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tryslora · 1 month

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What I'm Reading Wednesday...

On the Duck Prints Press reading server, it’s What I’m Reading Wednesday where we all share what we finished in the last week, what we are currently reading, and what we think of these books.

I figured hey, why not bring that to the rest of the world for myself. Because I love yelling about my current reads. And I’ve always got several things in motion at one time, between physical, audio, and ebooks, plus things I’m reading for specific reasons.

Here’s the summary from the last week in visual format (the actual discussion is behind the read-more):

Fiction

I am currently reading Many Drops Make a Stream by Adrian Harley (from Duck Prints Press). There are so many things to love in this book. The world building packs so much into such a small space. The culture clash between human and shapeshifter is wonderful (and Harley’s shapeshifters truly have a culture all their own). I thought it was going to be a quick read because it’s short, but the language and depth of information have me going slower and savoring every word. That said, I’ve also reached the point where I want to take it in faster, so I find myself spending a little extra time every time I pick it up, just to get a few more pages!

Manga & Graphic Novels

I have one manga and one graphic novel in progress.

I’ve been reading The Complete Elfquest, volume 1 by Wendy & Richard Pini for a little over two weeks now. We have several of these volumes, and my intention is to read one chapter/issue a night, so I am able to savor them slowly, but also get through them. Reading this first volume is like coming home into a fandom from childhood. The first chunk of it was also collected in the original Warp Graphics compilations, and I can’t remember how often I read those back in high school. I’m reaching the parts now where I probably only read the individual issues once or twice, so it’s familiar, but not to the point where I’m like oh yes, I remember gazing at that panel for hours. I still love these elves, and this story, and I cannot wait to get home each day and be allowed to read a chapter. I’m looking forward to when I reach new-to-me material.

I watched the 24 episode anime The Apothecary Diaries and I wasn’t ready to let it go when it was over, so I started reading the manga by Natsu Hyuuga and Nekokurage. I finished volumes 5 & 6 this past week and am currently reading volume 7. I have the remaining already published volumes waiting for when I’m done with this. I adore Maomao and Jinshi, and am incredibly excited to get to the point where canon moves past what is in the anime. That said, getting to revisit events I already watched on TV and linger over what was said and the exact expressions has been soooo good. (And yes, I know the light novels also exist and will be rolling into those in ebook form after the manga; I might be a tad bit obsessed).

Audiobook

A while ago I thought “I should read some TJ Klune” so I checked the library list I had for audiobooks, and the first of his Extraordinaries trilogy was available in audio. I listened to it. I was addicted. I’m now on the third book—Heat Wave—and I find it very very hard to put it down. I can’t listen while working, only while commuting, walking, or doing chores—things that don’t require me to actually think so I can multi-task. But hey, it’s a GREAT way to get me to do my PT since it means fifteen minutes more of audiobook listening! Nick, the POV character, has ADHD and I flail a lot over pretty much everything he thinks and does. I love every character in this series. I love how Klune is using superheroes as an allegory for the queer experience and for racial issues, but at the same time, is actually addressing those issues explicitly. I both want to listen faster to find out what happens, and linger so it doesn’t end.

Ebook

I have been reading Wayfinder by CE Murphy, which is the second in a duology. This is a romance, yes, but it’s another fun culture clash book, this time between humanity and faerie, and I am so here for that. Murphy is an author I used to read a lot from, and I’m trying to work my way through her back catalog slowly because I’ve always enjoyed her style. Accessible and fun. This series is about a woman who has always been able to hear lies (a Truthseeker), and how her talent develops, and how she works with the faerie kingdoms to try to help them (despite some of them not wanting help, and the original situation not being the one she’s actually needed for).

Non-fiction

I have been working my way through three non-fiction books.

One is A Year of Zen by Bonnie Myotai Treace. I had been looking for a journaling prompt book, and decided to give this one a try. I made the difficult decision to write directly in the book itself, then the additional decision to let myself fail if needed. So if I don’t get to answer a prompt on a day, I just answer it the next day. One prompt per day. It’ll take me more than a year to go through it, but that’s okay. The idea is to have me think and write a short paragraph every day, and not feel guilty about messing up. It’s working surprisingly well. Learning to let myself fail has been a big part of my process this year, and hopefully I am learning to let go of some of the anxiety about things needing to be matched and rigid.

The one I am stalled on right now is The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. It was recommended as a book that therapists like to use for themselves, not merely recommend to their patients, and it reminded me of the radical acceptance I’m supposed to be practicing (and apparently am, despite myself, according to my therapist after she listened to me). The problem is, it has exercises (doesn’t everything?) and I stalled out because I didn’t have time.

