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#i didn't even know we had jumping spiders over here. first time i've ever seen one
buglaur · 9 months
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sawyers already struggling with the whole pregnancy thing but rufie's encouragements make her feel a little better!
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wornoutmouse · 3 years
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Fun fact: demon slayer starts in 1912 and ends in 1927(or at least that's when the Tashio era ends). Using that math Tanjiro (as long as he kept his health good) would very well be alive today at the ripe age of like 78 if my math is correct since he started as 13 in the series. (My math probably wrong asf)
Power imbalance, power bottom reader, knife play,  blood but not blood play...
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He hated you.
Your very being irked him more than anything he'd ever experienced in all his centuries of living. You were clumsy, boisterous, and played that arrogant music all throughout your home while walking around half naked. Well in Muzan's opinion you were half naked, he couldn't even begin to describe his disbelief at the trend of exposing skin. 
It didn't help that you had that insignificant filth running through your veins. At first he was unsure, after all this was a completely different country than Japan, not to mention your darker skin and coiled hair. But no, he could smell and recognise the Kamado blood running through your veins just as strongly as it had run through all your ancestors. 
Completely undiluted. 
At the very beginning when you first moved in, you  came to his home. Knocking aggressively on his front door already getting off to the wrong start. When he opened it, you slipped past him and walked into his living room barely even saying hello as you put poorly decorated sugar cookies on his obsidian coffee table. "This is a nice place you got here Mj." 
Muzan's eyes twitched, that joke had long since gotten old since he moved to America. 
Now that you were closer he could definitely smell, the century old stench of rivaling bloodlust simmered just below your onyx skin. At any moment he expected you to attack him in some way or form. "Anyways I'm here to say hello neighbor, my name is Y/n and I'm your new best friend!"
Your happy attitude also agitated him to no end. Even though the knowledge of demons had dwindled down to only a few select families, even basic humans were wary of him as their baser instincts made them aware of his dangerous origins. This fact had long since forced Muzan to only prey on the elderly to survive. You had stayed a bit longer babbling about some nonsense that Muzan never acknowledged as he watched you from a good distance.
"You know you really got to add more to your wardrobe than 1963 suits." You walked from the back of his home, an area that he didn't even notice you wandered to. Finally getting bored, you open his door bidding your farewells. 
Just before leaving you stop and with a cheeky grin say, "If you ever need anything just come on over. We Kamado's are known for our kindness." 
Since then he'd been on edge around you. The point of relocating was for him to keep a low profile but now it seems he'd have to come face to face with an old nemesis reborn. 
Muzan snapped out of his thoughts with a flinch as he pierced his hand with his nail. He watches the dark blood well up from the wound and drip down his wrist. In the end this world had long since lost its hostility dwindling the average human incapable of basic combat. Giving you were no doubt a great descendant, Muzan failed to see you as a true threat.  
But one can never be too sure
🥢🥢🥢🥢🥢🥢🥢🥢🥢🥢🥢🥢🥢🥢🥢🥢🥢
You heard a knock on your door, soft and hesitant. "I don't think I'm expecting company." You checked your watch and peered out of a nearby window. It was at least 8 at night, you were braless wearing sweats with a red T-Shirt and on your way to bed.  In the back of your mind you visualize your two grand-uncles Inosuke and Zenitsu coming over to make you spectate their fights. For two old dudes they still had enough strength in them to do hip breaking nonsense.
You open the door shocked to see your next door neighbor standing before you. For once he wasn't wearing a suit that cost more than your house. His attire was still expensively dressed but in a more casual sense, that being a black dress shirt and slacks. His sleeves were rolled up displaying his pale skin. "Can I come in?" A dazzling smile you had never seen before practically blinds you as he walks past you into your home.
When Muzan walks in his eyes immediately dart to the clear as day Nichirin Blade sword displayed recklessly on your living room wall above your couch. "You like it?" A hand on his shoulder makes him jump, "Got it from my grandpa, he says it's really special but I feel like he's exaggerating. You know how old people are." Muzan shakes out of his stupor. "I don't quite understand what you mean by that, however I do know that it's much more wise to listen to your elders than ignoring…..It could save your life."
Muzan replicates you and puts a hand on your shoulder gently squeezing. This was it, he'd go in for the kill and it would be over, the amount of blood he'd pump into you would be enough to watch you meet a satisfying end of combustion completely untraceable if the police were to get involved. How he wishes he'd be there when your poor grandfather walks along your remains splattered on every surface in your living room. Unable to do a thing as he's finally in his last stretch of life. 
The beauty.
Muzan's finger only twitches in the slightest before pain sparks from his own neck. "The thought of you coming into my own home unprovoked and at night no less, was the most obvious sign one could ask more." You had his hand gripped so tight your veins popped while your other hand held a small pocket knife that burned  brighter than any Nichirin sword he'd ever encountered. He didn't understand, he was quick enough to kill even the best of the ancient Hiroshima. So how did a little foreign girl like you get the upper hand?
It was embarrassing and almost laughable if any of his pillars were alive to tell the tale.
You press the blade harder before bringing your other hand to caress Muzan's cheek,  "Did you think I'd be just an ignorant descendant of an infamous hero?" You clicked your teeth disappointingly. "How naive, you've really become lazy after all these millennia huh?" You walk forward, pushing Muzan back with seductive strength. He allows you to push him into your couch,  I say allow because at any time he could have stopped you.  
Muzan is most definitely not holding me at gunpoint right now. 
The knife never wavers even as you climb into Muzan's lap, pressing it even closer against his jugular. "You do know getting beheaded will not kill me, and I doubt this petty little kitchen knife will get the job done in the first place." Your lips draw into a smirk and you press the knife closer as you trail it down his chest, "That may be true but it's gonna take one hell of a time for you to grow back." Your hand jerks down, popping his shirt buttons open.
Muzan watches with interest, your eyes light up as more skin becomes exposed. The tones of your dark skin contrast strikingly as you caress his pectoral with the tips of your fingers. "For a 1,000 year old grandpa you look decent." Still threatening his life with your blade, you kiss him. It's deep and carnal. Your lustful desires being made known as you grind in his lap. The flesh of your ass snuggly hotdogs the forming outline of his cock. "I've always wanted to be with a demon. You've had to of become a real freak after living this long!"
When you pull away Muzan's thin lips are pink and a bit swollen. He is out of breath despite needing none, "You have a lot of nerve for a mere human." With your free hand you loosen the belt of his slacks, only standing to pull them off, pleased when Muzan voluntarily raises his hips to aid you. 
Don't get him wrong, he was still planning on killing you and ending your wretched bloodline once and for all, he just needed his mind to clear itself. Your scent, your confidence, strung him along like a puppet. His hands grip onto your ass cheeks like a lifeline. Molding them between his fingers, even giving them a shake through your sweats. His nails elongate and puncture the thick fabric as if it was nothing more than a spider web. 
Your sweats are tugged off completely leaving your lower half nude. Muzan moves his hands to hold your ass again but your blade politely makes itself known. You are out of breath and clearly flustered. "Watch yourself, demon, I'm the one calling the shots, don't forget that." Muzan bites his tongue with sharp glare. He raises his hands in surrender, "Of course." 
Muzan can feel your wetness against his leg and it's driving him insane. "Hey…" red eyes refocus on yours, "You ain't got any diseases do you? And you can't get me pregnant right?" Muzan smirks hands enclosing around your ass despite your protest. "I can, however it will cost a lot more than doing it once." The odds didn't seem in your favor but you were in no position to stand down and grab a condom and Muzan knew it.
You curve the blade towards his chin, "If you are lying and give me some ancient unknown disease or I find out you have superman sperm, I will kill you." Muzan links his lips, "Wasn't that the plan from the beginning or have you had a moment of level headedness?" Your wrist is quick and precise, cutting a thin slash along his jawline., not enough to scar and it barely even bled, but the threat was clear.
You grab Muzan's dick and use your thumb to attack the underside with fast strokes. Said man doesn't react outwardly, the only sign being his eyelids lowering by a fraction. "Were you always this well endowed or did you adjust this part too?" Muzan was not amused by your insinuation. Deciding to once again display the true power imbalance this situation had, he loops his arms underneath your large thighs and lifts you just enough to thrust his cock against your hole. 
From there he let's go, making you plop down on his length, making you yelp and allowing him to lean back with a relaxed sigh. You were so warm and tight. Now even though I explained what had happened with great detail,  keep in mind that in reality it all happened within a fraction of a second. 
Your large and in charge persona was cracking.  You gripped Muzan's sides tightly as your pussy spasmed around his girth. "F-Fuck it's too….." you trail off not wanting to give Muzan the credit he was truly due. 
It takes a few moments for you to get your bearings all the while Muzan and his dangerous jaw swayed in the crevice of your neck. A viper playing with its prey. The blade is back against his neck once again making his cock twitch. If he were human this would be a dangerous feat.  Your grip never slacked nor lessened against his neck, slicing into a growing wound that dropped dark blood down his chest and to his abdomen. 
His dick stretched your pussy and made it weap on each downstroke. Muzan's hands grip onto the cheeks of your ass with gritted teeth.  Your insides gripped him ever so slightly.  Sucking him back in as if he belonged there.  He felt used and it felt good.  His black ringlets stuck to his face from sweat and his red eyes grew in intensity. 
He couldn't see much of your body, hell he could barely even touch. In the back of his mind humorous thoughts such as how he knew Tanjiro would lose his sanity if he knew his granddaughter was being bedded by the man he despised. But the more you bounced, the more you squeezed, the deeper you cut into his neck proved that you were truly the one in charge. 
"Oh God you're so deep!" Your deep almond eyes shut themselves with pleasure. Muzan could feel your legs shaking with exertion at the same rhythm your pussy twitched. His balls felt tight after having no action in over a dozen years. "F-Faster." He has no care for your blade, only wanting to cum and feel the sweet ecstasy he knew your creamed pussy would provide. "Come on human, go faster." Muzan locks lips with you, gaze hardened and intent on proving some sort of point.
Tossing the knife you wrap your arms around his neck pulling his head closer. Red eyes target brown ones as his hands take a stronger grip on your ass. He uses his strength to bounce you. The sound of his balls slapping against the curve of your ass is just as disgusting as it is sexy. Your nipples rub against his through your tank-top making you both moan. The feeling blood stains your shirt making you shiver from the cool wetness
The couch you rest on bangs against the wall behind you the faster you both go. Muzan's feet are planted firmly in the ground, his fangs further elongated. He looks feral and it is in this moment where you get a glimpse of the horror many people felt when he took their lives. "Focus little Kamado, you wouldn't want to disappoint me now would you?" 
