#i am posting for the first time in ages to announce that the vibes of this mcc are about to be IMMACULATE
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IMPORTANT ALERT: TUBBO AND SCAR MCC TEAM
#i am posting for the first time in ages to announce that the vibes of this mcc are about to be IMMACULATE#antfrost and tubbo: good vibes#tubbo and beky: wonderful vibes#tubbo and scar: AMAZING VIBES#mcc my beloved#tubbo
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Can we perhaps have something where stepdad Joel makes reader squirt-😗
alskdfjal yes of course this is so perfect :))) thank u for the prompt 💕
practice makes perfect
pairing: stepdad!joel miller x f!reader
word count: 2.5k
summary: follow-up to bad girl. your mom decides to go out one night, leaving you and your stepdad at home alone together. feeling hurt and petty in response to his wife's cheating, he has no qualms with fucking you in your mom's bedroom. you make a mess.
warnings: okay lets go, a lot of fucking (so much fucking), stepcest, infidelity, oral sex (mentioned), unsafe piv, SQUIRTING, dirty talk, fingering, daddy kink, age difference (reader is late 20s, joel is mid-40s), a bit of dom/sub vibes, multiple orgasms, creampie -- let me know if i missed anything?
a/n: i am so completely blown away by the response to my first stepdad!joel fic -- thank you all so much for the comments and reblogs and messages, i fuckin cherish them all. as always, pls feel free to reach out. i hope you enjoy this instalment!
for the first week after joel walked in on you, you were half convinced your entire experience with him had been a fever dream. you hadn't seen all that much of him on account of a big project he's been grumbling about, something about a delayed material delivery that pushed him closer to a deadline than he'd prefer. you were busy yourself, too, going out with friends and spending long hours on some of your freelance work.
there were moments, though, that you'd catch one another and there'd be a glint of something in his eye.
one night, you, your mom, and joel are all sat at the table for a family dinner. your mom has drained her wine glass twice already, and is reaching for the bottle again as she tells you both, "i'm afraid i can't stay for long tonight, i just got a text from vera. sounds like she's having a bad night and needs a friend."
joel makes a sound like a snort that he follows up with a cough. "poor vera," he says, "she's been havin' an awful rough time lately, hasn't she? it's like she's inconsolable every other day."
"yes," your mom says, "she has been going through so much."
joel stares at her for a moment and you almost expect him to challenge her on it, but then he lets out a breath and smiles.
"you're such a good friend, baby," he tells her and she grins before turning back to her glass of wine and taking a big gulp. joel fixes you with a knowing stare and smirks. you both know she's not going to vera's.
after she finishes picking at her plate, she announces that she needs to get ready and dips out of the room.
"so, vera, huh?" you ask and joel snorts.
"can't believe your momma forgot she made me follow that woman on instagram months ago. according to her recent posts, she's currently travelling through iceland."
you roll your eyes and laugh, "seriously?" you ask, and joel nods.
"you'd think she'd be a better liar by this point," you say, and joel smiles but winces a little too.
it's not a game. you know it's not a game. just because you're used to your mother's antics doesn't mean it isn't new to joel, and he's only known for certain for a week that she's been unfaithful to him and that's gotta hurt. despite whatever's going on between you two, you know joel's heart is aching.
you're pretty sure you've just poured salt in the wound.
"i'm sorry, joel," you say, suddenly embarrassed, "i didn't mean to- i don't know. i didn't mean to make fun of it. i know you're dealing with... a lot."
joel shrugs and relaxes, "ah, it's alright sweetheart. just something i need to deal with. but you've done nothing wrong."
"okay," you say, and it's only then that you realise how close you've been leaning towards one another. at the sound of your mother's heels on the stairs, joel clears his throat and the two of you put more distance between yourselves.
your mother's voice carries down the hallway. "will you two be alright without me? i know you haven't had a chance to spend much time together."
"i'm sure we'll manage." you say, and joel smirks.
"she's a real good girl," he says, "'m lovin these opportunities to get to know her better."
"i'm glad to hear it," your mom says, and smiles between the two of you as you do your best not to choke.
"ya look great, baby," joel says, eyebrows raised as he looks your mom up and down. "cute dress. that makeup's gonna get ruined with your face masks, though, huh?"
she blushes and waves him off, "you know i like to get all get dolled up for my girls night," she says, "i can wipe the makeup off later."
"i'm sure you will," he says, and though you can hear the edge to it, you don't think your mom can. he presses a kiss to her cheek.
"i might be home late," she tells you both, "don't wait up!"
"no worries, baby," joel says, "in fact, if vera's having such a hard time, maybe you should make it a sleepover"
your mom grins and it's dazzling and heartbreaking. it's moments like this that you can see exactly why so many men have fallen in love with her. "that's a great idea, honey," she says, "i think i'll do just that! i'll see you both in the morning."
with a swish of her hair, your mom has left through the front door. joel groans, folding forward and resting his head in his hands, letting out a low "fucking jesus" before he sits back and composes himself. he lets out a deep sigh and then turns to look at you and shakes his head, closing his eyes, resigned.
you're not sure what's appropriate. you nearly reach out to deliver a comforting pat to his hand, but change your mind at the last moment, instead batting your hand out like a cat's paw and then recoiling.
joel's eyes weren't, apparently, closed. he sees your indecisive gesture, frowns, and gives you a look, before laughing. "you're okay, sweetheart," he says, his voice still tinged with the rumble of laughter, "it's all a lot to deal with. but i'm managing. and guess what?"
"what?" you ask.
"we've got a whole night to ourselves. just the two of us."
"oh yeah?" you ask, and you suddenly feel hot all over. joel's staring at you with such a darkness in his eyes that you're certain you're already wet.
"'f that's something you'd like, that is." joel smiles and it's almost unexpected the way he checks in with you, that he still has the capacity to focus on your needs. in his position, you might just be out to take what you could get, wholly and selfishly.
he's so... considerate. fuck he turns you on.
"i've got an idea," you say, and you take him by the hand and lead him upstairs.
you can feel his body stiffen when you stand in the doorway to your mother's bedroom. "you want me to fuck you in here?" he asks, and you can't parse his tone.
you're worried that you've gone too far, that despite the filthy way he fucked you only a few days ago, you've hit a barrier you should never have crossed, but you nod. before you can ask is it too much? he's growling "yes" and dragging you into the room.
he pulls you into a kiss, frenzied and feral, his teeth biting at you, nipping at your lips and cheeks, laving kisses down your throat. before you know it, you're both fully naked, clothes littered all over the floor of the room and joel's teeth are gently biting down on one of your nipples as he rocks his hips against yours.
"are you gonna let me take care of you? gonna let daddy take care of you?" he asks, "use your words."
"yes, daddy," you tell him.
"ya know," he tells you, running a hand down your sternum and resting between your breasts, feeling the rise and fall of your breathing, "there have been a few times i've gotten home late these past few days, and when i walked past your bedroom door i could swear i heard the sweetest little moans."
you blush and look away from him.
"uh-uh," he says, tipping your chin up, making you look at him, "were you thinkin' bout me?"
you nod. "yes daddy" it's the truth, after all.
"good girl," he smiles, "thank you for being honest with me. now i already know you're a dirty girl, what with all your naughty videos. and i know you're a fuckin' slut the way you spread your legs so easily for me."
"yes daddy," you echo.
"but what i don't know," he says, and his voice is velvet and dangerous, his pupils blown with hunger, "is just how many surfaces in this room i can bend you over and fuck you till you're so cock drunk you can't speak."
your eyebrows shoot up and your jaw drops.
"i ain't even started with you, honey," he smiles, and he drops to his knees.
it's a fucking marathon.
he eats you out at the foot of your mothers bed till you're panting, his lips glistening with your slick and he makes you feel so good you're certain you're gonna die.
then, your positions are reversed, joel trying his best to plant his feet into the carpet so he doesn't melt off the bed altogether, while you kneel before him. he fucks up into your throat, delighting in every vibration your moans and swallows provide.
soon, you're pressed up against the dresser, your fingers gripping onto the drawer handles as he fucks into your pussy from behind.
then against the bookshelf. the closet doors. there's a moment where joel gets closer than he'd like to coming and he has you grab onto the floor lamp as he eats your pussy again on bended knee, only this time you're standing up and trying your best not to crumple onto him when he makes you come a fourth and a fifth time.
you're starting to get overstimulated. no, you are overstimulated, but it's in the most oddly delicious way. joel has you folded over the foot of your mom's bed, your knees on an ottoman, the rest of you pressed against the mattress, fists groping at sheets, holding on for dear life.
it's a good angle, hell, it's the perfect angle. not only does it feel incredible, it helps prop your ass up to a height that allows joel's huge cock to fuck you deeper without too much more effort, gripping your hips as he pounds into you. the best part, though, is that you're both at the perfect angle to see yourselves in the full length mirror.
"jesus christ, baby," joel is saying, "you see how deep i am? feel how deep i am? pussy's so tight around this cock. can almost feel myself in here," he says, and presses two fingers against your tummy.
you moan, using every ounce of strength you have left to keep your ass in the air and take joel's cock so nicely.
"it feels so good, daddy," you sob, "it's so big, making me come so many times. fuck, i can feel it building- it feels so good, you make me feel so good-"
"yes, baby," he growls, "let go for me, let me feel you come stretched so pretty 'round daddy's dick."
"fuck, daddy," you whine, because you realise it's a different sensation that's been building and even though you know what it is, you've never quite reached an orgasm like this before. "i'm gonna come, daddy! i'm gonna fuckin come-"
"shit, baby," he says as he starts to feel hot wet spurts of liquid splashing out of you, "oh fuck, you gonna wet my cock with your cum?"
you're screaming now, so fucked out and overstimulated
"oh, shit honey, yes-" joel shouts, a man possessed, as he pulls his cock out from you and rubs furiously at your clit, moaning loudly as you gush all over his hand. "oh, i'm gonna need more of that," he groans, and you can't find words to argue. he fucks back into you, hitting that same spot, finding that same pressure.
"could fuckin drink this, baby," he says, "comin' all over my cock like the fuckin whore you are. look at us, baby, look in the mirror and don't you dare close your fucking eyes."
you obey. it's a struggle to get your eyes to even focus, but when you do, you're sent over the edge again and again and again.
the two of you look so fucking good, the jiggle of your ass, the angles of your bodies and the way you slot together, the tan of joel's arms, his muscles, his control, the silver of his hair.
his breathless mantra "good girl, good girl, fuckin' take it, such a good girl-," as you take everything he gives you and more.
he finds a rhythm for fucking every last drop out of you. he'll give you a few harsh, deep thrusts and then pull out and rub your pussy till you aren't gushing around him anymore. then he'll slap your pussy with the head of his cock, making you shudder before he stuffs it back in and builds you up again.
your thighs are drenched and the wetness down your legs is cooling. you've lost count of the number of times he's made you come like this, but finally, you're shaking so hard you can't bear it and his thrusts are getting staggered.
he's breathless when he manages to ask, "you want me to fill up this lil pussy? fill it full of daddy's cum?"
"yes, yes, yeesss-" you beg, and you watch your reflection as joel's hips stutter a final time and he lets out a strangled groan as he loses control and fucks his release into you.
the second after he comes, he collapses onto you but you're so weak and fuck-drunk you collapse, too. joel rolls off of you so you can breathe, but then both of you are laughing. you're disgusting, covered in sweat and spit and squirt and cum, but joel dips a finger into your pussy and then licks up the combination of juices.
seeing your awed expression, joel shrugs and then smiles, a little embarrassed. "just needed to taste ya like this," he says, and it's incredibly endearing.
after a few more minutes of laying around in messy, sticky comfort, joel gets up. and then- "shit".
"what's wrong?" you ask as you look up at him and he's- laughing?
you look down at what he's looking at -- the ottoman. you've drenched it entirely. it's at least three shades darker than it was to begin with, and reeks of sex.
"well," you say, "that's not ideal."
"guess i'll have to buy your momma a new one," he says, rubbing against his temples and barking out a short laugh. then he leans down and presses a gentle kiss to your lips, and one to your forehead.
"you go have a shower," he tells you, "i'll take care of this mess, and then let's get some snacks," he winks, and you smile.
he starts to back out of the room when you call to him, "so, mom's gonna be gone all night-" you start to say, tentative.
"you already askin' for round two?" he asks, incredulous.
"if we're calling all of that-" you gesture around the room, "round one? then yeah. i'm asking for round two."
"dirty girl," he laughs, "you're fuckin insatiable!"
"that's not a no-" you point out.
"no, it's not a no," he says. "let's refuel. rehydrate. and get right back to it."
#joel miller smut#tlou#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller fanfiction#tlou fanfiction#tlou fic#joel miller x f!reader
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🍸 Harry Crosby headcanons
18+ -helluva lot of nsfw under the cut but interspersed with a lotta fluff and domesticity…to me that’s the appeal of this man, cannot be separated one from the other: the unassuming sweater wearing vet at the block party is also a man of hidden depths.
Long promised and woefully incomplete, the word count was getting out of hand so I’m tossing it out, there’s more where this came from. Not edited so, apologies
Entirely co-written by myself and my comrogue @crazymadpassionatelove , enhanced and bedazzled by chats with @ab4eva including special additions from other guests who commented under my announcement post, credit is given at each specific point for their contributions
|screencap cred grabbed from: @hawkinsfuller
First off let me say it’s been ages since I read A Wing and A Prayer. I remember loving it, loving him and I cannot stress how much I respect and admire the real Harry Crosby and his Jean, the Missus of our dreams.
This is purely for fun, a heavy mix of both Boyle’s portrayal and a tad of Crosby’s real life vibes as taken from his accounts by me. Sometimes you gotta take historical figures’ virtues in one area -say navigation and math- and translate it to the more suggestive aspects of life -say, how to find a clitori- *gunshot*
Because this man’s biography is the most oral-leaning, drink-your-respect-women-juice book ever. Ok, almost ever. For a wwii book at least. Uhem so -I am prejudiced, sue me.
See, sometimes it’s the quiet, stressed ones with a self consuming desire to please who have the cozy sweaters and the attentive appreciation for your interests and the stubby fat schlongs and the propensity to keep you in suburban comfort all your days
The compulsive drive to call you “button” and be on time for church and thank you for your scrambled eggs each morning with eager kitchen countertop oral before waking you children up with annoyingly soft catchphrases they’ll recite fondly at his funeral: “rise and shine” etc
Also back to the perfectly respectable schlong for just a moment -This is a Thing! Justice for the perfectly adequate plug stoppers, not everyone needs a rolling pin, who can resist giving head when the head is the same gorgeous color as his lips?!
Mr Crosby is skipping off to lecture college kids about literature post-war with a pep in his step that you put there without fail, you can’t help it, it’s as essential as the matching “his and hers” coffee mugs you bought during your honeymoon
Cookies slightly burned cuz you’re busy as bunnies in the bathroom while the kids ride bikes in the cul-de-sac is a Crosby staple
This is a man who as husband keeps you well supplied with mixers and microwaves and cute little nighties and also loves your brain -SCORE.
Loves to gift you with bath oil and fun stuff to smell good. He's into lavender. It benefits him in the end, loves to sit on the edge of the tub and just talk with you for ages
Croz’s go-to distresser is to have Jean sit on his face until his vision spots
She knows as soon as he walks in the door. Fixes him a Shirley Temple, takes him by the hand to the bedroom and …..boom.
De—stressed
As for the ptsd nightmares? He just barely starts to thrash in his sleep and Jean is rolling that man over and taking matters into her own hands
You’re Jean now, you do realize that don’t you? It was never ever going to be anyone but Jean
This man leaves love letters on your pillow, in your apron pocket, in the dash of your car anywhere at all that you’re likely to be. All of this even though he’s gonna be home by six that evening.
Also, hear me out: lots of evenings he just lays down next to you for ages, facing each other on your sides, absentmindedly mapping your body with his calloused palms and fingering you for ages while talking about Persuasion.
Actually gives a shit about your opinions too, and not in the way of wanting to argue them. When you make a good point his eyes get even droopier and he grabs your neck and…
“You're one smart cookie Mrs Crosby”
“My clever, wise, beloved…”
Honestly though, deep connections and the ability to go vulnerable, and if those moments are often concluded with little laughs to shake off the moment -it doesn’t diminish it
Can actually talk about dying to you, not in a morbidly preoccupied way, but he can face it and admit it and be vulnerable enough to acknowledge the likelihood
Then get on with what needs doing
He appreciates how well you grow to know him, and he in turn makes a lifelong study of you
Also, this man is so highly attuned to your well being.
Yes you have to put up with his stress but for you? He will man-up repeatedly and without thought. He doesn’t even think twice about just up and leaving whatever situation is tiring you. did you see him hop up to get the fuck outta that bar fight? Yeah so, you’re bored? Tired? Stressed? It’s not even machismo it’s just a homebody not giving a fuck with the subtext of “my wife and I would like to go home and read and cockwarm”
Often gives the shiftiest excuses to army buddies and coworkers just to go home and hang with you, swears he has to repair that squirrel feeder -or that an alligator is in his swimming pool, “sorry guys maybe drinks next week”
Don’t tell the guys but…HE PAINTS YOUR TOENAILS
Maybe some of your high school friends snickered about Harry Crosby way back when. Making googly eyes at you and barely getting out the most stammered greetings? Bookish and a little clumsy at times?
