i love when i come into work expecting to have a coworker to spend wiling away our semi-busy friday night shift with but instead find out i am working alone (not a lie i actually don't mind working alone). i love when i bust my ass working concessions and ushing all theaters alone and BREAK MY BACK to engage with people and make them happy and like me so that they'll tip me and keep a casual estimate of my tips all night only, come closing at past 11 pm, to find that my manager, a very nice, a TOO nice guy has given me $21 instead of the $41 i made in tips tonight bc the guys this morning who worked the slow shift together made a total of $4 and he felt bad giving them each $2 so he just never closed their shift and gave them a cut of mine so that i went home with the amount of tips i expect to make on a good slow wednesday closing shift and not the tips i expect to make working an extremely long and tiring shift where i actively work at getting tips instead of just telling customers to skip the tip screen like i know the morning shift guys do (take a fucking guess as to whether i'm lying here).

What are your thoughts about?

I was gonna try and collect my thoughts coherently before I started talking bu ti cant be bothered doing that so like. about the dream and that one circle of mcyt that just fucking hate them .

actually this is about how I have felt observing the dream space recently.

im uncomfortable?? not with the dream team, I still really love them and I enjoy their content and I do still watch sap naps streams if im awake for them but honestly taking time just to spend time on my f1 blog has been like a weight lifted from my shoulders.

just talking about dtblr, ive seen people trying to make the best of the situation by live-blogging sapnaps streams making jokes spreading positivity for all 3 of them but it doesn't really of much to take away from the pressure of the situation. Every day it seems like some cc somewhere has something to say about dream or George or sapnap and every day we rush over here to discuss it. it almost feels like theres this pressure to perform and to respond to what is being said, we need to discuss everything as a controversy no matter how stupid or insignificant the situation is and we contribute to the snowballing of tiny things that honestly dont need the attention the theyre getting and its tiring to watch. like im at the point where im scrolling past 'did you see what x said' because honestly I dont give a shit I dont give a shit about a cc who spoke to the dteam on discord maybe twice talking about their 'truth' I really dont care .

im genuinely just fed up with the way the creator space and fan spaces behave. Dream posts 'pls talk to me' and creators say 'but that won't get me clout' back to him.

who gives a shit if dreams stole punz girlfriend. who cares if dream sent a dm that might have been considered rude to Sara Simons a fully grown ducking middle aged woman with better things to do than start twitter drama. who gives a shit about sniff having one insignificant negative interaction with dream over a year. none f this is your fucking turret its just airing out high school level petty drama that could easily be fixed with a fucking dm . its pathetic. the way so many creators are going 'I too am a victim' and its 'he sent me a private message I didnt like' who fucking cares. and all of this 'ill stream explaining my story' what story. that he made a joke in bad taste. its performative. they want views they want twitters support they want to seem like theyre on the RIGHT side so theyre just pulling any old story out of their ass to add to the mentality of the mob and make it seem like yes I too hate dream because he is so awful when in reality he was probably just a bit of a twat like a lot of guys in their early 20s are . the only way hes gonna know that he did something that made u annoyed or upset or even mildly fucking miffed in the case of Sara fucking Simons is if you tell him. and we saw that bc 5 mins later shes saying oh its all fine he messaged me . see how fucking easy it is to actually fix these tiny ass issues if you actually have a conversation before launching a hate campaign on twitter dot com . and people going off to run with it and add it to the pile of 'poof' they have. hell ive seen someone saying they appreciate dream saying they want to talk about situations and saying they want to chat with him about an experience they had with one of his friends like what does that have to do with dream actually why not just take the initiative and talk to the actual person involved instead of making dream do it for u. its all just drama mongering

on a more serious note I really dont know how to feel with the whole situation with caiti. George didi fuck up and im not moving from that stance- whatever happened he made her feel uncomfortable and went on the defence instead of prioritising apologising to her for the way she felt about the situation.

what I cat fucking stand is how weirdly this situation has evolved. the initial statement was that he had touched her waist and tickled her and cat didnt like that. THAT CONTACT the touching of her waist was spread across twitter as a sexual assault. which its fucking not and it pisses me off as a victim to see how loosely terms of sex crime are being thrown around bc no matter how uncomfy you are touching your waist is not a sex crime. there was no mention of inappropriate touching actually, just that he had crossed a physical boundary with her and ive already talked about why I can empathise with that delayed reaction in feeling deeply uncomfortable with the situation . so it confused me as to why people on tiktok were spreading misinformation that his hands were down her pants and cat coming out of left field with he was grabbing my tits. because none of that was ever discussed in any of her prior statement and that seems like pertinent information when were discussing sexual assault. and from what ive seen her friends timeline of events dont match up with hers. her timeline of events onset even match up that well with her other comments on the situation and all of it just feels so fucking odd. why do the details change depending on who you ask and when you ask them

but I wasn't there. I dont know what actually happened. having experienced it you automatically hold that understanding towards her despite all the backlash because people blamed me too, they didnt believe me either and you never want to completely dismiss it no matter how weird the story seems because what if. keeping myself in the situation is stretching myself in two different directions where one is dismissing the claims of assault because nothing adds up and the other is she might be like me .

the reaction to caitis initial statement has snowballed extremely out of proportion if u ask me. nobody needs to know everyones personal grievances with dream or George or sapnap and to say that youre sharing these to support victims is a straight lie bc it has nothing to do with victims they receive nothing from your story that he made a bad joke 3 years ago or whatever and everything to do with the fact that you are utilising an opportunity to gain relevancy again and I dont want to partake in their relevancy.

I dont want to partake in any of this fucking drama actually. it's non stop. it's constant. its all over my dash all day every day but maybe its just the ppl im following idc. but I dont want to come back into a community where im going to find myself fighting to justify why I still enjoy the content of some creators while there are other creators receiving less vitriol for breaking the literal fucking law . its exhausting . its been years of it for me .

im not mentally well. I have a lot going on in my family life and I didnt realise how bad things were until I told my work friend I hadn't seen in a while my 'family drama' and she and the assistant manager pulled me aside and said 'im so sorry youre going through that right now are you dealing with everything alright?'. I have my final exams within the next month. I need to pass these to graduate. I have so much that is already causing me stress in my life and so much of the misinformation around the situation is so triggering and untagged and I dont want to log on and see another bout of 'x responds to x' 'x talks about dream' 'x shares thoughts on George situation' . I cant fucking do that right now.

people have called it the cowards way out, bailing at the burden of controversy but im not switching sides. im not deactivating. im not becoming a dranti. I still talk about the dteam i still like the dteam but I cannot force myself to endure other peoples stresses at the time being . thats all ive been thinking about rlly .

for the otp asks:

asulili: 1, 4, 6, 11, 14, 20, 30, 47, 50, and 58!

1: Who would end a heated argument by defending their actions with ��because I love you!’ ?

Lili says it already but without actually saying the words Because I Love You, therefore it's Asuka who in her anger and frustration blurts out Because I Love You directly without thinking just pure emotional outburst surprising even herself; despite how blunt she normally is she still shrouds her real feelings about anything so being vulnerable in her anger to express genuine concern for someone instead of using it only as a weapon and blanket over having to think catches her off guard

4: Which one is more protective? Who needs to be ‘protected’?

Easiest answer on planet earth it's Lili needing Asuka's protection which we know because she said so for her SF x T characterization and Asuka just went along with it and IS STILL going along with it in 8 because of fighting together with her and approving of Shaheen saving Lili's life. Asuka acts like it's not a huge deal but inside based on her actions it's obvious she thinks of her, I feel she knows Lili could handle herself but worries about if Lili ever gets too in over her head against something she can't win against or is gonna do or get herself into something stupid, Asuka can't help but tell her off or nudge her otherwise in order to protect her- if she doesn't outright fight to defend her physically. (Also Lili calling her My Dear...hehe...hoo hoo...Faggot)

AND ALSO THIS, THIS ENTIRE EXCHANGE

AND THIS- THE

6: Who would beg the other not to leave? Who has to leave to protect the other?

LILIIIII LILI IS SUCH A BABY ABOUT PEOPLE LEAVING HER IF SHE DOESN'T WANT THEM TO, in my heart

She gets to come and leave as she chooses with some exceptions and not say anything to the other person while she's gone if she doesn't feel like it, but if you do that to her or have to go off into something serious by yourself she becomes a sensitive mess complete with petty arguing, crying, whining, depressed sulking, and wanting to squeeze in even more time with Asuka, as if it'll stall them separating. It annoys Asuka but I think she's smart enough to know or guess where the behavior is coming from, so she can't genuinely get mad because it only shows how much she'll be missed.

As for why Asuka would leave Lili behind in the first place for Lili's safety there's many scenarios but the most obvious one would be not wanting Lili to get killed if she gets in the way of Mishima's or something else threatening home or the world again. Like if there's something only Asuka can do in that kind of fight where Lili's money and skills have ran their course so anymore Lili's just in danger, then Asuka would rather do it herself and not get that ojou killed. Which is so funny because of Lili stopping Asuka from getting killed by Devil Kaz in 8 : ).

11: Do either try to hide their emotions if upset? Can the other still tell?

Both. Asuka is always angry but the puzzle is figuring out why she's actually upset underneath what she's shouting about and how she says it. I feel like most of the time she's direct about what's upsetting her but other times she's upset at something only to take her anger out on it rather than say the real thing that bothers her. Then when she gets sarcastic and so mad she'd rather argue than make a point or when her own body starts spacing out or bouncing her leg or tensing very tightly those are other signs. If you get her to confess the real reason she's upset you make her vulnerable and she doesn't know how to handle that beyond giving up the tough dog persona.

Lili is always hiding her true feelings by omission or double speak. And if she's not trying to throw you off by denying things or twisting them to sound like something else or saying nothing more about an emotion at all, then she's doing the same with her face. She's always had those expressions that to me look like she's silently acknowledging something difficult she doesn't want to comment on under this guise of seeming cool and composed, as if she isn't fazed despite her other actions saying otherwise.

Despite this after being around each other enough I think they'd quickly get used to picking up on the other's tells. They'd blame it on their "fighter's instincts" to notice the details of another person before they could finally admit with enough pressure that it's because they care.

14: How do their personalities compliment each other? How do they clash?

I covered this at length in their essays but the short answer is Asuka hides all her thoughts and real emotions under rage and antagonistic behavior she directs towards people she knows she can (by and large) get away with hurting like the delinquents. She denies everything lashing out in order to feel strong. To feel in control.

Lili also wants control and has the same blood thirst but is much clearer about expressing it. She'll hide her vulnerability by denying it yet still makes it obvious in words and actions. She's honest about the things she expects and her intentions even if she's not always emotionally honest. She also directs her anger towards specific people and if she does fight outside of that anger it's purely to sate her hunger.

Despite Asuka looking like the straightforward airhead at first glance it's actually Lili who's the naive airhead trying too hard to seem like a cool adult.

One hides their vulnerability under a blinding wrath, the other hides it by feigning distance. Both use these as a means of feeling control. But because their differing styles on feeling in control prevent them from directly expressing the vulnerability they insist on hiding, they clash in misunderstandings and lost communication. Until they both but particularly Asuka finally become more accepting in 8.

20: Choose one song that perfectly describes their relationship.

Just ONE song- ok Life Is Like A Boat by Rie Fu

30: Your OTP gets to pick out each other’s outfits; what is each wearing?

Lili makes Asuka a custom Lolita fashion dress like she teased she would in the character episode fights. It's a one time occurrence and specifically made to everything Lili has noticed and thinks fits Asuka instead of a direct copy of what Lili prefers.

So while it would be Lolita style I think it's toned down and simple silhouette and cuts with elements of a gi for the top with small ruffles where the crease on a gi collar would be. It's not actually ridiculously embarrassing and flamboyant, but Asuka is still embarrassed a bit because it's Lolita style in the first place. But I think the more she gets used to it and sees the touches Lili included to still make it very Asuka, she appreciates it more.

Lili gets her own aikido gi and hakama like Asuka does, but instead of assuming the design she asks Lili directly what she might want on it including throwing in Yūzen dyeing which she doesn't tell Lili about but includes to make it fancier, which she thinks is something that'll best impress and fit on a rich girl. (Yūzenzome is also on Asuka's new gi, hakama, and headband in 8 which makes me wonder where she got the money for that if it's not a family heirloom)

Otherwise, Lili has to wear whatever random combinations of casual street wear Asuka insists make sense despite the fact the flow and silhouette is all over the place (have you seen how she dresses herself across some of the defaults lol, if it's not a uniform girl just gives up)

47: Does either of them have a secret that could potentially ruin their relationship?

No, I think everything is very what you see is what you get with them. They just keep doing the back and forth fighting and teaming up sometimes when they have a common goal, they tease and get along outside of that now, and whatever they have to resolve by talking is exactly that- things they can resolve by talking. I don't think either of them has any sinister secret because they just spend time with each other that's the goal.

