#i literally cannot remember a single other person i was following
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What's your evidence for Watts and Murdoch being autistic? (I totally agree btw)
Hello, internet stranger. Buckle up cause I've thought too hard about this.
Ok disclaimer I have not really sat down and watched the whole thing for a hot minute. Its past nine, you're just gonna have to trust me this one.
Credentials: Mega autisitc
Murdoch:
Does not understand social conventions. Like this ones pretty obvious. He doesn't understand why people keep dogs. Raises his kid in a completely non traditional way. Frequently doesn't get why people care about something that he sees as not being worth it (sports and popular trends and so forth).
Doesn't like small talk
Cares about justice NOT the law. The thing that really makes me think he's autistic is that he cares about things being just and is prepared to break the rules to do so. The main example being he lets that woman out of prison depsite the fact that he could go down for it. He turns a blind eye to Watts and lets Giles go even though they're both criminals in the eyes of the law. And on the flipside he sends George to prison because I think that's what he percieves as justice (if anyone's seen the bridge this really reminds me of Saga at the end of season 2)
Sees through hierarchy. There are so many epsiodes that play out like "I think Mr X is the killer." "But Mr x is extrememly important and influential!" "I don't care he killed her."
Interest in science and inventing. Look I know we joke about stereotypes but like, its a stereotype for a reason. He builds things with an autistic brain. He uses pattern repition through learning about previous inventions and applying them to his own devices.
Visual learner. This is not autism exclusive but he solves cases in such a unique way that it screams ND to me. Murdoch often literally builds a case. They make a joke about clue/cludo but he literally has to make the model of a house to picture where everyone is. He makes all those model of the ladies that were covered in metal. And let us not forget his famous chalk board.
Buzzkill. I say this as a long-term sufferer of leaves parties at 8:45 syndrome. He does 'boring hobbies' which autistic people often have because we don't feel the need to take up traditional ones.
Remember that scene where he attempts to read out his and Julia's book and just absolutely cannot tell that no one gives a single toss about anything he's saying.
Wears the same thing for nearly 20 years. If it ain't broke don't fix it.
Refused to let his wife cut his hair because he didn't want to change from the lady who used to do it.
breather. Part 2: watts.
Cannot read social cues: Frequently insults other station house four people. Pretty sure he called someone's baby ugly but I might have hallucinated that. "You're face is symetrical." Got chucked out of station house because he didn't get on with any of them
Disregard for societal norms: doesn't feel the need to be polite or tactful with anyone or to really follow police protocol. Acts very 'improper' a lot of the time. Only got one shoe shined that one time because that was all he needed. Puts his feet on the sofa, lies on the desk and leans over tables.
Makes limited eye contact.
The man will fidget with anything: Look this is clearly a character decision from Daniel Maslany but its an autistic character decision if ever I saw one. We're talking pencils, cups, fabric, anything. If it is on the set, he will find a way to play with out. And I don't normally like to assign autistic traits onto behaviour implemented by actors but it's basically stimming at this point. I dare you to keep an eye on this man's hands for any scene and I garuntee you they will not stay still.
Disorganised, but not: He always has tiny bits of paper and whatnot in his pockets but always seems to know where everything is. organised but doesn't have to time to be tidy. Same whenever we see his flat, it's equally disorganised. as an autistic person I find things end up all over the place because I don't have the capacity to keep them in order.
Bad handwriting and can't spell
Physicality: Most autistic people will have some sort of problem with co-ordination. He walks uneavenly. He has an odd posture. I always think about that scene where he steps in sick and moves around like a dear on ice. He's clumsy, can't sit straight and has a strange posture.
can't think when being interrupted
can't focus on two things at once.
George realised he'd been possessed by aliens because he was acting normally.
pretzels: dare i say safe food. If not, they're bland, usually the same everytime and take little mental effort to consume.
Strong sense of justic: see william murdoch.
SPECIAL MENTIONS:
Dr Emily Grace: didn't become a doctor becuase she didn't want to adopt a 'cheerful bedside manor.'
Dr Julia Ogden: Married to Murdoch (like calls to like) and sees through the bullshit of victorian society.
Susannah Murdoch: has those two as parents and I have the full confidence of genetics on this one.
In conclusion:
There's probably so much more I could talk about that I just don't remember because there is a lot more of this show than most others. But anyway. Murdoch is autistic because he has to be for the show to work and becuase he often comedic-foils far too close to the sun. And Watts is autistic because there is no way on God's green earth a man who stands like that is neurotypical.
Thank you, internet stranger, I am here all week.
#sorry this is word vomit#there is a reason i shouldn't try and be funny on the internet#murdoch mysteries#cbc murdoch#cbc mm#william murdoch queer icon#william murdoch#llewellyn watts is autistic#llewellyn watts#dr julia ogden#dr emily grace#autistic stuff
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My account @logangarfield was terminated so I guess I’m here ??? Emailing staff hoping they’ll give me my account back ??
Tagging a few people: @dickgraaysons @kingofscoops @heroeddiemunson @klinejack @edtomh @harrison-ford @rajalagang @leightonmurrayy @finalgalnancy @star-kovs @zoya-lott @pinkchubbiebunnie
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If I lose my mind | Ch. 6
Series summary: When life has given you more than enough lemons and you cannot figure out how to make a lemonade, the only way to make it work is to get rid of the whole basket. But was it neccesary to send you to a whole different dimension for that? A juicer would have done the job, really.
Or, one day you go to sleep as a normal person and the next you wake up as a Formula One driver. You've never been a fan but isn't it like, one of the most exclusive sports?
Pairing: CL16, LH44, CS55, DR3 x fem!reader
Chapter: Previous | Next
Word Count: 2.8k
Also on AO3
It is stupid really, the little things you do to reassure yourself that this is not the reality. You found an article the second or third day in France whose headline read something like How to tell if you’re dreaming: 5 steps (with pictures) —yes, it’s from wikiHow, so what? Your mind is playing tricks on you so you won’t believe the important sources—, and you have been following it like a ritual ever since.
For example, it says to always check your environment for distortions, that appearances can be deceiving in the dream world. And although it talks about your house being different from what you remember or objects looking strange, being in a completely different country from where to sleep in seems to fit that description just fine.
Another step had been to test your strength and abilities, if you can fly or lift extremely heavy objects, you are clearly not awake. You are not ready to admit the number of times you have tried jumping off the hotel bed and levitating without success, but you would say driving a Formula One car is quite a remarkable skill to learn overnight.
The one stage you had not been able to get past had been to consider other people around you and analyze whether their presence made sense or not. From the beginning you have been surrounded by strangers, Nick and what he calls the team, journalists and other drivers. This combined with the fact that you have not been able to contact your family or friends yet, has made this step the trickiest one to overcome, nobody during these past few days being able to really tip you off.
That is until you saw the fucking Fernado Alonso strolling into the drivers’ briefing like it was nobody’s business.
You had never been too interested in Formula One, the races and everything surrounding the sport honestly bored you, but that was one thing and not recognizing Fernando Alonso when he is literally sitting in front of you was a completely different one. Your father would kill you if that had been the case, how could you not recognize the Spanish driver who you had spent countless afternoons seeing your dad and uncles cheering for when you were a child? It made no sense. So, although he now wore a different team’s shirt —the characteristic blue clothes you remember, nowhere to be seen— and had shorter hair, you were 100% sure of who he was.
The man’s presence alone managing to convince you once and for all that this was not real.
That is why, now that you are back in the paddock, jumpsuit zipped almost all the way up and a smile on your lips for the camera, you feel somewhat calm. You have made it through a third practice and the qualifying session in one piece, all ready and prepared to fulfill your media duties in front of more strangers like this is an everyday thing. No recollection of the hours you’ve been seated in that deathtrap of a car fighting for P15, not a single memory of the other car whose lap you supposedly impeded, no nothing.
It is not a good result, you are aware of that, but you are hoping to win a few positions in the race tomorrow and maybe the first points of your career. Well, that is what you are advised to tell the interviewers at least, how the car is working great under these conditions or something like that. You cannot remember half of the script at this point, but you had done well enough when you were under the spotlight.
Thankfully, Saturday’s activities have finally come to an end, only a couple social media videos left to record and you will be on your way back to the hotel in no time. The garage is almost empty at this hour, a few mechanics hanging around, taking a last look at the car and organizing everything they need for tomorrow’s race. Nothing compared to the first time you stepped inside building.
The media coordinator is running late, the whole filming crew is. They were supposed to be in the garage before you even finished the media conference, taking some shots of the car and speeding off the process so you could have some rest before tomorrow’s race. And yet, here you are, trying your best not to doze off in one of those uncomfortable highchairs near the screens while Nick tries to sort things out. He had instantly gone in her search when you arrived, muttering something under his breath as he stormed out of the garage.
It is not like more than ten minutes have passed really, but the jumpsuit and fitted clothes you wear underneath are killing you. You should have changed without permission, get onto some nice clean clothes before they came back. What is the worst that can happen? A person made up by your imagination is going to come and scold you?
“Oh, you’re still here!” a soft voice wakes you up from your thoughts, your eyes tiredly trailing through the garage to see where it is coming from.
Must be someone from the team coming to see what the mechanics are doing, the men still fixing things here and there when half of the pack has already gone back home to rest for the biggest even of the weekend. You would feel bad for them were they not literal products of your imagination.
However, after fighting with your sleepy brain for a bit, you realize that you recognize that voice, your gaze searching with renewed energy for the man in question. What is Charles doing here?
You find the driver walking into the garage through the pitlane’s door, his red jumpsuit still hanging from his hips and his hair a mess. His tired smile is contagious, your own coming to play on your lips as he nears your seat. You try to pick up the things you had hazardously thrown in the chair next to yours, thinking he might want to take a seat after the long round of interviews he must gone through, but you soon understand he has a very different idea in his mind.
Before you can even react or greet him with more than a simple “Hi”, the man is pulling you into a big hug, his arms wrapping around your waist as his face comes to hide on the crook of your neck. Charles lets his full weight rest on your body, your highchair giving him the perfect opportunity to do so as he stands between your legs, like he cannot keep himself upright any longer. “Haven’t seen you all day...” Charles sighs into your shoulder, squeezing your body tighter as if he was letting go of all the accumulated stress, slowly relaxing his hold after a few seconds.
