somebody grant me the strength to go to work tonight 😭

home from the blood bank and i wonder…….

Okay about the control thing Hobie struggles with, he’s all about fighting the corrupt government and corrupted parts of society and just in general challenging everyone’s expectations and making them THINK, but has moments where he overthinks and starts to feel like he’s slowly becoming over controlling and possessive over people, how they act, how they think, how they feel, etc. when that is not the case. Now sure, there are weeks where he does want to just keep all his buddies in one spot to know they are safe, protected, healthy, and can protect him if needed because they are under his watchful eye. He also knows that he can’t and shouldn’t do that, and it’s like he’s pulling teeth keeping himself from doing that. But yknow, he knows that it would undo so much work he’s done, and make his message meaningless if he’s exempt from it

ya know what I’m deciding not to give a shit if my job doesn’t like me missing work bcuz I’m in agonizing pain

I’ve had tumblr for years and never come up with proper tags…like ever….in a lost cause I fear

the only half way safe space to be a lesbian is online and literally y’all fucking suck too, i am so depressed

I made myself teary-eyed thinking about K and I slow dancing to Elvis music ;-; and how the world is cruel and unforgiving but when we are in each other’s arms we are safe and loved and wanted and cared for and the ache of isolation doesn’t hurt as much because we have each other and and and

Just canceled all of my future therapy appointments. Big fudgin’ bummer. Did I mention I lost my insurance? Didn’t even find out about that until the day it lapsed. Trying to find a way to fix it now, reapplying and whatnot, but ya know, it’s bureaucracy so who knows how long it’ll take. Just fingers crossed I don’t run out of meds first.

lol it’s underwater 🐠

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i still can’t believe i got hit by a fucking car. that’s been one of my biggest fears, i cant believe i let this happen. and the worst part is i can’t remember friday at all so i don’t even know what happened

god the hospital papers saying fucking amnesia on them, asdjhdjshxj. i hit my head hard enough to cause fucking amnesia i could have died. im so young fucking hell

i have a road to recovery in front of me, im in a lot of pain today. its incredibly hard to type and read so i don’t think I’ll be online much this week

I really feel absolutely normal until like the day after socializing a lot & then I begin to reflect & start to think that my friend’s autistic girlfriend might have been right about me being a little autistic lmaoooo

I swear on everything fucking [unintelligible]

annoys me how people don’t get adachis shadow nor understand the way he works in ultimax and the fact he’s never accepted himself and neither will improve as a person than as genuinely as someone who does awaken to a persona hence why he’s still in pain trying to utilize it all the time and the words he thinks and says and the actions he does in ultimax should be taken with a grain of salt but also wholeheartedly after putting it under a microscope enough

my parents house genuinely just makes me so sad

like at some point i have ti admit it to myself. it’s a 2am delirious ramble after a hard sad day. but i don’t think i like my job very much actually. i mean i do i love it and it was made for me and i made it for me too. but how come something that i love and was made for me and that i made hurts so bad and so primally? how can i like something that brings me so much stress and grief and despair so regularly?

gripping stubborn hope in both hands I’m going to do better I’m going to get through this

i’m so close to giving up n losing my life