#i assume we're all kind of moving on at this point but frankly i love my characters in this
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more than beliefs (10: lost in the woods)
A/N: the way in which i didn't expect to be updating this ., before thomas' next sanders sides video.,., anyway like i keep saying, life is crazy. i now have a masters degree.
also ! im going to post., another snippet of the human au .,., a little later today,.,.., i am getting Bolder lol
i'm going to try to be more proactive with responding to comments, especially on ao3! if you have any questions about anything, feel free to ask, and enjoy the read <3 !
WARNINGS: death threats, a kidnapping, and a very, very long fall — i don't know if there's much to tag on this one but if you think i've missed anything, please let me know!
Words: 5,248
here it is on AO3!
here are the MtB masterpost and the full Chivalry series masterpost!
enjoy! <3
Tonight’s only stroke of luck was that none of Remus’ beasts had made it to their side of the Imagination. The Thief was still out, combing through the woods.
It had been hours. The sun had yet to rise, and searching rarely went well in the dead of night.
Virgil was following him around, from the ground. Sometimes, the Thief scaled a tree, which didn’t feel like something he should be able to do. It must be the upper body strength. Why didn’t Logan work that extra gym time into Thomas’ schedule, damnit.
Janus stayed outside. He didn’t want to be inside, and it was good to keep the door open. It helped him think.
Plus, being inside meant waiting around with Logan and Patton, and as much as they were all fighting on the same side, it wasn’t as though they weren’t fighting each other as well. And he couldn’t put up with Patton’s faux fatherly friendship. He knew it was fake. It had to be.
It was early morning when Janus saw someone approaching the Tree. He stood, squinting into the distance. The person was much too tall to be the Child. They were moving slowly, too, and had an amorphously red shape. Janus could barely make them out in the moonlight.
“Who’s there?” he called out.
“It’s me,” the Damsel’s voice echoed back.
Oh.
Maybe he was just getting paranoid. Janus sat back down on the doorway, holding the tree bark door open with a leg.
“Good morning, Phillip,” he called.
He didn’t receive a response until the Damsel, much closer, sighed. He leaned on his cane and looked around up at the Tree, the surrounding forests, before returning his gaze to Janus. He seemed out of breath. It must have been a long walk, or he must not be used to walking the distance.
“Could you spare some room,” the Damsel asked.
Oh, huh. Janus scooted to the side, opening space for the Damsel to sit, and he did. He rested his cane against the side of the Tree and grunted as he sank down, leaning on the doorframe’s side. One of his legs extended forward, straightened out, while the other pulled beneath it.
“Sorry,” he hummed, voice muffled slightly by his scarf. “I’m not the best with distances. Usually the Playwright or the Dragon help me travel, but….but they’re not accessible.”
Right. The Damsel’s leg. “There’s no need to apologize. I’m sorry you had to come out here,” Janus waved at the forest while leaning his chin onto his other hand. “Did the Thief call you?”
“Virgil did, off of Eric’s-the Thief’s phone.”
He let out a sigh as he cracked his back in both directions, then he leaned back onto his hands. Virgil had called in a panic; the Thief had unlocked his phone and dropped it to Virgil. The Child was missing. They were coming back to the Tree but they hadn’t found the Child. The Thief had combed every part of the woods faster than the Child could have traveled, so it was likely he’d been kidnapped. Did he get kidnapped out of the Tree? No, he ran after he and the Thief had an argument. Inopportune, but tensions were high, even between them, if the Artist’s anger was anything to go off of.
First the Playwright, now the Child? Something must be picking them off. Could it be one by one? Luckily, the other trio was together, and the Damsel and Thief were with the other Sides. They would have to stay together. But what could be trying to capture them like this?
And for what purpose? The Damsel’s…darker tones had never left. Never been removed. So a part of him wondered…perhaps Roman was trying to finish the deed. But no. That would be foolish, after everything they’d been through.
The Damsel shook his head, clearing the thoughts, before sighing again. He didn’t want to look at Janus but who else was there for conversation — mirthlessly, the Damsel chuckled. Maybe that was why Roman would try to finish things.
Janus didn’t know what to make of him. Ever since their first escapade and then some, even when they started actually getting to know the guy, he just couldn’t understand. What were the implications of a part of Roman being almost as cut throat, as ruthless, as ends justify the means, as himself. What did that mean for Roman, for something like the Damsel to exist inside him.
There were few and far between opportunities for him to be alone with the former Prince, and he’d been the one to unravel Janus in the very beginning. This might be untradeable time. He should take the chance.
But for what? He wanted to understand more about Roman’s psyche, what could be causing all of this, but…for what? What part did he want to know? He’d thought he had a strong profile of the prince on lock, until Roman went against that, went against everything he’d known about him, just to prove him wrong. Out of pure spite. What did that say about him, and what didn’t it say that Janus needed to understand?
“When did the Chil-the Child run away?” the Damsel asked.
“Quite late at night. Maybe eleven. It’s been hours,” Janus responded. “Virgil and Thief must have been walking for miles and they hadn’t found him.”
The Damsel nodded slowly. “Two out of seven’s more than just a coincidence.”
Hypothesizing, and reserved.
“I’m surprised you followed them in here,” the Damsel continued. “I wouldn’t have-I didn’t expect you to care as much.”
Janus flinched, shooting the Damsel a glare. In response, though, the Damsel just cocked an eyebrow back to him, challenging him to argue.
“We…I’m on good terms with Roman,” Janus said. “We’ve had our disagreements, but—”
The Damsel laughed. He laughed so hard he leaned forward, holding his hand over his mouth like Janus had done to the other Sides so many times, as if he could stifle the sound. It grated on Janus’ ears. It sounded too much like Roman to be comforting and it was harsher in the way it was different.
“The only terms you think you-you think you have Roman are on the terms and conditions, because of how often you use him. A ‘funny, wholesome prank’ you enjoyed,” the Damsel turned so fast his scarf brushed Janus’ arm and he jumped at the sudden tonal change as the Damsel hissed angrily at him. “Playing into his love of theater, being right, AND desire to be a good person? That’s sinking low. Even for the leg-less snake.”
“I wouldn’t have to—the *leg-less snake?!” Janus couldn’t wrap his head around the Damsel’s report of his being.
“It’s a metaphor. You know, as you so enjoy. Speaking in tongues rather than-rather than play your cards openly, and I thought we-I thought-I thought you would have learned,” the Damsel growled in response. “You are the reason we-we didn’t go to the callback. You are the reason Roman’s self-love has been eradicated. And you are the reason Roman is missing. And I have no qualms with saying it, even if others-others do..”
Janus stared at him with wide, undilated eyes. He hadn’t noticed, but he’d pressed himself against the wall, one hand gripping the step into the Tree while the other scratched at the Tree’s wall, trying to find purchase. One more bout and he might run.
Good. The Damsel reveled in it, Janus’ fear. He knew he had to stay level headed — someone had to — but it felt good to finally unveil the source of everyone’s hostility. As much or as little as everyone knew. He’d spoken with the Child about it a few times, who was disappointed. He’d hoped that he could trust Janus, only to be proven wrong. It broke the kid’s heart. The Damsel hoped that that was all it had broken.
Slowly, he pushed himself up again, grabbing his cane with another sigh. Rougher this time. In the distance were more figures. Two, to be precise.
“Get inside before Thief sees you. He’s-He’s not as good at holding back his sword when anxious, and he won’t make your death as painless,” the Damsel warned, the growl never leaving, and Janus wasn’t willing to argue that point.
He hurried back up the stairs, trying to wrap his mind around what the Damsel had accused him of. That basically meant Roman felt that way. Or was it a third party perspective. Or was it both. Could it be both?
Did it even matter?
Logan was in the kitchen, a mug in his hands as he leaned on the counter and checked his phone. He was typing something. Patton, too, was in the living room, also typing on his phone. Something else. Janus didn’t even want to ask what it could be or what was happening; he just wanted to get on with it. Who knew if either of them had similar feelings.
“They’re back,” he said. “And Damsel’s here, too.”
Logan looked up first, pocketing his phone in an instant. “Oh, good,” he nodded toward the stairs.
They hurried down in time to see the Damsel catch the Thief in his arms with a grunt, cane still propped up against the Tree’s side. Patton strayed near the back, but even he could see the Thief tuck himself into the Damsel’s chest, arms curled around his head and fingers raking through his own hair. Virgil, behind them both, waved a hand to the others, signaling that they stay put. The Thief’s anxiety had only gone up, skyrocketing in a way that worried him. Sure, everything worried him, and even that much worrying was a bit worrisome, but this was another level kind of worry.
The Thief…worried Virgil. Every time he looked at Roman, knowing that he literally had an Anxiety was somewhere at the top of mind. That they’d torn him down so far that he had multiples of that, he had parts of himself that were willing to kill and fight and live in fear of every day. Had Thomas done that? Or had they? Did the things that he and the others say contribute to that? Last time he was here, everyone was able to quote back things at them, as if those quotes were what had built them. And the Thief was built on wanting to leave Thomas.
Virgil carefully approached them both, but the Damsel shook his head at him. One of his hands reached up, rubbing the Thief’s back in patterned circles.
“Eric. We need to-We need to get going. Reunite with the others,” the Damsel suggested.
“I’m so fucking stupid,” the Thief’s voice cracked on the swear, and his arms closed on himself tighter. “I don’t-I don’t know if he ran or if-Phillip, we were arguing, he-If he got taken, I wouldn’t know, I didn’t-I shouldn’t have let him out of-out of my sight.”
“We can find him again, we just need to re-reunite with the people who can travel easiest,” the Damsel murmured, a sharp and gentle contrast to how he’d threatened Janus. “I reached out to Remus, he should be here soon.”
The Thief nodded but made no moves to relocate himself. It felt a little awkward.
If Remus was coming, though, that must mean that they’re going somewhere else. Janus stepped back into the alcove at the front of the Tree and pulled out his shoes. Logan did the same, after a second. Better get going soon.
Behind them both, Patton stepped out, feet already crammed into his loafers. “Hey, Eric,” he whispered, right behind the Damsel.
The Thief flinched at the sound, but still lifted his head. His eyes were red, bright and tired. He hadn’t slept a wink, while at least Virgil got an hour or two earlier. His head hurt from the shouting and crying. And he stared at Patton with as much of a glare as he could muster. It wasn’t much.
“What,” he asked.
Patton glanced at the Damsel, who was also watching him curiously, before opening his arms. “I’ve heard I give Patton-tedly good hugs,” he offered with a soft voice, warm as the hearth.
That was Patton. Always full of love, at the end of the day and the worst of times. It was a very high-stress situation, and he didn’t want to not help. He wanted to comfort.
The Damsel let go ever so slightly and let the Thief lean to the other side. He pressed himself into Patton’s arms and curled up tight again, and Patton rested his arms on the top of his back, pulling him in just as close. After a beat, the Thief began shivering again, and Patton hummed softly. He could tell that the Thief was crying again.
“Being a dad is so FUCKING hard,” the Thief grumbled into his shirt.
“Hey, take it from me, it sure isn’t easy,” Patton said with a chuckle.
“You know, you’re not actually a father,” Logan interrupted, fixing his tie as he approached.
“Oh, no, no, I’ve only got a father figure,” Patton joked right back, giving the Thief a squeeze. “Amirite?”
The Thief snorted quietly, and even Virgil shook his head with a grin behind him. A bit of comedy to lighten the mood did wonders, in Patton’s eyes, especially when the Thief began to uncurl from his hug.
“Thanks, Patton,” he muttered.
“No problem, kiddo. I’m always here to help cheer you up,” Patton looped his arm around the Thief’s for a quick side-hug, which the Thief returned with a lean.
It was good timing, too, as a horn sounded behind them. Everyone turned, facing up as another horn went off. It was difficult to see without sunlight, but the moon and thick coat of stars cast just enough light for them to see the floating barge.
It was an old-timey sailboat, painted black, with green trims and a face of horror at the bow. The ship’s sails had been let down, displaying lime green splatters across their formerly-white surfaces. It was a wieldy vessel indeed.
Only one person could be driving it.
“Welcome aboard!” Remus shouted, and everyone stumbled as they were unceremoniously teleported onto the ship’s deck, above the treeline.
The Damsel was first to regain his footing, reaching out with an arm toward their new captain. Remus, wearing a black tricorn hat, greeted him by yanking him into a tight hug. And squeaking. Like a squeaky toy. The Damsel laughed at the gesture, hugging him back quickly.
Their camaraderie was noted. Once again, everyone was surprised about the relationship they had. Didn’t Roman hate Remus, and didn’t Remus terrorize him?
On the other end, the Thief pulled back, helping up the other Sides. He made sure Janus was stably standing last and shot him another angry look before turning away.
Janus brushed himself down. He didn’t understand.
He was warranted anger toward Roman all the same, so what the fuck was all of this animosity?
“Good to see you all in one piece again, and glad we’re gonna be playing One Piece again,” Remus shouted at them all.
