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#i need to have a proper convo with her about how i feel in person

cheesiedomino · 4 months

Text

Second Chances ꙳ ੭ * ‧

synopsis: your old situationship from many years ago just moved back in town and of course, he has to text you. but it’s not just any normal text — he’s asking you out on a proper date this time. will you give a second chance to Cupid? or will you be left here feeling stupid?

genre: lee minho x fem!reader | exes (??) to lovers wc: 4.6k tags/warnings: fluff, some light angst, slightly suggestive but nothing srs, mild cursing, kissing, small mentions of crying T-T

now playing 🎧: from the start by laufey

[this is part of my valentine’s series where i write a short story for each member surrounding themes of love, newfound romance, relationship hardships & more.]

“Why don’t you give Tinder a try already? I’m sick of hearing you nagging all day about being lonely!” Areum abruptly suggests mid-convo , resting her palm on the side of her face.

As you both casually wait for the food to arrive, you end up on the dreadful topic of dating again. You got into a real heated discussion with her, sitting in a booth at this new restaurant one of your coworker’s recommended. It wasn’t super well known but they wouldn’t stop raving about how delicious their breadsticks were. The place wasn’t too jam packed but definitely had a decent amount of people. What you weren’t anticipating on was seeing dozens of couples here, it kind of threw your whole vibe off since it only reminded you of your current sad relationship status. Maybe you were putting far too much thought into it but everything seemed so highly unfair. Glaring in envy while they all happily rub in your face that they’ve found their forever companion.

Life really can be cruel at times.

“You can’t be for real right now..” you instantly side eye your friend from across the table. Feeling personally triggered whenever she mentions online dating. You refuse to try it, never wanting to partake in such a vain concept where you swipe left and right based solely on looks. “That’s not the same as real romance. I want to meet someone naturally, wanna tell my kids when they grow up how I met their dreamy, hunk of a father in aisle 39 at Whole Foods.”

One could say it’s almost pathetic in a way— this burning desire you harbor within, longing for a pure, quaint, and beautiful love. Constantly catching yourself daydreaming about finding your life partner, the person you’re going to marry and possibly create an eternal family with. That day has yet to come unfortunately, but you still hold onto the thought of you someday meeting the one.

You thought you found them before, but thou shalt not speak thy names out into existence.

“Well, good luck finding ‘real romance’ in the big age of 2024-” Areum snorts in amusement, taking a pause to sip on her mango strawberry lemonade. “I need whatever drugs you’re on that’s making you this delulu so I can fantasize about my knight and shining armor that’s never coming!”

God you hate that word. Delulu. Why are you suddenly “delusional” for wanting a picture perfect romance? It doesn’t need to be perfect per se, but you want to feel adored, swept off your feet and embraced like the true queen you are. Was that too much to ask? Considering the current state of dating in this day and age, it might just be.

“I mean, let’s face it girl. You literally don’t know the first thing about love ___, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows like in the K-dramas y’know! Haven’t you only had like one boyfriend in high school? You barely even dated that guy for a month-”

“That’s because he dumped me to go move to LA and become a dumb YouTuber!” You snapped back, cutting her off to get all the facts straight.

It was hard not to grimace while thinking of such old memories. Dating a Minecraft streamer definitely had to be one of the most embarrassingly cringe choices you’ve ever made.

“Whatever that’s beside the point. What I’m trying to get at here is you don’t have the best track record when it comes to men. Remember that other guy you were seeing before we graduated? I thought y’all would’ve dated for sure but he turned out to be a dickhole just like the rest of ‘em…” Areum shakes her head in disbelief, recalling all those times you’d call in a frenzied panic about things not working out.

“What was his name again? Min… Minwoo? No, that’s not it.. it was definitely Min something.” She attempts on remembering but keeps drawing a blank.

“Minho.” You answer almost instantaneously. His name still rolled off the tongue smooth as velvet.

It felt weird though. Saying it out loud after so many years of blocking it from your immediate vocabulary. A name you thought would never escape your lips again.

“Damn, you really still think about him don’t you?” She dares to ask, knowing how difficult it is for you to even talk about this anymore.

You only respond by nodding slowly, unable to bring yourself to look at her. It was far too intense; bearing the emotions of hurt and guilt from a past fling that meant more to you but nothing to the other. That’s how most of your tragic stories end— always too overly into them while they barely reciprocate any of that energy towards you. The thing is, you thought Minho actually liked you, even so far as wanting to date in the near future. Considering he brought you over his parent’s house (to hook up of course), and though you didn’t meet them you still think that meant something. Most men don’t just bring any woman they’re seeing to their parent’s place without somewhat thinking a potential relationship could happen down the line.

“So that’s why you should download Tinder and start swipin’ on some other cuties! It’ll at least distract you for a bit and get your mind off that asswipe,” Areum pitches her idea once more, “there’s plenty other fish in the sea ___. Not everyone online is some crazy serial killer, plus you clearly don’t seem to be having much luck out in the real world.”

You wanted to jump up from the table and erase that smirk from her face but instead you roll your eyes at that last remark. “I don’t need those shitty dating apps. I’m very capable of finding someone in real life for your information!” You quickly retort as a means to defend yourself. Even though she did have a point, her delivery could’ve been a little bit nicer.

It’s not easy being a hopeless romantic, you can’t help but yearn for that special someone to enter your life and change it for the better. You won’t feel wholly satisfied nor complete until you do. The sad reality of the matter was that you are still painfully single. No one’s interesting enough to cease your attention, let alone go on any actual dates. Areum’s had enough of your bitching and whining though, there’s only so many rants and tirades she can keep listening to about your vicious hatred for men before she loses it completely. Your nonexistent love life has become more of a nuisance as that time of year approaches— Valentine’s Day. A god forsaken holiday you’ve always loathed with a passion. Wanting nothing more than to be one of those girls on the receiving end getting flowers and chocolates. A day full of the utmost joy and pleasant surprises from your loving significant other.

Must be nice..

Speaking of surprises.. The buzzing in your ear echoes from your phone pinging loudly, indefinitely startling you. Grabbing it to check the sudden notification, your eyes go absurdly wide at the contact name displayed on your screen. Blinking numerous times from shock, you stare at your phone in incredulity; making sure your eyes weren’t playing tricks on you.

Lee Minho. The Lee Minho?

What kind of sorcery is being conjured where the instant you bring him up, he somehow texts you after all these years of not speaking? This coincidence was more than unsettling to you. A part of your inner thoughts still believes this is all some elaborate joke being played on you, waiting for a cameraman to pop out of some curtain to announce you’ve just been pranked. But nothing happens, life proceeds as normal. Now you’re left with the most puzzling notification you might’ve ever received.

It was your last year of college and the pressure of your academics along with appeasing your family was getting to you immensely. You needed an escape from all of it, desperately. Which you found through none other than Lee Minho, the boy who worked as a barista at Cozmo’s; this coffee shop you used to frequent a lot. It was a cute, small family-owned establishment and they made the best matcha lattes— in your humble opinion. You’d pick one up almost every day along with a slice of freshly baked cinnamon bread. It started off as only playful banter with him in the beginning, then it lead to more as time went on. One day, as you reached out to pay he blocked your hand from moving any closer, letting you freely walk away without spending a dime. This soon became a regular occurrence, as you’d start seeing Minho outside of work, getting to know more and more about him. You remember so desperately wanting to date back then, pitying your past self for thinking there was even a chance.

‘Maybe he’s just texted the wrong person’ you psyche yourself into thinking, but when you unlock your phone to finally read the message — an uncomfortable lump forms in the pit of your throat.

