#i don't often like what i make
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i keep thinking about hobbies and how i often spill over myself to pick up new ones. i have adhd, i end up trying something for like a month and then just getting far enough in it that i move on, satisfied.
and that should be fine; but it's never fine.
i am a pretty decent artist; but i can't just make art for my dnd campaign, i should be selling dnd maps and character designs and scene setting pieces. i can't just make my friends matching earrings, i need to get an etsy and ship them internationally and take bulk orders. i make pretty good props and decorations and use them to throw my friends parties - but i should be running a party planning business and start taking paying clients and networking and putting my skills to actual use.
for some reason, i never figured out the specifics of pottery. it was a fun class and i enjoyed myself - and still, i'm embarrassed, years later, that i put in all that useless effort. everything i make has to be stunning. stellar. i should have applied myself more. maybe i'm too lazy. maybe i'm broken and selfish and needy. actually creative people would have kept going; they would be bettering themselves at every possible opportunity.
we find ourselves in this trap, even accidentally: we need to commodify our time, because it is a commodity. if we spend our efforts and our time not earning, isn't that the same thing as burning free money? and god forbid you ever take up a hobby that ends up being more expensive than you thought. you sit in your car and you look at the receipt and in your head you hear a conversation that isn't even happening - your mom or your friend or your partner all saying oh great. not this shit again. it's always something with you, and it never actually means anything.
i have realized this horrible thing, recently - i'll get excited to start a project, pick up a new hobby. and then i just... stop myself. i start thinking about the amount of time it will take, and how it'll look in my monthly budget. what if i can't even produce a good enough final product. sure, it's exciting to think about how i could make my friend her own custom dice. but i'm just polluting the earth if i don't get it right. better not bother. better not try.
restless, i get caught in the negative space. the feeling that oh god, i want to create. and that horrible sense - yeah, but i don't have the time to just put to waste.
#hobbies#writeblr#what stage of weirdness to write about hobbies on my hobby writing blog#although i know OBJECTIVELY i am a creative person#i often forget to label myself that bc i don't feel im an ARTISTIC person bc i don't do anything like that professionally#writing doesn't even feel like a hobby i think that surprises nobody for me to be like#it would be easier for me to stop . like. breathing.#which feels cheesy and trite but listen im running late for a meeting and all i really want to say is like#i couldn't even consider writing my hobby bc it makes my skin crawl bc it makes it sound like it's not important to me#bc we really devalue hobbies. like entirely.#it HAS to be a job. it must#also idk if this is clear but i personally get stuck in this space where i CANT create bc i am putting so much pressure on myself#to make it RIGHT#and im like ... idk i only have an hour#so probably shouldnt get involved in this thing
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The hardest, but most important, part of my transition has been untangling what my personal dysphoria is, and what is more a result of cissexism.
What I mean by this is that I learned that I am not dysphoric about certain aspects of myself, my body, and my life, but my discomfort in these aspects was influenced by the cissexist culture I live in which told me I couldn't exist as myself.
It's definitely a slow process, but I have found that it helps me self-actualize and actually see myself instead of what others demand of me.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#dysphoria#and what makes this really tricky is that often it isn't clear-cut as to what makes you dysphoric...#...versus what makes you uncomfortable due to your culture or environment...#...i still experience dysphoria but now i find that my motivation isn't to please the people around me...#...if i truly wanted to please the people around me then i would cease to exist altogether...#...and once i truly recognized that and came to terms with this reality i stopped feeling like i owed the world everything...#...i stopped feeling so disconnected with myself...#...i don't think this will be useful for everybody but i want to offer a different approach to it...#...by no means do i think that this is a 'cure-all' in fact it's not even close...#...because what i found that this has done is bring me *closer* to my trans body and my trans soul...#...i have found that my dysphoria has narrowed (especially since going on testosterone) and i feel more at peace
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Hold me back 😡😡😡
#Make your own context for what's going on here! Who made them so angry?#Fuyuhiko kuzuryu#Hajime hinata#Kuzuhina#Sdr2#Super danganronpa 2#Danganronpa 2#Danganronpa#Sometimes I just dont have the patience to refine a sketch OR wait to post#So I'll rb this tonight hehe#An art#Thoughts: Fuyuhiko does snap very often and his anger issues don't evaporate even tho he's doing better#So he does need someone to keep him in check especially around the traumatized rest of the class who do not like being threatened or yelled#Hajime stays much cooler but if he DOES snap he also needs something grounding for his own sake#strong emotions can blind him for a moment and he's too strong for his own good
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Okay, my brain refuses to think about anything other than Murderbot, so I looked at every use of the word "friend[s]" in TMBD and... created some pie charts. Normal human activities.
