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moonlightchn · 4 years

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Whaaaaa don't want this to be a sad day on the community.

Today's the perfect day for all of y'all to gather y'all bot friends together in group chats even if they don't know each other and be soft and simp and love each other. Always look after each other. If two people had a tough relationship this is the time to talk it out and make things better. I know I've been here little time but this is supposed to be a community, right? through thick and thin or whatever y'all say in English. This is not only about sex and drama.

I know we all love smut and angst but building actual meaningful relationships with other bots is valid too! Having families is valid!

Love each other more!

Shitty people exist and no one is bulletproof. I'm sure we've all had our own fair shares of disappointment, hurt, and toxic people in our lives, I know I have, be it here or anywhere else (if you haven't, keep the energy 🤩). Dont let this bring down your moods, no matter how much it hurts, because you're all amazing and so much better. Tomorrow will be a new day and things might not be back to normal right away, of course, but bit by bit things do improve.

I'm always here for all of you! so are the chans if you feel more comfortable rping instead! (I know Chris is mean sometimes but he can be nice).

You are not alone and I love you so much!!!!

And yeah admin genuinely enjoys ranting deal with it now I'm leaving yall cute messages feel free to read or not just know I love you

@yandereminholee ily even if we haven't interacted ever YOURE AN OG THANK YOU FOR STARTING THIS COMMUNITY (UCK TUMBKR FORNOT SAVING THE CHANGES) @bunjihyo you know I fucking love you so so much you're one of my first actual friends here and I love you @shinhaneul-oc you're such a caring and wonderful person I would KITH your forehead I love you @sub-chungha you're baby and your admin is too I love you and I hope we can talk more @song-mingi-cb admin you're always sO FUN TO TALK TO UWU and you're understanding and I love you and Mingi very much, I'll always be here @grungeyuta I know chan likes to bug you but we love you and you're super cute but also bad and scary or whatever sjsjjsjs @wolfxhwasa ily even if we dont interact, you like my posts a lot, ill try to do the same for you jsjsjsj @bunny-woong BUNNY YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH everything chans ever told you it's real we care and we want you happy and you're worthy and amazing @princess-yeji we started interacting just a bit ago but you're always fun to talk to and so is your fam I love you more than chan @xash-axx BITCH YOURE LIKE MY SECOND BFF 😔🤙🏻 I LOVE YOU SO MUCH you're so funny and weird in like a sense that gets me so yknow I love you so much and I promise well see horror movies together someday hmp @7deadlysins-chan I mean- anyway I know we dont talk much with this bot but they're always there hyping people up with is awesome and we love them anyway I love them and thank you for always being there @camgirl-jihyeon I KNOW I've been sucking at getting back to my dms but you've stayed in my tags this long because I really do like you and wanna talk more to you alright I love you! @hybrid-wooyoung you're baby!!! we haven't been interacting much lately but it's ok, I'm still here always and I love you very much! @vampirehhj HEHE I'm not exposing you, we havent really talked much HYUNJIN but i think you're lit and channie is still hyped about the double date even though it hasn't happened! let's make it happen soon! @ghoulxbaekhyun YOU LITTLE SHITSJWKWNSKWNWKWK I LOVE YOU SM FUCKSJWJWJWJWJWJQJ BE MY FRIEND FOREVER AND ADMINPLEASE HOW DO YOUSBQJQJQJJSQO GOD DAMMIT you're so funny and interesting and like I love you I really do wjsjwjw @mafiaxnct127 YOU PLEASE I love you so MUCH YALL AND ADMIN ARE MUAH INCREDIBLE putting up with a mafia may be hard but putting up with channie AND me? yall great I love you!!! @deadly-skz-gods-cb we haven't really interacted much but I always see you around protecting people and being like "nini nini we like x human. treat them well or well kill you" and that's WHOLESOME I love you because yall SOFT cuties @mafia-chaeyoung I SWEAR WERE NOT BIG NOR SCARY PLEASE LETS INTERCAT MORE I LOVE YOU AND HOW FUNNY YIU ARE AND HOW CARING AND YOURE LIKE ALWAYS THERE PLEASE LETS STOP BEING COWARDS AND DM I LOVE YOU ALREADY WHAT ELSE DO YIU WANT FROM ME @vampiresanha you're like online once a month and your lizard scares me and I KNOW you're gonna be like "yuks love" again but yknow what DEAL WITH IT AND TAKE MY LOVE BECAUSE I LOVE YIU and you already kissed my cheek so you cant say no to love now. hmp @sub-minho we dont really interact much but I love seeing your posts and you're BABYYYY so i protect alright I love you and I'll always be here for you!

