#i just wanna know what the fuck is wrong with me that my mind is like this dude
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guilty as sin?: so it goes: pt. 2
paige bueckers x fem!reader
warnings: p eating, nipple sucking, teasing
read part one first
you couldn’t sleep last night due to your excitement of going to paige’s apartment and couldn’t focus in your class. after your class, you texted paige.
Y: hey i just got out my class
P: heyy im excited for u to come over
Y: me too :)
P: see u later ma can’t wait
you look up from your phone smiling walking back to your dorm. you get back, eat lunch then you shower.
you facetime your friend and explain to her everything. you get her help with picking out an outfit and wonder if your taking this all too seriously? what if she was just trying to make friends? last time you checked, friends don’t call other friends ma, but if they did, you liked it.
paige called you and insisted on picking you up. when you finally heard her knock on your door, you jumped up with excitement. you opened it, paige dressed in grey sweatpants, a white t shirt and her blonde hair long against her back and shoulders.
“hi paige,” you answered the door with a smile you couldn’t hold back. “well hello to you too.” paige said with a bigger smile than you did.
on the walk to her dorm, you talked about your majors, classes and professors you did or didn’t like. when the thought came to your mind you had to tell paige immediately. “oh hey you know my boyfriend? yea i broke up with him last night.” you say, holding intense eye contact with her. paige looked down, raised her eyebrows and giggled. “oh really?” paige said. “yea.”
“so, just wondering, are you bi? straight? i mean i respect it whatever it is.” paige says releasing her hands from her pockets. “oh i um haven’t really figured it out yet. i mean i know i like women i just- i grew up with religious parents and was thought it was wrong. but now i don’t live under their rules.”
“ohh. that makes sense i was kinda confused when i first started having thoughts like that too.” yiu smiled, she smiled in return.
when you finally reach her dorm, she pulls keys out of her pockets unlocking the door. as she walks in, you following her, “i share with my team but they’re out right now.” you nod your head in response, looking around as you follow paige to her room.
“wanna watch a movie ma?” paige says grabbing her remote and plopping down on her purple comforter. she pats the spot next to her, signal you to lay next to her. you guys agree on a movie, not really paying attention as your mind was busy with the thought of being in paige bueckers bed.
you look over at paige, admiring her. when her eyes catch yours with a smile, you look away flushed. “what’s the matter ma? do i got you worked up?” paige says with a grin sitting up. “depends, do you want me to say you have me worked up?” you say in a seductive tone. “i wouldn’t complain..” paige says pressing her face to yours in a passionate and deep kiss, her hand cupping your face and the other riding its way to your upper thigh. paige quickly removes her face from yours to say, “can i fuck u ma?” after she quickly puts her face back to yours.
“yes paige,” you say she’ pulls off her shirt leaving her in her white sports bra. she kisses you again as she pulls off your leggings. after she pulls them off she begins to take off your shirt, discovering you had no bra on. “you little slut,” she says after adrmiring your bare tits for a moment smiling.
her mouth latched onto your tot, her hand playing with the other. you gasp, “shit paige i need you.” you manage to breath out. “oh yeah?” paige says moving her mouth back to your boob as her tongue finds its way down your stomach when she meets your clothes pussy. she starts biting and kissing the inside of your thighs.
“please paige,” you say desperate for paige’s mouth. she licks a strip up the center of your clothes folds which causes you to moan out her name. she moves your panties to the side when paige adrmires your glistening pussy. “all this for me baby?” paige says with a grin. “yes paige only for you.” you breathe out.
she flattens her tongue and starts working it on your clit. “shitshitshitshit,” you moan. paige flattens her tongue against your entrance as her magical mouth starts working against you and that’s when you knew that you wouldn’t last much longer. “fuck P i won’t last,”
when your legs start to shake and paige is leading you about how good your taking her mouth and about your being a good girl. you release over her tongue when she starts praising you about your taste but it gets muffled becuase you’ve never receive head this good, your a bit out of it.
after your recover, you and paige talk. “i don’t want something casual, i want something real. y’know?” paige says looking in your eyes. “yea me too P.”
“hey, how about we play a game? i have a pen. im gonna write something on you and before you open your eyes you have to guess what i wrote.” paige says smiling. “okay paige,” you say with a giggle.
you close your eyes and feel the cold ball pen on your upper thigh. when it lifts, you can hear the smile in paige’s voice, “okay guess.”
“uhmmmm i don’t know can i look now??” you say. “ugh fine.” you open your eyes and see paige looking at you, as you look at the black inked ‘mine’ on your upper thigh.
you giggle/smile as paige takes you in for another deep and passionate kiss.
#paige bueckers#uconn wbb#paige buckets#uconn huskies#uconn women’s basketball#paige bueckers x reader#paige bueckers smut#nika muhl#kk arnold#spotify
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ahh! thank you so much for writing my gangbang fantasy, absolutely amazing!
i really love sambastian x reader, so it was amazing.
another suggestion is free use farmer x sebastian (or any of the bachelors tbh they’re all hotties) where they are tied up for a whole day and gets overstimulated from being toyed with alllll day
-🐇
ofc! glad you enjoyed, this one was so fun to write! i chose sebastian bc he's my favorite & the one i saw doing this the most. enjoy!
