I once stumbled upon some obscure piece of canon that described an ancient Vulcan ritual of standing naked in the rain to absorb rainwater.

I immediately pictured Jim accidentally finding Spock performing one of those... "rituals" while on a shore leave.

And, of course, I couldn't keep myself from drawing it!

Based on this post by @lesbianrustcohle and this fic by Raven_Knight!

Hi! My employer's workplace wellness program was recently revamped, and I'm trying to assess whether it's slid into the nonsense side of wellness-world. Specifically, there's a webinar being offered by a guy named Abra Pappa on using an "anti-inflammatory diet" to "battle against chronic diseases… including heart disease, diabetes, arthritis, and even certain cancers." This sounds… sketchy to me, but I know you have both expertise in nutrition and a strong bullshit detector, so wanted to ask what you make of it.

Okay long story short never trust anyone who got their degree from a university that started off as a school for chiropractors.

Abra Pappa got her MS in Functional Medicine and Human Nutrition after getting a BA in Theater; I checked the requirements for that degree and the school's whole catalogue is throwing red flags but what's throwing the most red flags for me is that if I wanted to get a degree in nutrition from an ACEND accredited program I'd need to take a hell of a lot more than one bio class, one anatomy OR one physiology class, one medical terminology class, one nutrition class, and one biochemistry class in order to get into a master's program.

It's funny because she went from a BA in theater arts to an MS in Functional Nutrition and Human Nutrition and I've been trying to go from a BA in Theater Arts to an MS in nutrition and *aside* from the whole private school costs thing one of the major barriers is that I'd basically need to re-do all of my undergrad to get in a lot of chemistry, some calculus, and MANY nutrition classes before I qualified for a Master's program. But based on the program she took I'm only one medical terminology and one biochemistry class away from a Master's program instead of more like ten to fifteen classes (primarily in nutrition, chemistry, and physiology) away.

Anyway she says she's a Licensed Dietician Nutritionist. There are some states that allow LDN certification, New York is one of those states. *BUT* to be an LDN in New York you have to

Complete a program in dietetics-nutrition that culminates in a bachelor’s degree that qualifies for certification in dietetics-nutrition or has been accredited by the Commission on Accreditation for Dietetics Education (CADE).[Note: CADE is now ACEND] The program must include at least 45 semester hours of coursework in dietetics/nutrition and must include at least 20 semester hours of coursework in the area of human biological sciences and social and behavioral sciences

Pappa went to the University of Western States in Oregon, and the only ACEND accredited school in Oregon is at OSU, so if she's an LDN it's from someplace that isn't New York, where she lives and works.

She also claims to be a CNS, a Certified Nutrition Specialist, but in order to qualify for THAT you need to have an MS with some pretty rigorous coursework

And this is what the school required for her MS program:

And given that she didn't have a science degree for undergrad it seems pretty likely that she wasn't doing anything close to what an undergrad nutrition program looks like:

For the record, here are the MS requirements for an MS in nutrition with a health and wellness emphasis at that same school:

In order to get accepted to the MS in nutrition program in that school you either need to have a BS in nutrition or a BS in biology or chemistry and take all the undergrad level nutrition requirements ON TOP OF that BS.

I don't think that a theater degree and an MS from a woo-y correspondence school really count, even if you do pay $45k for your diploma.

If you go look at the requirements for any ACEND accredited school and compare them to the MS program from University of Western States it leaves UWS looking pretty shitty in comparison. Like, nowhere in her requirements is there a statistics class! Stats is required even for an associate transfer certificate in nutrition! EVEN AT THE 2-YEAR LEVEL FOR REAL NUTRITION DEGREES YOU HAVE TO DO STATS AND SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO TAKE A SINGLE STATS CLASS FOR HER MS. You will note that the cal poly MS program has one entire MS-Level class on vitamin metabolism and one entire MS-Level class on mineral metabolism for any of the three MS in Nutrition emphasis courses; her school required neither.

This shit makes me want to climb the walls.

I'm just going to start calling myself a nutritionist. California will let anyone call themselves a nutritionist, there are absolutely zero protections on that term and I can get myself a piece of paper for like three hundred dollars from a diploma mill that has some kind of bullshit accreditation.

Here are the programmatic accreditations her school has:

Compare with the Cal Poly programmatic accreditations (I cite cal poly a bunch because it was the program I was hoping to get into eventually so I researched it the most; that's where I got my BA, go broncos):

Note that the website for her school is listed with the department of education as wschiro.com because it was called Western States Chiropractic College until 2010.

Every time i dig into something like this it makes me want to stare into space for hours. No wonder college students are getting fucked on their loans and going to bullshit schools. No wonder everything is a scam these days. People bitch about credentialism but you know what maybe this lady is a CNS; sure, for some people that requires passing board certification tests, getting 1000 hours of clinical supervision, and becoming a Nurse Practitioner with real actual nutrition study from a solid program, but for other people it requires zero understanding of statistics, a theater degree, and three *whole* units of anatomy. Maybe she clears the bar on that one! She doesn't have the qualifications for an LDN in New York, she's not an RDN because she sure as fuck didn't take the classes required for a *VERY SERIOUSLY* protected title, but maybe you can be a CNS with an online diploma from the western states chiropractic college.

I fucking hate everything.

You know the whole reason I wanted to get a degree in nutrition was to yell about shit like this online, but fuck it. Fuck it, I'm a nutrition-isht because i live in california and I can say I am and who's going to check? Who's going to look up whether I took classes in public health or anatomy or the metabolism of micronutrients before they hire me to do corporate seminars on healing your relationship to food? I am legally allowed to do that so I might as well, right? If all I have to do is be charismatic and convincing I'm pretty sure I've got that down, actually, so who's going to check?

