherin
lol sorry bae
ur gonna have to scroll to find out why i tagged u. and then go red and yell at me. hahah.
i also like silentium! by Fyodor Tyutchev
also everything by pushkin (esp ‘i loved you’ fuck that one gets me every time). seriously. that man isn’t called the golden poet in our country for nothing.
i actually don’t read a lot of poetry nowadays unless its my own or my friends’
but im open to recommendations
14. Song that makes you happy? How about one that calms you down when you’re in a bad place?
answered here!
15. Do you play an instrument?
lol no. i was almost taught the piano (lol rip me, i wanna kill my younger lazy ass self) and i dabbled into learning the violin. but that’s like a whole story and a half hahahaha.
16. Do you do art? Using what (pencil, watercolor, etc)?
i used to pencil draw, nothing special tho. a lot of naked ppl lol. butts n boobs were my fave. also pecks whoo.
17. Do you dance? What style of dance?
i don’t! but i want to. i’ve been looking into dancing schools. i might do hip hop n stuff. see if i have the rhythm, i can’t tell from just jumping around my room lol
18. What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in astrology?
im a libra yo. diplomatic and indecisive af.
i kinda do? there’s some sense there, but it’s too vague. i think ppl need to look into their charts to really grasp their character.
and for some it may not be true at all, so like. idk. we’re all just doing our best here.
19. Favorite old film?
a russian film that i always watch over the new year. my mom would always joke that the new year doesn’t start till we watch it lol
the irony of fate
20. What’s your hairstyle?
idk
u
tell
me
21. What weather is the most beautiful, in your opinion?
cloudy but warm. so there’s not too much sun but u can enjoy a nice walk outside without getting rained on.
22. What upsets you most about the world?
i only have two hands but there are so many cats and dogs. i cannot pet all of them.
23. Are you in love right now?
answered ;)
24. Do you have a crush? If so, talk about them!
here u go
25. Do you have pets? Talk about something sweet about them!
i don’t! but i wish i did i would shower them with my love.
but @the-trth-untold dogs are the cutest and @psycho-slytherin cats make my day. pls spam meeeee. also i love @paristae cat too.
26. Do you have a lucky number?
yup. 22.
27. Have you ever wished on a star? What about on a fallen eyelash?
i’ve never seen a fallen star, so no.
but i’ve wished on a fallen eyelash, always.
28. Do you believe emoji spells to work?
emoji spells??
bruh i’ve never even heard of it till this ask wtf is that shit
bruh i mean if it works for ppl all power to them??? idk i never tried it
29. Do you believe in magic in general?
i believe in magic tricks. but magic died for me when santa stopped existing.
30. What’s the most beautiful thing in life, In your opinion?
here
31. Opinion on the color pink? What about baby blue?
gorgeous colors. i quite like mauve pink and deep dark blue tho.
but baby blue looks amazing on some folks. oof.
32. What instrumental sound is your favorite?
piano. always.
33. Do you like the sound of wind? What about the sound of rain?
answered :)
34. Who makes you happy?
bts and all of my mutuals
35. What makes you happy?
sleep, food, music, writing, cuddles. and forehead kisses.
also more listed here
36. Imagine your ideal life, the life you wish to make, what will that look like?
i live in a nice apartment. doesn’t have to be expensive, just nice and clean with wooden floors and spacious windows.
i have all the necessities that i need and im never lonely.
i have also touched countless hearts by my books and am able to live comfortably just from my works.
haha. you said ideal, right?
also have someone to spend it with. someone i’d write poetry about daily. a bestfriend first and foremost before a lover.
37. Do you wear makeup? If so what’s your favorite type of makeup or specific makeup product? Favorite store to buy makeup?
answered this fella here
38. Do you wear dresses? If so what’s your favorite dress you own?
i used to have dresses. but not anymore.
i liked the long sleeve sweater black one i had with a low cut. it was gorgeous. i dont have much of boobage but i always felt like i was sexy in it.
39. Ever been heartbroken? How do you deal with it?
yep. you just kind of take it one day at a time. some days will be better than the last. some days you’ll cry a little harder and some days you move on a little further. it takes time. make sure you have good people around you so you don’t fall into depression.
40. Who’s your closest friend? What do you love about them?
ah, to be honest i don’t have a closest friend. i’ve always been the kind of person that always had friends around her but never anyone too deep. and i kinda wish i did. i just don’t know who would come to fill that spot. people always leave, so i kind of gave up assigning that spot. i think the people that want to be in that spot will show themselves and tell me. otherwise i will not assume or assign.
41. Introvert or extrovert?
introvert. but i have my moments. i can be charming and friendly when i want to.