Tied and Used
Word Count: 1826
Pairing: Sebastian x F!Reader
Warnings: 18+, smut, bondage, fingering, unprotected sex, swearing, vaginal sex, choking, praise kink, plugging, toy usage, free use, similar themes
Sebastian mentioned the idea over breakfast one day, he'd sipped his coffee nervously and tapped on the table as you chewed your food. To the point where you had to ask what was wrong. You knew Sebastian was kinky. You'd had that talk several times over before you were married. If you weren't into it you wouldn't have agreed to be with him which he seemed to forget often - usually not mentioning his own fantasies or interests in turn of just doing vanilla stuff in bed with you. You didn't mind either way but it was tiring seeing him suppress his own interests out of guilt (or maybe just plain old shame and fear).
Upon being asked what was wrong, Sebastian devolved into a mess of blushing and awkwardness. "I wanted...to try something new?" his tone went high pitched, he tapped on the table again, a nervous fidget of his. "It's...a bit far from what I usually ask and I'd..." he sighed, shaking his head. "You know what just forget it-"
"But-?"
"No, no, I don't - it would only really work in winter anyway," he dismissed, waving his hand as he stood up and grabbed his coffee. "I shouldn't have said anything."
You immediately stood too, gently gripping one of his wrists. "Why would it only work in winter?"
Sebastian flushed nervously, shaking his head. "It's uhm, sort of an all day thing," he whispered.
"All day?"
Sebastian hesitated, nodding ever so slightly. "I was thinking...like...rope...and..." he hesitated, trailing off and letting silence occupy the space as he thought of how to put it. "You...tied down all day? Just letting me fuck you, mess with you whenever I want?"
Your heart dropped to your stomach, but not necessarily in a bad way. In the way it does on the drop of a rollercoaster. The exciting kind. "Well...winter is coming up...we could-"
"No! No, I don't wanna...make you uncomfortable."
"It's fine! I want to try it," Sebastian's eyes widened a little and he nodded. A slight look of eagerness overtook his face but he quickly suppressed it.
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He started simple, the rope tying your wrists up to the headboard, legs tied apart to keep them spread. He examined his work, waited for a moment, then asked "Is that comfortable?"
"It's rope."
"Will it be fine for the whole day?" he answered, voice laced with concern. He quickly went to check how tight the knots were, ensuring he could undo them in a moments notice if you gave him the word. "I can take it off-"
You quickly shook your head, "no, no, they're fine," you assured. "Don't undo them," you added. Sebastian smiled, dipping down to kiss your lips softly. When he pulled back, his eyes trailed down your body. His eyes flickered with the same eagerness you'd seen upon your agreement months ago. "Do I get a safe word?" you teased, his eyes softened and he nodded.
"Of course you get a safe word, what do you take me for?" he kissed your forehead, you noticed him holding back on anything to sexual yet. "You remember we've used them before, right? You remember how to use them, lovely?"
You smirked, nodding, "The concept is fairly simple, love," he quirked an eyebrow at you.
"You're being a bit of a brat," he noted, a hand slid up your body, reaching your throat, "Quite bold of you considering you're tied up," he added softly. You liked this version of him, the nervous Sebastian was cute - the Sebastian who was nervous to take things too far, to seem weird. The Sebastian who wanted you safe and comfortable and who fumbled to even use the word bondage. But this version of Sebastian was different, like a switch in his brain flipped he would switch to an assertive and dominant person - confident. Kinky. "Do you want to choose your safe word, then?"
Nodding pathetically, you felt yourself already getting wet. "Y-yeah..."
His grip was light, not even choking you, just gently holding your throat. "If you can't speak or tap me, I want you to blink at me to tell me you need a break, okay? Two taps if you can, or rapid blinks, can you do that?" you nodded, "Good girl, safe word?"
With an already shut off brain, you could barely come up with a word to give him. Finally, you managed to settle on a basic easy one, "Mango."
He nodded, "Mango," he repeated, assuring you he heard it. He gently kissed your forehead again, "mind staying here alone?" he added. "If you need me, you can call, I'll never go far."
"How often?"
"Between sessions, I'll get you some snacks and water between too, clean you up a little, but I want you to stay tied down...that's part of the fantasy for me..." he explained. "Would that be alright?"
You nodded, and he smiled, already enjoying this. "Good girl," he whispered. Gently, his hand tightened around your throat, cutting off your oxygen for just a moment. You let out a soft groan, and he smiled as he watched your reaction. His other hand slowly moved, cupping your breast. His thumb rolling over your nipple, trying to earn more of a reaction from you. And he got exactly that, a loud noise came out of you. Almost like a whine.
He leaned back, moved his hand down your body and traced for your thighs. He reached up, gently rubbing against your pussy. Your head tilted back, hitting the pillow. "Fuck-" you murmured out. Sebastian smirked, letting one finger glide up to your entrance, his thumb gently rubs your clit for a second before he slides a finger in, causing your back to arch. Your legs move slightly, but the ropes hold them in place.
"Damn, those hold better than I expected," he mumbled, pulling his finger out, it was coated with your juice and he gently licked it off. Leaning back as he examined you. "Don't know what I wanna do first," he said. "I have a whole day..." His finger slid back inside, and he gently began pumping it to gain a reaction. You whimpered out and he watched your face.
You whined as he pulled his finger back out, leaned back, watched your chest rise and fall. "More...more Seb..." he smirked at your whines and slid the finger in, pumping a little before he slowly slid in a second.
"That okay? Doesn't hurt?" he asked softly, waiting for an answer, leaving his fingers in place and waiting for your answer.
