#i saw the article this morning and i knew i had to share with you folks
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Hello! I come with some good news! In the EU, a law has been passed restricting generative AIs (particularly ones that pose a high risk). I hope other areas in the world follow suit, but this is huge! It'll take a while to be applied as well, though this is still a major win for everyone.
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cw: discussion of past parental death due to overdose, mention of drug use
Steve stumbled upon the article when he was helping Robin collect articles for a project for her Industry Studies course.
He didn’t think much of reading about another small time musician getting caught up with the wrong crowd, and overdosing or getting in a drunk driving accident. It seemed like a pretty common theme. It was terrible, sad, horrible, but he’d seen about 30 stories like that in the last two days and he was kind of getting numb to it all.
Until he saw the name Munson.
Until a picture of a woman with long, curly hair and Eddie’s smile stared back at him next to a headline that read: “Kentucky Country Queen Dead at 27.”
He read the article with tears in his eyes.
Elizabeth “El” Munson, a hopeful country singer and guitarist, was found dead in her home by her six year old son, Edward. The boy reportedly tried calling his father at work with no luck before finally calling his uncle, Wayne Munson.
Toxicology reports show that she overdosed on multiple illegal substances. At this time, it is believed to have been accidental and no foul play is suspected.
It has now been made clear that Elizabeth was seeking a divorce from her husband, Al Munson, but had not been successful as lawyers were unable to locate him until her funeral. Their son has been put in the care of Wayne until further notice.
Robin found him 20 minutes later, staring at the page with swollen, red eyes. She took the paper, read the article, and put it back in the files wordlessly.
“I don’t think he wants us to know,” she finally said.
She was probably right.
But Steve had grown pretty close to Eddie over the last six months, had opened up to him about his parents, his fake friends, his concussions and nightmares. Eddie had started opening up to him, too.
He thought he had, anyway.
He told him about how his mom died when he was young and his dad was awful so he moved in with Wayne. He told him about how his dad appeared every couple years looking for money or a place to stay and Wayne always turned him away.
But he never really talked about his mom, always said he barely remembered her.
Did he know what happened?
——
Steve asked Wayne the next morning.
He’d come by to pick Eddie up for a day with the kids, but Eddie hadn’t set his alarm and was still asleep.
Perfect opportunity to find out more.
“So. Eddie’s mom.”
Wayne tensed over his plate of toast and scrambled eggs. He didn’t look up, just took another bite of food.
“Does he know how she died?”
“Do you?”
“Newspaper said overdose,” Steve tapped his fingers nervously against his thigh. “Says Eddie found her.”
“Trauma messes with your memory.”
It was final, a statement that left Steve with more questions, but a certainty that he’d get no answers.
“Yeah.” He gulped. “I’ve heard.”
——
Steve doesn’t bring it up to Eddie for a while.
He figured Wayne’s reaction said a lot about what Eddie knew or would be willing to share.
But they were a little high and alone and Eddie’s hand was warm in his and his filter was broken.
“I’m sorry you had to be the one to find your mom.”
The air around them was thick. The silence was deafening.
“Me too.”
Eddie’s voice was quiet, nothing like his usual playful tone.
Steve immediately wanted to put this conversation in reverse, pretend his curiosity didn’t matter.
“I’m sorry.”
Eddie moved closer to Steve, his arm a constant pressure against Steve’s. His head leaned against Steve’s shoulder.
“Wayne doesn’t know I know how she died. He doesn’t know I know my dad gave her bad drugs, convinced her all the up and coming musicians were doing a new strain of heroin. She’d kicked him out of the house,” Eddie’s breath caught. “She shouldn’t have let him come back that day. I heard them arguing before I left for school. She told him she was finding a manager and recording an album and that she was divorcing him. I didn’t know what that meant, but I knew it was bad.”
“Eds, you don’t have to tell me.”
“I know, Stevie. But you know everything else.” Eddie’s face turned until his nose and mouth were pressed against Steve’s arm. “I went to school. Didn’t think about it. Figured my dad would be gone when I got home and might come back in a few days once they cooled off. But when I got home, he was gone and my mom’s bedroom door was closed. And I opened it and there she was.”
Steve turned so he was face to face with Eddie, cupping his jaw and rubbing his thumb along his cheek in encouragement.
“I don’t even know why I tried calling the store first. I didn’t even know if he still worked there. But then I called Wayne and it’s like he just knew.” Eddie’s eyes closed for a moment. “Don’t think he’d ever gotten to our house so quick.”
“Did he know all this?”
“He knew enough. I stayed with him and then my dad gave up his rights. Lied to the counselor about what I knew so Wayne wouldn’t freak. Kept it up for a while,” Eddie let out a small exhale that slightly resembled a laugh. “I read the article about eight years ago. A kid in my class made a joke about me being an orphan because of the drug problem in America as if he even knew what that meant and I decided to see what the newspaper reported.”
“Do you play because of her?” Steve asked.
Eddie blinked back at him.
“I play for a lot of reasons. But I started because of her, yeah,” he whispers. “You’re the first person to ask me that instead of give me that look of pity.”
“I’m sad about how it happened, but giving you pity doesn’t change it. I’d rather hear how it changed you,” Steve whispered back.
They were close, legs intertwined, hands touching bare skin under shirts and on faces and necks.
“It changed everything for me. Wayne packed us up and moved us here as soon as he legally could. Probably for the best. Well,” Eddie gave a small smile. “Definitely for the best. Wouldn’t be here with you if he hadn’t.”
“Do you ever go back?” Steve did his best to ignore the fluttering in his stomach.
“Her birthday every year. She’s got a nice spot near her mom.” Eddie bit his lip. “It’s actually coming up in a couple weeks. Maybe you could come with me?”
“Me? Are you sure?”
Eddie nodded. “If it doesn’t weird you out that I talk to her. I like to give her updates on my life, Wayne’s life, music. Think she’d find it quite funny that I bring the guy I’ve had a crush on for two years.”
It takes a minute for the words to sink in.
“Two years?” Steve’s lips curled up into a smile. “I hope I live up to expectations.”
“I think she’d like you. She’d definitely make fun of me for having a boyfriend who wears polos though.”
“Is that how you’d introduce me?”
“If you’re okay with it.” Eddie leaned his forehead against Steve’s. “I know we haven’t talked about what we-“
Steve pressed his lips to Eddie’s, nearly knocking their noses together painfully in the process.
After the initial shock, they both relaxed into the kiss.
“I’d love to go. As your boyfriend,” Steve said after pulling away for air. “What was her favorite flower?”
“Gardenias. Always wore perfume that smelled like it. Why?”
“Because I have to impress her, right?”
“You realize she’s not gonna actually see or hear you? She’s definitely dead.”
Steve snorted. “I know. But she can still have nice things. Maybe us bringing her nice things in death is a way to apologize for the not nice things she had in life.”
“You’re a pretty incredible boyfriend, sweetheart.” Eddie kissed the tip of his nose. “And you now know more than Wayne, so it’s time for a pinky promise.”
Steve giggled before holding up his pinky. “I swear I won’t tell Wayne anything.”
“And you’ll kiss me whenever I want…”
“That’s a guarantee.”
“And you’ll let me win at Go Fish…”
“Not a chance, Eds.”
Eddie laughed. “Worth a try.”
Steve curled his pinky against Eddie’s. “So do you think she’d like me?”
“Oh. Oh god. She’d love you. You’re exactly who she’d want for me,” Eddie rolled his eyes when Steve flipped his hair back confidently. “And she’d braid your hair every night while you gossiped and sipped tea.”
“And what would you do?”
“Probably just soak it in. Appreciate having her and you around. You’ll just have to gossip with Wayne.”
“Wayne doesn’t strike me as-“
“Oh, he’s got you fooled! He’s a worse gossip than the ladies at the hair salon. Just ask him about the mailbox at the end of the road sometime. Make sure you’ve got an hour to spare.”
“Really?” Steve’s eyes lit up. “Is he home now?”
Eddie pulled Steve forward until he was flush against his front. “No and I have much better plans than gossiping with my uncle.”
“Oh?” Steve’s brow raised.
“It involves my bed and handcuffs. You in?”
“Hopefully you’re in.”
“God, you’re ridiculous. C’mon, now I’m even harder from your stupid flirting,” Eddie sat up and tugged until Steve followed. “Can’t believe this is how my night’s going.”
“Believe it, baby.”
#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#wayne munson#picturing Eddie’s mom as someone similar musically to Wanda Jackson#she was big in her part of Kentucky#might’ve made it even if not for Eddie’s dad#cw: parent death#cw: mention of overdose#cw: mention of drug use#first kiss#getting together#angst with a happy ending#sorry for the sad part#they kissed about it at the end tho
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Don’t care about them
Alexia Putellas x reader
i’m gonna keep writing to annoy that rude anon😉
this is inspired by this whole situation going on in my blog!! enjoy nonnie i know you are reading this😚😚
warnings: bad body image, rude comments, angst
You and Alexia had dated for a year before your relationship became public. It wasn’t ideal but you were happy that now you were able to show to the world your girlfriend.
The press was having a field day after your relationship came out with the one and only, Alexia Putellas. They were writing about your life and every single thing you ever did.
That wasn’t the worst part. It was the fact that they were talking about your body and looks. Giving their opinions on your posts on instagram. Judging and criticizing if you are worthy enough for Alexia, the star player of Spain and Barca.
The articles weren’t all that bad but the comments were.
Under a photo with you wearing heavier makeup than usual.
“She wears way too much makeup, i bet she’s actually ugly and just maskes it behind that makeup”
If you weren’t wearing makeup.
“She’s so ugly, look at those eyebags. she doesn’t deserve Alexia”
Then there was a photo of you in a bikini.
“🤢 look at those things and that stomach. she should be a lot skinnier. alexia deserves much better than that”
“She’s trying so hard to suck her stomach in it’s pathetic”
“I wouldn’t be posting bikini pictures with that body”
You quickly decided to turn off the comments on specific posts. Not wanting to hear the mean words they said about you.
You went through the rabbit hole of scrolling and reading through every single comment before deleting the comments. It wasn’t good for you but you couldn’t help it. Just needing to read what they said about you. Some comments were actually nice. Telling you how cute you and Alexia were together. Probably most of them were nice but they went to blind eyes. You were only able to see the negative ones.
It quickly became too much for you. You actually started to believe the comments about Alexia deserving better. You started to isolate from her and from everyone. It was easy since Alexia was in the Spain women’s camp during international break.
It started as you just not replying to her texts so often and missing some of her calls but it quickly escalated to you completely ignoring her. You thought she wouldn’t care about your absence in her life but she did.
In fact she was stressing the whole camp about it. She didn’t perform as well and you were in her mind constantly. She thought she did something wrong. Luckily for her there was only one more day of camp and then she would see you again and solve this situation. She knew that whatever it was, you could work through it. You always did.
When Alexia came back home finally she found you in your shared bed. She noticed the dry tears on your cheeks and your phone in your hand. She decided to unlock it to see what it was.
She was horrified when she saw all the comments about you. How could anyone say those things about her precious girl. The girl who wouldn’t hurt or say anything bad about anyone. She hated that this was somewhat her fault. Her being a public figure, it was hard to avoid those comments.
She closed your phone and took her own in her hands to post quickly on her instagram. After that she cuddled close to you. Not wanting to wake you up but also wanting you as close as possible. She stayed like that for a while before falling asleep herself.
The next morning you woke up to the soft hands caressing your body. So gently touching every part of your body while whispering sweet nothings into your ear.
“Should we break up?”
That wasn’t at all what Alexia expected from your mouth and she tensed up immediately.
“What, why” She asked breathlessly.
“I don’t deserve you. They all say it. You deserve much better than me” You said while looking into her beautiful eyes. Tears creeping in your own.
“Absolutely not. You are more than enough and i love you more than anything my beautiful girl” She answered then quickly followed “You don’t actually wanna break up, right?” She asked nervously.
“No” You said and shook your head. You started crying to her about all the mean stuff in your comments. She listed carefully and assured that none of them were true.
The rest of the day she showed just how much she loved you and you stayed in bed for the whole day. Just before you went to sleep you checked your instagram. To your surprise there was a post from Alexia made the day before.
Liked by yourinstagram, Lucy Bronze and 1, 456, 789 others.
alexiaputellas: my beautiful, amazing, kind and loving girlfriend 🩷 te quiero mi niña
the comments you been writing about this beautiful soul are horrible and i disagree with them all. i couldn’t ask for anything better and if we are being honest, i don’t know how i deserve her but i’m so lucky to have her in my life<3
so for anyone who has been sending those comments, just stop. if you’re own life is that boring then maybe get some help 🙂
me and my girl will enjoy our life together 🤝
no me importa lo que piensen los demás✨
—
hehee
#woso community#woso x reader#woso fanfics#wlw post#lucy bronze#alexia putellas#alexia putellas x reader#alexia putellas marry me#fluff#barca femeni
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William afton x (fem)reader - scarf
Warnings: smut basically just Will wanking. Dark themes - pervert William, inappropriate relationship. The unfortunate use of a good scarf.
Notes: minimal plot, I wrote this on the train, its barely proofread lmao
"See you later, Mr Emily!" you call over your shoulder, half slinging your jacket and handbag on your arm. It's been a long day, and you were much too eager to get out of this place, making you forget the scarf you'd worn this morning, that hung on a hook shared by some of the staff. It was a thin silky fabric, a gift from a friend and you've worn it pretty much every day since.
"Monday, y/n?" A voice calls after you, stopping you from slipping away out the fire door. You turn to see your other boss, clearly on his way out for a fag, cigarette in hand and all.
"Yeah. No worries. See ya, Mr Afton." You smile politely, hating to be reminded of the extra shift you'd picked up. Then finally making it outside, ready for at least several hours of sleep.
~
Yeah, you will see him on Monday, where hopefully you'll wear that cheeky little skirt again, Afton thought to himself, smirking. It really had been a pleasure to see you on your hands and knees cleaning up something some trainee had dropped, it left very little to his imagination and that could be a dangerous enough tool on its own. You were fast becoming his favourite thing to see rushing around the restaurant, but he hadn't quite worked on cornering you yet.
He was about to follow your path outside and spark up, but glancing to the left, he saw your forgotten article. Now, what had he done to deserve this? He couldn't help himself from grinning wide, fuck the smoke, he had a better idea. Snatching the scarf from the peg he struggled with the impulse to press it to his nose. Restraint, William, he reminded himself. But that had never been his strong suit.
With it in hand, he left through the fire door, scanning the empty car park, left for his car and Henry's, somewhat appropriately at opposite ends. Henry's right under a light, his in a pitch-black corner which just couldn't be better for what he was about to do. Tucking the now undesired cigarette behind his ear, he slipped in his car, locked the doors, and waited for the interior light to turn itself off.
It was then in the complete dark that he inhaled the scent of you on this scarf, pressing it to his face as his head leant back against the seat rest, sneering into the fabric. The smell of you drove him wild, God he'd been wasting time not calling you into his office and seeing what kind of knickers you had on under that fucking skirt. Holy shit.
Dirty thoughts materialised in his head and with a grunt he unfastened his belt, pulled down his fly and took his cock out. It had been a surprising fair while since he had last done this and in consequence, he found himself impatient. Breathing in your smell, he could almost taste you. You sweet, pretty little thing, you probably had no idea how just the small 'how are you's had driven him to stroking his cock with your scarf in his face like some kind of creep. Feeling himself close, his pace was rough with himself. God he was a fucking pervert, but he didn't feel the guilt he should, he'll he celebrated it because he knew he had a talent for making cute pieces like you into perverts too.
It was easy to imagine you on top of him, his hand on your throat, moving your body just how he wanted it. You clawing at him. He could make you scream, hate him and thank him all at the same time.
Pulling your scarf from his face, he bucked into his hand, biting the inside of his cheek to muffle the groan of him falling over the edge. He hadn't thought to get a tissue or something to the liking and shoved your garment into his lap to collect his release.
His head hit the headrest again, a half-smirk half-scowl on his face. He chuckled, well, you certainly weren't getting this back now.
#fnaf william afton#william afton x reader#william afton smut#fnaf smut#william afton x you#fnaf x reader#afab reader
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chapter six | didn’t i do it for you?
masterlist | ↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣
pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader | platonic!richie jerimovich x fem!reader | platonic!natalie berzatto x fem!reader | platonic!neil fak x fem!reader
summary: carmy knows exactly what he wants regarding you, but past mistakes always come to rear their ugly heads
warning(s): angst | hurt slight comfort | slight fluff | semi-jealous carmy | mentions of substance abuse | mentions of overdose | mikey | mentions of suicide | implied miscarriage | language | self-destructive behavior | arguments | forced love confessions | carmy’s sad boi hours | actions having consequences | more barby lore | children | no use of y/n | afab reader |
wc: 10.9k
a/n: hi lovies, this chapter may be a bit heavier than previous ones so please take the warnings extra seriously. if you are triggered by any warning please do not read this chapter i’ll literally message you a summary of the chapter if you need it. i may have missed some warnings so if that’s the case i do apologize it was not intentional. lastly please remember YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN MEDIA COSUMPTION….enjoy 🩵
“You know, I-I don’t think my family meant to ruin it or anything like that, you know.”
Carmy was trying to be better, to be more open. And it was easiest at these Al-Anon meetings, no one knew him, and no one had any expectations of him.
“I-I don’t think they did it on purpose,” his hand subconsciously raised to the chain securely tucked under his crew neck, rubbing the metal through the fabric.
“I don-it’s not fair to blame them for everything,” a sardonic huff of laughter escaped Carmy as he thought of the words he was going to say. “I uh…I had a friend once…a best friend.”
“She was the first thing in life that I felt belonged to me,” Carmy frowned, having trouble articulating what he wanted to say. “And not li- I didn’t own her or anything, but she was my friend because she chose to be, not because she knew me through Mikey.”
“And then I…I fucked that relationship up myself…uhh and as I sat there trying to think of what provided amusement or joy in my life…I just thought of my childhood spent with her…by my side.” He cleared his throat forcing himself to remember that he would probably never interact with any of these people outside of these meetings.
Carmy’s hand dropped from its place where his covered chain sat, now gripping the armchair. “She’s uh she’s back in my life now and I…I want those things with her again I…I want to fix things with her, be the person she believes I am.”
Sydney’s curiosity the other day gave Carmy a lot to think about. He was so accustomed to looking at the picture above his stove daily, that he hadn’t even given it a second thought when he invited Sydney over. Her curiosity was understandable, the interactions you and Carmy shared hadn’t been the warmest but that Polaroid would suggest otherwise.
“Yeah. Anyway, I’m happy to be here.” Carmy sat straighter in his chair, if he could admit his wants albeit vaguely to a room of strangers, he could admit his feelings to you. “Thank you, guys. Thanks for letting me share.”
Then he saw you at the grocery store, comfortable in someone else’s arms. He wasn’t jealous, or at least he didn’t think he was. But reality slapped him in the face, so sure of himself that the two of you could pick up where you left off he didn’t stop to think that maybe you didn’t want that anymore.
And then like the idiot he was, he gave Claire your number. He wanted to believe it wasn’t on purpose, that he had memorized your number so well it was the first he thought of when asked.
Carmy left the meeting hoping Claire didn’t call the number he gave her, hoping that you would be open to rekindling whatever relationship was left between you two.
Your morning was off to a great start. Hayden surprised you with breakfast at the office and signed off on your article for The Bear as long as it didn’t get in the way of your work at The Tribune. The two of you even brainstormed the best way to go about telling the story.
Since your late-night grocery run with Hayden, the two of you had fallen back into the friendship you developed all those years ago. It felt good to be reconnected with him, and thankfully things weren’t awkward considering your past sexual history.
Neither of you admitted to it, but you both knew the opportunity to fall back into your old ways would soon present itself, you weren’t sure if it was an option you would take advantage of though. The two of you weren’t in college anymore and as pathetic as it sounded since your vulnerable conversation with Carmy the other day, your heart still held out hope that the two of you could build up the foundation for a romantic relationship.
Rounding the corner of Orleans Street you finally made it to your destination, happy to have taken in the fresh air mid-morning had to offer. You approached the door to the restaurant hoping someone would hear your knock and let you in.
You smiled as Sydney opened the door moving back to allow you in, you reached up to slide your headphones off as you greeted both her and Carmy.
“Good morning, is Nat in?” The text you received on the train ride over from the oldest Berzatto was pushed to the back of your mind until now.
The urgent ‘we need to talk,’ text had worried you at first, but you had rationalized that Nat could’ve been referring to anything.
“Uh yeah, she’s in the office.” You nodded at Syd giving her a small smile in thanks before turning to make your way to the back.
“Oh hey, do you like have a second or…” You stopped in your tracks turning back to face the two chefs looking between them curiously before nodding once more.
You smiled waiting for one of them to speak, “Uh yeah can we make this quick though I need to speak with Nat.” You did your best to sound nonchalant, the longer you stood out here the more your anxiety began to rise, mind racing with what Nat needed to speak with you about.
“Yeah yeah of course,” Sydney stepped away from the door moving near Carmy who had remained silent since your entrance. “We were thinking of sending Marcus to Copenhagen and I know you stayed there, not like in a weird way but because I read your articles you know.”
You nodded your head eyebrows raised as a signal for Sydney to continue. You did your best to ignore Carmy’s stare while Syd rambled on about their idea and how the trip would help to inspire Marcus.
“…So we were wondering if you had any suggestions?” Her raised eyebrows stared back at you.
“Sorry suggestions for what?” The confusion was easily readable on your face, Syd’s excitement at the prospect overwhelmed you.
You watched as the two chefs stared at you, Carmy’s signature blank stare and Syd’s slightly hurt reaction that you weren’t paying attention.