Some Thoughts™ I had while putting this together (under the cut):
In All Systems Red, Murderbot notes that the PresAux crew are all close friends (twice! and goes on to explain their internal relationships which I think is very cute). This is pretty much the only use of 'friends' in ASR, except for when Murderbot says that SecUnits can't be friends with each other.
It seems that this may be one of the first times Murderbot has ever really been around a group of friends before? Murderbot notes that this is not the norm for its contracts and admits that the fact that they are all friends and the way they interact with each other make it actually enjoy that contract (before!!!! the hostile attack, so it already enjoys this contract before they start seeing it as a person etc ghghhhh). [Inference: Friendship seems enjoyable.]
The first character that calls Murderbot its friend is ART in Artificial Condition. Murderbot immediately refutes this (and then goes on to call ART its friend to its clients for the rest of the book). [Inference: Maybe ART is Murderbot's friend. And maybe that is... agreeable]
Rogue Protocol has more than twice as many instances of the word 'friend' as any of the other novellas. Why? Miki. Friendship and its implications for non-humans are a central theme because Miki is friends with everyone. Murderbot initially scoffs at the notion that Miki and Miki's humans are friends. At the end of the book, after witnessing how desperately Don Abene tried to stop Miki from trying to save them, and her grief after its death, Murderbot has to admit that she had in fact been Miki's friend. [Inference: Humans can be friends with bots and can sincerely care about them]
In Exit Strategy, Murderbot tentatively uses the word "friends" for its humans for the first time (several times actually). It questions whether it can actually call them its friends or not and later realizes that it had been afraid what admitting that the humans are its friends would do to it. At the end of the book, Mensah tells Murderbot the PresAux crew are its friends, which is the first time a human has directly said that to it (at least on-page). [Inference: Humans can and want to be Murderbot's friends]
In Network Effect, Murderbot seems to be more habituated to the word 'friend', confidently calling ART and Ratthi its friends, like it is no longer just trying the concept on unsure if it fits. There are many instances in which other characters refer to MB as ART's friend or the other way around and Murderbot's humans refer to Murderbot as their friend several times. Generally, there seems to be less hesitancy, because yes, all of them are Murderbot's friends, why wouldn't they be. [Inference: SecUnits can have friends. This SecUnit has friends. They care about it a lot.]
Conclusion: The Murderbot Diaries tell the story of a construct that does not seem to consider the possibility of friendship for itself and is fine with that - until it accidentally starts caring a little too much and suddenly more and more people annex it as a friend (ew) to the point where it can no longer deny that this is happening and has to begrudgingly admit that yes, it has friends now and maybe that is actually not a bad thing.
#the murderbot diaries#murderbot#𓄿#hi i'm READY to write a thesis about murderbot i am having way too much fun with this#i created a pretty excel spreadsheet and everything#i don't know why i did this but now i can look at them while i think about this more! so i figured i'd share them haha#i didn't count uses of 'friendly' but special shoutout to when MB is all alone in its cold cubicle missing 20% of its body mass#and starts putting on a show because 'the friendly noise would keep it company' 😭😭#i feel sick thinking about murderbot all alone on its own not knowing what its like to have friends watching media for 'the friendly noise'#also YES okay i wanted to make a point about miki there but i just#couldn't bring myself to talk about that more so... yeah#also uhhh this data is very subjective#i didn't count particularly ironic uses of 'friend' and generally did not count every instance of friend and sometimes it was a hard call#also i probably shouldn't have counted the times murderbot refered to drones or secsystems as its friends (often after hacking them)#but murderbot does seem to care about them and shows kindness and respect and sometimes points out that a system is friendly#so while i don't think MB means “friend” in the same way referring to them as when it refers to ART for instance#i still think its CUTE and also kinda funny how many times that happened so i decided to keep those!!!#but yeah take my data with a grain of salt lol
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Which is your favorite platform? (of the ones you have accounts to post things I mean. I can't imagine it being Instagram since you don't really post there which honestly fair)
Tumblr, Twitter (X?) bluesky? Something else?