42. Do you like MBTI? What’s your MBTI?
i had to look it up cause i forgot what it was lol
i took the test a while back: im infp.
there’s not a lot of us, apparently. which is cool. shout out to all infps out there!
43. Would you be a fairy, a mermaid, a vampire, a siren, or an angel?
hmmm. what kind of fairy tho? lol
maybe vampire? idk i’d be a sexy immortal lady that’d bite innocent boys and girls that just want to have a good time lol
44. What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you?
this oneee
45. Parlez-vous français?
no~
46. Most beautiful place you’ve been to?
butchart gardens
47. Where/when do you truly feel at home?
here
48. Does smiling put you in a better mood? Try it right now, you’re smile is gorgeous!
kdjfalkfjdlkdsaf //hides
this ask is flirting with me…
well that’s as much action as im going to get this new years eve lol
49. Favorite shoe you own?
my sweet rose gold kicks, yo.
50. Can you walk in stilettos? Do you like them?
lol no. i cannot. and i do not. im not made for heels. im tall enough as it is.
51. Do you feel loved?
every time i talk to my mutuals yes //cry
52. How do you express love to those you care about?
by saying cute words and by clinging to them like a koala.
53. Favorite term(s) of endearment?
sweetheart, dear, idk im just like anything honestly. love, baby. go crazy.
i also love mean terms like idiot and stuff. or nicknames that hold inside jokes, something between the two of you only.
54. Most romantic thing someone’s ever done for you?
hasn’t happened yet. so yeah. any takers? lol
55. When is the happiest you’ve ever been?
reading a good book for the first time. or just experiencing something new that i end up loving for the first time. nothing can replace that first feeling.
56. Are you happy right now?
happy im almost done hahhahahahaa. ha.
no but srsly i am
57. What makes you smile?
stupid jokes. puns. someone laughing and showing themselves fully.
58. Do you laugh a lot?
i mean. i think so? i try. i make jokes a lot and laugh at myself if that counts?
59. What’s your favorite kind of aesthetic?
ughhhh comfy bf aestheticcc
60. Do you want to marry for love or for some other reason (like money)?
i have a sour view on marriage. so only if i love someone hard enough. but even then i don’t know if i’ll do it. it hurts too much to think about marriage and wedding rings for me.
61. What would your dream wedding look like? Do you want to get married?
see above.
62. Favorite flower?
orchid.
63. Favorite artist?
claude monet.
64. Favorite music artist?
bts lol
no surprises there.
65. How kind do you think you are? Is kindness important to you?
its not something for me to decide. i try to be kind to everyone, but how it is interpreted is different for everyone. i’d like to think i’m kind.
and yes, very important. especially being kind to yourself.
66. Ever made a playlist for someone?
yes i have. i love making playlists for people. i don’t get asked that enough.
67. Do you have anything you do to physically comfort you when your sad? Such as a favorite blanket? Or a relaxing bath?
music. music always helps. and tea.
ideally i’d love for someone to massage my scalp, but hahah no one’s been able to do it the right way. when it’s done right i melt and forget about everything.
68. Early bird or night owl?
night owl.
moonchild, lol
69. Morning routine?
wake up, look in the mirror, look away from the mirror, go back to bed.
70. Night routine?
SHOWER N NICE SMELLING LOTIONS. AND SKINCAREEEEEE OOOOF.
also fresh sheets.
71. What is the most lovely quality a person could have in your opinion?
answered here
72. Do you cry often? Does crying help you get the emotions out? Do you feel better after?
i only cry when i watch or read something. and it does help. i always feel better after. but i tend to keep my emotions hidden away, the negative ones at least.
73. Do you like hugs?
i love hugs. come hug me, bro.
u must smell nice tho.
74. When was the last time you kissed someone?
august.
75. Are you small or tall?
tall. 175cm.
76. Do you like wholesome memes?
answered
77. Favorite thing about the past?
cd players. chia pet commercials. flip phones. mom jeans.
78. Do you ever wonder about the future?
all the time. esp mine. i have no idea what the fuck im doing.
79. Have you ever lived in a different country than you currently live in?
yep. i’ve lived in america and canada before. and traveled a lot.
80. Do you like plane flights? Airports?
i don’t mind flying. and depends on the airport. some are better than others.
81. Sunrises or sunsets?
sunrises. every day is a new day~
82. The beach or a forest?
bitch- i mean beach. :)
83. What time of day do you tend to be in the best mood?
any time i am eating. or sleeping. or reading.
im so close to being done omg. this is fun tho.
