#i dont care how long it lasts or if its not this good forever. im just happy to be here. i finally feel worthy of this‚ without question
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i love making things for my friends!! i love it when my friends enjoy the things i make them!!!!!
#ramblies#i just appreciate them all so much. its the little things- the pins ive made them on their bags‚ the art ive made them as icons on socials#maybe its not much to them but its everything to me to know that the little things ive spent a little time making are worn#like badges of honor. its so special to me.#like‚ generally now i just feel so valued. my relationships are natural and reciprocal.#its like... finally!! THIS is what ive been fucking missing this whole time!! this ease!!#i dont need to prove myself‚ to compensate‚ to ask for reminders that im valued. they show me all the time. i never have to ask.#i dont know what happened. i dont know what changed from high school to now. i became a better person‚ i met better people? both.#i dont care how long it lasts or if its not this good forever. im just happy to be here. i finally feel worthy of this‚ without question#ive only known them for a few months but its the most secure ive ever felt.#maybe im oversharing!! i dont know!! i cant tell them outright ill overwhelm them!! its my blog and i can overshare if i want to!!#i dont know. im just grateful.#in other news i cleaned up my room a bit too‚ did lots of housework. always feels really cleansing.#after a stressful day yesterday this is what ive needed. a self care day. i have a lot of stuff to do but... it can wait while i rest lol#idk its just. so special to feel like i finally dont have to be the ''best'' or whatever to be loved. im loved as i am.#no arbitrary comparisons. its not conditional. i dont need to compete‚ i always feel like theres room. i hope we all thrive.
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i life is fucking falling apart out of nowhere and i dont know what to do sbout it
#im so so fucking tired and stressed and angry and upset and i cant do anything#my cat is hurt and in pain and we cant even get her to eat even though she hasnt eaten in days#but i dont know what to do about it when she refuses to eat#and weve spent over $600 on her medical care so far and we already dont have lots of money to waste#and its all our fault snd its all MY fault for letting her leave the house#but i cant DO anything about it because even now my mom leaves the doors and windows wide open for the cats to go out snd get themselves#killed because she just doesnt fucking care and i cant DO anything about it i cant keep them safe on my own#i dont even know if shes going yo survive this or if shes gonna have long lasting effects forever#and now my computer keeps bluescreening repeatedly and im not good enough with computers to know how to fix it#and im too fucking stupid to follow instructions and i dont know what to DO#and im scared my computer is gonna die for real and then whats gonna be of me#im spending so much money more money than i even have to pay for this computer#and its one of the only good things i have in my stupid fucking life right now and i cant do anything as i watch it bluescreen#im fucking scared and stressed and anxious and i cant fucking do this#whatever sorry. rant over i just needed to talk
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disassociated and depressed in the way where every color looks dull and yellow light makes you disassociate worse and every thought and action is so uninteresting
#im .having a really really hard time right now#i really dont know what any of this is gonna lead up to or if itll ever go away but im feeling so awful#its been this way for months now i really dont know what to do#i just wanna sleep the whole day away#walks arent helping#nothings helping#im so uninterested in everything and everyone its so much effort to talk to people#just. wake up eat watch tv sleep wake up eat watch tv sleep wake up eat watch tv sleep wake up eat watch tv sleep#i feel from my head down into my whole body just.loathing and disinterest and general depression#when the time comes to go to bed again im surprised because i realize i didnt do shit all day so it feels like the day just passed me by#i cant seem to get out this rut#im just depressed and just have constant radiating anxiety that i cant do anything about#my body feels heavy and tired constantly. my eyes feel heavy. my head feels tired#im just so tired and so so so disinterested in everything anymore. i cant see good in anything. i just feel so burnt out#i dont know how long its gonna last but it feels like forever#i wish i could just go into a coma for a few months or a few years or something#i just want this part gone#just radiating anxiety but too depressed to even do anything about it or even half care
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they'd be like, oh but you're missing out!
how can i miss out on something that people have explicitly sang, written, drawn, done, portrayed, depicted, symbolized, metaphorized, et fuckin cetera, over a hundred million times already. i know more than enough about it, which means i can even more assuredly say that i'm incredibly disinterested it in all in reality
#besides even if i wanna engage with it fiction is a suitable enough of an outlet to explore those possibilities and more#its much safer and doesn't put you at risk at the real dangers and the actual health complications it would pose#''feeling good in the moment'' means nothing to me especially in comparison to ensuring that i dont die of something stupid in the future#most ppl would be like. well im not even gonna live that long anyway lol#first of all: yes you are#2nd: you'll have to live with that forever#i say the first thing bc people in the past have lived through more bullshit and stupid things but that doesnt mean it was a life without#consequence. usually they end up just getting used to the pain bc they're forced to but the fact that the cause of it was often avoidable#would leave a lasting regrettable decision forever but ppl would still strive to work towards something in the hopes#at their suffering would be worth it somehow in the future#in which case its only a matter of how they treat the ppl around them and how much ppl are gonna care for them in return#welp time to sleep lol
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Don't hide your pain
-> Angel dust x reader
A/N: I made this of my own violation. I needed to therapize myself
Reader POV, ftm male, who's ✨️traumatized✨️
It always starts like this.
Things go well for a while. Things go great, even.
And then it gets bad. And it stays bad, and i ruin every close relationship and im alone.
And then it repeats.
I just wish I could be better. I guess that's why I'm at the hotel.
Things have been good for a while, so good, infact I though the cycle could be over.
Angel brought so much light to my life. He made me feel so happy, and wanted and needed.
And I was so much better. But it seems like the happier I was the worse i fall.
I sigh, rolling over in my bed, grabbing my phone. Fuck it's late in the day. Charlie will be upset, but i cant seem to care. I just- I don't wanna leave my bed.
