#i miss it so much and im happy to be doing it again. Even if i got so many flappers holding the pen stung akjshfsd
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I Hate it Here
pairing: paige bueckers x reader
plot: based off of the tiktok trend from taylor swift’s new album ttpd. in which paige sees the tiktok you made about her.
also posting on my other acc! @kenzlovesyou
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paige returned home from practice to find you asleep in your shared room. she was sweaty and tired but the sight of you looking so precious made her face soften. she noticed you had a tendency to do that; make her soft.
paige put her bag down and walked up to you, kissing your forehead. “hey y/n, baby. i’m back,” her tone was sweet as she shook you awake, “i’m home!”. you groaned a bit as your eyes fluttered awake. “paigeyyy” you said, still half asleep as your arms reached to hug her. she smiled and reached down to hug you. you nuzzled into her neck, you’d missed her a little extra today. she stood up fully and you got out of your bed, hugging her tightly once again. “babe i’m sweaty. let me shower, then we’ll spend some time ok?” she lightly unhooked your arms from around your neck and gave you a soft kiss on the cheek. you sighed, already missing her touch.
you decided to go on to couch and watch a show while you waited for paige to finish showering. after finally settling on a show you spaced out into it, watching intently. paige finally finished showering and came out of the bathroom onto the couch with you. she saw the show you chose and wasn’t particularly interested, but still wanted to spend time with you. you laid your head on her shoulder and snuggled close to her. she looked down at your precious head and kissed the top of it.
she decided to scroll on tiktok while you watched your show. she scrolled past videos on her for you page, not finding anything entertaining enough to like but not boring enough to scroll past without watching. she then switched to her following feed. she watched the dancing video she and kk had made earlier in the day, before practice and laughed to herself. then she stumbled upon your account. you weren’t too active on social media, so it was always a treat for her to view something you’d posted. it was one of those slideshow tiktoks, with a new song from Taylor Swift playing in the background. the first picture was a cute picture of you azzi had taken of you with your hood on your heading, looking grumpywith the words “i hate it here so i will go to”.
paige quickly realized what trend you were participating in and was excited to see what you thought your “secret garden” was. she assumed it would be Uconn, as you’d mentioned how happy going to school here had made you and how it’d brought you out of your shell. she slid to the next photo. “secret gardens in my mind” she read and saw a mirror picture of the two of you. nobody else. just her. she was your secret garden. she mattered most to you. she felt like tearing up. she’d never meant this much to someone. even though it was just a tiktok trend, she was overcome with emotion. “baby?” she looked over at you.
“hm?” you hummed over at her, still immersed in your show.
“hey, welcome back to the real world. i saw the tiktok you made about me. i love you so much. ” she lifted her arm up and put it around you.
“you like it?? it’s not too annoyingly coupley and cringey?” you asked.
“no, y/n. it’s perfect. i wish i could be with you all the time. i love spending time with you.”
you looked at her and smirked. she wasn’t this soft when she first met you. you’d changed her.
“going soft on me, bueckers?”
“OK MOMENT RUINED” she jokingly pushed you off her even though she knew she’d be holding you again not even 2 minutes later.
my first one shot 🥳🥳 ik it’s short but i felt like writing something!! feel free to send in fic requests, dialogue prompts, song lyric prompts, etc! hope you guys like this, ik im not the best writer but i just like to do it for fun!! have a great day/night <3 :)
#paige bueckers x reader#paige buckets#paige bueckers x oc#paige bueckers#wlw post#wlw love#uconn huskies#uconn wbb#Spotify
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saw ur posts and i really hope you're feeling okay now! if you feel like writing i wanna ask for some reqs where in the established relationship reader realized just how much jungwoo loves her bcs she's on her periode week and jw is taking care of her nicely without hesitating even adjusting his works and providing his help to accomplish reader's workload. thank you so much i really hope you're doing good and having a happy days ahead <3
thank you so much same for you:( i love this idea bc im always soft for jungwoo<3 thank you for requesting i hope you enjoy hehe,,,
honey
*๑♡՞ kim jungwoo
ᖗ pairing- established relationship, idolbf!jungwoo x fem!reader
ᖗ warnings- fluffy fluff , mentions of period pain/cramps, reader is not feeling great thru most of this, jungwoo is a sweetheart <3, he loves reader sm bye,,,,lmk if i missed something
ᖗ a/n- hi mls!!! i missed posting and i haven’t written for jungwoo in a while and i think he might be one of my biases,,,anyways i hope u guys enjoy<3 not proofread 😪
you have been rotting in your bed for hours. you asked your boyfriend to bring you some extra feminine products just incase. he was quick to respond to your text. he sent you a text saying he would be home soon with everything you need. you sighed in relief feeling so thankful for him. you cuddle up into your blankets as you wait for your boyfriend.
