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kienansidhe · 4 months

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hi, im kienan! im the current host of the disaster hearts system. we are a korean american body with dissociative identity disorder and have had multiple diff hosts over the course of this blogs run. i or some variation of me have been host since around 2017-18ish. for transparencys sake, the body is 25+. do not ask abt age specifics please.

we are a survivor of csa trauma, parental abuse, religious and cult abuse, and generally very traumatized, and our experience of life is irrevocably colored by that lens.

we are disabled and unable to hold a job ever since we got long covid in april of 2020. we are fully dependent on our partners, working on our disability application, and still coming to terms with the reality of being probably permanently disabled.

unless otherwise specified it is probably some variation of kienan speaking.

-♡♡♡-

i, kienan, am queer and i prefer to be addressed by strangers with he/they/it or fae/faeself pronouns. i dont rlly care which of those you use, tho, no need to rotate or anything.

some other labels that generally describe me: nonbinary, transmasc, gnc, cuntboy, [redacted], [redacted], femme, femboy, genderweird, bi, aro/ace with a couple exceptions, sex favorable, kink obligate, freak, degenerate, pervert.

i currently have 4 partners, referred to here as prettyboyfriend, nesting boyfriend, girlfriend/daddy, and moirail.

no dni, i think theyre stupid and the only ppl i would not want to interact would not respect dnis anyways lmao. if i have a problem with you i will just say so or block you or whatever.

some of my beliefs and what to expect on this blog are under the cut.

i believe in rehabilitation and compassion, full stop. yes, even for those people. i think that othering and dehumanizing others sucks, that thoughts do not define you (yes, even those thoughts), and that the only thing that matters is your actions.

i think callouts are never helpful, ever. ive literally never seen one do anything helpful or good.

i try my best to interact with others in good faith, and i expect the same in return.

we were homeschooled in a cult and our education was heavily ~moderated~ to keep us brainwashed, and every time i think ive rooted out all the misinfo new stuff comes up. please be patient with me if i ask stupid questions, i literally am stupid. i have so much literal actual brain damage. i will do my best to be open minded, i rlly want to learn!

i believe that the best ways to combat csa are better sex education, breaking down the sanctity of the nuclear family, youth liberation (more legal rights and self advocacy for children), and not clogging child abuse report portals with fucking fictional art, jesus h christ.

medicalization of identities sucks. sysmeds, transmeds, im sorry youre miserable but thats not an excuse for trying to make everyone else miserable with you.

labels are only useful insofar as they help you connect with others like you and form solidarity in order to combat systemic oppression. if labels make you angry or miserable, consider not taking them so seriously.

its okay to just dislike ppl. its not always that deep. trying to come up with moral reasons to justify disliking ppl is rlly fucking catholic.

dont talk to me abt christianity. im aware that my trauma affects my ability to be compassionate in this area, so im staying in my lane. in fact probably dont talk to me abt religion in general.

im not a proshipper or an anti i touch grass <3, HOWEVER:

antishipping / purity politics / anti-kink / whatever you wanna call it, ppl equating fictional depictions of Obvious Bad Things with condoning, supporting, or normalizing them in real life are fucking stupid and have done unbelievable amounts of damage that has now reached far beyond fandom and kink circles. get a life, for fucks sake.

ppl who call themselves proshippers and then go around harassing antis are fucking stupid and have lost the original spirit of the term proship / anti-anti, which hinged around not harassing or harming others over fiction. get a life, for fucks sake.

just be kind. dont be a dick. treat others how you wanna be treated. we are all traumatized but thats not an excuse to be cruel. leave the world better than you found it.

youre gonna make mistakes. you just are. youre not perfect and also the world is complex. remember that you cant help everyone. try your best but dont lose yourself in the process.

art is everything. the act of creation is holy. more progress is made by creating -- building communities, making art, growing plants, building houses, building relationships -- than by tearing things down. there is probably a time and place for violence, destroying oppressive systems, bombing weapons factories, but if we arent creating a positive, healthy society alongside the destruction we are just leaving fertile ground for new oppressive structures to take root. create. create. create.

-♡♡♡-

many hosts has left a chaotic mess of tags on this blog but here are some we use pretty consistently:

#headspace: original posts. diary rambling, random thoughts, actual semi coherent opinions, anything

#my face: the body

#humans are good actually: reminders

#recovery things: mental health help

#important: there is so much stuff in this tag

#bookmark: too much here too lol

#feel better: just fluffy stuff

#vine: general funny video tag

#about, #me kin id, #i ghostwrote this post: stuff we relate to rlly hard + uquiz tags lol

#posts that are funnier when plural

#pinned #headspace #my face #humans are good actually #recovery things #important #bookmark #feel better #vine #about #me kin id #i ghostwrote this post #posts that are funnier when plural #sorry this is so long idk how to make things not long #will probs edit as i remember stuff