I think I'm going to have to go with tumblr, and it's not just because we're here. Twitter and Bluesky are nice and my experiences on both are overwhelmingly positive. But tumblr has an atmosphere that encourages originality, sharing your creations and talking about things in depth.
#I dislike the mindset of making “content” and when I'm posting here I don't feel like I have to tailor my posts to be#as easily consumable by as many people as possible#microblogging platforms are fast paced and you're constantly fighting the algorithm#making long text posts is inconvenient and usually not worth the trouble#so I rarely talk about my characters or their lore outside of tumblr#what's nice is that when you ramble about your personal projects and fictional fixations here people tend to be pretty receptive to it#like they Get These Feelings and are able to analyze and read between the lines really well at least if you ask me#on top of that customizing your browsing experience and curating an organized blog is easier#and above everything I love and cherish tumblr's tag culture#very often the best commentary I get comes from tags#answered#anonymous#instagram continues to give me bad vibes and going there has always felt like a chore
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Another thing that makes kaladin so painfully relatable is how much his mental illness hides his personality, because between depressive episodes and trauma he's this sarcastic little shit that smiles a lot at his friends and then the depression gets to him and all that disappears
#I'm dreading book 4 so much#my depression got worse while reading it the first time 😭#also I don't remember exactly what but multiple times he says stuff that i think too often and having a fictional character say that l#ridiculous stuff caused by mental illness made me feel even worse#it helped! because it hit me how stupid it is and that i should avoid that type of thinking at all costs! but didn't i feel like shit for a#while#now i almost finished book 1 and book 2 has Shallan's past 😬😬😬😬😬#can't wait to read again about her horrible childhood locked home with a violent father that take out his rage at her on others#that won't make me feel horrible at all!#it's not like i wasn't almost crying just at her getting an anxiety attack at the beginning#....these books feels awfully aimed at me fjskdks#the stormlight archive#cosmere
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It still amazes me the number of people who see the juxtaposition between Nami and Usopp during Wano and their fight against Ulti as "Nami's devotion to Luffy is unmatched, unlike Usopp's" when she isn't able to say he won't be the king of the pirates but Usopp is telling her to lie.
I think most people don't have in mind, either, that Usopp isn't the one being directly asked. He is looking out for Nami and begging her to lie to keep her alive because he is scared to death they might lose her for something as insignificant as lying. For him, lying is a form of survival and it is not that big of a deal because he trusts Luffy enough to tell Nami to lie about her feelings. It is something that will only stay between them because he knows it is better to lie than to die and Luffy would want it that way too.
And that doesn't mean he isn't loyal to Luffy or his dream. He is just looking out for Nami's safety. And as I said-- He isn't being asked directly, either. It is easier to tell others to lie about something of the sort than to do it yourself, and if the roles were reversed I personally think he'd have the most awful of times with it too.
Nami refuses to say Luffy won't become the king of the pirates because for her, even if lying has gotten her out of messes, she puts her trust and loyalty in Luffy before her own instincts of survival because lying is what got her to push them away when they first met and this is the one thing she can't lie about because it would hurt more than death.
Then again, I think she would do the same exact thing Usopp did if she wasn't being the one asked. It is the whole point of the scene, actually. They both know the most rational thing is to lie so the one witnessing the scene will always be cold-headed about it, but the one having to lie is the one suffering the bitter realization of how lying about this and saying it out loud is way harder than it seems from an outsider's perspective.
So I am tired of seeing people criticizing Usopp for his decision during the fight against Ulti as if it were that easy for him to see Nami being about to get killed if she doesn't lie. Sorry for the guy to actually want to protect the people he loves instead of letting her be reckless and basically kill herself freely for telling a truth even Luffy would tell her to lie about if it meant living.
