#i can’t get the game out my brain
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Disco elysium is literally melting my brain again I’m so fucking obsessed I can’t get enough content
#disco elysium#I’m replaying for winter break and holy shit it’s crazy how much I unlock playing with different skill stats#i can’t get the game out my brain#it’s deltarune all over again
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So I have theory about Luo Binghe’s fake jade pendant.
(Major spoilers if you haven’t finished the book btw)
I was just reading a fic and author pointed out something about Luo Binghe’s pendant and how it’s a metaphor for Shen Yuan.
Looking back at the book, there are a lot of parallels between Shen Yuan and the necklace.
The pendant is a counterfeit jade carving of the god Guanyin.
Shen Yuan is a counterfeit of Shen Qingqiu, a powerful Peak Lord who dresses in jade colored robes.
Guanyin is noted to be associated with compassion, and Shen Yuan changes the entire fate of the world of Proud Immortal Demon Way by being compassionate.
Luo Bingmei ends his story with his one fake jade pendant while the extras specifically note that Luo Bingge has several real jade necklaces in his possession. Those necklaces are even called out to be fine grade and best money can buy.
Obviously the real jades are a metaphor for Bingge’s harem of peerlessly beautiful women while the fake jade, which has infinitely more value to him, represents Shen Yuan, aka Luo Bingmei’s one and only true love.
However I think there’s more to it than that.
If you track the pendant throughout the book, you’ll notice that Luo Binghe is only ever in possession of the pendant when Shen Yuan isn’t there. In fact, he actually loses the pendant shortly after Shen Yuan transmigrates into Shen Qingqiu. For the rest of the book, the pendant is in Shen Yuan’s possession, only returning to Luo Binghe at the climax.
But here’s the thing that’s strange about that scene: for whatever reason the System could not load the pendant when SQQ tried to summon it. At no other point in the book has the System have a problem loading things in.
So why is it when it does load in, it’s right as Shen Yuan dies for the third time?
My theory is that Shen Yuan is the pendant itself.
Now obviously Shen Yuan comes back and Binghe still has the pendant, but in the last couple scenes of the book, Shen Yuan is always right by Luo Binghe’s side.
Now I know that Shen Yuan was an actual person before dying and becoming Shen Qingqiu, so therefore he isn’t the necklace given human form. So how can Shen Yuan and the pendant be one and the same?
Well let’s go back to the aforementioned climax scene where the System cannot physically summon the pendant until Shen Yuan dies.
Seeing as how the System is essentially an AI and/or a computer program, this kind of issue reminds me of how a computer cannot open a file if another of the exact same file is already running.
I think, that when inserting Shen Yuan into PIDW, the System needed a way to tie his soul into its program and Shen Yuan’s fate to the protagonist. The System needed a physical entity to tie him down so it linked his code/soul to the fake jade pendant. That’s why Luo Binghe loses the pendant so soon after Shen Yuan transmigrates and why the System couldn’t load it in until Shen Yuan’s soul left his body because they’re part of the same file.
This is also evidenced by how when Shen Yuan dies the second time, out of all of his items, only the Jade pendant is kept in his inventory when he wakes up in the Sun and Dew Mushroom body.
Not to mention that Shen Yuan and the pendant have the same effect on Luo Binghe! The pendant has the ability to essientially shock Luo Binghe out of a qi deviation, but is only a one time use. But during Luo Binghe’s first qi deviation, Shen Yuan is able to do the exact same thing but doing so kills him. The pendant reduces Luo Binghe’s anger, and Shen Yuan is the only person in the world Luo Binghe will ever be soft and submittable to.
Tl’dr; The System tied Shen Yuan’s soul to the fake Guanyin pendant.
#I can’t write I’m so sorry#but hey thats just a theory#A SCUM VILLIAN THEORY#thanks for reading#svsss#sorry had to get the Game Theory reference out it was scratching at my brain#Luo binghe#Shen Qingqiu#bingqiu#scum villian’s self saving system#theory#Long post
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The foxes just won another game. Neil waddles over to Andrew to celebrate using his racket cos he’s so exhausted. When he gets there, he smiles at him before falling to the floor. Without a word, Andrew sits down in front of him. They both sit there silently, staring into each others eyes with their foreheads pressed together.
