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the-unconquered-queen · 4 years

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Do you have anymore head cannons about Andy or any head cannons about your Mcs (I just really miss it lives😔)?

Damn, I feel you. Lemme try to remember some hcs I have 🤔

@liliplayschoices see if you can spot the ones I’ve discussed with you already

(This is a bunch of random hcs I have for my playthrough, so I’m referring to my MCs specifically, but anyone’s free to adapt them to fit their own MCs if they’d like. And since they’re hcs for my playthrough, they’re mostly Andy x MC with some Tom x ILB MC sprinkled in, very few of just Andy because I don’t trust myself not to make them too ooc. Oh, and this isn’t a creative writing hcs list, so prepare for 0 organization.) So let’s get into some:

For Andy x MC, I headcanon my MC as having started crushing on Andy during the second semester of junior year, so earlier in the year that the events of ILitW start. The reason why is because I get the impression of Andy’s crush on her having been going on longer than her crush on him, but I still don’t see her crush as being something that just started up when they reunited, so junior year seems around a good time to place it imo.

MC and Tom become really good friends. When Andy and MC solidified their relationship, Tom and MC had each planned to make an effort to get along for Andy’s sake because they knew how important the other was to Andy, but it turned out they didn’t really need to try because they genuinely got along super well, so a win in that department. They become their own little group within the larger group that is the ILitW gang + Tom, and eventually when ILB MC comes along (and she’s dating Tom in my playthrough), she joins them and they hang out all the time.

Since I’m bringing Tom x ILB MC into this, I strongly believe Tom and Andy are each best man at the other’s wedding, and the same probably goes for the ladies as maid of honor, at least the way I see it in my playthrough.

Tom and ILB MC are the godparents to Andy and MC’s kids, and vice versa.

Andy would say he’s a dog person, but spending so much time around MC’s cat is low-key making him rethink that.

I don’t see my MC as being into sports, but the moment Andy made the team you know that girl didn’t miss a single game because she is there to cheer for her man, which she does so enthusiastically it prompts Stacy to joke that she missed her calling on the cheer squad

Andy will never act like he’s too cool to be openly affectionate with MC. They probably engage in non-extreme pda and he’ll show MC off as his girlfriend whenever the opportunity arises. The gang playfully roasts them for it, but Ava will throw whatever’s nearby at them if she sees them kissing.

Speaking of Ava, I see her and Andy having a really fun friendship that involves a lot of teasing each other (not seriously, of course, all in good fun).

Andy’s a really thoughtful friend, and not just with Tom. After everything with Jane went down, he made sure to talk to Dan to see how he was doing, something Andy had intended to do ever since Stacy told everyone how Dan had been struggling.

Out of all the members of the gang, I’d say he’s the one who’s the most pissed off over Noah’s betrayal (I have a whole ranking of anger levels for the whole crew but that’s beside the point). The reason I think this is because he really came off the worst out of all of the rest of them. A fucked up leg, surgeries that could not have been easy on him or his parents, and having to graduate a whole year later are just some effects the whole situation had on him, so he’s definitely not gonna be understanding about it, and who could blame him?

Related to the previous point, he does NOT take it well when he finds out that MC’s been visiting Noah. Andy’s not dumb, he probably figured out Noah was stuck like Jane was, but he didn’t expect his girlfriend to try to help him. When MC finally tells him about it, it leads to a huge fight that puts their relationship in peril. Ultimately, Andy loves her too much to break up with her and he understands he can’t force her to stop going into the woods, but he does throw in comments trying to dissuade her and not really making his disapproval a secret.

When he’s first hospitalized for his leg injury, on top of being in a shitty mood, he worries about what it would mean for his budding relationship with MC and if she would still want to be with him when he was pretty much confined to a hospital bed (and later on, his own), but MC stays by his side, always doing her best to cheer him up. She tries to be there for him as soon as he‘s allowed visitors after his surgeries, and if they happen while she‘s in class, she either skips to be with him or at least ducks out into the school hallway to call and make sure everything went okay. And if he wants her there for some of his physical therapy sessions, she makes sure she’ll be able to make it.

Andy and MC disagree over what their first date was. Andy says he asked MC out to the diner after his basketball victory and bought her dessert, but she insists that didn’t count as a proper date because he never actually told her it was a date, plus the entire team was there too, so their first proper date was actually on homecoming night according to her.

Once MC graduates high school and goes off to college, she and Andy do their best to adjust to their new relationship dynamic at a distance. It’s not easy, but they stay strong. They try to meet up as often as they can, and MC absolutely makes sure to get all her college affairs in order early at the end of the year to be able to go back to see Andy because he asked her if she’d be his prom date and no way is she gonna let him down. Andy’s dancing hasn’t improved a whole lot since the previous homecoming, but at least now he can use his bad leg as an excuse.

Anyway, it’s so tragic that Andy content is so scarce we’re resorting to my random ramblings, but no one said being an It Lives stan in the year 2020 is easy, so PB please I’m begging you, give us something

#ask #answered

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genesisrose74 · 3 years

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here’s the thing, gen. i low key really wanna watch haikyuu, have for a while (and more so now and it’s totally not because sapnap has mentioned it a few times and i’m a simp or anything) but my high school had a volleyball team. that was our school sport in a sense.

in australia we don’t have a school sport culture like in the us. honestly school sport culture from the us terrifies me. but my high school was the one you went to if you wanted to play volleyball. one guy from my graduating class played for australia in thailand in 2018 (also the year i graduated lmao). anyway off topic

high school was not poggers for me, and volleyball being a major-ish thing for my school i can’t not associate the sport (which i actually kinda enjoy playing and am not bad at. head of department for PE, plus the volleyball team coach asked me once to play for the school. i did not want to)

this is a long ass winded way to say, please convince me to watch the show. i wanna but not enough to just... watch it. i need to be convinced. i am like techno. i easily succumb to mild amounts of peer pressure. just yell at me to watch it and i probably will tbh

- <3

Oh wow, your school must’ve been pretty well known for its team :0 well I am totally and completely in love with this show and here’s a bit of why to possibly convince you about giving it a try!

Why You Should Watch Haikyuu!!

Here’s a little short summary first:

Japan is pretty big on volleyball (especially recently) because their team is one of the world’s best, but while there’s absolutely competitive elements in the show for sure, it’s incredibly heartfelt, funny, and built upon the foundation of enjoying the things one loves. The main character is Shoyo Hinata (my fav, the bestest boi 🥺), who originally plays soccer but becomes inspired by a talented high school volleyball player and decides to take up the sport. His school doesn’t have a boy’s volleyball team, but he’s absolutely in love with the sport and decides to try practicing with his friends and as many people as possible. Eventually he gets enough people to play in the last tournament of their middle school year, and despite the fact that his team is clearly not great, he has lots of drive and enthusiasm to where he isn’t deterred. He’s very agile and can jump like a beast, but clearly has a lack of real game experience.

Fast forward to the first year of high school, Shoyo is at his dream school and realizes that one of the team members he encountered at the tournament - Kageyama - is on his team. Kags is incredibly competitive and has some character flaws that have to do with teamwork, and he and Hinata are very competitive with each other and bicker all the time. The story basically follows their high school team and their attempt to get to Nationals, while also showing the character growth of Hinata, Kageyama, and all their friends along the way.

Now to some of the reasons I personally adore this show, down to every last detail:

One of the reasons I love this show so much is because of the fact that it’s realistic in more ways than one. It doesn’t follow this perspective that “volleyball is the one and only thing that all these characters can care about”, but keeps a consistent focus on the plotline while exploring different aspects of life. No one individual or team is especially overpowered or given insane plot armor either, which many sports shows can sometimes resort to.

The manga author and original creator of the story, Haruichi Furudate, was a volleyball player in high school himself, and puts a lot of his own realistic perspective into the plot. The anime itself is incredibly well done animation wise, to the point where professional players on the college and national scale have praised its accuracy, and it depicts common struggles of athletes (honestly any athlete or performer) in a real way: performance anxiety, health, not being a natural prodigy at something, injuries, you name it. One of USC’s liberos even said that she experienced similar performance anxiety to what’s depicted in certain episodes of the show. I resonated with it especially, as I’ve played volleyball and performed in multiple other sports/extracurriculars and felt similarly. It does it in a comfortable, tasteful, and impactful way that doesn’t devoid the show of its overall emotion or humor.

Additionally, Haikyuu is one of the only shows so far that has gotten me so immersed in what’s going on that I’ll be sitting on the edge of my couch to see what happens - even when I’ve seen that episode or clip before. I’ve gotten multiple friends into the show as well, and they’ve all felt the same. You want to root for these characters (and even some of the ones not on the main team, if you’d believe it), becoming elated when they discover something about themselves or break past a boundary. When I say I’ve gotten emotional over this freaking show, I mean it.

The original soundtrack is one of the best I’ve ever seen in an anime. God tier insane. Makes you feel chills as you experience exactly what the characters are at the same time you’re watching it. The intro and outro music is also incredible. You never skip an opening because it’s that good.

Nothing goes forgotten, each character is thoroughly and intricately developed, and it can make me both laugh my ass off and cry my heart out. I might just be more emotional lol, but trust me when I say it’s immersive. I deeply, truly hope that you consider giving the first few episodes a shot to see if you like it, and let me know if you end up doing so! Season one is a little slower in early progression just to set a basic plot foundation, but it picks up very nicely as the episodes continue.

alsjfnsldksjd this is so fucking long but I could say so much more about how much I love Haikyuu. Please please please 🥺🙏 I implore you to watch and appreciate it!

#chat with genesis #haikyuu!!#haikyuu #hq #haikyuu anime #haikyuu to the top #karasuno #hinata shoyo #kageyama tobio #i love haikyuu #could rave about it all day #if there was only one show I could watch for the rest of my life #it would be this one #deadass #idk might just be me #but yeah I would

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itsinvisiblelocket91 · 5 years

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13 years of Taylor. (This is long. I’m sorry)

So I’ve decided to tell my story on how I found Taylor and the Impact she’s had one me, and what she’s helped me through the past 13 years. I figure it’s appropriate to do this during the Lover era and 13 years of Taylor!!

I’ll start with when I was 16 (almost 17) and sitting in the dark on my couch with a blanket wrapped around me. I was just skimming through the channels and landed on the ACM Awards. There was a tiny, tall, kinky ,curly, blonde headed girl in a black jacket and denim jeans and a guitar, sitting on a stool. All the sudden she tears it off and goes into dramatics of why this boy should have said no. Soon to go into a rain shower of “no’s”. I absolutely got chills and could not take my eyes off her. She sang in the rain, just drenched, soak and wet but singing her heart out about the boy who did her wrong. She ended the song and I was stunned! She was so happy after her performance. There was a standing ovation and she was so giddy and couldn’t believe the reaction she was getting. So genuine and honest. I replayed and watched it a couple times but at some point I HAD to stop and go to bed. I remember walking up the stairs to my room and decided that I was never gonna forget this girl and I needed to look her stuff up and soon.

Later on I had discovered her debut album “Taylor Swift” but didn’t go into a whole spiral of obsession like I am currently. I had her music on my laptop. I remember me and my friends making horrible remakes of “our song”, “tryin to find a place in this world”, and “Tim McGraw “ if only those video still existed. I started finding posters in magazines of her to hang up on my wall.

One day, my mom came home with the new “fearless” album for me only days after my birthday. I didn’t ask for it, she just got it but I’m so glad she did. The rest of that year, we played that CD to school and back in my moms Jeep. My school was 45 mins away so you can imagine I learned this album QUICK. I was 100% a hopeless romantic in high school and had crazy amount of crushes happening but also learning that they don’t have to like you or they can break up with you through a piece of paper at lunch. I remember wishing the song “15” came sooner for me, but greatful it was there cause even at 17-18 I didn’t know who I was. I felt Taylor was there to help me find that in myself. I was supper shy and definitely made fun of/ bullied in school. It was nice to know someone knew all about it and could let me know how to maybe handle it and all the other things high school came with.

January 13th 2010, my grandpa died of cancer. He had, had it for years at this point. I suddenly couldn’t listen to breathe anymore and still can’t to this day. For some reason it just hits different sense then. He was a father figure to me sense me, my brother and mom lived with my grandma and grandpa after her divorce. Not that my dad wasn’t around. It’s just he was always there to protect me and care for me as much as my mom was.

Soon it was time for me to graduate high school (I graduated early) and I remember being in like a limbo of “what now”. I watched the VMAS that year....2009. I remember watching it live. I burst into my moms room while she was sleeping to tell her what just happened to you. I was so angry. How dare he? You WORKED SO HARD! I laid in bed to mad that I couldn’t do anything. But what else could I do.

Speak Now was then released and I downloaded the album that night. Idky, but I listened to “last kiss” on repeat tell I fell asleep. (Weird I know). At the time I was talking to a certain someone that I never thought would have ever batted an eye in my direction from my high school. I had dated him for a week but it just wasn’t the right time for either of us. Clearly Speak Now said something to me. That night I was in the dark on the phone with him while the moonlight blazed through my blinds. He told me “I would always be of high importance to him and that he wanted to take me out on my birthday” At that moment, I new I needed to jump. I didn’t jump before because I was scared and with other boys I did the same thing before. Nothing.

Speak now told me to do this before you keep regretting not jumping.

I jumped.

I absolutely didn’t have my drivers licenses.

My mom was absolutely out of town

And I absolutely took my car that I would get when legal to drive to go see this boy who gave me a romantic conversation over the phone.

I felt like I was gonna throw up. 100% scared and blaring sparks fly in what was technically my car.

I met him at the park and we went to eat from there in his car.

I couldn’t believe what I was doing. This was jumping.

After that night, that was it. He was it.

I was 19 and 100% sure that this was it.

(Good thing I was right 🥰)

My mom was furious. I even moved out.

I listened to speak now that entire time. It was a huge part of my life. I would cry every time I left him and put on speak now and it would comfort me and I would be ok.

Years go by and then low and be hold RED is debuting

(19 year old jumping from house to house just to be with him. I slept on peoples floors)

My mom had gotten married and moved to Kentucky so I went to visit her. Engaged and sitting in my moms car, my mom comes out of Walgreens with a RED T-shirt, and album for me cause I was begging. I remember hear IKYWT and thinking oh hell, we’re going into something new? I sat in my moms guest room and listened to RED and loved it. I remember thinking how sad I was for Taylor. That this is what love has become for her. Red. Something that will probably end at some point.

That was about the time that the honeymoon phase was fading out for me and my fiancé. It’s funny how that’s like a light switch and you don’t realize what kinda care you have to give and put into your love life until one day, reality hits and you want certain things. Maybe things you both don’t agree on. You start having to grow up and dealing with actual life problems you didn’t see when you were blinded by the infatuation you have for each other. That’s when RED started making sense to me. Fighting and hurting each other cause we’re 20-21 and have no idea what we’re doing. Engaged and love each other but have no clue about life and doing it. That year was my first Taylor Concert with nose bleed seats of course cause I made $7.25 an hour and a friend of mine paid for them. I screamed every word with my poster board and almost broke into tears during the entire thing. I had only wished I could get closer because I wanted to see her face to face for once. I still had the time of my life screaming and jumping around to 22!