50: Who’s more likely to do something out of spite?

Asuka. Lili is always clear ( especially in her own mind) about when she's fucking with Asuka and is very much playing because she never threatens Asuka or her life (like she did to Lars) nor does she go back on a promise when Asuka asks something of her (like keeping her word about reverting the dojo in 8) and she also doesn't overstay her welcome outside however long each incident lasts, but unfortunately I don't think she realizes her version of playing around can look like malicious pestering to anyone else.

So while Lili plays around with Asuka in the sense of doing something ridiculous it's not spiteful it's her idea of teasing and theatrical expression for what she's feeling. It's more annoying and attention seeking than it is anything specifically designed to inflict psychological torture or a personal attack without mercy or limits.

She also never fights to actually hurt or disable Asuka. You want to see angry spiteful Lili look at her relationship to Jin before 8 and even during 8 though she talks to him it's strictly business or taunting in tone when she offered her jet.

Asuka on the other hand is constantly easy to anger and provoke even at times when she wants to control it first. It's much more likely she can genuinely snap or feel like she should punish someone to try and soothe out the anger they've "earned" in her view. Which are things she's done across the games multiple times now to her own detriment.

She's very retaliatory in games prior to 8, but in 8 she seems a bit calmer now finding it easier to move on and accept situations, and more sarcastic than outright rage and simmering her temper just below the skin.

58: Who’s more likely to hold a grudge after an argument?

Lili. Every conflict Asuka has been involved in across the games so far she treats it like she's upset for a while but then eventually when she can't resolve the anger with fighting she lets it go or puts it aside to not talk or think hard about it so she can get on with her normal life back home.

Asuka acts like she compartmentalizes in order to keep order and rationalize so she doesn't go completely crazy. But that also gives the impression she has no interest in really dealing with her emotions letting them compress and compress somewhere in her by denying them.

Lili on the other hand clearly ruminates a lot on everything, be it about her father and all her plans to "help" him, her attempts to hide fighting from him as she plans out how to jet around and fight strangers. She ruminates a lot on Asuka because she thought about her in 6 with Lars then went to go see her in the endings. She's spent months of training according to her 8 character episode specializing in ways to counter Asuka's fighting style and so on.

I think she feels lingering resentment toward Jin too based on how clipped and minimally she interacted with him in 8 despite being his "ally". She does nothing to get along with him as a human being or acknowledges him at all besides being a dispenser of facts and orders. The most sympathetic expression she gives him is when telling him his mother disappeared but it barely lasts a moment. She's drastically minimal with him which would only make sense if she does still hold resentment (though it could also just be the bad writing where her only purpose was more exposition)

Where Asuka stuffs things away and dismisses it to not think about it too hard, Lili gets consumed by her thoughts, thus all her plans and schemes to "fix" every problem she sees in herself or that is relevant to her.

So you think T didn't like R calling the kiss just professional? Why do think he wouldn’t like it?

I’m going based on his reaction before and after the kiss question. Before he was playful and brought up J first in terms of saying R and J always sung together.

Ofc R says “that’s why I found the right person” and T says “yeah yeah” dismissively.

The interviewer congratulates R on her 2 year anniversary and T says “oh” and nods in surprise.

Then the kiss question happen. R stutters horribly while T laughs in delight while licking his lips, R looks to him to for help but he doesn’t and repeats “yeah, what was it like?” Genuinely wanting to know.

Because T didn’t help her deflect, R brings up J and professional work. T raises his eyebrow slightly and goes very still for like 20 seconds until he mentioned the love notes thing. He became playfully again when R said “we’re all in a relationship.”

I think he was disappointed because she mentioned J and didn’t talk about the kiss. Maybe he expected her to say it was amazing or go into details about how they filmed it /prepared for it exactly? The interview would have went an entirely different way if she actually answered.

I mean we all know they’re professionals so it’s pointless for her to say that. He was also disappointed because that was her real reaction! That wasn’t for PR, she was genuinely caught off guard (he handled much better) but I wonder how T would have answered if the question was directed at him.

T was also flirting with her the entire day and she wore red lipstick so he was even more enchanted by her. Because his attraction was the strongest that day, it probably upset him even more because friendzoned him slightly.

Side note: speculation here:

based off tarot reads, we know that R and T’s friendship revolves around an “almost kiss” so kissing is sensitive topic for them. This interview clearly showed that. Whatever happened, they agreed to not bring it up but it seems like they’re still upset and defense over it because they didn’t talk it out properly. Ignoring something, doesn’t make it go away. T became petty and R become defensive after the kiss question so it’s obviously something intense nearly happened.

We also know that T refuses to be completely in the friendzone so R bringing up J when discussing their kiss is extra upsetting to him for sure.

All that aside, he kisses her head and took pics with her after all these interviews that day lol. That seems to be a reoccurring them between them.

Flirt > pettiness > flirt > ignore J > R brings up J > T gets annoyed > flirt > take pics where they look like a couple again lol

hi. genuinely how do you deal with this fandom? i am reaching burnt out levels of exhaustion dealing with its whining, witch hunting underdog complex. i get things have been rough but some of them really act out like children. worse, like headless chicken who can't be trusted in society. the level of pettiness infantilization and almost cult like behavior that some parts of it are exhibiting is honestly worrying. and that's without mentioning the feeling of entitlement to the members private moments. i just. so goddamn tired of it all. i have tired but i dont think i can keep interact with it as closely as I've been doing

and i cant speak for them, but I fear the members are also getting sick of it

I simply curate my fandom experience that benefits my level of well-being.

In the beginning, I will admit that I engaged in ridiculous fandom arguments over the idea that Jungkook was essentially carrying BTS on his back. This was back when people loved to make comments about wanting to see Jin enlisting and not being a part of the band because he was a "terrible singer and dancer". Or, that Joon was ugly. After a few months, I decided to step back and realize that these fandom wars were doing nothing but ruining my enjoyment of being an Army.

I decided to limit my time on Twitter because that was a continuous cesspool of nasty armchairs that had no problem putting a lil 7 in their display names while bashing any member that wasn't their bias. Twitter was also being overrun by the deluded shippers who thought that taekook or jikook were in this ill-fated secret relationship. I had to step back and stop before I ended up leaving the fandom altogether

(I will admit that when taemins album was dropping, I went and argued with people who were losing their shit over a song name and album cover💀😅. )

I decided that Tumblr was going to be the only platform where I interacted with the fandom, and while I have been out of the loop, I've still maintained the same love and enjoyment I had when I first joined the fandom.

I don't know what it's been like on other platforms in terms of the things you listed, but I can only imagine it's escalated in the 7 years I've been in this fandom. So many new and ignorant people enter the fandom to incite problems, so it's better to block and move on.

Frankly, it wouldn't be that much of an assumption to assume that they are annoyed with. I mean, it's been 10 years of nonsense. How many times has Jungkook had to change his phone number? How many times has Taehyung straight up said that he doesn't like the "fans" screaming in their faces at the airport? How many lives have we seen people asking Jungkook invasive questions? This man avoided the internet for a long time, and when he decides to give us multiple lives, some people act like self entitled brats and think they deserve an all-access pass into his life. The infantilization of jungkook alone probably upset him more than we know. I mean, one of their last fan signs had JK receiving baby-related things. He was in his early 20s for crying out loud. Talk about insulting.

Sorry for my novel, but I simply recommend cutting out the stressful things and focusing on maintaining your love for BTS and the fandom in a capacity that is healthy for you even if that means removing certain aspects.

The Good and Bad of Semantic Error

CW: DISCUSSION ON DUBCON & HARASSMENT.

My second true Korean BL and...boy did it not disappoint. Let's start with....

The Good

The length. While nearly all popular kbls boast a 20-25 minute runtime, usually the runtime is not enough to get me invested in the characters. But here, the runtime works in tandem with the efficient story to create a constant-moving, low-fat viewing experience.

The acting. While not mind-blowing in the manner of a Gun Atthaphan or Wayne Song, both Seoham and Jaechan gave a strong showing. I completely believed in them 100% of the way.

The chemistry. So, I was not part of the Park Seoham + Park Jaechan hype train. I honestly avoided it at all costs because most k-dramas I've seen are absolute garbage water. But from the very first scene between the two you sense this depth of feeling. It's a chemistry quite unlike anything I've seen before. If I could describe it, I'd say that it's a twist on the classic push-and-pull/tsundere dynamic. I don't ever feel like Sangwoo actually hated or even disliked Jaeyoung. Instead, I feel like he always liked him but couldn't understand why. But that's just the genius of Sangwoo and I'm getting ahead of myself. For Jaeyoung, on the other hand, it's clear that he liked Sangwoo from the beginning, but, again, what I find interesting is the external manifestation toward Sangwoo. For example, Jaeyoung takes every opportunity to be in physical proximity to Sangwoo, even during the time he allegedly hated him. And he was not just close--he was smothering, touchy, concerned, and even visibly affected by all of Sangwoo's actions. Those were not the actions of a man in hate. Jaeyoung's sunny disposition, combined with Sangwoo's decidedly robotic one already created an intriguing dynamic, but when you add the words that had gone unspoken the sparks just flew.

Chu Sangwoo. Chu Sangwoo is a gem of a character portrayed sparklingly by Park Jaechan. I never read the Semantic Error manhwa but I know that Jaechan took Sangwoo and made him into something greater than the character on its face. Sangwoo is like a machine--he only thinks logically, he lacks emotional intelligence, and he treats relationships like means to an end. But underneath the cold, tough exterior, is a childlike naivete and open-mindedness that I believe has gone unnoticed. Sangwoo has a lot of depth to him. His single-mindedness comes off more as endearing than annoying but only because you know that he genuinely does not understand his own self, let alone his effect on others. I have so much to say about this character and on rewatch I'll probably come with a more nuanced study on him.

The setting. One thing about k-dramas is that the settings always seem real and lived-in. This actually worked to help viewers connect with our main characters, as without such a grounded world, we'd be hard-pressed to believe an over-the-top petty and spiteful Jaeyoung or a cripplingly robotic Sangwoo.

The skinship. I'm talking the first head pat, the first *real* kiss... There was something magical about their affection (probably the connection underlying it) and I demand 3 more seasons of it.

The Bad...with a twist.

Jung Jaeyoung is batshit (but like, I was entertained). This man STALKS Sangwoo, MOVES INTO THE APARTMENT RIGHT NEXT TO HIS, studies his every move, and harasses him for four days all because Sangwoo (rightfully) snitched on that ass. Who does that? Then he has the nerve to be upset when Sangwoo tears into that ass when he called himself being worried about Sangwoo. Not only that, but when Jaeyoung starts figuring out that he likes Sangwoo, he takes every opportunity to separate him from Jihye, finds reasons to get Sangwoo to do boyfriendy stuff with him, and basically just forces a confession out of Sangwoo. Like ??? Was nobody in this show seeing all the red flags? I'm not gonna lie it made the story entertaining. I'm just saying that in-universe Jaeyoung did so many questionable things that Sangwoo clearly didn't like. But here's the thing, unlike with shows like TharnType and other dubcon-heavy/crazy SO plotlines, I actually didn't mind it much? Like it made the show entertaining and I didn't feel like it was trying to normalize/romanticize dubcon/harassment. It was just showing it as part of this particular story. It's like, with, say KinnPorsche. Just because a bunch of people died in that show doesn't mean it's morally objectionable to watch it/be entertained by it.

Honest I don't understand why ppl hating on the KID case cuz of the reason is how it just followed the same formula over? Is it cuz it's not a murder case (they also have the same formula and are like consist almost like all the manga chapters? KID did not even appear that much (20!!!) not to mention his recent heists happened is cuz Gosho likes to do crossover,...like recent ones are just Kaito interacting with major characters in Conan

Well my point is his heists are just fillers to the story, disliking them and wishing them to be removed completely cuz of fillers... is so unfair. There are a lot of murder cases that have no contribution to the story also. :(( (oh well this is a detective manga but still...)

( Well I know I was petty here but this is genuinely upset me a lot *sign* and I guess cuz ppl are right on it............*sign*).

Conan murder is more various in the method?! What do you mean?! Jir and nakamoris method is also various!! And it end with Conan solving the case, murder confess the motive vs KIDs escape. Literally the same. Come on!!!

