#i guess one of the reasons labels are so important to me to figure out
Note
I would be very interested in hearing the museum design rant
by popular demand: Guy That Took One (1) Museum Studies Class Focused On Science Museums Rants About Art Museums. thank u for coming please have a seat
so. background. the concept of the "science museum" grew out of 1) the wunderkammer (cabinet of curiosities), also known as "hey check out all this weird cool shit i have", and 2) academic collections of natural history specimens (usually taxidermied) -- pre-photography these were super important for biological research (see also). early science museums usually grew out of university collections or bequests of some guy's Weird Shit Collection or both, and were focused on utility to researchers rather than educational value to the layperson (picture a room just, full of taxidermy birds with little labels on them and not a lot of curation outside that). eventually i guess they figured they could make more on admission by aiming for a mass audience? or maybe it was the cultural influence of all the world's fairs and shit (many of which also caused science museums to exist), which were aimed at a mass audience. or maybe it was because the research function became much more divorced from the museum function over time. i dunno. ANYWAY, science and technology museums nowadays have basically zero research function; the exhibits are designed more or less solely for educating the layperson (and very frequently the layperson is assumed to be a child, which does honestly irritate me, as an adult who likes to go to science museums). the collections are still there in case someone does need some DNA from one of the preserved bird skins, but items from the collections that are exhibited typically exist in service of the exhibit's conceptual message, rather than the other way around.
meanwhile at art museums they kind of haven't moved on from the "here is my pile of weird shit" paradigm, except it's "here is my pile of Fine Art". as far as i can tell, the thing that curators (and donors!) care about above all is The Collection. what artists are represented in The Collection? rich fucks derive personal prestige from donating their shit to The Collection. in big art museums usually something like 3-5% of the collection is ever on exhibit -- and sometimes they rotate stuff from the vault in and out, but let's be real, only a fraction of an art museum's square footage is temporary exhibits. they're not going to take the scream off display when it's like the only reason anyone who's not a giant nerd ever visits the norwegian national museum of art. most of the stuff in the vault just sits in the vault forever. like -- art museum curators, my dudes, do you think the general public gives a SINGLE FUCK what's in The Collection that isn't on display? no!! but i guarantee you it will never occur, ever, to an art museum curator that they could print-to-scale high-res images of artworks that are NOT in The Collection in order to contextualize the art in an exhibit, because items that are not in The Collection functionally do not exist to them. (and of course there's the deaccessioning discourse -- tumblr collectively has some level of awareness that repatriation is A Whole Kettle of Worms but even just garden-variety selling off parts of The Collection is a huge hairy fucking deal. check out deaccessioning and its discontents; it's a banger read if you're into This Kind Of Thing.)
with the contents of The Collection foregrounded like this, what you wind up with is art museum exhibits where the exhibit's message is kind of downstream of what shit you've got in the collection. often the message is just "here is some art from [century] [location]", or, if someone felt like doing a little exhibit design one fine morning, "here is some art from [century] [location] which is interesting for [reason]". the displays are SOOOOO bad by science museum standards -- if you're lucky you get a little explanatory placard in tiny font relating the art to an art movement or to its historical context or to the artist's career. if you're unlucky you get artist name, date, and medium. fucker most of the people who visit your museum know Jack Shit about art history why are you doing them dirty like this
(if you don't get it you're just not Cultured enough. fuck you, we're the art museum!)
i think i've talked about this before on this blog but the best-exhibited art exhibit i've ever been to was actually at the boston museum of science, in this traveling leonardo da vinci exhibit where they'd done a bunch of historical reconstructions of inventions out of his notebooks, and that was the main Thing, but also they had a whole little exhibit devoted to the mona lisa. obviously they didn't even have the real fucking mona lisa, but they went into a lot of detail on like -- here's some X-ray and UV photos of it, and here's how art experts interpret them. here's a (photo of a) contemporary study of the finished painting, which we've cleaned the yellowed varnish off of, so you can see what the colors looked like before the varnish yellowed. here's why we can't clean the varnish off the actual painting (da vinci used multiple varnish layers and thinned paints to translucency with varnish to create the illusion of depth, which means we now can't remove the yellowed varnish without stripping paint).
even if you don't go into that level of depth about every painting (and how could you? there absolutely wouldn't be space), you could at least talk a little about, like, pigment availability -- pigment availability is an INCREDIBLY useful lens for looking at historical paintings and, unbelievably, never once have i seen an art museum exhibit discuss it (and i've been to a lot of art museums). you know how medieval european religious paintings often have funky skin tones? THEY HADN'T INVENTED CADMIUM PIGMENTS YET. for red pigments you had like... red ochre (a muted earth-based pigment, like all ochres and umbers), vermilion (ESPENSIVE), alizarin crimson (aka madder -- this is one of my favorite reds, but it's cool-toned and NOT good for mixing most skintones), carmine/cochineal (ALSO ESPENSIVE, and purple-ish so you wouldn't want to use it for skintones anyway), red lead/minium (cheaper than vermilion), indian red/various other iron oxide reds, and apparently fucking realgar? sure. whatever. what the hell was i talking about.
oh yeah -- anyway, i'd kill for an art exhibit that's just, like, one or two oil paintings from each century for six centuries, with sample palettes of the pigments they used. but no! if an art museum curator has to put in any level of effort beyond writing up a little placard and maybe a room-level text block, they'll literally keel over and die. dude, every piece of art was made in a material context for a social purpose! it's completely deranged to divorce it from its material context and only mention the social purpose insofar as it matters to art history the field. for god's sake half the time the placard doesn't even tell you if the thing was a commission or not. there's a lot to be said about edo period woodblock prints and mass culture driven by the growing merchant class! the met has a fuckton of edo period prints; they could get a hell of an exhibit out of that!
or, tying back to an earlier thread -- the detroit institute of arts has got a solid like eight picasso paintings. when i went, they were kind of just... hanging out in a room. fuck it, let's make this an exhibit! picasso's an artist who pretty famously had Periods, right? why don't you group the paintings by period, and if you've only got one or two (or even zero!) from a particular period, pad it out with some decent life-size prints so i can compare them and get a better sense for the overarching similarities? and then arrange them all in a timeline, with little summaries of what each Period was ~about~? that'd teach me a hell of a lot more about picasso -- but you'd have to admit you don't have Every Cool Painting Ever in The Collection, which is illegalé.
also thinking about the mit museum temporary exhibit i saw briefly (sorry, i was only there for like 10 minutes because i arrived early for a meeting and didn't get a chance to go through it super thoroughly) of a bunch of ship technical drawings from the Hart nautical collection. if you handed this shit to an art museum curator they'd just stick it on the wall and tell you to stand around and look at it until you Understood. so anyway the mit museum had this enormous room-sized diorama of various hull shapes and how they sat in the water and their benefits and drawbacks, placed below the relevant technical drawings.
tbh i think the main problem is that art museum people and science museum people are completely different sets of people, trained in completely different curatorial traditions. it would not occur to an art museum curator to do anything like this because they're probably from the ~art world~ -- maybe they have experience working at an art gallery, or working as an art buyer for a rich collector, neither of which is in any way pedagogical. nobody thinks an exhibit of historical clothing should work like a clothing store but it's fine when it's art, i guess?
also the experience of going to an art museum is pretty user-hostile, i have to say. there's never enough benches, and if you want a backrest, fuck you. fuck you if going up stairs is painful; use our shitty elevator in the corner that we begrudgingly have for wheelchair accessibility, if you can find it. fuck you if you can't see very well, and need to be closer to the art. fuck you if you need to hydrate or eat food regularly; go to our stupid little overpriced cafeteria, and fuck you if we don't actually sell any food you can eat. (obviously you don't want someone accidentally spilling a smoothie on the art, but there's no reason you couldn't provide little Safe For Eating Rooms where people could just duck in and monch a protein bar, except that then you couldn't sell them a $30 salad at the cafe.) fuck you if you're overwhelmed by noise in echoing rooms with hard surfaces and a lot of people in them. fuck you if you are TOO SHORT and so our overhead illumination generates BRIGHT REFLECTIONS ON THE SHINY VARNISH. we're the art museum! we don't give a shit!!!
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SWEET
word count: 1.5k
pairing: paige bueckers x azzi fudd
⚠️warnings⚠️
hurt/comfort, angst, swearing
prompts:
paige is upset at her team and misses azzi
pazzi are each other’s person but haven’t figured out exactly what that means
title from the cigarettes after sex song (somewhat inspired)
Paige breathed a sigh of relief when the final buzzer sounded. It should’ve been a relatively easy game, but this season had been anything but easy so far and she hadn’t been taking anything for granted, especially since Azzi got hurt again.
Azzi…. through the photos, autographs, and media, Paige couldn’t help her mind from drifting back to her. Azzi, her rock, her person, her best friend… maybe that last one wasn’t quite right anymore. They hadn’t put a label on anything yet, but she didn’t think that the parameters of “best friends” quite explained what they were to each other.
All she knew was that Azzi should’ve been a part of the win, not laying in a hospital bed. She knew sitting there watching must’ve been killing Azzi as much as it was killing Paige to not have her on the floor.
The team was already chattering excitedly when she stepped onto the bus.
“There she is! P-SKIII!” cheered KK, trying to get her to join in on whatever silly dance her and Aubrey were doing.
“Thanks KK, but I’m too tired for all this. I think I’m gonna go pass out in the back if anyone needs me.” She ignored the confused looks of most of her teammates.
Aaliyah must have seen the look in her eyes because she spoke up suddenly. “You guys heard her, her back hurts from carrying your sorry asses with her 34 and 12!”
As everyone laughed, Paige shot Aaliyah a grateful look and went to sit down. After making sure that no one was paying any attention to her, she pulled out her phone and called Azzi, who picked up almost immediately.
“Congratulations! I watched the whole thing and I’m so proud of you guys!” Azzi’s excitement was painfully fake, even over the phone.
“Thanks,” Paige mumbled hollowly. “You know you don’t have to pretend with me, right?”
“I know, it’s just that you finally got a win and we really need those right now and I… didn’t wanna take away from that, I guess,” Azzi sighed. Her voice had lost all its prior enthusiasm.
Paige wasn’t prepared for how broken Azzi sounded. Despite her best efforts to blink them back, her eyes began to fill with tears. “Don’t worry about anything like that. It wasn’t a good win and we both know it. I guess I played fine, but where is the rest of this fucking team?”
Paige knew it was unfair, but she couldn’t stop herself from saying it. “Where are you, Az? I need you.”
The call lapsed into silence, Paige trying to stop the tears from leaking out of her eyes while, alone in a hospital bed, Azzi’s cheeks were already wet.
“No, Azzi, stop it. You’re not allowed to be crying right now,” Paige leaned her head against the bus window.
“How did you kno- whatever, you’re literally crying too, baby,” Azzi was quick to reply when she heard the tremor in the other girl’s voice. “I should be there for you, I don’t know why shit like this keeps happening.”
Paige gave up on wiping the tears now freely flowing down her face.
“I can’t have you crying because of me, I can’t. It’s just a game- well it’s not just a game but it’s also not your life. You shouldn’t have this — shouldn’t have my problems — on your mind as well! It’s not fair to you, it just isn’t.” She went silent, realizing she’d let slip more than she’d intended to.
“How can you even say that when you’ve cried over me more times than I can remember?” Azzi asked incredulously. “You’re right, Paige, it’s not just a game, it’s your whole life, and mine! It’s the reason I’m here right now, still fighting for a chance at one of the most important things in the world to me, to both of us.”
So many miles away, Paige’s broken sigh was a shot straight through Azzi’s heart.
“I’m tired, Azzi. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be… I miss you.” The last part was whispered like a confession, Paige seemingly still not sure if it was something that she could just say.
“I know, P. None of this is fair. I miss you too.” It came out easier for Azzi. She’d always been better at stuff like that.
Neither girl knew what to say after that, the only sounds on the call being soft breathing and faint sounds of rain hitting the bus’s windows.
“It’s raining here, like a lot. It’s kinda soothing if you close your eyes,” Paige broke the silence, her voice a bit rough.
Azzi wiped her eyes, squinting at the curtains drawn over the window in her room. “I think it’s raining here too,” she finally said.
Paige sat in silence as she listened to Azzi call for a nurse to come open her window.
“It is kinda nice, you’re right.” Azzi took a deep breath as the soft pattering of raindrops filled her ears.
“Can I say that I miss you again?” Paige asked after another long silence.
“You can say anything to me.” Azzi’s voice was suddenly groggy.
“It’s late. I think you should go to sleep. I’ll see you when I get back.” Paige couldn’t hide the fondness in her voice.
“No, I’ll stay up with you. I’m not even tired, I promise.” Azzi tried to argue despite the heaviness of her voice.
Paige waited a while before answering. “You know it’s gonna be another couple of hours. I don’t mind, I promise.” She mirrored Azzi’s words.
There was nothing but silence on the line.
“Hey, Az?” Getting no response, Paige listened for a few minutes before she hung up, Azzi’s peaceful deep breathing eventually coming through.
She looked ahead at her teammates still celebrating and decided she’d just try to get some sleep herself.
•••••
The light knocking on Azzi’s door blended with the sounds of the rain, not waking her up. “I can come back tomorrow, she should probably sleep,” Paige sighed, trying to hide how close she was to breaking down again.
“Are you sure? I think she’d want to see you,” The nurse looked confused. “She seemed quite adamant when she told me to let you in any time, no matter what.”