Confusion paints your features, your arms awkwardly resting over his shoulders while you try to figure out what the hell is he doing.
It is strange, the sense of familiarity that his touch brings you, the way he molds himself to your body as his thumbs draws circles on your lower back making you feel so at peace. You try to push all those feelings down with a frown, patting him on the back and trying to squirm out of his hold.
The man seems to not be ready to let go off you though, simply relaxing himself in your arms like this is not literally the third time you have ever seen each other. Charles has been nice to you in the few encounters you have had and all, but that does not make this sudden invasion of your personal space any less weird. And it is not like you are alone either, the mechanics moving around the two of you like this is no big deal, not a second glance at the situation you got yourself into.
“Com'è andata la giornata?” Charles whispers after a while, voice muffled by the collar of your top since he refuses to break the hug.
What did he say? Did he just... speak in a whole different language? It is bad enough that you are dreaming in English..., this is getting ridiculous. Are you just going crazy in your sleep or something?
“Hm?” you confusedly answer, both to gain some more time to make sense of what he asked about and to leave room for him to repeat the question. Maybe you didn’t hear him right? Yeah, that must be it.
Charles chuckles onto your skin “Troppo stanca per rispondere?”, the soft graze of his breath over your skin making you shiver, hairs standing on end.
What is he doing? Treating you like you are best friends or something when you are not even acquaintances in the first place, and while he keeps talking to you in a language you do not understand, mind you.
The man finally puts some space between the two of you after the total lack of response, his face emerging from your neck so you can be face to face. Nonetheless, his hands still come to claim a place on each side of you, leaning into your personal space without a care in the world around you. You can’t even get off the chair because he is in the way!
There is a silly smile playing on his lips while all this thoughts bubble in your mind, his head tilting to the side as he continues “Or have you already given up on Monza?”
“I guess I have” you manage to respond after the initial shock, the high-pitched tone of your voice betraying your nerves and giving away just how unsure you are of what exactly he is talking about. You make a mental note to look up what this Monza thing means in case he brings it up at some point, or maybe you should simply run away from him if he is going to pulls something like this again.
“It was too soon anyway,” Charles shakes his head, regarding you with such a soft look that you almost forget he is a stranger, his actions confusing you even further “You’re putting too much pressure on yourself, there’s no rush... We can practice over the break, just study a bit more and we’ll see how it goes”
And since you are completely lost in the conversation, you decide to give a simple “Okay” as your response.
You have mixed feelings about the interaction, the bittersweet taste it left behind coming to hunt you when you spot him the next day. Of course you were going to see him, he is a driver and today is race day, but that does not make it any better. You have felt so alone this past week, missing your loved ones locked away within the four walls of the hotel room, that although his proximity had been completely unwarranted and unwanted when he first hugged you, something inside you started missing his warmth as soon as he stepped away.
Images of yours and Charles conversation keep playing over and over in your mind as you walk through the rows of Formula One cars, back into your race suit while you get through the mass of mechanics and cameras filling the road. The car is already formed up on the grid —yes, you have incorporated some F1 concepts into your vocabulary after all the research—, the prerace activities having finished a while ago and the worse part of the day looming over you.
Charles is standing at the front, in that area separated from the rest of the road by white barriers, talking with a taller man that you do not remember ever seeing before. The big logo on his chest gives you some clues though, the two bulls facing each other painted on his race suit giving away which team he drives for. A Red Bull driver.
It is nice to finally understand the whole color coordination stuff between the car and your clothes, courtesy of the hours you have spent behind the screen researching about the sport. There are ten teams with two drivers competing for each one of them, some of their logos easily recognizable while others —like the one engraved on your shirt for example— are impossible to remember. Don’t know half the driver’s names yet still, only had time to search for mister Carlos Sainz’s whole biography after what happened in the drivers briefing. He is also Spanish, a fact that heavily surprises you, either your mind has made this person up or your father talked about him enough that his presence in the sport has stuck in your subconscious.
You decide not to walk towards the two men when you enter the area, not because of what transpired yesterday between you and Charles or out of shyness, but due to the strange behavior he has been exhibiting since this morning. Not only him, but all the other drivers you had previously met as well. While they all had been overly familiar and playful with you during Saturday’s meeting, they seemed to be avoiding you throughout both the prerace activities and now the ceremony.
Everyone except for Lewis.
When you had come out onto the track for the first time that day, made to walk alongside your teammate, Mick, to one of the vintage cars that would be taking you on a lap around the circuit, you had felt fairly uncomfortable. Mick had not uttered a single word to you outside of the meetings and interviews, only ever greeting you when there were cameras around and even then, it was easy to see how forced it was. It is not like Mick was being hostile or rude towards you, his comments about you always polite and short, it felt more like he was indifferent. The driver preferred to keep you at an arm's length if possible. However, even that indifference felt like a slap to the face when you were surrounded by strangers pushing cameras into your space.
So, although Lewis had his own army of microphones and videographers at his back when he came over to greet you, in your eyes the man looked like your own personal saviour.
Who could blame you for the way you gravitated towards him later on in the private area? Away from your teammate and those other drivers that had not dared to send more than a tight smile your way when your eyes accidentally met. On the other hand, Lewis had always been welcoming, a source of calmness that managed to make you forget about everything happening around you even if just for a second.
“I wanted to stay back for a few days, go to a show in Cannes, but then I’d have to fly straight to Hungary...” Lewis complains, arms crossed over his chest as he walks you to your designated spots on the road
“I can’t wait to leave, honestly” you confess with a chuckle, surprising yourself with the way you are treating the matter of flying from one country to another every week with such apparent normalcy. Well, amid all this chaos, with twenty Formula one cars at your backs and thousands of people watching from the grandstands, taking a flight is one of the most normal things you have experienced so far.
Lewis lips stretch into a big smile at your outburst of sincerity, his dark eyes crinkling at the sides “I see you didn’t like France at all”
“It’s not that...” you try to justify yourself; it is not like you had seen much of the country in this past week either, your schedule tight enough as it is to try and also squeeze some sightseeing in there.
Would Nick have allowed it anyway? The man had kept you on a short leash since day one, only granting you some alone time at night and even then, he knew exactly where to find you. The happiness with which Lewis recounts his trips around France and recommends a few places to visit before you leave on Tuesday, makes you miss that newfound freedom you had experienced during your external practices in Spain, the taste of that amazing adult life they had been promising you since before you started the university.
Truly, not everything in this new stage of your life had been as incredible as they had portrayed it, those liberties came with harsh responsibilities that you were clearly not handling well. Are you seriously whining about not having time to walk through the beautiful streets of this French city when you would be incapable of travelling here on your own in the first place? You are only ‘here’ because you are living through the longest and weirdest dream you have ever had, this city does not exist, the floor you are standing on is not real and you have most probably made up all that information you have gathered in those sleepless nights.
And last, but clearly not least, the realization that for some reason overwhelms you the most and marks the rest of the ceremony: Lewis is not real either.
Next chapter
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Author's note: it's so nice seeing you're enjoying the fic, I hope you liked this chapter as well. Thank you all so much for reading!!
Taglist: @purplephantomwolf @raye2000 @yuiiimd @drezzerk33 @leclercdream @homie0sapien @minkyungseokie @carlossainzwho @rewmuslupin @kyuupidwrites @raevyng @lazybot @gills-lounge @hiraethrhapsody @jjkclub
#f1 fic#f1 x reader#formula one x reader#carlos sainz x reader#charles leclerc x reader#daniel ricciardo x reader#lewis hamilton x reader#f1 x you#formula one x you#f1 imagine
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Hi! Congratulations on 100 followers! You deserve every single one!
I was wondering if you could do prom[t 26 with Rafe? I love you're writing so I'm excited to see your take on it!
oml thank you sooo much!! <33 I hope you like this, I think this came out pretty cute, even though it's quite short
idiots
PAIRING: soft!rafe cameron x gn!reader
SUMMARY: you and rafe are two idiots in love, and your love language is to bully and tease each other constantly.
WARNINGS: fluff!
EDITH SPEAKS: okay but my dream relationship is literally someone with whom I can joke around this way
also this is the last celly post!! thank you to everyone who sent in asks for the celebration! It was all sooo much fun to write 💗
PROMPT REQUESTED: "kiss me you twat."
100 followers celebration (now closed) || navigation
You walk out of your bathroom, smoothening the wrinkles on your clothes as you walk. Rafe is sitting on the edge of the bed and he immediately looks up just as he hears you open the bathroom door.
"So, how do I look?" You ask him, taking a glance down at your outfit every now and then.
"Wow," he says, getting up from his position on your bed and walking up to you. He takes both of your hands in his, his eyes piercing yours. "I think you look absolutely. . . hideous." He says, and then laughs. You smack his arm as your response and take away your hands from his.
"Idiot," you mumble, shaking your head to yourself and turning around to look at yourself in the mirror.
"No for real," Rafe adds, standing right behind you and looking at your reflection, "I don't think I've ever seen anyone look as hideous as you."
"I think you're starting to rub off on me Cameron, because you've always looked so hideous," you retort back. Rafe feigns shock and dramatically places a hand on his heart.
"I distinctly remember you calling me a beautiful boy on our first date, so right now you're against your own word."
"Maybe I lied to you, maybe all I want is to get your money," you smirk, watching Rafe feign his shock more and more with each passing second. He leans against one of your bookshelves and pants out loud, pretending to be short of breathe.
"I cannot believe you just said that," he says, looking everywhere but at you. "The person who I thought was madly in love with me is using me for money?"
You laugh at his reactions and walk to him, quickly holding onto his arm and making him stand straight. "You're such a drama queen," you say, fixing the collar of his shirt.
Rafe gives you a big grin. "But I'm your favorite drama queen."
"That may or not be true," you shrug, your hands now rubbing up and down on the sides of his arms.
"Oh I know it's true," Rafe mutters, moving his face a little closer to you. You look at him, his blue eyes reminding you of the swirls of water in the big ocean, and you find yourself drowning in them the same way you always do.