Muzan's hips meet yours, spreading the tempo. Your juices coat his lap before finally you tense up completely into a cramp inducing stance as Muzan impaled you on his cock one last time. "Ahh.." Muzan empties himself within you with a relieved sigh. 
Maybe the Kamado bloodline could go on.
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chiliiscereal · 3 years
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Here’s the link for the full version ^ ——
Sister dear (Steve x sister reader)
(This is preseason one to show you what the background is on the whole story)
(let me know if you think this should be published as a separate book!)
You and Steve had a rocky start to being siblings.
You were born four years apart.
He was born in a time when your parents actually loved each other. They had time for birthdays and family weekends together. They went out to the park on saturdays. They were a picture perfect family.
It just so happened that when you were born, your father stopped being quite so faithful to your mother. When you came into the world, your father was in Europe on a business trip. And he wasn't only up to business.
Little Steve had adored you at first. He always wanted to hold you or play with you.
But then their parents no longer had time for him.
It was always work... and taking care of you.
It slowly changed over the years to only work, as your mother could no longer trust your father. Steve was left to watch you for weeks on end. He was good at it at first. He used to watch you carefully. He used to make sure you were happy and well...
Until he could no longer see his friends.
He was ten. You were five.
He began to leave you at home. At first it was only for thirty minutes while he went to the park. Then it was an hour every day during his elementary school days while he went to the movies.
You were seven when you began cooking your own meals.
You TRIED talking to him. You really did.
You tried catching his sleeve whenever he breezed past. You tried showing him crafts you made. You tried playing music you thought he might like.
That ended with twelve year old Steve pushing you away.
It ended with your works of art thrown in the trash.
Your music cassettes were thrown onto the road.
Your mother made sure both of you knew to never walk into the middle of the road, so you could only cry as some unknowing stranger destroyed your wonderful music. The music you had saved up all your allowance for. The music that you had thought your older brother would like. The music that you thought might bring you two together.
When your mother and father returned, you tattled.
Steve was grounded for a whole week.
But he always needed to have the last say. So he sold your boom box and spent all the money on comics. He threw your sketchbook in the quarry water. He shoved you to the floor, saying that if you ever tattled again then you would join your drawing book in the cold water.
You stopped trying to give Steve your attention and love. You no longer wished he would spend more time at home. So you began exploring the town by yourself at the age of nine. You didn't really have friends to hang out with so you would browse through stores.
The arcade was your favorite place.
You loved showing up early on Saturday mornings, before Steve was even awake, and leaving behind a new high score on the dragons lair.
Why?
Because it always riled up a group of boys your age. They had no idea who kept beating them over and over. Every Sunday morning you watched them walk in... only to scream a few seconds later about how someone had beaten their score by ONE point. Again.
You loved having some sort of connection to them. Even if they didn't know it was you. Or even who you were at all. They were a weird little group, strictly sticking with only other A.V club kids. Besides, you hardly ever talked. What would be so special about you?
It also didn't help that your older brother had begun to build himself a reputation. When you were ten, he began to be known as king Steve. You knew he bullied one of the kids (wills) older brother while beginning to flirt with another's (mike's) older sister.
You knew this because your father began forcing Steve to drive you home from school. That was the rule he set when he gave Steve the car.
Every day you trekked to the high school, only to watch Steve hang around Nancy Wheeler and push Johnathan Byers. You would have intervened and told him that you really didn't want to wait twenty minutes (out of sight) for him to be done. But the last time he did that he made you ride the way home in the trunk of his car.
When you were eleven, you started hanging out at Melvald's convenience store in the town square. Your favorite time to go there was at 7:00, because Mrs. Byers would always work the morning shift.
Wills mother was really quite wonderful. Every time you walked in she greeted you with a smile and lowered her magazine.
——-
"Whatcha lookin for today, kiddo?" She smiled softly, leaning on the counter to watch you browse.
"Any new cassette tapes." You shrugged, fingering each music case that caught your eye. "Do you have any Clash? I... lost mine." You didn't lose it. Steve broke it when he heard you mutter about how much you hated Tommy H.
"Yeah, we got a new box of cassettes delivered this morning." She hopped up and waved for you to follow her to the back room. "I miiiight have snagged a Clash cassette for you when I saw it." She grinned as she held the door open for the young girl.
"You didn't need to buy anything for me!" You gasped. You knew that the Byers needed all the money they could get. "Can I pay you back?" You immediately began digging through your pockets for spare change.
She placed a guiding hand on your back as you both entered, pulling you away from your search. "Oh no it's fine! It's the least I can do for my most frequent visitor."
She plucked the music case off the shelf and handed it to you. "You go to Hawkins elementary, right? You should talk to my son. Will. He also loves the Clash."
You turned red and clutched the cassette. "I've...seen him around before. I don't know how to talk to him."
"Oh it's easy!" She grabbed the spare paper and crayons you always used when you visited. "You just need to find common ground. For example," she pulled up a stool beside her for you to sit at, "you both like to draw!"
You placed down the paper and got working on your art. "Will it make a difference if I draw cartoons and he draws realistic? What if the difference is too big for him to want to talk to me?"
"It'll give you more to talk about!"
——
So began your quest to pursue friendship.
You attempted to speak to Will and his friends in the hall.
They were talking too loud about their latest campaign to hear you.
You tried asking to sit by them at lunch.
They were too busy launching potato's at the ceiling to notice.
Right when you almost gave up... Will and you were paired together as partners for a history project.
——-
'Don't mess it up, don't mess it up', you told yourself over and over as you moved to sit by Will. 'Don't be weird. See if he'll talk first. Don't be clingy.'
Wills was equally quiet. He just read through the rubric of the project and stayed silent.
'What can we talk about... what should I say?'
A drawing poking out of wills bag caught your eye. It looked like a wizard casting some sort of spell.
"I like your drawing!" You blurted out, wishing you could just shut up.
Wills jumped, startled. "Yeah... umm.. it's from... uh... it's from our last campaign.." he began fiddling with his thumbs, unsure of what to say to a girl. "Our DnD campaign... I mean."
You nodded along. "I like to draw to! I've never... I've never played DnD before... so I like to draw people."
Will cracked a shy smile. "I'll show you my drawing if you show me one of yours."
You agreed hesitantly.
He took your cartoon and you took his master piece. You desperately wished you could draw like him. Your cartoons looked so simple, as Steve always said.
"You're a cartoonist!" Will smiled, holding the paper out in front of him. It was a caricature of Mrs. Byers. "You must be the girl my mom sees at her job!" His eyes were wide with recognition. "This is so good! I wish I could draw cartoons. But whenever I try... they look like potato's." He laughed.
You flushed a deep red. "I... I'm also the one that beats your scores every Saturday." You admit.
His jaw dropped. "No way. We've been trying to figure out who that was for months! We formed a whole list of people to interrogate!" He ran a hand through his hair.
You giggled. "I can prove it... if you want. Next Saturday I could show you and your friends? At the arcade?"
"Yeah! I'm totally down to hang out at the arcade!"
——
Will had brought you to the A.V club after to ask the rest of the party. You had protested at first. What if they didn't like you? What if they said no? You would look so stupid! You tried to use your brother driving you home as an excuse.
But if you brought Steve up... no. You couldn't start a potential friendship like that.
Will proposed the ideas to everyone excitedly.
It seemed that Lucas had a problem with it immediately.
——-
"Sorry Will, but we can't." Lucas shook his head. "We've got plans."
Your heart dropped.
"Wait," Dustin frowned and turned to his friend. "What plans? I wasn't aware of any plans."
Lucas crossed his arms. "Remember? Our campaign?"
"We don't have a-."
Lucas elbowed him harshly and looked at you. "Can you leave for a second? We need to talk. ALONE."
You nodded and stepped out of the room. "Yeah totally! Just let me know when-."
The door slammed in your face.
You know you shouldn't have but you pressed your ear to the door anyway.
"What's your damage?" Mike Wheeler hissed quietly.
"Don't you know who she is?" Lucas accused.
"No... should we?" Will whispered in confusion.
"That's Y/N Harrington!" Lucas spat out.
"Steve Harrington's little sister." Dustin stated, now understanding.
Mike groaned. "The douche bag my sisters hooked on?"
"Yes! What if she's exactly like him?"
"You mean a total mouth breather? A player? An absolute jackass?"
You sunk to the floor. Of course Steve ruined the only chance you might have of a friendship. How could she think that these kids would look past her family's reputation? No one ever did. Even her teachers expected her to be disruptive and rude.
"Guys." Will intervened. "I talked to her in history."
"What?!"
"Traitor!"
"What about the party?"
Will lowered his voice, causing you to lean a little closer to the door. "She doesn't act like him. She never called me any names. She never told me that I'm a freak. She tried to talk to me about art."
"Steve definitely doesn't appreciate art." Dustin mumbled.
Wills continued. "She's a cartoonist. And I think she might be like us. You know who kept beating our dragon lair record?"
"Who?"
"Please tell me it wasn't Troy."
"Y/N Harrington."
"WHAT?!"
"IT WAS HER?!"
"GIRLS PLAY VIDEO GAMES?!"
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ikemensweetheart · 4 years
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Spider Lilies Chapter 1
Yokai? Yoshimoto x reader.
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An unexpected turn of events leads you into the Spirit World. A land of mythical and terrifying creatures called Yokai.
Pursued by a powerful Yokai called Nobunaga, you find refuge with Yoshimoto. A 'collector of beautiful things' as he calls himself.
Trapped in a strange world with no one else to turn to. 
Will you become Nobunaga's bride or will another win your heart?
A/n: I've been wanting to explore the idea of the Ikesen suitors as Yokai since the release of Mitsuhide's route. The idea seemed perfect for October. So, here it is!
I also wanted to give Yoshimoto some much needed love.
Reader is female
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It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, birds were singing and the flowers were blooming. It was a perfect day to go out for a walk. "I'll be back soon!" You called out as you stepped out the backdoor for your parents' house.
"Be careful!" Your mother called back from the kitchen window. "I will!"
You smiled as you set off into the woods that was on your parents' property. You had loved to take hikes in it ever since you were little. It was nice to get some fresh air while surrounded by nature. There was nothing more invigorating.
So, you were off with your sketchbook in hand and a pep in your step.
You walked down the worn deer paths you knew by heart. You followed the paths with no particular destination in mind. Your mind wandered from subject to subject as you walked. You were a college student on break and staying with your family for the summer and you were finally able to properly relax after a long semester at school.