You nodded, whimpering pathetically. "It's, it's fine, keep going, please..." You begged. He smiled, immediately beginning to pump his fingers into you. Your fingers dug into the bedsheets and you pleaded for more. He kept going for a while, waiting till you were close, he pulled back, slowly sliding a third finger in. "God...I'm gonna..."
"Go on, baby, go ahead, cum," he encouraged, watching as your body tensed. Walls clenching around his fingers, he slid them out and watched the cum drip down your legs. He gently licked his fingers clean, slid off the bed, kissed your forehead. "Good job, baby, you did so good. I'll be back later."
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It didn't take long for Sebastian to return, he poked his head into the room. He admired the way you laid in the bed, tied down still, he walked in gently kissing your forehead. "Holding up well? Boring on your own? Should I turn the TV on?" his hand gently slid down your body.
"TV when you're gone would be nice," you answered softly. "But right now, I was thinking something else."
Sebastian laughed softly, kissing you softly. "I was too, actually," he stepped around the bed, finding the drawer of his bedside table and opening it. He pulled out some lube, fished for the box of condoms, glanced at you, "would you...mind...?"
You turned your head to him, "mind?"
"Uhm..." he flushed, "I kinda want...to try the plugging today too?"
You smiled, nodding, "that sounds hot, go for it."
"Would you mind? No condom? Filling you? Then, uh..."
"Do it," you answered simply, and that's all it took. He gently unzipped his jeans, took them off, followed by his boxers, he took the lube, squeezing some onto his hand. He slid some across your pussy before moving to rub it on himself. His head fell back slightly and a soft moan escaped him as he jacked himself off as he lubed himself up.
His hands gently squeezed your thighs, he lined himself up. Easily, he slipped in, and you let out a desperate squeak. His head fell back once more as he began to gently thrust. His fingers dug into your thighs as he pumped. You moaned out, eager for more. Gripping onto the sheets as Sebastian rolled himself deeper into you. The sound of skin slapping skin filled the room, as he repeatedly pulled out and slammed back in. He let out soft grunts of pleasure, barely paying attention to the way you basically writhered for more. He felt the walls clenching and looked down at you.
"That's right, fuck, milk it, c'mon, cum on it," he said, thrusting as he fucked you till you came onto his dick, he thrusted through your orgasam as your walls clenched, his head fell back as he finally let go. He grunted out in relief as his seed shot deep into you. He let himself lean down, kissing your lips before he finally pulled out, he fished out a dildo from the bedside table, and then gently shoved it into your used pussy. You grunted out a little, biting your lip.
He waited, "is that okay? Doesn't feel bad?" he whispered, you shook your head.
"It's...good- leave it, please..."
"God I fucking love when you beg."
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You began to lose count of how many times Sebastian came in throughout the day, alternating methods of how he used you. He fucked you with the dildo, his fingers, his tongue, he filled you multiple times and plugged you after each time. It felt like heaven. The sun set, and you found yourself sore. When Sebastian entered the room, you debated if you could take it. His eyes wandered your body, and finally he gently leaned down and kissed your forehead. "You're all done baby, I know," he cooed. "I wasn't too much, was I?"
You shook your head, smiling as he kissed you softly down your neck. "Too tired for words? Let me clean you up, baby, you deserve it."
"Mh, love you.."
"I love you too," he answered, kissing your forehead again.
tag list:
comment if you want to be tagged in future Sebastian fics
#stardew valley#stardew valley smut#farmer x sebastian#f!farmer x sebastian#female x sdv sebastian#sdv smut#sdv sebastian x reader#stardew valley sebastian#stardew valley x reader#sdv x reader#female reader x stardew valley#sebastian sdv smut#sebastian stardew valley smut#sebastian sdv x reader
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ok LOVED the ask about dybmn!spence headcanons … to add on to that (& please correct me if i’m wrong!!! i don’t mind at all if your opinion is diff than mine hehe) but i wonder if/feel like spence would get sort of condescending? like as reader gets more comfortable with herself you know? & never in an awful way but i think just leaning a little more into the power dynamics? like back in part 1 where he asks if it’s too much she says no and he goes “no of course it isn’t. you’ll just take whatever i give you won’t you” or smth like that and that part had me kicking my feet LOL like he’s not being inappropriate or playing on her insecurities but it’s just something i think fits! also in a couple of your other fics even if they don’t belong in this universe but like in relax (which is my favorite thing you’ve written btw ily) she says it’s too much and he goes “no it’s not” and essentially you can take it and. SQUEALS like it’s not in a gross way but it’s like deliciously condescending #toME idk maybe this is purely self indulgent but i do think that it’s something he would be into. like the “you can take it” OR OMG when he makes her use her words. DIES omg this is so long and all over the place i hope this made sense LOL but either way again i loved you expanding on the headcanons so much … love to hear what’s going on inside the perfect brain that brings us all these fics LOL kisses babe
i love you anon god bless the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs who turned into the fossils that created the oil that became the gas that fueled the car that drove your mother to the hospital on the day you were born
more 18+ ramblings
i’ve always thought that spencer has a mean side. and i don’t mean that as in classic degradation but as you said condescension. i think in the dybmn universe he’s been holding himself in check a lot, much more than we realize, because he doesn’t wanna overwhelm the reader or accidentally make her feel bad about herself because he knows she’s still fragile at this point. but it definitely sneaks into the way he speaks to her sometimes, like as you said in part one, and it’s definitely pretty clear in his thoughts in part three. and it’s like this weird dissonant motivation where on the one hand he wants her to know it’s okay to not think so fucking hard all the time and to just let him take care of her and on the other he genuinely wants to cultivate her ability to stand up for herself during sex and tell him what she wants. like when he says he wants her words he really wants her words, he wants to make sure she’s engaged and present and she doesn’t have to be eloquent but he does expect a response of some sort.
