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#i cried alot this morning but then i opened tumblr and the first thing i saw was that someone found clips of a monkees latam dub and well
sgt-celestial · 1 year
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ok to elaborate on why ive been so sad today is that my very very favourite tree to climb ever fell down last night in the windstorm and i literally could not believe it because its basically the only climbable tree around here and literally a week ago i was sitting in it listening to bob dylan on my mp3 player in the rain and i used to go up there and play banjouke for hours and its literally the tree my dad and i used to climb together and we used to sit in the branches and talk and i would go up there whenever i was panicking or stressed and now. hmmmmmmm
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legion1993 · 4 years
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We Are What????
Tumblr media
Title: we are what????
Pairing: Jensen x reader
Fluff sq: long lost sibling
Tags: tabooo, long lost brother and long lost sister loosing virginity to eachother, long lost brother and long lost sister married in vegas, long lost siblings learning the truth after its too late, long lost sibling sex
***NOTE: INTENDED FOR 18+ DO NOT READ IF UNDERAGE DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT DO SO UNDER THE TUMBLR GUIDELINES. PLEASE DONT READ IF UNDERAGE. I AM NOT JOKING. 18+ READERS ONLY STORY CONTAINS TABOO, LONG LOST SIBLINGS LOOSING THEIR VIRGINITY TO EACHOTHER! AGAIN DO NOT READ IF UNDERAGE***
rating: 18+
summery: not telling
created for @spnfluffbingo​
fluff 2020 masterlist
it had been the best vacation, it had been the best vacation you had taken to date. the events went as follows: 
you were on vacation this was well deserved, this was your 3 weeks away from the busy of running your own business.
 your co ceo thought you deserved a vacation after you worked your ass off for almost 3 years to get your company to where it is today.
 you were in Vegas, you were gonna dance, gamble, and drink and just enjoy yourself. You were now 5 days into your vacation and sitting at one of the blackjack tables you meet a very interesting opponent.
 YN: “do you come here often?”
 jensen: “nope I can only come here when my brother is home to watch the place. I’m Jensen by the way but everyone calls me Jay.”
 YN: “YN it’s nice to meet you. Do you normally play blackjack?”
 Jensen could only laugh as he played his turn.
Jensen: “no normally I play poker but I figured I’d switch it up. I’ll stand. So YN what brings you to Vegas other than obviously to get your butt kicked at blackjack.”
 YN: “I’ll stand as well. My Co ceo of my company thought I could use a vacation after 3 years of building the company non stop. So she sent me here to have the time of my life for 3 weeks with possibility of extension.” 
the dealer: “reveal your hands one at a time.”
jensen reveals a hand of 19. You smile darkly.
YN: “I hope your not too disappointed with this.” 
You say as you reveal your hand to be 21.
YN: “blackjack. I win!”
the dealer: “congratulations to YN our winner for the 5th night in a row. Do you want to cash out or do you want to bank for more play time later?”
yN: “I’ll bank I owe my opponent an apology drink!”
that was your first mistake. After several drinks you both were hammered. Walking back to the hotel cause through the drinking you both discovered that you were staying in the same hotel. 
you stopped at the wedding chapel. You both went to get ready and graciously paid the people for their service.
officiant: “Jensen and YN you have come here tonight to be joined in the eyes of God and the church. You may say your vows when your ready.”
Jensen takes your ring and slides it on your finger. 
Jensen: "YN I've only known you a few short moments but it feels like a lifetime. It feels like destiny. I promise to evermore love, honor. Cherish and protect thee now and evermore!" 
you took Jensen's ring and placed it on his finger.
yN: "Jensen, I feel the exact same way and I know that right now we are probably doing something that when morrow light breaks through will seem like a bad idea but I now and ever more will love honor cherish and protect thee forever with all my being!"
officiant: "then I hear by pronounce you husband and wife. Jensen you may kiss your bride!"
Jensen dipped you as he kissed you. Then you both signed some papers and were led to where both your bags were on a trolley and being taken to the honeymoon suite. 
graciously tipping the bellboy who loaded the bags into the doorway for you both and then left. Jensen picked you up bridal style and tis is how you lost your virginity.
Jensen and you tore each other's clothes off then while he had you pinned against the wall, he slid his cock into your pussy.
pounding you against the wall, in the shower, in the kitchenette, on the table, on the couch, on the floor and finally on the bed. Yes you both christened that honeymoon suite. 
for the next morning at yonder Light breaks through the window. you both woke to an array of feathers everywhere you both were snuggled together and then it sunk in. Both of you sitting straight up and looking around the room.
jensen: "what happened last night?" 
yN: "I remember the blackjack game and nothing after."
that's when you looked at your finger... Holding it up for Jensen to see.
yN: "clearly something else happened last night. Cause I don't remember getting married."
jensen: "let's think rationally now. Is it really so bad honestly come on let's at least see what we can be as a couple before we jump to any conclusions. How bout this I'll go hone with you once we are done in Vegas and we will figure us out."
yN: "sounds good to me plus you are hot I'm not surprised either way that I married you." 
Jensen could only laugh as he ushered for you to come back to the bed.  You went back to the bed, Jensen's strong embrace wrapping around you immediately. You sat on his lap his hands roaming cross your skin. 
Jensen: "now let's enjoy our honeymoon and make some magic of our own."
YN: "shouldn't we eat?"
 Jensen: "we will order room service after we finish waking up. I say we clean up the place a bit and take a shower then call room service."
YN: "clean a bit first, then shower cause it makes no sense to shower then clean. Oh I should warn you thaw t my place is new and needs a bit of reno work…"
Jensen could only laugh. 
Jensen: "that's okay it will be an amazing starter home for us or at least till we figure us out."
You went to your phone and connected to the Bluetooth speaker in the room. You played your Playlist as you and Jensen got to work. Cleaning, dancing, singing. Taking a shower you went in first Jensen called room service then joined you. 
Things starting to slowly feel normal. Throughout the rest of the vacation you both spent time at the casino, doing shopping, both of you taking full honeymoon advantage.
 The flight home was alot more enjoyable with someone to spend it with, you slept on his shoulder and he used your head as a rest spot as well his arm was around your shoulder.
 It was the most comfortable ride of your life. The arrival back on your home soil was a relief to see that it was still busy beyond compare. You went and picked up your car (black 2019 Dodge Challenger) from the parking valet. 
Jensen: "she is a beauty." 
YN: "the GPS is already programed to take us home. Do you want to drive?" 
Jensen perked up when he got back to you after having taken a lap round the car. He smiled. 
Jensen: "I would love to but I have to ask how the hell did you afford this?" 
YN: "Perk of having my own business and on top of that perk of being the world's best selling brand of sunglasses. Now get in and start her up!" 
Jensen and you both got into the car and jensen took a breath as he started the engine. Jensen ran his fingers over the steering wheel and just completely fell in love with your baby.
 Jensen: "damn YN she is a beauty. Now let's hear her purr."
 Jensen sticks your car in drive and slowly brings you both out of the parade. Once the speed sign showed that he could go 60 he stuck you baby in gear and took off. he knew to obey the rules of the road but he still had fun with it.
 Along the way your Playlist silently played in the background as you and Jensen played 20 questions. The more you both talked and the questions answered the more you both felt like you could actually pull this off, but of course you weren't gonna say anything. 
Jensen: "this neighborhood is beautiful. How much further to your place?" 
YN: "3 more blocks then it will be number 344 on your left."
 Jensen slowly drove down the blocks he smiled to himself the thought that he was married and to a woman who makes the most amazing sunglasses. His hand remained in the wheel and the shifter but your hand floated to rest in his hand.
 Arriving at your house in a matter of moments you noticed another car in the driveway that was not familiar to you. 
YN: "that car doesnt belong to me.. someone unexpected is here."
Jensen: "relax YN lets grab the bags and walk to the door im sure its nothing to worry about."
Grabbing the bags you both went up to the front door, you saw it was open a crack… You both slowly walked inside.
 YN: "hello, whoever is in here this house is owned…" 
Steps came from the basement and down the kitchen floor standing now in the doorway to your kitchen was your mom.
 Sheila: "surprise!" 
You dropped your bags and ran into the embrace of the person who had sat there with you while you cried about your loveless life. 
Yn: "I thought you weren't coming for a few weeks." 
Sheila: "yes well when we last spoke you said you wanted to do some renovations on the house. But that you were gonna do that on your own after you got back from your trip. So i decided that i would be here when you got back to surprise you… dad thought you could use the help and if he wasnt busy running the store back home he would be here too…"
You and your mom oulled back when Jensen cleared his throat clearly wanting to get your attention. You pulldd back from your mom and went back to jensen. Who now extended his hand towards your mom.
 Jensen: "ma'am my name is Jensen i am your daughters husband well kinda we…"
Yn: "twas a drunken wedding in vegas and one thing led to a really amazing vacation plus he is a loyal customer for my sunglasses. So i brought him home so we could see if we want to remain married or divorce. I gues thats my surprise as well… im really glad your here mom."
Sheila shoke jensens hand and then smiled as she heard a timer go off. 
Sheila: "go on take your stuff to your room dears. ill do it all for you both not to worry. Now go upstairs and make sure only your laundry comes down to the laundry room.. lunch will be ready soon!"
You and jensen with your bags go upstairs to your room. Your king bed and furniture exactly how you left it. 
Jensen: "renovations huh?"
Yn: "ya some painting and replacing carpet with laminate type thing. Paint every room in this house a different color depending on what the room is. Laminate to match each room. Im ambitious. Also restain the deck leading to the pool in the back. The pool cleaner and the lawn tendants should have been by and if not yet they will be by later. Running my own company comes with perks. Sorry im ramblin."
Jensen: "its alright i think its kinda cute. Now when do we get started on these renovations?"
You smile as you  go to grab your laundry basket for yours and jensens clothes.
YN: "soon as i go pick up the paint i picked out what colors i wanted for each room before i left but now that im back i can get them and start painting and shifting stuff around and and and."
You now put your hands on the bed as you just stood there. 
You were way passed overwhelmed, this made way for Jensen who had just finished getting settled in throwing his dirty clothes in the basket before coming up behind you wraping his arms around you like it was normal. 
Jensen: “dont get worked up as part of seeing all we can be ill help you renovate the house. Tomorrow we will pick up the paint and whatever else we think we will need and we will be fine. For now lets get this laundry pile put together and taken down to your mom. Then you can show me kinda what needs to be moved and where it needs to be moved to for each room to be set up so it can be painted and then we will get the floors done once everything is painted. Room by room. This house will be prestige when we are done. It will reflect the woman you are. And i look forward to renovating this home with you.”
You smiled. As you threw several more things into the basket, then you came across the wedding attire that you both realized might need to be dry cleaned instead. 
You put them off to the side and decided that you would hand them to your assistant the next time you would see her. You were not okay still, you had a lurking strange feeling in your stomach that something was terribly wrong. 
Jensen was hot, sure neither of you rememebred anything except for what you all were told by the staff. You were now sure that something was wrong. It was something in Jensen’s eyes and nature that made your mind question what was happening right then.
 But you ignored it, you felt happier than you had in ages. 
YN: “ya i guess your right. Now lets go down to mom before she decides to think degenerates of us.”
Jensen: “technically we are married degenerates. But your right as well. Lets go.”
Jensen carried the basket following you as you both walked back downstairs. You showed him where to place the laundry basket then both of you went into the living room. 
Your eyes floated to the table to the stack of coupons and various packages and other mail items on the coffee table in the living room. 
Jensen: “damn girl are you always that popular?”
YN: “yep every day… but this is from the passed month excluding todays cause it doesnt come for another hour. This will be fun. Would you like to help me open this massive pile of whatever is in here?”
Jensen: “do you have a letter opener?”
You go over to the kitchen to your junk drawer and come back with your personalized black canary letter opener… you handed it to Jensen who marveled it for a few moments before kneeling down beside you as you proceeded to organize the mail into piles.
 Jensen: “i hope one day soon to be moved in here permenantly with you. Honestly i feel so happy and we are probably gonna be expecting before we know it with how much we did not leave the bed during our time in Vegas…”
You smiled at that thought. You a mother how much of a quaint little idea that was. Damn your babies would be lookers. Jensen started with the parcels he opened them one at a time then you would go into the parcel and pull out whatever was inside.
Jensen: “i know you are thinking, you make this face when your focused or thinking i noticed it first when you were answering your emails and such while we were in vegas. Are you okay?”
YN: “hmm… yeah im okay just doing some planning in my head. Usually how i open my mail. Im sorry ive been so quiet.”
Jensen put his arm around your shoulder before you had finished speaking.
Jensen: “its all good i know you have alot on your plate. Just dont be afraid to talk to me if you ever want to.”
YN: "thank you. Now let's finish going through the mail and then I need to conference call with my assistant to make sure our week is on track."
Jensen smiled he could not believe that you were the one who made such amazing sun glasses! They were literally his favorite pair. You were the embodiment of grace and beauty,  from Jensen's point of view you were an angel.You spent the rest of the day showing jensen how your life works. 
Your mom ordered chinese for dinner with extra for left overs for the next few days. That was fine. Renovations went amazing! The next month was about getting settled in, sure the renos took longer but that was perfectly fine.
 A room a week, the flooring would be done later.. once everything was painted. Jensen and you sat in on a few confrence calls from the house during the renos and then you decided to show jensen the company and how it works make him your temp secretary while you gave your current one the month off.
 You woke up however one morning feeling off. You went to the bathroom and went through your morning work routine, shower, do your hair, make out with jensen. But this one morning you felt all bloated and gross.
 You got into the shower and thats when it happened you got that nauseous feeling. The words "oh shit" went through your head as just as you knelt down beneath the waters flow you threw up instantly.
 It was 5 minutes later that you were finally able to speak enough.
YN: "jensen…"
Footsteps were heard, jensen knew your routine, this was unusual. He came into the bathroom and opened the shower curtain to reveal you knelt down and a small pile of slowly washing awake puke. He shut off the shower head but kept the water flowing.
 Jensen: "what happened?"
YN: "i was feeling off, but i didnt think i would vomit, can you call xavier and tell him that he has to handle everything today im not going in."
Jensen: "let me get you out of there after i help you clean all the vomit off and wash your hair, then ill clean the bathtub and then ill spend the entire day waiting on my girl!"
This was the first time that Jensen had used a pet name for you or referred to you as something other than YN. This was a good sign meant he was getting used to the idea but so were you for you were putty in Jensen's arms not cause of the nausea but cause of how he made you feel. 
You watched as he cleaned the bathtub, wiped up the water off the ground, sprayed febreeze in the bathroom. You were not okay but you felt something new. 
Another month would pass before this would ever occur again. Sure enough it did this time at work. Jensen against your pleading took you to the hospital. You were pleading that you were okay and didn't need it but you kept being shot down.
 The doctors took blood work, had you peee in a cup, hooked you to a iv drip. They were doing everything they could think of. Till the doctor came in the room with a nurse with an ultrasound machine.
 Doctor: "we are just gonna make sure everything is good with your abdomen. Don't worry bout a thing. It's painless. I'm just gonna unzip your jeans a bit and then lift your shirt a bit so I can put the jelly on."
 You and Jensen complied never expecting this as a possible outcome. Never suspecting that this would be the moment you would be within the grasp of several doctors all of whom have looked after you since you were a child. 
Doc: "ok lets see what this shows. And if anything else i would like to run dna matches on both of you. Just a precautionary measure. Nothing to… oh well this is definately the source… tell me YN when was your last period?"
You had to think about that cause you last had it during the vegas trip. Good thing showers exist… but anyway you were sure you knew the answer but you complied anyway.
YN: "I think it was during my Vegas trip but doc please tell me what is going on…"
Doctor turns the monitor to face you and Jensen whose face along with yours goes pale white. 
Doctor: "congratulations your pregnant! But I want to run a blood sample on both of you to find out why there was an abnormality in your blood work."
Jensen and you get blood drawn while the fact that you were expecting a child while not even sure yet if your marriage would last. 
Jensen: "what abnormality could be in your blood work?" 
YN: "that's what you choose to discuss, not the fact that we are pregnant?" 
Jensen: "I'm shocked probably as much as you but right now I want to address that I am thrilled about this baby. Even if we haven't figured us out we are parents to a brand new life we created in this short period together. I could not think of a better way to spend the rest of my life than with you and this child."
That of course is when the doctor returned. 
Doctor: "so you both are the correct parents of this child but the abnormality in both your blood works showed several similar strands of DNA. You are siblings more specifically twins."
This made Jensen and you drop your Jaws, neither of you were expecting the news about the baby, but now finding out your siblings well that made you both shocked as fuck.