Ha, you won in the end
He comes home in one piece, that beautiful schlong still intact
you prayed for that ok?
“Lord keep my husband safe -- and his girthy manhood in tact as well” …for the babies you’re hoping for of course...just that… kneeling in silk pajamas each night, adding this addendum with a blush but was always faithful to keep it in your prayers
Sometimes you have that thought in church as well...so you has to take a couple deep breaths and calm yourself...it's because you want children...not because you’re already so sprung off this man's dick after only a couple weeks of married life.
weeks that feels like a lifetime ago now, by the way
Prim and lovely Jean Crosby staring off into stained glass worlds thinking of having her tight little hole tugged open and her guts rearranged, it’s even worse than her thoughts prior to the wedding, because she’s had the experience, then suddenly it was ripped away
And she’s empty and scared to death for him
She gets asked to sing at the funeral of a lieutenant who never even got off the ground during a training flight,
work and church and such are hopeless distractions
Wanders through the department store wondering if every other wife misses this way, does everyone feel the same primal ache?
Dear Jean Crosby terribly worried she’s a freak yet entirely unrepentant for it
But ya know what’s probably funny? Across the ocean Harry Crosby is sometimes so direly missing his wife in the carnal way that he just about spaces out too, and god knows there’s zero privacy anywhere and the showers are the showers but like???? it’s just a no-go most times and everyone gets very confused when he’s in this mood?? Not at all suspecting baser distractions are what’s at play. Somehow someone figured it out, maybe he actually snapped a little about having five seconds to himself while reading a letter and they’re like
OH
And somehow there seems to suddenly be five minutes or so when NO ONE but Crosby is in the showers?!
It only takes him two minutes to get there but he needs to stand there catching his breath and clutching at his heart while he thinks of Jean sprawled beneath him
This is probably Douglass’ doing? Because he’s a good dude, he doesn’t underestimate Croz AND he’s a dirty little bastard himself
“Fellas, the man got himself a wife while half of you guys are virgins? Of course he has urges?”
In a quiet, rare moment, Gale bends his ear -Harry is so modest and low key...unlike some folks *looking at you Bucky*- “So, uh, where'd ya say you and the missus went off to before ya came here?“
Gale’s gotta casually open the door for this conversation “Lots of good sights to see? I, um, haven't done much traveling myself”
It takes Croz a few conversations until he realizes just what Gale means, until then there’s a lot bewildered eyebrows at the inquiry and bashful appreciation for the interest: “Major Cleven I-I already told you, sir, we had a little cabin in the Alleghenies for a week?“
He's been telling Jean about Major Gale Cleven, about how she'd really like him. Gale is a good fella. He tells her about all their "travel talk"
Until one day Jean writes back: “Oh honey, that Cleven of yours is a virgin”
Whether Harry divulges to Gale anything he learned about ladies in that little cabin in the mountains writhing before a fire on a bearskin rug, that first time Harry actually didn’t stop and ask if Jean was dying every time she made a noise but instead, kept going until her cried properly built and she screamed…
well, it was probably an abbreviated account that mostly consisted of “wives are just wonderful people, Major Cleven” with a far off look in his eyes
Gale leaves him to it after all- Harry was married for like 3 seconds before he left, It's literally either playback of the last horrific mission or thinking of the curve of her spine
He gets the dreamiest look on his face, eyes all shiny, mouth a little slack
Somehow these two can be so passionate and yet it’s so wholesome and good and angelic?!!! It’s the allure of them
Because it’s all in these gentle and safe and good boundaries? Like it isn’t complicated and yet it’s not simple and it’s neither settling nor is it turbulent. something to be said for “doing it right”
They genuinely thank God for each other, they’re so sure it was always intended to be just them
I have 1k of headcanons just for the homecoming ok? Y’all will have to request those separate
But once home:
The eye contact they make at social events?? It’s a whole language, the most loving and adorable thing ever
He may not be a real gem of a singer but he’s an excellent hummer. so much gentle humming around the house while he’s fixing the stove light or rocking a baby to sleep or-
You know what I mean don’t you? Some men can just humm and you’re instantly wet? No I don’t mean humming a Billie Holliday tune
I mean humming when you make a new reaction to his incessant fingering while he’s reading, makes him look away from the page and arch a brow, highly inquisitive puppy dog look on his face, reading glasses pulled down.
*a new spot? After all this time? Must investigate further*
This man, when in his element, is a goddamn tease, he’s impossible, he’s goofy, he makes sex the joyous sacrament its supposed to be every damn time and he ain’t shy to remain stark naked for ages
Praise kink for miles in that, once you’ve praised him, he will keep doing whatever earned it for the next two hours. Brace yourself
He can recite your favorite literature passages (he knows them and took pains to memorize them by your tenth anniversary) when he’s gently plowing you from the back with his hand on your neck and your ear lob in between his teeth
He’s a biter my friends -gotta keep quiet somehow, can’t scar the passel of children y’all made, after all
So many excuses given to kids about “mama and I need to talk about the mortgage” -very rarely is mortgage even thought of once the door is closed and locked
But that brings us back to the early days, it’s one thing to know someone so well after all those years but the early days?
Two Virgins named Jean and Harry went straight from the chapel to fucking like Bunnies before he went to war
Harry had done his research tho. All that reading…
Harry Crosby totally ate his wife out on their wedding night.
even though he’d never really seen a full vagina before
he’s a bit methodical, yeah? At first? with a hint of overly flustered and terribly delighted
So I’m just picturing him like hunkering down there, tentative but firm hands on your thighs: “to get my bearings, honey pie” as he takes in the lay of the land
because there’s a lot happening down there on a lady, ok? -there’s petals and more petals and slippery slopes and little buttons and a tiny hole that has to be for pee, no way he’s supposed to go in that one?! but, but she doesn’t have another? Well the backdoo- no can’t even think of that. Oh god ok, ok, vaginal opening, -I guess that’s a vaginal opening?! and due north, a little button that makes her squeak when I touch it. ok ok, might as well start there…
I can see him with a metaphorical pencil behind his ear, ready to jot down notes
Jeanie finally sighs and grips him by the ears and hauls him up for a kiss and just grinds against him and insists it’s lovely
“just kiss me, silly.” she says to him after awhile.
“Mmm, I do like kissing you, Jean” he grins back
he’s naturally kissing his way to her boobs and staying there a lovely long time but she starts pushing at his dark head, *hint hint* lower down her belly and lower, and lower and he’s so caught up he doesn’t even realize it until there’s a sweet little patch of curls under his chin and he looks up with the oddest expression of curiosity and doubt on his face only to be met with Jean’s expectant eyebrow
She wouldn’t want me to?—-*ah, she just face planted me in pussy, ok then*
Lapping at it with the biggest grin, there may or may not have been some noise complaints
the whole apartment complex just knows he’s a good husband, never would peg him as a stud if you met him in the hallway but, Jean sure takes forever to say goodbye to him in the mornings so he must do something right
All the neighbors just can't help but be happy for those two kids
They cook them food and leave the casserole dishes on the landing so they can savor each other for as long as possible before he leaves
Next Sunday they show up at church like dutiful little Americans and they’ve got hickies everywhere and his cheeks are a permanent pink, Her knees are red and raw under her church dress
I feel like maybe they get a little adventurous as their time together draws to a close? Maybe they break a dining room chair? She's too mortified to put it out on the curb
*saves it for 50 years*
Some of those wedding china ends up in pieces on the floor. Can't explain to her aunts why they don't have a full set all of a sudden
i really hope he never loses that occasional hair trigger premature ejaculation tendency.
Sometimes it even shocks him, “O-Oh...shoot”
The last day together is a dismal and precious night
The poor man probably laid there on her sweaty boobs after blowing his last load with the saddest *fml* face on as he processed it being, indeed, his last
But HOMECOMING!
and now the war is over they can set up house and make babies
A small breeding kink, after all, these men marched home from war and basically were told "get a job and let's repopulate for all the boys we lost!"
It’s so damn primal when you think about it but under the veneer of the starched and polished 50’s
Croz can't think straight in that tight little hole, let alone think of the ramifications of another baby
“Give it to me, give me another, come on Harry, we've got an empty space in the Christmas card anyway, think of it!! fill me up baby oh godddd Jesus bless your pretty dick-*
it’s the most mundane reasons and he still busts a nut like she’s some filthy vixen and not his sweet and slightly too optimistic wife
frantic love making with a sweater and socks still on, too
Jean is a writher because the longer they are married the longer he lasts and soon she’s come and he just keeps going and she cannot keep quiet then and he’s too big to ignore or calm down between, just thick enough to always be tugging just right and she fully sobs from it sometimes
Often she’s trying to cup herself?!? Fully spasming and shaking and curling in but his strong forearm is over her belly and his lips on her ear
This man is a god at spooning sex
she is so cock feral when she falls pregnant it almost alarms him
The books didn't say anything about this?! He's exhausted and dehydrated and his classes are suffering as a result
Wants to ask Egan if he encountered this phenomenon
His war buddies become a new father support group
"Hang in there pal, only three more months"
They’ll be in the kitchen just chatting before dinner, she wants to tease him. Scoops a little cherry pie filling onto her finger. He licks it and sucks it off -- bites the finger too, in the background dogs are barking and kids are running amuck
As the Crosbys you’re in for a life of very benign but nauseatingly idyllic Christmas parties.
Snow globes, y’all
Sweaters, spiked eggnog and very well thought out gifts
Harry is the sort to carry Jean's purse when they are out shopping and she is trying on clothes. He also has no problem going and buying her sanitary napkins at the drugstore when she's on her period, because it's completely normal and there's nothing for anyone to be embarrassed about. Basically, he is just stupidly in love with her. He's like a puppy who will always follow, but she doesn't take advantage of that fact (credit to:@noneedtoamputate)
He is Harry “Have You Met My Wife?” Crosby back home, too, it’s even worse when he gets tipsy and his confidence grows and good luck shutting him up about how beautiful she is
This is the sorta man whose kids only learn Daddy was a goddamn boss during the war when they’re outta college, a very casual “oh yeah, that was sort of a thing, pass the salt.”
It’s canon this man cut his own son’s hair all his little life, propped him up on a little stool in the back yard and got to trimming -some of the only times the boy ever heard of those devastating missions
Imagine? Same man who used to take you out on the porch into the night air and rock against his sweater when you were a baby and wouldn’t settle is the same man who bombed the hell outta Fortress Europe
He’s the kind of man whose kids are so enamored over how both sides of the coin could settle in the same man, they end up making a documentary about him
Now I also need you to think of this man at bath time in the early 50’s -Shirt sleeves rolled up, top two buttons on his pristine white button up shirt popped with a peak of chest hair showing through, his curls getting steamed by his kids bubble baths
He’s got the prettiest slightly hairy forearms, y’all -according to Jean at least
Gives himself a bubble beard to make his kids laugh, will stay on his knees watching them play for ages, fully participating
His white shirt gets fully transparent with all this splashing and Jean has to really keep her mind on what’s next when she can so easily see his hair and pretty little nipples pebbled in a chill under them. Stops her whining about water on the floor in seconds.
Harry’s already hushing her and mopping it up with a towel anyway
The Crosby kids will have memories of their idiotically in love and enthralled parents who loved being parents, wrapping their baby selves snuggly into towels and setting them on the counter and just cracking up over how cute they looked with their chubby and shiny widdle faces poking out of terry cloth
Jean and Harry spend a lotta time doing that, they just love their kids, ok?
Brushing their cute little Croz curls
Jean can’t say no to a single one with their sad puppy eyes their daddy gave them
Sometimes they sit the kids in front of the fireplace (they obviously needed a house with a fireplace after that honeymoon) and line them up. Talk about them as if they aren't sitting right there. "Honey, look at those gorgeous eyes -- and his smile! Oh my, who do these cuties belong to?"
But it’s not all placid domesticity. Picture this:
Crosby with a mega phone, organizes a neighborhood Easter egg hunt. He's in charge, his aviators on, taking this so seriously
There are maps, he’s planned this for weeks, some of those traits and skills he picked up during the war come back at the oddest times
this gets even more intense if any of the war buddies are there
Harry writes letters to them strategizing, they all come and bring their own kids
It makes the local paper for being one of the biggest Easter egg hunts the state has ever seen
Night falls, children fall asleep and there are still some eggs left. Armed with booze and flashlights, the boys go out to collect the rest
Harry and Jean don't collect any though, they end up in a bush necking somewhere
Bucky gets very adamant about finding them and Brady is just as adamantly begging him not to
But Major Egan cannot be stopped, he rallies his men, hopping on the kids’ bikes and scooters
Everyone heckling each other in the dark suburban neighborhood
"Ya lost your touch Buck, keep up will ya?"
They all end up in a schnapps induced heap in the Crosby's backyard, long limbs all folded up on too small equipment
Jean and Harry leisurely stroll back up the street under lamp glow to their house where everyone is feral and collapsed and calling loudly for their hosts
Sharing soft little smiles and picking twigs out of each others hair
They tuck these idiot men in on the couches and floor, blankets, sleeping bags and dogs
Hear me out: Jean is the only human able to talk a belligerent Bucky out of his thirtieth beer
She has that sweet way about her that makes every person wanna be a better man for her
When he finally gives in and throws his arm over her little shoulders and swears she’s a good woman, Harry is there with the pan and the aspirin and the blanket
She makes them all the most perfect hangover breakfast the next morning, gingham checked apron stretched over swollen belly
Harry nuzzles her belly when she stops at his plate to dish up the eggs
Everyone wants to gag over how perfectly content these two are but that would be a waste of the best breakfast in the USA
And if Jean happens to make the best baked goods on the block - Croz is making sure everyone knows just who’s muffins those are on the bake sale table. Or if she wants to pursue a career or education? Harry is her biggest cheerleader, doing anything and everything to support her and being sure that everyone knows how incredible she is at what she does. (Credit @blurredcolour)
They may be the sweater wearing, block party and Sunday school couple but don’t think anybody gets away with being snide to Mrs. Jean Crosby -there will be comeuppance, even if it’s just an exquisitely literate verbal evisceration.
There's even more often a roaming band of local kids who kick the shins of everyone who's mean to Mrs. Crosby, because she gives them sweets and feeds them when they're hungry and cleans up their scrapes when play gets too rough and -if Mr. Crosby hands out a comic or two to the boys that "accidentally" tripped some bloke who was harassing his wife, well. All is fair in love and war. (Credit to @promptedwordsmith)
When in the summer of 49 the Crosbies get a swimming pool dug? It might as well be considered public property.
not just the kids who are attached to the crosbies, though. your home is a constant revolving door of visitors - including a bunch of ex-servicemen. if it's not bucky lounging in the pool, or rosie painting the fence in his shirtsleeves because he wanted to be helpful, then douglass is smoking a cigarette in the yard while trying to make you laugh. ev is asking harry to show him how to read this goddamn map bc they're supposed to be taking a trip to the grand canyon in a month, and bubbles is over for dinner every other night. even brady sometimes shows his face, if only to carp at harry for getting them lost over france that one time while working the barbecue because you asked him to. when you and harry bought the house with an extra room you weren't sure you would ever use, you didn't expect it to be occupied as often as a popular hotel. if anyone ever had any bad intentions toward the crosbies, they're definitely rethinking it. those that don't...well. being in the air corps teaches one all sorts of creative ways of getting back at people. (Credit to @fidelias)
Imagine all the different skills the Crosby kids (_and their neighbor friends who never seem to leave_) learn from these guys?
“Oh yeah, Bucky Egan taught me how to swim while wearing his aviators…”
In other words:
Harry Crosby went home and built himself a little Norman Rockwell Camelot and then opened the doors of the kingdom to his buddies and -that’s as it should be.