Nobody! Nobody is going to check and everything is a scam and I hate everything.

ANYWAY

The relationship between nutrition and inflammation and the relationship between chronic disease and inflammation are two different, complicated things that are difficult to point at and say definitively what the connections are.

I am of the opinion that any time you're getting deep into things like an anti-inflammatory, ketogenic, or PH-Balancing diet without a specific condition that calls for the avoidance of certain foods for very clearly scientifically reported reasons, you're dealing with a woo-woo biohacker who's looking to sell a diet plan.

The thing about nutrition science is that it seems like for most people the "answers" are pretty basic: eat enough food, get enough macro and micronutrients, eat a variety of food, avoid processed meats, try to eat more fruits and vegetables, get enough water, and stay as active as possible NOT for weight loss reasons but for metabolic health and joint/muscle maintenance. It's really, really, hard to sell that though, which is how you get people like Abra Pappa in 2013 writing out this bugfuck "Food and mood" handout with a midday snack that is so bonkers in the way the calories are distributed that I'm sitting down and doing math about it (it looks like about a third of the calories that day are supposed to come from the mid afternoon spinach, mint, cocoa nib, and coconut milk smoothie which is, as I said, bugfuck nuts).

It's hard to sell "please eat more fruits and vegetables, which is difficult because actually most places don't grow enough vegetables for the population's nutrition needs and it's cheaper to eat grains and industrially produced meat than it is to eat five cups of vegetables that you need to prepare daily and also maybe skip the bacon" but it's much easier to sell "five anti-inflammatory superfood milkshakes that will fill your belly and fight cancer" because it's packaging nutrition as a product and not as a massive systemic issue that happens to have very specific requirements for a large number of individuals who *do* happen to have disorders that are based on nutrition and inflammation (celiac disease! I've got one of them! Eating the wrong foods definitely causes inflammation in my body as the result of an autoimmune disorder! but that doesn't mean that the things that are inflammatory for me are inflammatory for everyone!)

Anyway I think like about 97% of workplace wellness programs are largely bullshit based, or at least import bullshit a lot of the time, and nutrition is a science that has, just, so much bullshit in and around it.

So I would take anything they say with a grain of salt, and hopefully less than 255% of your RDV of saturated fat (seriously that meal plan is ludicrous).

Side note: there is a subset of nutrition people who looked at the way that we got fat wrong in the 80s and flipped it and reversed it and went "actually you can have as much fat of any kind that you want as long as it is natural and you will have no issues" and this is how you end up with people on 100% natural clean keto diets who have cholesterol levels over 600. Abra Pappa recommends "clean/natural" eating and has taken continuing education on keto and has a recipe for a single-serving smoothie that calls for 8oz of coconut milk I think she's very much in the "'good' fat truther" camp (or at least she was in 2013 which is maybe why New York has a requirement for people to have some kind of nutrition certification for giving out nutrition advice and maybe she should have done that because she didn't even go to her bullshit "grad school" until 2017).

(We DID get fat wrong in the 80s and total avoidance of all fats is bad for you and there are 'good' fats that you should eat and everybody needs to eat some level of fat for proper nutrient absorption but even if you're only getting fat from nuts and avocados that's not going to prevent your arteries from forming plaques if you're having nearly triple the recommended daily value of saturated fat as part of your afternoon snack)

I'd like to go on a little rant to thank everybody :)

Oh dang-it I might be too tired.

The company I work for faces a bit of economic downturn, that results in me having a workload of 3 people in one position and one pay. To combat inflation, and to support myself and my best friend, I regularly take in Tarot card clients. I never studied art before, I have no art teacher, and my background is foreign languages and English literature (and I sucked at school). I am quite surprised by the support and comments I get on Tumblr, because I don't think I am that good. Thank you all. :)

The reason I got into art was My best friend. She is a history professor, her specialty is in WWII and military/technological systems comparisons between the Germany and the Soviet bloc. She has been a visiting scholar to the University of Moscow. Since the war went down, her grants all dried up, and she has to pay out of her own pockets to continue such researches. That's part of the reason why we have no savings whatsoever.

She got me interested in WWII a few years ago and I attempted to sketch wartime personalities. Here I have Marshal Zhukov, Vasilevskiy and Walter Model. I realized I could capture faces pretty decently, with struggles, of course.

Still everyday I draw is a struggle; my anatomy knowledge sucks, my perspectives are crooked, I use an old ass Photoshop CS2 to do everything because sb gave me that program for free. I don't know how to install brushes on that so it's terrible. I use a second hand year 2000-ish digital tablet because sb sold it for cheap. I am grateful of every like and reblog and my friend who "discovered" my talent (or lack thereof).

OK long rant over~~~

do you have any drawing tips? i'm just starting out and your style inspires me to keep going fr!!

HIYA !!! thank you that is so kind of you, i would say to keep drawing with references and do studies!! typically art studies (in like art school lol) are of old masters (da vinci, etc) but doing studies of styles that you like, like trying to copy a certain artist you like, also helps you develop skills !!

for example, lots of people (especially fanartists lol) do studies of artists like leyendecker while making the models their favorite characters/ocs, so it helps to make studies fun. literally look up leyendecker study on tumblr dot com and you will see hundreds.