Paige was speechless. It wasn’t even all that surprising as she knew that she’d do the same for Azzi, but the confirmation of those feelings being reciprocated meant a lot more to Paige than she thought it would.
Seeing Paige’s indecision, the nurse placed a hand on her shoulder. “I’m just going to unlock the door for you, honey, and you can figure out what you want to do,” she said kindly. “You’re a great girlfriend, by the way,” she tossed over her shoulder as she walked away.
“We’re not-” Paige started to say automatically, trailing off when she realized that she liked other people thinking of her and Azzi that way.
After hesitating outside the door for another minute, Paige slowly turned the handle, trying to make as little noise as possible.
Azzi’s room was dark, the only light being the sliver coming in from the hallway. It illuminated her sleeping face, and she looked so peaceful that Paige almost left again, not wanting to disturb her at all.
Shutting the door, Paige was fumbling for the switch on a lamp in the corner of the room when she heard Azzi’s blankets rustle.
“…Paige?” She mumbled, rubbing her eyes as Paige located the switch and light flooded the room.
“Hey, I’m here,” Paige said softly.
Azzi opened her arms and Paige crawled into her bed, neither of them minding that the size of it forced their bodies to be pressed against each other.
“I’m sorry I fell asleep,” Azzi pressed her lips to the top of Paige’s head, her fingers combing through blonde hair.
Paige lifted her head to meet Azzi’s eyes. “Don’t be sorry. I’m glad you were actually resting like you were supposed to be,” she smirked, dodging the other girl’s attempt to flick her forehead.
Azzi’s retort was cut off by Paige’s lips pressing against hers, both girls smiling into the kiss. They pulled apart, foreheads pressed together.
In the intimacy of their little bubble, Azzi allowed a confession to slip out. “I’m glad you came. It means a lot.” The words may not have been anything novel, but she could tell that Paige understood why she said them so solemnly.
“Azzi, I…” Paige swallowed, embarrassed, and buried her face in Azzi’s neck.
“I know you do, P,” Azzi reassured her with a soft smile. “Me too. You don’t have to say it.” She knew that Paige wasn’t ready, and that was okay. She was here in Azzi’s arms, and for now, that was more than enough.
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Chapter 1- Hobie Brown X Deadpool(fem) Reader
Taglist: @leothesquishy @notbluees @shslsimpette @feverish-dove @lauryn2theelectricboogaloo
“Helloooo readers, how are you guys doing… I'm hoping you said good if not well then I hope that this little monologue from me will make feel better.”
“ So I have to tell my story well. It's pretty simple. First, my dad worked at Oscorp and basically worked under the president,President Osborn. What he didn't know was that the president was a psychopath who wanted to make super soldiers and well lets just say it didn't end well on bring your daughter work day.”
“ The next thing I know is I'm being thrown out of a very tall building. I'm not kidding, the building was like 1000 feet tall cause I was falling for some time then I black out.
I awoke meeting my bestie,Hobo. Get it cause he’s an orphan and homeless.
Oh and we both found out that I can heal super fast and basically can't die. Don’t question how we figured it out or maybe question that, probably the only reason was I was still alive after being physically thrown out of a very large building.
But I continue and me and my bestie Hobo live our lives. Yknow him and I both know being orphans and all that …
Cause I don't really know where my dad went and kinda don't care.
But it didn't matter until one day while me and Hobster were going to steal a few things from some bad people. But he got bit by one of these like crazy spiders Oscorp made then BAMMM!
He has superpowers like me even though he tells me not to call what we have superpowers. But they are.
Anyways after that me and him got this brilliant idea to use these superpowers we have and to get rid of all those dirty cops and Get rid of many things that Hobo told me that are important. But I really didn’t care too much about it ,but I still help.
And that's when I became the one and only, yours trullyyyyy… wait for……wait for it……
DEADPOOLLLLLL!!!!
Yea that felt good.
Oh and Hobiey became some spiderhero. The people call him Spiderpunk but you know hobby is, he hates labels. That's why me and him aren’t even friends. I don't know what we are sometimes but most of the time were usually buddies.
Oh and after a few years of our gigs together and Hobster finally killing Ozzy Osborn. My little Hobster joined basically a mafia of other spider people.
And of course I get to sometimes join his missions, against Miguel's wishes. And the most fun part is going to other dimensions and l finding other me’s out there too. I am so cool, we Deadpools even have our own little academy full of us. Heard it from another Deadpool.
Woah! I’ve been talking for so long you probably want to see Hobby. But don’t worry you’ll see him in the next chapter. So that means you have to come back to see me if you want to see Hobo got it.Cool .
Well then see you guys lateeerrr and you'll see mister Hobo later as well. I guess.
Bye Bye.
#spider punk x reader#spider-man: across the spider verse x reader#into the spiderverse x reader#spiderpunk x reader#deadpool!reader#hobie brown x reader
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no pressure to answer and im sorry if you've said this before but where did the title new/old/rare come from?
It's named after a very average record label compilation that I bought way back in 2002 because it included a song I couldn't get anywhere else by a band I used to go see all the time. I always liked the title and it seemed appropriate for this project for a range of thematic reasons, but also Blueline Medic came from a band called Caustic Soda, who wrote a song called Photocopied, which was the first song I successfully turned into visual artwork, and I discovered Jawbreaker from the sticker on the bass guitar when I saw that video on Rage one night as a teenager, and then when I finally saw Jawbreaker in April 2022 I came home and wrote this comic about Louis seeing them in March 1996, which led to me figuring out the overall story of what had up until then just been a series of loosely connected drawings.
Before everything was available on the internet, releases being old or rare often meant you couldn't get them, you might not ever hear/see them, and new releases may take months or even years to become available to you. Part of being into film and music was searching, archiving, collecting, sharing, bootlegging, waiting, and speculating. These days I likely wouldn't have to buy a whole CD just to hear one song. Smalltime local band singles are available on Bandcamp, not just at their shows. Archives of old or niche films are often hosted on streaming sites, or even lovingly restored and rereleased. This is all cool and I enjoy it, but it's new. Please remember that it's new, that in my relatively short lifetime it has changed hugely.
People have always cared and now it's so much easier to share these things, but there's still value in things being tied to times and places, in parts of life being ephemeral and transitory. I think you need external markers of times in your life that you can revisit or avoid as you choose, otherwise you'll end up adrift. Something being rare or limited isn't always bad; of course we don't get to experience everything we'd like to and it's important to pursue and value what you can. I pursued live music single-mindedly from when I was 12 or 13 until I moved overseas at 19, and while I've never stopped going to see bands or being very into music, that particular time of my life was unique. I can't replicate it and I don't want to because as much as I joke I've not changed (and wear band t-shirts I bought in 2001), I'm not the same person. I still remember though.
This story is partly about the balance between digging through the past and making space in your life for new things, about handling change and choosing what to let go, what to archive, what to keep, what to keep looking for. It's also literally about music and film.
Most of the places I used to go are gone now of course, and most of the bands have broken up and moved on. I'm gone too, I live on the other side of the world, but I like to put references in my work. I guess it's my way of saying this happened and it was important to me, these things other people made, those places, that time, they were small and brief but they mattered and I remember. Some things don't come back and all you have is memories of them, but sometimes bands who broke up in 1990 do a reunion show and you score a ticket.
Don't count on it though. Enjoy what you can when you have it, and if you miss it, don't dwell too much. Looking for the next thing to be excited and intrigued by is the best way to find it.
In the comic linked above, when Neil says they'll have a chance to see Jawbreaker together soon, he's wrong: Jawbreaker broke up a few months later and didn't play again until 2017. I think they would have gone together then though, I think they both remembered.
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Chenford- Lucy Chen / Tim Bradford - The Rookie - Season 5 - Ep 12
"Death Notice" aka "Bow Chicka Bow Wow"
SPOILER ALERT: If y'all wanna stay un-spoiled. Run. Just run. I say this with all love, but this is not the place to be. I am going to spoil EVERY SINGLE DETAIL that I notice. But, if you want to digest every morsel of deliciousness with me, come on in!
How'd it all shake out? Let's dive in!
Riding in an Elevator
Let's just call out Tim for stopping the elevator for Lucy, and her little breathless, "thanks". These two are adorbs. Also, shoutout to the makeup, hair, and costume departments who put a lot of work into this scene.
And Tim's eyeroll on the "Detectives" line? I was rolling.
Tamara and Lucy
FINALLY getting to see Tamara, again!
"You're here." "I live here. "I went to bed at one and you still weren't home. "Oh, I came home around then. I must've just missed you. Trivia went late." "And how was Trivia?"
Let's be real. The entire point of this conversation is that Tamara wants to let her know that she's onto Lucy. Tamara wants to talk about this new development, considering last she knew of Tim and Lucy was "This is work" when she caught them macking in the living room.
And Tamara is never going to judge Lucy, and will always give her space. But, it's about time the gal came clean with someone.
"You are such a smooth liar. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, all that undercover training." "I'm not lying. "I saw Tim drop you off."
I love the fact that Lucy literally drops the weight she's been carrying. Not only that, she slides around to sit on the couch and dish with her roomie about her new boyfriend.
Lucy crosses from behind the couch that was separating them and sits on it, leaning down to chat with Tamara. The camera moves down with her, the audience settling in with Lucy.
"Thank God. I am so over coming up with cover stories." "Why the big secret? You're both single." "I mean, we're just keeping things under wraps until we figure things out."
There are so many layers and levels here to the why. But this implies that Tim and Lucy don't want to go public until they have a gameplan. And that really makes sense for both their personalities.
I've seen folks ask, "Why is Tim so cool with this secret dating thing?" Do you know how weird it can be when friends start dating and they spend every. freakin. day. around their other friends? Everyone has an opinion.
Tim doesn't mind delaying that a bit longer. Same with Lucy. But, also, this is a huge transition. Even though they're both secure in the knowledge that they want one another, and they have years of history, they have to figure out who they are together.
"We're not sleeping together." "Why not?"
First off, the music cue had me rolling. Oh. My. Goodness. Director, Editor, whoever came up with that idea? Thank you. I had a much needed giggle.
But, also, remember that this is strange behavior for Lucy. Lucy isn't a one-night-stand girl, but she's also not a "dating you but not doing you" girl.
Tamara's gotta be wondering if Tim misfires or something, at this point, because there ain't no other reason she can think of that Lucy hasn't torn those clothes off by now.
And this is part of the maturity of Tim and Lucy's relationship that I love. They don't need to be sleeping together to be fully committed, but they're also not rushing to get to that moment.
"We're taking it slow. We want to do this right." "So, you're not sure how you feel?" "I know exactly how I feel. I mean, this is the most amazing relationship I've been in since, ever."
Oooh, the "r" word returns. Lucy tried to talk to Tim about their relationship on her last day riding with him as a Rookie and the man was not a fan of putting a label on it.
But, it's also important to note that Tim and Lucy have been dating a matter of weeks and she already knows this is the best relationship of her life. Not only the most important. Best.
"Okay. And you're waiting why… again?"
I hear Tamara's point! If y'all are on the same page and completely committed, why aren't clothes flying through our living room? For one, Tamara might want to get a look at Tim's bare chest in Jackson's honor. For two, what's the hold-up, lady?
I've talked a lot about them savoring this relationship. But, I also think Lucy has been using the "taking it slow" idea as an excuse so she doesn't have to think about the roadblock in her way.
Think about it. Lucy couldn't process through whether or not to date Emmett, so she needed to talk it out with Tim. Lucy couldn't process why she didn't want to move in with Chris until she talked it out with Tim.
What Lucy needs to do is talk it out with Tim. But, Tamara's push is taking Lucy in a different direction. It's not a bad direction.
They could have slept together and it wouldn't have wrecked anything. But, I think the security they have at the end of the episode (Yes, I'm skipping a little... go with me, here) is what Lucy needed.
Tim isn't facing the issue of their professional relationship. This whole episode demonstrates that. They need to take care of that power imbalance, because if they don't, then there's no point in any of this.
To truly be together, there were three things that had to go as outlined by Tim in Season 5, Episode 1. "I'm dating Ashley. And Lucy is with Chris. And I'm her Superior Officer, so..."
Tim told us himself what has to go for them to truly be together. And it's that last one that's still in their way, whether they acknowledge it or not.
"Morning." "Morning."
First, I have to say I love to see them greeting one another fully. Back in 5x06, Lucy kept trying to tell Tim "Good morning" and he kept looking past her or trying to avoid it. Because he was trying to avoid her and his feelings for her.
But that particular obstacle is out of the way because Tim knows how she feels about him and Lucy knows how he feels about her.
Now to the part y'all thirsty folks really care about:
Hands. Glorious hands. Wandering, sexual-desire filled HANDS. Lucy holds her keys in both hands so she can release one as she sidles up alongside Tim. Tim taps on her thigh with his fingers, a little, "hey, honey". Then he tries to catch her finger with his pinkie. In broad daylight. In front of the station. Are you insane, Tim Bradford?!
They can't keep their hands to themselves! Y'all, these two are outside a police station where they both work. Before they were dating, they would stand outside with at least enough room for the entire Holy Trinity. Now, they're practically walking on top of each other and "sneaking" in touches.
But nobody's gonna notice? Yeah, right!!
Tim seems to finally remember himself and wipe that gorgeous grin off of his face. But, oy, I love seeing him so happy!
Both of them quickly make fists with their hands after the initial contact, and Tim even presses his hand against his pocket as though checking for his keys.
