#i feel so bad i didn’t know 😭
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The moment FNAF movie Vanessa knew she fucked up
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf vanessa#vanessa afton#vanessa shelly#mike schmidt#fnaf movie#fnaf fanart#MORE of Vanessa’s thoughts through the fnaf movie#THIS SCENE especially where Vanessa and Mike have a heart to heart#you can just see on her face when she realizes who Mike is#like literally once he brings up Garrett and what happened to him#you can just see it on Vanessa’s face that just had things click in her mind#she even apologizes later about knowing and not telling him#I can only imagine what was going on inside Vanessa’s head in this scene#she must of been full on panicking#just totally losing it but keeping a straight face for Mike#ITS SO WILD#I feel bad for Vanessa#truly her father threw her in the middle of his evil deeds#she truly didn’t deserve to have this weight on her shoulders 😭
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the writers on here making the miguel fics need to remember his fangs inject paralytic venom hes not a real vampire it was just a joke in the movie 😭
oh but i still want him to bite me don’t get me wrong idgaf if they have venom 🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️
#the copious amounts of smut i’ve seen with this man and the fangs is crazy#y’all need to tone it DOWN wheres the fluff omg??#there’s like so many smut x reader fics clogging the miguel o’hara tag and people can express their creative liberties or whatever but it’s#getting CRAZY#like why is almost nobody talking about his character and writing an analysis on him#AND WHY ARE SO MANY FICS WRITING HIM TO BE SOME FERAL AND MEAN BEAST#firstly it’s feels racist to write a brown latino man that way.#second it feels fetishiz-y with how people only sexualize the fuck outta him and talk about nothing else when it comes to him#to add onto that people are drawing him with a MUZZLE on#at first all this didn’t really register in my head as bad but after seeing so much i see it 😭#also some spanish speakers have said people are using incorrect spanish when writing dialogue for him and thats kinda funny#don’t use google translate please 💀#miguel o’ hara#spiderman 2099#across the spiderverse#i also saw someone say miguel would not be a good partner or something and i just know you didn’t pay attention#and i wont go into why because its spoilers but we have seen him be soft and happy with someone he cares about it’s just trauma that has#made him mean and depressed#he was obviously projecting onto miles in the movie when he acted like that let’s be fr#why am i writing a novel down here idk i just wanted to talk about it a little#i love the smut (trust me) but pleaaseee don’t start being fetishize-y
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idk i just think it’s a little weird that almost every character who gets the “innocent baby” / “little ray of sunshine” treatment usually ends up just having neurodivergent traits and actual negative traits in the show that nobody pays attention to. like idk man it just feels like diet infantilization to me and it’s a teeny weeny bit uncomfortable to see all the time
#what’s even weirder is that half of these precious sunshine baby characters will canonically have some kind of temper too 😭😭#like sorry I don’t think Adrien is an innocent ray of sunshine he was literally destroying property out of spite 😭😭#cal.txt#autism stuff#fandom ableism#infantilization#she ra spop#entrapta#spn#supernatural#jack kline#autistic jack kline#adrien agreste#Like of course he isn’t canonically ND but the whole angle of his social awkwardness and unawareness#miraculous ladybug#it’s still a common trait in ND people and it’s probably the most infantilized aspect of us#but come on man#and don’t even get me started on jack. we know how I feel#TLDR jack strangling the gas n sip employee in a rage so blind he had to be shot in the back to snap out of it#like am I alone in this am I detecting a pattern that nobody else is .#siigghhh#we will never be free 😭😭😭😭#castiel#at some point in the fandom and probably still in a few corners#autistic representation#this goes for when a character is simply coded that way too#like I cannot stress enough how coding and representation work#I also cannot stress enough that ableism does not have to be intentional to be ableism holy BALLS dude#you can do it by accident!!! you can play into tropes that you didn’t realize were bad!!!! ITS NOT A MORAL FAILING ON YOUR PART#it’s just a product of society like everything else.
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Man, I still remember participating in one of the many jjba zines that I took part in and how my piece was placed as the first page (for the second time) and how one of my mutuals/artists that I’ve always admired, hit me with the “oh… you’re on the front page again… 😅…” like man, that kind of killed me lmfao. I never got over it like man, what was that about.