(gets a bit long and rambly so i've thrown it under the cut :')

style studies can be anything! above was done while watching wolfwalkers, just loose sketches that copied the style as the movie went along. i love the design and style in that film, wanted to incorporate it in my character design work, so i tried it out myself! it let me know the kinds of shapes used in the construction, the way it moves (wrt to animation) and silhouettes. by copying something, you learn how to do it on the way (so the kinds of colors used, what works best with shading, etc) it's like. reverse engineering

even very loosely copying something to identify what you like about the style helps! these were modelled after the way slimsense on ig paints (her work is 2nd + 4th examples below, my attempts at 'paint' 1st and 3rd lol), but doesn't really look like her work. i'm not necessarily trying to make perfect copies. i liked that her paint didn't blend perfectly, was blocky, and the additional lineart over the painting, so i brought that into my own art. i tried to create a painting style that was 'my own' off of lots of trial and error, and seeing what stuck!

also find brushes you like! adobe has a bunch on their page (if you have photoshop, but i know there's some for procreate and other programs) and if you want the adobe brush files, lmk. i will send a drive link to you LOL (sketches of the same characters, using different brushes below. the two i used the most often, one being a solid inker and the other being a paintbrush)

generally doing figure drawing is good too. i've heard advice about art where you can only start breaking the rules after you understand them, and a good grasp on anatomy, proportions, etc is definitely a good place to start! good sites to use for this are line of action for poses, and the morpho books (if you need pdfs of this let me know, though you should be able to find them if you look lol) !

i would also say learn perspective early on. i have no tips for you here i am so sorry. i didn't and now it bites me in the ass, but there has to be a youtube tutorial for this out there that can help you AND me. same goes for color theory. quickly dropping my favorite van gogh quote of all time:

(quote is from a letter to his brother) just everyone needs the fundamentals first. don't worry about a personal style: that just comes naturally as you develop as an artist, and i was certainly inspired by a lot of the things i watched/consumed and artists i admired which absolutely shows in my work i think (manet. western comics. fma. avatar. pjo fanart. there are tells. you know how it is.)

also flip your canvas !!! like see below ... frankly this marcille is so lopsided (her entire face should shift to the left) LOL !! flipping horizontally makes the anatomy mistakes obvious, and shows you you what you need to fix. i should never have posted this as is but sometimes it works for humor and an artist is lazy </3

AND ALWAYS USE REFERENCES WHEN YOU CAN!! i should use more references tbh!!! it helps with posing, getting anatomy correct, etc, and my friends use pinterest a lot, though i tend to just google when i need to LOLLL

also draw what you like. there is genuinely nothing that is better for your art than getting into something REALLY BAD and then non stop drawing it. time + practice will lead to improvement no matter what the subject is!

i hope this was not too much information all at once !!! and some of it is helpful!!! it's a lot of basic improvement tips that i try to practice and use when i can :) so sorry that this got so long!!!!

you know what. I know I keep saying I want to experiment with my art style a couple of times and after a while of thinking about it off and on (like. several years) but it's because I realized that like. I've experienced and put myself through a bunch of psychological bullshit in regards to how my art and the style I've had to develop is perceived. I started out drawing cartoony styles and eventually when I started to get into anime in the mid 2000s I started emulating the styles I liked. naruto in particular definitely helped me start to draw more, and then atla, and copying images in game informers of like the trauma center games and such, and when I got to art class in high school I had my teacher tell me that yeah you can draw cartoons but you can also do realism, and I think if you're gonna continue doing art you should stick to realism. standard fare for a child raised in the 00s

but the worst offender is when I became active on the internet

i love drawing what most people would consider anime. I'm also really good at realism as far as I can tell. there's no need for me to have to choose to survive as an artist but like. I went through a phase of no longer thinking anime and video games were cool and became your typical superwholock blogger, and then came the MASSIVE wave of realistic or semi-realistic styles becoming what everyone wanted to see, and I feel like part of that has to be from other kids that experienced their art teachers telling them that cartoons and anime would never serve them as an artist, and then a large part of it came from the fact that anime was never really cool

but anyways, there was a very big boom of the only popular fanarts you ever saw were the hyper realistic types that were massively detailed and I was gaslit into believing that yeah, I can't have fun with my art, and if I do then it has to be proportionate to real life and always has to be palatable to the main audience of "don't have fun with your art" unless you're mimicking a Hanna Barbera cartoon and had plans to make art a job or you could only ever make money off of your art and don't forget to do commissions or sell your art or you aren't a Real Artist, so I've done so much work to learn anatomy and lighting and all of that just to come right back around with the set of rules but now I can break them

so I'm so happy that I get to be in a time now where yeah there's still the majority of artists that have only ever developed a hyper realistic style and that's okay, but now it's more acceptable to have fun with your art, have it be scratchy and disproportional and give them big anime eyes and don't worry about etching out details for everything. I never felt like I was happy with making my art look real and I want to go back to my roots of cartoons and anime and scribbling with oil pastels and never using watercolor correctly. I got so boring with my colors and my poses for the past seven years specifically because I just wasn't ever happy with anything I made and I want to make things that make me happy, and if the first step was to only draw selfship art then like, so be it, because that's where I started too

trust me I'm not knocking anyone for their art styles but I am saying that there shouldn't have to be a single road you have to take to become palatable as an artist, the only thing that matters is if art is fun for you, if you're making things you like, and god dammit, you do NOT have to sell your art to be a good artist

ur a vet assistant and crime scene tech??? thats so cool- is it alright if i ask how you started on those paths/got to where you are? im also deep in vulture culture and looking to pivot out of my pursuit of a career in tech lol. sorry if this is invasive at all!

It's okay, I get that question often.

After high school I went to an art school because others kept telling me I was good at visuals and that must be my thing. It wasn't, I didn't like it. So it's okay to change your mind about your career path!

I began searching for something that felt more like me and I found the crime scene investigation technician career. When I was at the final year I started attending to med school as well but I dropped at the beginning of 2024 because I realized I don't like dealing with living patients (I know it sounds ridiculous but it's true), I was more interested in the biological aspects rather than the person behind it so I could never be a good doctor.