you watch whatever dumb dating show you had on earlier. your pain on the first day differs but this time is was painful as hell. you took some ibuprofen but it hasn’t started working yet leaving you to suffer. you hear the front door open making you smile to yourself. you see your boyfriend with a bag from the store.
“i asked you for a couple things- baby you didn’t have to get all this.” you sit up to face him as he brings the bag over to your side of the bed. “i know you did. i wanted to get your favorite snacks and some more stuff just to make sure you have it. i’m sorry you don’t feel good sweetheart.” he sits on the bed next to you. he pulls you into a gentle hug as he rubs your back.
“how was your day other than that? did you rest mostly?” he massages your back looking at you for your response. “it was good. i was missing you all day. i was just watching tv and cleaning a little but i gave up on the cleaning very fast.” you smile at him as he smiles back. “yea? i was missing you too. don’t worry about the cleaning i will take care of it all.” he rubs your cheek softly as you lay against his chest.
“how did you come home so early? i thought you had long schedules today?” the two of you move to lay down under the covers together. he pulls you close as he faces you. “yea i had meetings mostly but we got done like right before you texted me so i was quick to get you things.” his hand is resting against your hip as he gently massages your side. “you’re gonna put me to sleep baby.” you laugh as you close your eyes.
“come here.” he says pulling you to kiss him. you kiss him back quickly melting into the kiss. he holds your side gently as he kisses you softly. “i really missed you.” you pout looking at him. “i really missed you too, honey. you were all i was thinking about during my meetings.” he smiled at you again. he leans down to plant a kiss on your forehead.
“i love you.” you sigh at the cramps you feel. “rest honey. see if you can nap? i love you more.” he looks at you with a soft expression as he helps you get comfortable. he rubs your back softly until you fall asleep next to him. he just smiles as he watches you sleep peacefully.
jungwoo woke up early that next morning to make sure you had enough food. he made you your favorite breakfast when he saw that you were slowly stirring awake. you watched him bring in your breakfast as you fully wake up. your cramps already kicking you in the ass in the first few seconds of you being awake. you sigh at the feeling but smile at your boyfriend.
“you ok sweetheart?” he sets the food down on the side table as he climbs back into bed. you kiss his lips quickly as you climb out of bed to go to the bathroom. “i’m fine! don’t you worry.” you smile back at him as you quickly use the bathroom. you come to your bedroom feeling a little bit better as you crawl next to your boyfriend. “you didn’t have to make this for me. thank you- wait what time is it don’t you have dance practice today?” you ask as you start eating the breakfast he prepared for you.
“oh yea! i do i just told them i had my girl to spend time with. we pushed it to this afternoon so i can stay with you a little longer. then i can bring home dinner for us!” he smiles at you softly. “how are you feeling though? need medicine, water, anything you need i will get it.” he smiles to himself as he feels the need to help you without thinking about it for a second.
“i’m feeling okay today- my cramps are killing already but i think i just need to finish eating this and it’ll help. thank you baby.” you smile back at him as you continue to eat. “ok. let me know if that changes. as for now i’m here to give you love.” he kisses your head as rubs your thigh softly. you finish your breakfast after a bit with a smile. you look over at your boyfriend to see him already looking at you. you start to tear up as your thoughts start to clutter your head.