#it’s not like i put the books together myself or anything all my ass did was submit my work#like this was from a really popular and well known artist as well like#their art has always been so gorgeous to me too I was like ‘I’m literally a nobody is this person really being shady or…’#rambling#I guess it’s nice being in a zine with ppl I don’t know or care to get to know at least now 😭… just submitting my art and running#referring to the jjk zine 😭 I need t start working on it uhh#zines make me feel so anxious man#it really did make me feel bad and almost guilty? I was like this is kind of awkward…#another zine I was in which was run by a mutual… well… I never even got my zine in the mail#and I even sent them $20 for some merch that they were making since I wanted to support and never got that either…#they deleted their blog but I see that they remade and draw a lot of DM and have a lot of popular posts here so it’s kind of awkward seeing#their art shared on the dash sometimes skeks#we’re still mutuals on Twitter but I don’t rly want to ask about my zine again or the $20 bucks#it’s okay like I owe other ppl stuff too I’m a late bird man but still loskekk#they were the mod for the zine too#I might hit them up again I guess I still love their art and they were always fun to talk to#there was another zine that I participated in where we had to purchase our own copy bro#i remember being so annoyed by that but went ahead and bought it anyway#I was invited to this zine so it made me even more annoyed#I#Guess it didn’t make its money back#or something like that but I remember being broke at the time and was pissed that I had to pay for my own book#I didn’t buy any of the merch because why when it was supposed to be free#if you’re participating in a zine the book and merch should be free
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there’s like three months until kuukou’s bday and i’m thinking it might be already time to start chipping away at my kuukou week this year LOL
#vee queued to fill the void#my work hours are killing me lmao i think i’m in the clear to have the energy to do things and then BOOM more consecutive overtime 😭😭😭😭#a lot of people have been jumping ship bc of it and i don’t blame them lol but the work suits my personality#so i find myself not minding in the end but i like having a work life balance lol#if i have a work life balance i can reasonably take my time drawing my kuukou week stuff#instead of starting before it’s even hitoya’s bday month LOL#i remember someone lamenting they didn’t know kuukou week was going on in the tags of one of my pieces and yeah it was a personal week lol#and still is lol but i feel bad like maybe the masses want a kuukou week 😭😭😭😭#you’d have to pay me to post on twitter tho and that defeats the purpose lol#i’m doing something different this year tho so maybe it’s for the best lol 😓
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gojo unboxing day is going to be a national holiday for many but gege’s personal hell
#sorry i will still joke about his disdain for gojo. it’s overused i know LET ME HAVE THIS#GOJO IS BACK BABY#OVER 1K DAYS#OVER 1.5K DAYS EVEN .#23 APRIL EVERYONE MARK YOUR CALENDARS#yall i am so. didn’t expect to see this day so soon#i feel like we should’ve left him there until 2k days but it’s fine we already got 1.5#gojo satoru#jjk#jjk leaks#jjk 221#edit: my bad i meant 1.1k 😭
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i’m trying not to beat myself up for not having postgrad plans 😭 yes i am moving at my own pace unfortunately i don’t LIKE my pace,
#jaerambles#i’m so scared. i want to know that things will be fine.#at the very least i have somewhere safe to live so not scared in the physical sense but emotionally#there was previously a lot of pressure on me to Make Something Of Myself but that kind of. lessened with the Problems#but now that i’ve been focusing so hard on fixing the Problems i don’t have any career aspirations and i’m scared of being aimless#i really don’t know what i want and i don’t know how to make the moves necessary to get what i want. at least not anymore#when people ask me if things are possible it’s like damn why didn’t i think about that. damn.#anyway 😭😭😭 i stressed really bad about this all day and now i’m just kind of stuck because i can’t Do anything about it yet.#gotta finish my degree. my degree that i didn’t even like all that much.#that’s the thing that gets me i want so badly to feel alive and not just going through the motions#i’m midway through my twenties i have time but i just don’t like how i’ve been spending it#thank you tag system i love typing in tags.#man. i’m so stressed 😭 my resume is so old i haven’t worked in over 6 months and i have no extracurriculars#like what HAVE i been doing. just being mentally ill.