Instead I focused on the veterinary assistant course I also started as a back up plan just in case the csi tech didn't work; I like animals and anatomy so it's a good combination. At some point I was doing the three things at the same time (not the best option, the burn out is real)

And now as I wait for my degree to arrive I started a forensic evisceration course. There are many things I already know for my previous studies but is still good.

So... It takes a lot of time, studying, reading, investigating by yourself and practicing but it's perfectly possible <3

'Ello, me again lol

This time I'm after art tips because I really want to get better at art and yours is so amazing.

Awwww thank you so much!!

I've been drawing digitally ever since 2015, and am entirely self-taught. I never went to art school, and I learned most of the techniques that I use now just from watching hours and hours worth of speedpaints from my favorite artists while in high school!

With regards to things like anatomy and more fundamental stuff, I learned a lot by watching Aaron Blaise's tutorials. He sells them on his website and quite often does really good deals (I purchased a toooon of them for like $10 total during the pandemic). For those that don't know of his work, he is a professional artist and animator who has done a ton of stuff for Disney (he animated for Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King, and directed Brother Bear!)

As for my own personal advice when it comes to improving art, I learned the most by drawing fanart. So, SO much fanart. In high school, I pretty much only drew dragons. The one exception was the little bit of Homestuck fanart I did - that was the one thing that pushed me to start practicing humanoids more often.

The best way to get better at art is simply to just do it A LOT. A LOOOOOT. And the best way to do a lot of art without hating the process? Find a piece of media you really like and draw fanart for it!

My fanart was shiiiiiiiiiiiiit for the first few years. Truly. But nonetheless, I still drew nearly every day, and posted almost all of it to my deviantArt account at the time. I got a ton of constructive critiques as well as encouragement from other artists at the time, and that really helped to keep me motivated!

As I got better, I started to branch out into doing commissions. Doing paid work really motivated me to take my time when drawing things that were outside of my comfort zone (like landscapes, for example), and I always put in a ton more effort and detail into my commissions than my personal work or fanart. It helped me to grow my skills a TON.

But yeah! I started out just by looking at the work of other artists I admired and took inspiration from their artstyles, then just drew a bunch of fanart, and, most importantly, KEPT GOING.

The worst thing you can do as an artist is to constantly compare yourself to others like it's some kind of competition, or to see someone's work and say "I'll never draw like that". All that does is de-motivate you. Instead, what I grew to start doing, is to compare my art where it is right now to my OWN art from previous months/years.

I have kept ALL of my old art up on my deviantArt page (yes, even that really bad Homestuck fanart from 2015) as a reminder of how far I've come, as well as a reminder to other aspiring artists that we all start somewhere. The most important thing is to just get started and to have fun with your work! Do art because you enjoy it. Draw cringy shit. Draw ship art. Draw your ancient sparkledog OC from 2012. Just do it! You'll be happier for it :)

Howdy! First I just wanna say you're a really great artist, one of the best I've ever seen, and I love every single one of your LWA fanarts! And if you don't mind, I just wanted to ask how you learned to draw? I've always wanted to learn, but I'm not sure how to learn the fundamentals and progressively get better until I'm as great as someone like you. If you know any books, videos online, exercises/habits, or any resource to look up and learn how to draw and slowly get better, that'd be great!

Hi! Thank you very much, I’m touched by your kind words ^^

I give you Diakko but theyre motivation coaches to wish you the best ! Have fun with drawing, it's one of the best thing on Earth!

It took some time to answer because I wanted to write a document with a lot of resources, so you and other fellows can use it :

To answer the first part of the question, I always loved doodling with a pencil and replicating manga panels like Dragon Ball, Naruto... also I love scientific illustration and fashion design! Never took art classes, but went to an art club in high school^^

I have a pencil and watercolour self taught art background, drew since 9 but with a lot of art breaks (the most recent one lasted 4 years because of pharmacy studies), digital art came very late when I hit 23 (January of this year, got an iPad!🥳🎂) and I learned it with the resources stated in this shared document :D

Now for the second part, let's say every artist have their own art planet, like the Little Prince 😊

You have your art home,  and realism is the house foundation to you build up other skills on it. The first skill associatied with foundation is observation : when you look at something...how does it work? Why is this moving like that? What are the simplified shapes of it? 

Near you home, you can plant your favourite artists seeds from other art planets in your own art garden to be inspired by them. They'll bloom into different flowers, scents and colors... they'll inspire your work as you progress :D it's like pretty things to admire and look up to! To keep you on the go and learn from them! (It works with the library metaphor too, like having a collection of your fav artists, subjects, reference...)

 Then you build up solid walls for your house, by learning/practicing technical things like figure drawing, life drawing, drapery... with these, you can already have a lot of fun!

Adding windows will bring you some fresh air as you'll explore colour theory, light and shadow... at this stage, traditionally or digitally, you'll be able to create really cool sketches/llustrations! You can always use references and observe them to understand the light source, a particular scenery, or some tricky anatomy position, etc...so you can incorporate it in your drawing.

Then you can make your house bigger by adding new rooms: learning how to draw specific things like detailed backrounds, animals, weapons, machinery, everything you'll be interested in...if you started with humans only for example.

Later on, you can decor your house with things like art style, aesthetics, that little somtheing that makes people recognize your works...these come naturally as you progress so dont worry too much about it!

Building a comfy house takes time but it's your home and even if there will be struggles/frustration... enjoying the process is key to a happy artist journey ^^

Hope this helped, and you can always dm for more specific things, if needed (or ask anonymously again, I’m shy so I’ll understand lol)

Hi I love your art, you have the ability to pack so much emotion into simple things… It’s amazing.