84. Do you push yourself to act together and in a good mood even when you aren’t?
always. ain’t nobody gonna deal with that baggage lol
85. Favorite kind of tree?
japanese maple tree
86. Do you care about the health of the Earth?
i mean i don’t even care about my health that much tbh, i need to work on that.
87. What did you like most about your childhood, if anything?
that i got to travel and learned english very young.
88. Do you read a lot? What’s your favorite book?
answered here
89. What are you most nostalgic for at the moment?
old school disney
90. What’s your favorite personality trait you have?
answered this bad boi here
91. List at least ONE thing you love about your appearance.
eyes. have to work on my ass tho. squats baby.
92. When was the last time you truly felt calm, without much of anything to worry about?
after a massage.
93. Do you worry a lot?
eh, i worry enough, i suppose. there’s just some stuff you can’t control.
94. The dazzling lights of the city or the relaxing countryside?
dazzling lights of the city. especially in the evening. and in the winter. ahhhhh. someone hold my hand and walk with meeeeee.
95. Ever changed the shoelaces on one of your shoes? For what reason?
no i haven’t had that pleasure, lol
maybe next year
96. Favorite pastry?
BUTTER. CROISSANT.
97. Do you like doing little acts of kindness?
yes. uwu
98. How’s your day/night going?
well im finally done with this ask holy shit, and i need to resume writing my namjoon fic so… fantastic. i also have noodles. whoooo.
thank you for reading this whole damn mess of an ask.
ily
#ask#asks#the-trth-untold#klsfjflksa#omg i can't believe i did all of that#holy shit#lkdsjflkda#about#seriously
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
// August 29 2017
To describe the past week and a half? I would say... bipolar.
I finally finished my first week of work. I met some really good people. David, the 29 year old artist/white guy, Jinny 22, Henny 23, Stella 23, JiHun 23, Jung Hyun 25 were all my mains this week. I had dinner with a girl named JunMin, which was fun and sometimes I walk to work with Mina when I run into her. People in Korea are really kind in terms of helping you out. Stella treats me like her own sister already and I’ve known her a week and a half. If I spill something on my shirt or have wrinkles on my shirt she would help me straighten it out, she introduced me to people that would be good to network with, put in a good word for me at work so I can work in my desired section, and gave me a lot of advice for work- opportunities that I need to take and how to do better than the other interns that are going to come. I JUST met her and she was bending her back doing things I wouldn’t even have thought to do for my acquaintances. She even showed me the best bathroom in the building to poop (without me even asking). She... is the definition of the real MVP. She also called me randomly and we chatted this weekend til 2AM. Jung Hyun Oppa also lent me his portable charger when I was going to fix my phone, tried to trouble shoot my phone, walks me to the station, gives me directions everywhere, etc. I slept over at Jinny’s house and she let me sleep in her bed alone, shower, and even made me breakfast after knowing me for a week. People are just really kind and feel like family fast in Korea as opposed to America where people need some time to become close.
They are leaving this week and it will just be me and JiHun left for the interns....
I met SO many people! Last thursday I went to an event where all the interns of all offices gathered and talked to the ambassador. More people than I’d meet in a year in Eugene! I also saw this really handsome man that I saw last month but it turns out he works at the US embassy too. I realized I definitely like the dark hair dark eyes tan skin look. It makes me feel good that I met all these nice people and am excited for the interns that will be coming into our office. I also realized that I had been only hanging with people my own age for a long time, andd now that Im with a lot more people in their 20s, age is more negligible than at other ages. Like how I can have good convos with the guy that’s 29 even though he’s 8 years older, as opposed to if I was 11 and he was 19. I’m going to take it as a true sign of being an adult.
Working at an embassy is interesting. There is a lot of exclusivity. I can go into areas other people can’t because I have a badge, and I get to escort guests because they can’t go anywhere without an escort. But also, there are a lot of places I don’t have access too, like the Base. The base is where the american diplomats and their families live. I got to go to a party in the base two nights ago and it was interesting because when I mentioned going in the base, my fam/friends were shook and excited because not just anyone is allowed to go. I don’t know how I feel about this exclusivity thing. People are definitely NOT treated as equals, and I think that kind of bugs me. Also, it bothers me that kids of diplomats can just get jobs and get paid for it in the embassy just because they are the kids of the diplomats, while we are out here working for free. Jinny was complaining to me about having to go to work (she lives 10mins away and has a shuttle that takes her which would make it 4 minutes) and she gets paid and does less work, and I just told her to stop complaining. Also her sister was telling me how she works in the embassy and just naps and nobody notices (and she gets paid for it). Jinny joked about her and i skipping work the next day and the other interns said if Sey does that she will get fired!!! and Jinny said oh... I can’t get fired... cuz the Americans view me as their own kid messing up.... because they are also diplomats like my dad. I understand people come from different backgrounds, but that just didn’t sit quite well with me and just bugs me. It doesn’t make sense that something that’s supposed to be so professional like diplomacy can be run that unfairly (from my point of view). I’m realizing that maybe it isn’t what I thought it was.