I look away from my lockscreen, a blurry picture of angel in my Hoodie chasing after nuggets, who has his phone in his mouth, trying to run away with it. It caught angel off guard, and i was laughing so hard i couldnt get a steady photo.
Its one of my favorite memories. I feel a small smile tug at my lips, but my body and my face feel like led that I can barely move.
Theres a knock at my door.
"Hey, baby. Are you ok? Haven't seen you in a day, and I wanted to make sure ya alright.." I hear his quiet voice as the door squeaking lightly as Angle peeks in, silhouette gently illuminated from the light in the hallway.
I grumble in reply and roll over. He sighs, and for a moment I think he leaves but i feel him sit on my bed, next to me. I can feel his warmth. Despite having the features of a cold-blooded spider, he's always run rather hot.
He rests his hand on my back.
"Baby, I can't help you if you dont talk ta me"
Irritation rises in me.
"Don't. I dont need you. I dont need your fucking pity. Just fuck off, please." I say, voice rough and shoulders tense.
His determination doesn't deter, though.
"I don't pity you, love. I just wanna help."
I know my irritation is irrational, logically. But I can't help being angry. Angry I am this way, angry I'm so helpless. And I'm ahry he has to see me like this, considering he has it so much worse. He deserves better than this. Better than me. But I can't seem to stop the slow of my defensive anger, vomiting out words I'm uncertain seraid him I know they do me coming out my mouth.
"Don't pretend, angie."
"I'm serious, though. I want to help."
"Don't play with me. I don't need you, and I don't need your pity."
"Why are you doing this?"
This freezes me. I tense. I don't know why I do this. I don't know why I'm hurting him. I don't know why I'm hurting myself by hurting the only person thats treated me like a fucking sentient being..
I realise, at this point, he's as rigid as a brick, and I look over at him. He tears in the corners of his eyes, eyes slighrly red from the effort it takes to stop his tears. His hair is a mess, and he's shaking, God's he's shaking.
"I- please, sugar. I just wanna help you but- but I can't if you push us away. I you push me away. I- I don't wanna lose you. I can't fucking lose you. And I can feel you sliping and its- it's scary. Please, if not for you then for me."
At this, a sob wracks its way through my body, every viceral emotion I've held back hitting me like a dam destroyed. Apologies spewing through my lips like it's a lifeline. And in a way, it is. Because, I know hes right. And I know if I continue on the way I do, I'll be destroyed at my own hands. And I'll lose him, I'll lose my lifeline.
...
..
.
I don't know how long I cry for. It's all kind of blurry, really. I know i tell him everything ive hid from him about my life through choked sobs, and at some point he's holding me to his chest, gently stroking my hair, touch gentle but deep, afraid to let me go as if I'll disappear, or break like glass.
The good never used to last for long, but maybe this time I can make it last forever.
So long as I have him.
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End note: vv rushed lmfao. Anywhore, hopes this gives a small gauge as to my writing style. I can also try my hand at different possibilities.
Hope ye likey likey
#no beta we die like jason todd#Hazbinhotel x reader#Hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel angel dust#Hazbin hotel fic#Angel dust x reader#Angel dust x male reader#Hazbin Hotel x male reader#Angel dust#Angst#hurt/comfort#Angel dust fic#Hazbin hotel headcankn#Hazbin hotel one-shot#Angel dust one-shot#Angel dust headcanon
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final leg of a journey to love thoughts!! (eps 35-40). this got so gd long so under a cut it goes. spoilers, of course:
PLOT STUFF/PACING
pacing for the plot definitely got shredded in the last chunk, which is a damn shame because otherwise i've been finding the pacing pretty much perfect. eps 35-37 in particular felt like they could have been like a 10 episode arc. ep 38, which mostly dealt with wu palace politics, should have been cut or streamlined imo and more time given to the characters we've actually been riding along with the whole story. by the time we get back to the pregnant empress, prince danyang, the first prince whose name i dont even remember, and the prime minister, i do not care about any of them and i think this subplot was simply just trying to fit too much shit into one bag
that said, this show still let the emotional moments hit and breathe and linger. i love the grief for the fallen liudao comrades as we go, as well as the less heavy but still emotionally important moments like yang ying and tongguan bonding over their upbringing. and we got a wedding /;3;/!!! for this show, the relationships and characters matter more than the storyline so im not mad about anything at all
side note: it's so gd millennial to have a story about a bunch of 30 something year olds who want to fake their deaths and retire into obscurity but instead they go and die for a boss they hate
CHARACTER STUFF
this show consistently brought a lot of depth to its side characters (and side side characters!!). i said it in an earlier post, but it bears repeating that even someone like deng hui i didnt expect anything from, but he got such good development and writing that he became a stealth fave. his dying words essentially being "dude, quit fucking around" ? iconic.
i didnt like tongguan as much as everyone else, so im pretty meh about everything regarding him. the attempt to force-wed ruyi was tonally really weird and didnt make sense (i assume there was some cuts made surrounding it). but LOL at him reusing all the outfits and decor immediately for his wedding to yang ying. baby duke, you tacky motherfucker. i ultimately think yang ying deserves better than him, but the good thing is that she knows this, so she'll be able to hold her own and then some entering into this partnership
shisan really was the heart in a lot of ways--the mom to yuanzhou's dad for the liudao. i was not expecting him to break my heart the way he did, but the fact that he held both qian zhao and sun lang as they died and then tried his best to remove yuan lu from harm and saved chu yue and was just very much a nurturer all the way through got me. his character couldve been cheap comic relief but the writing + performance really elevated him into one of the (imo) most memorable wuxia characters. his line wondering who would get to behead his beautiful skull!!! and how his mantra was always that he was going to drink the best wine, see the most beautiful women, and make the best of friends and he dies having lost the ability to see and having just had wine in memory of qian zhao, yuan lu, and sun lang. like. shut up!!