As you walked, the trees around you opened up into a small clearing. You stopped when you saw something in the middle of it: a torii gate. 
"Where did this come from?" You wondered out loud. You had never seen one in these woods before. It looked old, its red paint was chipped and dull. You were surprised to see it was still standing. There were red spider lilies growing all around it.
Curious, you approach the gate. 
Nothing looked out of place other than the gate itself as you stood in front of it.
You moved closer to get a better look at it when something caught your foot. You yell as you stumble forward, falling through the gate and towards the ground.
You were surprised when a strong pair of arms caught you. "Well, what have we here?" A voice rumbled.
Your head snapped up. You find yourself staring up at a pale face, with horns protruding from his ebony black hair. "A human?" Blood red eyes flashed with surprise at the sight of you. They then narrowed. "What are you doing here?"
You glance around. You were no longer in the familiar, sunny woods near your home. All around you was a dark, foreboding forest. Tall trees looming over you as mist lay thick around the trunks. There were more spider lilies growing around you, but these ones had an ominous glow to them.
A sick feeling started to form in the pit of your stomach. A question came out of your mouth that you were dreading the answer to. "Where am I?"
"You are in the Spirit World." The strange man said. 
Spirit World? Like in the old stories where Yokai live? The pit in your stomach grew.
"What do you have there, My lord?" You jumped at the sound of a voice. You looked up to see another man perched in a nearby tree. He has silvery white hair, fox-like ears on top of his head and seven tails swishing behind him. His ears twitch with interest.
"Ah, there you are, Mitsuhide." The other man said. "It would appear a human has fallen into my realm."
The fox man, Mitsuhide, studied you. His golden eyes gleaming. "Quite a fetching human." He commented.
"Indeed. She will make for an excellent bride." 
You stiffen. "Wait, what?!" The man still holding you looks at you. A self satisfied smirk on his face. "You heard me correctly, human. You are to my bride."
You stare up at him with shock and horror. "You can't be serious!"
"Very serious." Mitsuhide said from up in the tree. "Lord Nobunaga would not bestow such an honor lightly."
"No way! I don't even know you."
Nobunaga's eyes narrow dangerously. "You would refuse me?"
Your body grows cold. A lot of Yokai were known for eating humans, you could very well be this guy's next meal if you didn't go along with what he said.
But, maybe there was another option...
This Nobunaga guy's arms were still loosely around you. This could be your only chance.
Deciding to take that chance, you push away from Nobunaga. Caught off guard, he lets go of you and you take off running. Ignoring the shouts behind you.
Nobunaga's eyes glare after your fleeing form. "Would you like me to retrieve her, my lord?" Mitsuhide asks. "Yes." Nobunaga answers. "And see to it that my bride is unharmed."
You didn't know where you were going, you just knew you had to get away from those two guys. You ran as fast as your feet would carry you. Weaving around the trees and dashing through the mist.
Suddenly, a figure appears from among the trees. You come skidding to a halt before Mitsuhide. "Where do you think you're going?" He asks leisurely. A wicked looking grin on his face.
You back away from him and start running in a different direction. "Looking to make a game of this, are we?" His voice echoed through the trees. 
This was a nightmare. 
"Very well, I always did enjoy a good game of cat and mouse!" He jumped out from behind a tree.
You scream and backpedal.
Suddenly, the ground under your feet gave way. Sending tumbling down a steep slope. As you wheeled down the sloop, you saw a figure standing at the edge of a lake.
There's a yelp as you collide into that body and you both fall into the lake. You hit the water with a splash!
You gasp from the shock. The water was ice cold.
You quickly tried to get up, but you slipped and fell back down. "Oof." Your head snapped to find yourself face to face with another man. "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!" You say, struggling to get up off of him. He steadied you with his hands. "It's alright." He assured you. "Though, I didn't expect to be such a lovely lady's pillow when I got up this morning." His tawny eyes twinkled with amusement underneath his dripping wet blue hair as he gave you a gentle smile.
Strangely, his reassurances put you at ease.
He helped you get to your feet. 
"I would ask you to return that human to me, Yoshimoto." You froze at the sound of Mitsuhide's voice. You looked up to see him appear at the edge of the lake.
The blue haired man, Yoshimoto's, eyes narrowed. "What makes you think you have a claim to her?" He asked. "Not me," Mitsuhide replied. "But my lord has chosen this her as his bride."
You shrink away from Mitsuhide. Yoshimoto put a protective hand on your shoulder. "I see no union mark, therefore, Nobunaga has no real claim to her unless she is found in his territory." Mitsuhide took a step forward and Yoshimoto pulled you a little closer to him. Raising his free hand toward Mitsuhide. "Need I remind you, fox, that you're in my territory?" 
Mitsuhide scowled. "I concede this time, Jorogumo, but my Lord will have the human as his bride." With that, he disappeared, leaving his ominous warning and a chill in your heart.
Yoshimoto sighed and let go of your shoulder. "Are you alright?" He asked. "Yeah. I'm fine." You said as you started to back away from him slowly.
Which he seemed to notice. He gave you another smile. "If you're worried about me eating you, don't be. I've never had an affinity for humans."
"But, you're a-"
"It's Jorogumo females you should be worried about. They are much more predatory than males. That's why they show up in more human stories." He explained. He then studied you for a moment. His elegant brow furrowed. "Are you cold?" He then asked.
"A little bit." There had been a slight chill in the forest when you had first entered it, but now it was freezing.
"My home isn't far from here. Come, I have a spare change of clothes you can use until those are dry."
Yoshimoto stepped onto the shore, but you remained rooted where you were. An awful thought had occurred to you. 
"Wait, you're not going to try to marry me, are you?" You really didn't want this to turn into a creepy Yandere situation.
Yoshimoto looked at you, a deadly serious expression on his face. "I don't condone forcing someone to marry another against their will."
"Oh." You sighed in relief. "That's... good to know."
"Now, let's get you out of those wet clothes before you catch a cold."
"Okay." You stepped out of the lake and followed Yoshimoto around it until you reached a traditional Japanese house standing at the edge of the lake.
"Welcome to my humble abode." He said. "It's beautiful." You told him. "Thank you."
He led you to the bath. "Take all the time you need to wash. I'll leave a fresh set of clothes for you." He said. "Thank you." He gave you yet another smile before he left you alone. 
You washed as quickly as you could. Feeling self-conscious of bathing in a stranger's home.
As soon as you're finished, you found a gorgeous silk kimono set outside the door for you. You stared at it in wonder. It had to cost more than your family made in a year.
There was a problem though: you didn't know how to put on a kimono. You had worn one a time or two when you were younger, but not enough to be able to put one on yourself.
Taking a deep breath, you tried to put on the kimono the best you can. Relaying on your memory.
When you were finished, you knew that it wasn't the best, but it works.
You then stepped out of the bath and into the rest of the house. 
As you made your way to the main room you saw all sorts of hanging scrolls, statues and pottery all over the place. It was like an entire art museum was stuffed into this house.
You found Yoshimoto in the main room. Sitting at the table with tea set out on it. "Ah, there you are." He greeted you with his alluring smile. "Are you warmer now?"
"Yes, thank you." You replied as you adjusted your kimono's collar.
Yoshimoto cocked an elegant eyebrow at you. "Is everything alright?"
"Yeah, it's just been ages since I've worn a kimono." Your face grew warm with embarrassment.
Yoshimoto rose to his feet. "Here. Allow me." He came up behind and undid your miserable attempt. Wrapping it around you properly and skillfully ties the obi in place. He then came around to face you. "There." He said. "You look lovely." 
"Um, thanks." Your cheeks were ablaze now.
"I have some tea ready." He went to sit back down like nothing happened. 
You stood there for a second as your brain kicked back on. Once it did, you hurried over and sat back down. Hoping you didn't seem too rude.
"Thank you." You say as he offered you a cup of tea. "This is quite a place you've got here." You commented as you took a sip of the tea. The main room is filled with as much art as the rest of the house. "Are you an art collector or something?"
"I'm an admirer of all things beautiful and as such, I like to fill my home with it." Yoshimoto explained. "Although, I don't believe I gave you a proper introduction and for that I apologize. I am Yoshimoto and may I ask your name?"
"I'm (MC)."
"It's a pleasure to meet you, (MC)." He says with a smile. "But, if I may ask, what are you doing in the Spirit realm?"
"Well…" You explain to Yoshimoto about the torii gate, going through it, stumbling into that Nobunaga guy and Mitsuhide chasing you.
After you finished your story, you said. "Thank you for your help, and the tea, but I should really be getting home now."
You moved to stand up. "I'm afraid that may not be possible." Yoshimoto said softly. You stopped. "What? Why?"
"There were red spider lilies around the gate, correct?"
You nodded. Yoshimoto let out a sad sigh. "The spider lilies mark the path between the human world and the Underworld. On the rare occasion, that path goes through the Spirit realm. However the path is always changing and never stays in the same place for long." That pit that was in your stomach earlier came back with a vengeance. "What does that mean?"
"It means that the only way back to the human world is along that path." Yoshimoto's expression was a solemn one. "I've no doubt that since Nobunaga intends to make you his wife, he will have had the flowers destroyed by now and There is no other way for you to return home than the way you came."
You dropped back down to the floor. It felt like the wind had just been knocked out of your lungs. "You… you mean I can't go home?"
You had to go home. You had promised your mom you'd be home in time for dinner. She was making your favorite. You… you couldn't break your promise.
"I truly am sorry." Yoshimoto murmured. There was a sad look in his eyes that told you he meant it, but it still didn’t make you feel any better.
Hot tears start streaming down your cheeks. This can’t be happening. All you had done was go out for a walk. You hadn’t expected to never be able to return home. You had told your mother ‘see you later.’ Not ‘goodbye.’
Suddenly, there’s a hand on your shoulder. Your head snapped up. You found Yoshimoto looking at you with a gentle look in his eyes. “Since you have nowhere else to go, you’re welcome to stay here.” He said softly. “I can’t.” You objected. “I can’t pay you or anything like that.”
“There’s no need for payment.” He replied. He gave you a reassuring smile. It was strange how easy it was for this guy made you feel at ease. “You don’t have to have an answer right away.” Yoshimoto added. “You can sleep on it. I have an extra room and a futon you can use for now.”
“Thank you.” You murmured.
“This way.” Yoshimoto helped you to your feet and led you to another room. There, he pulled out a very cozy looking futon and rolled it out on the floor.
“I’ll leave you to rest.” He said.
“Thank you again.” You mumbled.
He gave you one last, worried look before leaving you alone in the room.
You collapse on the futon. More tears running down your cheeks as choked sobs started to escape from inside of you.