Time is a theme, y’know? And that’s what happened with the last non-fiction book. I’ve been working through The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, taking it as a self-guided 12 week course. I’m currently on week 5. However, I did a week of just doing morning notes before I really got started, then I took a week off when everything went haywire in my schedule because of the power outage. So it’s been about seven weeks so far. This week, as I worked on exercises, I found myself really digging in to my emotions about this book. And in the end, I decided that while I can see the value in some things, the book itself is giving me more anxiety about everything to do with my writing, while at the same time making it impossible for me to find time TO write (while following the advice it gives). So. I am no longer doing it as a course, with exercises, but I will finish reading it. And if an exercise appeals, I’ll do it. It’ll still take time, because I’ll probably still read one chapter each weekend, but I am already feeling WAY less stressed and I only made this decision last night.

So…

That’s it for me! What are you reading?

#what i'm reading wednesday #duck prints press #reading #books

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vole-mon-amour · 4 years

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OTP tag game.

Tagged by @captainjowl. You know for sure than I'm struggling to pick only 10 & fit them in here. But hell, that’s fun, thank you <3

Rules: Choose 10 OTPs BEFORE reading the questions, and then get to answering

1) Harry James Potter & Sirius Orion Black

2) Daniel Le Domas & Grace (Ready or Not 2019)

3) Samuel & Nathan Drake (Uncharted 4)

4) Corvo Attano & The Outsider (+probably Emily Kaldwin; Dishonored series)

5) Steve Grant Rogers & Bucky Buchanan Barnes (Marvel)

6) Tony Edward Stark & Peter Benjamin Parker (Marvel)

7) Handsome Jack & Rhys (Borderlands video game series)

8) Damon Salvatore & Elena Gilbert (TVD Books & a tv show)

9) Batman & Joker (in every universe, really)

10) Adam Jensen x Francis Pritchard (Deus Ex video game series)

1. Do you remember the episode/scene/chapter that you first started shipping 6?

I believe it didn't hit me before Spider-Man: Homecoming. Civil War was about Steve & Bucky for me, but when I saw that growing up Peter with Tony, their dynamic, chemistry. Tom & Robert are really just like that.

2. Have you ever read a fanfic about 2?

Lmao. I've read like 50% of the tag on AO3, I wrote my own & started a few wips on them. They are amazing. Plus, with that shitty canon? We didn't get enough of them & they deserved better, so it's only logical to save yourself with fanfiction.

3. Has a picture of 4 ever been your screen saver/profile picture/tumblr screen saver?

I was living with The Outsider icon on my twitter & tumblr. That one is still my Google profile picture I believe. Don't remember about having an icon with the two of them. Also had The Outsider as my lockscreen on my smartphone for a while.

4. If 7 were to suddenly break up today, what would your reaction be?

Funny how it fits canon, lmao. Rhys literally tried to erase Jack's AI in TFTBL, so I guess another day on Pandora, nothing new. They torture each other, they kiss each other, they kill other people in the process. It'll be fiiine.

5. Why is 1 so important?

I love them since the first time I met them, which was much more than 10 years ago, I don't even remember when. At some point they were the reason I was waking up & forcing myself to eat just to read more fanfiction & feel something. Even if I was drowning in pain (I was extremely depressed), it was still something. I read every fic I could find at that time. The depression that Harry went through, all these feelings, his love for Sirius. I was living through it, I could relate.

I'm currently drowning in these two again, though in a much healthier & happier state. I see their flaws & I know as much as I can. I see them differently as an adult. They saved me, they keep being my number one, I still consider making a tattoo of Padfoot/Sirius or of both Harry & Sirius together. I have many headcanons, ideas, I write fics about them. They are everything, you see? They were my choice when there was nothing, no one. They are HOME.

6. Is 9 a funny ship or a serious ship?

Both. There goes the dynamic of Jack & Rhys: torture, fighting, flirting, a lot of trauma. I'd definitely say that they are wild and comical sometimes, but they are definitely serious. With the Asylum, the mental health issues. There is so much more to it, the complexity of their relationship. The struggle of loving who you probably shouldn't (but hey, when does it work like that?) Thinking about Tettlate's Batman, about Batman: Europa & how Joker was: "You must be crazy, putting me in charge of the plan, letting me decide. Okay, well..."

Nah, they are entertaining, but this is a serious ship.