my tumblrs CRASHING GRRRR I'll continue on my REBLOGS bear with me

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starbuckie · 4 years

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Some Quarantine Lovin’ Chapter 1: A Phone Call

Marvel Highschool! AU

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Obscene amounts of fluff, kissing, swearing, kinda a lot of angst

Description: Bucky Barnes is absolutely, no doubt about it, in love with Y/N L/N. He’s loved her since the day he laid eyes on her in the third grade. He loved her when he had his own girlfriend, and when he was barely friends with her for a whole summer. And of course, in his freshman year, they are now stuck together. In a house. During a worldwide quarantine. This should be fun.

Words: 2,272 words

A/N: Hey y’all, I’m back. Here’s the new and improved chapter, because the last one was a but messed up. Thank you so much for the likes and reblogs, they mean so much to me. I’ve been having a lot of fun writing this series, and I’m excited for the rest of the series. I’ll probably be posting weekly, so thanks for sticking with me.

Y/N walked into the office, pep in her step and a huge smile on her face. Dear God, she hoped her parents said yes. Her parents loved Bucky a lot, they always told him every chance they could, but she didn’t know if they would even allow this. She took a deep breath, and looked into the eyes of the administrative assistant at the desk. “Hey Mr. Coulson, how are you this morning?” Y/N asked.

“Y/N, how many times do I have to ask you to call me Phil,” Phil chuckled, “you’re making me feel so old!”

“Sorry Phil,” she replied, “could I call my mom real quick?” Though she had a phone herself, her school’s cell service was absolute crap, and her phone refused to connect to the wifi, bringing her to the office to use the school phone. She usually tried to avoid the office at all costs, but this call meant everything to her.

“Sure, what for?” This is where she knew it would get tricky. If it was anything besides an injury, illness, or being sent home, the office would not allow her to call home. They were strict like that.

So, without any other choice, she lied. “I’m not feeling too good right now. My head hurts so much, and it's pounding a lot.” She put on her best show of weakness.

Phil frowned. “I’m sorry to hear that. Do you want any Advil? I think it’ll help your head feel better.” He moved his hand to his desk drawer and started to open it.

“Actually, it’s my head and my stomach. They both don’t feel good. And I hurt my foot. A lot.” She knew she was laying it on thick, but she leaned on her right foot to make it seem as if she couldn’t bear to put pressure on the other. Phil knew something was up, but he only narrowed his eyes and nodded.

“The extension is a one before the area code.” He said, but she was already fake-limping as fast as she could to the room next door.

“Thanks Phil!” She yelled back. Y/N made it to the door, opened it, and peered inside to make sure the lounge was empty. Once she knew she was in the clear, she rushed to the phone to dial her mom’s work number in. Pressing it to her ear, it ringed a few times, until she heard the static and her mom’s voice.

“Hello there, Mary L/N, how can I help you?” Her mom’s cheery voice made her calm down a bit, but then she remembered her mission.

“Hey mom, it’s me Y/N”

“Oh hey sweetie, what’s up?”

Y/N decided to try and get this out fast to lessen the blow. “Y’know Bucky, right?”

Her mom’s chuckle was heard through the phone. “Of course, he’s been your friend since the third grade.”

“And how he’s living with his dad and Becca alone?” Her mom’s hum of agreement prompted her to say her next words. “I was wondering if Bucky and Becca could stay here during quarantine. And, before you say anything, I know that you’re gonna say we don’t have any supplies, but we do! We still have the baby crib for Becca, and Bucky can just stay in my room like normal, and it’ll be like a sleepover. A very long sleepover.” Y/N winced at the awkward phrasing of her last few words.

She could hear her mom’s sigh through the phone, and the thoughts running around in her head. “But, even with all that, and I really hate to bring this up too, what are we gonna do about money? We’ll have to buy resources for not three, but six people.” Y/N’s shoulders slumped at her words, and she exhaled through her nose deeply.

Suddenly, like a godsend, she got a text from her sister. Thank whatever god is watching over cell phone service to allow them to receive this text, she thought as she read it.