Doctor: "judging the reactions crossing both your features I am gonna gather that you both knew not of this."
Jensen: "are we done here can we go home now?"
 Doctor: "of course just be sure to come back in 4 months for another check up for the baby. And congratulations as well as I'm sorry."
 The doctor left, you and Jensen took all the stuff, now in the car with the papers of both results had to now find a way to break both news to your mother. Never thinking that anyone else would be at the house when your arrival home came round. 
You pulled into the driveway, both of you holding the file with both sets of results. Walked inside to see not only your mom but your best friend and your father as well, your best friend ran straight for you as you did her, then you let her go and was immediately embraced by your father.
 YN: "can everyone sit down and jensen will grab you all something strong to drink while we tell you something we just found out."
Jensen goes and pours some drinks for your father, mother and best friend as you both sit in front of them and begin the confrontation of a lifetime.Jensen: "for those who don't know me that I am meeting for the first time I'm Jensen YN is my wife. YN got a little sick at work so we just got back from the hospital. We found out 2 things while there."
Yn: "mom dad was there another child that you guys had along side me… Like am I a twin?" 
Sheila: "yes you are, I am ashamed that you are just finding this out now. I never thought you would. We had to make a choice when you and your brother were born money was a luxury we didn't have a lot of. We could only afford to keep one of you so we made sure your brother got adopted into a good family who would give him the life he deserved. We kept you cause we always wanted a girl. Why do you ask?"
You pull out the DNA match results between you and Jensen and hand it to your parents. They look at the paper and immediately look at Jensen they begin to shed tears of joy toasting to Jensen the prodigal son!
 But you both still had to tell them the other news. You were gonna let Jensen take this one cause you were still shocked to say the other set of news…
 Frank: "what's your other set of news? Also what happens to your marriage now with this news as I assume you both have done the deed together…?"
 Jensen: "dad, mom cause we did the deed and this entire marriage thing, consequences flurished before we found out about us being twins. We have to say we are still in shock but we are willing to make things work if you guys agree to help us…"
Jensen hands them the second set of results. You feel your hand drop to your belly Jensen's on top of yous as they look at those results. Your best friend doesn't look at the results cause she could tell from the moment she saw you.. 
Talia: "I'm gonna be an aunt yippee!!!" 
Sheila: "Talia can you please give us a few moments to speak with our children alone."
Talia: "of course."
 Talia leaves the room not straying too far so she can hear everything.
 Sheila: "Jensen we are so happy you have found your way back into our lives. We hope you come to accept us as your parents and not as those that gave you up…" 
Frank: "we understand the lure that you both had to eachother I mean you both look like supermodels good looks and all. Though we don't entirely approve of the way you came back into our lives son. We are proud of the strong people you both have become. YN my daughter we are honored to be your parents and now the grandparents to this grand baby that will grace this world soon!"
Sheila: "we are a family again!"
Jensen and you hug it out with your parents as you leave their embrace to go and sit on the steps with your best friend.
 Talia: "so you married your long lost twin brother?"
 YN: "drunk married my long lost twin yes but in our defense we were plastered. Neither of us were thinking straight and we didn't know we were siblings."
Talia: "how long till I get to meet my niece or nephew?" 
YN: "7 months but in my defense neither me nor Jensen nor anyone else  get to find out the gender for another 4 months. But how would closer to the due date you like to become a hired live in nanny type person just to help out around here once the baby is born what do you say sis?"
Talia just hugs you both of you just sitting there perfect harmony while Jensen is with your parents in the living room filling them in on his upbringing and stuff like that. 
You were sitting there with your best friend reminiscing on a time when things were simpler..You both were called back into the room at that moment. Re-entering the room you go to stand beside your husband/twin brother.
Frank: “after so long we are a whole family again. Now our family is expanding and we are so grateful to have the opportunity to be with you all. Jensen, YN though the circumstances under which you met were not ideal, you both are not shunned, not disregarded in any way shape or form. You both did right in the eyes of god and the church. It is only fit that we offer to help you both in any way we possibly can with the preparations for the arrival of the baby. To Yn and Jensen may the odds be ever in your favor…”
This was now the time when you regretted showing your father the hunger games! But the toasts flew in and chinese was ordered, everyone except you drank. What happened after that is you and your twin brother husband person thing lived happily ever after.
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drkcnry67 · 4 years
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WE ARE WHAT??!
Tumblr media
Title: we are what????
Pairing: Jensen x reader
Fluff sq: long lost sibling
H&H sq: reverse!verse
Tags: tabooo, long lost brother and long lost sister loosing virginity to eachother, long lost brother and long lost sister married in vegas, long lost siblings learning the truth after its too late, long lost sibling sex
***NOTE: INTENDED FOR 18+ DO NOT READ IF UNDERAGE DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT DO SO UNDER THE TUMBLR GUIDELINES. PLEASE DONT READ IF UNDERAGE. I AM NOT JOKING. 18+ READERS ONLY STORY CONTAINS TABOO, LONG LOST SIBLINGS LOOSING THEIR VIRGINITY TO EACHOTHER! AGAIN DO NOT READ IF UNDERAGE***
rating: 18+
summery: not telling
created for @spnfluffbingo​ @heavenandhellbingo​
fluff 2020 masterlist   heaven and hell 2020
it had been the best vacation, it had been the best vacation you had taken to date. the events went as follows: 
you were on vacation this was well deserved, this was your 3 weeks away from the busy of running your own business.
 your co ceo thought you deserved a vacation after you worked your ass off for almost 3 years to get your company to where it is today.
 you were in Vegas, you were gonna dance, gamble, and drink and just enjoy yourself. You were now 5 days into your vacation and sitting at one of the blackjack tables you meet a very interesting opponent.
 YN: “do you come here often?”
 jensen: “nope I can only come here when my brother is home to watch the place. I’m Jensen by the way but everyone calls me Jay.”
 YN: “YN it’s nice to meet you. Do you normally play blackjack?”
 Jensen could only laugh as he played his turn.
Jensen: “no normally I play poker but I figured I’d switch it up. I’ll stand. So YN what brings you to Vegas other than obviously to get your butt kicked at blackjack.”
 YN: “I’ll stand as well. My Co ceo of my company thought I could use a vacation after 3 years of building the company non stop. So she sent me here to have the time of my life for 3 weeks with possibility of extension.” 
the dealer: “reveal your hands one at a time.”
jensen reveals a hand of 19. You smile darkly.
YN: “I hope your not too disappointed with this.” 
You say as you reveal your hand to be 21.
YN: “blackjack. I win!”
the dealer: “congratulations to YN our winner for the 5th night in a row. Do you want to cash out or do you want to bank for more play time later?”
yN: “I’ll bank I owe my opponent an apology drink!”
that was your first mistake. After several drinks you both were hammered. Walking back to the hotel cause through the drinking you both discovered that you were staying in the same hotel. 
you stopped at the wedding chapel. You both went to get ready and graciously paid the people for their service.
officiant: “Jensen and YN you have come here tonight to be joined in the eyes of God and the church. You may say your vows when your ready.”
Jensen takes your ring and slides it on your finger. 
Jensen: "YN I've only known you a few short moments but it feels like a lifetime. It feels like destiny. I promise to evermore love, honor. Cherish and protect thee now and evermore!" 
you took Jensen's ring and placed it on his finger.
yN: "Jensen, I feel the exact same way and I know that right now we are probably doing something that when morrow light breaks through will seem like a bad idea but I now and ever more will love honor cherish and protect thee forever with all my being!"
officiant: "then I hear by pronounce you husband and wife. Jensen you may kiss your bride!"
Jensen dipped you as he kissed you. Then you both signed some papers and were led to where both your bags were on a trolley and being taken to the honeymoon suite. 
graciously tipping the bellboy who loaded the bags into the doorway for you both and then left. Jensen picked you up bridal style and tis is how you lost your virginity.
Jensen and you tore each other's clothes off then while he had you pinned against the wall, he slid his cock into your pussy.
pounding you against the wall, in the shower, in the kitchenette, on the table, on the couch, on the floor and finally on the bed. Yes you both christened that honeymoon suite. 
for the next morning at yonder Light breaks through the window. you both woke to an array of feathers everywhere you both were snuggled together and then it sunk in. Both of you sitting straight up and looking around the room.
jensen: "what happened last night?" 
yN: "I remember the blackjack game and nothing after."
that's when you looked at your finger... Holding it up for Jensen to see.
yN: "clearly something else happened last night. Cause I don't remember getting married."
jensen: "let's think rationally now. Is it really so bad honestly come on let's at least see what we can be as a couple before we jump to any conclusions. How bout this I'll go hone with you once we are done in Vegas and we will figure us out."
yN: "sounds good to me plus you are hot I'm not surprised either way that I married you." 
Jensen could only laugh as he ushered for you to come back to the bed.  You went back to the bed, Jensen's strong embrace wrapping around you immediately. You sat on his lap his hands roaming cross your skin. 
Jensen: "now let's enjoy our honeymoon and make some magic of our own."
YN: "shouldn't we eat?"
 Jensen: "we will order room service after we finish waking up. I say we clean up the place a bit and take a shower then call room service."
YN: "clean a bit first, then shower cause it makes no sense to shower then clean. Oh I should warn you thaw t my place is new and needs a bit of reno work…"
Jensen could only laugh. 
Jensen: "that's okay it will be an amazing starter home for us or at least till we figure us out."
You went to your phone and connected to the Bluetooth speaker in the room. You played your Playlist as you and Jensen got to work. Cleaning, dancing, singing. Taking a shower you went in first Jensen called room service then joined you. 
Things starting to slowly feel normal. Throughout the rest of the vacation you both spent time at the casino, doing shopping, both of you taking full honeymoon advantage.
 The flight home was alot more enjoyable with someone to spend it with, you slept on his shoulder and he used your head as a rest spot as well his arm was around your shoulder.
 It was the most comfortable ride of your life. The arrival back on your home soil was a relief to see that it was still busy beyond compare. You went and picked up your car (black 2019 Dodge Challenger) from the parking valet. 
Jensen: "she is a beauty." 
YN: "the GPS is already programed to take us home. Do you want to drive?" 
Jensen perked up when he got back to you after having taken a lap round the car. He smiled. 
Jensen: "I would love to but I have to ask how the hell did you afford this?" 
YN: "Perk of having my own business and on top of that perk of being the world's best selling brand of sunglasses. Now get in and start her up!" 
Jensen and you both got into the car and jensen took a breath as he started the engine. Jensen ran his fingers over the steering wheel and just completely fell in love with your baby.
 Jensen: "damn YN she is a beauty. Now let's hear her purr."
 Jensen sticks your car in drive and slowly brings you both out of the parade. Once the speed sign showed that he could go 60 he stuck you baby in gear and took off. he knew to obey the rules of the road but he still had fun with it.
 Along the way your Playlist silently played in the background as you and Jensen played 20 questions. The more you both talked and the questions answered the more you both felt like you could actually pull this off, but of course you weren't gonna say anything. 
Jensen: "this neighborhood is beautiful. How much further to your place?" 
YN: "3 more blocks then it will be number 344 on your left."
 Jensen slowly drove down the blocks he smiled to himself the thought that he was married and to a woman who makes the most amazing sunglasses. His hand remained in the wheel and the shifter but your hand floated to rest in his hand.
 Arriving at your house in a matter of moments you noticed another car in the driveway that was not familiar to you. 
YN: "that car doesnt belong to me.. someone unexpected is here."
Jensen: "relax YN lets grab the bags and walk to the door im sure its nothing to worry about."
Grabbing the bags you both went up to the front door, you saw it was open a crack… You both slowly walked inside.
 YN: "hello, whoever is in here this house is owned…" 
Steps came from the basement and down the kitchen floor standing now in the doorway to your kitchen was your mom.
 Sheila: "surprise!" 
You dropped your bags and ran into the embrace of the person who had sat there with you while you cried about your loveless life. 
Yn: "I thought you weren't coming for a few weeks." 
Sheila: "yes well when we last spoke you said you wanted to do some renovations on the house. But that you were gonna do that on your own after you got back from your trip. So i decided that i would be here when you got back to surprise you… dad thought you could use the help and if he wasnt busy running the store back home he would be here too…"
You and your mom oulled back when Jensen cleared his throat clearly wanting to get your attention. You pulldd back from your mom and went back to jensen. Who now extended his hand towards your mom.
 Jensen: "ma'am my name is Jensen i am your daughters husband well kinda we…"
Yn: "twas a drunken wedding in vegas and one thing led to a really amazing vacation plus he is a loyal customer for my sunglasses. So i brought him home so we could see if we want to remain married or divorce. I gues thats my surprise as well… im really glad your here mom."
Sheila shoke jensens hand and then smiled as she heard a timer go off. 
Sheila: "go on take your stuff to your room dears. ill do it all for you both not to worry. Now go upstairs and make sure only your laundry comes down to the laundry room.. lunch will be ready soon!"
You and jensen with your bags go upstairs to your room. Your king bed and furniture exactly how you left it. 
Jensen: "renovations huh?"
Yn: "ya some painting and replacing carpet with laminate type thing. Paint every room in this house a different color depending on what the room is. Laminate to match each room. Im ambitious. Also restain the deck leading to the pool in the back. The pool cleaner and the lawn tendants should have been by and if not yet they will be by later. Running my own company comes with perks. Sorry im ramblin."
Jensen: "its alright i think its kinda cute. Now when do we get started on these renovations?"
You smile as you  go to grab your laundry basket for yours and jensens clothes.
YN: "soon as i go pick up the paint i picked out what colors i wanted for each room before i left but now that im back i can get them and start painting and shifting stuff around and and and."
You now put your hands on the bed as you just stood there. 
You were way passed overwhelmed, this made way for Jensen who had just finished getting settled in throwing his dirty clothes in the basket before coming up behind you wraping his arms around you like it was normal. 
Jensen: “dont get worked up as part of seeing all we can be ill help you renovate the house. Tomorrow we will pick up the paint and whatever else we think we will need and we will be fine. For now lets get this laundry pile put together and taken down to your mom. Then you can show me kinda what needs to be moved and where it needs to be moved to for each room to be set up so it can be painted and then we will get the floors done once everything is painted. Room by room. This house will be prestige when we are done. It will reflect the woman you are. And i look forward to renovating this home with you.”
You smiled. As you threw several more things into the basket, then you came across the wedding attire that you both realized might need to be dry cleaned instead. 
You put them off to the side and decided that you would hand them to your assistant the next time you would see her. You were not okay still, you had a lurking strange feeling in your stomach that something was terribly wrong. 
Jensen was hot, sure neither of you rememebred anything except for what you all were told by the staff. You were now sure that something was wrong. It was something in Jensen’s eyes and nature that made your mind question what was happening right then.
 But you ignored it, you felt happier than you had in ages. 
YN: “ya i guess your right. Now lets go down to mom before she decides to think degenerates of us.”
Jensen: “technically we are married degenerates. But your right as well. Lets go.”
Jensen carried the basket following you as you both walked back downstairs. You showed him where to place the laundry basket then both of you went into the living room. 
Your eyes floated to the table to the stack of coupons and various packages and other mail items on the coffee table in the living room. 
Jensen: “damn girl are you always that popular?”
YN: “yep every day… but this is from the passed month excluding todays cause it doesnt come for another hour. This will be fun. Would you like to help me open this massive pile of whatever is in here?”
Jensen: “do you have a letter opener?”
You go over to the kitchen to your junk drawer and come back with your personalized black canary letter opener… you handed it to Jensen who marveled it for a few moments before kneeling down beside you as you proceeded to organize the mail into piles.
 Jensen: “i hope one day soon to be moved in here permenantly with you. Honestly i feel so happy and we are probably gonna be expecting before we know it with how much we did not leave the bed during our time in Vegas…”
You smiled at that thought. You a mother how much of a quaint little idea that was. Damn your babies would be lookers. Jensen started with the parcels he opened them one at a time then you would go into the parcel and pull out whatever was inside.
Jensen: “i know you are thinking, you make this face when your focused or thinking i noticed it first when you were answering your emails and such while we were in vegas. Are you okay?”
YN: “hmm… yeah im okay just doing some planning in my head. Usually how i open my mail. Im sorry ive been so quiet.”
Jensen put his arm around your shoulder before you had finished speaking.
Jensen: “its all good i know you have alot on your plate. Just dont be afraid to talk to me if you ever want to.”
YN: "thank you. Now let's finish going through the mail and then I need to conference call with my assistant to make sure our week is on track."
Jensen smiled he could not believe that you were the one who made such amazing sun glasses! They were literally his favorite pair. You were the embodiment of grace and beauty,  from Jensen's point of view you were an angel.You spent the rest of the day showing jensen how your life works. 