Ok so I'm a hostess at a restaurant right. And I realized that I totally can rant about it here because nobody here knows who I am or where I work so nobody can be mad at me for like,,, talking about customers. So. This one fucking guy. We were on an hour wait, it ended up being an hour in a half, so I can understand that he was upset. Like, people get upset when they're hungry. But this probably 50 something year old man was so petty, oh my gosh. Like, he came in to ask how much longer. We said "probably another 15-20 minutes" and he just sighed so big. Biggest most upset sigh I've heard from a customer so far. Understandable, he's upset. He's already been waiting significantly longer than we said he would be. He proceeded to tell us all about how to do our l jobs, how we need some sign out front, how we should have a manager at the front, how we need to be making it go faster. Like sir, thank you but we're making this go as fast as we can. One lady who was also waiting, said she was a server somewhere else, she might have been his wife, started to talk to my coworker and tell her she was doing great and not to worry, she knows how it is, and that genuinely made my coworker cry. Like this man had upset her so much that a few kind words had her crying. Fick him. So eventually he just walks in to try to find a table on his own. He finds one and comes to ask why we can't sit him there, I tell him "there is a group ahead of you on the wait list that we have to call first before we can seat you there. If they don't show up, that table will be yours, but we have to call them first." So we call them, and while we call them he walks off into the restaraunt again, this time finding the server for the section we were going to sit him in. He asks her why he can't sit there, she tell him she doesn't have any control over seating which she doesn't, that's not her job, and he straight up curses at her?? Like my guy there is straight up nothing she could have done to seat you faster. Nothing. Yet he said to her "you better get some fucking control over it" like!!! No!!! She literally can't!! But the group before his didn't show so we sat him and his group at the table. He was a little bitch the whole time, obviously, but the main event was at the end, where he tells his table not to tip her and leans over to tell the other tables not to tip her, unscrews the salt shaker from his table, and dumps it on the floor. Petty ass motherfucker. Genuine temper tantrum. Dumbass

These posts are going to have less/no trigger warnings as time goes on and instead just be tagged ‘Weight Loss’, but as I recognise that I only made the announcement that they will be a thing today, the first couple will: This post will talk about eating habits (including disordered eating), exercise and weight loss. As noted in my announcement post, nothing I say here is recommended for anyone but myself and you should always see a doctor and/or nutritionist before making any large changes to your health regime. As a whole, it is just for myself so that I have it documented somewhere. So with that in mind.

My Health Journey: The Beginning.

I haven’t been one for new year’s resolutions since I was a kid. Even then, I was generally horrible at them (sorry to the vegans/vegetarians who I promised I’d join for 8 years straight just to last a maximum of 10 days before going back to eating meat). But over the last two years or so, there’s been a returning sense of irritation to all aspects of my life to do more and do better for myself. This irritation is getting louder with time. Though I have started (and in some cases unfortunately been stopped by external forces) this journey with many aspects of my life, health is the one aspect that seems to be lagging. So like I guess as a but of accountability towards myself and to have record of it, I’m going to document the process. I’m not sure how often I am going to record this stuff, but I imagine it’ll be as important milestones come up or if anything major changes. For today though, I will simply be noting my thoughts going into it as it’s far too soon to have seen any progress.

Why did I wait so long?

For those who don’t know, I’ve been gaining weight for about 7 1/2 years now. In that time I’ve gone from an Australian size 8 (American size 4) to a size 16 - 18 (American 12 - 14) in that time. Predating that, I had a history of binge eating so a lot of my early teen years had me at about an Australian 14 - 16 (American 10 - 12). Factors in my life led me down a road of needing control, leading to an excessive exercise based eating disorder which got me down to that size 8. 

The loss of 99% of my family/declining relationship with the only two members I have any communication with and the additional impacts that that has had also has lead me to a spot where a lot of the last 7 1/2 years has been at a level of chaos where surviving has been the goal rather than thriving. For years it genuinely seemed like a win that I was eating and ‘not afraid’ to eat unhealthy foods unlike in my anorexic/over exercising years. It has only been recently that I’ve realised how much my emotional eating has impacted me. While I realised that I refused to eat when upset, I’m also a boredom eater, meaning that I’ve been eating far too much, even when I’m not hungry. My fear of going back to that place also formulated into a fear of going back to the gym for a lot of those years because there has honestly been a correlation between how skinny I am and how dysfunctional I’m willing to be to maintain that. Additionally, the gym is fucking expensive for adults here (unlike secondary students who get a major discount) and given money has been tight, yeah, that hasn’t really been an option.

And honestly? Dealing with law + psychology degrees, being a carer for my highly suicidal mother, ongoing legal issues and my own mental illness just left me in a place where I was too exhausted... which of course was made worse by mostly eating junk food and barely physically moving outside of that. 

But ultimately? I didn’t do it because I didn’t love myself enough to. I have been in a mental place where life has not felt worth living since I was 20 (when I lost my family), and because it hasn’t felt as if it was going to get better, I couldn’t be assed to try. I cared more about being petty towards my fatphobic mother and ate a full pizza or chocolate block every time she made a comment about my weight. I told myself that I’d come around to it when I felt better/when life got better. And I felt too socially awkward to exercise in my house given my brother or mother could walk in at any time, let alone elsewhere where others could see me. Hell, as you’ll see later (and tbh the thing I’m most ashamed of here), I haven’t even cared enough to have a proper/suitable teeth brushing schedule. Simply put, I just reached a place of complacency.

Why now?

As I’ve mentioned, I’ve reached a point where I’ve had this irritation growing within me to do better for myself. Ironically enough, it comes at a time where I love my body... until I look at photos. Like I can genuinely say that I feel skinnier than I am. Just like how my eating disorder had very little to do with the shape/weight of my body, so too does this healthy choice. It is simply that I have reached a point where I no longer feel healthier than I am. Long covid has torn through my body and the mixture of that and my other unhealthy habits has lead to a place where I can barely get out of bed most days. As such, I am no longer in a position where I can wait ‘until it gets better’. It is now essential to change my heath if I want any chance to survive and thrive.

What’s the ultimate goal?

To be consistently healthy, balanced and happy. But if we’re putting numbers on it, getting down to and maintaining an Australian 12 (American 8) would be amazing. Exercise wise, I’d love to be able to scale the mountain right near my place (4.1km/2.6 miles/1.5 hours) without too much if any issue on a consistent basis. Though it’s not a requirement, I would also love to get down to that size 12 by the time Taylor Swift comes to Australia for her eras tour so that I can wear my old I Know Places bomber jacket to the show.

What’s changing?

I haven’t got set plans for most of the changes I plan to make, but the main areas my health team and I are setting goals for are as follows; food intake, exercise, general hygiene and confidence building.

Food intake: I’m actually four days into this, but a lot of this is simply trading out my lunches and reducing other meals + non water drinks. Being still at home, I was already eating relatively healthy dinners because regardless of who cooks, it has to be healthy enough for everyone. But yeah, outside of dinner, my eating habits have been an absolute mess up until the new year. I’d almost never eat breakfast, have frozen pizzas/something just as unhealthy for lunch, have dinner and then a chocolate block or some other dessert all while mostly drinking sweetened iced tea. So as things stand, my health team and I have a 3 stage plan for changing this. 

First (and what I’m currently doing), we’re adding in a piece of fruit/bowl of weetbix for breakfast, substituting what I was previously having for lunch with fruit yoghurt and/or more fruit and/or salad, taking out all snack foods/only having “proper” desserts when my family cooks them so that I can keep an eye on proportions and keeping the regular dinners. This will only alter if we are eating out which I mostly do for dinner anyway. I also want to learn to cook more fluently (I currently know the basics for each meat + how to made like salads and stuff but nothing in-depth and I feel like having more knowledge and variety in that way will make me more likely to stick to this).

Secondly, once I feel balanced with my eating, we’re going to substitute my sugary drinks for fruit smoothies. This has the benefit of not feeling like I’m cold turkeying all of it, still getting to have some sugar and having additional fruit intake.

And lastly, we’re eventually going to slowly weed out the smoothies for water. This one will probably be the hardest tbh because I was raised by people who never drunk water so the habit runs deep ngl.

Exercise: We haven’t made a solid plan for this yet because I’m awaiting test results related to my long covid that will impact it. But the hope at the moment is to start with 15 minutes of exercise (most likely walking) and build it up to 20 minutes, then half an hour, then the usual recommended 45 minutes. I’m also hoping to buy a few cheap things like weights to do on rainy days. At this point we are also discussing whether buying a weighing scale would be helpful or triggering given my past, or if I should just see the results in the way I feel/the change of clothes size, but no consensus has been made on that yet.

General hygiene: As mentioned above, the grand majority of this is simply getting in a habit of brushing my teeth as often as I should. However, I would like to get into habits of changing out of my pjs earlier on days where I’m not doing anything (should be easier with the exercise regime + hopefully going back to work soon) and cleaning my space more (read: vacuuming my room + cleaning my car more, the rest is pretty clean).

Confidence: I may not be the ugly duckling of my family that I once thought I was, but god am I still awkward as all hell. And like a lot of it just comes from imposter syndrome and assuming no one likes me. Not all of that is to do with weight, but some of it is and I’m in therapy and working on it (even if the process is not as quick as I’d like). More generally I’m also really hoping to push myself out of comfort boxes this year and go to more events, even (and in same ways especially) if I have to go alone and am trying to be nicer to myself though.

How do I currently feel?

Honestly? Horrible. My body is still adjusting to the lack and difference of food and emotionally it’s rough not to go back to comfort eating. But I will also note that due to influences outside my control, I’ve only had about half an hour’s sleep each night since before new year’s day, so I imagine that is having more of an impact on my body than the actual food situation. So I am grateful that I am at least in a mental position to realise that and keep going.

But yeah, I think that’s all I’ve got to say for now. Hopefully the next time I update on this, it will be with good news.

Etherealdany is nothing more than a pathetic liar and a fucking coward.

Okay, just to be clear, here is a list of CRIMES that @etherealdany had committed:

she was in tumblr a while back with a group of mutuals who were very much into puritan shipping. however, she wasn't. she was into asoiaf (a piece of problematic media) and hence her ships were also problematic (possibly, age-gaps or incest). because she felt pressured and was apprehensive about revealing her ships, she quit tumblr and went to twitter. later she rejoined tumblr, but obviously didn't contact the people who would probably shame her for her ships. so, these people thought navya shipping whatever she wanted and not wanting to be in a negative fandom space is "a betrayal" and that "it felt like a personal attack".

Firstly, I have a genuine question for you people:

Do You Guys Hear Yourselves?

Do you realise how utterly deranged, petty and out-of-touch you sound?

Somebody shipping whatever the hell they want is not a violence against you! Somebody going in and out of online-fandoms or irl-fandoms is not a violence against you! Somebody staying in touch with their old friends or is not a violence against you!

I did not know that we are doing a live-action version of Mean Girls! "On wednesdays, we wear pink! And then Navya didn't wear pink on a wednesday! And now she even dares to go and sit at another table. And then she was even laughing and enjoying with those other people! Now, she says she doesn't like pink, but blue?!?! And she didn't even give us an explanation or jusification!"

Listen... I am not a stereotypical high-school girl from a 90s romcom movie. So, I don't care.

Secondly, I wish I had your problems! I truly truly do. I would sincerely pray to god that at least in my next birth I would get to be you! You guys seem to be living my dream life!

I wish I was so privileged that one of my chief issues was that an internet friend I had two years back, started to ship something I hate or stan a character I hate!

I wish I had your level of problems. Compared to yours, my level of problems seems to be on a completely different level.

During my high-school years, I had to stop someone from physically assaulting my friend in the middle of a road, and now they are my good friend! During my college years, people who called me names behind my back were the ones who stood up and (physically) fought off political party members who came to harass me. Classmates who plotted against me during college are the people I would gladly shake hands and hug, whenever I meet them for a reunion. Because in hindsight, those matters seemed trivial and petty, and I could only laugh at our pettiness and foolishness.

These are the level of fights-between-friends I am used to. This is the society I've lived in. This is the level of maturity and magnanimity I deal with on a daily basis.

So, these complaints of "she stanned a fictional character I didnt like and didn't tell me" can only seem ridiculous to me! They would seem ridiculous to anyone in my society. In fact, they would seem ridiculous to anyone who has to actually deal with people in their daily life and whose world is not limited to internet drama.

So, please understand that these "receipts" that you bring only expose how privileged you are, instead of exposing Navya. Also, despite searching high and low you could NOT find any true "crime" to pin on Navya, except that she lied about her ships and the chaaracters she stanned.

Just reflect on that.

Thirdly and lastly, just... how much effort did you put in for this?

You had to take screenshots of all these old blogs that you had to find. In fact, this upset you so much that you were taking screenshots for a whole day - from morning 6am, to 9pm to midnight!

Then, you had to make it sound controversial. After which, you send this ask to over 20 people who interacted with the blog of @etherealdany. Not just her mutuals, or her followers, even people who ever reblogged something from her! You found that many of them don't have anon-ask on. You had to create an empty fake blog. Then, send these exact copy-pasted asks to over 20 blogs.... Is all this effort worth it?

This is not me mocking you or being sarcastic:

A Genuine Piece of Advice: Don't invest this much time and effort into things or people you hate! You are giving Navya too much power over you!

This almost seems like you have a secret-crush on Navya!