The Damsel meandered toward the side of the boat, looking around. The dusty wall of fog that separated their sides was so close, here. This was closer to the the Imagination’s natural form, with the kingdom world’s edges all being clouded in fog that you could only really see at this height. Beyond the fog was more worlds that they’d invented, like the city seen previously. Even other kingdoms technically existed, with different rules and plotlines, but this one was home. It was the oldest setting, based on Thomas’ slew of Disney knowledge as he grew up. Others were more mature. One was based on the Game of Thrones’ settings, though it was more a daydream than a fleshed out world. There were alternate paths for their lives, even, with duplicates of Thomas’ home abound in every universe. They were all daydreams.
So nice, to see the world again, especially from such height. They were higher up than even the Tree. The setting was designed to not show any of the too obvious spaces between the worlds, so even the highest point wouldn’t show off the bounds. Only the Dragon, Dragon Witch, or something like this, a flying boat, could give a good vantage over the whole of the kingdom. It wasn’t a sight the Damsel got to see often.
Oh, he remembered sometimes, like this, what it was like to rule it all. To be Roman.
The self-loathing often mellowed out into melancholy, grieving a power he was technically never granted and was absolutely never promised. And the knowledge that he had to cultivate the rest of his Round Table. Especially his heir.
The Damsel, once the Prince, gripped his cane tighter. Oh, Child.
After he’d mellowed out, as the others put it, he tried to manage the actual town around the castle. And it became clear that the responsibility he was overburdened by was almost also visible in the Child. No one else seemed to handily understand how their perspectives impacted Roman — from the Thief’s judgements to the Artist’s drive and motivation, only the Child seemed to care about how his input impacted Roman and Thomas. And that responsibility was something the Damsel had been hoping to cultivate.
Of course, the Thief and the Bard were reluctant to like. Co-parent with a known murderer and the Dragon. But the Damsel appreciated the Child’s input, when he was allowed to receive it, and he did his best to respect the Child’s opinion.
“Which of you wants to walk the plank first!” Remus exclaimed, gesturing around with a rapier.
He poked it against Logan’s chest a few times, enough for Logan to see the tiny morning star affixed at its end, and the gesture was returned by a withering glance over. Janus snorted, at least, and Patton coo’ed at how tiny Remus’ weapon now was.
“Awh, it’s so cute!” Patton praised.
Virgil, on the other hand, waved his hand at the weapon. “Get that off his chest. We’ve gotta get to the Dragon Witch, with the others. You’re taking us there, right?”
Remus’s lips upturned, pouting as he leaned over closer. “Awh, boo! All work and no play makes Virgil a dull, dull boy,” he flicked his finger against Virgil’s nose and, before Virgil could retaliate any more than a growl, turned around quickly. “Yes, we’re on route for that. Shouldn’t be too long before we get there and drop trou.”
“I believe we’d be dropping anchor, when we arrive,” Logan corrected, following Remus first up the deck.
The whole troupe moved after him. Around them, the sails were being managed, ropes pulled, and steering wheel turned by invisible forces. It was like the ship were being manned by invisible people, but it was likely only run by Remus, who was hopping up the stairs.
“Oh, sure, whatever you want, Nerdy Nummy,” Remus said with a grin, gesturing over the side of the boat. “I’ll sure be dropping trou, at least.”
“How are the others?” the Thief asked quickly, trying to ignore Logan’s quizzical look.
Once again, Remus waved his hand. “Oh, you know!” he barked out a laugh.
Well. What did the Thief expect, with that one. He scowled at Remus’ back, a few ideas on how to get him to talk dancing through his mind before he felt a hand rest on his shoulder. Behind him, Janus shook his head.
And before the Thief could grapple with the snake and throw him overboard, as if sensing the imminent danger, Virgil yanked Janus back in a quick, sharp motion.
Behind both of them, Patton stumbled into the Damsel, who held onto the railing and caught Patton around the midsection. Virgil held Janus steady off by the side, watching as the Thief slowly brushed his cloak down. The air was tense around the whole party, even though Remus was skipping his way up at the top of the stairwell.
“Eric,” the Damsel murmured, trying to break the tension. “Eric, come-come on.”
The Thief’s eyes moved from Janus to the Damsel, squinting a little harder at him.
The Damsel let go of Patton to gesture forward, as if tired. Condescending.
Janus took it in quietly, eyes flitting between both, before Virgil shoved him up toward — past — the Thief. “C’mon, guys,” he grunted.
That shattered the tension. The Thief hopped off the steps in one vertical leap, landing on the railing and hurrying up the rest of the rail as if it were a balance beam.
At least they weren’t fighting. That’s what Patton was most afraid of, any more big fighting. They’d done that earlier today and they had to stop, really. It was going to start hurting Thomas at some point.
There was so much hurting. Who hurt you, who hurt me, hurting, revenge, and Patton didn’t agree with any of it! They just needed to sit down. Take a breather. Talk things out. But everyone was so tense and no one was willing to just breathe.
“Don’t worry, kiddos, we’re doin’ great,” he mumbled to himself. “I’m all good.”
The Damsel snorted behind him — Patton completely forgot he was there, too. He helped Patton upright, which he thanked him for, and they both began up again. The Damsel had a slower gait, holding the cane with one hand while he gripped the railing with the other, so Patton let his stride slow to keep pace.
“How’re you doing, Philly boy,” Patton bobbed his head as he spoke.
It was a silly nickname, sure, but the Damsel stopped fully again, squinting his eye at Patton with so much vitriol that he almost flinched. Almost.
“Philly boy,” he repeated.
“Mmmmmhm,” Patton glanced up the stairs with his eyes before stopping himself.
“I’m doing alright, Patty boy,” the Damsel responded with a small smile, shaking his head as he continued to climb. “How are you?”
Oh. Thank heavens. Patton laughed, clapping. “Wow, I’m glad you liked that one. I was about to start crying.”
As they got toward the top, the Damsel patted Patton’s shoulder gently. They were closer to the stern, going toward the wheel, which Remus approached himself. He waved his hands away at whatever was controlling it and gripped it tight himself.
“ONWARDS!” he screeched.
Somewhere, seagulls screeched, and the Thief jumped at the sound.
The ship turned quickly, careening to the side, though it didn’t throw off anyone’s balance too much. Remus was nice enough to think about that, at least. They faced the wall of mist that Virgil had crossed prior, the one that cut the Imagination in half, and began drifting toward it. The wind caught the sails in ways that defied logic and gravity, given that there was next to no wind blowing against them on the deck. Logan looked around at the world, approaching the railed edge slowly.
It was beautiful. He didn’t think he told Roman that enough, when they were together. It was hard to call something beautiful objectively, since it was, by definition, subjective. But the beauty of these creations, even at night, as the moon’s faint glow trawled over the edges of each tree. It faintly glittered on the river that cut through the forest and the town, dull light emanating off the terracotta roofs in town…
He missed Roman. Logan didn’t know what to feel about everyone else here, the arguing they’d been going through, but at the very least. Well. Roman did listen to part of what he’d said.
They should be able to discuss this like people.
God, fucking, and also damnit.
He ran his hand through his hair and took off his glasses slowly. It was giving him a headache and not because of his aid of the Imagination’s creating.
“It sure is pretty out here,” Patton sighed.
“It’s about to get even better, Daddy-o. Hold onto your pants!” Remus shouted.
Before any of them could ask what the fuck that meant, the fog of the split approached and engulfed the ship. It was impossible to see the hands in front of their faces, let alone the world around them. A whole shift.
And in almost an instant, it was gone. The fog swiped past them, drifting off the ship in slow rolls. Logan watched it drift back into a wall behind them, smoothing back down, before glancing over the world before them.
It was less dark than he’d expected. It was day, in a way, the other half of the sun glowing red more than the gold of Roman’s side, bathing the world in a bloody glow. The lighting poked holes between the pitch dark trees and between the tangles of brambles that surrounded the grounds of Remus’ world. In the distance was another castle. It was much taller. Much less clear how physics worked here, if Remus kept it in mind or if he pointedly discarded it. Logan had a hunch it was the later, building things that he knew wouldn’t work, because the largest tower of the castle had a full 90º bend in the middle. There was a bend, then another bend, then it continued upward, like someone had pushed it over a chunk.
To Virgil, it was a little familiar. He’d traversed both sides, though Remus’ far less. Back when he had to make nightmares more often, he’d have to go in through Remus’ mirror rather than Roman’s door. He also leaned over the railing besides Logan with a sigh.
“Hello everyone, this is your captain speaking.” Everyone jumped, Virgil nearly a foot off the ground. They whipped around to see Remus in a captain’s outfit — all green, of course — holding a radio speaker whose chord seemed to disappear into thin air above him.
He waved his fingers at the group and only the Damsel waved back, as per usual. “We are hovering above our destination now, and I hope you’ve enjoyed your flight. Beginning our descent into the Dragon Witch’s lair in t-minus five. Four. Three.”
“Oh, fuck,” the Thief groaned, holding onto the Damsel’s arm.
“Two.”
“What?” Virgil asked.
“One.”
The boat disappeared, as did Remus. For everyone else?
They began their descent.
For a moment, just a brief moment, it reminded Janus of the last time they visited. What, with trap door falls and all that.
Below them was the Subconscious, just besides the ground of Remus’ side. Virgil screamed — words can barely explain the stress he was under — as did Patton. The Thief had curled around the Damsel’s waist, cloak shielding them both and actually breaking some of their descent. It gave them a wider surface area, especially as the Damsel’s scarf undid itself. He kicked one of his legs out as well to increase surface area. Logan, at the furthest to the bottom, had his back to the fall as he watched everyone else.
It really felt like they were going to die here.
Until the shadow passed above, blocking out the little light they had. Logan could see it, it was a dragon. The Dragon? No, it looked larger. He couldn’t remember the Dragon’s actual dragon form’s size and length. Maybe he should take measurements.
“WHAT THE FUCK,” Janus managed to choke out through the air that was surging past them.
The dragon passed by again, closer this time. It dove and, with one claw, grabbed the two Roman figments. The Damsel wrapped his arms around its claw as it dove beneath them again. In this movement, it swiped Patton straight out of the air.
Somehow, Virgil screamed louder.
Then even he was silenced by the dragon’s tail coiling around them.
Impact must be coming soon. They were getting close to the tree tops at least, and while the Subconscious was an impossibly further drop below, even Logan was getting worried. He couldn’t see how far they were falling but it’d been about eleven seconds. That felt like quite a bit.
Claws wrapped around Janus in front of him then, quickly, himself as well. The dragon wasted no time in reaching up with its front arms and depositing them both onto its back, which was much wider than Logan remembered Draco’s being. And much more purple.
This must be the Dragon Witch, then. He patted her back with a sigh.
Virgil was still hyperventilating, holding one of the Witch’s protruding spikes with both of his arms. Also his legs. Patton was too stunned to make sounds, jaw hung open, and Janus, as soon as he was deposited, scrambled over to hold a spike himself. That was probably wise. Logan grabbed one.
They were safe.
“That was fun,” the Damsel said, coughing a few times. “Wow.”
“Shut the fuck up,” the Thief croaked.
He was just as pale as Virgil, almost moreso, as he held onto the Damsel and as the Damsel held one of the spikes. The Damsel laughed a little at the Thief’s anger.
“That was AWFUL,” Patton cried.
Logan blinked a few times, only to find his vision clouding. Oh. He took off his glasses, making sure to grip them tight as he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. Wetness. Ah.
“No, it was fucking great,” Janus snapped, jaw closing so quickly it made a biting sound, only for him to let out another small scream as the Witch ducked into the side of the cliff, into a dark opening.
They held on for the bumpy landing, wincing as they rolled a little on her scales. Slowly, though, she leaned to the side and stilled.
An opportunity to get off. No one was unhappy to oblige, and the Damsel, remembering how, slid off first. One by one, they disembarked, looking around the cave.
It was large. Red clay and brown limestone walls were illuminated by hanging fire lanterns and columns of fire within, ones that seemed to spin flame into itself but not anywhere outside. It was as big as an airplane hangar, expansive and echoey. At the very least, it had to be large enough for her to fit, didn’t it.
Once Patton descended, the last person off, the dragon began to shift. Her expansive golden wings coiled in on herself, pressing into her body, compacting her. They managed to cover the entirety of her magenta and forest green form, tail wrapping in all the same as she kept shrinking.
“Draco?” Virgil asked, and Logan shook his head.
It seemed everyone else had made the incorrect assumption. “No, no, she was much too big to be the Dragon,” Logan explained.
“She?” Janus asked.
“She indeed,” the Witch hummed, voice booming from her giant form.
The gold wings peeled off then drifted back into two long, billowing ends of a shawl. It was wrapped around her shoulders and trailed behind her, punctuated by the thick, swirling gold cape over her shoulders. She was still an imposing presence in her human form, standing taller than even the Dragon, shoulders squared further by her thick coat. A horned headless, somewhat accurate to medieval style, saw on her head like a crown.
She opened her arms in one dramatic bow.