I have a question：Do you think it is beneficial for all rookies to learn art fundamentals and do dedicated learning？And did you personally spend any time studying art fundamentals ? thank uuu

Hi thank you for the kind words I'm obviously no authority on this but from the point of view of illustration: Yes, I do think so. . I studied art fundamentals for a few years on and off when I was more on the figuring out part of my style development. I think composition and color theory were the more important things to learn for me (They translated later into my other, more graphical art ventures too). Gesture drawing also kinda saved my characters more than anatomy. I always felt classic anatomy was a bit rigid and I kinda disregarded it for a while but since 2020 or so I started rly trying to observe how it works. Both have helped me tremendously in constructing weighty poses and character designs. (I think that's the best part of anatomy, really selling that your characters are actually standing in the scenery you built for them) I think any artist(illustrator moreso) that wants to develop a personal style should have at least a small grasp of fundamentals but I also think one absorbs that kind of knowledge with an observant eye, I can say personally most I've learned from art was from looking at other artists and how they solve illustrative/artistic problems(problem from a design definition). From big things like how do they compose a scene? communicate emotion? to more simple stuff like how do they draw eyes, or hands? (completely unrelated ramble but I think that last one is very prevalent in online artistic circles, when one artist develops an appealing solution this solution tends to spread, a bit like a DNA strand or meme, around their circles and the people who follow them, I've seen it happen to me, many friends and people who I don't know. I think it's an interesting phenomenon in how quickly it happens compared to pre-internet eras (can you tell it's more fun for me to observe social dynamics than to make art)) U can sometimes tell the difference slightly between an artist who studied fundamentals and one who didn't if you did study them (not saying one person is better or worse) Personally nowadays (not saying this is a good thing) I almost never practice anatomy unless there's a specific problem I want to tackle, but I believe that's only because for my current sensibilities, I've kind of developed a way to draw figures which suits me. Some people like drawing more realistic/classical stuff and kind of flexing those muscles but that's really never been me. On the subject of dedicated learning, if you mean going to a drawing school or course I can say it can only benefit you. In 2018 I went to a classic comic workshop for a few months and I still have retained things from it even if I ended up dropping it because it wasn't for me. Anyone who can drop you a bit of knowledge is great. Appart from all that, while I think it's beneficial.. I don't really think it's necessary, I don't know. I haven't Really studied fundamentals in years. I usually experiment inside my own style, observing and incorporating new things all the time. Trying out different tools, coloring processes, that kind of stuff. But of course, you have to Get to that point first. I always say I can't really do the same thing twice, and I really think it's true, it makes me feel a bit hacky. So I'm always trying to do something different or new (even when you compare two very similar pieces of mine you can tell there's differences; I never have a ruleset for making art). My girlfriend likes to draw and she never studied fundamentals, picking up stuff along the way, and we draw on relatively similar styles (even before we started being together), and I can tell you I've seen her make things which were super emotionally resonant, and deeply beautiful. I even think she's better than me at a few different aspects. When we draw together it's very fun This is just a bit of my personal history with classical learning, I hope it helped but as you may be able to tell I'm no authority in the subject, my experience is limited. I wish I could go on and on for 100000 words but there's a character limit on tumblr and I already cut this down a lot hahah

Felt like doing this quick little art of old married Spirk enjoying their lazy San Francisco morning. I somehow find the idea of Spock tangling his legs with Jim's in bed very exciting.

Midshift might be the time my brain just figures shit out and gets super introspective. Anyway thoughts on stuff here in regards to [gestures to body] so we're getting into dysmorphia and shit. Proceed with caution. Also it's like a novel.

I have a very weird relationship with people being proud of their breasts. Like I'm going to first preface this with: Being proud of your body is amazing and you should definitely not stop being proud of it. This is my own personal hang-ups on my own view of my body and I'm not here to police how people feel about their own bodies.

But okay...

This all likely stems from back in middle school when things were ... ahem ... developing on my chest area.

At first I didn't really even notice it. I mean I was wearing a training bra that I knew was fitting a little tighter every passing week but aside from that I just went on my merry, oblivious way.

Well that changed rather suddenly I'm shopping for school clothes with my mom and I'm still at the age where she just stands in the dressing room with me. Which is a whole other thing but anyway...

Yeah she notices that the bra definitively does not fit me anymore and proclaims that we need to go get me a proper fitting bra. And I really can't describe the feeling I had in that moment.

Mortification may be the best way to describe it. It got worse when I'm standing in the dressing room trying out bras and I keep hearing other women around me just joking about their breasts and speaking light heartedly about them. And I just am staring in the mirror realizing "Oh fuck I'm going to have these things for the rest of my life".

Words cannot describe how much I didn't want to have breasts and hearing the women in the other stalls like talking about them candidly just made me feel like something was wrong with me for not being proud of them. And that still kind of leaks into today.

And I can also probably say I've just got weird hangups about nudity in general. I grew up in a Roman Catholic household and while anatomy was generally discussed (my parents are both doctors - I got an hour long lecture about how periods happen) and I don't really remember having any specific anti-nudity/puritanical shit said to me except for maybe from my super religious grandma ... I can say that getting dressed at PE was probably the worst experience I've had in school and that wasn't even like ... nudity. That was people in underwear.

Then in middle and high schools I was really into anime and manga and well if you know the levels of uh... objectification that go into some of those stories. You can guess how even more uncomfortable 15 year old me got with knowing I have boobs. Especially since I was graced with the lovely fact that mine are kind of on the larger side. God I still sometimes see myself in the mirror and I just .... see that art work or the anime with big breasted ladies like running around and I feel a weird sense of self disgust.