“Oh uh for accommodations…in Copenhagen.”
The question surprised you, eyes darting to Carmy before focusing back on Sydney. You knew Carmen spent time in Copenhagen, so the fact that they were asking you for suggestions seemed a bit redundant.
Albeit stunned by the questions you smiled moving towards where the two of them were sitting, memories of your month spent in Copenhagen playing in your mind like a movie. The trip was months before Mikey’s passing and now as you think about it, it felt like that was the last time you had fun, and lived life without the worry that so often filled you now.
A chuckle left your lips as you leaned against the counter looking from Syd to Carmy, “I uh I stayed with the chef I was profiling.” You bit your lip trying to contain the grin threatening to split your lips, “I still have his number I could call him if you want. He kind of owes me a favor anyway.”
Carmy’s arms fashioned themselves across his chest, a frown pulling at his eyebrows. There was so much he didn’t know about you including the fact that you had spent time in Europe with some mystery chef.
“Oh yeah? What uh-who was the chef you wrote about? Maybe I know him.” Carmy’s words surprised you, the look you exchanged with Sydney proved that he didn't come across as casual as he was trying to.
You raised from your position against the counter, “Chef Luca?” Your voice trailed off a bit before the smile you were trying to contain finally made its appearance, “He’s this amazing pastry chef, who’s so passionate about his craft it was like watching a master at work!”
Carmy watched as you gushed about his former colleague, annoyance clawing at his throat as he took notice of just how happy the memories made you.
“Luca even taught me how to make this crazy dessert he was still perfecting, I mean mine was nothing compared to his but it was honestly the most fun I’d had in so long.” You reminisced about your time spent with Luca, “Oh, and my peach cobbler? Yeah, he taught me the simple syr-.”
“No yeah, I’m familiar with him.” Both you and Sydney were pulled from your animated conversation; the tight smile on Carmy’s face alerted you of his irritation.
You nodded, feeling a little bad at your rambling, “Okay well I’ll just go see Nat now, let me know if you need me to make that call.” You drummed your hands against the counter before turning around to take your leave.
“Hey uh, Baby?” You turned your head before disappearing around the corner eyebrows raised as you looked at Carmy. “Do you think we could maybe talk later?” You watched as his hand came up to scratch the back of his neck.
Sydney watched the interaction play out between the two of you, a small smirk lining her lips as she watched how flustered Carmy got just by asking you a simple question.
Your lips tugged up into a small smile, “Sure thing Carm, I’ll come back when I’m done with Nat.”
Carmy was sure his heart was beating so loud Sydney could hear it, the nickname something he hadn’t heard spilled from your lips in so long. The small smile he briefly caught did wonders for his already lacking confidence, he was now sure more than ever that there was a chance to fix things with you.
You entered the office to see Natalie pouring over documents presumably to do with permits and money in regards to the restaurant. You took a step forward momentarily stopping at Nat’s voice.
“Close and lock the door behind you please,” The lack of eye contact was grating on your nerves, either Natalie was completely stressed about her role as project manager or you had yet again colossally fucked up.
You did as told not wanting to further irritate your very pregnant friend. The office was silent neither of you spoke up as Natalie finished looking over the latest paper she had picked up.
She looked exhausted and you felt horrible knowing you had potentially added more stress onto her already-loaded plate. Nat gave you a small smile though her eyes looked anything but happy.
“Cortez called me this morning,” Nat’s eyebrows raised as she pointedly stared at you. Your head fell back against the door a quiet ‘fuck’ mumbled into the air. “Said this was the third meeting you missed.”
Nat waited for you to return your attention to her, “I’m only going to ask you this once Baby, and I really need you to be honest with me.” Nat leaned forward in the chair, closing a bit of the space between you so you would hear her quiet voice, “Are you using again?”
You sighed leave it to Cortez to fucking snitch you out, you didn’t realize that being a snitch was a requirement if you were someone’s sponsor.
“Baby?” Your eyes connected with Nat’s the softness of her voice and the watery appearance in her eyes told you just how worried she was.
Your head shook back and forth rapidly as you raised your hand to massage your temples, “I’m not using Nat I promise. And I know that means jack shit coming from an addict but I promise I’m doing good.” You took a deep breath calming your budding agitation, you knew Nat was worried and it wasn’t her that you were annoyed at but yourself.
“I uh…I’ve been stuck on step eight since I joined this whole rebranding project, and I…I knew that Cortez would be persistent in me getting it done.” You grimaced at the fact that you had already missed three meetings, you hadn’t realized how far things had gotten, “It’s just things felt normal again and I guess I thought I could just pretend like everything was okay.”
Natalie nodded as she listened to your explanation, she hated it but there was always a part of her that would be apprehensive. She had seen the manipulation substance abuse breeds firsthand when she stayed with you in the hospital after your overdose, it hurt her to see you hurting. To sit back and watch as the withdrawal symptoms ate away at you as you would fiend for a fix that you took your pain out on her and Pete.
Nat quickly turned to where her purse was sitting pulling out a box the two of you were all too familiar with.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” Your face scrunched up in anger, the emotion slowly residing as you watched Nat close her eyes and take a deep breath in. You felt like a complete asshole you knew Nat wasn’t doing this of her own volition and you had no one to blame but yourself for the predicament you were now in.
“Nat shit, I’m sorry you didn’t deserve that. But you really can’t expect me to take that here.” Your hand thrust out to the box that seemed to be taunting you.
“Baby you know the rules. I don’t like this as much anymore than you but when you just decide you don’t need to meet with your sponsor anymore, these are the measures we have to resort to.”
“Lead the way, Mom.” Natalie let out a small chuckle at your antics, thankful that you were being somewhat logical, “Wait is there a bag we can throw this away in, we can’t just leave the evidence in the bathroom.” The two of you turned to search through the office sure you would find a stray plastic bag lying somewhere.
You popped up, a plastic baggie securely in your grasp, “Does the toilet even work?” Nat shrugged, walking past you and making her way to the bathroom leaving you to follow behind.
“Aww yeah, party in the bathroom! Am I invited?” Nat stopped as Fak stood in front of the two of you hastily moving the bag behind her back doing her best to be inconspicuous.
“Sorry my love girls only, maybe next time,” Nat gave Fak a pat on the shoulder and her signature smile before maneuvering the two of you around him.
“Wait, is it that time of the month for us? Cause I think our cycles might be synced, I’ve been having the most insane cramps lately.” The words that left Fak’s mouth would never cease to surprise you.
“You know, I think you might be right Fak, my lower back has been killing me.” You indulged in Fak’s shenanigans, the man falling in line to walk with you as the two of you followed Natalie to the front.
Fak nodded along with you “No I’m like feeling it, should I invest in a heating pad?”
You snickered at Fak, “I usually just fill up a sock with rice and throw it in the microwave.” You shrugged like the conversation was a completely normal occurrence. “The first day is always the worst for me, my breasts get so tender.”
Fak raised his own hands to his chest cupping his pecs “Baby tell me about it, it’s just like one touch and I’m crying.” You could see Carmy’s confused look from your peripheral as your group finally made it to the bathroom.
“I could totally massage your breast Fak, but you would have to return the favor. It's only fair if you’re a part of the sisterhood.” You watched as Fak nodded his head rapidly, hands raising in the air and hovering in front of your breast.
“Wait, is this an actual thing?”
“Oh yeah me and Nat do it all the time, that’s actually why we’re going to the bathroom now.” Fak’s eyes darted to Nat before looking back at his hands inching closer to your breast.
“Wait no, I don’t want Carmy to be mad at me.” The two of you looked in Carmy’s direction, the man still watching just as confused as earlier.
You shrugged before turning back to Fak, “I can assure you Carmy would not give a single fuck if you touched my breast, Neil.”
The aforementioned man took in a gasp of breath before clearing his throat and slowly moving down the counter to get a better listen at what the hell the two of you were doing.
You, Nat, and Carmy waited to see what Fak’s next move would be, the smile raising to your face hard to keep under wraps, Fak was adorably easy to mess with.
Fak’s hands began to inch forward concentration clear as day on his face before a small shriek left his lips, “Baby I’m sorry, Carmy’s my best friend, I don’t think I can do this for you.”
You laughed at the disappointment in Fak’s voice, “Your loss babes, I know 16-year-old Fak would’ve killed for this moment.” Your hand raised to pat his cheek before you finally left his side and entered the bathroom as Nat held the door open for you.
“She was lying to you my love, we don’t massage each other's breasts.” With those last words, Nat shut the door on a disappointed Fak and a mildly annoyed Carmy.
Fak turned back to look at Carmy with an apology in his eyes, “I’m so sorry Carmy, teenage Fak was really fighting to come out right now but I know Baby’s your girl.”
Carmy frowned at Fak’s words, the irritation running through him at yours and Fak’s stupid antics. “She’s uh…she’s not my girl. Baby and I are just friends.”
Fak smiled widely in Carmy’s direction, “That’s great, you really should think about getting a girlfriend then, I just want you to be happy Carmy.” Fak began walking to the back to help move the appliances. Carmy let out a chuckle as he heard Fak mumble about missing his once-in-a-lifetime chance.
Carmy shook his head back and forth, having you back really was just like old times. He wouldn’t ever say anything out loud but Carmy was actually really glad he didn’t have to stand there and watch Fak fondle you.
“Pete said the two of you have a lunch date planned.” Your head shot up to Nat, the air had been a little stilted between the two of you since she had brandished the drug test.
A laugh bubbled out of you, “Doesn’t seem like the proper environment for a casual chat Nat.” You gestured to the dinghy bathroom you were in, emphasizing the urine sample sitting on the sink while the two of you awaited the results.
You watched the smile rise to Natalie’s lips, a somber look overcast on her face, “I’m not doing this because I want to Baby.” Nat’s voice took on a gravelly tone.
Natalie didn’t deserve this, she had already basically nursed you back to health once. And now here she and Pete were about to bring a life into this world, and here you were a grown adult still expecting everyone else to fix your problems. You knew Natalie didn’t need the stress and worry your life choices brought forth and if your overdose wasn’t a wake-up call enough, then Nat’s haggard appearance as you two stood in the bathroom sure was.
“I know and I apologize Nat. Really livin' up to my nickname aren’t I?” Nat chuckled listening to your apology. “There’s no excuse for my behavior. I know what’s expected of me I-”
Your words were cut off by the shrill ringing of your phone. The noise caused the two of you to jolt in the small bathroom. You quickly removed the device from your back pocket, it was a Chicago area code, but you already had everyone you knew here saved in your contacts.
“You gonna answer that?” Your eyes flashed to Nat, her eyebrows raised in question.
You took one last glance at the number trying to place it before clicking the power button and slipping it back into your pocket, “If it’s important they’ll leave a voicemail.”
“Anyway, I shouldn’t constantly depend on you to clean up my messes Nat, I don’t think I’ve been the best friend recently. And it should be you depending on me considering,” you waved your hand over her figure scared that if you spoke the word someone might hear. “I promise to do better Nat, I want to be around to help with the little gremlin.”
Nat raised her hand to wipe the few tears that were falling, making her way over to pull you into an embrace, “These damn hormones make me so emotional.”
You chuckled rubbing up and down Natalie’s back, “You’d be crying even if you weren’t compromised.”
The hug lasted up until the timer on Nat’s phone sounded, signaling the results were ready. The two of you pulled apart, with Nat sending you a reassuring smile.
It didn’t matter if you knew you hadn’t touched any substances since your hospitalization, you would always be nervous when it was time to read off the results. You waited with bated breath as Nat read over the testing stick, you would set up a meeting with Cortez as soon as you got the chance.
The sigh of relief Natalie let out stung you a bit, but you could understand her apprehension it wasn’t easy trusting a recovering addict.
“It’s negative Babes.” A sigh of relief left you.
A wide grin raising to your lips, “I told you so.” Nat rolled her eyes at the sing-song sound of your voice.
The two of you made quick work of cleaning up the bathroom, small talk about your future lunch with Pete floating around as you made sure all evidence was disposed of in the plastic bag.
Carmy watched as Sugar exited the bathroom the same drugstore bag from earlier in her hand. He sent a nod in her direction as she smiled at him before making her leave. Carmy was set to meet up with Syd in 30 minutes but he was hoping to speak with you before he took his leave, unsure if you would still be here later.
He returned his attention to the calendars with the timeline to open, checking off things that had already been taken care of and adding anything he wanted to double-check.
“You free to talk now, Carm?” He turned at the sound of your voice, a shy smile lining his cheeks as he took in the smile on your lips.
“Uh yeah, yeah if you’re free,” You nodded, coming to stand across from Carmy the old counter directly between you two.
Carmy’s eyes took in the sweater you were wearing, similar to the style in his but while his was a nice grey color, yours was a deep green. The familiarity of the crew neck finally dawned on him as he realized it was his crew neck you were wearing, the last time he saw it was the night he left you in his apartment all those months ago expecting to still see you there when he returned home.
It was silent as the two of you stared at each other, a giggle escaped your lips at the lost look on Carmy’s face. “What’d you wanna talk about Carmy?”
Carmy nodded trying to remove the memories from his mind, “I uh…I know I ruined our friendship and…and whatever was left of it.” He paused, eyes falling to the crew neck carefully wrapped around you, the memory of watching you get dressed after the shower you shared swimming around in his head, the extra pictures of the two of you tucked safely into his bedside drawer.
“Carm hey,” he watched as your knuckles knocked against the counter to bring him back to the present time.
“Yeah, I uh I just have a lot I think we should talk about Baby, and maybe the restaurant wasn’t the best place for it.” He reached up to scratch the back of his neck, nerves running haywire.
You nodded a serious look painted on your face, you were sure you knew what Carmen wanted to speak about but you also had secrets of your own you wanted to share with him.
“I…I want us to try and be friends again or at least be cordial with each other…if that’s not too much to ask.” Carmy huffs out a breath of laughter, eyes latching onto your figure in front of him.
He watches as you appear to be thinking, most likely retracing the path of your relationship through the years memories running through your head that he has absolutely no idea exists.
“Carmy, you’ve never not been my friend but a lot of your choices hurt m-.” Your phone rang again echoing off the walls in the front of the restaurant.
You gave Carmy a small smile before removing your phone, the number that’s calling you is the same one that called while you were in the bathroom with Nat earlier. You raise your finger to Carmy, gesturing that you need to take the call.
“Hello.” You wait as the other line stays quiet.
“Baby?”
You frown looking up at Carmy as he watches you hoping your call ends soon, “Uh I’m sorry who is this?”
“Oh, it’s me, uh…Claire. We lived down the street from each other as kids?” A gasp escaped your lips, surprised that she was calling you.
You move the phone from your mouth. Hand moving up to cover it as your eyes find Carmy’s “It’s Claire.” Your whisper takes a moment to register in his ears, too caught up in the bright smile on your face.
“Wow, it's so good to hear from you. Um, I hope I don’t sound rude but how exactly did you get my number?” You watched as Carmy ran a hand across his mouth, eyes wide your name slipped past his lips the dire need to get you off that call racing through him.
You held your finger up to him signaling to give you a moment, too wrapped up in miraculously connecting with an old friend.
“Oh um, this is going to sound weird. I uh…I ran into Carmy the other night at the grocery store and when I asked him for his number…this is the number he gave me.” You listened as Claire spoke, the smile quickly disappearing from your lips as your eyes found Carmy’s alarmed ones.
“Carmen gave you my number?” You watched the regret flash through his eyes.
“Mhm.”
“And claimed it was his?”
“Uh kinda yeah, it’s a bit weird but maybe he was just planning to call you or something.” A small laugh left your lips, if he hadn’t called you since he last saw you, you could bet he had no plans to ever call you.
“Yeah…fuckng bizarre.” You could feel the lump forming in your throat.
“Sorry if this is weird but do you think you could give me his number?” It felt like senior year all over again and you were the bridge between these two souls
An ironic smile rose to your lips as you stared directly at Carmy, the panic glaringly obvious in his eyes because he couldn’t hear Claire’s responses.
“Oh, Claire Bear I’m so sorry I haven’t spoken to Carmy in what’s it been?” You paused your glare on Carmy impenetrable.
“Five years, since high school graduation. I don’t even have his number.” The crack in your voice was evident to all who could hear, Carmy wished he could disappear at that moment.
“Oh no, is everything okay with you two?”
“You’re too sweet. You know how it is people change, they grow apart. I just think Carmy outgrew me.” It was becoming harder and harder to swallow your tears.
“Wow, I’m sorry to hear that Baby. But I heard you're back in Chicago, maybe we can catch up?”
“Claire I’d love that, hey before you go try Fak for Carmy’s number I’ve heard they’re extremely close now, have a great rest of your day!” You listened as Claire said her goodbyes quickly, hanging up and placing your phone back in its designated pocket.
It was silent as you raised your head to the ceiling, a disbelieving laugh escaped your lips as you felt the tears trace down your cheeks. You were getting fucking tired of crying.
“Baby hey, hey let me exp-,” Carmy’s pleas were cut short as both of your eyes shot to his now ringing phone on the counter. Neither of you needed to be a fucking genius to figure out who was ringing Carmy’s line.
“Answer quickly Carmen, your little girlfriend is calling.” You knew it was petty and you shouldn’t be upset with Claire for chasing after what she wanted, but for once you didn’t want to be the one fighting for scraps of Carmy’s affection.
You didn’t want to have to share.
His hand quickly shot out pressing the power button on the side silencing the ringing, taking the extra step and turning it face down as he watched you just stare at it.
“Baby I-,”
“Why are you the way you are?” You were tired of putting Carmy and his feelings ahead of yourself, tired of running yourself ragged to accommodate your feelings for a grown man who was too scared of the truth.
“I-” You took a deep breath to collect your thoughts. “I’m so hurt right now Carmen and I want to be angry, I want to be so fucking angry with you but I’m just hurt and exhausted, and I…I really don’t even want to waste my breath on you right now, but I’ve put up with a lot of your shit and I think I’m just done.” Carmy flinched at the sardonic laugh you let loose.
“It hurts Carmen…it hurts when the person you’ve been truly in love with for most of your life doesn’t even treat you like an option.” You ignored the sharp intake of breath that came from Carmen’s direction, surprised he even had the guts to listen to your rant.
The ringing in his ears along with your broken voice overwhelmed him.
“I have lived so much of my life for you and yeah I was stupid for that, but all I wanted was your happiness and all I wanted was happiness with you. I have given so much of myself to you Carmen I have lost pieces of u- of myself to you, Carmen.” The tears were raining down in full force.
It was one thing to cry when you were hurt but to cry out of anger and exhaustion would probably always be the worst feeling.
“All I wanted was for you to love me the way I loved you…the way I will continue loving you after today because the way I feel for you won’t just go away Carmen it will be stuck with me forever! What I lost to you will be stuck with me forever! And…and we spend this amazing weekend together and I accept that you can’t commit to me and I give you the benefit of the doubt because Mikey just died and you…fuck.” Your hand slammed against the counter top your thoughts all over the place.
“You take my number that you’ve had for a year and you give it to some girl that you had some stupid pathetic high school fucking crush on. I’m not even worth a fucking phone call to you Carmen! And I…I’m not even supposed to be here right now but you wouldn’t fucking know because your too much of a fucking coward to allow yourself to be loved to be happy!”
You could feel the oncoming migraine from how loud you were shouting, you did your best to ignore the gathering crowd, Nat and Richie at the forefront watching with worried glances, as Marcus Fak and the rest of the crew peaked through from the back.
A shuddering breath floated through your lips as you felt the lifetime of exhaustion catch up with you. “I almost gave you all of me Carmen. Please just leave me alone” The words escaped your throat in a hoarse whisper. You were so far gone that you couldn’t even see the look of heartbreak and despair marring Carmen’s features.
“Baby, hey!” Your eyes shot to Richie as he blocked your line of vision to Carmen's. Head shaking back and forth arms slowly reaching out before coming to rest on your biceps thumbs gently massaging into them. “Let’s take a break Baby calm down a bit yeah?” He nodded his head waiting for you to nod along before he led you to the back, making sure to block your view of Carmen.
You were shaking as the two of you made your way past Nat a whispered ‘I’m sorry’ leaving your lips as she was left to deal with the mess that was Carmy.
“Fuck!” The loud crashes of a heavy object slamming into the floor caused you to jump in Richie’s hold as he led you back into the office.
Little tremors shook through your body as Richie carefully guided you to sit in the lone office chair. Taking his position by your legs as he squatted in front of you, worry etched into his features at having never seen you react like that.
Your hands came to grip Richie's, the tear tracks on your face now dried, you were almost positive you had run out of tears to cry.
“I lost everything, Richie,” your voice was strained. “And I…I spared him because I knew he couldn’t handle it, you knew he couldn’t handle it…not after Mikey.”
Richie’s eyes squeezed closed as he raised your intertwined hands to his forehead, haunting memories of you forcing their way through. He dropped your hands delicately cupping your face to press a kiss on your forehead, “I know Baby.” The words were spoken softly against your skin.
The two of you sat in that position as you gained control of your ragged breathing.
“I’m a hypocrite, Rich,” you separated yourself from him, locking eyes. “I blamed Carmy for so much out there…but I’ve done something so unforgivable, I don’t think you’ll look at me the same.” You wanted to cry but the exhaustion ate away at you.
“Hey I’ve been through some shit Baby, we’ve been through some shit, nothing,” the firm grip on your chin reminded you of the lost soul who should’ve been in the room with you two. “Look at me when I’m talking to you. Nothing you say will change how I look at you.”
It was always weird to see Richie serious and the voice of reason, not that he didn’t have his moments, but seeing Rich without his signature smile made it feel like you had stripped him of something so personal.
