https://www.dropbox.com/sh/41pu2j0alrvmmqq/AADcNEo2K-fsdlacFfuXnKtva?dl=0

Above is the link to an audio file with Palestinian music, read-aloud poetry, storytelling, and excerpts from speeches on history and liberation. It was gathered by Radio Al Hara, an internet radio station broadcast from Ramallah, Bethlehem, and Amman in Jordan, founded during the pandemic as a way to connect during isolation. “Al Hara” means ​“the neighbourhood” in Arabic. From the river to the sea! 🇵🇸

Paintbrushes and Romance

Part One 🥰

Dean x reader

A/N: this is my first ever written piece on here, so let me know what y'all think, much love my little twinkies💞

Warnings: Talking of killing, swearing, police case, not sure what else.

,..............

The smell of freshly grounded coffee beans fills the cozy little coffee shop. There's about six or seven tables in the middle, but you always choose the little corner seat, mostly everyday you sit there, watching people, listening conversations, finding inspiration.

No one except the waitress ever notices you, though that's the way you like it, sitting there admiring the way autumn takes over the leaves, its always been your favourite season ever since you were that little girl, running around, playing with the leaves, your parents would get so mad at you, for messing up the garden, a smile tugs at the corner of your lips, your thoughts get inturupted by the waitress, need a fill up? Ah! Yes please Julie, I'd appreciate that, not getting much work done today, saying with a smile. Sure, Julie said, you'll get there, one day I'll know what you do for a living I guess... You laugh a little, yeah one day.

It's not that your in the secret service or something, its just, you are a very private person, despite the fact that you're a social media influencer, and an author of three best selling books. You're actually busy working on a new book right now, but its going slow, you need inspiration of the male character, but just can't seem to find one, hell you can't even think of one, and since its one of those spicy romance books, you can't exactly base the character loosely on your brother, that'll be damn weird. Deep in thought, you hear the bell of the door, chime, welcoming a new customer. You look up from your laptop and see its two men , one man looks like a freaking giant, brownish hair, kinda messy looking, hanging over his ears, the other one a bit shorter but still tall, with his dark blondish hair, neatly spiking in the air, with a little stubble beard enhancing the already amazing, sharp jaw line, pink rose plump lips forming a smile when he excitedly said, with a kinda gruffy voice, look Sammy, they've got pecan pie. Yeah okay! Let's take a seat, and try to behave said the taller one.

You can't help it, you are drawn too him, like a moth to a flame, you quickly look in your flower tote bag, grabbing your sketch book and favourite pencil, and with out waisting anymore time , you pick up the pencil and start sketching the outline, of his nearly perfect face, getting swept away in the aroma of the coffee, the outline of his face, the way his savouring every single bite of the pie, you just have to sketch this man, maybe you can loosely base your books character on him, damn he sure is good-looking you think sketching away.

.............

Damn Sammy, this pie is just what I needed, Dean said. How is it possible that we never came to this coffee shop, Dean said, looking over at Sam eating his salad, dude he said, live a little, try some pie! I'm fine, thanks man, you know I prefer healthy choices Sam said with a not amused look on his face. Yeah well, whatever, I prefer living a little, we can die at anytime with our line of work Dean said.

Dean can hear a sort of muddled sound of his brother's telling him something, but can't really focus, in the corner, is a woman sitting with black jeans and a black top with a long mustard yellow jersey, with flat shoes matching the black, the light coming through, shining on one side, making her appear like an angel, with a messy hair bun and loose pieces of hair framing hair face, she's wearing glasses with a purplish frame, complimenting her pale, white skin, she's biting her lip, while focussing on something, not quite sure what it is. She is medium built, definitely not the type of women he goes for with their sleek long legs and high heels, but damn she was beautiful, a kind of beautiful Dean had rarely seen!

Dean! Hey! Dude! Snap out of it, Sam said while hitting Dean on the shoulder! What! Is your problem Sam, Dean said frustration clearly in his voice. What the hell man, I've been talking for the past few minutes, and then I just lost you. Bite me, Dean said. Clearly confused Sam taking a bite of his salad, you okay Dean, is it this case that has you all worked up? Yeah maybe! We need to get this guy before he kills anyone else, Dean said frown visible taking another bite of pie, keeping an eye on you in the distance, thinking you take his breath away without even saying a single word...