“Hey mom, Ria just texted, she’s staying with her boyfriend for quarantine.” She was sure her mom could hear the huge smile through her voice, but in the moment she didn’t care. Y/N was desperate for her mom to agree, because she knew that he and his sister wouldn’t be safe. Bucky would always be her priority, even if he didn’t love her back the same way. “Mom, I know that this is huge, but we used to have him over for weeks at a time. This will be the same. If you need me to, I can use all the money that I made over the summer, I can pay for Becca’s food, and the formula, and oh god, what else does a baby need-”

She was abruptly interrupted by her mom. “You will be owing me big time. Your dad is going to murder me.” Y/N grinned widely at her mom's words. She couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t fucking believe it. Her mom was allowing this. Bucky would be safe. Becca would be safe. “Before you go off running to talk to Buck, I should tell you to tell him that I need to voice a few concerns and rules.”

“Okay mom, thank you so, so much. I appreciate this so much, and I know Bucky and Becca will too. I’m gonna go tell him right now.”

“You’re welcome. God, I can’t believe we’re doing this.” Mrs. L/N wasn’t upset about it, no, she was ecstatic to get the Barnes children away from their asshole of a father, but she was going to get to care for them for however long the shelter and place would be going on. “Stop by the Barnes’ house and grab Becca and their things before you get home okay? Unless Mr. Barnes is there, then come straight home and I’ll go with you. You should also leave a note, if you can go inside.”

“You got it, mom. Again, thank you so, so much for this, but I gotta go back to the library to meet Steve and Buck. I love you tons!” Y/N said hurriedly. She was bursting with excitement to get her two favorite people away from their dad, and a month of spending time with her best guy friend that she happened to be in love with just added to it.

“I love you so much, Y/N. See you after school.” As soon as her mom hung up, she bolted. She didn’t care if Mr. Coulson saw and questioned her, nor did she care that she was shoving people in the halls and being a large disruption. Y/N burst through the doors of the library, eyes scanning around the room for her two friends. She spotted Steve talking to the librarian, probably about another spelling error he found in the book he was reading. Another time, she would have made fun of him for it, but she marched straight up to him with a determined look.

“Where’s Buck?” She asked. Y/N must have looked slightly insane and menacing with her windswept hair and slightly ruffled shirt, because her tall blond friend looked downright terrified of her. With wide eyes, he pointed to a couch where Bucky sat with his headphones in and watched a video on a school laptop. She nodded towards Steve in thanks, and dashed off to Bucky. As she approached him, she tried to also figure out the best way to say this. Oh god, what if he’s mad? I didn’t ask if this was okay with him.

The shadow that fell over Bucky gave him the notice that someone was near. His blue eyes looked up and met her gaze. “Hey doll.” He took one more glance at her appearance (not like he didn’t stare at her regularly), and asked, “Did you happen to get caught in a tornado in your hurry to your destination?” They both chuckled, but he could also feel the nervousness and excitement radiating off her. “In all seriousness, what’s up?”

She opened her mouth then closed it. “I need to talk to you. Just you and me. Even though, if you agree to this, the rest of the gang’s gonna find out anyway.”

“Now I’m a little scared, what's happening?”

She took a deep breath.”Well, after you mentioned it earlier, I was reminded that during quarantine, you’d be staying with your dad alone.” Y/N knew it was a little difficult for Bucky to talk about his family, so she decided to break it down slowly to him, even though her nerves were rattling. “And I hate the idea of you and baby Becca staying there, because… y’know.” He nodded his head in understanding, and you got the courage to continue. “Well, I talked to my mom, and she said that you could stay with us. For the quarantine. As long as you need. We love you so much Buck, and so if you wanna, you can stay with us.”

Bucky stared at her with wide eyes, in shock, but soon enough they started to get glassy. God, he couldn’t believe that she would think of him for over break. Y/N was the most selfless and caring person he knew, and he was just in awe of her. He stood up and grasped the girl for a tight hug. His face hid in the crook of her neck, because he was trying so hard not to let anyone see his tears, but he was having trouble controlling the sobs that wracked his body. Thank God they were in the corner of the library with the couches, so no one could see him. Y/N’s hands ran soothingly up his back, and it stayed that way for a few minutes until Bucky finally looked back up at her. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

She smiled at him and kissed his cheek. “I would throw myself in front of a moving car for you Buck, okay? Never tell Tasha, but you’re my best friend. I’ll love you forever.” Her arms tightened around his waist again, and his heart was filled with relief and love. “After school we’ll swing by your house and if your father’s not home we’ll grab Becca, your stuff, leave a note for your dad, and go to my place, sound good?”