And that’s not even mentioning how the Air Force and the CIA walked up to his front porch and interrupted a backyard ballgame to ask him for his help
It sucks to be super smart and needed when all ya wanna do is teach literature, go camping and help keep the church life going
But still
Jean sure looked good in Pakistan, the kids enjoyed a new culture and Harry likes to say he may have done some good
#mota fanfic#masters of the air#harry crosby#Harry Crosby fanfic#Harry Crosby x reader#mota headcanons#masters of the air fanfiction#anthony boyle#hbo war fanfic
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rainymood exclusive! our newest bachelor? daniel taylor re-emerges with surprise announcement for 'garage' fans.
you heard it here first! after ten years of peaceful retirement in the desert hills of starlight shores, host of "your dad's garage" daniel taylor has stunned fans new and old with the leaked confirmation that he will in fact be the latest bachelor chosen for simnation's "kiss me in komorebi".
that's right! another bachelor challenge for your feeds! i have always wanted to do one, and who better than with dan? the deadline for entries for this casting call is september 1st! for more info, see below!
more facts about daniel: you may recognize him from sammyshuno's mini bc! (known as david tyler) daniel taylor was known as the bob ross of the woodworking world in the 90s - the host of a thirty minute segment called "your dad's garage", his home improvement show lifted him to a b-level of fame and celebrity recognition for the two seasons it ran. however, while filming season three, an accident lead to a circle saw flying up and cutting him across the face. the injury took months to heal, and in that time, daniel's peak had come and gone, and he had no desire to win it back. he took a step back from showbiz, living out his "retirement" nestled in the wide mountain rages of starlight shores and rising to recent rekindled cult status with his tiktok channel and camping vlogs. what started as a fun way to re-engage with his hobbies became an opportunity for a new start in the spotlight, his agent said - and after the soft intro of being seen with jupiter york, the next step was clearly to sign him on for a show with a title that has the vibe of a mid-2000s kdrama... right?
general guidelines.
accepting sims of any gender identity, young adult/adult. daniel is 40 years old, and has been out of the limelight for the past 10 years. consider this for your sims! they may know him from the original run of his show, or his reruns, or his tiktoks, or... not at all!
occult friendly!
no romance-based traits (outgoing, etc. are allowed, but 'romantic' or 'alluring' are no-nos; unflirty is fine!)
please include their traits, aspiration, their age (in number) and their height! it might not be that important, but for posing? i'd like to know 😏
i love to read any kind of backstories, fun facts, or impressions or thoughts you have about your characters to give me a good idea of writing them! i love to set up my sims in-game with the traits, likes, and skills they're given in creation to have autonomy work as realistically as possible!
this will be a syndicated tv show, like nbc's the bachelor. it will include behind-the-scenes posts, too, things the cameras don't see (because third person omniscience, babey) consider this in your applications!
i will be combining all manner of mods and gameplay rules for this challenge: the first impressions system, wicked whims, etc. i've decided on two households of candidates, so that will be 14 sims in total!
use as much cc, skin details, etc. as you like, and feel free to give your contestant an outfit in every category! i only ask that you definitely give them a cold weather outfit, and that you keep it to one outfit per category.
the show will be taking place in mt. komorebi! it's gon be cold. daniel is a huge nerd and wants to do outdoor activities, hence...
please tag me in your posts with the @ feature!! or tag the post "rainymoodletbc"
thank you so much for reading this far! i hope you guys have as much fun writing your contestants as i have drumming this up! i will be coming out with more posts and information about daniel as the days go on: there's a lot going on right now, so i thought this would be a perfect time to drop a call for auditions!!
@foxsimthings @aniraklova @buglaur @morrigan-sims @adrasteamoon @hauntedtrait @gothoffspring (just taggin ppl who were interested i am not tellin you to make sims tylkjfslkj you don't have to!!)
#ts4#ts4 edit#ts4 bachelor challenge#kiss me in komorebi#ahhhh its hereee#these are such lazy edits i feel but i just wanted to provide enough of a base post for y'all to get my drift ;~;#i am so excited and i can't wait to see what you guys will come up with!
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So. Today has been a weird day.
Rambles below, because I’m in my feelings but that doesn’t necessarily have to be your problem.
The first thing I saw when I woke up today was that Ice Adolescence had been cancelled. The second thing piece of news I received, within a few minutes of this, was that my Grandma had passed away.
The second thing is more personal, and I haven’t come here to talk about that - I suppose more than anything it’s to give context on today’s slightly weird vibe, and why I’m feeling perhaps more nostalgic than I would be normally.
Perhaps as a distraction, I want to ramble about YOI.
Though now I’ve sat down to actually do this… where do I start?
Though my internet presence is very TKEM-focused nowadays, since its release, YOI has always been incredibly dear to me. It came out just as I had found out that my family were going to be moving across the country (and ok, in the UK that’s maybe less of a big deal than if I lived in a larger country, but I was 14, and 14 is a horrible age, so it was still a big deal to me). YOI came out in late 2016, we moved at the beginning of 2017, and I joined a much smaller school with… let’s say less choice for the people I could make friends with.
I was, technically, adopted by a friendship group, but it took a long time, some falling outs within the group, and me learning everything there ever was to know about BTS despite having no real passion for music-based fandoms for me to really feel included. The friendship group I’d left behind was much more diverse in terms of interests, and we thrived on mutual sharing and acceptance of each other’s interests. This new one was more kind of “conform or fuck you,” and I never quite managed to conform properly.
All that is to say… while I didn’t really have friends, in 2017, I had YOI and its fandom. While I was dealing with the huge changes in my life, I was comforted through it by, more than anything else, lurking around the YOI fandom. I had my first forays into posting things online using Google+, of all things (my parents didn’t let me have social media, but I could access this using my gmail), and they were drawings I had done of YOI characters, even a hand-drawn anecdote comic thing, and just… it was rudimentary, but you gotta start somewhere, right?
It became what I was known for, in my new school. It became part of me. That summer, my family went on holiday to Orlando FL to do the theme parks, and despite that having been something that I’d been begging to do for years, what I ended up being most excited about was the opportunity to go to Hot Topic and buy the YOI merch that they’d recently announced. I bought a T-shirt, a blanket, and a backpack, and although the backpack’s strap broke after a year of using it for school, I still have the T-shirt and the blanket, and they’re still special to me to this day. Back then, listening to the soundtrack on repeat, I’d decided that one day I was going to perform a dance routine to ‘In regards to love: Eros,’ and at the end of my first year of uni, that was something I was actually able to do. Was it good? Not really, I’m by no means a professional dancer, but I felt like I was paying homage to my inner… not quite child, more like my inner angsty teenager?
My whatsapp background is still YOI-themed. I still proudly display my Funko Pops and my posters in my bedroom at home. YOI is still my comfort show, and though I’m not usually one for rewatching shows, it’s still the show that I’ve rewatched the most. Even my username is a relic of my ties to the YOI fandom - though I wasn’t really using it much then, it’s something I thought up during the days when I was deepest in it, and I thought to myself “if I ever am brave enough to really start posting things online, this is the username I’ll use.” So even though the first thing I ever posted under the name KitKatsudon was the beginning of a BTS fanfiction on Quotev on all places that I was writing with a friend of mine at the time, it has its roots in YOI.
It’s sort of funny - once upon a time, I used to semi-joke that I couldn’t die before the YOI movie came out. Don’t get me wrong, my mental health was never bad enough that I had actually realistically considered not making it to Ice Ado’s release, but every time I said it, I did mean it. No matter how shitty I felt, I had to keep going, because I was going to have my bum in a seat when it eventually released in cinemas. I guess what this means now is that, unless Ice Ado is picked up by another studio, I’m just never going to die 🤷♀️ you’d better buckle the fuck up, mortals, because MAPPA has just granted me ultimate power.
What am I trying to say? I don’t really know. Maybe thank you, to the YOI team, for being such a positive force in my life. You gave me something comforting to hold onto while everything around me was changing, while I was starting my sexuality journey, while I didn’t have the close support of peers to help boost my mood. I don’t watch the show so often nowadays, but that’s because I save it for instances where I really need comforting. Maybe like today.
The story of Ice Adolescence may be over, at least for now, but I’ll always be grateful for what we did get.
#tw: mentions of death#nothing really major but better to be careful#kitkat’s thoughts tag#yuri on ice#it’s just rambles about what that show meant and still means to me#spoiler alert: it’s a lot#rip yoi#you deserved so much better#little kitkat who ended her GCSE English presentation thing on queerbaiting with a hopeful message about yoi paving the way for better#would be so disappointed in mappa right now
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New Twisted Wonderland AU~!
Hey everyone~! So as promised, I am here to announce the new AU my noodle doodle brain latched onto. ^w^ Drum roll please......
This new AU...is called the
MONSTER AU!
Now, what is this AU about you ask? Simple:
In this AU, everyone but Yuu is based on some mythological beast, monster, or cryptid (based on what creatures they vibed with most in my mind as well as what each creature is essentially known for). Even Grim--as a monster--looks different in this AU.
Yuu, however, is the only one who is a human--and no one knows what a human is or has ever seen one before (or if they even existed in Twisted Wonderland at any point at all). Trapped in a world full of monster-like humanoids and not a drop of magic to their name, Yuu somehow has to navigate through this school and attend as a student with their smaller monster companion. Magic is alive and well for sure, but with new additional abilities and dangerous fangs and claws, it’s bound to get dangerous for any magicless human!
So, now that I’ve got that summary out of the way, here’s what I’ve got in mind for how I want to go about this AU!
First thing’s first: Yuu is 100% human in this AU, though I have two variations of how Yuu is going to be. One is where Yuu is essentially around the same age as the guys, and the other where Yuu is a child (about 3 years old or so). I just adore the trope of scary monsters taking care of or being so soft and gentle with teeny tiny children. So sweet... QvQ
Second: The two Yuu’s will be referred as “Yuu” (for regular Yuu), and “Mini!Yuu” for toddler Yuu, and posts will be marked and tagged as such.
Third: This is mostly a comfort AU of sorts, so while I can write angst for it, I’d prefer to keep things silly and sweet or even do comfort pieces in this AU.
Fourth: Yes, I have a complete list of each and every creature/monster/cryptid that each character and staff that we’ve been introduced to so far that they’ll be, though depending on if something better comes up and I feel like the potential new idea for them is more fitting, then I’ll adjust as necessary!
Fifth: I can and may very well do a “reality swap” in which Yuu and Mini!Yuu swap places for a short time, so expect silliness and shenanigans abound~! >w<
That’s all I’ve got for this announcement! Be prepared for more posts in the coming days and design ideas! ÒwÓ
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What got you on the Pascal train? I see you've posted about him before but really seemed to get into him maybe last month? Was it TLOU?
funny story actually so all the way back when i was like 14 i got really into game of thrones (very child appropriate i know) and in this one season they got that guy in a yellow robe and he like fucks both men and women? yeah that mightve been my bi awakening. anyways a couple years pass and i find this show called narcos and i watch it and im like holy shit this funky little guy compels me. so i become an avid javi enjoyer and watch the show a couple of times but i also enjoy it for plot reasons and specifically the culture and vibe of colombia? so then it comes time for me to choose a uni major. and my horny ass goes "yeah ive never learned a word of spanish in my life but choosing spanish as my major seems like a good idea" and so i did. choose my uni major. because i had the hots for pedro pascal. I have since changed majors because it turns out learning a language from zero to fluent in a year is not doable for me, but the love for the guy stayed. so then tlou gets announced and everybody is talking about it and im like hmmm i dont really like zombies all that much so maybe ill wait for the reviews to roll in before i watch and then the reviews were Very Enthusiastic so im like aight might as well and i watched the first two eps and im like holy shit this zombie show got hands And Then i remembered this conversation i had with one of my friends all the way back in 2020 about this game they really liked about this dude who adopts a feral little girl (inserting screenshots)
my daddy issues are Through The Roof so i was like No Thanks back then but after i watched the pilot i Connected The Dots and am like well if the show fucks and its got accidental child acquisition then maybe i should play the game because coincidentally my stepfather had it on the ps5 already. and i binged the game in like 3 days and then im like. If The Second Part Goes On Sale Im Gonna Ask Mom To Get It For Me For My Birthday. and then it did, and then i played it. and thats how i got ptsd for my birthday. anyways back to pedro umm basically since game joel and pedro joel are two different beasts in my head i didnt catch the pedro joel hyperfixation but two seperate, pedro And joel ones so now im stuck with wanting to simultaneously fuck a middle-aged actor and a bunch of pixels. hope this helps.
#this is not what you asked but this is what you get#sorry#anyways yeah it was before tlou but tlou made it worse#and also everybody is kinda talking about him rn so i got stuff to reblog and fuel my obsession#anon
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TikTok Is Obsessed With Water. Experts Are Concerned
Welcome to WaterTok, where the ice is loud, the vibes relentlessly positive, and the beverages zero-calorie
BY EJ DICKSON | APRIL 14, 2023 | Article Link
“I’m on my second water of the day and it is 11:55, so I am cruisin’ with the water goals today!” Tonya Spanglo cheerily announces in her TikTok video. She bounds over to her “water bar,” a collection of sundry Skinny Mix syrups on a Lazy Susan. Cotton candy flavor? Nope. Dragon fruit acai? Nah, not today. She settles on coconut, mixed with a packet of pineapple flavoring, because, as she trumpets, “Mama’s trying to have a pina colada!” She breaks out her peach-colored, 40 oz. Simple Modern cup, twirls around her straw, and takes a sip before breaking out into Rupert Holmes’ “Escape (The Pina Colada Song).”
Welcome to WaterTok, where the ice is loud, the vibes relentlessly positive, and the beverages zero-calorie. The hashtag, which has about 94.1 million views, features a panoply of upbeat, mostly white women in athleisure with charming Southern accents, showing off their recipes for flavored water in their giant metal Stanley cups. There is peach-ring flavored water. There is Dole Whip-flavored water. There is even banana-split-flavored water, and, perhaps most infamously, birthday cake.
With her messy bun, Oklahoman twang, and relentlessly upbeat manner, Spanglo, who goes by @takingmylifebackat42 on TikTok, is the undisputed champion of the genre, posting her first concoction — a coconut-and-pineapple-flavored beverage mixed with Sonic’s ocean water packet, which she dubs “mermaid water” — in June 2022. “I have been dubbed the queen of WaterTok,” she tells Rolling Stone, as her four-year-old granddaughter plays in the background (later, she will request a sip of water, though Spanglo will inform me that it is plain). Through posting her water recipes on TikTok, she’s garnered more than 700,000 followers, as well as an affiliate partnership with Skinny Mixes, from which she says she gains a 10 percent sales commission with her videos. (A rep for Skinny Mixes confirmed to Rolling Stone that following Spanglo’s mermaid water video, Mermaid sold out a record seven times.)
Editor’s picks
Like many other food trends on TikTok, #WaterTok could be seen as relatively innocuous, if not a little silly; many commenters have pointed out that flavored water is essentially juice, or that using artificial sweetener-laden Skinny syrup is not exactly healthy. Others have noted that WaterTok skews heavily white, female, and Southern (a critique that Spanglo, who is all three, dismisses: “Maybe I need to do more research, [but] I do not know where that came from,” she says).
Meagan Anderson, an over-40 lifestyle influencer from Texas who has made her own #WaterTok videos involving collagen, acknowledges that even she was wary when she first saw the trend: “Water seems so simple. And flavored packets have been around forever. It’s basically the same thing as Kool-Aid to someone my age,” she tells Rolling Stone. “It was funny — the younger generation was basically making Kool-Aid come back again, kinda like skinny jeans or parachute pants.”
Yet watching content creators on TikTok playing alchemist with various flavored packets and syrups is admittedly hypnotizing, even if it’s hard to pinpoint exactly why. Some experts, however, have genuine concerns about the trend, pointing out that because many of the videos are targeted toward weight loss, the videos could be harmful to those struggling with disordered eating habits.
WaterTok “has the element of danger because it is a classic eating disorderbehavior that happens,” says Jillian Lampert, chief strategy officer for the Emily Program and Veritas Collaborative, which offers comprehensive eating-disorder treatment programs in nine states. “In their fear and anxiety about eating and weight, they try to minimize the calories that come in.” Lampert refers to the practice of filling up on fluids as a means of ignoring hunger cues as “long-term, old-school eating disorder behavior.”
To be fair, not every WaterTok video is hashtagged #weightloss, and the trend is not overtly coded as a weight-loss method. Yet its origins are indeed rooted in weight loss, at least according to Spanglo, who is not the original progenitor of the trend but has certainly done more than anyone else to popularize it. Spanglo tells Rolling Stone she began drinking flavored water as a way to meet her water goals after having gastric sleeve surgery three years ago, with her doctor recommending she drink at least 64 ounces per day to aid in her recovery. She says drinking plain water made her literally ill: “It would make me so full I would puke. You feel like something is erupting in your esophagus,” she says. She had already been using Skinny syrups to flavor her coffee, so she decided to try using them to flavor her water; following her surgery, she has lost more than 220 pounds, she says.
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Spanglo says she started posting her water recipes on TikTok last year, with her mermaid water and her “unicorn” water — a mix of a pink Starbursts packet and Skinny syrup’s blue raspberry frosting flavor — racking up millions of views. Along with her general weight-loss content, she now posts water recipes almost every day, most of which get hundreds of thousands of views; after featuring her new clear cup (“so people can see all the colors”) in a recent video, the cup sold out on Amazon within two hours of the video going live.
Though Spanglo says her followers range widely in terms of demographics, she estimates that about 60 percent are gastric bypass patients like her who are trying to meet their water goals. “We have built this weight-loss community and we are all getting healthier and happier together,” she says.
Lampert, however, has concerns about WaterTok, particularly since much of the content is marketed with the hashtag #weightloss. Though, she says, it will likely prove harmless for the majority of those who encounter it, for people who are vulnerable to developing disordered eating habits, “it can very easily be a way for people to feel like they are ingesting food and adequate nourishment when they are not,” she admits.
In addition to the fact that many people with eating disorders drink excessive amounts of water to drown out hunger cues, there are also significant healthissues associated with overconsumption of water, says Wendy Oliver-Pyatt, the CEO and chief medical officer of Within Health, a remote treatment program for people with eating disorders. She cites hyponatremia, a condition that causes low levels of sodium in the body and can potentially lead to cardiac effects, as one potential complication.
“Anything that is egging us on to drink water to lose weight has the potential to take us out of being balanced and thoughtful in our pursuit of health, to doing things that become dangerous,” she says. Though there is a clear distinction between trying to stay well-hydrated (the standard rule of thumb for adults is about 64 fluid ounces, or eight cups, per day) and overconsumption of water to the point of risking one’s health, Oliver-Pyatt cautions that using water as a weight-loss tool makes it easier for people to lose sight of that distinction. “If you’re drinking water to lose weight, Houston, we have a problem,” she says.