(My sign for the red tour)

The RED era started to come to an end and me and my fiancé FINALLY got out first place together. A home that was falling apart, and illegally made into a duplex. No central a/c or heat. Insulation was probably 0% as well. This was the hardest year for us. It was Texas and Texas is brutal with heat. Shake it off debuted and I desperately tried, I promise. I was so excited for this step in Taylor’s Career and was so excited to see what the next step in my life would need to get through it. Another album to help me deal with unknowing in life and my relationship with my fiancé.

One night at midnight, I had no internet to buy an album not any money for album, let alone food in the house. I stayed up all night waiting for the album to download on YouTube that someone posted. I would buy the album which I did and still have but that night I just needed to hear it. I was up tell 5am. I didn’t know that a week later I was going to need this album more than anything.

We had a fight

The fight.

It was horrible. I sat in the dark in our broken home thinking “this can’t be it” I left to my grandmas house the next day in tears and for a week me and him argued, trying to work it out. I couldn’t understand it. I listened to All you had to do was stay like there wasn’t another song to exist. There was a night that I finally got angry. I formed my entire life around this man. How dare you give up on us so easily? I drove down scared and angry and ready to get my stuff while listening to 1989, trying to calm down but the adrenaline was crazy. I get there and that night we both break down and try to ACTUALLY work things out. I listened to Taylor so much that year. 1989 ended up being a staple. I finally got a job and we found a new apartment together. One where our electricity wasn’t $20 a day and I didn’t have to share my trash can with the neighbors. A completely new beginning and trying to heal after such a hard year. Still engaged after 3 years. We finally are getting on track. I even met some amazing people and finally a swiftie who GET ME! Shake it off came on and work and we looked at each other and I’ll never forget it. I made some great friends that I really needed that year. It’s amazing what can happen in 1 year. They ended up being a bridesmaid in my wedding and makeup artist.

YES I SAID MY WEDDING

06/25/16 we finally made it. I walked down the aisle to your in love.

I couldn’t breathe and the a/c in the church was broken in the summer. He was sweating, my dress hit a lantern twice, we joked at the alter with the crowd. It was personal and real and small. Hectic and stressful too.

You disappeared for awhile after this. I couldn’t believe the existent the media, and some reality stars/ rap singers were taking. I was very angry. I was a little confused even and wasn’t sure of what to think. I knew of all the battles at this point that you already were fighting and then this happened. Another limbo without you happened. I had all your music but you were gone. I’m thankful knowing what I do now and that you ended up ok. Better than ok.

You vented your feeling and brought out reputation!!! Naturally this ended up being the year I had to get rid of any toxic friends that I had. I had some actual good friends and I started to see the difference in what I deserved. It also could also do with my age and growing up but still. On top of that, things still ended up being hard for me and my husband that year. We were seeing each other a lot cause of work and we were becoming distant. There was a temptation I had that I didn’t give in to but it hurt. We ended up deciding that we needed to go. Get out of town and leave. We picked up our important belongings and left in 2 weeks tops.

We moved to Kentucky which made me closer to my mom and helped a lot. My husband moved for us away from his family for us and that was everything in itself. I listened to all of her albums on my 14 hour drive from Texas to Kentucky. I was scared beyond belief and with some bumps in the road. We finally made it.

Fast forward to know and it’s been a year in Kentucky and Lover is out.

Me and my husband have decided to try and start a family. That’s how good this move has been for us. We have a 2 bedroom apartment and 2 fur babies. I love the fall here, and Lover has a special place in my heart just like the others. This year has been very good for me and my husband. I was putting up fall decorations a couple days ago and I teared up at the line “this is our place we make the call” I looked around and it WAS ours. I was decorating while he was laughing at his xbox game. We did it. This era is different. I can’t wait to see what this era will show me.

@taylorswift @taylornation

#taylor swift #RED #taylor nation #reputation #lover #taylorswift #iftye #dbatc #taylornation #speak now #1989

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plazaswanboats · 5 years

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Update + DCP Tag

I originally wrote this back at the end of June and then didn’t post it for some reason, but I wanted to do a quick update (for all 0 of my readers, so really just for future me looking back on this time of my life) since I move to Florida in just over a day! Packing has been hectic, but I think I’m almost done. I also extended my departure date and fell into the large group of people who were given January 23 instead of January 30. And since itineraries came out this week, I’m thrilled to be able to say I’m working in my absolute favorite place, Future World. I was one of those terribly sad people who didn’t receive their itinerary on time, but getting my dream location absolutely made it worth the wait, and I’m so excited to find out what pavilion I’ll be working in.

In addition, because I was really bored and sick of all the waiting when I originally drafted this post a month ago, I thought I’d do the DCP tag just for fun. I know it’s a vlogger thing or whatever, and I usually don’t even watch those videos when I’m looking through a channel, but I love talking about myself and I found a list of the questions people apparently use so I figured I’d just do it in text form instead!

1) How did you hear about the program? I’ve known about the DCP since high school. I probably found out about it via Tumblr; I remember I used to follow a blog called disneylens that has since disappeared and the girl who ran it was on her program. At the time, I was a little more involved in the circle of Disney Tumblrs and they had networks of current CPs/CMs so it was easy to learn more about the program. I was definitely fascinated and became pretty familiar with the application process years before I actually applied. But back then I really worried that my hearing loss would make the DCP very difficult for me, so I was never sure if I’d go for it once I got to college.

2) How was the interview process? I found it to be pretty easy! I went into way more detail in my last post about my application experience, but to quickly sum up, I worried most about the WBI. I did a ton of research on both the WBI and PI, and tried to remember that these were my chances to show Disney why they should hire me so I would be more excited than nervous. I’m not usually the most confident person, but I never seriously thought I wouldn’t get in. It was only until after my acceptance that I started to see how complicated applying is for some people.

3) Where were you when you found out? To be really honest, I think I was casually checking my email in the bathroom as I was getting ready to leave for class. I saw the acceptance email, and with minutes to spare before I had to walk across campus, hurriedly opened up my laptop to check my offer letter and find out my role. I did end up making it to class on time, but it was definitely an interesting experience having to put my excitement on hold for three hours to participate in that week’s discussion.

4) What is your role? Preferred roles? My top choice was Attractions, and I was really excited to get it. The fact that I’m working in my favorite park makes it even better. My other top roles were Merchandise and Photopass. I figured the former could be pretty fun with a lot of interesting potential locations, and I’ve been pretty passionate about photography for the better part of a decade now. In retrospect, I also wish I’d listed Custodial higher, since people always say it’s so much fun.

5) How did you find your roommates? How many do you want? I ended up going random. I was looking, albeit not as hard as I could have been. I don’t really relate to a lot of the posts on the FB groups, and I feel pretty different than a lot of the people posting in terms of my interests, so I was often hesitant to reach out for fear of feeling like the odd one out in the eventual roommate situation. I did get my top choice of complex, and I’m just going to be optimistic about meeting new people since there’s no guarantee the person you link with is anything like they say they are anyway!

6) What are you going to miss while on the program? College! I just graduated in May, and I miss my home so much. It’s going to be so tough being so far away and not even being able to go to one game this fall to see my band friends, as well as missing my first Rivalry after graduation. I also miss giving campus tours so much more than I expected to. I will miss NJ a bit, but more than anything, I’m going to miss my college experience, especially in the fall, which has always been my favorite season to be on campus.

7) What’s your favorite Disney park? EPCOT Center! I say that specifically because current Epcot doesn’t really cut it, but I still list it as my favorite. I love 80s EPCOT so much, with its incredible lineup of attractions. I love what the park was and what it still could be (but perhaps not entirely what it is right now). Some of my most treasured childhood memories are eating purple bread in Wonders of Life, walking World Showcase barefoot after a thunderstorm, and watching Tapestry of Nations. I love Illuminations more than life itself, and Figment is my number one character. Most of my favorite attractions are in that park, even in their current forms. I still love Epcot despite its tragic slide towards Magic Kingdom 2.0. Nights in the park are the one place I feel most at peace and at home. And now I get to work there and experience it from a whole new perspective. :’)

8) First thing you want to do when you get there? I’m heading down early and going to Epcot and Magic Kingdom the weekend before check in! So I plan on getting an “I’m Celebrating” button for the weekend and hopefully making a beeline for my home, the Imagination pavilion. As far as being an actual CP, I fully intend on going to Epcot after Traditions even if I have to go alone. MK fireworks just don’t do it for me and I want my first park as a CM to be my favorite one and my home park. And Illuminations raised me so, to me, there’s no contest as to what I’m doing that night. Also, the DCP bloggers without taste have clued me in that sometimes it can be hard to make HEA after Traditions, so good thing the superior fireworks show goes off an hour later! (Which will really come in handy considering I have afternoon Traditions...)

9) What is number one on your bucket list? Honestly, I’ve tried to make a bucket list and it’s been incredibly hard. I’m lucky to have grown up going anywhere from one to three times a year since 1999, and I’ve done just about everything I would want to. However, I think I’d really like to do Dapper Day. I’ve been slowly getting more comfortable presenting how I really want to and revamping my wardrobe so I actually don’t mind getting dressed up as much anymore, and the idea of getting to wear dapper masculine clothes and take pictures in the parks sounds like a fun experience.

10) One thing you hope to take away from the program? I think I’d like to be able to leave Disney, whenever that may be, knowing that I made a positive impact on at least one guest. I love reading stories about magical moments and I tend to scroll through the #castcompliment Twitter hashtag whenever I get bored because it makes me happy. I’ve met a lot of cool CMs that I still remember, and hope to pay it forward and be that CM for even just one guest. Also, networking would be nice!

#disney files #dcp fall 2019

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ofbandits-archive · 5 years

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⋆ ◦ ° ☾ robert downey jr + cis male + he / him — have you seen stanley 'stan' butler? they sure have been hanging out at king's steakhouse and restaurant a lot recently. they are a fifty three year old known as the perspicacious, and they currently work for the savages as a pimp, which they’ve been doing for twenty five years. a pansexual capricorn, they are patient + resourceful, as well as distrusting + demanding. a locked cabinet filled with spirits, a plethora of neat ties, a lingering scent of sauvage, dior. ×

okay, so it’s me again, hi... -- i was in need of an older man...tbh & rdj is always a necessary addition, so it just makes sense. time i show my marvel stan(hehe)-ness with more than just mr holland. so without further ado, meet my new old man who’s been in the business for a very, very long time and is too old for this shit. if you want to plot with him ( ’cause i need everything; angsty, sweet and otherwise ) give this a like & i’ll come at you...there should be some wanted connections at the end of this, so...if any of them peak your interest, let me know !

born to a struggling couple in dallas, texas, it was instilled in stanley from a very young age that money does not grow on trees and that you have to work hard for what you want. his family harboured quite an infamous reputation, which he wouldn’t shake until he left the neighbourhood he was raised within. stan always felt somewhat ashamed of his family, but he also felt a guilt due to that, too. his mother tried her best in his eyes and he loved her with every beat of his heart. that’s not to say he understood a multitude of her actions, though. he often wished he could somehow shake sense into her, but he remained silent.

the oldest of five, stan has always done his best to keep a roof over his family’s heads, and food in their bellies. whilst his parents were often busy ( he never knew why, but continued on despite that fact ), he felt a responsibility to look after those that came after him. he worked out neat little tricks early on to get them to eat the vegetables, and to get them to go to school. always a head over heart, but whilst he’ll never admit to it -- would rather die -- a lot of his logical actions are strictly based around his need to keep everyone around him safe and merry.

since he could be fairly materialistic; always craving possessions his parents would never be able to afford for him, he quickly found his first job. he was only ten years old; both delivering newspapers, and making homemade lemonade. he was quite an enterprising lad, and surprised most, if not all of the people who came to know him. he was persuasive too, and that always worked in his favour. from then onward, he hasn’t stopped working. some might refer to him as a bit of a workaholic, and it’s affected his life in discreet and not-so discreet ways over the years.

at school, it was discovered that the young butler extremely intelligent and he achieved high results despite everything obstacle being in his way. all of his clothes and equipment were second hand ( and often stolen ), sometimes by him, and sometimes by his parents. he became a master pick pocketer from an early age. so whilst he was earning a moral wage, he was also pocketing money immorally too.

his father, an alcoholic was rarely at home and when he was, he was making the small, cramped house an absolute misery. this fact also made it impossible for him to hold down a job, and he often acted out as a result. whilst stanley never vocalised it, he believed his father to be a deadbeat, a waste of space. this was further proven when he came home at tender age of fourteen years old to find him cheating with another woman in town. he told his mother, but instead of kicking him out -- she buried it under the carpet.

it wasn’t until he was much older than he learnt the truth about his mother’s occupation. why she was never there to tell him bedtime stories, and why she covered her face in make up as though it would disguise the bruises forming against her skin, why their family had the reputation that it did. his mother worked as an escort. during the day, she was a bank clerk, at night ? she was escorting to make more money. he didn’t know what to make of it at first. he wasn’t mad at her, but mad at the way men would treat her; including his father.

this all came to a head late one evening, when he came home to him berating and beating her. he saw red and lost complete control, beating his father to a pulp. he barely escaped with his life, but didn’t press charges. it surprised stan, but he didn’t complain. he was eighteen years old and more than ready to move out; his father’s only condition. it gave him the necessary drive to apply for university, to become something of himself. he got into the first university of his choice ( name pending ) and the first moment he was able to, he left home. his biggest, and longest lasting regret is leaving his brothers and sisters behind, along with his mother. he wishes he found a way for them to come with him, sure they were capable of more too.

whilst at university, he met a tonne of individuals who were a lot more like him. he never felt more -- connected in his life, more carefree and calm; without having to concern himself about what time his brother was going to come home, or what his sister was doing with that boy below her league. after a while, he caught a few friends whispering about a place called valdez and a fairly new gang in need of members. intrigued by the prospect, once graduated, he moved himself there a long with a few others...and hasn’t looked back since.

if you’d asked him before he became a savage whether or not he was capable of killing someone, he’d have brushed off the question with a laugh and a ‘of course not’, despite how gravely he injured his dad...he was sure that he’d never actually be able to carry through such a macabre task. but after initiating into the savages, he found out that he was capable of far more than he ever have predicted before.

after a few years, he worked his way into becoming a pimp. it’s a job he takes pride in and he takes it incredibly seriously too. truth be told, and though nobody is probably aware of this, it’s a necessary duty which lies very close to his heart. his main aim is to keep those who worked as escorts as safe as possible, as well as making more than enough money so they’re all comfortable. he uses his business prowess to this day, and does his best to teach it to the escorts too -- and anyone willing to listen. all in all, he’s ruthless when necessary, though usually only when you’ve hurt someone who matters. albeit personally, or in a business sense, too.