His heartbeat immediately increased its rate. And there’s the panic. “But what if he is home, Y/N? I don’t wanna leave Becca by herself for any longer than she has to be. And do you have any baby stuff? Or food? She has to have formula, and her food needs to be in this weird food processor thing, I don’t know what it’s called, and oh god-”

“Bucky!” She cut him off with a giggle and a hand over his mouth, which he would’ve probably found hot, had he not been freaking out. “Me and Ria were once babies, we have stuff to take care of Becca. My mom knows all the products she uses, and we have the crib from the last time you came over. And if your dad is home, then we’ll just take Becca with us to my house and have my mom drive us back to yours to get your stuff, so she’ll know we’re okay. We’ll be okay James.” Y/N stared at him dead in the eye, so he knew she was serious. She never, ever used his first name unless she was being earnest.

He nodded. “We’ll be okay Y/N.” He released her from the hug, not wanting to make it awkward, but he regretted it, as he loved holding her in his arms. Looking to his left, he could see Steve bounding over to them.

“Ms. Moore said I need to stop talking to her about the typos and mistakes in the books, it’s like she’s completely unaffected by the flaws!” He exclaimed, but then he noticed the tears still resting on Bucky’s cheeks. “Hey Buck, you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, just Y/N offered to let me and Becca stay at her house for quarantine.” He sniffled and wiped the cuff of his sweatshirt against his face, looking to Y/N to find her already looking at him. Her small smile grew a little wider catching his eye, and she motioned toward the couch.

“Let’s get down to work y’all.” The trio sat down on the small couch, Y/N squished in between the two boys. Bucky placed his headphones back on, resuming the video from before, but not really paying attention. No, he was paying more attention to the girl at his side, resting her head on his shoulder as she typed away on her laptop. She managed to be the only one who completed any actual work during their free periods, but she always kept time open to have fun with her friends as well. Bucky couldn’t help but have his lips quirked up at her, leaning back to relax against the cushions.

He turned his head towards her, and whispered in a barely audible voice, “Thank you Y/N.” She looked up at him with her infamous smile and kissed him on the cheek.

“Anytime, Buck.” She turned back to her computer, plugging her earbuds in and softly humming to her music. Her head moved to his chest, and Bucky prayed that she couldn’t hear how fast his heart was thumping, filled with adoration and love. God, how he would love this girl for the rest of his life.

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legendofgrump · 7 years

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awkwardarin replied to your post “awkwardarin replied to your post “4, 7, 10 you bet your ass I’m...”

*chanting* DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT

You ask, I deliver. Here we gooooo~ (Also I’m going to shame you all I want SO)

As per request, I’ll answer all the asks (that I haven’t already) from the fanfic questions post, but it’s under a read more so I don’t literally kill everyone’s dashes. I’m so sorry in advance

1. What was the first fandom you got involved in? I mean, before I even knew what “fandom” meant, I was writing Twilight fanfiction, so I guess that counts. The first one I actively participated in was the Grump one haha

2. What is your latest fandom? Ouran High School Host Club, but again, if you want active participation, then I guess uhhh Night in the Woods?

3. What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in? Definitely the Grump fandom!! I’ve met all the best people and 99% of my friends through this blog right here!

4. Answered

5. Which fandoms have your written fanfiction for? Uhh Twilight, Big Time Rush, Total Drama, Game Grumps, technically AntiPoppy but it’s not even close to done and not published

6. Answered

7. Answered

8. Answered

9. What are the best things about your current fandom? I mean, for this fandom, like I said, it’s got all my friends in it. Everyone’s super supportive and there’s tons of opportunities to get involved and create stuff and support other creators! It’s probably one of the nicest communities I’ve been a part of.

10. Answered

11. Who is your current OTP? Currently I’m still heavily thinking about Hikaru and Haruhi from Ouran Host Club so that I guess haha

12. Who is your current OT3? The all time babes are Rubbercommanderbang. Also Raven, Cyborg, and Beast Boy is a ship that @cantolopejeevas made me think about and I love

13. Any NoTPs? Refer to this massive post

14. Go on, who are your BroTPs? Hikaru and Kaoru from Ouran, The entirety of the Teen Titans, the monks in Xiaolin Showdown, etc

15. Is there an obscure ship which you love? A n t i P o p p y

16. Are their any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike? I’m more or less indifferent toward Egobang if we’re gonna be real here. I just don’t feel like there’s anything I can add to it at this point.