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raayllum · 15 days

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callum has never done anything wrong in his life actually. mr "loves his friends too much" should be allowed to love his friends too much always

#my s6 anthem i swear #snake boi callum #rayla ghostwrote this post #snake boi callum week #mine #completely irrelevant to 'claudia loves her dad too much' i promise #sole reason opeli retires early

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princeyralsei · 1 year

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Screaming crying throwing up wondering when my darling husband (my fav character Asriel from the hit indie game Undertale) will return from war (finally appear in Deltarune) because the military (Mr. Toby Fox) promises me that he'll be home but never tells me when (he will likely appear in Ch. 7 but the idea of waiting that long gives me pain), violently force feeding me false hope as I wait in utter despair wondering if he's still alive (his depressed ass is suffering in college)

#kris ghostwrote this #they miss their brother and SO DO I #undertale #deltarune #asriel #asriel dreemurr #kris #kris dreemurr #kris deltarune #mine #my post #hermie's rants

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bleachbleachbleach · 1 year

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This is one of those “well you thought it, so I guess...? you can post it” situations, but I was thinking, as I normally am, about Law and Order, and also about that bananas-in-all-ways Bleach OVA. The one with:

And I was like OH MY GOD Hikotsu Taiho

Hikotsu Taihou (狒骨大砲, Baboon Bone Cannon) is one of Zabimaru’s techniques in bankai.

Drop a syllable, though, and you could have Hikotsu Taiho (狒骨逮捕, Baboon Bone Arrest).

HE’S A COP. NO MATTER HOW YOU LOOK AT IT, HE IS OBVIOUSLY A COP

#what is truer to bleach's aesthetic than some kind of borderline inscrutable pun with relatively low payoff #i'm not saying hisagi ghostwrote this post but i'm saying hisagi ghostwrote this post #and he gives IEMURA grief for his shitty creepypastas!!#but look hisagi is here to hype his friends in the most effortful least productive ways possible #renji can appreciate this #abarai renji #bleach... i don't know what this is #no brain just bleach #bleach language

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plagued-roses · 2 months

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I'M FREEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! I'M FREEEEE FROM AUTISM PRISON!!!! MY BOY IS COMING HOME🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 ANYWAYS HOT TAKE THAT I CAN FINALLY SHARE- XMEN 97 HAS ONE OF THE ONLY ACCURATE DEPICTIONS OF MAGNETO I'VE SEEN!! AND THAT'S COMING FROM SOMEONE WHO WATCHED ALL THE CARTOONS AND MOVIES (i hate the movies 😞) ANYWAYSSS EVERYONE REMEMBER TO PIRATE XMEN 97 WHEN IT RELEASES BC FUCK DISNEY THEY'RE A BUNCH OF STINKY GENOCIDE SUPPORTERS‼️‼️‼️‼️ WE STILL NEED A FREE PALESTINE 🇵🇸

anyways they finally freed my bi nerdy and sad, stinky old man <3 the rest of the show could suck butt for all i care, as long as they don't ruin my stinky wet cat of a man's character!! Like if he doesn't say stupid nerdy shit like "have you forgotten that electricity and magnetism are RELATED?! 🤓☝️" in THE MIDDLE OF A FIGHT, i WILL actually cry- 😞😞😞😞 like I love his science major, autistic shakespeare monologuing ass <3 anyways love that they kept my man's absolutely VOLUPTUOUS locks like GODDAMN look at that hair‼️‼️‼️ what shampoo is bro using🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 anyways be prepared for the

CATEGORY 130000 AUTISM EVENT ON MARCH 20th.

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13oddbeetles · 2 months

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Microdosing on going outside while its cold by riding the bus

#posts my roommate ghostwrote #(i stole this quote directly from him)#i <3 my roommate

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doom-dreaming · 7 months

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You know, I've seen the relationship between ship AIs and their human crew described as tamagotchis which is cute, but really it's more like an ant farm.

#maybe its a little of both #i just woke up good morning #halo #cortana ghostwrote this post

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14dayswithyou · 2 years

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Oh no Ren can never find out that I find jealousy, clingyness, and the whole overprotective thing really hot. I do not want him to get worse 😔

✦゜ANSWERED: Oh nooo...... I can't make one of the endings a "fuck changing him, watch me make him worse >:)" that would be horribleee

#ok but i ghostwrote this ask jksdfjsdfks #love me some clingy jealous men who whine and whimper #fictional men ofc #real men can catch these hands #💌 — answered.#💖 — about ren.#💜 — 14dwy memes.#queued post

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coffeeandcalligraphy · 1 year

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you’re in his DMs like “you have pretty eyes” and I’m telling him “your eyes are a private ocean meant only for you & the person lucky enough to look into them”