When I went to the intern lunch, I saw grad students that were 23, who had passed the FSO exam and would be going to DC in the fall to start their careers as diplomats. At that young age! I was so impressed. Also, listening to the ambassador’s story of travels, diplomacy, and experiencing different cultures, I realized what an important and meaningful job being a diplomat was and it made me more interested in becoming one. Being around people who have accomplished a lot and are going places makes me set my sights even higher and be excited for my career.
I’ve also been very discouraged as well. My family got annoyed with me and thought I was being rude cuz i was cranky when I napped and didnt eat dinner, and they were passive aggressive with me for a couple days. They aren’t that interested in what I have to say about work, and always seem to be stuck in their own bubbles, which is fine. One night I didnt want to go home because I was annoyed at my fam and I just sat on the swings outside my apartment and had my alone time. I feel like I have to watch my actions at home and at work and can never truly be myself or have alone time. I havent had time to watch TV or my hobbies and even writing this is such a treat for me. I’ve teared up multiple times because I’m so drained from dealing with family, not having enough alone time, being so tired, and I have to take care of myself. It was fine doing it in eugene but here it’s discouraging because they wanted me to stay in this city instead of moving so they could take care of me and they havent been doing that that well. Sometimes they try. yesterday i treated myself at Daiso, an asian dollar tree and I bought stuff that I like and a cute bulletin board to remind me of people who I can be myself around. I put up messages from nomuna, jessy and brenda from nomuna’s birthday gift last year. It was a friendly reminder.
My family is going on a vacation without me because i cant get the days off. They didnt even talk to me about it they just said... “can u get 11th off?” and i said hesitantly “uhhh....” and then the other aunt said “whatever she cant it’s whatever” so i think im going to be home alone. I got mad at mom last week cuz she wrote me 10 pages on how I should act around my family. She said dont just do ur dishes, do EVERYONE’s dishes. Dont be picky with food, say this to gma, act like this to this aunt, like that to this aunt, blablabla. I got mad at her because I already feel so uncomfortable living with family here because... they seem to care less about my work or day than even my friends back home. It’s just so weird that they are family but are less family than my friends and that’s just so uncomfortable to me and awkward. I was very open at first sharing my day but i can tell they don’t listen attentively and brush things i say off. they DO have their way of showing love, such as calling me when it’s raining LOL (which is useless like wtf r u gonna do by calling). I just miss being myself, and I miss being heard.
I went to a party on Sunday and it was SUCH a blast!!! Koreans know how to have a good time. We played TONS of games and I won at most of them. :) I also realized how quiet I was compared to other people and thought to myself, “ i am so awkward in group settings”.
Last friday, I went to Han river with the childhood friend. it was an AMAZING time. We sat on the grass and ate pizza and joked around and took pictures of the city and walked across the bridge of life / suicide bridge and read the quotes. He is probably the only one I truly 100% feel myself around in Korea, and I really like hanging out with him.
There are also so many couples here. Couples kissing, couples hugging, couples in couple shirts, couple shoes, couple pants, couple hairstyles.... Too many couples. It makes me feel single and I aint even single. I miss bryan a lot too. I just miss having someone there to experience everything with me and knowing all my problems and asking how my day was in person. After being here, I am even more appreciative that I have someone who I can really truly be myself without having to filter myself. It makes me miss home, but in all honesty, I just miss the people.
Also, I get fat shamed a lot here. By my gma, by a kid in an elevator, basically by random people like aunts too. And i hear a lot of other crap too sometimes, about my personality, about my habits, but fat shaming is the most prominent. The fact that i can hear that stuff and not give a flying f/laugh about it really has shown me i don’t care about what people say and am really confident in who I am, which I think is something good I realized. I truly believe that if you want to go far, you should not be able to let people’s opinions or judgments deter your belief in who you are.
It took a while to write this. But the point is, I miss my friends, but I’m making new ones, staying busy, having fun, trying to treat myself and love myself once in a while, and even if I can’t be myself most of the time, I really am trying to find some alternatives. These past weeks have been so eventful, so busy, and I am so blessed to meet so many good people and to be learning so much. <3
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
hyema12
Little Star
dragonreapet
Untitled
worldpeacepony
World Peace and a Pony (90 minutes)
samanatorclub
SamanatorClub
kififibubeji
Untitled