“How bout this, Sug or I take you before you beat Carmy’s ass,” the sentence drew a small laugh out of you. “And then I’ll come over when I’m done here, pick up some dinner and we’ll have one of those nights like we used to when…when Mikey was still here.” You nodded your head not having enough energy to produce words.
Richie patted your knee rising to his full height as he headed to check on Sug and his idiot of a fucking cousin. “Oh hey, I’ll have Eva tonight, you don’t mind do you? She’s constantly on my ass about seeing her auntie Bebe.” Richie stood in the now open doorway awaiting your answer.
Your immediate response was yes, but you had to consider Tiff, unsure if she wanted her daughter around you considering your newly acquired title as recovering addict.
“I’d like that a lot, but I-I think you should get Tiff’s permission to bring Eva around me.” You knew your suggestion might upset Richie but it was for the best, and you would call Tiff yourself just to double-check.
“Hey no none of that shit, she’s my fucking kid too Baby.” The defensive tone in his voice immediately caused you to close your eyes, hands moving to massage your temples.
“Richie please, I just need you to do this for me okay? This isn’t about your parenting skills, Rich.” Richie watched you for a minute, the exhaustion noticeable.
He nodded sending you one last somber look before making his exit keen on chewing his little fucking asshole cousin a new one.
Richie could feel his anger rising in him as he walked past Marcus and Fak as they worked to remove appliances from the kitchen. He quickly sauntered toward the whispers of Sugar and Carmy becoming clearer as he finally made it to the front of the restaurant.
The first thing his eyes took notice of was the destroyed cash register lying in the middle of the floor, debris from the relic scattered across the room. Richie stood there taking in the scene, the two Berzatto siblings' conversation coming to a halt as Richie blew out a whistle, walking around the mess slowly clapping.
“You’re a real fucking piece of work Cousin,” Richie’s hand shot out to point in Carmy’s direction the younger man looking disheveled, the frown on his face almost comical.
Natalie felt her shoulders tense; she had known these two long enough to know nothing good would come out of this interaction. The fact that you were in the middle of all this would make whatever happened right now all the worse.
There were two things in the world Richie didn’t play about, little Eva; and you.
“Richie I don’t need your fucking bullshit right now.” Carmy moved to walk around the counter, hands fumbling in his pocket to get his cigarettes out, his focus on the door he was trying to escape through.
“You’re a piece of shit cousin.” Richie’s hands shot out to grip the collar of Carmy’s crew neck, shoving him into the counter.
Natalie’s shocked gasp of Richie’s name did nothing to tear the men away from each other.
“Get the fuck outta my face, Richie.” The shorter man shoved the man standing in front of him.
A rueful smile raised to Richie’s lips “That girl has bent over backward for your conceited ass time and time again, and you go and ruin the only good fucking thing you have going for yourself.” Richie’s hand raised thumb and middle finger moving to flick Carmy between the brows.
“You’re the last person that gets to talk to me about fucking ruining good things in my life.” Carmy’s free hand moved to swat at Richie’s.
“That empty fucking head of yours is so far up your ass you can’t see what the fucks been in front of you this whole time.
“Yo fuck you, Richie!”
The two loud voices echoed throughout the restaurant as the angry men tried to outyell each other.
“No you fucking listen to me! You don’t know what the fuck that girls been through. Where the fuck were you when shit went down Carmen! Huh!” Richie shoved Carmy again, the anger he felt for you pouring through him.
“Why the fuck weren’t you there for her whe-.”
“Richie!” Natalie’s stern voice caused Richie to harness some of his anger. “No.” The subtle shake of her head stopped his sentence mid-thought.
“You’re worse than the shit on the bottom of my shoe, and you don’t deserve to touch one pretty little hair on that girl’s head. And if I ever have to listen to her cry over you, watch her hurt over you again, you’re gonna wish Mikey was still here to save your ass.” Richie’s hand shot out to slap against the side of Carmen’s head, “Fucking bum.”
He removed himself from Carmy’s space, hands immediately raising as he faced Nat’s exhausted stare. “Sug I’m sorry, but get Baby home will you? I gotta finish up shit round here.”
Richie left the two Berzatto siblings to stand in the now quiet front of the restaurant, the sooner he finished his shit here, the sooner he and Eva could spend the evening with you.
Natalie looked at her younger brother scared of how this sequence of events would affect him. She took a step forward hand reaching out to Carmy before dropping it, “Hey, you okay?” The two siblings stood in silence, one worried about the well-being of her remaining brother.
And the other was trying to collect his racing thoughts, too many zooming through for him to even land on one.
“Where are we with the permits?” To Carmy’s ears, it sounded like he was underwater, his voice muffled, barely loud enough to be heard.
“Carm-.” Nat’s words were cut off with no chance of consoling him.
“Just get her home Nat and get back to me on those permits please.” Natalie watched as Carmy collected his phone and jacket, an unfocused wave of his hand sent in her direction before making his way through the exit, disappearing to who knows where.
Natalie watched as the front door latched shut, she couldn’t help but feel guilty for pushing you into this environment. If she had just let you re-acclimate yourself on your own time, maybe this situation could’ve been avoided.
Her hand fell to her stomach, eyes following suit, “Welcome to the family little one.”
The sound of your doorbell constantly ringing tore your stare away from the bottle sitting on your coffee table. You sat still for a minute before remembering the plans you made with Richie earlier in the day, your eyes shooting to the bottle before you quickly moved to hide it behind one of the couch pillows.
Since Natalie dropped you off earlier you had gone back and forth with the idea of finally coming clean to Richie. Your decision was led by your emotions from earlier in the day, but after finding the bottle of champagne you received in The Tribune’s welcome basket shoved in the back of your pantry, you were sorely rethinking your decision.
You adjusted the pillow to disguise any misshapen lumps before hurrying to the door to greet your guest. Hoping the forced smile was enough you opened the door feeling the once-fake smile begin to settle into a genuine one as you took in the father-daughter duo on your porch.
“Auntie Bebe!” You laughed, a lump forming in your throat at how big the young girl seemed to have gotten.
“Little E is that you?” Eva giggled at the exaggerated gasp you let out before throwing herself against your legs squeezing you tight.
She unlatched herself from you before gripping your hand and moving into the house, “Daddy bought us pizza!”
“Hey, Eva take your shoes off.” Richie gave you a small smile as he scolded the little girl, her huff of annoyance not going unnoticed by the two of you.
Richie finally walked through the door shutting and locking it behind him staring at you as he waited for instructions, “Hey E go ahead to the living room and pick out something to watch okay? I’m gonna help your dad real quick.”
You were rewarded with her adorable smile as she ran in the direction you pointed her to. You turned back to Richie taking the two pizza boxes from his hand to allow him to remove his shoes and jacket.
The two of you made your way to the kitchen setting the boxes down on your island with a clear view of Eva scrolling through your tv. You maneuvered around the kitchen for plates before brandishing them to Richie, eyes caught on Eva’s small figure in your living room.
“She’s gotten so big,” the tears you thought had run out earlier were once again making their appearance.
Richie’s head turned to you, “Aww Baby look at you ready to cry and shit, you just saw her a year ago.”
You listened to Richie’s intoxicating laugh, trying your best to find the humor in his words. The notion was hard though when the last memory you could’ve had of the sweet little girl waiting for the two of you in the living room was holding her at a funeral that could have just as easily been yours.
“You coming Baby?” Richie’s raised brows were aimed at you, he had already made his way to the living room setting the smaller plate in front of Eva.
You cleared your throat nodding your head with a forced smile on your lips. It was settled, Richie had every right to know that there could have been a universe where he had to survive without Mikey and you.
Eva was cuddled into your side as your fingers stoked through her blonde locks, her smaller hand playing with the rings on your free hand. The two of you sat staring at the paused episode of ‘The Dragon Prince’ waiting for Richie to return from the bathroom.
Sitting with Eva in your living room made your heart heavy with what could’ve been. A small sad smile traced your lips as you leaned forward to plant a soft kiss on the crown of her head.
Eva’s head turned to yours, her tongue poking out at you as you returned the gesture, the two of you going back and forth making silly faces at each other before she released a small yawn. You watched as her small hand rose to gently run her little fingers across the scars on your face.
“Auntie Bebe?” You made a small noise to let her know you were listening. “Are you going to die?”
Your brows pinched together, Eva’s hand prodded at the scar between your eyebrows that was now more prominent, “Hey hey, where is this coming from?”
Her hand lowered to her lap as she turned her attention back to your ring-clad hand. “Mommy said you were sick…like Uncle Mikey…and that you tried to be with him.”
The ache in your chest was instant, you knew Tiff had tried to explain why you hadn’t visited but you didn’t know Eva had such an understanding of everything.
She raised your hand so it was in front of the two of you, little fingers dancing across yours, “And Uncle Mikey left us 'cause he was sick and I don’t want you to leave to Bebe.”
“Little E, look at me,” you waited as she adjusted next to you small body, cuddling into you more as her face turned to you. “I was sick…just like Uncle Mikey, but I’m doing a lot better now. And I got hurt, that’s why I have these scars on my face but a lot of good people helped me, like Auntie Nat, and even your mom.”
You stopped allowing the child to digest your words, you were trying to explain things in the simplest terms, and the small girl next to you didn’t need to know any of the details. “As much as I miss Uncle Mikey I could never leave behind my Little E.”
Eva shrieked as you moved forward to tickle her doing your best to make a very tough conversation end on a light note for the sweet little girl who brought joy to your world.
“How about some ice cream, yeah?” You watched as the small girl nodded up and down excitedly, her arms coming up to wrap around your neck as she planted a small kiss on your cheek.
“I missed you, Auntie Bebe.”
Your hand reached out to ruffle the girl's hair, “I missed you too Little E.” She removed herself from around you laying across the empty couch cushions.
You let out a little laugh before grabbing the empty plates and moving to the kitchen to get Eva her ice cream. You jumped at the sight of Richie leaning against the island in your kitchen arms crossed against his chest.
“Why are you standing in my kitchen like a fucking weirdo Richie,” you laughed moving to place the plates in the sink before grabbing a bowl for the ice cream. “Eva’s okay to have ice cream right, I know it's a little late bu-”
“What the hell was Eva talking about Baby,” you looked over your shoulder Richie’s stern eyes focused on you eyes piercing through you as opposed to at you.
You sat the bowl and ice cream on the island before searching for your ice cream scooper, the silence droning on as you began scooping out ice cream for Eva.
“I fucked up Richie,” you finally looked up to Richie eyes wet with tears as you watched him tightly shut his eyes and begin shaking his head back and forth. Not prepared for what he was about to hear.
You quickly finished with ice cream, returning everything to its location and dropping the scoop in the sink before grabbing a spoon. You made your way to Eva sending her a small smile as you handed the bowl to her, “I need to talk to your daddy okay? Go ahead and finish watching without us mamas.” Your words went in one ear and out the other, her attention fully on the treat in her hands. You gave her one last smile before braving yourself for what the kitchen had in store for you.
“I uh…I was in a bad place after Chicago we had just buried Mikey and then…the hospital happened,” you stopped taking a deep breath to get through this conversation. “I should’ve come home Richie I-.” You couldn’t get the words out your throat felt like it was constricting. It felt as though if you tried confessing you would choke on the words before you could even come clean to Richie.
Richie sat next to you at your small circular dining table chair turned towards you, eyes flicking to Eva’s figure every few seconds to make sure she was okay. Richie wasn’t even sure he wanted you to continue, but a huge part of him needed to know what you went through, he thought he had already seen you at your lowest point but the gravity of your words assured him that was nothing compared to the confession you were about to lay at his feet.
“I overdosed Rich.” Richie froze having thought he hadn’t heard you correctly for a second but as he watched the despair take over your face, he knew he heard you right.
His hand came up to wipe across his mouth, the reality of your words barely setting in. “Baby no, no, no, no.” The laugh that accompanied his words morphed into a silent sob as he tucked his head into his hands.
You swallowed your cry fighting to escape as you turned to make sure Eva was still okay, a reprieve from the hard conversation you were having.
You moved from your chair standing in front of Richie so you could console him, his arms wrapped around your waist as his head settled against your stomach, the shaking of his body proof to you that cries were still wracking his body.
The silent sobs turned into quiet cries, his hands gripping the extra fabric of your shirt at the waist. Your tears could no longer be held back bending at the waist you rested your forehead against the back of Richie’s head.
While Richie was crying over the sister he almost lost; you cried over the lives you ruined.
“Auntie Bebe I finished my ice cream!” You took in a deep breath against Richie’s head moving your own from its previous position.
You moved to step out of Richie’s grip, his hands tightening around your shirt tears seeping through to dampen your skin. “I gotta help E, I promise I’ll be back Richie.”
The breath you took in choked you as you had to pry Richie’s clenched fingers out of the fabric of your shirt. You quickly wiped your cheeks before making your way over to Eva grabbing the bowl from her hands and sending her a forced smile.
“Can I spend the night Bebe?” The hope in her eyes made your chest heave.
“How about I call your mom tomorrow and we arrange something for another time, is that okay with you?” Your hands brushed across her forehead, clearing the hair from her face.
She pouted, sinking into the couch cushion, “E, hey you can come visit me whenever, but tonight just isn’t a good night for a sleepover.”
You watched as her eyes began to water, “But what if you try to leave again?” You hadn’t realized how intuitive children could be at times, you bent down to make yourself eye level with Eva.
“Listen, mamas, I’m just a phone call away okay? Anytime you’re scared I might be gone just ask your mom or dad to call me and I’ll answer every time, I promise.” Everyone knew making promises to children was a slippery slope, but you intended on keeping this promise with every ounce of your being, it was time for you to start taking some responsibility.
Eva nodded her head throwing her little arms around your neck and gracing you with a hug you weren’t aware you needed. You gave a small kiss to her temple before pulling away and setting the empty bowl on your coffee table.
“How about you lay down okay? Your dad and I might be awhile,” She nodded, moving and leaning against the pillow, her sudden weight revealing the champagne bottle you had hidden behind it, you quickly covered her with the throw blanket on your couch before picking up the bowl and bottle and making your way back to the kitchen.
You gently placed the bowl in the sink before making your way over to Richie whose head was still in his hands. His eyes found yours as he heard you take your seat, before skating across the unopened bottle you had set between the two of you.
“I’ve been sober for five months now,” watching Richie’s bloodshot eyes slowly blink at you as he drank your every word in felt like a knife being continuously shoved through your chest. “No drugs, no alcohol.” Your voice trailed off, this was the first time you had admitted your shortcomings by choice.
“Ho-How’d it happen?” Your eyes focused on Richie’s Adam’s apple as it bobbed up and down, his face pinching together like asking that simple question was equivalent to swallowing glass.
“I uh don’t know the full story, just what the doctors told Nat and me,” you could see the hurt on his face that Nat was already privy to the information. “I didn’t tell her by choice, uh after my mom died my family kind of distanced themselves from me and so N-Nat became my power of attorney.”
He nodded his head, unfocused eyes floating around your kitchen, “Can you tell me?”
A tired sigh left you “Rich I don’t thi-,”
“I need to know Baby, please.” His hand shot out to grip yours, desperation you had never before seen seeping from his eyes.
You cleared your throat taking in a deep breath, “When I left Chicago, I just felt so…alone. It was like everywhere I looked there was either a reminder of Mikey or a reminder of…of what we lost.” Richie’s free hand returned to swipe across his mouth, eyes everywhere but you.
“The pills were prescription I…I can’t remember when I started taking them or when the dependency started but I-I know the alcohol started first. I deluded myself into thinking that I could do what Mikey couldn't…that I could numb the pain and function at the same time.
“It was like that for a while and then it just gradually got worse until I ended up hospitalized with no recollection of how I even got there and…and Natalie just crying and staring at me and the thing is I had heard those cries from her once before.” The same cries you listened to as she revealed Mikey’s fate to you.
“Um, the story is that I had been mixing drugs and alcohol which yeah I was. But that day I guess it finally went too far, for some reason I was trying to get to my patio and I guess I couldn’t figure out the door, I just…repeatedly threw myself into the glass until it shattered.” Your free hand moved unconsciously to pick at the scar lining the right side of your jaw, Richie’s hand quickly snatching it away urging you to continue your story.
“Wasn’t done yet though was I,” you looked at Richie expecting a chuckle out of him but the stoic look in his eyes told you he wasn’t in the mood for half-baked jokes. “I took two more pills and stumbled bloody through my apartment before making it out of my door and collapsing in a pool of my blood and vomit. A neighbor found me and called the ambulance.” You were glad you had no recollections of what would’ve been your final moments.
The silence in the kitchen was heavy, the words you had shared between the two of you more than anything Richie could have ever prepared himself for.
“Baby why…why didn’t you call me?” Richie’s hand covered his mouth in a fist as another cry escaped his lips wide teary eyes finally focused on yours.
“I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me.” Richie could feel his heart breaking as he listened to the crack in your voice as you spoke, you had been so scared to disappoint him that you had hidden a part of yourself for him for so long.
“How long have you been in Chicago? You avoided Richie’s gaze, not brave enough to see the look of hurt and betrayal.
“I spent a month in Wisconsin at a treatment facility, I’ve been in Chicago since December.”
“And Tiff knew about this?”
“Yeah…uh she kind of forced it out of Natalie, I guess Eva kept asking about me.” You watched as Richie’s head slowly nodded as he carefully let your words play in his head.
Richie leaned forward in his chair, elbows coming to rest on his knees as his clasped hands rested against his mouth.
“I’m not disappointed in you Baby,” Richie’s eyes rose to yours. “But I’m real fuckin hurt and the shit you just laid on me was a lot to take in but I…I want to understand and I want to be here for you.”
The tears that had subsided were now back pouring down your face in droves, “I’m so sorry Richie, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. But I promise you I’m trying to be better, I will be better. I don’t think I'll get another shot at this after this one.”
Richie stood from his chair pulling you up with him, immediately tugging you into his chest hugging you tightly under the ambient kitchen lighting. He knew his hugs would never match up to Mikey’s, that his role in your life would never compare to Mikey's. But he loved you so much and learning that you had fallen victim to the same poison as Mikey made him feel like an utter failure.
Richie tilted his head down planting a kiss on the crown of your head, the saltiness of his tears passing over his lips.
What purpose did he have if he couldn’t even keep his last promise to Mikey?
Carmen’s day had come to an end hours ago but he just couldn’t get himself to fall asleep, all the words you had said to him playing over and over again in his head.
He had been so caught up in your argument that he blew his food-hopping plans off with Syd, and couldn’t even get himself to return any of the many missed phone calls he received from the number he knew to be Claire’s
Not that he even wanted to but he felt the girl deserved a proper explanation.
After leaving the restaurant and wandering the Chicago streets he found himself back where his life seemed to begin and end. Pouring what was left of him into helping the rest of the crew start the gut on the restaurant. He wasn’t proud that he let his emotions regarding your situation get the best of him, leading to an unnecessary and petty argument with Sydney. But he knew the two of them would work their issues out.
He couldn’t be sure that the same could be said for the two of you though.
The journal he had started a year ago sat open in his lap, the Polaroid he used to keep his place gently rested on his bedside table, the small lamp illuminated the two of you staring at each other eyes full of love as you wore matching smiles.
A teardrop landed on the ink-stained pages of his journal. The words he wanted to say to you easily poured out of him when he sat down to write to you. The journal began as a way for him to express what he felt for you, but as the months went on and the writing became a part of his routine they turned into letters to you he’d never have the guts to send.
His hand came up to swipe across his face before reaching for the pristine Polaroid and neatly tucking it between the designated pages. The journal was then safely placed in his bedside drawer. He knew he needed to give you space, he just wasn’t sure if there had ever been a future written in the stars for the two of you.
Picking up his phone he opened it to your newly saved contact, the need to hear your voice spilling more tears from his eyes. Your voice rang through his head as he thought about your words from earlier, Carmy couldn’t lie, he knew you loved him and had known for a while but hearing you say it aloud had finally awoken that part in him that would allow himself the pleasure of loving you back.
He couldn’t do it, couldn’t get himself to call you. A sob ripped through him as he locked his phone and set it down, the hope he had earlier to work things out with you was now gone, and he had no one left to blame but himself.
Carmy laid back in bed, eyes blankly staring at the ceiling, one arm bent at a right angle to support his head. He had really and truly ruined whatever relationship was left between you two.
Carmy’s hand dipped into the collar of his tank top, gripping the small pendant he found dangling from his chain after returning home from his shift the night you made your departure from his New York apartment.
His fingers had gotten used to tracing over the initial of your first name that he proudly wore around his neck. The closest thing he even had to you now.
Carmy’s eyes watered as he raised the initial pendant to his lips, a lingering kiss pressed into it, and a whispered “I love you,” filtered through the quiet of his room.
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so i’ve reached the limit of people i can mention in a single post, i apologize if you asked to be tagged and were left off it was not intentional. i’m gonna figure something out to try and fix this…sorry : (
#carmen berzatto x reader#carmy berzatto x reader#the bear fic#the bear x reader#carmen berzatto angst#carmen berzatto x you#carmy the bear#all i ever knew only you ₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊#[aiekoy] updates
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Baking weekends : The surprise
Those gifs do not belong to me.
Heyyyyy! How are you lots ? As promised, here comes another episode of the baking week ends ! This follows up the event of "An hymne to love", as well as the last espisode, "Kiss the cook".
Anyway... Hope you enjoy !
Froggit-
Warning : there's a lot of fluff, mention of making out in the tardis. English is not my first language.
--------------------------
The grocery store seemed to be way too full for a Saturday morning. Paying for the few articles you had in your basket, you got out, frantically searching for your car. There was so little time until the doctor and Clara came back from another of their adventures.