Meanwhile, Yoshimoto stood outside your door. Listening to the heartbreaking sound of you crying. He remained there, making sure you were alright until finally sleep had overcome you. It was only then that he left.
To be continued…
-----
Thanks for reading. I hoped you all enjoyed.
Stay Safe.
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Text
Spidey Senses (pt. 6)
Peter Parker x reader
Summary: Having to keep up a lie is hard for Peter when you're trying to help him.
Word Count: 3366
Chapter 1 • Chapter 5
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"What do you mean finally?! This is bad. Really, really bad Ned. I shouldn't be thinking about her like that!"
"Dude, it's your feelings. You're gonna feel whatever way you do. You can't control that stuff."
"But this could ruin our friendship. I don't want that." Peter whined over the phone as he put his hand over his eyes, laying on his bed.
"Or~ maybe this could all work and you could score a girlfriend." Ned suggested, amusement laced in his voice. "I mean, I didn't want to be the first one to say this, but..."
"What?"
"Let's just put it this way. She's always had a cute heart. Over time, her heart got cuter and went straight to making her face kinda hot."
"Ned." Peter frustratedly said.
Ned gave him a goofy laugh. "You sound like your getting jealous or something."
Peter quickly sat up. "Do you think that'll happen?"
"Probably." He said nonchalantly. "All seriousness Peter, you should go for it. I always thought you two would be good together. There's just something there, trust me. And hey, you two could be the amazing spider couple. That'd be awesome."
"Spider couple." He smiled and laid back down. "You think people would make that, like, a ship name for us?"
"Dude, you could have a super girlfriend. How awesome does that sound?!"
Peter let out a chuckle. "That does sound pretty cool. Okay, thanks for the therapy session. Night Ned."
"No problem. Night." And with that Peter stayed up to think about you some more.
The next week at school went horribly. All Peter wanted to do was spend more time with you, but you kept pushing him towards Liz at gym class and in Mathletes. He felt so jealous whenever he saw you goofing off with Ned. You were a very touchy person, and every warm hug to Ned felt like Peter's arms were getting colder.
When Liz was finally busy, he went over to you and sat a little closer to you than usual. "Hey Peter." You greeted brightly. "Any progress?"
"On what?" He asked dumbly.
"Liz." You said quietly.
"Oh!" He voice cracked and cleared his throat. "Oh. Um, not really. I think I'm done for the day."
"Aw, Peter!" You rubbed his arm. "You shouldn't give up on stuff that's important to you."
He sighed, glancing at Ned's confused face. "Can't I just spend the rest of the day with you?"
You smiled and nodded, patting his cheek gently. Peter's phone buzzed and it was a text message from Ned.
Not Guy in the Chair: Why didn't you tell her how you feel?
He glanced at you working on your notes.
SM: I don't want things to be weird.
Not Guy in the Chair: The truth will set you free 🕊️🕊️
SM: Shhhh
You then took out left over brownies for Peter. He gladly took one as Flash came over, taking one out of the container as well. "Hey babe."
"Don't touch my stuff and never call me that." You closed your container and put it in your backpack. "What do you want Flash?"
"Just making sure you got a hot outfit for the party. Finally gonna show some skin?"
"I do have a costume. Peter was with me when I got it too. We had a lot of fun." Peter looked at you and smiled.
Flash then rolled his eyes. "Really? How could anyone ever have fun with Penis Parker?"
"Well we do." You tugged each boy at your side into a side hug. "Do you have a special trio that would do anything for you?"
He nervously scoffed. "I have more than two friends. Does every friend seem special to you when you're not popular?"
"If you called one of your friends in the middle of the night and told them to come over cause you're sad, would any of them do it?" He was silent as he looked down. "That's a special friend. Now goodbye."
"Y'know—"
"Good. Bye." You pressed, frowning.
"I—"
"Dude," MJ interrupted. "Know when you've been beat. Walk away."
He then did so, stomping away. You smiled and looked over to MJ. "Why do we not talk to each other?"
"Cause you're a loser." She said, matter-of-factly.
Though Ned and Peter have her a confused frown, your smile only widened. "What are you?"
"Friendless."
"Not anymore!" You exclaimed. The teacher then announced that the club session just ended. "We'll see you at lunch tomorrow then."
She stared at you for a moment. "...Okay, I guess. Bye." You could tell that she held back a smile as you excitedly waved at her before packing up.
You and Peter were walking home, when he asked about MJ. "I don't know." You said, shrugging. "I just feel like she's cool. My spidey senses can feel it."
"You say that about everything." He laughed.
"Because I'm always right about everything. It's a given." He chuckled again. "C'mon, don't you ever have intensified feelings about some things or people?"
He awkwardly smiled and nodded, looking away from you. "More than I should." He mumbled.
"Hm?"
"I said I should hope so."
"Well then, see? I'm right again." You grinned.
"Did your spidey senses feel that too?"
"Yup." You both chuckled.
Over the next few days MJ began to directly hang out with you and the boys, and she said that she would be going to the party as well. "I don't believe in stereotyping geeks out of parties, which is why I'm supporting you guys tomorrow." She explained with an almost unnoticeable smile.
"So generous." You teased back, Ned and Peter smiling as well. "What'll you be going as?"
"Oh, I'll be going as part of the impartial generation of today." She gave a sly smile.
"Nice, nice." You nodded contently before Flash came up to your table again. "Holy crap man, are you sure you even have friends? Why do you keep bugging me?"
"Just wanted to see what the new member of the Penis Parker group was like." He then nodded to Mj, to which she didn't respond. He then rudely waved his hand over her face. "Hello?"
She backed her face up as you smacked his hand away. "Leave her alone."
"What? This is probably the most exciting thing to happen to her. It's not like you guys have interesting lives." You and Peter looked at each other. "I'm guessing that's a no?"
"Well Peter and y/n know Spiderman and Spidergirl!" Ned blurted out.
Flash then did a breathy, wheezing laugh. "Are you kidding me? How would they know them?"
"The Stark Internship!"
"Ned, stop talking." You mumbled. Ned nodded and put his head down. "We met them a few times, so we don't really know them or anything, and even if we did were aren't supposed to talk about it."
"Well Peter," he ignored you. "If you're actually cool then why don't you invite them the the party?"
"Cause we wouldn't want to waste their time by having them go to some fanboy's party." You argued, knowing Peter would choke up if he answered.
Flash shrugged it off. "That's what I thought." He said as he left.
The next day you were talking to Linda while in your costume with your mini backpack slung over your shoulder. She was telling you about the job interview she's getting and how she's saving up the money from Tony's watch to rent an apartment in the building you live it. "I'm so happy right now Linda! You could totally be one of those super nosey neighbors, and I would pretend to be okay with it!"
"That would be a dream come true." She said as you both turned your heads to see Peter coming, also dressed up. "Just a few years older, and I would totally go for that."
You sighed. "You're such a creeper Linda."
"And you should loosen up and be more of a creeper." You gave her a look, and she only shrugged. "Just saying. Press on and go for it."
"Hey guys." Peter greeted with a smile. "Everything okay?"
"Yup!" You hopped off the steps you were sitting on. "Let's go."
"Okay. Bye Linda." Peter politely waved.
"Don't acknowledge her Peter, it makes her weirder."
"Don't be jealous that I'm more fun." She called out, smiling.
Peter chuckled and tried to put his hands in his pockets, only for his hands to slip from there being none. He didn't know what to do with his free hand that wasn't carrying the shield. He probably looked so awkward in front of you right now. This was so nerve wracking.
"Peter calm down." You suddenly said, causing him to jump a little. "It's my first party too, but we got each other. And we know Ned's gonna be there to be a dork, and Mj will be there to remind us how stupid we look. It'll be great."
He nervously laughed, scratching his head. "Yeah, I guess." He then became nervous just thinking about what would happen if you discovered this crush, especially at the party with Flash. "Y/n, what do you see in men?"
The question was unexpected, and your face felt like it was in flames. "What would you ask that?"
"Just wondering. I don't think I've ever seen you flirt with someone." He mentally sighed at the save.
"Mm, I guess he has to be nice, for starters. I'd want him to make me laugh, and care about me. I don't know, that's really it."
"Really? Only that?"
"Yeah?"
"Nothing with looks, or..."
"Peter!" You lightly smacked his arm and giggled. "You know I don't care about that stuff."
"You care about your own looks." He said quietly.
"That's different though." You grinned and tugged on his wrist. "We're here. C'mon."
Ned was waiting on the steps, looking up at you two in major relief. "Guys, tell me you brought the suits."
You both nodded. "Our suits aren't party tricks." You said. "This feels way too wrong."
"Yeah, I'm with y/n. Those suits are worth way too much to use for something like this." Peter added.
"Only for a few minutes. This is our chance for Flash to stop messing with us." Ned whined.
You huffed. "Okay, but only if Flash is being extra annoying."
The three of you walked inside and saw Flash trying to be a DJ, playing some basic techno music. He saw the three of you, and brought out his mic. "Hey Penis Parker, where's your superhero friends? That's not Spiderman, that's Ned in a onesie."
People began laughing, and you pursed your lips. "I'll be right back."
You left and went behind a building, opening your backpack and quickly changing into your hero outfit. You took a deep breath, and was about to swing in when you got a call from Peter.
"Dude, tell me she's doing it." You could hear Ned say.
"I don't know, I'm gonna ask her. Y/n?"
"Yeah?" You laughed out.
"Did you really put it on?"
"Yeah. Are you gonna join me or do you just want me to do it?"
"This doesn't feel right."
"Peter doesn't know what he's saying." Ned called out in a child-like tone.
"Ned's being mean to me." Peter responded in the same tone.
You giggled. "Look guys, I don't feel great about it, but Flash needs to be knocked down a peg. It hurts to see him treat you guys like crap. This is just gonna be a one time thing, right?"
"Right." Peter confirmed.
Ned remained silent, but Peter nudged him. He huffed. "Right."
"Okay, I'll be down in a bit." You then ended the call.
"So, I've been meaning to ask," Ned said. "But why does y/n still think you like Liz? I thought you were gonna tell her yesterday."
"I didn't know how to tell her the truth! I panicked!"
"You're hopeless." Mj said as she walked up to the two boys. "What happened to y/n?"
"She went to go get Spidergirl." Ned nodded for way to long as he said this.
"Wait," She looked genuinely surprised. "So you guys, like, actually know the Spider heros?"
"What was that?" Flash asked over his mic. "Is Penis Parker actually going to bring Spiderman and Spidergirl here?"