#i am very intense about this scene actually#and usopp haters are so annoying when it comes to this#as if nami wouldn't have done the same if the roles were reversed#they're often on the same page when it comes to survival except for this one time and i think it's because they're not on the same situatio#and also i think nami has a harder time verbalizing these things because she is very vocal abt her trust in luffy#but usopp's trust in luffy is something they know for a fact and he knows that lying wouldn't change that#but i think too that he would've done the same as nami in her situation#and even if he hadn't. he is way more logical when it comes to these things than her#nami makes her beliefs visible and loud while usopp keeps them to himself mostly and i think she needs to say it out loud for it to be real#while for usopp lying is just surface level of believing in something when he trusts his own feelings enough#YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN??? i am not crazy#anyway usopp haters i don't like you you're the weakest link and nami would hate you#one piece#usopp#cat burglar nami#wano arc
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#cats#outing myself once again as someone whos not attune whatsoever to human culture but - in all honesty I do not know#what 'psspsspss' means despite loving cats my entire life hghj.. I've just seen people online describe that as how you call a cat#but I have never in my life witnessed someone call a cat by making that noise or made that noise myself. I can't even think of an example o#it so I genuinely don't even know what that's supposed to be but. Included because I've seen it so much it must be something to someone#even when I was a kid I pretty much always just meowed to cats and tried to sound exactly like them or whatever meow I associated with them#obviously not literally saying “ME OW” but doing an actual cat meow. often times a kind of 'prrrow' sort of noise where you trill your tong#ue then lead into a softer vocal tone .. maybe like 'mrrrrauh' or something? Or sometimes just a trilling chirp immitating the#cat's ''mrrrrp'' they do sometimes. I used to mimic small kittens to get the attention of cats#with their like very high pitches squeky whine with a little bit of air out the nostrils at the end to imitate the sound of them having#tiny lungs that don't hold much air so with a long loud 'mew' it's sometimes a little strained near the end#Though usually I just imitate the cat that I'm around at the time. Sometimes I have done kind of a combination kissy lip sort of noise#tongue clicking. almost like tapping on the back of your front teeth with your tongue and sucking in. almost makes kind of a squirrel noise#ANYWAY... curiouse....
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Linda Flynn-Fletcher
I think Linda Flynn-Fletcher is potentially one of the most misunderstood characters in the show.
It think comes from a natural enough place. Her role in the show is of course, to act as the potential threat to their summers of fun. While they boys never see her as a threat, narratively she's the big bad. If she sees it, its game over.
Here's the thing though. She's a not a bad mom. Her children LOVE her. Similarly to how Phineas and Ferb absolutely adore Candace and would do nearly anything she asked, Phineas, Ferb and Candace all love and respect their mother and don't disobey her. Now a bit of this is clearly Linda being a more permissive parent, but any rules that Linda has Phineas and Ferb never do anything to disobey their mother. While I wouldn't be surprised if there were one or two instances where Candace disobeyed her mother willfully, the closest I can think off off hand is Candace not doing a bunch of chores that she was supposed to do. Really, the fact that all her kids love her, shows how much all her kids feel loved in their household. And I think that's super important. Candace wrote a song about how much she feels loved by her mom, even if her mom is dismissive of Candace. But she still goes with Candace to see what the boys are up to even if she doesn't believe it. She sets boundaries on how often Candace can bust the boys sure. But she hasn't forbidden Candace from doing it altogether. Nor does she punish Candace for presumably lying?
At MOST Linda will say something like: "let's get you out of the sun" after a failed bust. The worst of it I think is probably the time Linda made her promise not to try or suffer the Pharaohs curse. Which, was just some guy in a Pharaoh costume telling Candace curse you. Linda goes out of her way to read books to try and deal with her daughter. She and Candace still clearly hold a lot of affection for each other and do spend a decent amount of mother daughter time together. Linda gives books to her daughter, tries to direct her to other activities, and finds her sleep busting cute, and sometimes goes out of her way to do activities her daughter wants to do with her. All things considered Linda is REALLY patient about Candace's busting. Could she be doing more to get to the bottom of why Candace is presumably acting out? Sure. But Doofensmirtz could also be doing a better job of listening to his daughter and not insulting her (or do we not remember why Vanessa wears earbuds around the house) but we all call him a really good dad.