That concern is exacerbated by the nature of TikTok’s algorithm, which recommends content to users that they are more likely to engage with, regardless of whether they’re actively searching for it. Due to its algorithm and its relatively young user base, TikTok has come under scrutiny from eating disorder specialists, who have argued that the platform prioritizes potentially harmful content in the form of weight-loss ads and potentially triggering “What I Eat In a Day”-type videos.
In response to this criticism, TikTok issued a policy limiting weight-loss product ads for those under 18, and it has also added a disclaimer to weight-loss searches on the app. When asked for comment, a spokesperson for TikTok noted #WaterTok does not appear to be violative of any of its policies, stating, “content that promotes, normalizes, or glorifies disordered eating is prohibited on TikTok and we remove content that violates those guidelines.”
Nonetheless, despite these safeguards, Lampert says the prospect of falling down a weight-loss-content rabbit hole on an app like TikTok can be dangerous for those struggling with disordered eating.
“From a client perspective, we hear so much [about TikTok], regularly, with clients under 40,” she says. “The story used to be, ‘I heard about this diet from a friend and then before I knew it I was out of control.’ Now, all of the stories start with, ‘I was online and I saw this thing and I got sucked into it, and even when I tried to change my content I couldn’t, and my whole feed was around diet and weight loss.’ That’s really striking to me as a clinician.”
When asked about whether her WaterTok videos promote disordered eating, Spanglo says she never advocates for flavored water as a meal replacement (though she does make videos promoting protein shakes for this purpose), and that she notes in most of her videos and Lives that she is not a trained dietitian or nutritionist. “I’m not telling you what’ll work for you. I’m saying what worked for me,” she says. Anderson says that she is “12,000 percent against” using flavored water as a “cheat or hack”: “I am anti-diet and anti-skipping calories. I am pro giving your body things it needs,” she says. “This does not add to your nutritional needs. It’s just elevating your water.”
Yet with WaterTok booming and receiving media coverage around the world — Spanglo says that within the past 48 hours alone, she received requests from Katie Couric, the Drew Barrymore show, and the New York Post to talk about her videos — it’s easy to see how that message could potentially get lost in a sea of general diet and weight-loss content promoted as wellness.
Trending
“It will help some people because they’ll drink more water,” says Lampert. “But some people will think that drinking birthday-cake-flavored water is the same as eating birthday cake. And it’s not.”
Update 1:40 p.m., 4/14/23: This story has been updated to include comment from a TikTok spokesperson.
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Hey! In your latest reblog you wrote that you read "several great fantasy series aimed at adults or/and written by non-US American authors" and I'm a big fan of YA fantasy books. Do you have some recs for the "non-US authors" bit? Not that I don't love them but all the books I read this year are from the US and I think that a change would be nice.
If you can, want and have time of course! Thanks in advance🌿
Of course! I love talking about books. Though tbh, I cannot quite remember which books I was thinking of specifically as the first post was from last November. Anyway, here are some YA fantasy books I really enjoyed, by non-US authors:
Christelle Dabos "The mirror visitors" series. I am sure you have seen this on tumblr already. The author is French and it did give me some very different vibes. Pretty cool twists and turns, great characters (more morally grey than often seen in YA).
Timothee de Frombelle “The Book of Perle”. Another French author and a very fairy-tale like fantasy story. Not necesarily YA but still very accessible if you read a lot of YA.
Garth Nix Abhorsen chronicles. Aussie author, series started in 1995 and the sixth book was published last year. Necromancy, great female characters, clever magic system.
Steve Augard’s The Touchstone trilogy. Granted, this one is more middle grade (but older middle grade), but so well done I think you can also read it as a teen/young adult. UK author, fairy folk, countryside.
If you can understand German, I highly (!) recommend Kathrin Tordasi’s Brombeerfuchs. German author (but lived in Wales for some time), book set in Wales. Portal fantasy. great magic system. I just saw it is classified as middle grade but I’d say it is (young) YA. A second novel has been announced.
Although I only love her earlier books (everything she wrote up until her first Inkworld book), Cornelia Funke had great fantasy not like the US books (since she moved to California her books have become very US-american in my opinion). For example, her first Dragonrider book is still very “German”. I’d say everything published until about 2005. I think she is also mostly middle grade?*
The Call by Peadar O’Guilin. Irish author, set in Ireland. YA fantasy horror (fae are not nice). I loved this book and there is a second novel but I haven’t read that one yet.**
The Tensorate series by Neon Yang. Non-binary author from Singapore. Maybe this is more adult fantasy? Anyway, very magical, very queer, very cool.
Perfectly Preventable Deaths by Deidre Sullivan was also a good read (up until the moment when there was animal harm - that is a no go to me even if it is depicted as something abhorent). Irish author + setting. Magic/witchcraft, first love, lgbtq. However, I just tried reading Savage Her Reply by her and stopped after only a few pages because I found the prose too convoluted and hard to follow.
I think when writing that post, I was thinking more of contemporary YA novels not written by US authors, and not so much YA fantasy. I think I am growing out of that area of reading. Anyway, hope you get some inspiration :-)
*the distinction between middle grade and YA wasn’t/isn’t so stict in Germany. We often have the “main” categories of children (up until 10, 12 years of age) and teenagers (above 12). But the line isn’t strict. And sometimes I get the feeling that “middle grade” and “YA” especially for ages 11-14 is more a distinction of whether there’s romance or not.
**Normally, I am of the opinion that the publisher should provide a good summary. This publisher hasn’t so here is my try: Every child is “called” into the Grey Lands (a very horrible version of fairyland) during puberty. In our world, they stay there for 3 minutes but for them it is one day. The fae hunt the children and very few survive, even fewer survive unscathed. Our protagonist, Nessa, is disabled and cannot walk properly so nobody thinks she has any chance of survival.
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2022 in (media) review
[Image description: A 3x3 grid of Garfield faces, the shadows across his face mimicking a grid of phases of the moon.]
Yes, yes, I do have a lot of monthly playlist music stats to share but also! I want to talk about other great media I enjoyed this year. I was tracking everything much more thoroughly as media review dumps on Patreon (this is before Comradery had locked posts) but that's kind of boring, actually! For both me and for you. So let's just look at the highlights - and graphs, I also have some data visuals, fun!!! That's fun.
This is a long post! I could have split it up but I'm not going to, sorry/not sorry. I like to talk about things I like (and I like to read about things others like, so I enjoy this bit of the year). But remember - there are graphs, so, I think worth it.
Movies
I've not been the best at recording what movies I've watched this year. To be fair to myself I half-watched many and I try to only write down those I watched purposefully. I saw a Tumblr tag game post that was "put your favourite movie this year into tags" but I couldn't pick just one. So here are the top handful of things watched for the first time this year, in no particular order:
Candyman (2021)
This was a great follow-up/sequel/successor to the original, which I love. Bonus nerd points in that Chase has documented some of the work that is seen in the art gallery.
Animal Kingdom (2010)
We started watching TNT's Animal Kingdom show ages back, it's a summer beach read of a show that ends up being about generational trauma and consequences, but is on the top level about heists and family. It ended this year and we finally watched the originating film, it is much the same themes but is less indulgent. Both Ben Mendelsohn and Shawn Hatosy are perfect casts for the character of Pope, and both are some of our favourite actors.
Shadow of the Vampire (2000)
Yes, I did partake in Dracula Dailyand in reading it remembered this film, which I finally watched after kind of wanting to watch it since it came out. I love meta stories! I love the casting! What a weird wonderful tale.
The Northman (2022)
I was hesitant to watch this much the same way I was hesitant to watch Eggers' previous film The Witch because the promotion for it didn't sell it to me. Where The Witch is funny, actually, The Northman is in truth a weird sad revenge tale, not a bombastic war thing. Also: Björk!
Nope (2022)
We got to see this at the drive-in and it is one of those movies that feels made for me, in a way. The creature design (John Dabri interview here)! The way we interact with animals! To look at cosmic horror and be like "I don't like that, thanks."
Bedrooms and Hallways (1998)
Full disclosure I watched this because I was looking into the filmography of a particular actor due to TV show brainrot and it was available on Hoopla. It's such a romp?! It's so very a British late-'90s rom-com with a really smashing cast. And also very much about identity and love and a particular vibe of being basically thirty.
Cyrano (2021)
It's a musical! (watch one of my fave songs here) It's a true-to-book adaptation, which means the ending is S-A-D. The cast is fabulous and I am grateful it finally got on VOD so I could watch it, as I'd been eyeing it since an announcement in 2021.
Favourite rewatches, whether they be something I watch with regularity or those seen for the first time in a decade-plus, in no particular order:
Manchurian Candidate (1962)
Remains gorgeous and tense and sad!
The Langoliers (1995)
I don't care if the monsters are corny I thought they were creepy then and I still do. What a concept! What is time!
Underwater (2020)
This underwater cosmic horror is almost a comfort watch at this point. I love!! Movies that are set in the confines of something in the depths of sea/space.
Willow (1988)
With the new show out, had to rewatch. Others might have been part of the Labyrinth/Legend divide of formative fantasy films but mine was Willow.
Velvet Goldmine (1998)
Another comfort watch, this one with my bff, who hadn't seen it before. It's such a key part of my DNA and it's a crime it is difficult to find.
Cruising (1980)
In looking up the year for this list I have learned it was a book first, so I'll have to look that up. This movie is heavy! I can't remember when I first watched it but I do keep returning to it.
Lathe of Heaven (1980)
This is a really fabulous adaptation of Ursula K. LeGuin's novel, and from public television, no less. I have a strong nostalgia for this story and it's one of those stories that underpin a lot of thought for me, so I rewatched it with Chase this year after he finished the book so we could enjoy it together.
Books
Did you know Storygraph does gorgeous little charts FOR you?! (if you're there I'm bzedan, as I am everywhere). According to Storygraph, I read 57 books this year, which would have been more if I hadn't had a very specific moratorium while reading The Locked Tomb series - Chase was reading them for the first time so I more or less read each book twice while he read them because I read too fast and he was also doing a lot of school reading. But also I sped through a LOT of Animorphs (finished the series) this year, which bulked the number.
I love that Storygraph charts ~moods~ it's such a vibe. Apparently, I read adventurous, emotional, dark and mysterious books the most. All the links for books here go to their Storygraph page, and for series, they link to informative pages.
[Image description: A pie chart of "Moods" of books read. The largest slices are: Adventerous, Emotional, Dark, Mysterious, Reflective. The thinnest slices are: Relaxing and Inspiring.]
This chart is very funny to me. Yes, I read one non-fiction book, it was Why Fish Don't Exist: A Story of Loss, Love, and the Hidden Order of Life by Lulu Miller, and it's great, big recommend.
[Image description: A pie chart of "Fiction/Nonfiction" of books read. Most of the pie is bright pink and labeled "Fiction (98%)." One very tiny slice says "Nonfiction (2%)."]
Storygraph has loads of other fun charts, but we'll have enough of those soon, so let me share my top five books this year that aren't from The Locked Tomb series:
Kitchen - Banana Yoshimoto with Megan Backus (Translator)
I’m very grateful a friend recommended this to me, what a sharp and full heart of a book it is. Loss and love and what we make of the two, mixed together with care.
City of Broken Magic Chronicles of Amicae #1 - Mirah Bolender
This entire trilogy, tbh, is CRIMINALLY under-read and represented. Think, magic rat catchers in a city that is straining under the restrictions of class. Found family, a great and fresh magic system, and characters that can be kind of dicks but you love them, the third book's ending made me CRY. And there is NOTHING on AO3 for it and I hate that I will have to make my own cake and eat it. I want several cakes.
The Route of Ice and Salt - José Luis Zárate with Poppy Z. Brite (Contributor), David Bowles (Translator), Silvia Moreno-Garcia (Contributor)
Whew, this is brutal and dark and angry and beautiful. So grateful it was translated into English. I talk about this take on Dracula a bit in this Tumblr post but here's the tl;dr - the sea is queer and haunted and free and it's so easy to be tempted even if you know it is your doom that tempts you.
A Most Wanted Man - John le Carré
This is a downer of a book but a good good thriller nonetheless. We then watched the film adaptation which was also very good and amazingly cast. It's a tense spy thriller! You either dig that or you don't, this one has some very depressing political twists to it.
Record of a Spaceborn Few Wayfarers #3 - Becky Chambers
Basically, everything Becky Chambers writes is gold and will fill you with hope and wonder even as it breaks your heart. Of the Wayfarers series, I think this one is my fave.
I read or finished three big YA or middle-reader (I have trouble distinguishing) series this year:
The Circle Reforged by Tamora Pierce, which continues the Magic Circle series into the pains of teenhood.
Animorphs (link goes to author-approved book downloads)by K.A. Applegate, which I will recommend forever, wow it is such a dark amazing funny, weird and gross series. They're fast reads too.
Making Out (now called The Islanders) which is like '90s high school soap TV, but books. Just candy and the candy I needed at a bad brain time.
In general big recommend of reading some books you loved or missed out on as a kid, they're so fast now to read and there is something comforting even about the sad ones.
TV
I don't track the TV I watch as it tends to be deeply background stuff, or things watched over dinner, but there are some definite standouts. For the first three-quarters of the year, the bulk of my day job involved a lot of awareness of television and what was going on television and what would be going on television and tbh I got a bit sick of it (my job still involves TV awareness but to a far lesser degree, still a bit sick of it)
Anyway, the standouts:
Our Flag Means Death (HBO Max, 2022)
Listen, listen. This was a thrill to my heart to watch. If you follow my chatter at all across platforms then you are aware I fell into the fandom joy for this show. You may well have muted the word on Tumblr due to me. It's a queer show! There's a non-binary Latine character!! There is a definite feeling of a play/the theatre to it due to the folks who made it and I am a sap for that. It's silly AND sad. It's fun. It's about love and identity and it's worth checking out if you haven't.
Kevin Can F**k Himself (AMC, 2021-2022)
I honestly can't think of a series that so perfectly performs its story over two seasons. Yes! A lot of miniseries are a single season, but there is a definite front half and back half to this show's run and that is part of what makes it work.
The concept, as best summarised by the creator in this great interview, "What if you have, like, a sitcom, almost like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, where the characters from Hamlet are on stage with Hamlet, and when they’re off, it’s those two talking to each other. What if it’s like that, but with a sitcom? Where, when the funny husband leaves, it’s suddenly very different, and it’s about the wife, and it looks like Breaking Bad or something?"
Yes! The main characters are grating and not perfect! I don't give a shit. Part of the thesis of this show is you shouldn't have to be an innocent to not be in an abusive relationship. Big CW in this show for gaslighting, btw. Handled well and whew the growth and changes of everybody's relationships across only sixteen episodes is a doozy. If you like dark, give this a try.
Bee and PuppyCat (Netflix, 2022)
I can't remember when I first saw Bee & Puppycat but I backed the hell out of the Kickstarter in 2014 and all of my device sounds are still the ones I got as a reward for doing so. The original run of the show was so weird and so good and so sweet and strange it rewired my DNA. I wanted more! But also I am patient, I know animation is hard and takes ages to make a thing let alone find a way to distribute and that just as it was worth waiting for the original full run to be finished it would be worth the wait for more. And it was! The sixteen "new" (some are remade versions of the original web series) episodes take a story I love and expand it, and don't skimp on the heartbreak or the goofiness. If you have any magical girl soft spots then watch this.
Also here's a list of shows I could go on about: Batwoman, Gordita Chronicles, FBoy Island, The 4400, Julia, Tokyo Vice, Derry Girls, Legendary, What We Do In The Shadows, Harley Quinn, Reservation Dogs, Corporate (rewatch), Rilakkuma & Karou, Gudetama, This Fool, Don't Hug Me I'm Scared.
Music
Okay now: I made a playlist every month this year as a new kind of focus method. In the first bit of the year, I made longer playlists, like 70+ songs, which is around 5-6 hours. This was nice but also it meant it was more difficult to hear the whole playlist over the workday, what with meetings. As the year went on my playlists tightened to like four hours, which is a perfect amount for me. Oh, but numbers:
[Image description: A bar chart of "Number of Songs vs. Month" with the bars in shades of pink-purple. January and April show the highest numbers, with August and December the lowest.]
The average is about 65 songs a playlist and the median is 64 (the mode is 61, so really my gut guess early in putting together these numbers of 60-65 was pretty spot-on). These "shorter" playlists also leave me free in the afternoon to listen to other playlists and albums, after morning focus.
My playlists consisted of 311 artists, across 468 albums and 723 songs.
[Image description: A hollow-centre pie chart of bands titled "QTY." The colours are a gradient of rainbow. The top artists are: Carly Rae Jepsen (11.1%), Britney Spears (8.6%), Boy Jr. (7.5%), Santigold (6.5%), Matt Berry (5%), and Oliver Tree (5%).]
Although initially, I was like "I won't repeat songs," I was also like immediately "but I need this song again." Five songs ended up on three monthly playlists each and 48 songs were on two monthly playlists each.
