hi, im kienan! im the current host of the disaster hearts system. we are a korean american body with dissociative identity disorder and have had multiple diff hosts over the course of this blogs run. i or some variation of me have been host since around 2017-18ish. for transparencys sake, the body is 25+. do not ask abt age specifics please.
we are a survivor of csa trauma, parental abuse, religious and cult abuse, and generally very traumatized, and our experience of life is irrevocably colored by that lens.
we are disabled and unable to hold a job ever since we got long covid in april of 2020. we are fully dependent on our partners, working on our disability application, and still coming to terms with the reality of being probably permanently disabled.
unless otherwise specified it is probably some variation of kienan speaking.
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i, kienan, am queer and i prefer to be addressed by strangers with he/they/it or fae/faeself pronouns. i dont rlly care which of those you use, tho, no need to rotate or anything.
some other labels that generally describe me: nonbinary, transmasc, gnc, cuntboy, [redacted], [redacted], femme, femboy, genderweird, bi, aro/ace with a couple exceptions, sex favorable, kink obligate, freak, degenerate, pervert.
i currently have 4 partners, referred to here as prettyboyfriend, nesting boyfriend, girlfriend/daddy, and moirail.
no dni, i think theyre stupid and the only ppl i would not want to interact would not respect dnis anyways lmao. if i have a problem with you i will just say so or block you or whatever.
some of my beliefs and what to expect on this blog are under the cut.
i believe in rehabilitation and compassion, full stop. yes, even for those people. i think that othering and dehumanizing others sucks, that thoughts do not define you (yes, even those thoughts), and that the only thing that matters is your actions.
i think callouts are never helpful, ever. ive literally never seen one do anything helpful or good.
i try my best to interact with others in good faith, and i expect the same in return.
we were homeschooled in a cult and our education was heavily ~moderated~ to keep us brainwashed, and every time i think ive rooted out all the misinfo new stuff comes up. please be patient with me if i ask stupid questions, i literally am stupid. i have so much literal actual brain damage. i will do my best to be open minded, i rlly want to learn!
i believe that the best ways to combat csa are better sex education, breaking down the sanctity of the nuclear family, youth liberation (more legal rights and self advocacy for children), and not clogging child abuse report portals with fucking fictional art, jesus h christ.
medicalization of identities sucks. sysmeds, transmeds, im sorry youre miserable but thats not an excuse for trying to make everyone else miserable with you.
labels are only useful insofar as they help you connect with others like you and form solidarity in order to combat systemic oppression. if labels make you angry or miserable, consider not taking them so seriously.
its okay to just dislike ppl. its not always that deep. trying to come up with moral reasons to justify disliking ppl is rlly fucking catholic.
dont talk to me abt christianity. im aware that my trauma affects my ability to be compassionate in this area, so im staying in my lane. in fact probably dont talk to me abt religion in general.
im not a proshipper or an anti i touch grass <3, HOWEVER:
antishipping / purity politics / anti-kink / whatever you wanna call it, ppl equating fictional depictions of Obvious Bad Things with condoning, supporting, or normalizing them in real life are fucking stupid and have done unbelievable amounts of damage that has now reached far beyond fandom and kink circles. get a life, for fucks sake.
ppl who call themselves proshippers and then go around harassing antis are fucking stupid and have lost the original spirit of the term proship / anti-anti, which hinged around not harassing or harming others over fiction. get a life, for fucks sake.
just be kind. dont be a dick. treat others how you wanna be treated. we are all traumatized but thats not an excuse to be cruel. leave the world better than you found it.
youre gonna make mistakes. you just are. youre not perfect and also the world is complex. remember that you cant help everyone. try your best but dont lose yourself in the process.
art is everything. the act of creation is holy. more progress is made by creating -- building communities, making art, growing plants, building houses, building relationships -- than by tearing things down. there is probably a time and place for violence, destroying oppressive systems, bombing weapons factories, but if we arent creating a positive, healthy society alongside the destruction we are just leaving fertile ground for new oppressive structures to take root. create. create. create.
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many hosts has left a chaotic mess of tags on this blog but here are some we use pretty consistently:
#headspace: original posts. diary rambling, random thoughts, actual semi coherent opinions, anything
#my face: the body
#humans are good actually: reminders
#recovery things: mental health help
#important: there is so much stuff in this tag
#bookmark: too much here too lol
#feel better: just fluffy stuff
#vine: general funny video tag
#about, #me kin id, #i ghostwrote this post: stuff we relate to rlly hard + uquiz tags lol
#posts that are funnier when plural
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Dragon Age fans who are pro-Chantry, I have to ask: are you aware that right up until the years of DA2 and Inquisition, the Chantry actively practiced at least three separate forms of slavery? Like, seriously. Let's break that down.
First is their enslavement of the Templars via Lyrium. Lyrium is openly known to be a highly addictive controlled substance, and all Templars are forced to take it as part of their initiation. We've met former Templars who got lost in the aftermath of the Conclave, who are no longer part of any active forces, but have turned to banditry and smuggling due to their addiction. If the Chantry wanted, they could drag those Templars back into line with ease.
The second form is the Mage Circles. If you disagree with this, you must not have played a mage in origins, because it's apparent from the first half hour. Circle Mages are explicitly shown to be indoctrinated, gaslit, and abused into the belief that they are born evil, and dangerous, and that their existence is a crime that can only be atoned for with a lifetime of servitude for the sake of the chantry. There are mages who have internalized this so much they want to die, or suffer death of self, out of guilt for existing. But the Chantry gives them hope. It gives them the chance to atone, because the Chantry is the only place for them. This is cult tactics at work, people!
And the third form is the Tranquil. We see with Jowan, and Meredith's fanaticism, that the Chantry doesn't need evidence to enact the rite. They don't need just cause or proof; all they need is to want to inflict it. Which they do, because Tranquil are a source of free labor. To become Tranquil means suffering the complete death of self and the annihilation of free will. You cannot think; you cannot act; you cannot even eat or sleep without your masters ordering you to do so. It is a near-perfect form of enslavement, because it removes the parts of a being that allow them to even conceptualize not being a slave.
I just don't get how people can look at all this and think "yeah I support that."
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1988, queer trans man, he/him
dni/dnf: under 18, ageless/blank, gainer, feedism, detrans blogs
side blog for me to be extra horny. follows/likes from my main. my pics/gifs/videos are under #mine
i may occasionally reduce my following for dysphoria reasons (pls don't take it personally - i may be back later)
if you fail the vibe check i'll block
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