Hi! Could you maybe write what Berlin would be like if his girlfriend/wife got pregnant? Can be a one-shot or just headcanons <3

A/N: Hey! Of course you can, this is actually an adorable idea!! Here it is honey, hope you like it ❤❤

Warnings: pregnancy, fluff, spoilers

...

I think Berlín would be a bit shocked to find out that he got his girlfriend pregnant

Especially when they were dating in secret

He'd feel extremely guilty for putting her body through that pain

Let it be childbirth or abortion

But most importantly for not telling her that he wouldn't be with her and their kid for long because of his ilness

She had pulled him apart from the others that day to tell him

"Honey, can we... talk for a second?"

"Of course, what's going on? Should I be worried?"

"Depends... you know what, probably..?"

"Now I am a bit worried actually."

"Yeah, um, listen... I took a pregnancy test last night and... it's positive."

Berlín almost fell over

He had no idea how to respond

For once in his life he was at a loss for words

"But- but- how did we... I mean, we were careful..."

"'Oh, no, I have fast swimmers, boo-hoo!'"

He was confused for a moment

He was used to Y/N's sarcasm, but this was the first time he had to hold back his laughter

When she realised that she had snapped, she tangled a hand in her hair out of embarrassment

"Sorry, I don't know what got into me."

"It's okay. What do you want to do with it?"

He wasn't going to force her into anything

Instead of jumping in with a decision for both of them, he thought it was better to let her decide what to do with her body

"I... don't know. I have to think about it."

"Of course. Take your time, honey."

After that day, he was much sweeter and gentler with her

He didn't care if anyone noticed

He'd never let her make any big effort

He'd rub her stomach much more often, trying to get contact with the baby

Y/N saw how he acted with the baby, even if it was unborn

And she just couldn’t take that away from him

"Berlín."

"Yeah?"

"I want to keep it."

His jaw dropped open

"...wh-what... are you sure?"

"Yes."

She'd always remember how his eyes lit up and filled with tears

She was glad she could see this side of him

In fact, her pride grew at the fact that she was the one who got to

The next couple of months were very enjoyable for the two of them

The baby bump was still coverable

So she wore oversized clothes to keep it hidden as much as possible

Soon enough they started thinking of names

"How about... Nadia for a girl?"

"That's a beautiful name. Oh, what if we tried to keep the city name tradition alive?"

"And what did you have in mind?"

"Vienna. Bali. Londres. París. Whatever you please, my love."

Berlín handled her hormones like a pro

He'd never take her attitude moments personally

Comfort her when she cried

Even if it was the dumbest reason you could think of

If she had to be honest, she preferred the cuddly, sweet and thoughtful side of him to the cold, distant one

She absolutely loved the attention and butterflies he gave her

So much so that the relationship was barely even a secret anymore

The gang noticed how he started acting towards her but didn't think much of it

Until they noticed her stomach starting to get bigger

Their secret was saved though, but it came at a price

Y/N had a miscarriage

Berlín was devastated

He had gotten much closer to her than he'd expected

And as much as he loved the kid

There were a lot of things that were taken off his shoulders

For example, breaking her heart by telling her he had a year left to live

And would have left her and their child alone

But otherwise, they were deeply heartbroken

He didn't stop with the attention, though

It kept them both sane

At least enough to hold on until the heist

— bias tag game *ੈ✩‧₊˚

rules: you're going to pick 10 of your biases (or as many biases as you have and then fill in the rest of the spots with idols you like) and number them 1-10. then answer the questions below! try not to look at the questions before you make your list!

thank you @fairyhaos for the tag <3

🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

rania's bias list:

seungkwan (svt)

wheein (mamamoo)

jeonghan (svt)

wonwoo (svt)

hoshi (svt)

jun (svt)

seulgi (red velvet)

yunjin (le sserafim)

soobin (txt)

lee know (skz)

🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

1. between 7 and 5, who did you bias first?

i biased my girl seulgi first :> i started stanning red velvet in between peek-a-boo and bad boy era and i literally love her sm i gay panic whenever i see her and she's so cute and quirky i fell in love instantly !!!