"Kiss me you twat." you whisper, and Rafe immediately presses his lips against yours, his arms snaking around your waist and pulling you so close to him. You sigh into the kiss, your arms now tightly wrapped around his torso.
He pulls back from you and rests his forehead against yours.
"For the record, you still look hideous."
↶ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊˎ-
TAGLIST: @runningfrom2am @ragingsammie @maybankslover @totalswag @madelynie @chenslucy @ietss @elle-mp3 @viawritesstuff @wallsdreams
#rafe cameron#rafe cameron oneshot#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron fanfic#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron fic#rafe cameron fluff#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron x you#soft rafe cameron#rafe obx#rafe x reader#rafe outer banks#outerbanks rafe#soft!rafe cameron#soft!rafe x reader#soft!rafe#rafe cameron blurb#written by edith! 🪄#edith's 100 followers celebration! 🪄
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PICK A PILE: WHAT DOES YOUR SOUL WANT TO SAY TO YOU?
Top Left = Pile 1; Top Right = Pile 2; Bottom= Pile 3
Pile 1:
So pile 1, welcome to your reading, remember to take only what resonates and do not force any messages to apply when they don’t.
Lets begin!
I see that you will be presented or have been presented with an opportunity and now are at crossroads. This could be related to a job or a relationship, and the decision is especially hard to make since it will affect others around you as well. It could require re-location for some of you, or a lifestyle change at the least. You may look to your elder sibling or friend for advise. Your soul wants to let you know that it is a decision that must be made. You need movement in your life, you cannot be in a state where you get too comfortable in the ‘I am still thinking about it’ phase. For some of you a lifestyle change is long due, you have been thinking of going minimalistic, FOLLOW IT. You feel life and everything at the moment is too much, too much noise, too much clutter. Start by cleaning out everything that you have no use of. This will bring you more joy, more peace in life. To help you, it is telling you to some self work.
SELF-WORK
At night, close all lights, light a candle, keep it at eye level, and watch the flame.
2.Whenever your are journaling (which you must start, if you haven’t already) do it in sunlight in the day, and with candle light at night. You will feel the difference. Go analog, please do not journal digitally. PLUS write the moon phases with the date, you will get a lot of insight about your own self. If you do this on a new moon day after a day of water fasting(do not do anything your health does not permit, consult a professional), it will help you get connected to the cosmic energy of the universe. During this time, keep your phone and all electronic devices away and before journaling, clean the energy of the space using sage or a bell.
THE 2nd POINT IS VERY VERY POWERFUL ACTIVITY. Keep doing this regularly and see the change yourself, let me know your experience with this as well.
Thank you for letting me read for you, and please provide feedback.
Pile 2:
So pile 2, welcome to your reading, remember to take only what resonates and do not force any messages to apply when they don’t.
Lets begin!
You have been feeling stuck and lost. You as a person are really afraid of losing but since you have been stuck for a while, you have grown comfortable in that environment and are scared and hesitant to go on a new journey because you fear failure. It is a natural thing, please don’t beat yourself up about it. However, now that the problem is known, we can fix it. Start by doing small thing where the outcome is certain, things that you know like the back of your hand. It could be as simple as cooking your favourite dish to knowing the entire lyrics of Single Ladies, literally anything, what we are looking for is building confidence. Now that confidence is built we will push out limits just a little bit, and slowly we will start doing things we are uncomfortable with which involves moving forward. ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU ARE NOT YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS. YOU ARE A CHILD OF THE COSMOS WHO IS AS MAGICAL AS THE UNIVERSE ITSELF.
Thank you for letting me read for you, and please provide feedback.
Pile 3:
So pile 3, welcome to your reading, remember to take only what resonates and do not force any messages to apply when they don’t.
Lethargy, Boredom and Proastination. These were the words channeled for you. You guys need a digital detox and an energy boost. Drink more alkaline water, this will boost your energy instantly. It would be beneficial if you joined ‘Vipassana’ somewhere, it is a 10 day retreat for silent meditation. This will reset your energy and coding system ( by coding I mean, social media=happiness coding will be changed). Oh my, this is so cute: Your soul is telling you to be around puppies, go to your nearest shelter or dog cafes if you don’t have a pet yourself, just be around animals, especially kittens and puppies, but for real, I am getting golden retriever energy. You need that in your life. You know you want to achieve things and be more enthusiastic, and happy and you wanna laugh so so much but you are disconnected to that energy. You might also have fear of failure or you might have been stagnant for a while. Remember, action leads to more action. If you go on a simple walk, it will become easier to fix your bed or fix that light bulb that has been in need of attention for a while. You do have the potential to be discipline. Love yourself enough to be disciplined, it is the greatest form of self Love there is. Do not rely on motivation, it does not work, what works is willpower. If you are kind of person who listens to a bunch of motivation speakers, please stop doing that, it is not useful for you.
Thank you for letting me read for you, and please provide feedback.
Love,
Love.
#pick a photo#pac tarot#pick a picture#pac reading#pick an image#tarot#pick a card#pick a card reading#free tarot#soul connection#tarot pick a card#tarotbylove
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I want to dedicate this post to the top five most brain dead, brain cell killing lines TB characters have said in season one that  meant literally nothing coming from the characters that said them and have been interpreted as “wow slay they’re so smart” moments by their fans for reasons that are beyond me. The vast majority of them don’t even require an explanation.
First up we have:
“And yet you toil still in service to men” - Rhaenys Targaryen
(wow, we all lost a lot of respect for you there Rhaenys’. The second hand embarrassment was very uncomfortable)
Followed closely by:
“ And now they see you as you are” -Rhaenyra Targaryen
again, meant absolutely nothing
“ that whore of a queen killed my brother and stole his throne”- Daemon Targaryen
Daemon, sweetie, do you need a kitkat? Are you ok? What on earth are you even alluding to???? Is your vocabulary so limited that you cannot come up with a word other than whore to describe women you don’t like??
Next up we have:
“ it doesn’t matter what they want” -Rhaenyra Targaryen
Rhaenyra you feminist girlboss queen.
And:
“ You are the dragon, your word is law”- Daemon Targaryen
lmao, and you wonder why he couldn’t hold a single small council position? This is exactly where the intellectual gap between him and Otto becomes a very apparent.  I’m not an Otto fan but he is a person who seriously understands politics and achieved something in life while Daemon is a man child nepobaby that failed at every responsibility was assigned to him ( organizing a police brutality event and running amok on civilians being one example of that ) 
I’m serious, these two, Daemon and Rhaenyra, are the ones that are going to bring back the glory of old Valyria? 
(Adding to that, not really a sixth thing because it hasn’t been hyped by TB fans as much as the others but remember Jace also saying “ it doesn’t matter what they think” in regards to him and his brothers being bastards. People’s prince…? I’d rethink that )
I swear to God, anytime I see edits starting with any of these lines I burst out laughing. 
It’s honestly sad to think about how house of the dragon is a real show that cost a hell of a lot of money to make. The actors are fantastic and the costume designers, set designers etc. are doing a really good job but like… actual writers actually sat down and wrote that script and these lines. And they didn’t even have that much to do considering they had the book as source material so they didn’t come up with any of the major plot points. I might make a separate post about this but all they had to do was alter a few characters if they want to and give them believable motivations. And I cannot think of a single character in this show that has actual reasons to be doing what they are doing and whose plans and motivations stay consistent throughout the show (take Rhaenyra, Alicent, and the Velaryons for example)
#pro team green#anti team black#anti team black stans#anti rhaenyra targaryen#anti daemon targaryen#pro alicent hightower#anti viserys i targaryen#anti Jacerys Velaryon
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hi! love your blog. I was wondering if you have any fic recs? I’m especially looking for royjamiekeely but I’m flexible :) thank you!!
Hi! I have read a lot of the R/J/K tag, and gosh, there is seriously so much incredible stuff in there. It sort of depends on what kind of vibe you're going for, but here are a few* to get you started.
Note: many of these are rated M or E, so please check the actual warnings and ratings and summaries before reading :)
Start with author inlovewithnight and literally just read everything they've ever written, it is all completely brilliant and there is something for all tastes. My personal favorites are the blood in my mouth, I wish it was mine and they threw me a whirlwind and I spat back the sea, but do be aware those are definitely darker/heavier fics and heed the tags!!! (the first has quite bit of noncon [not between RJK] and the second involves physical abuse initiated by James Sr.). For a lighter option I recommend Follow the Hearts and You Can't Go Wrong which is a lovely future R/J/K fic about the end of Jamie's career
from there move along to @valonia47 (Ao3) and @belmottetower (Ao3) and Mixtape Star (Ao3) and also read everything they've written :) I wanted to single out favorites for you but how could I when it's all so very good?
our bodies touch and the angels cry by lennynards: R/J/K that starts out with Roy & Jamie having to stay within 10 feet of each other at all times after both accidentally drinking a weird tea Jane brewed up for Beard. Yes it sounds like a completely ridiculous premise but it is one of my favorite RJK fics ever, 12/10
In Colour series by lyricl: this one feels so very true to canon and it just gets them all so right, I don't know how else to describe it. It's not a complete series though and nobody has actually gotten together as of yet, fyi. They're all far too busy having a lot of complex (& horny) feelings about each other from afar.
This might be a long shot that's not quite what you're looking for but, For Now series by Wild Wren. It's actually mostly a Roy/Keeley series, and I started reading it on a whim because I literally ran out of new things to read in the R/J/K and Jamie tags at one point, lol. Then it ended up being some of my favorite fanfic of all time. It's Roy/Keeley but like, in a not normative and also very kinky way that does a great deep dive into their respective ~issues~. Also Wild Wren had them break up even before the show had them break up, and in a much better and far more detailed way, just saying!! Part 4 is pre-ot3 in the messiest possible way. What a brilliant series, I cannot recommend it enough.