And that’s how the press and fans started speculating about their relationship😋
#I can’t write for shit but they have been taking up 99% of my thoughts for the past 2 weeks and#I keep imagining lil scenarios like this so thought I’d post one if idk#this is probably rlly cringe but wtva💀#HELP THEY HAVE CHANGED MY BRAIN CHEMISTRY#I CANT GO 10 MINUTES WITHOUT THINKING OF THEM#AND THE BOOKS IN GENERAL#I GET HYPERFIXATIONS ALL THE TIME BUT THEY ARE RARELY AS INTENSE AS THIS😭#the last time it was this bad was when young royals s1 first came out and#I felt physically sick if I wasn’t watching the show#like literally#I had a shower and after it I was literally rolling round on the floor cos I felt so sick#love that#yey autism#woop woop#andreil#all for the game#andrew minyard#neil josten#andreil have taken over my life
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Another rough fic concept that I don’t have the focus or mental fortitude to write. Honestly if any of y’all are inspired and want to actually flesh it out, be my guest, because I can’t wrangle my brain into doing it.
Post-game story where Astarion and Tav are on the hunt for a way to help him walk in the sun again.
They are on the trail of a possible solution. Maybe a MacGuffin item that will protect him or maybe a full-on cure for vampirism.
Astarion x Tav cross paths with a powerful vampire. Maybe this entity has the item/cure they are looking for or maybe this vampire is also seeking it.
They don’t have the rest of the party to help them so shit is gonna go sideways in the worst way possible.
There is a confrontation in a fortress or ruin by the sea. During the fight, everything that can go wrong does go wrong and worse.
Astarion gets pushed or blasted off the tower/battlements down into the dark water below, leaving Tav alone with the vampire.
Astarion survives. Barely. By the time he makes it to shore, clinging to unlife by a thread, dawn is fast approaching.
He’s a survivor. He has no choice but to seek shelter. Besides, he can’t help Tav if he’s a pile of ash.
Our favorite spawn spends a miserable day, unable to rest, full of self-loathing that he had to flee, horrified at the possible fate that he has left Tav to endure. Are they even still alive?
As soon as the orange eye of the sun dips back down below the horizon, Astarion leaves his makeshift shelter to find Tav.
He sneaks back into the fortress…
It’s easy. Too easy. Everything is eerily quiet.
In a courtyard, something catches in the corner of his eye: an area of freshly turned dirt.
As he looks dumbly at the person-sized patch, he realizes what he’s smelling. Dirt and blood. Tav’s blood.
They’re dead.
But amid the rising despair, another thought occurs to him. Would a vampire waste the opportunity to create a perfectly good spawn? He’s not sure which is worse; that Tav is dead or a spawn.
Astarion falls to his knees and begins clawing at the dirt. Nails be damned, Tav is down there.
It’s massively re-traumatizing for him. Instead of digging up out of his own grave, he is digging down into the grave of the first person he truly cares about, unsure of what state they will be in.
His nails are broken, hands bloodied, face smeared with dirt and sweat and tears when a hand bursts free from the dirt. Tav’s hand.
He pulls them free, coughing and retching up dirt. Tav is wild-eyed and terrified by what has been done to them and the changes they have felt in their body.
Astarion can see Tav’s eyes have gone red and shine with a dull glow. Their canines are pointed, skin no longer bright but with a greyish cast to it. The fresh wound on their neck no longer bleeds, but stares at him like an accusation.
There is stillness for a moment after the frantic scramble. A traumatized Tav clings to Astarion. Maybe he tries to comfort them. Maybe he’s frozen, trying to figure out what to do next. Maybe a horrific guilt is starting to eat a hole through him… they were here to help him after all.
But then…
Tav goes rigid in Astarion’s arms.
Tav jerks back out of Astarion’s grip and struggles to their feet. The red glow in their eyes has brightened and their face is a mask of confusion and fear as their body moves against their will.
They stumble past Astarion…
…and into the waiting arms of their new master.
This vampire is powerful, of course, and not alone. Perhaps they have other spawn or minions now stepping out of the shadows into the courtyard. Astarion is outnumbered and outgunned.
Does Astarion fight (and certainly die) or flee?
Perhaps this vampire looks down at this spawn-of-a-dead-master that they cannot control and decides killing him is too boring. They’re a sadistic bastard after all.
The vampire tells Astarion to run. Run and never look back.
They tell him that if they ever catch his scent again, they will make Tav greet the dawn.
So Astarion flees. Ever the survivor.
He abandons Tav to a cruel sire and a fate he knows all too well.