Anyway ... to this day I really can't stand conversations about sex, fetishes, bodies (both male and female) ... I've gotten slightly better about it and I will not and have never judged anyone for talking about stuff that's completely normal to talk about in a setting where everyone consented to that kind of discussion. I'm not like a complete prude where I'm just like, "everyone must be 'innocent' and discuss safe things like the weather".

I just know that when the conversation about specifically the female form comes up or my friend opts to not wear a bra ... I am painfully aware of my own anatomy and I just realize how much I don't want that anatomy.

TL;DR - I have a lot of baggage when it comes to my gender and anatomy. Discussions about which make me feel incredibly uncomfortable but I'm not policing people on it. This was just a long and slightly incoherent rant stemming from around 15 years (pretty sure puberty hit when I was around 13 y.o.) of realizing that this is not exactly the body I want.

I like everything else about it and I'm sure if I bulked up and lost a little bit of fat I'd have a jawline that could slice a man's jugular. But anyway ... the chesticles have gots to go.

Re: @mrslittleleaks, beach omo post

Afswrtgf crudnuggets, thank you so much! (≧ヮ≦)💗

Eh, but no, I've never considered taking commissions. At the risk of sounding like an insecure git, I honestly don't think I'm good enough for that. Under the cut some reasons why & other related thoughts.

Having only recently gotten back into working with graphic programmes, after basically a hiatus of 10--15 years, I still don't actually know what the heck I'm doing.

Of course, on the technical side, I'm still trying to figure out how to get things like perspective, light sources, and human anatomy right - or at least right enough to not be distracted by them in finished products, once my eyes uncross and I can see wtf I did. (☉__⚆)?

More importantly, due to ..a condition that leaves me unable to deal with stress of any kind (≧__≦) stuff 'n things, taking on a job that requires me to make something worthy of whatever price is pretty much the same as deciding to have panic attacks. -- Once upon a time before my life went up in flames I went to a graphic design school. Let's put aside that I'm more of a tinkerer than a designer - the stress of having to create things (and failing very, very badly) burned up my creativity for about a decade. I love drawing, and need it as an outlet, so I'm loath to venture that way again. ..

I must confess I was always terrified of sharing writings and drawings --and even leaving comments!-- on the Internet. I have posted things in the past, but never without trepidation - and none of what I had to share was in any way "shameful" in the traditional sense, nothing smutty or even k¡nk-adjacent. -- It's strange how comparatively little that has been bothering me in the Pee Corner, save for a few m¡nor bouts of anx¡ety. Strange and wonderful, and I genuinely am grateful for all the kindness and good cheer I've been accorded here thus far. 💗

So -- thank you again for your kind words, MrsLL ♡♡ ..but to keep making sloppy omo arts a positive experience I don't think I'll ever take commissions.

I do enjoy connecting with others here and playing around with prompts & suggestions, though, and perhaps in the future I could take direct art requests, with no strings attached. (≏◡≏)💕

As a child, one of the first things I remember asking for was an anatomy book on my birthday.

Also, as a child, I was unnerved by cartoons that showed viscera (i still want to know one of the ones that "fucked me up" but I'm also just thinking about that SP episode with the zombies and Worcestshire sauce) and the sensation of my own heart beat.

Saw a picture of a dog heart infested with worms once. It was hard to look away.

My mom got me into horror when I was little. Dad got me into the sort of surreal horror in Pink Floyd's "The Wall". "Hey You" reverbs in my brain every time I think about it.

Got told by a few adults in the healthcare field note how precocious I was about things.

I grew to love how Carpenter and Cronenberg were just hitting the right spot for me.

I moved a lot, so I kept everyone at arms length. Can't get too attached. Had bigger problems at home to deal with.

I loved going to school. It felt like home.

I liked making macabre and psychedelic art.

As bleak and depressing and scary as things got. I didn't have it as bad as other people. I always halted darker, self-directed thoughts with the very medical knowledge that sometimes made me fearful of what would happen if... it was a risk I never was willing to take.

Never mind how the people that cared about me would think.

The idea of driving scares me.

When I tried my first psychiatric medication, I half convinced myself I had serotonin syndrome. (I didn't, a rational part of me kinda knew that too.)

I went to therapy, it put a lot of things into perspective. I got resources that I needed to survive my later twenties.

Exhaustion and stress and anxiety were gradually building to something I could no long tolerate. I needed a way out.

I don't know half my family.

Some death anniversaries are coming up. Knowing about the grief pendulum has been a source of solace. (That and getting fixed on sibling shit among Roman and Remus.)

I'm finally living by myself. So much weight slipped off in that moment. Some new "independent living" / "adulting" concerns are here. But I can manage.

I'm still putting off on some check-ups.

I want to finish another writing project before June ends.

I'm advancing in my cartoons

but for now, let's see the story of football/soccer

---

My home when growing up was really close to this school that had a sports schedule and everything. In order to join, you also joined in a sports thing of your choice.

Now, the first try-outs were for swimming. If you were too small or frail, you didn't have to do swimming, you could join the diving group instead. But in retrospect, that group was considered like the runt of the whole classroom, it was seen as a bad thing to be part of it. And why? Cause you mostly didn't do anything that we've heard...they just sat by their own separate pool and dove in the water whenever! And took breaks and then out they go and jump again!

But I was never part of that group, I was in the swimming thing instead with a coach and everything. And the first one I had took a liking to me but in general, to other kids, not so much.

So we did the actual swimming.

The whole school is a big deal nationally and internationally. It is the school that the first gymnast in the Olympics who got her first 10 and broke the score board thing went to! It's also the school where other athletes went to and it's not so much a school as much as it's a high school (at the other type of college level - that doesn't have the same meaning abroad, as a term - but locally it means it's a REALLY good and advanced high school).