Maybe Navya reblogged a post of yours with a rude comment - either reply to it, or you can block and move on! In fact, block her and all her mutuals and friends, and then continue with your fandom life. Curate your fandom space. Or maybe she was your friend and she ships something you find disgusting, tell her that you can't continue to be in contact with her, then block and move on!!

Or else, be like me: understand that people have different tastes and thoughts, and they don't exist solely to cater to your whims. Many of my mutuals ship things I dislike (not just in asoiaf fandom but other fandoms too)! It is not a crime that I need to accuse them of. If I really can't stomach the ship, I'd use tag filtering so that I dont have to see it on my dash.

I wish I could live in your world - where everyone had the same thoughts as mine, and stanned the same characters, and shipped the same things; and any deviation was a heinous crime. And I could claim to be "betrayed" when I find it to be otherwise.

Unfortunately, I live in the real world! I have bigger things to worry about. In short,

And I would ask you to kindly exit my blog

Are you still doing the fluff alphabet? If so, could you do Levi?? Thank you 😘

Absolutely! Fluff alphabet masterlist is here

School may be crashing and burning but at least I’ve got time to write :) lmao

I wrote this at 3 AM and I refuse to edit, so enjoy <3

Fluff Alphabet: Levi

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

I honestly don’t think the activity matters to him. He likes to stay home a lot because it’s easier, and because he feels more comfortable somewhere private. Big fancy dates aren’t super common because he views expensive romantic dinners and such as a cliche that he’s too old and mature for, but if it’s something his s/o would be excited about, he’d be secretly excited to indulge sometimes. He’d also probably enjoy museums and art galleries. But again, for the most part, he just wants to spend time with them, it doesn’t matter where.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Levi’s definitely not an appearance-oriented person. Don’t get me wrong, he thinks his s/o is stunning, and he makes sure they know it. But that’s not what he admires about them, their connection is so much deeper than that. He genuinely sees them for who they are and not what they look like, which is why they’re just so beautiful to him, if that makes sense. 

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

He probably panicked the first time he saw his s/o struggling. He’s not the most in tune with his emotions, so he especially doesn’t know how to help others with this kind of thing. But I feel like his protective instincts would kick in and he would actually be really comforting. Most likely, he’d just sit by his s/o’s side silently and make his presence known until they were feeling well enough to talk. At which point he hears them out and offers some advice, of course with the perfect amount of sarcasm and shit jokes to cheer them up a bit. And he’d probably ask them later what they would prefer he do in that situation if it happens again, which of course he would remember in the future.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

This is a point of internal conflict for Levi, for sure. After everything he’s been through, again, he’s become pretty emotionally closed off. He can’t really depend on anything or anyone staying in his life for too long because they never have. So it would really take a while before Levi can really start to picture his future with his s/o. Even then, he would feel a bit guilty for allowing himself to indulge in those dreams. But at the end of the day, he just dreams about some sort of stability with his s/o some day. He doesn’t really care about the details, he just wants to know that they’re going to be together, and that they can develop some kind of routine and stability that he never really had in the past.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

It’s definitely equal. Levi shares any decision-making with his s/o, and he’d definitely prefer that they do the same, just because that makes their partnership stronger. Because they are very much a team.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Levi does tend to have a bit of a temper, but it’s not something that he would ever want to bring into his relationship. He doesn’t let either of them fight over something petty just because it’s not worth it. And with a more serious disagreement, he’d try hard to start a genuine discussion about it. Things happen, though, so they obviously get in fights sometimes. Levi can be kind of rude when he gets really frustrated, which is why he tries to avoid it. But he’d never actually say something to hurt his s/o, even when they’re both upset. Usually, even the rare argument calms down enough to be settled rationally.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

He is so incredibly grateful for his s/o; he sees and appreciates everything they do for him, and he makes sure it’s known. Explicitly saying something like that makes him a bit uncomfortable, so he finds other ways to silently show his gratitude. He makes sure his s/o’s favorite mug is always clean, and he makes them his favorite blend of tea whenever he sees that they’re stressed out. Just little things that he does to make sure they know he’s thinking about them.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

There are pretty much no secrets in the relationship. The past is a little complicated; there are a few stories that Levi probably will never be able to share (or at least, it will take a very long time), and his s/o is more than entitled to keep secrets about their past that they just cannot share. But other than that, it’s an open book. Levi wouldn’t see any reason to lie about most things, unless it’s about keeping his s/o safe, and it would make him really uncomfortable to know that his s/o keeps secrets. Not that there are no boundaries, it’s just that he wouldn’t want to pour his heart out and be vulnerable just to find out that the other person doesn’t trust him as much.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

I think Levi’s s/o probably helps him a lot, actually. He’s been emotionally closed off for a long time, and being in a relationship with trust and a deep connection would help him to open up a bit and be more vulnerable. He also just lets himself be a bit happier and more optimistic with his s/o, so his life is just a bit easier in general.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

He’d never admit it out loud, but he actually does get pretty jealous. It’s mostly just self esteem issues, not a lack of trust at all. He trusts them more than enough to know that they’re not going to secretly abandon him, so of course he’d never make a big deal out of it (although I think it goes without saying that if someone is hitting on his s/o or something in public and they look remotely uncomfortable, he would go absolutely batshit) But, still, sometimes he can’t help feeling sometimes like he’s not enough for them. He tries to hide it, but it’s pretty obvious that he’s sulking when he’s upset, so his s/o would most likely spot it immediately. And all he would really need is a gentle reminder that he IS enough for them.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Alright I’m conflicted on this one. I’m just gonna say it, his first kiss with his s/o was kind of just not that great. He wouldn’t DARE not ask for proper consent, HOWEVER he ended up asking like three times just to make sure it was alright, which made it a teensy bit awkward. Once he finally gave in, he just gave them the teensiest little kiss and that was it for like two weeks. He’s not really great with physical touch so it takes a while for him to get comfortable. His s/o would probably have to take over from there or else they’d never kiss again, but once he gets comfortable, he does fine.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

It’s during something incredibly mundane, probably just a car drive or a regular movie night. He’s going about his day when he realizes he loves them, and he’ll be damned if he’s gonna stew on that knowledge for another two weeks just because he’s too nervous. So in the middle of a movie or just like halfway home from the store, he just blurts out “hey, I love you”. It’s completely by surprise, but it’s not like it’s particularly early or far into the relationship, so it makes sense. From then on, he wouldn’t be the type of person to say it all the time (I mean, come on, his s/o should know by now, it’d just be stupid). But he also wouldn’t hold himself back from saying it when he’s feeling particularly grateful for his s/o one day. And hearing them say it back would definitely make him blush just the slightest bit every time.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Levi would be absolutely terrified to get married. BUT that’s not to say that he wouldn’t want to. It would take some considering, sure, but especially if it’s something he knows his s/o wants, he’s all in. He’d probably propose in a similar way to how he first said he loves them, except at least just a bit more planned out. It wouldn’t be a cliche grand proposal with doves and rose petals and champagne, that would drive him crazy. Most likely, he surprises them with a homemade dinner, sets the table with candles, and hands them the ring. He’d put on a confident face, but he’s panicking for sure. He’s not really a marriage-y person, so he’s not going to be buying those matching couple towels that have like “mr ackerman” and his s/o’s name on them, and he’s most definitely not giving in to those cheesy weird nicknames (”hubby” makes him glare so hard). But he would love the perceived sense of stability, commitment, and routine that go along with marriage.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Just their name, for the most part. Maybe “love” or “sweetheart”, but he always says that most nicknames are just too cliche. I mean, only lovestruck 20 year olds call each other “babe”, and that is most certainly not their relationship. But, honestly he wouldn’t mind if his s/o gave him one of those cheesy names... not that he’d ever let on to that, of course, but if they happen to figure it out one day... he wouldn’t be mad. Mostly he just loves to hear his name in their voice, so they call each other by their names. 

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

The token stoic expression Levi keeps in public isn’t going away just because he’s in love. To an outside eye, absolutely nothing is different. But even in public, his s/o can probably tell. Maybe it’s something about the way his eyes are just slightly warmer, slightly brighter. Maybe it’s because he’s just the slightest bit more willing to talk and hold a conversation when they’re by his side. But when they’re alone, he finally lets down that stone expression, and he’s like a whole different person. It doesn’t happen often, but on days where he’s just absolutely lovestruck, he walks around his house smiling, holding his s/o’s hand, maybe even curling up on the sofa together to nap. On those days, he just kind of lets himself be happy. 

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Levi’s definitely not a fan of PDA. The relationship isn’t a secret by any means, but he’s also not broadcasting it for the entire world to see. The people close to him know, and that’s plenty. He doesn’t like PDA partly because it’s too vulnerable, but also just because it’s kind of gross and unnecessary to him.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

This man has the best memory of anyone you’ll ever meet. It’s honestly a bit unsettling, but he remembers everything his s/o says, and he’ll find a way to bring it up like months later. Sometimes it’s as simple as remembering their favorite food and bringing it to them when they’re stressed out. But it could even be so crazy as them saying in a random conversation in July that they hate when mashed potatoes aren’t totally mashed, and boom, at Thanksgiving that year, they find him mashing the potatoes a little extra just to make sure. (Don’t ask how I came up with that example, my brain is weird.) His mind is a steel trap, and he uses it to his advantage.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Cliche romance irritates him so much, he avoids it at all costs, so he’s mostly creative in that sense. He has an eye for picking out ways to make his s/o happy, and even though he doesn’t consider himself particularly romantic, he actually really is.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Absolutely! Levi wants nothing more than to help his s/o achieve whatever they’re working towards, and he’s completely supportive. Anything he can do, any help or emotional support he can offer them, he’s more than willing. 

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

I don’t think he’s AGAINST trying new things, but he really just prefers a routine. Again, it makes him happy to have that connection of stability with his s/o, and he feels so much more comfortable knowing he can depend on that.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

He’s very empathetic. He might struggle sometimes with understanding, just because it’s not very likely that he and his s/o have had similar experiences in life, but he knows them like the back of his hand. What he lacks in immediate understanding, he makes up for in conversations about any issues and an ability to read their expressions really really well.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Honestly, if Levi is in a long term relationship with someone, they’re one of the most important parts of his life. He doesn’t make superficial connections, and he especially doesn’t open up to people he doesn’t care deeply about, so it’s safe to say that he values his s/o greatly. 

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

He buys his s/o flowers once a week. It’s just a little tradition that makes him happy, and he likes seeing that it makes his s/o happy, so he’s kept it going. If they don’t like flowers, then maybe it’s a little trinket they collect, or a cookie from their favorite bakery. But regardless, he hasn’t missed a week since they’ve been together, it’s really important to him.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

He’s not necessarily an overly affectionate person. There are occasional days where it really just hits him how lucky he is, and he just wants to hold his s/o for a while and not go do anything that day. But for the most part, he’s not clingy in any means, and his s/o would have to initiate most cuddling. He’ll let them know if he’s really not in the mood, but he usually doesn’t mind (because let’s face it he’s a teensy bit touch starved). But yeah, he shows his affection in different ways for the most part.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

It’s not really an issue for him. He’s always been an independent person, so even after he lets himself trust that his s/o isn’t leaving him, he’s not going to be that level of dependent on their presence. He probably would have to fill up his schedule a bit more, though, just so he didn’t have too much down time to get all sad and miss them. He’d also probably clean everything in his sight to calm down until they return.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

He’s zealous for sure, he isn’t about to let go of a relationship that means this much to him just because he wasn’t willing to put in the work. He’d do as much as he could to make it work. 

Hook: "Apologize"

Hook x gender neutral!reader genre: fluff towards end, kind of angsty but not really warning: mentioning of arguing, some swearing - also not proofread

summary: reader and hook argue before a show. hook thinks everything is fine hours later, when it's not, so he apologizes to reader requested by: anonymous (I hope you enjoy!) Masterlist Tag List: @cutierocker202

I started this imagine about an hour ago and actually kind of liked how it turned out. The only bad part is how bad the writers block gets! I hope you all enjoyed it though.

*I do not own this gif!*

There was only an hour before Dynamite started and you spent about 20 minutes of it arguing with Hook about shit you’ve already forgotten by now. At this point, the two of you were talking just to rebuttal each other and not let the other feel right, which made two of you in the wrong. You didn’t care about that right now, all you care about was getting away from Hook and his annoying mouth.

“God Hook, you’re not winning this fight. You think you can talk, talk, talk and come out of this in the right. You’re never right and right now? You sound like an asshole. So just do me a favor and don’t talk to me for the rest of the night.” You snapped at him, having enough of hearing his voice. You walked away before he could even respond, not bothering to look back.

Luckily enough for you, there was nothing set up for you to do tonight on Dynamite. So, that means you had all the time in the world to cool down and be away from Hook. You had went to the locker rooms and put your headphones on, playing music to calm you down. Of course, a sad song had came on and you had groaned - you weren’t in the mood to be sad or think about him either.