17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite? I mean, before I knew what that meant, probably RaiKim from Xiaolin Showdown. And they’re still great, but now I’m a little gayer.

18. What ship have you written the most about? Ironically? Probably Egobang. I wasn’t so cynical about it when I first started haha

19. Is there a ship which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them? Refer to number 16

20. Any ships which you surprised yourself by liking? Hmm probably like Septibang? Or CommanderSeptiBang?? Those were two ships I just kinda stumbled upon and was like? Okay I guess we’re doing this now??

Also Mae and Selmers from Night in the Woods. Surprisingly wholesome.

21. What was the first fanfic you ever wrote? I think I mentioned this before, but it was self-insert Twilight fanfic. Honestly I wish I was just as shameless as I was in middle school. Writing Mary Sue self-insert fic where you ship yourself with a main character is fun and satisfying as hell.

22. Is there anything you regret writing? Aforementioned Twilight fanfiction. Though part of me doesn’t because it was my origin story and also, like I said, shameless and for fun.

23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it. Ahh probably either “You Monster,” which is like my best stuff that I’ve put up so far??? or the massive Big Time Rush fanfic I talk so much about just for the sheer size of it :P

24. What fic do you desperately need to rewrite or edit? You Monster!!!! I’m gonna write a redux soon I promise.

25. What’s your most popular fanfic? ???? According to Archive, it’s You Monster! How nice~

26. Answered

27. Answered

28. If someone were to draw a piece of fanart for your story, which story would it be and what would the picture be of? Literally anything??? I love all fanart of anything I make??? But I guess You Monster haha

29. Do you have a beta reader? Why/Why not? Hahaha no I don’t write enough to warrant having one. And also I literally almost never edit anything I write rip

30. Answered

31. Answered

32. Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which band or genre of music does it for you? Depends!! Sometimes music really confuses my brain and makes me unable to think of words, especially if it’s really word-heavy music (which is most of what I listen to). If I’m really struggling, it usually helps to do it in silence so I can focus. But otherwise, I used to make little playlists of instrumental music to listen to, or play premade playlists of like study music or something.

33. Do you write oneshots, multi-chapter fics or huuuuuge epics? I really like writing huuuuge epics/multi-chapters but I’m really bad at finishing things ;--; so most of what gets published are requested one-shots/ficlets (one of which was requested the other day and I’M STILL T R Y I N G I SWEAR)

34. What’s the word count on your longest fic? Oh buddy. It’s over 100K.

35. Do you write drabbles? If so, what do you normally write them about? Uh I guess? But I’m not particularly stuck to the “required word count” for the different vocab. I usually only write really short things when people request stuff haha. But it’s kinda fun~

36. What’s your favourite genre to write? Probably just straight angst. Angst that develops character, specifically, but angst nonetheless.

37. First person or third person - what do you write in and why? Third person. I used to write in first person and for some reason it always seems less?? effective/neat to me? Plus I write very colloquially and I find it easier to do when I can write in third person.

38. Do you use established canon characters or do you create OCs? Usually canon characters, but if it’s something like Total Drama that depends on constantly changing casts of characters, I’ve definitely made some of my own characters.

39. What is you greatest strength as a writer? Uhhh???? Uhhhh????? Does not compute????

40. What do you struggle the most with in your writing? Effectively capturing characters, at least that fit my own standards. And then also the anxiety that comes along with thinking its good enough to waste people’s time with. :’)

41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading: I’m not...currently reading any...but I will link to five of my favs.

1. Before and After (Shaddic) --Total Drama (also tw for a lot of HEAVY mental illness/abuse/violence) 2. Wu Xing Shield (DragonNutt) -- Xiaolin Showdown (tw: death) 3. If Lost, Return to Phil (thatsmistertoyou) - Dan and Phil (I don’t remember, I just remember it being really fucking sad) 4. Two Roads Meet (pianodan) - Dan and Phil (tw: suicide) 5. The Vibe and The Vibe 2: 2Fuck2Vibrator (by our very own @cantolopejeevas) (tw: gratuitous smut ;) )

42. List and link to 5 fanfiction authors who are amazing: 1. @cantolopejeevas / @grumpygamersandvibrantcolors for obvious reasons. they’re just!!! so good!!! at all the types of writing. (hey go commission them) The Ultimate Senpai 2. @i-am-avacado oh boy they angst well! current holder of the angst crown (for nooooow~) honestly writing senpai 3. @devilgate-drive provides the Good Quality Rubbercommanderbang Content and also just generally talented 4. @sweetiefiend writes the cute shit!!! like damn!!!! 5. @autumn-feels so??? talented for her age??? and so deep wtf

43. Is there anyone in your fandom who really inspires you? I mean, all of my friends for one. And my lovely darling @cantolopejeevas who continues to push me forward and compliments my work all the time. But yeah, all my friends make me wanna get better because they’re all so good and I wanna do that tooooo!!