2. between 2 and 6, who are you more attached to?

umm,,, how dare u give me this question rn. wheein has been my ult for the past 5-6 years and i feel like i can declare us as a v chill married couple lmfao and i love her w all my heart. but tbh jun has grown so much on me and finally putting him in my bias line is just ugh <3 <3 got my heart flippin and feet kickin (it doesn't help i have like,, a lot of ideas for him in terms of wips)

3. if you were to spend the day with either 3 or 1, who would you choose and what would you do?

again... what the hell U R MAKING ME CHOOSE BETWEEN MY TOP BIASES IN SVT?? absolute insanity. ugh,, okay jeonghan ily babe but i gotta go with my fav boy seungkwan <3 i feel like he'll take me out of my comfort zone n just take me out to places n just be the most supportive person ever. like i can imagine our arms locked together while walking down the avenue or sum idfk

4. what is your favorite physical feature about 9?

his MF DIMPLES OFC. i have such a thing w dimples on my biases its actually so funny

5. what is your favorite part of 6's personality?

i just,, i love jun's quirkiness and awkwardness sometimes i always swoon over him <3 he may be quiet at times but he's such a big source of strength for not just me but for all his members. i get why they all love him sm

6. if you were to tell 8 anything you wanted, what would you tell them?

my gf yunjin KEEP BEING YOU MA'AM. do whatever you want that makes you happy. you're such a big inspo to me and so funny and talented and beautiful and all those synonyms i cannot grasp how much i love her

7. between 1 and 2, whose closet would you raid?

ohhhhh definitely wheein. our styles r very similar and honestly she's the reason why my style is like this to this day!! she has such unique fashion taste and omfg i'd love to raid clothing stores w her. altho i'd rlly love to steal some of seungkwan's sweaters,,,,...

8. what is a style that you want to see 3 try?

omfgomfg uhhh honestly jeonghan can literally pull off any damn style he wants, and im too scatterbrained rn to think of a specific style. i love his soft boy looks tho n the style/clothing he wore in berlin got me feeling some type of way yk IT SUITS HIM SO MUCH

9. between 5 and 4, who are you closer to in height?

hoshi LMAOO even tho there's barely a difference between him and wonu. they'll both still tower over me tho im only like 158cm fml

10. between 10 and 9, whose music do you like the best?

soobin n txt! i love their discography so much. some of skz songs r just not my style and i can rlly only listen to them when i'm feeling that kind of energy yk. still love them tho ofc

🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

tagging (no pressure!): @slytherinshua @itadorins @hannyoontify @wqnwoos @icyminghao @etherealyoungk @blue-jisungs @mirxzii @yeonjuns-redhair @rubywonu @ylliris-hanniehae @rubyreduji @toruro @weird-bookworm @planetkiimchi

My Top 9 albums of 2023

tagged by @mysterygrl20 tysm <3

my taste in music is kind of all over the place so prepare yourself for a wild ride, although I also listen to a lot of kpop (I've kinda been slacking on keeping up with releases over the past year tho oops) and we definitely have some overlap in favorite albums

I apologize in advance for how long this post is going to become but you're really opening the floodgates by letting me talk about music lol

(it's been a very dry year for my favorite metal bands or this list would've been even more chaotic lmao)

1) Dear Insanity... by DPR Ian

while I struggled to rank most of these, there was absolutely no question about my #1 album of the year. I only just discovered DPR Ian in 2023 and he very quickly became my favorite artist ever. you might have even seen me talk about this album an unhealthy amount of times already lol. he's just such an insanely good artist and every single song on this album is just soooo damn good.

part of why I love him so much is also the story he tells throughout his music videos and just how insanely good all of his MVs look and how well the visuals fit the music so I feel obligated to link the MV to my favorite song off this album:

(some flashing lights in this one, folks, be warned)

2) The World Ep.2: Outlaw by Ateez

everything Ateez releases is immediately getting added to my favorites, what can I say. I didn't have the money to go to their 2023 tour but I did see them live in 2022... absolutely worth the one and only time I ever caught corona. not a single bad song on this album, they're all absolute bangers.