Minho 🐈:

Hey is this still ___’s number?

You honestly don’t know why you still have his number saved, let alone allowing a whole emoji to be next to it. Though it never was like you to delete anything, no matter how painful it may have been. More lingering questions makes you want to seek out the possible solutions. Why would he text you of all people ? None of this adds up in your mind realistically. Furrowing your brows in concentration, you think of what to say as you draft out a response.

Yes… who’s this?

After a tedious struggle of typing out multiple paragraphs and immediately deleting them, you went over your words a few more times before sending a final reply. It would’ve been strange had you knew exactly who he was off the bat, that’ll just be dead giveaway you still had his contact info saved this whole time. But with that logic, doesn’t that make Minho just as odd for still keeping your number after all this time has passed?

Your phone dings again.

Minho 🐈:

Srsly -_-

Did you really delete my number??

Bet he didn’t see that one coming. He probably thought the moment he texts you, you were gonna kiss up to him like you’ve always done in the past. Mentally giggling to yourself at the image of him getting flustered by you not knowing who he was at first. Feels good to know you knocked his confidence down a peg.

Lol, chillax.. I know it’s you Minho :P

Not even a minute later, a flood of incoming messages appear. Biting your lip out of nervousness, your heart couldn’t stop beating so fast— anxiously checking your phone as the atmosphere around you suddenly gets stuffier.

Minho 🐈:

Better be lucky I didn’t block you after that ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Guess who’s back in the city btw. Did ya miss me? ;)

No need to answer that, I already know you did. You should stop by at Cozmo’s again sometime!

Also what’re you up to this week? I need you to clear out all your plans because I’m taking you out on a date.

You always knew Minho was the bold type but this was on another level. The sheer audacity he has to even ask something like this after not reaching out for almost 3 years was more than ballsy on his part. It felt like a surge of butterflies erupting in your stomach, getting lightheaded as you think about seeing him again. He really had an effect on you like no other.

Glancing up from your screen to finally pay attention to Areum again, you assure her everything’s going to be just fine. “Looks like I won’t be needing to download Tinder after all.”

Later on that day you ended up going to Cozmo’s and meeting up with Minho. It never really took much convincing from him to get you to budge, though it was a hell of a lot worse back then. You used to blindly follow along with anything he said just to seek his approval, hoping that eventually he’ll see you as the girl he wants to settle down with. Alas, nothing ever blossomed into something more, and you knew deep down that this was headed nowhere— but that still didn’t stop you from fantasizing about a future with him. Getting lost into deep thought, head heavy in the clouds as you imagine the idea of Minho confessing his undying love for you. You’ll be so caught off guard as he gets down on one knee, looking at you with the entire solar system in eyes while he proposes in the most charming way. It really is pitiful how much you still daydream about a guy who wasn’t your boyfriend but would constantly act like he was, then up and leaves without mentioning a single word about it.

You convinced yourself he ran off with someone else to have a better life with, even hearing through town gossip that he’s moved to South Korea to pursue becoming an idol. Whatever the case may be it still weighed heavily on your mind that he never bothered to tell you anything, even a simple ‘goodbye’ would’ve sufficed the empty hole in your heart. The main reason you agreed on meeting up with Minho was to finally ask, why? Why did he pretend to like you? Why did he act like your boyfriend when he never had intentions on seriously dating? Why was he so good at making you fall so hard for him..?

“You look great.” You subconsciously blurt out, affixed in a daze as you stare in awe at the man in front of you.

It’s been a while since you came here— never able to fully bring yourself to try and go back. Though you knew this place first, and they really did have the best Mactha lattes in the universe. It reminded you too much of him and you sadly had to let it go.

You weren’t proud of it but you did go home quickly to change clothes and redo your makeup. Usually you wouldn’t care but this was the only guy you’ve been consistently crushing on for years, you had to feel good inside and out. Minho was just as gorgeous as you remembered, if not he looked even more ethereal — which seemed impossible in itself already. He’s grown up so beautifully, his facial features became more sharp, especially his jawline which looks so defined and sculpted by the Gods.

Minho lightly chuckles at your timidness, some things just never change. “You look way better.” His lips drew into a faint smirk as he admires your presence.

He meant every word of what he said, you looked really good, and it was making him even more frustrated that so much time has passed. Regretting the way he handled things so many years ago, wishing he could take it all back and do everything differently. Seeing you again made it easier for Minho to suppress the guilt he’s borne for so long. This moment feels like a second chance to make amends for his past mistakes.

You couldn’t help but blush when you hear his compliment, feeling your ears grow hot as you look at the ground. There was a silent pause between you that lasted for what seemed like ages. Weirdly enough the conversation flowed well after he finally broke the awkwardness, the chemistry was overall still there and were able to pick up right where it left off.

“I’m so glad you came ___, I’ve been dying to see you since I got here. I’m surprised you even still responded to my lame ass.”

Minho’s light confession puzzles you. If he really was dying to see you, why’d he wait so long to get in contact with you? To be fair, you don’t know the exact time he came back.

“Oh, is that so? When’d you come back? Also show me pics of Korea, I’ve always wanted to know what it’s like there.” You fondly inquire, leaning against the side of the wall as he’s still behind the counter. He mentioned to you he’s only working part time because his parents would rather mooch off their son for free labor than to hire and pay a new employee.

“Yesterday,” he quickly states before taking out his phone to scroll through his gallery, “guess my sister must’ve told you I went there huh?”

You shook your head, “Nah, I haven’t talked to Elle in a while. She’s tried hitting me up a few times though.. but I found out through Areum ‘cause she was seeing Hoseok back then.”

They were definitely “seeing” each other alright, but mostly in the bedroom. Areum didn’t want anything exclusive with Hoseok and neither did he, it was the perfect friends with benefits situation. Minho and Hoseok were good friends who’ve known each other for a while, so naturally he’d tell Areum everything and overshare at some point.

“Agh, there’s a customer gotta take this. One sec, sorry!” He briefly apologizes before bringing his attention to the new person heading inside. You nod, signaling he’s good to go. “I’ll be waiting over there,” you point to a small wooden table with 2 chairs in a corner.

Once Minho comes back you notice he’s no longer wearing his purple work apron; back in his regular attire now and sporting an oversized dark grey hoodie that was three times too big. He was holding a large cup with green liquid and a paper bag in his hand, that’s when it clicks for you— he still remembers your favorite meal.

He’s grinning the whole time he’s handing you the matcha latte and cinnamon pastry, smiling from ear to ear like a kid on Christmas Day. This was the most you’ve seen him be so enthusiastic about something, even back when you were “with” him you can’t recall him beaming with such energy like this.

“Awh, thank you. I haven’t had either one of these in years!” You wanted to give him the biggest hug but you refrained from doing so, feeling as though it may be too early for that.

“Of course dear, anything for you.”

Why does everything he says have to make you melt from the inside out? It’s not fair! >:(

Glancing down at your yummy beverage, you see a message written on the side of the glass with bold permanent sharpie. Tilting your head to read it, the words are bit jumbled together but you get the gist. You’re almost left speechless after it reads: ‘___, Will you be my valentine?’

Your most dreaded and least favorite holiday is here, yippee! But, there’s a twist on this year’s turn of events; you actually have someone to celebrate this wretched tradition with. You should be excited but all you’re feeling is the sudden urge to vomit as you were nervous out of your mind. This was kind of weird to you, going on a date with your ex boyfriend who was never even your real boyfriend. Looking back on it now you shouldn’t have tolerated a relationship dynamic like that, Minho was clearly taking advantage of your passiveness by not explicitly saying what he wanted. On the contrary, you had no one to blame but yourself, you never spoke up or criticized anything even if it didn’t coincide with your personal morals.