Outgrow the shoes of expectations by @destinationtoast : Brilliant on the ot3 side of it and even better on the character study of each individual within the ot3. Sooo so good. I think about it all the time.
another box with a question mark by irishmizzy: going to be completely honest when I say I don't fully remember this one, but I do know it was very funny and excellent and it is also rated T which makes it different from a lot of the others on my list, so i wanted to include!! It is in my bookmarks and I'm going to be rereading it asap now :)
something that's so close by @ohlafraise : s3 outtake that is very funny and perfect and lovely and also happens to be rated T :) also check out one night upon the shore by the same author. It's Jamie/Keeley, but don't worry Roy's there in spirit. You'll see. That one is very much not T though, lol
by any other name by renecdote: Jamie accidentally wears a Kent jersey instead of his own jersey on the pitch and the internet thinks they're dating (spoiler: they are dating). Who cares if it's not realistic because it's so hilarious and wonderful, amen.
Oh Lord, You've Never Been so in Love by asexual-fandom-queen. I literally just read this one, it's hot off the presses and it is so sexy and tender and also just gets these three so very right. the perfect anecdote to the end of s3.
Anddd of course I have to self promo a little and recommend you Waterfalls (between seasons 1&2 canon divergence), The Full Picture (s3: Jamie attempting to parent-trap RoyKeeley while avoiding his feelings for both of them) and my new one Confetti (ot3 fluff where they celebrate Phoebe's favorite holidays)
*I said I'd give a few and then proceeded to be really long about it, but like, what else is new? For that reason I've tried to stick to strictly R/J/K fics, but if you'd like Roy/Jamie or gen fic/Jamie fic recs also let me know because I could totally make a whole separate post about those, lol.
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For quite a while now I’ve been struggling to communicate with deities. I am fairly new so I’m not sure what’s the norm. Is it normal to be able to see them or hear them? I don’t have access to divination such as tarot so it makes me like I’m lacking communication skills compared to others. Is it like a specific feeling that just settles in your mind, knowing they’re there? Or am I just doing something wrong?
Hey, Nonny!
I know there's a lot of pressure within the pagan community to be able to communicate flawlessly with deities, and honestly, it's complete bullshit. Not one worshipper is perfect at communicating with deities, and no worshippers can speak for deities.
That being said, you are perfectly fine doing what you're doing as is. While some people can feel the energies of deities when they're around, others cannot, and that's entirely normal. You're not doing anything wrong; if anything, it takes practice sometimes. You may also be what's known within the community as "headblind" meaning you're not able to sense much or anything at all when it comes to spirits, deities, and the like. I personally know many headblind worshippers, and they're all able to love and worship their deities just the same. You don't need to be the actual Pythia - ancient priestess of Apollo who delivered prophecies directly from him - to worship deities.
Since you said you were new, I'm guessing you may also not know of other forms of divination you can try to use to communicate with deities. Oftentimes (and I am guilty of this myself), people have a habit of summarizing all divination usable for deity community to just tarot, but there are endless ways to divine! In fact, my good friend, Mae, is currently doing something where she shares various forms of divination to answer people's questions as a means of celebrating 1,000 followers. I recommend you check out what she's doing, as it can show you just how flexible and unlimited divination can really be. @madmonksandmaenads - this is her tag!
Regarding forms of divination you can try, aside from tarot, there are self-made runes (Greek or Norse), playing cards (like poker cards), Pokemon cards, pendulums, osteomancy (throwing bones), shufflomancy (using music and playlists to answer questions), smoke reading, candle wax reading, tea leaves and coffee residue, bird watching, shower steam (looking at the steam on the walls of your shower or mirror), and literally SO many other ways! The community tends to make it seem like tarot is your only option, but I promise you that you will always have access to at least one form of divination around you. The world itself was crafted and molded by the gods, so naturally, you can find their voices in everything.
I hope this helps you, Nonny. Please know that your worship and practice don't need to look like everyone else's in order to be valid. What you choose to do is what works best for you, and that's ultimately all that matters. You don't need to hear the voices of the gods themselves or see them within your mind's eye 24/7. The stories you often hear about on Tumblr and other platforms tend to be exaggerated; people only really share the most interesting parts of their worship - things that will get views and attention. Try not to feel too bad that your worship is a lot more down-to-earth than others; mine is as well. It's ok that you can't do the things others are claiming to be able to (and remember that sometimes people lie about these abilities). Nothing is wrong with you, Nonny, not a single thing.
I wish you luck on your new journey. Take care, and feel free to ask any questions that you have. 🧡
#anon asks#answered asks#deity communication#paganblr#helpol#deity worship#hellenic polytheism#hellenic pagan#pagan tips
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Goncharov
Why the hell is an MST3K blog rising from the dead to review a forgotten Martin Scorcese film? I'd never heard of this movie until it suddenly became a meme, but I had a day off work and I figured I might as well see what all the fuss was about. Now I want to talk about what I saw, and this is the only movie blog I have, so I'm doing it here.
Ivan Goncharov is the biggest, baddest motherfucker east of the iron curtain, richer than a tsar and colder than a Siberian winter. He's got a beef with Neapolitan mafioso Mario Giglioli, so he heads to sunny Italy to confront him in person. His closest confidante, Andrey, thinks it's suicide to do this on Giglioli's home turf but accompanies Goncharov anyway out of loyalty. What follows is a two-hour dick-measuring contest as Goncharov and Giglioli try to out-intimidate each other, culminating in an orgy of gunfire where only one will be left standing... and this is the kind of movie where you can't take it for granted that it'll be the guy whose name is the title.
That's the ostensible plot, anyway. What makes Goncharov a far more interesting film than such an outline might imply is that the argument between the mobsters is just a backdrop. Having set up Goncharov's hard as steel, cold as ice reputation in the first act, the movie then sets about deconstructing it. Goncharov goes from a terrifying figure devoid of all morality to a tragic antihero, a man who has come to believe his own hype so completely that he can no longer let himself be human.
This is demonstrated mainly by watching the breakdown of his relationships over the course of the tense three days in Naples. The most important person in Goncharov's life is Andrey, the only one he comes near being vulnerable with. Their relationship is depicted as very touchy-feely in a literal sort of way, with Andrey helping Goncharov with his coat and shoes, lighting cigarettes for him, and touching his shoulder or arm as Goncharov confides in him. The framing emphasizes these touches in a very homoerotic way, and I don't think I've got my tumblr goggles on here. These guys have fucked.
As Goncharov becomes more and more obsessed with being tougher and more ruthless than Giglioli, whom he sees as an effeminate softie, Andrey tries to persuade him that the other man is not worth this sort of obsession. Whatever Giglioli did to insult Goncharov (we never find out), Andrey is of the opinion that they should just leave a dead horse in the asshole's bed and move on. Goncharov's pride will not allow him to do that, and the less subtle Andrey is in his attempts to dissuade him, the more Goncharov pushes him away, finally abandoning him entirely. The tragedy of the ending comes from the fact that Andrey refuses to abandon Goncharov in turn.
We also see Goncharov with his wife Katya. He is frequently cruel to her, and she tolerates it because he gives her expensive gifts and because she is seeking a vicarious mending of her relationship with her abusive father - she was never able to earn his love, but perhaps she can earn Goncharov's. This is doomed to failure, as much because of Goncharov as because Katya doesn't actually want it to succeed. Nursing a black eye, Katya pours her heart out to a bartender, Sofia, who tries to help her escape... but this cannot work out, either. As Katya herself says, she doesn't know who she is without her issues.
I am pleased to note, by the way, that every single major character in the movie is named and I can remember them all, which is a bit of a treat for me (I need to watch good movies more often). The only exception is Goncharov himself. The end credits list him as Ivan, but nobody ever calls him that, not even Andrey or Katya. In a flashback scene with his parents, neither calls him by name. This flashback, fascinatingly, is filmed in the first person, looking through Goncharov's own eyes. We are not allowed to see him as a younger, softer man. He refuses to show that side of himself even in the privacy of his memories.
These quieter moments contrast with scenes of ever-escalating brutality, as the Russians and Italians try to force each other to back down by the murder of underlings. The fact that it is literally a contest, and that Goncharov is aware of this and describes it as such, makes the worsening violence ever more meaningless. The death of Giglioli's confessor is particularly awful, and the way Goncharov's goons treat the chapel has to be ten times worse if you're Catholic (fun fact: this scene is apparently removed from the Italian version on Netflix, which must make what Andrey says while waiting for the train into a hell of a non sequitur).
At the climax, the two really can't do anything but kill each other, because it's the only place left to go. Giglioli's priest and mistress are dead. Goncharov's men are almost all dead or out of action, and Goncharov believes Andrey to be dead. The initial insult, whatever it was, is no longer relevant. They have pushed each other to a place where reconciliation is unthinkable. Whoever blinks first loses, but both have already lost so much that victory means nothing. Worse, each recognizes that the other is in the same position, and neither can acknowledge it.
This means Goncharov can also moonlight as an examination of violence in media. Why do movies showcase violence, and why do we watch it? The initial posturing serves a purpose - Goncharov wants Giglioli to know he's here to personally demand an apology, and Giglioli wants Goncharov to know he's outnumbered and should quit while he still can. But once it becomes an exercise in one-up-manship, the 'messages’ vanish and the men are now killing for the sake of killing. Violence in movies can often be gore for gore's sake, pulling out more and more stops in the effort to shock an audience that has been desensitized by years and years of this. That is what Goncharov and Giglioli are doing to each other. Truly distressing moments like the fate of the priest, or what Giuseppe "Icepick Joe" Cozzolino (dressed as a maid!) does to Sofia when he assumes she's Katya because she was in Katya's hotel room, make us wonder why we're watching this - and the mobsters wonder why they're doing it.
In the end, it's all just a blood-soaked version of the sunk cost fallacy. Goncharov had come too far in his vendetta to stop now. Andrey has followed him too far to turn back. Katya has been married to him too long to leave. Of course, any of them could quit at any time and escape from this terrible spiral, but they are unwilling to entertain the possibility. Like Goncharov himself, Andrey and Katya are prisoners of the identities they have built for themselves, and because their identities are so tied to him, they have to go down with him.