and then some of it is just because he likes seeing how desperate she gets for him like….. use your words or ask for what you want or whatever are all said with the same unspoken messages which are you’re a grown up so act like it or remember how smart you were five minutes ago or it’s so cute when i let you talk back to me and we pretend like i can’t fix your attitude the second i decide im sick of it
like he just really gets off on the implicit control he has over her, not because he has to forcibly take it but because she hands it to him and she trusts him with it and he LOVES being trusted, he wants to make sure she knows he’ll never break her trust and he’ll always take care of her even if he’s sometimes a little mean😁 he just loves reader BAD
but ya at the root of all the condescension is just a lot of genuine adoration probably because he’s sooooo whipped it’s sickening truly
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20 Questions for Fic Writers
tagged by @dangerpronebuddie @diazsdimples thank you <33
How many works do you have on ao3?
right now it's 90! (57 of these are 911 lol)
What's your total ao3 word count?
535,450
What fandoms do you write for?
currently just 911, but I have some destiel and sambucky fics and who knows, I might get back to them at some point haha
Top 5 fics by kudos:
For a holiday (and forevermore)
I can't love you any more (than I do now)
I'd marry you with paper rings
the next best thing
There’s no way that it’s not going there (with the way that we’re looking at each other)
(they're all buddie and I just noticed that the top 4 are all over 1k kudos?? when did that happen lmao)
Do you respond to comments?
I do! sometimes it takes me a while bc i get lowkey overwhelmed lol but I always do!
What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
there's not a lot bc I prefer happy or hopeful endings, but I guess by post 6x10 fics? Fine and don't know what I'd do if your tomorrow never came idk lol
What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
most of my fics have happy endings, but I guess I'd say For a holiday (and forevermore)
Do you get hate on fics?
not really? got like one or two not very nice comments but generally no haha
Do you write smut?
yes I do 😁 not often and it always takes me forever but I do have two smut fics in the works (one buddie, one bucktommy lol)
Craziest crossover?
don't have any
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
no, as far as I know
Have you ever had a fic translated?
nope
Have you co-written a fic before?
no
All time favorite ship?
buddie
(ngl, bucktommy is a veeeeery close second rn🙈)
What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
there's two that have been fighting me for so long they're lowkey abandoned now and tbh I don't know if I still want to finish them? one is a 5+1 nicknames, and the other just a silly idea about eddie flirting with buck since they met but buck being veeeery oblivious lol
What are your writing strengths?
I think (usually) I'm pretty good at staying true to the characters and not making them too ooc (and I know when it's ooc, okay, I have one wip rn where I just don't give a fuck, I'm writing it anyway lol), and I can get into their heads pretty well. Also I think I'm good at the cute fluffy stuff lol idk
What are your writing weaknesses?
there's probably a lot lol - rn the one that comes to mind is descriptions probably, which is why writing fanfic where we have established characters and settings is so much easier than og stuff haha
Thoughts on dialogue in another language?
I don't mind it but I don't do it a lot aside from a pet name here and there bc I just don't wanna get anything wrong lol
First fandom you wrote in?
for tv shows supernatural, but before that I did write rpf which i just wanna forget about lol
Favorite fic you've written?
rn it's three:
we don't know where this is going now (don't be afraid of heights, let me open your heart wide) - my tommy pov fic <3
I'm comin' back, don't let me go - buck driving/breakdown fic
baby, you drive me wild - car smut - might not be my best but it's my fave smut lol
tags: @elvensorceress @eddiebabygirldiaz @watchyourbuck @loserdiaz @evanbegins
@wildlife4life @lover-of-mine @monsterrae1 @weewootruck @loveyouanyway
@spagheddiediaz @rainbow-nerdss @epicbuddieficrecs @pirrusstuff @spotsandsocks
@rogerzsteven @hippolotamus @sunshinediaz @honestlydarkprincess @exhuastedpigeon
@jesuisici33 @steadfastsaturnsrings @buddieswhvre @theotherbuckley @daffi-990
@hoodie-buck @tizniz @bidisasterevankinard
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⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆
Angel - Paige bueckers
part 2
• summary {when an unsuspecting girl falls for the basketball star}
• warnings {smut}
• comment if you would like to be added to the taglist
bellas’s pov
paige
- you wanna come over
what. the. fuck. yes, yes i do. but i don’t want to be ‘just another girl’ to her
fuck
bella
- why
- don’t you have other girls to fuck
i know that sounds rude, but its true. i’m not gonna get used by that tall, blonde, gorgeou-
wait, what am i saying.
paige
- i want u tho
fuck. should i go?
no i shouldn’t, yes i should, no, yes, no, yes
bella
- i’m straight
i mean, its the truth. i guess
paige
- you sure angel
no i’m not sure, also call me angel again. fuck
bella
- i’m sure
i’m not
paige
- then why don’t i believe you
cause its not true
bella
- you should
- cause its true
paige
- i don’t wanna believe it
fuck.
bella
- goodnight
“fuck” i scream into my pillow, thank god Avery is at Jakes tonight.
should i go
no
yes
ugh.
i cant stop thinking about her, for the past hour my favourite activity hasn’t been executed because of this tall, blonde, gorgeous girl.
fuck. im gonna regret this
bella
- whats your dorm number
paige
- 354
bella
- coming
i quickly put on some mascara and change into sweats and a hoodie. this is fucked
i start walking (running) to paige’s
i’m gonna regret this
“i knew you would change your mind” paige says, while opening her door. fuck she looks good, she has changed into a white t-shirt and boxer shorts. fuck
“shut up” i say, smashing my lips to hers, wrapping my arms around her neck and she grips my waist.
after a couple minutes, her tongue begins to explore my mouth and i let out a soft moan and she lets out a soft chuckle in response.
without breaking the kiss, she begins leading us to her room
i’m gonna regret this. i’ve never done anything with a girl before, i want to, but its my first time. i guess i’m nervous
paige throws me on her bed and kneels on-top of me, taking me in.