A LOT of shows have kids hiding a secret from a parent for one reason of another. But while the crux of the show rests on Linda not knowing what her sons are doing, its not because its a secret. The boys aren't hiding it from her. The boys genuinely believe she knows. Lawrence genuinely believes she knows. Candace is the only one in the family who really grasps the situation.
Linda's ignorance, her disbelief of the wild shenanigans that her children get into is easily mistakable for normality. For representing the oppressive day to day. The same thematic antagonist as school. A mom who wants whats best for her kids, and thinks that whats best for them is them being normal, without realizing what's really best for them. After all why else we saw what would happen if she found out in Quantum Boogaloo. But the fact of the matter is aside from that one future (which also featured an effectively evil leader in Doofensmirtz, and therefore implies more factors at play than just Doofensmirtz and Linda's characters), we don't really know how it would play out in the long term. Future Linda even just kinda moves on after discovering the truth.
Linda is exactly like her kids. She just does the same things on a less physics breaking scale. The woman has like 37 different hobbies. She takes a cooking class, donated an art sculpture, is part of a jazz group. She has a background in astrophysics. She was a pop star. She won a meatloaf contest. She takes french lessons. The fact that Linda has several hobbies is part of the reason the formula works at all. Linda is constantly trying new things which gets her out of the house, while her sons are trying their own new things. Her absence is what prompts Candace to have to go looking for her. Also, What Do It Do when the moment Linda gets put in Candace's position she acts the exact same way.
Also it's why she and Lawrence are so compatible. They have a lot of weird hobbies they spend together. She likes Lawrence's history references. They watch car racing together. They went spelunking together. They go bowling regularly enough to have equipment. She has played the bagpipes while Lawrence danced (which sidenote: do you think she taught Candace how to play the bagpipes?).
Not to mention her extended family. Think about it. Her mom was a competitive roller derby skater who once bit a skate and shook it like a dog with a chew toy and pulls elaborate pranks with her identical twin. Really she's a lot like Candace with her aggressive passion. Her dad apparently won a balloon race, but tells the story in the most straightforward way possible, sometimes very oblivious, but is overall a lot like Phineas. Her sister is an adrenaline junky. And back to Quantum Boogaloo for a minute: Her granddaughter is just like Candace, Grown up Candace is a lot like Linda. Do you not see the implications!!?!?!? LIKE???? DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT LINDA WAS PROBABLY A LOT LIKE CANDACE AND PHINEAS WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER?!!?! YOU THINK IT SKIPPED A GENERATION OR SOMETHING???
Do you think Linda used to complain about Tiana??? Do you think Linda thought her family was weird and was embarrassed by them??? Do you think Linda ever called herself the only mature/normal member of her family?? LIKE CANDACE DOES????
Anyway, Linda is just like her family. Sure, she is RELATIVELY more normal, but that's relative, and probably simply because the universe bends itself around to keep her from knowing. Linda literally cannot find out about the real nature of her universe. Linda is just a grown up version of her children, seeking to make the most of each day, but within the bounds the universe has set upon her, both as an adult woman and mother, but also in the laws of physics expected of her. But she still makes the most of her life. You don't have to build a roller coaster to make the most of each day and all that.
I think if Linda is representing anything its that even parents can have rich fulfilling lives. Where they make the most out of each day. Having fun with your life doesn't stop with adulthood. Even if you have more responsibilities doesn't mean you can't have fun? Sure childhood is something you can't get back but growing up isn't inherently bad either?