3) Take Me Back To Eden by Sleep Token

I only just discovered Sleep Token in 2023 but I absolutely fell in love with this entire album and their style in general. almost got to see them live but then I ended up getting surgery on the exact day of their concert... :')

4) OO-LI by Woodz

I am a Woodz stan first and a human second. I'm convinced this man is incapable of releasing bad music, everything he does is just so damn good and I love how he explores a bunch of different genres while still making all of his music just sound like him y'know

also honorable mention to Amnesia which is only a single album so it didn't make the list but if you like more eerie stuff and the general vibe of his music, definitely check it out, I love it so much

5) On My Youth by WayV

WayV will forever have me in a chokehold. they've been my favorite NCT unit since their debut and honestly also the only unit I managed to properly keep up with over the last year ashgasj. I just really love their style of music and how they've actually been sticking to it

6) The Name Chapter: Temptation by TXT

It's truly been a TXT kinda year for me, I've been listening to them a lot. there aren't many songs on this album but I still love it so so much, all of the songs are great and Sugar Rush Ride is such a unique title track

7) Dark Blood by Enhypen

honestly Enhypen are part of the reason why I might have to update my top 3 kpop groups to a top 5 lol. all of their albums so far have been great and this one was no different, I still listen to a lot of the songs on it on repeat

8) RUSH! (Are U Coming?) by Måneskin

well what can I say, Måneskin have had me in a chokehold ever since they won the Eurovision and I actually got to see them live in 2023! drove all the way over to Berlin for them and everything, great album with great songs. I love both their more rock-ish songs and their slower songs and this album has a great mix of both (although I wish there would've been some more Italian songs on here)

9) MONO by K.Flay

K.Flay has been one of my more underrated faves for a couple years by now and I'll take any chance to gush about her music. there's just something very unique about K.Flay's music and this album certainly didn't disappoint. honestly, the only reason why I ended up putting this one on the "last" place is that I haven't listened to it as much as the other albums on this list

Honorable mentions!

bc once I start talking about music, I just simply can not stop at only 9 albums and this list isn't quite chaotic enough yet to properly describe my taste in music lmao

ODD-VENTURE by MCND

this is a rather recent one so I haven't listened to it enough for it to make the list, but I love everything MCND put out and this is definitely also a great album! (plus the title track is yeehaw kpop which is incredibly creative of them and I didn't know I needed that in my life)

HAPPYPILLS by Utsu-P

and this is where I expose the true chaotic nature of my taste in music lmao. Utsu-P's music is the perfect clash of world's between teen-me's obession with vocaloid and current-me's love for metal. I didn't include this album bc I still haven't gotten around to listening to all of it, but the songs that I did listen to, I absolutely loved

Phantomime by Ghost

oh you thought you made it through an entire post of me talking about music without mentioning Ghost? Hah, fool. jokes aside, this is an album full of cover songs so I didn't include it but it's still full of bangers. I reached audio cap now but I'll include their Jesus He Knows Me cover bc this was an absolute treat to witness live:

if you've made it this far without getting whiplash: congrats!

tagging (as always, no pressure, feel free to ignore this): @negrowhat @fallsouthwinter @spicypussywave @thisisworsethanitlookslike @supanuts @buddhamethods @alienwlw and anyone else who wants to do it!

And for the record I would never say no because the last time I did there was a whole 3 day long argument and he was not happy with the end result but hey gotta get the umbrella somehow even if the eggs are overcooked and that's why I stopped volunteering for the peddle run lord knows they have plenty of them but when you hear that voice the pickle juice leaves your body and ngl Tuesday was rough but I'm totally blaming the lack of sleep before all the doors got locked and who else would climb up to the 3rd floor if not the smoll one very versatile in tight spaces and I said as much before everything went dark and the only smell was that of a salted tomato memories that'll last us forever even if you replace all the light bulbs there will still always be time for tea and that's what keeps up in shape.