The fact he never took you on an actual date until now speaks volumes, you obviously didn’t have enough self worth back to demand better treatment. It took you years of figuring out what a real, healthy relationship is supposed to be like through trials of therapy and that was an emotional rollercoaster in itself. All your uncertainties soon faded away once you became more secure and knew exactly what you wanted for yourself. It took every ounce of patience and acceptance to unlearn all your bad coping mechanisms and other toxic behaviors that were only stunting your inner growth. You’re happy to be in a position now where you’re able to express wholeheartedly what you deserve, it’s the best feeling ever to feel like you’re in control of your own life.

You spent almost 3 hours getting ready and your bedroom now looked like a war zone. The outfit you chose was super girly, a frilly white dress with pink platform heels— Minho’s going to drool in amazement when he sees you. When you sent Areum photos of you before heading out, she responds right way with a series of hearts and other sweet comments— hyping you up to no end like the best friend she is. She’s also able to help pull you out of your doubtful headspace, when you felt unsure if you could really go through with this she quickly psyched you out of it. Reminding you exactly who you are and why you are the prize, not him. ‘He should be the one who’s nervous, not the other way around’ you assure yourself over and over as a mini ego boost.

His jaw dropped when he spotted you walking up to his car, infatuated by how pretty and perfect you looked in every way possible. It angers him so much to know he took all this for granted, he didn’t appreciate all of you the way he should’ve but now he gets another chance to redo everything and right his wrongs. It’s a lot of pressure but he bravely accepts it, he could never mess up another opportunity like this again. The car ride was fairly silent in the beginning, you were vibing in peace as the only thing you could hear was Minho’s soft indie playlist as background music.

You ultimately chose to be the one to speak first, breaking the ice with a simple inquiry about the date. “So where are we going?” Looking out at the scenery from the window, all you is trees and more trees. If it’s something to do with nature you surely don’t want any parts of it, you’ve never been too fond of the wilderness.

“It’s a surprise, I can’t tell you.” He keeps a tight seal on today’s destination without dropping a single hint, forcing you to go completely blind into this. As he goes back to focus on the road, you sigh anxiously after hearing him refuse to disclose anything.

Did he seriously forget what kind of person you are? Anyone who’s close to you at all knows you’ve never been into those types of things. Ever.

“You know I hate surprises Minho,” you remind him, attempting to pry for more information. Even shooting him a doe eyed look along with poking out your bottom lip, but he doesn’t falter.

He simply nods, “I know but you’ll like this one, just have a little bit of faith me.” Flashing an innocent smile at you, he seems to be overly confident in whatever his plan consists of.

After almost half an hour passes the car finally comes to a stop, you scan the area and instantly notice a sense of familiarity among the place. Across from you was an ice cream parlor you thought didn’t exist anymore. But there it is, still standing with dozens of customers waiting in line. The small shop was famously known for its fish-shaped ice cream cones, you’ve always wanted to visit the place and try it when you were a little from seeing it on TV all the time. When you told Minho about it, you said how your parents would say it was too far but it actually closed down and they didn’t know how to tell you. From time to time you’d still think about that place, but you would’ve never thought they relocated. Being here with Minho brings an indescribable amount of happiness to your spirit.

“I mentioned this place like one time in passing, how’d you even remember?” You wonder in amazement, after all these years he still remembers something as minuscule as this.

“It may not have seemed like it but I paid attention to every little detail you told me ___, all it. Of course I know you don’t like surprises but how else would I have been able to take you here?” He sweetly expresses to you, not wanting to hold back anymore.

You wanted to cry right here, right now. All your emotions came crashing down at once and it’s hard to keep them concealed. A lot has changed within these years, things feel so different with him now, especially with how much he’s matured. You notice how he doesn’t act like the typical fuckboy in his early 20’s anymore, he’s much more interested in getting to know only person — that being you.

“I’ve rehearsed this in my head like a million times and I don’t think I’ll ever say it the right way I want but it’s time I start being as transparent as possible with you…” Minho takes a deep breath before continuing, “I’ve always liked you ___, from the start actually,” he keeps going, “I was just scared, of what I don’t know.. Commitment maybe?”

Slightly looking in another direction, your vision faintly blurs from tears welling up, “I- I honestly don’t know what to say..”

“Then don’t say anything at all, I don’t need you to. I may not know the first thing about how to love someone, but I want to learn all of it with you.” He feels all the remorse of leaving you alone for all these years, unable to process the pain you must’ve endured at him not getting into contact with you. “I’m so sorry ___. For everything, I’m going to make it all better I promise.”

Your eyes subconsciously flutter shut when he comes in contact with you. Connecting in perfect symmetry with your lips to sync together in motion. His gentle hands cupped your face delicately; his touch was so warm and inviting. Your fingers were deeply tangled in his brunette locks, relishing every minute as he tilts his head to capture more of you. He genuinely couldn’t believe he went this long without kissing these luscious lips again. His tongue grazed the bottom of your lip to subtly ask for entry and you comply. Dopamine floods both your senses like a series of fireworks going off, feeling intoxicated by each other’s taste. It was probably that vanilla bean chapstick you always wore— an old favorite of his and is still your go-to flavor of choice. He wanted to savor you in this moment for as long as he could, cherish the fact he has you in his hold again.

“Want to know something funny?” He asks out of nowhere, still smirking from that heated kiss that just happened seconds ago.

“Hm?”

“You’re the reason I ended up coming back here.” Minho states bluntly, no hesitation detected in his voice whatsoever.

You struggle to comprehend anything, overwhelmed by all his sudden confessions. “What do you mean?”

“I mean I never want to leave your side ever again ___. I’m staying here with you, I already made the biggest mistake of losing you once I can’t let the same thing happen twice.” He spoke tenderly from the bottom of his heart, it felt so genuine you couldn’t not believe him.

Going back to rewind time isn’t possible, but “do-over’s” are, and sometimes we’re able to get those second chances to make things right when we get them wrong the first time.

[End <3].

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p0ssywhippedcream · 11 months

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idek if you do HC i feel like ive never seen you do them? anyways cuddling HC w piper mclean 🫧

hey love!! I think I've done a few but they usually turn into small quickies

❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥

❥ When Piper cuddles, she wraps her entire form around the receiving person. Her legs get tangled between yours, toes sliding down your calves as her arm dives underneath you to hold you tighter. Her hands make a small maze behind your back.

❥ She leaves little kisses across your forehead since that's where she can reach with her head so close to yours. She likes looking at you, your face, being able to affirm herself at anytime that you really are there. With her.

❥ She tends to fall asleep a lot during cuddles, the reassuring motions of your hands on her back and your breath on her face lulling her into dreams. Nightmares don't come often if she falls asleep in your arms and when she wakes up well rested, it's because she's in your grip.

❥ She does like face-to-face cuddles quite a bit, to study your expressions and to be able to kiss you at any time. But she also loves being the little spoon! She loves knowing you don't think go her as a burden and she won't ask for it but always agrees when you offer to spoon her.

❥ She loves being the big spoon too, esp when you're upset or when she feels like smelling your shampoo. She prefers it a lot when you feel like you're weighing her down because it simultaneously lets her ground you tightly and it keeps her facial expressions hidden. She usually gets emotional about her own insecurities hearing you talk bad about yourself, knowing what it feels like and she doesn't want you to feel like she's making it about herself.