“Welcome in, everyone, it’s so good to finally meet you. My boys’ve told me so much,” she held out a hand, first to Janus, and her glowing eyes were striking.
Slitted and golden. Like him. “My name is Guinevere, but you can call me Vi.”
#more than beliefs#sanders sides#sanders sides au#sanders sides fic#tss roman#sanders sides roman#roman sanders#woop woop is this fandom still alive LMAO#i assume we're all kind of moving on at this point but frankly i love my characters in this#much more than i care about the actual sanders sides series#writing these is kinda hard because i don't want to rewatch the series because it makes me sad#but i feel like i dont have as good a grip on the canon sides as i used to#mm its a little sad to have watched things die like this
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Songs That Remind Me Of Attack On Titan
Tags: Headcanons (Formatting), Eremika
Warnings: Season 4 Spoilers
Songs that remind me of Attack On Titan or that I associate with the overall series.
* ˚ ✦ Read below the cut
╭┈─────── ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-╰┈➤ ❝ [06/11/23] ❞
This Could Build Us a Home - The Garden
Cell door slams
Right into my face
Immediately, these lyrics remind me of when Eren was imprisoned in Season 4.
Actually, there were a lot of times that Eren was behind bars I think 💀 jailbird fr HAHAHAHAH
I've gotta beat time
We're running out of time
Now this one is a bit tricky to explain.
While Eren can't physically time travel, I find that these lyrics can relate to how he kind of knows what's going to happen and despite trying to change his fate, or at least trying to make choices to lead to something different, he can't.
(I'm assuming that was how it worked anyway.)
But you can't outrun the preordained. You can only act with the hand you've been dealt.
I also think of the titan shifter's lifespan and how they don't live forever, despite being so powerful.
Promise me
That this can build a home
Promise me
That we will not get old
Oof...
This part of the song is definitely a little heartbreaking, knowing that Eren dies and he can't grow old with Mikasa.
Despite that, everyone moves on and builds new lives for themselves with the temporary peace they've been given.
Eren is the only one who doesn't grow old - but it's because of this fact that the others could finally settle down and build a proper home for themselves.
… … … … … . . ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ,, ⌲˘͈ᵕ˘͈
My Kind Of Woman - Mac DeMarco
I'm feelin' so tired
Really fallin' apart
And it just don't make sense to me
I really don't know
Why you stick right next to me
Wherever I go
Relating to the line where Eren talks about his head is all messed up to Armin.
His mental state has kind of reached a point where it's a little fucked up, and he's done fucked up things.
Despite it all, Mikasa sticks by his side because her love and devotion to Eren keeps her loyal to him, even if at times she's a slave to that love.
You're my, my, my, my kind of woman
Is there anything that really needs to be said about this line?
Eren Yeagar, everybody. The man that taught us what not to do when you have a fine ass girl by your side.
… … … … … . . ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ,, ⌲˘͈ᵕ˘͈
I Love You So - The Walters
I just need someone in my life to give it structure
To handle all the selfish ways I'd spend my time without her
Eren's life has inevitably become a mess.
Frankly, everyone in the AOT universe lacks structure in their lives. They all have had to constantly adapt to change.
Mikasa is a constant in Eren's life, but he isn't one in hers. The second line can be attributed to when Eren says that truly, he doesn't want Mikasa to forget about him.
That he wants to be on the forefront of her mind for at least another ten years, despite being dead.
It's a selfish desire, despite the fact that he won't be able to spend time with her. And yet, Mikasa is still the one thing Eren can count on to still be there for him, waiting.
After all, she did say see you later, Eren.
I'm gonna pack my things and leave you behind
This feeling's old and I know that I've made up my mind
I hope you feel what I felt when you shattered my soul
'Cause you were cruel and I'm a fool
So, please let me go
Definitely much heavier meaning to this part of the song.
Of course, Eren leaving Mikasa and Armin behind. He's known for a long time what it is that he has to do and nothing can change that.
It's a cruel fate for them, honestly.
Eren makes stupid decisions all the time, but at the root of it all he doesn't want his friends to suffer, even if some of his actions still caused that suffering.
Think of when he told Mikasa that he hated her.
But at the end of those lyrics, you can feel that sense of sadness where he tells Mikasa to forget him and throw the scarf away.
To let him go.
… … … … … . . ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ,, ⌲˘͈ᵕ˘͈
Moon River - Frank Ocean
My heart (you heart) breaker
Wherever you're goin'
I'm goin' that way (the same, the same)
Jesus a lot of these songs can be Eremika based 😭
Once again, Mikasa being a devoted and loyal to Eren, even if he has left her heartbroken.
I think at the end of the episode when we see that she grew old and passed away, we also see that she's holding the same flowers that were on Eren's gravestone.
I think this may be why she said see you later, because she would reunite with him in the afterlife. The last two lines of this song remind me of that.
Two drifters off to see the world
There's such a crazy world to see
We're all chasin' after all the same
Chasing after our ends
Obviously this song is in the perspective of a couple but I think you can be a bit imaginative and include Armin in part, regarding how he desperately wanted to see the outside world.
There was so much they hadn't seen or explored yet, and that was one of their original ambitions/goals. They used to be so bright-eyed.
At the end of the day, though, everyone knows that with being a scout comes inevitable death, pains, and losses.
While chasing for that freedom and exploration, everyone drew closer to their own demise - some just luckier than others.
Also, the title? Moon - when it was a full moon when Eren asked Mikasa what he was to her, and river - the ocean and how it was always Armin's dream to go there.
… … … … … . . ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ,, ⌲˘͈ᵕ˘͈
I Bet On Losing Dogs - Mitski
I bet on losing dogs
I know they're losing and I'll pay for my place
By the ring
Where I'll be looking in their eyes when they're down
I'll be there on their side
I'm losing by their side
When you think about this song as a standalone, it is clear that the overall message is about trying so hard to make something work when it just can't.
And you know it can't.
But knowing this impossibility, everyone's beliefs, choices, and devotion are unshakeable.
Even if they're losing, or if they can't change their fates, whether or not this is a never-ending loop they'll keep their place and pay for it.
Because at the end of the day, these characters wouldn't be who they are or do what they need to do without betting on something to lose.
Just as Armin said, you can't change anything if you aren't ready to abandon something. Is it love? Giving your heart to the cause? Your own freedom?
It changes depending on the perspective of who you're looking at this song from.
Whoever it is, they all stick by each other, knowing that there is one losing dog they bet on: Eren.
But not just them, so does humanity. He was humanities last hope in the beginning.
He doesn't get his happy ending, but Mikasa looks into his eyes before he goes "down".
Figuratively and literally.
How you'd be over me looking in my eyes when I come
Someone to watch me die
SOBBING.
ENOUGH SAID.
#↳˳☁️;; ❝ headcanons ᵕ̈ ೫˚∗:#headcanons#headcanon format#aot#snk#attack on titan#shingeki no kyojin headcanons#shingeki no kyojin#snk headcanons#aot headcanons#attack on titan headcanons#attack on titan final season#attack on titan season 4#attack on titan season four#snk season 4 part 2#snk final season#i mean not really headcanons#not sure what else to tag this tho#eremika
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That's a lot of panels but this explanation is a lot and we're about to get into the weeds with it so let's do this.
Let's start with where this makes sense. We've talked a lot about Sasuke's worshipping of Itachi. He was doing it when he hated Itachi whether he realized it or not and he was doing it after he found out the truth. So yeah, Sasuke's complex would continue to the point where he just assumes all of Itachi's actions are right and would follow them blindly and to the detriment of himself and others, right...?
Except, then what was the point of that final moment between them? The one where Itachi point blank said "I was wrong" (while not knowing completely why he was wrong because that would make Konoha look bad (this will be a running theme)). Because from a story writing perspective it would make sense that Sasuke internalized that and, okay, after that Sasuke decides he wants to know what a village is and what shinobi are. I'm not really sure where that came from, but I'll let it slide. So Sasuke discovers what a village is and shinobi are and then apparently for some reason either forgot or did not even internalize what Itachi said about being wrong? Uh, why? What was the point of Sasuke and Itachi even having that conversation then? It seems to me that regardless of what the point was supposed to be at the time, by the time we got to the end of the story Kishimoto needed an excuse for Sasuke to 1. want to fight Naruto/be the final obstacle 2. be blatantly wrong and so Kishimoto said fuck it and made it that way regardless of what would make sense for the character he'd been writing until then.
Speaking of, let's talk about how completely wrong this is in a way that does not service to Sasuke's character, but does all the service to Naruto's. As has already been obviously shoehorned in, Naruto's recent thing to make it seem like he had an arc, or a more noble point than just wanting attention, was that Naruto understands that people need to work together to achieve things and make everything better and Naruto is a special, awesome sunshine boy that everyone roots for and thinks is great so clearly he is the best choice for hokage. Meanwhile poor misguided Sasuke thinks that he has to shoulder all burdens alone and he is wrong and his life is sad, if only he'd accept others everything would somehow be better. Even though like how can you say Sasuke refuses to let others in when the entirety of the series has been people refusing to validate any of his feelings??? And Sasuke is just inherently not a personable person??? And once again what does the title of hokage have anything to do with Sasuke other than Obvious Reason to Conflict with Naruto????
So, if none of the Sasuke's stated aims make sense for his character what would make sense? Well, in a bold move Kishimoto lightly brings it up and then sidesteps it. He is alone. He says, hands shaking, he has no father, mother, brother or clan. And why does he not have that? Because of Konoha, because of a village, because of shinobi. Why wouldn't someone want revolution after that? But then, Sasuke would have a point wouldn't he? So instead, this is about being a new kind of hokage that takes all of the evil of the world onto themselves for the sake of everyone (because Sasuke was always the martyr type??). Don't worry, Kishimoto will put in a vague hint that Sasuke just agrees with Itachi that his clan should have died (while also clearly being upset that everyone he loved was killed??) because he's smart enough to know he shouldn't have Sasuke say it outright, but not a respectable enough writer to accept the consequences he wrote into his own story.
This is embarrassing writing and it's an embarrassing way to treat a character that has been pretty well written up until this point. And frankly the fact that it happened to one of my favorite fictional characters ever hurts me.
#justice4sasuke#i know we talk about how naruto sucks and it does#but it still gave us sasuke and as is clear by now i LOVE sasuke#so seeing his character be treated like this hurts my heart a lot
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M-B-M (3 Angles to a Pyramid)
We were having a good time in the breakroom. The three of us were seated and talking, and laughing. It had been hot outside that day. For 8 hours I traded, sold, stole, ran bets and ran tabs for the various flea market people. We brought back $2100 that day, after we each got paid $120 plus the money I assume the other two stole (200-300) and the money I stole every time (50). Being back, being in air conditioning, had restored our spirits...which had become quite low as we realized the inventory vs. money count wasn't making sense.
The job entailed unloading unsold merchandise and storing it. We usually took this break before that just to cool off. From March to November every weekend we'd sell this stupid shit for love or money. Our boss was a cocaine addict and a truly destructive gambler. I'd hand him thousands of dollars, he'd pass out at Greektown. His wife wanted some of the money though now, and he was feeling pressure. I gave him the envelope of money that day, and he leafed through it and said nothing.
I also did books, their primitive accounting which was pointless because the inventory was never valuated properly. There was no consistent spread of anything. Hundreds of the items were one offs anyway. The other two were basically legitimized thugs he'd known from always. If they wanted to talk seriously about money they talked to me.
Then out of nowhere we're laughing and he walks in. "You guys doing good? Feeling comfortable?"
"Yeah. We're about to put all that shit away."
"So we were talking," and by we he meant he and his wife, and he said calmly, "we're wondering why there's zero to negative growth in our receipts."
Collectively we looked around and down and everywhere. He took that moment to slam the door he'd walked in from. "Where's the fucking money?!" he yelled, "What, now no one knows what I'm fucking talking about?"
"Look, you are supposed to be top fucking earners. That's why I don't look over your shoulders. So stop fucking around, go out there, talk to your people, break some fucking heads and get some fucking earnings out there."
I went to talk, "The..."
"And don't say a word about the fucking economy, not a word! I don't want to hear it. And you," he said, pointing to his most trusted and loyal employee, my coworker. "And you, what happened with the guy? The Arab guy? The thing we were supposed to do."
"I don't know," he said. "It kind of petered out."
"It petered out" boss said mockingly.
"I don't know, the guy fuckin moved or something. I ain't seen him."
He pointed at me, "You, you're the brains of this, Microsoft Excel. Where's the money? I'm sending you with top shelf shit. It's not on the pallets you brought back. So again, I ask you, what the fuck?"
"I don't know," I said.
He exhaled and looked at us and spoke in a low, quiet tone now. "Look. The shit has worked the same way, since time immemorial, it's a pyramid. Shit runs downhill, money runs up. That's the fuckin way it works. And I shouldn't have to come to you, hat in hand like this, because what you're kicking up to me is a FUCKIN DISGRACE."
"Do you know what it takes to run this place? Do you know how much that costs?" he said. I wanted to say I did know but instead I said "I hear you" for some reason.