It was a stupid argument. You and Hook argued because he didn’t like how close you were to some new indie wrestler that previously made an appearance on Dark the day before. Hook didn’t even greet you like he normally did, he acted cold and gave you an attitude, telling you “to go talk to your new partner”. You felt the way that he acted was out of line and incredibly ridiculous, but his jealousy made him think otherwise.

You didn’t realize how long you’d been in the locker room until you had checked the time on your phone, 9:30 appearing on your lock screen. It almost scared you how quick time passed you by, you’d practically missed almost all of Dynamite. You were a bit sad that Hook hadn’t reached out to you, but you pushed all that away considering you were still kind of mad at him.

Leaving the locker room, you made a beeline to catering. Sitting for almost two hours, hiding away from everyone, had made you crave a drink. You had grabbed a water and took a seat, watching the monitor to catch the last few minutes of Dynamite.

What you didn’t know is that Hook was coming up right behind you to take a seat right next to you. You felt a pair of eyes stuck on you, but ignored it until an arm wrapped around your shoulders. You turned your head to look at the person in disgust, but was sort of relieved to see it was Hook. The look of disgust, however, settled back onto your face and you removed his arm from around your shoulders.

Hook looked at you with confusion. “What’s wrong with you? You never do that.”

The fuse you had tried so hard to not let burst was going to any minute now, but you knew it would be a bad idea to explode on Hook for being such a clueless ass, especially in catering.

“Did you forget about our argument two hours ago? You know, the one you started? Why are you acting like that never happened and expecting me to be okay with you?” You tried your hardest to not lose your patience, but this was just a whole other level of ridiculousness.

“I thought we would’ve forgotten about it and everything would be fine. Don’t tell me you’re still mad.” Hook sighed, now he felt like an asshole, which he still was in this moment. He should’ve known to approach you with an apology in one hand and hugs in the other.

“Now what on earth would make you think we would be fine? Especially when you started it and never apologized. You accused me of flirting with someone. I’d never do that to you. You know that and for you to think otherwise, that hurts.” You felt tears well up in your eyes, but you refused to cry. Hook stayed silent, his expression full of guilt as his lips fell down into a frown.

He took a hold of your hands, resisting a smile that was begging to pop onto his face when you didn’t let go. “You’re right, Y/N, and you should say it. I should’ve never accused you of that. I shouldn’t have been petty either, that wasn’t smart of me or even who I am. I feel like an asshole and like a terrible person. I know you better than anyone else just like you do with me and I should’ve trusted you, I do trust you. I was being really stupid. I should’ve approached my jealousy in a healthier way and told you. I’m sorry, Y/N. I know there’s nothing I could do to not make you mad at me anymore, but I do apologize with everything in my heart.”

You could tell Hook was being genuine, but that was something you never wanted to happen again. That was your first serious argument with him and honestly, it was very frustrating. You couldn’t handle it if you were ever that upset with him again.

“I accept your apology, but that can’t happen again. I’m sorry that you were jealous Hook, however you needed to handle it differently though. I understand that it may be hard, but I can help you navigate that. Like you said, it should’ve been done healthier. I’m glad we can talk about this now without being rude to each other because this is how it’s supposed to be. And I don’t ever want to fight with you again, it sucked.” You took a look at his face, the guilt still apparent. His eyes reminding you of a child that had just got caught doing something that they didn’t mean to; sadness and nervous.

You held into his hands, your thumb rubbing over his knuckles to soothe him. “It’ll never happen again. You’re so understanding, I should’ve just said it. I’m so lucky to have you, you... Y/N, you’re just everything to me. I never wanna fight again, I can’t. I love you too much to put you through that hurt and pain.”

Hook pulled you into a hug, his hands rubbing your back as his head laid on your shoulder. You began to rub his back as well, taking in this moment. You hated being mad at him, but now that you had talked it through and he apologized, everything felt okay again. But you surely weren’t going to forget about this moment; it was a teachable one that you didn’t want to forget, incase you two ever had another issue.

i.  been away .

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐞: what would you do? / a03

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: your old friend, eren yeager had been gone for almost an entire year and you and your friends have all but moved on with life. in fact you have barely given him a second thought -- but when he returns, he's not the same passionate frat-boy you once knew; he's a stranger now.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 3.6k words

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: smut, oral, fingering, eren is kinda’ mean, mentions of alcohol, intoxication and drugs. based on the absolute banger been away by brent faiyaz. i posted this on a03 two months ago and i swear every week my writing changes and when i look back i’m ashamed. i swear the chapters get better 😩

You were barely paying attention to the conversation around you, you were idly fiddling with your completely empty cup since Sasha and Connie had been arguing about the same thing for the past 20 minutes. You knew it was because they had both been tiptoeing around something; they were keeping something from you. What did you expect from the two people closest to you, but you weren't a sensitive, little baby bird? In fact, you had forced yourself to not shed tears over a night that was so insignificant that there was no point for these two to continue on with this desperate charade. “He’s back. Isn’t he?” You stated bluntly, your words were viciously slicing at their conversation. They both remained silent; their clear discomfort was painted vividly onto their expressions as they exchanged worried glances between each other. Eren had been gone for so long that he had faded from you and your friends’ lives completely, he was so easily displaced from your thoughts in such a short amount of time and you had felt the least bit of guilt for it. Time marches on, not even Eren would be able to bend time to his will. Your friends had adjusted to life without their friend, but you could sense the discomfort in celebrating Connie’s birthday in his absence.

“Apparently.” Sasha replied, her gaze darted towards the door as if his return was some impending doom, like a devastating natural disaster that would upset the balance of everything. You wanted to be confused as to why they were hiding this from you, but you knew full well that with the way he disappeared – you would be counting down the days till he returned. Sasha and Connie knew that you were now a minefield and one misstep by anyone would illicit a violently ruinous reaction from you.

“He’s not the same.” Connie added, interrupting your train of thought. “You know how he left… he's -- he's not the same guy.” There was a silence after that, you had lost the energy to keep fighting them about Eren. You could see the disillusion drain into Connie’s face, you weren’t the only one who Eren left, in fact – it was everyone in this room that he had left behind. Those two were inseparable a year ago and now it seemed like Connie could barely string together a sincere sentence about Eren. You couldn’t keep recounting your history with them, a history that was so minuscule that you had no right to expect anything from him -- right? You forced the two to return to their idle conversations, doing anything to drag the conversation away from someone that you had tried so hard to put behind you. There was load music droning through the common area accompanied by smoke from Jean’s vape that was dancing wistfully near the window.

You heard a pause in the atmosphere in the room, there was a break in the cluttered chatter of the house. There he was, speak of the devil -- Eren had finally returned after an entire year, surrounded by a group of people who carried the same troubled and unsettling demeanour as him. You had to force every muscle in your body not to respond to him, since all he did was glance languidly your way before he joined a group of people in the other corner of the room. You felt nimble fingers press a comforting touch upon your thighs as she was still engrossed in her conversation with Connie. “Don’t.” Sasha whispered to you; her gaze was still straight ahead. You scoffed at her warning; she knew you all too well, just how easily you were able to get tangled into Eren’s web.

“I won’t.”

You weren’t over Eren because there was nothing to get over, you had no feelings for him, and not a single thing would change just how much of a brazen jackass he was. The timing of your pep-talk with yourself couldn’t have been better since Eren and his friends found themselves occupying the vacant furniture around Connie, Sasha and yourself. It had been a while since you had even been able to soak in his presence, but you could tell there was a different air to him, he seemed indifferent now, his lids drooping low and he barely paid any attention to the conversations around him. You could hear Armin’s attempts to draw Eren out from his shell, his repeated calls to invite him to participate in the conversations but all Eren could do is brush him off or reply with a simple mumble. How did he manage to be so magnetic; he was surrounded by friends and yet he was completely withdrawn and isolated?

“Hey—” Zeke called out to you, his words were already slurring, and the smell of beer was swimming around the air around him. He was just as rugged as his younger brother and you could tell that he was a part of Eren’s recent downward spiral. Despite bearing the same haunted resemblance as his younger brother, Zeke’s blonde hair is tidy and taken care of in contrast to his unruly facial hair. You could tell that Zeke bears no regard for taming his beard or his alcohol intake, you could also tell that just like Eren, he probably didn't care about much at this point. Lost in your observations, you realised you must have been staring too long as Zeke’s gaze met your own. “You know he almost used up his one phone call at the station on you!” He wrapped his arm drunkenly around Eren’s shoulder. Station? You thought to yourself, did that idiot get himself arrested? You glanced quickly towards Eren and you could see the shame and irritation across his demeanour. He had barely even said a word since he arrived, yet he already looked drained and exhausted.  

“Why would he waste a call on me?” You muttered with a roll of your eyes. Your short temper was also about to blow. Why does everyone connect you two together, you were friends before he left and nothing more? No amount of history between you two would change anything, not even one alcohol-fuelled mistake. Eren didn’t owe you anything and he didn’t fail to hammer that notion into you when he left.  

“Eren, you might wanna’ take care of your wasted brother before he embarrasses you anymore.” Sasha jested with a tilt of her head, a futile attempt to diffuse the situation. With that, you decide that it would actually be you who embarrassed themselves if you stayed any longer.

“I’m gunna’ get a drink.” You whispered to Sasha before forcing a reassuring smile across your features in order to ensure that she doesn’t follow you. You weren’t in the mood to talk about Eren or whatever the fuck he’s been up to in his long absence. A better person would be concerned for him but all you could do was feel irritation, you heeded Sasha’s warning, you’ve been living your life – dealing with your own baggage and Eren doesn’t get to just return out of nowhere and take the reins of your life again. You pushed yourself onto your feet towards a familiar friend in the hallway.

“Not joining the welcome wagon?” You teased; a conceited sneer etched upon your features as you can see the displeased expression on your friend. You were provoking the obvious bad blood between the two, it was rather petty of you to seek him out for the sole reason of loathing Eren together, but who better to understand than Jean

“My bad, I better hop in the line and give that asshole a proper welcome!” Jean quipped back, his tone was overly dramatic and topped off with a sarcastic roll of his eyes. “I’m actually getting out of here; Connie’s got some weird black pepper flavoured vape that I’ve been dared to try – wanna’ come?”

“Yeah – I’ll join you in a sec’, let my grab my jumper first.” You replied, accepting any invitation that would lead you as far away from the impending disaster that lurks outside the hallways. As Jean made his way downstairs, you entered your room before the comfortable silence was interrupted by an all too familiar voice. The voice was deep and steady, but you noticed it lost its notable flare, the usual effervescence had lifted from him, all that remained was something dark and troubled. You couldn’t recognise who the man standing before you was. He had stray, brunette locks falling on his forehead while the rest of his hair was hastily tied into a bun. His broad physique was framed by an almost entirely black wardrobe with the exception of his large gold key necklace that sat perfectly upon his chest.

“What’s wrong with you?” He dimly asked, he crossed his arms as he pressed his weight against the wall. He had an air of disappointment surrounding him, as if he couldn’t believe that you wouldn’t want to be in his presence, he couldn't believe that you didn't press further on the comment that Zeke made earlier.

“What’s wrong with me?” You challenged him, was he so self-entitled that he thought he could guilt you from walking away from a conversation that you did not want to be a part of. You didn’t want to know what changed Eren and you didn’t care what it was that pulled him away.

“Wanna’ tell me why you’re so pissed?” His expression, or lack of expression didn't change. As your temper rose, Eren’s voice and demeanour stayed the same. Despite his words showing a genuine interest, his voice and mannerisms displayed nothing but a disregard for absolutely anything going on around him. This wasn’t the Eren that you knew, the man that you had known had life and zest spilling from his expressive eyes, he cared about the smallest things around him despite being just as haunted as you were. In fact, it was Eren who was able to keep you from falling into a dangerous spiral, but it looks like he wasn’t able to save himself.  

“Fuck off, Eren. Maybe if you could take a hint, you’d realise that you’re the one pissing me off.” The words came carelessly fumbling out from your mouth -- at this point you knew you were overreacting; you could tell he had gone through something, but he owed you much more than he was giving you and you relished the thought of humbling him.

Eren didn't respond to your rant, instead, he drew in a long, sharp breath of air before he stepped towards you. Your chest rose and fell, almost out of breath from your last sentence as you stumbled backwards from his advances, your back crashing against the wall behind you. His arm extended to reach out for the wall behind you as his face creeps in closer towards you. “You and your short temper.” He mumbled to you while you soak in his scent. At least there was something familiar about him, this same scent that you were once tangled in. It’s embarrassing just how easily he’s able to bend you to his will. Just like that you were under his spell again, itching to give him a proper welcome back even though you know he doesn't deserve it. But he was so close and tempting, covered with a new and mysterious aura, maybe it was your distaste and resentment for him that fuelled your next move.