7. Out of all the ships listed, which ship has the most chemistry?

Are you kidding me? They are all the definition of CHEMISTRY. I'd say 5, but then go 2, 6, 7, 8. Come on. I'm not choosing. Most of they are WILD.

9. How many times have you read/watched the 10’s fandom?

The fandom itself? Idk. I found one of my favourite artists through this fandom. If it's about the characters themselves, I played the first game with the DLC from start to beginning, looking around every corner. Spent more than 60 hours in there. Watched a second game (my laptop can't run the game) and the DLC (obviously), since Francis is in the DLC & not in the main game. I have a tag for them on tumblr, I read fanfiction, I tried to write my own. I still follow Elias & want a third game. Elias liked my tweets about Adam and Jensen being an actual couple a few times. I'd say I interacted with all of this a lot? Still do, actually.

10. Which ship has lasted the longest?

5. Best friends since childhood, fought & died for each other, still found their way back to each other. "It would break your Captain's heart, to see what they did to you." That only the MENTION of Steve can pull Bucky out of this brain washing(ed?) state, distract him in the middle of a fight. When Steve died in the comics because of Sharon & Tony sent Natasha to take Steve's shield from Bucky because even Tony knew how much Steve means to Bucky. And Bucky was like: "Oh, I see what he did. Not happening!" Fought Natasha (that is his ex in the comics) & kept going for Steve's sake.

Well, you see the point, I can go on and on.

11. How many times, if ever, has 6 broken up?

They're not actually canon so none? They had a few fights: In Civil war (the comics), in Homecoming (the movie). That only means that they’ve got history & love each other.

12. If the world was suddenly thrust into a zombie apocalypse, which ship would make it out alive, 2 or 8?

As fierce Grace is, they wouldn't stand a chance against Damon & Elena. Those two had to deal with worst thing than brainless stupid zombies. On the other hand, if there were no alive humans to drink their blood... It's either an animal diet that Damon hates so much or I don't know? Still, they're faster & more powerful. Their bodies have advantage of healing the wounds as well.

13. Did 7 ever have to hide their relationship for any reason?

From some people, yeah. Don't tell Athena, don't tell Vaughn, don't tell Fiona. Though Rhys wasn't very subtle about it & Jack just doesn't give a fuck. You will probably end up dead if you disagree or bore him, or if you're useless.

"I can take you to the top, but you gotta know where the top is" & Rhys doesn't tell anybody until Jack makes him the President for like whole 20 minutes lol.

Fiona & Sasha: "This can't be happening." Sure it can, darling.

14. Is 4 still together?

I have a headcanon about The Outsider finding Emily & Corvo after Billie frees him from the Void. He doesn't have anybody & they are his only friends aside from a potential friendship with Billie. And if we don't consider TOTO dlc, they definitely are! The Outsider visits them both when they sleep & takes them to the void sometimes. How could he not?

15. Is 10 canon?

Not really but also sort of? Let's say that they really care about each other in canon, despite Adam pushing Francis away because of his trauma & fear that Megan caused him. :/

16. If all 10 ships were put into a couple’s Hunger Games, which couple would win?

Can you imagine wizards fighting extremely powerful vampires? Superheroes with venom in their bodies that make them super strong with people that made a deal with the Devil himself (hi Le Bail)? 5000 y.o. God and his lover that share his powers and an augmented human protecting his tired IT guy? Combine mental health issues to that, Jack and Rhys with Batman and Joker. Corvo & The Outsider would probably slay them all as Corvo and Emily did in both games with entire islands, though it will still be a slaughter anyway.

17. Has anybody ever tried to sabotage 5’s ship?

All the fucking time, lmaooo. I’m not even talking about it.

18. Which ship would you defend to the death and beyond?

I feel like I already did with Steve & Bucky after many Marvel movies (we're not even mentioning Endg*me, I fucking died & was dead for full 4-5 months).

19. Do you spend hours a day going through 3’s tumblr page?

I used to do that a few years back, but not anymore. There is not much content since the trilogy is finished.

20. If an evil witch descended from the sky and told you that you had to pick one of the ten ships to break up forever or else she’d break them all forever, which ship would you sink?

1 already went through it & fandom lives, so I'd say maybe 7? Rhys will find a way to bring Jack back & they are both so wild. It’s what happened in canon anyway. Jack kidnapped Lilith & forced her to do Angel's job, so I'd like to see that witch try at first. Jack is an immortal bastard. <3

Now that I think about it, Corvo would also deal with her in seconds as she waits to curse them.

As a conclusion: no one breaks up forever, we're killing the witch.