"And it's on the fucking verge of closing, and I have to come and beg you to kick up, and frankly I'm just embarrassed and ashamed. That's it," he said sorrowfully, opened the door and left.
It came to pass the next day. The other two went and collected. I kicked everything up and they kicked more up than normal. $3400 I handed him selling the garbage that hadn't sold before. I told the other two, "doesn't this make us look worse....if you think about it?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean he knows what we brought back, what we're taking today, and how we should be kicking up less on a Sunday than a Saturday. So when we hand him the money, he'll again see it doesn't make sense.
He smiled, "No. I gave half that shit away to collect. We'll just keep going week to week that way until he shuts the fuck up again. It's like a, a, what do you call it scheme."
"Pyramid scheme. You're using todays money to pay yesterday's creditors."
"Yeah, whatever you say."
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Leading Love Interest
As with all of my posts, the reader is body and race neutral.
In this particular one, the pairing is Pietro Maximoff x GN!Reader
Reader uses they/them pronouns.
Synopsis: Pietro and reader are friends who flirt. They've never acted on their desires, always assuming the other is joking, so Reader suppresses their feelings and goes on a date with another guy. Pietro gets jealous.
Warnings: flirty banter, maybe some innuendos and teasing but no actual smut, unrealistic domestic Avengers AU where they all get along as always, this is my first time writing Pietro so I hope it isn't too OOC!
Before you could even open the overhead cabinet, Pietro had zoomed past and grabbed your cup for you.
"What?" He asked, when you rolled your eyes as he handed it to you, "it's a gentlemanly gesture."
"I can reach it myself, and you, Pietro Maximoff, are no gentleman." You sassed, moving to take your favourite juice out of the fridge.
"Oh, honey, don't break my heart like this." He replied, pronouncing 'honey' slowly, trying to copy the way the American men said it in the old western he had watched with Steve recently for the full dramatic effect.
The flirtation was all ironic. Pietro and you were like this all the time, he played the role of the sleazy bachelor and you shook off his advances, not falling for his tricks like all the other lovestruck victims.
"Don't think I'm going to make this easy for you." You shrugged, and he cocked an eyebrow at the merciless response.
The fun was only just starting. He watched as you drank from your cup, leaning back on the counter. His shirt rode up a bit, exposing his abdomen. His flesh contrasting the black sweatpants. You looked down, then at the ceiling, then at a drawing on the fridge, unable to recognise whether it was made by Morgan or Thor.
"Where are you off to now?" He asked.
He watched you walk to the sink and wash your cup, sitting up on the counter next to the sink. No, you would not be avoiding him today.
"If you must know, I'm going on a date."
"A date? Where are we going?"
"I'm going to a restaurant. We're going to have dinner then slow dance at the end, the place has a pianist." You said slowly, "I'm going with somebody I met."
He froze in realisation.
You had developed real feelings for Pietro but you knew he wasn't the type for relationships. You had heard rumours about him being a bit of a womanizer and you honestly agreed. He was playful and good with his words but you knew you had no real chance.
So what was the point pining for him? You deserved love. It had been a long time since you had been on any kind of date, and quite frankly you were bored. You liked flirting with Pietro, but you wanted something that would last. You wanted someone who felt the same way about you.
"When is this date? You're not ready." He observed, making you raise an eyebrow.
"Can't I be comfortable?" You rolled your eyes, watching him look you up and down in your loungewear. "And it's at 6."
"Four hours from now..." Pietro commented, staring off into space.
You watched as he slipped off the counter, then flashed across the room. You didn't know what he was doing until he switched the TV on, and you welcomed the noise of classical music.
He looked at you expectantly. When your confused gaze met his, he sighed and walked back to you- normally this time, without his powers.
"I think you should practice," he said uncertainly, "so you don't embarrass yourself, of course."
"It's just slow dancing, it's just swaying and stepping around-" You began, looking down at your nails.
"Is this okay?" He interrupted.
You hadn't even noticed him coming closer, but now he had slipped your hands around his neck and sat his around your waist. This seemed natural, in a way. For a moment you fooled yourself and thought this was the happy ending of your movie. The player was a secret romantic who was head over heels for you, and you would slow dance in the background while the credits played on screen.
"It's fikay- fuck- fine, okay. Yeah, it's good." You stammered as you allowed him to lead you to the empty space of the vast room.
That was definitely going to be in the blooper reel.
He laughed at you, then came close to your ear, "you know, it's funny how you're going on a date with someone else when I make you so flustered."
"I stuttered once, Pietro." You rolled your eyes, swaying with him.
He chuckled, pulling you closer. His grip tightening around your waist.
"I-" you trailed.
"Twice now," he noted, "Do I make you nervous, Y/N?"
You released your arms around his neck, trailing your fingers down his arms.
"You act like I don't have total control over you, like I don't catch you looking at me from across the training room." You retorted, shocking even yourself with the sudden burst of confidence.
It was true, he did stare at you, but it was probably because you were always sweaty and irritable and that made him laugh. Still, it made him flush and look down at the floor. Maybe you were onto something.
He regained composure, keeping his hands around your waist but standing still.
"Why are you going on that date?" He asked calmly.
His voice was void of humour. There was no condescending grin or mischievous glint in his eyes. He was serious.
"I-" you paused, placing two hands on his chest, "don't know."
He looked at you, silent for a moment as if he was thinking really carefully about what to say next.
"Do you know if you like me?" He asked pointedly, no cheesy overrated pick up line to accompany the question.
You smiled as he locked down on the floor again, playfully drumming your fingers on his chest to bring his attention back to you. You stepped closer and locked into his eyes. At this point your noses were only about an inch apart.
"Y/N, you better cancel that date." He said in a low tone, bridging that gap and finally kissing you.
You didn't pull away for a while. You savoured this moment as if you were watching your favourite movie for the first time. You were still in denial when he pulled away.
"Y/N..."
"Okay, fine! I'm cancelling it." You replied, raising your hands in surrender as you let go of him and went to grab your phone off the counter.
He chuckled, placing a hand on his neck and looking down. You got up and sat on the counter, swinging your legs slightly as you unlocked your phone.
"You better take me out to dinner though, Pietro." You said, scanning for your date's contact name as you spoke. "I'm serious."
"Whatever you want," he insisted, walking over to you and standing between your legs, grinning as he watched you typing away.
#pietro maximoff#pietro maximov#pietro maximoff x reader#avengers x reader#pietro maximoff fluff#pietro maximoff x reader fluff
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Misha Tweets
Transcript
Ed Levine: Welcome to Special Sauce 2.0. Serious Eats podcast about food and life. Every week on Special Sauce we begin with Ask Kenji, where Kenji Lopez-Alt, Serious Eats Chief Culinary Consultant, gives the definitive answer to the question of the week that a serious eater like you has sent us.
J. Kenji Lopez-Alt: Generally, sort of like delicate leafy herbs like cilantro, parsley, basil, they tend to not be very good in their dried counterparts. Thyme, rosemary, oregano, they actually work pretty well in their dried forms.
EL: After Ask Kenji, a conversation with our guest, today in house, Misha Collins. He is, of course, an actor best known for his role as the angel, Castiel. Did I pronounce that right?
Misha Collins: Castiel.
EL: On the CW television series Supernatural, and has now written with his wife Vicki Collins, The Adventurous Eaters Club: Mastering the Art of Family Meal Time.
EL: Now it's time to meet Misha Collins. He's, of course, an actor best known for his role as the angel, Castiel?
Misha Collins: Castiel.
EL: On the CW television series Supernatural, which has had an insane run, right? It's like 2008 to 2019.
MC: Yeah, we're in our 15th season right now.
EL: That never happens.
MC: No, it doesn't. I don't know why they kept us on the air.
EL: Collins is also the co-founder and board president of Random Acts, a nonprofit organization dedicated to funding and inspiring acts of kindness around the world. He's also a published poet. Very impressive dude.
MC: Thank you.
EL: And has now written with his wife Vicky Collins, The Adventurous Eaters Club: Mastering the Art of Family Meal Time. So welcome to Special Sauce, Misha.
MC: I'm very happy to be here.
EL: So the first question I always ask, in your case it's particularly relevant, is tell us about life at your family table growing up. Your family table was not exactly traditional.
MC: That is true. I was raised by a single mom. My parents separated when I was three years old and I visited my father on every other weekend for most of my childhood, but he wasn't really a cornerstone of my upbringing. But my mother and my brother and our dog were a very tight family unit, and we lived in Western Massachusetts primarily growing up and moved a lot. We were in a new home I would say on average once every nine months or so. I think I lived in 15 places by the time I was 15.
EL: So you were like an Army brat, only you were a different kind of brat.
MC: Right. An Army brat without the parents building up a pension plan.
EL: Right.
MC: Another thing I think that an Army brat family has is a cadre possibly, of other kids that are going through the same experience, and I was generally going to a new school every year and meeting kids that were in fairly stable childhoods and who knew one another and who were familiar with the school, so I was always approaching schools and new towns-
EL: You were the permanent new kid.
MC: Yeah, with a little bit of trepidation, and trying to figure out how I could ingratiate myself to the new communities and the new schools. My mother was very eccentric and iconoclastic. She talked about the revolution a lot. I was born in 1974, and we lived through a tumultuous political time in our country, and she didn't want to have us grow up being conventional young men, so she would do things like dress me up in pink tights and paint my nails and send me off to Cub Scouts. Which I think in 2020 might actually fly, but in a working class community in Massachusetts, when you show up at Cub Scouts in the boys' locker room with nail polish and long hair-
EL: Not so much.
MC: And pink tights, you're ostracized. So, I kind of had to find a way to blend in and disappear a little bit as a kid in new schools, and I think that it built a lot of character in a lot of ways, and made me more resilient and adaptable and independent than I otherwise would have been. But at the same time, there's a certain lack of stable foundation that was challenging.
EL: I had not the same kinds of travails in my own childhood, but you do become resilient and eminently adaptable, but it also has a cost. It exacts a cost that you can't deal with as you're going through it, but you almost have to deal with it at some point in order to really resolve some of the issues that came out of it, I assume.
MC: Yeah. I'm sure you've found the same thing, but I feel like I'm a 45-year-old man and I'm still discovering things and unpacking them and repairing them, I think. There are definitely things that you take away from a childhood like that that give you real strength.
One of the things that I love about my childhood is that I know that you don't need money to be happy and you can get by on just about nothing, and that gives you, I think, quite a bit of power going into the world because you don't feel beholden to the comforts of ... I don't feel beholden to the comforts of money. I'm okay with scarcity. At the same time, I don't know that I was really terribly good at connecting with people or making friends, and I probably still struggle with that.
EL: Yeah. So, you wrote this amazing piece in The Times, and you wrote that “times were often lean, but one luxury we always had an abundance was food, even if it came by the five finger discount. My mother taught me how to steal peaches from the Stop and Shop grocery store when I was four. We were stealing from the man. It was a justified rebellion against an unjust system.”
EL: So, whoa. Okay, those sentences made me stop in my tracks. That's pretty intense. I was actually thinking about this movie, Shoplifters. I don't if you've ever seen it.
MC: Oh yeah. Yeah.
EL: Because in there the father figure, who turns out not to be the father, teaches the kids how to steal so they can eat. And so, wow. I mean, talk about that. Talk about getting conflicting messages from your mother. It's like, whoa.
MC: It's funny, because now hearing you read that, it paints a portrait of a parent who was raising children without a moral compass, and I think that was not at all the case. This was righteous rebellion. We were stealing ... We would never have stolen from the local co-op, but this was from a corporate entity, and these corporations were out to exploit the proletariat. I actually felt the exhilaration of feeling like I was part of a rebellion at that point, and frankly indoctrinated into that at a really young age. At the age of four, I was aware that it was us against them. We were the little guys and that we had a justice on our side. At the same time, it's a complicated thing to be training a little four year old how to steal.
MC: I have a very distinct memory of the fruit island in the Stop and Shop, and me grabbing a peach. This was the first time that I remember ever shoplifting anything. I grabbed the peach and then I ducked down behind the island, and my mother said, "No, no, no, no, no. You can't do it like that. You have to take it. You have to be very calm. You have to not look around. You can't show that you're distressed at all or that you're nervous, and then you put it in your backpack." Then we would go up to the cash register and we would pay for some of the groceries, so that we were distracting them, and then scoot out the door.
EL: And you just, I assume, felt that there was nothing particularly abnormal about this because you had nothing to compare it to.
MC: Right. Yeah, this was my normal.
EL: Yeah. You weren't stealing from somebody or something that needed the money, you were stealing as part of an ethos. Right?
MC: Right.
EL: As part of like, this is the way we work the system to fight the man.
MC: Right, precisely. Yeah.
EL: You also wrote, and I'm going to quote a couple of more sentences from the piece because it was so beautiful, "My upbringing taught me you didn't need money to be happy, that you didn't have to play by the rules, that the whole world was just begging to be explored. But now by the hindsight of fatherhood and from the comfort of a therapist's couch, I see that while my childhood had been rife with adventure, it also had been lonely and frightening and wanting." So you were always reconciling those two things, weren't you?