“baby? what’s wrong?” his expression is a more serious one as he pulls you closer to him. “n-nothing- i just- you’re being so nice to me. i feel so shitty and here you are making me feel so much better- cooking me breakfast? jungwoo you are too much.” you start to cry as he holds you in his arms. “sweetheart i will do absolutely everything for you. you are my main priority. i don’t need anything else but you. i will always be here when you don’t feel good.” he kisses your cheek as more tears fall from your eyes.
“honey- i love you so much okay? come here.” he pulls you closer to him as he kisses your lips. you kiss him back as you feel him pull away. he kisses your tears and gently wipes them away. “my pretty girl. i love you more than you know.” he smiles at you sweetly as he rubs your hair back. “i-i love you jungwoo.” you sigh into his arms as you stop yourself from letting more tears fall. “you are the best boyfriend i could ask for.” he shakes his head.
“you’re the best girlfriend i could ask for. you deserve the best only you know that. i will never give you less than you deserve. now let’s cuddle until i have to go to practice, i don’t want to leave your side until i have to go.” you laugh at him shaking your head. “what about my online classes? i haven’t done any assignments for this week.” you groan thinking about your work. “don’t worry about it until i leave! when i come back ill help you he smiles kissing your head as you two stay tangled in each others arms for the next hours to come.
#jungwoo#jungwoo x reader#nct jungwoo#kim jungwoo#jungwoo fluff#nct scenarios#nct 127#nct u#nct x reader#nct imagines#nct#nct smut
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hi i just want you to know it makes me so happy to see someone else love teddie so much....your art of him is so wonderful and it makes me smile real big whenever i see it! thank you for being you. you're awesome 👍
hehe teddie is a very important to me my special weirdguy
and thank you!! ive put so much time into drawing him, but unfortunately as of late i havent been doing that :( i plan on changing that because i really miss him even if im not that much into persona anymore
actually have my recent set of "derusting attempts to draw him again
#ask#smurfsy#my art#teddie#these look awkward bc its been a While.#ive drawn the mascot form recently but not the whiteboy twink supreme#and like i said i wanna fix that#anyway THANK YOU#for the lovely ask :)))
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i think korra would really like climbing [ids in alt]
#korra#korra fanart#legend of korra#korrasami#korrasami fanart#myart#i have so many sketches of korras back lmao#lok fanart#lok#i finally went climbing again today and came home and drew this#korra's too adventurous to be a gym rat but i think she'd get really into the competitions#i miss it so much and im happy to be doing it again. Even if i got so many flappers holding the pen stung akjshfsd#there's this art trend on insta where it's like “they say your art tells who you are inside” i feel like mine's just “gay gay homosexual ga
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i miss f2 so badddd, like why it cant be 17th may already
i miss my boys😔😔😔(my pookies)
me waiting for the return of f2 ^^
#honestly thoooo#this sucks so much#i miss them way too much#i shouldnt be feeling like this lmao#but im :((((#miss my emotional support boys#who decided that the races should be that far away anyway????#its an even longer break than the summer break#wth#seven weeks without racing.......#just three weekends until it's race week again 🙃 we can do it#also testing this week 🥰 at least something to be happy about#asks!#alexandra <3
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FIE WHAT DO WE THINK arent they so doomed mlm wlw UGHH I LOVE TJIS
I-
Kiana in the toji gojos fit is AAAAAAAA (i love women)
also fun fact but gojo and kiana actually share the same birthday !! (Dec 7)
THANK U FOR THINKING OF ME WHEN U SEEN THIS 🥹
#kiamei >>>>>>>>>#ty so much for sending this riko ily#AND NO NOT DOOMED#u mustve typo and meant happy and nothing bad will ever happen to them#also seeing this and i immediately just jump to kiamei made me realize how much more i like wlw ships ajshsjjdksnskskskqkkq#like even stsg im super neutral on and prefer platonicly#but i think that has to do w/ them reminding me of me and my one friend#i miss them 🙃 but uhhh lets not get into that#no trauma dumping in the tags again 😔
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sorry for the long ass post but this has always my favorite scene in the entire film - for obvious reasons - and im so glad greta talked about it and the way she worded it made me laugh so hard i had tears in my eyes. haha... god. my boyfriend sobbing his eyes out over the metaphorical crusts on his patriarchy sandwich......