However! Of those dupes, some were actually originals and covers (well, one is just two covers). But I think those count. Same song, different vibe. I put together a round-up playlist of songs that I had 2+ times on monthly playlists. The dupes are:
'Suspended In Gaffa' - Kate Bush
'Suspended In Gaffa' - deer scout
'Wuthering Heights' - Kate Bush
'Wuthering Heights' - The Puppini Sisters
'How Soon Is Now?' - t.A.T.u.
'How Soon Is Now?' - Snake River Conspiracy
'Dancing In the Dark' - Bruce Springsteen
'Dancing In The Dark' - Hot Chip
They ended up hanging together really well, just added in order of when they were repeated (so, a song played in January and again in March would come before a song played in January and again in April).
Link to the 2022 Monthly Playlist Faves here, and tracklist below:
'Chartreuse' - Boy Jr.
'Warm Blood' - Carly Rae Jepsen
'Meet Me In The Middle' - Boy Jr.
'Coconut' - Harry Nilsson
'Hungry Like the Wolf - 2001 Remaster' - Duran Duran
'Mr. Brightside (Hyperpop Version)' - Boy Jr.
'If I'm Dancing' - Britney Spears
'Safety Dance' - Angel Olsen
'Man On The Moon' - Britney Spears
'These Days' - Nico
'Gloria' - Angel Olsen
'Private Show' - Britney Spears
'Forever Young' - Angel Olsen
'Boogie Feet (feat. Eagles of Death Metal)' - Kesha
'Narcissist, Baby' - Boy Jr.
'Time Escaping' - Big Thief
'Jessie Don't Dance' - Jake Weary
'That's Not My Name' - The Ting Tings
'Suspended In Gaffa' - Kate Bush
'Suspended In Gaffa' - deer scout
'Wuthering Heights' - Kate Bush
'Wuthering Heights' - The Puppini Sisters
'Haunted House' - Sir Babygirl
'Wild Siberia' - Otyken
'Creep City' - Jake Shears
'I Knew You'd Remember' - Michael Yonkers
'Magic Man' - Heart
'Never Get Ahead' - Bobby Conn
'Do The Television' - Jake Shears
'How Soon Is Now?' - t.A.T.u.
'How Soon Is Now?' - Snake River Conspiracy
'No Guilt' - The Waitresses
'Don't Get 2 Close (2 My Fantasy)' - Ween
'Sister Christian' - Night Ranger
'Kinda Outta Luck' - Medusa
'Time of the Season' - The Zombies
'Chango' - Celia Cruz
'I've Been Waiting (w/ ILoveMakonnen & Fall Out Boy)' - Lil Peep
'To Love Somebody' - Bee Gees
'Good Times Roll' - The Cars
'Facility Girls' - Soft Cell
'Oranges and Lemons' - Book Of Love
'(Don't Fear) The Reaper' - Blue Öyster Cult
'All Night Long (All Night) - Single Version' - Lionel Richie
'Dancing In the Dark' - Bruce Springsteen
'Dancing In The Dark' - Hot Chip
'Oogum Boogum Song' - Brenton Wood
'You're Too Late' - Fantasy
'Lavender' - Oneida
'Parade' - Susumu Hirasawa
'And When I Die' - Peter, Paul and Mary
'Hey Sorry' - Boy Jr.
'Freak Out' - Miya Folick
'A Hit Pop Song From 2016' - Boy Jr.
'No One's There' - Anika
'So Low' - Matt Berry
If you made it this far wow, cheers and thank you! Please chatter to me about what you liked this year!
A version of this post was initially published in public Patreon and Comradery posts on December 31, 2022.
#meche chatters#this is a corsapost from my blog and the formatting is a little fucked and I don’t care!#meche crossposts
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Previously on Blue's Bafflegabs:
BUT as some of you may have already guessed, the Fates had a different plan for me.
Yes, I did watch the entirety of Hercules (1997) in Polish and in English, two times, scene after scene and analyzed every line, and I am going to expose you all to the consequences
But first some general info, shall we? First of all I'd like to vocalize the utter ADMIRATION I feel towards Ms Elżbieta Łopatniukowa, the Polish translator, the woman, the myth, the legend, she did absolute God's (or shall I say gods'?) work on this movie. But it probably wouldn't be what it is if not for the amazing director, Ms Joanna Wizmur, the woman who would later go on to direct Shrek, which is said to have revolutionized Polish dubbing industry, so you know we're talking about A Level™ here. They along with Mr Filip Łobodziński were truly the perfect team to create this mastery of dubbing.
I have to say that this movie was more of a problem for me than Encanto, and than I honestly expected, because, I'll admit, I didn't understand many parts of the original dialogues (thank you beautiful person who added good English subtitles, I am eternally indebted to you.) But the problem wasn't just the accents or old audio, you know? No, the reason is actually an interesting artistic technique used when writing the movie- there is a ton of slang put in the dialogue and frankly? It's genius. Usually, I'm against putting lots of slang and references in movies because it ages badly, sounds unnatural and doesn't fit into most settings (I am looking at you Raya), but here it was handled so well, it not only didn't bother me it even added to the story.
I don't know enough about American slang to say for sure but I have a few theories as to why it worked out where so many have failed before and after it. First, Hercules is first and foremost, a comedy. Yes, it's also a family movie which is why they changed the whole myth in the first place, but the narrative is comedic for like 90% of the story - this movie doesn't treat itself too seriously, therefore slang and colloquialisms are perfectly welcome. Another reason, equally if not more important, is the consistency, because the worst a story can do is throw in a slang term out of the blue. The tone and language used throughout the movie is announced in the first minute, when the muses interrupt the first narrator and from then on, almost every character uses the same level of formality in their speech, the gods, the Greeks, the Fates, everyone - so it's not jarring, this is the status quo where actually formal talk would be considered a deviation. And my third theory, the least probable and backed up by the least amount of knowledge, since I have no idea how outdated this slang was back when the movie was written, but the fact that it's not used anymore works in its favour. Just think about it, a movie set in Ancient Greece and the characters use... "ancient" slang from the 90s or earlier. It's a sort of a meta joke I'd say.
And I explained all that to note, that the Polish translator handled it perfectly... If not better than the original. Because you see, not only do the dialogues consist in a big percent of outdated Polish slang and are unique for the important characters (okay mainly Phil), but they also include a lot of more or less noticable references to the classical culture, so it combines the Ancient and the "ancient" aspect of the movie even better.
So if that's all said and you know what to look out for, let's dive right into the movie! (I suppose the most comfortable way of reading this would be if you had the movie in the background or remember it really way because I have once again, not specified a lot)
+ “No to lu, panienki” fantastic line, I love it. It’s basically what he says in English ("You go, girl") but the vibe✨
= They didn’t translate the innuendo and instead Thalia (yes, I did look up the muses’ names specifically for this post) says just “Would any of us resist him?” but I’ll let you decide if it’s for better or worse
* Just like with Encanto each song will get its own post
+ Hera says just “let’s lay down now” instead of “behave yourself” which makes her sound even more like a good mother, which I guess she is supposed to be in this movie
- Hermes calls himself “king” when he tells other gods to let him through, which is clearly only a metaphor for how cool he is but meh I don’t really like it
* I literally do not understand what he meant when he told Hera about those flowers so let’s ignore that
+ Hermes says that the party is “godly” which really is the word we use in the same way like “fabulous” but here it also acts as a pun 😁
^ Imma use this symbol for talking about non translation related stuff, because I just have to note that whatever the accent Hera has is called, it made me confused for a good while what the heck is “dee-ya” that she says, before I turned on the subtitles
^ It was "dear". I'm not even going to think about English pronunciation anymore.
+ “Herkulesik” 🥺 Using a diminutive here just makes it even better
+ And now HERE things start to get interesting, because in the og dub Hades says that he hasn’t been so choked up since he got a hunk of moussaka stuck in his throat. Moussaka is of course a traditional Greek dish, so this is a cool cultural reference. BUT. In Polish he instead talks about a tuber of asphodel and you may be asking, but what is an asphodel? Why, asphodel is a kind of flower that not only was believed to be the food of the dead, by the Ancient Greeks, but also was said to grow on the Asphodel Meadows near the Styx in the Underworld. That’s how good the references are in this dubbing.
- The pun of “a sucker for the little sucker” couldn’t been conveyed :(
^ Again I am thankful for the subtitles because I swear I’d understand “you ought to slow down” as “yo, slow down”
+ And here’s an interesting thing! As I watched the English version I was wondering how’d they translate Panic’s name, because the word “panic” is in Polish feminine “panika” and turns out they just made it a male name kinda by force, cutting off the “a” and making him just Panik (I’d also say it sounds quite cute in Polish :3)
^ I swear where do they get the words like uncouth and lugubrious from
^ I mean objectively I love it when children/not very serious media uses smart/scientific words but do you realize the amount of googling I had to do for this movie
^ I just have to say that the fact that the anglophones pronounce Zeus as Zoos, or as we’d write it, Zus, is just quite funny for Poles XD
+ “Zeus, ruler of the universe and its surroundings”
- No alliteration :(
+ I’m sorry but the line “Ja wiem, kapuję, ja to wręcz przyswajam” is just so iconic, and it uses such perfectly colloquial language I don’t think I can translate it back into English
* “Taking control of the business” I’d say it’s better, but then again once I googled what a bid is, the og is also pretty funny
^ Oh did I mention how much nostalgia will cloud my judgment
^ Because it absolutely will
* I have to say how much I love the fact they use the form “Tytany��� instead of “Tytanów” because it’s the archaic form and it’s nice :>
+ Hades paraphrases Polish idiom of “question for 10 points” by saying “question for 10 obols” :D
= I don’t know, google says that “Grecian formula” might be a reference to a hair product and if it is, it’s funnier than in Polish, where Herc just gets called a firefly (which I’d say is still funny)
+ Szhchc instead of “potion” in Polish Pain says “flacha” which means specifically a bottle of alcohol :’D
+ In Polish they call him specifically “Sunday coachman” instead of just “driver”
^ Btw I had no idea this idiom is also used in this meaning in English that’s cool
- I kinda wish they conveyed the “Pop” somehow, but I suppose we really don’t have that many synonyms for “dad” in Polish
+ Demetrius says “oh gods” instead of “oh my goodness” :D
+ Wait they give him name only in the Polish dub huh
* And with Phidias that makes it two famous sculptors’ names :D
^ Hsbhbhhibda NOT only does the guy say five is an even number, he also puts out only four fingers :’D
* OKAY AND I LOVE THIS ONE
* BECAUSE
+ Instead of “maybe we should call him Jerkules” they make a direct callback to the famous translation of “Non Hercules contra plures” as “I Herkules dupa kiedy wrogów kupa” (something like “Even Hercules is an ass when going against a mass” (mass as in many people)) except since this is a kids movie they can’t say “ass” so the kids say “zupa” (soup) which is exactly how kids censor their swear words, so not only is this a fantastic reference to the Latin quote, but also it genuinely sounds like something a kid would say
+ Again the merchant exclaims “oh gods!” I feel like they generally use this more in Polish
+ Amphitryon uses the diminutive of “son”, “synek” :3
^ Jesteś bogiem, wyobraź to sobie sobie – Zeus, totalnie
- Aw I suppose it was about the length, but I wished they used the actual phrase “wstrzymaj konie” instead of the one they did, it would be a literal translation of “hold your horses” too
+ Philoctetes uses many russianisms (which is fascinating and works fantastically character wise, but there'd be much more cultural, social and linguistic knowledge required and we don't have time for that anyway, so just trust me when I say it's genius) and talks exactly like an old creepy uncle would 12/10 amazing job
+ Herc inflects Phil’s name into vocativus and I have to say it just sounds so endearing
- We don’t have “go the distance” being used and referenced so consistently through the movie :<
+ Abhcbzhscbjh “filuj Filu” :’D See, it’s a pun because “filuj” means something like “watch” but it does sound like his name too (Phil in Polish is written Fil)
+ There's this subtle difference in acting but I love how in English Phil just asks "Zeus?" whereas in Polish it's really "Zeus?!" it's about the emotions y'kno
^ AHAHCBJHB I love watching this movie after I’ve read some Greek tragedies, because Thebes
+ “Wonderboy” got translated literally but you know what, I think it’s kinda charming
+ Awww Herc diminutes Phil’s name to “Filcio/u”
* Ayyy another russianism from Phil, he calls Herc a “gieroj”, I’ve already noted it as a plus, but I have to appreciate how consistent they are with this
+ AND Phil also uses an archaic form of “żeś zobaczył” instead of “że zobaczyłeś”
- Megara’s iconic line of “(…) at least they would if I had any friends” got translated as well as it could’ve but it still doesn’t sound as good :(
+ Hhzbchz Meg says “it’s been godly” instead of “it’s been a real slice” (dw it sounds more natural in Polish) and y’know, unconscious foreshadowing
+ Btw Hercules uses the formal you for Megara for this whole interaction!
+ Instead of just theme park, Meg says straight up Disneyland XD
+ So was “I’m a bunny – and I’m his gopher” a reference to something? Because if not then Polish reference to Winnie the Pooh with “and I’m his relative and friend” (based on the Polish translation of Rabbit’s “friends-and-relations”) wins
- Asolkscoao to keep the pun with Meg’s name – the original nut-Meg – Meg gets called Meg-alomania :’D
+ “You were supposed to get the river guardian on my – and by the way the only right – side” >>>> “I thought you were going to persuade the guardian into joining my side for the uprising”
* Okay so I have to ask just because it keeps racking in my brain – is the “Peloponnesian minute” a reference to something? Is it true you guys say stuff like “New York minute” to just mean quickly???
* Bhbshbjh it’s not exactly better but “Herkulesów jak mrówków” just cracks me up
= Instead of “Britanny” the popular girls name is said to be “Izaura” as a reference to the TV show and I don’t know, I suppose they both work but in a different way, Izaura fits cause it’s a Latin name so it sounds natural in this setting, but I suppose it was part of the joke in the og dub to contrast Jason and Britanny (although with how popular modern name Jason is, at least for me, it completely doesn’t sound ancient)
This was already almost three pages of my doc so I'll divide this analysis into two parts and then, like before, make a separate post for each song.
Hope you enjoyed this one and see you soon!
Edit: second part is up!
#my post#hercules#hercules 1997#disney hercules#movies#disney#dubbing#polish dubbing#languages#blue's bafflegabs
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january 8, 2023 - new year; new problems
soooooo,,,,, past blog entry did not AGE well... here’s the thing, i’m writing this as i am currently experiencing a pregnancy scare. NOW, now, NOWWW..... i get what you’re thinking, “yo, what the fuck?”, look i can explain. alot has happened the past 2 months that i was QUIET on here, and i did not tell my friends neither have i told YOU anything... so here’s what happend:
november:
- i lost my idgaf war, i was hung up on the same guy that i was talking about from my past blog
- i was soooooo hung up and i wanted to move past this attachment that i reinstalled the same dating app where i met him. have i told yall that i’m still in contact with him the entire time? except he was so full of bullshit and i was tolerating that because,,, well... i’M DUMB!
- ENTER the guy who i knew from twitter. he is very funny and im a fan of him and we matched on the app, anyways it was a short encounter. i was intimidated by him because i felt like i didnt pass his vibe check. i wanted to be his friend because he is very funny and cool so like, i was very devastated when the last message in our conversation was me and he just liked my text. (mind you, we had a long conversation, i’m just anxious because hes very cool so i just straight up dipped out of slightly “out of vibes” reaction which is liking the message)
- friend saw me on the dating app and announced it while we were drinking, i was embarrassed so i deleted the app
- guy from twitter had a hit tweet, i replied as a joke, i thought he wouldnt recognize me anyways he dmed me and asked me why i left the app SO I WAS SURPRISED BECAUSE HE NOTICED !!! my ego skyrocketed like crazy. i forgot to let you know guy on twitter is well known, basically a micro internet niche celebrity idk
- i am now talking to 2 men at once: guy from my elementary school & guy from twitter. anyways, fast forward to whatever the fuck was going on, guy from elementary was slowly losing interest or whatever, we were still sexual but our conversation started limiting to just sex and it was starting to get tiring but im still hooked up for his attention and everything and im so so so stupid compared to guy from twitter whos very decent to talk to
- i ended up planning to see guy from twitter AND guy from elementary. except the latter never went with his words and boy oh boy the former did
SOOOOOO...............
december:
- im still HUNG UP ON HIM HE ENDED THINGS ON MY BIRTHDAY I WAS SO FUCKING BGSHHGBSHDGBSHFBSHDF SO SO SO 1!!!!! upset and sad and yea wtf was that he never let me speak about it he just apologized and said happy birthday and IM SO FUCKING SAD AND BROKENHEAWRTED I WAS DRUNK ON MY BDAY
- anyways still hung up on him i lost my virginity to guy from twitter and that was the biggest plot twist because out of everyone i didnt think i would be hooking up with him especially when i used to just see him have hit posts all the time on the tl (if u want tmi he is very good in bed i orgasmed lots)
- still in contact with guy from twitter hes ok we r friends hes cool hes nice i do not feel any attachment towards him idk where that attached virgin stereotype came from
- found out guy from elementary went back to his ex before december ended and i was so annoyed and pissed because he couldve just told me instead of leaving me hanging and not letting me speak jfc
anyways i think i left a few details here and there and now, i am typing this, days before my supposed period, it’s the 21st day of my cycle and i am INCREDIBLY ANXIOUS because i just realized i had sex BEFORE MY OVULATION and now i could not stop hitting myself with my pillow and praying to the lord BECAUSE I HAVE SO SO SO MANY PLANS AND SO MUCH DREAMS THAT I NEED TO REACH!!!!!! like it’s so embarrassing already to just lose your virginity at 23 WHAT’S MORE EMBARRASSING IS GETTING PREGNANT AT THE FIRST TIME!!!! i do not want that neither do i want to mother a child that’s goinna turn out of a mess just like i am!!! on god please for the love oF GOD GIVE ME MY PERIOD I AM SO STRESSED I CANT HANDLE THIS ANYMORE I HAVE A CAREER THAT I’VE BEEN FOCUSING ON LATELY
ok that’s it
sincerely,
me
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Unconditional I (Lookout Kid)
“Lookout kid, trust your soul
It ain't hard to rock n' roll”
- Arcade Fire
This probably says a lot about me, but I love a rainy day after a batch of great weather in the middle of the summer. The old adage of too much of a good thing is sometimes very true. While few love the warmth of the sun and a clear blue sky more than I do, such good fortune can bring a lot of pressure. I always feel guilty if I waste a minute of a lovely day inside, which is a precious commodity in Chicago. Those who know me know that I am the first to complain at the hint of winter, so it seems strange, or even ungrateful, to want a break from something so good. But, without a day like today, I might have missed something special while out on the water or walking around soaking up rays.