I tag: @ianmillkovichgallagher & @aledbr

Whoever else wants to join the game, please do.

#otp #me #tumblr #harry x sirius #delena #corvosider #rhack #tony x peter #batjokes #jensard #steve x bucky #ready or not #drakecest

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universallongings · 4 years

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I'm stealing some of yours because I want to know your answers too! Top 5 restaurants we’ve eaten at together, Top 5 memories from all our trips, Top 5 Tim/Lucy moments

Jumping around with these to save the hardest one for last! ;)

Top 5 Tim/Lucy Moments:

1. “You hungry?” — I know there are a million things to love about the entirety of him saving her/holding her/being the one by her side in the hospital. But to me, this is the definitive “soft Tim Bradford” moment and it RUINED me. Food is my love language, so the idea of him bringing Lucy her favorite food was just the world’s biggest unspoken “I love you.” And not only that, but the unguarded affection in his eyes and his voice when he asks her if she’s hungry is perfection.

2. “Tim Bradford finishes what he starts.” — COME ON. Everything about this moment is gold. Her fishing for the truth. Him giving it to her with no doubts that she’s why he’s staying. The way he looks at her lips. The way she smiles in response. Her LAUGH. To me, this is the foundation of what a relationship between them could look like, and it looks so good.

3. Lucy stealing his money clip — This was when I went from being a casual shipper for the first few episodes to falling down the rabbit hole entirely. It shows us that Lucy gives as good as she gets and that he likes it. And it shows that there’s so much affection right under the surface already. It’s flirty in the best way because there’s distance between them so they can lean into what they’d never lean into in person yet, and there’s a reason why it’s the source of my OTP tag for them.

4. “You riding with me tomorrow?” — The whole scene in the gym before he gives her the ring back is GOLD but this, the shy, sweet, disarmingly adorable way he asks her if she’s coming back to him is the best. He’s not hiding his affection anymore, and if there was any doubt that somewhere in the recesses of his heart he’s falling for her, this scene proved that he’s a goner.

5. “You think I’m good at things? Can I get that in writing?” — The entire virus plot was great for them, but this moment, with her trying to make him smile and it working, even if she can’t see his face, is just exactly who she is for him.

Top 5 Restaurants We’ve Eaten at Together:

1. Bouchon 2. Kitchen 76 at Two Sisters Vineyards 3. Treadwell 4. Hollywood Brown Derby Lounge 5. Mon Ami Gabi

Top 5 Memories from Our Trips:

1. Our entire second/first “full” day in Vegas last June — It was everything I’d dreamed Vegas would be and more. It was a day of cereal milk lattes and hotel hopping and avocado toast and sitting in that beautiful pool and just talking and taking in the most beautiful blue sky and skyline I’d ever seen. It was putting on makeup while listening to Lady Gaga and knowing we looked damn good and finding Secret Pizza and finding myself slightly gin tipsy from that amazing cocktail and finding out that Gaga sounds even more incredible singing Shallow in person. It was listening to dueling pianos and coming back to that insane view out our window and my feet never really hurting despite my heels. It was one of the best days of my life, and it was all because I got to spend it with the best person I know living a dream I never thought I’d actually be brave enough to make come true.

2. The Chicago rooftop bar — The decision to prolong our last night in Chicago with good drinks and even better conversation solidified in my mind why we are perfect travel partners. Talking for hours about everything (and especially about why Game of Thrones is a disaster) on that rooftop was worth how tired we were the next morning. ;)

3. Our airport hug in Orlando in 2016 — Never have I needed an airport hug more. I also remember how happy some of the people around us looked seeing me run up to you and hug you, and that’s always stuck with me. We’ve had some great airport hugs, but that still might be my favorite.

4. Our first day in Niagara on the Lake — From discovering Nina Gellateria to drinking ice wine in an ice cave, it was the perfect day of exploring a place I’d always wanted to come back to as an adult with someone who was ready to explore with me. We may never be wine experts, but that wine tour was so much fun (mainly because we both just sat back, content to drink and listen to other people try to be experts) and then the day ended with dinner at sunset on literally the most beautiful patio I’ve ever eaten on. It was like a dream.

5. Literally every Bellagio Fountain moment, but especially when we just happened to stumble upon them playing “Believe.” It was a moment of ridiculous joy for me, and to be able to share it with you was the best. Those fountains are magical, and watching them with you gave me the same feeling as sharing all my favorite WDW attractions with you.