#i dont think ill ever love anybody quite the same way that i love Ken#because he came into my life during a time when i was like. dying. not in a haha millennial way. i was genuinely fucking dying.#he is so. special. to me. he is so... everything to me and i truly mean it every time that i say it#i miss and love him so deeply so WHOLEHEARTEDLY *EVERY* single day#and i didn't used to be able to do that anymore! but he!! HE made me feel SAFE again and thats INSANE#because i was SO UNSAFE for SO goddamn long! and the feeling of safety is STILL unfamiliar to me and foreign and horrifying#but he's constantly such a Safe character. Barbie too even moreso. and it's so refreshing after feeling Unsafe for so. long.#i spent over a year feeling like my whole world had ended and i was destined to die but then he! shows up! in my life!#and no other character was able to spark life back into my heart the way he did#AND I HAD *TRIED* I had tried so hard to get into old special interests and find new ones but NOTHING worked#i was just an empty husk. just a shell of a person having flashbacks *constantly*#feeling unsafe *constantly* suffering *constantly* every single second i was awake i was in so much pain#and then every time i'd sleep i'd have the goriest nightmares about all the abuse i was put through and all the F/Os i'd lost#but then Ken Carson plucked a star out of the sky and said 'hey sweet girl you don't know me but i miss you and love you'#'and barbie is here and im here and allan is here and everyone loves you already. we're so happy to meet you'#'and everything is gonna be okay because we've got you! we came for you! and we will fight for you!!'#and then hearing greta comment abt this scene made me laugh so hard and then it hits me. i laugh now.#i laugh so often because of This Dude. i didnt used to be able to laugh before but now i laugh like i used to#i used to say all the time about my past main F/O i had lost from abuse from an IRL person 'i will never love anyone more'#and true i will never love anyone more than i loved my starlight. but here is the thing#i will never love anyone the way i love Barbie. i will never love anyone the way i love Ken Carson#because it was IMPOSSIBLE for me to feel joy for so long and it was. THIS MOVIE that brought me back#when this movie is so full of the most specific triggers. colors. clothes. yet i push thru it every time#and its because these characters make me feel THAT safe!!!! like if i see a trigger i tell myself that's BARBIE'S Thing. and Barbie is safe#ive never ever once had a flashback during the barbie movie NOT even once even tho logically i Should. but i dont.#because these F/Os are like!!! sweet girl!!! we've got you!!! and i'm like yeah you sure do now don't ever let me go#god i cry my eyes out every single time i think about this i need to sleep LMFAO SORRY FOR THE LONG RANT#love notes#💕 I'll fight for you!! - ̗̀🐎🏖️✨ ̖́-
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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you know its time to go to bed when the sad thoughts start rolling in
#im just living with the realization that fanfiction will always be an under appreciated art form. writing in general tbh#like visual arts will always be looked as superior cause they are bite-sized and take no time to consume and whatnot#im not saying one is more valuable than the other they are both important but from consumption pov#and then all that with where i am right now with creative stuff and its just like...#im making some of my best work ive ever done and im so happy to be writing. i feel great about it and it makes me so happy#but then again. there used to be art. that ppl actually maybe looked at and liked more. even if it is/was subpar and like. yeah#i dont know. i just feel like written works should be more appreciated. like i totally understand that they take a lot more to consume#but at the same time i feel like thats an excuse but what do i know i have too much time in my hands and i still miss stuff#anyways. yeah it just. personally makes me sad. making the stuff i love so much right now but cause its in written form its just#i mean i miss drawing. i think. i dont know. but i also love writing so SO much more#anyways this makes no sense im just sad now im gonna go to bed good night. dont know whats gonna come out of me tomorrow#night is an absolute mess on main
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im home and already swallowed by despair. can you believe i was in CHICAGO a few hours ago. and now im here. lol