I went there from ages 6 till 14 years old. After 14, I went to a Bilingual English high school that was known for that specific thing (the Bilingual schedule). I had a choice when I finished, if I wanted to continue doing sports (ages 6 - 10) or whether the Intensive English programme I was in the same sports high school (ages 10 - 14) counts for anything to me and my future!

And it did: I understood that if I pick an Art high school (for example), I'll be so limited, I won't be able to handle life and shit (cause they don't teach the rest of the subjects well enough). When high schools specialise, they truly forget about the rest of the subjects!

So originally I was gonna go to a different high school that had an English Bilingual class profile but Andreea overheard me talk about that - just like she's gonna overhear me talking about going to study abroad around these ages 16 - 17, so she just flat out stole my high school of choice ahead of time and then the studying abroad choice!

But in the mean time, they removed the Bilingual class in Andreea's high school and replaced it with a Spanish one so I finally noticed the WHOLE HIGH SCHOOL that was completely made to be Bilingual! (I had went there before, during a human anatomy competition and I got hit by a very strange feeling as though I had been there before but I didn't know anything about it or understood the reason for the overwhelming feeling).

Either way, these high schools are some of the top ones in Bucharest and in the country.

---

So I left the sports school eventually, but I never stopped my habits connected to it.

That sports school had gymnasts, tennis players, swimmers (and any other pool sport), football players, basketball players etc.

It didn't really matter which sport you were doing, cause you were always challenged to pass through the school yard WITHOUT getting hit by a ball! It was like a minefield of some sorts, trying to cross from one end to the other of either of the school yards: the one in the front was huge and had both a volleyball square and a basketball court, the one in the back had a football field and the one next to the dorm (where kids would stay sometimes after their sports schedule) was up for grabs! (you could play whatever you wanted there, but most kids chose football)

---

And this is the part where me, as a young girl noticed them playing, while waiting outside of the dorm (it would be hours until Nela picks me up).

You think I would have liked them playing but they were a mess! I hated watching them: it's like they were emulating the football players they watched on TV and sure enough the Stadium (and the future National Area) was but 5 minutes away from said high school and 5 minutes away on the other side from where I lived - and why I heard the Rolling Stones playing really loud this one time!

But I didn't mention how many times I've also heard the word "goooooooal" shouted by anyone and anything that was watching or was part of the game that was going on in that Stadium that I lived closed to! And that was that close to the school!

So there were these Bucharest main teams that were always seen dropping by, whenever they passed by (Steaua, Dinamo or Rapid - the main ones), nevermind the actual National team!

And you could tell how much these kids wanted to be the adults around them (first their dumb parents) and then suddenly...they're emulating adults on TV that are football players! (while playing football!)

And I watched them playing like them with their mannierisms instead of playing football for real and I loathed them! (cause I know they're bitches and bullies in general because they're learning something from their parents: they're really scarred individuals!) But now this thing extended to football players!

They were completely disorganised! They didn't have a ball but a bottle, though they could get one at some point! They were shouting and running, as though they were actors and not football players - mind you: just because EVERYONE is forced to do sports, doesn't mean EVERYONE is gonna be good at them!

They were sweating and they were running and they couldn't make the number of the team players correctly at all! (too many in one group for example) And they were SO INVESTED (as though this was their pretend time!)

And I was like...you know, I'd love to join this type of game because it does look like fun (all that running) and the girls near by are playing pretend with tea cups and shit and leaves are food according to them! (so I'm definitely NOT joining their pretend game - even if they don't get me) but my God, YOU ALL SUCK TOO! (the boys' pretend game: football)

I end up never joining the girls anyway, the boys were too stupid to play correctly and so I went upstairs and did all my homework in advance instead - so that when I get home I'd be free instead!

And I did this many times in a row, to the point where the supervisor there was asking me if I'm sure I don't wanna join the kids playing outside. And I was very sure!

...but meanwhile, during those years, a cartoon about playing football correctly was made through me and for me, the way I saw it should be played at that age! 😏

here's a map for context:

and now Andreea stealing my high school first and then the abroad thing (though you can tell from her accent she has no business being there!) 🙄

This week's been another shit show. Every week has been a shit show. I woke up at 3am, couldn't sleep, and had the realization that, for the past four months, every single week has brought me a new scrap of bad news. People dying. People getting sick. Friends leaving. Family drama, revelations. Crisis, crisis, crisis! And...really none of it has been my fault. It's just life. Bad luck of the draw.

Still. No wonder I've been having the worst few months of my life. Every single week has been a jack-in-the-box of bullshit. This week's bullshit? Revelations about my job that have tarnished it for me. I'm looking for new work. Not quitting until I get a new job...I need money. All the fulfillment and satisfaction I felt in my position has left.

I feel completely trapped in my everyday life. H thinks I should consider starting a new career, but how? Baking is the only thing I'm good at. I'm a damn good baker. My job was, like...the thing I clung to. I don't even want to say what happened, because it's complicated, but I just don't think I can do it again.

I love baking, but the environment of professional kitchens...I can't handle them anymore. I used to be able to. People say you get used to things as you get older, but the opposite seems to be true for me. I feel more sensitive than ever. I feel raw, like anything that even slightly touches me will sting. I can't put up with raised voices anymore.

H tells me to show myself kindness. I was in a heap yesterday, and he was so sweet to me. I think he's right, about the career thing. Baking feels like the only thing I'm good at, but once upon a time, I wanted to do so much...I had such big dreams. I settled into baking because I'm good at it, and I like making people happy. When I bake for people and see their reactions, it fills my heart with joy. So, I thought, hey, why not make this my career? Nothing else has panned out for me, and I seem to work best in the service of others.