MC: I wouldn't say I was always reconciling them, because as a child I struggled at times. I felt sad and lonely, but I didn't think that it was because of my childhood.
EL: Got it.
MC: I thought my childhood was full of adventure, and I was proud of my childhood. Up until when I was 25 I don't think I looked back on it and thought that there had been any damage done by that.
EL: Right, and that there was anything dysfunctional about it.
MC: Right. And on balance, my childhood was incredibly ... I think I had a secure attachment with my mother. My mother was there. She was loving. She never failed to convey that love to me and my brother. So she served as my anchor emotionally, and that was unfailing. But because the rest of our life was so fractured and so nomadic, she was my only anchor.
EL: Yeah, because as you said, how do you establish connections with any kids when you're moving every few months?
MC: Right, and when you're showing up at school in pink tights at a working class school you're also getting alienated by your peers, and so the other kids actually ended up being kind of frightening to me.
EL: I read your Wikipedia page, and somehow you escaped and you ended up at a prep school, Northfield Mount Hermon, and then the University of Chicago. What a narrative your life has been. How did that happen?
MC: Now that you're asking the question, I'm reflecting on it possibly for the first time. But one thing that I know happened as a result of my childhood and and partly as a result of feeling like I wasn't fitting in with other kids, is that I was a smart kid and I could win the favor of my teachers. So when I was in school, I did very well in school. It was like the thing I could throw myself into and be safe and get some accolades.
EL: Some positive feedback.
MC: And some positive reinforcement. So I did well in school, and we lived in the town of Northfield for a little while, which was where Northfield Mount Hermon is. They had a program that had been implemented from the inception of the school where local day students could get pretty much a full ride if they were in need, and we were in need, so I could go to a fancy high school for free as a day student. Then I ended up basically getting the same deal at the University of Chicago.
EL: Amazing.
MC: Yeah. At the time, I thought I was going to go into politics, so I was sort of on a very clear path. And that wanting to go into politics was also born of my childhood and of my mother talking about politics all the time, and making me and my brother very aware of the plight of people in need in our country and around the world. It felt like that was the right place for me.
EL: Yeah. Again, and this is the final sentences I'm going to read from the Times piece, because it gets us back to food. Which is, "I recently found an old journal in a box in the back of my closet, and on the page from a decade ago where I had taken inventory of the good and bad of my upbringing the word cooking is circled and underlined with urgency in the plus column, as if I was thinking that food had been the cornerstone of happiness in my youth." Elaborate on that. I mean, that's an amazing statement.
MC: I think as a nomadic family, we moved around and we brought with us what we could, and in terms of material objects, there was very little that was a through line. But we did bring with us from place to place the tradition of sitting down for family meals every night.
EL: Even if you were in a teepee or in a park.
MC: Right. Even if we were sitting on a log in the woods in the rain, we would be sitting down and eating together. There were no distractions. There was never a television on, and there was no coercion in getting to the dinner table. There was no question about it. Not because it was an edict from an authority figure, but because we all just coalesced around dinner and loved it.
EL: You needed it.
MC: Yeah.
EL: It was a permanent form of glue for the family, right?
MC: Yeah. It really was important to us. We would go spend Christmas with my mother's mother, my grandmother, and she was a cook as well, and food was a centerpiece of that family interaction. And for me now that I have kids, I notice that when I'm feeling like a guilty or absent father, the way that I most quickly show my affection and love for my kids is I just make them food. It's like the way that I know to convey to a child everything's safe, everything's okay, and I love you.
EL: Yeah. But in 21st century America, and maybe all around the world, it's hard to do that, right? There are lots of pressures that are forcing people not to eat together.
MC: Right.
EL: Both parents are working, kids are all over the place. But you obviously, I think as a result of your upbringing, it was important when you had a family and a wife that you made that same time for dinner.
MC: Yeah. It feels very important to me. I think sometimes I'm actually kind of maybe forcing my agenda of cooking on my kids. Like, "Come on guys, let's make something in the kitchen." A lot of times they want to go outside and I want to work in the kitchen, and I have to check myself and say, "Okay, we'll go play a little bit of soccer first before we get to canning the pears."
EL: Right. Because the act of eating a meal and preparing it is imbued with so much more meaning for you than it is for them.
MC: Yeah, I think that's true. Yeah.
EL: So you end up being an actor, and I'm just assuming that like all actors, you struggled for many years before you found yourself on the set of Supernatural. So, tell us in a few sentences the arc of your acting career.
MC: Well as I mentioned earlier, my intention after college was to go into politics. I interned at the White House and I got a job at NPR in Washington, DC, and I was really disappointed with what I saw at the White House, and I thought, "Oh God, I have to come up with a whole new plan here." I thought it was going to be the best and the brightest minds under one roof. This was the Clinton administration. And instead what I found was the halls were filled with people who were sycophants, whose parents had donated money to the campaign. They were all yaysayers. There was no real discourse about political ideas, which of course is actually what you need in an administration. You need people who are going to be in lock step and are going to support your decisions, but I was too young and naive to know that.
So when I saw it, I thought, "This is not for me." I thought, "I will try to find another way that I can have an impact." I think there's a lot of hubris in this, but I thought, "I know what I'll do. I'll become an actor. I'll get famous and then I'll parlay my celebrity into some sort of political influence."
EL: Oh, because that happens all the time.
MC: Right. I mean really, really completely naive, and totally full of myself. Then I moved to LA and I thought it was going to take a couple of years to attain a certain level-
EL: To become rich and famous.
MC: To be rich and famous. And it took a long time to become-
EL: It took a decade, probably.
MC: To become moderately comfortable and a C-list celebrity. But somewhere along the line I stopped thinking about that end goal of I'm on this path so that I can have influence, blah blah blah, and I just started becoming an actor, and I was just acting for the sake of acting and not for this aspirational, high-minded goal.
Then a couple of years ago we got a new president, and that lit a fire under me. It was actually during the campaign when I started to think, "Oh, Trump might get elected. Oh, this is serious," and then my C-list celebrity started to come into play and I thought, "All right, well I can use the platform that I have."
EL: By the way, I think it's at least B-minus, okay?
MC: Well you, as everyone knows, grade on a curve, so thank you for your charity. In a strange way it feels to me a little bit like it's come full circle, and now that the show's ending and after 15 seasons I'm asking the question, "Okay, how can I be of use in the world?" I don't know what's next for me. I don't know if I spend a lot of time on television sets after this or not. I'm trying to do some soul searching and figure out what I really want to be when I grow up. But that's, in a nutshell, my path.
EL: It's an amazing path, and you accomplished much more as an actor than almost any actor I know. To be a working actor and to have made some money doing it is actually an incredible accomplishment, and maybe it's to the resilience you discovered you had in your childhood.
MC: Yeah, I think possibly. I think obviously there's a lot of dumb luck that comes into play. It's not my fault that the show that I'm on has been on for 15 seasons or has the devoted fan base that it has.
EL: There are conventions for Supernatural. I notice this-
MC: We have conventions. There are tattoos with face on them. I mean, it's hard not to be full of yourself in this context. But yeah, we have a really, really devoted fan base, and it's quite remarkable to be a part of.
What was it? I think it was Freakonomics at one point. Maybe it was in the book Freakonomics, but they said that pursuing a career in acting is like pursuing a career as a drug dealer. It's very, very difficult to be one of the kingpins, to be successful in the field.
EL: Right.
MC: The odds are so bad that it takes a certain personality that's defective that wants to even pursue that in the first place, because 99 out of 100 people are going to fail at that and then you're just going to be a low level street corner drug dealer, or barely getting food on your table as a background actor.
EL: Yeah. Well Misha, we have to leave it right here for this episode of Special Sauce, but you're going to stick around and tell us all about your two terrific kids, West and Maison.
MC: We just say Mason.
EL: West and Mason.
MC: Yes, we anglicize the French spelling.
EL: And your wife Vicki, and your family collaboration on The Adventurous Eaters Club. Thank you for spending so much time with us on Special Sauce.
MC: Thank you so much for having me, and I can't wait to talk about the book.
Listen to the podcast here
#misha collins#vicki collins#the adventurous eaters club#misha talks#chef!misha#misha tweets#seriouseats#podcast
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pinn reviews - final fantasy xv
a long ramble about final fantasy fifteen that sort of looks like a review, as written by someone who finished the game fifteen minutes ago and needs to get these words out of his head. spoilers inbound.
i'm a pretty big fan of video games. i don't know what my first was, but it was probably either banjo and kazooie or mario kart 64, at my cousin's house when i was very small. i think that video games as a medium are so interesting, since the fact that video games are inherently interactive changes the way that they tell any story. it's a shame that despite loving video games so much, i'm absolutely terrible at them.
i'm absolute dogshit at video games. whenever i boot up something new, i always play on easy mode because. i'm that bad. unfortunately, this means that a lot of video games are simply. impossible for me to beat. that's fine, as at the moment i live with my good friend lizz, who is certifiably Good at Video Games, and so we've been playing video games together for a little bit now. typically this means that she will actually play the majority of the game while i sit with her and watch, but occasionally i'll have a go, but she'll end up with the controller as soon as a boss fight or puzzle or a mechanic i just can't seem to grasp shows up. we recently played through the entirety of the kingdom hearts series together, and this was an absolute blast of a time. i'm glad to say that i adore kingdom hearts now, and it's become one of my hyperfixations, which you might be able to tell from my icon. but we'd finished the kingdom hearts series, and we were left to move onto something else. we'd also played final fantasy 7 remake, so in my wisdom, i suggested that we play another final fantasy game.
we looked through the ff games that were already purchased on our consoles thanks to lizz's uncle, and eventually, we decided that we should play. all of them. however to start, we were going to play final fantasy xv, 15, and work our way backwards through the mainline, single-player games.
i'd heard that xv wasn't very good, but honestly, i was still quite curious. one person who i'd been following on twitter for years was pretty obsessed with the main party members, to the point where i knew their names and what-not even though i didn't have much of an idea what the game itself was about. i remember watching a video by supereyepatchwolf a few years ago about how the game sucked, but i couldn't remember much of the details, and i knew, based on my obsession with kingdom hearts, that xv had started as a different game called final fantasy versus xiiv. i don't know all the details about versus thirteen, but i do know that it was originally helmed by the creator of my beloved kingdom hearts, mr tetsuya nomura, and that after many years, the vast majority of the game was thrown out, nomura wasn't in charge any more, and the whole thing was rewritten and reworked, which sounds like a fairly rough development cycle. but so what, i don't care about gameplay. i want to play the video game with those cute guys that i see fanart of on twitter, and lizz seemed happy enough to play through it with me.
and so we started final fantasy xv. i've been told that since the game was practically dead on arrival, they threw in a bunch of new content and reworked a lot of the early game before i got my hands on it. so my gameplay started with a scene of the four guys fighting some demon dude on fire and they're all old and grotty. whatever, that cutscene ends and we're put into a combat tutorial. that's over and we're on the road in what looks to be central america, pushing a car.
our four leading lads are noctis, the prince of the lucis empire, his best friend prompto, his bodyguard, gladio, and his chef and other things, ignis. i do quite like the main four members of the party in xv. prompto is quite easily my favourite, voiced by robbie daymond of goro akechi fame and with a bunch of fun little animations and quips that make him very likeable. he gets extremely excited at the idea of riding chocobos and has what i considered the best scene of the game, where he and noctis meet on a motel rooftop and discuss prompto's imposter syndrome, since he's only part of noctis' official retinue as his best friend. noctis is a fairly typical main protagonist, he's in love with a woman he hasn't seen in eight years and needs to go marry her or something, i don't care. gladio is a tough macho man with a mullet who wears leather jackets and wields a greatsword, and is apparently only 22, which is at least 10 years younger than i assumed. ignis is a strategist and chef, who takes on the most authoritative role and constantly tells noctis to not drive his car at night. i was not a fan of ignis at the start, but he grew on me, especially with how hard the game hit me with his personal arc. the four boys are off, driving to noctis' wedding in a different country across the desert when their car breaks down. we then run into the first issue of the game.
cindy is a mechanic. she also has her ass and tits out constantly, like your sleazy uncle's shirt with a naked woman was instead semi-alive as a video game person. she fixes your car and acts fairly sexual and it's just like. why do we have to do this. aren't we over overtly sexualised women in video games who have no reason for the way they dress other than the character designer was horny? whatever, i like women as much as the next guy, but cindy's design just. makes me feel so uncomfortable.
anyways you get to do a little driving around with the boys, until you stay the night before catching the boat to your fiance. overnight, you find out that noctis' kingdom has been basically destroyed by an invading empire called niflheim, and practically everyone noctis knows, including his father, are dead. you learn that noctis and his bride to be are also assumed dead, with noctis hearing his own death announcement on the radio. the game has a bunch of added cutscenes that are actually footage from the three-hour-long prequel movie that came out after the game, are extremely hard to follow and honestly i had no idea what i was looking at. anyways, noctis' family is dead, so it's time to do some hunting sidequests.