One thing I haven't seen a lot of discussion of on tumblr is the way the film uses the contrast in climate. Goncharov in Moscow is in his element. When you see his breath in the wintry air it's as if he's breathing smoke like a dragon. While other people huddle in the cold he stands up straight and tall. In Naples, on the other hand, he is out of place. He wears lighter clothing, but continues to choose long coats and upturned collars, while Giglioli goes around with his shirt unbuttoned. This should serve to emphasize Giglioli's home field advantage and yet, as we see through Goncharov's eyes, they just make Giglioli look soft. His apparent weakness makes Goncharov want to appear even stronger.
On a related note, it is interesting to me how sunlight is treated as something very unfriendly. In Russia, it glitters on ice crystals in the air and lights up condensation, harsh and white and giving no warmth whatsoever. In Italy it bakes and shimmers on stone and asphalt, casting harsh, black-edged shadows and emphasizing creased brows and frowning mouths. Outdoor scenes are, as far as I can tell, always hostile interactions. Even indoor scenes in natural light: the priest dies with harsh sunlight streaming in through the broken chapel window. When characters are softer with each other, it is always under artificial illumination. Sunlight is too bright, too revealing. People like this need some shadows to hide in.
Did I like this movie? That's a tough question. It's not really the type of movie you 'like'. It's definitely powerful and well-constructed, thoroughly absorbing and all that. There's a taste of Greek tragedy in the inevitability of the ending and the way Goncharov is eaten alive by hubris. But I wouldn't say I liked it. The characters are all terrible people whose arcs involve them getting worse, and the whole thing feels deeply claustrophobic, as if I, too, am trapped in Goncharov's downward spiral. When characters realize their mistakes, it is only when it's too late to correct them - but only in their own minds. It's a very pessimistic story, about human beings who are overcome by the very worst parts of themselves.
Is Goncharov deserving of all those glowing reviews? Yes. Was it unfairly snubbed at the Oscars because the academy was turned off by the violence? Probably. Will I ever watch it again? Fuck, no.
Excuse me, I have to go watch some Pixar movies if I ever want to smile again.
#mst3k#reviews#episodes that never were#goncharov#70's#there are horses in this movie#unreality#in case you've been on twitter or something all day#this movie doesn't exist.#i read six text posts and pulled this out of my ass at one in the morning
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An ATLA book 3: Fire, episode one scene analysis !!
I cant lie the scene where Ozai welcomes Zuko home makes me sob just a teeny tiny bit because you can literally see in his face that returning doesn’t feel like it should, and as someone with a complicated relationship with their parents i feel that
(Zuko matters so much to me like i cant put it into words he is one of the most special characters in existence)
Also something i noticed straight away during my rewatch is that Ozai can never mention any kind of accomplishment of Zuko’s without bringing Azula into it,, like even when Zuko is home for the first time in three years he cannot say he is proud of him without adding “because you and your sister conquered ba sing se” and he also bases all of his praise of zuko around harming others and not a single bit of it commends his personal growth or literally anything observant at all because if he actually looked at Zuko for five seconds he would see something so far from what he preaches and i genuinely think Ozai does not possess the emotional maturity to see what is right in front of him.
Additionally, the symbolism in these scenes actually astounds me like in this short sequence theres so much to pick up on!?!?
Something small but very important is the symbolism behind this scene of Zuko kneeling before his father while Ozai officially welcomes him home.
Its such a simple scene but we can link it to so much, but mainly the scene of him kneeling before his father during the agni kai.
This also links to the fact that he still defers to his father despite everything and through that we can see that while he is so emotionally mature he isnt ready yet to fully sever ties with his father, and by extension his guilt and feelings of inadequacy because for as long as he can remember that was his whole identity and when he was faced with the big choice by Iroh i think he most definitely knew what was right, however the permanence and finality of it scared him into following Azula and his father because thats what hes always known, its FAMILIAR.
Another piece of symbolism i adored in this episode was the framing of this shot where the fire nation banner looms over Zuko, and how it represents his father and the expectations placed on him, and how he feels they are too big and overbearing.
I also noticed that when he steps forward the banner/ entrance to his fathers throne room casts a shadow on his face, which i think could be interpreted as representing how Ozai and Azula cloud his morals because he is so desperate for their approval and love.
This whole shadow archetype is also seen in how Ozai is always shown as being obscured by shadows right up until this episode and i think that was so incredibly well done.
ANYWAYS!!! If you made it this far you’re an absolute trooper and i adore you <3 thanks 4 listening to my daily rant (i know i have like 10 followers MAX but idc i love pretending i have loyal readers)
#atla#atla zuko#avatar the last airbender#analysis#i ate that shit up#i love media#what the fuck#in tears#i love zuko
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feel weird about this post, maybe because i think three films (one of which i liked a lot, one of which i thought was a surprisingly fun toy commercial with script problems, one of which i cannot make myself watch because it’s little fucking women) is kind of not a lot to hang this kind of “always” characterization on especially given that one of them is a toy commercial and the other one is about an eighteen year old and actually has nothing whatsoever to say about marriage, maybe because i cannot take seriously someone being like “this filmmaker conspicuously avoids queer desire and female sexuality entirely” based on a sample set of movies that are (1) about a high school student who brw fucks (2) an adaptation of a 19th century children’s novel which is, i promise you, so much more directly about protestantism than you remember, and (3) a toy commercial. like “over and over and over and over again” feels…. it just feels really strong. and it feels, idk, really weird to me to say that 2-3 movies about being a single woman necessarily have some kind of intentional absence rather than simply making a deliberate choice, like we are, like, just drowning culturally in positive depictions of women whose lives are about something else, lmao. like i don’t, um…. i just don’t think i am ever going to find it particularly feminist to criticize a particular depiction or even a particular body of work for omitting sex 🤷🏻♀️ i am saying all of this btw as a person who like, the number one genre of film i am instantly down to watch is “movies by lesbian filmmakers” and that was true when i identified as straight. but also i guess i am saying this as a person who more or less thinks of portrait as a lady on fire as having a happy ending because i see it as a story about a woman artist, which i actually think is the real consistency among gerwig’s three (3) movies even if i think barbie does not actually execute that theme with any success (and even if to be clear i don’t think she is anywhere near sciamma). anyway. maybe i also just think the snide “often, they don’t have sex at all” as “feminist” (lol) “critique” (lol) is, like, extremely 2012.
there was also a reblog OP did of some tags where someone was like “i read it as an aroace narrative” and they were like “that’s great but she wasn’t doing that on purpose!” and OP added this tag:
which like. i mean i did not feel reflected by barbie because i am not 14. but like as a bisexual woman who has been in a relationship for basically my entire adult life, there is a way in which i actually do tend to feel reflected by stories about women who walk away entirely from the domain of romance and sex. who - horrors! - “don’t fuck at all.” i find that narrative, when done well, compelling and personally salient. if gerwig made a movie that wasn’t little women or barbie about it, i would probably find some real value in it! and i find…. off-putting… the idea that one is supposed to prefer reflections in the form of “identity” rather than uh [checks notes] a human person behaving in ways that are resonant to me. that one in fact should desire movies that “purposefully” make narratives to “reflect me.” i think that assumption reveals some weird assumptions about how art gets made and a weird depressing narrow view of how to relate to art.
in conclusion i believe in equality and i think that if christopher nolan can make 11 movies in a row with zero sexual content at all before finally having his streak broken only by the immovable historical object of j robert oppenheimer’s sexual magnetism (i’m not being weird he literally said this) i think greta gerwig who with her toy commercial follow up slated to be a pair of narnia movies i think is pretty clearly angling to be girl christopher nolan should be allowed to keep making movies i think are Fine about ambitious unhorny women for years to come. or whatever the fuck she’s gonna make narnia about, i certainly will not be watching.
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Good Omens Season 3: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Sectumsempress1, Hag
I am once again going through my Good Omens season 3 predictions bingo and explaining why I think the things I think. Today I want to talk about Metatron's memory meddling, or more specifically why I think Aziraphale is the Archangel Raphael and why I don't think he remembers.
Once again, I know I cannot be the first person to think of this theory. I'm just adding my two cents. Here we go.
I know there is a fairly popular theory that Crowley was Raphael before the fall, but putting aside the fact that it simply wouldn’t work for television to give them a name that similar to Aziraphale, I just disagree with that assessment. I like to think that Crowley was Jophiel before they fell and Aziraphale’s original name was Raphael.
I think we can answer this theory very quickly by noting that in The Book of Tobit, Raphael disguises himself as a human on earth, acting as a healer and guardian under the name Azariah. I honestly just think that Neil and Terry took the name Raphael and his human name Azariah and landed on Aziraphale.
Furthermore, Raphael (“God has healed”) is literally the archangel of healing. He is also known as the angel of protection and keeping people safe on their journeys. God gives Raphael a mission in The Book of Enoch, verse 10:10 to:
“Restore the earth, which the [fallen] angels have corrupted; and announce life to it, that I may revive it.”
Aka ‘thwarting evil wiles.’ In The Zohar it’s also stated in Genesis chapter 23 that he:
“is appointed to heal the earth of its evil and affliction and the maladies of mankind.”
If I were to go over every single instance of Aziraphale fitting the bill for these descriptions I would be here all day, but some I can think of off the top of my head are:
Giving Adam and Eve the flaming sword to assist them on their journey
Healing Anathema’s broken arm and bike
“Actually, I encourage humans to do the actual- [thwarting of evil wiles]”
Fixing that man’s phone in the graveyard in Scotland
Insisting that he wants to heal wee Morag
Protecting ‘Jim’
This stunning scene in the Job memory:
He is very clearly shown as a healer, protector and guardian of humanity, more so than any other character.
Raphael is also known as a matchmaker, which is funny when you think about the Nina and Maggie situation but also makes total sense. Aziraphale loves love. Also he blows the trumpet to announce the Day of Judgement, aka the second coming. I guess Metatron needs Raphael back now huh? He even told Aziraphale himself that he is the only one qualified for this job. Aziraphale is Raphael.
Or… he was.