Driving as fast as the law allowed you, you pulled up to your small cottage, sprinting toward your house, paper bags in hand. Your coat was quickly put on a hanger as your shoes went flying in the entry.
Washing your hands conscientiously, you tried to get your plan straight one more time, making sure nothing was missing.
You had wanted to surprise the Doctor for a long while now. Back when Amy and Rorry were still traveling with you, a brilliant idea had come to you in the form of a red recipe book. The cover was old and titled with circles and other intricate designs you soon realized, was Gallifreyan. Having seen the notes the doctor tended to leave in the console room for repairs the Tardis needed, it was only ever so obvious.
For the sake of this recipe, you had to go to small markets while on another planet, wanting to find every single ingredient of what the doctor had stated to be his favorite dessert back home. Finally opening the book, you couldn’t help yourself, and shed a tear as you saw the numerous yellow sticky notes on every page, annotations left by Donna, your previous self older sister.
"How can I be sure he ain't as rotten as the last one?"
Donna was upset to be keeped from such an important part of your life. If you were honest, you were sad to not be able to share it, but it was either that or losing her once more.
On that day, you had asked for her help, but she wanted to know more about that brilliant
stranger you said changed you in better ways.
"Do you reckon I would be baking for him if he weren't important?"
"Cor blimey, you two had been goin’ out for bleedin’ three years, and I still never met the bloke!"
“I told you he traveled an awful lot.” you let out passing by the radio and changing the station.
“Just spill it if he's scared of meeting mom.” She let out with a small laugh. You could only do the same, bumping her with your hip as you did so.
You missed her dearly, her and her sassy comebacks. Since your new “Regeneration” you haven't been able to see her. What would she even say ? She didn’t know this version of you, you didn’t even look the same, and putting her life at risk would be irresponsible. You had just hopped that may be one day you would meet her once more.
Putting up some energetic music, you wore your apron and got to work, sleeves put up to the elbow. The adventure only truly started now, something you waited so long to put up.
--------------------------
The doctor and Clara had been off all day, the brunette insisting on going a little longer, still waiting for your signal. The timelord was starting to be suspicious of Claras behavior, wondering what got his companion so energized for such a long adventure, he even was starting to wonder if she wasn’t a clone trying to keep him from earth longer than normal.
But like the over-excited traveler he was, he couldn’t put down the offer, for all he knew, he was expected back at your cottage by the end of afternoon. Today was a busy day for you, and even if he wanted to have taken you with them, you insisted for them to spend some time together. It saddened him of course, none the less he understood today wasn’t a good day to go off with her.
Right now, the doctor was admiring a beautiful fez he had found within the small shop he and Clara came across, visiting a brand new planet. Soon enough he felt his shoulder being tapped on by the said girl, a tired smile visibly drawing itself on her lips. Asking the doctor to take her home, Clara had just closed her phone, saving it in her back pocket.
After buying the fez, he seemed proud as he pushed the levers on the console. Rocking his new hat, Clara only could wonder if he would ever come across one without having to put it on. Even if she didn’t dream of seeing him less happy, she wanted the surprise that awaited him back home would light him up even brighter.
With the Brunette back at her apartment, the doctor had no patience in waiting some more and launched the Tardis. Soon, his foot touched the vast landing of grass, still illuminated as the sun slowly hid behind the clouds.
Without any hesitation, his hand found the ringing bell of the small cottage, his heart pounding harder and harder as the seconds got by.
Passing your head by the now unlocked window, the doctor seemed to ignite, happy to finally be back. “Darling, the door is open! Come on in!” Your hair was a mess, your glasses hanging from around your neck, beautifully portrayed by the light of the setting sun highlighting your figure. Smiling at you, the doctor entered the house, coming practically 10 seconds later face to face with you. “Well, welcome home Sweetheart”.
--------------------------
“I told you to not cheat! close those beautiful eyes before I smack you.”
The doctor was too curious to wait for the surprise you had put up for him. And right now, all he wanted was to take a tiny peak. But knowing how serious you could be about those things, he didn’t jocked around long before closing his eyes.
Soon you entered the room, a beautiful cake in your hands. Its sunny color, outshining the yellow of your apron. Slowing placing the cake before the Doctor. You gently brushed his shoulder. “Doctor, you can open them… ”
Finally letting go of his face, the man thought he was dreaming. Before him stood something that was supposed to be long gone, never to be seen again. And as he admired the wonderful pâtisserie, he couldn’t help but notice it wasn't just any Gallifreyan cake; it was a homemade one.
Both his hearts skipped a beat as he realized the significance of the gesture. Turning to his wife with a mixture of surprise and gratitude, he couldn't help but smile.
"Did you...?" he started, his voice filled with warmth and affection.
You couldn’t help but beamed with pride when you saw the love in his eyes. "Yes, Doctor. I thought since you couldn't go back to Gallifrey yet, I'd bring a little piece of it to you."
The Doctor's eyes shimmered with unshed tears as he looked at the cake, overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness of your gesture. At this moment, all he could think of was how much he loved you, and how much you meant.
Taking a deep breath to steady his emotions, the Doctor rose from his chair, wrapping both arms around you, burying his head in the crook of your neck, trying to hide his tears as they got out of control. Pulling you into a tight yet comforting hug, all he could muster was a soft “Thank you” thick with all the love he could let out. "This... means more to me than you could ever know."
Your hand was now passing on his back, soothing him as much as you could. Your other tangled itself with his soft hair as you stood there for another minute. You never wanted this embrace to end. But as you pulled slightly away, you could only see how much the doctor truly meant every word.
With a gentle smile, you reached down, your hand slowly cradling his cheek as you leaned in softly, closing the distance between them. Your breath mingled, warm yet sweet as your lips brushed together in a soft yet passionate kiss. But as you parted, the doctor only tried to reach for your lips, making you snort softly at the surprised look on his face.
“I do believe we still have to taste the cake, now don’t we?”
“I- … yes”
“We will continue… this after…-”
--------------------------
And to say you had outdone yourself was an understatement. You would have expected it to taste funny with the numerous strange ingredients you had to add. It was heavenly, and by the doctor's face, you could only tell he was enjoying every second of it.
“Is it any good ?” Serving yourself another portion.
"Blimey, love! This... this is fantastic! Haven't had a nibble like this in eons... It's not just good, it's utterly brilliant! Delicious doesn't even begin to describe it!" He answered, still trying to shove more cake in his mouth.
Your cheeks flared up, genuinely happy, and proud you had done such good work. In the beginning, you feared it wouldn’t have the same taste as the one that existed back home, and you felt relieved that the doctor could recognize a fond memory in it.
--------------------------
It was safe to say, the cake did not survive long enough. You and the doctor, now cuddling in the softness of the Tardis covers.
After the cake had been devoured, you had to have a turn. The thankful kisses you gave one another, turned into a heated session of making out against the tardis console, his fingerprints still lingering on your inner thighs. And just like that it was you and him against the world once more.
His fingers passed through your short ginger hair as a comfortable silence installed itself. You looked up at him and could tell he had some questions about the whole surprise.
“You have a lot of questions don’t you ?”
“I always do…”
“Ask away then, I know you’re curious.”
Shifting slightly closer, the doctor leaned onto his elbow, making his face right above you. “How long did this take you ?”
Your hand reaching out for his jaw, you pulled a small but sad grin. “I started trying back when Amy was still traveling with us. Unfortunately, I died shortly after so… been planning longer than our wedding. ”
The doctor laughed slightly with you, remembering the chaotic moment. “And the recipe? Where did you find it? The Tardis database is still written in Gallifreyan as far as I’m aware of- ”
“No such trouble when you have learned to read it.”
“What..?”
“Why so surprised? Did you think I would traverse the universe for eons and not try to embrace your culture? What sort of wife would I be ?”
And just when he thought he couldn’t love you more, he did. His hearts swelled with pride as he looked into your eyes. Caressing your cheek, he kissed your forehead, brushing away some strands of hair still in the way.
“You truly are remarkable (Y/N).....”
“It goes both ways my Bowtie maniac.”
And as the sun rose again on the Tardis, the two lovers intertwined once more, laying one against another as close as you could, afraid time might slip by and take you both apart.
You couldn’t have dreamed of a better outcome.
--------------------------
Bonus :
“I knew Clara was up to something!” Complained the time lord only now realizing why his companion was so indecisive about where to land.
“Only figured now she had to keep you busy while I was baking?”
“That’s an awful trickery-”
“As far as I’m aware, if you hadn't been off, you wouldn’t have this wonderful fez of yours, now would you ?” Turning around him you swiftly took the red hat off his head, putting it on your own.
“Oi, mine-” He quickly tried to retrieve it, but knowing you it could be easy or involve a lot of running.
Dodging his hand, you took the opportunity to run off in the Tardis corridors singing “Nope, mine now!” as you ran across the control room.
“(Y/N)! ” The doctor was slightly panicked but it was just a matter of time before all of it evolved into laughter.
#11th doctor x reader!oc#the doctor x reader#doctor who x reader#doctor who x imortal reader#eleventh doctor x reader#noble family x reader#reader Oc#fluff
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I'll Pay the Price, You Won't.
Monsters in the Darkest Dark
Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8
Masterlist
plot: "I broke my own heart 'cause you were too polite to do it."
Pairings: modernrockstar!Eddie x fem!popstar!Reader (curvy!reader, bisexual!reader)
Warnings: media/public scrutiny of reader's body, hurt/no comfort, fighting, mention of smoking, my apologies
easter egg count: 27
wc: 3k
You didn’t mean for any of this to happen.
Honest to God, your intentions were nothing but pure.
And yet, against all odds, your fate was sealed the moment madness broke loose.
The morning had been gentle, awoken by the smell of burnt toast and melted butter. Eyes opening to the sight of Eddie handing you a plate and a cup of coffee. It was simple. Effortless.
He greeted you with a slow kiss, leaving behind the drag of your teeth against his lips. Toast left to grow cold on the nightstand as you dragged Eddie back into bed.
Most of the morning and afternoon seemed to slip away seamlessly, with gentle kisses and sunscreen and the promise of Jeff’s cooking. And it was all fine and good that evening, laughter pouring from your lips as you sat with Eddie. With Jeff, Gareth, Grant, and Ronnie. Playing an awful round of drunken charades and talking about what was next for the band. Wondering what the next album would sound like. Ultimately, Jeff was the one to shut it down, walking into the room with ice cream and a promise to watch Taskmaster.
But Eddie wanted to head to the beach alone, saying he wanted a moment to himself. You couldn’t blame him. This night was especially beautiful, the stars sprinkled against the obsidian of the sky. The air was just right, blowing a cool breeze through your overheated bodies and leaving behind warmth.
You paused at the halfway point between the beach and your shared house, watching him tuck a cigarette between his lips. Told him you’d see him soon. You let him go, disconnecting your matching calloused fingertips before heading back to your room.
Downed a few glasses of water. Laid back on your bed. Grabbed your phone for quite literally the first time since you’d called Este the previous morning. It’d been left idle on the nightstand, finding the lack of connection quite freeing.
But there you were, ready to venture back on.
So, you opened Instagram.
It was supposed to be a silly little post. Really, that was all it was supposed to be. A moment of nonchalance. Nothing too big. Just a wish for Mary to have a happy birthday tomorrow when you couldn’t be there yourself. A small gesture of appreciation during the stress of finals.
But as soon as it was posted, you saw the comments grow.
And grow.
And grow.
And you knew you shouldn’t have looked.
You knew.
But you did it anyways.
You pressed on that stupid little comment icon.
And you found exactly what you shouldn’t have.
“What?” you whispered to yourself before going to Google and searching your name.
And within seconds, it was there in front of you. Articles splattered with pictures of you and Eddie on the beach. Specifically zoomed in on your stomach from the side. There was one of you and Eddie sleeping, as if that wasn’t creepy enough. Three showed a red circle drawn around your tummy and the appearance of a double chin. And then there was a video of you making out from across the street, laughing and all over each other. One or two pictures of you in the club, dancing in the mosh pit.
Of course, all the pictures made Eddie look good. A fucking dreamboat. But you? Not a chance.
The articles said nothing about Eddie other than feeling bad for him. But for you, they spoke about how you “gained weight.” How you were “unhealthy.” How you looked “horrible” compared to him. That you were letting yourself go, standing next to the Rockstar who’d only “dated” thin girls; healthy girls—trying to make the words synonymous with one another. Trying to tell the public that your normal body was the problem.
And by association, you. You were the problem.
Eddie had promised privacy, safety. That this was an island of seclusion. And here the internet was, laughing at you. Laughing at Eddie for being dumb enough to be with you. Laughing at your relationship. Despite your heated kisses. Despite the grin on his face and his arms around you. Despite every pretty word that left his lips when he was given the chance.
And, yeah, maybe his words should’ve mattered more.
But you couldn’t help but consider it.
Maybe they were right. Maybe you didn’t fit.
And it was only a matter time before Eddie saw it.
You didn’t know what the breaking point was, couldn’t pinpoint the exact cause of the shift. Maybe it was one of the comments, one of the pictures. Maybe it was the metallic taste in your mouth that began to turn sour with nausea. It could’ve been the girl from last night or the way Ronnie never stopped looked at you like you were running out of time.
Regardless, you snapped.
And you knew you had to leave before Eddie had the chance. Find a way to break him gently so he didn’t feel obligated to keep dating you. Out of pity, out of politeness.
If you left in the night, left in the shadow of the moonlight, maybe it could soften the blow.
A swift, clean break.
But as you started packing, you couldn’t help the tears gushing down your cheeks. Voices came at you from every part of your brain, screaming each vile word spoken about you in the last few years.
It was too much now, the internet doing exactly what it wanted to do. You’d tried not caring. You’d tried to block out the noise and focus on the life you desperately wanted to live. Tried to let the love you and Eddie shared be the only sight, the only sound that mattered. But you just couldn’t take it anymore.
And maybe you needed to leave it all behind. Give the world what they wanted and go dark. Erase yourself from the public, from the narrative, and find a way to fade from view. Vanish into the shadows and let yourself become merely an echo in the ever-flowing chamber of public consumption.
But where would Eddie be in all of this? What would you do with the silence, with the echoes of him drifting down your hallways? How would you be able to willingly follow that treacherous quiet? And was there any chance of survival?
It all ripped through you, your sobs ricocheting off the walls.
And it was then that you heard his voice.
“Hey, sweetheart, what’s going on?” he asked, rushing over to you. “Are you leaving? Hey, talk to me. What happened?”
He was so beautiful in his black tank top, hair finally resting over his shoulders for the first time in days. A pretty reminder of just how much this was going to sting.
“I can’t keep dealing with this stuff,” you muttered, zipping up your suitcase. “I need to go.”
“Dealing with what?”
You couldn’t help the bitter chuckle that left your lips as you opened up your phone, still honed in on a TMZ article. He took your phone, eyebrows furrowing as he scanned the pictures. Read the accompanying sentences.
But then he paused, avoiding your gaze. Voice growing quiet as he said, “I thought you stopped looking at social media.”
“I just wanted to post something for Mary’s birthday,” you explained. “And then…”
“Sweetheart,” he said gently as he put the phone on the bed. “You’re so beautiful—"
“I don’t believe what they say about me,” you stated, watching his eyes widen as they finally met yours. “I’ll make that clear. I know my body is beautiful the way it is. I know that it’s my body and it doesn’t need to look the way that I’ve been told it needs to. I don’t feel bad about my body.”
“Then why…”
“Because it’s invasive,” you said. “Because I have become a target and I’ve got a lot of easy shots to take. My dating history, my weight. The validity of my bisexuality when I write about men. All of it.
“Eddie, I am tired of being a joke. I am tired of being seen as some fictional character to write think pieces about and scrutinize and everything else. Maybe I should go into hiding for a while or something.” You shook your head, trying to go back to your frantic packing. “I don’t know. I just can’t be here.”
“I’ll come with you,” he said, pointing at his pile of clothes in the corner. “We can go back to New York and—"
“No,” you said harshly, looking at him. “I don’t want you to come with me.”
Slowly, he lowered his arm. “Uh, why not?”
You paused, knowing you had to deal the blow. Even if it was the last thing you ever wanted to do. “Because I don’t know if we should keep going. I don’t know if this is good for us. For you.”
He flinched away from you; eyes still boring into yours. “What the fuck are you even saying? That you’re just giving up on us because of strangers on the internet?” He scoffed. “Like they matter? I mean, what do they have to do with our relationship?”
His eyes widened, the reality of the situation washing over him. “If their dumb opinions win right now, what does that make me? Collateral damage? Or does that… Does that mean that I’m the problem?”
“Eddie, you’re not a problem at all—"
“It sure sounds like it,” he interrupted. “What’s the common denominator in all this? I asked you to be mine. I’m the one who got you the bikini. I’m the one who asked you to come. I’m the reason you’re given this shit.” He let out a short laugh. “I guess I’m the problem in this equation, huh? Gotta cut me out.”
“No!” you exclaimed before pointing at your chest. “I’m the problem, Eddie! It’s me!”
“Bullshit.”
“Eddie…”
“You act like you’re some problem for everyone,” he started. “With all these fucking people that love you, that see that goodness in you—see the real you. Like…you don’t even realize how much you actually shine.” He sighed, shaking his head. “And yet, you chose to be with me. I didn’t even really understand why, but I was just fucking happy to be yours.”
“Eddie, please,” you whispered. You didn’t know what you were asking. For him to stop saying these things? To stop fighting for you? To give up when you wanted nothing but to stop hurting him?
Eddie took a step forward, eyes never leaving yours. “And I was so fucking happy because I’m crazy about you. And I thought you were, too.” He paused before his face drew closer. “Are you?”
You sniffled, no longer trying to wipe away your tears. And you cracked, unable to stop yourself from nodding. Because Eddie was what made you weak, made you bend.
His face was so close, and his cheeks were flushed. You could smell the ocean and the faint hint of nicotine wafting off him. Could feel your callouses brush up against one another. And you were curling into yourself, daunted by the weight of his presence. By his stare.
How could someone like Eddie still want you through all of this?
“Y-yeah,” you uttered. “Yeah, I am.”
Closer now, his forehead met yours. But your eyes still held each other, neither one of you able to look away.
“Then why can’t that be enough?”
A ragged breath left your lips. “We know why.”
“They don’t matter.”
“Maybe they’re right,” you whispered. “Maybe they see what we can’t.”
His features softened, his lower lip beginning to tremble. “Am I not worth it?”
You shook your head. “Don’t say that about yourself. Please.”
“You told me last night that you never wanted to be with anyone else,” he said, jaw tightening as his eyes glassed over. “And now you’re breaking up with me? Did you really just lead me on for six months? ‘Cause I thought you wanted to stay. That…that, I don’t know, you trusted me. Trusted what we have. Because it’s real. It’s all real. At least…at least it is for me.”
He took a step back, shaking his head. Emotions darted across his face, seeming to change every few seconds.
Frustration, anger.
Sorrow, grief.
And then he sniffled. Tears spilled over. His face fell into a scarlet flush, lips curling open as a sob left his mouth.
Every little detail that was surely going to haunt you for the rest of your life.
“I just don’t fit in your world,” you whispered.
“That’s fucking horse shit,” he cried, furiously wiping the tears from his eyes. “You fit in so perfectly to my life. Can you not fucking see that?”
You could only reflect him, trying to cease your tears as you watched your hearts break in real time.
“I don’t,” you whispered. “You just don’t see that yet. I’m doing this for you.”
“No, you’re doing this for you.”
“This is the right thing to do!” you exclaimed, a hiccup escaping your lips. “This is how I protect you!”
“This is how you protect yourself.”
“Eddie, please. You can’t see it yet, but I promise I’m not good for you.”
Everyone knows it, you wanted to say. They see right through me.
And in due time, he would, too.
Eddie stepped towards you, lifting his hand to your face as if he was going to caress your cheek. But he stopped, curling his fist before bringing it to his lips to try and suppress a hiccup. Shook his head. As if he knew he had lost. As if this battle was already over and he was collecting his participation trophy.
“If you do this, you’re hurting me!” he exclaimed, gasping. “And if you sit there and act like you’re not good enough for me? You’re not just wasting that shit on yourself. You’re losing me in the process.”
“Eddie, I…” You couldn’t even finish your sentence. It was all there, lodged in your throat, unable to escape.
“Do you want to lose me?” he asked, tugging at his hair. “Do you care?”
“You know I care,” you said harshly. “That’s why I have to do this.”
“No, no, no. I’m showing my cards, okay?” he croaked, pressing his hand against his heart. “I don’t want to be with anyone else. I want you. I want a life with you, and I don’t want to sit here and have to wonder what anyone else thinks about it. I meant it when I said I wouldn’t trade you for the world.
“Could you say the same?”
Your eyes darted between his, soaking in his words as they spilled from his lips. He was saying all of the right things, all of the tiny things that made you want to cave. Made you want to call this off and get into bed. Forget that you ever made a decision. But you knew that you had to do this. If it wasn’t now, it would happened eventually.
And your silence was enough for him.
“I just,” he sighed. “I love you.”
A short gasp left your lips.
He’d said it. He actually said it.
And you were still standing there, saying nothing.
Doing nothing.
Eddie crossed his arms over his stomach, digging his fingernails into his elbows. You could see him pushing into his stomach.
“Say something,” he pleaded.
“I’m setting you free, Eddie,” you replied, barely above a whisper. “Goodbye.”
Grabbing your suitcase, you reluctantly took a few steps towards the door.
“Why do you have to do this?” you heard him whisper, voice cracking. Like he was saying it to himself. Like he knew that this was done.
You turned back.