Your mom ordered chinese for dinner with extra for left overs for the next few days. That was fine. Renovations went amazing! The next month was about getting settled in, sure the renos took longer but that was perfectly fine.
 A room a week, the flooring would be done later.. once everything was painted. Jensen and you sat in on a few confrence calls from the house during the renos and then you decided to show jensen the company and how it works make him your temp secretary while you gave your current one the month off.
 You woke up however one morning feeling off. You went to the bathroom and went through your morning work routine, shower, do your hair, make out with jensen. But this one morning you felt all bloated and gross.
 You got into the shower and thats when it happened you got that nauseous feeling. The words "oh shit" went through your head as just as you knelt down beneath the waters flow you threw up instantly.
 It was 5 minutes later that you were finally able to speak enough.
YN: "jensen…"
Footsteps were heard, jensen knew your routine, this was unusual. He came into the bathroom and opened the shower curtain to reveal you knelt down and a small pile of slowly washing awake puke. He shut off the shower head but kept the water flowing.
 Jensen: "what happened?"
YN: "i was feeling off, but i didnt think i would vomit, can you call xavier and tell him that he has to handle everything today im not going in."
Jensen: "let me get you out of there after i help you clean all the vomit off and wash your hair, then ill clean the bathtub and then ill spend the entire day waiting on my girl!"
This was the first time that Jensen had used a pet name for you or referred to you as something other than YN. This was a good sign meant he was getting used to the idea but so were you for you were putty in Jensen's arms not cause of the nausea but cause of how he made you feel. 
You watched as he cleaned the bathtub, wiped up the water off the ground, sprayed febreeze in the bathroom. You were not okay but you felt something new. 
Another month would pass before this would ever occur again. Sure enough it did this time at work. Jensen against your pleading took you to the hospital. You were pleading that you were okay and didn't need it but you kept being shot down.
 The doctors took blood work, had you peee in a cup, hooked you to a iv drip. They were doing everything they could think of. Till the doctor came in the room with a nurse with an ultrasound machine.
 Doctor: "we are just gonna make sure everything is good with your abdomen. Don't worry bout a thing. It's painless. I'm just gonna unzip your jeans a bit and then lift your shirt a bit so I can put the jelly on."
 You and Jensen complied never expecting this as a possible outcome. Never suspecting that this would be the moment you would be within the grasp of several doctors all of whom have looked after you since you were a child. 
Doc: "ok lets see what this shows. And if anything else i would like to run dna matches on both of you. Just a precautionary measure. Nothing to… oh well this is definately the source… tell me YN when was your last period?"
You had to think about that cause you last had it during the vegas trip. Good thing showers exist… but anyway you were sure you knew the answer but you complied anyway.
YN: "I think it was during my Vegas trip but doc please tell me what is going on…"
Doctor turns the monitor to face you and Jensen whose face along with yours goes pale white. 
Doctor: "congratulations your pregnant! But I want to run a blood sample on both of you to find out why there was an abnormality in your blood work."
Jensen and you get blood drawn while the fact that you were expecting a child while not even sure yet if your marriage would last. 
Jensen: "what abnormality could be in your blood work?" 
YN: "that's what you choose to discuss, not the fact that we are pregnant?" 
Jensen: "I'm shocked probably as much as you but right now I want to address that I am thrilled about this baby. Even if we haven't figured us out we are parents to a brand new life we created in this short period together. I could not think of a better way to spend the rest of my life than with you and this child."
That of course is when the doctor returned. 
Doctor: "so you both are the correct parents of this child but the abnormality in both your blood works showed several similar strands of DNA. You are siblings more specifically twins."
This made Jensen and you drop your Jaws, neither of you were expecting the news about the baby, but now finding out your siblings well that made you both shocked as fuck.
Doctor: "judging the reactions crossing both your features I am gonna gather that you both knew not of this."
Jensen: "are we done here can we go home now?"
 Doctor: "of course just be sure to come back in 4 months for another check up for the baby. And congratulations as well as I'm sorry."
 The doctor left, you and Jensen took all the stuff, now in the car with the papers of both results had to now find a way to break both news to your mother. Never thinking that anyone else would be at the house when your arrival home came round. 
You pulled into the driveway, both of you holding the file with both sets of results. Walked inside to see not only your mom but your best friend and your father as well, your best friend ran straight for you as you did her, then you let her go and was immediately embraced by your father.
 YN: "can everyone sit down and jensen will grab you all something strong to drink while we tell you something we just found out."
Jensen goes and pours some drinks for your father, mother and best friend as you both sit in front of them and begin the confrontation of a lifetime.Jensen: "for those who don't know me that I am meeting for the first time I'm Jensen YN is my wife. YN got a little sick at work so we just got back from the hospital. We found out 2 things while there."
Yn: "mom dad was there another child that you guys had along side me… Like am I a twin?" 
Sheila: "yes you are, I am ashamed that you are just finding this out now. I never thought you would. We had to make a choice when you and your brother were born money was a luxury we didn't have a lot of. We could only afford to keep one of you so we made sure your brother got adopted into a good family who would give him the life he deserved. We kept you cause we always wanted a girl. Why do you ask?"
You pull out the DNA match results between you and Jensen and hand it to your parents. They look at the paper and immediately look at Jensen they begin to shed tears of joy toasting to Jensen the prodigal son!
 But you both still had to tell them the other news. You were gonna let Jensen take this one cause you were still shocked to say the other set of news…
 Frank: "what's your other set of news? Also what happens to your marriage now with this news as I assume you both have done the deed together…?"
 Jensen: "dad, mom cause we did the deed and this entire marriage thing, consequences flurished before we found out about us being twins. We have to say we are still in shock but we are willing to make things work if you guys agree to help us…"
Jensen hands them the second set of results. You feel your hand drop to your belly Jensen's on top of yous as they look at those results. Your best friend doesn't look at the results cause she could tell from the moment she saw you.. 
Talia: "I'm gonna be an aunt yippee!!!" 
Sheila: "Talia can you please give us a few moments to speak with our children alone."
Talia: "of course."
 Talia leaves the room not straying too far so she can hear everything.
 Sheila: "Jensen we are so happy you have found your way back into our lives. We hope you come to accept us as your parents and not as those that gave you up…" 
Frank: "we understand the lure that you both had to eachother I mean you both look like supermodels good looks and all. Though we don't entirely approve of the way you came back into our lives son. We are proud of the strong people you both have become. YN my daughter we are honored to be your parents and now the grandparents to this grand baby that will grace this world soon!"
Sheila: "we are a family again!"
Jensen and you hug it out with your parents as you leave their embrace to go and sit on the steps with your best friend.
 Talia: "so you married your long lost twin brother?"
 YN: "drunk married my long lost twin yes but in our defense we were plastered. Neither of us were thinking straight and we didn't know we were siblings."
Talia: "how long till I get to meet my niece or nephew?" 
YN: "7 months but in my defense neither me nor Jensen nor anyone else  get to find out the gender for another 4 months. But how would closer to the due date you like to become a hired live in nanny type person just to help out around here once the baby is born what do you say sis?"
Talia just hugs you both of you just sitting there perfect harmony while Jensen is with your parents in the living room filling them in on his upbringing and stuff like that. 
You were sitting there with your best friend reminiscing on a time when things were simpler..You both were called back into the room at that moment. Re-entering the room you go to stand beside your husband/twin brother.
Frank: “after so long we are a whole family again. Now our family is expanding and we are so grateful to have the opportunity to be with you all. Jensen, YN though the circumstances under which you met were not ideal, you both are not shunned, not disregarded in any way shape or form. You both did right in the eyes of god and the church. It is only fit that we offer to help you both in any way we possibly can with the preparations for the arrival of the baby. To Yn and Jensen may the odds be ever in your favor…”
This was now the time when you regretted showing your father the hunger games! But the toasts flew in and chinese was ordered, everyone except you drank. What happened after that is you and your twin brother husband person thing lived happily ever after.
5 notes · View notes
ageofevermore · 4 years
Note
1-96
(1) Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?
it’s a dual sliding door, so usually one sides open. but preferably, both doors are closed. 
(2) Do You Have Freckles?
sometimes in the summer, not often though. 
(3) Can You Whistle?
yes! 
(4) Last Song You Listened To.
well for some reason there’s a guy on my TV singing God Bless The USA
(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour?
purple
(6) Relationship Status.
single because my favorite omegle guy won’t answer me 
(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now?
48F / 9C
(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky?
i woke up wishing i was still asleep
(9) How Many Followers?
835
(10) Zodiac Sign.
Sun: Capricorn, Rising: Aries, Moon: Aquarius 
(11) What Is Your Eye Colour?
brown / hazel 
(12) Take A Vitamin Daily?
no
(13) Do You Sing In The Shower?
obviously, i’m not completely insane
(14) What Books Are You Reading?
whatever fucking book my english class assigned...
(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.
i literally only have a text book by me and opening it is triggering
(16) Favourite Anime?
i don’t watch anime
(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of?
my mom...about greys anatomy...but still my mom about christmas and my birthday. i cry alot, but i like REALLY cried about those two topics
(18) Do You Collect Anything?
chapstick, trauma, candles 
(19) What Did You Have For Lunch?
it’s only 10am and i haven’t even thought about breakfast 
(20) Do You Dance In The Car?
yes, and then my mom yells at me because i do nothing “subtly” and the entire car shakes
(21) Favourite Animal?
white siberian tigers, snow leopards, dolphins, and now elephants
(22) Do You Watch The Olympics?
unfortunately. i love gymnastics, but like, i’m not trying to watch men in toboggans and swim caps 
(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?
anywhere between 12pm and 3am
(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?
no, i never wear makeup because it makes me look more ugly
(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?
ocean
(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog?
besides my friends i don’t really have a favorite blog, i stick to my circle and don’t venture very far 
(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water?
bottled. 
(28) What Makes You Happy?
i couldn’t tell you...
(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.
Tumblr media
(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?
without, but i always start with it on. it never lasts more then two songs.
(31) Dogs Or Cats?
dogs
(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be?
a shade of purple from the crayola 200 pack
(33) PlayStation Or Xbox.
wii
(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?
ocean
(35) Do You Believe In Magic?
hell mothering fucking year i do baby, lets take that train to hogwarts 
(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing?
its a friends pj crop, so black and white stripped with the central perks logo
(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue?
yup
(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It?
save money 
(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?
my cup 
(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?
stranger things ig
(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?
no, those assholes scare me, but i’ve grown + released them 
(42) Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?
um chile, i would follow my best friend off a cliff with no hesitation
(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams?
all the fucking time 
(44) Do You Like Going On Airplanes?
ITS MY FAVORITE FORM OF TRAVEL 
(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry.
the hannah montana movie
(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?
peanuts 
(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?
one direction 
(48) Are You A Picky Eater?
yes 
(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper?
yes, but it takes me forever to fall asleep 
(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning?
yea, depends on the day and the level of scardy bitch i feel like being 
(51) Do You Like To Read / Write?
i love both 
(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud?
hell yeah, let me feel the beat in my kidneys 
(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?
carve pumpkins 
(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?
no tears left to cry by ag
(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather)
fall
(56) What Are You Craving Right Now?
a churro + peppermint mocha frap
(57) Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed.
Tumblr media
(58) What Is Your Gender?
female (she/her)
(59) Coffee Or Tea?
iced coffee / sweet tea
(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?
yeah, i have environmental homework and US I homework and Algebra II homework
(61) What Is Your Sexuality?
bruh, idk 
(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?
no, that shit’s never made 
(63) Favourite Pokemon?
jigglypuff 
(64) Favourite Social Media?
pintrest 
(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?
they’re okay
(66) Do You Get Homesick?
no. i don’t miss thins very easily, i’m away from home for a week and i have no doubt that i could spend the rest of my life without going back. 
(67) Are You A Virgin?
yes sir
(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now?
idk, some really thick and heavy in hydration set 
(69) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free?
sleep in my car, though both options scare me 
(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?
i have a strained relationship with my bio dad, but unfortunately i still have to associate myself with him a few times a year 
(71)  Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?
black widow or spiderman 3, but i’m willing to see anything just take me back! 
(72) Do You Miss Your Ex?
i’ve never had an ex, but i do wish krystian would stop ignoring me. stupid scotland boys 
(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now?
“friends dont lie”
(74) What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest?
green / brown 
(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?
i loved swinging, but a few years ago it started making me dizzy so i don’t swing very often anymore. but tire swings especially are my shit 
(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate?
chicken flavored ramen 
(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone?
yes 
(78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?
yeah...because they’re dying and if i have the skills to save them...why wouldn’t i?
(79) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?
honey, i do full virtual high school. we stan a pandemic (we don’t)
(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network?
social media stalker is my middle name. not anymore though, i haven’t been asked to find a boy in a while 
(81) Do You Like Meeting New People?
no. i hate it. anxiety city man. 
(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.
i don’t wear rings, but i really want to.
(83) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?
closed
(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today?
woke up, watched stranger things, made ramen 
(85) What Do You Wear To Bed?
whatever i fall asleep in. 
(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.
are beauty and skincare the same? because i don’t own much makeup. 
(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person?
i used to be a night person. but this pandemic has hit hard with depression and i’ve become a stay in bed all day person
(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.
2048 balls, among us, ball sort puzzle, bubble shooter, bubble sort, color roll 3D, drag n merge, fit and squeeze, hole.io, mario kart, match 3D, nonogram.com, paint the cube, roof rails, solitare, spit, stacky dash, stair run, timber run...
(89) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.
After my moms fiance died, I had a dream that he was able to come see my fifth grade play (he died just before it happened) and when we were walking out he got into the white car from fast and furious (we watched the movies together) and said he would see me again soon, then he drove off...like talk about weird 
(90) Favourite Soda Drink?
rootbeer 
(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite?
i like a good clicking sound 
(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?
sweats everyday all day 
(93) How Do You Look Right Now?
like a fucking wreck 
(94) Name Something That Relaxes You.
netflix 
(95) What Tattoo Do You Want?
i want a bunch of little symbols, and i think it would be cute if i got a T for my mom, but i can’t tell her that because she might think i’m going soft and exploit my show of affection (jfc why am i like this lmao)
(96) Favourite YouTuber?
colleen ballinger 
1 note · View note
mindjumpthoughts · 5 years
Text
TYPES AS THINGS I HAVE DONE
(I saw @zahraasaad16 do this and thought it was fun! I highly encourage all of you to make your own version! Memories are so fun!)
ENTP: I played chess with my brother, we both had alot of bronze medals from local competitions. After 5 years, I won gold, showed him midlle finger and quit playing.
INTP: I got really excited of MBTI. Read alot about it, talked with many friends about it, studied functions and history behind the whole thing. Made a blog, followed tumblr mbti hashtag. Got even new friends from the interest. Never before I had felt the absolute need of understanding something so strongly. For a while it was almost spiritual or obsessive.
ENTJ: I was tutoring exhange students at university. Did good job, got recruited by my faculty to do same on bigger level. Did good job, got recruited by international university club to lead all international freshman of the whole university. Did ok job, lost all other social life for a year or 2.
INTJ: I went as an avec to IQ test with a friend (2-with-the-price-of-1), got into mensa. Thought about it, and realised that being a part of mensa would not improve my life of my future goals in any way, so just never sended the sign up sheet back and payed the fee. Continued life like normal.
ENFP: I went to this house warming party where I literally knew only one person. At the end of the evening I was twerking against a wall with this guy, and sang it’s raining men in a bar without knowing at all how to sing. Next morning I had 10 more instagram followers and a hangover.
INFP: I made a friend of this guy, and had many deep night conversations with him. We came to a resolution that we both like hugs and stuff, so we just slept next to eachother and hug alot. Nothing sexual/romantic, just being. Suddenly it was so much easier to cry to eachother and help with deeper things.
ENFJ: I accidentally got adopted to a indian community/huge friendgroup! Made food with them weekly (hot peppersss!), celebrated their festivals (the color throwing one is amazing!) and learned to say 2-3 things in hindi, that really old women usually say. Had so much fun! I still text with these people though they are in India now. (I’m sending them self-knitted wollen socks!)
INFJ: I saw someone posting self-harming messages online, and contacted them personally. We spoke alot, cried, they had taken some pills. We spoke more, and their life situation was devastating. We made plans that night, they drank water. We met after that. Multiple times. I made a life-long, reliable friend with a big heart.
ESTP: I got in a really bad car accident and ended up hospitalised with my mom, ambulance and everything. I sneaked out of the hospital without permission next day to attend the final christmas-play rehersal to have fun times!
