my mental state rn <3

I was so caught up in the euphoria of having pizza that for a minute I lived in a world where I wasn’t lactose-intolerant

anyways

hot take but i think angel would get lost in the mcdonalds ball pit and come out after like 2 hours and be like “pocket dimension omg… so cute.” and then shower like 2 times bc DUDE ITS SO FOUL IN THERE😭😭

cw for mentions of v0mit

do u think angel chugged a grimace shake and then threw up for like an hour bc dude honestly u cant put a taste on it and it made me sick😭😭

“hey guys i got the grimace shake watch this. :3” ….. “i domt feel so gud” and then BLAAHSHEGRGRGRGHRHRGRGHRHHHHHH and then the other mates are like “got damn. shawty couldn’t stomach it😞😞”

i think gavin would think that its worse than the ice skating rink food but yknow whatever. 💀

ALSO im headcanoning this SOOOO hard buuut but butt buuut i think angel actively chews on metal and nobody understands how they can just break metal and shit. like they got an addiction atp😭😭

just a lil heads up... if you're gonna watch the cabinet of curiosities on netflix... for the love of god, when you get to episode 3 called "The Autopsy" do not try to eat a fucking lasagna while watching it. just don't do it. 😂

Gosh darn it cal why can't you eat like a normal fucking person

The JJK spoilers hurt like crazy and I wasn’t even looking for them this time 😭

Ladies and gentlemen I just tried Redbull. I don’t know if it’s Covid or the fact that there was a little salt (don’t ask) in the cup or whatever but.

It tasted like cucumber vodka and starfruit.

It also burns.

-♾/10 would NOT recommend.

i went over our old chats. and all the videos we sent each other. it was a mistake.

Ah, nothin quite like getting blamed for smth I had no hand in and being forced to do damage control first thing in the morning. I love my family

my whole life, every thought every action, it always leads back to you.

guess who just got sent the same stupid pictures of someones wrist slit open. Just like some of my mutuals have already received.

yess meee

told them to kts but accidentally posted it publicly so my death threat never went through 💔💔💔💔 (it’s deleted dwwww i’m just stupid lmao)

I’M LITERALLY EATING RN TOO I FEEL LIKE CRYING

24 hours after my shift

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

@mnvart // Kaveh Akbar, 'Calling A Wolf A Wolf' // @PinkRangerLB on Twitter // @kosmogrl // @devinsturk, '15 Proverbs for the Fellow Chronically Ill' // Jasmine Deporta // Anaïs Nin, House of Incest // the gentle wisdom uquiz by @inkskinned // Rora Blue, 'Sweet Dreams' // Hala Alyan, Dear Layal

Please be careful sweetie, ily 🥺❤️🫂

🧸

M bein safe, jus has a lot to drink is all bb