ruyi and yuanzhou were both so great and they're gonna be the drama OTP to beat forever. i loved the gender reversals, that they both were so respectful of each other, and that they also felt very mature in how they handled things and communicated. they were really interesting characters both together and apart and that's always a win-win. they had a schroedinger's ending where it's not super clear if they're alive or dead (i interpreted it as the latter), but what's kind of beautiful is that either option is satisfying to me. if they both died, they're reunited and with their comrades and the story is truly about the journey and the meaningful short connections we have. if they both survived, it's a bookend with the beginning where they each faked their deaths to escape. A+
COSTUMING
i gotta just separately mention the costuming for this show because it was 15/10. the textures, shisan's accessories, the way red became integrated with yuanzhou's wardrobe and blue with ruyi's. the details on the liudao name amulets!! SO GOOD. i love when characters' clothes tell a story on their own
overall i just really loved this drama it is probably my favorite wuxia ive seen so far! it's gonna be in my brain for awhile lol feel free to send fic prompts if you've made it this far :'D
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Ikevamp bois playing modern games part 2
Vincent
Vincent is way into.. gartic phone
Qnd perhaps skribble.io
Like way into it
He would sit down 12 hours in front of the computer and guess what HES BEEN PLAYING GARTIC PHONE AND SKRIBBLE.IO IN A LOBBY OF RANDOMS
12 HRS IN HES STILL NOT DONE WITH BOTH GAMES
Hed obv speedrun a drawing in a short period of time and manage to make it look *chefs kiss*
Imagine if skribble.io had a vc feature tho
No no, like imagine if people were actually toxic in this goofy ahh game
They would yell down vincent down the mic telling him to go play with photoshop
Randoms are salty that vincent can draw and portray even the most ridicilous prompts which results him with the highest score always
Not to mention hes really good at guessing even the shittiest drawimgs from other ppl
"Broer how- that persons drawing looks ridicilous, even arthur's dog could draw that"
"Don't be mean theo! I could guess the drawing from the emotional connection i felt from it"
Jean
Jean has a shitty brick nokia phone
And he really loves playing snake II
No im serious
Well i suppose momte doesnt trust him with any other phones than that
the last time he was given a smartphone he downloaded some hack and slash game
took the word slash literally and then proceeded to cut the phone into two
comte was too stunned to speak
momte didn’t want his kids to miss out on gadgets but he cant have jean destroying his smartphone
BINGO! a nokia 3310 it is!
jean didnt know how to react at first, but he found it easier to navigate and thats when he found out baout snake II
found it a bit pointless at first but despite saying that, he doesnt realize that thats the only thing he does besids fencing
snake II is his pre workout
the only thing he will be doing before his fencing practice
before meals
and before bed
‘‘jean are you sure you haven’t had enough of snake II..?’‘ comte asked causiously as he never know how his son Jean would react
jean looked at comte and stayed silent for a hot minute
‘‘no’‘
Napoleon
OK FLASH BACK TO MY E BOY NAPOLEON FANART FROM 2021
its official
He plays league of legends
Napoleon is deffo a jungle/top main
Jungle preferabbly
Bros actually cracked coz hed turn any non meta champs into an absolute beast
I see him being especially good with pantheon jungle
Hed play league with jean tbh
And jean would be a dedicated top
But i dont see jean being the best player..
No, like imagine napoleon defending jean from "top troll" and getting spammed "?" On his lane
Napo would literally go to that persons lane just to steal their minion last hits
If hes feeling extra hed even use pantheons ult to yeet over to that player to ks all the minions on that person's lane 😭
"Jgl troll gg"
Ok napo is actually not toxic and is rly nice to play with
Hed even supp for you if ur learning a new champ
Hes only toxic to people who are toxic to his buddies
Comte
Ill be honest
Comte looks like someone who would download all games from every ad pop up he gets
And im talking about anything gacha related
He does not care whether the game is explicit or not as long as he can collect pretty characters
Is he interested in the gameplay??? Probably not.
"For what reason did you spend $$$$$$ on xxx game???" Leonardo asked as he scrolled through comte's in game billings, cocking an eyebrow
"Hm? Well i simply wanted to collect all of these lovely looking characters."
"Without leveling up your characters?"
"Non"
"Do you understand how to play this game?"
Comte only looked at him with his unwavering smile
"honestly this is the most ridicilous spending ive witness from you, heh" Leo snorted
"Much appreciated, but i dont recal asking for any input, old friend" comte retorted
Leo looked at him and sighed
"Honestly at this point i shouldn't be surprised"
.
.
This took me forever to upload because i coulndn't figure what type of game comte would play then one day i was like AHAAAAA
Also i didn't proof read as always so pls dont chop my head off :"))
#ikevamp#ikemen vampire#ikevamp vincent#ikevamp napoleon#ikevamp jean#ikevamp comte#ikevamp leonardo#ikemen series#cybird#ikevamp headcanons
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genres and bands i listen to and how i got into them: an entirely too long useless list i made instead of sleeping
celtic punk
shoutout to the genre ever? i grew up listening to celtic punk literally since i was born. my dad sucks but his music taste does not. this genre is 32% responsible for my leftist punk attitude, which is ironic if you know anything about my father.
- the dropkick murphys: first band i can ever remember hearing. as a toddler i called them “the bastards”. still a favourite forever and everrr. their newish album “this machine still kills fascists” fucks HARD. the band will forever be a formative reminder of my working class upbringing in a miners family
- the rumjacks: late nights and early mornings in my dads car introduced me to this band. i really will tell me ma when i get home and i wont feel guilty about it
- paddy and the rats: one of the only celtic punk bands i actually discovered on my own. in 2018 i went on a sailing ship for a week and that got me rlly into celtic punk again LMAO. this band is so fucking good
emo/pop punk
i was 13 and tbh it was a phase but i still love listening to fob and mcr and sws
- my chemical romance: unironically i think i got into them through band memes
- fall out boy: literally just thru scrolling through youtube when i was 12
- [REDACTED]: [REDACTED]
- sleeping with sirens: this band shaped me as a person. kellin quinn the original gender envy. ohhh i miss this band sm
- all time low: a kid in my class in year 7 introduced me to all time low and ill remember him forever for it. hope youre well, jaiden.