#i know i know. and i need to let the anguish motivate me to get out of here. but it feels like i dreamed it all#purrs#chicago#i had a rough time getting out of the hotel and through the airport to my gate and also im bad at math so i fucked up the calculation about#when my flight lands bc of the time zone change and i gave my parents the time in central time not eastern time so my dad was waiting for m#for like a half hour and texting me and i wasn’t answering bc i was still in the air and he was pissed at me and snarky in my texts with hi#and i was sitting there on the plane and could just feel his words ripping into me and the horrors rushing back in and i still haven’t#recovered from it honestly. it wasn’t that big of a deal he just said something that i misunderstood as him saying he was giving up waiting#for me and going home bc id already wasted his time and even though that was not what he actually said it just kinda burrowed into me that#my parents were mad at me and were probably also mad at me for not communicating with them AT ALL the entire time i was in chicago. and it#just was eating me alive. im home now and we haven’t talked about it but they did say things disapproving of the fact that i did a lot of#stuff by myself which i probably shouldn’t have told them. idk. it’s not even that bad i just am torn apart by their rejection of me and#utter inability to just like be happy for me without criticizing some part of it or restraining me. plus the house is just as much of a#biohazard as it was when i left and all the broken things are still broken and it’s like. a lot. i miss the hotel LOL#i think im just sleep deprived and not in my head right today but i do not want to be here. sinking in quicksand unable to breathe. but i#have to be the one to get me out of it and i should have learned how in chicago but i didn’t it was just a break and now im stuck again#delete later#kind of terrible that instead of being so proud and happy about what i did my immediate reaction is to be miserable that im home now lol
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I just realized I'm gonna have to start posting art here again. Devastating.
#insta DOESNT allow you to opt out#neither does twitter and also i have always hated twitter#and noe tik tok is gonna be gone#tumblr doesnt even allow for the format i LIKE TO DRAW IN#LIKE IT DOES BUT EVERYONE HERE HATES THAT#my creative outlets are being shot in a back alley rn#was the ai frenzy mot enough#im abt to be so sad abt this man...#all my tt mutuals were so sweet and kind i love them im gonna MISS THEM#I wonder if ill never see Spud or Raine again 😭😭#like i was so comfy posting all my shitty lazy doodles and everyone was just happy to have that#and here i frel like i need to finish stuff and yeah yeah its all abt enjoying your work but also it feels Bad when soemthing gets 20 notes#versus the amount of shares/comments i get on tt#like ppl actually TALK to me there#this is just me screaming into the void abt it bc obviously the ban will be us losing SO much more privacy than that#I might not even have Here anymore and i just dunno what id do with that 😭
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oououuuowowaah story of undettale
#TSUAUSUSBGGHyzhaa i HATE OUR BROTHER I HATE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH NO MATGER HOW HARD I TRY all GHE SHIT I DO TO TEY AND SYMPATHIZE WITH HIM HE#FUCKING THRNS AROUND AND IS A DICK TO ME FOR NO RESON AND !!!! YLS AT ME FOR NO REAON SOMETIEMS SHUT UL SHUT UP YOURE LITERALLY 13 STFU#i fucking hste it here i hate being fcjingg 18 and having to share the sMe room with him i have sincd he wzz BORN.#GOD. ONE FUCKING NIGHT ALONE WIYHOUY HIS ANNOYING ASS I CSNT EVEN JERK OFF OR STAY UP LATE OR LISTEN TO LOUD MUSIC#AND LIKE IM HALDWy fhinking OH! OM BEING IRRATIONAL jd spLITTING AGAIN AND I AM. BYT HE IS JST A DICK I HATE TEENAGE BOYS I HOPE HE DIES#hes SO FUCKING MEAN hes cslldd me slurs and a bitch multiple times in the most derogayory way and i hate him#he knows abg the zysfem too snd just CHOOSES TO IGNORE IT APPARENTLY DOESNG CARE WHO HES TALKING TO.#auuggh moments i regret being ghe host i hate it here.#i hate our familh theyre just fu jing mean yhis shit builxing up is whzg made me snap in the first place!!! and couldng host for a long time#andd now im upset and spiralling and i dont wang to be a bother espcially sijce spe ific ppl i wantto talk to arsnt thefe an d it makes me#very very bvery sa d i msis my friends#i cry everry day miss ing them i have beene really liking remembering things with nicki#no onee knwos wht im talking about or wjo i am#i dont want to be useless please need me i jave no other purposs#im a nuisance to ppl whow ant to front#i sit here living in the past that doesnt exist anymore and pray every day for it to come baxk knowing it wont ever come back#i miss . my friends i dont tthink they like me#im too pushy when im happy and when im upset im too cold i never make anyoke happy an d i talk too muc h and it hurts wberyone#icant even ve of goo d use to mmy actual children in headspace im an awful mother i cant stay stable enough tk help anyone or do anything#me being here has only caused problems and I remember why i left before#me when i spiral and makenmsyelf sonmu h more upset than before#vent#shelly