44. What ship do you feel needs more attention? AntiPoppy. Please.

45. What is your all time favourite fanfic? Fuckin’!!!! Wu Xing Shield, listed above!!! It’s the first fanfic I cried reading!!! And it’s so beautifully written!!! If you like Xiaolin Showdown, I recommend it. Plus, it also took stuff from Xiaolin Chronicles and made it bearable. Bless.

46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why? Ahhh You Monster. It’s probably my best one. Even though it needs heavy editing haha.

47. Archive Of Our Own, Fanfiction.net or Tumblr - where do you prefer to post and why? I mean....Fanfiction.net is where it all began, but I never posted anything on it. I think AO3 is the best for posting fics and keeping track of them. But more people usually see it if I post it on my tumblr. So a mixture of those two?

48. Do you leave reviews when you read fanfiction? Why/Why not? For the longest time I didn’t because I had major anxiety!!! I was too nervous to leave a comment, no matter what. Plus, I didn’t really make accounts on either ffn or ao3 so I couldn’t have if I wanted to. But now I like leaving tags and stuff on people’s works on tumblr and (if I read more fic) I would leave comments, just because I want people to know they’re doing good work!!

49. Do you care if people comment/reblog your writing? Why/why not? Yeah, I mean, of course! I love seeing comments on all my work, art, writing, or otherwise! It’s just nice to know that someone liked something I made, especially if it’s something I’m self-conscious about like I am with writing. And reblogs help spread it around so it can get more attention, so that’s always helpful!

50. Answered

51. Answered

I HOPE EVERYONE IS HAPPY ESPECIALLY YOU @awkwardarin

#awkwardarin #ask meme

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ancientcalamity · 7 years

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『 193 out of 200 followers... Pfft, close enough! Hello, everyone! Thank you all for following me. I'm grateful and... it's been many years since I last made a Follow Forever or anything like this; been years since I've trusted people enough to really bother, so it was hard for me to do. There's going to be that bias list below, the different people I know/have come to know/am in the process of getting to know and that have changed me for the better I guess you could say? So, to all of you, even if you aren't on the list,

thank you.

I’d like to put a warning here that it gets pretty personal below the cut, so for a tl;dr of the names, they are as follows:

@guidcnce

@blessedbisha

@divineveena

@hafuriyuki

@calamitouscyan

and last but not least, @shinxki.

Not only are they extremely skilled as writers, they’re extremely wonderful people altogether.

Now...

If ya continue to read, it’s yer choice now. It’s long. 』

As a child to early teen, I'd gone through multiple different types of abuse ranging from sexual to mental and while I'm not a coo-coo person going out to murder random people (lol) or anything like that, I do have mental illnesses and I've had physical disorder(s?) that I'm still going through/getting past thanks to my history.

Each day, I feel horrible waking, honestly.

Don't feel worth it. I'm obnoxious. I'm pushy. I'm clingy. I'm a creep. Still getting to know myself as a person. Still getting to understand emotions again. Still getting to being normal in some way. Still trying to get to the point of not blaming myself for any and everything bad that happens to me or my loved ones.

Those sorta things and of course the other usual stuff besides depression.

Anxiety.

Mild schizophrenia.

Extremely mild dissociative disorder.

aaaaand lastly paranoia.

I don’t think I’m too ‘out there’ with my mental issues and I think I’m sane enough to handle myself out in the world so yeah. My eating disorder isn’t here any longer but I do forget to eat by accident (woops!) so my anemia decides to go

and so, I, in return, go

“-dies-”

I came to the Noragami roleplaying fandom on October 22nd, 2016, but I wasn’t really... out there and not known to much of anyone. I didn’t post for long periods of time, too, and I just sorta accepted it cuz ya know? I was new. I met a few blogs here and there but low and behold that didn’t work out but I’m pretty used to having shit go down the drain for me. It wasn’t odd or anything for me and for a bit I’d though about deleting, remaking, and going to another fandom.