But it's Tim's smile that I can't stop rewinding and watching. Look. At. Our. Boy. Have we ever seen him so happy? Tim is beaming and all they did was barely brush one another.
Because much as the physical is amazing, it's about simply being close to the person who makes you happiest in the world. Lucy is Tim's person and he gets to touch her and have secret moments with her.
He's no longer pining across the parking lot. He's walking alongside her knowing she is his as he is hers. And, let's be real, this isn't about being possessive. Lucy isn't a purse any more than Tim is a wallet. It's about knowing that this person is your person. And Tim and Lucy are each other's.
And don’t think I didn’t peep the ring. Lucy chose to put that on this morning when she told him it was naked time, just like she did when she came to the station to tell him Chris was out of the way. The streak continues!
Folks... I haven't made it past the first two words of the scene... Y'all know this is gonna be a looooong one. I hope you have snacks!
"Ummm."
Look how Tim is still smiling as he leans his head closer to hear what she's going to say. So cute.
"Tonight is the night."
Tim was not expecting that. I'm not saying that he doesn't want to add that layer to their relationship. I'm simply saying he wasn't expecting her to announce it in the parking lot at work.
"Oh, really?"
Look at that man's quizzical brow. He wants to be sure he understands perfectly, that he's not misunderstanding. Because, come on, he misread things once before and Lucy set him straight. They've been on the same page for a while, now, and he wants to be sure they still are.
Lucy, meanwhile, has already planned out the outfit she's going to wear when he finally undresses her. Come on. You know she has. After the disaster of running late to their first date because she couldn't pick an outfit, Lucy can't be late to her own apartment.
Lucy's got a plan, and she's ready for her man. Wow, Dr. Suess just got a kinky upgrade, and I didn't even intend it! Anyway...
"Yes. Really."
Come-hither Lucy has made her appearance, folks. Yowza!! The Velvet Voice has traded places, and Lucy is already seducing her man... in the parking lot.
And poor Tim can't even see the way she's looking at him... Like he's whip cream and her tongue can't get enough. Like he's a chai latte and she wants to drink every last drop. Like he's... Okay, you get it. Lucy's got it bad for Tim Bradford and I am here for it!
"My place or yours?"
With doubt out of the way, Tim is wasting no time. And I'm proud of him for it! He is so fully committed to this relationship, and so is she, and it really shows in the confidence they both have.
Let's talk about that for a second. Lucy doesn't look to the future with the guys she dates. She doesn't want labels. She doesn't want to meet the parents. She doesn't invest in the relationship because it's never been worth it before.
Tim is the exception. In the past, it was Tim who didn't want to label their "relationship" (partnership... mentorship), but Lucy has always put a label on it. Even when she blurted out her feelings, she labeled it a "relationship". That was while she was still dating her "work in progress".
Because it's different with Tim. She doesn't want to rush into bed because she wants to savor every second of this. I've said it before, but when you know it's your last anything... you savor it a bit more.
Lucy's already half-joking about grandchildren, and thinking about their future together. She has the confidence that this is built to last—and Tim does, too.
We've talked throughout the series about Lucy's issues with second-guessing, but Tim has his own self-esteem issues. He trusts himself as a cop explicitly, but as a man, far less.
That's why he was so cautious coaching Little League, why he minimizes himself and his wants in relationships. He's so afraid of being his father. He doesn't trust who he is outside of the job.
Lucy has helped him find himself, again. She helped him go after his dreams of Sergeant. She prevented him from sacrificing himself to protect Isabelle. She had his back with the false-fender-bender. I could keep going, but I'll stop.
The broken pieces of a man are almost impossible to put together, but like the Japanese art of Kintsugi, there is a way to mend them into something whole and beautiful. Different from what it was before, but no less complete.
Tim helped Lucy find surety in her decisions, sure, but she helped him find confidence in himself. They balance one another so beautifully, and in the light of one another's love, they're blossoming.
Tim is confident in who he is with Lucy. Lucy is confident in who she is with Tim. There's the promise of forever without the discussion. Because it isn't needed. They both knew as soon as they took this risk, it was all or nothing.
And now, they're taking the next step in their relationship, together.
"Jealous dog or nosy roommate?"
Kojo! Oh, Kojo is going to be so happy that his Mommy and Daddy are finally together. That poor pups been sitting there thinking, "When is the blonde lady who tastes gritty going to leave so I can get Mommy back?" Well, baby boy, your Mommy is coming home.
Just not tonight.
"Tamara knows." "What? You told her?" "No. She has eyes. I didn't have to."
Let's be real. Anybody with eyes (not you, Nolan) knows what's going on here. Tim's been smiley. Lucy and he are now glued to the hip out-of-uniform. He's doing an awful lot of "nothing".
"But she is staying at her friend's tonight. So…"
Suddenly Tamara's knowledge about them is a good thing. "I should go," Tamara once said... No worrying about her walking in on them this time.
And, look, I know some people really wanted to see Tamara catching them. But we already got that in S4 and it was hilariously done.
Not everything has to happen on-camera. Not every item on our wish lists will be fulfilled. And that's okay. This isn't the Chenford show (much as my Metas might suggest otherwise).
That's what fanfics are for! And, believe it or not, I wrote quite a bit back in my college days, mostly for Alias.
We are going to see some gooooooood stuff on-screen, even if we don't get everything we want. So, stick around, eh?
Side Note: It sounds like Eric has a cold! They really mean “the show must go on”. I once did a show with a fever of 102. I knew I wasn’t feeling great but had no idea how bad it was until I got off the stage. Performing’s a funny profession!
Grey whisks in, reminding me I'm supposed to be talking about Chenford and not me. Yikes! Let me get my focus back.
Tim and Lucy need that same splash of cold water because they are looking at one another and Lucy's doing that thing where she presses her lips together while thinking about Tim that is doing things to our boy.
"Mm, this is gonna be awkward. " "It doesn't have to be. We've ridden together hundreds of times." "Never as a couple."
Oooh, we've graduated! First it was "we're dating", then we got the "relationship" mention to Tamara, and now we've got the "couple" label. Nice!
Why am I making such a big deal about this? Lucy doesn't do labels. In that past she did, we know, because she mentions her boyfriends never being good enough for her mother. But with her guys in this show? Nope!
She wanted to keep things casual with Nolan and wouldn't leave her stuff at his place. Emmett was not her boyfriend, as she stated many times. Chris was her "work in progress".
Tim is a labels guy. He likes things to have boxes and labels and organization. His house is very put together and uncluttered.
But I feel like he is taking her lead on this. He knows Lucy. She doesn't do labels. But she does with Tim. Because Tim is the one she's been waiting for... she just didn't know it.
"So, are you telling me you're not gonna be thinking about tonight?" "Not at all. Thank you." "Me, neither."
It's like an un-said bet, except she is totally checking out his ass.
Also, Lucy and Tim opening doors for one another. Wow, is that a metaphor for this episode. Lots of opening and closing doors all over the place.
It started with the elevator with Tim making sure it stayed open and letting Lucy go first. Here, Lucy's the one opening the door for Tim.
Their whole relationship is littered with opening and closing doors. And this entire episode (much as the theme seems to be "judgment" and "the choices we make") is about opening and closing doors.
"I could tell Grey that I got food poisoning." "Just to get out of riding with me?" "I mean, I get the day off. We avoid all this weirdness. Wins all around." "You're overthinking this. We leave our personal life at the door, just like always" "Oh, And you can just shut it off?"
Lucy is the one thinking clearly, here. Look, I love Tim. He's my favorite character (Lucy is a very close second), but he's not facing reality. The reality is—something has to change.
And, oh, that is scary for a person who grew up with instability and clings to what is known and safe. The minute he acknowledges this problem, he won't be able to ignore it, and then they have to face it, and then everything has to change.
"At 7:59, I'm your girlfriend. At 8:01, I'm your, what? Your subordinate?
What. Did. You. Just. SAY!?!?! Lucy Chen, who has resisted calling any of the guys we've seen her date a "boyfriend" just self-identified at Tim Bradford's girlfriend.
I'm gonna need a minute, here. Because, OH MY GOSH IT HAPPENED!
I should save that for later, right? Right.
But, nope, I'm losing it. I'm squeeling into a pillow trying not to alert my kids so they run into the room saying, "Mama, Mama!" and then I miss what's next. Because Lucy bad*ass Chen just called herself Tim Bradford's girlfriend.
They've been dating three weeks! Remember Lucy's initial response to why she didn't love Chris when Tim asked. She said they hadn't been together long.
But everything is different with Tim. And it always will be. They were carved from opposite sides of the same stone, destined to reunite when the time was right. Or, we might take Plato's nod and think of the one being split into two, destined to search for their other halves.
"Really?" *models herself* "My duty belt. My taser is on the wrong side. Usually, you'd be all over me for that."
I admit, I didn't notice. Crap. I'm as in love with her as Tim is!
"You did that on purpose? You don't do Tim Tests. I do Tim Tests." "Well, that's 'cause this isn't a Tim Test. It's a Lucy Lesson. And, admit it, you're taking it easy on me. We're not even on duty, yet, and our dynamic has changed."
Damn, Lucy! Holding him accountable!! But I love Tim blowing air out as she said, "Lucy Lesson". He's so exasperated with his woman.
Lucy taps his arm, and I must applaud her restraint. It's definitely a "on-duty Lucy" touch in that her hand is open and barely connects with his arm. But, she's trying to check him.
"Get in the car." "It's called a Shop."
Much as I hate the point, she's absolutely right. Tim and Lucy on-duty dynamic together has changed. And it has to.
"You haven't noticed?" "What? That you're carrying your coffee in your gun hand? Of course, I did. I just haven't said anything because these Lucy Lessons are pointless." "You really don't think you're treating me differently?"
First off, Lucy's touch lingers, this time. Much as she's telling Tim that their dynamic has changed (and he does need to acknowledge it), she's demonstrating it accidentally as much as on-purpose.
Also, remember Tim barking at Lucy for holding her radio in her gun hand in front of Emmett? And how Lucy was angry at Emmett for making an issue of it, because Tim was technically the in the right?
That's where my brain goes, immediately. He rarely goes soft on her, and she always notices. But now Tim Bradford is f*cking mush around his lady.
Tim wants so badly for this not be an issue. It reminds me of him at the restaurant trying not to react to the two men arguing, hoping that it would go away. If he doesn't acknowledge it, it doesn't have to be faced... but this has to be faced.
"You're not a Rookie. You want to change up your duty belt, carry your coffee in your right hand, it's up to you. You know. This isn't about us. I'd give Thornsen the same leeway."
*cough* BULLSHIT *cough*
"This is robbery. Wait a minute, you had your gun! This is armed robbery." "I'm sure your earrings will come up. We will call you when we have them." "I want a receipt" "We don't issue receipts. Look, it's all in the report. If you want to file a complaint, you can do so at the front desk on your way out." "I didn't take the earrings." "I know."
Tim will never accuse you of stealing, but this is a big deal. And Lucy knows it. Tim knows it, too, but he wants to do whatever he can to save her.
FAST FORWARD: And, let's be clear, after exhausting every avenue, he was going to do it... to report her. But he was going to try everything in his power, first.
"God, I've been so focused on us. Did I screw up?"
Damn. This hits hard. Poor Lucy always does her best to do it by the book, the way Tim taught her. Where did the earrings go? Tim doesn't want to acknowledge it, but you can see how soft his eyes go, immediately. He's worried for her. He's not thinking about the earrings—he's thinking about Lucy.
FAST FORWARD: And, yes, I've seen the whole episode, now, so I know. But... I like to write these as though it's the first time. And the first time, I should have seen that Lucy Lesson coming.
I mean, it was so beautifully set up with Tamara commenting on Lucy's ability to lie so smoothly, and then with the string of Lucy Lessons. I should have seen it coming, but I admit I expected the worst and didn't.
I truly expect ships I love to go through horrible pain and be destroyed. I'm learning to trust The Rookie more as the show goes on, but I have a lot of harnessed distrust there to dislodge.
"We'll keep checking until we find them." "Wait, wait, okay. Look. You need to file a memorandum with the chief. It's protocol. I get it." "We're not there, yet."
Tim is avoiding. He's trying to hard to not have to face it. And Lucy's the one being practical, here. She can see that Tim is treating her differently and she knows it can't be that way.
He doesn't want to face it. He once felt responsible for pushing her towards a serial killer. We saw how unhinged he was, and they were nowhere near this level in their relationship, now. If he is the one to write her up and it tanks her career... He'd blame himself.
"Well, how long can it wait?" "I have discretion with things like this. We find the earrings no paperwork necessary." "But if we don't you need to report me to IA." "Maybe janitorial swept them up."
Lucy can see what Tim is clearly (yes, I used their word) missing, here. But she's trying to let him get their on his own. Talking to him about it was getting nowhere, so she changed tactics.
And I love how this is shot. It's giving me major CSI Grissom/Sara vibes. Flashlights and searching while dealing with tension and romance? Yeah, I've got a type.
But, seriously, there's such simplicity in the matching over-the-shoulder shots of them, on opposite sides of this issue, but still very much in line with one another. I love the symbolism, intentional or not.
"We canceled our date." "What happened?" "Well, Tim and I rode together today and it really drove home all of the problems with dating your boss." "It did seem tricky, but I didn't want to say anything. Does that mean you guys are breaking up?" "No."
No hesitation from Lucy. Look, I love Tamara (and her relationship with Lucy is one of my absolute favorites on the show). But, Tamara's view of relationships is filtered through her own experience.