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in april 2022 this phd student researching study abroad experiences interviewed me and my mom bc her dissertation was all abt the return experience and how that impacts the family and ive literaly been looking forward to getting her dissertation and reading it for over a year and she just sent it to me at last and. it turns out she excluded my contributions to it bc her study doesn’t encompass experiences of ppl who were sent home early / had their study abroad cancelled when covid started and the world shut down bc that experience was “non-normative” 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 i get it but i am also feeling murderous rage
#purrs#like. i was rly looking forward to being part of it bc at least SOMETHING good would’ve come out of that absolute nightmare of an experience#and it turns out i didn’t get to be part of it at all despite pouring my heart out in the interview and being so excited because… i had a#nightmare of an experience!!!!!!!!!! 😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻 awesome. love how i still have not healed from that and never will and this is rubbing salt#in the fucking wound lol. she asked me for my feedback and to see if my experience is represented and i don’t even know how t reply to it bc#it’s like… you quite literally say on page 51 that you are not representing my expeirence so 💖#delete later#brighton#i feel bad for complaining bc she was really nice and i loved talking to her and im sure her dissertation will be an eye opening read for me#but it fucking sucks like. can those of us who got our experiences ripped away from us not have anything in this world <3#like why did she interview me if she wasn’t gonna include me in it 😭 i did all that just to get let downnnnb
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I GOT THESE SILLY LITTLE GUYS AT ONE OF MY LOCAL STORES TODAY ‼️‼️‼️‼️ (+ a Tenderheart plushie… which is not pictured. I forgot to snap a photo of him. 😭😭)
THEY ONLY HAD THEM IN STOCK SO I HAD TO SNATCH THEM BEFORE THEY COULD BE DONATED WAY!!!!
#you know it feels very ironic that these guys were the only ones available at that store… when I literally made a post about these two#last friday… it’s like someone knew… or the universe knew… SOMETHING KNEW… /J#also why is funshine’s box so filthy… what did they do to you bro…#I feel so bad for the tenderheart plushie I found… (at a different store! actually! that didn’t treat him like crap!)#I should’ve included him but like… I was in a rush to put away stuff so… 😭#☆ (it’s time to make history!)#care bears#grumpy bear#funshine bear
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someone really should be talking about how difficult it is to plan a wedding - a gay wedding - when both of your families fucking suck
#who is talking about this!!!! let me know#idk i have 0 expectations for my family but they still somehow always manage to let me down which#i was anticipating#and i didn’t think i would care because i have never cared before#but liiiiiike.#i wasn’t expecting to feel sad rofl but my family is so fucking flaky. again i KNOW THIS i know i cannot rely on any of them#it’s annoying when i have given them a year and a half to make plans and i have had so many people tell me they would be there#just to back out or ghost or come up with some excuse#like do you know how expensive weddings are 😭 JUST fucking be honest with me and rsvp no#anyway i was very intentional with the few family members i did invite#and specifically invited people i have a rapport with / had a good (ish lol) relationship with growing up#people i have bent over backwards trying to please!!! and dropping everything to help them out#and they can’t even be bothered to communicate with me lol it’s fine. like. i do feel like it’s internalized homophobia at this point#or maybe they have hated me this entire time which is totally plausible#but they KNOW how much ayesha means to me and knows that no one from her family is coming to our wedding#at the end of the day it’s going to be like. 5 people from my family 1 from ayesha’s (her brother) and like 30-40 friends#which i am so grateful for obviously#i sound like such a brat but it’s also like - watching your family continuously choose drugs/alcohol over showing up for you - lol#AGAIN i’m used to this and expected as much but i’m still feeling bad#just rsvp so i can move on with my life please. stop telling me you’re trying to make it work when we both know you aren’t#i have so much more to say but i’m going to sound crazy even though i knooooow it is homophobia like i Know it#i think there are certain people i will finally go no contact with for good after this#which is a freeing thought but i only invited v few family members to begin with. there’s abt to be no one left lmao#probably for the best#ugh whatever#again i can’t help but feel a certain way when they have done more/traveled further for relatives they hardly know#meanwhile i was forced to spend so much of my life living for these people and for them alone#AAAAAAAA i just want to scream#text
