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wheels-of-despair · 10 months

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Werewolf Children Pairing: Eddie Munson x You Summary: The first time Eddie spent the night with Evil Woman, it was kind of an accident… Contains: Lunar insomnia, mentions of supernatural creatures... is napping together a love language? Words: 1.6k

"Another rough one, Werewolf Child?"

You grumble into your cereal as your mom enters the kitchen and pours herself a cup of coffee.

"Last night should've been the worst of it, maybe you'll get some sleep tonight."

"A girl can dream… or maybe she can't," you giggle. You're in the 'I'm Funny' stage of sleep deprivation now. School should be fun.

You've had trouble sleeping during the full moon - and sometimes, a few days before - since you could remember. When you were little, you used to escape your crib and explore your room. Now, you mostly listen to music on your headphones or lie there and overthink. Your eyes are usually too tired to read by the time the moon is actually full.

But as your mother said, last night should've been the worst of it. You were looking forward to going to bed tonight… you just have to get through a full day of school first.

Eddie was a little late picking you up. He greeted you with a wave and a yawn when you slid into the passenger seat of his van.

"Werewolf problems?" you asked as he backed out of the driveway.

"Huh?"

"Is the full moon keeping you awake?"

"Is it a full moon?"

"…yes."

"Maybe? Is that a thing?"

"Yeah. They call it lunar insomnia. Mom calls it lycanthropy. Says I'm a Werewolf Child."

"I always thought of you as more of a vampire," he smirks, looking over at you with half-lidded eyes.

"Either way, I'm gonna bite you if you don't keep your eyes on the damn road."

"Don't threaten me with a good time," he mumbles, looking forward and taking a swig of his Mello Yello.

Despite his lateness, you still have a few minutes to loiter in the parking lot before you have to go inside the fluorescent halls of Hawkins High.

You stand in a circle with the other Hellfire members who have gathered there at Eddie's usual parking spot, vaguely aware that they're discussing something nerdy that happened on TV last night. You're too tired to care. Eddie places his hands on your hips and moves you a few steps to the side, then pulls you back against him, sandwiching himself between you and the van. He rests his chin on your shoulder and wraps his arms around your middle. You lean your head against his and place your hands over his, feeling your eyes grow heavier…

And then the fucking bell rings, making you both jump. The jolt gives you enough energy to get to your first class, but you feel yourself fading again as soon as you sit down. You're used to this; you can make it. Or at least fake it. Eddie is not so skilled in the art of functioning on very little sleep.

He props his elbows on the table and puts his head in his hands. You look at the clock, then at his bloodshot eyes. You suspect he hasn't blinked since the first bell rang.

"Go to sleep, I'll wake you up when the announcements are over."

"Can't sleep here. Not around these fuckers," he grumbles.

"Nobody's gonna fuck with you while I'm here. Go ahead, you've got," you look at the clock again, "13 minutes."

He scoots closer to you, crosses his arms on top of the table, and drops his head into them. His hair covers his face. You lean your elbow on the table and prop up your head, looking down at him. Your free hand instinctively disappears into Eddie's hair and begins lightly scratching his scalp. He moans and scoots closer, and you watch him with a smile as you ignore the drone of the morning announcements.

"Alright, lovebirds, it's time for learning!"

You heave a sigh at the teacher's teasing and extract your hand from Eddie's hair, giving him a light double-tap on the back as a sign to get up. He pulls himself upright and stares ahead, eyes unfocused.

Somehow, you made it through 'til lunch. You sat at the designated freak table and watched Eddie walk into four different people on his way to you. He looks like a zombie.

You don't even let him sit. "Come on," you order, standing up and turning him around and pushing him toward the door. He doesn't even have the strength to argue. When you exit the cafeteria doors, you head toward the van.

"Is this a lunch time quickie?" he asks, a little perkier.

"It's a 20 minute nap, dweeb."

"That works," he yawns, "too."