ISTP: I had promised to go play and give food to my friends cats from the art school. I came with my brother one day. When we started to leave, the handle of the door broke and we couldn’t get out. I went through all cupboards and closets that looked like they would have equipment for fixing it, and ended up trying various impro things, but failed. In the end, we called my fiend, threw keys (4th floor...) and she opened the door from outside. Cats were amused. So was I.
ESTJ: I was studying something completely different than business and management, my classmates in university thought I’m suitable for representing all the students of our faculty in meetings with teachers and other faculties. I got paid from council work, and ended up meeting once a month with my friends mom who was school representative from another city.
ISTJ: I walked into a company who were looking for graphic designer for their informative pamphlets. They were basically smiling and laughing when I came in the interview, because I was quite young. But I came prepared: I pulled my portfolio, showed them ideas I had already scetched, different styles we could use. Ended up drawing simultaniously while they threw in their ideas. I got the job, and I still see those pamphlets going around in my contrys healthcare places and their website.
ESFP: I was walking from airport to closest city in the middle of night, because I rather walked than got bored waiting for bus. It was snowing heavily. First a police stopped and asked if I was lost. Then someone offered a ride, I took it but told the guy I shared my location with my friends (my battery was dead). He was a nice man, lived in his car. Still, I was pretty sure I was going to die that night, though we ended up laughing together.
ISFP: I used my savings to move and study to a small town on another continent. During the year I understood that my resolution to many, many things has been ”run away”, ”change place” or ”make a big change in your life”.
ESFJ: I made a tradition with my friend in high school, to go to her place each 8am morning for ~30 minutes before school starts. We slept next to eachother, I usually hugged her and we caught up how we were both feeling. We rarely got emotional, but it was nice that someone in school knows what kind of day you’re having.
ISFJ: I used to do 2 jobs at the same time: At the nights I was delivering morning newspapers, at the weekend I was an personal assistant for a patient with parkinson. During the weeks I went to an art school, and at afternoons I was doing my drivers licence. I bought alot of the food for me and my brother, cooked and washed dishes with him. It was my way of showing love to him. I was also proud of myself!
120 notes · View notes
adaline-hiero · 5 years
Text
1. Who was the last person you held hands with? My son
2. Are you outgoing or shy? Shy when I am around people I don’t know or know well. And outgoing with my close friends and family
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? My babies
4. Are you easy to get along with? I am
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Myself lol
6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Funny, caring, compassionate, nerdy, musician, artist types 
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? I am married, so yes.
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? M.Shadows and Benny C.
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? I have always been a bit awkward when it comes to talking about sex.
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My best friend 
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “Like amazon 3 years ago, lol.”
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? All Avenged Sevenfold Songs: Victim, Exist, Roman Sky, Higher & I won’t see you tonight
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? No, I only like to touch my hair.
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? I do
15. What good thing happened this summer? Last summer my sweet little boy turned 4 and I got to enjoy alot of time with my babies
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yes
17. Do you think there is life on other planets? I do
18. Do you still talk to your first crush? I do not
19. Do you like bubble baths? Fuck yeah
20. Do you like your neighbors? Yes, they seem to be nice
21. What are you bad habits? I get distracted easily
22. Where would you like to travel? London, Paris, Florence, Japan
23. Do you have trust issues? Oh buddy, I could tell you some stories. But yes I do
24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Going home to my kids
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My thighs and stomach, because I birthed two children
26. What do you do when you wake up? I sit in bed before I roll out and get ready for work
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? I would like a bit more color. I am pasty white right now. Fuck you winter
28. Who are you most comfortable around? My mum
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? No
30. Do you ever want to get married? I am married lol
31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? Down to my waist
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? B.C & RDJ
33. Spell your name with your chin. I’m working right now!
34. Do you play sports? What sports? I chase toddlers
35. Would you rather live without TV or music? Tv
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Oh yeah
37. What do you say during awkward silences? So, then change the subject
38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Does M.Shadows count? 
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Sephora 
40. What do you want to do after high school? I am 11 years out of high school
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Some yes, others no.
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I am in a bad depressed state.
43. Do you smile at strangers? Out of habit yes
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Space
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? Work and my children
46. What are you paranoid about? I have sleep paranoia so that’s cool. But I have a list
47. Have you ever been high? No
48. Have you ever been drunk? Yes
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? No, I am pretty chill
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Black A7X hoodie
51. Ever wished you were someone else? Yes
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? More confident 
53. Favourite makeup brand? Urban decay
54. Favourite store? Sephora 
55. Favourite blog? @sobeautifullyobsessed
56. Favourite colour? Black and Red
57. Favourite food? Pizza for life
58. Last thing you ate? A wrap
59. First thing you ate this morning? a banana
60. Ever won a competition? No
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? No
62. Been arrested? For what? No
63. Ever been in love? Yes
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? Basically me, my 2 brothers and my mum and all of our close friends stayed in one hotel room and I stayed up all night drawing with one of my older brothers best friends and I had my first kiss with him while everyone slept
65. Are you hungry right now? No, I just had lunch
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? They are all my friends so 
67. Facebook or Twitter? I don’t use twitter
68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr ftw
69. Are you watching tv right now? No
70. Names of your bestfriends? Michelle and Rachel
71. Craving something? What? Not at the moment
72. What colour are your towels? A mix 
72. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two 
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? No
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? Me none, my babies, no idea
75. Favourite animal? Penguin 
76. What colour is your underwear? Light rose gold color
77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla
78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Cold stone birthday cake remix
79. What colour shirt are you wearing? Maroon
80. What colour pants? Black leggins
81. Favourite tv show? Sherlock
82. Favourite movie? Avengers in general 
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? They have a second one?
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? I guess 21 jump street
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? No idea
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Crush
87. First person you talked to today? My husband
88. Last person you talked to today? My mum
89. Name a person you hate? My father
90. Name a person you love? My family
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Not at the moment 
92. In a fight with someone? No
93. How many sweatpants do you have? Two or three
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? Ten plus
95. Last movie you watched? The hobbit, battle of the five armies 
96. Favourite actress? Karen Gillian 
97. Favourite actor? Benedict Cumberbatch.
98. Do you tan a lot? Not much 
99. Have any pets? One pupper
100. How are you feeling? Ok? I am at work so 
101. Do you type fast? Yes
102. Do you regret anything from your past? Oh yeah
103. Can you spell well? Not the best speller
104. Do you miss anyone from your past? I do
105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Yes
106. Ever broken someone’s heart? A few times yes
107. Have you ever been on a horse? Once, I did not enjoy it
108. What should you be doing? Working
109. Is something irritating you right now? No
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Yes
111. Do you have trust issues? Yes
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? My mum
113. What was your childhood nickname? Bambi
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes
115. Do you play the Wii? I used to
116. Are you listening to music right now? Yes, Avenged Sevenfold
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? No
118. Do you like Chinese food? Yes
119. Favourite book? Maia
120. Are you afraid of the dark? Not much 
121. Are you mean? No
122. Is cheating ever okay? No
123. Can you keep white shoes clean? Mmmm, no
124. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes
125. Do you believe in true love? Yes
126. Are you currently bored? No
127. What makes you happy? My art and friends and family
128. Would you change your name? Yes
129. What your zodiac sign? Virgo
130. Do you like subway? It’s ok
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Hmm, er I’m married?
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? My bestie
133. Favourite lyrics right now? “Meet you in the stars tonight, there you find me drifting in the ether within the lull”
134. Can you count to one million? Never tried
135. Dumbest lie you ever told? I didn’t order that pizza
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed door
137. How tall are you? 5’3′
138. Curly or Straight hair? Wavy
139. Brunette or Blonde? Dark brown
140. Summer or Winter? Fall
141. Night or Day? Night
142. Favourite month? October
143. Are you a vegetarian? NO
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Milk or white chocolate
145. Tea or Coffee? Tea
146. Was today a good day? It’s been fine so far
147. Mars or Snickers? Mars
148. What’s your favourite quote? “Seize the day, or die regretting the time you lost.”
149. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes
150. Do you tag anyone else to do this? I do, also thank you to @jumbledfangirl for tagging me @sobeautifullyobsessed @wurwurz @julaerenee
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undertalefan715 · 5 years
Text
Doing one of the ask lists for Joyce. :3 @createsy-muffin
1. Who was the last person you held hands with?
Never held hands...
2. Are you outgoing or shy?
Umm.. it kinda depends sometimes.
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?
Nobody rn.
4. Are you easy to get along with?
I think so.
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
Well, one: I’m never gonna get drunk. two: I don’t think anyone would give a shit if I was drunk tbh.
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?
Oh, Idk! lots.
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?
God I hope so..
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
Umm.. you Joyce. heheh.. :3
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
It depends on the person I’m talking too.
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Probably Spoony.
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?
“Jeez..”
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
Oof.. Idk it’s hard for me to choose songs. ‘cause there’s always alot. :’) 
Well um.. Never and 151 Rum from J.I.D, Chris Cornell’s cover of Billie Jean, Chum from Earl Sweatshirt, Hellboy from Trippie Redd, and Pink Maggit from Deftones.
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?
Omg yes yessss- (my hair is made to be pet and played with)
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
Yeah. heh.
15. What good thing happened this summer?
(it’s not summer yet)
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
Ooo, yes. (I love to think aliens exist somewhere)
18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
Nope.
19. Do you like bubble baths?
Yeah, they’re pretty nice and relaxing.
20. Do you like your neighbors?
Fuck no. ugh.
21. What are you bad habits?
I really don’t know.
22. Where would you like to travel?
Japan. one day.
23. Do you have trust issues?
At times. very very rarely though.
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?
Playing guitar. :> (or taking a bath)
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
My eyebrows, or my mustache. (mostly my eyebrows)
26. What do you do when you wake up?
Nothing. :/
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
Idc. but I do wish I was a bit darker.
28. Who are you most comfortable around?
Spoony and Joyce.
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?
...No. I could only wish though.
30. Do you ever want to get married?
Eh.. depends.
31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?
Oh yeah. hahah.
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
Oh, I really don’t know actually. but one of those celebrities would be Jason Momoa, ‘cause godDAMN he is fine. >u>
33. Spell your name with your chin.
.,I,KRF (omfg hah)
34. Do you play sports? What sports?
Nah.
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?
Oh definitely TV. if I lived without music, I’d probably die. lol.
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
I don’t think so. no.
37. What do you say during awkward silences?
“Awkward silence..?” then I laugh.
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
Strong, cute and adorable, beautiful and pretty, sweet and caring, affectionate and loving, very cuddly and understanding, kinda feminine, funny... heh.
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
Ingles. (a small local store over here in NC. Idk if some of y’all are familiar with it)
40. What do you want to do after high school?
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
Yes.
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?
Concentrating, or really upset/depressed.
43. Do you smile at strangers?
Yeah, sometimes. :3
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
Ooo! outer space definitely! :00
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?
Nothing. (or my mom lol)
46. What are you paranoid about?
Pretty much everything.
47. Have you ever been high?
No.
48. Have you ever been drunk?
Nope.
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
Uhm.. not necessarily. 
50. What was the color of the last hoodie you wore?
Idk.. black? (everything I wear is black lol)
51. Ever wished you were someone else?
Sometimes. not often.
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
I wish I wasn’t so depressed all the time...
53. Favorite makeup brand?
I don’t do makeup.
54. Favorite store?
Guitar Center. (lol..)
55. Favorite blog?
Idk.. I have lots of faves on here. ;-;
56. Favorite color?
Black and red. (so edgy)
57. Favorite food? 
Doesn’t really matter but, probably pizza tbh.
58. Last thing you ate?
Salisbury Steak and Macaroni.
59. First thing you ate this morning?
Idk. cereal?
60. Ever won a competition? For what?
Idk, I don’t really compete.
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?
Idk. and if I did, it was probably for something completely ridiculous I didn’t do, or didn’t mean to do.
62. Been arrested? For what?
Nope. (again, am gud boyo)
63. Ever been in love? 
Yeah...
65. Are you hungry right now?
Nah.
66. Do you like your Tumblr friends more than your real friends?
Hell yeah! (I don’t even have any friends I know irl)
67. Facebook or Twitter?
Twitter of course. (the fuck is Facebook)
68. Twitter or Tumblr?
Uhm.. Tumblr.
69. Are you watching TV right now?
Bob the Builder. (don’t judge me) (also 69 heheheheheheh)
70. Names of your best friends? 
Orion, Joyce, Rivers, Sam.
71. Craving something? What?
Nah.
72. What color are your towels?
Umm.. beige and a.. dry-ish looking pink.
72. How many pillows do you sleep with?
About 4 or 5.
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
Sometimes. :’3
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?
Oof, alot. :’)
75. Favorite animal?
Goats. :33
76. What color is your underwear?
...Black? (weird question but, alright)
77. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Depends, but I’ve always liked vanilla.
78. Favorite ice cream flavor?
Pretty much anything with cookies in it.
79. What color shirt are you wearing?
Dark blue.
80. What color pants?
Black with red stripes.
81. Favorite TV show?
Right now, it’s Umbrella Academy.
82. Favorite movie?
Pretty much any Pixar film.
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?
Haven’t watch either. and I don’t think I will.
86. Favorite character from Finding Nemo?
Idk umm.. Gill maybe?
87. First person you talked to today?
Either Galexion or Joyce.
88. Last person you talked to today?
I think, Spoony.
89. Name a person you hate?
*sigh* Idk.
90. Name a person you love?
Pretty much all my friends. :’))
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?
One of my sister’s “friends”. she’s such a fucking bitch. a fucking snake.
92. In a fight with someone?
No.
93. How many sweatpants do you have?
I don’t think any.
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?
Again, I don’t think I have any. (of my own, that is)
95. Last movie you watched?
Oof, I don’t know.
96. Favorite actress?
I don’t really have one.
97. Favorite actor?
Again, don’t really have one.
98. Do you tan a lot?
Nah. (I’m as white as a ghost actually)
99. Have any pets?
2 cats. :3
100. How are you feeling?
Okay. (tired though)
101. Do you type fast?
Sometimes. not alot though.
102. Do you regret anything from your past?
Yup.
103. Can you spell well?
Nope. hahah.
104. Do you miss anyone from your past?
Yeah.. sometimes..
105. Ever been to a bonfire party?
No..?
106. Ever broken someone’s heart?
I-I hope not...
107. Have you ever been on a horse?
Yes! I was REALLY young though. :’)
108. What should you be doing?
Lots of things... u_u
109. Is something irritating you right now?
No.
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
Yeah...
111. Do you have trust issues?
No. but rn someone is really testing my trust.
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
I... I’m not sure.
113. What was your childhood nickname?
Idk, I can’t really remember rn...
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?
The furthest I’ve been is tennessee. and that’s right next to us. lol..
115. Do you play the Wii?
Yeah. (I have different 3 Wii’s actually lmao)
116. Are you listening to music right now?
Yeah. Love Hurts. from Incubus..
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?
Fuck yeah!!!
118. Do you like Chinese food?
Not really.
119. Favorite book?
Oof.. Idk.
120. Are you afraid of the dark?
No, not really.
121. Are you mean?
I... probably am rn...
122. Is cheating ever okay?
No. never.
123. Can you keep white shoes clean?
Shoes?
124. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Of course. heheh. uwu
125. Do you believe in true love?
Ofc! >u<
126. Are you currently bored?
Yeah. :T
127. What makes you happy?
Goat boys, my friends, music. etc.
128. Would you change your name?
Nah, I like it. :3
129. What your zodiac sign?
Aries/Pisces cusp. :>
130. Do you like subway?
Nah.
131. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
Well, I’ll probably have the same feelings. heheh.
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
(didn’t I do this one before?)
133. Favorite lyrics right now?
“Pardon me, while I burst a flame, I’ve had enough of the world, and it’s peoples mindless games.” - Pardon Me from Incubus. (and lots of other lyrics, but that one is stuck in my mind)
134. Can you count to one million?
Hell no. lmao
135. Dumbest lie you ever told?
Pretty much all lies I’ve told. (I can not lie for shit. which can be a good thing I guess)
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?
I like them opened, but sometimes I gotta close them ‘cause of my cats. :T
137. How tall are you?
5′8.
138. Curly or Straight hair?
“Straight” hair.
139. Brunette or Blonde?
Brunette.
140. Summer or Winter?
Idk.. I think winter. uwu
141. Night or Day?
Both. but mostly night sometimes.
142. Favorite month?
March. :>
143. Are you a vegetarian?
Nope. lmao.
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?
Milk or white chocolate. dark has always been kinda gross. Idk.
145. Tea or Coffee?
Neither. hot cocoa. :3
146. Was today a good day?
Eh. it was a day.