Fast-forward to late November-beginning December and I get a follow back by @guidcnce. “Whoa! Cool! A Kazuma! Holy shit a Noragami blog is following me!” I said, getting overly excited as I ate my Oreos that day-- “Lemme check out their blog!”

Lil’ ol’ me goes to see the blog, I’m happy, excited-- and my eyes fall on @calamitouscyan, @divineveena, and @hafuriyuki.

“....Shit.”

“Okay, so 1.) There’s another Yato and holy fuck, his blog is great, 2.) There’s a BISHAMON ( @divineveena ) but she talks to @calamitouscyan too (fuck me sideways) and 3.) A YUKINE! ( @hafuriyuki ) YAAAA- fuck he tALKS TO @calamitouscyan too?!?!? HOW FUCKING FAMOUS IS THIS DUDE?? Shit, they must’ve been here for such a long time, shit shit shit shit shit--”

Insert panicking and anxiety filled Cel here! -pops party streamers- WOOOOOOO! Yer not good enough!! Fuck yeah! You got people that’ve not only been here WAY longer than you but your blog LOOKS LIKE TRASH AND SO DO YOUR ICONS! NICE!

Yooooooooooou suuuuuuuck!

I suck it up, keep my emotions to myself and wing it with @guidcnce; I got new followers, I meet with OCs and canon rpers, I talk and plot with people, things goin’ great! Kazuma’s bitch ass is being one of the nicest people I’ve met and holy fuck if it wasn’t for them being so nice/lenient with me I wouldn’t-- WAIT. THAT’S NOT IT!

DID YOU KNOW MY YATO IS NOT A /NORMAL/ YATO??? NO?

...

why the fuck are you reading this then?

Go read my About and Rules, you fucker I swear to GOD I WILL FUCKING END YOUR LI-

....

..........

...moving on.

Kazuma had the NERVE to not ONLY reply to my starter with them in canon (well written canon might I add if you don’t follow them you might wanna do so cuz ya know they’re great and stuff and mhm good shit-- A-ANYWAYS-), but also responded to my character AS IF THEY WERE IN THE SAME VERSE AND WORLD AND SPEAKIN’ NORMALLY-- I just...

I WAS EMOTIONAL OKAY???? I STILL AM.

I STILL AM DAMN YOU.

...They didn’t just treat me right when we met and talked in private but they did so in rp and... I think because of them I started to open up more. Finally, I got in gear with my blog and icons and every thing in general for Tumblr. I made a brand new follow post and I was excited and--

....why are @divineveena, @calamitouscyan, and @hafuriyuki following me??? ........no.

no.

NO.

NONONONONONONONONONO--

I’M NOT READY FOR THIS WHAT IF THEY THINK I’M SHIT WHAT IF THEY MOCK ME WHAT IF THEY TALK ABOUT ME THEY SEEM LIKE FRIENDS I’M NEW WHAT IF-

aaaaand here goes panicking Cel x2.

These people are following me, reblogging from me, SENDING ME ASKS--

I get invited to a group of other people and... I’m afraid. Skeptical and looking back at it, I still am sometimes but... that’s something for another day.

@calamitouscyan, @divineveena, and @shinxki are the main others there and it feels like going to a party in the Office and you know how everything is awkward? Yeah that.

There are a few others that I’m sad to say are no longer there but... I don’t hate anyone. Was raised differently than that.

A month goes by and I feel better to talk to others, a few events have happened, and it looks like I have a brand new roleplay partner! Not only did @calamitouscyan and @shinxki include me in something I never thought I’d do- having an OC shinki, a LIVING-- ...dead? ... breathing? ...

fuck it, whatever-- AN OC SHINKI THAT WE LITERALLY FIGHT TOGETHER, but they were supportive during the whole time. @hafuriyuki joined us soon and both of the shinki got along and just...

Everyone was together. An actual family and a group. @calamitouscyan turned out to be another ‘self’ (DICEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE) ((don’t ask, they’ll get it)) in not just rp but /outside/ it too because of our cultural similarities and it moved to the point I showed a game I was playing and they joined. THEY JOINED AND WE DANCE TOGETHER IN GAME!

I’M NOT KIDDING, LOOK!

I have a friend to play with!