“I’m here fighting for you. And you’re just…walking away.”
And though you watched him fall to his knees, cries getting louder, you didn’t help him up.
You wanted to. Oh, how you wanted to fall back into him and explain that you wanted him so badly that it was tearing you apart. That you also wanted to fall to the floor, contort yourself into a fetal position and hyperventilate. That you understood.
But you didn’t.
Like a coward, you walked away.
You sat on a bench by the pier for a while, sobbing into your hands, drenching your skin in salty tears. Listened to the crashing of the ocean, the white noise driving you to the brink of insanity. You stayed there until the sun came up, regretting everything you’d said. Everything you did.
But it was already too late, catching the first boat back to the mainland.
So now you were sitting on the back of a boat, staring at the empty dock as you waited to pull away.
And in the distance, you thought you saw Eddie standing there.
But it wasn’t him.
It was Ronnie, with her arms crossed over her chest, giving you a scowl. Body rigid as she watched you go.
“You’re nothing but a coward.”
“I know you’ll gladly throw it away just because it isn’t the fucking fairytale you imagined.”
But there was one other thing Ronnie had said to you, the one that stayed stuck in your mind the entire way back.
“Don’t drag someone into your fucking mess if you can’t clean it up.”
And that’s exactly what you were. A godforsaken mess that had to be removed before you could ruin Eddie’s life any further. And if it cut you to the core, sobs wracking your body the moment you fell into Scott’s arms at the airport, then so be it.
“What did he do?” he asked, pulling you further into the private lounge.
You merely shook your head, clutching your fifth tissue smattered in tears and snot. “It was me. I’m just a fucking mess. A stupid, idiotic fool. A coward. A fucking idiot. I—”
You choked on another sob, curling further into his chest.
“Hey, it’s going to be okay,” he whispered. “You’re not any of those things, okay? You’re only human.”
Not to anyone else, you wanted to say. I’m not a human being. I’m just a machine for others to gawk at.
“I wish I could go back to the beginning.”
“As much as I wish I could take you back…” Scott sighed. “Darlin’, none of us can go back.”
Seven hours later, you ended up back at your New York house without paparazzi sneaking into the airport. Sat in the deafening silence, all alone. Went to your bed, alone, staring at the made bed. Shook your head. Decided to go back downstairs. Laid on the couch, curling into a fetal position.
You didn’t know how long you stayed there, making yourself as small as you could. But you watched dusk turn into dawn. And as the cold light of morning washed over you, you realized that your life was never going to be the same. Eddie Munson was gone.
And as far as anyone knew, so were you.
as always, a big thanks to @strangergraphics for her lovely dividers. sorry to *gunshot* you all in the process of releasing this!
#Eddie Munson x reader#Eddie Munson x you#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson angst#modern!eddie munson#modern!eddie x reader#Eddie Munson x female reader#boyfriend!eddie munson#rockstar!eddie#rockstar eddie munson
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Falling For the Devil [Part twenty-six: "The Big Win"]
Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader
Summary: Nelson, Murdock, and Page obtain a big win on a court case that makes the news. You were planning to go out and celebrate with everyone at Josie’s until you unexpectedly overhear something that keeps you at home and in tears.
Or
Your mind mentally spirals telling you that you’re not good enough for Matt.
[Series of one-shots about Reader meeting, falling for, and dating Matt Murdock.]
Warnings: 18+ for this series; contains humor, fluff, romance, angst, smut (like...a lot of it later in the series), language, some violence
Word Count: 4.3k
a/n: This is a light angst installment with some comfort at the end! I am still steadily trying to bring all 75 (soon to be 76) installments over to tumblr but there are SO many. You can find the list of installments that are on tumblr for this series here. Also, always feel free to chat and leave some love, it is always much appreciated!
Eyes scanning the menu above the register as you waited in line, you tried to decide what you wanted to grab for dinner. You'd stopped inside a Vietnamese restaurant near The Bulletin after you got off work, starving and in a hurry.
Matt had invited you out to celebrate at Josie’s tonight with Karen, Foggy, and Marci. Their firm had won a huge case yesterday–so big of a win that it had made the front page of most print and digital news outlets in the city. Bianca was the one who'd written the piece for The Bulletin, Ellison claiming you were a little too close and therefore too biased to write the article. But you'd smiled at the front page this morning, eyes focused on the image of Matt’s smiling face next to Foggy and Karen on the courthouse steps.
When you'd spoken to him on the phone at lunch he'd been so excited. He had been talking animatedly to you about all the calls their office had received today as you listened with a large smile on your face. You were proud of him and eager to share in his excitement tonight.
Which was why you'd decided to swing by the restaurant to grab some takeout. Your plan was to rush home and eat before changing into something less business casual and just plain casual before celebrating with your friends. And thankfully it was a Friday night, which meant you all didn't need to hold back with your celebrations.
As you were very much considering ordering some beef pho to eat and warm you up before your walk to Josie’s later, your eye caught sight of Matt’s face on the woman's phone in front of you. Smiling, you saw it was the article about their firm and pride flooded you again.
But it quickly left you when the young woman gasped loudly and shook her friend's arm, drawing her attention to the image.
"Oh my God," she hissed, her finger pointing at Matt’s face. "That's the sexy lawyer I told you about!"
You saw her friend glance over at the phone screen, her brows quickly rising high on her forehead at the sight of Matt’s picture. Your stomach felt like it sunk to your knees, a strange feeling washing over you. You knew you shouldn't be eavesdropping, but with what came next, you couldn't stop.
" That's the hot blind lawyer you fucked?" the friend asked in awe.
It felt like time had slowed down just as someone punched you in the gut. She slept with Matt? Your Matt?
"Yeah, a couple of years ago when their firm just opened. I see him around the courthouse sometimes when I'm there," she continued. "Seriously, that man's tongue is magic . And his stamina is insane."
You flinched, a sick feeling swirling in your stomach. Jaw tightening, you tried to fight back the nauseous feeling in your gut thinking about her hands on Matt’s body and his hands on hers–the same hands he tenderly touched you with.
"I actually saw him the other week," the woman continued on, entirely oblivious to your world falling apart behind her. "Was hoping to get another night with him. I mean, no one has compared since that night I had with him. And he somehow looks even more fit now under those dress shirts. But apparently he has a girlfriend? Says he's not like that anymore."
"Well whoever she is, she sounds like a lucky bitch," the friend said, eyeing the photo of Matt appreciatively again.
Yeah, you definitely felt like you were going to be sick.
"That man is wasted on one woman," the other woman grumbled. "There's no way he's satisfied with her. Unless she's like, some sort of sex goddess rolled into a model's body."
Flinching again, you involuntarily took a step back from the pair of them. You did not want to hear this. You did not want to think about this.
"Why would that matter? It's not like he could see her," the friend pointed out.
The other woman laughed as if Matt’s blindness was some sort of joke. The sound grated on your nerves, your teeth grinding together. Suddenly you found yourself no longer even remotely hungry.
Turning on your heel, you sidestepped the person behind you and headed straight for the exit. You felt like you couldn't breathe as you pushed out of the restaurant door, tugging at the collar of your coat and your blouse. For a moment, all your brain could conjure up was the sound of that woman's irritating voice moaning Matt's name.
Tears stung at your eyes and you roughly wiped the heel of your palm over them, exhaling a rough breath and heading in the direction of your apartment.
You just wouldn't eat dinner before going out tonight–not the end of the world.
But as you walked back to your building, you couldn't shake that gross feeling in your stomach. It was churning and twisting and at one point you were positive you were going to dart down an alley and throw up.
You told yourself the reaction you were having was ridiculous. It's not as if Matt cheated–he had slept with that woman before he'd even known you. Years ago. And when she'd apparently propositioned him recently, the thought making you cringe, he'd turned her down. Which was good. That was not something to be upset about.
And it's not like you didn't know Matt had a past. You'd sure as hell watched the flirting on the sidelines for the year you'd been pining for him. Foggy sure as shit had made enough comments about Matt ever since you'd known them about how Matt had been a huge flirt since his college days. Hell, you only had to look at Matt to know he attracted attention.
It's not like you didn't have a past, either. Matt sure wasn't your first relationship or the first person you'd ever slept with. Sure, the number difference between the two of you was probably vast and you'd never had the nerve–or maybe it was also the lack of charm–to have one night stands, but you had a past, too. So it shouldn't even matter.
Though none of that logic remotely quelled the jealous and insecure beast rearing its head inside of you. Because knowing all of that didn't change the fact that you'd just had to see one of the women Matt had slept with and then hear her talk about just how great in bed he was. Your Matt. The one who held your hand and would walk you home from Josie’s, or who clung half-naked to you on an almost nightly basis. The one who you had been slowly stepping out of your comfort zone with, who made you feel safe and secure.
As you entered your apartment building, you wondered just how you were supposed to go out to Josie’s tonight and look Matt in the face without picturing him between that woman's legs. Without thinking about that beautiful mouth–the same one you'd spent so long dreaming about kissing and now actually being able to kiss whenever you wanted for the past few months–kissing her .
You rubbed the heel of your hand over your eyes again, wiping the dampness away.
No, this was stupid. You weren't going to think about that. You loved Matt and you were happy for him and you wanted to go out and celebrate him and your friends' success.
Crossing your arms over your chest, you made your way into the elevator. As you waited for it to ascend to your floor, you told yourself you'd stop thinking about it.
…but you did often find yourself worrying lately that you weren't enough for Matt. He had slept around a lot before you came into the picture, clearly he had never been satisfied with just one woman. So what made you think Matt was really going to be content to just settle for you? You weren't like those confident women he always went for, which certainly translated in the bedroom. You weren't as timid with him as you used to be, but you were sure he never had to reassure those other women he had slept with. Was it just something different for him, sleeping with the shy, awkward chick? Getting you to let loose and then eventually losing interest in you when you weren't as nervous?
Your heart ached at the thought, your chest feeling like it was constricting as you unlocked your apartment door.
No, Matt wouldn't do that.
…but maybe it wasn't intentional. Maybe he didn't realize that's why he'd been drawn to you in the first place and when you were no longer so damn nervous and timid in the bedroom he wouldn't find you as appealing. Maybe he'd go back to the confident women he was always getting hit on by. Or maybe he'd find another awkward woman.
You were crying by the time you locked your door behind you, tears steadily streaming down your face as your mind continued to spiral. You couldn't make the thoughts and fears stop once they'd started coming. There was no way you could go out to Josie’s tonight, not like this. You'd ruin everyone's night.
Rushing forward you flung yourself on your couch, burying your face in the cushions and crying. Your mind kept telling you this was ridiculous, that you were drastically overreacting to what had happened, but then it would moments later throw wave after wave of insecurity at you. You almost hadn’t heard your phone ringing with how hard you’d been crying into your couch cushions.
Sniffling and trying to control your sobs, your head rose from the cushions. You noted the obvious darkened and damp spot your tears had created on the gray fabric before your attention shifted to your ringtone loudly cutting through the silence in your apartment. Sliding your phone out of your dress pants pocket, you glanced down at the screen. You were grateful that it was Karen’s name you saw instead of Matt’s; you didn’t think you could manage a conversation with him right now. Clearing your throat, you tried to will the tears to stop.
“Hey Karen,” you nervously greeted, your voice cracking ever so faintly.
“Hey!” she greeted back excitedly. “Just calling to let you know I’m on my way to Josie’s, but Matt is finishing something up at the office for a minute. Foggy went to stop by Marci’s work and grab her before they headed over. Just didn’t want you to be alone wondering where everyone is at.”
“Oh, uh,” you answered hesitantly, the lie coming out of you before you knew what was happening, “I have a lead I need to follow up with tonight. For a–a story.” You hoped she didn’t catch the way your voice had broken as you spoke.
“Oh, I…thought Matt said you were coming out?” she said slowly.
You heard the phone shift as Karen called back to Matt, who was most likely in his office. A moment later there was more shifting before you heard Matt on Karen’s phone.
“Hey, sweetheart,” Matt began, your eyes closing and fighting down another surge of tears, “I thought you were coming out to celebrate with us? Did something happen?”
“No,” you answered, voice barely audible. Clearing your throat again, you tried to sound normal. “Something just–just came up at the last minute. I need to–to follow a lead. For a story. I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ll make it.”
Fuck, you felt like a huge asshole, especially with the dejected sigh you heard over the line.
“Oh, okay,” he said slowly. “I’ll stop by after Josie’s then? I won’t stay late.”
“No!” you answered quickly, cringing when you did. “No, you just celebrate with your friends. Have fun, okay? I’ll uh, I’ll talk to you later.”
You had to hang up, tears already starting to pour back down your cheeks again. You were a monumental asshole lying to Matt like that. A shitty girlfriend for not going out and celebrating a huge win for him and a shitty friend for not celebrating your friends.
It was better off this way, though. You would certainly bring everyone down tonight if you came out. There’s no way you wouldn’t break down at just the sight of Matt, thinking about all those other women he slept with. Thinking about how you’d never be good enough. How you’d just plain never be enough for him.
No. You needed the night in to cry out your insecurities and get your head on straight before you saw him again. You wouldn’t ruin everyone’s night, just your own.
Pulling yourself up off of the couch, still softly sobbing like a pathetic mess, you made your way to your bedroom. You changed quickly into a pair of comfortable sweatpants and a large, comfortable shirt before turning your phone on vibrate and tossing it onto your nightstand. Then you proceeded to draw back the sheets of your bed, forgoing dinner and everything else as you buried your face in your pillow and cried.
_______
Something was buzzing near your head and you groaned, rolling over on the mattress. You had a killer headache and as you opened your eyes to the darkened room, you realized your eyes were burning, too.
From crying yourself pathetically to sleep, you remembered a moment later. Another groan left you as all of your stupid thoughts came rushing to the surface now that you were conscious again.
Realizing your phone was vibrating on your nightstand, you threw a hand out and grabbed it. It was barely ten at night, you’d passed out in your bed for a couple of hours apparently.
And of course it was Matt that was calling you. That insecure feeling swirled and twisted uncomfortably in your stomach at the sight of his name on the screen. With a sigh, you answered the call, pulling the phone up to your ear.
“Matt?” you asked, voice a little thick with sleep. “Something wrong?”
“Yeah,” he answered briskly. “Why were you lying to me?”
Your eyes narrowed at his question. How did he know?
“What?” you asked him.
“You sounded off but I tried to ignore it,” he explained quickly. “Figured you were busy and distracted. So I went out to Josie’s, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. So I thought I’d stop by and see if you were back from following your lead–but you’re asleep. I’ve been knocking on your door for the past five minutes. Did you even have work?”
Biting your lip, you knew you couldn’t lie. He was outside your front door after all, he’d certainly be able to hear your heartbeat.
“No,” you whispered.
There was a sharp exhale from Matt over the line before his tone softened into something timid. “Did I do something wrong?” he asked next.
“No,” you answered quickly. “No, you didn’t.”
There was a long pause, one that only grew that uncomfortable feeling in your gut. You felt nauseous waiting for Matt to respond, your palm sweating against the phone.
“You know I can hear your heart, right?" he told you. "That wasn’t entirely true." He paused a moment as your brows furrowed. "What did I do wrong, sweetheart?" he asked nervously.
"Matt, you didn't do anything," you answered firmly.
Throwing your sheets off of you, you climbed out of your bed and headed down the hall. He was silent on the line as you moved, probably more focused on you making your way through your apartment towards the front door.
Quickly unlocking it, you swung it open to reveal Matt before you. His glasses were hiding his eyes but you could see the downturn of his mouth. You both lowered the phone from your ears, hanging up. Stepping aside, you let Matt into your apartment. You really felt like you were going to be sick now with him standing in front of you and closing the door behind himself.
"Why did you lie?" he asked, his cane gripped tighter in his hands as he gazed down at you. "What happened? Why did you–"
He abruptly paused mid-sentence, head tilting to the side. Your own head cocked to the side, wondering what had interrupted him. As you watched him, you saw his hands grip the cane even tighter, his lips pressing firmly together like he was fighting something down. His head shifted back towards you, his expression still partially hidden behind the glasses.
"Sweetheart, why were you crying?" he asked slowly.
You blinked hard a few times. How the fuck could he know that?
"I can taste it in the air," he answered as if he could read your mind. "Tell me the truth, what happened? What did I do?"
"I told you, you didn't do anything," you answered, voice wavering. You could feel the tears starting again.
Matt raised a hand and pulled his glasses off his face. The sight of him only had your tears spilling back out of your eyes. He looked so pained . His bottom lip was starting to tremble as he gazed down at you, his own eyes beginning to glisten with tears.
"Talk to me," he begged. "Please."
"It's–it's stupid," you muttered.
Matt shook his head roughly, taking a step towards you. "No it's not. You're clearly upset," he said.
"I–" you broke off before you even began.
What the hell were you supposed to tell him? That you couldn't stop mentally picturing him with other women? That you felt less than? That you were afraid he was going to break your heart and leave you?
"Hey," he said, tentatively brushing his fingers along your shoulder almost as if he was too afraid to touch you. "Don't get lost in your head. Talk to me. You can always talk to me."
Wiping your hands across your eyes, you turned, making your way to your couch and sitting down. Matt hesitated a moment before he followed, leaving a bit of space between the two of you that you most certainly noticed.
"Are you–" he began nervously, clearing his throat and glancing down at his fidgeting hands, "–thinking about ending…things?"
Your eyes went wide, jaw dropping at his question. "No!" you shot out. "No, that's not it."
He glanced back up at you, his expression still tortured, his own eyes still watering. "Then what?" he asked.
You grimaced, your gaze dropping down to your lap, hands twisting the fabric of your sweatpants. "I was planning to grab something to eat before meeting you all at Josie’s," you mumbled. "And there were these two women in front of me, and one of them recognized you from that picture in the article."
You swallowed hard, recalling what she'd said. Those mental images fought to resurface with him sitting beside you and your eyes snapped shut.
"Recognized me?" he prompted.
"From when you…slept with her," you whispered.
Matt shifted on the couch, moving more towards you. "Sweetheart, I didn't–"
You shook your head quickly, cutting him off. "No, I know. She meant a while ago. Before we even knew each other. But I had to listen to her talk about how great in bed you were," you said with a cringe. "How she tried to sleep with you again the other week. And when she said that you had told her you were with someone, she made a comment that you'd–you'd never be satisfied with one person."
"What?" he asked, brows creasing together.
"And I knew it was stupid, and I tried to leave and forget about that even happening," you continued, a few tears still sliding down your cheeks, "but I couldn't stop picturing you with her. And then I was thinking about what she said, and I worry that she's right. That you won't be satisfied with me." Your voice picked up speed as you began blurting your fears out. "That you'll get bored of me. Or that you'll miss sleeping with someone new whenever you want. Or that you'll get tired of having to reassure me–in and out of the bedroom. Or maybe I won't be as timid in the bedroom and I'll lose whatever novelty I had for you and–"
"Stop," Matt said, firmly cutting you off. "Just stop, sweetheart. Take a breath."
Your heart was hammering away in your chest, your hands twisting the fabric of your sweatpants even faster between your fingers.
"I'm sorry you had to overhear that," he began after a moment. "I certainly wouldn't have wanted to hear someone talk like that about you, either. But sweetheart, I love you. You're not some novelty. You're not boring. And you are more than enough."
His hands reached out, grabbing your shoulders in a tight grip. You glanced up at him, taking in the earnest expression on his face as his eyes fixed along your left cheek.
"I slept around because I was lonely and young and I liked the attention," he admitted. "But ever since you've been in my life, especially as my girlfriend, I have been far from lonely. I don't want anyone else. I just want you." One of his hands reached up, cupping your cheek gently. "I love you. I've told you before but I'll say it again–I have wanted you since the night your friend who's far too interested in my ass told me to buy you a drink at Josie’s. Please believe me when I tell you that I don't want to lose you."
You swallowed hard, a light laugh falling out of you at his comment about Katy. Matt's thumb gently wiped the tears off of your cheek, the rough pad stroking your skin. His words had soothed that jealous, insecure beast in your gut, but now you just felt guilty for letting those fears cloud your mind this evening.
"I'm sorry," you whispered. "It was stupid, I told you it was stupid. And I should have come out but I didn't want to ruin everyone's night. I figured if I stayed in I could just wallow and maybe push it all down and tomorrow I’d be fine."
"Sweetie, don't push those feelings down," he urged. "Because that's when it comes out like this; you shove it down and then push me away instead of just talking to me."
"I'm sorry," you whispered again, shame burning in you now. "I shouldn't have. My mind just started spiraling and I couldn’t make it stop."
Matt's hands pulled you in towards him, wrapping you in his strong arms. Immediately you buried your face in his dress shirt, eyes closing as you inhaled the comforting scent of him. Your own arms hesitantly wrapped themselves around Matt’s waist in return.
“I’m sorry I ruined your night, Matt,” you apologized again into his shirt. “I’m sorry I didn’t come out and that I lied and–”
“Shh,” he shushed you, one of his hands stroking down your hair. “Stop apologizing. Just next time something like this starts growing in your mind, tell me. Please?”
You nodded against him, the tears finally stopping. Shifting above you, you felt him slowly draw you away from his chest, both of his hands coming up to hold your face gingerly in his large palms, tilting it up towards his. He smiled warmly at you, his eyes creased at the corners and filled with so much affection that you felt even more stupid for your earlier thoughts.
“I don’t regret buying you that drink at Josie’s,” he murmured. His forehead lowered to yours, his gaze almost meeting your own. “There’s not a number far enough away from one, remember?”
Your smile grew at the little saying you’d both steadily picked up over the past few weeks about how neither of you regretted that situation Katy had practically forced on the pair of you.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you, too,” you whispered back.