147. Mars or Snickers?
Eh. neither really.
148. What’s your favorite quote?
Ah.. Idk. I can’t really think of any...
149. Do you believe in ghosts?
Sometimes. :0
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? 
Um... I can’t rn. it’s a bit late...
4 notes · View notes
poppy-metal · 6 years
Text
There is going to be a lot of triggering things up ahead, dealing with rape, suicide, abusive relationships, and the like. So if you can't handle hearing about that stuff it's okay. Take care of yourself.
I just need to tell my story right now, because it's the last time I might be able to tell it. I've kept it inside for so long but I need to let it out.
I don't remember a time where I wasn't full of anxiety. Ever. My parents weren't in the healthiest relationship and fought all the time. My mom was okay, if a bit immature and wild at times. But I loved her, and she used to love me. My dad was a different story. I can't ever remember feeling safe around him. Not once. He was, is, bipolar and would scream at me and hit me and lock me in my room over the smallest infractions, like, missing a spot when I cleaned the dishes, or not wanting to play outside. He also touched me sexually (': every night he'd come into my room to say 'good night' and spoon me and touch my body and just kiss my neck and squeeze my chest and touch between my legs. Every night I dreaded bed time. Every night I just layed there and let him do what he wanted and said nothing. I don't think I knew what it meant, I just knew how scared and uncomfortable it made me. My mom never knew, she still doesn't. No one does. This happened for as long as I can remember, from when I was like 5 (that's as far back as my memories go) to when I was 13. I developed a nervous tick from the stress of worrying when I was next going to be hit or touched, and got made fun of in school for that, because my hands would shake.
My mom and dad got a divorce then and my mom moved to Florida and I begged her to take me with her. I couldn't be the only female in that house with my dad. I couldn't. She did and I was happy for a bit (': my grandparents and the rest of my family live in Florida and it was nice. I lived with my mom for awhile, 3 years, from 13 to 15/16. And at the beginning it was okay, like I said before, I loved my mom. She was cool and fun and I just wanted to impress her all the time. I just wanted her to notice me. I just wanted to be fun and free like she was. She started making friends that weren't good people, drug addicts and convicts and homeless people. There would be up to 10 random people in our house at a time and at first, even though it was weird and made me uncomfortable, I tried to be cool with it. Then stuff started getting bad. The men (bc it was all guys) started noticing me more and more and started making comments on how pretty I was, how much I looked like my mom. One in particular, being my mom's boyfriend, noticed me the most. Whenever my mom wasn't in the same room he'd be at my side, wanting to know how I was doing and letting me know how 'sexy' I was. I started locking my door at night (a habit I still have now, I need to lock doors) and had trouble sleeping due to the sounds of people getting wasted and partying all night long. I started falling behind in school. One day someone in my class started a rumor that I was into witchcraft bc I wore all black all the time and didn't speak. (': no one talked to me or tried to. I went home that day and cried, and got mad at my mom and told her she needed to get her shit together bc how she was living wasn't healthy. She called me a loser and said I was just jealous of the attention she got and that I had no life and her boyfriend (Kyle) was there the whole time just watching me, so I went to my room and cried my eyes out. I forgot to lock the door that night and it was the worst mistake of my life.
TW GRAPHIC DETAIL OF RAPE: he came in that night and I was under the covers still silently crying and he just slid under them next to me, just like my dad used to, and I just. Froze. I just froze because that's what I do when I panic, and he pulled me to him and touched me all over and moaned so loud, and kept telling me how fucking hot I was and how I'd teased him for so long by wearing shorts and baggy shirts around the house. He fingered me and I'll never forget how sweaty his hands were and how dry I was and how much it hurt. I'll never forget feeling his hot body and the alcohol and weed on his breathe when he pressed me down and raped me. It's awful how the whole time I wasn't even panicking anymore. Because in that moment it clicked for me. I didn't matter. Im a waste of space. I'm nothing. I just stared at my dresser the whole time and thought about nothing. I've never felt more blank and empty then in that moment. He finished, not inside, but on my sheets, and left just as quietly as he had come. And I just. Stopped. I stopped feeling. I stopped everything. I was 15. I stopped waking up early in the morning to go to school. My mom didn't even notice I'd stayed home most days. I'd just lay in bed and sleep all day. I cut myself in the shower. I didn't eat. I got touched and felt up a few more times after that, 2 by Kyle and 1 by someone else. I didn't care, I just detached myself. I probably would have died soon, but my school noticed I hadn't been attending classes for months and contacted my grandparents bc my mom wouldn't answer. I got taken out of my mom's home and moved in with my grandparents for that reason. My mom didn't care. Kyle said he'd miss me.
I don't know when but I got my emotions back slowly. My grandparents bought me a phone and a computer and that's when I discovered online. It helped so much. It really did. I met nice people. I met my best friend. I met my first ex. (': he was my first love and at this time, I still didn't know what being treated with respect was like. He took advantage of that. He abused me mentally daily, and told me I was worthless and that there were much better options around and that I was weak for letting myself be raped and doing nothing. I don't know why I loved him. We accept the love we think we deserve so. He ended up cheating on me and telling me it was my fault. The worst part is I still kept in contact with him and every now and then we'd talk (when he was single and needed some side ass) and he'd be mock sweet and tell me I was important only to get nudes from me and then ditch me again the second his main goal came back. Inadequacy hello 😎 this happened from when I was about 17/18.
I then went through what I thought was a positive time in my life. I met my other ex and he seemed so good. He seemed to love me, he seemed to want me. And for a year I was happy. And then he too, cheated on me 😎 in the word possible way, by force. And now that I look back on it there were a lot of ways he wasn't good. He ignored me a lot and invalidated me whenever there was an argument.
So at this point I've decided I'm worth about shit, right? A dad who cares about me a little to much, a mom who doesn't at all anymore e except when she needs money. Two boyfriends who found better options and who lied and cheated and abused me.
Wrong. Because I started my tumblr and made alot of online friends. Friends who I adore and love and have feelings for. Friends who seem to love me back. And I thought that was enough but 😎
There is now a family friend who has taken to noticing me too much, to touching me when he has the chance. He's been getting close and closer for the past year. My dad sent me a letter on my birthday telling me he can't wait to see me when he gets out, how much he thinks I've probably grown so much prettier then he remembers, how much he can't wait to hold me again. I got felt up at the grocery store the other day. My mom and her boyfriend visited and Kyle picked me up and copped a feel and he still smelled like alcohol and weed just like always.
That family friend touched me again today. Worse then that he called me pretty and when we were alone he sat next to me on the couch and put his hand on my leg and let it travel up, and up. And I did nothing. I did nothing.
I am nothing. Everyone needs who reads this now knows why. I don't have worth. I don't have value. It's all been taken. I don't have anything left to give anyone. I want to fall in love, I have already, with someone, I think. They've shown me so much kindness and I've opened up to them and they've seen sides of me no one has and they deserve so much but I'm nothing and I can't give anything. I'm not worth them, I'm not and I'll never be. I'm not worth anyone. I am dirt, I am scum, I am a husk of a person. I'm not sexy or beautiful or special or fragile or lovely. I am tainted and bruised and so, so ugly. I'll never be worth love and happiness. Never.
By the time you finish this post I will have downed as many pills as I possibly can. I'm to much of a coward to cut anymore. I dont even know if ill die or not. I just need to sleep and not think about how worthless I am for awhile. I'm sorry. I've already been letting myself waste away by not eating.
I am not worth being loved or treasured. I'm not worth having love. I'm not worth having a boyfriend or girlfriend that love me. I'm not.
43 notes · View notes
cconcerned · 5 years
Text
1. Who was the last person you held hands with?
My mom ;w;
2. Are you outgoing or shy?
shy
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?
Not rlly anyone-
4. Are you easy to get along with?
Depends. If work then no, if just hanging out then i think so
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
‘‘I like’‘ friend: probaly. ‘‘I like’‘ crush: idk
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?
outgoing ppl and taht just like memes and gaming. Dont know really
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?
Nope
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
my older, middle brother 
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
little bit
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Mom
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?
Just some pics or text: 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
Musical songs. Mostly Heathers 
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?
Not really. I have hair that is greasy 24/7. So the person would probaly be grossed out before they touch it
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
Ye
15. What good thing happened this summer?
summer sucks so badly- but I guess.....I- dont know actually
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
V i r g i n  l i p s. never kissed before 
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
Nah
18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
nope, I told him and after years of being good/best friends we stopped talking
19. Do you like bubble baths?
absolutely
20. Do you like your neighbors?
dont have them. Or I just never talk to them
21. What are you bad habits?
This is kinda embarassing but thumb sucking. like a baby. Also nail biting
22. Where would you like to travel?
Japan or China
23. Do you have trust issues?
Eh, idk
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?
sitting behind my computer
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
My face
26. What do you do when you wake up?
think about life and lay there for 30 mins
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
darker. Im an marshmellow now
28. Who are you most comfortable around?
My older youngest brother
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?
Ye, suprisingly
30. Do you ever want to get married?
Probaly yes
31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?
I think it has to say ‘‘Is’‘, so yeah, it is
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
Intresting question- I dont keep in touch with the new celebrities so idk. 
33. Spell your name with your chin.
oh god- Ill just use my nickname ppl know me as, not my real one:
RfdIkVERf     -  River
34. Do you play sports? What sports?
I have worse condition then an snail
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?
without tv. Dont watch it. Also you have youtube
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
Ye. I like someone now but I am to afraid to tell them
37. What do you say during awkward silences?
Nothing
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
Likes gaming, horror, memes, and is overal an nice guy to talk to
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
Outside? You want me dead?
40. What do you want to do after high school?
Probaly go into game design
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
Depends on what they done
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?
Im being myself
43. Do you smile at strangers?
If I try to smile I look like I am dissapointed in them or angry
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
outer space. 
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?
Remembering I have youtube vids to watch and I have books to read
46. What are you paranoid about?
the things I dont know
47. Have you ever been high?
Nope
48. Have you ever been drunk?
Nah
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
Yeah. So I aint going to tell it
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?
Black
51. Ever wished you were someone else?
Yeah, constantly
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
My face
53. Favourite makeup brand?
I dont do makeup
54. Favourite store?
Dont go to stores
55. Favourite blog?
Cant think of anything on the top of my head. Too many
56. Favourite colour?
Purple or black
57. Favourite food? 
Brocoli or something unhealthy like hamburgers
58. Last thing you ate?
chocolate cereal
59. First thing you ate this morning?
chocolate cereal
60. Ever won a competition? For what?
Yeah. Won a playback competition in 4th grade of elementary
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?
Never been
62. Been arrested? For what?
Im too much of an pussy to do something to get myself arrested
63. Ever been in love? 
Of course
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?
Mk. It all started when I was an baby and my mom kissed me on the head
65. Are you hungry right now?
Just ate
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?
Dont have tumblr friends, (Or real friends)
67. Facebook or Twitter?
Twitter
68. Twitter or Tumblr?
Tumblr
69. Are you watching tv right now?
Nope
70. Names of your bestfriends? 
I guess I only have one, Roksana. 
71. Craving something? What?
Chocolate milk
72. What colour are your towels?
blue
72. How many pillows do you sleep with?
around 4
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
Yeah
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?
over 100 probaly
75. Favourite animal?
Bears or cats
76. What colour is your underwear?
Light pink- dont judge me goddamnit
77. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Chocolate
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?
Chocolate
79. What colour shirt are you wearing?
white with pink and black hearts. Stfu
80. What colour pants?
same as shirt, Im in pyjama
81. Favourite tv show?
Tanked
82. Favourite movie?
UhHHhh Osomatsu san the movie probaly, not sure yet.
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?
Never seen both but I think I like Mean Girls from what ive seen and heard
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?
Mean Girls.
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?
Uhhhh- hard to pick favorites
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?
random, but Dory
87. First person you talked to today?
My older middle brother
88. Last person you talked to today?
Its morning-
89. Name a person you hate?
Alexia
90. Name a person you love?
Roksana
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?
100% 24/7 yes
92. In a fight with someone?
Have been.
93. How many sweatpants do you have?
around 3
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?
7
95. Last movie you watched?
uhhhhhhhh-- shit I dont watch movies
96. Favourite actress?
dont have one
97. Favourite actor?
dont have one
98. Do you tan a lot?
Eh
99. Have any pets?
ye
100. How are you feeling?
could be better, could be worse
101. Do you type fast?
ye
102. Do you regret anything from your past?
of course I do
103. Can you spell well?
Depends if Im rushing: not
104. Do you miss anyone from your past?
Ye
105. Ever been to a bonfire party?
Probaly once
106. Ever broken someone’s heart?
Yeah
107. Have you ever been on a horse?
Mhm
108. What should you be doing?
Getting ready to go meet someone
109. Is something irritating you right now?
Nah
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
Nada
111. Do you have trust issues?
Isnt this question asked before?
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Mom
113. What was your childhood nickname?
Never had one
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?
Yeah
115. Do you play the Wii?
Used to
116. Are you listening to music right now?
Nope
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?
Never tried it
118. Do you like Chinese food?
Kinda
119. Favourite book?
Warrior Cats
120. Are you afraid of the dark?
Pretty spoopy shit
121. Are you mean?
I dunno
122. Is cheating ever okay?
Nope
123. Can you keep white shoes clean?
Waste of time when they are going to be dirty again by the next day
124. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Never thought of it.
125. Do you believe in true love?
Probaly not
126. Are you currently bored?
YEah
127. What makes you happy?
Spending time with myself
128. Would you change your name?
Mhm
129. What your zodiac sign?
Libra
130. Do you like subway?
Never tried it
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
Think about life and what to do
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
This has been asked before
133. Favourite lyrics right now?
Blue from Heathers
134. Can you count to one million?
Yeah but I aint gonna try
135. Dumbest lie you ever told?
Alot, hard to pick one
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?
Open
137. How tall are you?
around 5′7
138. Curly or Straight hair?
Straight
139. Brunette or Blonde?
Blonde
140. Summer or Winter?
Winter
141. Night or Day?
Night
142. Favourite month?
January
143. Are you a vegetarian?
Nope
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?
Dark
145. Tea or Coffee?
Neither
146. Was today a good day?
Dont know yet, only morning
147. Mars or Snickers?
Mars
148. What’s your favourite quote?
‘‘Bruh’‘ i think not sure
149. Do you believe in ghosts?
Ye
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?
dont have an book next to me
I like to answer these ok dont judge-
2 notes · View notes
03.10.2021
Dear G, 
I love you. I miss you. I want us back. I want you. I am sorry for all the pain I’ve put you through when you just wanted to love me as I would love you. Those are the words that I would say if I could only just speak to you. Talk to you. Hear you. Hear your beautiful voice with you smooth soft accent. Here the anticipation in your breath as we exchange our little love sounds and words. Hear the confirmation as you respond to me with our usual ways of telling each other we love each other. I just want that so bad and but I just know that no matter what I would say right now could not take away the pain you’re feeling at the situation I’ve put us both in. I am just wishing that I could talk to you. Period. I know I can’t and I won’t as I promised you that I wouldn’t until I was one month sober. I am going to keep that promise to you and to me and to us. It is just so increasingly painful as my mind starts to clear more and more with each passing day and the haze of my active addiction starts to wear off i start to see the situation more and more clearly. My heart aches more and more and starts to break into smaller and smaller pieces from remembering what i put you through and us through in the last days of you being here, even right up the end offering concessions to my sick and impaired mind. I cannot even imagine what i will have gone through by the time my month long sobriety in terms of clarity and perspective when thinking about how it all ended that day you got out of my car just. The last day I saw you. It got worse and worse this feeling. Everyday just more and more sadness, regret, anger, frustration, desperation, longing, aching, pain. I remember not being able to wake the day you left on your plane. I couldn’t even deal with the reality of that. Then I saw your VSCO post on the airplane. I screamed at myself. I was so angry at myself. Then I just stopped and cried. I was in complete shock anger and disgust that you were actually gone and I had done this to us. 