- la dispute: got to see them live last year after @starcam413 got me into them! theyre kinda more screamo like sws but not in the same way as sws but definitely emo too
- set it off: this band is still SO GOOD. so fucking good oh my god. truly the fucking era
- the score: i was a greek mythology nerd as a kid (its my major now!) of course i listened to the score. i miss being 13 and listening to the score on youtube on my laptop at 3am so bad
folk punk
celtic punk and folk punk are very related, and i grew up listening to bands like the pogues and the violent femmes. is it really any wonder how i ended up Like This
- the violent femmes: as a child my dad would play country death song in the car. yes i am mentally ill and have daddy issues can you blame me????? (the song is literally about killing your daughter and then offing yourself)
- toby foster: really one of my proper introductions to the genre and what ultimately led me to discover bands like ajj and pat the bunny. found him on youtube through his song tennessee. i was 13 i think?
- pat the bunny: after toby foster i was completely hooked on the genre and of course ended up listening to the king himself, pat the bunny. your heart is a muscle the size of your fist is such a comfort song to me even now. it sucks he no longer makes music but im very happy he got sober!
- schmekel: im trans and punk of course i listen to schmekel. fantastic trans and jewish band that helped me a lot with my transness as a young teen
- mal blum: im counting his music as folk punkish, sue me. no idea how i got into them either. their song new years eve is the song i listen to on repeat every single new years eve, and i have yet to change this tradition. Help Me.
- the front bottoms: I DONT CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS. THEIR EARLIER ALBUMS ARE FOLK PUNK AS HELL. genuinely my favourite band ever. i can’t remember how i got into them but is how i ended up friends with @starcam413 (hi jon!)
- she/her/hers: sooo formative to me when i was 15/16 struggling with being trans.
- harley poe: ohh i love this guy so fucking much. why do i relate so much to a middle aged divorced man????
- days n daze: one of the most popular folk punk bands so i mean. Duh. sooo good i love them.
punk
- the sex pistols: listen. listen to me LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN. i dont even fucking like this band. in fact i despise it. but because my dad is an idiot, he loves this band and played it a lot when i was a kid.
- the queers: i think i heard them on a spotify playlist last year? big fan.
- the muslims: i believe this was recommended to me on reddit?? amazing black and brown queer band, i love it a lot
- tribe 8: im a lesbian with a complicated gender identity of course i listen to tribe 8. trans queer punk band that i listened to a lot when i was like 15 i think
- against me!: listened to them a lot when i was 15
new wave/post punk
got into this genre in 2022 and Hella into it late last year. blame paper girls brainrot.
- devo: got into them in 2022 thanks to an online friend hi ira 🌀 theyve never made a single bad song
- the cure: once again my dad showed me a lot of the cure when i was a kid and getting into music
- blondie: ….have you seen the batman and harley quinn movie….please dont make me say more. the first cassette in my collection is from this band!
- new order: one of my favourite bands right now. like most things for the last three years of my life, i got into this band because of a comic book. the tv adaption of paper girls features two new order songs and it got me absolutely hooked on this band.
rock/all that shit??
- danzig: once again you can blame paper girls for this
- bon jovi: also paper girls. i am obsessed with jon bon jovi’s hair in the 90s. gender envy as fuck
- queen: when i was 14 i found my grandpas mp3 player from the 2000s, he was a big fan of queen. i ended up putting all my music on the mp3 player and ive used it every single day since.
- billy joel: i was raised by my grandmother of course i listened to billy joel. played a lot on our old radio with my nans ipod when i was a kid. apparently my nan isnt even a big fan of him so i guess he was only formative to me lol????
indie
probably one of my most listened to genres just because. i have no reason. ive come to realise that most of my indie music taste is stolen from aura.
- girl in red: shoutout to discovering im a lesbian in 2017/2018 and to my best friend @vampoholica for introducing me to girl in red
- bastille: i love bastille sm icarus is such a good song and as a greek mythology kid i was so obsessed. bad blood youll always be famous to me
- mitski: oguhfhgh i dont know how i got into mitski but good lord. literally life changing.