“you still straight” she says smugly. fuck i hate her
“i dont know” i say breathlessly, fuck i hate how vulnerable i’m being right now
she laughs, literally laughs in response.
“i think your straight” she says, at the same time taking off my hoodie.
fuck i didn’t wear a bra
“no bra princess” she says, smirking at me
fuck.
“its for you” i say, shocked at my own confidence, why am i so confident, i wasn’t 5 seconds ago
“good girl” she says, latching onto my left side and massaging my right nipple.
fuck. call me good girl again
i let out soft, breathy moans and she hums in response.
dont get me wrong, i love what shes doing. but i want her downstairs, you get me.
“paige” i say, almost out of breath
“yes baby” she says, still attached to my skin
“can you touch me” i say, almost begging
she moves from her old position and she is now extremely close to my face “where do you want me to touch you princess”
folded
i take her hand and move it to my core
she raises her eyebrows and begins to take off my sweats, painfully slow.
i let out an agitated grunt, and she doesn’t speed up. is she truing to kill me
after 3 hours, my sweats are off and she spots the wet patch on my panties. fuck. thats embarrassing
i cover my face in sheer embarrassment and she tears them away.
she starts to touch the wet patched formed and lets out an accomplished sigh.
“paige please, stop teasing”
she begins to take my panties off, with her teeth. fuck i’m dead.
my pussys glistening from my wetness and i want to die. why is she doing this to me
“so wet angel” she says, admiring me
i let out a moan, extremely annoyed by how long this is taking
she gats the hint and begins lowering her tongue to me.
“oh my god” i moan, shamelessly arching my back
flattening her tongue and licking up and down my folds, she hums against my core. i cant stop moaning
she moves to my entrance and begins teasing, and a string of pornographic moans come from my mouth.
she begins to pump her tongue in and out of my entrance, while looking up at me. fuck
“fuck paige, my clit please” i say, begging
“desperate slut, aren’t you?” she says, cocking her head up at me and i cant help but moan at that comment.
she attacks my clit and moves two of her fingers up to my mouth. fuck
“fuck paige, fuck fuck fuck fuck” i moan
“suck” she demands
i try my best to suck her long, skinny fingers but its probably a shitty attempt.
she moves her fingers from my mouth and moves them to my entrance. shit
“paige fuck” i scream as she enters me, mouth still on my clit. my hands are in her hair, pushing her down
she curls her fingers, hitting my g spot exactly and i cant stop moaning, borderline screaming.
“fuck paige, im close” i say, barley getting the words out
“cum for me angel” and those words send me over the edge. i feel myself tense around her fingers, and my back arching more that i thought i ever could, paige helps me ride out my climax
“fuck” she says, laying down next to me, im completely out of breath
“ok, you can go now” she says, facing me
i shouldn’t have done this.
#paige bueckers x reader#paige bueckers headcannons#paige bueckers smut#paige bueckers fic#paige bueckers#uconn#uconn wbb#uconn huskies#uconn women’s basketball
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my mom literally wants to be clueless and im so sick of hearing her say that
#this is why the world is fucked#bc people like her that don’t wanna give a fuck about ANYTHING#as long as she’s fine and I’m fine#well jokes on her I’m not fucking fine#im pissed#we didn’t argue about anything she just literally is like ‘I don’t wanna be i formed’#but by golly she up Donald Trumps ass hatin him#THATS ALL SHE CARES ABOUT#AHE THINKS HE RUINED THE WORLD#BISH ITS BEEN RUINED#IM SO DONE WITH PEOPLE RN#I THINK IM PMSING TOO#WHUCH DOESNT MATTER BC THIS IS ALL LEGIT FEELINGS BUT YA KNOW WHAT IM SAYIN#I told her about the HB 500 trial thing going on in ky where they’re tryin to fuck with workers rights#and she said “no they can’t do that GIRL HAVE YOU LEARNE DANTTHING#THEY CAN AND WILL DO WHATEVER TF THEY WANT TO US#Jesus fuckin Christ#this woman’s gonna make me lose my mfing mind#I just stfu. I didn’t elaborate shit#no reason bc im just wrong and don’t know shit even tho I pay attention#not her#ME#but I’m fucking always wrong
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IK I HAVENT DRAWN IN FOREVER BTW IM WORKING ON CATCHING UP
#ITS JUST. BEEN SHIT TO GET MOTIVATED LATELY#ESPECIALLY WHEN IK NONE OF U CARE#LIKE WHY AM I BOTHERING POSTING THIS??? NO ONE GIVES A SHIT??? NO ONE LOOKS AT MY ART FOR MORE THAN A SECOND NO ONE CARES#WHEN THEY DO CARE ITS ONLY BC ITS A GIFT FOR THEM OR I SENT IT TO EM N THEY DONT WANNA BE RUDE#LIKE WHY FUCKIN BOTHER LATELY YA KNOW. LIFE IS JUST GETTING WORSE AND ANYTHING I COULD DO WITH THESE SKILLS I LOVE SO MUCH IS GOING#WELL UP IN FLAMES IF YOU DONT MIND THE WORDPLAY#N IK IT EATS YOU ALIVE TO CARE ABOUT WHO SEES YOUR WORK. IK ITS BAD N I SHOULDN'T DO IT.#BUT IF NOT EVEN ANY IF MY FRIENDS(BARRING MY BF XOXO LOVE U PYXE BUT LIKE I DO SEND U EVERYTHING STILL LOL) CAN EVEN BOTHER#JJST. EVEN LOOKING AT MY STUFF#WHATS THE POINT??#THE ONLY ART OF MINE THATS GOTTEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF ATTENTION LATELY HAS BEEN THE ISAT AU N THATS BC THATS A COMMUNITY STARVING FOR STUF#LIKE HOW MANY NOTES MY WANDERSONG STUFF GOT DESPITE BEING SO BAD#BUT IVE IMPROVED SO MUCH AND POURED SM INTO A COMMUNITY THAT DOESNT FUCKING GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME?????#WHAT AM I DOING WRONG??!?!!?! SOMEONE TELL ME ID DO ANYTHING JUST TO KNOW WHY I CANT GET ANYONE EVEN THE PERSON WHO LOVES ME THE MOST#TO GIVE A SHIT JSUT ONCE#ill prolly delete this later. Im sry.