If you’re an asshole, you could end the story right there. But as much as I enjoy angst, I love happy endings more…
So a bloodied and shell-shocked Astarion turns up on Gale’s doorstep one night. They get the gang back together. You could skim over this or turn it into a multi-chapter found family bonanza about breaking Wyll and Karlach out of the hells and getting Lae’zel back from the astral plane.
The point is, the cavalry comes to save Tav for once.
You could end it any way you like… Maybe both Tav and Astarion are cured or maybe only one of them is. Perhaps there was no cure at all, their lead was a dead end, and Astarion and Tav both end up as masterless spawn, still on the hunt for a way to walk in the sun together. Tav has to learn how to deal with being a vampire and they both have to deal with this new trauma, but they are free and have each other.
#astarion ancunin#astarion x tav#bg3#baldur’s gate 3#fic ideas?#this has been eating away at my grey matter for days now and I just had to get it out#I wish I could write it but I know myself well enough to know I can’t make my brain do it#tw for angst?#for the record this is NOT how I see Amity and Astarion’s post game story
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cora’s bad time hell simulation steps or how to play “sprite station for girl” “harvest moon ds cute” the wrong way
(all ways are wrong this game is Accursed)
ok so here’s what my disorganized “guide” to myself for harvest moon ds for girl (aka indecipherable notes i wrote to myself as i played and revised as i tested various things and restarted due to mistakes) looks like. at some point when i become a real gamer i will write a legible guide meant for eyes to look at but uhhh this is how i play this accursed game personally
i’m not sure if anything i wrote will make any sense since i wrote it as notes to myself so probably definitely use fogu and fc2 jonason wiki (may not work but some pages should be archived) instead
ALSO if you’ve never played or barely played the game it won’t make sense at all! hmds was my first harvest moon so i am used to various horrors!
my play style is probably not fun in general HOWEVER if you are a grinding hell goblin like me then it’s GREAT!!!! if not you may still find it amusing that the game gives you permission to play like this
(it’s a great background task game while doing like productive stuff but otherwise playing this way would probably be unbearable)
(image limit)
anyway after that the days go a lot faster, you’ll get the island on summer 1, so on spring 30 i put all my money into million G tickets and sell 200 of em, do the 5x money thing, and save the rest. so when thomas comes the next day to sell you the 900 million G island you can just sell 180 tickets and do the 5x money thing again with like ~600 million G tickets left over. it takes up inventory but you’ll get the shelf in a few days. basically you just need to remember to order from the TV shopping every saturday and place orders with gotz and gray whenever they finish stuff.
random tips
after unlocking the fuckass hot spring sprites (the ones that require you to spend a total of 700 1 hour sessions in the hot springs) i usually grind grazing points— if you put your animals outside for 5 hours you get a “Love Point”, but if you interact with them after they earn that LP then the timer switches over and you can get another LP after 5 more hours. if you wear the time ring the whole time it’s 2.5 hours. i’m not very good at explaining this but basically if you’re super efficient you can get way more animal LP than you realistically should, which is great because the touch glove petting minigame is Bad!!!!
i usually wait on getting the rest of the purple sprites (the ones that require you to hire the purple team and ask for healing) until i’m totally done with the indigo team, cuz i wanna get HG’s purple heart event asap, but you can switch the order if you want
by summer y1 you’ll basically have a feel for everything. aside from Skye, Leia, HG and WP everyone can be married early-mid autumn if you want
if you want to Gay (in the japanese version only) keira is the quickest to marry. leia is the quickest to max affection but it’s impossible to get leia year 1 because the bottle you need to fish up can only be caught in spring. you have to wait until at least year 5 for WP and iirc year 6 for HG.