- the smiths: fuck morrissey. i think this too was aura’s fault and i forgive them bc i love the smiths
- chloe moriondo: ahh the youtube ukulele era how i miss you
- alex g: i can’t remember how i got into alex g but i got into his music in 2022 and now im obsessed and unwell about him
- adrienne lenker: again this is aura’s fault and i am so fine with that. music sooo devastating it makes u wanna throw up and sleep forever
- elliott smith: i started listening to him because of simon vs the homo sapiens agenda
okay thats it thank u for reading this stupid post lol
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i love to think about young lawbepo, especially the day they met and the days/weeks/months after, when law was 13 and bepo was 9, so cute and innocent! 🥺💕 i can see it being something like love at first sight for young bepo when young law came to his aid and fought to protect him. i’ve always gotten the vibe that bepo was picked on a lot as a child, that he was used to it, and because it was rare for anyone to stand up for him, let alone physically fight for him, he just wasn’t one to expect it. i’m not sure how long the fight lasted between law and penguin/shachi, but i bet young bepo was in absolute awe, thinking “he’s doing all this and he doesn’t even know me! he’s fighting two guys at once! that’s amazing! he’s so cool! 😳😍🤩” and bepo wears his heart on his sleeve, so he was likely very enthusiastic and emotional and affectionate in telling law just how thankful he is for law saving him and how incredibly awesome he thinks law is, the coolest person bepo has ever seen in his life 😆 young bepo immediately following and clinging to his hero, shyly holding on to law’s shirt, not wanting to be separated, just an instant pure-hearted love that grows strong and fast the more bepo gets to know law 🥺💕 i wonder how law responded to such a level of devotion from this cute little polar bear, and if it was overwhelming for him? i can see law being a bit stoic and awkward about it at first, not knowing how to respond to bepo’s affection, not expecting bepo to become so attached to him. but maybe internally it doesn’t take long for law to become quietly possessive of bepo’s admiration and affection, coveting it, liking the way bepo smiles at him and looks at him with stars in his eyes, wanting to protect and keep bepo close, even though he hasn’t known bepo that long and it is unusual for law to warm up to others
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yes i absolutely think that bepo was picked on when he was small back on zou because how do you come to conclusion "if i dont fight back we can be friends" thats so wrong... maybe when he was very young he hurt a smaller species baby and adults got very mad so bepo just never responded to any bullying since. just by being born a polar bear he was the biggest and strongest child so he got told by adults repeatedly to be very careful so he grew up so timid
zepo wasnt much help because when he was around he was tough on bepo - didnt bully him ofc but he told him not to listen to anybody and always fight back (jock mentality lol) but bepo couldnt follow his advice so that really upset him
he was very happy when law saved him not just because of that but also because law was nice and heard him out and looked at him normally (ofc bepo saw the obvious HOLY SHIT A BEAR IS TALKING on laws face at first but it wasnt like the weird vibes other people he interacted with gave him)
law is so amazing he is his hero he is so kind....its even more cute because law is actively fighting his prickly habits that he gathered from being in DQ family...he is very upset at himself is he loses patience with bepo and the other two and treats them the best he can (he is rly such a hard working boy it makes me wanna cry) and its good because bepo is so forgiving and moves on easily if law acts prickly out of habit and bepo gets all sad law is like im sorry its not your fault and bepo perks up immediately because WOW LAW SAN IS BEING SO NICE
it honestly takes law aback sometimes how easy it is for him to affect bepo's mood and stir it in positive direction - but he is happy because he doesnt want him to be upset...
law deciding "ill protect him forever" about bepo who is so soft (mentally and physically yes) and vulnerable is so cute and great i love to think about it
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Homestuck^2 sucked because none of the trolls actually aged like they were supposed to. Like the humans aged (even though they're MEANT to be immortal and dont give me they're mentally 40+ JOHN NO LONGER FITS IN HIS GOD TIER SUIT HE HAS AGED) but we don't ever see the natural development of the trolls.
Vriska, Aradia and Sollux I can kinda give leeway since they've went through timelines and dreambubbles and double death and half death and yada yada those 3 are kinda fucked up timeline wise so I kinda see why they never aged.
But Terezi, Karkat and Gamzee? No fucking excuse.
Kanaya is a grey area however cause you know she's "Kanaya The Vampire Fashion Queen" but like no credible sources I can find SAY anything about age when it comes to rainbow drinkers and I can't find out if The Dolorosa was actually a rainbow drinker so we don't have a naturally lived rainbow drinker example so I'm just gonna have to assume Kanaya ages like a regular troll.
However, the other 3 have no right to not be ageing. For example, I'm gonna pull up a image of Commander Vantas here:
It's hard to tell with Cmdr. Vantas because THE ONLY TIME WE SEE HIS FACE IS IN HERO MODE OR IN A LIGHTING AND SITTING DOWN anyways. But with what we are given with Cmdr. Vantas he DOES in fact give signs he has aged, not as much as he should of, by this point he should have gotten a good bit taller than the humans and have completely red eyes, but it's better than THIS
what the fuck. Meat Karkat SHOWS NO SIGNS OF AGING AT ALL HE LOOKS THE EXACT SAME AS HE DID WHEN HE WAS 13 WHEN HE IS 20 AT BARE MINIMUM and you may think im overreacting, cause obviously its just his symbolic sprite he doesn't ACTUALLY look like that
You buffoon, you oaf take at look at this. HE ISN'T AGING IN THE SLIGHTEST IN MEAT.
Other than artstyle and change of clothes he looks the fucking same, at this point in HS^2 he should be looking like The Signless but he doesn't even look older than Kankri. But maybe Karkat is a bad example maybe the poor guy has a case of eternal babyface and he's just cursed to look 13 forever.
Let's take a look at Gamzee instead.
There's so little images I could find off sight of Gamzee in hs^2 and I did NOT want to be on that buggy ass website for long so this is the best you're getting. As expected, Gamzee ALSO has a case of chronic babyface and it's especially egregious as he's the descendant of THE GRAND HIGHBLOOD.
Tbh this is actually kinda a good image since we can semi eye measure Vrissy and Gamzee. Of which Gamzee seems imo taller than Vrissy, not in massive hulking beast like GHB but like and adult man to a 15 year old, which would be normal and expected IF HE WASN'T AGAIN THE DESCENDANT OF THE GRAND HIGHBLOOD.
That guy is literally known in fandom for 2 things, being pissed off and being huge, again Gamzee follows the trend of not having the adult troll characteristics of dark grey skin and whilst his horns are red due to being hero mode and we can't see his eyes i think we can assume he probably doesn't have some nice lavender lookers on him.
And there is a reason why I've spent the last 1 or 2 hour complaining about obtuse homestuck lore and it's simple it shows a lack of care.
It shows that Homestuck^2 on the surface is a mediocre at best adaptation of Homestuck but as soon as the thin surface layer is scrapped away, it shows a hollow project, it shows a project that generally proves itself to be a homestuck thing but it doesn't show passion, I could probably right now find you any HS fan and ask them what makes adult trolls different to young trolls and they could probably easily tell me how and why. So why couldn't a whole team of people attempt at the very least, a version like that?
Its little things like the trolls not aging/aging like humans to the damn table to the lack of acknowledgement for already accepted and semi canonised reps of queer culture in favour for rep that punches down to the outright ridiculous swivels in personality that's prove to me at least that HSE and HS^2 were dead on arrival.