Honorable Mentions: Our happy tears after Happily Ever After, every time you let me wander into stores full of things I should not even be looking at, that first breakfast at Bouchon when we realized just how much food I was actually getting, feeding Amy grapefruit cake through the grates at the Brown Derby Lounge, and the walk back to the hotel after meeting Zachary Levi in NYC.

#ask box fun times #kekela717 #the ann to my leslie #my beautiful tropical fish #i just want to drink on rooftops with heather again why is the world awful????#WE HAVE SO MANY MORE EXPENSIVE STORES TO NOT BUY THINGS AT!

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samtheflamingomain · 2 years

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Disclaimer For Current And Future Sam Behaviour:

For maybe the first time, I'm writing with all my facebook friends who might read my posts in mind.

I'm manic as all fuck.

Let's break it down. I'm Bipolar. 2 poles. One is extreme depression, one is extreme psycosis, let's throw that onto a scale of 1-10. I take 9 medications that usually keep me at a solid 4. Depressed but not suicidal.

I've been slowly taking more and more (prescribed, by a psychiatrist, calm your tits) Adderall over the last 4-5 months, as an attempt to help my level of exhaustion.

I've been at a 7/10, hypo-(less than)-manic for the past few months. Hold your questions for a moment.

I'm currently riding at 8.5, what I'd call the last digit of "mania" that's not scary. I've hit 9.5 before with full-ass hallucinations and 6d without sleep. Luckily never a 10 where I'm completely disconnected from reality but been close.

To keep this (relatively, y'all know me) short, I just want to list a few things that a lot of people who know me might not know about me when I'm manic.

I'm going to talk a lot. More than you can stand. More than you've ever seen me talk. But I'm also going to stutter a lot, go on tangents, and be very impatient for my "turn" to talk. I apologize, but I can't help it. It's the result of having thoughts constantly zooming through your brain 10x faster than normal and trying to spit out the words before the thought is gone. Living alone (like, without parents) is hard because I have no one who will listen to me talk for 5 hours and engage. I've never been manic since leaving my family behind, so it's very difficult for me to shut up around anyone, and when I'm alone, I have my journal open and ready because some thoughts are important but can get pushed out by random bullshit in an instant.

Second. I will be awake for days. I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight. I'm still just as exhausted, and I really want to make that clear. My brain WILL NOT STOP. I cannot help this until I safely reduce my Adderall over the next few weeks. I will be extremely tired and sore, but I'll still be at 100% production. Art machine. Starting 18 projects and finishing 0. Manic, my sleeping pill doesn't work.

Finally, and this is more of a fun fact, I don't know when I'll crash. Right now, I'm in the middle of about 25 different things and have no plan to stop. But in 3 hours I might instantly fall asleep and wake up 18h later wondering if it's 6am or pm, my bed a mess of clothes and blankets and pencils crayons. When I crash, it's instant. If I'm in bed, it could be literally any moment, and sometimes not even enough time to set an alarm.

I've also never been manic while holding down a job, but it is my priority so I'm being rather careful for a manic episode because mania will end but I want to keep my job forever. Pre-set alarms for days I work just in case. So, trying to make myself sleep when I can, but last night I simply couldn't. I was alright today, a bit slow but luckily the bar was dead. Oddly enough, I wasn't as sore and tired by 7pm as I usually would be. Oh yeah. Mania also makes you super fucking arrogant, let's go there briefly.

I'm exaggerating. It just makes you overestimate your physical capabilities - in my case. I should've taken those empty kegs to the back of the building a bit slower but I hoisted them up like a fine lass off her feet and swaggered them to the back. Then almost died from carpal tunnel and exhaustion as I returned.

I lied, one more thing. Focus. I'm already a very focused person. And mania makes you incredibly focused. Sometimes that helps, like crushing thru 7 art pieces you're almost done in 4h.

Sometimes it makes you spend 4h fine-tuning your email settings. Sometimes, you'll start one task - even just watching a video - and one line someone says will make you write a full ass essay on why They're Wrong to your friend who has the misfortune of receiving 12 2000-word texts a day. (Connor, you're a goddamn king for not blocking me without notice despite being bffs since 2004.)

Thanks if you read. I like to be understood, and I know that I'm about to confuse a lot of people who've never seen me manic. Have a good night. Is it night still? Eh, kinda.

Stay Greater

#mania #bipolar #sam

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redditnosleep · 7 years

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I'm A Search And Rescue Officer For The US Forest Service, I Have Some Stories To Tell

by searchandrescuewoods.