he’s naturally protective; would have been before what happened to balthazar, even more so now. he’s a dad without a child ( that he knows of, oo ) and will do all in his power to look after those he works with / for. the escorts safety in particular is paramount to him, and he always wants them to be able to tell him if anything happens that makes them feel uncomfortable. ( anyone who’s named for doing this should probably start reciting their prayers. )

wanted connections.

a best friend / a ‘bromance’ though he’d hate that word ; they’re one of the only individuals in the world that have seen his vulnerability, his weaknesses, though he’d always say tell anyone and i’ll kill you, he never means it. they’re someone he’d do legitimately anything for, without question. bury this body ? sure ! burn this building ? why not ! jump off the cliff ? whatever you want ! it goes without saying. also possibly quite playful ? they tease each other, but it’s all playful & there’s no second guessing about where their loyalties lie. ( 0 / 1 )

ex-fiancee/ex-wife ; quite an angst-ridden connection, but necessary just the same. this person too knows quite a lot about stan, and probably didn’t like everything that they saw. his workaholic-ness drove a wedge between them, his infidelity ? completely cut any lingering thread away. they’re in bad terms, but stan wants what’s best for them. deep, deep down he always presumed that wasn’t him, so might have acted out accordingly. ( 0 / 1 )

a former sinful fling ; the person he cheated with ? maybe they too were taken, it was a crime of passion. both getting something out of the situation, despite how bad it was for it to carry on. every time was the last time, even if it never was. it eventually came to an end & there’s awkwardness and unanswered questions. they could even be in the opposing gang, whatever works really. ( 0 / 1 )

sibling-type relationships ; he misses his siblings with the entirety of his being, often regrets leaving the way that he did. these individuals ? well they receive the love that his siblings usually would’ve / used to. he’s more protective over them than his normal protectiveness, and he also lets them get away with far more than anyone else too. he’ll tease them, but if anyone else does it ? meet stan’s wrath, that’s all there it to say. ( 0 / ? )

those he ‘babies’ ; he doesn’t have children ( that he knows of, as already mentioned ) but these individuals might as well be his children. they didn’t ask for it, and they probably don’t always like it but regardless, he’ll yell at them when they act recklessly, he’ll protect them when necessary. he’s always wanted kids, secretly and he’s basically adopted these characters, even if they never asked for it...but, especially if they did. ( 0 / ? )

an arch-rival ; he’s too old for real hatred, but this person really does grind his gears...for whatever reason. it could be jealousy, or it could be something else. that can be discussed; either way, they do not get on and will take time out of each other’s day to make that obvious and to wreck a part of their day too. ( 0 / 1 )

unexpected friends ; it’s surprising. maybe they’re a sweetheart, or a cobra, younger, reckless. it shouldn’t work, but regardless of that notion, it just does. he cares about them, he likes having them around and actively seeks them out on occasion. they remind him that the world isn’t so black and white...which is definitely necessary for him. i see good influences and bad influences falling under this umbrella term too, actually. ( 0 / ? )

neighbours ; he’s a good neighbour. looks out for you without you realising it; unless necessary. like if your car’s broken into, or you need packages delivered to his house because you’re out. that’s not to say everyone else around him is the same. a neighbour from hell would be wonderful, just saying. ( 0 / ? )

housemates / ‘guests’ ; he does not like to be alone in his big ass abode, so would definitely allow those in need of a place to stay, stay with him. it could be a temporary deal, or it could’ve become a permanent fixture. either way, he loves a lively house...after all, he’s had one since he was very little. ( 0 / 2 )

a will they, won’t they ; he likes to think he has platonic and familial love in the bag, but when it comes to romantic love ? he hardly has the greatest of track records. he likes this person an awful lot, and...maybe they like him too. whenever anything might happen though, something always gets in the way. ( lets say a possible gas leak, or a shoot-out at sharp’s for example ) which always leads them into thinking...maybe this is a sign. either way, he’s most gentle with this person; quieter than usual. he wears his heart on his sleeve more than he’s willing to admit, they bring that out of him...even if they don’t see it -- there’s a chance anyone in a mile radius around them will. ( 0 / 1 )

current fling(s) ; ( 0 / 3 ) so, love scares him but he’s a big fan of intimacy without expectations. they both know the score and it’s better that way, easier. he likes fun as much as the next guy, and these people bring him that. regardless of whether or not it’s right, or wrong. he doesn’t care, at least not when drowning in blankets.

#okay so for now hopefully this'll do #outlaw.intro #i'll add more to it when i write him bc that's bound to tell me more but yes #pls come luv my sOn

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meanderings0ul · 6 years

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Philinda & Timelines

I wrote most of this in a more disorganized form a few months back, but now I’ve fleshed it out and done some more calculations. I hope it might be interesting to fans of these characters or useful for those who write fic for them. I personally like to have some dates and characterization timelines to look at when writing fics set in a “real world” type show, so I generally keep some notes for myself in word docs. Here I just kinda dove into it.

I don’t go into plot timeline details here because I just don’t care. Marvel does an incredibly shit job of taking travel time and medical times into account. They can try and convince me something happened in two weeks, but I’m always going to ignore it. This uses info from the show itself and from an online date calculator. I am mostly not pulling from the various wikis. The wikis are great for trivia, but they are massively self-contradictory due to tie-in comics, stuff said in various interviews, etc. It’s Marvel. [Edited 03/20 to finally include workable theories for Captain Marvel]

Phil Coulson was born July 8, 1964. This makes his sun sign Cancer and his Chinese zodiac year the Dragon. He was an active and outgoing kid who wished he had a brother to play with. His dad died or was killed in 1973. Coulson was only 9 years old. They’d either finished restoring Lola together earlier that year or in 1972. It is implied in season 2 that he and his mother moved after the death, either to a different part of the town or somewhere else entirely as he did not attend the high school his father worked at. Coulson finished high school and went to college to study history, both because that was the subject his dad taught and because he was always a giant history nerd. He worked as a lifeguard as a teenager. We do not know anything about his mother’s work or their relationship when she was alive. A research project into the S.S.R. brought him to Shield’s attention. He was recruited from college by Nick Fury, an agent at the time.

Melinda May was born November 20, 1965 (a reference from the scanned back-page of a tie-in comic I cannot find again - Fury’s Secret Files from somewhere I think). Obviously, they’ve just used Ming’s birthday with a different year to parallel the actors. Her birth location is always listed as classified, so it’s possible her mother was involved with something for the CIA at the time. Her sun sign is Scorpio and her birth year in the Chinese zodiac is the snake. May always picked up new physical activities quickly according to her dad in S3. She started ice-skating at 7 and quickly began skating competitively. At 12 she switched from skating to martial arts. May has a trusting relationship with both her parents. We don’t know anything about when they seemingly separated, decided to live separately for Reasons, or got divorced. There is around a year unaccounted for between when she most likely graduated high school and when she likely joined Shield. She might have joined against her mother’s wishes. We know nothing of how she was recruited.

Star Wars Episode IV came out in May of 1977. Coulson was 12 and May was 10. This is totally relevant information.

These dates mean May is just shy of two years younger than Coulson. More precisely, Coulson is 17 months older.

We know they were at the Academy together (Comms and Ops shared some classes and electives) and graduated at the same time because of 2x4. Comms and Ops would have been in different facilities, though reasonably close together for logistics purposes. There would be a significant amount of overlap for field agent hopefulls. They probably wouldn’t have seen each other every day. They probably usually saw each other multiple times a week, depending on their classes.

They also shared classes with future Agent Blake and Agent Garrett. (It’s important to remember that Agents Hand, Hartley, Sitwell, and Hill are younger in the MCU and did not attend the Academy until the previous four Agents had already left.)

From common practices in American educational law, Coulson very likely started school (kindergarten) in the fall of 1969 (at 5). He would have graduated in 1982 and started college that fall. It is also possible he started school in 1970 (at 6) and graduated in 1983. May likely started school in 1971 at 5 and would have graduated in spring 1984 at 18 or she possibly started school at 1970 at 4 and graduated in 1983 at 17. (At the time, starting kindergarten at 4 years old was common if you would be turning 5 soon. Start ages were lower in the 70s.)

Here’s where a couple different things could have happened.

I’m going to move forward here with the (imo) more likely graduation ages for them both. These aren’t official. These events could have happened a year earlier or a year later, but anything more than that would be very unlikely.

It’s spring 1984. Coulson just finished his sophomore year of college and is about to turn 21. May just graduated high school at 18.

We know the Shield Academies at this point were legitimate in the eyes of the U.S. Government, though mostly under the radar. There was enough of a structured curriculum schedule in place we know they had a yearbook (as of season 5). Taking on recruits under 18 generally requires parental permission, as Shield is still paramilitary.

Option 1 - Coulson’s research has already drawn Shield’s attention and he is approached by Fury. Someone recruits May or she becomes aware of Shield some other way. They start at the Shield academies fall of 1984. They are 21 and 18 when they join.

Option 2 - Coulson continues through his junior year of college. His research into the S.S.R. draws Shield’s attention. Fury goes to recruit him. May spends a year doing any number of things. Her mother might want her to pursue the CIA. May picks Shield. They start at the Shield academies fall of 1985. They are 22 and 19 when they join.

Option 3 - Coulson is about to finish college when he draws the attention of Shield and is recruited by Fury. May is an unknown for two years. They start at the Shield academies fall of 1986. They are 23 and 20 when they join.

Star Trek IV (the whale movie) came out in November of 1986. Coulson was 23 and May was just 21. This is also totally relevant information.

Let’s say MCU Shield’s training program lasted 3-4 years. (Fitzsimmons strongly implied in season 1 Seeds that Scitech usually took about four years.)

The absolute earliest (3 years) May and Coulson (and Garrett) should have been in the field was 1987/1988/1989. Their most likely brand-new Level 1 Agent year was 1988/1989/1990.

Coulson and May were most likely Level 1 agents at 23 and 21/24 and 22/25 and 23.

The Sausalito mission mentioned in episode 2x4 probably happened later in 1988/1989/1990.

John Garrett, who they were trained with, was injured in Sarajevo and became a Project Deathlok subject in 1990. He probably was only Level 2. He’d only been an agent 2-3 years maximum.

We knew from season 1 that Coulson’s mom Julie was long gone. The wiki puts her death as September 22, 1992, exactly 19 years after her husband’s death. Coulson was only 28.

This is where I take issue with one of the semi-official dates. Big issue.

We got a flashback to a younger Agent Coulson and Agent May in season 4. May was a Level 3 specialist and Coulson was recently Level 4. We know they knew each other pretty well at that point, enjoyed each other’s company, and also frequently went weeks or months without seeing each other. They worked on missions separately and together and kept track of each other through company gossip. It’s at this point in their lives that a little, badly-kept-secret, mutual crush is going on that is ultimately not pursued for multiple reasons. They stay close friends and work partners for the next 10-15 ish years.

Parts of the wiki claims this flashback was to 2003. However, this is basically a retcon and in my oh so professional and classy-sounding opinion is just dumber than fuck. (Also, that date was never used in the episode.)

The absolute latest Coulson and May started as field agents was 1990. So *13 years* later they’re still Level 3? I don’t think so. Level 1 is your entry level. Anyone who is performing well is only going to stay there 1-3 years max. Level 2 is your no longer a noob level. If you’re doing great work let’s say people stay there 2-5 years. Agents would stay longer in Levels 3/4/5 than Levels 1 and 2.

Let’s be generous and give them 5 years at Levels 1 and 2. It could have easily been 4, maybe even 3 depending on how fast they got their groove after the whole “in the bay for five hours” thing. Coulson and May logically made it to Level 3 anywhere around 1993/1994/1995.

The Captain Marvel movie makes dubious use of existing aos canon, but if we use the perspective that Phil is a brand new Level 3 field agent instead of one fresh out of the Academy (which is completely incompatible with aos’s timeline) than we can say Phil and May were new level 3 agents sometime early in 1995.

A sensible placement for the Russian 0-8-4 mission would be anywhere from late 1995-1997. With Phil having recently made Level 4 (strongly implied the the flashback), I would suggest 1996 or 1997 as the most likely placement.

From the tie-in comics, MCU Agent Barton is recruited by Nick Fury around this same time, Agent Romanoff “recruited’ by him a few years later.

By 2003, both Coulson and May should have advanced a Level again and be taking on more complex missions. Strike Team Delta is part of Shield now. Fury is Director.

The Bahrain mission happened in 2008. Coulson was likely a Level 6 operative and May would be Level 5. Coulson took a lot of orders from a lot of people in episode 2x17. I highly doubt he was Level 7 at that point. The agent in charge of the operation, Agent Hart, was one of the ones Katya took over. Big Shield headquarters forbade Coulson from sending May into the building. He gave her the clear to go anyway and covered for her. May was 42. Coulson was 43 or 44.

May worked on administration for mostly Level 3s in the basement of the Triskelion for the next 4.5 years. This does not mean she became a lower ranking agent; you would likely want a higher-than-3 managing your level 3s.

Coulson is sent to make contact with Tony Stark later in 2008. At some point he advances to Level 7 then 8. Given Shield viewed the Bahrain rescue as a legendary success, not knowing how it unfolded, it is reasonable to think Coulson was promoted to 7 shortly afterwards.

Coulson died on the Helicarrier on May 4th, 2012 during The Incident. He was 47. May was 46 when she found out he was dead.

When we met them in season 1, Coulson was recently 49 (technically…) and May was 47. May is a Level 7 agent and Coulson remains Level 8.

After season 5 they are on a beach in Tahiti. Coulson is 54 and May is 52. They’ve known each other 34/33/32 years.

Now, I’ve tried to structure this whole thing in a way that should you want to change their school-dates and use any of the three options you should be able to go through and add/subtract from the existing numbers pretty easily. So I hope that’s useful if you’ve been trying to math and write fic or if there’s just been general confusion.

I greatly prefer to write from the Option 2 set, with adjustments made for Captain Marvel. That just makes the most sense to me as far as events we know about from season one and the other life events for these characters. So if you’ve read any of my stuff, this is generally where I’m coming from.

I really hope this was useful and interesting. I spent far too much time on it.

#agents of shield #aos meta #philinda #phil coulson #melinda may #john garrett #loooong damn meta #omfg #why did i do this to myself #nevermind #i know why #and i will never admit how much of this i was able to write from memory #though I've double checked everything since #and #only a year later than planned #i've finally updated it for captain marvel tie in info lol #pinned now because i think this'll stay relevant for s7

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hawkeyedflame · 6 years

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Hey, I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing by asking this in question but would you say it's possible to have executive dysfunction while still being able to perform well in school? I don't have trouble with assignments but I've been wanting to read a book that sits in a cupboard 5 centimeters from me ever since October and haven't been able to force myself to open it. Could this be explained by EFD or should I look into something else? Or maybe I'm just lazy lol idk

It is absolutely possible. I excelled in high school while also committing myself to cross country and indoor/outdoor track sixs days a week for five years. I graduated with 15 varsity letters, over thirty medals at district and state meets, a 4.0 GPA, special or high honors every semester, 97th+ percentile on my SATs, 4s and 5s on all six AP exams, early acceptance to University with a merit scholarship, etc etc. I could go on but you get the point: you can have executive dysfunction and be successful in school.

