why do i have to have debilitating anxieties, mental issues, depressive episodes, high expectations, and responsibilities. like girls just wanna have fun </33

Being middle-aged at its finest.

I guess I will be making tadc fanart once an episode releases. I don’t rlly wanna make that much fanart and all so yeah. I like my oc’s and would like to give them attention.

That doesn’t mean I won’t make fanart tho! I have made lots of fanart over the course of years so- yeah I don’t think I won’t be stopping with fanart soon.

Honestly so good that I’m too shy to talk to people because I’m like 80% sure my impulsive ass would just ask strangers if they wanted to try to fall in love just to see if we could

OKAY REMAKE IS HAPPENING SOON MAYBE NEXT WEEKISH💯💯

sorry for how slow and sparse I've been getting around to everyone. I'm doing my best but genuinely rn I desperately need to take care of myself instead of always putting others first.

THINK i am halfway through this chapter it just Feels Right, though based on what i know needs to happen i feel like the second half will be longer and the first half is 4.5k so like, laugh out loud !

Honestly reading the panic attack scene thinking back to me last night in the same position:

You wrote that well was much feeling very ouchy

im gonna have to start a "had an anxiety spike reading the holidate" self help group i think 💀

Nina and I are unfortunately like dynamite and gunpowder. something happens and we’re just like oh yeah? You wanna go? Let’s go! Meet me in the ring bitch!

google how to not be sosososo anxious all the time. its not even like stress that motivates me to get things done it's just like. i make a mistake and misunderstood instructions in class and my teacher is like "you were supposed to figure out precisely where 180 was before taping the draft and punching your marks" when i like an idiot guesstimated it and after a moment of me going "oh..." bc its something i can't fix bc i've already punched in all the holes on the part he's like "i think you'll be okay" and goes back to what he's doing and then for three hours im like he's so annoyed with me i bring things to him too much and ask him too many questions and make the stupidest mistakes every day he hates me. i ask a friend something and they don't respond because they're busy or forget about it or don't see it or any number of other reasons and then a couple weeks later i send them something else and they don't respond for a few hours and its enough time for me to convince myself i said something a while ago that they took offense to without realizing and they're ignoring me and i send another message saying "are you mad at me did i do something can you tell me what i did so we can work it out" and he's like "what?". a friend posts about people treating them badly in a way that's clear they're talking about a specific phenomenon or person and im always like omg are they talking about me did i do something bad and not realize it... and its someone i talk to so infrequently and casually it obviously would not be a concern or someone i've known for so many years that they would obviously come to me if there was any conflict that arose. help

holy SHIT eclipse federation is so cool oh my gosh. this zam stream is SO GOOD. hes their sun their guide he keeps them grounded and reminds them what they fight for and what is right. AAAAAAA. vitalasy and subz could be gods and zam is mortal and hes there to question them they WANT him to question them AAAAAAAA. gay people. i NEED to draw fanart.

also like. the glitch?? WOW. flying like creative mode flying in SURVIVAL. and vitalasy is ALSO responsible for poopies along with spoke? wow!! AND THE PLAN. the plan! wowww. i need to draw some fucking fanart of like full godmode subz and vitalasy with zam. woww. minecrafters are sooo gay.

and like! its so good! theyve been thinking about him for so long and when zam brought up his anxieties they were so receptive and told him so much they literally. they. they care! about him! so much!! they wanted him there specifically so that his worries will keep them grounded and remind them of what the normal players of the server want!

and like. theyre trusting each other! they communicated! communication!! theyre all opening up to each other mcyts are SO gay fr. and zams got his Issues still be hes tryign hes trying to communicate with them and theyre being sooo receptive and AAAAAA. and and and. i just.

gay people. i need to create fanart i need to draw them i need to read fanfic i need to TALK ABOUT THEM . but noneee of my usual friends i go to to info dump watch lifesteal aaaaa.

WAIT WHAT. i just switched over to the vitalasy stream and he said if he wanted he could literally use this glitch to shut down hypixel?? oh my gosh

and like. also going back a bit WHY was that sign labeled lifesteal season 5?? and also what was in the other 64 pages of the journal?? and theres another book too??

i just. AAAAAAAAAAAA. i need to draw them. i am sooo incoherent except not really bc i just wrote a lot of words actually. um. WOW. wow. i am experiencing a catagory 5 autDHD moment right now. oh my gosh. i fucking love minecrafters this is so cool

Jessica gives me so many problems with her many aliases when I have to talk about her and L, because L knows about Rowan but she tries to bury her completely; L lived some months with Elio but it is an alias she was forced to assume & their interactions at the Wammy's weren't the friendliest; L interacts mostly with D for Detective, but it was born under very special circumstances because it is a tool that ensures L's safety and her power over him; L works with Mei during the Kira case so it means nothing outside that & Ryuga is Ellie's classmate but it's not them them; Jessica is the only identity she has chosen for herself — the first time she has ever felt like she could be herself for real, even if in the beginning she used it to run away from Rowan — BUT Jessica is virtually no one to L (they interacted once, even if it's very significant). And the thing is that she has such a rigid way of thinking about her different identities — she compartmentalises them. They do not exist outside their own context or reason for existing, but to L, she's each one of these identities, that influenced him in so many different ways. However, he's forced to pretend that she is just D for Detective, and so he has a hard time understanding her. She's right there in front of him but so out of reach, and it's painful.

I'm so angry right now and nothing is helping

Not sure even the jcs soundtrack can save me tonight

whenever a guy approaches me i start wishing i had a giant forehead tattoo that reads "I AM NOT & WILL NEVER EVER BE INTERESTED LEAVE ME ALONE PERMANENTLY" so i could flash it at them

Biting is like actually a stress reliever for me