I saw your VSCO posts a few days ago after the Godspeed one, Reflektor - Arcade Fire, and What a Difference a Day Makes - Dinah Washington. We always communicate through music, we always did, and still are. I was wondering why you posted Godspeed in a hotel lobby. Then I checked your Tumblr and your posts were about missing me and crying for me and hoping that one day I can be happy with someone else and you can look back on me fondly as your first love. How you send me love wherever I am and whoever I may be with. Also your quote from the Frank Ocean Godspeed song.  Maybe I’m looking into this too much. Probably not. Maybe I am. If I am it doesn’t really matter. I know you and you know me. You were my besh fren ad my partner, my lover for a year. G i don’t want to be with anyone and I’m not going to be with anyone. I just want to be with you again. I just want you again. I just want us again. Its ok my love, whatever happened or didn’t happen it doesn’t matter to me. None of it does. Whatever happened after I forced you to let go and leave us was because of the choices I made to force you to leave. I have no issues with whatever reality  and whatever happened after that. This feels like that time after January when we didn’t talk but times a million. I have the same feelings but also times a million. I’ll never forget when you came into the place and i was in absolute agony. You looked so beautiful and I wanted to talk to you but I was paralyzed but my own self loathing and anger and sadness. Then you gave me the peace sign before you left after you gave everyone else hugs. I msged you on WhatsApp later that night. I wish it were simply that easy now or that straightforward but its not. There is so much to get through if I’m ever going to get back to you and us. But I’m not going to give up. I never will. I didn’t then and I won’t now. I love you and I always will. I will always chase you and I will always want you back. No matter what happens and no matter who you are with I will always love you and want you back G.  There’s nothing else in the world that I want more than to be able to hold you again, kiss you again, be with you again. I just want to fall into you again and again and again. Forever and a day. 
I finally had my intake assessment yesterday in the afternoon. I talked on the phone with the counsellor for over an hour. I went through alot of things in my life. I told her about you, about us, about how my addictions affected our relationship. About how it ended our relationship. I cried on the phone with her. Then I made plans for the next session. I told her of my own plans on how to day by day maintain my sobriety. The program is a 12 week program that has group addiction therapy, traditional group therapy as well as individual counselling. I am ready. I am open to everything. I want to be better. I want to be healthy. I want me back. After I hung up the phone with her even though I said I wouldn’t I looked at pictures of us ; both on my snap and in my hidden album on my phone. I cried again and I started to feel really desperate and hopeless. There is just this big gnawing hole inside me where you and everything you were to me everyday used to be. If I just sit and stare or think of you in that headspace I start to feel really desperate. Physically I feel anxious nowadays when I get like that. I scream and moan your name and cry bb. I writhe and twist. Then i self talked again and I pulled myself out of it. Got on with my day. I realize that no matter what, this isn’t going to bring you back. I have to focus on me and getting myself better first. This is only going to lead me back to relapse and further away from the hopes and the possibility of ever being back with you.  No matter what, no matter what happens, I will always love you and no matter what, I am going to take what happened and keep these feelings close to me so I never lose sight of what I have to do and what I have to work on - me. 
Throughout the day I kept on thinking of little things, little memories that we had together. I always smile at the thought of them. There are so many stories. We always used to remember them together. Even now I am smiling at the thought of them. How we met at work. You in you braids. Me trying to play it cool. Secretly I told our management that I think you would be a great addition. Hoping that you would get hired. I was so excited when you were and I would always check the schedule to see when we worked together next. All of our times working together and we would always have our own little  jokes together. How you would always hug me after work. I would look forward to those hugs and smelling you. Then you caught feelings and stopped hugging me. I caught feelings before you though. How I used to always walk you back home no matter what. I always made sure to walk you back home. I looked forward to our little walks. I never kissed you. You probably were wondering if I would try to. Well I know you were wondering because we talked about this many times. 
I’ll never forget any of our little stories ever G. 
I love you with all my heart.
Always will.
I’m going to find me like I said I would. 
Then I’m going to come find you and us. 
My heart will always be looking for you G
...
Just got back home from Ubering. It’s been a tough day G. I’ve been thinking about you all day long from the moment that I woke up and I’ve been just trying to not go on your social media accounts all day long. I see you everywhere. I set a timer on the FitBit that you bought me for a half hour at a time and try to tell myself that I won’t think of you in the time. But it doesn’t really matter and it doesn’t really help. I see you everywhere. I see you in the streets. I  drive the city ubering and I reference the city by the times that we’ve had there, by the experiences that we’ve shared. I remember all the things that we’ve done together all the times that we had together, all the feelings that we’ve had together. I had to come home because I didn’t keep up my promise to not check on your social media for the rest of the day until tomorrow morning. I went on your Tumblr and my heart just sank and fell through the floor of my car. I felt so helpless, dejected and completely just lower than I’ve ever felt before. I just stared at your last post and was in complete and utter desperation. I don’t know what you mean by you say you miss me but you already have other people in your life, Fuck your mind games. Go fuck other people and try to fill the void with meaningless people. I’m going to work on me and my loneliness like a normal person. I had to come home. I was having a anxiety attack. I couldn’t even drive. Ever since you have left I have been missing you more and more and more and more and more and now it completely unbearable. There is nobody in my life and I don’t want anybody in my life. After all this I still just want you and i love you so fucking desperately. I wish that you were still here. I wish that I made the choices that would have kept you here G and not pushed you away. I wish that so many things were different. I wish it all different. I wish so many things. Mostly I wish you were just still here with me on the couch and instead of typing into these keys “talking” to you I was just talking to you and holding you and squeezing you and able to love you. I am just so desperately missing you. There is nobody else I even want to look at ever again I just fucking want you back G so bad. I will never ever be with anyone ever again if it is not you. There hasn’t been anybody ever since you left. There is nobody in my life except for me and my pain and loneliness and anger for having lost you to my fucking addictions. I go to bed and I send you love and I wish on the moon that by some miracle, some hope that you will come back. I go to sleep and I dream of you. I wake up in the middle of the night and I cry because it was all just a dream, my mind is just causing me more pain. I get up and go to the washroom but I still wish, no matter how painful, that I can still dream of you as long as possible. There is nobody and there never will be anybody. I will always only ever want you G .  I love you so much and I miss you so much. This is all I have to look forward to . During the day in place of actually talking to you I sent “you” tweets that is supposed to fill the place of talking to you. You were my best friend for a year and I miss you so fucking much it hurts. I don’t want to fuck anyone. Ever. I just want you. I want you or nobody else. Always. I don’t even want to masturbate or anything. I don’t even have any desire to look at any porn. I just ache in pain for you. In the very beginning i would look at our videos that we made together but now its just too painful. I feel so alone in this pain. I feel so alone in this world without you. I fucking love you so much G and I want you back. I always will and I will never ever want anybody else ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever Ever. Ever. Ever. 
I’m so desperate writing this letter to you. I went thru your Tumblr and you removed every single semi-nice, or sentimental post you ever made to me. I know that you know that I am reading your Tumblr and I know that you know that I deeply am affected by all your posts. I’ve saved them and I cherish them, or I think about them, or I feel bad about them, or sorry about them, but they were all there and today you took them away. I saved them. But that hurt so much. Yes I understand I deserve whatever anger, rage, or even hate that you have for me but i just cannot and will not ever be able to stop loving you or wanting you or chasing you. Even now when I’m basically just talking to myself I have some sort of idea that you will somehow someday read this.  
I just want to talk to you. I just miss your voice. I saved all your texts on your Tumblr. The ones you deleted. Any shred any scrap of you that I can possibly save - good or bad - I cannot let go of. 
Yesterday : 
Some days I’m so incredibly mad And others I just cry because I miss you I want to be normal I want to stop my feelings so badly
G I know that you’re incredibly mad, I know you are I can feel it  even when you’re this far away. I miss you so much and I am so mad too. I am mad at me I am so mad that I ruined us I just want you back so bad I want you back I want to spend the rest of my life making it better making it up to you. 
Also Yesterday:
What’s really bothering me these days is how you last said “I honestly never ever thought that you would leave” Wtf how weak and stupid I must have looked. I feel so stupid to have been subjected to such treatment when all I did was love you, that’s it. And I still feel guilty, still feel like I was not enough and now I’m so broken that it’s very hard to hold the pieces some days. I’m never opening my heart anymore to anyone
I was so fucked up and deep in my active addiction. It’s not that I didn’t think you would leave. I just in my fucked up brain thought somehow that I could keep you and my addiction at the same time a that time. I just have so much anger too. Anger at myself anger at all the times I could have made the choice to stop to just stop and give all my energy I put into feeding my addiction into us instead. I wish you were still here right now calling me into bed. I wish I had of just stopped. You were always more than enough. You always will be.
Another post:
hay que encender la luz de otras personas you have to turn on the light of other people
You did. We lit each other up. I am cold and blind now without that light. I miss you so fucking much. 
Another one:
Why couldn’t you choose me
I wish I did when I actually had a choice. Now I have no choice and just pain and self hate and sadness over what I did to us. 
Another one deleted:
“Si te quiere bien; nunca te hará preguntarte si eres suficiente, siempre te hará creer que eres demasiado.” "If he loves you well; It will never make you wonder if you are enough, it will always make you believe that you are too much. "
I’m sorry that I didn’t love you well. I’m sorry that I didn’t love the way that you deserved to be loved. You always were and always be too much. I will always love you and I will always hope to love you the right way. The way that I should have from the beginning. 
Another one from a different post:
Lo que me da paz es que vemos la misma luna todas las noches. Siempre le cuento de ti y de lo que fuimos, Quisiera poder tomar su lugar Solo para poder verte una vez más…. What gives me peace is that we see the same moon every night. I always tell him about you and what we were, I wish I could take her place Just so I can see you one more time….
This is the post that led me to make my poem on VSCO about sharing the hope and the promise with the moon that I would be able to somehow get back to us and get back to you. I loved this one and I cherished it. I have read it over and over again. 
Another:
Otra noche para llorar Another night to cry
I cried when I read this, I cried for you, I cried for me, I cried for us, I cried that we were seperated when we never were before. 
Another:
Solo quiero ser feliz, porque no puedo ser feliz I just want to be happy, because I can't be happy
I want you to be happy to, I really do. At one point in time i was a part of that happiness, I was taking that for granted and I never will again. I am so sorry G. 
Another:
Te extraño tanto, siento que no puedo respirar pero me dejaste sin nada. Ya no se quien soy y solo quisiera poder hablarte y abrazarte
I miss you so much, I feel like I can't breathe but you left me with nothing. I no longer know who I am and I just wish I could talk to you and hug you
I miss you so fucking much too G. I didn’t know it at the time but I have nothing either. There is a massive hole in my entire being that i just feel gets bigger and bigger every day. I wish more than anything that I could talk to you as well and hug you too. I wish that almost every moment of every day since you left. 
Another one deleted:
Ese momento en que te dije que había nacido con un corazón roto y tú me dijiste que lo sostendrías para siempre. Ese momento fue mi perdición porque ahora estoy aquí mas rota que antes.
Fue mi error ser tan vulnerable
y aun así te extraño
Solo quisiera desaparecer
That moment when I told you that I was born with a broken heart and you told me that you would hold it forever. That moment was my downfall because now I am here more broken than before.
It was my mistake to be so vulnerable
and still I miss you
I just want to disappear
That is one of the most favorite moments of us being together that i will never forget ever until the day that i die. You were not mistaken to be vulnerable. Everything that i said to you I meant but it was my addiction that started to take away from us. I still do want to hold you and your broken heart together forever if you would ever let me do it again. 
Another:
Le di amor hasta con el corazón roto…
I gave him love even with a broken heart ...
I still want your love, desperately more than anything please
This right here just tears me apart:
Poem #1 - untitled by me
Y pienso en ti,
Pienso en tu sonrisa
Pienso en como me hacías sentir,
Pienso en tus caricias
Pienso en los lunares de tu espalda
Pienso en el susurro de tu voz cuando me decías “te amo” Antes de irnos a dormir
Y lloro,
Lloro por todos los “hubieras”
Lloro porque no puedo abrazarte
Lloro porque no puedo tocarte
Lloro porque solo quisiera hablarte
Y después pienso
En como me rompiste el corazón
Poem # 1 - untitled by me
And I think of you
I think of your smile
I think about how you made me feel
I think of your caresses
I think of the moles on your back
I think of the whisper of your voice when you told me "I love you" Before we go to sleep
And I cry
I cry for all the "would haves"
I cry because I can't hold you
I cry because I can't touch you
I cry because I just want to talk to you
And then I think
How you broke my heart
This just tears me apart because I remember those intimate moments that we had and I want them back more than anything 
I didn’t copy these ones but I did screenshot:
Post #1:
I wish I could write better, so I could put all my pain into words. And make them beautiful.
Post #2:
home is whenever I’m with you
Post #3:
I want to let go so badly
Why is it so hard
Post #4:
I’m so scared that one day you will find someone else, and I’ll be stuck forever with this feeling missing you
Post #5
I journal so much its crazy, se siente como si de alguna forma tu lo leyeras
Post #6:
<The post of you rising in love and someone meeting you at your level and not theirs.>
Post #7:
Nothing like a broken heart to motivate you to go to the gym and be the hottest version of yourself lol
Post #8: 
I hope I dream with kissing you tonight
Post #9: 
I send you love, wherever you are and whomever you may be with 
Post #10: 
Days like today is when I miss your voice. 
I miss talking to you.
I just miss you that’s it.
I want the day to come when I can think of you and I no longer cry the day that you may be happy with someone else and that I can think of you fondly as my first love. 
Post #11:
I let go of my claim on you
You look down on where you came from sometimes 
But you’ll have this place to call home , always...
#Godspeed
There are also a bunch of posts of IG posts that you took down that were indirectly meant for me. Also you removed a whole bunch of things on your VSCO that were related to me.  You removed the music references to your last VSCO posts.  These are all things that I absolutely hung on to ever since you left and I cherished them, no matter what they were you were speaking to me and I hung on to every one. 
I don’t know what I’m doing here G. I just fucking miss you so much.  I am going to be alone here in this feeling to just feel this. I don’t want to feel anything else except for this. I love you so much. I am sorry for your anger. There is nobody else on this existence than I want except for you. 
I’m sorry I went even bolder with my Spotify and my VSCO. I just miss you so much and I wish I could just reach out to you. I promise I that I will back down and let you just do you from now on. I’ll let you do. I also am going to stick to my plan of not going on your socials, including Spotify now, only once a day from now on. I just know that given this its going to lead to a relapse so I need to really stick to that.
I have nothing else that I want except for you. There are clothes in the place that I didn’t give to you accidentally. I’ve gathered them up and smelled them. Your panties don’t smell. I wish they did. I did find your headband tho that I thought always looked cute on you and it still does smell like you. I wish your amor amor fragrance was here. 
I fucking miss you G
I fucking love you G
I want you back
I don’t know what the possibility is
But I cannot and I will never give up 
You are the only person I ever want and will only ever want
There is nobody but you even now when you are gone. 
I love you 
0 notes
lil-red-panda · 6 years
Note
Do 1-100 and I’ll send booty pics
1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?
You can say  that
2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?
Forgive but never forget
3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”
Cats?
4: What’s something you really want right now?
To stop feeling the way I do, I guess
5: Are you afraid of falling in love?
Its the falling out part usually
6: Do you like the beach?
Yes
7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?
Yea
8: What’s the background on your cell?
My crush, so its not super weird, she knows and is 100% okay with it
9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?
,Mine, Shawns, technically Eulissas, and um and my old studios one
10: Do you like your phone?
It does me well so far, but I do want to upgrade
11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?
Its only day 6 into this new year, so the plan was just made 
12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?
My friend’s new number
13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?
Im okay with a poodle.
14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?
Emotional
15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?
Art Museum
16: Are you tired?
Fucking always
17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?
12 years now
18: Are they a relative?
Nope, but he’s definitely closer than most of my family 
19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?
Yikes in my Nikes! Nah
20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?
A couple of days ago
21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?
I’d wait for her to be ready first, marriage is a big thing
22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
No
23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?
None
24: Is there a certain quote you live by?
Not that I can think of a t the moment
25: What’s on your mind?
Alot but usually her :D
26: Do you have any tattoos?
Two, a lotus on my calf and a backpack on my forearm 
27: What is your favorite color?
Purple
28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?
Im not sure but I have a hunch
29: Who are you texting?
My friend whom I call, Bubblegum
30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?
Stop this, yes lol
31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?
I asked you stop asking about exes haha
32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
Most of them?
33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
I think so, but dat virgo moon doe
34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?
I think so?
35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?
Ok?
36: Were you single on Valentines Day?
Most likely going to be
37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?
Nope
38: What do your friends call you?
Mostly by name, but some call me Panda
39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?
When theres Emotions and Alcohol mixed, it happens
40: Have you ever cried over a text?
Yee
41: Where’s your last bruise located?
Fuck if I remember
42: What is it from?
N/A
43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?
Like two days ago
44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?
My mother
45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?
No, I get one pair and just stick to them
46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?
Sometimes
47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?
No
48: Do you make supper for your family?
No
49: Does your bedroom have a door?
Yes
50: Top 3 web-pages?
Im just gunna go with the top 3 used, Youtube, Twitch, Tumblr
51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?