[This got really long so I’m putting a readmore]

You might be wondering how I managed all those achievements if I have this disorder that I say I have. That’s normal. Most people hear “ADHD” and think “hyperactive child who can’t focus in school.” While that’s sometimes true, it’s far from an all-inclusive representation. The answer to my previous academic success, I’ve realized, is that I relied very heavily on externally-imposed structureLet me walk you through one of my days in high school, and you’ll see just how much of my routine was being enforced externally.

My alarm went off every day at 6:20am, and my dad made sure I was out of bed by 6:30 before he went to work. He usually made steel cut oats and left some for me. My mom always made sure there was enough food in the house so I could make my own lunch. I let the chickens out before leaving for school.I went to school for six hours of short (50 mins) classes of 18-25 students, where my teachers knew me (and my parents) and where phones and laptops were strictly forbidden. Notes were taken on paper only and homework assignments were due the next class, and everything was graded. Agendas were given out at the beginning of each year and we were expected to use them every day. Parents would be notified if behavioral or performance issues arose.After school I went to cross country or track practice where the captains led us through warm ups and then the coach told us what sort of training we were doing that day. They often timed us and recorded our progress over the season/years.After practice I went home, where my mom was starting dinner, and I did my homework that I had to do if I didn’t want to get a 0 and have a parent-teacher conference. I ate dinner, did the dishes because that was my chore, put the chickens away, worked on more homework, and then by 9:30pm my mom would be berating me to go to bed. I didn’t have a smartphone or a computer so it wasn’t possible for me to lay in bed staring at a screen all night. On weekends I cleaned the bathrooms and vacuumed the house because that was my job. Somewhere in there I also cleaned the chicken coop and attended to their food and water.Rinse and repeat.

If you look at that routine, you’ll see only two tasks that I truly did on my own: making my lunch and putting the chickens in/out. I didn’t want to go hungry at school, so I made myself food. And I frequently forgot to let the chickens out (and put them back in, but fortunately we had a solid run that kept predators out). Everything else that appears to be self-discipline was actually motivated by desire to avoid external punishment. And that punishment was very real to me because it was always immediate and harsh.Late for school? Detention. Phone in class? Confiscated, sometimes detention. Didn’t take notes/do the homework? 0s in class, parents notified, not allowed to participate in sports, absolutely grounded. Skipping practice? Not allowed to participate in meets, possibly kicked off the team, definitely in trouble with Mom and Dad. Don’t do chores? Time to get yelled at. Don’t take care of the chickens? They might die and then I’d be in huge trouble. Stay up too late? Yelled at.Everything I did was motivated not by desire to serve my own future, but desire to avoid immediate negative consequence. And I didn’t have hobbies for myself. I liked reading but I didn’t have much time for it. I didn’t play video games, surf social media, watch TV, go to the movies, or do anything purely for enjoyment’s sake.

When I went to college, all of that structure disappeared. I didn’t do a sport because I couldn’t compete at a Division I school (partially due to joint pain). My classes were large, long, and spaced out throughout the day, with weird breaks between them. Most professors didn’t care if we had phones or laptops, and often we actually needed them for class. Homeworks were due online, sometimes two weeks from when they were assigned. Grades were posted online. No warning for poor performance, no teacher giving me a talking to, no parent-teacher conference. Nobody told me when to do homework. Nobody told me when to eat (or to go grocery shopping). Nobody made sure I went to bed or got up in the morning. Nobody kept me from playing video games or scrolling social media all day.Nothing except my own desire to succeed held me accountable for managing my time and working hard in class, and like I said, I didn’t have that desire. People with ADHD don’t have that. Motivation and self-discipline stem primarily from aversion to negative long-term consequences, even more so than from desire to obtain positive outcomes. This is because negative emotion is felt more strongly and for a longer duration than positive emotion. It keeps neurotypical people on track. But people with ADHD lack the ability to “see” the long term consequences of not doing what we need to do, when it needs to be done. That’s why we are chronic procrastinators. We favor instant gratification over delayed gratification because we fail to integrate awareness of far-off consequences into our daily actions. In other words, people with ADHD struggle to orient their behavior towards their goals because it is difficult for our brains to recognize things in the future as real.

And so, because of all that stuff under the surface, I floundered and flailed. I didn’t know how to hold myself responsible and I didn’t know how to ask for help. And I was depressed. I was so depressed. And anxious. And losing weight because I wasn’t remembering to eat. And that made my body weak, it made my hands shake and it made my brain dull and foggy. I was being treated for depression and anxiety because nobody saw the other half of my history. The part where I crumbled the moment I had to hold myself up. It was missed entirely until I stumbled across information about rejection sensitive dysphoria, which is only experienced by people with ADHD, and I realized that rejection by my parents was what drove that fear of consequence that had been motivating me all my life. When I started looking at my history through the lens of inattentive ADHD, the picture became clear. It wasn’t laziness or depression that was stopping me, it was executive dysfunction.

So my point in all this is YES, it is 100% possible and is actually quite common for people with executive dysfunction to excel in structured academic environments. It’s especially normal for people whose ADHD is dominated by inattentive symptoms over hyperactive ones. One of the major reasons why many young women are not diagnosed until their late teens/early 20s is because they’re more often inattentive, not hyperactive, and so their executive dysfunction doesn’t become apparent until they enter an environment, such as university or a job, where they are expected to hold themselves entirely accountable for their own positive outcomes.

As for you personally, I can’t diagnose you. I can say that what you described is possibly a symptom of executive dysfunction, but I don’t know enough about you or your behavioral history to say whether or not you should consider seeking a professional opinion. If you are experiencing deficiencies in your self-discipline/motivation/memory/attention that are disrupting your quality of life, and if you can identify those as patterns throughout your life history, then you may have reason to see a psychologist. If your symptoms are confined to inconsequential/nonessential things like reading a book you’ve been wanting to read, I wouldn’t worry about it too much as I’m fairly certain that’s a normal experience for most neurotypical people.

Anyways thanks for coming to my TED talk, sorry for taking fifty million years to get to the point.

#adhd #anonymous #sorry that i can't be concise at all ever

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panicatthecatcafe · 3 years

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Pride Month Reflections in 2021

I used to tell myself I would come out to my extended family and friends when it became relevant. When there was something to tell. A person I was seeing that I would need to explain to the family. In my family, you’re never just telling one person. It’s a network of gossip-one I’ve gleefully taken part in when, for instance, my cousin got his first girlfriend, and my grandma and I gossiped for a half hour about everything we knew.

It also just seemed unnecessary to go through the effort of making a “coming out” post on facebook or instagram. I knew some family members would be offended, not by my sexuality, but by the fact that they were not told personally. My decision to go to grad school, for instance, when announced on facebook, was met with congratulatory, but underhanded remarks about “how am I just hearing about this.”

I came out to my sisters and mother freshman year of college. I had fallen hard for a friend, to the point of no longer being able to deny that my attraction to women was not simply an aesthetic one. I’d come out to my roommate (actually at the same time she came out to me) and my high school best friend several weeks earlier. While those experiences were nerve wracking to some degree, mostly because I was afraid, luckily completely unfounded, that my attraction to women would make my roommate uncomfortable sharing a room with me, it was nothing compared to the heart-pounding, sweating, all encompassing shaking when I came out to my mom. I’ve still never talked about it with my dad. When I asked my mom once if he knew, she said “I must’ve told him at some point? Yeah, I’m sure I must’ve.” While this was not a completely confident response, my dad can hardly be confused at this point, none the least because he kindly told me I had been tagged in a “Queers on Stage” post just in case there was anyone I wasn’t ready to know I was, indeed, part of the queer of Queers on Stage.

In college, I was delighted that 90% of my friends also experienced queer attraction and romance, and truly every single one of my high school close friends has since come out, at least to our friend group. I’ve kissed two of my best friends onstage in multiple shows, sent hundreds of gay memes in group chats, and generally found myself in such queer friendly spaces that I was able to forget that non-queer spaces exist, particularly because I graduated during the early days of the pandemic and ended up only seeing my 4 vegetarian, radical leftist, majority queer housemates for 12 months.

So I found myself unexpectedly shaken when I received a text from my grandmother out of the blue. The only part of which I could preview said “Hello my Gay Catholic [my name]. Yes, it was brought to my attention.” +1 for her subtle dig at the impersonal method of discovery about my own affairs. I knew what this must have been in response to. My sister had posted a message for pride month affirming the place of the queer community in religious spaces, and her own personal commitment to allyship. An absolute asshole commented something stating that accepting queer people as they are was leading them away from the church and was harming their ability to get into heaven. After vocalizing several cuss filled responses, which included a wrathful yell that catholics like him are the reason that queer people don’t and never have felt welcome in catholic spaces, I replied with “Please delete your comment-sincerely, a queer catholic” and reported him. I’m not sure if my report deleted his comment or my sister did (I highly doubt he deleted his own comment and for that he can f*ck off!), but it must have been up long enough for my grandma to see it.

I have a lot of complex feelings for my grandma. Some of my favorite memories from childhood involved making crafts with her, decorating cookies, unwrapping ornate Christmas presents at her house, and eating her incredible cooking. On the other hand, in recent years she’s gotten swept up in far right ideologies, to the point of publicly announcing that Biden stole the election through voter fraud, among other ridiculous conspiracy theories. But, she also pulled me aside during my sister’s wedding to genuinely ask how she should address one of my sister’s friends who was trans and using new pronouns. I have trouble reconciling the grandma who makes far right posts on facebook with the one who I wrote an essay about in 2nd grade for the prompt “who is your hero”, talking about her beating cancer and her upbeat look on life.

Looking at the preview of the text on my phone, I found it hard to imagine she’d sent a condemnation, but I couldn’t help but worry. When I’m nervous or feel like I’m about to get bad news, I feel as if ice has travelled through my entire body, my hands start shaking, and I lose all strength in my limbs. I have a theory that the overwhelming majority of queer people will still experience anxiety coming out to someone, even when they know that the response will be a positive one. Even when things go well, they don’t go like you planned. When I came out to my mom, my sister and I were sitting in the backseat of the car, driving back from a rehearsal together. I couldn’t pay attention to any part of the conversation because I just kept telling myself “I’ll say it to her at 9:45pm. 9:45. 10 more minutes. 5. 1. 0. Mom I’m bi” The statement was entirely at odds with whatever they had been talking about before, coming out of nowhere, which may have explained how slow my mom was on the uptake. She said ok and something else affirmative, but didn’t mention anything about how she loved me to my recollection. Or if she did it felt somewhat rote. I remember feeling disappointment. We stopped by the store, however, and she picked up a “bai” drink and said “look it’s you!” and I knew things would be ok. Later, my sister would tell me that mom was just sad I hadn’t told her earlier.

I don’t think straight people understand that it is harder to come out to someone you’ve known for a long time (or indeed forever) than to someone you’ve known for a few months, such as my roommate. Coming out to someone who has known you for years feels like you’re telling them “I’ve been lying to you all this time” particularly when thinking about statements you may have made to assert your straightness to yourself and others. I remember being relieved when I found a photo of Draco Malfoy attractive in middle school because I thought it meant I had to be straight. The time in 9th grade that a girl flipped her hair and I was captivated? I was just envious because she was prettier than me. My disappointment in my mom’s response was furthered when I took her and the family to see Love, Simon, in the hopes that the movie could explain what I couldn’t about how hard it is to come out to the people you love and who love you. After the movie, I was crushed when she said “I don’t know why he was so nervous to come out to them.”

All this to say, it took me an hour to gear myself up to open the text. Inside was this message:

“Hello my Gay Catholic [my name]. Yes, it was brought to my attention. I love you for who you are not what you choose (unless it’s evil destructive murderous) . And you are from that. You are the most vivacious, loving, happy, energetic, intelligent, sassy with heart 💜 ❤️💜 kinda person who sparkles in everything you do.

Remember, you cannot force people to change their minds. Reciprocate & allow them to be them, allow the space, and time. And if they don’t, don’t take it personally. It doesn’t mean they dislike you. Love unconditionally and tell them you still love/like them.

I L🌺VE YOU”

The first time I read it I focused on the positive. She loved me (even if she made assumptions about my queer identity with the label she chose when I don’t even fully know how to label myself other than queer). Reading it the second and third time, I got frustrated. I was frustrated because I hate the idea that we have to come out at all. I didn’t mean my comment to be taken as a “hello world please accept me!” It was awkward and I shouldn’t have to ask for people’s acceptance, especially from my loved ones. Then I got mad, because the second paragraph told me I had to accept others when they wouldn’t accept me. This is probably where I experience the most cognitive dissonance with my catholic faith. I’m supposed to turn the other cheek, but at the same time, when other people are hurting me for something I cannot change and does no harm to others, how can I not respond to that in a negative way or take it personally? Maybe that’s why I don’t feel like coming out, because it gives people the chance, however unlikely, that they can reject me. However, if I live my life, post as I like, share content, and hopefully someday share moments with a person I love, I am simply living an unremarkable life in the truest sense of the word. I don’t accept unconditional love when that love is toxic or harmful. I’ll say it again, if someone tells me I’m going to hell for being queer, they are choosing to target a part of me I cannot change and that doesn’t actively cause harm to others. They are causing harm to me in targeting my identity. And I count myself lucky because I am a white woman of unremarkable face and body that doesn’t give off strong queer vibes. Others in the community face far worse physical and mental violence because of people who refuse to “change their minds”.

I started this essay intending to write about the fact that I am turning 23 and have only ever kissed someone as part of a character I played onstage. I’ve been on a few first dates, but have never been in a relationship or even felt close to one. I experience true attraction so rarely that I can count it on one hand. I don’t know who I am and I often feel like there must be something wrong with me because I’ve never found myself romantically involved. I expected this essay to be an in-depth analysis of my feelings of inferiority and imposter syndrome in the queer community, but unexpectedly this feels like something else. You don’t need to be sexually or romantically active to be a part of the queer community. This community is about acceptance. It’s about love. It’s about calling out harm and rooting out exclusivity. At least, that’s the kind of community it should be. I’m not gonna lie, we have a long way to go, but at the root of what makes us different is our ability to be expansively, intentionally, and incandescently ourselves. Whether or not I end up with a romantic partner anytime soon (and yes I am taking offers), I know myself better than anyone and I know I belong. And, as I once wrote defiantly on my arm during a tough day for middle school me, I know I should “do no harm and take no shit”.