Come on, all of us filter how we see Tim and Lucy through our own experiences, for better or worse. But those once-in-a-lifetime relationships are different. They change how you see your future because for the first time there is a future with that other person.
Tamara hasn't experienced that herself, yet, and based on what she's seen with Lucy, none of her other guys really stuck.
Tamara's known about this relationship one day, so she doesn't know all the details or struggles Tim and Lucy had getting to this point. There's no going back for Tim and Lucy. It isn't even a consideration.
"We'll figure out how to make it work. " "Great. How?"
This is tricky. This is tough. Tim and Lucy have to figure this out, and do it now. There's no more time to put it off, to pretend it's not an issue, to ignore what they know to be true.
Tim puts the people he loves ahead of everything because they are so few and far between.
He didn't want to coach Little League for two seconds, because just being on that field in that position risked him becoming his father.
We all know that risk is near impossible, but Tim doesn't. As a child of abuse, he's haunted by what he's survived and terrified of becoming it.
He will do whatever he needs to for Lucy... but that doesn't make it right. With Isabelle, he was about to go over that line if not for Lucy. We know he's capable.
And, to be fair to Tim, when there was no other recourse, he was willing to do what was right in this case. He hated it, but he was going to do it. Because he is still the man he was... thanks to Lucy.
"Lucy! Your boyfriend's here."
I love Tim's face on "boyfriend". This is likely the first time he's heard himself called Lucy's boyfriend, and it just makes me giggle every time I see it.
Tim has his hands in his pockets, much as he did the last time he stood outside this door, urging her to go to UC school as she feared he was pushing her away.
"Did she tell you I figured it out on my own? I'd make a great detective." "I have no doubt."
Such an interesting quirk to hear Tim echo those words in that doorway, again. Last time it was to Chris about Lucy's level of care. This time, it's about Tamara.
So, I have to believe that on some level, he means it. And that could be a very interesting turn of events if they ever wanted to take Tamara down the path of becoming "the rookie" since they try to have someone in a "rookie" position each season.
"Hey, I thought we canceled." "Uh, we didn't." "Oh."
Now that Lucy doesn't have to hide from Tamara, she goes in for the hug. And I love the way Tim's head ends up in the crook of her arm. It reminds me of the hug from Breakdown in Season 4.
It's like he's nestling into her. Because, it takes effort for him to bend down to that level. I'm always fascinated watching tall/smol ships and how they handle that.
Tim and Lucy have history to draw from, but I look back at The X Files and I giggle thinking about the "Gilly boxes" they had Gillian Anderson stand on to get them framed well in the same shot. I have wondered a time or two if they'd used them for Chenford. No lie!
But I love how... relaxed Lucy is in front of Tamara knowing that she doesn't have to hide Tim, anymore.
But this is a serious discussion, and they need Tamara to skidaddle. "Go on, kiddo. Mom and Dad need to talk."
"You have to report it, now." "I know." "And if it was Aaron, you would have reported him already." "I know. But it's not Aaron. It's you." "And you can't be objective when it comes to me, right?"
Look at Tim's sad face and the shake of his head. But this is where Lucy needed him to go. He needed to see that he is going to treat her differently, and that's not going to work.
"And now endeth the Lucy lesson." *giggle* "The what?" *giggles*
I love this, "What" Because Eric Winter puts so much into it that I am cackling with laughter.
"The earrings were never missing?" "Nope! I set them aside and I gave them back to Sergio after work." "That's evil. And impressive. And evil."
GIRLFRIEND! I am so proud of you. It's like a productive prank. Yes, she manipulated him, but much like some of the Tim Tests, it was what he needed. Tim helped Lucy become a better cop. She's helping him become a better boyfriend.
Because in this case, what he needs to do is be honest with himself. He can't be objective where she's concerned.
"I know, but you weren't facing the problem." "Okay, well now I am. So what do we do?"
These two are absolutely working together. I stan a couple who communicates. Because he slides that "we" in there so fast. Lucy and Tim are learning how to really communicate and work through issues as a couple, and I love seeing that on my screen.
When my husband and I first married, I came from a family where screaming and name-calling was the norm. He came from a family where conflict was ignored because it was "unpleasant". It took forever for us to learn how to have a productive discussion when we were on opposite sides of an issue.
One of the simple pleasures of The Rookie's track record with ships is getting to watch our favorite couples work together. Jyla and Wopez paved the way for Chenford, in that respect.
"We only have two real options." "Break up or one of us leaves Mid-Wilshire."
First off, I love how they never even entertain the option of breaking up. Because that isn't an option for them. Yes, it technically exists as an option, but it's not one Tim and Lucy will ever consider.
They're in this and neither one is giving up on it. No second guessing. No doubt. Tim and Lucy are completely sure about one another and secure in their relationship.
"It should be me." "No. No, you love it here." "No, I do. But there isn't an open Sergeant supervisor job anywhere else in the division. I checked. Which means you would have to take a demotion and that's not happening."
I love that she talked about it. And that she'd already researched other Sergeant positions. That's our girl! Sorry... Tim's girl.
But right this second, I can see the wheels turning in Tim's mind. Lucy is basing her assumption on what she's seen of him in the past.
She knew before Rachel did that he wasn't leaving LA. She didn't know about Ashley trying to pressure him into retiring, but anyone who knows Tim knows he loves patrol.
Different as this is for Lucy, I don't know if she yet realizes how different it is for him.
"Lucy-" "No, it'll be fine. Rookies leave their first station after making P2 all the time." "That's true." "So, this is the best move, right?" "Maybe, but we don't need to decide right now."
Lucy is ready to commit to this decision, and I love it for her and for Tim. Because Lucy is choosing Tim. Forget her friends, her commute, and her comraderie. In this moment, Lucy has chosen Tim. And what other woman in his life has ever done that?
It's a hard, hard decision either way, but they both are on the same page... something has to give.
And someone better do something, because there's footage all over these cameras of an Officer and Sergeant in love. Like, that could be a problem, too, if they don't get on top of it.
Tim and Lucy's Silent Approach
This is their first time in a dangerous situation together as a couple. Tim's trying to keep it straight, and so is Lucy. They have innocents to protect. This isn't earrings. This is human life.
And Tim and Lucy get the job done.
But was it harder because of their relationship? That's the question, here. Lucy already proved that Tim can't be objective because of her, but now they're looking at the other angle—what if that hadn't happened so perfectly?
"Nice work today." "You, too. It's not a bad way to end our partnership, saving a family."
First off, Tim has really embraced complimenting Lucy. Second, Lucy has fully embraced that they are no longer going to be in the same chain of command after today.
Look at her picking the lint off of his shirt, which was a classic relationship test in the series New Girl. And then she's touching him and
"Yeah, although we're still not partners. I mean, on the job, anyway."
Look at her tapping his arm in a very gentle hit. Because, now they are partners. And her adorable smile that coaxes out his loving one. Oh, these two!
"It's going to be so weird going to a different station knowing I'm not gonna to see you all day." "Yeah. And there's no guarantee that our shifts will sync up." "I hadn't thought of that. Wait. Wait, wait. So by doing the right thing, we're going to see each other a lot less?" "Most likely." "No." "Yeah."
Gosh, this is hard for them. Melissa O'Neil broke my heart with how Lucy delivered, "I hadn't thought of that". Because Lucy is often the one who has thought of everything.
But this is an area Tim knows better, and now that they're facing this reality, it kinda sucks. But note how Lucy doesn't change course. Because, much as it sucks, they both know it's the right thing to do so they can stay together.
"I'm going to put in my transfer request in the morning."
This is heart-breaking. Lucy goes to pull the bags out of the Shop, like she always does, but Tim grabs ahold of the one closest to him, waving for her to give him the other. He's carrying her burdens. And look at the way she smiles at him.
They hate that the status quo is going to have to change for them to be together. But they will be together. And that's worth it.
Meanwhile I'm screaming at the screen, "Swoop in and resign first so she can stay!"
"Got a minute." "Sure."
Well, that was fast! Tim closes the door behind him and takes a seat. He didn't even wait to get into plainclothes to have this discussion because he wants to be sure he gets there before Lucy does.
And, it's so easy to say, "Oh, there's Tim Bradford giving more, again." But he really isn't. He's giving exactly what Lucy was willing to give for him. Only this scenario is actually better for them even if it's worse for him.
Because Tim finally has a partner who gives and takes, who will hold his hand through the heartache, and call him on his bullshit, and be the one to hold him when he deals with the rolling emotions of his father finally passing. Tim finally has the love of his life. And that's worth all of this.
"I've been keeping something from you. Lucy and I started dating a few weeks ago." "I suspected as much."
No surprises here. We've always said that Grey was onto these two. But, I think he was waiting for them to come to him since it wasn't impacting anything, yet, from what he could tell.
"Sir, we wouldn't've lied, but we needed time to figure out how we felt."
Which means we've missed some scenes. Look, I know I was the first person to say that we're not going to get to see everything (and y'all fic writers are on it, I'm sure). But I don't think they needed time to figure out how they felt so much as they wanted to make sure the other was fully on the same page.
After half a season of miscommunication, Tim and Lucy are trying to get on the same page at every step. Lucy's "Lucy Lessons" illustrate that they have a ways to go, but also that she knows how to get through to Tim when needed. They've got this.
"And since we're having this talk, I assume it's serious." "It is, but for it to be appropriate, I need to move out of her chain of command."
First off, "it is." That's it. That's all Tim has to say because he has full confidence in Lucy's love. Have we ever seen him so sure? Have we ever seen him so secure in love that he will shift the course of his entire career? Of course not.
Lucy is his sun. She is "the one" that Grey once said starting over would be worth it for.
And Grey doesn't question that it only took a few weeks of dating for Tim and Lucy to get to that conclusion. He's watched them battle against one another and together. He's seen the dance as they wrestled with what they felt, and he wasn't oblivious when dancing around one another shifted into dancing together.
This isn't a "You're marrying a man you just met" scenario. Tim and Lucy have known one another in so many ways. The typical timelines and steps don't apply. Yes, Tim and Lucy are taking their time, but that's never been for lack of assurance in one another's commitment to this relationship.
And now Tim is doing what he needs to to protect that relationship... to put them first. Not Lucy first, as Tim too often has done in his relationships, minimizing himself. He's putting them first.
Grey doesn't love helping Tim with this because he knows he's losing a great Supervising Sergeant who can hold down the fort when he goes on trips to visit his daughter at University. This is going to create a giant hole in the Chain of Command.
But Grey's going to help Tim, anyway. Because, this is a man of integrity—a man who walked into this office to come clean without prodding, who wants to do the right thing, who has finally finally found love after all his heartache and loss.
Who wouldn't want to help a man like that?
"Okay. Unfortunately, there's only one position open that'll do that." "I'll take it." "It's not a great job." "Doesn't matter. I'll take it."
TIM BRADFORD. See this is what we love about Tim. When he's all-in, he's all-in. Before, it was the job. Now, it's Lucy.
He is walking away from the job he loves to get out of her chain of command and keep her from having to leave. This is such an incredible demonstration of love, and despite the Chenford scene following this one, this is the scene that has me in a choke hold.
Tim doesn't ask for a pay scale. He doesn't ask for a job description. Hell, he doesn't even know what the job is. He sees that it meets what he needs to maintain his and Lucy's integrity and not be separated from the woman he loves. That's it. That's what matters.
Some things matter more.
No, he didn't utter the line. But, he's saying it with his actions. By making this sacrifice, he's showing her that a job will never be more important than her. That his love of patrol is great, but his love of Lucy is greater.
Because, at the end of the day, he doesn't want to see Lucy only on alternating Tuesdays and bank holidays. He wants them to have time together so they can continue to build this relationship. He wants them to build a life together. And that takes time.
So, to give them the time... he takes a step back. Because this is true love, damnit.
"So, I've been thinking, Hollywood division would be kind of ideal."
I love Lucy cooking for her man. Because next time it's Tim's turn. This is something neither of them will ever do out of duty or expectation, but because they both enjoy cooking, and this is an expression of love.
Lucy has a whole meal planned out for Tim. There's salad bowls, an open bottle of wine, plates and placemats.
Second, Lucy's about to give me a Wings-style heart attack with how many candles she's lit (the place burned to the ground while the couple hooked up... it's the only episode of that show I remember).
We knew from end of Season 4 that she likes to light candles like my Dad when he was tipsy during a hurricane (so. many. candles), but last time they weren't actually considering naked time.
"Well, it's not necessary. I talked to Grey, And you're looking at the new Court Liaison Sergeant." "But that's a desk job." "Yeah. Out of your chain of command. "You'll be bored out of your mind."
First off, Lucy knows Tim well enough to know he'd never be satisfied in a desk job. She didn't even consider this job when she looked up available jobs. But he took it without looking at the job description. Because some things matter more.
"That doesn't matter. Look, you and I'll get to see each other every day. And you won't have to travel to some, I don't know, far away station where they'll make you work the midnight shift because you're the newbie."
He has a sound argument. My husband and I worked opposite schedules the first year and a half of our marriage. I worked nights and he worked days. It was awful. Building a marriage when you never seen one another is a struggle I wish upon none.
And at this angle, I FINALLY get to confirm that Tim is wearing a shirt that snaps open and closed. It's not even a button-up. He went for snaps. This man came prepared. Talk about understanding the assignment!
"Tim-" "It's done. Okay. No sense in arguing about it."