Your hands tugged at the ends of his shirt to pull him closer to you as you connected your lips with his. It was a long and messy kiss when he slipped his tongue inside yours. Eren's movements were hungry, as if he had been starving for days and this was his first taste of food. You could see his features were radiating with passion, the colour from his eyes seeping back in. His movements were so robust compared with the apathetic display he had put on earlier. Just for a second, you could see the person you once knew before. Your arms travelled from the bottom of his shirt to wrap around his neck and Eren slips his arms around your upper thighs, inviting you to wrap your legs around his waist. He didn't break his lips away from you but instead he sends a wet trail of reckless kisses along your neck before he lowers you onto the desk nearby, your legs still wrapped around his body. You were ashamed that you wanted more, didn’t you promise yourself that you wouldn’t let him come back and take over your life again, you put him in the past the second he chose to walk away.

“We shouldn’t do this.” You mumbled; Sasha’s prior warning seemed to have fallen upon deaf ears. There was a room outside full of your friends and one stray noise could end it all for the both of you. Despite your weak attempts to convince yourself that you could walk away from this encounter, your body seemed to have a mind of its own and was telling him the exact opposite. Eren’s lips trailed lower and lower from your neck, to your chest and falling all the way to your thighs. Almost every inch of your skin was covered in his wet trails. Your neck and back arched as soft moans spilled from your unruly lips.

“Tell me to stop then.” He breathes, you peered down on him as his hands rest on your thighs while he was on his knees. You remained silent; however, your hands travel to his hair as an invitation for him to continue on. Eren inches closer and closer towards your centre, his fingers pushing the thin fabric guarding your core to the side. His tongue draws intricate and wet lines across your slit as you emit a loud moan at the sudden sensation. You could feel a forceful wave of euphoria rush through your spine while he keeps a tight hold on your thighs to stop you from squirming. He was assiduous with his ministrations and he didn't remove his tongue when he introduced his fingers to your wet centre, teasing your entrance to get a reaction out of you. You inhaled sharply at the newly added sensation, his tongue and fingers massaging your clit effortlessly.

“Ere—”

“Just shut up…” Eren interrupted, as he pushed two of his fingers into you, dangerously close to being knuckle deep inside you. As if your calls of his name were distracting him from his intricate work. His familiar cockiness has returned, the jovial frat-boy that you once knew was zealously tasting you. His ministrations contained a heightened bravado now and you were finally starting to recognise who the man before you was.

“You’re tighter than I remember.” He observed, his fingers were frozen inside you as his piercing eyes were connected to yours, you knew that he was about to have you wrapped around his finger again.

“Maybe I’m just not as turned on as you think I am?” You challenged, forcing yourself not to bite down on your lip in front of him. With your remark, he quickly pulled his index and middle finger out of your pussy. The movement was so abrupt, and it left you craving all the more from him, just when he was pushing you to arrive to your peak, you came crumbling back down. A punishment for your quip at his sexual prowess.

“Oh really? Why don’t I show you just how wet you are then?” The devilish smirk spread across his lips was almost maniacal, a gesture of his sudden surge of confidence. He wrapped his already wet fingers around your own and lead them towards your now notably, wet pussy. Your fingers lingered there, unsure of what to do as you refused to make eye contact with Eren.

“See for yourself, since I apparently am not up to the task.” You still stalled for a moment, heat racing towards your cheeks, despite you baring your entire body to him, were you so shameless that you would pleasure yourself right in front of him?

“Go on — touch yourself.” This time, Eren’s tone was posed as a dominant command than it was a request. Just when you had thought you had the upper hand; it took just one minute for him to have you at his beck and call again. You hesitantly began to rub around your slit, shame soaked into your thoughts as you realised that you are just as wet as Eren stated.

Quiet moans fell from your lips as Eren smugly watched you have a taste of your own medicine, it was bittersweet since despite the pleasure you were giving to yourself, all you were doing was proving Eren right. Once your high started increasing, he softly wrapped his fingers around yours to stop you from what you were doing before he rammed two fingers inside you abruptly, eliciting a high-pitched yelp from you. His other hand was still wrapped around yours, pinning your arm to the desk to stop you from squirming. “Jealous, are we?” You provoked him; your eyebrow raised to match your goading sentiment.

His pace begun slow as he pulled in and out of you in long and detailed movements, he knew exactly how to build you back up as you responded to his movements with moans and your back arched up against the wall, your arms still pinned down by his free hand. “God, stop playing around.” You called out in frustration, he was playing with you and you knew that he was keeping you just below your boiling point.

“I thought you weren’t turned on?” He questioned; his fingers were moving just slow enough within you. You sat there silent, breaking your eye contact with him and refusing to fuel his ego anymore. However, Eren can see the way your body responds to him. “You want it that badly? Then beg for it.” He removed his fingers from you hastily as he rose from his kneeling position, so his face and body were hovering over you. He was just high enough that the tip of the key hanging off his change was resting comfortably on your chest. Your fingers reached out for the collars on his shirt as you carelessly pulled him even closer to you, your lips angled towards his ear.

“I’m begging you… Don’t you want a taste of me?” You successfully coaxed Eren into returning to your core, however, it was not his fingers that revisited you but his tongue. Your game of cat and mouse continued on as his tongue explored every single crevice of your pussy, his hands were keeping your thighs spread apart and pinned to the desk. Your back arched higher and higher as you quickly approached your climax, your fingers were tangling themselves into Eren’s hair and your chest rising and falling as you were getting ready to cum. Eren’s tongue was hitting all the right spots, it was as if he could read your body like the back of his hand, someone with barely any experience with your body could still bend and twist it to his will. Your body finally released the cluster of sexual tension that Eren had so diligently built up with within you. As you fell back against the desk, Eren rose from his position again, standing up this time as the pad of his thumb narcissistically grazed the bottom of his lip, cleaning up the excess remains of your orgasm.

“You’re right, I did want a taste.” He buttoned the bottom of his shirt back up and ran his hand smoothly through his hair, a futile attempt at cleaning himself up. You knew he was about to walk out, and you should have known better than to try to stop him, you loathed him at that moment and yet your body and perhaps even your heart was yearning for him.

“Eren.” You sat up quickly and reached out for his arm. He stopped in his tracks, not a word left his lips just his wide, emerald gaze staring at yours. “I think you should fuck me—” Before you’re able to provide any explanation his lips had crashed onto yours, yet he remained standing, his arms were cupping your upper neck as you are pulled up to meet his height. You responded instantly; your arms wrapped around his torso as your tongue eagerly crashed against his own.

His lips met your neck, and you knew he was about to plant a blue and purple reminder of this very moment. Despite Eren’s greedy reaction to your kiss, you could sense his hesitation in his movements, and you’ve experienced this before, he’s going to walk away – again. “I can’t…” He whispered into the crook of your neck, halting for a moment before he pressed one final kiss above your now growing bruise before he straightened himself up and walked out of the door. He didn’t even give you one final glance before leaving you alone on your desk and once again you could see all the colour drain from him as he exits. He was about to return to the same brooding and apathetic person he had become. It was embarrassing that you thought one hate-infused tryst in your room would change that, you were never able to change Eren.

You had barely adjusted to the change in pace, one second ago he was tasting every inch of you and the next he was leaving you dazed and confused on your desk. How quickly the loneliness crept into you, why did you need him around you so badly? Hadn’t you just sworn to yourself that you would resist him, you wouldn’t make the same mistakes that you did before? You forced yourself not to delve into the dark mystery that was Eren’s year away, but you know he wasn’t relaxing and getting back in touch with his brother, he had lost himself, getting himself arrested and God knows what else – but for some reason he’s back now?

I have a concern about Dramione fandom, which has been slightly troubling me lately. I am not saying that this is something that is going to happen, or is happening already. Naturally, I don’t think this is entirely unfounded either (hence why I am writing this), but I am just one Dramione shipper. If this doesn’t resonate at all, that’s totally fine! We are all aware of extremely boorish and fatuous anti-Dramione people, who troll, defame and accuse Dramione of being all sort of things. We are also probably all quite familiar with their claims about the ship and its shippers. You know, Dramione promotes racism, sexism, classism, unhealthy and abusive relationships, it’s all about bashing Ron, it’s just cuz actors are hot, we should all pay homage and tribute to canon relationships (and their shippers naturally), and offer respect and fawn over everything “canonical” for gracing us with all this HP bounty, and so on. This time I am not going to try to offer rebuttals, or deconstruct their arguments, or even psychoanalyze them more than absolutely necessarily. I am not even particularly upset about them (anymore). They are categorically wrong, their arguments are never insightful or thoughtful. Most importantly, they are disingenuous in their argumentation and especially about their own motives. I believe, the best course is ignore them totally. What I am afraid, that these endless arguments, relentless belittling, and even harassment of which they never seem to grow tired off actually might change Dramione shippers and community as well. Not in a conscious way, but constantly being on a defense can make people internalize some of these arguments. Or rather their premises and assumptions on which they are based upon. I don’t mean it, that Dramione shippers will suddenly wake up, and shout out that Dramione was actually all about abusing women all along, or anything like that. What I mean is, that people rather internalize certain assumptions, framing and logic chains, which are build into those arguments. In a defense, they start define what Dramione really means, what is ideal Dramione, what is acceptable or desirable in Dramione fics, in accordance of these attacks, by unconsciously defending their ship from slander. As an example, Romione people constantly accuse that Dramione is either all about mindless “Ron bashing”, and Dramione shippers rightly say that it’s not what Dramione is about at all. What I am afraid, that people might internalize the point, that “Ronbashing” is something truly heinous, and what should be avoided at all cost. And as a corollary to that, ideal Dramione fics are those in which there’s no conflicts between Ron, Draco and Hermione. Or the very least they are resolved in a conciliatory and harmonious manner. Or it is lazy Dramione writing, when Ron is “villainized”. Or another thing they say is, that Dramione just about glorifying and eroticizing abusive relationships. This might lead that some of us accept the framing, that describing or narrating something is totally same as promoting and celebrating it. If they accept it, then it’s quite easy to logically infer, that if Dramione is not defined by Draco abusing Hermione (it’s not), then it must be defined negatively as its opposite. Meaning that something cannot be genuine or accepted Dramione, if it contains an abusive Draco. Or as an induction from that, if a fic has an abusive Draco, it also must contain a redemption arc, and Draco has to change and make amends, and redeem himself as a person. That we start to define Dramione being really about redemption or redeeming, forgiveness, changing oneself for the better, etc (as contrary to their claim that its about abuse). Don’t get me wrong, I’d say the majority of Dramione fics contain a redemption story arc, and Draco either has changed or actively changes his views and behavior. It’s a common and wonderful theme, and almost all my favorite Dramione fics have those, and I like just for its own skae. Yet it’s not something what either makes or unmakes Dramione. There’s a minority of fics, in which Draco is never truly redeemed (usually a lust-filled obsession, with many many cognitive dissonances, which he never solves), and they are as Dramione as anything else, and some people enjoy writing them and some people reading them (or at least some of them). Also, a lot of gray areas, which can be quite delightful, thought inspiring and invigorating (and hot!).  Speaking for myself, I’d say maybe 1/20 of my favorite fics have this dynamic or something close to it. Maybe 33% are more in that gray area. It doesn’t do any harm, there’s nothing ethnically wrong about it, I never idolize that behavior. If Romione stans have problem with that, they can go away, cry and tell that Rupert Grint body pillow all their troubles, because I don’t give a damn. People don’t emulate or model their behavior or preferences from YA fanfics or smut in that sense in any significant numbers. If someone does, I am sorry to say, but you probably weren’t going to make it anyway. It’s the irl version of getting a comedy death in a video game, like if a smarter-than-average mushroom hypnotizes you and makes you walk into a bottomless pit, or something like that. Your problems are deep seated and numerous, which unless dealt with, will be triggered by just about anything. Its pure happenstance whether it will be Harlequin novels, Dramione fanfiction, urban legend your cousin told you, or whatever. This could go on, but seriously, Dramione shippers have nothing to prove or even argue with those antis. It’s just bottomless pit of resentment, what they twist into moral arguments, which they think will signify us as the worst kind of people, and they themselves as the most virtuous. Their antipathies are petty and personal concerns, in which they feel like the universe and the abominable cabal of Dramione shippers have cheated them out of all that attention, writers, fans, fics, and deference they feel entitled to. It’s natural for humans to cloak often even most pettiest and nonsensical slights and resentments into whatever moral or ethical language and arguments the society they live holds sacred. If we would be living in the 1600s, they’d be scouring the Bible for anti-Dramione arguments, and denouncing Dramione as unchristian and sinful. By their stated “moral standards”, there are a lot more “vile” and “harmful” ships out there, but they aren’t functionally bothered by them at all. So, unless really prompted, they don’t even bother to denounce them, little alone wage this never-ending crusade against them. That’s because they aren’t popular enough to trigger that envy and resentment (Hermione with basically any of the worst Death Eaters). Or they feel that they don’t compete in the same niche as their ship does (Drarry as an example). I wouldn’t be writing this, if this discourse with Antis hadn’t affected me as well. There was a time, I wanted to understand what they were about, and I read a lot of their grievances and internal discussions. While reading I couldn’t help but to be on a defense all the time. Sort of refuting and counter-arguing against their points in my mind, while reading their diatribes (I tried to start a dialog couple of times, but I was always totally ignored, which I am thankful for them in retrospect). Conditioning myself with that for long enough, I did notice that I started to feel a bit hesitant about certain tropes and Dramione fics I hadn’t before. I was thinking about Dramione like a defense attorney, excepting to be attacked from all directions. It actually took me quite long to figure this out, and how the bile of HP fandom had in subtle ways affected my sense and tastes without my really noticing.