#queer #queerpride #pridemonth #acceptance #family #comingout #single

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sweetcron · 4 years

Note

11-97

hhelllll yEAHHHHH HERE WE GO BABIE!!!!!!! THANKS FOR THE ASK!!!

i probably went too hard on all these but....one of my summer classes just finished and i was like yeahahhHhhahah

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

totally depends where i am and how much time i have, but typically ill have yogurt & something small but sweet so i dont go insane

12. name of your favorite playlist?

god right now my favorite is handle without care, which is just stupid songs im into right now

13. lanyard or key ring?

lanyard, except i always get it caught on shit so typically i just throw my keys in my bag anyway

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

oooo hard one, my initial thought was sour gummy worms, but probably... either that or sour skittles. oh but fuck lemon & black licorice jelly beans together......im excited to have 0 followers & 0 friends tomorrow

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

percy jackson was dope. im trying to come up with another that i even read and frankly cannot

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

honestly i just sit like a fool all the time, but i like to be very reclined and almost horizontal, if im forced to sit more upright i like crosslegged or with my leg(s) pulled up to my chest

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

depends on the season or length of time, recently it’s been my black high top vans, usually it’s my docs. for a long time it was black converse.

18. ideal weather?

i like when it’s a little sunny, kind of overcast, but a little cold, like enough to wear layers but not suffer

19. sleeping position?

on my side, curled up, ideally holding pam(ela indestructable underworld), my adorable stuffed sloth

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

depends on what it is, but I have a planner sort of thing i really like for planning, a sketchbook/painting sort of notebook for more emotional shit and then my twitter that nobody follows and is private for really emotional shit

21. obsession from childhood?

i loved making like..dirt, water, and grass mixtures in an empty gatorade bottle. apparently this is not a common experience.

22. role model?

everyone to an extent, but also nobody. but to pin down a specific person, probably my therapist lol

23. strange habits?

i keep listening to shiny from moana? also i keep wanting to change my hair.

24. favorite crystal?

oh god, i love opal, but i dont know. most are pretty but some are awful. it depends, and id have to look at a million pictures for any resemblance of a legitimate answer

25. first song you remember hearing?

that’s so hard um. i dont remember very early but i do remember hearing crush, crush, crush by paramore and thinking ew crushes are gross even though i had a crush on a dumbass at the time, and welcome to the black parade and crying

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

warm, probably a concert but past that, walking around, going to thrift stores or record shops.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

a concert, again but past that going home, or getting a warm drink

28. five songs to describe you?

oh LORD!!!!! this is hard, but i did my best

1. caught in the middle - paramore

2. grow - muna

3. cool for cats - squeeze

4. cut my lip - twenty one pilots

5. tubthumping - chumbawumba

29. best way to bond with you?

share music with me, be vulnerable and share what is going on with you

30. places that you find sacred?

being in trees and being alone listening to music that means a lot to me loudly

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

i have a mustardy yellow shirt that’s got vertical lines that are raised from the shirt, and then a flared leg jumpsuit sort of thing that’s like plaid, with black and white and grey. then docs, and yeah i love that outfit. adore it. even better with a jean jacket with fleece lining.

32. top five favorite vines?

also so hard but after doing this i think im gonna throw up from laughing so hard

1. dancing puppet

2. get outta your mind

3. cat

4. WAY TO GO PAUL

5. krispy kreme

33. most used phrase in your phone?

that’s a great question, probably me asking people what to do with my hair

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

none currently, but always “meat, it’s what’s for dinner”

35. average time you fall asleep?

depends, but usually 10ish

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

probably some rage meme like brian or whatever

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

depends on what im doing, but usually duffel.

38. lemonade or tea?

arnold palmer babie!! but it depends, usually i’d say tea, i really like lemon ginger (especially pukka but its expensive)

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

i dont know if i’ve had lemon meringue pie, but lemon cake sounds better i think

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

i remembered this and it is entertaining, in middle school (i was...prolly 14? 13?) someone said “someone likes uuuu” to me and i was like. “......k” and they were like..... “it’s a giiiiiiirl” and i again, was like “.......k” and so literally, i fucking spent the rest of the class being like, hm! apparently i dont care. and thats how i realized that idc about gender when it comes to liking someone lol

41. last person you texted?

max, @laetan. follow him if u dont i love him

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

women’s pant pockets are cursed. jacket pockets enlighten me, especially when there’s one normal and then one like, on top of that pocket but the entrance is horizontal. that’s my favorite.

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

all? but let’s rank them

1. jean jacket, my absolute fav, i have like 5 jean jackets and it’s bad. i always want more

2. hoodie, with a jean jacket is even better, but COMFY!!!!

3. leather jacket, look like a badass with one piece of clothing!!

4. bomber jacket, dont have a lot but always make me feel cool

5. cardigan, makes me feel like an old lady, but also really comfy idk. even the worst is amazing

44. favorite scent for soap?

i love lemon, but any fruit is good. or like, vanilla

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

sci-fi usually....fantasy is usually too much and superhero is usually annoying. unless it’s spiderman. i adore spiderman

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

oversized soft t shirt and like, soft shorts/boxer things

47. favorite type of cheese?

GOAT CHEESE!!! also sharp cheddar and pepperjack

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

pear. i feel like i’m not talked about a lot but people like me and nobody despises me??

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

i really like “you can start over each day” and “only skeleton bones remain” (FUCKING CLIKKIE)

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

i feel like ive cried laughing so hard, or almost thrown up, but i dont know why, and that’s almost better

51. current stresses?

just general body things, appointments, school in the fall, graduating, etc

52. favorite font?

it depends on what im doing, but i love my own handwriting, i like times new roman, hate arial with a PASSION!!!!! brawler is nice but doesn’t bold well. handwriting fonts are cool too

53. what is the current state of your hands?

left hand’s nails is in silver glitter and right hand’s nails are blue/purple glitter. perpetual hangnails. still a hint of a scar from cutting my hand on a razor, and remnants of blisters from rowing

54. what did you learn from your first job?

that you can be kind and see change without changing the entire world, and that men are creepy as shit

55. favorite fairy tale?

i dont think i have one? max probably has a good one that i’d love. new ask game send me ur favorite fairy tales and ill read them and review them

56. favorite tradition?

my mom makes me a half birthday cake every year, it’s really cute and idk why it warms my heart

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

fuck dude, umm this is hard and also a lot

1. my extreme self hatred!!

2. my extreme concern for other people’s thoughts, just honestly like dressing and listening to whatever and not really caring, ill always care, just not as bad as i did

3. letting go of things and trying to grow because of pain rather than viewing it as a waste of time

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

uhhhhhghaghhaghdshaghdhsaghadshg i dont know this is hard

1. finding dope ass socks at thrift stores

2. thinking creatively and trying to make something stranger than others like it

3. i can draw p well???? i guess? i designed my tattoo does that count

4. winning contests. i won like, 10 last year? like wtf

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

recently it would be life’s a sham and then ur wow, in reference to life’s a bitch and then you die and also shamwow. so that. or just constantly referring to things as bad boys, like. dishes.

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

there’s different kinds? but ummmm i dont know, i dont want to google anime types. can i say like a miyazaki movie and be done with it

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

i dont know, can i do a song? bc i really like I’m alive in spite of me recently, also like this graffiti that i say that said 33 might mason men couldn’t put me back together again

62. seven characters you relate to?

oh boy, i asked my gf for help on some

1. nick miller from new girl

2. peter b. parker from into the spiderverse

3. dean mccoppin from iron giant for some reason

4. emile from ratatouille

5. a mix of ben and leslie from parks and rec

6. a weird mix of chris and ron from parks and rec

7. rodrick from diary of a wimpy kid

63. five songs that would play in your club?

1. come down by anderson paak

2. send me on my way by rusted root

3. doses and mimosas by cherub

4. replay by iyaz

5. rap snitch knishes by mf doom

64. favorite website from your childhood?

WEBKINZ!!!!!

65. any permanent scars?

yeaaa got a lot, most prominent are on my legs, partially just stretch marks, and then the one on my forehead from when i got stitches

66. favorite flower(s)?

i love carnations, marigolds, roses, but really anything, fuck

67. good luck charms?

i don’t have any, i used to wear a bracelet my gf gave me but it broke. *insert gif of me trying to remember when it broke and if that’s when everything went to shit*

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

centipede jelly bean. worst thing ive ever had. it wouldn’t go away for a day even with eating other things and drinking water and chewing strong gum. horrible

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

i have no idea. truly

70. left or right handed?

i am right handed

71. least favorite pattern?

houndstooth, i really don’t like it for some reason

72. worst subject?

i am oh so bad at writing, it’s really hard for me. but honestly recently every subject is horrible.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

this was mentioned before, but black licorice and lemon. i’ve only had it with jelly beans, so maybe it’s not as good in other formats

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

depends on what it is, if i think a migraine is coming then i take it pretty low, maybe a 4, otherwise i can deal with it up to like a 6 or 7, unless i’m needing to focus

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

i dont know when, but i do remember where. i was at a drive through bank in a rental car with my parents and brother in oregon, and i put the tooth in the lid of a plastic water bottle.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

jalepeno potato chips are soooo good but, honestly, tots are the best. mashed potatoes are good too

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

depends on the direction it’s facing and climate, but i’m growing some ivy right now and it’s so pretty and cool. also a christmas cactus that my great great great grandma or something like that started and has been passed down!!!! and a ..... leafy boy

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

absolutely coffee from a gas station, i dont trust sushi

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

my school id because i’m smiling. i look stoned or dead in my id.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

i didn’t entirely know what this meant, so i googled both and went oooooooo to jewel tones so. jewel tones.

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

i say both, i don’t know which i say more frequently because i live where there aren’t ....... lightning bugs. ore fireflies. whichever. lol

82. pc or console?

i dont game much, but i like my psp a lot, or like a joystick sort of sitchhhh

83. writing or drawing?

dRAWING FOR SURE!

84. podcasts or talk radio?

podcasts, i don’t listen to much of either

84. barbie or polly pocket?

can i throw in a third variable of bratz?

85. fairy tales or mythology?

either, but probably mythology

86. cookies or cupcakes?

depends on the kind, but i love frosting and cupcakes are fun, so cupcakes.

87. your greatest fear?

that i will lose everyone i love or push them away? eeeee

88. your greatest wish?

to be content and hopefully other people are content alongside me

89. who would you put before everyone else?

honestly my gf, max, and steph. and my mom. yeyeeeee

90. luckiest mistake?

oh god we could go deep or not. probably not. so like, buying pamela, my stuffed sloth

91. boxes or bags?

depends on the situation, but bags are fun, can put patches on them, plastic bags are boring and boxes are useful, help organize or carry lots of things

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

sunlight absolutely, i love it. i then would say lamps are better than fairy lights which are better than overhead lights. fuck overhead lights

93. nicknames?

for me? okay lets GO. delly, delly boi, dell, d, glen, glenjamin, glenny, yenaled. there’s a lot of weird/gross ones that i dont want to share.

94. favorite season?

fall in theory, summer in stability.

95. favorite app on your phone?

wasn’t this already asked? CAUGHTCHA

96. desktop background?

switches between 3 pictures around colorado that my gf took

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

five

98. favorite historical era?

good question, i honestly don’t know. can i say the 80s or 90s? if not like, before racism existed. yeah

#about me #ask #long post #THANK YOU #ask game #anon #was this too long #sorry #also i spent so long on this wtf?!?!?!?!???!?!!?!??!?!?!?!?!?! who am i #anonymous

0 notes

silkyandsurveys · 4 years

Text

survey #4

What grocery store do you shop at the most?

we usually go to giant hehe

Which stovetop burner do you use the most?

the bottom left is usually what i use especially to boil things i won’t use any other

Do you use a dishwasher or wash dishes by hand?

my mom is the type to lie wash by hand and THEN put in the dish washer which like lowkey pisses me off cause it wastes so much water

What color is your favorite laundry basket?

this is the weirdest question ever but we only have like tan ones and one blue and they’re all the same exact thing

What color was your first car?

my black nissan mwah

What was your first job?

i used to answer the phone for my grandfather when i was super young and get paid like 20 bucks lolll but my first actual job was a dishwasher 😍

What is the best job you’ve had?

uhm i actually liked when i was a food server

What is the best pharmacy near you?

we use cvs and it’s actually really poppin

Do you use public transportation?

no never i live in a small town so there is no public transport

Which bank do you use?

i have some savings in one and then my actual bank is a pennsylvania ran bank

Do you have a credit card?

no not 18 bleh

What is your favorite fast food restaurant?

probs chick fil a mcdonald’s or taco bell they all be yummy

What do you want to name your kids?

i have some ideas i love finn/flynn weston for boys i really struggle for girl names though

How many tattoos do you have?

none but on my 18th birthday i plan to get one

What year did you graduate high school?

i graduate next year !

What chore do you hate the most?

i hate putting away laundry SO much

What is your favorite shampoo to use?

i use shes moisture and i quite like it it’s the first one that really allows me to not shampoo every day cause it really cleans my scalp

How do you remove stains from clothes?

stain remover always

Do you carry pepper spray?

no i lowkey want to but i’m scared of spraying it wrong ig

What highway do you drive on the most?

i literally never use the interstate and even if i did i honestly wouldn’t know the name of it

Do you like driving?

yes i love to drive. going on drives during quarantine has been actually my favorite thing to do. i love being the one driving cause i just like having the control of the car cause i’m a big scaredy-cat

What is your favorite radio station?

hits 1? i don’t ever listen to radio but if i do that’s what i’ll listen to

What do you use for an alarm clock (phone, stereo, actual clock, etc.)?

i use my phone or my alexa

Which department store do you shop at the most?

i no joke had to look up department stores but honestly i don’t shop there? if i had to pick one it would be macy’s but even then

Which dollar store is your favorite?

i don’t ever go to a dollar store i can’t remember the last time i did

Do you shop at the dollar store often?

not really. i only go there for party supplies or like school projects but like ? i never go

What is your favorite gas station?

i use sunoco but i like sheetz the best

Do you burn candles often?

yes i love burning candles i’m so sensitive to smells so i like to burn candles so my room can be a cohesive smell. i also leave the windows open whenever i can for that reason too

How do you relax?

go on tumblr or embroider. i also love watching youtube videos i have like specific categories of videos that will make me relax and not worry

What’s your favorite app on your phone?

twitter for sure

What do you cook the most?

if i’m cooking i’m either boiling pasta or baking i don’t do anything else

When was the last time you relaxed in a hot bath?

i had a bath a month ago? i don’t like baths though unless i’m in a HUGE bath tub and a bubble bath

Do you take showers or baths normally?

showers like 100% of the time

What is your favorite candle scent?

i love vanilla candles but man smell candles are so nice. something fresh and springy is nice but the absolute best candles are fall and christmas

How much does it cost for you to laundry (if you use a slot machine)

0 i have a washer

Do you make your bed every day?

uhm i fake make my bed normally? i sleep pretty still so i only mess up my side but then i’ll like adjust my blankets to make it look made but it’s not really

Do you have any pets?

yes two dogs

Do you have kids?

no this girlies 17

Are you married?

Do you save receipts?

no i don’t i used to and it probably would be good too but i find it really hoarder esc and gets so messy.