that brings us to the combat, i suppose. rather than the turn-based or even active turn-based combat that the series is known for, xv opts for more modern action rpg-styled combat. i was, naturally, terrible at this, but i managed to get around it with the fact that. it is almost impossible to die in this video game, provided you have enough items. the game allows you so much time to heal yourself that there's practically no way to have your entire party wipe unless you're doing absolutely terrible, and even then, your party members will probably try and heal you themselves before that happens. lizz tells me that the combat is boring, you just push the same button over and over and then you win. i do appreciate that, for someone like me who is terrible at reading enemy movements, there is a giant button that pops up on screen that tells you when to push the block button, but even then i was prone to fucking it up. whether that's the bad game design or my terrible gaming abilities is up to you to decide. anyways, the game is fairly easy but has annoying combat, your teammates limit breaks will only land about 50% of the time (or never, if you are gladio) and i was still bad at it, so i didn't have all that much fun.
instead of an active levelling system, the game will only tally your character's level ups when you either make camp or visit a hotel. camping is, in my opinion, the only saving grace of this game. each time you make camp, you get to see the characters doing fun little camping activities together and just hanging out, ignis will cook up a new meal in a dramatic fashion and everyone will compliment him and eat it off their coleman's branded plates, it's just very fun. you also get to see what pictures prompto has taken, which is one of my favourite gameplay features. prompto's passion is photography, and while i support him in this wholeheartedly, his picture taking skills are, quite frankly, awful. the game will randomly take shots while you're on the move, which leaves you with a delightful selection of awkward poses, characters hidden behind bushes, pictures taken while someone is half-dead in combat, and snaps where the natural lighting absolutely makes it impossible to tell what's going on. it's hilarious and going through prompto's collection of photos each night is honestly the best part of the game. we managed to wind up with a few shots that, even despite being scripted events, turned out absolutely terrible, and i will cherish those forever.
anyways, since noctis' father and fiance are dead, that leaves him the king of lucis. the only important person to make it out of the capital alive tells you to drive to the middle of nowhere, where he randomly springs on you. hey. go into a bunch of these dungeons and absorb a bunch of swords, this is your destiny as king and how you will defeat the empire. noctis goes, uh, alright i guess, and you're set loose again to wander around for a bit collecting the 'royal arms'. this plot point wasn't explained well but hey, whatever, we're collecting the glowy swords and that's fine.
you're introduced at some point to ardyn, the main antagonist. he's old, kind of groady and wears a fedora. he's a dick to you and talks about his automobeeel. apparently my friend miri thinks he's hot, she is wrong.
i can't remember what happens specifically but you're told that your fiance is still alive and in fantasy venice, and she's talking to the gods on your behalf to borrow their powers. there's a mission where you follow some purple trees that are electric, and you do that i guess. i enjoyed riding the chocobos around, but couldn't care much for the plot at this point. ardyn leads you to a volcano, where you fight a giant lava god. he tries to step on you and i, a denizen of the internet and with an active fear of foot fetishists, was extremely uncomfortable. noctis becomes friends with foot man and a lightning god who lived in those trees, and ardyn steals your car.
very upset by this, noctis and his gang risk everything to sneak into a military base and steal it back. because this is a video game, this works out fine.
there's a little mining city which is all about Girl Power, because all the Women run the Mining Industry like Girl Bosses, and you hang around there for a bit. because all the women are so Empowered, they wear bikinis all the time with overalls over the top. gladio decides he needs to fuck off for a bit, i have no idea what he does since i haven't played the dlc, and then he comes back with another scar. you hang out with his sixteen year old sister, who has a crush on the engaged and 20-year old noctis, and then you drive her to a lighthouse. when she's in your party, she can't really fight, but she gets a pink chocobo and i thought that was very cute. we turned out own chocobo white and lizz named him 'jones' after a mount she has in ffxiv.
eventually, you have a long boat ride over to fantasy venice. this is the part where the game stops being 'fun with a few issues in combat and a rushed and poorly told story.' the open world, which was a main feature with a bunch of little areas to find where noctis can fish, little hunting sidequests and random photo spots where prompto takes touristy photos, is now gone, and it will not return for the entire rest of the game. you can 'go back in time', but the open world was the most enjoyable part of the game, and it kind of really sucks that the main story doesn't let you have any more freedom like that.
after arriving in fantasy venice, you have a talk with fantasy hillary clinton and beg her to let your girlfriend summon a god into the middle of her city. hillary agrees, and you don't get to meet up with your fiance, because even if the game is constantly telling you how much noctis loves her, there is. barely any interactions between the two in the entire game. from what i can tell, they met when noctis was a child and they haven't seen each other in ten years but are still fantasy dog pen-pals. noctis marrying her was supposed to make an alliance or something like that, but her brother has betrayed her to the army. noctis' girlfriend is also an oracle, which means she can heal people, i guess? everyone talks about how important she is and she's constantly telling people that she needs to use her powers to help noctis but she's practically a non-entity.
as can be expected of most female love interests in a game primarily focused on men, noctis' fiance is killed while summoning a god for noctis to befriend. noct gets very mad about this, and turns super saiyan and kills the god back, but his girlfriend is dead and that's super sad you guys. there's a beautiful prerendered cutscene where she says goodbye to noctis but since we barely know her, and we've only been told over and over that they're in love without anything to actually well, show this, it didn't have much of an impact. fantasy venice is destroyed, and ignis is blinded while trying to help calm the giant raging god.
iggy's blindness and how the game makes you account for this and grow to care for him was one of the highlights, in my opinion, as well as crushingly depressing. while i'm not disabled and have no right to say if this was 'good disabled representation' or anything like that, i believe that the game handles it decently enough. the group falls apart as noctis is upset about his girlfriend, gladio is extremely mad that noctis won't care for ignis, and prompto just wants everyone to get along. there's a mission where gladio constantly yells at you passive aggressive things to noctis about how he's a cunt for running, which is obnoxious, but the character arc itself is fairly strong. when you make camp, ignis can't cook anymore, so everyone eats cup noodles in a depressing ass cutscene. ignis remains in your party for the rest of the game despite his disability, and he doesn't magically regain his sight like other fantasy media would do, which at the very least i think is good. i'm not sure what the opinion of actual disabled people is of the character, considering how often disabled characters are either turned into misery porn to make the abled audience be glad that isn't them and if ignis' arc falls into this trap, but i hope that it wasn't handled too poorly, as that would just be another terrible mark in this game's list of bad moves.
the characters eventually make it to the evil empire's capital, which is abandoned and filled with daemons. the characters learn that ardyn is super evil and taught the king of the empire how to turn humans into daemons, which has now happened to the entire city. the 'magitek suits', presumed to be enchanted armour that fights as the empire's infantry, actually house the souls of the human-turned daemons. honestly i like this as a plot point but the game handles it pretty terribly. there could have been more lead up to this, the explanation is pretty lacking, and prompto's Big Plot Twist is. terribly handled. turns out that prompto was born in the empire and was going to be one of those empty soldier daemons, but he was rescued by people belonging to noctis' empire. not that the game tells you that. instead, prompto goes 'turns out i'm one of ... them' and Does Not Elaborate. The game doesn't tell you shit, not about prompto's past, not about how he feels about this, not about how anyone else feels about this either because the other party members just go 'oh that sucks, good thing you're not evil' and the scene ends. robbie daymond tries so hard to sell these terrible, terrible lines, and it almost entirely fails, i'm so sorry prompto. fortunately because i'm a nosy ass, i read prompto's wikia page and knew the plot twist ahead of time, because i don't think i would have even registered it if i didn't.
anyways everyone in the evil empire is dead and ardyn starts talking about how he's immortal and an ancient king of noctis' country but the gods thought he sucked because he's too evil. i missed most of this because the cats got the zoomies and were dashing across the couch right in the middle of his speech so i can't tell you anything else. noctis tries to get a big magic crystal to fight him and instead. gets schlorped inside.
TEN YEARS LATER
yes then ten years actually pass while noctis is asleep. the game shows this by switching the head on noctis' character model to have a beard, but that's it, no changes in animations or whatever. the sky is permanently night and only one human civilisation remains, the rest destroyed by daemons. as a plot point, this ends up feeling. extremely worthless. why was noctis asleep for ten whole goddamn years? so we can wake up and go 'damn it sucks out here'. but it's barely even a like, incentive to fix everything, because you have a long talk with a former child you were friends with where he talks about how humanity is still going fine and everyone's okay and the world has moved on without you. it feels. pointless. when you meet up with your party members, they are exactly as you left them, only with slightly different character models. there is no change in the voice performance, the character's movements or how they talk to show that they've been without you for ten years. they barely mention it. i'm just. so confused as to why they decided that a ten year timeskip was the way to go? since nothing really changes, couldn't you have made it like, two years? one year? six months?? have the characters react a little more? something??? at least if it was only a year or so i wouldn't have to deal with the fact that noctis looks like norman reedus with his shitty facial hair now.
anyways after that there's a bunch of long and boring boss fights. you fight some dead kings for some reason, your party members get a little bit to talk about how cool they are and how much they love noctis, and then you meet up with ardyn. there's another boring boss fight and god this was only a few hours ago but it's already gone from my head. you summon the gods and the old kings to beat the shit out of him after you both go super saiyan again? there's incredible music but it feels barely earned and just kind of eh. anyways, noctis dies, which was the price of using the crystal of light or whatever the fuck. his ghost marries his fiance's ghost finally, and they smile as they look at one of prompto's pictures. you can pick any picture you want to go here, and then the credits roll, showing all of the pictures you saved of prompto's shots. showing me all the pictures at the end is honestly lovely, but it really only served to remind me of how much more fun the game was in the first half. and that's the end, of final fantasy xv.
so what did i think of the story? it's terribly cobbled together and struggles to get you to feel anything and play out all the plot beats. you feel awful for the countless employees who spent years working on the beautiful cutscenes only to have them be in this game, which sucks and the story barely gets through. there were parts that i enjoyed, mostly the thing about the daemons being people, but honestly the rest of it is a mess. it's hard to follow at the best of times and just awkward and terribly written at the worst. the ending is cheap, and it doesn't feel like you've actually accomplished anything. i left that game feeling numb and empty, sad that i'd wasted so much time to end up with such a colossal failure of a conclusion.
i had fun with the game when it was my four little guys running around doing sidequests and camping together. after the midway point of the game, there's none of that, and you're bogged down into a plot that just pushes you from point a to point b and boring overlong bossfight to boring overlong bossfight. the character moments between your party are a lot of fun, but the second you hit fantasy venice, everything is pretty much on rails and you can't do anything except what the game tells you explicitly to do.
should you play this game? no lol. if anything i've mentioned about the story interests you, you'll be better off watching a lore video or reading the wiki. if you do want to play it after all that, just don't proceed after the myrthril refining quest, it's pretty much all downhill from there. will i play the dlc? unlikely, i think lizz and i will just watch a cutscene movie of those.
this game left me feeling empty and numb and not in a fun way. i wanted, so, so hard to like this game, and it all crashed around me in a beautifully overproduced and confusingly written cascade. i love you prompto, but even your cute little freckly face and terrible photography can't save this trainwreck of a game.
tl;dr - final fantasy xv sucks. i hope that 13, our next ff game, will be better.
#ramble#review type thing#did you read all of this? im impressed#i did not proofread#so if its a mess#just pretend thats a meta commentary about the game itself#i wrote this for like an hour trying to understand the feelings this game gave me#final fantasy xv
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8. "I don't give two shits that we're in public and people are watching." with jaskier would be uhh NEAT
Agreed! Took a little liberty with the wording but I had a lot of fun with this one…
send in some smut prompts to help me procrastinate!
Warnings: exhibitionism, perhaps a bit of dubcon if you squint
When I saw this prompt I assumed the intention was semi-public sex but I struggled to write it without making it essentially just… public? I’m not sure where this would fall on the scale. I can say if you did this in real life you would be kind of an asshole and committing a crime… but it’s not real life! I’ve decided all the witnesses are into it because I’m the author, lol.
Under the cut because I’m nice, OBVIOUSLY rated E y’all
@100percentamess and @mytinybaguette ... are you regretting your request to be tagged in everything yet?? lol
Jaskier was a handsy drunk. Surely that’s a surprise to anyone, considering his behavior when stone cold sober. He hummed contentedly as his hand slid up your thigh- over your dress, of course, but it was still enough to make you shiver.
“Your set was great,” you nervously approved, trying to ignore the effect his touch was having on you.
“Are you wearing a perfume or something? You smell so good,” he noticed, ignoring your compliment. He leaned in to your neck and you almost tried to lean away but the table you were sitting at was right by a wall so there was nowhere to go.
“Jaskier…” you scolded softly, but to him it was just saying his name.
His other hand started to run along the seam of your collar, ever so slightly tugging it down to expose one shoulder, which he kissed lightly.