Anonymous submitted: P.S. I wrote that previous submission, and I have to add, that I am not trying to say this is happening or pointing any fingers at anybody. There’s perfectly good reasons to not like any Dramione fic, as a Dramione shipper, in which Draco is irredeemable or evil. There’s perfectly legitimate reasons to prefer fics, which Ron is portrayed as a positive influence for Dramione. People can arrive to same conclusions or tastes from countless different routes and reasons. The negativity that the HP fandom and Romione shippers especially grace us just got to me in a way, that I wasn’t even cognizant about. It might be the case for others as well, if their own self-reflection so deems (or not).

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I agree with every point you’ve made. While it’s obviously okay to discuss why you like Dramione (or any other pairing), people also need to remember that they don’t have to justify why they ship Draco and Hermione together or prove (especially to haters as they’re not worth anyone’s time) that their OTP makes sense because even if it makes no sense whatsoever, it’s still fine to ship it as long as you can differentiate between fantasy and reality. I don’t know about you, but when I started shipping Dramione, it was like love at first sight. I didn’t think if they made sense, didn’t spend hours trying to make a list of arguments for Dramione, I just suddenly loved the idea of them together, believed they belonged together, and that was and still is enough. I don’t need to justify why I ship them, and neither does anyone.

It’s true that in most Dramione fics, Draco gets redeemed. It’s also true that most shippers prefer fics in which Draco gets a redemption arc, but we have to remember that there’s nothing wrong with enjoying fics in which Draco’s irredeemable or his relationship with Hermione is toxic. I myself read such stories from time to time. I like a good Ron bashing fic every now and then as well, and there’s nothing wrong with that either because it’s all fantasy, it’s all fiction, which, I believe, most Dramione shippers are aware of and accept. Hopefully, it won’t change, and no one will ever try to tell others what should and shouldn’t be written or what is and what’s not allowed in a Dramione fic.

- AgnMag

Meeting and Courting Daniel Robitaille

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

(Apologies for the long ass meeting story)

- If you’re expecting a normal, romantic “how I met your father” story then I’m sorry but that isn’t going to be the case with you and Daniel.

- You’d heard stories about the Candyman ever since you were a little girl. You believed in the monster in the mirror way into your 20s, no matter how many of your friends teased you for it. You were never really embarrassed by your fear of him, it made you feel safe, but that safety would soon be destroyed.

- The Candyman had come up in conversation while you were at your boyfriends house. You told him the stories that you had heard and, after seeing your genuine discomfort in the subject, he’d insisted on trying what he called “the game”.

- He’d dragged you off the couch and into the bathroom, pinning you against him while you struggling. You pleaded with him to stop, to at least let go of you if he wanted to risk his life, but no such luck.

- All was quiet for a long moment ...until the lights turned out and a face appeared behind your boyfriend in the mirror. You screamed, thrashing wildly as the man dug his hook into your boyfriends throat. You were finally able to get away as the boy slumped to the floor, plastering yourself against the farthest wall from the man.

“I knew it,” you whispered. “I knew you were real. I knew it.”

- If your previous and obvious fear of him didn’t do the trick, than those words were the ones that stopped him in his tracks. You believed in him. You were the one to tell his story to the boy, and you’d continue to spread it if he let you live.

- The massive man stared down at you for a long moment, saying nothing with an emotionless expression plastered on his face. In an instant, black erupted across your vision and you fell to the floor.

- He reached out to you slowly, his hand hesitating as it moved towards your face. He touched for cheek for a moment before moving his fingers to your pulse point. You’d fainted. Perfect.

- When you came to, you were in the hospital. Police came in and questioned you but all you could tell them was that it was the Candyman. You knew none of them believed you, that they thought it was just an intruder, but you knew what you saw and you were sure he’d be back for you. Oh, how right you were,

- You were paranoid for weeks, fully expecting that the tall man would return and finish what he’d started. …But he never did.

- People asked what happened and you’d tell them the truth. They’d all assume the same thing as the police, that it was just some sicko pretending and that anything else that may have seemed supernatural about the situation was just a product of your trauma. All you could do was give them a weak smile and hesitantly agree as to not seem completely crazy.

- Even if you agreed that it was all in your head, you telling your story did the trick. Rumors circulated and suddenly your whole town was in fear of the Candyman, whether they believed he was just a man or not. 

- Daniel was very pleased. You’d done exactly what he had hoped you’d do, you’d let everything fall into place perfectly. Now for his second course of action. 

- Daniel had been watching you. He’d been watching you ever since your first meeting in the bathroom and when Daniel watched someone, there was always a reason behind his gaze. In your case, he’d decided that he wanted you. 

- The Candyman is sweet, surprisingly so; his voice smooth like honey and his gaze oddly tender for someone who only; at most, two months prior, had slaughtered your boyfriend with no remorse. He feels a bit of remorse now, not for your boyfriend, but for the way you’re cowering before him, eyes wide and horrified, looking ready to bolt at any given moment. 

- But you don't move. Shock, you’ll tell yourself later and granted it’s part of it but another part of it is how inviting his voice is, how his mere presence is wildly intimidating yet comforting at the same time. And that's what makes you even more scared than you were before; the fact that he could make you feel safe. 

- Daniel lures you in, entices you, makes you curious. He’s charming but even you know that “charming” can only take a person so far. When did you begin to sympathize with him? When had you begun to like him? Perhaps it was some sort of Stockholm syndrome?  Or was it something more genuine?

- You surprise yourself with how bold you are when you tell him to leave you alone, your voice firm, eyes glaring even though you’re still somewhat afraid of him. The demand hardly affects him at all. 

“You don’t want that.” He replies, not moving from his stationary position at the other end of the room. His voice sounds as though its right next to you, even with the distance between you. 

“Yes, I do.” Liar. You manage to maintain your composure, fists clenching and unclenching nervously. If he was going to kill you, if that was still what he wanted, it was going to be now. You were not going to entertain his games and if you wouldn’t, then he doesn’t have a use for you, right? 

- Your stomach drops as he begins to move. He says nothing for a long while, circling you, getting closer and closer as his gaze remains fixed on how you. 

“No,” he says finally, stopping right in front of you. “You don’t.” 

- You now he’s right, but you can’t admit that. You can’t admit it because you shouldn’t, you shouldn’t feel the way you do, shouldn’t allow yourself to even entertain the idea of being genuinely infatuated with him. 

- But you are and you know that he knows because he seems to know everything. He reaches forward and instinctually you flinch though he pays it no mind. He takes your hand in his, thumb rubbing over your knuckles before he places a kiss on them.

“But for you. I will.” You close your eyes for just a second and he’s gone. Your house completely empty, no trace of there ever being company. 

- You can’t believe that you’re saying it, but you miss him. You really do, much more than you ever thought possible. You figured that without his constant looming presence, without his influence, your feelings would disappear. But they don’t. And sure it could still be his doing but a part of you knows the truth. 

- So you seek him out on your own accord but not before thinking it through for days on end. You know that once you let him back in, you won’t ever be let go of again. And now, you’re finally willing to admit that that’s fine by you. 

- So you stand in front of your mirror, take a deep breath and call his name. One. Two. Three. Four. This is stupid. This is completely stupid. You shouldn’t-

“Candyman.” You finish as your mind screams at you. Nothing happens for a long moment and you wonder if he doesn’t intend on ever returning or if you’ve just been hallucinating the entire time. 

- You leave the bathroom after waiting for a long while, thinking that, perhaps, you’ve just gotten your sanity back. But your sanity apparently never left since he’s standing in your hallway when you pass through the door. 

- Your eyes widen and you aren’t sure what to say but that doesn’t matter to him as he walks slowly towards you. You let him get closer and closer, let him stand only a foot before you, let him touch your face. And when he leans in to kiss you …you let him. 

- When you have a ghost boyfriend, you’re going to have to sacrifice some aspects of a normal relationship. Pda and dates; outside of your house or somewhere isolated, just can’t happen.

- You know when someone puts their hand on your face and strokes your cheekbone with their thumb? He loves that, whether it’s him doing it or getting it done to him. 

- Hand kisses.

- He adores when you kiss his cheek. Most of the time, his eyes will flutter shut and a small smile will slowly appear on his face. 

- You ready for some fucking neck pain?!?! Daniel’s most likely at least half a foot taller than you so be prepared to have to stare up at him like you’re a five year old and for the aches that come with it. 

- You’ll never have to worry about not being able to reach something again though he may put things of yours in places he knows you can’t reach just so you have to ask him; if he’s feeling particularly playful that day. 

- He calls you darling and my love; little romantic things like that. 

- Calling him honey either to be a bitch or because he insists on you calling him it after you did so without thinking one day. You’d been mortified and had  apologized profusely but he just smiled in response. 

- Lets hope you aren't afraid of bees because there's really no escaping them with him in your life. 

- But, on the note of bees. I feel like he can somewhat control when they appear, like there will always be a few lingering around the room but his entire mouth and chest cavity won’t be a hive unless he wants them to be. 

- He’s adamant on taking care of you, whether that means bandaging you up or just watching over you will you’re sick/upset. Expect him to look after you if you’re ever stung. 

- Beware the hook. While he is quite used to having and using it, accidents happen, especially if you aren’t paying attention. 

- Giving him a helping hand whenever he needs it. I’ll let myself out. 

- He’s a bit difficult to cuddle with but I admire you for trying. Things you should know: 1) he’s a loud sleeper, not his fault but more the cavern that he calls a chest and  2) He has a cavern for a chest. Your best bet when cuddling would be to rest your head on his arm, he sleeps on his back anyways so you can fit perfectly into his side. 

- Occasionally, he enjoys watching you sleep. Seeing you so peaceful is incredibly comforting to him. 

- Existential conversations. You can’t avoid the subject of death with him, specifically your death. He expects you to join him one day and I’m sure you want to be prepared for it when the time comes. 

- As long as you’re living, he’s going to expect you to help him with keeping his name alive. Telling stories of him, petty crimes in the middle of the night, pressuring stupid people into playing his game. You aren't fond of it but you understand why it must be done. 

- Whenever he has to be gone for a while, he’ll leave you a letter, it usually explains very little but it does tell you that he’ll be back. 

- He appears at random and without warning so you’ll definitely get spooked a few times, especially since he’ll either stay completely quiet or announce himself in his deep, eerie voice in the middle of a silent room. 

- Quick meetings in bathrooms or closets whenever you’re out in public. If he can drop in and get a kiss, why wouldn’t he?

- Just listening to him speak. With a voice like his, it’s pretty hard not to pay attention to what he’s saying, unless; of course, your mind is wandering elsewhere because of his voice. 

- Bridal carrying. He quite literally sweeps you off your feet. 

- He has a fondness for helping you get dressed: zipping your dress, holding your jacket out for you to slip your arms through; things like that. His touches always linger a little too long for just a helping hand. 

- He grew up in a time and in a way that taught him that ladies should be respected and treated as delicate creatures so expect him to always be a gentleman when he’s around you.

- He enjoys classical music so if you really want to make him happy, put some on. He may even pull you into a dance if you’re lucky. 

- Domesticity is like a drug to him. He yearns for a wife and a family so anytime you behave like a homemaker or very motherly, he falls even deeper in love with you than he already was. 

- Since you can’t go on dates in the outside world, unless it’s somewhere where no one else will go, you have to be a bit creative with what you do together. 

- Candlelit evenings. 

- Getting your portrait painted. He has dozens of sketches and paintings of you. 

- He likes hearing stories about your life. The way you grew up was vastly different from his own childhood and those differences fascinate him.  

- Constant praise and support. 

- Deep kisses. He likes kisses filled with emotion and passion. 

- Sitting in his lap. It’s really the only way that you can be face to face for an extended period of time. He finds the size difference between the two of you to be quite amusing.

- Gifts. A mink coat, jewelry, roses; you name it and it’s yours. People will wonder who your mystery suiter is and he finds the act of spoiling you to be a wonderful way of deterring competition.