#would tag this harrison ghostwrote but this is just harrison wrote #one of the most insane romantic lines I’ve ever written fr lmao #if Lonan knew harrison HAD THIS THOUGHT #oh my god he’d scream cry throw up propose plan a wedding write an itinerary for a honeymoon buy harrison 4 dozen roses #yes I’m posting this because I’m on the penultimate seventh virtue chapter where this line shows up like #how am I supposed to be normal about this #when you know the context of this scene is that #harrison is staring at lonan while he thinks he’s actively being betrayed by him #ommmmmmmmg

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humiliationsheets · 4 months

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why does the entire fandom have the same hcs and why do they all make jeremy look like a total wimp

#can’t roller skate.. can’t smoke.. can’t do anything without help from savior michael #(jeremy ghostwrote this post)#remy’s rambles #i’m not actually mad i just think it’s funny

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tathracyn · 2 years

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Dragon Age fans who are pro-Chantry, I have to ask: are you aware that right up until the years of DA2 and Inquisition, the Chantry actively practiced at least three separate forms of slavery? Like, seriously. Let's break that down.

First is their enslavement of the Templars via Lyrium. Lyrium is openly known to be a highly addictive controlled substance, and all Templars are forced to take it as part of their initiation. We've met former Templars who got lost in the aftermath of the Conclave, who are no longer part of any active forces, but have turned to banditry and smuggling due to their addiction. If the Chantry wanted, they could drag those Templars back into line with ease.

The second form is the Mage Circles. If you disagree with this, you must not have played a mage in origins, because it's apparent from the first half hour. Circle Mages are explicitly shown to be indoctrinated, gaslit, and abused into the belief that they are born evil, and dangerous, and that their existence is a crime that can only be atoned for with a lifetime of servitude for the sake of the chantry. There are mages who have internalized this so much they want to die, or suffer death of self, out of guilt for existing. But the Chantry gives them hope. It gives them the chance to atone, because the Chantry is the only place for them. This is cult tactics at work, people!

And the third form is the Tranquil. We see with Jowan, and Meredith's fanaticism, that the Chantry doesn't need evidence to enact the rite. They don't need just cause or proof; all they need is to want to inflict it. Which they do, because Tranquil are a source of free labor. To become Tranquil means suffering the complete death of self and the annihilation of free will. You cannot think; you cannot act; you cannot even eat or sleep without your masters ordering you to do so. It is a near-perfect form of enslavement, because it removes the parts of a being that allow them to even conceptualize not being a slave.

I just don't get how people can look at all this and think "yeah I support that."

#dragon age #anti chantry #this doesnt even touch on how the chantry was founded by an orlesian warlord #150 or so years aFTER andrastes death #who wanted to justify his war of extermination against smaller self-governed states #all of whom WORSHIPPED THE MAKER #or the ongoing genocide of the elves in both the dales and the alienages #i do NOT understand how people still fall for fantasy catholicism propaganda #i REALLY dont understand how the WRITERS fall for their own fantasy catholicism propaganda #this post manifested out of nowhere today #i think anders ghostwrote this and justice possessed me to dictate it

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pocket-tbear · 5 months

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1988, queer trans man, he/him

dni/dnf: under 18, ageless/blank, gainer, feedism, detrans blogs

side blog for me to be extra horny. follows/likes from my main. my pics/gifs/videos are under #mine

i may occasionally reduce my following for dysphoria reasons (pls don't take it personally - i may be back later)

if you fail the vibe check i'll block

#mine #posts i ghostwrote #fantasizing #art

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cnihachu · 2 months

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if you don't like quackityhq you die and explode i'm only a little sorry 🙁

#niki.txt #i’m gonna post these everytime people are quick to jump to hatred and insanity #psys ghostwrote this i love you alex q

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btheleaf · 11 hours

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Me trying to draw shirtless tenzin from book 3:

why did they make him so buff, why did they make his nipples so pink, why did they give us a slutty glimpse of his V line peaking out from his pants, why did they make him so hot, why did they make him so hot, wh

#pema ghostwrote this post #tenzin #thirsty posting #i am not looking respectfully master tenzin #👀

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messinwthkid · 1 year

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#blues brothers 2000 #posts i think elwood ghostwrote /hj #buster blues #LOOOOOOVE DRAWING OVER MEMES #mwtk art #scribbles tag

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woolydemon · 1 year

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I will be like "I won't rb this post bc 1 single joke in it is actually inaccurate to the character so it would go against my morals if I did"

#everytime i see a post where klavier is being a Bad Boy and being flippant abt the rules. thats not my little german boy #that fucker drives on his motorcycle exactly at the speed limit except when hes walking briskly in residential areas #he gives up his seat ln the train for the elderly #he would narc if he saw drugs at das club #im sorry girlies but im not bc klaveir is a DWEEB !!!!!!! and im into it #except for the narcing thing but its ok i can fix him #<- apollo ghostwrote that #rando thoughtz

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