One of the topics that I get asked about a lot, here and in real life, involve things like The Rake, the Wendigo, and other related legends. I can't honestly say that I know a lot about any of them, but based on some light reading I did I can say that I've heard stories that seem to be loosely related to them. You've heard the old adage that legends like that come from somewhere, and I'm sure that's true, but as you all know I do try to take things with a grain of salt. You have to, out here. It's sort of like working in a hospital, I'd imagine. You could spend all day thinking about how many people have died there, and how there are probably ghosts, or whatever you want to call them, all over the place, but it doesn't do you any good. It just makes it harder to do your job. I think a lot of us feel that way, and that's why we try to just go about our work like everything is fine. Once you get paranoid, there's not really any going back, and a lot of cadets quit because of it. My park especially seems to have a high turn-over rate because the cadets graduate and get so freaked out about everything, and they can't seem to let it go. You have to learn to internalize things and shut off.

I've talked to K.D a bit about her experience, because I wanted to know what she thought about the Wendigo. She didn't really have anything in particular to say about it, aside from that she didn't want to think about it that much, but she told me a friend of hers had had something similar happen. I contacted this person, H, over Skype, and they agreed to talk to me a bit. They're aware of my work here, and they're fine with me posting the story exactly as they wrote it:

"I grew up in Central Oregon, and there's a reservation called Warm Springs about two or so hours from where I lived. I only mention that because a lot of people in my area have friends there, and a lot of the land in that area belongs to that tribe. When I was a kid, we used to go camping up there. Not on the res, of course, but in that area, and I met a lot of kids who grew up there. I got to know one kid really well, his name was Nolan, and we ended up hanging out a lot when our families were in the area. Our folks got to know each other so we'd all get in touch and camp out around the same time. We'd camp for about two weeks, so we were out there for a long time. [I asked him if he camped in an RV.] Yeah, my dad had one, so I guess it wasn't really camping but we'd take our tents and stuff and set them up out away from camp most nights. I didn't like sleeping in there because I like being outside. [We talked for a bit about camping]

So anyway, sorry, one year Nolan and I were out there, I think we must have been like twelve or so. We wanted to go out and camp near the river because we wanted to try night fishing, I think we must have been about a third of a mile from the main camp. Far enough away that we couldn't hear or see anyone else, I remember that. We were messing around most of the day, I don't really remember much about it, but we ended up building a fire at some point and I was really impressed because he had this flint or something that he used to start it. I'd never seen anyone do that before so I thought it was pretty cool. I got him to teach me how to do it and we lit some stuff on fire, which looking back was really stupid because it was the middle of fucking summer, and if I remember right the fire warning was either at yellow or orange. But thankfully we didn't start anything major, and when it got dark we sat around and talked about whatever it is twelve year olds talk about, I don't really remember. What I do remember is that at some point, he looked over my shoulder at the river and asked me if I could see something.

The way our camp was set up, we were about ten feet from the river, and we were at the widest point, so it was probably about twenty feet to the other bank. It gets hot up there in the summer but the water's still cold, which is important.

I look over my shoulder and I could see something wading into the river on the other side. From where we were it looked like a deer but we couldn't really tell because of the fire. I got up to look closer and I saw a pair of antlers, so I figured it was a buck. But I thought it was weird that it was wading into the water, and it was definitely heading for us, and I asked Nolan what he thought we should do. He's looking at the fire with this weird expression and he tells me to sit down and shut up, so I do, because I'd never seen him act that way before. He's whispering at me to ignore it, and to just keep talking like we were but I couldn't think of anything to say. He was saying something about an episode of some show, but I could hear the deer coming through the water, so I wasn't really paying any attention, and I kept trying to see over his shoulder, but every time I did he'd sort of hit me on the arm and make me look at him. I wasn't really scared, I remember, I was just sort of confused. But then I hear the deer come out of the water, and I could kind of make out what it looked like, and I realized it wasn't a deer because whatever it was was walking on two legs. I started to get up, I was super freaked out, but Nolan just yanked me back down and talked louder about this television show, and I could tell he was just as scared as I was, probably even more. He leaned in and poked the fire with a stick, and he whispered that whatever I do, I can't speak to it. I could see it come closer, and it stood right behind Nolan's back. I was about ready to pee my pants, and I think I'd probably have run if I'd been alone, but I didn't want to leave Nolan, so I kept sitting really still and sneaking glances at it. It wasn't that tall, but the way it carried itself was just wrong, like its center of balance was screwed up. I can't really describe it, but it was kind of like it kept shifting too far forward. It just stood there behind Nolan for a long time, and eventually Nolan ran out of things to say and we just kind of sat there for a second. The fire was making noise, but I thought I could hear this thing talking in a really low voice. I couldn't hear what it was saying, and I leaned forward a tiny little bit, and I actually DID pee my pants when it leaned forward too. I couldn't see its face, but I saw its eyes.