He opens the van's back door, shoves some junk (sorry, "necessary band equipment") out of the way, and waits for you to crawl in. You lie on your back with a balled up sweatshirt for a pillow. Eddie claims his favorite pillow: you. With his head on your chest, you reach up to set the alarm on your watch.

"Alright Munson, we have 21 minutes to sleep, then 3 minutes to cram food in our faces on our way back to class."

"Kay," he mumbles into your chest. In less than a minute, he's snoring lightly. You allow yourself to close your eyes for a few seconds too... well, it felt like seconds. The beeping of your watch jolted you awake.

"Nooo," he whines, nuzzling closer.

"Come on, two more classes, then we're free." You'd love nothing more than to just go back to sleep, but you have a quiz next period, and Eddie doesn't need to be missing any classes either. "Move it, Munson." He gets up with a grumble, and you both wolf down a sandwich and chug a can of pop on your way back inside.

You part ways with a "see you at three" and wait for the caffeine to kick in. Two more classes. You can do this.

Somehow, you did. You might have even gotten a decent grade on that quiz. But Eddie's so dead when he stumbles over to his locker, you're amazed he's still standing.

"Keys."

"Hm?"

"Give me your keys. Zombies don't drive."

"You sure you can handle her?"

"She'll behave for me, if she knows what's good for her." You smirk at each other, he shoves a few things into his locker, and you return to the parking lot.

"You guys okay?" your brother asks, already there waiting.

"We're fine."

"You sure? I can drive if you want."

"No!" you both shout. He holds up his hands in defeat and gets in the back with a grumble.

You get in, maneuver the massive hunk of metal out of the parking lot and onto the road, and miraculously make it home without incident. Eddie's leaning his face against the window when you park. You reach over and give his leg a tap, and he jumps.

"C'mon," you order. You stuff his keys in his jacket pocket, and he follows you inside.

"If we're not awake by time for Mom to get home, come yell," you instruct your brother, who salutes sarcastically before ducking his head into the fridge to hunt for a snack.

When you get to your room, you grab two pairs of sweats from a drawer and throw one at Eddie. He misses, and bends to pick them up. You're out of your jeans and jackets in seconds. You lose your bra, set the alarm on your watch, crawl into bed, and wait for him to join you. Ignoring your pillow, he settles his head on your chest again. Not that you mind. You pull the covers over him, kiss the top of his head, and let it all fade to black.

When you wake, it takes a moment to realize where you are. The first sleep after the full moon is always the deepest. Once you remember what day it is, and why Eddie's laying on top of you, you stretch a little. You'd been in this same position for hours, and your body was not happy about it.

"Time'sit?" Eddie mumbles into your chest.

You bring up your watch arm and squint at the tiny glowing numbers.

"Shit, it's almost six, Mom'll be home any minute!"

You both fly out of bed and back into your jeans.

"You wanna stay for dinner?" you ask, trying to smooth your hair in the mirror.

"Nah, your mom's probably sick of me, I'm good to drive." He shrugs his jacket back on. "Look okay?"

"Always," you grin, pulling him in for a quick kiss. "Alright, look innocent."

You approach your bedroom door… and find a note taped to the back of it. Hadn't you left it open when you came in?

You two were so cute, I couldn't bear to wake you.

Eddie, I called your uncle and told him you were out cold. If you happen to see this before dawn, you're welcome to stay the rest of the night.

There's meatloaf in the fridge, and a deer carcass from last month's hunt in the freezer if you little monsters are hungry.

Sweet dreams, Werewolf Children.

You look from the note to Eddie… and then at your watch… and then you rush to the window. It's pitch black outside. You chuckle darkly.

"Eddie, it's six o'clock in the fucking morning."

You're both hit by a fit of giggles, and cover your mouths to try and quiet them.

"No wonder I feel so rested," he grins after he's recovered.

"Well… you wanna stay for breakfast?"

"Might as well," he laughs, taking his jacket back off.

Your mother and brother were very relieved to find that the Werewolf Children had chosen pancakes and sausage over the deer carcass.