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FCG: HONESTLY THE LAST FEW WEEKS HAVE BEEN A BLUR TO ME, JUST NON STOP YELLING AT MYSELF, HAGGLING WITH PAST AND FUTURE KNUCKLEHEADS, KILLING MONSTERS AND SOLVING PUZZLES, CYCLING THROUGH ALL THE GATES AND PLANETS LIKE A HUNDRED TIMES, ZIGZAGGING DOWN TO THE BATTLEFIELD, OUT TO THE VEIL, OVER TO PROSPIT, BACK TO DERSE, AND ON AND ON AND ON LIKE THAT UNTIL WE THOUGHT WE WON.
Seems like a typical session is pretty hectic. Karkat even spent time on Derse, which I didn’t expect, but maybe he needed to help awaken some Dream Selves.
I’d love to get a proper look at the ‘standard’ Sburb campaign. Hivebent can’t last forever, so we’re inevitably getting an abridged version.
CGA: It Seems Like A Logical Way To Engineer A System Wherein One Simultaneously Functions As The Reader And Author Of The Transcripts
CGA: Its Temporally Sound Construction
Karkat’s about to invent Project Trolling - but Kanaya, not to be outdone, is about to invent ConversationWithAVeryStupidGirl.Txt.
FCG: HELL YOU PROBABLY WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER MAID OF TIME THAN THE ONE WE WERE STUCK WITH. [...]
CGA: I Think We Are Given Roles To Challenge Us
CGA: That Dont Necessarily Suit Our Strengths
As far as I can tell, Titles aren’t universally suited to their bearers - but neither are they universally unsuited. Kanaya’s having trouble settling into her role as the team’s Sylph - but Terezi’s a born Seer of Mind, and was acting as such, long before the session began.
Kanaya calls the Titles challenging, but you can be challenged by a role you’re perfectly suited to. Rose’s inquisitive personality makes her a good fit for a Seer, but ‘seeing’ what went wrong with her session is still a huge, ongoing challenge for her.
FCG: SO WHAT PROMPTED YOU TO RESPOND ANYWAY. [...]
CGA: Its Such A Silly Question
FCG: RED OR BLACK?
lmao, Karkat’s been fielding questions like this since the session began. He knows what the fuck is up.
Plus, he’s from weeks in Kanaya’s future, so he probably knows exactly what she’s talking about.
FCG: I DON'T THINK ANYONE'S READING.
FCG: DID YOU NOTICE ANYONE ELSE JOIN IN LATER?
CGA: No
CGA: It Appeared To Be Just The Two Of Us
FCG: SEE
FCG: NOBODY CARES ENOUGH TO BOTHER.
CGA: I Dont Know Whether Thats Reassuring
CGA: Or Just A Bit Disheartening
FCG: WELL I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT.
FCG: THEIR DISINTEREST IS MORE A REFLECTION ON ME THAN YOU.
Karkat isn’t performing anger, here. He’s genuinely angry at his situation, but he’s not making it Kanaya’s problem - which I think says a lot about the strength of their friendship.
As a result, I think this is most authentic Karkat has ever been. He’s still grumpy in this conversation, because that’s just his nature, but he’s also thoughtful, introspective and empathetic. Alternia probably doesn’t value these traits, so he’s not really encouraged to display them, unless he’s giving quadrant advice - or unless the troll he’s talking to is as weird as he is.
Kanaya isn’t above a little trolling - she can certainly return fire - but she doesn’t antagonize people just for kicks. Karkat, recognizing a kindred spirit, affords her the same rare courtesy.
CGA: Shes Not Even Responding To My Messages Anymore
CGA: Could Be Busy
CGA: But Im Rapidly Approaching A Resolution To Discard The Preposterous Infatuation
You’re too good for Vriska, who I assume you’re still hung up on. Discard her!
CGA: How About
CGA: If I Agree To Consult With You About It In Private
CGA: We Can Drop It Here
CGA: Before You Crack Me Like A Vault
CGA: With Your Weird Romance Sleuthing Acumen
FCG: ALRIGHT, DEAL.
What the hell, Kanaya! Stop bonding over romantic advice, and start teaching yourselves to hate trolling each other!
You’re an angry and violent race! Act like it, for Empire’s sake!
FCG: OVER THE COURSE OF THIS ADVENTURE, AT TIMES I ACTUALLY BEGAN TO SUSPECT I WAS MY OWN KISMESIS.
FCG: HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT???
Mildly, but I understand why you’d reach that conclusion.
The quadrants prime you to treat all negative emotions as potential blackrom - and, thanks to time travel, you’re capable of interacting with yourself as if you’re a different troll, whom you happen to hate.
CGA: And What Of Scarlet Ambitions
CGA: Fare Any Better In That Quadrant
FCG: NO NO NO I'M NOT AIRING THAT SHIT OUT HERE.
FCG: MAYBE PRIVATELY.
FCG: IT'S PRIVATE.
I can only assume he’s talking about Terezi - but I really thought he was seeing a black romance with her. Maybe he’s undecided.
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I do feel like they are probably more open about 'acting like a couple' in public now, specifically bc that fear of being caught and outed is gone, because a) they are out now, and b) i dont think many people in their audience now would post a photo of them acting that way if they saw them in public, not for that reason, that wouldn't be the focus, and even less people i feel would engage with anything like that if they did see it online. Take that interveiw for example that dan did for wad, in 2016 'basically, yeah' would've be all people would talk about for years, and it would've been this massive thing, but bc it was published last year, it fizzled out really quickly bc it seemed like dan was pressured to say that, where as the tortoises quote is still being repeated daily bc he said that of his own free will and it was the gayest thing ive ever heard. So for the same reason if for example there was a photo of them holding hands or whatever in public, it wouldn't be as big of a thing, bc its not something they decided to share? If that makes sense? Where as if it was in a gaming video we would all talk about it forever.