"Actually, um, Spiderman couldn't make it." Peter said before clearing his throat awkwardly. "But Spidergirl said she'd make an appearance."
Flash obnoxiously laughes into the mic. "Can anybody believe this guy?"
You then swung in. "I do." You raised your hand playfully as everyone began cheering. "You guys were expecting me, right?"
Everyone cheered again. "Oh my God." Flash said in a high pitched manner.
You grabbed Ned by the shoulders. "It's Ned, right?" You asked over the music, loud enough for everyone to hear. "I've heard good things about you."
"All true." He showed his goofy smile.
You patted his cheek. "I bet!" You turned and walked over to Peter, giving him a big hug. He returned it, finding the hug oddly comforting considering everyone was staring. "Peter! It's been a bit, huh?"
He awkwardly chuckled. "Yeah. Thanks for coming."
"Of course! When I heard from SM that the Peter Parker finally had time for a party, I knew I had to come and see it for myself! Maybe my partner could join in next time, yeah?"
"We... Um..." He kept doing his little pant–laugh thing that he does when he doesn't know what to say. "Yeah."
You moved over to look at Mj. "You go by Mj, right?" She nodded. "Y/n tells me you're super opinionated and awesome."
She smiled and shrugged, tucking back some hair. "I just kinda say whatever comes to mind. I don't really think before I talk sometimes."
You tapped her chin. "I love it. Never change." You then clapped your hands. "Now! Where's Flash Thompson?"
Everyone pointed to Flash, who quickly turned down the music. You swung to him quickly and caused him to back up into a small table, awkwardly steadying it. "H... Hi."
"Hi Flash. I wanted to let you know that me and Spiderman keep tabs on our friends, to make sure they're okay. We're pretty protective, y'know?"
"Yeah, yeah. I totally get that." He kept awkwardly nodding.
You nodded and patted his cheek. "I knew you would, so I need you to keep an eye on Peter and Ned while me and SM can't. Can you do that for me?"
"Yes, yes I can. I could do anything for you."
"Thank you Flash." You patted his arm, to which he looked at his arm in amazement. "Amazing. Okay, I gotta go. But remember, I keep tabs on your school, so I'll be watching!"
You then walked around for a bit taking pictures and talked to some people. You suddenly felt goosebumps all over and excused yourself, flying out and looking around. You saw a small blue explosion in the distance and quickly texted Peter.
He came as soon as he could and you explained the situation. Unbeknownst to the two of you, Mj noticed Peter leave quickly after you did. She also noticed that you weren't in sight while Spidergirl was here.
"Okay, okay. I, I need to change!" He then quickly took off his shirt and started unbuckling his pants, looking up to you dumbly staring at him. "Uh..."
"Sorry!" You quickly turned around and look off your mini backpack, plopping it down next to yourself. It had Peter's suit folded inside. "That was partially not my fault. You gotta warn somebody before you start stripping next time."
"Next time?" He asked teasingly. "You say it like you want it to happen again."
Truth be told, neither of you knew where this new found confidence of Peter came from to tease you like that. It was almost like he was flirting. You liked it though; it was as if he was becoming more confident and mature with himself.
Your face was hot as you grinned at the ground. "Well, you gotta pay for whatever expensive college you're gonna get into somehow. And I'll come visit at the strip club to support my best friend."
He hugged you with one arm from behind. "So supportive. Maybe the reason I'm a stripper is to support the both of us."
You chuckled and rubbed his arm. "My hero."
He turned you around and handed you your backpack. "This is a cool backpack, by the way. I like the mini things of Thor."
"Thank you." You said, awkwardly taking the backpack. "Now let's go."
Neither of you could get some webbing to hold onto any tree in the area, so instead you both ran across a whole field, looking kind of comical. By the time you two got there this one man was showing another some high tech weapons. You were getting closer to listen in, and it sounded like the guy wasn't interested in what the others were trying to sell.
"Why you trying to upsell me man?"
The other two guys didn't like this, and were slowly getting angrier. You tried to get closer, but Peter's phone went off from Ned calling him. You both hid as Peter fumbled to end the call, and the two merchants assumed the buyer was setting them up because of the noice. In an instant there were two guns pointed at the buyer.
"Woah, woah!" You yelled as you and Peter came out, hands up. "C'mon guys, I promise he wasn't turning his back on you two. And I'm a good guy; good guys don't lie."
"Really, if you guys are gonna shoot at anybody, shoot at me." Peter said with seriousness. "I'm the real threat."
The two guys looked at each other and pointed their guns at the both of you. "Okay."
You both dodged their shots and flung their guns away with your webs. You tried to shoot at the wheels of the car but the man with an electric glove shot at you, causing you to fling back. You noticed that the buyer hesitated to go and help you, but decided not to and instead hopped in his car and drove away.
When you got up they were getting in the car so you and Peter shot a web to the door. The door broke off, but Peter shot another web to the car to have you two ride the door.
"Hey, I got a really stupid idea!" You yelled out as the guy in the back of the van was reaching for a gun.
"Go for it!" The van hit a sharp turn, and you took this as chance to let go of the door and leap to a tree, using your strength to push and dive head first into the van.
"Woah, I did it!" The shocker guy tried to punch you with his electric glove, but you dodged it. "Someone's bitter!"
You began to go on a defensive position and dodge his contact hits and fires in the narrow van, until Peter shot a web at him that pinned one of his hands to the side of the van. He used the other hand to shoot at Peter, blasting him into a backyard.
"I'm okay!" You heard him yell out from a distance.
You slammed the shocker guy to the ground and pinned his hands and feet to the ground. You stood and shot web to cover his mouth as well. "That was a pretty rude thing to do, but I guess two v one isn't fair. Then again, you're are a bad guy."
You remembered that you had your backpack on this whole time, and took it off to hug it.
"Mh. Once again, Thor backpack comes in clutch. Odinson, you can me do no wrong." You opened your backpack and put some small weapons in it, zipping it up and putting it back on. You looked outside before turning around to talk to the man pinned on the ground. "I wonder where Spiderman went. It's all good though, I'll stop the car—"
You were cut off by something grabbing you and yanking you back. You yelped as you were whipped into this huge lake. The water hit you painfully and you began to see spots, seeing a flash of a man with mechanical wings. You almost didn't feel something bring you up.
"Thanks ma..." You looked up and winced. What was carrying you was the Iron Man suit. "Uh oh."
"I have some words for you two."
---
Tag List:
@flawlessapollo6 @them-cute-boys @lunawndrlnd @the-greatt-perhaps @babebenhardy @sofisofi1602 @smilexcaptainx @herondalism @coni-martina @youvebeenlizzed @melanisticroyalty
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babieyangyang10 · 4 years
Text
violent ends (chapter 4)
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(chapter 4)
series masterlist
genre: hunger games!au
pairing: huang renjun x oc, na jaemin x oc
warnings: mentions of prostitution, language, violent deaths, fighting, angst, fluff, + possible nsfw.
previous | next
"So, each of the districts get their own floors. Since you're from two, you get the second floor." Doyoung explains as we step out of the elevator.
As we walk into the apartment, I stare in awe at the glamorous quarters.  There are many giant glass columns and a random display of silver trees and rocks.
"Here is the living room and your rooms are over here. How about you freshen up for dinner?" suggests Doyoung. 
In my room, I am met by a bed with a silky, soft comforter. I make my way into the spacious bathroom and hop into the shower. Inside, there was a panel with hundreds of buttons that regulated water temperature, pressure, and even provided massaging sponges.
After finishing, a heater dried my hair and body completely. I pressed another button and a box began sending electrical currents through my scalp, instantly untangling my hair.
Returning the bedroom in comfortable clothes, I see a strange-looking remote on the bed-side table. Intrigued, I begin pressing random buttons. As a result, the window showcasing the lights and building of the Capitol changes into different sceneries.
First, there was a city street filled with cheerful families walking together. After pressing a different button, a dry and deserted desert appeared on the screen.
Switching it once again, a scene showing several mountains peaking through behind a forest of trees. I felt a pulling-feeling in my chest. My throat also feeling slightly choked-up.
During the holidays, every year Taeyong would take me into the mountains of our district. He would pretend to be my knight in shining armor, while I was the princess in distress.  He'd never tell anyone, but sometimes it was even the other way around.
It's also where he taught me how to hunt and find my own food. How to determine between what is the good food and what is the not so very good food.
It was the only time I remember us ever truly being kids. Not soldiers, just a thirteen and seven year old exploring the big, exciting world together.
Then everything went to shit after Taeyong went to the games.  That year, the Gamemakers had chosen a forest for the terrain. However, it was filled with dangerous wild dogs, wolves, and spiders. The spiders had enhanced speed and were extremely venomous. However, the wild dogs were capable of changing their form and copying the voices of the tributes.
Because of this, the entire Career pack was slaughtered alive. Taeyong was the only one who managed to escape. Wounded and without supplies, a twelve year old boy from District 11 named Dong Sicheng had found and formed a alliance with him. Sicheng had shared all of his supplies and even nursed him back to health.
On the last day, they were approached by the last remaining tribute. Taeyong, spotted him and fired an arrow straight into his heart. As he turned around to check on Sicheng, he was met with the boy clutching a harpoon, longed deep in his chest.
Dong Sicheng slowly died in Taeyong's arms.
After the cannon went off, the Captitol announced over the speakers that Lee Taeyong of District 2 was the winner of the 64th Hunger Games.
No longer did he take me to the mountains. Honestly, we never did anything together. Since then, the closest I ever got to be to him was the one time when the rest of my family stood by him during his stop in District 2 during his press tour.
I've always wondered how he felt. Wondered if  he blames himself for what happened. However, I never wanted to intrude. It's not like I ever got the opportunity to ask him, anyways.
However, since I'm going in the games soon. I hope to eventually work up the courage to sit down and have a real talk with him. The real Taeyong, not the victor or mentor he acts like in front of everyone else.
I opened the door to see Doyoung, Renjun, and Taeyong sitting at the dining room table.
Once I sat down in the acid-green chair, Taeyong began talking, "The plan for tomorrow is the same for the both of you. You go to group training. Spend time practicing something your weakest at. Swing a mace. Throw a spear. Tie a decent knot. It doesn't really matter, just save showing off for the private session with the Gamemakers. Are we clear?"
Renjun and I both nod our heads at him.
"Well, have the two of you gotten to know any of the other tributes yet?" pries an interested Doyoung.
"I haven't. Although, Athena seems to be checking out the competition, already."  Renjun answers, nonchalantly.
"Wonderful!" Doyoung innocently chimed, "It's never too early to start considering possible alliances. Are you going to ask anyone to join the two of you?"