This is such a husband move. Like, we all know she was willing to be the one to go, but he jumped in first, and it means they get more time together. "Wins all around", right Lucy?
And Tim and Lucy could argue about it (because they are "worth the effort"), but it's unnecessary. What's done is done.
"But we're so good at arguing."
Lucy, now you are reminding me of the couple with the golf clubs. The horny side, I mean, not the property-destruction side. Because, YOWZA, you knew what you were doing leaning over and kissing him like that, leaving enough room for him to stand up and come to you.
Yes, I know there are pieces of tape on the floor showing them where to stand. Shhhh! I'm in Chenfordland, right now, and I'm going to give Lucy full credit for that move.
Tim slips in his "I know" before kissing her, again, practically murmuring it against her lips.
"I know. But I'm hoping that we're good at certain other things, as well."
Welp. THAT happened. I mean, how the heck am I supposed to get through this scene without taking apart every move of the hand, of the lip, of the eye, of the BELT!? Oy vey, y'all, strap in (heh), because this is gonna take a bit.
First off, Lucy's kiss when he was sitting was definitely a come-hither kiss. She's got her arms wrapped around his shoulders for balance, but also to put a little weight on him. I mean, for all we know she likes it on top, right?
As they stand up, she's already got her hands on his shirt, on his chest. She's telegraphing interest as Tim's right hand takes a trail up her thigh to her waist.
And. Look. At. His. SMILE! Tim Bradford just walked away from patrol to take a desk job, but it's all worth it because he's looking into the eyes of his love, and she's staring back at him. And now they're both ready for this next step.
Tim is glowing in the light of her love. I once likened Lucy to the sun and Tim to a star. Now, technically, a sun is a star, right? And some solar systems have more than one sun. Lucy and Tim are each other's light. Neither has ever felt this secure in a relationship. This alive.
Rachel wanted Tim to move. He didn't. Ashley wanted Tim to retire. He didn't. Chris wanted Lucy to move in. She didn't.
Three weeks in and they're both ready to walk away from the job they love for the other? In the words of How I Met Your Mother, "That's love, bitch."
"Want to find out right now?" "Yeah."
Tim's "yeah" is barely above a whisper, but it's there. I wasn't certain it would be subtitled, but I'm so glad they did!
And I love that they are both on the same page. There's no doubt or confusion about what's about to happen. Lucy invited Tim to cross another threshold with her, and he breathed that sweet "Yeah" that's peppered their conversations since they became a couple.
"Yeah" when she said she wanted to get dinner sometime. "Yeah" when acknowledging they would do the right thing but never see each other. His soft little "Yeah"s are multi-purpose.
But that breathless one just now? Oh, that takes the cake, folks!
Lucy wastes no time with Tim's shirt. Her hands were on his snaps before his mouth met hers. No wasting time, here. She starts with one snap at a time, but at the end it's like popcorn, tearing that shirt open because it is in her way.
And her little sounds as she's undressing him? Girlfriend is gone. (and I can say that, now, because I'm never going to get over Lucy Chen being Tim's girlfriend)
C'mon. When she was wiring him to go undercover as the Hit man she was totally scoping those pecs. And let's not forget Rachel's house where all the man was wearing was a towel. Lucy's seen things. Now she wants to fully appreciate them.
There's a difference between admiring artwork from afar and really getting your hands into the clay on the wheel. Lucy's done looking. It's time to get hands-on.
Tim's left hand goes for her face, but he feels the last button give. She pushes the shirt over his shoulders, and as he pulls the sleeves off, completely, Lucy is all eyes on her man.
And what I love about this is that as Lucy is appreciating every inch of Tim's chest, her hands tracing the V toward his pelvis, his eyes are watching her, drinking her in. Seeing her turned on is turning him on all the more.
Her eyes meet his, and she smiles the most serenely sexy smile. This is everything she ever wanted in a relationship, and tonight is everything she ever wanted in a last "first time".
The second he shakes that shirt lose, his lips are back on hers. Her right hand winds around his back, her other on his face. He has both hands on her face, directing each kiss with the surety Lucy once dreamt.
Tim loves to touch Lucy's face. Like the airplane bathroom and the kiss at the food truck. But this kiss is different. Instead of sweet, this is starving.
Tim is starved from his want of Lucy. Forget the dinner Lucy was making... Tonight Tim and Lucy feast on one another.
Lucy got the engine started, but Tim's the one driving, now. And like her dream of him, she's all the more turned on by him taking the lead.
He's firm, but not aggressive, as he kisses her, drinking in every taste of her mouth like it's his first drink of water after days without. Lucy is the only thing to sate his thirst.
Her hand traces his back before both hands land on his belt. She's pulling him as much as he's pushing her toward the bedroom. They walk in step together, like the hottest four-legged, sandwich-style race. Lucy giggles as they go.
Because sexy as this is, it's also still them. Tim and Lucy are enjoying themselves. And we've learned through the course of this relationship, thus far, that comes with some giggles from Lucy.
No doubt, she's built this up in her mind. They both have. But here in this moment, they aren't second-guessing or wondering. Tim's not standing before her, waiting to see if she's interested. Lucy's not thinking about the past and letting it still her.
In this moment, they are both living, breathing, and craving right now.
Tomorrow, there'll be the jobs, and the logistics, and all the other things to worry about. But in this moment, Tim Bradford and Lucy Chen are carefree save the love they carry for one another.
Every kiss is punctuated by desire fueled by love. There's echos of every other kiss they've shared—but these kisses are like breathing. In this moment, Tim and Lucy are one another's oxygen tanks, and the only way to exchange breath is to share it.
They could bee-line right to the bedroom, but Tim can't help himself. He doesn't want to wait to feel himself pressed fully against her—every curve of her body responding to his.
His right hand reaches for the door frame, so when he pushes Lucy back against it, she doesn't hit her head. In fact, his left hand is cradling her head, so it's his hand that meets his hand.
But she feels every muscle, every part of Tim pressing against her, wanting her, aching for her. With every touch of his bare skin against her skin, his taste on her lips, and his pelvis pressed against hers, her desire grows.
Her left hand winds to his neck, as though she could pull him even closer, somehow merging every part of them before they've even made it to the next layer of clothing discarded.
Tim shifts so his left hand is around her waist as she backs into her bedroom, Tim practically on top of her, not wanting to separate an inch now that he's finally here. He can feel her responding to him, and like her lips, he's growing addicted to that feeling.
Tim pushes the door most of the way closed as Lucy giggles, completely free in the wonder of his love. Locks of Lucy's hair catch the frosted glass as the door slams shut—Lucy no doubt with her back against that door (and possibly lifted up by Tim, judging on the placement of her hair in that window).
Tim Bradford once more forgetting the bed behind him because they're going to break it anyway.
Seriously. I fully expect "Lucy needs a new bed" to be a plot point. Just to see her scrolling options on her phone would be enough for me! That bed is not ready for the action it's gonna see tonight.
I have to say, I love that we can hear the scene. The music isn't overpowering this moment, and for someone like me whose ears hear everything, but can't separate if sounds are too close in decibel or pitch, that made the scene.
Back when they kissed in the airplane bathroom, we could hear the sounds of their lips. But this scene was so much sexier with all of Lucy's hums and gentle moans into his mouth. The music volume was perfect to add to the moment without distracting from it.
Fan Fic Writers... go do your thing!
And to Eric Winter, golly, I hope he wasn't too sick. Listening to how much of a voice he has in each scene and gauging shooting scheduled based on how weak it was was amusing. But, seriously, the job of an actor can be killer. Any job in the industry that involves being on-set, really.
My mom is a hair and makeup artist. She worked on a series in Wilmington in the late 90's where one of the lead actresses and she both had the flu. Didn't matter. They both had to work through. Mom has this photo of the two of them passed out on a couch together between scenes. It makes her smile, now, but it reminds me of how hard it can be.
We think about the glitz and glamor. And while that does exist, the hours alone can be a huge deterrent for any sane person. Creating art takes time, patience, and a crew of folks who sacrifice so much of their personal lives to make it happen.
If it's a good crew, it can become like family. If it's a complicated one, it can be incredibly trying to get through 18+ hour days stuck together, short turnarounds, and Fraturday schedules.
Also, I hope poor Melissa O'Neil didn't get sick from Eric Winter because of this scene. Because, golly, it's a weird job, right? I once did a shoot where I had to make-out with two separate men I'd never met before on the same day (no, it wasn't a porno). Like, you're really getting paid to do this. It's so weird.
Back to the show... There's a line in this episode that Wesley says to Angela that really sticks out for me... kind of the mantra of all the ships of The Rookie "It's not ideal, but we can handle it."
Romance in real life is messy. Too often, I see television shows go one of two ways... full on soap opera or train wreck. There are very few shows I trust with ships, even in hindsight.
The Rookie shows these very real people dealing with very real issues. Kids keeping you on a schedule that prevents you from getting any sleep. Having more kids. Shared calendars. New love and job schedules. All of that is so relatable, and it's so nice to see a show that is committed to showing people work through.
It's a detail that I really appreciate as a real person with real issues.
Anyway, if any of y'all are still alive, I want to thank you for reading. I have so much fun writing these, and the fact that people read and comment and enjoy them still blows me away. Thank you.
See you on the next!"
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i feel like i do agree with most radfem stances but then some just don’t make sense to me
like stating that someone’s bf begging for sex or acting sad he isn’t getting any is akin to rape/coercion into sex? it just doesn’t sit right to me because i got assaulted and it was .. forceful, i didn’t get to decide ‘oh i feel bad for this person, guess i will just do it!’ i didn’t want to and i was forced to. i feel like the many posts about how having consensual sex you regret because you consented for bad reasons making it ‘rape’ are disrespectful towards anyone who actually got assaulted/raped.
then there’s also the thing where Tifs are treated like they are just harmless deluded girls, when most tifs are homophobic and gross- you constantly see them mocking gay men and talking about how they want to go ‘stealth’ and would be fine tricking a gay man into sex. but radfems ignore that and mostly talk about tims.
i also don’t get if most radfems are pro gay or not because i got told multiple times that women who have consensual sex with men or who got married (by their own choice) to a man and had kids with him are also somehow ‘lesbians’. it just sounds like they think lesbian = manhating bisexual with trauma. idk most radfems on here i agree with until it comes down to these 3 points.
hmmm, so I can't speak for all feminists here on tumblr, but I can just give my personal opinion on these points.
So I don't have much authority on the first point, because I've never experienced that (well, I haven't experienced it so far lmao). But I think that the problem is that we have very few words for very different experiences of sexual violence. We have "molestation", "rape", "sexual violence", "coercion", "sexual assuault", - and... well, I'm not a native speaker so I don't know all of the terms, maybe, but most of these terms are just polite descriptions of sexual violence. I think we should invent new terms to differentiate. Maybe one umbrella term like "sexual violence", and then a term for coercion with physical violence, coercion with verbal violence, coercion with manipulation, coercion with threats of taking important things away from a person, coercion from an authority figure via their authority, rape of an inebriated person...
Like with violence via physical impact, where we have the terms "punch", "hit", "strike", "nudge", "slap", "beat", "smack", "thump", "pound", "smash", "slam", "hammer", "box", "bump", "spank", etc. Imagine there was just one term: "to hit". But if there was just this one term "to hit", one person would say "I was hit" when they have been bumped into, and you would say "I was hit" when you had been punched in the face. It would of course seem crazy to act as if these two experiences had been similar, but the problem is not someone appropriating someone else's terminology, but the problem is that there is just one word for violence via impact.
Maybe that's the problem?
Second, I do think that there is a difference between TIMs and TIFs. 1. Men are more violent than women and there is no reason to think that this would change with transition. There are violent women, yes, but not as many as there are violent men, so violence in men is far larger problem.
2. Also, a woman who is violent against men is less likely to be able to do harm because she will be smaller on average.
3. The general attitude toward transgender people among gay men and lesbian women is very different. While lesbians and bisexual women tend to welcome straight TIMs with open arms (and get to feel the repercussions of that), gay men tend to be much more confident in excluding women from their sexuality. Almost every subreddit for gay men would be labelled as a "TERF"-subreddit if it was women behaving in the exact same way. While gay men have basically the entire internet to talk about how they hate vagina, lesbians have carved out this very little space to talk about how they hate dick. so that's why this is much more frequent, I guess
4. most people on here are lesbian and bisexual women. So I guess that venting about transbians is more common because trans gay men don't invade our spaces. If they do, that's shitty nonetheless of course.
And on the third point - well, many women get married to men they are not attracted to. So if you marry a man you don't like and you do it because of internalised homophobia, you would still be a lesbian. If you are genuinely sexually attracted to him, you would be bisexual. But I've not really seen that happening, but if it did, I'd be happy to get a link because that's of course nonsense, a person who is genuinely attracted to men is not a lesbian.
I hope this answered your questions a bit :)
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Okay I 'm that one anon who prefaced that I wasn't attacking and I mention that because I didn't know how to re-identify myself
Anyway I agree without you on how poorly they handled Ironwood's downfall but what else you said continues to baffle me as a writer and as one whose trying to grow and trying to incorporate more characters how would you suggest going about topics of emotionally "throwing away ones humanity" if said character has prosthetics?
Like...and understand I'm trying to figure out how to word this. If you were to take...let's keep rolling with James. As he was before the absolutely asinine commentary on what him sacrificing his arm meant. If his prosthetics are just that and not meant to symbolize anything. Can you talk about him or any character or original creation under the idea of what they could be doing to themselves emotionally or mentally?