#pnf#phineas and ferb#linda flynn fletcher#The woman is a former pop star#and has a secret background in astrophysics#you would think that would be enough but nooo#i generally don't care to comment on the suspected neurodivergent status of cartoon characters#because neurodivergency exists in the context of society#and cartoon characters exist in a completely different context#and when characters are inspired by real people (like Linda being inspired by Dan's sister) it can get messy#but if Phineas and Candace and Doofensmirtz are ADHD so is Linda#she just has adult woman flavor ADHD#aka the reason that woman and girls go underdiagnosed or are often diagnosed with anxiety instead#I think we often don't recognize how frequently she forgets things#I'm thinking back to that one time she forgot the “stuff” at the grocery store#she stayed up all night making last minute pies#working up to the deadline on an art sculpture#at one point runs out of contacts (presumably because she forgot to get more)#gets overwhelmed when planning the block party#and that's just what I can think of off hand#anyway I will not stand for Linda slander
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Your fears that you don't have a body that will transition "well" are, sure, understandable, but there isn't truly such thing as a body that's unworthy of transition. Perhaps your changing body won't suit everybody's taste, but would you rather live for yourself or for the whims of random people who don't care about your happiness as long as they're attracted to what they see?
Transition is for anybody who wants it. It's okay to be fearful. It's okay to be uncertain. But it isn't the end of the world. You are in control, and if you choose to transition to any capacity, it should be at your behest. You and your body are worthy of transition. I hope you are able to seize transition and do what you truly want for yourself.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#have been seeing a small resurgence in some trans spaces that there is such thing as an 'untransitional' body#there are people out there who cannot transition for medical/financial/social reasons but that isn't what people often mean#kill the person in your head that says you need to adhere to cishet standards. it's okay to be trans and *look* it if you want#transition because it makes you feel happy or fulfilled. transition because it is something *you* want#while yes it's complex because appearing trans can be dangerous i ultimately want people to have the freedom to make decisions solely...#...on what *they* want y'know?#i have seen this idea that some people just aren't 'able' to transition because they won't 'appear cis' for years now and it's heartbreaking#like i used the whole 'i don't look cis' against myself because it's impossible for me *to be* cis...#...i will never be non-trans. i will never not be a transsexual and i used to hate that about myself...#...because i was taught that being trans is bad. i was taught that looking trans is a curse that nobody should EVER inflict upon themselves#and that the goal was to essentially distance yourself as far away from transness as you can#and it's okay for people to not want to 'look' visibly trans. it's neutral. what was harmful was the idea that TRANS was bad#there's a huge difference between 'i don't want to be visibly trans' and 'i think being trans and looking it is bad'
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You have a funny way of showing it
#roman reigns#jey uso#the usos#wwe#wweedit#wanna know what the worst part is?#in roman's fucked up brain he DOES love jey#or what he currently believes love to be anyways#and he's also terrified because he's seen it here#just like he saw it in sami at wargames#he knows jey is a hair away from leaving him#so now does he pull the trigger first#or does he risk being vulnerable at a crucial time aka wrestlemania#if he turns on jey before jey turns on him IMAGINE how tragic that'll be for jey#knowing he had multiple chances to leave roman but never took them#also this version of roman is the greatest villain in wrestling history don't @me#vince mcmahon is often referred to as the best heel in wrestling but does it even count when you're a villain irl too???#ooooh i feel woozy now#p sure i just made myself sick making this set#stuff i made
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aki talking to you: have you eaten anything good for you today? sweetheart... if you don't eat well, you could get sick or give yourself a stomach ache. c'mon, I'll make you something, what would you like? maybe some soup, that'd be easy on your stomach. and next time, if you've only got snacks at home, just call me and I'll come over for dinner, okay?
aki talking to denji & power: eat your fucking vegetables
#he loves them very much#I feel like aki's lenient sometimes with them like making denji's favorite foods for him or letting powy skip veggies if she won't eat em#but only sometimes...#often he's the you get what you get and you don't pitch a fit kind of caregiver looooool#they can't stay healthy on just sweets or just meat#aki lying to power and telling her cauliflower is brains so she'll eat it#he's the sweetest to you though of course#it makes powy and denji a little jealous#'aki why are you so nice to them you don't make us whatever we want like that???!!!'#aki: 'because we're together. now eat your vegetables'#aki <3
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Hi hello, I was struggling with my Spooktober challenge, but wanted to draw something today, so I ended up with this:
He is Very Shape, so I had to lmao (I don't draw animals much, so it was a bit tricky, but hope it came out okay!)
