feeling tired and skrungly today like this boy

this might be a controversial opinion:

tim drake is allowed to be a just A White Boy. it's okay. he's still unhinged and interesting regardless; in fact, it makes his out-of-pocket behavior even funnier.

had my pre-op doctor's appointment this morning which involved a very awkward encounter with an anaesthesia doctor who came out of surgery to see me, but i didn't have any questions. i was just there bc they told me to show. lmao.

also, apparently after endo surgery you can get an epidural if you need it for the pain. you learn something new everyday

Oh okay I've now realized that my last group of friends has completely fucked my ability to form new close relationships or find myself worthy of interacting with people I perceive to be better than me (aka all people)

📌

We moved the mattress into the office (mamad) last night because we didn’t want to deal with having to uproot if the sirens went off again. I anxiously sipped at three liters of coconut water in the dark and then finally fell asleep a little after 4am.

We skipped shul. We absolutely could have gone and probably should have but I genuinely needed this Shab to catch up on sleep and between the rockets and the upcoming fast I’m going to be an absolute shell of a human for work on Sunday if I don’t get my shit together. So a bit of shiur on our own. Now hopefully more sleep. (Sleep forever and ever, ameeeen.)

Wishing everyone a truly peaceful rest of Shabbos and a meaningful fast! May we know better, calmer days.

Ahavas Chinam. For the new temple and for always ✡️

I swear to the fucking old gods and new that I'm at my last straw, bro. I've never felt so close to collapsing in 29 years of life. I endured a pandemic where I lost people I loved.

BUT 2023 IS BY FUCKING FAR THE MOST DIFFICULT TO KEEP LIVING. Everyday, EVERYDAY is a struggle. Yes, I go to therapy every week, I go to a psychiatrist every two months, I exercise fairly well, I eat normally and I SEVERELY stopped my intake of junk and fast food. SO WHAT THE FUCK, LIFE??? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK????

For real, is this a burnout? Or is it like, an even deeper depression? Seriously, SERIOUSLY, I don't know what to do anymore.

This might seem like an "old man yells at cloud" situation, but it's just wild growing up and being told how dangerous distracted driving is - how, at highway speeds, you can traverse the length of a football field (100 yards, 91 meters) in a matter of seconds - how one split second sending a text while driving could result in a potential fatal crash, and then getting on the road as a driver and being surrounded by billboards. Their entire purpose is to catch one's attention, so they're lining major roads, which tend to be highways. How is it that you're told how important it is to never be distracted while driving, but still being advertised to?

At best, this type of advertising is an eyesore to pedestrians and motorists and a general waste of electricity to light it, and at worst, it is an active danger considering they are there to advertise and therefore, must catch people's attention.

I'm not even against advertising in theory, but this particular mode bothers me so much and I hate how pervasive it is - especially in large cities or highways.

he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

Not to be an Art Snob or anything but something that makes me genuinely so so tired:

The material/execution: wild and crazy and innovative, high technical skill, the artist doing genuinely cool and unexpected things in regards to the process of creating the piece

The subject: a generically pretty woman with a completely neutral expression gazing off in a Direction

arthur is rude to that one sex worker because the guys are fucking around as they oughtn't be and he actively wants the source of their distraction to go away. that is how he operates through the entire game: deliberate, utilitarian intimidation and strategic unpleasantness to achieve a goal. it is an early game commentary on arthur meant to position him as a big dog that barks. it is not a commentary on his views about women which are clarified many times afterward. you guys realize that right

.

today was a day™

how do I know that??

I am almost crying because a random IKEA bowl just broke

girls that are sick and in love

Sally is the real neighborhood Rizzler... you all know i'm right...

💖 Had my first car cry today besties 💖