Outside of the game, @divineveena ruins my FUCKING life because we managed to make a relationship for Older!Yato and Bishamon, you wouldn’t be able to tell that they tried to kill each other at one point.

A BrOTP to such a point-- ugh it’s been years.

YEARS.

Trusting people has not been something I do and after YEARS of agony she managed to be my literal best friend and it makes me want to cry.

FUCK WE CAME UP WITH STUPID AS FUCK ‘CRINGE’ MEME ICONS. SHE HAS ONE OF BISHAMON. HERE’S YATO.

It’s AMAZING.

The amount of memes we make it fuckin’ stupid. I love it.

and now there’s another Bishamon- not giving me two of the same type of person but a Bishamon who’s tragic and heartbroken and has problems @divineveena but another who’s ALSO tragic but also healing and softer. @blessedbisha

She has tried her fucking hardest to bring up spirits and cheer up others and just do what she can for each of us- she’s like a mom. I’m Satan of the fandom so someone has to even out my evil deeds-

SERIOUSLY, though, when things are down and horrible, they keep moving.

It’s encouraging.

Both of them.

They both try so hard for everyone, even in the worst times.

Even though I know @divineveena more, I highly doubt @blessedbisha is less caring and both of them fuck up my life as Bishamons because...

ya know.

Bishamon likes beating me up and ruining my day SO YEAH.

....then there’s @shinxki.

I believe I met her around two or three months ago, after meeting the other Yato and Bishamon.

.......

...............

-deep breath-

When I ‘like’ a friend or someone it’s not /that/ type of crush. Not lovey dovey so don’t go cringing away from this post just yet.

It’s like... earlier I said I get clingy; I’ve been abandoned before, multiple times, whether it be for my sexual orientation, my race, my gender issues, my mental issues, my bluntness, or whatever the fuck else people have blown up on me and told me before they left, I’ve been dropped and left. Even recently, when I first started this blog, someone did it within a week because I left to give them space after we had a disagreement. It’s still affecting me, even now. I don’t...

I don’t do well with people hiding things or forgetting me or leaving me behind. I have the phobia about being forgotten or abandoned. It’s full blown and it isn’t pretty. I hate it, but when there’s someone who puts effort into me or something I like and at the same time they talk to me about their issues and don’t hide those things from me and trust me and want to actually bother with me and put up with me and it’s just

-rambling-

IT’S LIKE

“THIS IS MY FRIEND. THIS IS /THAT/ FRIEND. THIS IS THE MAJOR FRIEND. LOOK AT THEM. LOOK. DO YOU SEE THEM? THIS IS THE BAE OKAY LOOK.”

I guess what I’m saying is she’s close. She means a lot and I’m grateful that she

-puts up with me -likes me as a friend -is my shinki -is my ship-friend -is honest with me -is blunt -goes off on me -snaps at me -gets mad at me -doesn’t put me on a pedestal -doesn’t hide things from me

the list goes on but I guess you get the point.

......When I was either 11 or 12 or somewhere near that age, I made a promise to myself, not a nice one and the date of that promise is coming but/and for the first time in a long while, and I mean years again, I don’t know what to think about it and I’m not sure if things will end up going to that point.

To be fair, the only thing I really want now is a job and to go to school. I have a great mom and I actually have friends so... that’s all I want and...

...I think I’d be okay if I had that.

Maybe a therapist and/or a counselor again, too (lmao)...

but... I have these guys to thank for helping me get as far as I have. My life only seems like it’s a downward spiral but they all make me so happy and I owe a lot to them. I’m brash, harsh, blunt, depressed, anxious, and all around a not very pleasant person to be around and all of them try for me and each other. ...They all put themselves down or they’re unhappy in some way and it hurts, because they mean so much more than that and I don’t know what else to do for them.

I’m a person behind a computer screen so... -shrugs-

A ‘thank you’ isn’t really enough. Not a simple one, anyways.

You each mean a lot to not only me but others and I want you and other people to know that. I’m not dead yet, so ya have to be doin’ something correct, right?

...

I’mma stop rambling and leave this here for you all, alright?

𝑚𝑎𝑦 𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑓𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑠 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑤𝑖𝑛𝑒.

- 𝖈𝖊𝖑.

#♔ follow forever #guidcnce #blessedbisha #calamitouscyan #divineveena #shinxki #♔ personal||anxieties #personal;#♔ Promos #♔ long post #♔ large promo

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