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If someone wants to send some nice words my way, it’d be greatly appreciated right now 🫣🫣🥺
(anxiety thoughts in the tags)
#it’s late and I’ve thought myself into a hole#she’s having a panic attack about moving out 😵💫#like do I know things will be fine? yes. am I still panicking? also yes#there’s too many things to do and I’m losing my mind trying to figure out how to get it all done#I’m also just terrified of having bad neighbors or shady landlords and idk I’ve thought about it too much now#and there’s just so many things that could go wrong#and then if they do I’m fucked because I signed a year lease#yes I am gonna go cry about it thanks for asking#trying to trust myself and trust my decisions is HARD#like I know this bitch she makes dumbass decisions#but we’re trusting that this is the right next step and that I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing#mine#text post#I don’t do well with change and transition#also logically I know that I can’t be certain of things going well or being fine but we’re trying to think positively😅#my therapist told me that this is really good and that there will be not so good things that happen but it matters more how I deal with it#which solid advice but also still just wanna cry and panick and avoid change at all costs even if said change is good for me
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ball dur's gait 3 is ruining my life
#mine#I THINK I LOCKED MYSELF OUT OF AST4RI0N ROMANCE BY ACCIDENT#AND THE WORST PART IS I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW!!!!!!!#LIKE. WHAT SCENE DID I FUCK UP IN. WHICH DIALOGUE DID I MISS. WHERE DID I GO WRONG#i just got to act 3 and i had the option to ask him why him and my char haven't [ahem] in a while and i decided to click on it#and he finished the conversation by being like 'yeah theres never going to be anything between us'#i insta-reloaded to my save right before the convo because i refuse to accept that as being canon#even though i know the structure of this game well enough to know the fact that i have the option to have that convo#is like a 99% guarantee that i cant romance him#but fuck me man i wanna be a little delusional and keep believing#but if it's really over...............then 1. i'm very upset especially because this is my self insert#(although that is oddly fitting in its own way)#2. i still care him so much and in my heart i want to believe maybe after the events of the game something happens between them#3. im going to kill myself#and 4. on the upside i guess this does offer some interesting story/rp aspects i could play with in my silly mind#but fuuuuuuck me man i was counting on being able to do it i really thought i could get this to work...................#fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck man#so many things have gone wrong in this run it's almost kinda funny#i guess this also adds another playthrough to my planned list cause even though i watched the supercut and i know his romance already#i still kind of want to experience it for myself...even if it's not with my insert :(#but then again my tavs and durges will always be a little bit of an insert cause i'm going to project on them and they'll always#have something in common with me#i can try again in the future...#my 2nd run is going to be durgestarion with durge resisting the urges which i think will be really fun#but i guess im gonna need to use a guide LMAO#fuuuuuuuuuuck dude even though i reloaded to make the convo uncanon i feel like me and my little tav guy are sharing a deeply painful momen#ok this is too many tags WHATEVER i have a call in 30 minutes and then i'm playing the game for the rest of the day#even if he doesn't want me i will still care him......#oh i guess that's the other upside is i can see nonromantic dialogue i might not have seen otherwise#i'll probably see friend dialogue in future playthroughs when i romance other characters but who knows
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do i let feminism lose and spend all of my savings on a rhinoplasty or do i continue to just. live Like That lol
#kms idk what to do#it's doing research on best surgeons in your country hours while your friends with normal noses are sleeping#anyway it's been a great little vacation and i had a lot of fun but the absolute fucking dread whenever someone is taking a picture#and i cant control how it looks. is ruining all the fun.#i said fuck it once today and then saw that picture my friend took of me and wanted to yeet myself into traffic straight away#the worst thing is im obsessed with big unusual conventionally unattractive noses. i love them.#but mine is not this hot sexy aquiline kind. its just a huge round bulbous fucking potato in the middle of my face#its the kind of nose no one will ever find pretty or hot or even interesting. its just comical. it looks like a fake clown nose.#and while it is indeed very in character of me to have a fucking clown nose attached to my face 24/7 forever#its literally making me wanna wear a paper bag over my head#goddd idk. cause like. what if something goes wrong lol knowing my luck it definitely could#and then uhhhh idk i guess i really would just kms lol#funny thing - didn't even really notice it before uni. like i always knew there was something seriously fucking wrong with my face#but could never put a finger on what it is exactly#and then this uni friend made that one comment about my nose and suddenly everything clicked into place#you're absolutely right queen the fucking nose aka the CENTRAL thing on my face is the main culprit here lol#anyway not a day has gone by since then that i wouldnt look into the mirror and felt awful and pathetic about it <3#i am ready to go against all of my ideals and just do it. ill have no money left but maybe its worth it. to get a little peace of mind. idk.