The day seemed tailor-made for the circumstances. I woke up at my usual hour of 5:00 (never by choice but due to an aging bladder) but quickly returned to bed when I realized the rain was already falling. My wife, the motivator in the family, is out of town, leaving me, two teenagers, and a couple of extremely lazy dogs to determine when this day would start. By 8:30, I knew it was up to me to get the ball rolling. Besides, this was an important day, and I needed to be ready. My favorite DJ on my favorite radio station was coming on at 10:00, and there was no way I was missing his show.
As anyone reading this knows, I am talking about Lin Brehmer and WXRT. Lin recently announced he needed to take a leave from his show to deal with prostate cancer that, as Lin said, "has spread to spaces you would rather it didn't." While I am confident this will not be his last time on the air, I knew today’s program would be special. Lin means a lot to many people, and many fans have rallied behind him over the last couple of days. Lin has supplied a multitude of good karma over the past decades, both on and off the air, and we are ready to give it back tenfold. Today was finally an opportunity for us to repay him for years of joy, happiness, comfort, and wisdom through his setlists and “Lin’s Bin” segments. But, a funny thing happened, and Lin sent all those good vibes right back at us.
The songs he played were varied, but all had one thing in common – they oozed the spirit of rock and roll. Music is a passion of mine, and I love it in many forms, but there is nothing more authentic than the grooves you hear on a station like XRT. Lin’s playlist today may have been the perfect embodiment of that sentiment (I posted a handwritten copy of it on Twitter @jswdmb1 if you want to see it). Each song told a story and inspired in me a deep sense of reflection. Maybe I was reading more into it, given my emotion, but I mostly stared out the window at the rain in deep thought for most of his four-plus-hour shift. It was like he ordered up the rain as a perfect backdrop for the event (he explicitly stated that was not true, but I’m not so sure). I cannot remember the last time I spent so much time so focused and present while ironically getting nothing done that I had planned for the day. But, truth be told, I pretty much knew that this was how it was going to go all along. Maybe I didn’t plan it this way, but I welcomed it as it developed.
It’s probably not in my best interest to publically disclose that I slept in, played hooky, and just sat around all day listening to the radio. Still, I’m not so sure about that. We let too much of our lives become defined by what we think others think we should be, which makes no sense. I think it is fair that most people on any given day are immersed in their own activities and not interested in the details of what I do. The fact that I even have a to-do list bugs the shit out of me. If I really want to do something, I just do it. A list of things not done means that clearly, they did not take enough priority and need to be shelved. Maybe they should never be done. It seems pretty pointless to even talk about it.
However, today, I found an excellent use for that to-do list. I turned it over and started writing out the songs that Lin was playing. The menial and tedious tasks on the other side meant less and less as the hours went on. At a certain point, I was tempted to knock something off the list, and I quickly scotched that when I realized it would completely spoil the day’s intent. It also led me to an important conclusion: why am I filling my day with things I don’t want to do anyway? It seems to be a ridiculous waste of our most precious commodity, which is our time here on this planet. This led to an even deeper reflection about what my path should be going forward.
I love what I now do from the sense of getting to work with great people and that I provide service to those that need it. But being an accountant is as drab and routine as you might imagine when you get down to the real business of the profession. I have been immersed in it for a long time and have recently been thinking about what else might be there for me. What can I do for a second act that follows my passions and dreams and doesn’t put being a provider as the number one attribute for how I spend my time. When I look at what moves me (outside of my family, of course), it is three things: music, writing, and helping others. I know I need to move most of my time into those areas soon. I still need to make some sort of living, so finding a way to monetize these passions is a challenge. But I know for sure that whatever that is, it needs to move toward spending my time fulfilling my dreams.
Please note that I am not announcing my retirement from my firm or leaving that business abruptly. I am way too practical for that, and I would never leave my employees or clients in a lurch like that. But, I have unequivocally concluded that a transition has to begin, no matter how slowly. It starts with a resurgence of my posting on this blog. I know these personal essays are not likely to be the ultimate answer, but they are the spark that lit the fire in the first place and will lead me in the right direction. My lack of recent writing production has proven it to me, and my conclusion from today’s activities solidified that. Again, I have no idea how this will develop at this moment, but I guarantee it will. And not in five or ten years, but now. At this point, I begin the transition, no matter how slowly it develops.
So, a day that started out sleepy and then lazy turned out to be much more, and I have Lin Brehmer to thank for it. I feel a bit guilty for that, given this was supposed to be his day to shine. My guess is that he wasn’t too affected by it. Besides, he was very explicit at the top of the show that anyone who came there to feel anything less than great should leave. Because, as Lin says, it is fucking great to be alive. And, it is even greater to be alive when you know you will start living it the way you want to. The best part of the whole thing is that I know Lin will pummel this cancer and be back soon. That is why I don’t feel a tinge of sadness about his “last” show today. He knew that all along, and I am guessing he knew many people would be doing the same thing I did today. Lin has one more catchphrase: that he is our “best friend in the whole world.” Seems a bit corny but never insincere. I, for one, feel like I got a real boost from a good friend today, just like he always does on his show every other day I have listened to him. I hope someday I can repay the favor in whatever I do in this second act. Until then, good friend, keep rocking and rolling, and we’ll be here waiting for you when you get back.
Note: you can find Lin’s entire playlist here on my Apple Music page: https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/thank-you-friend/pl.u-BmZRc1qeMoq
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About Internet Water Army in the case
This is an ongoing update about the case from start to development. List of all related posts can be found on this blog's pinned post (link provided at bottom of each post as well).
19 August 2021 update: Added the scale of his success for reference, before bonus below
18 August 2021 update: Added timeline of events, orange title in post, found out the official English term for Immoral Media = Internet Water Army)
Major updates since first draft: Added bonus, added disclaimer, certain info details
Originally posted on 16 August 2021
[The purpose of this post is to provide a perspective as to why the Media is raised/blamed regarding the issue. Especially for international fans, as all the encounters happened on Weibo. Also, those who were on weibo, do read through if you will. So although it's lengthy, do try to read all, at least if not the last two parts].
The Media referred by most, is not the common perception of the Entertainment Industry (celebrities, directors, shows, channels, staff etc), but the dark side of the Entertainment industry: Antis, toxic fans, toxic marketing accounts. They are called Internet Water Army💧.
Toxic Marketing Accounts is one of the things they do, these accounts on Weibo has millions of followers, each of their post likes are in the hundred thousands (buyable) to give credibility to passer-bys. Some use similar names to Official accounts, some use similar logos. Their posts are usually subjective or aims to steer view points of a certain celebrity/movie/show. Before the latest update of this post (18.08.21), I just group them all together and term them as Immoral Media*.
*Below is my original post using my original term because at point of first draft, I did not know the official term (so have changed/added the term from Immoral Media to Internet Water Army in content below but retain the content based off first draft).
If you have chased before celebrities, or just simply passed by an article about certain celebrities, recall how some title that caught your attentions were like. Clickbaits is one of the many things they do. If GZ is your first and you do not have Weibo, then this read(link) is good enough.
Just as the term Immoral Media (Internet Water Army), it’s immoral and unethical, but they exists because they are paid to do so. Who pays them? Entertainment Companies, and maybe other Organisations
Normal Media/Marketing vs Immoral Media/Toxic Marketing/Internet Water Army
When a show or movie comes out, the normal Marketing department will generate outreach and buzz so that people know a show is airing soon/know the show exists etc. Official announcements are not enough, because there isn’t much context (limited content to put up as well) so having some other Marketing accounts do the buzz in a planned period to gain awareness through posts, some articles about the casts, the plot summary, the production details etc is normal. This is Marketing, bigger companies will probably have stronger Marketing departments (aka influence) and can hire more Marketing accounts to generate buzz. Celebrities (aka casts) themselves, are also Marketing point.
Then we have the Internet Water Army/Immoral Media, these are what they mainly do:
Create Fanfiction-rumors: Creating rumors about celebrities to shift audience perception of them. [eg. XX was seen with XX leaving a hotel, XX was drunk on Event Y and did ZZZ to AA, XX is dating BB and has been in a relationship for N years etc]
Honing their brain degrading skills: Come up with titled clickbait headings/ trending topics with negative written contents. For articles, exceptionally out of heading content related to the celebrity. [Refer to Baidu, it’s a winner of these, feel free to Google Translate]
Regressing their common sense and understanding skills: Take everything a celebrity does completely out of context in a negative way and create a topic out of it [eg. XX said AA is a ---, “XX raised his finger, a sign of ---?”, XX pushed BB aggressively on Variety Show Y - A competition variety show, XX is in beef with CC because XX was caught giving CC the eye]
Using their fingers to stir shit and bathe each other in it: Escalate all smallest form of possible tension created by fans/themselves into a huge thing by acting as the fandom's fans/lurk in fandom chat groups, and voicing their disguised opinion to spread tension/exaggerate severity of the issue [eg. XX fans mocked AA - in groupchats: tbh I've never liked AA before, AA just gives off a vibe that I dont like and now this? It just disgusts me even more > Yea, i feel this way too. AA has problems / XX Lurkers expressing views on XX about NN, slowly to NNMHFXW - XX did NNMHGT - I cannot accept NNmHfHw, I'm leaving = multiply by 1000++]
Epitome of a self-deteriorate: Creating something out of nothing and react to that something negatively to gain massive attention/reaction [eg. “XX raised his hand on show Y” - dk what XX fans are thinking, are they literally blind? XX fans are tasteless just like XX hahaha / “XX did community service” - they are acting / “XX breathed” - From the start, i thought XX was NN, but I am so ZZZ that XX breathed. Goodbye fandom, i’m leaving. Those who still want to stay I urge you to rethink your life choices] - if I may add, Xiao Zhan’s fanfiction case as well.
Metaphor - Ability to use bare hands to collect paychecks from the urinal/toilet bowl where their boss/client peed in: Doing all of the above.
Apologies for any term offense, but not apologetic of the term context. This is what they do for a living. Any normal human being who do not like anything, will generally not be interested at anything about it in the first place, so to have some antis/toxic fans knowing certain things and inside jokes/references in their posts questions their goal.
On involved in Internet Water Army/Immoral Media 💧
Fans on weibo during these few months witnessed many of the above on GZ. From rumored girlfriend (spammed with articles) to mean and nasty comments on trending topics, to bouts of insults and fake emotional cryouts by certain fan accounts that GZ's office has to release a number of Lawyer’s letter to them.
Aside from WOH there were also a few other BL adaptation films that were actually released this year but they did not reach exponential success like WOH. BL adaptations are so highly followed by because this is the key to wealth. Literally. Successful BLs like The Untamed and Dao Mu Bi Ji saw the amount of wealth fans are willing to spend on the celebrity as compared to say BG or idols (younger fan groups). This is why when WOH shot up exponentially, Immoral Media start to sweat.
Major anticipated adaptations were supposed to air this year eg. Hao Yi Xing(HYX), Sha Po Lang(SPL) etc but was severely held back due to the stricter change in BL adaptations submitting their scripts for approval regulations (WOH manage to submit earlier before the change). Because of this, most final films were rejected and they have to keep re-editing, by then WOH was already months into reaping tonnes of major brand endorsements, shows/movie casting, variety show appearances etc, something that is seen as too successful in the Immoral Media’s eyes, because they have to create buzz for other celebrities, some are specific celebrity oriented and thus circulate rumors about having endorsement opportunities shifted from celebrity X to GZ (think fanfiction-rumors and shit stirrer) causes tension in celebrity fandoms. - A real event just in July:
The Untamed’s cp fandom is called BJYX which had always been in the Top 1 of Cps for 2 years dropped for awhile to Top 2, over taken by LLD. Both of them had a war and hated each fandom, one fandom is somehow not allowed to like the other fandom even casually after everything broke out because it started out with some BJYX toxics photoshopped GZ on of portraits .
Also another case of which he wore the same costume as WYB did in a previous photoshoot and it became a useless comparison of who wore better, who looks better, degrading the other. (Finger stirring shit).
Now apply all of the above things the Internet Water Army do and we have them earning money, while both fandom reacts and hate each other.
In LLD, our own fans started suspecting each other on who is a spy from BJYX and what not.
The first few months of Internet Water Army saw LLDs mostly mocking them because the average age is 30-40s, they know and see through all of their intentions so nothing was big. They were trumpeting and LLDs didn’t even care, what with all the doing tedious stats was not even important to them.
Over time, as the issues they create became more and more serious LLDs did start to care, reporting Toxic Marketing accounts/toxic fans became a daily task, go vote for GZ at certain polls etc, solo fans, and LLD fans also split apart. Solo fans think cp fans use GZ to furnish their fantasies, and cp fans thinks they are the ones furnishing their dreaming-girls fantasy with (aka my boyfriend).
There was also a period where LLD had a habit of continuously mentioning “we are in the 30-40s so we can see through everything about the media, we are all fans for the first time, we are good at spending money (because of purchase power compared to other fandoms)” it was prevalent for so long it felt odd, ‘chasing celebrities the first time’ in particular sounds more vulnerable as a weakness than a strength / sth to be proud of.
Gradually, more secretive/insider confirmed ‘sweets’ were flying around. Fans advised each other to not circulate, and the mindset of “if you know, you know, dont tell.” (This is a problematic mentality, of which fans will still be curious to know and search for it themselves, but this secretive hook is unhealthy. Over the long term, it becomes hard for existing fans to know a lot of things properly to judge for themselves, especially those who knew and publicly reacted, but blasting those who ask and telling those who know to keep quiet, this did not help some to understand why on certain things, even so for international fans, dont know and dont understand, causing misunderstandings. Yes, certain information should not be shared, so why should you react about it publicly in the first place? - Internet Water Army effect)
The last few months (for example the July fan war) created a tonne of seriousness and anger. A period even broke out with a tonne of ‘insider confirmed sweets’ (which is LLD’s daily dose of happiness), it was hard to tell what was real and what was fake. Trending topics became negative and everyone warned each other not to enter because it will give the trends ‘views’ and trend statistics, in reality entering there is to enter an exhibition by the self-deteriorates, collecting the fandom's traffic data (it's a sure lose for fans each time they enter the topic). Everyone even starts thinking that the trend’s popularity was caused by each other (it's true but it can be bought daily and not caused by fans). There was a raise in the number of fans who were getting emotional because they want to protect but Internet Water Army kept coming and got worse, because fans, tbh, not just GZ fans, every other celebrity’s fans are always fighting with an Army, getting played and plotted in that Army's calendar.
Even so, despite all of these, LLD is actually a fandom Internet Water Army may find the hardest to break because they understand GZ so much, they could tell what are fake news regarding GZ, because among everything above, there are still plenty of logical fans to stop many fans from drifting too far and debunking them. Why? 30-40s are grown up adults.
Why 13.8.21 and the Japan issue is plotted?
First of all, in the political climate of China, there are many political dates in a month that is NO-Entertainment news. Because it’s the honoring of certain important political events. It’s like Remembrance Day, thus the sensitivity is higher. On these days, there are usually no news and even the Internet Water Army zip their pants. This year also marks the 100th year of the Chinese Communist Party(link)
Secondly, he had no work schedule on 13 August 2021. A great full day to focus on any other news (because if he had schedules, everyone will turn their attention to his events, what trumpeting outside is just bird chirps).
Thirdly, when the news broke out, especially about the shrine, the reception was actually quite serious within the fandom so the scale of this might be big but to what extent in reality?
Lastly, 15.8.21 marks the 76th anniversary of the announcement of surrender of Japanese in World War 2(link). Also a day of NO-Entertainment news.