❥ She of course cares about your comfort, firstly making sure you're tucked in the blankets and resting on a pillow. She asks every now and then if you're okay with your position, usually when she shifts or you move.

❥ If you seem uncomfortable or tell her you are, she will very quickly and carefully detangle herself, making sure there is a good amount of distance between you two while asking if you're alright.

❥ And if you don't like cuddling face-to-face or so tightly, even though Piper really does, she will agree to anything as long as she gets to hold you. She has intense anxiety over accidentally hurting you or charmspeaking you and will do anything in her power to guarantee your comfort.

❥ She truly though needs comfort herself sometimes, and that's usually how cuddles happen. Her confidence is mostly stable but there will be the occasional moment when it slips and she goes back to thinking she is only trouble and useless.

❥ She doesn't like telling you when she feels this way, hating to be even more of a burden but you can see it in her kaleidoscope eyes. It starts with a reluctant discussion, you reassuring her and eventually tucking her in your arms and gently brushing away tears.

❥ Piper likes the way you love in these moments, all soft and caring and intentional. Love can be messy and confusing but in your relationship, it only gets messy in the kitchen. You always try to communicate with her and she tries to do the same, both of you making sure you have conversations, not arguments and that your needs are met. And after a rough convo, it almost always ends with her holding you.

❥ She can cry a lot during cuddling and sometimes, it's just from the sheer overwhelming force of her love for you. You always keep tissues next to your bed and these special moments where it's just you two intertwining to become one are always a place for vulnerability.

❥ She is definitely a physical touch gal and just needs to be kissed and pet and held sometimes. She can survive without it, esp if you don’t feel like giving it, but she had to go so long without proper attention and affection that it hurts for her to be without it again.

❥ Since she had to deal with an absent mom and an absent dad, knowing that you put down any distractions (ex; books, phone) and just stay present with her as you hold her means the world. She absolutely kisses you dizzy when you just stare at her and listen to her and admire her.

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augustinepen · 1 year

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i saw some people be frustrated at mon for running away after the convo with the grandma and i kinda need to share my piece on it.

mon and grandma's scene is actually one of my favorites and i kinda understand why mon had to go home after that.

i talked about it more detailed on my other post but the way the grandma talked to her so condescendingly, picking apart every insecurity she had from her family and life status, her relationship with kirk and nop, her sexuality and her love for sam. the mindfuck was so crazy that even if i was in that situation, i would've probably broke too. mon was from a very loving family so to be able to hear words so brutal must've traumatized her. i feel like even if she wanted to stay at sam's place, she would've probably lost her mind replaying that whole encounter so i get why she had to run home for comfort.

you kinda saw it in her whole demeanor at home too. when she was talking to nop, she can't even have proper coherent thoughts and her mind was elsewhere. then when sam came, she was avoiding looking at her and staring far trying to hold the emotions in, not wanting to break but when sam hugged her, she just lost it and just bawled herself crying and broke down. i think that's also why she didn't answer her calls at first. she knew she'd break down at sam and she probably didn't want to do that, esp knowing that sam would take it on herself.

mon has always been the flight person while sam is the fight person.

but i love how that scene ended and turned out. mon assuring sam it's not her fault and sam assuring mon she'll do everything to protect her.

#gap the series #monsam #mon imma take care of the grandma you go home with sam now

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darshanoftheories · 7 months

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We got the trailer, a bit later than last time

So I gotta be quick with my theories

So I gotta preface this entire convo with my believe that the playable characters won’t die.

I don’t think hoyoverse would be brave enough to do that, especially cause, no matter how much people might want to play guizhong and such, more people would be freaked out with playing a corpse. I think the Fontaine banners would ultimately not do as well as they could’ve, if the characters were dead for real. I don’t think hoyoverse would want to jeopardise their chances at making money.

So, that said, the trailer does depict quite a few dark scenes, in fact, most everything hints at death and destruction. The prophecy is being fulfilled, the people of Fontaine are dissolving. And in the middle of it all, Furina and Neuvilette. At the trial of the hydro archon Focalor.

Now it should probably be said, that those two, plus Navia, who is falling into the water after we failed to grab her, are the only people we see in the trailer as far as I know. Navia might still die, but she just got her character card confirmed and she was already one of the main characters in the archon quest, so again from a marketing standpoint it would be idiotic not to let people pay money for her. So I’m placing my bet on her being saved last minute by another person.

What we also didn’t see is the ship, that Wriothesley was building. Which I also feel like it has gotta play a part in the quest, or else they wouldn’t have gone through the effort of designing that big of a thing and only show it for like two seconds.

When we talk about the ship, we have to talk about the water.

The primordial water seems to be even worse off than before. “Everyone on the street who happened to be close to the water didn’t have a chance to escape. As the water levels rose, they suddenly disappeared.” Everyone, implies that it truly is everyone. Fontanians and every person from another nation who happened to be there. That’s not the properties of the primordial water we know till now. Even the traveler got warned not to go near suspicious water. I am a bit stumped why Navia would feel the need to clarify that it’s the water that’s ominous though. I wonder what they were talking about before. Maybe other people? Maybe the oratrice?

And that is the second thing we have to talk about. The trial. The trial of the hydro archon Focalor. People seem to have very negative response to justice right now, so there has to be something that’s besides the norm.

I think that Focalor and Furina might not be the same person. That theory has been floating around for some time, but it feels even more solid when we know how hoyoverse likes to bring us onto the wrong path. Every time the specifics of the trial are mentioned only Focalor or the hydro archon are mentioned. I could see Furina in opposition with Focalor, battling for the title of the hydro archon. So that in the end of it all Furina is finally the proper hydro archon.

But then again, Focalor has a Death sentence.

The way Furina looks like, we already know her white outfit, she’s been wearing that all the time, but now she also has a black outfit, in which her hair is cut short, without those long strands anymore. It makes me think of that blade going down, cutting her hair off, symbolising a new beginning. And yet. Black is also for mourning. Focalor dies, so isn’t it fitting to wear black? What is Neuvilette’s part in all this? If this is a trial, then shouldn’t the oratrice be able to handle it? Ah but no, it makes me think of a theory I have had before. Would the oratrice be able to remain impartial in a trial against itself? Maybe Neuvilette’s job really is to make sure to judge impartially. Maybe Childe’s sentence really was unjust. Neuvilette said Furina wasn’t quite as superficial as she made herself out to be and I have to agree with that.

Now I am really bad at figuring out whose voice is whose, but I believe it is Furina’s voice actor who says “Farewell, Neuvilette. I hope you’ve enjoyed the part you played these five hundred years.” And while it is Furina’s voice, it doesn’t sound like her. She has more glamour in her voice, more energy. I think that might’ve been the voice of Focalor.

Childe is also in his foul legacy transformation again, and with Skirk and the whale being in the trailer, there’s certainly something interesting going on. I like the idea that Skirk is somewhat parallel to Arlecchino, with being called Papa, cause the voice in the end, she knows more about what’s going on. I can also see the “Everyone’s dead.” line being from the past, because again, I don’t think our playable characters are going to die. The whale as the final boss in Fontaine is gonna be exciting, especially cause it seems like the whale got through a portal into the courtroom. And Neuvilette and Childe are battling to defeat it.

A parting thought that there are more trees than ever, they just continue to pile up. There are two main new ones in this trailer. It’s part of the Tevat symbolism.