I believe that Raphael was demoted following the fall, and Gabriel’s story is meant to mirror his. This scene says SO much:
“You have refused to exercise your celestial authority, and are henceforth removed from office”
I think something similar absolutely could have happened to Raphael. We all saw how immediately drawn Aziraphale was to Crowley in ‘before the beginning,’ and it makes sense that Metatron could have seen that connection as a liability when he fell. He cannot have an Archangel in Heaven who is sympathetic to one of the fallen, it would be a ticking time bomb for another revolution. Aziraphale being sympathetic towards Angel!Crowley before and during the fall would make him question the fall as a concept, and Heaven could not afford that.
“For one Prince of Heaven to be cast into the outer darkness makes a good story, for it to happen twice makes it look like there is some kind of institutional problem.”
I think the first prince of Heaven Metatron is referencing to is Crowley, and I think he had this same mindset of making sure there was no perceived institutional problem during the time of the fall. So I think that is one of the reasons why Raphael wasn’t cast down; it would look bad. I think the other reason is; Metatron wanted him and Crowley separated, even then. Even then there was some glimmer of their potential combined power, the love and danger that could be born by having them both in the same place with neither of them on Heaven’s side. The most logical option would be to cast Crowley out and make Aziraphale think he deserved it. Because Metatron is smart. He knew that keeping an angel like Crowley in Heaven—an angel who unapologetically asked questions and wasn’t afraid to go against the status quo, even before he fell—could only end badly. The smart move was to keep an angel like Aziraphale on—an angel who wants to believe, who needs to believe, that heaven is fundamentally right and good—and feed into his faith by manipulating his fear.
(Editing to add- it’s presented as an either or. We will not send you to hell, we will wipe your memory and demote you. We will do A or B. This is why I think Gabriel’s story mirrors Aziraphale’s more than Crowley’s, because being cast down to hell and having your memory wiped was never on the table here. It’s either or.)
“Although as a kindness, your memory of your time as Gabriel will be erased. You will be demoted.”
“As a kindness, your memory of your time as Raphael will be erased. You won’t remember the Starmaker, you won’t remember the fall, you won’t remember the injustice. All you will remember is the war, the divine plan, God’s will and your undying faith to carry out that will. You will remember what not doing so costs, but you will never remember why. All you’ll remember is that you had better not ask, because look where that got the others. Oh, and you will be demoted to earth. You will not remember the incredible power you wield as an Archangel. Because if you hand power like that to someone with a powder keg of repressed questions it may spark an explosion, and we cannot afford that. Not again, Aziraphale.”
Now I want to talk about two specific scenes that relate heavily to this theory.
Before The Beginning
I think this memory has been altered, and there are two ways of looking at it.
Aziraphale remembers it just as shown on screen.
But in Eden he genuinely seems as though he is meeting Crowley for the first time, and then when he introduces himself as ‘Crawley,’ Aziraphale consistently messes up and calls him that even after he changes it to Crowley. So I can deduce from that that if Aziraphale had known Crowley by another name for millennia before Eden he would very much struggle with remembering to call him Crawley to begin with. The fact that he doesn’t struggle at all makes me think that it truly is his first time learning this person's name, his first time meeting them.
Aziraphale does not remember this moment, it’s only shown to the audience for a season 3 payoff.
But during the confession, Aziraphale says “like the old times, only even nicer.” re: Crowley becoming an angel again, which implies that Aziraphale remembers ‘the old times’ with him. He also says “I know the angel you were” during the Job scene.
We are at a bit of a dead end here… or are we? A possible solution is that Aziraphale does remember ‘before the beginning,’ but that memory has been altered to remove Crowley’s involvement, à la Frozen (“I recommend we remove all magic, even memories of magic, to be safe… but don’t worry, I’ll leave the fun.”) The ‘magic’ in this instance being anything that would paint Crowley in a sympathetic light and the ‘fun’ being the actual events that transpired. That would also explain why he remembers it the way he does, aka why Crowley’s angel name is omitted and why he introduces himself as Aziraphale and not Raphael, but he still recalls the actual string of events. Because Aziraphale can’t just have large gaps in his memory. He has to actually remember the cold hard facts. Metatron is far too refined of a villain to leave holes in his soldiers’ minds, especially giant star-shaped love holes. Where was I going with this? Okay anyway…
So when Aziraphale says “like the old times, even nicer” he is not specifically referencing the Starmaker scene, but instead a more general ‘memory’ of Heavenly life, which makes total sense considering Aziraphale’s apparent blindness to the true detailed atrocities of Heaven. All he sees is the big picture anyway, that’s all he’s ever seen. Because… ‘even nicer’ ??? What do you mean NICER? A bureaucratic job will be nicer than watching the being you love build a universe?? Okay.
Same goes for “I know the angel you were” from the Job scene. The wording is important here. He didn’t say “I knew the angel you were” or “I knew you in heaven.” It feels like he is a step away from saying “I know of the angel you were.” Which, in the context, makes sense. He is trying to use a personal plea as a last-ditch attempt to get Crowley to do what he thinks is right, he is not reminiscing on their time as besties. He’s already cycled through:
“You don’t have to do this!”
“You have free will!”
“I don’t think God wants this!”
“I don’t really think you want to either!”
And when Crowley asks “what do you know about what I want?” in that bitter tone, Aziraphale reads it as an in. He thinks a personal plea may be the thing to get Crowley to stop, so he uses it. It’s a tactic.
With all that in mind, I believe ‘before the beginning’ to be an altered memory. I believe that Aziraphale remembers the creation of the universe in general terms but does not remember the Starmaker or the feelings that were already beginning to take root inside of him.
In The Beginning
I believe this to be an authentic memory, and if you look hard enough (aka are delusional and also insane) there are clues to support my ‘Aziraphale doesn’t remember' theory, starting with their first meeting.
Aziraphale does a few confused double takes (which, sure, could be interpreted as ‘oh fuck it’s you’ but I am choosing to not see it like that :)) and then politely smiles and laughs at what Crowley says before asking for clarification. This is absolutely giving ‘awkward first meeting with a stranger’ energy and not ‘oh fuck it’s my old bestie who is now damned.’ This is not a face of recognition, even fearful or reluctant recognition:
This is very much just giving ‘who the hell is this?’ Especially because it is then followed up with:
Aziraphale flat-out does not know who that is. He even closes his eyes for a second in what looks like confusion, as if he’s trying to remember. As if he’s trying to look where the furniture isn’t. And if I think he’s confusedly pursing his lips for a millisecond as if he wants to say a J name that’s my damn business.
They look sorrowful. I don’t know how I didn’t catch it the first few times I watched the show. This is the face of someone who just slithered up to an old friend and started having a chat as if it was the most natural thing in the world only for that friend to have no idea who they are anymore. Even as their face moves into a smile, it’s not real.
Babygirl looks like he’s experiencing the most haunting, ancient melancholia behind those lovely snake eyes. It’s actually quite striking. David Tennent you are on my hit list.
Anyway Crowley then goes on to question the ineffable plan in a way that’s very reminiscent of ‘before the beginning,’ which I believe to be intentional because they remember, and Aziraphale doesn’t. So Crowley is thinking to himself that maybe Aziraphale’s memory could be jogged with familiar behaviour.
Crowley also goes on about the flaming sword, which I believe used to be theirs when they were the angel Jophiel, so the emphasis on it makes sense.
They really said “what the fuck did you do with my sword?” But then when Aziraphale says he gave it away we get the most genuine display of emotion from Crowley that he’s shown during this entire sequence.
He is impressed. He is remembering the angel who refused to exercise their celestial authority and got his memories stolen as a result. They are thinking there may still be hope after all.
Okay now let’s briefly talk about why I think Crowley does remember. I feel like this is a pretty easy one to get through as there are plenty of moments where Crowley references heaven and the fall in a very clear way, some of which I will drop right here:
All well and good, but one big question still remains: if Crowley knows, why the fuck did he not tell Aziraphale in six thousand years?
Well… why did Elsa not tell Anna about her powers? I know this analogy is a little silly and trust me I’m losing my mind right now, but hear me out. Elsa doesn’t tell Anna about her powers because she thinks it's in her best interest not to know. She thinks that knowing will put Anna at risk and that she will be to blame for that risk. Now look back on Crowley and Aziraphale’s history, terrible communication aside, they don’t tell each other things because they both think that they can handle it on their own and they both don’t want the other to be in danger. They both consistently hide important and dangerous things from one another. For example:
Crowley didn’t tell Aziraphale about the Hell Hound for 11 years
Neither of them realised that both of their team of human agents were Shadwell’s men
Crowley didn’t tell Aziraphale the details of his execution
Aziraphale didn’t tell Crowley that he met Shax on the way home from Scotland
Crowley didn’t tell Aziraphale that he got dragged to hell and offered a promotion from Beelzebub
Crowley didn’t tell Aziraphale about The Book of Life threat
You get the point. It’s a pattern. And the details of the fall, stories from their distant past… these are lethal pieces of information. And we have to remember that both of them are essentially under constant surveillance. They never know when they’re truly alone or not, as we can also see with how much they side-step and rationalise their relationship away. They are both constantly terrified. Why would Crowley share information like this when they know how the acquisition of knowledge ended for the last group of angels? After all, Aziraphale wouldn’t like it in Hell.
Now there is also another very plausible explanation: Crowley is simply assuming that Aziraphale already does know and is following his perceived unspoken lead to never discuss it. Which again makes sense considering how fragile every aspect of their relationship is. It’s largely unspoken with a shared handbook of unspoken rules that they use to maintain the little bubble of companionship that they’re permitted to have. They have presumably never had a real conversation. So when would this ever realistically come up?
In conclusion, I need a lobotomy. But I want this to be true so badly as it does genuinely make sense in my sadly un-lobotomised little brain. As always, Neil Gaiman, I am in your walls.
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hi chai i hope you don’t mind this ask as i feel this might come as unwanted advice that can seem somewhat pessimistic to some so i apologise in advance but i mean no harm.
I am only trying to help and wish i’d known this right when i started to “manifest” or enter the void, and also as someone who’s been on loablr since 2021 and have read possibly every single success story that exists on here, here are some things to keep in mind:
there are many people that did the 10k affirmation challenge and didn’t end up getting their desires, why? cause they most certainly affirmed 10K times for their desires (while it’s proven scientifically to work)
but still happened to fail, cause they most probably thought against their desires; which was the strongest argument the states girlies used to have.