Timeline of events:
13.8.21 - [His rest day, Eve of Chinese Valentine's Day, Japan News broke out] His rest day, no schedules = increased attention about him online. Lowered guard among fans because they are getting ready for tomorrow's Chinese Valentine's sweets = Caught off guard = Huge break out of fans' reactions
14.8.21 - [Chinese Valentine's Day, Eve of the 75th Anniversary of the announcement of Japanese surrender] Keep a wishful and happy demenaor to not destroy the mood, suppressed thoughts about ZZH's Japan news
15.8.21 - [75th Anniversary of the announcement of Japanese surrender, Official announcement of ZZH's boycott and all China social media account ban] NO-Entertainment news day, Solemn day, not allowed to voice anything so the fandom can only wait for tomorrow to start voicing out/debunking but before they can wait out, the boycott and social media ban happened, every official accounts about him was gone overnight, fans had no time to react
17.8.21 - [All official fandom accounts related to ZZH and JunZhe were locked/removed]
Forced to be silent since the day his matter broke out, over the course of official news release with everything taken down in a day because of the Japan correspondence, his accounts banned overnight across the Chinese media and the overnight cancellation, fans could not speak anything about it. Overnight cancellation like this scale happened for the first time in China, leaving no time to react by the fandom, by the time they can, they are silenced.
When the period of events occured within a set of special dates, it’s not coincidence.
Conclusion
Because he was too successful and had many actually honorable past things, and a hard to influence fandom, Internet Water Army view him as a huge threat enough to want to destroy him, because it’s hard to defeat. With a chance they have, they will hold it till the end, bringing up this issue to the Government during this period also shows a sign of how scared they were of him and perhaps his fandom to plot something like this.
Updated on 19 August: Here's a screenshot of assumed calculation on the scale of GZ success for reference while chatting with a fellow fan, assuming GJ also has 27 brands, and there are 1000 brands. Rationale of numbers used: Only big brands can hire big celebrities.
Bonus
Mentioned in the first post, will mention again in case. After the news broke out within 2 days, there was a drop on his weibo followers from 18.9mil to 18.7mil. 200k+ drops, if the politics was such a big national issue, there should at least be a huge drop, even at least a million right? Because weibo is a China-Chinese majority right? Nope, we get a puny 200k drop.
What's funny? The self-deteroriates:
Translation: "Are his fans bought? Why didnt he drop fans? Those people got brainwashed to this point?" / "I've never entered his weibo and today i feel like having a look yet it showed I've followed him. All his fans were bought right? It disgusts me, i immediately unfollowed. This kind of process is worse than WYF..." / "i dropped fans because of him...no...I just reposted 2 posts and I've dropped 4 fans?"
Isn't the tone and regressing brain cells, all too familiar and same?
//
Added above, will remind again to read this link. It has an even more in-depth knowledge on who are paying them.
So what should we do? Link here
Related posts 🛏️:
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Rexobi. I really just wanna see Rex and Obi-wan drinking together and complaining about the disaster that is Anakin Skywalker. They decide to team up to get anakin to calm the heck down and to talk about his feelings. Anakin doesn’t realize what’s going on but gets the idea he needs to play matchmaker with his master and his captain. He thinks he’s the smart one but he’s really not
(i have once again chickened out of your full prompt and instead give you the leadup to rexobi getting anakin to talk about his feelings.
i uhhh may be unable to think of anything but a rexobi au à la this post by @norcumii and @dharmaavocado about roleswap-ish senior padawan obi hella vibing with this mutant clone that can’t get above the rank of captain even as an arc trooper because the kaminoans are Like That, and qui-gon is going spare, because between anakin somehow being allowed to be in charge of a whole battalion and obi-wan picking fights with every single seperatist leader, he and cody never get a moment of peace. and like. just obi and rex being dumbass 20 year olds trying to deal with a general/master like anakin in the middle of a war. i don’t have TIME for that though
thank you for the prompt as always, i think this is the only rexobi/obex prompt i’ve ever gotten and this ship is criminally underappreciated. like?? kadavo?? anyways here’s whatever this is)
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Not for the first time, Rex wishes Kote were the one here dealing with this, because “how to comfort your favorite Jedi” hadn’t exactly been covered in ARC training – actually, Alpha probably withheld the information on purpose, the fucker.
But Kote is on the other side of the galaxy with the 187th and just as upset they’re not here in Rex’s stead: it’s barely a month off General Kenobi returning to his own face, and Rex knows his vod would strangle the entire Senate if given even half a chance for deploying them separately on their general’s first mission back after the Hardeen... incident.
And Fett’s Ghost knows Rex’s own general is going to pitch a fit when he finds out Rex is here instead of taking leave like the rest of the 501st, but Kote certainly wasn’t about to let Kenobi go all the way to Alderaan unguarded so soon after his supposed death; and honestly, Rex would have been offended if they had asked anybody else to do it. Thankfully, Kenobi hadn’t seemed offended when Rex had shown up at the Jedi Temple’s flight hangar before he could take off; instead, he had been rather amused.
Even luckier, Alderaan is barely a day’s jump from Coruscant, so they don’t have to spend too much time awkwardly pretending that Rex hadn’t attended the man’s funeral in Kote's place (that he would have attended anyways), or that Rex doesn’t know Anakin hasn’t spoken to his former master since their debrief to the High Council about Cad Bane. Which Rex should absolutely not know in the first place, but Anakin is his friend, for better or for worse, and Ahsoka thinks her master airs far too many of his grievances to his captain.
It isn't until their cruiser is making the descent over Alderaan that Kenobi finally addresses the tension between them, which only proves that Kenobi is well aware of it, but had put it off as long as he could. It's a humanising observation, that Rex wishes he could have had when he isn't the only vod in a ten mile radius that isn't the pilot, because at least then he wouldn't be the sole receiver of the soft smile Kenobi gives him as he joins Rex to wait by the shuttle's access hatch.
Rex thanks his progenitor's laughing corpse he has his bucket on, because all he can do is stare.
"You are worried about Anakin," Kenobi says matter of factly, though not unkindly, and Rex lets out a breath that's almost a laugh.
"I promise I am far more discrete with my thoughts in the field, sir."
Kenobi chuckles warmly, tucking his arms behind his back to watch the planet under them grow larger as they approach. "Do try not to worry so much, my dear, this will all resolve itself in time."
It's hard to stare right at his gentle assuredness, so Rex looks away. "You have far more faith in his ability to forgive than I, sir."
That laugh strains at the edges. "Yes, well, I'm afraid some of my lessons seem to have been... lacking."
Rex has regs carbon-printed on his brain, he knows that even without the direct chain of command, the soft push and pull of his relationship with Kenobi, the steady, serene growth of it, is... problematic, for so many reasons that he wouldn't know where to start. Not least of all is rank, how much more important a Jedi is than a replaceable CC-track washout, but, well, Rex had washed out for being too emotional, so it's not as if he's exactly unused to reacting to things inappropriately for a good little soldier.
"It's not my place, sir," he murmurs, remembering Kadavo, remembering Umbara, remembering the hand Kenobi had laid on his shoulder for far too long after the Blue Shadow virus, and has Rex really been this gone since then? "just say the word and I won't mention it again. But just because Kote isn't here doesn't mean you have to... shoulder all of this alone."
In fact, it's wildly not his place to make such an offer, however implicit, but that month on Kadavo did happen, and Rex isn't so self-deprecating to believe he hadn't had a heavy hand in helping Kenobi make it out on the other side as well as he did. He doesn't think so little of the bond they had formed then, to believe that Obi-Wan is unaware of it.
Not when he smiles at Rex like that, like he's a warm cup of caf after a week in the trenches, like Rex is... worthy of such sincere affection.
As the shuttle settles around them and the pilot announces their arrival over comm, Obi-Wan simply says, "I did not for a moment believe I was, my dear."
-
"You and Rex seem close."
Normally Obi-Wan can feel Anakin coming from an entire corridor away, but he also knows Quinlan has been teaching him a few Shadow tricks, so he isn't entirely surprised when Anakin appears at his elbow in the empty bridge looking like a smug necu.
Aside from eating firstmeal with Kote in the mess, Obi-Wan hasn't even seen Rex today, much less interacted with him: as he understands it, Rex is trying to round up the remaining 501st shinies that are running around the Negotiator, so Obi-Wan really doesn't know where Anakin had gotten that notion. Recently, at least.
Anakin rolls his eyes and scoffs, leaning back on the railing next to him and crossing his arms. "Please, Master, even Snips has noticed."
Obi-Wan refrains from telling him that anyone with a modicum more self-awareness than him has noticed. Be that as it may, "This is one of those times where I truly don't know what you're trying to say, my dear: I have been close with Rex since he was in the 212th."
It isn't even an exaggeration, that there had been... something between them before Anakin whisked Rex away to his own battalion after his knighting, though back then it had been nothing more than friendship. If he recalls correctly, and he does, the cleanup of the Ryloth capitol had been the first time since then that they had worked closely, while Anakin had been on the ground with the locals and Mace had been with General Syndulla, and Obi-Wan had found he still quite enjoyed the way they worked together. Their time on Naboo combating the Blue Shadow virus had only endeared the captain more to him —he does remember a slip in propriety in his relief that Rex had been rescued safely with Padmé and Ahsoka, a hand left too long on the captain's shoulder until Kote had called him away— enough that Obi-Wan had been both relieved and horrified that it was Rex there to support him on Kadavo.
"Cody said Rex was the one to go with you to Alderaan; you sure nothing 'happened' while you were there?" Anakin chuckles to himself like he's being incredibly clever, like there isn’t a hickey visible over the collar of his under tunic.
Obi-Wan raises a brow slowly and refrains from rolling his eyes. "Despite what you may believe, Anakin, not everyone leaps into committed relationships after life-threatening situations." Not that Alderaan had been life-threatening, it had actually been as close to actual leave as Obi-Wan has had the entire war.
"Please, it took Padmé and I ages to–"
Anakin seems to swallow his tongue, then, face rapidly going purple, and it really is a miracle the entire Republic doesn’t know about his marriage; the GAR certainly does.
Sighing, Obi-Wan checks the chrono and decides it isn't too early for another cup of tea. "If you have a specific question about my relationship with Captain Rex, I do wish you’d be direct, my dear."
Anakin splutters. "Relationship?!"
"Great Maker, Anakin, you’re easier to spook than a half-starved blurrg." He pats Anakin’s arm, his sonbrother floundering for anything other than abject confoundment, as Obi-Wan turns away from the bridge to go locate both tea, and his commander to hopefully finalise their newest mission orders. "Don't worry," he calls over his shoulder, "I'll actually let you come to the wedding, unlike someone."
Not that Obi-Wan has any such plans, Maker knows he and Rex have yet to address their feelings in the first place, but he'd be lying if part of him doesn't want to conspire with the captain in question —and perhaps Ahsoka— to see just how far they could take this before Anakin realises they're stringing him along.
Remarkably, Rex is waiting by Obi-Wan’s office with a flimsi cup of tea and a harried smile that promised quite the day chasing after shinies, and Obi-Wan decides conning his former apprentice can wait.
Mando’a:
vod/e — “brother/s”, “comrade/s”, “sibling/s”, technically gender neutral but used most often in fandom as “brother/s”
#crispy writes#rexobi#obex#pre relationship#everybody get on the fucking kote train choo choo#non binary cody#someone please come ship this with me we're so dry for fanart#prequel trilogy#clone wars#ask#theclonewarsbrokeme#prompt#fill#sonbrother will never not amuse me#there is a lot less angst and injury in this than initially planned#but then realised what i'd written was basically 'got me in a tricky situation' by dharmaavocado#so#almost no angst for y'all today#*does a lil jig* feelin disgusting about all these likes from people that preach about reblogging from artists#like i'm not mad just confused#😔
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Heewuu! I really love your content and our dedication to our Tailman! I've been craving for some fluff with him for a while now... I really wanted to request a best friends to lovers in a fantasy au (noblewoman reader and assassin Ojiro). Thank you so much and have a wonderful day!!! 💞💞💞
Okay lemme start off by apologising for taking so long to get to this Ask. I've had the fic written for a while but I really wanted to post this on Ojiro day because I actually really like it and there's a high chance I've already evolved this one-shot into a multi-chapter novel.
(Also thank you for the ObiYuki vibes if it was intentional. They're one of my OTPs so I jumped at the chance to do a Shirayuki style piece)
A Royal Favour | (Ojiro x Fem!Reader)
Age Rating: G
Word Count: 5k
Tags: Fantasy AU, Royal AU, First Meetings, Slow Burn
------
What absolute rot.
Embroidery. Embroidery. What good were flowers stitched onto handkerchiefs when it came to war? How, pray tell, were you supposed to defend yourself with a needle and thread if your enemies stormed the castle? Your mother had her head screwed on backwards, you were sure of it. Here you were, embroidering carnations onto silk patches in your tower while your brothers spent their time in the courtyard, learning to swordfight with the knights. You didn’t care if you were a princess and they were princes – this was totally unfair.
“But mother,” you complained, poking yourself in the finger with your needle for the umpteenth time. “Surely my future king would want a queen who can look after herself? What use will I be if all I am taught is sewing and singing?”
“Until you are wed, my dear, your usefulness is to us.” Your mother, the Queen of Thribb, announced while she sat beside you and unpicked one of your failed attempts at stitching roses. “Singing and sewing are what will attract you a husband. They are the tools every woman needs in order to court.”
“But—”
“Once you have a husband – a suitable husband. A duke, or more favourably, the prince of a flourishing kingdom – you may twitter his ear off until he teaches you what you want, but for now you must try to present yourself as a couth young lady.”
Your mother’s fond but all-knowing smile did nothing to improve your sour mood.
You twisted your head away, listening to the far away sounds of swords clashing as you looked across the room to the open window.
“If I can’t present myself as I truly am, I can’t imagine I’ll have a very happy marriage. He may be in for a surprise when I reveal I am more than just a singing canary who sews his robes.”
The Queen chuckled, setting aside your failed stitching so she could stand, then leaned down and kissed you on the crown of your hair as she glanced outside.
“My child, you are a surprise worth having.” She placed a hand on your shoulder. Never more so than now could you feel her experience as a noble as she spoke with certainty and compassion. “One must sacrifice on the way to queendom, but you will find, as I did, that they are sacrifices worth making.”
“I shall not hold my breath.” You mumbled, but smiled and touched your mother’s hand all the same.
Looking out from the tower, you could see far beyond the kingdom of Thribb, past the Great Forest and towards the mountains of Drultam. The world was so very vast. You resented how little you had seen of it, particularly in comparison to your three overly-privileged brothers. Somewhere out there was your freedom.
The ways of this world meant your dreams came secondary to your duties as princess. You could not begin your life until you sat upon the throne of another kingdom, so to wed was your first priority.
But to wed you had to both find and charm a prince, and a charming princess you most certainly were not.
“I shall be in this tower until I die.” You declared glumly, hardly thinking it worth the effort to embroider flowers now. Your mother smiled at your wilful nature before sighing.
“Don’t be so silly. You have the rest of the castle-grounds to wither old in and die, too.”
You did not appreciate her sense of humour. She decided to leave you to pout, turning as she made her way to the tower door.
“I suppose I ought to check on your brothers. Our poor knights are bound by duty to aid them in their studies, but I do think it was a rather cruel trick by your father to have all three of my unruly sires practice swordsmanship at once. I shan’t be surprised if I’ve lost one of them to Sir Bakugou’s short temper already.”
You held the side of your finger against your lips to suppress a gleeful chuckle at the thought. Perhaps if Sir Bakugou really did lose his temper, you would have a shot at the throne and finally be taught something worthwhile.
Keeping the happy thought of your brothers’ timely demise very much to yourself, you waved to your mother as she bowed her head in farewell then left your chambers. You listened as she descended the stone staircase then sighed once she was gone. Without your mother to oversee you, the idea of slacking off very much appealed to you but you supposed if sewing meant your eventual freedom, you couldn’t abandon it yet.
Handkerchiefs and flowers were the symbols of love granted to you to give to men in your favour. Apparently a simple declaration of affection was not enough, and the in-thing was cryptic flowers embroidered on fabric. Pink carnations for thanks, purple tulips for royalty or red roses for romance. Then, of course there were the fabrics themselves. A single pink corner meant I cannot live without you, while an entirely lilac handkerchief meant please meet below my bedroom window. What was more, you were expected to carry this great collection of declarations in your bosom. If any man were to make it as far as your bedchambers, he would be sorely disappointed to find that your ample cleavage was made up entirely of handkerchiefs.
“I can’t think of a single prince who might know the difference between a white handkerchief or blue, the meaning of a peony or an orchid, so why must I waste my time learning the language when no prince will understand it without an encyclopaedia?”
Surely using your brothers as a guide for what all princes would know was unfair to the men trying to win your favour, but never the less in a bout of melodramatic fury you threw your embroidery-hoop across the room with the hopes of it soaring straight out the window. When you did not hear the soft clatter of it hitting the floor, you congratulated yourself on an excellent throw then rose from your chair to fetch a new piece of silk in case your mother returned.
“Perhaps if the princess wishes to practice her discus, she should use something more weighted than a sewing hoop?”
You stopped dead, hearing a voice. It was not one you recognised.
Twisting to look to the window, you saw a young man perched on his haunches with one arm bracing the archway as if he had just climbed through it – a maniacal notion when you remembered the tower was six storeys high. In his free hand, he held your embroidery hoop.