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ok well. just went to see a neuropsychologist and all she asked me were the standard questions you find in every internet autism test. which i KNOW don't apply to me ("do you find it difficult to infer people's intentions", "do you find it difficult to read between the lines" etc) and like she was literally reading off of her computer and asking me to pick one of the options between "strongly agree" and "strongly disagree" and it's like girl i could have done that at home. sure hope she's not stopping there and that she's not gonna just look at what i said but at the way i said it. idk it irked me that she just pulled up the old (as in outdated and reductive) standardised test on her computer and acted as if those questions would make me question myself like girl i've done this test fifteen times. not only is it not going to tell you anything about me but it's not going to tell you anything about most people. and most autistics. and she did suggest i come back for a more formal and global assessment, but she also kept using the words "cognitive deficit" to describe autism. which i realise is a commonly used term, but it feels reductive idk. so overall i'm not overjoyed with how this went lol.
#i'm sure she was reading between the lines etc#but the mere fact that she used that test (which is like 5 questions long and only applies to a small portion of autistic people)#rubbed me the wrong way#ok ok i need to tell myself that she knows what she's doing and she didn't stop at the questions#because i pretty much gave the neurotypical answer to all of her questions in terms of which button to click#but then i was like yeah i can read between the lines i've been analysing people my entire life it's my favourite hobby#ok yeah she probably knows what she's doing and isn't stopping at the stupid questions#i have to believe that otherwise i just threw 60€ down the drain#oh also she kept asking why i wanna know i was like girl idk i just do!!!#if i don't know for sure what the fuck is wrong with me soon i'm gonna die i think i'm going to spontaneously combust#she asked me three times. like but WHY do you wanna know?? what is it going to accomplish?? my peace of fucking mind that's what#idk why people are always like why do you wanna know why do you have to put a label on everything#ummm this isn't a fucking aesthetic ok we're talking about knowing the reason why i can't fucking function yeah i wanna know!!!#and if it's not autism (which i'm not sure i trust this woman to tell me) then it's something else bc there's no way i'm just normal lol#i need a diagnosis i just do it's not going to accomplish anything tangible i just need to understand things and most of all my own brain#oof i need to calm down i'm getting worked up
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#i think ive been going way too overboard from what im actually comfortable with i dont actually like that#this is all weird and ive been acting weird and i feel bad maybe my mind has been way too foggy for me to. really think straight#like that sounds really dramatic i just feel weird and uncomfortable and wrong like my posts are weird and my attempts at talking#to people are weird and my conversations with my friends are weird#like im not acting like myself or im too out of it to remember how to act like myself#idk. i just dont wanna keep doing any of this but im not sure what ''any of this'' is#i got myself in some kind of spiral and im not having fun and i feel bad and gross and lame#i think im in an actual like bad mental health state#and i now im worried i have thousands of people following this damn blog and seeing my posts while im in a vulnerable state#and im acting erratic and weird and because i post my every thought in this website everybody is seeing me act erratic and weird#which just makes me much more anxious#i really hate how prone i am to letting my mental health make me act weird and how prone i am to over posting online due to a lack of#impulse control#and how i have an amount of followers that is way too large for it to be safe or healthy for me to be fucking myself over online#i am not minimally healthy or stable enough to keep my posture in front of a large audience and this should never have happened to me#i dont know that being said i should probably take a break for a bit#post less until i can get my head in place
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story time with sari 😀
#im working on my CV rn and it made me rmb my first job at uni and how it ended and oh god why#i had to quit bc my mental health was so fucking shitty i couldnt deal with the work load so i went to one of my colleagues whos-#responsible for us student workers and i told him i had to quit and he asked why and i said bc of my health bc i cant lie but also didnt-#wanna tell the full truth and he very carefully asked whats wrong and i said i didnt wanna talk abt it was so awkward#AND THEN#at the time he wasnt only a phd student but also doing his psychotherapy training (insane man) and he happened to work at the practice-#where i went to get therapy at the time so basically what happened was that i sat in the waiting area and suddenly he comes walking around-#the corner and we just look at each other like 👁👄👁#and he left bc he was with a client but ten minutes later he came back super nervous and reassured me that hes under-#patient therapist confidentiality and that he wont tell anyone at work that he saw me there etc etc and it was NICE#but it was also . such a weird situation and my lil anxious mind was like well at least he knows i wasnt fucking lying !#why would he think that in the first place but oh well dhjdjdk#anyways i just got reminded of this bc i read the certificate i got from working there and it said i quit out of my own choice hdjdj#ah memories#also reminded me how im in a much better place now mentally which is nice bc i felt rock bottom yesterday lmao#okay story time with sari is over i gotta get back to writing that CV
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that’s not very cis of you
BYE🛌
It's complicated alright 😭💀