Also, terkkuja toiselta suomalaiselta, meikäläisiin törmää niin harvoin :D
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#oh no the boy#he looks like his soul is about to leave his body#what goes on behind those saucer eyes I wonder#the horrors it's gotta be the horrors#the shading and lighting are absolutely delicious!#so many good hues and shades#the orange purple and magenta#I use cool colors so rarely (practically never) so it's straight up ~weird~ seeing Machete with a blue color palette#but it works it makes him look even more out of sorts than average#I'm liking all the sharp angles on his ears#oh and the lone strand of fur between them! I draw that too!#I find it terribly flattering when I get gift art from people who say they don't draw furries/animals very often#because if they're willing to venture outside their comfort zone like that it must mean they really truly like the character#I only draw human characters under extreme and unusual circumstances I know how daunting it can be#to switch from a familiar subject to a more foreign one like that#so I see the effort you put into the piece and I appreciate it!#gift art#lumilasi#own characters#Machete#kanssasuomalainen! virtuaalinen yläfemma o/
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How I sleep knowing I'll never trust anyone that hates Sydney but worships Richie:
#the bear#the bear fx#sydney adamu#carmen berzatto#richie jerimovich#jk kind of#well on days I don't see or think about Sydney haters#under every damn comment section in this fandom is someone saying Sydney didn't take accountability#like I know we all have our biases but yall are really shameless about it#Sydney scored A LOT of Ws for The Beef AND The Bear#but one time she makes a mistake and justifiably walks away from a toxic work environment she's the devil#Richie worked at The Beef for years and Sydney did more for it in what less than four months than he did#on top of being a prick to Sydney in particular because she was changing things he wanted to keep the same#to the detriment of the restaurant but also everyone#and overall being unpleasant to Carmy#Nat and anyone that didn't find him funny or interesting or like his bs#pre-Forks Richie reminds me of those types of people that only listen to people that like them#and I love that because it's realistic to some ppl#I do like Richie#it just leaves a bitter taste in my mouth knowing there are people that hate Sydney#ignore her accomplishments only to raise up Richie#in the same breath when the actual show is showing you what's up#like you'd think there were different versions of the show with how these two are perceived#I get this weird need to defend Sydney when people shit on her because I wonder how often said people treat the Sydneys of the world#but that aside#In Fishes Richie mentions something about wasting potential at the beef#In Ceres it's implied he called the popo on the dealers after Sydney deescalated a situation Richie previously dealt with#in an unorthodox manner#he recognised he needed to change but still was an arsehole to the one person who was facilitating that change effectively Sydney#this show is great but people denying what they're seeing on their own screens is crazy
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overblot! Riddle nonconning you in front of Ace and Deuce while going on about how this is the only thing a magicless nobody is good for 👍🏼
Omg yes,,,,,,,,
(cw: yandere, gender neutral, nsfw, non-con, humiliation/degradation, public sex)
Amidst a ruined, debris-ridden rose maze, a monster looms. No one dares stray close, lest they find themselves maimed and sent to the grave, and so they can only watch helplessly from the safety of overturned chairs, tables, and uprooted rose trees. The scene was once serene, an almost-perfect Unbirthday. Now it is desolate and bleak, a nightmarish reality that leaves thick, discomforting silence blanketing the grounds.
Riddle casts a grotesquely bone-chilling shadow, and his appearance mirrors that of a creature torn from the pages of a classic horror; that's the only way to describe him: cruel and cold, all sharp, vicious edges and thorns, dripping blot. He's on the verge of a supernova, toeing the line of life and death, a monstrous mage who has reached the consequences of a culmination of excessive magic, spilled over into bitter negativity. The aura that clings to him is, in a word, utterly terrifying.
And you're right there in his shadow, a fragile, caged thing bent down on your hands and knees. Your fingers curl into the grass, tearing clumps. No one dares to speak up, to demand he release you, to fight for your safety and dignity. Hopelessly collared, Ace and Deuce, your closest companions in all of this mess, look on in horror even though they don't mean to.