Anyway gonna wrap this up for now, 4.2 is upon us soon, so we’ll see how this chapter of the archon quest is gonna end. (Probably with the Fatui having one more gnosis)

#genshin impact #genshin theory #genshin #genshin spoilers #fontaine archon quest #genshin analysis #fontaine #genshin 4.1 spoilers #genshin 4.2

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darrowsrising · 3 months

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Hello, don't you think that Pax's personality is a little off. He isn't even acting mature, he is acting like a robot. He is a child, he should feel emotions and show them. In first book we saw this, I adored him but now he is acting like a blue and supressing his boyish side is not what I'd like to see in a child character. I was reading the part where virginia and pax were having a talk in Light Bringer and these were my thoughts all along.

Hello,

No, because it is purpuseful. And it was expected, but the fandom ignored it. Also, I wouldn't say his entire convo with Virginia is like that, the end of it was extremely emotional.

But basically, Pax is training to be a hunter pilot, which requires even more cold blood than your usual Blue. Of course he will reflect some of his daddy's coldness.

The reason why he took to it so fast is more than presumed genetics, it's the fact that he was blamed for Ephraim's death. He is now trying to do something himself, but this is how fucked up it is.

Idk how this fandom wants Pax to remain a child and thinks that Volga's behaviour and everyone's enabling of that behaviour wasn'tgoing to affect him somehow. I get that she was grieving, but it's not okay to let her lash out and pile on some animosity - he is a child, he will interpret it as his fault rather than just a grieving person lashing out.

Pax' childhood may have ended too early, but he shouldn't be a hunter pilot till at least 16. He could help Virginia with a crown, as he is stellar at leading Armadas. And Darrow is the only person capable of convincing him, because the boy speaking to his Sovereign is bound to win the argument. Darrow doesn't care about it making sense, he didn't die out of child labour for his child to become a child soldier.

And Virginia came to understand Pax cannot just stay hidden and wait it out and there is time until he graduates, so the school is safe for him for now. It also give him an occupation, so he doesn't She will surely have Darrpw handle it before it's too late.

He will still be involved and help the cause, but not like this. Even Rhonna went through it at the proper age and got involved in direct combat under certain circumstances. Direct combat is not for Pax yet, but I suspect he'll get in a few kills before forced retirement by the order of Daddy Reaper. Leading Armadas is more needed than another soldier, so he shouldn't be mad.

But yeah, Pax' behaviour is not a disappointment at all, it's to be expected. I think your expectations of him are not fair considering what the kid has been through, because his behaviour makes sense. You may not like to see it, though, which is understandable.

Plenty more disappointing things in Light Bringer than just this, it's the least of problems, honestly. Guess progress is a slow process and I went and lost all my patience in Dark Age. Don't ever let me run planets, I guess.

#light bringer spoilers

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jitterbugjive · 1 year

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Oh-- God, that's wild. And a lot more complicated than I thought. D: I do remember her publicly calling you out years ago, I can't remember what for (maybe it was vaguing, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't about any of this.) Felt more like a personal spat where she was offended/her feelings were hurt. ): I do hope she gets the help she needs, and you still come out of this okay. None of that relates to who you are now as a content creator.

It was about a few things, like the Derpy Blog incident, and claiming that I taught her to act like a sociopath because a long time ago she came to me asking about her lack of emotional empathy and need to manipulate others and in my naivete I suggested perhaps sociopathy could explain it. Because even I myself at the time was dealing with similar feelings and thought I might have been a sociopath because of it. This was before therapy and dealing with my trauma and realizing it wasn't sociopathy, but in fact dissociation. And when I did suggest it, I tried my best to give her tools to practice empathy and kindness, but she blames me for all the wrong and harm she's done to people because to her, my suggesting she had sociopathy was permission for her to act like a sociopath.

I struggled with the guilt of this for a while but my therapist told me no one can 'teach' someone to become a sociopath, that's not how that works. She chose to act that way on her own because she took something I said and ran with it, and I didn't give her enough tools to counter those thoughts but that's not my fault because I didn't intend for things to happen the way they did. I really tried to provide advice that would help her function more like a proper, kind person, but she ignored that advice. I'm not blaming her either by the way, she was a kid, kids are dumb, they tend to latch on to dumb things and take them way out of context. She was at that age where kids like to be edgy so I'm sure the idea of being a sociopath was cool to her.

She also called me out on something I told her when I was in a psychotic state, which was me saying I based Slate off of her. That wasn't true either, and I tried to explain it to her that in that state I believed everyone's characters HAD to be based on someone real, no exception, and I felt the need to tell her Slate was based on her because he had just a couple of things in common with her and therefor "they were connected" and I "subconciously" used Slate as an experiment to better understand her.

Again, I explained this to her, I told her that I was not in my right mind, and I told her the three characters Slate was actually based on from the anime Monster. But she apparently chose to believe I was lying and that I HAD to have based slate on her because of how similar they were.

I have a screencap of a convo here where she admits that she had a habit of taking anything wrong she did and blaming it on me, and the last convo I had with her was about a friend she manipulated and targetted because she thought he was too nice and naive and needed to learn a lesson about life.

I never meant to make her feel like she was a bad person, I just wanted to know why she did it, why she hurt someone that badly and pitted people against him.

She ghosted me after this convo, and a few months later deleted my Bedeviled Derpy blog with a long post of accusations against me.

THEN after that did a callout twitter with one of her buddies.

It's just

I have been too scared to defend myself because I don't want to look like one of THOSE people, but I'm so tired of people looking at just one side of the story and not understanding all the stuff that's being left out or twisted to sound worse than it actually is.

I want the best for her, I do, but I don't think I deserved this much backlash. If she'd just talked to me we could have come to an understanding, I feel. But that's not how she does things. She'd sooner ghost then lash out than actually discuss things. She'd rather tear people apart to get back at them than come to an understanding. Maybe she's different now, but I doubt she'll ever let go of the fact that I'm her scapegoat for everything that was ever wrong with her.

#vent

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frankiistein · 6 months

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mandatory commentary on a1-p5

when it comes to vara we know she absorbed anthonys personality and nemories but the degree of this is never addressed, so theres no knowing how much "anthony" is vara, that makes it a little vague to analyze her words bcuz we dont know if its "her" talking or her anthony parts (then again the distinction might not matter). the introject-coded nature of the relationship did not go unnoticed

so in this chapter vara does say she only sees jacques once a year, which means that annotations are usually p rare (especially assuming its not the same marginal that gets annotated every year, so maybe marginals only get routine annotations after several years). one thing she mentions is conspiring against media, which might give more clues to the nature of jacques and anthonys relationship, at least i think what vara meant is that she has memories of jacques and anthony conspiring against media

for anthony this makes sense if he had visions that influenced his actions seeking jacques out and involving him in his plans might be self fulfilled prophecies. idk what jacques would have gotten out of this tho, and his denial that this happened can mean vara is just intentionally riling him up

ofc on that vein, varas purpose is involving the marginals existence so i wonder if her trying to get in the way of meja is like her own way of trying to protect media from smthg she knows abt jacques, but that she can only express in an anthony-ish way. idk. rly vara is so mean in a way designed to annoy ppl the sincerity of her words is hard to think abt

tbt lol

this is smthng very 🤨, so we know bread gets the star toy from the alt timeline, which has nothing to do w/ curator. i understand jacques would have no way of knowing the specific events bread saw and bread probably didnt contest it either bcuz most likely she doesnt know who these ppl r shef have no way of knowing theres an inconsistency. but it does open up the question of why the alt timeline (or maybe a memory of it?) is in curators memories anyway 🤨

the "main" part of the update imo is media and vara talking. first thing i noticed is that media is definitely meaner when jacques isnt around. not only by his impatient demeanor around vara, but even in his open admission to he finds other marginals disgusting. ofc, this may not be exclusive to media (vara seems to suggest, marginals looking down on each other for dying in ways deemed not as "noble" is common) but still, its different from the more proper and affectionate media we see around jacques.