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random but like 2 months ago my mom saw this video of this mom and daughter that would cuddle and like one of those touchy families ig and me and her do not and never have done that. Well this woman came to me after she saw it and was like talking about how she felt like maybe she wasn’t affectionate enough and I was like “no please. do not cuddle with me, i like how we are” and this bitch said “good, me too. but it just made wonder if you felt that way” 🤣🤣🤣 she’s so funny. i told her either way it’s too late now, i don’t even like when my friends are touchy with me most the time either but if i love you enough i will tolerate it 🤣🤣
#unless you’re my person i don’t wanna be touched 😭😭#like my aunt is really touchy so when’s e went to Disney it was driving me crazy!!!!#but I love her so much so I just let it happen 🤣🤣#I was dying inside tho#idk why#I realized this about myself a couple years ago actually#bc I have a friend that has trauma so she’s like ‘absolutely not’#but i don’t necessarily have trauma but I hate it#but most the time I won’t say it unless idc about you#🤣🤣#idrk why but I wanna know why I feel this way lol#cause my dad is affectionate and I would be like ‘no’ and he’d be like ‘you’re my kid idc I do what I want’ maybe that’s why#bc he didn’t respect my boundaries shocker#he not gross tho#I feel like that sounded bad but I’m talkin like a hug and kisses on the cheek etc#been meaning to rant about him actually bc he kinda been irritating#by that I mean I’m realizing a lot of things and it makes me kind of mad at him
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I went into the boys tag for the first time (a big mistake lmfaooo) and I just have to say that white people fall for propaganda so easily especially when wrapped in a thin veil of that same whiteness that they value more than anything else in the world, even when a series like the boys is sort of an obvious social commentary on that kinda stuff 😭……. They’re calling Homelander their girl…. Their BABYGIRL, nigga, he is a fascist sksjsjaja.
#it’s so… like of course they’d like this white man 😭!!! he’s a good character tho I guess like he’s a really interesting villain but#come on 😭#I feel so bad for Ryan he’s being indoctrinated I hope mothers milk kills that white man who’s been taking his daughter#his black daughter to those alt right rallies bro 😭!!!#rambling#also#I didn’t know that white man from supernatural was in the boys#I never cared about SN and you know the kind of rep it has but he was really good in the boys??? I haven’t paid too much attention to his#acting but he was actually intimidating like he did his shit#my sister loved Frenchie and kimiko’s relationship lol#she kept on calling him zayn…#edit: not to say that wp are the only ones to fall for propaganda because no one is immune to it but the shit right in from of them is#usually to obvious to black and brown people#like they’ll defend the shit first before anything else
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:’)
#to start this w a good note lol#bro almost all the music i’ve heard since we got to this vacation spot was done on gIee LOLLLL#not even just at the hotel where they were playing xmas music so like ofc a lot of that but also other music#that was just . all done on gIee lmfao#but also on the shuttle ride here from the airport#the driver had like disco music playing and istg it went from like#staying alive to u should be dancing to uhhh disco inferno#to idk if it’s disco but after that was u can’t touch this lmao 😭#on to the not so good part bro it’s day one why i gotta be so sad lmfao#im blaming it on the like 2-3 hrs of sleep 🤩#it ok i actually feel not bad for only 2-3 hrs of sleep before flight LOL i’ve been banking up the sleep so that rly makes a difference lma#i feel fucking ridiculous tho bc i feel lonely af and unwanted on a family trip#bc my brother has a childhood family friend to hang out with who for the fucking record i was also friends with#and last time we were together for a significant amt of time idk why but my brother freaking ignored him basically#ik they exchanged snapchats tho recently and they’re both like buff gym guys now lmfao so idk