#writings of despair #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #i could never sleep in school #don't trust none of y'all motherfuckers #wonder if that pretty stoner guy who slept through every class ever graduated...

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shannonsketches · 25 days

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Why is the anime so weird, it's not even the same series dude?? It's like,

Anime:

GOKU: I have a great idea to bring peace to the universe, and my leadership and compassion alone will unite us all. I have No Flaws and am A True Relatable Everyman :)

VEGETA: NO! I AM THE BEST AND I WILL CAUSE PROBLEMS UNTIL I AM RECOGNIZED AS SUCH!!!!

Manga:

GOKU: Vegeta what's cornmeal made of? I know it's what the corn eats, but what's it made of? VEGETA: Hey Kakarot let's play the quiet game until one of us dies.

#silly hours #I do not understand this writing it's so bad aklsdlkasjd #Toei wants Goku to be Clark Kent SO bad and he SO isn't lmao #they're so good and dumb and rounded and complex in the manga what is the anime so afraid of #Toriyama said 'no no this man is a detached faux-immortal who has a dear pure heart but he's childlike and selfish even though he's kind'#and toei went 'got it goku's never done anything wrong ever in his life'#toriyama said 'Vegeta's gone through a lot and he's finally settling into his more mature leadership role with the confidence he's earned'#and toei said 'got it vegeta has the confidence of a high school bully except now he can interact with his family as a comedy bit'#girl hWHAT #Toei trying to group Goku and Vegeta as two people who would rather train than be with their families and Toriyama said NO Vegeta wants #to be HOME this is the first time in years that he's HAD ONE and it makes him HAPPY to be with his wife and children!!#Vegeta trains so that he can protect the things he doesn't want to lose again and Goku trains because it's the thing that makes him happies #They are NOT the same lmao And yeah Vegeta still wants to beat Goku but he also knows that Gohan could dogwalk both of them if he wanted #He also knows Trunks and Goten are going to surpass them it's not about being the best anymore he's past that he just wants to Not Need Gok #He just doesn't want to have to rely on Goku to save the day he wants to be Enough on his own he just wants to know he can be #because every time it's mattered he WASN'T and people he loved were lost to his inability to protect them and he carries that #Like Whis diagnosed him with anxiety and cptsd out in the open and Beerus said he was self-centered for feeling guilt #+ he lowkey enjoys the rivalry it keeps him goal-oriented so he can't get complacent and lazy which is what triggered his Buu Saga breakdow #realized how Fucked Up it was that having a home and loving family made him feel like he was failing and went 'wait no I won actually??'#now he's chill as fuck in the manga. cool confident leader.#and sometimes he is childish and dumb with Goku as a treat #you know what rocks about his rivalry with Goku in Super though is that it's Playful. Vegeta is learning how to Play.#You ever seen a shelter dog get introduced to a really playful dog and it takes a minute for the shelter dog to understand it's safe here #And then they're both running around the backyard playing hot potato with one braincell?? That's Goku and Vegeta's relationship #and the way the anime sleeps on that dynamic is so fucking criminal especially when it's literally canon it's in print it's out there #you had the playbook how'd you fumble it this bad #anyway that's my 25+ year blorbo thoughts I love Geets a lot okay #And I love Goku in the manga a lot I'd forgotten that he's actually a great character when Toei's not fucking up his whole vibe

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disdaidal · 3 months

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I wanna thank my irl friends who follow me here and also my beloved mutuals as well as followers who still send me kind messages and try to interact with me and my stuff even if I'm bad at doing it myself.