"Oh, we're not-" Renjun and I said at the same time. We're laughing as if he's said the funniest joke in the world.
"We've always maintained our own completely different strategies. Renjun prefers to be the predator. There's no doubt in my mind that if he does want to work with others, it'll end up being an alliance with the other Careers. " Renjun just silently nods in agreement.
"And what about you?" asked Doyoung.
"Let's just say I prefer not to walk around with a huge target on my head. I want to team up with someone well-liked, so we can get resources through sponsors." I explained.
"Like Na Jaemin?" sneers Renjun.
"You know people have been calling him the Prince of Panem. He's made quite the impression, already." Doyoung chimes, "And he's not the only one. People have been raving about you, Athena. They've even started calling you, the Golden Girl."
"That's good." Taeyong quietly adds to the conversion, "If you keep this up you'll get lots of sponsors."
Doyoung suddenly blurts, "In fact, most people think Jaemin and you would make a good couple."
At this remark, Taeyong drops his knife loudly on the table, while Renjun chokes on his drink. My mouth begins opening and closing like a fish, struggling to come up with a reply.
"We're done for tonight. You two should go to bed now." Taeyong orders, not hiding his agitation.
Quickly, we all return to our rooms. I crash on my bed and stare up at ceiling.
Jaemin and I as a couple?
Where did they even dream up that possibility from? I mean, we only had one barely two-minute conversation. People really do amaze me sometimes.
My thoughts are broken by a barely-there knock at my door. I groan and force myself off the bed.
I roll my eyes, before opening the door and saying, "Renjun, would you kindly please fuck off?"
However, the person standing there was definitely not Renjun. I tilt my chin up to see no other than Lee Taeyong, towering over me.
"Oh, sorry." I frown, embarrassed.
"Can I come in?" He politely asks me.
I step to the side and allow him inside. Once he's fully in, I closed the door behind him.
"Finally decided to talk to me, huh?"
He just stays silent, just letting me say whatever I please.
"You know, I thought you'd at least be happy for me. I mean, you of all people should know that this is the best thing that could ever happen to me." The emotions I've been holding in for the past 10 years are finally coming to the surface.
Taeyong looks at me with pity, "Athena, there are some things you don't know. Things that the school or our parents never taught us."
"What are you even talking about?" I pressure.
"After the games, you couldn't see me for a reason." He took a heavy breath, "Sometimes, if a victor is considered desirable, the president gives them as a reward or allows people to buy them for money. It’s not just me either, the same thing happened to Finnick Odair a year later."
"What do you mean, 'buy'?" I swallow.
"For sex."
It’s quiet.
"I was given no choice. He said that he would kill both of our parents and even you if I didn't obey." His eyes begin tearing up, "Athena, you don't know how much I wanted to come see you and teach you things."
"Taeyong." I whimper.
I felt sick to my stomach. How could they do that to him? He was just a thirteen year old kid. Even worse, how could I let myself hate and be jealous of him, when all along he was the reason I was still even living?
"I know I'm a horrible brother, but please listen to me when I say the Capitol uses everyone, including you. You have been taught that this, the games, are normal and something to be proud of. You haven't even seen how horrible it is for the lower districts. They can barely make it through one day without starving. They have basically nothing, while the Capitol is feeding off them."
Anger rises up in me. I look around at all the expensive things in the room. Think about the large amount of fancy food I've consumed while in the Capitol. I'm furious, because I've been lied to and tricked. Furious for Taeyong and all the others the Capitol has taken advantage of.
I jump into my brothers arms and completely break down. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean what I said Taeyong. It was stupid. I'm stupid."
"It's okay. You didn’t know." He shushes, while holding me.
“Listen to me. If you-“ he corrects himself, “When you win this thing, I’m not going to let him do anything to you, okay?”
“Taeyong, can I tell you something? I’ve just never got the chance to.” I ask.
He nods.
“What happened to Sicheng wasn’t your fault. You understand that, right?”
He painfully looks down at the floor, before slowly nodding.
“I’m serious, Taeyong. It’s not your fault.”
By the time he looks up, I am able to clearly see him. Underneath the years of pain, hidden away was a vulnerable boy. The tears come falling down his cheeks.
We spend the rest of the night talking about our past, telling stories. Both laughing and crying together.
My brother and I.
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nanonaturalist · 6 years
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I've been meaning to message you since the moth appreciation post because like I need to talk/know more about that moth that lays eggs in water? What the f-ing what? That is mental. I didn't know we had aquatic moths! (I currently have lots of Garden Tiger babies at home for a uni experiment. I love my fuzzy babies.)
Hello, Friend! Isn’t that ridiculous?? I only recently learned about Petrophila moths [link], too, and when I read that about their caterpillars, my mind practically exploded. Nature is so weird. But these moths with aquatic caterpillars caught my notice for a totally different reason initially: they are jumping spider mimics.
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You can see from these photos that they’re not very large. If you weren’t really paying attention, you may not even notice anything unusual about them. The first time I saw them, I definitely didn’t notice that they were spider mimics. But one night, I went to a talk about moths, and the presenter talked about these and I thought it was awesome! She had a mercury vapor lamp set up outside after the talk for us to see some moths, and a Petrophila showed up. I was super excited! When I went to add the photo to iNaturalist, thinking I’d seen something new, it turned out I had already seen them at least four times.
You may not even be able to see how these are spider mimics. They don’t really *look* like spiders, do they? But remember, our eyes are much different than insect eyes, and we have the benefit of seeing things from far away. We can see this isn’t a spider. But imagine you are a small predatory insect or a spider, and you are in front of this moth looking at it. What will you see?
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Jumping spiders above are Dimorphic Jumper (left) and Bold Jumper
Anyway, back to the aquatic caterpillars. I’m sure you know that most moths and butterflies have perfectly normal caterpillars who eat leaves, make poops, and turn into perfectly normal moths and butterflies. So finding out that one type refuse to play by those rules just seems super weird. But is it, really? Or is it just weird because… well, we have an idea of what caterpillars are supposed to be, whether or not that idea is accurate?
For example, look at some other insect orders with complete metamorphosis (they have larvae, pupate, and then become adults). Flies are a huge group. Where do fly larvae live? You know about maggots and food, but what about mosquitos? Those are flies too, and their larvae are aquatic. What about parasitic botflies that grow in animal tissue? What about gall midges who parasitize plants? Caterpillars will grow up in equally diverse habitats (although, I don’t know of an animal parasite… yet). Same with beetles–larvae will live on plants, underground, in water, in wood… 
But let’s look a little closer to moths and butterflies, since most caterpillars are fairly predictable in terms of habitat, and the exceptions aren’t very well known. Here’s a phylogenetic tree showing the evolutionary history of insects. In this tree, branches that are closer together are more closely related.
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Note: I found this tree in an image search, but I was unable to locate the original source. I would love to credit it if I can! Let me know if you have seen this in a book before.
In this tree, I have circled the branch including Lepidoptera (moths and butterflies). Look at who else is in that circle: Trichoptera (caddisflies). Below are a couple examples of caddisflies. Chances are you have seen them before (they are pretty ubiquitous near ponds, lakes, streams, and rivers!), but had no idea what they were.
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Caddisflies are also very difficult to identify. The one on the left is in the Macrostemum genus (zebra caddisflies), but the one on the right… uh… I’ll get back to you on that one.
There are a lot of moths that look pretty similar to caddisflies, so it’s easy to see that they are closely related.
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Left to right: Yellow-headed Lichen Moth, Belted Grass-veneer Moth, Bluegrass Webworm Moth
These look so similar, in fact, you may ask how they even grouped them into different orders. This is easy to answer if you know your scientific names AND Greek! Moths & Butterflies = Lepidoptera (Lepido = scale; ptera = wing)Caddisflies = Trichoptera (Tricho = hair; ptera = wing)
Since I have an electron microscope at work (the “nano” in my username refers to my background in nanotechnology), I felt obligated to illustrate this. The white bar on each image shows the magnification. “um” refers to “micrometer,” or 1/1,000 of a millimeter. A human hair is typically about 100 um wide. (If you have questions about electron microscopes, let me know! These things are fun!)
Typical Lepidoptera (Moth & Butterfly) Wing
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Above: Images of the scales on an American Snout Butterfly wing obtained with Scanning Electron Microscopy. Compare the scales in the middle of the wing to those on the edge of the wing.
Typical Trichoptera (Caddisfly) Wing
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Above: Images of the hairs on a caddisfly wing obtained with Scanning Electron Microscopy. Note the similarities in the how the caddisfly hairs and butterfly scales attach to the wings.
Looking at these images, it’s pretty clear that they are different. But you have to look *very closely* to notice this difference, and when you look even closer than that, you start to see similarities again.
Guess where caddisfly larvae grow up! If you don’t already know about caddisfly larvae, oh boy, they’re fun!
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It may be hard to tell, but I took this photo with an underwater camera. Caddisfly larvae build little cases by cementing together stones, pine needles, sand, or a variety of other things. You can sometimes identify the larvae based on what materials they use and what shape the cases are in. An interesting aside: if you raise these, you can get them to build their cases out of whatever you want. At least one person got creative, and I’m happy to see that she is still selling caddisfly jewelry over 20 years later!
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I don’t mean to turn this post into an advertisement, but her stuff is beautiful and super interesting. She describes her process and some info about the species of caddisfly she raises on this page of her website [link]. Photo credits go to her–I totally stole these images.
Caddisfly larvae are exclusively aquatic. Moths and butterflies are slightly younger than caddisflies, so they have had more time to evolve their own method of development (mostly on land). I believe the Petrophila moths are one of the older moth genera (but definitely not the oldest!), so they could be like Cetaceans (you know, whales and such who had gone *back into the water* after they realized they were cooler than land mammals).
I have not yet had the honor of witnessing a little baby Petrophila scooting along the bottoms of ponds, eating algae and whatnot, so I don’t have my own photos to share, but there are a couple on their bugguide page [link] (just click the link for “caterpillars” to filter out all the adults). They more or less look like a normal caterpillar, except … a little wetter than usual. The females will go completely underwater to lay their eggs (they will carry a little air bubble with them, apparently). And typically moths don’t live too much longer after laying eggs, so who knows if they ever fly again. I’m sure the fish don’t mind finding them!
I hope I satisfied your desperate yearning for aquatic moth secrets! The closer you look, the weirder nature gets. Jeez.
Posted June 22, 2018 (finally!) All photos are mine except the caddisfly jewelry, phylogenetic tree source TBD. Everything was seen in Texas except the caddisfly larva was in a stream near Crater Lake in Oregon.