They were cloudy and milky, and if you want to know what they looked like, find that scene from Lord of the Rings where Frodo falls in that lake and all the dead people are floating toward him. That's what its eyes looked like. So all I saw were these two white eyes floating above Nolan's head, and the really vague shape of the antlers coming out of its head. I don't know what my face looked like but at exactly the same time Nolan and I fucking booked it out of there, and we ran non-stop until we got back to the main camp. My pants were soaked with pee, so I took them off as we were running and threw them in the bushes. We both stopped once we were in front of my dad's RV and we couldn't see anything chasing us, so we stood there and caught our breath. I asked him what that thing was but he said he didn't know. He said his grandpa had only warned him that if anything ever came up to him when he was out in the desert, he was never, ever supposed to talk to it or listen to anything it had to say. I wanted to know if he'd heard it talking too, and he said that the only thing he'd been able to understand was 'help you'. I think we ended up sleeping in the RV with my parents, and the next night we went back out and didn't see anything.

That does remind me, in a lot of ways, of the Wendigo legend. There's a phrase used to describe it that I think fits perfectly, which is that the Wendigo is 'the spirit of the lonely places.' I know sometimes when I'm out in the wilds, where I know there's no one around me for miles and miles, I get this weird kind of craving that I can't really explain. I don't know if it happens to anyone else, but it's this desire to consume. It's not like I crave anything in particular, but more of this weird, distracting hunger that comes from every part of my gut.

I also wanted to find out more about the faceless man, if I was able, and found a few similar things. I asked around my circle of friends, and one of them said when he was out doing repairs at a park in his area, he saw something kind of like that.

We were having dinner in town, five of us including myself. This guy, he was re-painting an information booth and heard a man ask him for directions to the nearest campsite. He didn't turn around because he was up on a ladder, but he informed the man that there weren't any campsites nearby, but that if he headed down the road about four miles, he'd find one at another park. He asked if he could be of any other help, but the man said no, and thanked him. My friend said he kept painting, but he was listening, and never heard the man leave.

"The second he came up and talked to me, the hairs on my neck stood up, but I wasn't sure why. I just had this really uneasy feeling about the whole thing, and I wanted to finish painting and get out of there. I figured maybe part of it was that I couldn't turn around to look at him, but something just felt off. There was also this weird smell floating around even before the guy talked to me, kind of like old period blood. I had looked around to see what was causing it but I didn't find anything. So I waited for the guy to walk away, but I didn't hear him leave, which made me think he was just standing there and watching me, so I asked again if I could do anything for him, and he didn't answer. I knew he was there though, because I hadn't heard him leave, so I did this awkward turn on the ladder to look down and see what he was doing. Now I admit it could have just been my brain fucking up, but I swear to you, Russ, for a split second when I turned around, that fucker didn't have a face. Like he had no face. It was almost concave, and totally smooth, and I just about had a fucking heart attack because I couldn't even wrap my brain around what I was seeing. I think I started to say something but there was this kind of 'pop' inside my head and suddenly he was just a normal looking guy. I must have looked weird because he asked me if I was okay, and I was just like 'yeah, I'm fine.' He asks about the campsite again and I point to where he has to go, and he's like 'I'm not from around here, can you help me get there?' Now this is when I know something is really up because there's no way this guy got out here and didn't know where he was. And for that matter, there's no car around, so how'd he get here in the first place? I said I was sorry but that I couldn't take him anywhere in a company vehicle, and he's like 'please? I really don't know where I am, can you come with me and help me get there?' So now I'm seriously weirded out, and I start wondering if this is some kind of ambush or whatever. I told him I could call him a taxi to come out and take him where he wants to go, and I pull out my phone and he just goes 'no' and walks away really quickly. But he doesn't walk out of the park, he walks back into the fucking trees and I got right in my fucking truck and start to get out of there, fuck the paint or whatever. I looked in my mirror to see where he was as I was leaving and he was standing right at the tree line again, I don't know how he got there so fast, but this time I know that fucker didn't have a face. He was just watching me leave, and right before I turned the corner he took a big step back into the trees and kind of dissolved, I guess. Maybe it was just dark so he blended in, but it felt more like he just melted away."