#i’m really sorry i can’t make this more organized#if i literally ever have time i’ll just make a video guide instead of pasting this because it’s easier to explain with visuals….#i can’t Write in an organized way i can only Visual Medium#i have a very complicated relationship with corobuckle station for girl#it scratches my brain#(derogatory)#(positive)#i have no idea how many hours of HMDS i’ve played in my life but it’s definitely the game i’ve played the most of all time#i’ll just paraphrase something i read on a japanese wiki for hmds/koroste a long time ago:#’i once again feel that the effort required for the completion of the task is unreasonable’#god i really hope ds gets a remake so all of the titles you can get in the mailbox become steam achievements#bokumono#if people find out there are achievements that take at minimum real life decades to complete with basically no reward#gamers will lose their minds and society will collapse#‘trying to accomplish it is like trying to collect a sparrow’s tears#so at some point it may be inevitable that you have to give up trying’#i really think the devs saw the ds could handle higher values than gba and went insane without considering balance at all#currently i’m trying to record as many cutscenes as i can in the jp version since y’know. english translation is very awkward#i am also trying to see if the pastor carter/cardi marriage option exists in the english version of cute#i will update so stay tuned for that if you want sex on the phone with pastor cardi b. i guess
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Yknow it does irritate me a little that after the Emperor reveal in act 3 your only mean dialogue options are about him being a mind flayer. Let me bully this guy for being a piece of shit not for being illithid. I don’t distrust him because he’s not human i distrust him because he’s a lying manipulative motherfucker. LET ME BE MEAN TO HIM WITHOUT BEING FANTASY RACIST LARIAN
#My hatred for the emperor genuinely knows no bounds#I fuckingg hate him so much. He’s my archenemy. He’s such a motherfucker.#That one scene where you go into the prism and you have a dialog option to say you only want a dreamless sleep#And WITHOUT FUCKINH CONSULTING YOU at ALL. That bastard FUCKS WITH YOUR BRAIN#AND KNOCKS YOU OUT FOR 8 HOURS.#WHO SAID HE COULD DO THAT????? CAUSE I SURE FUCKING DIDNT#I haven’t finished the game yet but I swear to god if you can’t kill that bastard once you don’t need him to live.#If you don’t get to kick him in his slimy fucking tentacles. I will die in real life.#Larian let me kill the emperor . Please. Come on man.#bg3#lich says shit#Bg3 spoilers
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For the love of all things beyond human comprehension can someone please please just tell me what is wrong with my brain and why I act and think like this and why nobody has ever thought I’m normal except when they’re trying to deny that there’s something wrong
#cyberr speaks#vent#rant#brain#there is something wrong with me#✨psychologically✨#and I need help that I will never get#gods I just want to know what it is#I’m so tired of always playing this guessing game#of#‘is my inability to keep my room tidy just laziness or a mental block of some kind’#of ‘why can’t I just stay focused for one second’#of ‘oh hell I just zoned out’#of ‘I’ve been surpressing this thing for so long that I no longer know if it’s a real thing i experience#or if I’m just making it up’#of ‘is this a melt down or I’m really just that weak as to cry all the time’#of ‘why am#getting these thoughts. they’re not me’#of ‘why aren’t I like them. why don’t people like me. why can’t I just act like them. why do they think I’m weird. what’s wrong with me’#what’s wrong with me#always the same question#over and over and over and over#and over#again
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red desert->red line->starting line->flatline->bloodline->bloodhound->greyhound->greenlight->daylight->midnight->waste the night
someone play this game with me
#yes I know youngblood also has blood in it for the Easter egg bloodhound stans but it’s in the wrong spot#and I would need a proper flowchart for that with branches and stuff#can’t wait for new songs simply to fill in whatever this is#it’s like that game where you change one letter at a time to make a new word#5sos#5 seconds of summer#could do another one with the word ‘out’ with outer space/out of my limit/gotta get out/over and out/over and over?#and the words words ‘broken’ and ‘catch’ or smth else on sgfg I think#how my brain works
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and ithink that makes me. A bad person and/or bad at my job btw. like how can i so loudly refuse to learn and complain about learning and yet be an ambassador for / cocreator of a thriving denoceacynwhen learning is at the core of it. and when i literaly work in education and am a teacher or some shit. idk.