listen to me now anon please listen really carefully. few weeks ago i tried baking a cheesecake for the very first time ever and for me, personally, it is a feat to be forever memorized because i am simply not a master of the culinary arts, never was and never will be. it was a scary experience but as i was taking out the cake form i felt very self-assured that i was going to rock it because there i saw it i saw the hole. i thought to myself well do you know who else has a hole. the little one is so crunchable punchable bitable fistable chewable , crispy like a fried cheese ball but so very soft on the inside, melted cheese all runny and nasty, running down my chin so slorpy. a grilled cheese girlfriend if i ever saw one, i just know that if id bite into the crispy wrinkly exterior, the runny soft cheese goo would get all over me but also all over his cum gutters . so i thought to myself well since cheese and hole go so well together… with this in mind i went through my first ever cheesecake procedure and as it was sweating and caking in the oven (preheated to 180C btw if u care) , i thought to myself well sometimes what u gotta do is try something u have never tried before and maybe it will work out or maybe it won’t work out idk im just saying shit to be honest i literally will cry if something doesn’t go my way. but at the same time, it is so true, because if the small one tonsured himself willingly for all the world to see then who am i to doubt myself and my ability to bake a cheesed cake, need to believe in myself a little, need a little confidence like little paul landers from berlin, that insane bitch who tonsured himself so hard it stayed with him forever. once he said that sometimes they change haircuts but then he hasn’t changed it for 22 years, do you ever think about that and do you even care . anyway. fast forward to a few days ago my mother was asking me abt the cheesed cake as i was having a manetol illiniosis breakdown so i told her the recipe though i didn’t tell her of the hole allegories and prophecies and visions, but i didn’t need to because she told me “don’t cry ok. 2023 u shall fuck the old man okay? don’t cry ok.” well sometimes all u need to do is believe a little in what ur elders are saying i think. isnt the passage of time insane anyway, literally fuckign mad that that on their first album ever they said “years will seem like minutes“ who says that on a penis music debut album what in the fuck !!!! also you need to bake the cheesecake for twenty-five to thirty minutes but i actually baked it for thirty-five because my oven just isn’t that good. something to keep in mind i suppose.