they’re besties now so#i kinda feel like i can’t hang out w them#and then idk my parents like yeah and then my grandma so i’m just kinda hanging out w my grandma#they all went onto the beach i think and i’m here in a room w my grandma and i spent fucking like 30 minutes watching the beach bc i didn’t#know where they were and they didn’t tell me and like overthinking whether i should go#i got as far as tying my hair up and taking out a change of clothes#and then almost cried and gave up and took out my book and came out on the balcony lmao#like what am i even complaining about. but idk#it all goes back to that lovely middle school friendship that left me fucking devastated bro lmfao 🤩#idk if that’s actually the reason but i’m blaming it all on that LMAO#anyway we’re here for a while so . i’ll just chill and read today bc i do want to read more and i kinda in the mood recently#also another thing was that my skin is still being a little fucking bitch#and i’m so hesitant abt doing anything w it so like going in ocean water#anyway. fuck my fucking brain i hate it here#it’ll be better tmrw when i’ve had some fucking sleep lmfao#jeanne talks
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Ok Xenoblade fans I need one of you to talk me into liking the N reveal regarding the city in the dlc because I hate it and I don’t want to hate it
#see my issue is#I loved n as a villain as a fucked up guy who made a horrible choice to save his love#line I rlllllly liked it#but I feel like the dlc just took all of his agency away and was like well actually he didn’t rlly have a choice and um actually he wasn’t#that bad#and I’m just 😭#I know a lot of people like it#so someone make me like it too N is my favorite character I’m 😭#Xenoblade future redeemed
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i’m home and we are gonna write some fluff but gimme a minute bc this day took it out of me despite it being short 🥲
#it’s always the dang bath bomb parties dude 😭#and i’m wondering if maybe my hormones are coming for me with a vengeance bc i got so angry earlier and then choked up#and i’m choked up now thinking about it and it’s okay i’m fine but i feel maybe?? guilty bc my manager (and friend but still)#could tell something was wrong and just had me take five minutes to talk to her which helped a lot!!#and then i spoke to my mom bc i was like a deflated balloon when i got in the car#but talking about stuff is hard man especially when you can tell or feel like you’re overreacting bc something is off with you#be it hormones or sleep or food or just a bad brain day you know#so i’m gonna try to raise my mood a bit before i try to be here#sorry to rant!! i didn’t mean to honestly 🥲#and i hope you guys have had an easy sunday!! pls know y’all make me smile and make this hobby that much more fun 💜#get ready to ramble | ooc#tw vent#just in case :’ )
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i’ve been being held hostage by social situations since i got up all i wanted to do was go to get groceries & to the pharmacy for toiletries but then i ran into a neighbour at the pharmacy & then we walk to tj maxx bc he was insistent & i didn’t want to be rude & then we get back to the flats like 15 min before the town hall meeting & then we go & it’s not even a real town hall so i was BEEFIN for NOTHIN & it ran FOREVER & then i ran into the 2 in the flat below me & then raid forcefed me & i got in to my room 5 to midnight 😭😭
#diary#like i’m just#OVER IT#I DIDNT EVEN GET THE GROCERIES 😭😭😭😭#i’ve just been craving water & that’s what i’m making myself do now like we haven’t had water in forever i can feel my organs shriveling up#but i didn’t even get to workout today which i was also planning on doing but the town hall went forever#like girl#ok love my neighbours but y’all …#SHUT THE FUCK UP !!!!!#IM DYING#my flatmate are wonderful i’ve been seeing them periodically#ok so also chin’s name isn’t chin it’s CHINT bc omar asked him in class ‘what does ur name mean’ like asshole not all names mean things 😭😭😭😭#he asked jakob what his name meant & it’s that his parents wanted him to go by jake so they used the k ALSKALSKALSKALSKLASKLAKSLA#but anyway back to chint but we gossip abt food bc he bears witness to my insanity at like midnight & he’s like ‘ur cooking ?’ yes :D ‘right#now ?’ AKSKALSKALSKAKKSAKKSALJSLA bc it’s like 1am#LIKE SIR LETS MIND OUR BUSINESS I KNOW UR ASS B COOKIN IN THAT RICE COOKER WE SEE U WE KNOW UR TRICKS#ITS STILL 1AM FOR U TOO MS TING#ANYWAY i love them & i hate my life yall i just want to be dead sooooo bad
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torikid4
Fallout3, Cyberpunk or Assassin creed. And I'm 18+