Do you use re-usable bags at the grocery store?

yes i try to but i don’t always succeed . i try to not use bags if i don’t need to

What color is your carpet?

my rug is like medium grey

Have you ever burnt yourself with the glue gun?

yes that shit is so painful

Do you write checks?

no i don’t think i ever have from my own bank account. i’ve only written one check and it was for SATs this year

Ever had a garage sale?

yes my area has a big yard sale every year and we used to do it

What have been some of your best garage sale finds?

i’ve never gotten anything special

What time do you wake up in the morning?

lately around 9

Are you a morning person?

i wish so much it was easier for me to wake up because my favorite time of the entire day is early morning and i love waking up early and being productive but it’s so hard for me to get up. i’d still say yes cause i’m always in a good mood in the morning and i love it

Are you more of a morning person now than you used to be?

yes for sure

Do you like to read?

i don’t like reading real books but i’m ngl my guilty pleasure is fan fiction still to this day

What was the first election you voted in?

never voted i’m not legal

Who is on speed dial in your phone?

i don’t have speed dial

Do you play games on your phone?

yeah but very rarely

What phone do you have?

iphone 8 + but i’m gonna get a new phone next month hehe

What was your first phone?

it was called a cosmo i don’t remember the real brand though

What kind of computer do you have?

i have a hp

Wall calendar or desk calendar?

i don’t have either but i like planners the best

If you read a daily devotional, which one are you using currently?

i have costar if that is the same?

What is your favorite book?

hunger games they’re my fav books and movies

What is the strangest food you’ve had?

i really don’t know i’m not an adventurous eater at all

What do you do when the power goes out?

my heart actually snaps

Does your home have a basement?

yes

How often do you clean?

i try to clean my room every couple of days to keep it tidy

How often do you go grocery shopping?

every two weeks about

Ever bought a lottery ticket?

i’ve never bought one but i’ve been gifted them

Do you gamble?

nope

What does your purse look like?

i don’t have an every day purse. i need to get one really bad though

Do you ever sleep on the floor?

uhm no the last time i slept on the floor was after i got cross faded at my sisters apartment lol

Which room do you stay in the most?

my room always

What is your bedtime?

i try to like “get ready” around 9-11 but then lately i’ll go to bed around 1-3 at most

Ever worked two jobs or more at once?

i don’t think i have ive worked at a fair while having my normal job if that counts?

Do you live in an apartment, condo, house, or dorm?

my moms house

What does your dream house look like?

very open and bright but filled with decor

Describe your dream wedding.

something very bright and light and pretty. idk i have a small distaste to marriage

How often do you go on vacation?

it used to be never when i was a kid but the past couple years it’s about twice a year?

What is your favorite type of weather?

i love snow, rainy and cold, or cool and sunny

What do you do when you have a sore throat?

complain i can’t lie

How often do you go see a doctor?

it depends i have some years where i go all the time and others where i rarely go at all

Do you have acid reflux?

i don’t think so no

Do you snore?

no thank god

Are you on birth control?

no i can’t go on birth control hehe love it

What kind of toothpaste do you use?

i think colgate?

Do you wear glasses or contacts?

i have glasses but i actually never wear them

0 notes

selflovinalicia · 4 years

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For one city to change your life, it has to be pretty magical. Little did I know, three years ago, when I chose to transfer to Ohio University to pursue a degree in Spanish Education, just how much magic this little city in Southeastern Ohio had.

I didn’t have a traditional senior year, not in the slightest, and, if I had it my way, I’d be getting ready to graduate right about now, probably reminiscing on college memories with my friends. Instead, I’m crying at my desk in Chicago. Funny how life has different intentions than our own. Despite this, I still have a lot I want to say to that magical city before I’m technically a graduate.

There’s so many people, restaurants, homes, dorms, etc. that I could thank but there aren’t nearly enough words in the English language to thank each of them for all they’ve done for me… but I’ll try.

To Adams Hall, when I first moved into my dorm on August 25th, 2017 I was absolutely scared out of my mind. Going away to college once was a lot to handle… but twice! I didn’t think I could do it. Thankfully, room 143 blessed me with the absolute best roommate a girl could ask for and to this day is still one of my closest friends. Although we didn’t talk much junior year [no thanks to either of us], I’m so glad we rekindled our friendship senior year because a friend like Olivia only comes once in a lifetime. If I ever need a late night run to Walmart for a fish or to find a roomie if I ever move to LA, Olivia is my girl. Thank you Adams Hall.

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To the Patton College of Education, I never knew if I wanted to be a teacher… If I’m being honest, I’m still not 100% sure and now I have a degree! Nevertheless, you gave me some of the best professors and classmates to prepare me to become a teacher. Anna, Paige, Sara, and Maddie were the biggest help in getting me across this finish line. Long nights of group projects, studying for exams, and the longest portfolios ever were made possible because of these people. Anne Scott, however, is the real reason I’m ready to be a teacher. No one has ever believed in me the way Anne does. She is a gift to this university and I’m so fortunate to have met her. Thank you PCOE.

To McCracken Hall, some of my latest nights were spent here. As much as I hate to admit that, they were. Thank you for being arguably the best and nicest building on campus with the best study rooms which definitely got their use out of me. I’m glad to never use one again, but I appreciated the resource when I needed it. Thank you McCracken Hall.

To the Office of Global Opportunities, most college students don’t get to study abroad once, let alone twice. I’m forever grateful for both my Spain trip as well as the COST program and learned more about myself and the world abroad than I ever did in any classroom. Thank you for giving me Mary, Allyssa, Kayla, Rory, Alejo, and so many others. You don’t meet people as good as them very often. Thank you OGO.

To Donkey Coffee, I spent a lot more time here than I ever did in any class [or anywhere for that matter]. From CHAARG coffee dates, to Sunday study seshes with my gorls, and even first dates, you were always there with a red iced tea and a vegan chocolate cherry cookie when I needed one. I’ll be back one last time to spend all my donkey points 🙂 Thank you Donkey Coffee.

To Boyd Market, I mean… where do I even begin? I met some of my best friends through this on-campus job that I only applied to because OU claimed it was the most vegan friendly place on campus. Some of my best times were spent inside of Boyd Market from finding dead birds behind Smooth Moves, writing the newsletter, making Tik Toks, register 1 tea parties, and of course WORKING [on occasion]. I never would have met my Boyd bestie Olivia, which would have meant I would have been drunk a significantly less amount than I was. To the Boyd student leaders, thank you for welcoming me into the group, always being down to hear gossip, making Tik Toks, taking pictures, and going to PigSkin and Overhang. I’m forever grateful for all of you. Thanks BM 😉

To CHAARG, thank you for saving my life. I was in a terrible place when I got to OU and you really helped me get out of it. Not necessarily by yourself, but by giving me mental health resources, my best friends in the entire world, and an all around lovely [usually] community to send wine drunk videos in the group chat or make fun of myself whenever deemed necessary. Thank you for teaching me how to be a leader and deal with shitty people. Thank you for teaching me how to take a stand for what I believe in and to never back down. I am who I am today largely due to CHAARG and I’m forever indebted to this wonderful org. Thank you CHAARG.

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To 14M, the best apartment and roomie combo you could ever have hoped for. I treasure our nights spent in the living room watching The Good Place [much to Liz’ shagrin], listening to our good vibe playlists, and our Homecoming and Santa Fest gatherings. I wish we could have built the gingerbread houses. Sorry I spoke to the ceiling in Spanish 😉 Liz and Anna, I love you both. 14M, keep the next gen girls in good hands. [also I included Kelsey in this section and you know why hehe].

I’m including kelsey in this and you all know why hehe

To my gorls, I know we all aren’t the closest right now, but that doesn’t change how much each of you mean to me. All five of you helped me make it through college in one piece thanks to our donkey dates, Biddle study nights, every CHAARG event, post CHAARG dins at Shively, the choffice, and Harbour the Band concerts. Kenzie, I’m so excited for you to go to LA and make it big in the film industry. Don’t forget me when you’re famous. Jess, you’re going to be the best journalist to walk this planet and I’m glad you’re following your dreams and not going to Law school rn. There’s always time to be Elle Woods another time 😉 Hannah, you are one of the most kind and beautiful souls I know and I’m honestly honored to be your friend. I’m so proud that you’re graduating a semester early and I know no matter where you end up, you’ll succeed at whatever you do. Grace, oh Grace, I’m sorry I didn’t follow you back when we were bolt babes lol but look at us now! I’m so proud to be your friend and to cheer you on from the sideline for all of your victories from LVNG Limitess, By Her For Her, BackDrop, Cincy Mag, and whatever else along the way that you take on. You’re going to be a phenomenal journalist and I can’t wait to keep reading everything you write. Finally, Sami, I’m not too sure what happened to us but I’ll always consider you one of the best friends I’ve ever had. From bonding over One Direction, to you being in my small group, to getting a job at Boyd and everything that went with that, I’m always glad that I was in your life for at least a bit, even if that’s over [I honestly don’t know if it is l o l]. I love all five of you with my whole heart and I’ll never forget any of you. Much love for my gorls.

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Finally to Athens Ohio, five semesters in the best city is not nearly enough. Thank you for packing my five semesters full of great people, places, and memories. Athens has truly shaped me into who I am today and I would be nowehere without at least one of the things I mentioned above. Although my time in Athens is coming to a close, I’m fully prepared for wherever the wind takes me. Thank you for that, Athens.

Much love, Alicia

A thank you letter to Athens, Ohio

A thank you letter to Athens, Ohio For one city to change your life, it has to be pretty magical. Little did I know, three years ago, when I chose to transfer to Ohio University to pursue a degree in Spanish Education, just how much magic this little city in Southeastern Ohio had.

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jamesgeiiger · 5 years

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Financial Samurai 2018 Year In Review: Almost A Fantastic Year

Although 2018 ended on a down note with the stock market selling off, I feel good about how things unfolded. I’ll take the ratio of three good quarters to one bad quarter any year.

Believe it or not, my theme for 2018 was: back to early retirement life. I pushed myself to the point of burnout in 2017. But the funny thing about hard work is that it’s over. I only remember bits and pieces of how difficult 2017 was.

At year-end, it’s easy to forget our accomplishments and our failures. With this post, I’m excited to relive the good and the bad in the following categories: Finances, Family, Health, Business, and Odds & Ends.

This post is like a 4-for-1 special. It needs to be thorough so I can prove to my son his old man wasn’t a deadbeat when he inevitably starts rebelling or when I’m no longer here to defend myself.

2018 Year In Review

Finances – 2.5 Out Of 5 Stars

At the beginning of the year, I predicted we’d see a slowdown in coastal city real estate, a 10-year bond yield under 3%, and a stock market that would have one last hurrah with a 10% return. I was almost three for three with the stock market up ~8% in September. Too bad it gave up all its gains and then a whole lot! At least I got more defensive starting in March.

My net worth is roughly made up of:

30% in stocks/bonds = -3%. After writing Your Risk Tolerance Is An Illusion in the Spring, I reduced my stock allocation in my House Sale Fund to roughly 52% from 70%. As bonds began to outperform stocks coupled with further profit taking, my end allocation is roughly 40% stocks / 60% bonds. Owning a bunch of equity structured notes in my other main fund has helped minimize volatility. But clearly I wasn’t defensive enough and should have taken more profits during the summer.

My House Sale Fund portfolio was up around 13% at one point until I gave all the gains up in the 4th quarter. Right now, it’s holding onto a tenuous 5.4% gain, after the huge rally on Dec 26. Overall, my public investment portfolio is slightly down, which violates my rule of never losing money post retirement. I plan to update this performance daily due to the volatility.

I’m disappointed with my public investment performance. This goes to show that no matter how concerned you are about an asset class or the economy, greed can override logic.

Here’s a good chart that shows how the Vanguard Long-Term Bond Fund has outperformed the S&P 500 since 1999. The next time I start feeling greedy, I need to remind myself that slow and steady wins the race, especially if you’ve already passed the finish line.

6% in cash/CDs = +2.3%. Thanks to rising short-term rates, you can now get around 2% in a money market and 2.5% in a 12-month CD. It’s wonderful to earn something from our risk-free investments now. Cash and short-term CDs have been 10%+ outperformers against the S&P 500. Hopefully, folks will no longer badger me about the risks of underperforming inflation when the real risk is losing absolute dollar value. Unfortunately, I should have had closer to 15% of my net worth in cash and CDs.

30% in real estate = -5%. The online estimates say my real estate holdings have gone up ~6% YoY, but I doubt it now that the stock market has sold off so aggressively from the peak. Online price estimates and public data are always lagging estimates. Prices did continue to go up until about January 2018, but began falling for the remainder of the year. The chart below shows data months before the 4Q2018 stock market correction. Therefore, I’ve manually inputted -5% from +6% for a 11% swing.

Even though my real estate holdings are down, I thankfully feel no stress compared to my stock holdings, which is one of the reasons why I prefer real estate over stocks. One rental property has no mortgage since 2015, my primary residence is providing utility every day by sheltering my family, and my vacation property is generating a positive cash flow. I can’t wait to bring my boy up to Lake Tahoe to touch his first snow in March!

It’s unfortunate that I reinvested $600,000 of the $1,800,000 proceeds from my house sale into the stock market. I should have just stayed super conservative. But I suspect the best I could get now for the house is $2,600,000 today versus the $2,740,000 sale price in 2017. My house was on a busy street next to the busiest street in all of San Francisco. Fringe location properties, even in a good neighborhood, tend to underperform during a market softening.

8% in alternative investments = +5%. My alternative investments in venture debt and real estate crowdfunding seem to be doing well, to the tune of a 11% – 20% IRR. But these figures are probably too aggressive as well, so I’ve assigned a +5% performance instead. REITs and rental property have outperformed all year as rents are stickier than stocks. I remember back in 2009, my rents stayed flat because by the time the lease was over a year later, the recession was over.

25% in my online business = 0% – 150%. My business is the trickiest to value. Revenue and profits are up 20%+ YoY. Therefore, one might conclude that its value should also be up by 20%+. However, valuations have probably compressed since the stock market sell-off. The good thing is that a peer site with about 35% less traffic sold for 2X the value I assigned for my business in my net worth calculations. Therefore, there’s a possibility my site could be worth 2X – 2.5X my assigned value if we normalize for traffic.

From an estate planning perspective, I want my business to be valued as low as possible. It’s the same way you want your house to be valued as low as possible to pay less property tax. To prepare for hard times, I’ve kept my business at 0% growth in my net worth calculation.

Net Worth Growth

Here’s my 2018 net worth progression chart according to Personal Capital. The chart is a little chunky because of cash recognition delays. But overall, it was doing pretty well until the end of the year.

2018 Net Worth = +6.5%

The main reasons why my net worth is up ~6.5% in 2018 are business cash flow and aggressive savings. I continue to save over 70% of my after-tax income. If I didn’t aggressively save, my net worth would have been flat. As my net worth has grown, it’s harder to move the needle as much.

6.5% is OK, but at one point I was up ~11%. Hence, it feels a little disappointing. 10% YoY growth has always been my minimum net worth growth target since graduating from college. Despite the disappointment, I’m glad my net worth didn’t go in reverse.