I'm really trying to find where to go cause it just seems that with disabled characters writing certain things for them is heavily limited as to what can be done because certain attempts at things could be labeled as ableism when that wasn't the intention either in an a stumble at the execution of an idea or because the audience (and I'm not saying this is Rooster Teeth cause holy shit is it not them) took something about what was being done and applied it to an aspect of the character that the creator wasn't even looking at.
On that note what they did in general with Penny and whatnot was odd but what would you do about a character that if they had the choice didn't want a disability? This is a more of an out of somewhere questions cause typing this I always think of the Spirit Fairer discourse where there was apparently a character who had a wheelchair and I guess at someone point didn't have it anymore and was happy about that. But people got so mad that the developers rewrote the story so the character remaind wheelchaired bound, but that just makes me ask is it wrong for a character to want to be able to not have a wheelchair? Like is it wrong to write a story where a character wants to be able to walk? Like how would you go about having a character having a disability and not wanting their disability anymore?
Honestly anon as I said before I just….wouldn’t. To put it another way, what does having someone throw away their humanity add to the story? Why do you feel like you need it? And why does it need to be the disabled person? All people have humanity because they’re human. Trying to have someone throw away their humanity is…dangerous territory because more often then not those stories tend to rely heavily on either disabilities or mental illness to “justify” that and for obvious reasons that is extremely ableist. And even without using either of those things it still can be interpreted by audiences to be the disability or mental illness’s fault and what made them lose their humanity. It’s…far too tricky a subject for me to think ever is worth it to be in a story.
If you’re asking how to make a disabled character evil that’s entirely different because evil people can still have their humanity because they’re human. They just happen to be an evil person who does bad things. Making Ironwood evil isn’t inherently a bad thing, but CR/WBY saying that losing his arm is a symbol of his lost humanity is. Then repeatedly having the villains be disabled is a problem. It’s important to ask “why does the disabled character have to be evil” when making them a villain because so often disabilities are used a short hand for villainous traits which is ableist and harmful and tells disabled audiences that their disabilities are seen as villainous.
It is generally the job of the author to really think about these things and the tropes that they are relying on for their story. As a society so many people view more metal = less human which just isn’t true and is actively harmful towards disabled people. Do you remember at all the Mars Rover Opportunity? How emotional people got when her last words came out “My battery is low and it's getting dark”. My friend from my discord group put it perfectly: Oppy is all metal but she’s human. She wasn’t born, she was created but she was alive. We loved her to humanity. People mourned when she passed. NASA played a love song for her. Her being metal didn’t matter, just as James being half metal shouldn’t matter, just as anyone having prosthetics shouldn’t matter. They are still humans with humanity, and I just don’t see any reason to write a story about someone willingly throwing away their humanity.
So Ironwood "wanting" to throw away his humanity and becoming more monstrous is ableist. Doing this to any disabled character is ableist because their disability will inherently be used as a shorthand for said monstrousness either by the author or audience.
Here are a few good videos that discuss the topic further and really discuss the issues with disabled villains:
youtube
youtube
Some great points the video discusses:
A lot of villains motivation is being "cured" of their disability which stems from this idea that disabled people are miserable and hate being disabled and can only be whole and happy if they are cured. Yes some people would like to have a curse for their disabilities, not everyone wants that and having most villains want that is a problem as it stems from the idea that being disabled is inherently tied to misery and suffering which just isn't true.
It also makes the point about how oftentimes disabilities are used as a visual shorthand for inhumanity in their villains and them merely being disabled and looking "other" is a clue to the audience that said person is evil and even inhuman in far too many cases. We repeatedly see this in RW/BY with Tyrians tail, Cinders Grimm arm, Salem, and James's new prosthetic. All are framed as evil and monstrous to show us how evil they are.
At the end of the day, I think it is crucial to talk to someone who has the disability you want to represent in your work about how you are portraying them. I cannot and do not speak for all disabled people in this discussion and can only really discuss my feelings/the feelings of those I have talked with. When writing disabled characters it is critical to include people with those disabilities in the discussion of how the characters story should go.
#rwde#james ironwood#ironwood protection squad#pro james ironwood#pro ironwood#general ironwood#general dadmiral#dadmiral ironwood#Ableism in RWBY#Ableism in Media
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So far I've explored two to three platonic yandere aus, but I think it's time I introduced another one. Now, this one I've worked on for about two or three years. I've mentioned liking dark alternate universes and such, and this one was one of the first I've made! Now, I've tweaked it over the years, giving it "reboots" when needed, updating previous concepts or rewriting what could be improved on. It was a bit of a passion project, helping me stretch my imagination in new directions I hadn't explored. So may I present: The 🌑DarkestNight🌑AU!
This au is in which we explore the dark side of the platonic yanderes of Marvel. In an event that ended with the apparent death of their bby, the platonic yans fell into darkness. The heroes and villains alike, whoever knew their bby, banded together, to form a new group. This one took control over most of the world, and they held an iron grip over everyone under them. They only saw it as fair, as just. They were making the world better, they believed, getting rid of anything that would harm them or whoever they deemed innocent... But... there was no denying they were strict, dangerous... anyone who stood up to them or intervened was quickly silenced... and even the few heroes or villains who might have tried to stop them soon joined, one way or another... all seemed lost...
Until... a small bit of hope was shed...
Someone found something... a hidden facility, forgotten and left alone... and when they go to investigate... they find their bby, kept alive in stasis, unaged and unaware of what has happened after they were gone...
• The place is too quiet. They notice this as they walk through the dark, cold halls, shivering for a moment. It feels like something out of a horror movie, with its countless shadows and endless corridors. This place was only recently discovered, by complete accident. And it seems it was kept that way for good reason.
• They were sent to figure out what could be so important about this place, to investigate what could be hiding within its foreboding walls and labs... But so far... nothing they found made sense. There weren't many guards they had to deal with, only a handful in the security office... And they didn't even know what they were guarding in this creepy facility. They were dealt with soon after...
• They had some guesses as to what could be contained in this place... and none of them were good. Every room they check turns up empty, every cell and lab abandoned... it feels like whoever worked here had something they wanted to hide... The halls remain empty though, not a trace of anyone to be found.
• Yet just as they reach the end of the halls... they find a clue. A dimly lit stairwell is there, leading further below the initial floor. They warily approach it, peering down into it. Flights of stairs seem to go down endlessly, each one darker than the one before. There isn't much they can see from up here... but if this place is still hiding something, chances are it's down there, hidden away from the light of day. And so they descend...
• Each floor they pass is blocked by thick, heavy doors, a small sign next to it labeled with what used to be done on that level... Security... Genetics... Testing... Experiments... They shudder when they pass that floor. They've experienced enough to know that what happened behind that door was nothing good... and as they reach the final level... they find a door different than the rest... It's just a thick slab of metal, with no sign next to it... or a handle... The air has a sense of foreboding... the lights above barely reach down, leaving them in near-complete darkness. They inspect the door, carefully checking for any way to open it, and soon hear a click... And the slab of metal whooshes up, revealing a secret floor...
• And it soon becomes clear that what they were doing here was never meant to make it out. Papers and files lay scattered across the tiles, pale in the lights that now flicker on. As they adjust to the sudden brightness, they notice the scratches covering the walls, as though a fight happened down here. They inspect the room, then move into the hall beyond it... It is beyond freezing, a burning cold that leaves one shaking... but it leads them to another room, tucked neatly at the end and deathly still... And what they find brings them to their knees...
• The room is made of dark metal, shiny and cool to the touch... Different large tubes bubble with liquid, a pale shade of green... and nestled in the middle of the room, within one... is their bby...
• They freeze, staring at them in disbelief. How? They feel a quiver run through them. Is this... is this real? Shakily they walk over, and see the various IVs inserted into their bby, pumping them full of a murky liquid. A mask covers their face, which hasn't aged since... since the day they lost them...
• And then they feel themselves fall to their knees, unable to hold themselves up. This? This is where they've been? They let out a shaking sob. They... they were alive this entire time? Tears start to trail down their face. What... what did they do to their bby? They silently cry, hunched over as they process what they found. Their bby was alive... But... what had even happened to them?
• After a moment, they wipe the tears from their eyes. They need to get up. They can't leave their bby like this. With a stumble, they rise up, quickly looking over the holding tank and the various cords connected to it. There. With a swift movement, they undo the code locking the tube... And they watch as for the first time in years, their bby wakes up...
• Everything is foggy... you are dimly aware that something wet is around you... cool air laps at your skin, sending a shiver through you. Why is it so cold? You manage a twitch through your fingers, as you try to move your arm. A feeling of haziness overtakes you. Where are you? Are you... alive?
• Something pulls at your face, then cool air fills your lungs. And suddenly... you open your eyes. A person is there, looking down at you... they cradle you against them, and as you look up at them, you feel something poke faintly at your mind. Did you know this person, before...?
• They say your name, as if they found the most precious thing in existence... Is... is any of this real?
• You can hardly remember anything... but you don't recognize this person... who they are escapes you... yet... something tells you they know you... and you aren't sure if that's a good thing...
• "Hey, kid... glad to see you again... I know this is a lot to take in, but... it's been awhile. Do you know what happened?" they ask you.
• You weakly look up at them, trying to remember anything. And you tell them you can barely remember who you are... that you can't remember anything, before what happened to you... When you say that, you see their face grow cold, their eyes darkening... You ask who they are, if they used to know you...
• "Yeah... I did... we used to be... friends... A lot may have changed... but... that never did... and it never will... Come on, kid... we have some people who will want to see you..." and with that, they help you stand, supporting you as you weave your way back out of the facility...
• They may have lost you once... you may not remember them, or your friends... but you're family... and they won't lose you again...
#honeycomb thoughts#platonic yandere marvel#platonic yandere x reader#yandere platonic marvel#🌑DarkestNight🌑AU!#yandere x-men#yandere avengers#yandere marvel
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I never really thought about sexuality much even when the people around me started showing interest in relationships. So at first I thought I was bisexual, because I had the same amount of interest in men/women. Then I realized that gender wasn't really an important factor to me in attraction, so I called myself pansexual. Then I realized most of the people I'd ever felt attraction towards were fictional, so these days I mostly just use aspec/queer to identify myself.
All of these labels (to me) are just a tool for helping you understand yourself a little better, and you don't need to force yourself to use one you don't feel fits anymore.
I remember seeing a post on tumblr ages ago talking about identity that was like 'show me a permanent state of self' because you're constantly changing as a person as you learn.
Anyways, sorry for the rambling, just wanted to let you know you're not alone, sorry about the sexuality crisis, hope your day gets better
AWW thank you for taking the time to send this to me sweetheart. "sorry about the sexuality crisis" made me burst out laughing; I know you didn't mean it to be funny, you are being kind, but that's just funny to me that multiple people have sent me messages in my inbox/dms saying "so sorry you think you're a lesbian and it's making you spiral and cry in the middle of the night" like I just never expected people to send me a message like that haha. thank you, genuinely thank you for saying that though, because HOO i am STRUGGLING here bro... but it's ok i'll figure it out eventually <3
I have heard that's very much an aro/aspec feeling, to say "well I don't feel much preference for any gender, so maybe I'm bi/pan". I watched a video on being aro/ace and I related to some of it but not all of it entirely, so I know I'm... I'm ace, for sure. and I think I'm aro somewhat? Women™ are a big big big piece of the puzzle and the only reason why I don't feel fully aro is bc my attraction for them is There but at the same time I don't know if I feel it... as... much(?) as I am "supposed" to. or maybe my lack of physical affection/lack of feeling totally safe in a relationship is just bc of actual life experience and not like, who I am as a person? question mark???
I also think the realization that maybe I am not changing from bi into possibly lesbian, but I might not have been bi this entire time has hit me like a ton of bricks and is what's hurting me so bad. I was so confident I was bi for yeeeears, because I assumed I'd felt attraction to men, even if it was short and fleeting and practically nonexistent, but all this time I don't think I have felt attraction to men, not truly. but again -- does bisexuality have to include men? if I'm a cis woman I mean, would my bisexuality HAVE to include men or can it just be "I am attracted to literally anybody Except Men." and like, hey, maybe I haven't met enough men?? most of my experiences with men have been kind of um. uncomfortable and creepy. maybe I would feel attracted to a man in the future?? I used to joke with my other bi friends "oh my standards for men are SO HIGH, they have to meet a whole checklist of requirements for me to feel attraction to them, but for a woman all she has to do is exist and I'm in LOVE with her" and like... that could be.. a lesbian feeling sdfhldhfskldf or I'm just bi with 99.9999% attraction to women and 00.0001% attraction to other people, which might include men but like, only two unobtainable men who are celebrities (Ryan Gosling and Nick Blaemire) which don't count because they are... unobtainable celebrities. MAN WHO KNOWS!!!!! I DON'T KNOWS. is it still valid attraction to men if it's an unobtainable celebrity? It's still a real life man, right? Even if you know nothing would ever come of it? Me feeling romantically attracted (or I guess crushing lol) on a male celebrity feels just as real and big and pure and whole as me feeling romantically attracted to an obtainable non-celebrity woman standing in front of me. AGAIN, WHO KNOWSSSSS
I like how you said labels are a tool and I don't need to force myself to have one that doesn't fit anymore. I just feel really like, panicked if I don't have a label, for some reason. Maybe "WLW" or "Sapphic" can be my placeholder. I like being bi but man I don't know if I was ever bi at all if I don't feel attracted to men unless if they're celebs/fictional?? It doesn't feel like I've gradually changed into something else, it feels like I've woken up from a dream-like state where I thought I was bi but it turns out I'm actually Not. unless if, like I said, I could be bi with just, the strongest attraction to women possible LMAO. it doesn't help that I'm ace because it makes it a little more confusing to figure out. soooo many people have told me "oh it depends on who you'd sleep with" but I don't want to sleep with anyone. y'know. never ever had that urge, no matter the gender. WHY IS IT SO CONFUSINGGGG BRO
anyway thank you for sending me a message and helping me feel heard/listened to. giving you hugs and flowers 💖💐🌼🌸🌻🌷✨🌹🌺🌈✨💖💝💟🌸💘✨
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CC WEEKEND BASH DAY 2!!