Part 6 (last part) “I’ll Be Fine”: Talk about Popculture, Druck and Gen Z Popkultur Festival Berlin 2022, wednesday 24.08.2022 with Eren M. Güvercin, Nhung Hoang, Naomi Bechert (social media team during s5 – s6, writer of s7 and s8) Moderated by Aidan Riebensahm First question from the audience: Hey, whats up. I wanted to ask you two how was it for you as POC to play maincharacters in such a internationally celebrated series? Eren: I don´t know. It´s of course something special and I try to make it less special because for me it´s natural which characters I play. Nhungi: I see it like that too. Its sad that it is seen as something special but on the other hand I feel like we got a certain responsibility because of that, to show our experiences (Eren agrees). For Kieu My it was important for me to not tell my own story but to keep it as generally as possible. So that many german-asian, german-vietnamnese people who are queer can identify with it. And I think we succeeded in that. Eren: One time I… I realized “ok it`s a big deal”. One time when I was taking a walk on a bridge and a young girl came up to me, I would guess 16/15 years old. She came up to me and said how cool she found the series and she was very happy. Then she talked about her little brother, who was like 9 or 10 years old, and she watched the series with him. And her brother realized through the series that he is into boys and opened up about it to his parents. And those are the things that I think about when I play these roles. Nhungi: Sometimes there are days when the text does not work and everything goes wrong and you ask yourself “why am I doing this? Everything is shitty.”. But then one time I was on my way to work on the train and I looked unrecognizable. I was wearing a mask, a hood and sunglasses, so you could have thought I was a little 14 year old gangster boy. But then a mother approached me and and asked if I play Kieu My in the series Druck and I was totally tired and sleepy and was like “uhm yes.” And she told me that she is watching the series with her daughter and started to understand her daughter better now und knows how she can treat her better and that she can tell her daughter now that it is ok to be queer and to be in love with a girl and she thanked me for it. It was such a beautiful moment, it could have been out of a movie, in the same moment the sun was rising and I started crying. I came to the set crying and everyone asked “what`s wrong?” and I was just like “gibberish crying”. Whenever you feel like “why do I do this actually?” such moments happen and bring you back into the right lane. Eren: So yes it is very cool. Second question from the audience: I wanted to ask if you had the possibility to influence the script of the seasons or if you had wished to be involved more. Were the stories of your characters created with you or have you wished you would have been more involved in that? (laughter) Naomi: No, you can say it. (laughter, but not sure who is laughing) Eren: come for us! (jokingly) Start! Why are you trembling? (everyone starts laughing) Aiden: go hit each other! Naomi: (laughing) I am not the only person who has the responsibility. Personal remark from me: listening to the audio, it became clear that both Eren and Nhungi had some criticsm on the tip of their tongues and presumably already talked about that with Naomi. But they decided to stay professional and not throw shade at anyone directly. Which is understandable, because the Panel was maybe not the right place and time to go into details and be too negative. So they talked about things that went well and left blank spaces regarding the things that they were not happy with. Read between the lines. ;) Nhungi: So everyone who is working in film: do not listen now. No, uhm especially in the beginning it was very important to listen to us because all of us worked out the story together and filled the characters. After every reading, if we had something, it was changed. For example concerning youth slang. Aiden: Please give an example. Eren: There were words which I had never heard before. Nhungi: “Constantin ist ja voll fett, digga” (the audience is laughing) Well, in those aspects we had a lot of room for creating. Eren: (interrupting) “Yolo!”. Nobody says Yolo. Not anymore. I think that’s an ´68 -thing. Naomi: I did not write it. Nhungi: We were also allowed to phrase lines differently when we could not say/pronounce certain things. Regarding the storyline or the development of the characters, that was left to the writers. If something was too strange or out of character then we also said something uhm... but that was a task that we had to leave to someone else. In the end we are not responsible for the content which is written. Eren: I think I have to say that I never met an actor/actress who was completely satisfied with everything. Due to the industry and the people who are involved in a project, there is always something you would like to change. But I think that is good. That motivates you. Naomi: To write a series like this is a very collaborative process were many people have a lot to say and sometimes decisions are made very hierarchical. Its not even the writers who have the last say in things. There is also a broadcaster and a production and you try to figure out, ok what is valid critic, what is a matter of taste. And in the end of course everyone wants to say something about it and you have to find compromises, yes. Ideally you would develop such a series completely with young people from the beginning to the end but I think… Druck is created in a very very short timeframe and in this format its not possible to work even more collaborative. Yes ideally….if you had more time and more tries and more feedback, yeah. Eren: Yes sure but I would totally agree to say that it is ok if the writers write the script and the actors/actresses do acting. I am also a fan of collaborative projects, I don´t want to deny that but I think, a trustworthy (🌚) writers room can do so much. Naomi: yes. I would have liked it actually, to work even closer with you. Eren: We also have to mention that they (the writers) sometimes messaged us on IG like “do you still say this?”. Naomi: Yes I always did little surveys with the cast. Nhungi: Can I say this? One time Naomi had an argument with some people of the writers room and then we got a message via IG: “do you still use GIFs?” Eren: I was like “what do you mean?” Nhungi: “uuhm I am not sure, I don´t.” Aidan: Don´t you use any GIFs? Eren: I use stickers on whatsapp. I create my own ones of my friends. Naomi: I said that too. Eren: you can create your own stickers with an app. Aidan: But does that mean if we would chat and I would send you a GIF, you would find this totally old? Nhungi: ´68 right? No, I think we are that last ones who would say “oh that’s such a millennial thing”. Aidan: Sometimes you have to let old people just do their thing. Eren: I don´t know if that is an Gen Z thing but I don´t like it to text at all. Nhungi: Me neither, no. Eren: If someone wants something from me, the person should just call me. Or I call the person. Aidan: What?!! Unfortunately we have to end the talk now, its already 20 minutes past (joking). Eren: any other questions? Nhungi: Yes Eren is a huge fan of phonecalls. I still remember, her calling me in the middle of the night and shes like “Does this hairstyle suit me? Can I do this, are my curls too long?” Aidan: Hey, cool thank you. (laughs) We will hear each other on the phone later. I have to end the talk now, people are waiting, the next ones want to get in. Thank you very much. Oh there is a last question? One question is ok. Last audience question: What was your favorite scene of your characters in Druck? That is the most important thing I wanna know and then we can finish. Nhungi: uuh I don´t know if this is unprofessional but…do you remember Kieu Mys houseparty? There we said “ok the shoot will be very late and very exhausting” and then Eren and I took a shot together. Eren: Not just us two. Nhungi: right. I don´t want to throw anyone under the bus. Eren: no names. Aidan: How many people were sharing a shot? Nhungi: This was really the only thing that happened. We are all responsible. That was pretty funny. Eren: I have 2 favorite scenes. One time I was allowed to spend a whole afternoon just riding an e-scooter. And then we were in a skatepark and I was doing tricks the whole time. I really felt myself. I thought I was awesome. It was an e-scooter with some glitter on it, you know. The other scene was, I had to make dosas (samosas?) in one scene and I was cooking and baking the whole time and Chris was in the background saying “Eren, stop forming penises.” And afterwards I was allowed to eat them. Nhungi: the... Eren: the dosas.  Aidan: Naomi what was your favorite scene? Naomi: To write, you mean? Mmh for Isi…. the party scenes or when Isi screwed something up together with the others. For example when they crashed the car. Whenever action was involved. Or fight scenes. That is fun to write. Aidan: Good last question. Thank you! Thank you a lot (to the guests and the audience) applause