Closing the distance, he brought his soft lips to yours. He kissed you with so much feeling in the way his mouth moved, it was as if he wanted you to never question his love for you again. Your hands that were still on his back gripped his dress shirt tight and pulled him in further towards you, closing that little distance there had been between you on the couch. His hands still held your face firmly to his, even as he gradually and almost reluctantly broke away from your mouth. He rested his forehead against yours, a small smile on his lips.
“Did you eat dinner yet?” you asked.
He huffed out a laugh, lightly shaking his head against yours. “That is definitely not what I thought you were going to say,” he told you. “But no.”
You grinned, leaning in to give him a quick peck on the lips. “I can’t celebrate with Foggy and Karen, but I can try to make it up to you. I’ll order us dinner and we can celebrate here,” you offered.
Matt straightened beside you, that smile growing on his mouth. "I'd like that," he replied. "But only if I get to reassure you after dinner one more time." He shot you a wink that had you giggling. "Or maybe two more times."
Still laughing lightly, you slid a hand out from behind his back and grabbed Matt by the back of his neck, drawing him into you for another kiss. His own hands quickly dropped to your hips, pulling you onto his lap and causing you to quickly catch your balance, both legs now straddling his lap.
"And maybe–" he mumbled against your mouth between a kiss, "–one time–" his mouth landed back on yours, "–before dinner."
#matt murdock x reader#matt murdock x you#matt murdock x fem reader#matt murdock fic#matt murdock series#matt murdock fanfic#daredevil x female reader#daredevil x reader#matt murdock x fem!reader#matt murdock angst#fftd
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CHRIS WILL BE JUST FINE…
A portion of Chris’ fandom is really mad at him for accepting to be part of a shitshow with such a problematic girl. And rightfully so. But it’s important to keep something in perspective: Chris is going to be just fine.
Stars have gotten away with much worse
I saw this article this morning about celebrities being involved in big scandals. https://www.buzzfeed.com/hannahmarder/wild-forgotten-celeb-controversies
There are many more that didn’t make the list and definitely could have. Even recently, Greta Gerwig’s partner left the mother of his unborn child to be with her. It’s awards season so of course, it has been buried. Same situation with Claire Danes’ sordid affair with Billy Crudup a long time ago.
So many of these Hollywood folks are problematic and have gotten away with it and continue to get away with it.
Their behavior range from the problematic to the horrific and criminal.
Casey Affleck allegedly assaulted a woman sexually and settled his case out of court. He won an Oscar for Manchester by the sea anyway. If people are curious, look at how Brie Larson handed his awards. She knew!
According to Rose McGowan, his brother Ben Affleck would have told her after she had confessed to him that Weinstein (let's not even discuss him) raped her: “I told him to stop doing that”.
Allegedly a former girlfriend of Fassbender pressed charges against him after he violently assaulted her. And I could go on and on.
Many have done much worse than being in a PR relationship with someone problematic and have gotten away with it. So in the grand scheme of things, Chris will be just fine. His “relationship” with Abba will be buried and soon it will be a forgotten memory, only remembered by a small portion of his fandom.
Chris’ darker side
Chris’ history is rather tame compared to all those super problematic people and or criminals that are still on the loose.
But yes, he has made mistakes in the past like everyone else and he has done his fair share of problematic stuff as well. In his younger days, there were rumors of fights and being thrown out of bars. There has been rumors of drug use. There was that messy affair with a married costar during the shooting of Gifted. Also let’s not forget the more recent papwalk in London with Lily James during Covid Lockdown to clean her sniffing cocaine in the park. The pairing of Captain America and Cinderella was a good idea on paper but the execution was atrocious and tactless. It was already a sign of his team’s gross incompetence and miscalculation. There was also the leak of the screenshot of his phone. The d..k pic was all people talked about but some of the other pictures were even more problematic, not as embarrassing of course but more problematic.
Also Chris’ friends and family and Chris himself have trolled his fandom for years. A day before he left for Portugal at the beginning of this shitshow, he tweeted a pic of himself and wrote something like: “I love my fans and Dodger loves you too”. He then hopped on a plane and purposefully filmed a video for that teacher from his hotel room in Lisbon so that his fans (plants?) could place him there. And surprise surprise, there was some backlash on certain platforms and just afterwards he or his team tweeted a picture of him with a bald kid with cancer. It was actually the low point for me. Much worse than anything he did with Abba. I think the picture was 2 years old and I know celebrities use charities to make themselves look good all the time. But using the pic of a sick child for damaged control was as low as you can get. I am not sure he promoted Christopher’s Haven ever since.
And of course, there are still the ongoing shenanigans with the Nazi sympathizing yacht girl…
But like Chris said in an interview the past year, the industry makes you do things you don’t want to do. Hollywood is indeed a snake pit where they sometimes force you to compromise yourself and play certain games if you want to be successful. That is part of the price to pay.
He needed a change in his PR image
Chris was at a good place in his career after Endgame. Knives Out was a huge hit and Defending Jacob got good reviews. He seemed to have diversified but Covid happened and derailed a lot of stuff. Little shop of Horrors was canceled. He didn’t have Marvel to fall back on and he seemed to be at a crossroads career wise and PR-wise. He couldn’t remain the perfect internet boyfriend and play Prince charming waiting for the one forever. He had to evolve into more adults parts as well: husbands, fathers etc.
This is probably why his team came up with this PR relationship and those kinda of weddings. Again it was a good idea on paper because it enabled them to change his image in a natural and organic way. But the execution was again as disastrous as it gets. Abba was not a good fit for him and she was not a good choice especially if they wanted to rebrand him as a family man.
The question remains whether she is the only one who agreed to this charade. Indeed the contract’s terms seem rather drastic. She has never been able to even post anything about him (just his dog) or about marrying him. She has mostly hid for the past years and just popped up for PR events or reasons. And given the GQ event, it's likely she is not even allowed to speak in public. Remember the articles saying she was rude and refused to talk to the media. Who would agree to this kind of contract but a desperate clout chaser with little prospect?
An artist’s career is full of ups and downs. Hopefully, once this is over, Chris will get opportunities to expand on his body of work with more diverse roles. I think Pain Hustlers was supposed to do that for him but even if he was rather good in it, the movie wasn’t. I do think he has the acting chops to do it. Whether or not he will get such opportunities is another question… I am not sure this shitshow would have helped him at all in that regard but time will tell.
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I went for safety by choosing from an old prompt list. So, still with Juice, "I'm following the map that leads to you", please?
Btw, as you told me I could pop a few requests in, I might send another one for someone else. But I haven't decided who yet so we'll see tomorrow...
Canvas!Series:
Canvas - You've brought so much colour into Juice's life.
Follow Me - Your ex Ronnie realises you have a new boyfriend.
Runaway - Juice comes home to find you absent.
Goodbye - Juice recieves a phone call from you in the middle of the night.
Love Letter (feat: Filip 'Chibs' Telford) - Juice begins to spiral.
It’s Evelyn that gives Juice the map, the one with your location highlighted with a red felt tip heart. He keeps it in the passenger seat of the truck as he makes the drive up to Spring Creek in Nevada. It’s been almost a year since he last laid eyes on you, since you’d called him from a pay phone in a shitty motel in Carson City to say goodbye. He’d been up there a couple of times to find you but the trail had always gone cold, now he knows why.
You were an artist with barely two cents to rub together, you didn’t have the resources to vanish the way you did. He’d assumed you’d had help, he’d just never realised how close it was to home.
“Did Chibs know?” he’d asked Evelyn as he’d sat at the kitchen table in the home the two of them shared.
“Not until this morning.” She had told him as she set the mug of hot chocolate down in front of him. “Keeping the secret gave him plausible deniability.”
Which means it gave the club plausible deniability. If anyone discovered her complicity in a network that helped to spirit women and children away from abusive situations, being disbarred would be the least of her worries.
“You saw what it did to me, you knew…” He trails off bitterly, his eyes stinging.
He’d almost killed himself last year, shot himself up with so much dope, he’d woken up choking in a pool of his own vomit. He’d been lucky that time. It should have been a wake up call but it wasn’t.
“That’s why she sent the letter.” Evelyn explained to him. “She couldn’t stand the thought of you blaming yourself.”
It had taken him weeks to read it. By that point he’d gone so far down the rabbit hole he didn’t know which way was up. It was Chibs that saved him, that forced him to read the letter, to understand it wasn’t his fault that you’d left.
“Why now?” Juice asks her, gesturing to the map and Evelyn picks up the newspaper from the counter and tosses it onto the table in front of him.
3 Dead During DEA Drug Raid, the headline reads.
“Her ex, he’s one of them.” Evelyn tells him, tapping her finger on the article. “I’ve told her it’s safe to come home but…”
“…but she doesn’t know if she has anything to come back to.” Juice finishes as he leans back in his chair.
“A year is a long time Juan.” Evelyn reminds him. “As far as she knows you’ve moved on, got yourself another girl.”
“No.” He says resolutely as his gaze strays to the garden outside of the window. “I fucked around in the beginning but there’s never been anyone that comes close to Simone.”
Eight hours later Juice finds himself standing on the doorstep of a cabin in Spring Creek. It’s the first time in almost a year he’s felt hope.
Love Juice? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.
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#juice x reader#juice#juice x you#juan juice ortiz#juan juice ortiz x reader#juice ortiz#sons of anarchy#juice ortiz x reader#soa
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I'm obsessed with your writing and with the way you write for the Top Gun characters!! Is it possible to request the prompt B reading and A watching with their chin on B's shoulder with Hangman? 🤍
Jake "Hangman" Seresin x fem!Reader
Summary: while cleaning, Jake finds your positive pregnancy test. You know that he knows when you catch him reading Parents
wc: 636
a/n: thank you for requesting for blurb night anon! I hope you like it!
Jake wasn’t supposed to see it. He blamed it on his summer cleaning rampage, he woke up one June morning and wanted to clean the house top to bottom thoroughly. After you had left for work he put on a pair of sun yellow rubber gloves and grabbed the bucket full of his favorite cleaning products. He started in your shared bathroom, and he found a plastic bag in the clutter, shoved in the back behind the silver pipes.
It would’ve made the perfect temporary garbage bag. He grabbed it and mindlessly opened it, his green eyes focused on the mess under the sink. Jake grabbed at the empty soap boxes and shoved them in the white plastic bag. Finally, he looked down, there was something already inside the bag. The sight of the long purple box startled him, “Oh shit,” he cursed under his breath.
The pilot sat on the tile floor and hastily reopened the box after removing his gloves, letting the stick fall to the ground. His pounding heart was starting to affect his vision, the two little pink lines turned into four. You were pregnant. Jake was going to be a dad.
Sure the military taught him how to have a clear head in stressful situations, and how to act when something shocking presented itself to him, but they don't prepare you for this. Jake took in a few deep breaths and leaned against the side of the bathtub, the stick clenched in his shaking fist. He covered his mouth with his free hand and whispered to himself with a small giggle in his tone, “I’m gonna be a dad.”
He put back everything in its place, it was obvious to him that you weren’t ready to tell him the news, but in the meantime, he could still clear out the guest room and prepare for a nursery. Jake soon found himself excited about parenthood, his thoughts and search history sure did reflect it.
The next day while at the beach, you were lying on your stomach, letting the sun hit your back while Jake read beside you. It was the classic childhood book disguise, he had a copy of Rolling Stone but was actually reading an article in Parents magazine. He was lost in thought, nodding along to the newborn advice and mentally taking notes.
You groaned and got up from your position, rubbing the warm sand off your arms and rising to your knees. You moved behind him, kissing his neck before placing your chin on his strong shoulder. You looked down at his magazine and a few of the words stuck out to you, there was no way in hell he was reading Rolling Stone. “Jake,” you squeaked out. He knew.
“Shit,” he mumbled and put his magazines in the sand beside him. “You saw.” His eyes lingered on the ocean in front of him, nervous about your reaction.
“You know, don’t you?” There was a small tremor in your voice, your hand moving to cover your stomach.
Jake maneuvered himself and gently wrapped his arms around you to pull you into his lap. “I was cleaning and I found it under the sink.” You put your arms securely around his neck and pulled him down to connect your forehead with his.
“I was afraid to tell you. I know our lives aren’t easy. I did-”
“I’m ready to start a family with you, darlin’, I have been since our third date,” he whispered, a small smile gracing his lips. You scrunched your nose as you giggled and kissed him softly.
“Really?” you laughed, “didn’t realize I married a softie, Hangman.”
Jake rolled his eyes and playfully nudged your arm with his chest, “Only for you,” he sighed then looked down at your stomach, “the both of you now.”
☀️join siempre-bucky's summer blurb night☀️
#jake seresin#jake seresin x reader#jake seresin x you#jake seresin x fem!reader#hangman x reader#hangman x you#top gun#glen powell#top gun maverick#siempre buckys blurb night
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Little Rebel (18+)
Chris Evans x f!reader (reporter) 2K words
Summary: Your first encounter with him left you needy for more. But are you just another fling for him? Part 2 of Troublemaker. (Though you can follow along without having read it).
Warning: This work contains sexual content. Please use discretion before reading.
Disclaimer: For entertainment purposes only! Please do not share or reference this work in public. Also, please do not copy or translate without my permission. Enjoy!
The film studio definitely knows how to throw a party. The lavish event hall is decorated from top to bottom with balloons and floral arrangements that definitely cost more than your rent. People congregate in clusters, chatting and laughing as the DJ plays a remix of the latest pop music.
Many of the guests are familiar faces, both because it's your literal job to know but also because you've interviewed them many times. Many are friendly and smile your way as you pass. You're not sure where you're going, but hovering by the door, looking hopefully around the room is starting to feel weird. Eli, the photographer the network had sent to accompany you, is already throwing you a funny look.
“Make sure to get many shots of the cast,” you tell him, hoping to dispel any awkwardness. “The happier and livelier they look, the better.”
“Document all the phony,” he repeats diligently with a nod. “Got it.”
You laugh appreciatively.
“Hey, if you want to take advantage of the open bar to help you get through it, I won't tell your boss.”
He smirks at you and it hits you then that he's actually quite handsome.
“Technically, tonight you're my boss.”
"Then get to it, Thompson,” you return playfully, without missing a beat.
Eli salutes you. “Yes, boss.”
You both break into laughter before he disappears into the crowd, camera at the ready.
Now, all there was left for you to do is document enough details to write a piece for the network's magazine tomorrow morning. Frankly, it was a piece of cake. You could leave now and still have enough material to churn out an article in less than thirty minutes.
But you don't want to leave.
You shift nervously on your high heels, glancing around the room again. Part of you hopes to catch a glimpse of that devilish, handsome face—the very same that has occupied your fantasies since that last time you saw him. Another part of you, a more rational part, hopes he's not there and you can finally move on.
The amount of time and effort you put into getting ready for tonight is embarrassing. And though you will never admit it out loud, you picked the sinful, body conforming red dress hoping he would see it. You could just imagine the way his blue eyes would darken as they traveled along the scandalous leg slit.
“... wonder who that is?” someone is saying nearby.
“A girlfriend, maybe?” another person in the group speculates.
“Please! Chris Evans doesn't do girlfriends.”
“He does fuck buddies, though.”
“You know that from personal experience?”
“Yes, ma'am. Best two weeks of my life.”
With a sickening feeling in your gut, you follow the neighboring group’s line of sight to the bar. There, leaning casually against the expensive mahogany, looking much more handsome than you remember, is Chris. His hair is styled neatly for the occasion, his beard meticulously trimmed. He wears a simple blue suit with no tie that has no business looking that good on him.
That roguish smile he gave you through the mirror's reflection as he made you moan is present on his face. Except this time, it's directed at a willowy blonde in a black dress. Her perfectly manicured hand reaches across the bar and rests on his forearm.
You look away, stung.
Something cold clamps your stomach unpleasantly as you turn on your heel. And all at once, you feel like an absolute idiot. Both for your body's reaction and for thinking he'd be waiting here for you. Why does it matter that he's openly flirting with a beautiful supermodel? That's what he does. You knew that.
Did you really think you were special?
You bump into something hard.
“Whoa. Where are you off to in such a hurry?”
It's Eli.
You don't reply, your throat too tight.
“You okay?” he asks, his smile vanishing when he takes a good look at your expression.
“I'm fine,” you assure him. Mustering your best smile, you nod at his camera. “You got everything we need?”
“Almost. I still need to track down the main cast. Maybe another twenty minutes?”
“Perfect, then we can get the hell out of here.”
He laughs. “A-fucking-men to that.”
Despite yourself and despite your insides feeling like stone, you laugh. Eli watches you, hazel eyes lingering on you thoughtfully. The lighting casts the sharp angles of his face into contrast.
“After this, do you want to go get a drink?”
“You want to hit the open bar?”
“Nah, not like that. I know a really good bar a few blocks from here. My treat.”
You consider him. He's a nice guy and handsome beyond belief. Definitely your type…
Before you can stop yourself, the memory of Chris laughing with his blonde companion flashes before you and your mind is made up.
“Sure.”
“Great. Meet you here in twenty?”
You nod.
Eli gives you a charming smile that you return before he disappears again.
When he's gone, you feel strangely alone in the crowded room.
Before you know it, your feet carry you to the restrooms. The respite from the music feels like bliss as you step into the desolate room. It's perhaps the nicest restroom you have ever seen, appearing more like a lounge with the plush, leather sofa and mahogany oak coffee table. An ornate mirror hangs above a ceramic sink and the actual toilet is house in a separate room.
It is the perfect place to sit and kill twenty minutes on your phone.
Before you can plop on the sofa, however, there is a knock at the door.
“Busy,” you call back.
Another knock.
“Someone's in here!”
You know for a fact there are many vacant restrooms lining the hall. Whoever this was could just fuck off and find another—
More knocking.
“There's other empty—” you say as you swing the door open angrily. You stop abruptly when you catch sight of his face.
“You hiding from me?” Chris says by way of greeting. The insolent smirk he reserves for you, however, is nowhere to be seen.
“You think you're that important?” you return.
Again, no hint of humor. Instead, something dark lurks beneath his serious expression. Vivid blue eyes stare over your shoulder, as though looking for something.
“Where's your boyfriend?”
This takes you by surprise.
“What boyfriend?”
“That golden retriever who was following you around all night.”
“Eli? He's—”
You stop, remembering you don't owe him anything. Besides, he has some fucking nerve when he was the one openly flirting with that beautiful blonde at the bar. Your annoyance returns in full force and you straighten, staring him straight in the eye.
“Is there anything you needed?” you ask impatiently.
Chris laughs darkly.
“Waiting for your golden retriever?”
“Yes,” you lie.
“Bullshit. You're not that much of a rebel.”
"You don't know a damn thing about me.”
“You're wrong.”
You're practically staring each other down pressed nose to nose. If you wanted to, you could kiss him.
Despite yourself, you wanted to…
Especially when his eyes darken even more, his smile turning dangerous.
“I know you would never be quiet enough to fuck in public,” he informs you in a heady little whisper.
Your body reacts at once, your nipples hardening against the fabric of your dress.
“Those little moans of yours would let everyone here know you're getting fucked like you deserve.”
“By Eli?”
Anger flickers in his eyes.
“By me.”
“Prove it.”
He kisses you.
Hard.
Devilish hands grip your waist as he claims you with his mouth, pulling you close. Bodies pressed together, he pushes you into the room, closing the door behind you and pressing you against it. The smell of his luxurious cologne floods your senses, leaving you drunk and needy as he kisses you.
“You look—” he starts between kisses. You bite his lower lip and he grunts.
“Good?” you supply.
“Beautiful,” he says, moving down to kiss your neck, his hard body pressing you further against the door. His needy hands move down to the slit you had hoped would drive him crazy. It does more than that because he groans, his hips pressing flush against yours. “This dress. Goddamn.”
Already, he's deliciously hard for you.
“Mmm, Chris,” you moan.
“For you, baby,” he assures you breathlessly, kissing the tops of your breasts. “No one makes me this hard.”
Your hand reaches down to grip him through his trousers. He's thick and hot through the fabric, pulsing for you. Your pussy clenches at the thought of having him inside you, stretching and filling you.
“I need you,” you tell him. “I've been thinking about you since the last time.”
“That so?” he asks, arching a challenging brow at you. For some reason, that makes you wetter. God, how you wanted to ride that handsome face of his.
“Mmm-hmm. I think about your fingers inside me when I touch myself at night.”
This unravels him. With a dark groan, he guides your body away from the door. Seconds later, you're falling on the couch, Chris kneeling before you.
“You're a goddamn tease, Y/N,” he tells you, his fingers bunching the fabric of your skirt. “You've been teasing me for months.”
You arch your back, impatient.
“And what are you going to do about it, Evans?”
His response is kissing your inner thigh, softly at first then with hungry abandon. His tongue flicks out, teasing the skin, moving higher and higher…
“Chris,” you beg when he stops right at the apex of your thighs.
Your hips quiver, ready to have his face buried between them.
“Chris,” you moan again, more desperate.
He's teasing you with his fingers, getting you ready for his tongue. Masterful swipes move your wetness up to your clit and then back down. He watches you, enjoying your pleasure.
"Enjoy it, baby. Enjoy how I make your body feel.”
Then, when your hips buck desperately against his hand, his own restraint vanishes. Lush lips find your clit, teasing it. His tongue laps at you, making you clench in ecstasy.
“Oh my God,” you whimper as he adds his tongue.
“Shhh,” he says against you, taking your clit between his lips and sucking gently.
You grip the cushion on the couch behind you with one hand. Your fingers cling on to his hair with the other, biting your lip to stop yourself from crying out.
He's eating your pussy like an expert, making your thighs clamp around his ears. His gruff hands pry them apart, opening you more for his eager mouth. Between muffled cries, you grind against his face.