Honestly, things haven't been that great with me lately, so... it means a lot to me. Honestly. <3

#personal #i had to make the tough decision to drop out of school last week #i didn't exactly want it if i'm being completely honest here #but certain stuff was preventing me from getting further so i knew the teachers are gonna ask me to quit over at our teams meeting #i instantly contacted my nurse about my situation. and she got me a doctor's appointment which was yesterday #where i kind of broke down a little. not because she didn't grant me the sick leave i thought i was going to get #after feeling down and sleeping terribly for weeks #but because she actually *got me*. like. she actually listened to me and figured out some stuff and told me that #what i'm going through and what i've been going through for years would make anyone depressed #so i couldn't help but cry a little because yeah. i'm so tired of never being enough no matter how hard i try #because my brain's wired a certain way and it makes me slow and kinda clumsy and inattentive at times #which. you might guess is not ideal at today's work environment. or studying-wise even #so instead of granting me sick leave (she did say we can change that at anytime though) she told me to wait for that phone call #from the unemployment office. which i should be getting tomorrow. or well. later today #and talk to them about this. to see if they can offer some solutions. or if we can figure something out #'cause i'm getting closer to my 40s and not getting anywhere and it's wearing me out and tiring me out #because i clearly can't help myself or change my ways on my own #i managed to get some work last week though. at the local youth house. one shift though but money still #but i haven't been getting those offers a lot during the past few months so it's not enough to support me obviously #so i definitely need something else. and i hope i can get help. that someone could help me #i should finally get tested for adhd next month too. i don't know if i even have it or if it's gonna change anything but #at least i'd know #anyway i needed to get this off my chest. cause i'm kinda crying a little bit even now just thinking about this whole thing #sorry

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ta-bajna-cerna-okybaca · 5 months

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Now that I finally got to play TWST diasomnia chapter 1 myself, I'm gonna need everyone who said Malleus was a baby throwing a tantrum for no reason to pay me 2000 dollars each

#twst #twisted wonderland #yes it did take me until the second to last day of the new chapter event to finish book 6 what of it #in my defense i had no good leona&jamil cards for chapters 66 and 67‚ i'm glad i managed to do it at all. robe malleus carried the team <3 #anyways! i haven't seen this take in a while but i remember it popping up a lot earlier this year when we got diasomnia on the jp server #as a member of the malleus defense squad i can't bear all this slander and now i have proof it's baseless #his overblot is one of the most justified ones??? what do you mean no reason #He's already established to be constantly left out and lonely because of it #And now he gets hit with the triple whammy of 1) realizing his fellow students' mortality after book 6 #2) learning that his father figure is dying and in one week fucking off to fantasy china to live out his retirement without him #3) his best friend the MC telling him they found a way to un-isekai themself #Maybe he could have weathered one of those‚ but all three at the same time?#Poor guy stood no chance‚ those are hits straight into the trauma #Of course he's gonna have a breakdown! It's not his fault breakdowns in twisted wonderland come with a side of destructive berserking #And to be fair from what i've heard in spoilers all he did was put the whole school to sleep he didn't even destroy all that much #like yes putting everyone to sleep so they can live forever and never leave him is not a healthy reaction #but this is Unhealthy Reactions The School it's not like he's such an outlier in that #leave my boy alone 😭#excuse my ranting i'm just insane about twisted wonderland and malleus specifically

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piplupcola · 2 months

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I just want to commend you artists, you writers, you game designers and cosplayers and anyone who does creative stuff out there on finding the courage to create. Many of you out there are plagued with depression, anxiety, lack of confidence, imposter syndrome and so many other worries and doubts about your ability to create. I am one such person, and though I have so many ideas and stories in my head i could explode, I lose confidence in my ideas and skill so rapidly from just holding a pen, basically nothing ever gets put on page. I'll tell myself I'm lucky if I even get a single drawing done in a year, frankly calling myself an artist is more a fraud than anything.

But you people, you creative amazing people manage to overcome that. No matter how good you think your work is or your level of skill, you draw and write and do it anyway, some of you even post it online for people to see, something I'm almost always ashamed about doing in fear of someone I know seeing it (why do u think I'm hiding here on tumblr where none of the much more talented people I know go). I've always admired yet envy you amazing people, who are passionate about art, who sit down and still make stuff after a long day of work because it makes u relax, who see art as joy than something you need to do because it's work, who would draw and create despite all the hardships and doubts and worries the world and yourself have place upon you.