Today’s compilation:

20 Top Hits aus den Charts, 3/2001 2001 Europop / Eurohouse / Eurotrance / Pop / Dance-Pop

Some people may choose to partake in bud on a day like today in order to drive themselves into some kind of delightfully hazy fugue state, but today, rather than indulging in a premium blend of psychedelic jam bands, reggae, and dub, I decided to try to reach that same level of satisfaction by becoming Oskar (that's Euro-Oscar), and blissfully live among piles upon piles of pure and utter garbage 🤩.

Basically, when it comes to these immeasurably goofy and ephemeral Euro-comps from the turn of the millennium, I'm just a single, solitary, little, oinking piggy who's trying to score some disgusting slop. Sure, I'm down for a nice nostalgia rush and a good tune here or there that I've never encountered before, but my primary objective when listening to these Now That's What I Call Music!-Euro-equivalents is to unearth some music that's so patently absurd and terrible that you really can't help but smile at how ridiculous it is.

And boy, howdy, did I manage to reel in a big one with this German hits CD from March of 2001. Berlin-based pop duo Rosenstolz brought in the always theatrically brooding Marc Almond—of Soft Cell fame ("Tainted Love")—and they did a *mind-numbingly awful* and campy Europop cover of German operatic new wave oddball Klaus Nomi's "Total Eclipse." And at first, when I saw the name of this song on the tracklist, I thought maybe Almond was going to sing "Total Eclipse of the Heart" over a modern Euro-beat, but I unexpectedly got something that is so much worse instead. And I fucking love it. Mission accomplished 😌.

The rest of this album, though, unfortunately, isn't nearly as bad as that one song. It's just pretty much run-of-the-mill bad instead of exceptionally bad. Lots of tunes trying to copy Max Martin's playbook—the Swedish producer who's responsible for lots of big 90s teen pop hits from the likes of the Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, and Britney—and coming up short. But speaking of Britney, her song, "Don't Let Me Be the Last to Know," which evokes Bowie's "China Girl," is probably legitimately the best song on this release. It wasn't issued as a single in the US though, and was instead only released to radio, so it didn't chart here, but it was a pretty big hit in Europe. And it's a solid pop ballad with a nice and catchy chorus, but it's nothing spectacular, and Max Martin didn't produce it either.

And Cosmic Gate's "Exploration of Space" is a cheesy bit of big room German Eurotrance that very badly wants to be the B-side to Darude's "Sandstorm," but it actually has pretty nifty atmospherics in its second half. Not a highlight, but a halfway decent track. Beginning's not good at all, though.

So, despite most of this album turning out to be a disappointment, with that one Rosenstolz/Marc Almond song, I was still able to reach that plane that I was pining for. It only resulted in a brief moment of gratifying atrociousness, but that junkyard high was so damn pure, man. Quality over quantity, always 🥰.

Happy holiblaze to those who celebrate!

Highlights:

Rosenstolz feat. Marc Almond - "Total Eclipse"

Issue One Hundred and Thirty Seven

Subscribe to Sincere, Positive Things if that’s what you really want to do!