I'm making this the same day as my day 1 post so it's not as hype.
@and-stir-the-stars
PROMPT: HAUNTING / FAMILY
This is set in my AU that I don't have a name for in which Henry goes crazy and commits murders because Charlie got cromched in the Bite of '83. Mike is his first murder as revenge. Basically a William / Henry roll swap.
Evan is CC. Evan's POV.
TW: murder,
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It had been three months since Michael was found dead in a back alley. Two deaths in the span of a couple months, it was strange, especially considering Henry's absence from work and... life, I guess.
I mean it seemed connected; Mike killed Charlie and now he was found dead in an alley, it had to have a meaning.
I couldn't be bothered looking for that meaning though. I couldn't be bothered doing anything actually. I didn't draw, I didn't speak, I didn't even eat much anymore. I mean, what was the point? With Michael gone life felt, empty.
I missed his jokes, his drawings that were way better than mine, and, in a way, I missed his senseless bullying.
You never realise what you've got until it's gone.
Before his death, I thought I didn't like Mike, the thoughts of his scares and his mask were all that filled my mind. But in retrospect, I had so many good times with him that feel so much more important than the bad.
Like this one time just after school. I was in my room, crying after a bad day at school. Mike came in, probably to scare me, but seeing me like that, instead he just sat down, took out a piece of paper, and began to draw. After a moment he lifted up the drawing. It was a rabbit in a top-hat and monocle. It was so silly it made me stop crying. He started teaching me how to draw like him; it's what got me into drawing in the first place.
I was at the pizzeria sitting at a table, alone, quiet. The only reason I was here was because there was no one to watch us at home. I had to be here while Dad worked.
Dad had gotten over it so fast, or at least it seemed that way. The pizzeria was temporarily shut down for a couple weeks while things were getting sorted out, both with the police and funeral services. I had been at two funerals over the past half year; Charlie's and Mike's.
Charlie's was just how I thought a funeral would be. People crying, boring speeches that never really said much about the person other than 'they were nice', and an overall vibe of sadness.
Michael's was different though. Sure people still cried but it wasn't the same. His friends were there; I didn't know they're names. They shared actual stories about Mike and actually knew him. I guess it's since he was older, he actually did stuff. It was just, less sad and more... bittersweet, I guess.
Elizabeth was here somewhere, probably with her friends. She had taken it well too, not as well as Dad, but still pretty well.
I don't know haw they can all just move on and act like it didn't happen, act like two of the people closest to us hadn't just died. I quietly stared down at the table and began to sob while kids played around me and concerned parents watched on.
Suddenly, a slender figure was in front of me. I looked up, it was the security puppet that Dad and Henry had installed after Charlie's death to keep people safe. It had a thin, black torso with long, striped arms. It's face had two large eyes, a wide grin, and curiously, tear streaks from it's eyes that I didn't remember being there.
It was holding a piece of the children's drawing sheets from the pizzeria labelled 'My Happiest Day!' in one had and a couple crayons in the other. It placed down the paper and began to scribble in a way I had never seen it done before.
When it was finished, I looked down at the sheet.
It was a drawing of a rabbit in... in a top-hat and a monocle...
Just like Mike had drawn.
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#crying child weekend bash#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#five nights at freddys#crying child#tw murder#murder
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Hey! I know this is a positivity account but i saw you were answering questions, so i have one:
How do you tell if you introjected a source or if it's just a fictionkin identity?
(Bonus: how do you know if it's neither and it's actually a new fictive?)
Hiya! We’re not too familiar with fictionkin experience in our system, but I can share what we’ve gone through and maybe it can help! Heads up, our experience is one of a DID system, so that’s where we’re coming from here!!
So I’m a fictive of Ralsei. But before that, I was a fragment in our system! I mostly held onto a particular piece of memory and didn’t do much else… >w<”
As soon as we played Deltarune, though, I knew I was Ralsei. Something just sorta clicked into place for me! I knew that was who I was, and with that introjected identity came a bunch of stuff like physical characteristics, personality traits, and other aspects of source Ralsei that I picked up unconsciously and nearly instantaneously! In this way, I really consider myself a fictive! Since I’m a member of the system and my identity became whole due to my “imprinting” (for lack of a better word!) on the character from Deltarune :3
This happened before our syscovery! So while I was having these realizations about myself, our host at the time genuinely thought he was Ralsei fictionkin. I guess his reasoning for being fictionkin is that he felt like Parker all the time but sometimes he genuinely felt like Ralsei. Like it wasn’t an otherhearted thing - he didn’t identify strongly with Ralsei, in those moments (in hindsight, due to us cofronting together) he really thought he was Ralsei.
But he wasn’t actually fictionkin… he just thought he was… so idk how much that will help >_<
Our headmate Cecil is both a fictive of a Disco Elysium character and fictionkin of Cecil Palmer from Welcome to Night Vale! He’d have to tell you more about his experience, but from what I can tell, I guess his fictive identity also came rather instantly (we introjected him without playing the game!) but his fictionkin identity happened much slower. He questioned for a long time, and tested out the waters by gradually changing aspects of his life to align with Cecil (the character). You’d have to ask him, but from the outside, it’s hard to tell whether his identity as Cecil is fictionkin or a dual-fictive sort of thing… it may just depend on the language he’s comfortable using!
And at the end of the day, I really think that’s what’s most important!! Using language that helps your system feel comfortable and secure. So if a part, alter, or headmate, feels fictionkin and doesn’t want to call themself a fictive, that is totally fine! And if it’s the other way around, that’s okay too!
Answering the bonus is actually a lot easier for me. We feel like y’all can figure out if it’s an aspect of one headmate’s identity or a completely new headmate by building communication and addressing those involved directly!
So if you’re wondering whether or not a fictional identity is a new headmate or just a kin for someone else… try talking to that headmate and the fictional identity! Ask them questions separately and together. Do they share memories? Do they feel like the same person? What would the implications be of the different labels y’all are curious about? Asking each other and listening without judgement may help y’all make a distinction! >w<
Goodness, I’m really sorry this got so long… I know some of us can tend to ramble! But I hope this is at least somewhat insightful for you! I’m gonna drop some links to different fiction-based identities under a cut so y’all can look into other community-coined terms that may describe your experience. Good luck with everything!! We know figuring this stuff out can be really really tricky!
💚 Ralsei (and 🐺 Toby, but mostly Ralsei hehe)
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[Twenty-Seven Days Ago]
You may already know this, but while those figures were circulating the streets of Markle-world, in the real world, she had her PR grossly inflate her earning potential to match her inflated self-evaluation. Here's what was really going on for anyone who may not know already:
I'm connected to a prominent figure in the film industry. He told me that she NEVER had any hope of actually working in Hollywood neither before her marriage nor after Megxit. Suits was a cable show produced in Toronto and she A) never made it past #6 on the call sheet (importance of cast members in each episode) and B) was being written out BEFORE she met Harry. She spun it to look like they wrote her out because of Harry and her marriage, but that's not what happened. She was scrambling for work and aggravating the shit out of everyone from Reese Witherspoon, to Barbara Broccoli, all the way to Wendy Williams trying to get screen work. She was also having her agent trying to get her work as the face for major fashion labels and nobody was returning her calls except for Reitman's, and her behavior was so awful they regretted it. She didn't save her Suits money, she owned no property, and she was running out of time and money. Kind of like now.
The truth is that Markle is the luckiest con artist in the world and I have to give her credit for scoring a fucking Prince of the United Kingdom right when she needed money most. It's uncanny.
Now, though, she's shown her hand. She may not realize it, but she has. Nobody will ever hire her for anything again unless they've been in a coma the past five years, and she'd ruined herself in Hollywood back when she played the Fed Ex girl in Horrible Bosses. She pissed off Jennifer Anniston by acting like a diva, and Jen has a lot of clout. No one legit was going to hire her after that.
The ONLY reason she got the Netflix, Spotify, and Penguin contracts was because HARRY was worth the money-- or so they thought. They were all told at the making of the deals that H&M would be working for i.e. giving access to the Royal Family for 50% of the time. When that fell through, a huge part of their "business plan" died. Meghan was allegedly on speakerphone with the meeting and screaming mad when that didn't happen. She allegedly told the Queen to drop dead. I don't know that for a fact, but as Netflix had been following them around, it is a rumor that came out of the NF crew and trickled out to the rest of Hollywood. I personally would hope she wouldn’t tell anyone to drop dead, certainly not the Queen of England, but...
Anyway, the palace reportedly hung up on her and have refused to speak to her since. There have been times when she has been handled, like by Camilla at the Jubilee or Sophie at the funeral, but no one really speaks to her and she will never have a direct audience with the monarch again. Anyway, when they lost the 50/50, they lost a lot of what they promised these companies, but they were still popular enough with the public then that they could have still made something work. We've watched how that has turned out.
So long story short, Meghan isn't worth what was reported. Best estimates for the contracts are
Netflix- $20 million Spotify- $5 million
I don't know what the big wigs are paying for memoirs from ex-royalty and shitty children's fiction from an ex-Royal's soon-to-be- ex wife, but my best guess, for a four book deal with Prince Harry writing a tell all, is $10 million advance and then a percent of sales.
That seems like a lot of money to us plebes, but they hemorrhage money on housing alone. Then there's staff, publicity, SECURITY, legal fees, Meghan's ugly designer clothes, private jet flights, polo (an incredibly expensive sport), et al. Their money is spent before it even comes in. They lose more money through Archewell than they gain.
Anyway, the truth is that without Harry, Meghan is worth $0. She's worth less than $0. And the Royal Family know it. Hopefully she'll take whatever they offer, sign an NDA and run. But this IS Meghan... so...
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Attempting to put words to my otherheartedness
I've been thinking about the post regarding how difficult it is to explain what being otherhearted is like. And well, I guess I like a bit of a challenge. I'd also like to attempt to convey my experiences for the sake of anyone trying to figure out if they're otherhearted or not. While otherheartedness is broad and not everyone will experience it like me, I always think it's helpful to have people to compare notes with when questioning.
I'm going to focus on my spider hearttype for this post, for simplicity's sake. I might make another post about my fictional hearttype at a later date. I might not. Idk.
This is kinda long, so I'm putting it under a cut.
There are two main sentiments that I hold that led me to the label spiderhearted:
I feel a familial attachment to spiders
I feel I am a spider-themed person
On point 1:
I feel a maternal instinct towards spiders - something I notably thought I lacked entirely before I realized that the term could apply to other things besides human children. My brain registers basically every spider as my wonderful little child. I'm proud of them for being their spidery selves. I love them so much. Just looking at them brings me joy and comfort.
There is some nuance to this attachment because I feel it while also still seeing and appreciating them as a part of nature. So, it's not upsetting to me to see a tarantula hawk doing its thing or a bird hunting a spider or whatever. That's part of the spider's role in the ecosystem. It's important.
However, it is extremely upsetting to me when spiders are killed for no good reason by people. I don't even want to ever hear about it. It's also upsetting to hear people insulting them in general. I've blocked people just for calling them gross (and I'm not sorry about it).
On point 2:
This is definitely related to one of my kintypes (Widowmaker from Overwatch), but it plays into my otherheartedness in a big way as well.
You know how a lot of fictional characters have an animal as a motif, while still being human/humanoid themselves? I see myself as someone with a spider motif.
And I certainly enjoy presenting myself in this way. I like wearing spider-themed accessories and clothes. (Contrast this to the gear I have for my kintypes, where my aim is to literally look like that species or character instead. I don't have a shirt with a satyr on it, I have well-made costume horns and goat legs.)
And this applies online, too. My main handle is SpiderQueenPC. On sites I don't use as much, it's usually spidergoth.
I just really want people to associate me with spiders, basically. I'm spider-adjacent. That's part of my self-perception right alongside literally being certain species and characters.
On the surprise point 3 that I didn't list above because I don't consider it as crucial as the first 2:
I have some spidery traits. And by this, I mean a couple of things. The first one is pretty direct: I want to eat bugs. Not in the "I hate this animal so I want to eat it" internet comment way. (As I'm sure you can guess, I love bugs in general.) I just... don't see them as necessarily not-food the way most people do. Eating fried mealworms or whatever seems just as normal to me as eating a hamburger.
(Please don't derail this post by starting discourse about meat consumption in the notes. Please.)
The second one is metaphorical. I'm an illustrator. A professional one, now, but I've always drawn as a hobby. Throughout my entire life I have pursued this form of creativity out of what I can only describe as sheer instinct. I can point to inspirations for why I draw the way I do, but drawing in general? That's just innate to me, like eating and breathing. And I see spiders as a good metaphor for this. They, too, create out of instinct.