The fact that you're able to get pass all that and get a sketch, a word, an idea down on a page, I think you all are so very incredibly brave. Much braver than me at least. No matter where you are on your creative journey right now, keep doing what you're doing and create. It is those that keep going that make it to success in the end. I unfortunately will not be one those people, but I hope that I can keep cheering others on instead.

#art #artists #honestly its late and i might delete this in the morning #i just wanna get this out of my head so i can sleep #artists on tumblr #i feel like if i ever get drunk this is what my rambles would be like #idk cos i dont drink #but i hope ill be an encouraging drunk more than a sad drunk #right now with half my brain begging me to sleep i feel like both #keep drawing guys #thats the long and short of it #i came out of art school learning that i could never be an artist #not because of skills or anything its bcos i just have no drive to create like others #no matter how well i did in school it was always just to get a good grade #that when i left school there were no more assignments and i never could draw like i did in school again #it was then that i realise i could draw if i had to but i could never truly be an artist who draws bcos they want to #its just something i accepted and i need to learn to move on from #anyways night rambles #im gonna delete this later #im like that snowman in Undertale #i wont be able to go where you all go but i hope youll take a piece of me with you through all your art #anyways drink lots of water stayin school fuck AI and im gonna pass out #artist on tumblr

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britneyshakespeare · 5 months

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oh no. oh no i wanna be warm and cozy and snuggled up in my bed all day oh noooo what do i do

#i dont wanna go to woooork #see this is why ive gotten back into my old habit of waking up absurdly early on days i have work early #so i have time to accept how i angry i am about getting up >:(#im subbing at the high school today. i could easily like. wake up at 6 #but i set my alarm for 5:15 so by the time 7:20 comes around (school start time) im like well ive been awake for ages #tales from diana #it's not a genius idea but it is an idea #btw. when i went to this high school i was never awake at 5:15 #i woke up at 6 and got dressed and went back to bed until 6:50 #and then went to school #i was so sleep deprived in those day tho

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arthur-r · 16 days

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hello new self portrait just dropped which means this is officially what i look like now

#i have glasses now!!!! i’m not very good at drawing them but i sure have them on my face at all times shdhdf #and i recently started growing out my hair!!!! my distinctive bowl cut had a good run but i’m officially moving forward #i’ve also started exaggerating my big droopy sad eyelashes a LOT in pictures lately it’s part of my core identity now or something #(that’s not true shdhdf but i think my face knew about my puppydog destiny long ago and gave me puppydog eyes)#anyway i just haven’t drew anything in forever like i think i’ve drew four things that weren’t JUST notebook doodling. all this school year #(and one of those was vent art on paper and the other one was coloring with my little sister. so i’ve drew two things on ibispaint at all)#anyway i think my glasses suit me really good and i’m also really excited i can see the world really good now #i still have some vision problems from POTS that aren’t fixed but like. i can see detail in brick walls now and i’m obsessed #house fucker behavior i’m so sorry shdhdhdff (THIS IS A JOKE AND LIE. I DONT FUCK HOUSES)#(and i’m apparently a house m.d. kinnie so i wouldn’t fuck him EITHER cause we’re the same person i could never)#ANYWAYS i can see well finally and that’s good. and in conclusion i’m real tired and should go to bed #i took my meds at 9:30 then started drawing at 10 finished at 11:30 #and now it’s midnight and i’m long overdue to be asleep already. so goodnight world!!!!#i have a sleepover tomorrow night which is very exciting. and also work and homework as usual shdhdf #but in the meantime i get to sleep. for up to 12 hours!!!! here’s hoping #ok anyway!!!! goodnight!!!!#P.S. text or call if you need anything!!#me. my post. mine.#delete later (probably)

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holedyke · 1 month

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of course the night i need to get to bed at a reasonable hour bc i have a early rise is ruined by my own brain working me up into a complete meltdown 😵‍💫 i am a prisoner to myselfffff