Me
52: Does anything on your body hurt?
My knee tbh haha
53: Are goodbyes hard for you?
Usually
54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?
An alcoholic orange soda
55: How is your hair?
Hair-y?
56: What do you usually do first in the morning?
Hate myself? 
57: Do you think two people can last forever?
Yes
58: Think back to January 2007, were you single?
Yes
59: Green or purple grapes?
Puple
60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?
Look at #28
61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
Yea
62: When will be the next time you text someone?
I know for a fact in a few hours lol
63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?
Hanging with the person Id be texting in #62
64: What were you doing at 8 this morning.
Getting a ride home
65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
This time last year, umm, I dont remember
66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
Yea
67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
No
68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?
I dont rmemeber
69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?
Yea
70: How many windows are open on your computer?
! window, 2 tabs
71: How many fingers do you have?
All 10
72: What is your ringtone?
For The Damaged Coda by Blonde Redhead, but my notification tone is Cuccos from Link to the Past
73: How old will you be in 5 months?
Nobody likes you when youre 23
74: Where is your Mum right now?
In the Kitchen
75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?
She deiced my friend was a better choice 
76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?
No
77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?
Most of them
78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?
God there were two friends, Katie and Ari
79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?
A few lol 
80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?
Yes
81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?
One
82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?
No
83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?
Most likely
84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?
Noone becasue I dont
85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?
I would, but on the other hand, depends what it is?
86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?
My friend went to Northern Lights before hand, Im just cant remeber what they bought
87: Who was your last received call from?
My mom
88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?
Probs
89: What is something you wish you had more of?
Yes
90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?
Yes
91: Do you sleep with your window open?
Its 4F, its cold enough with it closed
92: Do you get along with girls?
Yea
93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?
Not that I know of
94: Does sex mean love?
Not all the time
95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?
Yikeis in my Nikes!
96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?
No
97: Did you sleep alone this week?
Yes
98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?
I think so
99: Do you believe in love at first sight?
I mean, if the story works out that way, one can hope
100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise?
I’m not sure
8 notes · View notes
Text
a letter to you, jonghyun.
Hi everyone,
I’ve been hesitating and reconsidering alot regarding this but i felt the need to do it so here goes.
This is going to be my last farewell letter to Jonghyun. This is where i’m going to spill all my thoughts out on everything that has happened, in order for me to finally let go and heal from this situation. I didn’t intend for it to be this long, but i guess i really need to let it all out.
I want to finally move on from this. I want to get back to my usual self. It’s been terribly exhausting for me lately; emotionally, mentally and even physically. 
And no, this is not the last time i will post about Jonghyun. But this would be the final one filled with sadness and grief. After this, i want to only post bright and happy memories of him, just like how i want to remember him forever.
NOTE: It’s going to be EXTREMELY long (2800+ words i never knew i had to express) and kinda triggering so i put it under keep reading. Please ignore and scroll past this post if you know you might be triggered. I really dont want any of you guys to hurt more than you already have.
[death tw] [suicide tw] [suicidal ideation tw] [depression tw]
. . .
And now i think, it’s time. 
It’s time for me to finally let you go, my beloved puppysaurus. 
Fly high and mingle with the stars and the moon up there. Feel the happiness and peace that you’ve craved and deserve oh so much. Take care.
I will always love you, Jonghyun.
수고했어요. 정말 고생했어요.
May your beautiful soul rest in peace. ——————————–
Sigh.
Where do i even begin.
This is so hard.
…It still hurts. Everything hurts.
Hearing that you took your own life broke me. Death, especially of a loved one, has always been my biggest fear in life. I lost a schoolmate back in September 2012 through suicide. And just last year in November 2016, i lost my aunt to suicide. And 5 days ago, 18th December 2017, i lost you, my first ever idol through the same horrid way.  And that’s part of the reason why i think, that i felt the news of you leaving the world hit so close to home for me personally.
It opened up old wounds for me, and i thought that this time, instead of keeping strong and playing a facade, im going to let myself feel, to grieve and mourn and then recover. When i lost my aunt last year, i wasn’t able to grieve much. Because i had to stay strong for my mother who had just lost her beloved sister. I couldnt just stand and cry, i had to hold my mom’s arm and support her to walk during the funeral and prayers. So this time, i did not lie to myself that i was okay, because i wasnt at all.
The first 3 days. I havent been able to eat, just water and barely a few spoons of rice each day… eating so that i wouldn’t make my family worried about me. I havent been able to sleep well, just a few hours each day, because the image of you appears before me whenever i close my eyes. I couldnt even watch your videos or listen to your voice as it hurt too much. I couldn’t believe you were gone. I feel so lost, so empty, literally on autopilot mode.
But no, i’m not blaming you for taking your own life. I’m not angry at you, i’m not disappointed in you, i really have no negative feelings towards you. Because i know, that what im suffering now… is the tiniest fraction of how much you have. For how long you have been in pain and how much you hurt, i’m so sorry. 
I’m sorry that you had to go through all this. I’m sorry you felt so alone even though you’ve been practically screaming it out to us. I’m sorry that the world was not your fate. I’m sorry for everything.
It pains me so much, to know that you had everything planned out. You, suffering in the dark, still continued being the kindest person through it. You had waited for your member’s birthdays to be over, you waited until your solo concert series was over, you left a meaningful song for us fans… to cope with the loss of a loved one, knowing fully well that we would need it after hearing the news of your death. You left a note for your loved ones, you even messaged your beloved sister before it all. You have always been so kind. 
Reading that letter you left us, it broke me so much. I cant even find words to describe it because i never ever thought you have been in so much despair. I don’t advocate suicide or taking the life of ownself, but as your long time fan, i respect your decision. All i can say is, you did so well Jonghyun. It is indeed commendable that you made it this far, and you really did go through alot.  
I can’t help but feel so sorry even though i know that there’s nothing i could have done. It just hurts to know it was so bad, so bad that you had to end it yourself since it was too much for you to handle. I cant imagine the feelings that went through you that day, when you knew you were going to take your life. Did you eat your favourite meal knowing it’d be your last? Were you crying or just all numb? I tried to tell myself not to think so much about you on that day, but i couldn’t stop myself from thinking. 
Sigh.
The first three days was a nightmare. That monday evening, i cried so much. The initial shock and sorrow was too hard to handle. The news crashed down on me so hard. 
On the 19th, i remember breaking down when i came home after class. I broke down bad, crying so terribly hard.
On the 20th, I attended a vigil that we had for you here in Singapore. It was one of the hardest thing i’ve ever done. 
I tried to be strong, but seeing the other shawols at the florist also buying roses for you, i broke down. We all did. It was so heartbreaking. I had to fight so hard make sure i didn’t cry on the train as i made my way to the venue. 
I think the only way i could describe the vigil; bittersweet. Approx a thousand people came, of all ages, to pay our last respects to you in our own way. The lightsticks, the flowers, the letters, the shawols who relied on each other and grieved together. It was all so beautiful, but it hurt so much. 
I teared up when i was already in the queue. I held the lightstick and letters in one hand, and a red rose in the other. As i got closer, i brought the rose close to my nose. I took a deep breath, five times. Each time after i say a prayer for every member of SHINee. First you, then the rest by age order.
My walls finally broke, after i placed my flower near the picture of you and said a prayer. It was so hard. I couldnt stop the tears. And to the little angels over there who gave out tissues fo all of us who broke down, and giving free hugs to anyone in need, thank you. I cried in my sister’s arms. I’m not one who shows my tears infront of people i love, but this time i couldnt keep the strong facade. I had to let it all out. 
Shortly after, we all gathered close, and sang the chrous of your debut song, Replay. I tried to keep my voice stable, but i couldnt help the falter at the end. Also, like what you wanted and what you deserved to hear, we all told you ‘수고했어요 - You did well’ in unison. I couldn’t help but break down again at that. It was really so difficult to face reality, but that vigil had brought me the slightest bit of acceptance. Im thankful for my chance to attend it.
And then Thursday.
21.12.17, you were finally laid to rest. With all your loved ones by your side, i hope those last moments were not lonely for you. You are so loved Jonghyun, you really are.
I woke up that morning trembling for some reason. I checked my phone, and saw that none of my alarms had rung. Puzzled why i woke up so early, i looked at the time. And realized that it was just 10 minutes before your funeral procession.
I had to be in class in an hour and i knew i couldnt bear to see or hear anything about your funeral so i immediately uninstalled Facebook and Twitter. But when i came home that afternoon, i told myself, that i should just see the pictures/watch the procession. Not to see everyone mourning or what so ever, but for the sake of closure. For acceptance. I think i needed it. 
And so i did. And god, how much i cried. It broke me so much, i shook terribly while sobbing. It was the worst thing i have seen, every single second pained me. That was not the image i had when i said i wanted to see SHINEE has five again. What’s worse, Kibum’s letter to you was uploaded 10 minutes later. And damn, cue the tears again. He’s so strong and he really loves you so much, Jonghyun. 
After crying for longer than i’d like to admit, i drank a glass of water and stared up to the sky. I gave a final prayer to you, for you to rest in peace. 
A few hours later, strangely, i felt calmer. For the first time since your passing, i felt like i could feel you were finally in peace up there. I really hope you are. That evening, i managed to eat my first proper meal in 3 days. I guess i’m finally accepting it.
And yesterday. 
I woke up and even though it hurt, i told myself i have to move on. I still couldnt eat properly and skipped meals but i managed to eat dinner? And even though i was still pretty empty and lost, i agreed to watch a movie with my sister at the cinema. I was reminded of you throughout and i did feel pangs of sadness, but i could still enjoy it slightly. 
And last night, i managed to watch a video of you singing. I’ve seen it on my tumblr dash a few times and so i told myself to watch and listen to your voice again, instead of scrolling past. It was that video of you singing ‘This Woman’s Work’. Oh how much have i missed your voice! I would be lying if i said i didn’t cry, but i pulled through and watched til the end. The way you sang with all your heart, so beautiful, that’s the Jonghyun i have always loved. 
Then after, I listened to your song, ‘End of a day’. I already knew my dams would break with this one so i got my tissues ready. And cried hard did i. But i was able to listen to the end, paying so much attention once again to the tones of your voice and how beautiful it is. 
I don’t know how but somehow after listening to your voice, even though i cried through it, i felt much calmer and stronger. Sigh… look at you, even in heaven you’re still comforting me with your beautiful voice. An angel you really are. And last night after all that, for the first time this entire week, i managed to sleep well. For 10 hours straight. Call it wishful thinking, but im pretty sure it’s because i finally listened to your voice again. That calming voice which i love. 
And today, a Saturday, i woke up to Jinki’s letter. Look at him, the world’s greatest leader. Even in all this chaos, he’s still so strong and reliable. He loves you so much, Jonghyun. And so does all your members. 
I was also able to eat 2 full meals today. I drank more water than i had for each of the past 5 days. I  also watched funny videos of you, Jonghyun. I washed my hair, did my usual skincare routine which i paused since Monday. And now, here i am, about to sleep, with a facial mask to use once i post this.
I think i’m coping better these days.
Jonghyun, i’m doing well right? Please tell me i’m doing well too. Please continue to give me strength and happiness from up above, to help me move on and be myself again, and even in the future. Please be my guiding angel, like what you’ve been for the last 8 years to me. 
You’ve changed the colour of the moon and lamps to our favourite pearlescent aqua, you’ve given us so many signs that you’ve made it to heaven and the skies this past week, thank you for reassuring us fans that you’re doing well up there. Please look after us from above; most importantly, your mother, sister, the members, your friends and loved ones. 
…..
I just want to let you know again, that becoming a fan of SHINee and even more, a fan of you, Jonghyun, is still and will forever be one of the best decisions i have ever made. 
Do you remember that time i first heard SHINee? I saw a group of students performing Ring Ding Dong at a school event and thought it was great so i went to check it out.
Do you remember the time you made me smile and laugh so hard during Hello Baby? I watched the entire thing in 2 days on Youtube, it’ll always be my favourite, i can never forget you and your skinship with baby Yoogeunie.
Do you remember how i was so proud when you released your first solo album? It was amazing!
Do you remember how much happy tears i cried along with you and the boys when SHINee won Best Artist of the Year at Melon Music Awards in 2013? My heart was bursting with pride! 
Do you remember how i went to Seoul in October 2015 and September 2017 and took a picture/selfie next to every standee or advertisement of yours i saw? I didn’t care if i looked weird or funny cos as a fan, that was a golden moment as i never was able to get that close to you.
And of course, do you remember how ecstatic i was when i heard SHINee was coming to Singapore for Music Bank in August and Shilla Duty Free Beauty Concert in November? Who cares how overpriced the tickets were… I was the happiest person when i got them! 
Watching you perform and listening to your beautiful voice live not once but twice, is one of my happiest moments in life, and it will forever be.
…sigh… it sucks when reality hits me and i realize that i won’t be able to see you again, well not in this lifetime at least. But i can assure you, Jjong, that i will never ever forget you.
You may not be in the same form as me, but know that you are everywhere with me. In my heart, in my mind, in my music albums, in my phone’s gallery, in my old study notes that i scribbled your name, in my keychain hung on my bag, in my pearlescent aqua coloured portable charger and sweater, and ofcourse, in my beloved SHINee lightstick. 
I love you and i won’t forget you.
…Before i conclude, i want to say thank you. 
Thank you for being my first ever idol and my first love.
Thank you for making me smile and laugh til i cry.
Thank you for composing and writing such beautiful songs, your music as SHINee and as a solo artist has given me immense strength and happiness and comfort all these years.
Thank you for being an amazing role model, your actions/thoughts/words have inspired me to be a better person.
Thank you for being so strong all these years, and trying your best to fight the negativity.
Thank you for being the best son and the best brother to your mother and sister, your adoration and love for them are the sweetest thing ever.
Thank you for being the kindest, most loving and the most supportive brother to Onew, Key, Minho and Taemin; your love for them and their love for you have shown me what true friendship and family is. 
Thank you for everything, Jonghyun.
And now i think, it’s time. It’s time for me to finally let you go, my beloved puppysaurus. 
Fly high and mingle with the stars and the moon up there. Feel the happiness and peace that you’ve craved and deserve oh so much. Take care.
I will always love you, Jonghyun.
수고했어요. 정말 고생했어요.
May your beautiful soul rest in peace.
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thedailyfucku · 7 years
Text
Raúl birthday update: my romantic Cactus
Hola! Sorry for the slow update - whoever hacked Mickeys tumblr deleted the post I was writing but hadn't finished 😡. So, on my birthday Mickey got me out of bed at 5am and I freaked out because I thought something was going wrong. But we ended up driving to the desert - remember one of our first dates was at the desert to watch the sunrise? Mickey loved that so he took me back on my birthday. We were watching the sunrise in the back of my truck and then Mickey got out his phone and played a recording of the Mexican birthday song, Las Mañanitas, because he read about Birthday traditions and that one is sung in the morning. It was so sweet of him that he read about traditions. After that he brought me presents from inside the truck and one of them was a record player, the other was an easel and canvas for painting me all the art supplies to paint with. It was amazing - I am so spoiled. He said you guys helped him think of ideas, so thankyou. Already I thought he had spoiled me but then he gave me a small box and I opened it up and there was the thumb ring he had custom made for me. He said he had to tell me something and then he said.. the last time we cam to the desert there were things I needed to hear but he couldn't say them. He told me to read the inside of the ring. It says; I love your skinny ass. Wherever we are. Always. 😍😍😍 This is when I cried a bit!!! I was overwhelmed and it was too much.. all the presents and being in the desert, the engraving. We made love (Mickeys favourite words) after that and just laid there talking and cuddling until we had to go back home and get ready for abuela's. When we got to abuela's, she and Isabella had made a cake that said "feliz cumpleaños Raúl y Mickey" and we each had our own piñata. Mickeys was filled with USA candy and other snacks. We both some new shirts and tshirts from abuela and Isabella. Mickey was like a shocked deer around the birthday celebrations and being given presents l and made a fuss of, he had to sit outside for a minute. This is when my realised tumblr had been hacked. We were both pretty annoyed but I was able to get it back. We went out to a bar with Isabella after that and she told us how abuela talks alot about Mickey and I getting married - so embarrassing 😂. This is getting long so I will tell you more about everything tomorrow. Including the toy I showed Mickey that horrified him 😂 Hasta luego ~Raúl
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Get to know me tag! Tagged by the powerful the pleasurable the indestructible @botwriter & @intergalacticclouds!!! Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people
I know it’s not 20 but it’s 15 sooooo close enough XD Remember it’s for fun guys your not obligated to do this only if you feel so inclined ;)
@haunted-realm, @tsukuyomiland, @ghirasky, @someoneinskyloft, @zelinkslullaby, @zeldasdiaries, @thelynxiedoodles, @queakenstein, @intergalacticclouds, @tfloosh, @meibara34, @liv-andletdie, @anactualtumbler, @sweetchcolate, @truthfullytriforced
THE LAST: 1. Drink: Diet Coke 2. Phone call: My boyfriend saying good night 3. Text message: Same as above 4. Song you listened to: I Wouldn’t Mind by He Is We 5. Time you cried: tbh I don’t remember it’s been a while
HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: I’m lucky enough if I can get one date lol 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Unfortunately yes :3 8. Been cheated on: No 9. Lost someone special: yeah-huh my grandfather 10. Been depressed : It’s something I’ve struggled with daily since I graduated high school 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Drunk maybe like 3 times or so, it takes alot to get me wasted, but never to the point I’ve been sick
LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: forest green, sapphire blue, and rose pink IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: a few ;)
16. Fallen out of love: I celebrated my eight year anniversary just 2 months ago so safe to say I haven’t
17. Laughed until you cried: A few days ago after watching the newest episode of Two Best Sisters Play
18. Found out someone was talking about you: not that I know of *shrug*
19. Met someone who changed you : not really I’m still the same ol’ me
20. Found out who your friends are: They’ve stayed the same since high school
21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: well Richie and my ex from high school
GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Like 99.9% of them
23. Do you have any pets: Just one kitty cat named Artemis
24. Do you want to change your name: Yeah it’s to plain and common
25. What did you do for your last Birthday: I was out at some restaurant I think?? I can barely remember what I did this morning much less last year
26. What time did you wake up: 9:45 on the dot for work
27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Reading fanfiction before bed
28. Name something you can’t wait for: Splatoon 2 is literally 9 days away and I’m excited to be playing it for the first time!! It’s gonna be OFF THE HOOK!!! (see what I did there??) ;3
29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Like 15 minutes ago
30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I wish I could have gone to a different college and went for a different degree instead of a major I was pressured to do and never finished
31. What are you listening to right now: a podcast
32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Who the heck is Tom?!?!