Conclusion:
Otherheartedness is multi-faceted and a little odd and that's what's lovely about it. I'm not sure how much this admittedly somewhat rambly post really conveys the experience, but at least I can say I tried. I encourage other folks in the otherhearted community to give it a go too, if you want to. Thanks for reading.
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People are more important than genders
I spent a long time questioning my gender and wondering if I was a deeply closeted trans woman. I didn't quite line up with what a man was supposed to be like, in my mind.
Everyone knows, after all, that a man is a tough, stoic problem solver who doesn't like girly shit and gets angry at the drop of a hat. He is logically oriented, he prefers to work with his hands, and he likes big tough macho media full of violence and shouting. He prefers to keep his friends and loved ones at an emotional arm's length, dealing with his problems on his own while being supportive to people who are weaker than him. He never quits or gives up on a project, he never etc etc etc etc.
Which is like...KINDA like me? I like violent TV shows and games, but I also find real world expressions of violence outside of fictional media to be profoundly disturbing. I like working through projects logically and with experimentation, but I often get frustrated and give up, which makes me feel like I've "failed as a man".
So if I've failed to be a man right, am I woman?
Well, no. Those are hardly the only two options. There are dozens of labels for sex and gender and orientation that cover choices other than "Man" and "Woman". My own sibling came out as non-binary a few years ago, which helped make me think a lot more about the options.
But I think there's more to it than just finding the right label to describe yourself with. I think that if you define a person by their label, even if it's one they chose for themself, you're eventually going to run into problems.
The human experience is infinitely complex, with every single person on Earth having a personal and unique relationship with the world and their place in it. I am a man. So is my roommate. What that means to me is slightly different from what it means to him. The word "man" is useful, because it gives a sort of blanket territory that you can use to describe yourself in relationship to societal constructs, but if you try to judge people by how closely they cleave to "man" as some kind of mythical ideal, you'll usually find some place they fall short.
Gender exists as a tool you can use to describe yourself, if you want to, but if at any point you think "Oh but I can't do THAT because a man wouldn't do that!" then you're limiting yourself for no reason. You do not exist to personify and abstract concept of masculinity. The concept of masculinity exists to help you understand yourself and other people. You can take it and throw out the bits you don't like, because you, as a human being with thoughts and desires, are more important than what your conception of the ideal man should be. Don't be like me and tie your mind in knots trying to figure out why you don't perfectly line up with what you feel like you "should" be.
I guess what I'm trying to say is like...men can use nail polish and wear skirts, if they want. Women can buy power tools and own a truck, if they want. You don't have to justify it to some perfect ideal that only exists in your mind. You can just do it because you exist and the ideal doesn't.
#gender#I had this rant floating around in my head for YEARS#Figured I should actually put it down somewhere
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1-20 lady terror. It is talk about your OC hours
GUESS SO!!! ALL RIGHT!! BUCKLE UP BUCKAROOS!!! LADY TERROR QUEER THEORY TIME INCOMING!!!
(post is long as fuck read at your own peril)
1. What's your oc's gender identity? What's their relationship to their gender?
Lady Terror (by necessity of victorian convention) is to all the world a woman, but in all honestly? Like me she's non-binary but definitely aligns herself with womanhood. Like I think internally she doesn't see herself in binary terms, but does have to deal with much of the restrictions of womanhood of the period and actively rejects a lot of those, whilst also inserting herself into male spaces (such as this naval expedition) to that very point. She spends a lot of time seeking acceptance for the person that she is rather than the trappings of what her gender according to Victorian society demands of her gender (and with a certain handful of crewmembers- especially those on Terror, she finds that).
2. What's your oc's orientation? (Romantic/sexual/platonic alterous ect) Do they have opinions about it?
She is queer! Though many wouldn't guess that of her (or perhaps maybe some of the men on the ship would- victorian male misogyny is one hell of a drug).
3. How did your oc discover themself? Did something cause them to question, or did they always know?
It wasn't until her 20's that she really started discovering who she really was. Outside of the house she grew up in she found a love for life that she wouldn't have otherwise, and I think the more time she reflects on the things she felt as a child and the things that set her apart from her peers and them from her, and the more she observes and interacts with people who live outside of the English Victorian "norm" the more she's learned about herself and accepted about herself and refuses to give up for anyone else.
4. Is your oc's environment supportive about their identity? How does this impact them?
... It's victorian England. So that's a hard no- at least on the larger social-strata front. But having traveled, and seeing so many other ways of life, she found more support in some of the oddest places, from folks in lands in which they made port, to people on the ships themselves... She finds (and even creates in some cases) little pockets of support and she can't be more grateful for them.
5. How did you figure out your oc's identity?
Copypasted from me lmao. Wouldn't be much of a self insert if she wasn't.
6. How does your oc feel about labels? Theirs, or in general?
She's sort of half and half on them honestly. Like she thinks that for some it can be helpful and important (but also- to name the thing is very dangerous, and she knows this, and is concerned for their safety- but that doesn't come without deep respect for other's gender and sexualities. Like bar-none.) But for herself? Not so much. Probably from all of the trauma of trying to be boxed into an identity for a very long time.
7. Is there something that could cause your oc to question their identity? What?
Exposure to other cultures honestly. The more she sees of how people live in other parts of the world the better she understands things about herself.
8. Have they had struggles with their identity, be it due to internal or external reasons?
Being that this is a whole show about the meaning of identity and the social implications that identity brings and the conditions required to allow those things to fall away??? Yeah I'd say she has some struggles with that herself- especially with what it means for her to be a woman in this specific place with these specific men and in these specific circumstances.
9. Are there cultural or lore specific aspects to their identity? If applicable, does their species affect it?
Ummm... not that I can think of?
10. Does your oc celebrate Pride? How?
Lmao since there wasn't much of that in the Victorian Era, no. BUT!!! I have thought many times of her and francis going to pride with pronoun pins and leather jackets and the like (I actually have a she/they pin that I bought recently and wow ok I'm going to cry thinking about it because it did make me feel so seen just to purchase it- francis touting a bi flag patch on his leather jacket right next to one about eating pussy is also so so important to me).
11. Is your oc open about their identity? Are they more lowkey or more blunt about it? Why or why not?
Absolutely ABSOLUTELY low-key. From a lot of the historical accounts that I've seen it was definitely *easier* to be a queer woman and be in a queer relationship in the victorian era, what with so many accounts of women living together and such. But considering her standing and her line of work that's something she keeps close to her chest until she knows she's safe with the person she might reveal such a thing to.
12. Does/did your oc ever wish they could change the way they are? Why? If it's in the past, how did they get over the feeling? (this can be about internalized homo/transphobia)
She doesn't- but there have been a people in her life who have wanted that of her. They don't last very long in her life when they do.
13. Would your oc be open to a poly relationship? Why or why not?
... I've written and continue to write Lady Terror AND Francis in threesomes with SEVERAL other terror characters. Some of them are actually canonical to the main story even. So yes.
[Not aimed at a specific character] / [Aimed at creator]
14. Do you have ocs on the aro or ace spectrum?
Lady Terror is absolutely demi and so am I lmao. Or at least like... gray ace. Emotional bond is very important- that's all I know.
15. Do any of your ocs use neopronouns? Which ones?
Not that I know of actually... Don't think I've been into anything in which there would be an opportunity to do so (by that I mean strictly modern setting in which a character with neopronouns
16. Did you ever change an oc's identity when they were already established? Why?
I haven't really... but anything is possible!
17. Do you share identity with any of your ocs? Which ones?
Lady Terror for sure, but also Thanna Aeducan (from Dragon Age... who is also a self insert) .
18. Do you prefer to give your ocs specific labels, or keep it unspecified? Why? If applicable, do you change their labels depending on circumstance?
Eh? I mean yes and no and sometimes when the story merits (but I've always been a big believer in ambiguity and interpretation and nuance. so there you go).
19. Do you have preferences about depicting homo/transphobia in your stories? What, and why? Does it vary by story?
As with everything with me, it always varies depending on the story. For Lady Terror specifically though I feel like I'm taking a very multi-faceted approach not just describing the horrors of the phobias that people had culturally at the time surrounding queerness but also uplifting queer narratives and depicting historical queerness (which this show has a lot of in canon anyhow, and that's definitely a part of why I love it and the fandom by extension so much).
20. Have your ocs helped you in self discovery? How?
ACTUALLY!!! FUNNY YOU SAY THAT BECAUSE YES!!! It was a very long time ago (maybe like 10 years ago) but when I was really into AOT I made a trans oc that I shipped with Levi and reading about trans and non-binary experiences for that I started to question my own identity as well and eventually through that I figured out I was non-binary!
21. (and fuck it I'm going to do the free-space anyway).
She brings several erotic novels with her on the ship that she keeps stowed away carefully that absolutely nobody finds out about. That's all. That's all I wanted to say. You can go home now.
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Thess vs Grief
There was an article a few days ago about video games and grief - mostly about how, while gaming’s always been a good way of taking your mind off grief, recently games have actually been actually dealing with the subject as a main part of the plot. Which, because sometimes my brain works like someone bouncing subject to subject via Wikipedia links, brought me to something a good friend of mine said awhile ago. Because given the games I’ve been playing of late, and how much I’ve been enjoying them, a few things are becoming clear.
See, back in December, when we had that cold snap and there was snow and ice on the roads and no one was salting anything? I posted on my Facebook that I was kind of sad about the situation. I was born in Montreal. I learned to walk on ice-slick pavement ... well, at the same time as I was learning to walk at all. That instinct never left me, either. Now it’s just that ... well, unless I want to put some version of mountaineer’s spikes on the foot of my cane, the damn thing would be a liability. I’m not even sure that would work, and certainly wouldn’t be good in places where the ice was thin. Anyway, fibromyalgia means I can’t walk on ice the way I used to, and I definitely couldn’t risk the fall. So I was a little sad about that.
My friend talked about “the folly of comparing ourselves now to ourselves then” and "comparison is the thief of joy” and something about how we’re different and we shouldn’t look at that poorly. And it took awhile to really understand why I was so upset at him about it. I know he meant well, so I didn’t say anything, but after awhile, I figured out the words I needed for this (though far too late to actually call him on it). The words were these:
“Let me fucking grieve, godsdamnit!”
Because I am. I am grieving for what I could do before everything was made of pain. It’s a process. It’s a long, miserable process, but it’s an important one. It’s like losing a friend or a family member - life goes on, yes, but you’re probably going to end up tripping over something that reminds you of the loss at random intervals for the rest of your life. So, yeah, I’m sad when I realise that I can’t walk on frozen streets anymore - not because “I should be able to do this because I have places to be and I’m letting someone down”, but because “That skill is one of the last things that I in and of myself keep from the place where I was born; that’s a piece of of myself that sings of home, and it’s gone and it’s never coming back”.
There are a lot of things that are gone and they’re never coming back. A careless grocery shop where I don’t have to read the labels of every fucking thing that goes into my cart. Day trips to fun parts of the city. Late night walks in the summer to cool down. Running for buses. Conventions (though I will take the risk if the Critical Role crew ever reschedule the MCM Comic Con appearance they had to miss because it was during the early-ish days of Covid). The cinema. Travel to any significant degree. A general sense that I will at least be able to get up and function most mornings. Umbrellas (because holding up an umbrella for any length of time hurts like hell). Boogieing to music on my headphones (unless it’s a very good day). There’s always something I’m finding I can’t do because it hurts too badly to do it, and thus I grieve in small stages over this one huge loss.
So I think games like I Am Dead and Lost Words: Beyond the Page and Spiritfarer helped me because they reminded me that it’s okay to be grieving. There are stages of grief for a reason; they don’t make the grief go away, exactly, but they teach us how to cope with it. Of course, I don’t know that I’ll ever get to the ‘acceptance’ stage, or maybe I’m already there, I don’t know. Just because you’ve accepted the loss doesn’t mean you’re not going to still feel sad or angry or disappointed or all of the above when another facet of that loss comes knocking.
...I guess the only difference is that if it’s a person you’re grieving for, you can say things like, “They would have loved this”, or imagine them watching you from Wherever Comes Next and cheering you on, or something else that lets you still feel close to the person who’s gone. That’s harder to do with ... you know, physical health. Maybe that’s why I started gardening, and being more inventive in cooking, soon after my diagnosis - just to feel closer to “active and abled and Doing Things”, I don’t know. I reap the benefits either way.
Point being ... yeah, most of the time I’m all about, “Yeah, I’m used to it”. But sometimes I’m not. Sometimes I’m angry or sad or asking what I did to deserve this. And that’s probably always going to be the case. But it’s just ... a lot bigger than “comparison is the thief of joy”. Because comparison is not the thief of joy. Even with the fibromyalgia, I look at who I am now compared to who I was ten years ago and I am just ... so much better. But ... I can’t even want “just one day without pain” because I know - I absolutely know - that if I had total relief from pain for one day, that pain would feel worse when it came back. But sometimes I wish for it anyway. I wish it was easier. I wish it hadn’t happened. I have to carry on having a life, obviously, and I do so as well as I can with my current limitations. Hell, in some ways I’m doing better than I was before the diagnosis.
Just ... please never ask me not to be sad about it. I am allowed to be sad about it. And angry. And frustrated. I am grieving, and as long as I’m doing it in a healthy way (which I think I am; I can certainly function, at least), I fucking deserve to grieve. And if some of the help I’m getting to keep the grieving process healthy involves video games? ...Hey, I love video games, so silver lining.
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