... That is not reflective of my Sense of Ethics, and I would never want to "torture" the Object of my veneration.

media consistently expresses his affection for jacques w/o jacques watching, first by talking about him positively in the radio, and now w/ this. i mean it was obvious he likes jacques ofc but it does point to his feelings being genuine instead of an act he only puts up around jacques

ofc varas answer does strongly imply that media might genuinely care for jacques bit that he still wants to torture him lol. i think the only mystery here is whether his thoughts of harming jacques r intrusive or a sadistic feeling he tries to surpress

the rest of their convo also shows vara and media r so interconnected they r practically "the same person" and interestingly they both refer to themselves as the creator of the other. probs related to the recursion theme that they simultaneously are each others creator and creation, and expands on their relationship from i1 where it looked more like vara was "only" a creation

(also, that reminds me too, i1 vara might be a "pure" vara w/o absorbed judges, and we can see how much more formal she is than anthony-vara)

[ Yikes, no need to get so testy. It's not my fault your AUTOMATICALLY CENSORED BY PROFANITY FILTER boyfriend would rather choke on a dead human's dick. Maybe you just don't fuck as good, Bendy. ]

its canon ur honor. jacthony fucked

alright so this is just straight up fucked idk what it means.

the link leads to a story that is likely marys backstory, where shes described as an artist whose job was to make works of art that replace the missing. things going "missing" is described as smthng very surreal, where it looks like spacetime becomes distorted? most likely has smthng to do w/ the apocalypse, especially if curator died by "architectural thinning" the architecture beign the "rules" of how things exist then thinning might look like things going "missing" because the rules of their existence gradually disappeared.

ofc whats rly ??? here is media as the herald of the apocalypse. like 🤨🤨🤨 idek what to make of that but its worth noting too that the radio was the last form of media in curators world too

the song choice is... smthng. rpp music taste is eclectic asf /pos

the lyrics given r a translation of the song, as a tagalog speaker theyre pretty much accurate, the english lyrics just seem to have more words but i think lots of changes had to be made to fit the rhythm bcuz tagalog words r longer than english ones. heres my literal translation of the lyrics for reference:

the wind has a song, conducting, whistling

its whispering to me, going backwards, chasing

and if you join in the tune, you can't even sing it

maybe it really is a crazy melody, this song inside my head

the wind has a poem, shouting, humming

the same tempo as the stars blinking, dancing, rolling

but if the heart tries to join, you can't catch the tone

maybe this really is how to love, singing like an insane person

spinning, circling, feelings that can't be placed

my heart is flying with the song i have (x2)

what is this thats happened to me? stuttering, stuttering (idk nauutal and nabubulol just mean the same thing)

forcing myself to sing but my tongues in knots

but if the mind tries to join, you really just cant catch it

maybe this really is the love that i forced into turning into a song

(rest of the lyrics just repeat)

ive said this before but i rly like how rpp writes translyrics bcuz of how well they both rhyme and fit in the rhythm, and in this case its also a rly good translation overall that conveys the same idea. its actually impressive how even the words in the middle of the lines rhyme imo

anyway, one thing i noticed, gui actually pointed out b4 that pavlovian love was formatted like a "performance", w/ the intro of characters and then a song, at least its definitely distinct from anything in breadavota b4 i1-p5rd

and if this is meant to be the beginning of a "manual annotation" then that might imply that whatever sar did to bien was an annotation or smthng annotation-like

thoughts 2 think

#breadavota

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glittter-vamp · 11 months

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A convo between OIFL Joe and CW Joe

OIFL Joe: idk why but my girl who isn’t really my girl but I like to think she is my girl wants me to give her some space but I love to cuddle every second. She is furious why I bought her a Bugatti and a castle for us to live together. I want to drive her everywhere but she declined. I even tried to buy her a private island for us to vacation on, but she smacked me. I got us a cute dog that we can take care of and she had the audacity to tell me that we didn’t go on a proper date so she wants me to stop love bombing her. So then I got us a goat to take care of instead and she is pissed.

CW Joe: My actual girl wants people to know that we are together. However I want to keep her a secret for now. She wants to move in with me, but I declined. Even though she is always staying at my place.

OIFL Joe: There’s nothing wrong with hiding and being secretive. You should be able to hide her and she should understand why. If anything you can pay her rent.

CW Joe: I offered and she said no. I told her I need time more time and I need to talk to my publicist. Women are complicated.

OIFL Joe: how long have you guys dated?

CW Joe: 4 years

OIFL Joe: hmmm that’s not enough time at all

CW Joe: that’s what I am saying! I need another four more years to really think if I want to hold hands with her as we are walking down the street.

OIFL Joe: I feel you! But I cannot resist making out with my girl in public. She gets mad at me at times because people have been calling the Cincinnati Slut but I told her I have urges that I cannot control. I am scared if people think I am a manwhore though.

CW Joe: that’s my main issue! I cannot imagine what people would say once they find out I have a girlfriend. I really want to value my privacy.

OIFL Joe: I like to value my privacy but not my girl’s privacy. So I feel you. But people are saying so much about us such as we are dating swimsuit models, Patrick Mahomes is better than us, we are dumb without our appendix, and people make fun of our grey jeans all the time.

CW Joe: its different though because I want to keep my personal life very separate from my professional life.

OIFL Joe: I understand. You did negative things wrong here and I hope your girl comes around being hidden.

CW Joe: Thank you! I hope your girl is okay with you buying her expensive stuff she doesn’t need.

OIFL Joe: Thank you! Speaking of that, I need to stop by Chanel and buy her 50 bags.

CW Joe: Why does she need 50 bags?

OIFL Joe: I don’t like the bag she uses from Walmart so I thought I can get her 50 from Chanel. However she gets upset when I make fun of her Walmart bag. I want to buy her 50 different colors too!

CW Joe: Women are so needy!

OIFL Joe: Agreed

I AM SCREAMIMG 😭😭😭

This is so fucking funny, I love it 😂

#asks #funny anons #oifl asks #🍒🌊

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cryoweaving · 10 months

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late night word vomit about the caiying character arc in fontaine bc i will make it happen there.

caiying accompanies you to fontaine for a commission for one of her embroidery pieces for a close family friend and you both have a relatively wonderful adventure where she confesses she's always wanted to go adventuring. anyway, it's all just set up by reinforcing that caiying is a nice person and she frets over you just about the entire trip there. she can't fight so the only alternative is to be support or help with your wounds after battles.

of course the first detour or little mission you have there that you must complete before you can finish the fontaine story is helping caiying deliver her embroidery piece to this family friend. it's just the usual running to find this person around fontaine and the convo between caiying and them is all good from the outside, but when she hands the embroidery over ... they pause. it just looks a regular depiction of some nature scenery but it can possibly be misconstrued to have some deeper meaning but caiying profusely apologizes if it came across that way. they relax afterwards and you part ways with this individual for a while.

i'm sure fucked up shit will be happening in fontaine but i don't read spoilers but i don't need to. caiying is just acting oddly while you all are dealing with shit in fontaine. even when you have breaks, you find she is writing letters or talking to people or is out and about more than she should be. she assures you she just has business to take care of - no big deal. of course, you trust her -- how can you not ? she's so sweet and speaks in a way that disarms almost everyone.

so how is it that you're standing there, watching this person you thought you knew exact revenge without any oversight from anyone else ? it's disturbing to hear caiying recount how she's been waiting for this moment -- to kill someone who has ruined her entire life -- for over ten years now, how she has laid out this plan to corner them for years and years, feigned appreciation and closeness with the person destroyed her mother's family because she knew she didn't have any usable evidence, and she gets to have it now.