“Fuck,” you whispered, feeling a wetness begin to pool between your legs. Honestly, you always got wet when you watched him perform, so it was moreso just continuing rather than beginning.
“You like that, huh?” he asked softly, starting to pull up your skirt. Your thighs clenched together instinctively.
“Jask, there are people around,” you hissed.
“And they all wish they could be doing this to you right now, but only I can,” he gloated.
“That’s not really my point,” you sighed, feeling his fingers brush against your knee. You gasped as he kept moving his hand up, not even trying to be very subtle.
“Do you want me?” he asked coyly, moving up to kiss your neck. You whimpered.
“Yes, gods, yes but-” you began.
“Then frankly, darling, I don’t give half a fuck that we’re in public and that people are watching,” he growled. You moaned, though you bit your lip to keep it quiet. Nobody was looking over at your corner of the pub, but any of them could at any moment and it was terrifying, and yet unexpectedly titillating.
As his hand moved higher and higher, you found yourself spreading your legs open, and he laughed against your ear.
“Hmm, looks like your legs aren’t connected to that logical part of your brain,” he teased. “You’re so eager for me.”
You had to fight to keep your hips from bucking into his hand, even though you knew he would be where you wanted him any moment.
He started to run his fingers through your folds, spreading wetness everywhere but never really focusing on any one thing long enough to get you very far. You tried to keep your cool but once again your legs betrayed your, starting to quiver a bit in anticipation.
“Want my fingers inside you?” he asked as if it wasn’t obvious. You nodded with a whimper. He obeyed quickly, plunging two in at once which caused you to reach up and grab his shoulder tightly. “Feels good?”
You nodded again.
“Say it,” he demanded.
“It feels good,” you whispered.
“Doesn’t sound like it,” he frowned, pressing against that spot inside you so hard that you had to bite your lip. “You’re trying so hard to keep quiet.”
“Yes, I don’t want people to see us,” you explained, not sure why this even needed an explanation.
“Is it sick if I sort of do? If I want everyone to know how good I make you feel?”
You whimpered because it wasn’t sick- well, maybe it was, but it was also so fucking hot and you hadn’t realized until now how hot it was. He chuckled lightly and you realized that your inner walls must have clenched around him, giving away your reaction to his words.
“Get loud for me, hm?”
“Jaskier,” you protested weakly, but then his thumb was on your clit and you didn’t really have much of a choice but to get loud.
Your moan turned a few heads, but you closed your eyes and tried to ignore it.
“Come on, doll, let’s give them another show- they’ll like this one a lot better than mine, I bet,” he encouraged.
“Fuck,” you whispered.
“Do you want it?” he pressed.
“Yes,” you whispered.
“What was that?”
“Yes,” you said a little louder, growling with irritation.
“You wanna come?” he repeated and for a second you wondered if he honestly didn’t know, because of course he knew but he wouldn’t stop asking about it.
“Yes, fuck, please, Jaskier,” you begged.
“Come on my fingers, gorgeous. Come for me.”
“Yes!” you yelped, much louder than you intended, and you obeyed his command. You felt yourself tighten around him: not just his fingers, but your hands gripping his doublet and even your legs pushing together.
In spite of all that, he didn’t stop. You threw your head back and really tried to keep quiet but it didn’t go very well.
“You’re so tight, baby, and so fucking wet,” he observed, looking at you with an expression that was just dripping with lust and desire and heat.
“Yours,” you whimpered. He smiled, leaning closer to bite your neck.
“I know, baby, I know you’re mine,�� he soothed, his fingers only pushing into you faster and deeper. “Ready for the encore?”
You gasped, not sure if you could manage to keep even slightly quiet through another orgasm- but you realized that was probably his goal.
“Fuck, fuck, Jaskier, oh gods-” you stammered.
“You won’t be able to keep quiet,” he grinned, “I can stop if you want.”“No, please don’t stop,” you begged, “I need more, please.” He laughed.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
“Jaskier, oh fuck, Jask-”
“You’re gonna come again?”
“Yes,” you groaned, your whole body feeling limp and liquid under his touch. His kisses on your neck got hotter, needier, and you managed to be lucid enough to grab his hair and wrench his lips onto yours, hoping to suppress your noises with a kiss. It mostly worked, though the kiss itself was so wonderful that it probably did more to increase your volume all things considered.
You started to buck and gyrate onto his fingers as you came, your hands unintentionally pulling on his hair which made him moan as well.
You were just starting to come down from your high when you heard a very unexpected noise: applause, and you opened your eyes to see a few of the nearest patrons looking at you as they clapped. You felt your face get very hot as you realized they’d probably watched you this whole time, and knew exactly what had happened.
“Wanna take a bow?” Jaskier whispered into your ear as he pulled out his fingers and let your skirt fall back to your ankles.
“I wanna take a nap. And never come back to this pub, ever,” you groaned, though you were still trying to catch your breath.
“Oh don’t worry about that, love. I’m sure we’re banned for life.”
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Braving the Elements
Chapter 13: To Russia with Love
TW: Swearing
Song(s)
Keep it Comin Love - KC & The Sunshine Band (song playing on radio when they drive to hotel)
Cold as Ice - Foreigner (Just for the overall chapter, its cold i had too!)
Authors note: I know its from russia with love but I liked this one better!
You're sitting in the living room filing your nails and minding your own business when you’re called into the meeting room.
“Alright everyone suit up, we’ve got the locates on his houses! Luckily, it looks like Roman hasn’t flown anyone into any of the countries recently so we can assume that they’re empty. That being said, once you arrive at your destinations you’re still expected to stake them out for the first two days, if there’s no activity on the second day you can place cameras around the location and hook them up to the systems we’ve provided you with. If nothing happens, if no activity is detected, then you’ll get the go ahead to move into the house and get those files. If at any point you suspect someone is watching you, or that you’ve been made, inform SHIELD and get out as soon as possible. Everyone got it?” Tony pauses to see if anyone has questions.
“Good! We’ve split everyone into teams. Myself and Peter will be going to Hawaii, Sam, you and Clint will be heading to Italy. Wanda and Vision you’ll go to Sweden, leaving the rest of you to Russia.”
“Why so many in Russia?” Sam asks.
“Frankly, it’s more likely he has eyes there, so safety in numbers.”
“How did you pick where people are going, I mean really Tony why do you get to go to an island paradise?” you complain. You were not the type of person who enjoyed frigid temps.
“Well, because I’m in charge so I get to decide.” He says smugly before leaving.
“Well it was really great working with you all, but I have to quit because I refuse to freeze to death in the Siberian wilderness!” you say throwing your hands in the air and slowly sliding down your chair
“Oh c’mon it won’t be that bad!” Sam say laughing
“Says the boy who gets to go to ITALY.” You say emphasizing every syllable of the last word.
“Who’s the drama queen now!” he retorts, causing you to sit back up in your chair and stop complaining. After wallowing In self-pity for a few more minutes you get up and go pack before getting in one of the team's jets with Nat, Steve and Bucky.
Day 1
The jet lands deep in the Russian wilderness in the early hours of the morning. You’re met by a group of agents who hand over keys to a truck which you all pile into.
“Jesus fuck its cold here. Who has a holiday home in Russia anyways?” you ask, leaning forward to turn up the heat from the back seat.
“It's actually pretty beautiful here in the summer, but you're right it is way too cold right now!” Nat responds, rubbing her hands on her thighs to warm them up.
“Oh come on, it’s not that bad, I don’t hear Bucky complaining” Steve chimes in,
“Ya, easy for you to say! You two have super serum making you hot!” You retort.
“Aw you hear that Buck, she thinks we're hot” Steve says, pretending to be flattered.
“Oh shut up Steve I’ve seen your bare ass.” You respond, causing Bucky to snort and Nat to shoot you daggers.
“ Can’t you control the elements make some fire or whatever” he says
“Firstly, that’s not how it works and secondly, engulfing my body in flames isn’t exactly a solution if you ask me.” Although you had contemplated it briefly.
You pull into a small hotel on the outskirts of town at around noon.
“Alright, stakeout rotation, Y/N and Nat you're up first, we’ll get everyone checked in while you’re out.” You and Nat drive the truck out to Romans house, parking it in the driveway of the neighbouring cabin. The two of you move to the back seat and pull out your binoculars zooming in on Romans place. It was a large wood cabin approximately three stories with glass windows facing south. The upper stories have balconies gazing out onto the lake and overlooking the front porch. It was one of many luxurious cabins along the private lake.
“You want me to light the car on fire?” you ask Nat after a few minutes and she seems to contemplate it for a second before muttering a No.
“So how was that night with Steve? We never really talked about it.” you ask
“He hasn’t really spoken to me about it either, I think he’s embarrassed, or awkward or both.” She says looking slightly hurt.
“I mean me and Bucky did kind of see his dick that night maybe that’s why he’s being so weird?” you offer.
“You guys saw it?” She exclaims.
“We didn’t mean too but you guys were half naked in the kitchen it just kinda happened!” you respond defensively.
“Ugh, remind me to never go clubbing with you again it leads to terrible choices!” she says burying her head in her hands.
“He was that bad hey?” you laugh
“Shut up, that’s not what I meant,” she says hitting your arm.
“I know I know, I mean he’s from the past so he’s probably just no use to the concept of sleeping with someone before marriage. So he was good then?” you ask, pressing her for details
“Oh ya he got the hang of what I wanted very quickly, and you’ve seen his dick..” she trails off before continuing. “What about you and Barnes can’t say I was convinced when you told me you hadn’t just fucked in the living room.”
“Nothing.” You say she gives you a side eye “Really! Some kids threw a glass bottle at him, well at me, he just got in the way. So I was cleaning him up.”
“Whatever you say.” She smirks. You let Nat take a nap for the rest of the watch knowing she had a long night ahead of her.
Steve relieves you around 1am and you return to the hotel shivering unable to feel your face. The only thing on your mind is getting in the shower and getting a few hours of sleep before you have to go back into the freezing temperatures. You bump into Bucky on your way in and ask where the rooms are. He leads you up to the third floor and he shows the two rooms, you and Nat were in one room with a single queen bed and Steve and Bucky were down the hall with two double beds.
“Hey no fair why do we have to share?” you ask, looking up at him.
“That’s what you get for taking first watch.” he replies snarkily.
“God you suck sometimes!” you say shoving past him into your room.
“I can do more than that if you want” he replies, leaning in the doorway.
“Get outta here Barnes” you say pushing him out of the room “I gotta shower i’m frozen!”
“Alright, well i’m just next door if you need anything” he says, grinning as you close the door in his face. You manage to get a few good hours of sleep before being woken up around 12pm by Nat starting the shower in your shared room.
Day 2
“How was the watch?” you ask her, letting out a yawn.
“Interesting.” She said with a slight blush forming on her cheeks
“Oh my god tell me!” you say throwing a pillow at her. She tells you how her and Steve had been really flirty, and that he had even given her his jacket to stay warm when he had noticed her shivering.
“So cute I may puke.” you respond, rubbing your eyes. “Anyways the boys stuck us with the shared bed.”
“Well, I say we do something about that,” she says, pulling Steve’s room key out of the jacket he had lent her. The two of you proceed to break into their room and move all their stuff out and all your stuff in.
“That’ll show them” you both high five before flopping down onto the beds and falling asleep. Your alarm goes off at midnight. You get up and dress yourself in your warmest clothes and head out to relieve Steve.
“Hey Steve, you're all done.” you say scooting out of the harsh cold of the morning and into the slightly less frigid car. The sun hadn’t risen yet making it a good 10 degrees cooler than when you had been there yesterday afternoon.
“Any movement?” you ask
“None so far.” Bucky responds “how rich was this?”
“God if zillionaires existed he was that for sure.” you say wrapping your arms around yourself to maintain body heat.
“So that’s how he kept you around so long.” he remarks.
“Well it wasn’t his kind and nurturing demeanour.” You state. It was too early for talking or thinking so you both sat there in silence staring at the cabin. After the first few hours you couldn’t feel your hands or feet or face. Using your lighter you make a small ball of fire in an attempt to warm yourself up but to no avail.
Bucky glances from his binoculars to you, back to the house then quickly back to you again realizing that you were looking colder by the second. With the watch not over for another 8 hours Bucky knew he had to do something.
“Look, this isn’t a move, but you're about 5 minutes away from becoming a human popsicle and seeing as I’m basically a human furnace…” he trails off realizing the confused look you were giving him. “Well what I’m saying is that I can keep you warm”
“I bet you say that to all the girls freezing to death.” you retort, staying in place feeling slightly stubborn and like you had to prove something to him. Or maybe it was because you didn’t want to get too close to him, afraid of how it might make you feel.
“Seriously,” he says, with a small chuckle “if you die I think Wanda and Nat will execute me”
“I’m fine” you mumble
“No you aren’t. Just come here” he says pulling you onto his lap with ease.