If you’re feeling bummed out, it helps to look at how far your net worth has come over the past five or 10 years. When I left work in 2012, I was comfortable with what I had. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have left. Having another six years of growth, excluding 2018, has really been a blessing post early retirement.

The key is to not lose all your gains to a bear market.

Related: Recommended Net Worth Allocation By Age Or Work Experience

Family & Fatherhood – 4.7 Stars

I could not have tried harder to be a great stay at home dad. I only have one shot, so I did everything to educate myself about parenthood. I also spent as much time as possible with my son as a stay at home dad.

My greatest moments of joy all year came from seeing my son’s milestones. He started waddling with help at around 11 months and slowly started to walk unassisted at 12 – 13 months. By 18 months he was able to count to 30, say all letters of the alphabet, and identify eight different colors.

His favorite words and phrases at 20 months old are “hot dog, ketchup, yum, yum, yum” “double wide garage door,” “walk with daddy,” “knock knock,” “verde,” “voila,” and “da hai bao (big seal in Mandarin).” He’s also just begun to sing a couple lullabies, one in Japanese and one in French. We try to talk to him in multiple languages as supposedly that helps brain development. He’s hilarious and full of determination. Oh boy is he determined.

When I’m not working on Financial Samurai or managing our investments, I pretend I’m a pre-school teacher and occupational therapist. Because he has a vision issue, I’ve been helping him track objects, work on his depth perception, and hand-eye coordination. So far he can walk up stairs no problem, but he still needs assistance going down stairs.

Now we’re focusing more on his fine motor skills, like drawing, holding a pencil, brushing his teeth, playing piano keys, and using scissors. The duties are never-ending, but it’s been a blessing to care for him every day and watch him grow.

He is a determined boy

My greatest sorrows have also all come from my son. Between 11 – 15 months old he would fall frequently or accidentally bonk his head on something hard or sharp. I felt his pain each time and admonished myself for not doing a better job protecting him.

As a result of his accidents, I ended up padding everywhere around the house and padding every wall and table corner. Interior design be damned! Thank goodness we live in a modest size house. The padding has saved him from injury numerous times, including on Christmas, when he stumbled on a package and hit his head on our coffee leg corner which was padded, hooray!

It turns out that toddlers between 12 – 19 months fall about 17X an hour on average according to one study of 120 toddlers. Only until about age 4 do most toddlers fully master their walking and running skills. That made me feel a little better, but it still made me so sad whenever he hurt himself. Taking him for a walk with a harness has helped tremendously. I’m teaching him to look both ways before crossing the street.

It’s also interesting it takes up to 24 months before a toddler’s fontanel closes. Therefore, we as parents might as well be as diligent as possible in trying to protect his head before his skull gets to full strength. So much about parenthood the first several years is about survival – from preventing suffocation while sleeping to making sure they don’t walk off a ledge.

The better our boy sleeps and the more he is able to communicate his desires, the more rewarding parenthood has become. Because he is so strong-willed, his temper tantrums are also quite a challenge.

One of my concerns is that he will hurt himself during these temper tantrums by banging his head on something hard or arching his back and hurting himself on the floor. Doctors say temper tantrums peak by around 24 months, subside, and then rise again at around 36 months. Here’s where I need to demonstrate maximum patience as a parent for the next 18 months.

Before my son was born, there was never any whining or crying around the house. But once he arrived, I have heard crying and whining every day, multiple times a day for 20 months in a row. Unfortunately, there is no logical reasoning with a young boy, except to use a technique called “caveman speak” while voicing what we think he wants to calm him down. Adjusting to this new scenario has been hard.

It’s also difficult to write, record a podcast, or mentally relax when there is so much noise. Being able to more easily find a quiet space is one of the benefits of upgrading to a larger house. As a result of needing to find quiet time, I often had to wake up between 4am – 5am to get things done. But I’m proud to say I’ve never lost my temper around my boy.

I’ve still got to improve my patience with my wife and not let business stress or stock market stress hurt our relationship. We operate at different paces, and I need to do a better job slowing down. The whole point of financial independence is to be free from money stress to live your best life.

Given my wife is a full-time mom and absolutely does more of the caregiving, the pressure is on me to make sure our finances never go in reverse. As the stock market melted down in 4Q2018, my stress level definitely increased.

Our goal is to both stay full-time parents for at least our son’s first two years of life and ideally try to be full-time parents for five years before he attends kindergarten. Fatherhood is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

Related: How To Survive The Pressures Of Being A Sole Income Providing Parent

Health & Fitness – 3.2 Stars

I’m the same weight as I was in 2017, which is OK. But I gained 5 lbs in 2017, which was not OK. I need to get down to 162 lbs from 170 lbs. At least I exercised 3X a week on average plus took light walks with my son 5X a week on average. Given my goal is to live until 75, or whenever my son can establish himself and find a life partner, it’s important for me to stay in mental and physical shape.

Luckily, I’ve had no serious injuries or medical mishaps this year. I did catch some flu-like virus that knocked me out for 1.5 days in October, but that was it. We did have our first emergency room visit for my son at 5am because he seemed to have come down with a similar virus I had a month later. We also went to an after-hour care facility for some inflammation. Luckily, things got better after 24 hours.

At 41, I still haven’t sprouted any grey hairs, which is a surprise since I first got several grey hairs at 33, the year before I left my day job. The only reason I can imagine for this phenomenon is that not working a full-time job is less stressful. It’s one thing to say how much better life is after achieving financial independence. It’s another thing for the body to show us.

My most fun physical addition has been joining a softball meetup group that plays every Saturday it doesn’t rain. I must have played over 30 games in 2018. Ah, now I remember sustaining a left knee bone contusion that hurt for six months. My personal highlight was drafting and captaining a 4th of July softball tournament and winning. Curiously, it was one of my most satisfying life moments!

Finally, I found out in December I wasn’t getting bumped down to 4.5 in USTA tennis from 5.0. I did poorly in 5.0 league at the beginning of the year and was hoping to get bumped down after three seasons. When I didn’t, I appealed and got denied.

5.0 level tennis is brutally tough. From an ego perspective, it does feel good to be in the top 1% of all tennis levels. Other players give you respect as you puff out your chest and start thinking you’re the shiznits. But after you start repeatedly getting beaten by players younger than you, it starts to get demoralizing! Therefore, I always try to make fun of myself to others by saying the computers must have malfunctioned to keep me at 5.0.

Business – 4.8 Stars

I could not have tried harder to build Financial Samurai either. Here are some of the accomplishments:

Published three posts a week on average

Published three pages a week on average

Published one newsletter a week on average

Improved my short-form writing skills with the newsletter

Produced over 40 podcasts

Did several podcast interviews on other platforms

Launched the Financial Samurai Forum with 1,300 members thanks to my wife who set everything up over a year

Got mentioned in Business Insider, CNBC, MarketWatch, MSN, Apple News, Forbes, and Yahoo

Updated How To Engineer Your Layoff with a new forward for 2019

Increased overall traffic by 20% YoY, with 50% YoY traffic growth between August 11 – December 27

The 50% YoY traffic surge since August 11 seems like an anomaly. It’s like suddenly turning into a speedboat after being a cruise ship. But traffic has been elevated for almost four months so far, with December being the highest traffic all year. For years, December has always been a quiet month due to the holidays. Perhaps the traffic increase is due to a combination of more production, search algorithm changes by Google, and content syndication.

Overall, I’m just really happy there’s been a correlation with effort and reward. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, hence part of the reason why I left work in 2012. Every year since the birth of Financial Samurai in 2009, Financial Samurai has drastically outperformed the S&P 500 and the San Francisco real estate market. As a result, blogging has surpassed real estate as my favorite asset class to build wealth.

For poops and giggles, here’s another net worth chart if I manually input a business value based on recent comparable sales. The 30% spike is nice, but is also dangerous because it brings a false sense of complacency. It’s best to stay motivated as the economy softens. Just know that creating next level wealth is all about owning growth equity over the long term.

Net worth including market value of business = +30% YoY

Life’s Odds & Ends – 4 Stars

In May, I helped coach my high school boys varsity tennis team to the Northern California Sectional championship. This was the first championship in the school’s entire 40+ year history. This victory was particularly sweet because we had come so close my first year in 2017 only to lose in the finals to a school 3X our size. This was another incredible life moment that had nothing to do with money. I only got paid $3,500 for 3.5 months of work. The relationships I developed with some of the parents were a nice bonus.

My dad came to visit three times and my mom twice. My mother-in-law also visited twice and my father-in-law once. It is always great to see them, and I hope they continue to visit us more often. My dream has always been to have three generations spend as much time together as possible. Unfortunately or fortunately, all our grandparents want to remain independent and live in their respective cities. It’s hard to change the older you get, which is why I’ve been trying so hard to move to Hawaii.

I further strengthened a couple friendships. This is huge because as a stay-at-home dad, it’s often hard to make new friends or deepen friendships. There are simply less social events to attend e.g. happy hour. I love having a good buddy to shoot the shit with. I also developed a new in-person relationship with an FS reader, who also so happens to also be a professional athlete on my favorite team. Pretty neat!

I did some decent home maintenance projects this year: caulked the top of our living room window sill to prevent leaks, varnished all our wood planter boxes, rooted the upstairs sink that was clogging, re-roofed the leaking light well, maintained the yard, and fixed a leaky faucet at my rental. Man, I forgot about all this stuff until my wife reminded me. Thank goodness I sold the other rental.

Finally, we finalized our will and revocable living trust. My wife also led the charge getting us through this cumbersome and complicated process. There were so many documents to gather and questions to ask the estate planning lawyer that she estimates the whole process took her about 40 hours. But after we finally signed all the documents on December 20, I felt a huge sense of relief that I could die knowing that my wife and son wouldn’t have to go through probate court.

2018: 3.8 Out Of 5 Stars

Although I didn’t decide to take it easy per my 2018 goal, I have no regrets staying consistent with Financial Samurai. I don’t think I’ll ever change my work ethic until my body starts breaking down. The joy of writing is so tangible because it is an identifiable product that can be eternally consumed.

It’s been hard to accept no longer making a positive return on my public investments after nine years of up, up, up. I’ve got to do a much better job at not letting financial loss negatively affect my mood and my relationship with my wife. Not taking unnecessary risk will help.

During downturns, I envy those in professions that have nothing to do with the stock market. For example, when I asked my estate planning lawyer about what she thought about the stock market collapse in December, she said she had no idea because she outsources all her financial planning to someone else. What a blessing.

I also have zero regrets being a stay at home dad all year. Yes, the days were long and there were many moments of frustration, but just hearing his squeals of joy made full-time fatherhood worthwhile. All I want to do is squeeze and kiss him 100X a day! I’m so thankful my wife has been an amazing mother and partner all year.

Family and Financial Samurai are my two great loves. Everything else comes in a distant second. There was a point where we thought we’d never have a child. So we say a prayer of thanks every evening. Financial Samurai has been a part of me since the bottom of the last financial crisis in 2009. It’s like an old friend that has stuck with me in the worst of times.

The key is to not let my two loves collide, but to let them be synergistic. My family gives me motivation to write, while Financial Samurai is a creative outlet that helps ensure we remain stay-at-home-parents until we decide otherwise.

There’s always a silver lining to a downturn too.

For Financial Samurai, it’s increased traffic as more people are paying attention to their finances. Book sales on how to negotiate a severance are also increasing as savvy employees are trying to get ahead of the layoff curve. Finally, our passive income has also increased due to higher interests rates and my shift towards higher yielding assets like cash, bonds, and CDs.

For family life, it’s being less tempted to go back to work because the return on effort has declined. When all is in shambles, why bother dealing with a commute, company politics, difficult clients, and a declining company stock price.

I hope if my boy one day reads this article that’ll he’ll be proud of his dad. Although 2018 wasn’t a fantastic year, it was filled with many positive milestones.

I’ll be sharing my 2019 outlook and goals next. In the meantime, I’d love to hear some of your hits and misses for 2018!

Related: The Best Financial Samurai Posts For 2018

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samuelfields · 5 years

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Financial Samurai 2018 Year In Review: Almost A Fantastic Year

Although 2018 ended on a down note with the stock market selling off, I feel good about how things unfolded. I’ll take the ratio of three good quarters to one bad quarter any year.

2018 Year In Review

Finances – 3 Out Of 5 Stars

My net worth is roughly made up of:

30% in stocks/bonds = -2%. After writing Your Risk Tolerance Is An Illusion in the Spring, I reduced my stock allocation in my House Sale Fund to roughly 52% from 70%. As bonds began to outperform stocks coupled with further profit taking, my end allocation is roughly 40% stocks / 60% bonds. Owning a bunch of equity structured notes in my other main fund has helped minimize volatility. But clearly I wasn’t defensive enough and should have taken more profits during the summer.

I’m disappointed with my public investment performance. This goes to show that no matter how concerned you are about an asset class or the economy, greed can override logic.

Net Worth Growth

2018 Net Worth = +6.5%

The key is to not lose all your gains to a bear market.

Related: Recommended Net Worth Allocation By Age Or Work Experience

Family & Fatherhood – 4.7 Stars

He is a determined boy

It’s also interesting it takes up to 24 months before a toddler’s fontanel closes. Therefore, we as parents might as well be as diligent as possible in trying to protect his head before his skull gets to full strength. So much about about parenthood the first several years is about survival – from preventing suffocation while sleeping to making sure they don’t walk off a ledge.

The better our boy sleeps and the more he is able to communicate his desires, the more rewarding parenthood has become. Because he is so strong-willed, his temper tantrums are also quite a challenge.

Related: How To Survive The Pressures Of Being A Sole Income Providing Parent

Health & Fitness – 3.2 Stars

At 41, I still haven’t sprouted any grey hairs, which is a surprise since I first got several grey hairs at 33, the year before I left my day job. The only reason I can imagine for this phenomena is that not working a full-time job is less stressful. It’s one thing to say how much better life is after achieving financial independence. It’s another thing for the body to show us.

Business – 4.8 Stars

I could not have tried harder to build Financial Samurai either. Here are some of the accomplishments:

Published three posts a week on average

Published three pages a week on average

Published one newsletter a week on average

Improved my short-form writing skills with the newsletter

Produced over 40 podcasts

Did several podcast interviews on other platforms

Launched the Financial Samurai Forum with 1,300 members thanks to my wife who set everything up over a year

Got mentioned in Business Insider, CNBC, MarketWatch, MSN, Apple News, Forbes, and Yahoo

Updated How To Engineer Your Layoff with a new forward for 2019

Increased overall traffic by 20% YoY, with 50% YoY traffic growth between August 11 – December 27

Net worth including market value of business = +30% YoY

Life’s Odds & Ends – 4 Stars

2018: 3.8 Out Of 5 Stars

Family and Financial Samurai are my two great loves. Everything comes a distant second. There was a point where we thought we’d never have a child. So we say a prayer of thanks every evening. Financial Samurai has been a part of me since the bottom of the last financial crisis in 2009. It’s like an old friend that has stuck with me in the worst of times.