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#personal#been talking again recently to someone who was once my best friend/girlfriend(?)#idk if i will continue talking to her even tho i miss her so much#she is happy in a relationship and has a toddler now#idk if i can ever move past the past even tho i need to#it was all for the best tho#i mean she is thriving now and v happy#i shouldnt mess that up#but im still so fked up and sad and embarassed#why is it so hard being happy for other ppl (including loved ones) when ur fkn miserable urself#she was so right for finding something better tbh#bc i am still the same gloomy sad bitch i was back then#idk what to do#so i will just drink more and go to sleep
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i have so many feelings and i hate it
#and regrets of any time ive acted up or feel like in hindsight it wasnt cherishing the time i have w them as i shld be and#and things i want to do with them still and ways to love them and be loved and understand their way of loving and#i think we can be so good together and. i miss them. and i hope they miss me.#i really hope theyll miss me soon and want me again and . ik its maybe a little messed up but i want to believe and trust and#its hard and it hurts but. i really feel theres a great connection and if i need to chill out a bit and remember myself more thats fine#and on me for getting so like. moody recently. altho i kinda feel like part of that is med changes but u__u still i need to be able to like#be better and i think they make me better and so happy and. im so comfortable with them and i love them and i wld want to make it work#even if it had to be distance but i dont think i want to just be their friend like maybe but it would hurt a lot bc i love them so much#and i hope they wanna be with me too still and will allow me to romance them yknow flowers and adventures and love and take care and... yea#and maybe some of this was just them going thru a lot rn and im sorry for adding pressure to it and i want to be the comfortable respite an#auurgrgghfhdhdhhfhfdhh i miss them#i just keep thinking abt them like ill have periods of not but then i do again and. idk.#theres also a lot of complicated feelings and thoughts and its like i want to like. idk. know some of their friends n stuff n. :^( idk#i dont feel well from the stress and emotions and ow of it all#i really hope it isnt just a way for them to let me down i really hope they come back eventually like i wanna believe they will but#ourgsghthfhdhfhghghdhdhwkelftk4bfbhwiwjtjejAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#i love them a lot. and need to listen more abt more alone time stuff bc it is good for both of us but not like this u_u#ok sorry for rambling i needed somewhere to write feelings so here we are#i guess part of me is hoping theyre thinking abt me at least a bit and maybe will check this and see it and be like wow i do miss them too#but ik thats silly and eitth3u2ieigjtb4jirifjwji24jgntn aahhhhhhhhhhh. i say a lot of things wrong esp when scared or overly emotional and.#urgevshehrhtjrjeitjtnjeeitjtjwjeiigvjiw9384847rhfbwjoe4j4n4j289djrnrnf#i just really really hope they come back soonish and like want me and are like yes i do want you sorry for that but not a huge sorry bc#like i understand where theyre coming from and. and. yeah. idk. soon doesnt have to be today or tomorrow but maybe a week or 2 idk#i just realy miss them and it hurts and i really dont want them with someone else or to just throw it all away andni want to prove i can#like. idk. love them and be better and more positive i guess we've both been dealing w a lot of stuff and i do need to learn to accept and#more patient w how we communicate differently and we do have to face that but its a difficult topic to confront ig and aurh4hwhshhrlffff#i think they love me i want to trust and i really hope they dont try to make any decisions for me or like based on what they think best 4 m#bc i get to decide that :^(#when i said let down i meant like. leave my life and never talk to me again and stuff.. ;^(. idk how to feel abt some things but. idk. idk.#theres so many feelings and that all is just a pretty vague tip of the iceberg ugh
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okay im enjoying getting these dialogues i previously missed so much. literally astarion when you ask what? will you miss me: "HA!
why not!!!"