“Jesus you are warm.” you say as you curl up into him. He wraps his human arm around you knowing it’ll be warmer for you and uses the metal ones to hold up the binoculars. He feels your hands moving absentmindedly over his chest. He laughs “Are you feeling me up doll?”
“Well let’s just say I get why so many ladies love you.” you respond
“What? It isn't my shining personality?” he asks, almost offended.
“The only thing shining about you is your arm.” you say with a laugh.
You two stay like until you’ve warmed up enough to go back to your seat. You two wait until you reach the 48 hour mark before heading into the yard to set up the cameras and returning back to the hotel.
#bucky x reader#bucky x oc#bucky x you#avengers fanfiction#braving the elements#bucky barnes#bucky barnes slow burn#bucky barnes angst#bucky fluff#Spotify
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Atypical notes
Before I start Hill House, here's my unsolicited opinions on Atypical (2017) seasons 1 & 2
[[more]]
Cons
Sam is hovering somewhere around top-tier privileged for an autistic person and I don't want to speak out of my place but the sheer whiteness of the show makes it fall below the radical impact I'm sure the creator intended
Granted they did include a range of POC secondary characters only to REALLY feel like secondary characters. A new wave of black best friends and Indian gurus approaches apparently. :/
This show feels largely autobiographical (getting a strong sense that the creator's brother was austitic?) which would definitely limit its scope but honestly? What about the black girl obsessed w ambulances who would have to work three times as hard for a last minute scholarship? What about the Asian girl who likes to sing but could never afford therapy? What about the black kid who wants to be a dentist but would get immediately sent to jail if a cop mistook his anxiety attack for being high? What about the blonde white girl who's surely been told for years how much she disgusts men for her inability to perform femininity? We don't know because protagonist Sam Gardener never talks to them!!
I hate to sound like I'm *** but coming of age plots that's v strictly about sex esp through the POV of a white boy who gets all his advice from misogynists is tired
I really do love Jessica but I'm not sure why the show has so many POV C plots w her, most of her life is more or less tangential to the Gardeners and all attempts to intertwine her and their plots together feel really forced and awkward. The theatrical irony of knowing the strawberry that ruined her relationship was Sam's lasted only so long
While there may be like three people on the planet as kind and dedicated as her, most therapists are not like this
I get it, I get it but the narration is annoying !!!!! (Not to mention after Sam stops going to therapy and these narration shots are officially non diegetic we're left to wonder where the heck he is and who he's talking to)
Filmmakers pls just accept that you want to add non diegesis and move on
As someone who watches an unhealthy amount of tv I've seen every possible way you can tackle an infidelity plot (w Gone Girl and Dr Foster of course being some of my faves 👀) and I'm sort of yawning thought the Elsa/Doug drama primarily bc
A I have literally no reason to care abt them, they're fairly unlikable / boring and
B it became an increasingly repetitive formula of Elsa assuming her dual wife mother role so enthusiastically it's read as naivety and control freak-ism and Doug goes from Just Standing There to leaving the room while Elsa's abandoned in an empty room
Every interaction is painful and I do not care about their relationship let alone the fact that Doug sleeps in the sun room of all places
No one wants to address the level of white boy emotional suppression you've got to go through to Punch A Wall ™ and call it a day?
Doug
Casey doesn't seem to care about anyone other than Izzie which is really unfortunate for Sharice
The prep school melodrama was nauseating not to mention how rushed the Casey and Izzie arc felt.
On the one hand I'm glad they dropped the mean girl rivalry early and there's a lot to be said about how WLW do behave in this internally conflicted way while navigating compulsory heterosexuality I just feel like they were running through a checklist not telling a story
Frankly most character arcs are either repetitive or rushed to a resolution
I know that real humans really can be ineloquent and bigoted but the arguments w Arlo's parents sounds so fake
Some real Gilmore Girls level of cheesy but at least Gilmore Girls had plausibly original dialogue
V unconvincing Useless Adulting 'What was her name? Ozzie?'
Pro
Occasionally actually poignant stuff abt autism... bc.... it's a show about autism
Was so close to getting the point with their episode on police brutality & ableism (one has to wonder what would happen to Sam if his father wasn't a literal paramedic though? Hmmmmm???)
A lot of elements abt psychiatry and social services etc feel plausibly realistic. That kind of is how group therapy goes
When Zaheed drops the pickup artist crap he's almost endearing
Edison's predecessor was named Tesla
The ickle bickle
Sam is probs able to draw a bicycle and therefore actually get into RISD (that makes one of us)
Amazing how I'm okay with about 70% of Casey's character
Izzie is an angel
And finally:
GAY SH*T
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April 18: Rocky IV
(previous notes: Rocky III)
The Cold War one! I was in high school when this came out, and it seems like the Rocky movie that has most endured in pop culture for people my age, and even younger maybe? I haven't seen it in a very, very long time so I'm wondering if the Rocky-versus-All-Of-Communism logline is going to seem like a pathetically irrelevant conflict. Or, frankly, if that sentiment is going to sound like the dipshits that attacked the US Capitol just a few short months ago. It's definitely going to feel like just a slight twist on a formula that's been working, right? Let's see…
Totally different intro from the rest of the series, and surprisingly the recap of the end of the last movie also includes the hit single from the last movie. But also there is a thing about an American-flag glove and a Soviet-flag glove punching each other into an explosion.
They were so happy with the chummy chit-chat at the end of Rocky III that they just gratuitously include that whole scene here. It is a cheap way to eat up a couple of minutes.
Oh My God. The first actual new scene in this movie serves the important purpose of documenting for all time how dazzlingly technically advanced things were in 1985. For Paulie's birthday party, he gets a ROBOT! It talks… ROBOT-style! Paulie is whelmed by how robot-y it is.
"Open your prize," Rocky tells her when asking Adrian to open her PRESENT. Why did he say "prize".
MEANWHILE IN SOVIET UNION… They do a quick montage that only vaguely suggests something about a boxer and the USSR.
Apollo Creed spots an innocuous news story about Russian boxer Ivan Drago coming to America to participate in sportsmanlike fighting. AC is PISSED! A Russian being competitive, oh hell no.
At least Drago has a female companion so there will be an actual female character who isn't played by Talia Shire.
"Commies Are Evil" isn't the only theme of this movie; there's also "The Marvels of Technology". Drago's unmatched strength is demonstrated for the press in a very electricity-filled gym. And the robot has been in three scenes already in the first fifteen minutes! Oh I hope they aren't going to get me to fall in love with Robot Character only to have it lose in a boxing match to The Commies.
Big press conference to announce that AC will be fighting Drago in an exhibition match. AC is all cocky and Drago literally says nothing the whole scene. He is characterized as perhaps yet another robot character. But his wife and some other Russian guy do all the talking, and if they're supposed to seem like the Bad Guy, I don't see it. They are perfectly diplomatic and AC is just acting like a tool.
0:23:23 - I remember this scene, we all do, oh yes we do. The Fight That Does Not Go So Well. It starts with a super flashy intro; they're at the venue in Vegas and there are showgirls and pretend fighter planes and Actual James Brown singing this movie's legit hit single, "Living in America", singing it all At The Russians as AC descends in front of a monster thing in spangly Uncle Sam garb. AC actually dances alongside James Brown and around Drago. What they're doing, these diabolical filmmakers, is going to make what happens next sting the audience pretty bad.
Right before the fight, Drago's first line is "you vill lose". Monotone. Robotic. Technology! #1985
Drago beats him to actual death, he twitches on the floor as Drago robotically says things like "I will not be defeated". It is a bummer, this turn of events.
New press conference. Rocky is going to fight Drago. "No money. It's not about the money." That's weird, addressing money in this press conference. They're not really addressing the monumental fact that Rocky is sitting next to the guy that killed Apollo Creed.
This time, the Soviets are less diplomatic. Rocky barely says anything, but the old Russian dude calls him little and weak. They have a good point, though, about how Drago gets death threats in the US on account of he is a killer of an American hero, even though the wife also says he is not a killer. But that's why the fight will be in Russia.
New montage with a very 80s pop song. Worth noting that we have not heard any of the famous music from the first movie. This montage also looks very 80s, with it's flashbacks using a lot of different, highly techologically sophisticated frame rates.
0:42:41 - Adrian eye-close sighting! Thank you so much for that, it is what we all want and only you, Rocky-movie, can provide it.
Flashbacks to all the other movies. He is thinking about it all as he anticipates The Hell Of Going To Russia. Remember when he pointed to the jacket in the window that one time? Rocky does. Remember when he looked at his statue? Rocky does. He even somehow remembers Adrian closing her eyes. This is a music video with mostly recycled footage from the whole series.
0:48:35 - Another "modern" pop song, I think it's the band called Survivor again. Were we supposed to love all the catchy tunes and go out and buy the soundtrack? We only remember the James Brown one in 2021.
It is snowy in Russia ha ha! Paulie has joined him on the trip because he is part of Rocky's staff, but he doesn't like how cold it is ha ha.
Rocky's quarters consist of a log cabin dripping with icicles at the foot of some really pretty mountains. I play Geoguessr a lot and I don't ever see pretty mountains like that in Russia, but they must have them, right?
Rocky has been assigned minders. He is told they will go wherever he goes. I'm pretty sure that's not an unfair characterization.
He's got Apollo's trainer guy there with him, but Rocky makes it clear that he just has to do this training stuff on his own or whatever blah blah.
Now a montage going back and forth between Drago training and Rocky just running through the snow-covered countryside. ON HIS OWN. Plus also sawing wood and displacing boulders on his own. Oh and being the dog in a dogsled pulling Paulie! Locals look at Rocky because, look, a man doing something, that's new and confusing. Drago has electric machines. Rocky fells trees! Drago is inside comfortable facilities. Rocky is growing his beard out! The minders observe it all. The minders observe it all.
There is a subplot about how Adrian is dealing with this whole thing. She had been unconfident earlier, and did not join Rocky in USSR. But surprise, she is now there in Russia suddenly because love! Rocky continues to train, not so alone-y now and with a new rock song with more major chords. That is Drago's weakness! Communism hates major triads.
Gotta have inspired running, right? This time Rocky runs up a snowy mountain, running so hard that the minders can't keep up! At the peak he does his trademark cheer howl in that pretty place… but he is saying "DRAGO!!!!!!!!!"
Just like that, we're at the big fight. This time it's in Russia and it's mostly uniformed soldiers in the crowd.
Ugh. Quick cut to Rocky's kid watching at home on TV with friends. He says "that's my dad" and one of them replies "what do you think we are, nerds?" Ladies and gentlemen, the wit of Mr. Stallone: Screenwriter.
Do we need to talk about Drago's hair? He has very styled hair. I think it looks like Vanilla Ice hair. Is that a strange choice? I don't know how to think about hair, I guess.
"I must break you". That's what Drago says to Rocky right before they fight. I remember it. It is an above average dialogue choice compared with other Rocky-movie-right-before-the-fight dialogue choices.
Drago punches Rocky a lot, and the commentators make sure we know that Rocky might lose and they may even have to stop the fight. But also, yes, it does just look like Rocky is taking a lot of rough beating.
"He's not human. He's a piece of iron." So speaks Drago in unbecoming monotone. I don't know what that means.
It's a montage now, an appealingly edited summary of a whole bunch of rounds. The two boxers are both doing well and maybe not doing well, both. Montage.
I guess I'm experiencing what I remember noticing back when I first saw this in the 80s, which is that they really did convince us that Drago was indestructible, and now we're seeing him be damaged and it's kind of satisfying.
1:21:15 - Whoa, I forgot about this. The Soviet Diplomat Man is giving Drago a hard time about not winning yet, and Drago lifts him up violently by the neck and says something about I Will Win For Me, For Me. It's a little like we're supposed to think Drago is increasingly inspired by American Freedom, maybe? But it won't help him if he's still the bad guy in a Rocky movie.
This fight is taking a long time. A lot of this movie's running time is being consumed by this fight.
Eventually Rocky wins, because it turns out that he is just better because Freedom, and it's that same tiresome "Rocky-won" music, maybe arranged a little differently.
What does he say in the mic at the end? What is his message? "During this fight, I seen a lot of changing…" he says that during this fight, like during the actual boxing match, they all grew to appreciate each other. And it's better to do boxing than do nuclear annihilations. The whole crowd cheers for Rocky! Even the important Soviet Boss Men, startling even themselves with their abrupt adoration of The Wise American. Then when he says Merry Christmas Kid to his kid at home, well this whole entire crowd clearly thinks Rocky is better than their whole entire country. We don't see Drago any more. We don't know if he, too, is moved by Rocky's profound monologue. And we never find out what Drago and Robot Character think of each other.
So that's it, that's the end of Rocky IV. I get why it fires people up in a simple way, but I don’t think it's good. It totally assumes you'll understand that Rocky wins because the USSR just kind of sucks. Or you won't care that it's improbable that Rocky wins because it's just so gratifying to see Drago falter. Which they achieve by making him look very perfect, and having no charming characteristics.
It's true, though, how cocky we were about technology in the mid-80s.
(next: Rocky V)
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