“That's right, baby, ride my face.”
You cum right there, quivering against his beard.
“Fuck,” you breathe.
With gentle little kisses, he helps you come down from the high.
“That was—”
There are no words that come to your mind.
Chris smirks, understanding. He presses one last kiss to your thigh before he straightens. He moves to the mirror, fixing the tangled mess you made of his hair.
“You're leaving?” you ask, sounding disappointed.
“Someone will come looking for me any minute now,” he tells you, straightening his jacket.
Your heart, not fully returned to its proper rhythm, sinks. Stupidly, you realize you were hoping to spend more time with him, maybe even reciprocate or finally have him inside you. You fix your clothes as growing resentment boils in your gut.
“This was nice,” he tells you, turning away from his reflection. “We should do it again some other time.”
The words, meant to be teasing, hit you like a slap.
“I don't know, Evans,” you return coolly. “You think you can pencil me in between all your other fuck buddies?”
He blinks.
“Fuck buddies?”
“Isn't that what they are? What we all are?” you retort, unable to stop yourself now. “You fuck them for two weeks with no titles and no commitment. Then you move on to the next one.”
“That's not what you are, Y/N.”
You laugh—a humorless cruel laugh—as you finish rearranging your dress.
“You're right. In order for me to be that, you'd have to at least be seen with me in public. Instead, I'm your dirty little secret.”
“Y/N.”
Fully incensed by now, you storm out.
****
Note: There will be a part 3
#chris evans x y/n#chris evans fanfiction#chris evans imagine#chris evans x reader#chris evans x female reader#chris evans x f!reporter#chris evans x f!reader#chris evans x reporter#chris evans one shot
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Fight The Feeling- 4 Do you still love her?
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
Summary- Your and Jack's relationship officially goes public, Jack takes care of you when being on a plane makes your morning sickness worse, Jack and Urban have a conversation about your relationship and if he still loves you, and you and Jack share a sweet moment in a hotel after a small disagreement.
Word Count- 3.6k
A/N- I thought this was going to be the couples interview part, but that will be either the next part or the part after, so if you have questions you want me to include, feel free to send them in!
By the morning the pictures and articles from the night before were out and yet again both of your names were trending on Twitter.
Rapper Jack Harlow and Model Y/N make things official.
We have pictures of Jack Harlow and Y/N’s first outing as a rumored couple. The rapper and model were seen leaving a downtown restaurant together last night. The couple seemed to be on a date, Y/N even left the restaurant wearing the jacket that Jack walked in wearing. We reached out to both of their teams for comment on the rumors.
Y/N’s team responded with “The couple would like to ask for privacy while they figure out the newfound publicity surrounding their relationship.” Jack’s team has yet to make a statement.
We have gotten more information from our sources that state the couple is very much in love and are taking things very seriously. Apparently, the couple met at a party a while ago and it was love at first sight. They started dating shortly after meeting, and from what we hear they could be preparing to take the next step in their relationship. Could that mean something as big as an engagement, or moving in together? Our sources didn’t specify what that meant, but we could find out soon especially with their relationship officially confirmed.
The next time you physically saw Jack was about a week and a half later. You had a couple small conversations over text, but Jack had to leave the day after your date and your own schedule conflicted with his so you didn’t have to join him. Part of you was glad you had some time apart. Even though you and Jack were getting along better then you expected, you still hadn’t forgiven him, and you weren’t ready to. Of course, you both had your moments where one of you would make some comment that would piss the other one off, even in your texts, but you hadn’t had any full-blown arguments. For the situation you were in, you took what you could get.
In the last week and a half, Claire and Neelam found time between both of your schedules to schedule a couple’s interview and you were currently meeting Jack at the airport to fly to Los Angeles to film it. Jack and his team got there a few minutes before you and your team. Luckily anyone on your teams knew about everything from your relationship being fake to your pregnancy. As much as Claire and Neelam wanted to keep it with only the four of you knowing, you and Jack managed to convince them to at least tell the people you traveled with all the time. You got out of the car, walking towards the plane with your team.
“Y/N!” Urban called out, smiling as he saw you.
“Hey Urb!” You smiled back, walking over to him, and hugging him. Over the year you and Jack had dated you and Urban had become quite close. He was one of the only people who knew about your relationship in the first place and even after you and Jack broke up you had continued to talk to Urban. You considered you two to be good friends, especially after Urban told you about Jack’s cheating.
“Hey, why aren’t you that excited to see me?” Jack teased as you pulled away from your hug with Urban.
“Maybe I like him more.” You half teased Jack before turning to him, giving him a side hug, sure everyone you were with knew about your relationship, but you never knew if there were any cameras around or anyone else watching you.
“Something tells me there’s some truth to that.” Jack said underneath his breath, and you shrugged.
“However you want to take that statement, is not up to me.” You told Jack, Urban holding back his laugh at your response. You did like Jack more than Urban, there was the part of you that still loved Jack, but you had no intention of letting Jack know that. Not right now at least.
You turned back to Urban, talking for a few more minutes, before everyone made their way onto their plane. You found a seat next to Jack and across from Urban. You would have sat somewhere else but by the time you sat down there wasn’t many seats left so your options were either to sit next to Claire, who would just want to talk business most of the flight, or next to Jack. Jack was the clear choice.
You grabbed the blanket you had in your bag, you were always cold on planes, so you learned early on to always bring your own blanket. You pulled your blanket over yourself as you sat back in your seat.
You continued your conversation with Urban, Jack chiming in occasionally until about 45 minutes in they both noticed how you got quiet.
“You okay Y/N?” Urban asked and you nodded slightly.
“Yeah, just nauseous. Morning sickness I guess?” You said, you had on and off morning sickness for the past several weeks, but this was the first time you had been on a plane since it started, and you didn’t even think about the fact that it could make it worse.
“Do you want to lay down?” Jack asked you, already starting to move from his seat. You shook your head.
“No, it’s okay, I’ll be fine.” You told him, taking a sip of your water before curling your legs underneath yourself. You laid your head back on the headrest before the conversation went back to whatever you were talking about before.
At some point during the flight, you fell asleep and without realizing it your head fell onto Jack’s shoulder. Jack looked over once he felt you make contact with him, as soon as he saw you were asleep without even thinking about it, he moved you gently, so you were laying down with your head in his lap. Out of habit Jack played with your hair as you slept.
Urban watched as Jack ran his fingers through your hair, he noticed how Jack didn’t even think twice about doing it. He wasn’t even sure if Jack realized what he was doing.
“Is she asleep?” Urban asked Jack. Jack looked down at you for a second before nodding.
“Yeah why?” Jack asked, looking back at Urban, Urban looked around, seeing everyone was distracted, either involved in their own conversation or their phone or laptop.
“Do you still love her?” Urban asked and Jack sighed softly, thinking to himself for a second.
“I don’t know. I think so.” Jack answered.
“You either do or you don’t.”
“Part of me does, yes, but I don’t think she’ll ever forgive me anyways, so it doesn’t matter.”
“So, she knows you cheated?” Urban asked and Jack nodded.
“Yeah, I guess she knew when we broke up. She saw texts, that’s all she said.” Jack told Urban. Urban didn’t regret telling you about Jack cheating, but he was also glad you didn’t tell Jack he told you.
“Does she know you still love her?” Jack shook his head.
“No, and I don’t plan on telling her anytime soon.” Jack said.
“Why not?” Urban asked Jack and he shrugged.
“I don’t see that conversation going well.” Jack said. “Hey, you know I cheated on you, but I still love you.” Jack mocked his own voice. “We’re getting along well for the circumstances we’re in, I’d rather not ruin things again.”
Jack quickly changed the subject when he felt you shift slightly, looking down at you to see if you were waking up. Once he realized you weren’t and fell back asleep, he sighed softly. He couldn’t help but want you to feel better, but he wasn’t sure what he could do other then let you sleep.
Urban eventually brought the conversation back to you and Jack’s relationship.
“I know you screwed up with your relationship with Y/N, but I also know you really loved her. I can tell you still do.” Urban told Jack who looked at him confused.
“How so?” Jack asked.
“You don’t treat anyone else like you treat her. You didn’t even hesitate to lay her on your lap, you’ve been playing with her hair since she fell asleep.” Urban said before Jack interrupted, shrugging.
“I mean, she doesn’t feel good, I’m not going to be a dick. Especially when I’m technically part of the reason she doesn’t feel good.” Jack explained and Urban rolled his eyes.
“It’s not just that, I see the way you look at her, I’ve never seen you look at someone the way you look at her, it’s different, but different in a good way. Y/N is good for you, I think if you really wanted to, you could get her back.” Urban told Jack who shook his head.
“I really don’t think she would ever take me back.” Jack said.
“I don’t know for sure. I mean, she could have any guy she wanted, she might not want to take back someone who’s stupid enough to cheat on a supermodel, but if it’s something you want then I think you should try.” Urban encouraged Jack.
You woke up a few hours later as the plane was getting ready to land. You sat up from Jack’s lap almost immediately after you woke up.
“Sorry.” You apologized quietly, moving as far from Jack as you could in your seat.
“It’s okay, I didn’t mind. Are you feeling any better?” Jack asked.
“Not really, but hopefully I do once we land.” You answered.
“I’m sorry.” Jack sighed softly. “We’re going to land in about 15 minutes.” Jack told you and you nodded.
“You don’t have to apologize, it’s not your fault.”
“I mean, it sort of is.” Jack said.
“Half mine, half yours.” You said and Jack laughed softly, handing you another water bottle since you finished your before you fell asleep.
Once the plane landed, everyone made their way off the plane and into the 2 separate cars you had booked. Your managers insisting that you and Jack take the same car just in case anyone sees you once you get to the hotel.
As you all arrived at the hotel, both Claire and Neelam dealt with checking everyone into their rooms before walking over to where everyone was waiting.
About 20 minutes later they had everyone checked into their rooms and started to hand out the keys.
“And Jack and Y/N.’” Claire said, handing you both a key.
“Wait what?” You asked. “I’m not sharing a room with him.” You told Claire who gave you a look.
“They booked everything, I couldn’t request 2 separate rooms for you two or it would seem weird.” Claire whispered to you. “If you want to stay with someone else, I don’t care, but I can’t get an extra room. The hotel is completely booked.” Claire told you and you sighed, turning around, walking towards Jack who was having the same conversation with Neelam.
“Where’s Urban?” You asked Jack.
“Already went to his room.” Jack said and you sighed again. You didn’t really know anyone else well enough to want to stay with them over Jack.
“Well, then I guess I’m stuck with you.” You said, the two of you stepping into the elevator together, carrying your bags.
“You’d rather stay with Urban then me?” Jack asked and you shrugged.
“I don’t know.” You admitted and you both made your way to your room, walking inside, both of you immediately seeing that there was only one bed.
“Of course.” You muttered, pulling your bag into the room, Jack right behind you.
“We’re only here for 4 days? I think we can make it 4 days.” Jack said, even though he wasn’t exactly happy about the situation.
“I’ll just sleep on the couch.” You said and Jack looked over at you.
“You’re pregnant, I’m not letting you sleep on the couch.” Jack told you.
“Well, it’s not like you’re going to fit on the couch.” You told Jack.
“It’s not my fault I’m tall.” Jack muttered. “It’s not that big of a deal if we sleep in the same bed.” Jack argued.
“Fine, but we’re setting up pillows in-between us.” You said, making Jack laugh softly.
“Really? We’ve done a lot worse than sleep in the same bed. May I remind you again that you’re pregnant? With my child. I think we can sleep in the same bed without setting up barriers like we’re strangers or some shit.” Jack said and you rolled your eyes.
“Yes, we have, but because of that I happen to know how touchy when you sleep. You were always fucking attached to me when we would sleep.” You said, setting a pillow down in the middle of the bed.
“You never complained about it then.” Jack argued.
“Yeah, because I liked it then, but were not together anymore Jack.”
“Do you think we would still be together if I didn’t cheat?” Jack asked randomly.
“I can’t answer that.” You said, turning away from Jack, opening your suitcase.
“You can’t or you just don’t want to?” Jack asked. After his conversation with Urban on the plane he couldn’t stop himself from thinking about his relationship with you.
“I’m not doing this with you tonight, Jack.” You pulled a couple things out of your suitcase as you talked.
“I’m not trying to start a fight, I’m just curious.” Jack defended himself, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
“Then yes. I do think we would still be together. I’ve told you that I loved you. I’m not the one who ruined things between us.” You said. “I’m going to go shower. Are you going to shower tonight?” You asked him, grabbing a change of clothes and a bag with your shower stuff.
“I’m just going to go to bed, I’ll shower in the morning.” Jack said. “I think some people are going out to find a place to get food if you want to join them when you’re done.” Jack told you, grabbing his own clothes to change into.
“I’m okay, I’m just going to shower and then go to bed too.” You told Jack and he nodded.
“I’m just going to change really quick before you shower.” Jack told you, walking into the bathroom to get ready for bed quickly.
You sat on the edge of the bed, scrolling on your phone for a few minutes before Jack walked out of the bathroom.
“You sure you don’t want food or something?” Jack asked. “I can order something to the room if you want.” Jack suggested and you shook your head.
“No, I’m okay, I just want to sleep too.” You said, laughing softly. Jack sighed softly but nodded.
“I just worry about you sometimes.” Jack admitted. “I know we aren’t together anymore, and I know you like to be all independent and shit, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to be. I know that there isn’t much I can do, but I’ll do whatever I can, even if it’s just ordering room service.” Jack said and you smiled softly.
“Thank you, I promise I will let you know if I need something, but I genuinely just want to go to sleep. You can order breakfast in the morning if you want, I don’t have my fitting until later in the afternoon, so we have the morning free.” You told Jack, making him look at you confused.
“You have a fitting for this interview? Do I have a fitting? I didn’t think I did, but if you do, why don’t I?” Jack asked.
“Yes, I do. No, you don’t. I have a fitting because I’m pregnant and don’t want anyone to see anything and I don’t think we’re ready to announce it yet, and you don’t have a fitting because, well, you’re not pregnant.” You said, laughing softly and Jack nodded.
“Makes sense, I didn’t think about that.” Jack said, sitting down on the bed as you stood up and walked towards the bathroom as Jack realized what you said. “Wait.” He called out, making you stop and turn back towards him.
“Yes Jack?” You asked.
“You don’t want anyone to see, like you can see the baby now?” Jack asked, letting his eyes fall to your stomach, but you couldn’t see anything with the baggy t-shirt you had on. You smiled softly at him and nodded.
“A little bit, not much. You don’t see anything in the morning, but you can tell at night.” You said. “Do you want to see?” You asked and Jack nodded almost immediately. You could tell he wanted to before you even asked him, but he didn’t know how to ask.
“Of course, I do.” Jack smiled softly. You set your stuff back down before walking over to where Jack was sitting, lifting your shirt slightly and turning to the side.
“It’s small, but you can see it.” You said. Jack smiled as he looked at your belly, it was small, no one would probably notice if they weren’t paying attention, but Jack still knew your body better then he even knew his, plus he knew it was there.
“Can I touch it?” Jack asked, lifting his hand up but not touching you until you nodded, then he laid his hand on top of your belly. “That’s so crazy to think that our baby is in there.” Jack said and you nodded in agreement.
“I know, it is.” You smiled softly, watching as Jack gently ran his thumb over your stomach softly.
“Have you found out if the baby is a boy or girl yet?” Jack asked, looking up at you. You shook your head.
“No, I think I will at my next appointment, you’re welcome to come with me.” You told him and Jack nodded.
“Just let me know when and I’ll be there.” Jack told you and you nodded.
“Though my best friend wants me to not find out and plan a whole gender reveal to surprise us.” You said, Jack laughing softly.
“Madison?” Jack asked and you nodded. Madison has been your best friend ever since you met as kids, she knew about your and Jack’s relationship the first time and knew about your relationship being fake now. She was one of the first people you told about your pregnancy.
“Yeah, I haven’t even told her if I want a gender reveal yet, I was going to talk to you about it, but she’s already planning one.” You laughed.
“It’s up to you, we can do something small, we don’t have to make it a big party if you don’t want to.” Jack told you and you nodded.
“Maybe something small. We need to give Madison a list of people we want invited though. I know her, and if I just tell her small, somehow, she’ll still manage to invite everyone we’ve interacted with since preschool.” You said, laughing, Jack laughing with you.
“I only met her a couple of times, but from what I do know, that sounds accurate.”
You two fell into a silence, at first it was a comfortable silence but the longer you two stayed silent the more uncomfortable it got. You two were both lost in your own thoughts for a minute.
Something felt so natural between the two of you and something in that moment reminded you of how your relationship with Jack used to be. When no one knew about the two of you and you would sneak off to some random hotel room and just spend time together. A big part of you missed that side of your relationship, but you wouldn’t admit it to Jack. You weren’t going to let yourself fall in love with him again.
Something snapped Jack out of his thoughts, dropping his hand from your stomach which then snapped you out of your thoughts.
“I’m going to shower.” You said, turning from Jack quickly, grabbing your stuff as he nodded even though you couldn’t see. You made your way to the bathroom while Jack got comfortable in bed.
You wanted Jack to be asleep when you got out of the shower so you took your time, making everything take as long as you could. You didn’t want to have to deal with Jack again before you went to sleep.
You never knew what to expect when it came to your interactions with Jack recently. Was it going to be a fight that made you never want to see him again, or was it going to be some sweet interaction that made you miss your relationship and made you realize there was a chance you could love him again? You weren’t falling back in love with him, you refused. You blamed any feeling of love you had towards Jack on your hormones, only wanting to acknowledge the feelings of anger that you still held towards him.
Luckily you had taken enough time that when you got out of the shower and made your way to the bedroom, Jack was asleep, and already cuddling the pillow you had set out as a makeshift barrier. You rolled your eyes as you turned off the lights.
Once you laid down and got comfortable you felt Jack shift in bed, hoping you didn’t disturb him, and he wasn’t waking up. You felt Jack’s arms wrap around you and pull you closer towards him. As much as you wanted to fight it, you didn’t. Something about Jack still felt safe to you, as much as he stressed you out, he also relaxed you.
You fell asleep in Jack’s arms for the first time in a couple months, and as much as neither of you would admit it, it was the best either of you had slept since you broke up.
Taglist @jackharloww @harlowcomehome
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Caught: Pt2
Our Story Masterlist
Summary: How the other boys react to finding out about Harry and YN.
Read Caught first
Niall:
He had noticed that Harry was a bit more chirpier in himself, he was texting a lot more and leaving the room when his phone rang. He'd assumed it was a girl, he'd teased and questioned him a few times but Harry would only blush and tell him "mind your business".
From the time One Direction was formed, Niall and YN had a close friendship. Purely platonic and Niall thought of YN like a sister he never had. They would try and keep in touch whilst the boys were on the road but Niall couldn't say he was shocked when he saw the article on his Twitter early hours of the morning.
He remembers a few weeks ago when the boys had an interview and Harry had left the room when his phone rang, once again. This time, Niall had decided to try and eavesdrop. He noticed Harry further down the hallway and decided to listen to what he was saying.
"I miss you"
"I think Louis is coming home this weekend"
"I can't just come with him YN, he's gonna find out that way"
"YN" Niall whispered to himself. Harry's secret girl couldn't be Louis sister could it?
Zayn:
Harry had confessed their secret to Zayn a few weeks prior to them being exposed. He was having a moment of feeling guilty and going behind Louis' back but also just missing YN due to their busy schedule. It was just Harry and Zayn in the room and he knew he could trust him.
"Can I tell you something?" Harry nervously asked, looking down as he anxiously played with his fingers as he sat, his arms resting on his thighs.
"Sure man, what's up?" Zayn always had time for everyone, he'd listen, never judge and offer good advice.
"Uh-I..I've been hanging out with YN" Zayn kept a neutral expression, not wanting to make any assumptions.
"Louis's sister?" Zayn questioned, still trying to put the puzzle together. Harry nodded, chewing on the inside of lip nervously “What - so it’s like serious or just a fli-“
Before Zayn could finish, Harry cut him off “No it’s definitely not a fling, I really like her and we’ve been on a couple of dates”.
Zayn paused, letting the new information sink in. “Lou’s gonna flip man”, rubbing his hands over his face, trying to think of a way to help Harry.
He wasn't surprised when he saw the article, he just felt for Harry and YN because it was their secret to share and it was taken away from them. He sent them both a message to check if they were okay.
Liam:
He had been tagged in the article by fans. After re-reading it multiple times and studying the photo, trying to see if it was actually YN, he phoned Harry first but there was no answer. So he phoned Louis to see if everything was okay, but little did he know that Louis was completely oblivious to the article and he had been the one to break the news to him.
Tag List: (let me know if you would like to be added) @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @harrys-flower @platinumbarbie143 @frickin-bats @harrysbbyh0ney fanfictioncafe lilfreakjez jerseygirlinca iamahallucinationnn @chronicallybubbly @goldensunflowe-r @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @kaverichauhan @peterholland04 @panicattheuc @indierockgirrl @or-was-it-just-a-dream @theekyliepage @hittiesontour @bunnyharold
#harry styles x reader#harry styles#harry styles x y/n#harrystyles#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles x you#harry styles fanfic#harry styles series#harry styles writing#one direction#harry styles x fem!reader#harry styles x tomlinson!reader#harry styles x oc#harry x reader#harry x yn#harry x y/n#harry x you#harry styles fic#harry styles series masterlist#harry styles masterlist#harry styles imagines#harry styles imagine#louis tomlinson#niall horan#zayn malik#liam payne#harry 1d#one direction imagine#one direction fanfiction#tomlinson!yn
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Old Flame ~ Part Two
Rating: M
Words: 3442
Character: Lewis Hamilton x F!Reader
Description: You learnt so much from your first love but the most important lesson he taught you was how to deal with heartbreak, even if it takes you six years. You were almost there, you almost made it days at a time without thinking about him…that was until he turned up in the most unexpected of places.