#yea dont look at me i started a new character and felt like shit going through all the stuff that i just walked past on my beloved character#so i just made my og character the exact same again and im doing the exact same route with him again VDKFJDJDJDKF#but now im gonna actually do all the stuff in the game bc before i didnt understand the game so i missed so much#i was gonna explain everything i felt but it got way too long so ill just say this instead:#im already getting so much fuller of an experience and i couldnt be happier#and i wanna play my new character (who i like) when i dont feel misersble doing it#im not someone whos precious abt their games like when its over thats it thats the canon story so this way works for me#i build it meticulously until im satisfied!#im still gonna make the same decisions. hes still gonna be the same deceitful little rat with delusions of grandeur#but now i just play out all the massive amounts of stuff i didnt know existed bc i didnt understand how to navigate the game#its gonna be tough to eat the tadpoles again and be cool to the dream visitor bc i HATE the emperor hdjdjdjf#but like i said first time around its absolutely what he would do bc hes convinced he can control it#to get back to the post itself LMAO im obv so happy to get all the astari0n dialogue i missed bc just with this one dialogue i missed#(bc i didnt know how to long rest well) im getting a much more fleshed out picture of his manipulation and its so great#im on tactician now so im hoping it will force me to long rest more so i miss less camp dialogue#anyway can you believe my previous attempt at these tags was even longer? lmao bye im off to enjoy the game however i please!
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I have quite a few messages to get back to, but I have read all of my inbox messages so far, and I am so relieved to have so much support. Thank you so much you guys. I’m so sorry I haven’t responded to many asks or dms yet, I got hit with a flood all at once (which isn’t a bad thing at ALL), I’m just not used to talking to people again so I’m gonna be suuuuper slow with my responses. But I will get back to as many as I can, I cannot tell you how much it means to me that you’ve reached out to me. This is literally my first time in nearly 9 months that I’ve started to speak to people again, I’ve been completely isolated and only spoke to the ex-friend for so long, convinced that I’m too unlovable to receive kindness anymore. I’m shocked at how much positive support I’m getting, I was told for many months that I wouldn’t have anyone on my side. But so many of you have told me that you’ve got my back. I am overwhelmed by all of the love I have received in such a short amount of time and I am so grateful.
I’m a little shaky and tired, writing everything that happened in that post out took a lot out of me, so I’m gonna head to bed pretty soon and then I’ll try to respond to more messages in the next few days if I have the energy.
Seriously, thank you so much to anyone who took the time to message me or write a response. I was so scared that people were going to think I had no right to be upset. And my post is so scatterbrained, I was crying when I wrote it, I have been dealing with so much anger and heartbreak and grief for so long. I wrote it with the mindset of “nobody is going to read this, nobody is going to help me, I have been alone this whole time and nothing is going to change”, but reading all of your kind words has made me feel a little bit like myself again. This is the first time in almost 9 months that I have felt a small bit of weight lift off of my shoulders... it means so much to me. I really care about you guys, even to the ppl I’ve never interacted with directly but you leave Likes on my posts, I see you and I appreciate you. I always remember ppl who extend kindness to me and I promise I never take it for granted.
#i feel so bad im leaving 30 messages just Sitting There but like!!! i am so happy to have you!!!!!#i am so!! relieved!! i know ive said that a million times but its true!!!#i was hurting so bad when i wrote that post and not even 30 minutes go by and you all managed to#make me feel so seen. and so heard.#i feel a little bit of hope now like maybe i AM really capable of feeling love from TF again#i miss starscream so much. i love starscream so so so so much. i will do anything to get him back#thank you guys for having my back and for supporting me 😭😭💖#i feel like ive fallen into a deep dark pit and youre giving me the strength to finally try to crawl out of it#i promise to respond to more messages at least by Thursday 🥺 thank u so much again guys#i hope you have a good night. i love u. be safe. i am sending u so so so much of my love
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