#purrs#i don’t even know how to articulate my thoughts. which is the problem. i used to be good at things like this but in the last few years i#just… struggle to read and write in ways that are understood by other people. like scholarly ways 💀 LOL. i don’t understand my readings but#refuse to go to the writing center and get help or whatever the fuck. and i struggle to write papers in academic voice (though not visibly t#to my professors apparently). idk. i just am so miserable. it doesn’t work for my brain. i did this to myself and i don’t have to be but i#have to be because i can’t bear being small and left behind. i don’t know. when i get like this which is all the time i can’t explain#anything well. i don’t want to read these chapters even though they’re important i want to play video games and rest. and i want to learn#about these thi ng s by doing them and experiencing them and not having to take them home and have it cut into my precious free time. godddd#but like would someone who is truly a champion of this kind of thing… feel that way. like shouldn’t i want to read shit like this and be s#seeking it out myself. idk. my brain is full of mental illness spikes rn and i have to push through it and just do the damn assignment#delete later
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I have so many forspoken thoughts idek where to begin honestly
#i can’t even get them out cause my brain is running a mile a minute#this game has consumed me#and the DLC giving me past lore made it worse#i wish we could have seen the other tantas#we were in visoria and not even a small cameo of olas 😔#we basically gave birth to susurrus…#that shot of him forming behind thalia!frey was crazy#love the bird symbolism that was pretty much everywhere#a rheddig tanta being the one responsible for all this…#why is she helping?? does she really want to help?? is it a trap?? a lure??#cinta’s presence 🥰 although i won’t lie seeing how she acted made me a bit tense at the beginning#even when they were in their benevolent prime i do not think the tantas should have been revered like gods#bc they weren’t goddesses at all#that over abundance of faith in them likely helped attribute to athia’s fall#vikky plays forspoken#in tanta we trust
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au where edric goes to eclipse lake instead of amity, for some reason
none of this is fleshed out and there are a lot of plot holes (why are they even fighting if he doesn’t have the key??) but it’s fine because this is extremely self indulgent <3 I love this kind of dynamic so so much
a lot of story in the tags for some reason
#toh hunter#toh#edric blight#toh edric#goldric#huntric#i just think they're cute#if you recognize my art style no you don’t#edric doesn’t know what hunters face looks like or how he’s expected to act or just. anything like that#he doesn’t like keeping up with the famous people and such#later hunter probably goes and tries to arrest him for petty reasons#but edric remembers how the flirting worked last time so he just.. keeps doing it#hunter can’t handle it#and I think edric really would think hunters voice is cute#he enjoys flustering him#and edric starts to look forward to when hunter tries to arrest him next time#they make a little game out of it#I’m rambling but these two have been in my brain for so long and I can’t get them out#i have so many ideas#edric half asks hunter out (half just flirting) and goes to the place anyways (just in case)#to his suprise#hunter actually shows up#and from then on#they just.. keep going on dates
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I can’t believe there’s not a single crossover I can find of golden sun and avatar it would be so fun
someone out there understands the vision I have, I know it
#golden sun#avatar#atla#like it would work so well! fun with the ‘magic systems’ would be fun#and the four elements being the same makes it MORE fun#I’d lean towards ‘someone from post-game WoV gets sent to avatar world’ for the plot setup bc it makes more sense to me#and by process of elimination (dark dawn’s info of the WoV’s whereabouts) that means Sheba is prob the best fit to get isekai’d#ok so by the same metric Felix works as well but I like Sheba more so…#can’t decide what era of the avatar world oli would want to send her to though#either tv show era lets me mess with her being a Jupiter adept but also I feel like korra has more room for it (timeskip) if I want mid-sho#anyways please tell me someone understands my vision it’s so fun in my brain but I can’t write it out
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That feeling when you get a plotbunny for a fandom where you don’t even go, IN A CONLANG, and you don’t have anyone who knows it so it’s just pingponging around in your brain
#I never played ar tonelico but I read LPs way back when#and once in a while my brain latches on to the worldbuilding and the SUNG CONLANG PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE OF MAGIC#(seriously that string of words is catnip for me)#and wants to do something with it#this time it’s… well whenever my brain sees 'XYZ group can’t be boys/girls because reasons' I go 'okay but consider: trans people'#so now my brain is giving me vague ideas about a trans dude reyvateil who tries to hack his Singing voice#since from what the wiki says it sounds like the Tower handles how it sounds when someone Sings#and I’m knee deep in the wiki for something I’ll never write trying to figure out what to hack and how#doesn’t help that all the Hymmnos I know is some of the emotion words#so all my brain gives me is 'holy shit if he gets to Sing the last bit in his new voice and it starts with 'was yea erra''#(which I