" i disturb the water to catch the fish i so desire " -- she's led them here one step at a time, pretending to be unknowing and innocent.

fontaine is the nation of justice but caiying confesses she's not much of a believer anyway and would rather take care of things on herself; nobody and nothing will uphold justice for her after all.

she promises to send them off cleanly, make sure they are given proper funeral rites and not touch their other family members at the very least. and it's over in a moment -- with the simple flick of her wrist and the sharp ice ends her entire rage. and you see how stunned she is, how relieved she is, how heavy it feels to do this. and you realize you didn't know her all that much as you originally thought you did.

i'd like to leave the choice to turn her in or not up to the player. either way i think in game it'd trigger an update to voice lines -- deliveries become a little more mellow afterwards and some lines are just changed entirely.

#ooc tbt.#tbt.#i am having jumbled thoughts #violence tw #murder tw #it's about all the rage and vengeance caiying is capable of storing in her body . deep inside her heart .#it's not enough that she is living well. she can't enjoy it when the people responsible for ruining her life are doing well #she just doesn't find that fair and she's like ' the archons will not help me so i'm going to take matters into my own hands : ) '#caiying in the middle of committing a felony: rex lapis pls don't be mad at me ;; w ;;#doing it herself is a reflection of how she literally has no other options in her perspective

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undercoverpena · 1 year

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So sorry if this is a personal question but I saw the ask about your anxiety and I wondered how you were diagnosed and what happened for you to realise you had it? Again super sorry if this is to much. Please feel free to ignore if it is.

tw: anxiety | plssss remember i am a stranger on the internet, not a medical professional. speak to someone medical if you can!

i am very open about it all, so don’t worry, i just don’t share too much out of fear of boring people hahah. but, i was officially diagnosed a few years ago—maybe like five or six years now?

but, i’d been offered help and support before then, and i think a professional had suspicions as it was on file, but one doctor just took the proper time to help me, is all. kinda erupted in his office and he was like “okay, i think you need to tell me what you’re feeling” and i did. and it was both terrifying and amazing.

for when i realised, i think i’ve always had it? when i was diagnosed me + my mum had a really in-depth convo about it all and i think a lot of it has been passed down from her side of the family. she recognises a lot of what she called quirks was me struggling. like, even as a child she said i’d always been very anxious, nervous and emotional, which fit with what i remembered too. i’d always really struggled with people-pleasing, feeling overwhelmed, and saying no as far back as i can remember. there’s lots of stories i could tell but this is getting too long as it is.

but i think while i had it, it didn’t really get out of hand until things began stacking up? something bad had happened to me, and then it was followed by being in an awful relationship, to then being in a loving one i didn’t feel i deserved. it just bubbled, and bubbled until i became deeply depressed. i knew then something was wrong, but i didn’t get the proper support or care until i had an operation on my knee and i told someone how bad the nights were that i began really getting a name for what i’d felt. which for me, meant a lot. i know for some people they don’t want that, they don’t need a title or a diagnosis, but i felt i’d struggled for years not knowing if something was wrong with me, so to have a name for this thing i was dealing with, helped me see that i wasn’t broken, but just needed to restructure my thought process and my boundaries.

because of it, i just try to be a little better than i was the day before. some days i am, some days i’m not. every day is a new day with new challenges. in the last year i’ve pushed myself very out of my comfort zone, something i massively struggle with, and so far other than a handful of panic attacks (which were very expected), i’ve proven to myself that i can do more than i thought i could. so while i’m diagnosed and live with it, it’s also just very much me? it’s all i’ve ever known, and i just have to find ways to not let it run me, and get it to work with me. cause for all its negatives, it does make me a better person on occasion too ✨

#tw: mental health #tw: anxiety #asked and answered #anon

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crazywolf828 · 2 years

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You actually write a Sun I have zero problems with, and his story role in V2-3 was OK; I mainly wish v4 & 5's writing had made him a *smidgen* less 'shadows Blake in a Star Wars villain cloak' & loaded-convo-interrupt-prone. Less relevant: what was up with the change in eye color from Poser to Maya? It's not like Sun had a semblance or old-magic thing going on with that.

I'm glad you like the way I write him! Might be because I actually like his character 😅 I mean, it wasn't always that way like back in 2014 or whenever it came out I was one of those bee shippers that hated blacksun like yikes😬 Then I grew as a person and realized that I was a fuckin dick and now we are a Sun stan.

As for V2+3 I feel like Sun's main purpose was to A, have another faunus she could talk to (and further the White Fang plot) and B, have someone her opposite. Yes I know Yang is also her opposite, but at this point she was relating more to Sun at least for a decent amount. Also he's her opposite in like, a different way than Yang y'know?

As for v4-5 you once again have the faunus thing to further the plot with menagerie, and she needed another positive character. They all got one (aside from Weiss arguably but I'd count Klein), but I agree there were a lot of faults in his character, but what's a good character without faults? He also gives that line about Yang, about how she's worth more and worth protecting and none of them regret it. Blake needed him there or she wouldn't have had the proper soundingboard for her emotions. Sure her parents are there, but their relationship is strained and they don't really know what happened at Beacon.

I'm also in the firm belief that at some point during this Sun has feelings for Blake, and maybe there were even kernels of Blake having feelings for Sun (because yes, you can have feelings for more than one person I feel like people don't understand that) regardless, she's still emotionally fragile and def not ready for a relationship at this particular point.

Then you get that line at the train station when Sun was talking to Neptune, the "it was never about that" line. It's a good one, shows a lot about his character tbh.

Regardless of anything, romantic or platonic, Blake enjoys spending time with Sun. So when people write her as finding him purely annoying or as a nuisance it's kinda irritating y'know? Obviously there's acceptions to it, but tbh I've always thought of them as more of a sibling dynamic y'know?

#im half dead so i dunno if this makes sense #anyway i just think sun is neat #hes annoying sometimes for sure #but blake and him are friends regardless #don't mind me #answered #ask #anon

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espressogal · 2 years

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life + anxiety updates!

life has been so hectic this month. september has been a lot more than i thought. im reuniting with my faith in the best way possible. i joined a church and a young adult group in the church and met so many amazing people im excited to call my friends soon! i also feel more connected to God in such a vibrant atmosphere. it almost made me forget about the friends i lost bc they were hurting me. it made me feel like im no longer limited to a circle that i have to settle for and a life i have to settle for bc its easier and more comfy. i went to the church and the group last night all by myself! i drove there. walked up to people and introduced myself. i did that. can you believe an anxious person did that with zero meds. in the weirdest way i feel like putting myself in these high anxiety-inducing situations has helped me feel less anxious it’s crazy! like this morning i went to starbucks and i started up a convo with a barista and kept it going and i talked loud (not obnoxiously but rather confidently) and proud and didnt care that other people could hear me and judge me. and i stood tall and i talked with my voice and not a soft and small voice that i usually do with strangers to seem small and vulnerable. then i sat at the patio table and i took up space and there were people sitting around me but i continued to sit there and send voice recs to my friend without caring that the people around me would judge me. i maintain eye contact now so much better than before. i say what i think and pay attention to whats being said and not as much as how im being perceived (though this still needs more work). i tell people how i feel about them and show emotion and vulnerability and love when i feel it bc i feel so much love and idc if it makes me look weird bc that’s me!!!! im getting closer to my sister too and weve been hanging out a lot and im getting more comfy talking to her and hanging out with her and her bf and his brother. we went to an escape room on saturday and going to a concert together this friday!! so the friend department and personality department is improving. i think ive done great academically and doing good professionally so that is also improving. i turned down a great volunteer opportunity bc i knew id feel overwhelmed with everything going on which im proud of myself for. i reached out to a prof to be my academic ref so we’ll see how that goes! i did gain weight and it hasnt been moving bc ive been consistent with being healthy then inconsistent but in my defence i literally do not have a routine yet and im waiting to start work so i can sort that out properly omg. once i have that sorted ill figure out a proper workout routine. my romantic relationship is getting a little shaky since i reunited with my faith bc he’s not a believer but thats a conversation for later. im nourishing friendships that matter to me so im doing pretty good there. i think overall im doing ok. better than before but i still have a long way to go. i need to work on improving my relationship with my parents and resisting temptations and being more mindful of how my body feels. i think i’ll be okay for now