H went to school for computer science. He landed a great job that he feels fine about. It isn't his passion, but he likes what he does, and it gives him enough space to work on his actual passion projects in the meantime. You should see the things this man makes...his MIND, I swear to you, it's AMAZING. He's got this amazing mixture of creativity and practicality...he breathes life into the worlds he creates. It's one of the things I first loved about him, back when we were both eighteen. He told me stories that I thought were already published, they were so good and well-rounded.

I used to be a writer. It used to be my dream. When I was a kid, I wrote every single day. I filled notebooks with stories, world building, characters...my dream was to draw comics. Remember how I wrote about how I was being bullied? I left a notebook on my desk one day by accident. My bullies read it, and humiliated me. Even the teachers made fun of me. They tore out pages from it, and the teacher there at the time threw the rest out in the trash.

I still wrote, but only in secret. Only at home, and even then, I was careful, because my parents went through my things. I went through insane measures to hide everything. At some point, it became exhausting.

A few years ago, I started writing again...but I never show anything to anyone. Except H. Sometimes.

I still have this stupid dream of making comics. I've written out scripts, ideas, plots...my art skills aren't great. I used to practice.

I've thought about getting back into it. For real. Drawing every day. Practicing anatomy, perspective, shading. I just get so sad. I imagine hoards of people tearing my work to shreds.

I know, I know. I know how this sounds. Trust me, I've viewed these feelings from more angles than I'm writing down.

I just...need something.

I might do what H did. Get my certificate in something that lets me work remote...dedicate myself to my hobbies in my free time. It would take a while to accomplish, but the time will pass anyways, right? I just don't think what I'm doing is sustainable. I keep being scared I'm too old, but I'm only 27. That's so young, in the grand scheme of things. That's what my step-dad told me a while back.

"You feel like you're spinning your wheels in the mud, don't you?" He said to me. "I felt the same way at your age. Hell, I felt the same way in my 30s. You just gotta keep at it."

It's pretty encouraging. Comforting, I guess.

Fuck. It feels so good to write here. I have nobody else to talk to. I've got H, obviously, but it isn't healthy to dump everything on your spouse constantly. I've got a therapist, who...I'm still getting comfortable with. I've got my mom, now, too...she figured out something was wrong when I went silent again. I'm glad she reached out. The two of us used to have a pretty bad relationship, but she came a long way in my 20s, and put in a lot of work to repair things. I respect that. I appreciate it. There were so many times in my teen years and early 20s when I needed her...it's nice to have her now.

Hey, that's three people! Three people, and this blog. Maybe it isn't so bad. Ugh. I think it'll all be okay. I've just got a lot of big feelings.

How did you get into animation? Im 23 and feel its too late to get into it

HI HI HI!! So sorry I'm responding to this so late! I had work yesterday and I have been so tired out from the physical labor, on top of other personal drama I don't want to delve into.

To answer your question, I'm still trying to get into the animation industry, so I'm not a certified professional yet. Emphasis on YET. I will be turning 25 in 5 months and I still haven't had the job opportunity come my way. So if you think age has any factor in getting into the career: rest assured that age has no limit in this industry. To get further into detail, I'll add a read more about the intricacies that I've learned from the animation industry so far <3

So the animation experience varies from person to person. I've had friends who started their careers with big studios right after we all graduated art school by age 22. You have people like me who are still looking for a job in the industry by age 24, and show no signs of stopping. I've seen plenty of artists over 30 and 40 barely getting their foot in the door into the career. Don't let these young content creators or success stories of infamous show runners make you think you're too late to get started in animation!

As an example: J.G. Quintel ,the creator of Regular Show, took what I believe was 10 years to get started at Cartoon Network after graduating from CALarts, and spent those 10 years after graduating working retail and register jobs.

Consider your factors in life. For me, I grew up with a town that never favored the arts, so I thankfully had the financial support to go to an art school in California for a couple of years to expand and improve the skills I previously had. DO NOT THINK THAT GOING TO ART SCHOOL IS A MUST! Plenty of artists in this career have gotten successful without ever having went to college. Unless you think you need it and you have the money, then start researching where you'd want to attend, look at the intuition and alumni reviews and etc.

As far as portfolio advice goes, my professors have taught me one thing I keep in mind: ✨QUALITY OVER QUANTITY✨. You can have a small and dingy or big and fancy portfolio, but recruiters will not care. As long as you have the skill they're looking for, that's all that matters. Do not be afraid to draw something outside of your comfort zone - flexibility in your skills is a bonus. Anatomy and cafè/life drawings are a must to show companies you know how to draw humans and animals. Most importantly, try to cater to the specific job in the industry you want to aim for. If you're looking to only be a storyboard artist, show thumbnails, rough sketches, and your own animatics/storyboards projects. And vice versa appplies for the other positions out there.

My last pieces of advice: DO. NOT. GIVE. UP. This profession relies on passion, optimism, resilience, preservation, and determination. The second you give up, it's over. Obviously this doesn’t mean you can't draw for yourself or take a break; but do not get discouraged from being denied or ignored from the opportunities you apply to, that you don't see the point in it anymore. These, at this time, are extremely common, but they aren't a reflection of you as an artist or as a person. This is why you constantly need to practice as much as you can, thus going back to never giving up. That way, when you apply again, you'll be better than you were before, improving your chances of getting hired even more.

Do not worry about your age and thinking that it's too late for you. In this industry, it's never too late to start your career regardless of your age. Stay vigilant, do not give up, and always practice on improving your drawing skills! I hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck in your endeavor 💖 here's to one day working with each other🌸