guess gives me some extra corner points in that an IPD reyvateil needs to be involved and it’s not him since that’s standard)#(because for the change to be implemented mid Song it’d have to be executed sequentially and you can’t do that with standard)#(and if he’s the ipd he’d want his Song to have as much power as possible and not bother with emulation)#(I guess there’s a bit of plot there in that he tries on his own but fails and something something the value of community)#(maybe part of the failure is that his approach features emotion sounds that his actual feelings clash with due to his voice)#(since the change would only go through at the end)#(so I guess the patch would in part be porting the lines he struggles with to New Testament of Pastalia so the other person can take them)#(and run them as they’re Sung)#I HAVE NEVER EVEN PLAYED THE GAMES
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i’ve seen some people curious about my characters from my game that i’m making, Pumpkinbloom
i’m gonna explain pickle first just because he’s the one that lives in my brain constantly
this is the e only image of him i could find the rest are lost in my camera roll
Pickle deserves to be happy. He is not going to be happy within the game. Why? because he is a main character, one of your Teammates while playing! he smol and ambitious bean :)
#yeah this is all i have about him rn#he lives in my brain and i have so many quotes and ideas for dialogue but i can’t get them out becuase BATTLE SYSTEMS ARE SO FUCKING HARD#TO MAKE GODDAMNIT#pumpkinbloom pickle#pumpkinbloom#game stuff
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If I’m not exhausted after uni again tomorrow I’m gonna replay bugsnax n see how long it takes me to finish it
#I’m not speedrunner but I can complete the game to 100% in a day#excluding dlc. I’m sorry but I really dislike the gameplay of the dlc#adore the story! dislike the gameplay#I do think the dlc is good and the side quests and home customisation is very nice#the actual isle of snax? not a fan!#I feel like in the beginning it’s very hand-holding and then shifts to flat out frustrating#the characters Tell You How To Solve Puzzles in the beginning portion like. BESTIE I wanna figure this out on my own.#and after that the puzzles are easy in their solution. you put the buggy ball in the hole.#or catching the bugs. it’s easy to SEE the solution. actually doing it is hell on earth#i hate the shrinking mechanic. why didn’t you put it in the sling shot. why can’t I shoot it. why do I have to run to hope to throw it in-#time. why. and cheddaboardle rex. I Fucking Hate You.#it doesn’t take my top spot for most disliked boss but it’s 👌🏻 this close.#you’re on thin ice asshole.#for reference my least favourite boss is the mega maki#closely followed by mothza#and the natural winner of the bunch is mama mewon thank u for coming to my ted talk#anyway. my brain is fixing on the bug game again because I saw some snorpy fanart earlier#I’m going to sleep now goodnight#*also I should add there is a lot about the dlc I adore. it does its job really well! and its amazing to say it’s free#it elaborates on some characters very nicely and gives spotlight to some that maybe didn’t get as much before#it helped me connect to them more#and the side quests and home customisation are best played through with the main game rather than after- it feels more natural that way#and it is very good and fun and adds some challenges to those that want it#it is good! I just don’t like playing it JGDHFKSH
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Therapist: if you’re diagnosed (and you prolly will be; regardless you’re clearly neurodivergant) adhd drugs could really help you feel better
My brain: haha bad little boy drug go brrrr
#tiger’s roar#adhd#medication stigma#…just ‘cause I Mostly don’t annoy people by Just Existing#’cause Masking and female socialization and mixed adhd symptoms vs hyperactive or inattentive/‘dumb blonde joke tm’#does…not mean I’m actually…functioning. at all#I still feel bored and irritable and struggle staying ontask like. all the time. esp if it’s boring. no matter how hard I wanna just. do it#I’m still so gd sensitive to Sounds that this 6 yr old girl struggling with Volume Control KNOWS#and will sweetly try to tell everyone to Shut Up…by yelling. (her dad teased her bout that)#I still can’t really Spot The Object and it’s not my eyes. it’s my brain#I just do not find Wheres Waldo or Wordsearches fun. i kinda hate them#wordsearches were such stupid pointless busywork for Homework. never fun#I was stuck wasting over an hour on these things when I had other homework of 20+ problems to do#since like. 2nd grade#I can’t get my brain to just do timed drills. I WILL fail those things#thought I was free of that after 5th grade math ‘games’ but no. it’s there in college music theory too#and it definitely affects my ability to drive because I Won’t see street names I’ll see scenery#and my brain Won’t make Routes. at all. I’m like a roomba bumping around til I find The Thing#fine for a mall. awful anywhere bigger#…turns out I also have vertigo. like. every time I stop moving. since a tot. also a Brain Structure Hi Adhd Thing#…buuuut because I’m a girl and ‘raised to mask and some stuck’ (until I have my temper flare)#just. there’s still this ‘but do I tho??’#even tho people with adhd often have their anxiety and depressive symptoms BETTER on an adhd vs (just) an anxiety med#…aaaand yeah. i’m kinda scared since i cannot take the goto anxiety meds at all#full on moodswing cycling and fluttery pulse feeling for hours. l#and if adhd meds DON’T work? they can really fuck you up
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