#jthoughts #anxiety tag

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thegravityblog · 1 year

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My alter ego: This is what I hate. Idk what happens some nights, I am like “Why?”. Cheer up boy, sleep. She never lost sleep for you. And whatever she did was just an act. It was all fake. You’re just around the corner one step away. A couple of steps more and you’re there. You’ve already started feeling a sense of relief, don’t destroy it. Fuck her! She doesn’t deserve a soul like you. What the fuck in this world do you think, a woman who in her delusional world thinks she’s strong and a girl boss but when the times were really tough, got somebody to fill the void and just escaped? You think this person deserves to be in your late night thoughts? Cmon dude. Now you being deluded. Some people are fabulous actors, it was just an act. Now sleep, you have things to tackle. Who will take care of the employees, the product, the market, the clients and the associates? The whole fucking company? You put fires off everyday. Its normal, the difference is here you are completely being human. You’re doing absolutely fine. That bitch never deserved you, she was a mistake. You would had recovered by now, but she knowingly chose to fuck you for her own happiness. Her own stupid ass self centeredness. She could had ended things peacefully, but how would she feel better about herself if she couldn’t break you and confuse you? Keep you as a low-hanging fruit? But you won. You’re still around and you have achieved more than her in lesser time. And you’re rocking. There are so many more beautiful woman out there, what are her standards? You deserve someone who is internally beautiful, but not some fake ass girl boss. Girl bosses are accountable for their shit, your own elder sister is an example. That’s what a girl boss is. She owns her stuff and is not afraid to take responsibility. That’s the truth you needed to hear. Cool? I am surprised with all that cash in the bank you still think about a worthless fake human being! Sleep my boy. Winners don’t lose sleep for losers. Reserve this mental space for something meaningful. That chick took seconds to slip into someone’s bed, what makes her a strong woman? 0 self control when things were wrong. And did she win? Leaving you? Have you seen who is she with? Is he even a man? And the lifestyle? Cmon dude, you should treat yourself a single malt next evening that she left you for a loser. Just because someone is always with a person doesn’t mean that person is a man of values. If he was, really, do you think they would had been coupling on a porn site? That’s there side hustle. So you think this man, who also takes the easy route to get rich is a man of values? High value men aren’t fiddling on a chicks tail and following her orders. They make her life better in an unimaginable way. They move their lady to do better in conventional ways. A proper side hustle, in reality that guy is just being her pimp. How much of a reality check do you need more? Which civilized guy would record videos of her girl and post them online for money? Is that a gentleman’s definition? That guy is allowing thousands of guys to jerk off seeing her girls ass. Is this enough for tonight? Reality check. Don’t be them. Don’t be deluded. Being in solitude needs courage which you have been showing, these people are weak. Ask them to be alone for just a month and they’ll get mad, because in reality they can’t be with themselves. They don’t have the time to reflect on who they are! just don’t waste time on thinking why. Why is because she is this way. Not a gentleman’s possession but a pimps public property. Sorry, online pimp sounds accurate.

Yep, my alter ego is right. Sorry dude. 😂🥲

*These convo’s are very interesting between me and my alter ego*

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loregoddess · 2 years

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Hit the halfway(?) point of Azure Gleam (to the end of Ch9 aka the final chapter of Part I), some some mid-game spoilery thoughts below

I’m...actually really disappointed Miklan died? I dunno if there’s a way to speed through the map and prevent him from dying although the wiki suggests his death is scripted into the story itself so...yeah. But I was really hoping for an honest effort from the writers at a proper redemption arc, but instead they fell back on the tried and true “redemption equals death” trope which is...honestly an exhausted and boring trope in my personal opinion. I wanna see a character who did terrible things suffer and work to atone for their deeds and truly move forward to become a better person, even if (or especially if) the people they wronged don’t forgive them, because that’s a much more interesting story to me than “actually they could have been a better person, but lost their life in being better (i.e. by defending something important to the protagonists)”. It’s just...eh. Miklan was so much more interesting in Hopes than he was in Houses, and his arc could have been so much more compelling, but instead I got stuck with this. Well, I suppose it’s better than the “actually he turns traitor and joins Edelgard bc she promises him whatever bc of her meritocracy-based ideology” which would have been objectively worse in my opinion, so there’s that I guess.

That said, aside from the hiccup of whatever the fuck is going on with Sothis’s characterization, which I lowkey hate, most of the character writing and story writing so far is really strong. I think it’s interesting the game allows you to recruit certain characters from the enemy army, but a few of them (mainly Dorothea) will call Shez out being like “sure, death or betrayal were my only options and I don’t want to die so I guess I have to betray the people I love what the fuck dude” which is...a bit more nuanced than what I’ve come to expect from any FE writing. But for the Lions kids in general, I really think the writing works well, especially for Felix and Sylvain whom I had mixed feelings about in Houses. I mean, everyone still needs like, fantasy therapy, but still, I like most of the writing so far. Kinda sad that Cyril isn’t playable still, and same goes to Hanneman since given how Sylvain’s writing is going, a support between him and Hanneman would have been fascinating, but the base game is immense, so I’m not unhappy.

Oh, but on the note of characters, Linhardt’s dad looks like a muppet. Also he’s too tall, why is he that tall. I’m loving the new unique characters (esp. since so many minor lords are just generic unit NPCs, rip), but some of these designs are uh...very much some designs alright. I don’t mean that in a bad way though.

Not sure how I feel about whatever is going on w/ Edelgard, since she seems a lot less present as a villain, but hopefully now that the writing team has an idea of what they actually want to do with her, maybe her writing will actually be consistent instead of whatever the mess of Houses’ writing was. I am enjoying the layers of conspiracy though, the Agarthans actually seem like proper villains with story clout now, and I am loving it.

Anyhow, I’m very excited to see where the story goes from here, the game’s been great so far and now that I’ve broken in the mechanics I’m having a lot of fun with the battles as well. Kinda disappointed I can’t fuse weapons at the smith like I could in other Warriors games, but I’ve been able to create some pretty powerful weapons regardless of the smithing limits. Can’t believe the game got me to actually use the expedition function either, since I never touched the tea party mechanic in Houses but once. Actually I suck at talking with characters, but there are some interesting bits of lore hidden in the expedition convos. Hopefully the scripts get lifted and posted somewhere so I can read them all at my leisure.

So now, onward, with...way more characters than I ever needed since the game keeps giving them to me.

#oracle of lore #don't let the disappointment I have w/ certain tropes fool you I am loving the game so far #also I did say I expected nothing from the writers but I have gotten quite a bit of actually decent writing so far #and the mechanics are fun!#so that's all I really need out of a game

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