33. Something that is getting on your nerves: the humidity outside it’s too much!!!
34. Most visited website: tumblr, fanfiction, and youtube
35. Mole/s: One on the back of my neck
36. Mark/s: I have scar you can’t see on my chin when I split it open as a kid. And a scar on my chest where my mother’s dog attacked me once
37. Childhood dream: To dig up dinosaur bones like any other 90′s kid who grew up on dino flicks
38. Hair color: Honey blonde
39. Long or short hair: Mid-length
40. Do you have a crush on someone: Only on fictional men who I can never have XDDD
41. What do you like about yourself: I’m always making my friends smile even when I’m feeling down
42. Piercings: I used to have a bellybutton piercing but it got to be too much for me to handle so now it’s just my ears
43. Blood type: I’m actually not sure I forgot.
44. Nickname: Stephie
45. Relationship status: Taken
46. Zodiac: Virgo
47. Pronouns: She/Her
48. Favorite TV Show(s): Gravity Falls, Star Vs. the Forces of Evil, We Bare Bears, Mlp: fim, and that Ducktales reboot is looking pretty sweet right now
49. Tattoos: I want to so badly but I’m afraid of needles >.< I wanna get a tattoo with a whole bunch of chibi Link and Zelda’s on my shoulder and Princess Luna’s cutie mark from mlp on my upper thigh.
50. Right or left hand: Right-handed
51. Surgery: Not so much surgery which I hope I never EVER need, but I do get screened every 2-3 because of a certain chronic disease I’ve has since I was 10.
52. Hair dyed in different color: Blonde right now I’m debating on adding a little blue or pink to the ends
53. Sport: I like archery, ballet, and horseback riding, I don’t watch any on tv tho.
55. Vacation: Disney World is pretty much my home away from home, but I’ve also been to the Bahamas and Japan. I wanna go to California one year and visit Disney World and New Orleans for the food.
56. Pair of trainers: I only wear vans and converse, is that considered the same?? MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: Had steak and butternut squash for dinner 58. Drinking: Coffee in a bit, decaf of course 59. I’m about to: Make some coffee and lay down and watch some anime 61. Waiting for: A promotion at work, and for my boyfriend to propose to me 62. Want: to be married in a nice house away from the city and maybe adopt some kids 63. Get married: Hopefully in 2 years time 64. Career: I’ve always wanted to be a vertebrae paleontologist since I was a kid but in rent years I’ve been really interested in animation and voice acting
WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: hugs AND kisses!! who says I can’t have both ;) 66. Lips or eyes: eyes 67. Shorter or taller: Taller I’m really really short 68. Older or younger: I don’t have a preference 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: stomach 71. Sensitive or loud: loud only once you get to know me 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker when not at work, hesitant when at work HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: I haven’t 75. Drank hard liquor: ohhhhh yeah as long as it doesn’t burn 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: don’t wear em 77. Turned someone down: yeah 78. Sex on the first date: only if I’ve known the person for a while and on a personal level 79. Broken someone’s heart: no 80. Had your heart broken: no 81. Been arrested: never they would eat me alive XD 82. Cried when someone died: I don’t like to but yeah 83. Fallen for a friend: yup (Richie) DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: oh no way in heck I should work on that 85. Miracles: haven’t seen one for myself yet 86. Love at first sight: maybe??? I would like to think so but I don’t think it works like that *sigh* 87. Santa Claus: only if he’s getting me an snes classic this year XD 88. Kiss on the first date: maybe it depends on the situation but it would be the best way to top the night if with the right person <3
OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: Aside from Richie my two best friends live in Indiana. And @haunted-realm is basically my long lost sister <3 91. Eye color: brown 92. Favorite movie: Jurassic Park
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fish-nibbler · 7 years
Note
I probably know alot of these already, but 1-100 :3
Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Mostly Pandora rn
is your room messy or clean? My room is an absolute wreck I really need to clean it
what color are your eyes? Blue-grey
do you like your name? why? No.. A lot of people tease me and say I’m “named after the queen of England” or when I tell them my name is Liz, I get: “Ooo sexy” and it’s honestly just annoying
what is your relationship status? Single and sad… I need drugs and a gf
describe your personality in 3 words or less Pathetic, Depressed, Anxious
what color hair do you have? Dark Brown
what kind of car do you drive? color? I drive a Kia(can’t remember the model off the top of my head), and it’s white
where do you shop? All sorts of places? I dunno.. I haven’t been invited out of the house and everyone I ask to hangout with ignores me so.. I haven’t gone out to any shops lately.
how would you describe your style? Awful
favorite social media account Honestly my Tumblr is my favorite
what size bed do you have? Full, y’know, incase I have a lady friend over but.. PFF that’ll never fucking happen.
any siblings? Nope
if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? I’d like to stay in minnesota.. 
favorite snapchat filter? Don’t have one
favorite makeup brand(s) I don’t really wear makeup.. 
how many times a week do you shower? I shower every-other day on a good week.. it’s harder to take care of myself when I’m depressed tho.. But I kinda try
favorite tv show? Don’t really have one rn.. I just finished 
shoe size? 5..? At least a 5 in converse(unisex) - but I think it’s a 6 or 7 in womens?
how tall are you? Only 5ft
sandals or sneakers? Sneakers
do you go to the gym? no
describe your dream date I’ve already had it. When my ex and I had first been dating she.. she took me out to a movie and dinner and I had a really good time.. I just wish I could have that back..
how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? I don’t know.. 
what color socks are you wearing? Grey
how many pillows do you sleep with? Two
do you have a job? what do you do? No
how many friends do you have? 
whats the worst thing you have ever done? 
whats your favorite candle scent? Uh.. Lavender scents are nice, but I also really like chocolate ones.. and I guess apple-cinnamon isn’t bad.. also the pumpkin spice(?) ones that come out around halloween/in the fall.. they smell like pumpkin pie
3 favorite boy names
3 favorite girl names
favorite actor? dont have one
favorite actress? don’t have one
who is your celebrity crush? nope
favorite movie? Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmarron
do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?
money or brains? Brains
do you have a nickname? what is it? Yea, I go by Liz
how many times have you been to the hospital? Too many
top 10 favorite songs 
do you take any medications daily? No but I probably should
what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) Kinda a mix of oily and dry
what is your biggest fear? Being abandoned.. and I’ve been abandoned but a couple people recently..
how many kids do you want? none
whats your go to hair style?
what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)
who is your role model? 
what was the last compliment you received?
what was the last text you sent? Telling someone that I finished Orange is the new Black
how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? Pff.. Like 5 or 6? My grandmother’s handwriting was on the gifts and it was my mom’s gift wrap so
what is your dream car? 
opinion on smoking? If I can get high I’m going for it. I don’t care if I’m just taking the edge off with cigarettes or getting stones with weed. Just gimme
do you go to college? No I’m still in high school
what is your dream job?
would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?
do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? HELL YEA (they just throw it away anyways so)
do you have freckles? no
do you smile for pictures?
how many pictures do you have on your phone? enough
have you ever peed in the woods? No.. Maybe when I was younger and really had to go
do you still watch cartoons? yeah.. who doesn’t?
do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? neither
Favorite dipping sauce? 
what do you wear to bed?
have you ever won a spelling bee?
what are your hobbies?
can you draw?
do you play an instrument? Flute
what was the last concert you saw?
tea or coffee? Tea
Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?
do you want to get married? I’d like to.. yeah
what is your crush’s first and last initial? JC(she’s my ex though so I mean I really shouldn’t like her but I still have strong feelings for her..)
are you going to change your last name when you get married? Probably
what color looks best on you? Black
do you miss anyone right now? Yes
do you sleep with your door open or closed? Closed, but cracked open just enough so my cats can get into my room
do you believe in ghosts?
what is your biggest pet peeve? People only listening to half of what I say just because I’m quiet
last person you called`
favorite ice cream flavor?
regular oreos or golden oreos? Regular 
chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? B..Both..
what shirt are you wearing? A blue flannel
what is your phone background? Evil Rick and Morty
are you outgoing or shy? shy
do you like it when people play with your hair? YES I love people running their fingers through my hair and petting me.. It calms me down a lot
do you like your neighbors? no
do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? not really.. i mean I do wash my face.. just not as often as I should
have you ever been high? yes
have you ever been drunk? not yet
last thing you ate? spaghetti
favorite lyrics right now
summer or winter?
day or night? night
dark, milk, or white chocolate? milk
favorite month? October
what is your zodiac sign Aries
who was the last person you cried in front of? uh…. my ex..
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stanukiss2k21 · 7 years
Text
Thank you for tagging me @adraughtofamortentia! I hope you and everyone else who reads this finds it entertainment to read. Im a pretty boring person.
Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Spotify. I was listen to GD’s new album from there. Its am amazing music thingy.
is your room messy or clean? Meh. LOL 
what color are your eyes? Brown. 
do you like your name? why? Yes! Its unique and no one has my name spelled the way it is. 
what is your relationship status? Single. God imma die alone. 
describe your personality in 3 words or less. Caring,sometimes loud,and opinionated. 
what color hair do you have? Brown 
what kind of car do you drive? color? I dont have a car because imma loser. 
where do you shop? Wherever they have my size. 
how would you describe your style? I dont really have a set style. I just wear whatever looks good. 
favorite social media account? Tumblr. Its the only place where i actually talk to people and feel like i have friends at. 
what size bed do you have? Twin~ 
any siblings? Idebtical twin and two younger bros.
if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? Anywhere from America would be awesome. 
favorite snapchat filter? I don’t have a snapchat. I honestly think its pointless.
favorite makeup brand(s)? I dont wear makeup. Only lip gloss. 
how many times a week do you shower? Every day. I hate the feeling of not showering.
favorite tv show? Steven Universe and Rick and Morty. <3 
shoe size? size 11 american.
how tall are you? 5′4...i think.
sandals or sneakers? Both~
do you go to the gym? My sis has a membership but its been while. 
describe your dream date. LOL Somewhere will actually take me on a date?
how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? LMFAO next question.
what color socks are you wearing? Im not wearing socks.
how many pillows do you sleep with? 1. I dont like more than 1 pillow.
do you have a job? what do you do? I dont. I wanna work somewhere wear i dont have to deal with people. Beggars cant be chooser tho. 
how many friends do you have? LMFAO next question again.
whats the worst thing you have ever done? Wow so many options,so many stories. I havent done anything really bad...yet. 
whats your favorite candle scent? I have NO idea. I used to work at TJ MAXX and boy they have variety.
3 favorite boy names? Hmmmm i dont know if i have any. 
3 favorite girl names? Isabella,Maylana,and Elizabeth. 
favorite actor? I dont think i have one.
favorite actress? Any black actress. 
who is your celebrity crush? I honestly dont actually have one. 
favorite movie? The Color Purple,Good Fellas,Friday.
do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? I love to read,but i havent read a good book in a while. 
money or brains? both,you need brains in ought to get money bruh. 
do you have a nickname? what is it? Nope. When my sis and I were little she used to call me miney moe. LOL 
how many times have you been to the hospital? Myself,like maybe 4 times. Ive been alot when my grandmother was sick and then when my sister had her daughter. Also when my mom was in the hospital.
top 10 favorite songs? GD’s entire new album,Twenty One Pilots-Heathens, iKON-BLING BLING,NINE MUSES new song cause its already sounds like a bop. Keyshia Cole ft Juicy J-Rick James,and A.C.E.-Cactus.
do you take any medications daily? Nope but i need to. 
what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) Oily,i can thank my mom for that. LOL 
what is your biggest fear? loneliness,and never succeeding. 
how many kids do you want? I dont know. I switch between not wanting kids and wanting kids. 
whats your go to hair style? My 4c afro. Its easy to manage and i can just fluff and go.
what type of house do you live in? apartment.
who is your role model? Its hard. Anyone who has overcame odds. 
what was the last compliment you received? I cant think of one,Its been a while. Ive been told im a good friends.
what was the last text you sent? I forgot but it was to my friend.
how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? I dont even know. All i know i was cool with it.
what is your dream car? A chrysler 300 or a benz.
opinion on smoking? You do you,just dont come near me. 
what is your dream job? Anything with world issues. Maybe a reporter at a overseas news channel. 
would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? Suburbs near the city.
do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? I do but idk why when i cant use them. LOL 
do you have freckles? Nah.
do you smile for pictures? Mhm.
how many pictures do you have on your phone? Dont have a phone
have you ever peed in the woods? I dont remember.
do you still watch cartoons? Why would you not? You’re never too old for cartoons. 
do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? McDonalds. 
Favorite dipping sauce? Sweet and sour sauce or Ranch.
what do you wear to bed? gowns,sometimes shirt and shorts.
have you ever won a spelling bee? L-M-F-A-O N-O. 
what are your hobbies? I like going places,listening to music and being on tumblr.
can you draw? Does a stick figure count?
do you play an instrument? No but i wish i did. 
what was the last concert you saw? Never been to one.
tea or coffee? COFFEE <3
Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? Starbucks. You can never go wrong.
do you want to get married? Yes but it may never happen for me.
what is your crush’s first and last initial? Dont have one. 
are you going to change your last name when you get married? Yes i am. 
what color looks best on you? Yellows and Purples.
you sleep with your door open or closed? Closed fam.
do you believe in ghosts? Yes. Im from New Orleans,they practically own the city. 
what is your biggest pet peeve? There’s a lot of things. 
last person you called? Its been a while.
favorite ice cream flavor? Chocolate! And Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food. 
regular oreos or golden oreos? Regular.
chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? Chocolate
what shirt are you wearing? A yellow one.
what is your phone background? N/A
are you outgoing or shy? Both. Depends on the situation.
do you like it when people play with your hair? No. hell no.
do you like your neighbors? I dont talk to them. Lets keep it that way.
do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? in the morning and at night.
have you ever been high? no,but i need it sometimes.
have you ever been drunk? Yes,and never again. LOL 
last thing you ate? gravy with rice.
favorite lyrics right now? Superstar by GD. He’s explaining how hard it is to be a top star but on one understands how lonely he is.
summer or winter? fall~
day or night? night time
dark, milk, or white chocolate? Milk.
favorite month? October.
what is your zodiac sign? Beautiful Pisces~
who was the last person you cried in front of? No one. I try not to cry in front of people.
(BONUS QUESTION THAT I ADDED) If you could meet one person from the past,who would it be? Harriet Tubman.
Im tagging @aeabercrombie91 @officialwangtrash @kevin-woo-me @unorthodox-senpai @tabi-ears @otakuprincess280 and anyone else that want to do it you’re welcome to do so! 
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