REMEMBER: you cannot be two things at once, you either have it or you don’t so which side are you on through the day and as you fall asleep?
(i mention the falling asleep bit cause i personally felt anxious at times going to sleep knowing i am still not where i want to be so if you’re doing the same thing, please stop. That’s the state you’re falling asleep to😭 it’s doing you no good😭)
(also i am not siding with any method, all methods work)
lesson learnt from this: nothing matters if you’re not strict with your mental diet, your 4D, your imagination.
(I’m not saying you have to suppress your feelings cause that can’t be good)
@moonbakeries used to vent for as long as she liked but made sure to persist in her 4D and she changed her life. please go through her blog to understand this better.
when i see people being consistent for weeks on here doing everything right and coming you to update (i love to see the discipline) but can’t help and wonder if they are persistent with their new story throughout
because i have been in their shoes before and had little to no success. (and as i follow you i can’t help but be reminded of my own failure cause i’ve been there before and the burnout isn’t pretty.)
I appreciate your support to all of your followers. I mean no offence to anyone but i really think i had to come out of my lurking bubble and let my mistake be known loud and clear so that others don’t make the same mistake as I did.
I feel like if we all delete tumblr, strictly only persist in our 4D for a week straight, we all would be living our dream lives.
Proof: rae’s death revision success story @itsravenbitch
@moonbakeries dream life success story
time taken? seven days.
DISCLAIMER:
i know we are all different and we shouldn’t think of time as a relative thing cause it’s literally not real. so obviously don’t think of seven days as a deadline (silly of me to mention it now after saying all that lol but you get the point)
if you fall in love with your imagination, you won’t care about time and the 3D (i know it’s hard with circumstances which is why i still haven’t personally succeeded) but please try. It will change your life.
Reminds me of another success story (anonymous) they changed their gender just by identifying as their ideal gender. I cannot remember if it was ftm or mtf i’m sorry but whenever someone mentioned/referred to them as their older gender, they literally didn’t care cause they knew the were their ideal gender and one day, they woke up to being their desired gender. That’s all it took.
the most common takeaway from all success stories is: BELIEVE, TRUST, HAVE FAITH.
(yes, doubts are common)
@moonbakeries mentioned it too, people that entered the void had doubts too but managed to persist, @gorgeouslypink also doubted the void till the moment she entered herself but still entered the void.
BUT CONTINUE TO PERSIST
The 3D (notice how i say “the” and not “your” cause it’s not yours) is none of your business.
Your 4D (imagination) is the real deal. Just like day is followed by the night, your imagination has to show up too, no matter what. let this sink in please.
I know discipline matters, please continue to do what you’re doing if it helps you stay consistent with your new story but actively make sure to persist in your new story, your FAV story. it’s so so crucial. That’s all!
I really want to be off anon but not sure how this message would be taken so i choose to stay anonymous lol
sending love to all!
thank you for your words of wisdom and motivation, I appreciate the strength it took to write this. I know that this will certainly be a wake up call to many.
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Hello to each and every one of the 927 people who followed me when I started and those who are fairly new to the blog,
I have two things to tell you at this moment and though it is hard for me as a writer to tell this to you, I sadly have to.
First is that I'll end my Pedro Pascal x actress!reader series. As much as I loved making it and sharing it with you guys, I cannot ignore the fact that there are anons and sometimes direct messages from other blogs that curse me out and send hate just because of what I'm writing. I've literally said this before, if you don't like my work don't read it, it is for those who enjoy it only. Like why waste your time sending hate when you can just scroll past the content I've been posting. so as someone who writes during their free time with the intent to lighten myself up, I am instead met with constant hate in my asks and messages whenever I post a fic hence me being active only on posting days.
So to the people who've supported me since the beginning as well as my blog grew slowly thank you for being there and I appreciate every single one of your comments and asks that I wasn't able to answer. And to the lot of you, I'm sorry for having to discontinue the series all so suddenly.
Second of all, I am considering deactivating in a month, because every time I open the account or check the notifications, it's always the same person or a couple of anons bombarding me, which ruins my day.
Lastly, I would like to thank you once again for encouraging, liking, and following through on the series until my latest one. Your sweet messages will forever be appreciated and remembered cause I'll be saving a couple of them for motivation. and who knows maybe I'll come back, with a whole different blog or identity... who knows?
THANK YOU, EVERYONE!! HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY AHEAD OF YOU AND KEEP SUPPORTING PEDROO WOOO!!!!
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Atone, Intoner.
When One came to, it was dark all around.
She was standing, her body unharmed, her senses less intense than before.
Without much to do, she walked.
She spent her time thinking on what happened; Zero had killed her, yes, but after was a haze; she felt... connected, to her sisters, in a way she could not describe.
The final moments of them singing together played in her head. 'A monster that can only hurt itself and others'... it explains the Intoners perfectly.
She was the 'oldest', and spent her time finding out the origins of herself. It all stemmed back to Zero, but there was no explanation behind it. She had memories of a 'mother' and Zero being a true older sister, but she believes them false.
A speck of white appeared in the black, and as One walked towards it, she was eventually face-to-face, barring the height difference, with Zero.
Zero had a strange expression, somewhere between defeat, annoyance, mild anger and tiredness.
"Hey." she said, finally. She sounded exhausted. One also saw that, while the Flower was gone from Zero's eye, she did not have her eye grow back, nor did she have her prosthetic arm, leaving only a stub.
"Hello," One greeted back. "I did not expect to meet you here, let alone again."
"Mm." Zero made a noise in her throat. Then, she sighed. "It all went wrong, didn't it?"
"An understatement. Still, at least now I finally know the reason for your slaughtering."
"Yeah, a fucking genocidal plant that wanted me to kill everyone. Fuck that."
One raised an eyebrow at that. "You?" she echoed.
"Me," Zero replied. "I was gonna finally die in peace when that bitch grew before me, thinking I wanted to destroy humanity. I didn't hate humanity, I hated the world itself. Unfortunately, it didn't get the memo." Zero looked around the darkness. "And now, here we are in this new shithole. Fucking A."
"Pause..." the Intoner of Knowledge heard something in the rant that made her curious, despite it all. "What do you mean, 'finally die'?"
"I don't have to tell you of all people jack shit." Zero shot back.
"Maybe. But if we're dead, you can't kill me again, can you?"
Zero looked at One with her single rose-coloured eye, then scoffed. "Exactly what I said: I was gonna die."
"You are an Intoner, the Original one, at that, Zero."
"Yeah, but before that Flower found me," she gestured to herself. "I was a human. Although, that's a stretch. I didn't have anything by the time I died, even with my tally. I was, in the literal sense, nothing. Nought. 'Zero'."
Another voice, of which One had not heard in months, spoke up. "But what about us?"
Turning, the Original and the Oldest saw Two. She did not appear catatonic, and instead looked the same as she did when Zero initially attacked the Cathedral City; albeit, more confused, even with her eyes wide and full of life once more.
"Not even a hello?" dryly remarked the white-haired lady, and Two immediately apologised, eyes widening even more.
"Oh, shoot, sorry, Zero! I was just a little surprised, that's all..."
"Eh, forget it: if you're here so are the other cunts. Anyways, the Flower didn't like how I didn't want to follow its way of thinking, so when I tried to kill myself again, it split itself off into five kids. Any guesses?"
"...So you're our mother?" Two jumped into the air as Three suddenly appeared, the slothful girl looking intrigued for the first time in a while.
"No, dipshit, you're technically me."
"You?" One sounded akin to a broken record, but that cannot be blamed.
"Yeah, you all got some aspect of my personality, some more than others, and some having a boost in certain aspects. Like Two; I definitely don't remember having that much of a heart."
"But that, you had some kindness, right?" Two immediately replied like the wind.
"Yeah, for Micheal... and Mikhail." her eyes turned downcast when remembering her dragon. "Oh, that idiot is gonna be alone, isn't he...?"
The three stood in silence for a while, literally and metaphorically.
"Oh, right, you seem a bit calmer now, Two."
"Oh, yeah, that..." Two laughed nervously. "Guess I didn't give you much trouble this time?"
"This time?" One quirked an eyebrow, before grabbing her head at a sharp pain. Thinking about her memories made her realise that some were similar but different. Like swearing, like her brother, like...
"...You stabbed One." Three breathed, her tone a mix of her tiredness and a small bit of awe.
Two looked like a deer being caught. "...Oops??"
"Zero?" One asked.
"...Ah, fuck, you guys remember the Branches..."
"Oh, that's what they're called?"
Zero groaned, as she turned to see Five walking towards them. "Hello, Five. And Four, I can see you."
Four walked from behind Five and marched to Zero. Then, she reeled back her fist and punched--
Zero caught it.
"You. Fucking. Bitch." Four growled out, her eyes filled with fury and her body shaking from sheer rage. "I have more than a few things to say to you!"
"Save it for later, after this." came Zero's reply. She let go of the fist, and looked around. "Well, that makes six. Any others I need to know of?"
Zero half expected to see Accord pop up out of nowhere. Instead, from One's side, that brother of her's appeared.
The Intoners, sans Zero and One, blinked.
"Oh! Hello there!" Two greeted warmly, waving.
"...Hello." the brother greeted back. Actually, fuck it, Zero is going to call him Decimal. He is half of One, so it makes sense.
"Hey." Zero looked at the twin of One, who looked back at her, eyes narrowing as he placed his hand on his blade.
"Zero."
One placed her hand on her twin's. "Stand down. She is not the enemy. Tell me, everyone; what do you last remember?"
"Apart from being stabbed?" Four spat out. "It was singing. Then I sang with you guys. Then nothing until now."
"Same here!" Five gasped. "We are... dead?"
"No; Decimal didn't die, did he?" Zero directed the question to One, who tilted her head.
"Decimal?"
"One, listen; I can sorta respect you. But I'm giving him a name as his older sister."
"That's the first time I think I have heard you use that privilege." One's red eyes displayed curiosity more than anything. "I'm surprised you didn't ground us."
"Maybe when you all were kids."
"Ah, sisters--?"