#a lil personal story about this now that the topic came up:#some time ago i started questioning my gender identity but i didnt like the spanish they/them pronouns on myself#they just didnt sit right lol#so i tried using gender neutral language (ig yall know spanish is one of the many languages that is VERY gendered#even fcking objects have their own 'gender' lmao) so yea if it pas possible i phrased what i said abt myself in a pronounless way#but when it was not possible to do that id use male pronouns to try how i felt with them. the thing is that every fucking time i did that#some dude in a gc i was in said 'dO u hAvE a D¡cK????' and it made me really uncomfy as if i needed it to be able to use those pronouns 🧍#LITERALLY EVERY TIME so eventually i gave up because i thought what's the point of finding my identity if it wont be respected anyways?#so yea im resigned to be seen as the same I was born with the same i've always been and the same everyone knows me#dont get me wrong i dont always hate being a girl but sometimes it makes me curious how would it be if i wasnt#and i dont mind what pronouns ppl use with me most of the time as long as it's not with a bad intention#I've wondered if maybe i'm a she/they? idk i just gave up thinking about it#at least for now. i have my whole ass life to find out what or who i am so i don't feel there's a need to rush tbh#woah this rant got rlly long sorry lol idk if anyone will read this far 🏃#btw it's not only about that guy but he made me constantly remember that most people at least here in latam are very closed minded#just like him so if i ended up finding an identity i was happy with it wouldnt be respected by most people irl anyways#i'm not in that gc anymore tho#i hope i was able to like explain well what i mean? i don't wanna seem like i gave up that easily just because some dude was being a jerk#it's just that i'm kind of an overthinker
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This is embarrassing, but I have a hard time remembering that other people apparently Do Not LIKE It when you psychoanalyze them. Like, it pisses them off.
I struggle with this because I...enjoy it......I actually really DO like it when I express confusion over Why I Am Feeling A Certain Way Or Feeling Compelled To Do A Certain Thing and someone responds with Psychology Trivia that answers that question. I FIND HUMAN BRAINS FASCINATING AND I HAVE ONE...my own human brain is no exception to that, I am absolutely okay with analyzing it too...psychology...cool......psychology enlightening.......psychology reassuring??
But, like, IN GENERAL it seems that if someone says something like “Ugh god I hate it that I get SO ANTSY whenever someone speaks in like that certain tone of voice that guy just used, it’s so frustrating that something dumb like that makes me so nervous hhhrgh why does it keep happening I hate it it is making me look twitchy and dumb for no reason,” they do NOT want me to cheerfully chip in like “You’ve mentioned to me before that your mother usually spoke that way to you to indicate that you were in trouble for something, but when she didn’t want to raise her voice -- or her hand -- at you yet because there were other people present. So you’ve learned to associate that tone with being shouted at and punished, and possibly physically harmed, in the near future. Your brain is now interpreting it as a warning sign that you are in danger, so it’s trying to protect you by making you want to get away from whoever it feels has just designated themself as a threat by speaking to you in that way. Don’t beat yourself up over it, it’s happening for what was initially a very good reason -- your subconscious is trying to keep you safe, it wants to help you but it just doesn’t know the difference between your mother using that voice as a threat and someone else using that voice in just casual conversation, because why would it? You spent so long only ever hearing someone speak that way when you were about to be terrorized.”
They like...feel attacked and get really mad? A lot. I’m just trying to help because I like it when people do the same for me, but my viewpoint seems to be Not The Popular Opinion On This Behaviour?
#Unless the specific people I keep fucking up and trying to do this to just suck#They get like...HORRIFIED and then they get really angry. ''You think you know me?! You don't know anything ABOUT me!!''#They act like I have just WILDLY overstepped a boundary and so I end up just sitting there like 😬 ''Oh my god I am so sorry''#They seem to feel like. Violated?#That wasn't what I was trying to do and I feel horrible when that is the result I end up with. I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE CREEPY...#It's like a Defensive Type Of Angry. At least it really seems to be?#Maybe I'm reading it wrong and it's something else but it REALLY looks like fear? Like...Wide-Eyed Horror before the anger.#And I really didn't mean to overstep and cause that...#I don't wanna be selfish and make other people Extremely Uncomfortable by indulging my Analytical Nerd Brain on them when it's unwelcome#.It speaks#About me yo#.Maxim 🎩#But then there are Way More people than just those few who get angry who DO seem to be comforted when I do this#Like I CANNOT TELL what dictates whether this will bring somebody peace of mind and reassure them They're Not Broken vs. --#-- make them feel like a bug put under a microscope against their will#HOW DO I KNOW IF IT'S GOING TO MAKE SOMEBODY EXTREMELY HAPPY VS. MAKE THEM SCREAM AT ME FOR HALF AN HOUR
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It may seem OOC but Sully is the best at comforting and complimenting me
#trust me i'm his boyfriend I know 😌#💰; he's my treasure#i cannot explain the reason why this old fuck came to mind#but he's here. and won't pay rent. fucker.#anyway#self ship headcanon#i guess?#just. he talks shit and a lot of like... charm/what you wanna hear#but like also if he sees me upset he's instant to comfort#'whats wrong baby' and then listens and then helps#sometimes he can't help so he'll listen to me vent and offer a hug and he pets my hair and.#nnhgdy.#in a 'i need fucking comforted' mood rn#expect lots of posts about the fuckers who give comfort
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