There’s always a silver lining to a downturn too.

I hope if my boy one day reads this article that’ll he’ll be proud of his dad. Although 2018 wasn’t a fantastic year, it was filled with many positive milestones.

I’ll be sharing my 2019 outlook and goals next. In the meantime, I’d love to hear some of your hits and misses for 2018!

Related: The Best Financial Samurai Posts For 2018

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mcjoelcain · 5 years

Text

Financial Samurai 2018 Year In Review: Almost A Fantastic Year

Although 2018 ended on a down note with the stock market selling off, I feel good about how things unfolded. I’ll take the ratio of three good quarters to one bad quarter any year.

2018 Year In Review

Finances – 3 Out Of 5 Stars

My net worth is roughly made up of:

30% in stocks/bonds = -1.5%. After writing Your Risk Tolerance Is An Illusion in the Spring, I reduced my stock allocation in my House Sale Fund to roughly 52% from 70%. As bonds began to outperform stocks coupled with further profit taking, my end allocation is roughly 40% stocks / 60% bonds. Owning a bunch of equity structured notes in my other main fund has helped minimize volatility. But clearly I wasn’t defensive enough and should have taken more profits during the summer.

My House Sale Fund portfolio was up around 13% at one point until I gave all the gains up in the 4th quarter. Right now, it’s holding onto a tenuous 0.6% gain, excluding the huge rally on Dec 26. Overall, my public investment portfolio is slightly down, which violates my rule of never losing money post retirement.

House Sale Fund Portfolio went from +13% to just +0.6%

I’m disappointed with my public investment portfolio performance. This goes to show that no matter how concerned you are about an asset class or the economy, greed can override logic.

Net Worth Growth

2018 Net Worth = +6.5%

The key is to not lose all your gains to a bear market.

Related: Recommended Net Worth Allocation By Age Or Work Experience

Family & Fatherhood – 4.7 Stars

He is a determined boy

It’s also interesting it takes up to 24 months before a toddler’s fontanel closes. Therefore, we as parents might as well be as diligent as possible in trying to protect his head before his skull gets to full strength. So much about about parenthood the first several years is about survival – from preventing suffocation while sleeping to making sure they don’t walk off a ledge.

The better our boy sleeps and the more he is able to communicate his desires, the more rewarding parenthood has become. Because he is so strong-willed, his temper tantrums are also quite a challenge.

Related: How To Survive The Pressures Of Being A Sole Income Providing Parent

Health & Fitness – 3.2 Stars

At 41, I still haven’t sprouted any grey hairs, which is a surprise since I first got several grey hairs at 33, the year before I left my day job. The only reason I can imagine for this phenomena is that not working a full-time job is less stressful. It’s one thing to say how much better life is after achieving financial independence. It’s another thing for the body to show us.

Business – 4.8 Stars

I could not have tried harder to build Financial Samurai either. Here are some of the accomplishments:

Published three posts a week on average

Published three pages a week on average

Published one newsletter a week on average

Improved my short-form writing skills with the newsletter

Produced over 50 podcasts

Did several podcast interviews on other platforms

Launched the Financial Samurai Forum with 1,300 members thanks to my wife who set everything up over a year

Got mentioned in Business Insider, CNBC, MarketWatch, MSN, Apple News, Forbes, and Yahoo

Updated How To Engineer Your Layoff with a new forward

Increased overall traffic by 20% YoY, with 50% YoY traffic growth between August 11 – December 27

Net worth including market value of business = +30% YoY

Life’s Odds & Ends – 4 Stars

2018: 3.8 Out Of 5 Stars

There’s always a silver lining to a downturn too.

I hope if my boy one day reads this article that’ll he’ll be proud of his dad. Although 2018 wasn’t a fantastic year, it was filled with many positive milestones.

I’ll be sharing my 2019 outlook and goals next. In the meantime, I’d love to hear some of your hits and misses for 2018!

Related: The Best Financial Samurai Posts For 2018

https://www.financialsamurai.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Financial-Samurai-2018-year-in-review.m4a

The post Financial Samurai 2018 Year In Review: Almost A Fantastic Year appeared first on Financial Samurai.

from Money https://www.financialsamurai.com/financial-samurai-2018-year-in-review/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

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davidfostercomedyblog · 6 years

Text

The Things We Take for Granted

As a child I always wanted to be poor and black. As an adolescent I was criticized for this seemingly preposterous desire, but if anyone thought about it, it was quite logical. All of my heroes were poor and black: Rappers, many favorite actors (and the characters they portrayed), and most athletes (prior to signing their contracts) were poor and black. And what child doesn’t want to emulate their heroes?

Growing up my family was “comfortable” by white, American standards - filthy fucking rich by planetary standards. We didn’t attend private school, nor summer in the Hamptons, but my brother and I each had our own bedroom and Mom didn’t have to work. If you can claim the same and are under the impression that you’re not rich you’re probably a bad person.

In 1994 the tides turned as Dad was let go by his company, who discovered a “loophole” in his contract that would transform his promised $100,000/year pension into a $0/year pension, and the house wasn’t close to paid for. Mom had to go to work, Dad had to go back, and if I ever wished to again be “comfortable” I’d have to earn it, which is hardly something to whine about, still a factor in my reality.

I’ve lived in a million shit holes. In 1998 I was paying $440/month on West 15th St.

Do you know what you get for $440 on W. 15th Street? A room, literally nine feet by six, that happened to offer a great view of the Empire State Building. It was an “SRO” – single room occupancy, which means no kitchen or living room, no nothing, but a miniature refrigerator if you’re lucky, and a dingy-AF bathroom in the hallway to be shared with whatever other college kids or miscreants caught in some life transition (or perpetual non-transition) happened to live on the floor. At the time I was the former, in love with alcohol and psychedelic drugs, and it was the best time of my life. One night my friend, Tre got locked out of his car and had to sleep over, which we executed brilliantly, each of us curled into fetal position at opposite ends of my futon single and I’m confident no spooning took place. Tre decided to take some magic mushrooms from my stash, leaving crumbs of them on the sheets as if they were late night cookies, but the next day he claimed they “didn’t really work.” Incidentally, I got a better night’s sleep than I probably would now by myself on a king-sized pillow top. Ah, youth.

Eventually I upgraded to another SRO on 13th and 3rd Ave. for $600/month, which boasted over twice the square footage, and Tre ironically coined, “The Palace.” The Palace was (barely) able to fit a full-sized futon, parallel to a “coffee table” and perpendicular to a single bed, which made Tre’s sleepovers twice as comfortable and ten times as frequent. Infestation was worse than at the previous domicile, if for no other reason than the aforementioned law of probability as it pertains to literal space. What are the chances of mice and cockroaches as much finding their way into a box as specific as 54 square feet in a New York City building? We’d mostly hear the mice shuffling at night in the dark, but ironically saw roaches in the light, fearlessly perusing the sink or climbing the walls, and I don’t think I’ll ever again laugh as hard as I did when Tre pointed one out and muttered in a weed-smoked stupor: “Room service is here, nigga. You wanna place an order?”

Summers in SRO’s were tough, as air conditioners were forbidden, because capitalism works and life is fair. I’ll never forget one morning the heat was so intense that it woke me up early, so I got up, grabbed my things and bought one ticket to an early morning showing of Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. I’d already suffered through one showing of the cinematic vomit, but figured the air conditioned theater with an awfully uninteresting dialogue and plot as backdrop was the perfect setting to finish my night’s rest. I was right.

No doubt the most interesting part about my time in The Palace was the ongoing mystery of who on my floor was responsible for the intermittent appearances of explosive diarrhea sprayed across the shared bathroom’s walls. One day they would be perfectly clean (relative to SRO’s), and the next day, Wham (literally)! It was everywhere, on the wall behind the toilet and beside it, on the floor as well as the trashcan, and at the still unshakeable age of 22 I was often as impressed by this poor soul’s range and diameter as I was grossed out by it being all over my home. The one thankful, but equally disturbing part of it was there was almost never any shit on the actual bowl. Who was this fascinating beast, first of all with some great gastrointestinal power, that insisted on ruthlessly shitting all over his own home and the home of others, but simultaneously considerate enough to never filthy the seat that his neighbors had to share? We had our suspects, but never got a conclusive verdict.

I graduated from SRO’s to futons in friends’ living rooms, one of which was directly above the loudest and most volatile gay bar in Chelsea, The Rawhide. Instead of unbearable August humidity, it was techno music and the sounds of masculine rejoice that disrupted my sleep, sometimes from below, other times from my best friend’s room. He was more successful than I with drunk girls at parties, thus serving as an in-house reminder of my failures and frustrations in the middle of many nights. The majority of our time at The Rawhide was okay, though it ended poorly, with a break-up from my two best friends (Tre included), typical when cramming three besties into a two bedroom for four years.

I’ve lived everywhere, dawg.

For a few years I had my own studio apartment on one of Washington Heights’ most drug-infested blocks, which is kind of like saying the “most volatile gay bar in Chelsea.” One time a girl I was dating asked me to go outside and find her a bag of weed and I didn’t even make it to the bottom of the staircase before scoring. Location, location… I then moved cross country into a studio in the heart of Hollywood, Los Angeles, then to a dark and dirty converted two-bedroom with two Filipino women in Koreatown for two years, and to this day I have no idea whether or not they were a gay couple. It didn’t matter if they were; I just thought it curious that after all that time and interaction I remained curious. The worst part about that spot was just having to regularly concoct white lies about why I couldn’t join them at weekly Bible study, and each morning waking up to the sounds of urination through the thinly constructed bedroom wall.

“Why don’t you just borrow money from your parents and get a better place?” a friend asked in one of the classic erroneous assumptions made by privileged people:

1. Everyone may not have money, but their parents do at least. False.

2. Hard work = financial success. I’ve never taken a vacation and I have nothing, which is half the reason why I’ve never taken a vacation.

3. Intelligence = financial success. Donald Trump is President.

I moved back to New York with the same complete void of resources that I’d gone to L.A. with, but got hooked up with a room in a real 2Br in Harlem for $678/month! No contract and right in my price range! What was the catch?

Never in my life had I seen such infestation.

I’ll repeat that for the cheap seats and ears deafened by our over-stimulated society of idiots exploiting non-literal superlatives in order to garner attention: Never in my life had I seen such infestation. This includes homes I’ve lived in, as well as every one I’ve ever visited or even passed through just to get a quarter pound of weed in 1995. In my first week there I would come home at night, turn on the kitchen lights and see anywhere from 3-10 of the filthy insects fleeing for safety across the sink and countertop, in much greater numbers and more cowardly fashion than the apathy with which room service used to creep up The Palace walls. Roaches were so much tougher in the 90’s.

Thankfully I barely ever saw them in the bedroom, but they absolutely owned the kitchen and bathroom. We were just renting, mere visitors in their home where they ruled, they roamed, and I didn’t bother to inquire as to whether the roommate would mind if I doused the place in bleach, taped and calked up all cracks in the floors and walls, and bought a new kitchen garbage… With. A. Cover.

Within a month I was victorious in defending the wall, and the wildling little creatures were gone. I’ve been on HBO and Showtime, won comedy festival competitions and earned a Master’s degree in Chinese Medicine, and this was truly one of my greatest achievements in life. Unfortunately my new abode’s other obstacle would prove an impossible hurdle, and one I’d have to stand down to for the 15 months to come: El Bano.

In order to successfully flush I had to hold the toilet handle down for anywhere from 5-12 seconds, making for the longest I’ve ever had to hold a toilet handle down for. Some toilets are stubborn, requiring a hold of 2-3 seconds, max. The next time you flush a toilet hold the handle down for 12 seconds. It’s an eternity.

The seat was disgusting and I immediately decided that no square inch of my skin would ever come into contact with it. To be honest I didn’t even like the idea of my anus hanging above it. I thought about purchasing and attempting to install a new seat, though my brother brought up a good point.

“Considering the apparent hygienic standards of your roommate, will you freely sit on the bare seat if you buy a new one?”

“No.”

“Okay then.”

To cover up the impenetrable stains of funk and musk I instead resigned to spray paint the seat white, and continued to cover it with paper each time I sat down.

Supposedly we couldn’t call the super for repairs, as part of the reason our rent was so cheap was because the apartment was rent controlled from a time before even my roommate lived there. Neither of our names were on the lease. The bathroom would remain as is, which could only be described as fucking disgusting.

I don’t know that I’d ever before smelled the smell, “putrid,” or even “rancid,” and if I had it was only in passing, only in that split second of sensual recognition before we clench our orifices in sheer panic and flee the scene for cleaner air, greener pastures. The smell emitted from my new, old bathroom’s pipes was putridly rancid, and if it wasn’t the worst thing I’d ever smelled it was at least the worst I’d ever smelled regularly. Many times while going to the bathroom I would try covering my nose with my shirt, but the thin layer of cotton was no match for this entity that surely required some kind of exorcism to defeat its demonic potency. Googled gimmicks such as baking soda and vinegar offered only brief reprieve, and for the first time in my life I was brushing my teeth everyday in the (newly exterminated) kitchen.

Unfortunately, neither the odor nor the Zen toilet flusher was my biggest gripe with the room. I would have easily tolerated either of these were it not for the worst Goddamn shower I’ve ever taken in my life. I took 500 of them if I took one.

The water dribbled out in pathetic pressure and took forever to get warm, and these were the unit’s only two familiar flaws from prior shit holes. Additionally delayed was its response to temperature adjustment, so if I came back after waiting the allotted 5-10 minutes and found the water to be scalding hot I couldn’t just adjust the knobs and expect it to adjust. There was a consistently inconsistent wait time between turning the cold water knob and when the water actually got cooler, or if it got cooler at all. Often times I’d get impatient and make it too cold before the defunct pipes were able to catch up and the water suddenly turned to the opposite extreme. Every shower was a non-stop guessing game, concurrent with a waiting game and usually a physical dance, as I’d err mostly hotter instead of colder, and had to dance in and out of the stream to rinse off suds but also avoid getting burned. The worst instances that brought me to exclaiming expletives while naked, wet and alone were surely at the end of long workdays in the winter. I’d bend over to wash my legs and feet and suddenly the erratic unit would turn from a tolerable temp to either ice cold or boiling, spraying my lower back, transforming what all my life had been a relaxing, therapeutic experience into a frustrating battle; a daily reminder of the impoverished outcome of all my hard work. Who’d ever think showering would become something I’d dread?

The good news is that next week I’m moving out, moving on up, not to the east side, thank God, but into my girlfriend’s apartment, who besides being lovely and beautiful, brilliant and hilarious, has a functional shower in an odorless bathroom with a toilet that flushes when you flush it. Amazing! I’ve never seen a cockroach in her place, and if she’s ever had explosive diarrhea it’s remained a secret, surely aimed and disposed of appropriately. I promise never to take such luxuries (nor my girlfriend) for granted again. For the first time in 21 years I’m comfortable. I may just miss being able to leave the toilet seat up.

#shitterwasfull #nationallampoons #manhattanapartments #bathroomlife

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