- He finds excessive jealousy to be quite unbecoming whether in himself or others so he doesn’t get angry or impatient with you when jealous. You’ll only realize that he’s jealous when he voices his disapproval in you hanging out with a certain person, telling yo that they’re far too interested in you and that you’re his, only his. 

- If he disapproves of someone, he’ll take matters into his own hands whether you like it or not. That’s one of the few downsides of being with Daniel. Sometimes he’ll just scare them away, other times he do something much more …excessive. 

- While he isn’t an incredibly jealous person, he is possessive. You “belong to him” and he expects you to act like you do, to an extent of course. 

- He understands that you have a life apart of him, one he cannot be involved in, and while he does wish that you’d allow him to lay you to rest with him, he isn’t going to force you.

- Tentatively asking him about the day that he died. He tells you the story without hesitation, recounting it in such excruciating detail that you feel wildly uncomfortable sitting beside him. Even if you’re not usually very empathetic, the way he speaks will force you to tear up; at least a little. 

- He’s lost everything once before and he’s going to ensure that that never happens again, so yes, he’s very protective of you. He’s not above killing innocent people, what do you think will happen to those who hurt you?

- He doesn’t entertain fighting. Yell at him all you want, tire yourself out, he doesn’t care. Once you’re finished, he’ll explain things very calmly and rationally and squash whatever problem you had. Just don’t try walking out on him, alright?

- When he’s in the wrong, It doesn’t take him very long to realize that what he’d done was in poor taste or that it hurt you, even if that wasn’t his attention. He apologizes sincerely and asks for your forgiveness, giving you some time alone if you request it. He’s at your side the instant you’re ready to accept him again. 

- He never says that he loves you in a joking or playful tone. It’s a very important phrase that carries a lot of meaning to him so he always says it with earnestness. 

- You wouldn’t be alive if he didn’t intend on remaining with you for the rest of eternity. Ironically enough, you also wont be alive if he does plan on remaining with you for eternity; at least not for long. 

oosdkk dude im sorry ur mood dropped too.. i hope u feel better soon <3 but like i wld love 2 hear more abt ur thoughts on Art in general bc Boy Is He Interesting, and also a lil more abt Daniel coming out as nonbinary to his dad (whether he knows Eric is trans or not at that moment skjdfhdskf)! + if ur feelin it just more abt Mallick in general ESP cuz we agree that Brit doesn't make it thru V

djhfjdks thank u sm <3

okay Art first. I genuinely wonder abt him so much, something in specific I think abt is that aside frm Amanda (+ Eric, obviously, but talkin abt disciples) Art is one of the only trap victims EVER 2 be tested twice and it’s like... what’s that abt? Why? as u’ve said b4 it rly depends on how you personally view his character: whether he’s a disciple or not. fr me, both options are equally plausible, n honestly I don’t rly confine myself to either; it sorta depends on what I’m feeling/writing. if we’re talking abt art being a disciple, then the Spinecutter not going off (one of my BIGGEST questions) makes total sense, as Hoffman’s side of the trap was never set up to work either, + Jigsaw disciples have a history (aside from Lawrence) of appearing as victims in other tests/traps. if he were not just another pawn and was in fact a disciple himself, then the Spinecutter was never meant to go off - it was there just to make Eric think it COULD go off/make it look convincing to outsiders. which brings me to ANOTHER question: what does Art know abt Eric? does he know anything? what does he think of Eric?

(lil side note: if Art is a disciple, then I kinda wonder if it’s a lil bit of a Hoffman + Lawrence situation where Hoffman didn’t know abt Art either? just bc he looks so shocked when he sees Art’s face fully fr the first time... that could’ve just been acting on Hoffman’s part but IDK. food fr thought)

personally, I feel like Art probably does know a lil bit abt Eric - at the very least, he’d know tht Eric had been previously tested + failed by John’s rules, but then I feel that he wld also know Eric didn’t rly have a chance in his second test. that is why Art trying so fucking hard to keep Eric alive is interesting 2 me: what is his motivation 2 do that? like he’s been told Eric’s basically just there to get Rigg to participate, he doesn’t have any personal obligation or anything like that. sure, the aim is to keep Eric alive + see if Rigg can pass his “test,” but nobody said anything about grabbing a man you barely know around his ankles to keep him frm hanging himself w a noose made of chains. nobody said anything abt speaking to him so softly, not even raising your voice beyond saying “hey,” and asking him do you understand? when you tell him to keep still and prevent him frm killing his counterpart (which, if Art is a disciple, he knows it won’t, but he still speaks to Eric so softly, so compassionately, doesn’t he?)

nobody said anything abt grabbing him around the waist and steadying him again after being punched by said man. but Art does that. he stabilizes Eric’s feet on the ice as best he can and he keeps his hips straight and he basically says “look, we’re all stuck here, you need to keep it together ‘til that clock counts down if you want us to live, but I’m giving you a choice,” and he presses the gun w the single bullet into Eric’s hands and tells him it’s up to him. nobody said Art had to care but he does, I think, and it’s just like. he really didn’t have to keep Eric alive over the course of Rigg’s test. he didn’t. but he did and I just,, where does it come from? why does he care? this is even going beyond the fact that we’ve talked abt them being together after their test in a scenario where they both survive - I just think that Art at his core is a very stubborn but very compassionate person, whether he wants 2 be or not. like he HAS to know that kind of involvement cld prove to be extremely detrimental but he cares. I feel like that says a lot abt him (even if he does call Eric an asshole a couple times while doing it,,).

plus I also just. I think his reason for being tested (as it seems to be in most cases) is extremely flimsy. he was doing his job. he’s a LAWYER. often times it has nothing 2 do w personal feelings; they’re there to do their job and sometimes, unfortunately, that is defending possibly reprehensible people (in cases like Rex’s & Ivan’s). + John was already upset w him regarding their argument abt the urban renewal group so like it just feels So Very Petty, y’know?? even in the scenario where he IS a disciple, testing him twice seems entirely like John having a personal vendetta against him. Amanda is the only other person to be tested twice aside from Eric, so like. what. is that abt Mr. Kramer.

like I’ve said b4 in dms one could argue that Art is grey morally, bc we never rly see anything of him outside of flashbacks + acting as a test controller in IV, esp given that he... rly doesn’t seem too bothered abt it all? which is fair. but I also feel like the concern he shows towards Eric is smth to be considered as well.

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+ YESS NONBINARY DANIEL I know I’ve mentioned it b4 but for reference, I read Daniel as masc nonbinary (he/they)! so I feel like Daniel wld b pretty comfortable w his identity, he’s never rly had a reason not to be (it’s rly anyone’s guess here tho bc we never see Eric + Daniel + Kate... as a family unit, for obvious reasons), so I feel like he’s vry chill abt it? and in the scenario where Eric survives n is dating Adam, I feel like Daniel wld talk 2 him abt it first (Adam is an adult they quickly come to trust + he’s vocal abt being trans himself so there’s that added layer of understanding - other than his mom maybe Adam might b the first person they come out 2). they’re just kinda like “so I wanna tell my dad I’m nonbinary but like I’ve literally never thought abt coming out what do I do” and Adam’s just like. Aha. bc he knows Eric is Also Trans so like, he doesn’t tell Daniel that bc it’s not his info to share, but he’s definitely like “oh it’ll totally be fine. trust me you have no reason to worry” so Daniel’s just like Okay. I Got This

+ I know I mentioned this in dms but Daniel wld absolutely wear those floral ripped hem skirts over jeans, so I feel like on one of his visits to his dad’s, he just. wears that combined w a completely random niche graphic tee he bought when shopping w Adam (I adore this hc n I am Holding Onto It) n is just like. not super open abt it bc he doesn’t know what to expect? he just kinda waits fr Eric to comment on it but when he doesn’t, Daniel gets nervous n is like “do I look okay?” and Eric’s rly chill abt it, like “yeah! it looks vry cool, vry alternative.” n like Daniel is relieved, of course, but also he’s just like God Pls Say Something so he just comes out w it like “okay this is not working. I’m nonbinary.”

and he’s COMPLETELY SHOCKED when Eric is just like “oh why didn’t u say so? do u have a different name u wanna go by? is Daniel still okay?” bc he wasn’t sure how much Eric knew, so he’s just like “uh no Daniel is still good, he/they pronouns though” and Eric’s just like alright cool but internally Daniel’s just like ??????

n THAT is when Eric asks him 2 come sit out on th front steps w him n is just like. “I don’t think I ever told u this but I’m trans. I transitioned during training in my early 20s” n Daniel is nodding while internally he’s like Adam I’m gonna throttle u. he worked himself up fr NOTHING. he just kinda laughs abt it and Eric is like “are u good?” ‘cause he’s a lil worried but then Daniel just smiles and is like “yeah I’m fine! just realizing I had nothing 2 be worried abt” and it’s a rly good moment fr them. they sit out there together talking abt their experiences for quite a while n at some point Adam steps outside 2 find them deep in conversation + he just smiles n goes back inside bc he cares abt them both so much and seeing them talk like that makes him so 💞💞 (Eric is SO PROUD u can see it on his face)

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ohhh gosh Mallick,,, I spend a lot of time thinking abt him actually. he’s just one of those characters I feel vry connected to (me 🤝 Mallick: Ambiguous Disorder 💕) n one I got surprisingly attached to? hello (he IS one of my f/os)

I feel like Mallick is a very lonely person at his core. the way he sort of clings to Brit (w out the whole like. adrenaline of being in very very real danger w ppl trying to kill u SEVERAL TIMES) somewhat confirms this fr me. this is someone who has no reason to look out fr him, no reason to keep protecting him when their fellow captives hit him over th head w a club or attempt to push him into a bathtub to ELECTROCUTE him, but she keeps doing it and he’s just. in awe of it a little bit? ‘cause she could just let Charles knock him tf out or let Luba push him in but she fights for him, some1 she has no obligation to n met fr the first time literally when they woke up.

the moment they share b4 they stick their arms into the saws to activate the 10 Pints of Sacrifice is so very vulnerable and maybe even a little tender. yes he calls her a monster, yes she calls him one back, neither of them deny it. it’s an admission and an acceptance. they’re monsters, sure, fine, okay. but they are monsters and they are in this together. Brit tells Mallick it’s okay when he says he can’t do this alone. she says okay, okay, it’s okay, we’ll go together. and they help each other secure their tourniquets and they stick their hands in together bc it’s the two of them, literally hand in hand, fighting for their lives n for each other n they’re in so so much pain but they are doing it TOGETHER. I lose it thinking abt it!!! they even have a head bonk moment!!! I very much feel like it has some cinematic parallels to Adam & Lawrence’s moment in SAW 2004!!!!

+ as u mentioned, we both share the thought that Brit likely died since she wasn’t present at Bobby’s meetings, and. I want to touch on how fucking despondent and lost Mallick looks when we see him again in 3D. lights on but no one’s home. I feel like for Mallick, losing Brit was losing the first chance at a real connection he’s had in god knows how long - and for him, that’s just very shattering. he’s been thru hell, he’s watched three people die right in front of him, he sawed his ARM IN HALF, n the person he went through all of that with didn’t make it. but he did. and I feel like for Mallick that’s just like... he doesn’t understand it. but he feels even lonelier than he ever has b4 because the One Person who was there w him thru it all, the one person who could ever possibly understand what happened that night, is gone.

the Mallick we see in V would NEVER sit down n willingly listen to Bobby Dagen’s bullshit abt loving yr scars n taking pride in the fact u survived. he wld hate that man with a passion n I am very much sure of this. the fact that he’s sitting in that chair looking numb and glassy-eyed and silent? Mallick is trying to find some1 to connect to, find a place where maybe he belongs. trying to fill that hole that losing Brit made. why else wld he be sitting there, listening to someone he would ordinarily tell to shove his self-love bullshit up his ass? he’s lost. he’s just trying to keep his head above water and find a way to shore even though everything in him is fighting not to. he’s adrift without her.

+ ALTERNATIVELY, bc the reality of that is just. crushing n maybe not where I needed 2 go, in the scenario where Brit survived + just doesn’t want to put up w Bobby’s bullshit, I imagine them to actually move in together after a lil bit of time getting 2 know each other better w out the pressure of “oh god we’re gonna die.” she kinda helps him build up a sense of self-worth bc GOD it’s practically non-existent n thinking abt possible reasons why makes me sad. she’s definitely just like “no, you do deserve to be cared for and you deserve help when you need it, you deserve good things n to be happy.” she just kinds shuts it down while still making sure to talk 2 him abt WHY he feels that way (she’s not dismissing, but she’s trying to nip it in th bud) n Mallick is just like. huh. bc no one’s really done that fr him before. but it rly does end up helping in the long run, even if it is a very slow pace toward actually getting 2 a place where he recognizes his own worth + realizes he deserves all the things he wants Brit 2 have too. they’re there for each other thru thick n thin and if they made it thru their game, they can make it thru anything.