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tristinleighhh · 4 years
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✨☀️ my heart & soul are so full.
This was truly the best experience of my life. Envision is something else. I danced and sweat out every negative energy that I had stored away before I came here. I feel like a new person..
🌊 I loved the whole vibe of the Uvita area. Everyone was so nice. I've missed the salty air in my hair and on my lips. Being surrounded by the jungle and the ocean is a euphoric feeling. 🐟 I ate a lot of good fish outside the festival and I am definitely missing it. I loved the fresh fruits and coconuts everywhere 🥥🌴🍍🍌🍓
🏕️ our air b&b was just a couple minutes away from the festival and our host Jose was the nicest human ever. He was constantly making sure everything was perfect for us and coming back to get sleep in the ac was prime. I'm very glad we did that. Cabinas yuriel 💛💚❤️☁️
🐳 we went on a whale watching tour and we're blessed to see a male and a mama and her baby playing around! Humpback whales are my flavorite animal and I haven't seen them since I was in Hawaii so it was an epic treat.
🌄Then Dan and I watched our last Costa Rican sunset for the trip and took a nice stroll home. On the way we saw a sloth in the tree, a crazy poisonous snake and a gnarly looking centipede. 🐍🌙
I have fallen in love with envision and everything it stands for and for the beautiful country of Costa Rica. I will be back there's no doubt about that. I want to explore everything. Thankful for this trip and all the lessons learned and friends I met along the way. Until next time 🥥✨ Pura Vida ✨🥥
✨ Top Envision Moments & Music ✨
🔥 the sunset and fire spinners on the beach with the drum circle. I had hoped to spin some fire down there but I'll be a little more prepared next time.. you walk up the path onto the beach and you are met with various vendors with cool bones and jewelery, cheap beer and food as you emerge into a sea of people on the sand. The sky was on fire and the vibes were hiiiigh. The drum circle was tribal and euphoric. Looking around me being surrounded by jungle and ocean and beautiful people was straight bliss.
🍄 seeing Paul staments talk about mushrooms. I only caught one but it was so cool to hear him share his stories and experiences with us.
🍽️💦the dishcoteque
The waste at this festival was pretty much non existent. It always makes me sad how people can leave a place so destroyed and covered in trash. I had to pick up no trash from the ground and all the volunteers who were picking up trash barely had anything in their buckets. When you got food at any vendor here you received an actual dish, bowl, silverware or cup. When you were done you'd bring it to the "dishcoteque" and recieve a voucher for your next one. No plastic at all barely any paper products besides some paper straws .. the bathrooms also did not have toilet paper in them.. you had to get it from the outside and bring it with you so they were not overflowing with paper and and overuse of products.
✨🎨✨ the art & the stages
There was so much phenomenal art. I was blown away by the murals everywhere and the art gallery was bursting with talent and creative energy.
The bars and booths were all made from the materials surrounding them. Everything was made from the earth. The Sol stage was surrounded by a beautiful design with a big screen in the back that had really awesome visuals on it
The lapa stage was filled with house n deep techno vibes all day and night. It felt like something out of an epic movie in there with all the mist and the lights. The entrance to the beach was right there too. It was a great place to go to just dance and chill out.  And finally... The Luna stage. W o w. The most incredible stage I've EVER seen in my life and I've seen quite a few cool stage setups. It was a huge tower of Earth and wood and vines and beauty. There was a portal where people danced behind. The lighting was a1 from the lasers to the mapping on the funktions. It was truly other worldly there.  I will be riding the high of that stage for a long time. There was water refill stations in all the right spots which made staying hydrated in the jungle heat so easy.
🌮🍓🍦🥑🥙 the food
It's usually hard for me to eat at festivals lately because I don't eat meat anymore. Chicken fingers was always a go to for me but I've sadly become very picky. Everyone was pretty accommodating to my needs ( I wish I thought about asking for no cilantro before the last day 😞 I hate that shit )and everything was so nourishing and healthy. I have not been eating well lately and I feel so nice and full after all the smoothies and juicy goodness I ingested over the weekend.
🕷️ the huge tarantula like spider that happened to wander through the crowd of people dancing with the bass vibrating the floor and onto our blanket. It was SO BIG how did you even make it through the crowd?! Stealthy dude. That was wild.
☕🍵The tea party!
I went to the bathroom and I came across a tiny but huge tea party. Everyone had tea cups along a very small rectangle table/stool and they were singing jungle tea time jungle tea time and cheersing to life it was so cute
🎭🤸‍♀️🔥💃 the performers...
Wow. I haven't seen performances like that ever. Every collective blew my mind they all had a vibe of their own and absolutely slayed it on stage. Serious inspiration
🎶🔊 the music
Every set was so good. Nothing was like oh that was cool .. everything i was was so we'll put together and everyone definitely out out jungle vibes.
I'll just put this first in case you don't want to read all the way cause this was my flavorite part 💓
👽 Tipper 👽
This was my 30th show.. in the jungle...and the Luna stage couldn't have been any better. He played so many fat unreleased tracks and vips I have never heard before. Serious deep jungle vibes. I can honestly say that was my flave set I've seen by him so far. There were no visuals but I was so okay with that. the lights were so on point and the performers were so freaking good and well paired with what he was putting out. I am sooooo freaking thankful for that experience and to have had it with all my tipper family. This community has Brought me all over the country and now out of the US. I am constantly overstimulated and it's just getting more intense as I get older so traveling can be difficult for me. The high energy if the airport is a lot for me. Music festivals are even a lot for me but I eventually get comfortable..I just love the epic moments of euphoria through music and these experiences that I'll push myself through the rest of it. The way tippers music makes me feel is so worth trooping through a sea of energies to get to that moment. It's truly beautiful for me and I know others feel the same. Blessed to be alive for the making of tipper music
Thursday
✨ the first real full set of music we saw was jpod.. someone ive never listened to and I'm so glad I know about him now. It was so fun I found all my friends and it was the perfect way to kick off the weekend.
✨Naughty princess was someone I didn't know as well and she threwwwww down a dirty heavy dubstep set. It was proper as fuck and she looked like a boss in the dj booth.
✨Honerable mention to Govinda and an-ten-ae
✨🔮Clozees first set on Friday night was so surreal. Seeing her live is a true experience. It got so heavy and blissful it was by far my flavorite set I've seen from her. She's so humble and cute and beyond excited to be doing this for us. When she plays she emmits such a powerful feminine vibe. The high that gave me was super intense.
✨ Honerable mention to
Stylust beats with the filthy dubstep set
Nico luminous
And attya to close was super smooth
Saturday
✨ The funk hunters played two sets. The but their Saturday night set on the Luna stage was so fire. They're so fun and energetic
✨ Random rab was so beautiful. Probably the most beautiful performance I've seen by him yet. His voice is absolutely amazing.
✨LAZY SYRUP ORCHESTRA...... If you don't know them please go listen to their sets on SoundCloud. The sun had risen and the people were vibin.. 6am set - ???? It was so freaking good ahhhh words can't even decribes
They're all so talented I want to return to that moment forever.
Going to the beach and jumping in the ocean after that was so freaking cooooooool.
✨Honerable mention to symbolico for throwing down two dope sets & moontricks on the Sol stage
Sunday
✨ Drrtywulvs ... Wowza. That was so fun and uplifting.. all the booty shaking..I love his music and all the noises. It always makes my body move in the weirdest of ways.
✨SUPERTASK..he's one of my flavorite artists ever and he threw downnnnnnnnn such a dope set in the jungle.
✨ SOOHAN was everything I wanted. His music makes me dance in all the best ways
✨🌄 Clozees played a sunrise set @ 545 and it was beautiful. She was very downtempo and played a lot of slower vibe songs.. it was perfect and blissful.
✨ and finally emancipator. They are forever one of my flavorites. They played at 7 am and closed out the Luna stage with the most magical morning vibes. I feel like they played a lot of new music and it was a perfect way to bring down the high energy from the night
✨Honerable mention to dirtwire on the Sol stage who pulled me out of my funk bc of the rain I love their music so much and Seeing them live is a huge treat.
If you've made it this far thanks for reading! Envision is my new flavorite place and I am already counting down the days until I can go back. ✨🥥
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Catching up
It all is so far away now, counted as well in days as in weeks, in kilometers, in miles or in impressions, in encounters and insights, or measured by fruitless attempts to write this blog.
To catch up while still keeping this Text readable, I will shorten things, I will have to be unjust.
The people I met, friends I visited, friends I found, even strangers who gave advice or help before quickly disappearing again along the ever winding road, they all deserved more words of gratitude, the landscapes I've seen, the early morning mists, birdsong, rough hills and gentle streams, they are all worthy of poems, paintings, and some day hopefully I will find the rest to praise them rightly.
And about people, about friends: I will not talk in depth about them here, maybe some of the closest not even talk about at all or just mention briefly. That is because trust and friendship are sacred, I don't want anyone to have to worry about being displayed and evaluated here, or conversations being put on public display. That's why my tale will sound probably egocentric at times. Besides some points I take out of conversations I'm determined to keep this a blog only about the experiences and lessons I came across, to share and hopefully inspire, but leave people their privacy.
So informations about others I'll keep vague and brief except for some relevant points now and then if they are required as context.
For now it's these fragments, learned lessons and impressions:
1] The Kindness Of Strangers
The boat leaves in the late afternoon, yet I'm here already. It wasn't easy to say goodbye to friends. Its the moment when you painfully realize what you leave behind before you find the courage to let things go and to jump into an uncertain future. I'm grateful that there have been friends to be missed, friends waving when I left and many people, places and memories to cherish, so rather say 'Thank you' than 'Good bye'.
Now I'm here, not sure how to store a bicycle on the ferry, what to do and where to go. A fellow cyclist reassures me that everything will be ok and shows how to secure the bicycle before we part and enter the huts.
It is a smooth sailing on calm waters. I take position on the south side and watch, watch how Ijmuiden floats away, see Zandvoort passing in the distance, let memories rise out of the parting waves until much later the last dim reflection of the sun is swallowed by the darkness of the water.
Next morning I watch the sunrise from the front-deck before later slowly the shore of Britain appears on the horizon.
Back in the belly of the ship, bicycle is packed and we wait for permission to get on land. My fellow cyclist is here again and we find out that we worked in the same field, be it in different positions, until lately when I quit my job. Healthcare in general, and psychiatry in particular seems to struggle with the same problems on both sides of the water- lack of resources combined with an abundance of expectations and many self-declared specialists eagerly waiting on the sidelines to tell you how exactly you should do your job. I don't regret my step.