This is all a long way of saying i think (i hope) they feel a lot less scared to exist as a couple in society now. However, with that being said, I think they have gone their whole relationship not showing a lot of pda, so I do think they wouldn't really do anything super coupley in public, bc i dont think its something they are used to at all. If I was them, it wouldnt be something I would feel comfortable doing at all, even after I was 'allowed to', especially with how much they value privacy. They know they care about each other, they dont need pda to show that they care, bc theyve never needed it before. Idk maybe im thinking about this too much.
you make really good points anon! I wasn’t rly thinking about that before u brought it up but I do think you’re right that their audience nowadays is a lot more respectful of their privacy and would not post/engage with things that they themselves did not willing share. And totally agree that they don’t need pda to show that they care for each other. And yeah I’m sure it would be weird for them after so long of not doing it! But I don’t think that that necessarily means that they don’t ever want to be at a point where they feel comfortable doing it yk?
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Sorry if this is a weird ask but I’ve recently lost my billy person and im wondering how to move on. We were almost exactly how you write them except for the obvious so i was hoping for some insight. As of now i dont feel like a person with him not in my life anymore.
Hey so I'm probably not the ideal relationship/ breakup advice giver but I'm gonna do my best.
First of all I want to say that from what I've written so far Stu deserves better than what Billy is giving him. He deserves communication, reciprocity and expressions of care that Billy isn't emotionally mature enough to give at this point in the story, and you deserve that too.
Second, my breakup recovery formula has two steps:
Feel whatever you're feeling
Sadness, anger, loss, literally whatever you're feeling you need to let yourself have that. If you're like me it's really tempting to just stuff that shit down and bury it but doing that just makes it explode out of you later. So you need to vent, write it out, draw angsty stuff, go for long walks listening to your most emo song selection. Whatever feels right for you to let that shit out, just try not to take it out on yourself. You don't deserve that.
It also helps to treat yourself. Have special snacks, take a hot bath if you like those. Let yourself play video games for a whole day if that's something you do. Basically just indulge yourself in a positive way.
2. Figure out who you are on your own and who you want to be
Honestly that's the best advice I can give to anyone, whether or not you're going through a breakup or the loss of a friendship. It's a lot easier to build a healthy connection when you know and feel (at least mostly) secure in yourself. It can be hard to get there and it's alright to be a work in progress, but there's nothing scarier than being in state where you need someone else to define you. That makes you vulnerable to manipulation and in my experience it also just makes me weird and paranoid in the relationships I do have.
Figuring out who you are can mean a lot of stuff because there's a lot of things you can be, but basically you just start trying things. Make a list of stuff you've always wanted to try. Pick up a new hobby, learn a new skill, join a group or community. Sometimes it can be good to join an activist group or take part in some kind of collective action- helps you feel connected and like you're making a positive change outside of yourself.
You can also try out a new clothing style, try listening to some new music, just give yourself a dose of stuff that's somewhat new to you. You don't have to stick to any of it and you don't have to like it all, but trying shit gives you opportunities to get to know yourself more, what you like and don't like for its own sake as opposed to what anyone else thinks of it.
This shit takes time and it's not easy, but nothing lasts forever, including sadness. You'll get through it, you'll figure yourself out better, and eventually you'll move on, whether that's on your own or with someone else.
Regardless, I hope you're doing alright right now. Just take it one step at a time, you'll be ok <3
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intuitive messages from your person (really specific so probably not gonna resonate lol)
first time doing this! a bit of practice, since im not good with listening to my intuition. but were trying new things this new year. lool lets get started :D
m tellin u its like super SUPER specific ;D
pile one:
things that could have significance : genshin, but more specifically, wishing, debate clubs, when you wish upon a star, steven universe end credits (love like you), lavender or mint, milk, the name sofia?, sweaters or oversized clothes, telephone (the song or the object), dial/tone, closet
hello dear. have i been away for too long? apologies, work is very hard nowadays and i find that ive been losing myself more and more. but ive been thinking about you quite a lot. especially at night. dreaming of you. ive been irresponsable, not answering your calls quickly enough and leaving things to pile up between the two of us. but please know that im working very hard and trying the best i can. you must be furious with me, and i can understand that. give me more time, and i promise i wont let you down. id never let you down. i love you too much to ever be able to do that. ive been losing sleep, and thats tiring because i get to see you when i sleep so i find that ive been taking meds more often to help with that. thats stupid, and id know you tell me the same. god, i wish you were next to me right now. then id fall asleep quicker than a light flicks off. music. ill speak to you through our favorite songs, and ill listen for things you say to me in yours as well. its time for me to say good bye though. know that nothing has changed between us, and i care for you as much as ever before.
signed, yours.
pile two:
things that could have significance: grocery stores at night, denki kaminari vibes honestly!!, mixtapes (like old cassette ones), guitar, dog or pets, crescent, artic monkeys, blasting music super loud, summertime, you get me so high - the neighbourhood, electric (or electric love)
gee, its really been a while since we’ve talked last. you’re my best friend, ill love you forever, yknow that? you’re super cool. cooler than popsicles on a summer day. cooler than penguins in the north pole. wait-- penguins live in the south pole? no one told me that?! hey! its not my fault, i never knew that. jeez... still teasing as ever, huh? sometimes i wonder how it would have been if i hadn’t moved away/transferred schools. we’d be tightknit! and we already are. there are so many stupid pictures of us in my camera roll that i jsut scroll through them when i feel like i miss you. nahh im just playing! i always miss you! we should totally hang out sometime soon! lets race grocery carts!