His face was partially hidden behind a mask while his clothes indicated a need for stealth, both dark in colour and wrapped tight against his strong body. Twin daggers rested against his hips but most striking was his tail. It looked powerful enough to render both his blades obsolete.
He would have stricken you with fear were it not for the insignia that gleamed on the breast of his haragake. You noticed as he hopped down onto your bedchamber floor that he wore the mark of the royal assassins.
“My apologies, your Highness. I was told her Majesty would be here. I was not aware you had taken this tower as your bedchambers.”
He straightened his stance then bowed to you, folding one arm across his chest as a show of respect.
You smiled and placed a gentle hand against your heart, still recovering from the split second you had feared for your life, then told him to raise his head.
“Please, it’s alright. Until just last week I was living in the west wing. You weren’t to know.”
He kept his head down, maintaining his impossibly low bow by counterbalancing with his tail.
“I arrived at the castle yesterday from my mission. As part of the royal guard I should have studied the changes in case it impacted your safety. My deepest apologies, Princess.”
You heard the sincerity of his voice. The assassins weren’t a branch of the royal guard you knew well. Indeed, you couldn’t say for certain how many there were or call a single one by name, but the King had once mentioned that should the castle ever fall, he could entrust your safety to his assassins like no other. They were dedicated and disciplined, and loyal above all else.
Seeing the attitude of this boy, you believed your father’s words. You appreciated his bow for what it signified, though you hardly believed you deserved such a display when you spent your days in leisure instead of any kind of royal duty. You believed one did not deserve respect simply for being.
“Don’t bow to me. I am but a wallflower in this royal palace. A temporary resident, if you will—”
The trouble, you found, with living in a castle where everyone took pride in their royal duties was how often you found yourself alone. The unfortunate result of this was that when you stumbled onto an attendant, you felt compelled to ramble, to vent at them in case the opportunity did not present itself again for some time. Unfortunately, more often than not your venting took the form of sarcastically running your mouth.
“—In but a few short months I will be wed and whisked away to a kingdom where I may learn to thrust a sword and never have to see the faintest sign of a flower-covered handkerchief again.”
You were aware how deluded you sounded but it was nice to get these things off your chest without the fear of your mother reprimanding you. Normally whichever attendant you cornered stood in silence and left you to ramble without interjection or comment.
Your current captive followed much the same pattern, rising to stand so you could rant at him properly but to your surprise, he actually seemed to pay attention. He relaxed his stance and watched you, his tail flicking lazily over the floor as he listened to your carry-on. It rather took the wind out of your sails and you brought your nonsense to a stop.
The greatest surprise came after that, when he actually chose to respond.
“Your Highness, whether in this castle or your new found kingdom of sword-wielding, flower-banning handkerchief haters, you will always be my princess and so I shall always bow.”
He held the embroidery hoop out to you, observing your colourfully stitched carnations. It was hard to be certain because of his mask, but by the creases at the corners of his eyes, you seemed to think he was smiling.
“But if I may, your Highness? Should you cancel your wedding plans, I strongly recommend adjusting how you hand out your favours should you wish to be rid of them for good. Your technique of throwing them like shuriken is admirable, but might be mistaken as an act of war to the nobles of other kingdoms.”
All royal etiquette be damned, you were impressed. You did not need to know what a shuriken was. The fact he answered back, let alone with wit, was enough to make you wish you had met him sooner.
You accepted the hoop when he placed it into your hands, thinking over his words. You were more inclined to listen to him since he understood your concerns well enough to make a joke of them.
“When I present my favour, I’ll be sure to wave it between two fingers like the dainty lady I am.” You quipped before frisbee-ing the hoop towards your four-poster bed. Had your mother or any of your regular attendees been here, they would have scolded you for such an action, but this boy seemed intrigued by your antics, amused even, almost as if he could forgive you for letting your hair down instead of acting like a pompous princess all the time.
Raising an eyebrow and a playful smile, you said, “Now assassin, you say you respect me, but did I detect a hint of sarcasm in your advice just now?”
Amused by your lack of royal decorum, the assassin nodded, his black eyes sparkling as his tail swished like a dog’s ready for play.
“At the risk of sounding impudent, I was merely trying to point you in the right direction, should you actually want to find yourself a king.”
“Oh, thank you.” You snorted. “But please don’t you start.” You raised your hands theatrically into the air, finding it strangely pleasant how quickly you relaxed in the assassin’s presence. “I’ve had my mother hounding me on that topic for days.”
“On which topic, your Highness?” He asked, seeming to enjoy this back-and-forth as much as you did. Perhaps assassins did not get much time to socialise, but you couldn’t say you minded when it meant you could speak to someone who would reply with more than just your attendants’ usual ‘yessum’.
“That I must practice, practice, practice such a ridiculous craft so I can find myself a husband.” You sighed. “I am a woman, therefore no one will give me the time of day to teach me what I need to be taught until I am some king’s wife.”
The assassin made a gentle ‘ah’ sound as his tail stilled, like the disjointed pieces of your bizarre puzzle were finally slotting into order. He looked at the sour expression slipping on to your face.
“And what you need to be taught is how to use a sword?”
“What I need to be taught is how to defend my kingdom.”
This seemed to pique his interest. He stayed quiet, placing a hand to his chin in thought. You liked such a refreshing person in your chambers, you decided. It was nice to have someone who was willing to hold a conversation with you, who wasn’t solely there to push your royal parents’ agenda. You weren’t sure how your mother would feel about you talking to him without a chaperone, of course, but perhaps this was alright as he was already a member of the guard.
“May I ask your name?” You said before too long, noticing that you may have broken him with the idea of princesses learning to fight. You realised you had his attention when his tail thumped once against the floor.
But before any words could be uttered, a gentle knock came at your chamber door. You made towards it, but the assassin raised a hand to ask you to wait, then he welcomed the newcomer on your behalf. Though at first he was wary, he bowed when he saw who was at your door.
“Your Majesty.”
Your mother entered, carrying a small tray of sandwiches and drinks.
“Please, let me carry those for you.”
“Ah, Ojiro. Thank you.” The Queen handed him the tray. “You’re back from your mission. I hope we find you well?”
“I’m humbled you should think of my health, my queen. Yes. I am very well, thank you.”
While they exchanged formal pleasantries, you smiled at the assassin’s name. Though it had not come directly from his mouth, you were happy to know him as Ojiro. Though your paths had never crossed until this day, perhaps now that you had a way to call him, you might have the chance to see him again. Having someone willing to speak frankly with you was a blessing when your royal curse meant generally being respected with silence.
Seeing your mother beginning to frown, you listened to what she had to say.
“Now if you’ll be so kind as to explain your presence in the royal princess’s bedchambers?”
There was a note of accusation in her tone. Whether Ojiro could handle your mother on his own or not, you stepped in on his behalf to clear the air.
“He was told you were up here, and well, you were until you weren’t and I’m sure he was on his way to find you again but I side-tracked him. It’s my fault.”
Seeing as though you were shouldering the blame for this, the Queen adopted a more mother-worthy expression as she folded her arms and furrowed her brows at you.
“Oh? And what exactly were you doing, side-tracking one of the most elite members of our court?”
You rather wished she had not said that. She made you wonder about your prior informalities in front of him. You had attended many royal courts and not seen him there once, but perhaps a good assassin was one you never found. Then again, Ojiro himself seemed not to have minded your indiscretions so perhaps like you, he was both a member of the court and a real person with real human feelings. When it came to the court, you could not name many with that quality.
“He got caught in one of my long-winded speeches about handkerchiefs and their lack of uses.”
To Ojiro’s credit, he hid the amused swish of his tail by turning to lay the dinner-tray down. At least he realised you were talking in jest. Your mother, however, did not.
“Young lady, if I have told you once, I have told you a dozen times.” Her sigh was so heavy that you thanked Ojiro for his presence. If not for him, she would currently be a queen on a furious rampage. “One way or the other you will learn to love handkerchiefs, favours, and what they mean for this kingdom.”
“But mother—”
Making you jump with her movements, the Queen strode across to a pile of your practice materials and grabbed the top-most piece of fabric. It was sore luck that she grabbed your worst attempt at roses to-date.
“Do not give me your opinion on the matter until you can actually stitch a flower that looks like what it’s meant to be. If you keep up your lackadaisical attitude, your nightmare of never leaving this kingdom might actually come true.”
“I’m not trying to leave the kingdom,” you answered back hotly. “I’m trying to learn how to help it but you won’t let me!”
“You can help it by practicing your embroidery and putting effort into the studies you complain about so much,” your mother snapped. She landed you with a glare that told you not to answer back, and you did as you were told.
Aware that she had humbled you, the Queen nodded then turned to Ojiro with a gentle smile, like she had not been seconds away from unleashing a motherly hell on to you in front of him.
“What was it you needed from me, Ojiro?”
Seemingly unfazed by what he had just witnessed, Ojiro stood to attention and addressed the Queen.
“I carry a message from the kingdom of Fern.”
“Ah, excellent.” Your mother glanced at you then briefly pursed her lips. “Let us not bore my daughter with dreary details. May we speak outside?”
“Of course, your Majesty.” He said, bowing. They turned for the door but when the Queen made towards it, Ojiro did not.
“Is something the matter, Ojiro?” She asked, wondering why he had failed to move. In response, he bowed again, much deeper this time as he kept his head low.
“I wonder if you will permit me to speak with the princess alone for one moment?”
If you weren’t bound by duty to hold your composure wherever possible, you would have let your jaw fall open. Ojiro was a brave soul to ask to speak to you in private from the Queen herself. It was only your input that had stopped her accusing him of impropriety moments ago.
As to be expected, your mother’s response was not pleasant.
“Absolutely not. I cannot leave the princess unchaperoned in her bedchambers with a man. You mock me to think I would.”
Ojiro did not rise from his prostration, speaking only when he was certain the Queen did not have more to say.
“I meant no disrespect, Your Majesty. But I ask you to reconsider. On my oath as an assassin, I swear not to take one step towards the princess, and that what I have to say is only in the best interests of the kingdom.”
A quiet fell over the room as your mother considered him. The fact she even hesitated put you in awe. The royal assassins truly did hold a place of deep respect from the crown if his word alone was enough to sway her.
“Alright.” She agreed, after a moment. “I shall wait for you outside,” she said, then turned her gaze to you. “Once I am done with Ojiro, we shall share sandwiches while I lecture you on courting etiquettes. Is that understood?”
Whether you understood or not, you had no say in the matter. You nodded with a sigh, resigning yourself to hours of difficult quizzes and courtship protocols. You couldn’t think of anything worse.
“Yes, your Majesty.”
The last thing you wanted to do was slip up and call her your mother while she had her queen-head on. You were on thin ice as it was.
With that she left, closing the door behind her, leaving you and Ojiro alone. Your first response was to sigh in relief, but your respite was short-lived when Ojiro addressed you with a frown.
“With the greatest respect, your Highness, I beg you not to upset our queen like that. She is only doing what is right by the kingdom.”
“I know,” you agreed, wishing he would not remind you. “I know it comes from a good place, but sometimes I find it so frustrating that she forgets I am my own person as well as a princess.”
You found yourself looking to him for reassurance that you were not a terrible daughter, but instead of words of comfort, the assassin looked at you in total seriousness.
“To that end, your Highness, I wonder if I may speak frankly with you?”
The fact he had battled your mother for your privacy and won was all the convincing you needed. He could cuss you out daily from this day forward and you would rightly say he had earned it.
Ojiro asked you to take a seat for your comfort, so in the spirit of being frank you ignored the decorum of perching on your sewing stool and instead climbed onto your bed. You delighted in the fact you heard Ojiro chuckling at your antics, then when you were settled he said,
“I would like to propose a deal.”
You raised an inquisitive eyebrow. You had not expected that.
“Go on.” You said, feeling yourself growing giddy with intrigue.
“My deal is this. You continue your studies and do all that you can to find a suitable prince through courtship—” you opened your mouth to rebuke him, to say he sounded far too much like your mother for this to be an honest discussion. “—and in exchange, when the Queen leaves the castle on her weekly tours of the kingdom, you shall come to me and I shall teach you how to swordfight.”
You looked to your chamber door, expecting your mother to come bursting through at any moment. She did not. You dared to answer him back.
“You would do that for me?”
“I would.” He said with total conviction. “You say you wish for someone to give you the time of day to teach you. Then I shall give you my time, Princess. As much of it as you need.”
Feeling a swell of warmth in your chest, you rose up from your bed. You had every intention of going to Ojiro and embracing him, being the first and only soul in this entire castle to listen to and offer you his help, but as you made a step towards him, he fell back, raising his hands to ask you to stop.
“Forgive me, Princess. I swore on my oath not to take a step towards you. Though you are the one stepping, I must honour my word.”
The more you learned about him, the more he fascinated you. But an oath was an oath, and you respected him for taking such pride in maintaining it.
“I understand,” you said, then an idea struck you. “But instead, if you will…”
Returning to your bed, you reached for the embroidery hoop to detach the square of silk, then quickly tied off its stitching. Ojiro stood in place, unable to fathom what you were up to until you turned to face him.
“Please, take this,” you said, holding out the handkerchief. For the first time since his arrival, you saw him looking shocked.
“Princess, I couldn’t—that’s—”
“A failed attempt at a favour, I assure you. My mother has told me in no uncertain terms that my favours are not up to standard, but even if they are not beautiful, I daresay they still hold some small meaning.”
Keeping to the edge of your room so that Ojiro could keep his word, you stepped across to the window then placed the handkerchief there before quickly returning to your bedside.
“Please accept it as a small token of my favour. What you have offered me means more to me than you could ever know.”
“Your Highness…” You heard the gentle tone of his voice, like you had shocked him to his core.
He walked towards the window. You worried he might refuse your favour when he saw it out of duty or disinterest, but when he reached the place you had left it, he kneeled down and picked it up with a gentle, tender touch.
“They’re carnations,” you said, hoping to teach him the significance of the flower so that he truly understood your feelings. “For—”
“—for gratitude.” He said, sounding humbled by such a gesture, like he was unworthy. Carefully, he folded the handkerchief then placed it into the pocket of his haragake, then turned to you, doing the one thing you did not expect, and lowered his mask. And the smile that greeted you was breath-taking.
“I shall treasure your kindness with my whole heart, your Highness. I will cherish your favour as the symbol of our pact. For as long as you strive to become the queen I believe you can be, I will do all that I can to aid you where others will not.”
He left you speechless. You could do nothing but look at his smile and the warmth of his eyes. Not another soul had looked at you in such a way in such a long time.
“Ojiro, your Highness.” He said after a moment. “I am aware the queen told you, but let me formally introduce myself. My name is Ojiro.” He straightened himself up then bowed to you again. You couldn’t help but smile at the way his tail wagged so unabashedly.
“Well, Ojiro, I’m glad you stumbled into my chambers today. I forgive you for the intrusion, and please if you feel the urge, you are welcome to stumble here again so that I may vent more of my princessly problems to you.”
He held his bow for a moment more then rose up again, his bright smile never leaving your sight.
“Thank you, your Highness. I take the invitation as an honour.”
You felt warm. Even as Ojiro slipped his mask back into place then turned for the door, a wonderful feeling stayed in your heart. You had almost forgotten what it felt like to be treated as an equal.
“May our meetings always be as blessed,” you said as he gripped the door to leave. He nodded, turning back to look at you.
“I have no doubt that they will.”
With a final curt bow, he left and closed the door behind him. You stayed still for a while, letting the events of the last ten minutes play through you. They had come so suddenly and so by chance that you had to wonder if it was fate. You were the luckiest princess alive to have the only member of the entire court willing to teach you such boorish lessons drop into your room out of the blue.
Ojiro seemed to believe it was best to hide his intentions to train you from the Queen, and though you wondered of his reasoning, you agreed wholeheartedly that it would be your secret. Not only would it set you back if your mother found out, but you daren’t think what would befall Ojiro if the Queen realised he was teaching you anything uncouth. You had only just made his acquaintance, you would rather not see his head on the royal chopping block.
Besides, you liked having a secret to share with someone. It bonded you, and you hadn’t felt bonded to anyone in any way in such a long time.
Letting a smile drift on to your lips, you wandered to your window and breathed a great sigh as the draft tickled your face. Perhaps your freedom was not so far away. Perhaps there was yet a way to keep your beloved kingdom safe even while you struggled to become the bargaining chip your parents desperately needed. The world was vast. It seemed there were possibilities you were yet to discover. You wouldn’t give up hope yet.
Your smile widened as you looked down into the courtyard some sixty feet below. Your smile widened and widened until you started to laugh, and you clutched your hand to your chest as an excited giddiness filled you. What utter absurdity. What delightful nonsense.
Ojiro had gotten into your room earlier, and certainly not by the door. Whether he had scaled the castle or bounced up here on his tail, he had not broken a sweat. He had greeted you with such poise that you had forgotten until this very moment how absurdly tall the tower was.
You were certainly in good hands with Ojiro mentoring you.
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I really hope you enjoyed, my lovely. Thank you so much for this ask. It gave me so much inspiration and now I love royal assassin Ojiro with all my heart~
(Art by Iamcarlosm on Fiverr. He deserves love and support. All the love for this piece aahhhh---)
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