"I mean, look, okay, I'm an awful person. But I had reasons, you know?"
"Hello--?"
"Reasons that include senseless genocide of our soldiers, per chance?"
"H--"
"Don't start, Three, you fucking experimented on them. You think I would--?"
A sharp whistle cut them off, and Zero exploded. "OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, WHAT?!"
Two pointed. Everyone looked. A glowing portal was on the ground, akin to a hole.
"...Oh. Neat." Zero walked over, and looked through the portal. "..."
Zero looked back. "Right. The Flower found me when I was dying--don't ask--and when I hated the world. That was because of my own growing up."
"See anything you like, Sister?" Five asked.
She pointed to the portal. "So what if, that never happened?"
"What."
Zero sighed. "That building in it. I know it. It's from like, way before the Intoner's time. Go through and find me and get me not to be me."
"Wouldn't that kill us?" Decimal tilted his head in a way similar to One.
"I don't fucking know!" Zero then blinked, as of having a sudden epiphany. "Oh, hang on a second. I have something to do."
Three looked back, tiredly. "What's tha--"
Zero punched Three in the face, knocking the purple-haired girl back as Zero brought out a pair of gauntlets without her noticing.
Three attempted to stand up, but was knocked to the ground by Zero, this time by her foot. Her hair was then grabbed, and forced to look at Zero. She saw her expression, and it was one akin to a disappointed parent.
"Oh, Three, you sweet little bitch." she said it almost fondly, as she let go of Three's hair and punched her in the stomach, causing Three to dry heave from it. "Tell me: Why do you think I'm attacking you?"
Three began to reach for her scissors. "The madness consumes all, in the end--"
A scream of agnoy cut her off, her scream of agnoy, as Zero took a hold of her arm and broke it with a sickening crack.
"Your dolls." Zero spat out. "I had a bit of time to think after I killed you in Branch A, same with everyone, and I could kinda understand everyone, even with Four's fantastical racism problems. But you?" Zero shook her head. "Listen, Three, I'm not sunshine and daisies, but even I know you fucked around too hard."
"What are you taking about?" Three retorted snappily, as she felt herself getting hot with anger. It wasn't often that it happened, but this is a special occasion. "My dolls were perfect. Better!"
"And yet, still not good enough to beat me." Zero dropped Three to the ground, as her gauntlets faded into a sword. Zero's Sword. "You went on a campaign of murder, and for what? A few nice toys to keep in bed, and the others to send off to die to lovely Big Sis Z?"
Three attempted to get up, but the moment she placed pressure on to her broken arm, she yelled and collapsed. "I made the dolls to be perfect!" she repeated, for that was her truth.
Zero leaned down, her single eye almost glowing. "And what of during it?"
Three stopped, and looked at Zero, squinting at her with fury, confusion, tiredness and pain. "The fuck are you rambling on about?"
"Did they scream? Did they plead for mercy? Did they try and convince you otherwise?"
Three scoffed. "Of course they did. They weren't making any sense. I gave them sense--"
A blood-curdling scream ripped its way out of Three's throat. Despite not feeling any pain from the arm itself, Zero breaking her smallest finger made it infinity worse somehow.
"Three. I'm going to give you a simple request." Zero almost looked like an actual big sister as she said this. "Say you are sorry."
"For wha--?!"
The ring finger snapped, and Three screamed again. Her mind caught up with recent events, and as she tried to look for her sisters (and... brother?) for help, she saw them all standing there silently. Four looked pale, and she saw vomit on the floor, but they all remained still, looking at Three.
As if this was right.
"Take your time." Zero said, almost gently, as her fingers closed in around Three's middle finger.
Her mind raced, trying to figure out why this is happening. Her dolls, yes. They were made to be perfect for Three, of which she had personally handcrafted herself. Many hours went into the creation of each one, with some having her forget she needs rest, food, water and sex to keep her alive.
"I... made them." Three began.
"Go on."
"...Is that where the problem in is?"
Zero looked at her.
"...Why--?"
CRACK.
A noise that sounded oddly like an injured wolf made its way from Three's mouth, as she looked and saw said middle finger broken. Only her index finger and thumb remained.
"Don't worry. I'll just heal you. And then we can try again." If Zero had attempted to comfort Three, it did the opposite.
The creation of the dolls...
"Did they scream? Did they plead for mercy? Did they try and convince you otherwise?"
Three's eyes seemed to get less cloudy as she pondered on it. They did, yes...
...Oh. Ethics.
...Oh, fuck.
"Oh, God." blasphemy crawled out of her mouth, as Zero looked with a neutral gaze.
"There are no deities here, other than ourselves. And congrats, you're beginning to realise it."
Three thought more on it. The people she killed... did they have parents? Children? Siblings?
Three looked back at her sisters. She had, on more than one occasion, fantasised about turning them into dolls.
But, then, what would happen to their personalities?
She knows she cannot recreate any of them; having a doll of Two would be cute, but she won't talk, or joke, or laugh, without Three voicing her, and she won't be able to get her personality back.
"I'm sorry." The words felt so foreign to her. Yet, they felt right to say. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry ImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorry--"
"Shh." Zero cut her off. "No point crying now, is there?"
"...Atonement."
"What."
"'An individual's reconciliation with God by means of repentance and confession of one's transgressions'." Three looked at Zero, almost in wonder. "I... my dolls."
"Yes?"
"They are... hollow. Like a tree. Beautiful on the outside, but on the inside..." it felt strange, having her entire world view shift, but...
She clutched her head with her hands, not realising it was fully healed, and sobbed. Not laugh, or giggle. Sobbed.
That sobbing then turned to crying. And, she then let out of screams of despair, as the reality came to hit her in the face.
She had dolls, yes. But what are dolls, if they cannot be fun to play with?
She screamed for what felt like hours. She then gasped as someone awkwardly placed their arms around her. Looking up, she saw Zero trying to hug her, patting her head gently.
"Pat, pat, gestures that are kind..." she muttered.
The crying stopped, finally. Three shakily got up, as she walked over to the others, who looked at Zero in... fear?
"The rest of ya are also mega fucked up. Minus maybe Two. So I'm going to tell you something: Go into that portal. Find me. And raise me to never become this."
They all stood in silence. Then, Four walked to the portal, the glowing surface on the ground.
"What about you?" One asked.
"Eh."
Five went in first. Then Four. Then Three. Then Two. Then Decimal.
"See you later... Sister." One said. Zero rolled her eyes.
"Yeah, yeah. Same with you. Sis."
One went into the portal. The last of Zero she saw was her smiling face.
A small, real, genuine smile.
#ryuusei's works#drakengard 3#five drakengard#four drakengard#three drakengard#two drakengard#one drakengard#zero drakengard
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Could we learn more abour Seiber?
YESS ABSOLUTELY!!
tragically i’m at work rn and have much to be doing so i can’t go TOO too in depth rn, but i CAN give a quick summary of who he is and what his deal is and then link to some other posts i’ve made that go into more detail . he is my silly guy and i liek him :)
- Seiber Starwalker is a NPC in the dnd campaign i’ve been a part of for the past few years now, Feywild’s Folly! He’s an aasimar priest of Mystara*, Goddess of knowledge, who resides in the port town of Horton, which has been kind of serving as the party’s ’home base’ for the past few story arcs. While the chief deity worshipped in Horton is Njord (a god of the sea is going to be pretty popular in a place where a large amount of the population are sailors or dock workers), the religious district is home to a lot of different altars and tertiary places of worship for a myriad of other “””lesser””” deities
( *very early on in the campaign, every single one of us somehow managed to confuse ‘Mystra’ as ‘Mystara’, and it’s been so long that we’ve just rolled with the change. the entire campaign is homebrew anyway so it’s probably like the most insignificant difference from ‘dnd canon’ LMAO but it can cause confusion so i thought id clarify
- to help give our lovely DM a break here and there and also to better involve us all in the worldbuilding and give us chances to shake things up since this has been a very long and convoluted campaign, each of us players get to come up an additional NPC that we can RP as during the course of the campaign in addition to our actual PCs. seiber is mine! :3
- one of the most significant things about him is that, as a part of his vows to mystara, he cannot willingly say or suggest anything that he knows to be false — basically, he can’t lie, and also if anyone asks him a question he knows the answer to he’s compelled to tell them. this is unfortunate for him because despite being a holy man, he’s also not exactly on the up-and-up legally speaking a lot of the time, but if he ever got caught he would be compelled to confess immediately. also because the party uses this to ask him embarrassing questions that he has no choice but to answer because they find it funny to torment him. which is fair. it’s pretty funny to put him in situations
- mystara has no actual problem with any of his antics. she actively encourages him in most situations. he’s her favorite and she’s motivated by curiosity, so on top of egging him on to get into bar fights and send letter bombs to people (long story), she will occasionally physically compel him to do some impulsive thing to satisfy her curiosity. like putting a raw egg in his mouth or touching a hot stove. he’s capable of resisting her if he sees it coming, but he’s often deep in thought and doesn’t notice what’s happening until it’s already been done. there’s no malice on her end — she simply doesn’t always remember that mundane beings have bodies that can sustain permanent harm. he often has to gently remind her that people die when they are killed.
- on the topic of mystara, she knows Literally Everything which in turn makes her quite forgetful. even a god can’t possibly store all the knowledge in the known universe at once, so she’s in a constant state of forgetting and relearning things. this is why her preferred method of ‘worship’ is for her followers to engage in rhings like researching the world around them or learning new hobbies, and why her favorite offerings are academic papers or textbooks or personal anecdotes — she subsists on knowledge and the act of learning itself is what sustains her
- if you squint you might notice he vaguely resembles a certain erm. video game astrophysicist from a bad team shooter whom i still hold dear to my heart. he was originally meant to be a one-off joke reference character but we all got attached to him very quickly and hes just a part of the campaign now despite being a dollar store sigma ovw. it’s fine im better at writing than blizz will ever be. i’m treating him right.
here’s a few more posts about his background / personality / relationship with mystara as well as some art of him and his gf rilith (who is a WHOLE OTHER CAN OF WORMS but as much as i adore her i can’t possibly type any more rn. there’s more about both of them in their respective tags though)
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