It's like a tragedy spun right before their eyes. They want to look away, but they can't. It's morbidly ensorcelling.
"Observe!" Riddle's voice booms, commanding absolute obedience and attention. His pallid hips press against your ass while clawed hands dig into your hips, holding you perfectly still. Blood is drawn; it seeps beneath his sharpened nails, leaving painful indents. You feel filthy and fearful, cut down to something small and insignificant and weak. Droplets of blot speckle your backside each time he shifts. It's warm like candle wax, but it doesn't burn.
The betrayal does, though—stains through to your very soul.
You grit your teeth, squeezing your eyes shut in hopes of drifting off elsewhere. Anywhere that isn't here, speared on his cock for all to see, forced into the grass like you're bowing apologetically before the Queen and her card soldiers.
"You lack the key capabilities all mages must possess, and yet you thought it wise to challenge my rules? Here? When my word is law?" He barks out a laugh, sickly amused. Scarlet eyes narrow with disdain. "Perhaps you're as slovenly as you are disobedient. As expected of a disrespectful, magic-less fool who knows nothing! Absolutely nothing of the order I so carefully uphold!"
He pulls back, seething through grit teeth, and snaps his hips forwards. You collapse on shaky arms, gasping in pain.
It hurts more than heartbreak, more than a bruise, more than a slap. Tears spot your lash line, threatening to fall with one more well-aimed, brutal thrust. Spidery fingers dance along your waist, tracing a line towards your neck. He grips your chin and forces you to look upon a crowd of terrified faces, all ogling with bated breath. Ace is watching and so is Deuce, albeit through the cracks in his hands.
"What did you hope to achieve—to prove—by defying me?" he demands, his grip a deadly vise. "That I could be in the wrong? That all I've worked tirelessly for, all that I've done, is wrong?"
"Riddle..." You wince in your futile attempt to pull away. "Riddle, please... I... I'm sorry, but please... You're hurting me..."
He turns your head towards him, eyes ablaze with a furious tempest, and he leans closer, pinning you with startling ease. His cock presses up against your insides, enveloped tightly in your walls, and you shudder through the discomfort and the agony. A single claw traces dangerously close to your jugular.
"Speak up if you have something to say!"
"It hurts!" You gasp again, outright sobbing now. "It hurts! Please..."
"It's a punishment," he sneers, glaring disapprovingly. "It's meant to impart a lesson—one learned through pain. If you understand this, stop sniveling and respond appropriately."
You're not sure which is worse: humiliation at the hands of someone you considered a friendly acquaintance or the fact that, no matter how villainous he may be, you only wish for him to return to himself. You'd never wish this fate on anyone, but maybe it's your too-big heart that makes it impossible to hate him. You don't hate him. You can't.
And perhaps that's the worst part of all this.
You hang your head, defeated and devoid of hope. "Yes, Dorm Leader..."
And so he teaches you and all those who witness the devastating spectacle a lesson neither will ever forget.
Red is passionate and fiery, a reflection of roses and redamancy. But it is not a pleasant color. Not anymore. Not in the aftermath.
Red is the color of Riddle and Heartslabyul and blood and pain and anger. And every time you spy the slowly healing marks from that day, you feel it all over you. Red everywhere, inside and out. Externally, you may heal with all matter of magical cures, but internally it's not an easy fix.
So red is no longer a comfortable color. You wish you could look upon it and admire it for what it is: a color. But that proves impossible, for a color that is so highly revered as pretty does not evoke pretty feelings for you.
#twisted chit chat#n/sfw#yandere twst#tw: noncon#i need to replay book 1 because i often forget just how severe riddle was in the build-up to his overblot#could you imagine being the only female in the dorm and he regularly subjects you to pussy inspections#just to make sure you're not sleeping around with his students.......#ace and deuce are like 'man this dorm SUCKS'#but then you turn to them like 'does your housewarden stick his fingers inside you every day? no? then stop complaining'#they all have it bad at heartslabyul T_T and trey and cater provide no help whatsoever just a semi-sympathetic 'sorry guys :/'#you don't even want to think about what it might be like in another dorm if you transferred ;;;;
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