see ya! - your best friend
pile three:
things that could have significance: notebooks, preppy or academia aesthetic, fandom or into dnd, pearls or pearly whites, ‘shade’ colors (white, grey, black-- but emphasis on grey), 505 by artic monkeys, classroom, bunch of school imagery
dear you
why do you have to be so perfect? ive always been top of my class, such an overachiever, but with you, its like all of my accomplishments are suddenly fade away. you’re awesome like that, you know. stop letting your parents control your life. you’re a super smart person, dont let anyone EVER tell you otherwise. oh, and you can let your hair down too. im not gonna judge you, and plus, i think you look nice without your hair all tight like that. meet me at our spot. the spot that’s only ours. a place where we can just be ourselves. what? stop playing around, trying to get me to tell you again. what if someone sees this letter?! its just something between you and me, and i know i can trust you. id trust you with my life, pile three. im serious. stay the way you are. dont become a product of society. you’re absolutely perfect the way you are.
from, yours
pile four TW: Harsh truth! Please don’t read unless you’re ready and willing
things that could have significance: floating, or sinking(into a mattress, or in water), bath/bathing, milky way or space in general, being loved by a ghost, anxiety/confusion, salt or minerals. lots of comparisons here, so that could be something too. also francis forever - mitski and last words of a shooting star -mitski
this person didn’t have a letter to write to you. they were very blocky and choppy and took long pauses in between of answering. also, these are just sentences, so everytime there’s a period, its a sentence ending, and a new idea beginning
i dont need you. i have everything i need. so why are you here? what am i missing? what do i not understand? stop getting into my head. ive been thinking of you. you look nice. (dont) call me. please trust me, i can keep my promises. that, i can swear. bandaids cant heal my scars. sometimes i just want to fall asleep for a long time, and you cant stop or save me. they mean more to me than you. forever. i still care about you. they lied. im getting bored. you used to be the sun. what dont you understand? i still loved you. goodbye. (bonus message: they wont last)
#pac#intuitive messages#pick a pile#tarot#tarot messages#psychic messages#i really dont know if this will resonate#hopefully it does!#have a lovely day#or night#either way#dont lose ur light <3
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alright here it goes. im going to say everything. everything ive been holding back for so so so long.
i love you. i love you so unbelievably much that i dont know what to do with myself. i love you to the point where i find my life so entrenched in you you you you.
but heres the thing. i dont think you love me the same way. or maybe you dont love me at all. because you have hurt me through so many god stupid things that i would have never done to you. sounds like a silly promise when im not in your place and maybe i wouldve acted differently if i was you. but. im struggling too. i try not to tell you about it too much because im afraid itll be like last time and ill become a burden and youll be gone again. but im struggling too. my grades are falling too. my life is crumbling too. yet i will still put you first forever. if you asked me this second to drop out of school i would. i dont care how destructive it would be to my life. my life is thoroughly destroyed anyways. i have torn it apart with my own bare hands for you and i, like an idiot, dont regret it at all. but you keep treating me as a burden you need to bear. i dont think its love. i think its pity. you pity me.
heres the thing. i cant keep waiting for you like some kind of dog. because im not. and despite the way ive nearly contorted myself into a dog for you. in the end i am still a person and i am alive and i am alive and i am alive. and i am not a dead body that will lay peacefully in its grave, waiting for you to come back and whisper to it your pity. i am not some dog you can leash to a pole and expect to come back to. i will bite through the wood of the fence itself, i will splinter my own tongue and be free.
i love you now and later and always and forever. but i cant continue like this. everytime you interacted with me i instantly thought “what if i got too much again. what if you hate me again.” and i cant do that anymore. i need to live too. you know? you cant just decide everything on your own with no warning and just expect me to be okay. you cant expect me to act happy all the time. i cant do that for you no matter how much i want to.
so heres how it needs to be. either you need to be able to talk to me. clearly and honestly and genuinely. i dont think you understand how much it fucking hurts when a second before you would tell me that you love me and then immediately switch on me and say that you love me but we cant talk anymore. i live in constant fear of you leaving. the other way this could work out is if i learned to let go. if i learn how to not care as much. and thats going to take a bit for me to learn. so i think its a good thing you decided to leave for a bit right now.
im so tired of the way the world treats me. im struggling too. but i will always love you and you will always come before me. but i need to survive first to be there for you. i cant beg at your feet forever for your love. if you come back ill be standing there waiting. ill stand next to you this time. and ill look human. i am not a dog.
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hii! im back to talk ab chiaki bc nobody cares him like i do n ive always got that boy in some kinda situation in my head (dogboy, personal trainer, inexperienced incubus, secretly perverted neighbor, best friends brother, pro basketball player, hockey player, car mechanic etc etc) but today im gonna talk ab how fuckin lame he is in bed (affectionately <3)
i mean he isnt really lame hes just a one pump chump or maybe like three or four pump chump. im talkin like he finally gets to push into his partner n he just about cums right then and there. a couple of strokes in n hes done already n it would be cute maybe even endearing how he cant keep himself together and the embarrassed look on his face as he apologizes again and again; if it werent so annoying and disappointing but dont worry hes got tons of energy n stamina to keep going! the only downside is that the rounds are short because he cant last long at all
and god is he loud too, its like he has no filter, hes always moaning n whining n crying. praising you telling you, how good you feel, how lucky he is to be with you—he just wont shut the fuck up. hes basically screaming all of this as if youre the only two people on planet earth. n if your on top he cant keep his hands from wandering all over your body because he just needs to feel every inch of your skin, he needs to! hes such a big baby too, whining when you make him wait or edge him, he can barely last a few strokes anyway why torture him like that? (cuz its fun lol) n he cums a lot too. each round its like woah whered all that come from? i dont care too much for breeding but short rounds + endless energy + tons of cum should equal breeding session right?
i could go on n on forever ab this loser but ill stop for now, i dont need to rly sign off w 🦷 but i will ig
I was saving this for today since I didnt have anything written for chiaki
yeah god he is. sooo pathetic. definitely cannot last in bed and he just gets so emotional it’s cute if you’re into it. he’s fun to play with
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