Soon we change the subject, talk about more uplifting things, like freedom, travels, cycling and living life.
I'm glad he offers to accompany me for the first few miles, show me the way and help me get accustomed to cycling on the left side of the road.
While traveling the shore, he realizes that my journey later would take me along the A1, the most dangerous and deadly road of Britain. Plans change and a bit later I find myself in a nice cozy house, greeted by a friendly dog. The family is gathered now, they brought dutch scones and there I am, arrived in Britain, eating dutch bread and being made welcome.. and grateful.
Later they even offer me a lift along the A1 so I can continue my journey quite a few miles north on a safe bicycle path.
Actually- actually I made a promise to myself when I gave up my home- to leave every place I visit a little bit nicer, tidier or kinder then I found it, be it a small bit within my powers only.
Yet here I am, receiving all this kindness and struggling to find a way to give a tiny thing at least.
A small contribution I might be able to make after all- the lady of the house is an artist and I hope to come back and spend some time, exchanging tips and knowledge about painting.
It won't really be able to repay the welcome, they didn't know how much it meant- this first encounter on the new path, a sense of home in the world out there.
2] Of Hunters, Vegans, Spiders, Flies, and Shamans too
For my first working assignment I arrive one or two days late.
The bicycle paths in Britain are made for leisure, not for means of transportation, to get from A to B, you sometimes get sent along the beautiful yet rough and rocky road uphill through E to G.
In the morning my host comes to town to give me a lift uphill so I don't need to climb up to the cottage. We soon find out a difference in lifestyle, that either might lead to conflict or to very interesting talks-
While I myself took up a vow years ago to restrain from eating or even using animal products, he is an outspoken and passionate hunter and skillful hunting guide.
Greeted by a friendly dog and a flock of even friendlier chickens I put up my hammock next to a cottage that has seen many years, some of them hard, now regaining its beauty under its tenants committed work.
Not only the growing vegetables outside provide some common ground to get along, we soon find out, as the Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh once said: “If you wish to be understood, you should listen very carefully”
I put aside any prejudice and get a chance to actually learn- a hunter may just as much care about nature and all life in it as the convinced vegan.. not every hunter of course, some are in it for profit just as some vegans are in it for pride.
Those others, those on both sides who actually do care, more and more appear to me as devoted parents arguing about the best cure for their sick child. Later I will briefly encounter a native American shaman and will have to realize that those revered ancient cultures are hunters too.
And when I rescue a little spider after that the other day, it strikes me, how many other insects I might have sent to certain death by saving this one predator...
In the end it seems that our technological power has by far outgrown our human wisdom and it's estrangement from nature what deceives us to take extreme positions- on one side some are abusing sensible, breathing, childbearing live as if it where an industrial product, which makes us a parasite in the organs of life, while on the other side we might not interfere when necessary and so get complicit in catastrophes out of fear of causing individual harm, which is neglect of our responsibilities as intelligent life form.
Life is sustained by devouring itself in any form. In the complex web of interdependence I will continue to avoid harm, but I also learned to judge less those who are willing to intervene, it's the caring about nature, the respecting of life and the willingness to learn about them, what defines whether our actions are righteous and wise, there is not one answer that fits all circumstances.
3] Anam Cara
The path up north led me through the green hills of a land where all the places sound like echoes of long forgotten songs and ancient tales.
Shelters where ready, arranged by friends of a friend, all without expecting anything in return, just out of kindness, setup in beautiful places, the shore of a river, a comfortable trailer in a wide meadow with view on the distant chain of snowy hills, hosts welcoming the traveler, helping and showing me around, and I had to learn that sometimes all one has to offer in return is humble gratitude.
What a strange and beautiful paradise waits in the hills behind Inverness. Anam Cara is the retreat center I work and paint for here.
Lodges and huts are made of timber, stone, from large barrels and from caravans..
I sometimes get lost on the terrain, nothing here is put in a straight line, everything has grown naturally accordingly to the apparent conditions at the time.
It's a place just like its founders and inhabitants, a marriage of Buddhist Dharma and shamanic teachings, enforcing and helping each other by aiming at the same goal from different angles in perfect eclectic harmony.
4] Of Tunnels and Light
At Scottish Borders it is. We follow the shore along the stream, up in the hills, where a long abandoned railroad left its trail, and a tunnel between the trees.
Here, our kind host and guide tells us, many found an experience of transformation.
On a dark day in his life he decided for the first time to go inside.
With the courage of despair he had entered and faced inside this darkness that other darkness which at the time needed to be released. On the other side of the tunnel the light that welcomed him brought the beginning of the change to the better.
We are glad he 's willing to share the experience and I opt for walking first.
Beforehand it all sounded quite easy, just going inside the darkness alone without light and walking through, blindly, until the eyes capture a dim light from the other side.
Now in front of the big black hole amongst the green I doubt for a moment whether I really want to go in.
Threads of fog, hovering at the entrance, weave a mystical web. A chilly breeze greets me as if it where the breath of the earth.
One of the dogs accompanied me on my first steps towards the huge mouth that will swallow me in a moment, and for some time I have the impression the dog is still with me in the dark. I hear my own footsteps and feel this other presence right behind me. Later I learn the dog left me at the entrance already...
Once the darkness surrounds me completely and I should probably feel lost in the void, a deep calm sense of serene silence comes over me, a trust that whatever happens here, is supposed to be and is just perfect as it is. I wander in the timeless spaciousness, listening to my ever slower footsteps.
There is no hurry, no need anymore to get anywhere. While the feet calmly keep going I suddenly loose all intention to either stay or leave. Everything is just about now and now is exactly, perfectly well as it has to be.
Maybe due to a lack of external input, the sense of self dissolves into the black empty space and only a floating undefined feeling of wideness and joy vibrates on.
The first glimpse of light some time later doesn't seduce me to rush, I could just as well stay here, in this very moment for eternity, yet I keep moving.
Never thought the greens of the trees and the grasses, the gentle mos could look as vibrant and intense as they appear while I leave the tunnel. It rather seems, I'm watching the surroundings steadily passing by, then moving myself.
I enjoy the forest with a joy I haven't known so far- like a child looking at trees and clouds and pebbles for the first time ever. I keep walking and keep looking, perceiving without judgment, without naming, without wanting, only looking, smelling, listening, just sensing the stream of impressions calmly arising and taking course.
And I know that nothing ever will be the same, also know now that nothing ever has been the same before. It's freedom to ride on the stream of ever changing appearances without grasping or rejecting, I heard of that, I knew it, could have said these words any time, yet now the tunnel showed that truth in a way, so that I actually could see it too .
5] What is Home?
Back in the Netherlands, coming home from being home, not sure how and why I would deserve this. It must be a natural human kindness I didn't notice before that strongly. Now when I need it, there are friends to let me stay in their place, people offering shelter without expecting anything. I visit friends, I'm humbled and touched by all generosity, and I suspect I might know now, why in some lineages Buddhist monks are obliged to beg for their food- it's only when you depend on others in a way, that you get a chance to realize that, contrary to what the news might tell, human is in essence a very kind and giving being.
I have, for now, just to practice in gratitude to hopefully some day be able to give back.
6] Cow-dung is not Bullshit
Cycling in Germany is a challenge, most roads are forbidden for cyclists, they send you along long winding tracks and don't care to close a path without alternative.
After days of sweating under threatening thunderclouds, in heat, having my navigation gone with the broken phone, getting lost in unknown places, climbing hills without knowing where I am and how to get on, I arrive, days late again.
Now I work at the Schwäbische Alb, there's a small Village on top of a hill and I live here, take care of the garden and paint the portals, just paint, nothing artsy :) but besides being invited to feel at home and greatly being cared for, its my first real encounter with alternative building and painting materials what makes it extra special to be here.
The paint is the etching, burning, kind of chalk that was used for centuries here, but the main lesson is a little building project inside the large shed, a storage room made from clay and dry cow-dung.
I learn from mistakes and from what went well, getting an idea to – one day, some day, after the journeys – maybe build my own alternative home based on experiences and learning ahead.
7] The naked Truth
One more fragment, one I doubted if it was ok to tell, but decided that it should not matter if people think I'm weird, I'm a fifty years old guy giving up a comfortable stable life to cycle around and work without predictable income, not even a pension-plan. I AM weird probably and as long as no one gets hurt I'm free to be as strange as I choose to be.
It's the evening of a hard and hot day, the sun burned my skin dark red and any sweat from cycling uphill dried quickly without cooling me off. I finally find a great spot to spend the night, near a small town or village, but out in the green, well hidden and comfortable.
Before I rest I need to refill my water-supplies and rehydrate myself, also the new used phone I was lucky to receive, does act up, the batteries run quickly, didn't recharge anymore and I want to give it one more try.
It's good as well, to check the vibes of the area, to know the territory and get familiar with the place.
So instead of getting ready for the night I enter the place for a drink and general recharging in the local pizzeria. I'm the only customer inside. The friendly owner refills the bottles and tries to help me with the phone. After a tough day through the hills in merciless heat I enjoy talking to someone before I get back out into the fields. Yet when I tell about the travels and my new life, he offers me to seek shelter at the small terrace next to the house where the guests sit in daytime. It's right at the fairly busy street, surrounded by houses and I'd like my first shelter more, but there are two good reasons to gratefully except the offer- one, it is an act of kindness and that counts more then comfort, two, I slept in fields and woods, in trailers, tents and under bridges, but never in the open air in the middle of a town.
So I set up my shelter, sleeping bag as isolation and the raintarp as cover on one side tied to the fence, the other attached to the bicycle.
A thin tarp provides the illusion of privacy and I lay down in the noise of passing cars and voices on the street.
Now the overheated body starts boiling and burning, however I move or turn, a layer of inescapable
fire keeps me awake. Everything I wear sticks to the skin. Half asleep and half in fever I guess, I remove it all.
A gentle nightly breeze cools me off and sings me to sleep. While I see the stars through the fence it occurs to me, that whoever would find me here, would think I was drunk or crazy. Laying there amongst all cozy houses, bare and naked, not showered for days, hair and beard growing wildly I have finally become a drifter.
And then the image comes before my minds eye, of me laying there, bare of any sign of social status or role, looking like an abandoned corpse, but there is no shame, no fear, only deep calm peace and freedom.
That takes me back into the tunnel. It's the same sense of serenity, nothing to achieve, nothing to loose, nothing to be done, only being.
I will loose this peace of mind again on several occasions, when the wind stands against me, when I loose direction, when I set up goals, but there are more and more times of this deep relaxing equanimity, the acceptance of whatever might be.
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