Interestingly, right after this guy finished his story, someone else, piped up with another one, but with a slightly different twist.

"You know actually, I had something sort of weird like that happen a while back. I was out doing some trail scouting, and I was out in the middle of nowhere figuring out where we were gonna have this trail run through. I hadn't seen anyone else for probably a good two hours, so I wasn't really paying attention to where I was going, I was just looking at the ground for the most part. Then out of nowhere, I crested this little hill and almost ran into this guy. He was older, probably in his sixties, and I started to apologize to him for running into him. And then I noticed his face, and I probably looked like a complete douchebag because I stopped and just stared at him. It took me a second to figure out what was wrong, but this guy's face was huge. I know that sounds weird, but that's the only way I can describe it. His head wasn't big or anything, it was normal, but the amount of space his face took up was just way too much. Like if you took someone's face and enlarged it all by about two times. He doesn't say anything, he just kind of looks at me, and I backed up and was kind of stuttering and saying I was sorry, and I went around him and fucking got out of there and did what I needed to do. The whole time, I kept looking behind me because I was so freaked out that he'd pop up behind me or something. I know it sounds ridiculous but I swear to you it was one of the creepiest things I've ever seen."

I switched the topic to the stairs a little later, and there was a definite shift in enthusiasm. No one spoke up at first; there is a real stigma around discussing them, even when we're away from work. But I broke the ice with a story of my own, and the guy who told the story about the faceless man told this one, albeit very quietly.

"Couple years ago, I was camping with my girlfriend, and were out about two miles from the road at this site I know. We went to bed that night, but we couldn't sleep because-"

Someone interjected a funny comment, and we were dangerously close to going off on another subject, but I got us back on track.

"-yeah, really funny, you fucker. No, it was because we kept hearing that grinding noise. My brother used to grind his teeth in his sleep, and it kind of reminds me of that. My girlfriend was freaking out but I just kept telling her to ignore it because I've heard it before and you just have to ignore it. It goes away eventually, you guys know what I mean."

We all knew what he meant.

"So eventually I got her to go to sleep, but I woke up probably two hours later because something was just off. I rolled over and she wasn't there, and I kind of freaked out, because..."

He thought for a second and then he took a very long drink.

"Anyway, I ran out of the tent calling her name, but I didn't have to go far. She was standing at the edge of the camp looking at something in the trees and I could see she was really pale. The fire was low but bright enough to see her. Anyway, so I ran up to see what was going on and she was dead asleep, but her eyes were open. She had this real spaced-out look, y'know. So I put my arm around her to lead her back, but she wouldn't move. She just said really quietly something like 'I have to go now, Eddie. I have to go, it's here.' I was like 'you're just sleepwalking, come back to bed' but she wouldn't budge. She just kept standing there and saying that she had to go. And I looked where she was looking, and there was a fucking staircase right there about fifteen yards away. Grey one, concrete. And she started to walk toward it but I yanked her back and that woke her up. She looked at me like I was fucking out of my mind, and she asked what the fuck she was doing out of the tent. I didn't tell her anything, I just told her she was sleepwalking. The grinding was gone, so she just went back to the tent with me and fell asleep again. I don't know... I don't like thinking about it, y'know?"

We all knew.

"You guys remember that kid with... I can't remember what it was, some kind of brain fuck-up, not Down's but something like it." Someone else brought up. "Well I got to read the report he gave when they found him a week after he went missing and it was fucked up beyond belief. I mean you have to take it with a grain of salt because who knows what that kid actually thinks is real, but some of this stuff, I don't think he could have made up."

"Like what?"

"Well first of all, he talked about the stairs. He said he'd been watching his dad build a fire and the stairs 'came up to him', and he had to go up them or something bad would happen. The cops couldn't really understand what he was talking about after that, because he just kept saying 'like the campfire' over and over. And he kept mentioning sounds, but he couldn't say what sounds, just that it was loud and he covered his ears so he couldn't hear them. But the thing I remember most is that they asked him where exactly he'd gone, and he just said he was right there. He kept pointing at himself, and they said they thought that meant that he thought he'd never left. He said he wasn't scared because the stairs were there and he said they talked to him, but not like people talk. Like I said, it was really convoluted and hard to understand, and I have a feeling the cops didn't take most of it down. They ended up just saying that the kid had some kind of amnesia or fugue, and that they didn't think foul play was involved. Doesn't really explain why he came back a week later perfectly fine without a speck of dirt on him and well fed, but hey, what the cops say goes."

#search and rescue series #creepy #horror story #series

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