Seven hundred and thirty hours, it had been seven hundred and thirty hours, one whole month to be more precise, since your encounter with Lewis, and you were pretty sure you had spent at least seven hundred of those hours thinking about him.
You had cycled through all of the coping mechanisms you knew to distract yourself from thoughts of him but it was fruitless, nothing and no one could stop you from finding yourself staring into space as you ran through memories you shared with the only person you had ever really loved, except for that one thing you knew always brought you back down to reality; you Googled him.
If Lewis was just some guy, Googling him would have provided a page of results if you were lucky, however Lewis was not just some guy, he never really had been. Articles upon articles discussing his every move filled the pages. Think pieces on his outfits, on his cars, and of course his dating life appeared. There were pictures too, so very many pictures of him and others, mostly female, papped in streets and events across the globe.
As you looked at each one, and of course you looked, you felt the pinprick pain cover your skin, anxiety and grief, a fine mixture. You studied every inch of every woman that stood beside him. Each looked like a model, they were everything you didn’t feel you were yourself. They were all young, beautiful and slim, they wore clothes you would never dare to wear, and most importantly they looked as if they belonged next to him; something you had never truly felt you did.
You had known forever that you were not the kind of girl he would settle down with, Lewis was never meant for normal, Lewis was meant for remarkable, he was meant for success, he was meant for a relationship that would only ever be the envy of others, one that was labelled a ‘Power Couple’, he was meant for everything you could never be, you were normal and Lewis was not, he was remarkable and he deserved someone remarkable too.
-
The drive to your mum's house was narrated by the sounds of Sza’s album, each song was relatable, her lyrics spoke to your soul.
‘I try to keep from losin' the rest of me/I worry that I wasted the best of me on you, baby’
You cared not for who could see you singing along to every word as if you were Sza herself, nor did you worry about the tears streaming down your face as you let emotions out that you had suffocated for so long, emotions that now tested the strength of your waterproof mascara, as well as they tested your sanity.
Before you switched off your engine you knew there was one more thing you had to do, you turned your music up to loudest possible volume, clutching the steering wheel with a herculean grip you let out a scream, a long deep scream to bring and end to the breakdown you had scheduled for that morning.
-
“Are you okay? You are awfully quiet today.”
Your mum had always been intune to your feelings, it had never mattered how much you persisted that you were fine when you were not, she knew, she always knew.
“I’m going to tell you something but please be sane about it.” You knew that request was pointless, your mum could be sane about nothing involving him. “I saw Lewis.”
“Oh, you did?”
Her response was normal, unemotive, had she finally grown to hate the man as you had requested for so many years?
“Is that it? You don’t want to tell me how this was fate intervening? How it was time to give him another chance? How beautiful our babies would be? Wow mum, you really have grown.”
“Well, darling you know-”
“Oh my god, you already know don’t you? How do you know, mum?”
The realisation hit you hard as you read the expression that she barely tried to hide on her face.
“Darling, calm down…”
“No mum, what the actual…explain, everything, now!”
You could feel your face flush with a burning anger, the betrayal hit as hard as his had all those years ago. She was your mum, not his. She was supposed to be on your side, not his.
“I’m sorry, I knew this was how you would react, that’s why I didn’t tell you-”
“Tell me what, mum?”
Your leg bounced up and down as your body desperately tried to release the anger that was boiling over within you.
“You know that Lewis and I were always very close, I thought of him as a son. When you broke up, when you left him…he called me first to find out if you were still alive and then to apologise.” She hadn’t made eye contact with you once, she knew she’d betrayed you. “It started as innocently as that, then he’d call once a week…always on a Sunday evening after his race to keep me updated, he knew I enjoyed hearing how he did. He’s won so many races, did you know?”
“Are you actually serious right now?”
“Sorry, I’m just proud of him.”
“You’re proud of the guy who destroyed me, mum? You know what, fine.”
“No sweetie, it’s just-”
You were not prepared to wait around to hear more of her pathetic excuses. You had always known she was fond of him, you just didn’t ever realise she was more fond of him than she was of you.
“Since you care so much about him, more than your own daughter's feelings clearly, I’ll just leave.”
You heard your mum attempt to chase after you but it was pointless, the anger and betrayal had powered you out of the door and into your car before she had even had the chance to get near.
-
The tears flooded your cheeks once more, the betrayal, so much betrayal, how could the two people who swore to love you unconditionally hurt you in unimaginable ways?
Your fingers found his name in your phone and pressed the call button before you even had a chance to think about what you were doing.
“Hello?”
“How fucking dare you still speak to my mum?”
The words fell out of you in a vicious scream, a hiss of spite as you wanted answers from the one man you swore you would never speak to again.
“Baby, I-”
“No, don’t baby me! I can’t believe you would…I can’t believe she would betray me like that.”
Your voice broke as you cried uncontrollably, if you had an ounce of rationale within you in the moment you would have kept strong with your anger but instead you were powerless to the upset that engulfed the fire of anger.
“She didn’t betray you, it’s my fault. I love your mum, she’s been a mum to me too at times. I shouldn’t have kept in contact with her, I just needed to know you were okay, you disappeared and I couldn’t contact you. I needed to know you were alive, at least.”
His voice was quiet, a stark contrast to your screams.
“Maybe it would have been easier if I wasn’t.”
“No. Do not say that. Do not even play with that.” His voice rose an octave. “Are you driving right now?”
“So what if I am?”
“Pull over, please. You’re too riled up to drive safely.”
“No, you don’t get to-”
“Pull over. If you don’t, I will call the police and tell them there’s a crazy drunk woman that needs to be stopped.”
“But I haven’t been drinking.”
“Yes and they will realise that when they pull you over, but at least they would have made you stop.”
“Fine.” You said through gritted teeth. “Happy now? I’ve stopped.”
“Very. Now you’re going to breathe, I will talk to you until you calm down.”
“And if I don’t calm down?”
“Then you’ll be stuck talking to me for eternity, you don’t want to do that now do you?”
You could hear his smug smirk through the phone. He spoke to you for a whole hour, about racing, about fashion, about anything he could think of just to distract you from your thoughts. He made you smile, he made you laugh but most importantly, he made you forget you hated him, if only for that brief moment.
-
Your evening was a mix of dancing around the house to your favourite Spotify and drinking wine, lots and lots of wine. Your music was so loud you almost didn’t hear the knock at your door.
You opened it so casually, without checking through the peephole first, figuring that it was just your neighbour coming by to ask you to turn the music down, again.
“Hi.”
Fuck.
Clad in an oversized lilac sweater, matching cargo trousers and ridiculously big boots, clutching the prettiest bouquet of flowers you had ever seen.
“What are you-how did you even find me?” You wanted to slam the door shut, escape this absolute nightmare of a situation as fast as you could but you didn’t. “Mum…I’m going to kill her!”
You left the door open as you rushed to find your phone, ready to tear into your mum, not even considering that you had just invited him inside your home unintentionally.
“Wait…Stop.” He grabbed the phone from your hand. “She was worried about you, so she begged me to come and check on you.”
Your face was still a scowl, how many times were they both going to conspire against you?
“I can go if you want?”
“You’re here now.” You inched away from him, you needed another drink. “Would you like one?”
You wanted to scream at him, at her, at the both of them. How did you end up in this situation? How was Lewis now sitting on your sofa, still clutching the bouquet of flowers like a nervous sixteen year old waiting to take his date to prom?
“These are for you.” He handed you the bunch. “Is red still your favourite colour?”
“Yes, thank you.” You smelt them before putting them to the side.
Lewis accepted your offer of a drink, even though he didn’t normally drink anything, he was clearly just as nervous as you in this situation.
“Please ignore the…well the whole place, really.”
Suddenly you were very aware that you had this mega rich super famous guy on the sofa of your very modest, somewhat untidy apartment.
“I like it, it’s cute…very you.” He looked around the room, taking in every detail much to your annoyance. “Are you feeling better now?”
“Yes…well I mean, no. I’m too tipsy and too tired to scream at you, if that’s what you are asking?” You sipped at your wine, the harsh taste masked your anxious thoughts.
“That’s good, I don’t think my ears could handle much more of that.” You both smiled as he feigned ear pain. “But, I mean, about everything? About me being here?”
You looked at him, his locs sitting loosely on his head, his nose piercing glistened every now and then as the light from a candle reflected off of it. His soft smile, his kind eyes, everything about him was so beautiful. You weren't sure if it was the alcohol freeing you of your inhibitions but you could see the man you fell in love with once more, rather than the man you hated.
“That’s a loaded question, Lewis. But, I’m okay with you being here…for now”
“You look absolutely beautiful, by the way.”
“Shut up, no I don’t!���
You laughed at his absurdity. You were wearing what you called your comfy clothes, a tracksuit about five times too big for you and your makeup was still smudged around your face from the endless stream of tears that ruined it earlier in the day.
“You don’t get to decide that.” He took your hand, you didn’t pull it away. “You look beautiful, to me. You were always the most beautiful woman in every room.”
You allowed yourself to fall into his gaze, to get lost in the rhythm of his thumb stroking circles on your hand until you caught yourself losing control.
“That changed fast, it’s a different supermodel every week now, isn’t it?”
He screwed his face up at you, looking almost offended at the suggestion he was superficial enough to only find beauty in the obvious.
“How do you even know that? Have you been Googling me?”
“I think everyone’s seen the pictures, Lewis. You’re constantly pictured, all over the world, a new girl on your arm in every picture.”
You hoped your teasing hid your jealousy but that was pitiful, both of you could feel the aura of envy that laced every word.
He locked his fingers in yours, so intimate yet innocent the contact he made was. He was always such a touch focused partner, his hands constantly had to be on you in some form, a hand on your thigh as he drove, a hand on the small of your back as you socialised. You missed it, you missed always being the focus of his attention, even in a crowded room.
“Did you notice something in all of those pictures?”
“What? That everyone in it was ridiculously beautiful?”
His eye roll felt so exaggerated yet you could tell he meant it.
“No, just how many different women there were.”
“Are you bragging now? Ew.”
“I don’t need to brag, baby.” There was his smug smirk once more. “What I meant was, look how many different women I have met, spent time with, tried to make it work with, yet none of them stayed for very long. Do you know why that is?”
“They got bored of your in depth analysis of every move you made on the track the previous weekend?”
“Can you be serious for five minutes, please?” Lewis was getting frustrated with your making light of his words. “And if you must know, they all found my company fantastic, thank you very much!”
“Whatever. Tell me then, why did none last?”
“Because none of them were you. Supermodels, actresses, singers…none of them filled even half the hole you left in my heart when you disappeared.”
“Lewis…”
You felt him pull your hand just enough to move you closer to him on the sofa. Butterflies engulfed your stomach, you felt an unwanted tingle down below as he pulled you until your face was just inches away from his.
“Lewis…please…”
You could feel the warmth of his breath on your skin, you could smell his signature scent, you could feel his heart racing as you leant up against his torso, staring deep into his eyes.
“Tell me you don’t still love me, tell me that I don’t give you butterflies in the pit of your stomach anymore.” He brushed your lips with his, the tip of his nose grazing your own. “Tell me to go and I’ll go.”
He took your silence as permission and kissed you. In that moment, you melted into him. He was gentle with his kisses, such tender movements, you could feel how nervous he was to scare you away as he kissed you.
Your tongues danced together like they were long lost lovers, his hands brushed up your sides, so careful he was of moving too quickly with you, he settled for the feel of your waist, for now.
He gently laid you back on the sofa without breaking your kiss, worried that if he let you think in that moment you might shy away from him, he purred into your lips as he climbed on top of you.
Taking all of his weight on his forearms, he allowed only his hardness to press against you, as if he wanted to remind you of all that he offered, as if it was possible for you to ever forget.
His lips traced from your kiss, across your jawline, never once lifting the pressure on your middle as he nibbled at your neck. You let out a little moan as he sucked at the skin, leaving his mark on what had been forbidden to him for so long now. His hand roamed up your sweatshirt, gently rolling your nipple between the pads of his finger and thumb, not settling until he heard the yelp you let out.
Your breathing was shallow now as he brought his lips over to suck the teat. His other hand slipped under the waistband of your sweatpants. He groaned, your nipple still between his lips, as he drew his middle finger through your wet folds before resting on your nub.
He caught the moan that escaped your lips with his own, burying his tongue in your mouth before sucking on yours, his finger drawing soft circles on your clit.
“I need to taste you.”
He trailed your body with kisses before pulling off your sweatpants. He kissed up the inside of your thighs, your core was pulsating now, so much so you were sure he would be able to feel it the closer his face got. He brought one hand up to yours, locking his fingers in between to steady you as his tongue pressed hard against your clit.
Your whole body shook as he began to work you, you moaned into the air, he was still an expert at pleasing you and he was determined to do just that. He lapped at your middle like you were the only thing that would satisfy his hunger. You could feel him bringing you closer and closer, your high building with every pressured motion of his tongue. He could feel it building too, he squeezed your hand tighter to encourage you. He wanted it, he wanted to taste every last drop of you, he wanted you to give him your essence, he wanted to devour every part of you.
“Oh my-Lewis.”
You cried out at him, your body arching, you held your breath as he increased the speed now, desperate to push you over the edge. You squeezed his hand tightly at your peak. You came undone all over his tongue so quickly, your orgasm sitting so fiercely that all you could do was shake as you desperately tried to regain breath.
He lapped it all up, moaning himself as the juices flowed from you. He didn’t stop once, only decreasing the pressure slowly, making your high last as long as possible until you were so sensitive you whimpered at every touch.
He brought his face back up to level with yours, his fingers still locked in yours, he brought your legs to a close and wrapped them across his lap. You stared at him for a moment, his smile decorated with the glistening evidence of your undoing. You kissed him this time, tasting yourself on his tongue. You moved your free hand down to his waistband but he brushed it away, quickly.
“But-”
“No baby, tonight was all about making you feel good.” He mumbled. “There’s plenty of time for that.”
He brought your head down to his shoulder, one of his hands stroked the outside of your thigh, the other locked in your hand as you both fell asleep right where you sat.
-
The sunlight broke through your curtains, it took you a moment to remember who it was you were laying with but when you did, when you saw that he was still holding you as if he was scared you were going to disappear, you felt warm. You felt home, for the first time in six years, you felt like you were home.
You gently wriggled out from under him, he stirred but didn’t wake. You were grateful for the moment alone to gather your thoughts, before being faced with the next steps. You didn’t know what you wanted to do. Every sensible part of you screamed for you to stay away from him but your heart didn’t. The beautiful man that lay on your sofa, so soft he looked in that moment, innocent if it wasn’t for what you knew he was capable of. He was all you had ever wanted since the age of seventeen, he was your first and last love.
You noticed the flowers he bought still laid on the side, you picked them up to put them in some water. It was then that you noticed the card that was strapped to the side.
‘We are so much bigger than what we’ve been through.’
PART THREE
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How about obi wan having a nightmare and the reader being a few doors down, having a force bond with obi wan, gets it too. She gets the same nightmare he has but she breaks from it first and feels obi wan in distress and runs to his room. They admit feelings or something,cuddle, maybe kiss back goodnight and it's fluff. *whispers* maybe anakin catches them in the same bed in the morning but leaves them be cuz they're cute!
Sorry it took me a while to put this out, but I loved this idea and wanted to take some time to write it up.
This song was on repeat when I wrote it, made it feel extra soft 😭
Peace 🌌
***
Pairing: Obiwan x reader
Warnings: none
Word Count: 1400
***
It grips you first, the agony, like a violinist who was playing with your heart strings. You see images first, then hear voices and suddenly, a burst of red. Lava. You were surrounded by it, the scorching heat devouring your skin. In front of you stood a figure, his face torn apart, tears streaming down his cheeks. “I loved you.”, he screamed about to crumple and run back to you. You reach out for him when you recognize the blue of his eyes, a cool solace in this nightmare. “Obi wan.”, you cry out. His expression changes to one of realization and then slowly to fear. “Save me.”, you send a plea and he stands there frozen. “What have I done?”, he speaks to himself running a hand through his damp hair. He turns to you, but you feel your vision fade. “No. Keep your eyes on me.”, he runs to you but you feel the narrative change around you, piece by piece it begins to stop. “Darling, I’ve got you.”, he says but his face vanishes and you stir awake.
You had to calm yourself, the beads of sweat trickled down your forehead to soak your pillow case. Your bearings on reality had slipped, you forgot were you were. Looking around the room, the details were coming back as you made sense of the articles around you in the dim light. You were in a safe house, along with the rest of the crew. You were on a mission. You breathe a sigh of relief but your mind kept going back to the moment you saw his face. Your eyes widen with the truth. He was having a nightmare and you were sucked into it. It had been as though your minds had connected through the force.
The walls that surrounded you were rather light and so in the silence of the night, you heard laboured breathing and the sound of his soft distressed voice. He called for you in his sleep. Your room was adjacent to his. You knew you had to make your way to him. So you opened the door as quietly as you could. Rex was sleeping in the living room, you snuck past him as he snored and escaped into Obi wan’s room. He laid on his bed, a hand over his chest, moonlight illuminating the tear stains on his cheek. He tossed and turned. “Darling.”, he whispered and clutched his shirt, a wave of anguish reverberating through his body. You run to him feeling the anger that stirred within him. Placing your hand on his cheek, “I’m here. It’s just a dream.”, you speak quietly into his ear and his eyes whip open.
He breathes heavily looking at the ceiling, his eyes tracing the shadows trying to make sense of it all. His hand clasps yours, you let him hold onto you. “Its not real.”, you tell him and he recites it again. He begins to calm down and only then he turns to you not letting you pull your hand away. His face was inches from yours as you sat on the floor while his head lay on the pillow. You dab his forehead with the edge of your robe but feel his eyes focused on you. The light from the small lantern near his bed, made them like glass as they tracked your movements.
“I’m sorry I woke you.”, He finally says and you shake your head. “I sensed your dream.”, you tell him as you stroked his head, raking your fingers through his hair to ease him. He nudged closer. “A recurring nightmare were I lose you.”, he shares it with you. “But you haven’t. I’ll always be by your side.”, you reassure him and he nods. “The dream is a vision, I am to lose something I treasure, again.”, he moves away, sighs and lies on his back.
You couldn’t leave him on his own now, not after what you had seen. So you move across to the other side, his eyes follow you. You had rules about your relationship, how none of you will initiate contact. It was born out of convenience, so that your feelings did not have to get involved. But tonight, rules be damned. He turned to you inquisitively, you pull away the sheets and slide next to him. “What are you doing?”, he asks but he knew the answer to it so you didn’t respond. Both of you needed to be comforted, so this was for the best.
You placed your chin on his shoulder and slung your arm over his chest. He stiffened under your touch but a second later, he drew closer and held you. “Keep your eyes on me.”, you repeat what he told you in the dream and his gaze softens. It was a way to break his fear, you being here was the only reality he needed to believe. He exhaled and kissed your forehead. “I’ve got you, Darling.” he whispered, his hand running down your back to feel your body, another reassurance to put his mind at ease.
The night dwelved into comfortable silence as you both lie awake, neither of you forcing the other to say anything. His thumb drew absent minded circles on your hip, while your finger fiddled with the strand of hair that fell across his forehead. “I saw you and it took me back to when I lost Master Qui Gon.”, he opened up on his own. You shift to get a better view of him, to be attentive to whatever he was about to share because it was rare. He never did, this. He never had time to talk to you about his past. “It reminded me about all the things that were left unsaid.”, he continued, his gaze fixed at the view out the window. Your palm glided over his chest, his muscles firm beneath the light fabric. He turned to you, his eyes looking like the midnight sky twinkling with a million mysteries. “I do not want that for us.”, he said quietly and you hum, giving him the space to venture further into the deep with you. “I don’t want rules anymore.”, his hand caught your forearm that was over him. “I think about you every second.”, his hand slipped further up to your wrist. “You remind me of home.”, he pulls up your palm and pauses. “If you wish it and feel the same, then my love belongs only to you.”, he kissed the underside of your fingers. He lies still waiting for your response, so you rise up supporting yourself on your elbow and his eyes find yours.
“Will you share your pillow with me?”, you ask and he smiles, moving a little so you could place your head right next to his. He turns to you, the tip of his nose touches yours. “I’ve been waiting for you, Obi wan.”, you whisper and he closes the gap. Even in the dark, it was as though he had memorized your face that he didn’t have to see to find your lips. Soft and warm like a summer breeze, he kissed your forehead as you sighed. He settled next to you and in the safety of his arms, sleep had finally found the both of you.
The sun was up, there was a lot that had to be done and Anakin knew it was unlike his Master to not be awake yet. He usually was the first to be up and about. So he snuck out of his room. Rex had just woken up, he sat on the sofa stretching his arms while Ahsoka stood in the kitchen making herself a cup of tea. Both your doors were still closed. Anakin twisted the door knob to his Master’s bedroom slowly to open it just enough to peek through. He saw Obi wan still asleep his chest rising and falling gently but then he caught a glimpse of you lying next to him unable to differentiate where your limbs started and where Obi wan’s ended. “Do I wake up the other general, sir?”, Rex asked Anakin as he closed the door quietly. “No, let them both sleep in. Brief me on today’s plans.”, he walked away.
Anakin knew Obi wan spent most parts of his life taking care of him and sacrificing the rest for the Order. So today he would return the favour and buy him a few additional moments of peace.
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