#i feel so so bad. tbh #tw for child abuse but i need to vent #i was watching a rlly good doc series on behavioral schools for teens which are pretty horrific and even though i never went through #anything like that. but just hearing the subjects from the doc talk about how they feel ruined after being destroyed like that as kids just #has me really emotional and i cant stop thinking about it bc i feel the same way i feel like ill never be who i could have or should have #been but what i went through just ruined me and ill never be okay i just feel fragile and mournful of myself i know nothing could have #saved me like its some big cosmic joke on me. and i never did anything to deserve that #no kid does amd yet it fucking happens and it happened to me witj zero repercussions which is almost what hurts the most #i just feel like a goddamn blubbering mess with a knawing black pit in my heart and i am never going to get to sleep at this point.#fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk i just for once would like to feel okay about my past and my future like is this the me that ill always be?#broken and blubbering? fuck it feels awful. anyway. prob delete later but i just needed it off my chest #h

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titan-god-helios · 8 months

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fuck, audhd burnout is a bitch.

#i can barely move my body without it feeling like a herculean task right now #my arms and fingers and legs feel like lead #my brain wants to do nothing but sleep for eternity #and everything is loud #so loud #i hate knowing i’m in burnout but not being able to do anything about it because im not diagnosed #i know exactly what i need but i cant get it its just out of my reach #and i wonder if i’m going to just self-destruct one day #if i’m going to be stuck in burnout for another three years on top of what feels like has already been a couple years in it #i feel like crying #not a hard cry #i dont even have energy for that #but the type where you sit there staring at nothing #sitting very still whilst tears just fall out of your eyes #i cant speak i dont want to speak i never want to go to school in person again i never want to open my mouth again #i never want to interact with another human being in person ever again apart from a very select few #im so sick of this #and sometimes i wish i could believe in god #any god would be alright #but i cant #thatd be lying to myself #cause i personally simply just do not believe that gods could exist outside of fantasy #but it leaves me with nothing to believe in #and thats tiring in itself #i want to stay on the bus #an empty bus #listening to music as it takes me who knows where #touring the city aimlessly #forever #i think that would fix me

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robinsnest2111 · 2 months

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I've heard from various sources that waking up after only 3 hours of sleep in the middle of the night (even when you're fucking tired) and having a hard time falling back asleep has something to do with the stress hormones being way too damn high

but how do I reduce the amount of stress hormones in my body when even my mundane everyday life has had me in a constant state of stress for the past 27 years of my life? 🤔

#like fr i vividly remember having serious sleep problems even in primary school. maybe even in kindergarten already #and we never did anything more stressful than learning our shapes and colours for a bit #and then playing with toys and crafting and colouring for the rest of the day #like WHAT WAS TODDLER ME STRESSED OUT ABOUT????#i also remember my parents occasionally retelling the 'funny' incidents of when i was an infant #and literally stealth video game main character snuck my way out of my crib in the middle of the night to go bother them #because i woke up after only a few hours of sleep and could not fall back asleep #and there goes the metaphor of the white rabbit again: feel like i'm always running out of time always too late ALWAYS STRESSED #AND FOR WHAT??? LIKE WHAT IS THE REASON?????#also why it bothers me when doctors say my mystery health issues are stress and i should just chill out #like IF I KNEW HOW I WOULD TOTALLY DO IT MY DUDE #idek why i'm stressed???? I've always been this way ever since i can remember and i don't know WHY

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nuatthebeach · 10 months

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gaslighting psychiatrist hit me w da classic ol’ “sure you can take those meds, if you want to disregard the science,” messed up my name twice even tho i’ve seen him for months now, wrote off my feelings about past meds as “it’s hard to say whether or not those are really happening,” offered me meds that are more common in another country than my own because “studies show these are more effective” and “we’ll test it out on you,” despite the fact that hardly any other clinical psychiatrist in america would prescribe me the same thing because it’s barely FDA approved.

docs, please don’t treat your patients like they are humanless lab rats. if they have a concern, listen to it.

these are not things that have to be requested. don’t be a hero; be a human.

#in other news i start med school on friday #i hope to god i never end up like these mfs #in other other news i can’t sleep bc of new meds and endless anxiety and i’m exhausted and tired and sad #and so very anxious #and the SADDEST THING is that he’s the only one in my area who will accept my insurance fuck my life #doctors in america #i could really use something happy rn

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sastiel-is-my-serotonin · 3 months

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It's a bit hard for me to fully understand how bad first grade was for me. Not because the schoolwork was difficult, because I felt too challenged in a academic sense. I struggled, but not because the work was difficult, but because of the racism I dealt with.

My biggest problem that entire year had to of been my teacher. Starting from mispronouncing my name and refusing to say it properly. Accusing me of cheating on my projects because of how well they were done. While I did get help, she assumed my mom had always done all the work for me.

She liked to try and embarrass me, looked for opportunities to call me a trouble maker and would loudly announce my "bad" behavior, despite her simply mixing me up with students with similar names or appearances. Never apologized to me when she was wrong, which was every time.

Called me slow, would make comments about how long it took me to do activities, especially writing.

There were so many things she did that entire school year that added up. But the most disrespectful thing had to of been when I asked her for our Thanksgiving classroom play, if i could be one of the natives rather than the pilgrims. I'm native american, I'm the only native american in this class, I don't want to be a pilgrim. Guess who was a pilgrim?

And she made sure the native men were loud and ruthless and the native women were scared of everything and screamed and shouted in fear so easily. While the pilgrims were calm and collected, from the men to the women and they helped these poor natives.

My mom and me shared similar opinions on the play and she even talked to my teacher about how harmful it was to teach kids our history like that. The she should do better and emphasized the proper way to say my name. Which she pretended she just didn't know, I never corrected her. (My mom knew this was a lie as I was known to be very quick to correct people and sometimes hostile if they didn't quickly amend it. So yeah... Also, she continued to mispronounce my name unless my mom was there.)

I almost forgot, I am a very quiet person, especially then. I only talked if I had to or liked you enough to talk to. She said even though I met the curriculum for the next grade, in fact, she had kept lowering my reading level until she got in trouble, that she wanted to hold me back for a year. She got an earful from my mom for that one, and I didn't get held back.

So that was what it was like in the classroom. Outside of it, I was often physically assaulted by four girls.

There was this one who was in my class and she made it her mission to stand next to me in line so she could force me to talk. I never did, so she would twist my arm, pinch me, punch me, try to bend my hand back, saying I just had to say something and she'd stop. She never got in trouble for it and it's not because she never got caught, many times I caught my teacher's eye while she was physically harming me, she'd smile and look away.

While I was outside of the classroom, outside of line, there was a group of three girls. They come up to me, make comments, grab my stuff, my belongings, corner me. I remember one weekend I got my nails done, they were yellow with glitter. They saw my nails asked if they were real, and proceeded to rip off every single nail. My best friend saw, alerted her mom who did work there. Not much came from that, they continued to harass me, they just made sure my friend wasn't around and her mom.

So yeah, it was really traumatic, dealing with so much every day at school. I remember walking to the bus one day, it was really windy, and I thought about how much I wished it would pick up more and knock me into the wall. Enough to hurt and kill me. I thought about death a lot that year. I didn't realize until I got older how much it truly affected me.

Also, fun fact, I ended up going to school with those girls again, we moved but in fifth grade I went back to that school, that teacher still taught there, and one of those girls was in my class. She never talked to me, she did give me dirty looks for getting questions correct if she didn't.

And later in middle school I ended up having several classes with all of them. I could tell they recognized me, but never said anything about it. No apologies. Nothing.

The one who twisted my arm, I never saw her again at the very least. But yeah, what a fucked up year, huh?