There are some songs that are hard to imagine being written. Some songs have just always been in the air. Somebody didn't sit at a desk and try to figure out how to rhyme "stand beside her" with "guide her," did they? Turns out somebody did. And that same guy also put pen to paper on "White Christmas," "Puttin' on the Ritz", "There's No Business Like Show Business", “Anything You Can Do (I Can Do Better)", "Happy Holiday", "Cheek to Cheek" and somewhere in the neighborhood of 1,500 more. Irving Berlin: New York Genius is a fantastic biography of the author of those songs that's actually been out for a few years now but just made it on to my nightstand. The book chronicles the 101 years that Berlin lived which saw him writing music through two World Wars, the birth of recorded music, radio, movies, and television. And through it all, he was constantly pushing, still trying to prove that he had it in him to top himself and create that next big hit. So driven to continually produce, Berlin refused to listen to anyone else's music, shutting car radios off immediately after hoping into them. Long after he had given up chasing that next hit song, he still maintained an office that he reported to at least three times a week. Berlin was devoted to music and the public were devoted to Berlin.  If the story of this songwriter sounds at all interesting, I have even better news for you: the author who tells his story in New York Genius is James Kaplan, a biographer who has a truly unique way of delivering facts and data without making it sound like an infodump. His two-volume biography of Sinatra moves around at a clip, and does an incredible job of putting you right next to Frank at every turn. It can be a little tougher with Berlin, with records from the 19th century being a little spottier, but you’ll never notice as Kaplan fills in the gaps of those early years with superb analysis of his earliest published songs. Irving Berlin: New York Genius is an inspiring, lively journey through one of America's most important songwriters and a reminder that there's always somebody there behind those tunes we take for granted. New York Genius

I guess I'm not... sad that the iPod has been discontinued, but I am feeling something. There were many, many items that I asked for while growing up, some were cool (Boba Fett's Slave I), some were incredible (Tiger Deluxe Talkboy being a real standout) but of all the things that were put on Christmas lists and saved allowances for, I've got to say, my first iPod is probably the thing that most lived up to the hype. It truly changed everything about the way I listened to music, and broadened my knowledge of music, more than any other thing. I also played hours of that stupid Breakout game. I recently found my last iPod, a 5th generation one, in my sock drawer of all places. I dug up a cord and plugged it in, and lo and behold, it still worked. It now sits in my car as an external music hard drive, where it will live out the remainder of its days until it stops working some day. What a nice little gadget. Apple's official goodbye is linked below.

GOODBi

September 13, 2019 (2): Surgery-playlist (part 3/5)

(previous play)

You can find more information about the authors, translators, content warning and additional information about the plays in the pinned post on our blog.  

Attention! This play includes transgender topics. For more details see our interjection.

PART 3/5

(...)

Matteo: *listens to the song and thinks about how nice it was to come back to the flatshare after Heidesee and being completely alone with David* *but also thinks that the dinner afterwards was really great and that the mix is probably really good* *but also thinks that they have really hit the jackpot because their friends are soo good at accepting that they also need time for themselves*

ca. 11:06 am: David: Alright… since we were just talking about it… *he sounds slightly annoyed* That was my sister. She wanted to remind me that I still wanted to go shopping… okay, that’s really a thing… Would you consider me unreliable? Or unreasonable!?

Matteo: *shakes his head*

David: Okay, apart from the binder situation on our holiday… I mean, I usually manage everything quite well, don’t I? I was - apart from my blackout after the outing - always at school regularly and on time, I took care of applying to uni in time, I managed to get through all the crap with the applications for the mastectomy and the official name change. I somehow manage to get by with the money I have at my disposal… I’m usually polite and punctual and reliable and attentive. And sometimes I’m really annoyed when Laura treats me like a toddler! And sorry, but I think that it got worse since we’ve had the prospect of moving in here and since we’ve been living here. As if she’s scared that I somehow wouldn’t fulfill my duties or that I’d somehow be noticed in a negative way in some form… *sighs* Or do you remember Mia’s party when she stole the alcohol!? I mean, even if it /wasn’t/ about the fact that I’m not supposed to drink so much because of the testo and instead about the fact that I shouldn’t drink so much in general… is it her job to remind me? She’s only 23 herself. Shouldn’t she also have fun and be young and do stupid things every now and then instead of patronizing me!? I know she doesn’t mean it in a bad way, but it’s really annoying! Sometimes she acts more like a mother than a sister. And then I’m also annoyed at myself. Because I have to pull myself together so much to not actually act like an annoyed teenager toward his mother! It used to be completely different in the past. We had a completely different relationship. And I also understand that she somehow felt responsible when I suddenly showed up in Berlin at her doorstep. And I’m really grateful for everything that she did for me during that time. But I’m doing better! And I can manage! And I feel like she somehow doesn’t really see any of that because she’s so focused on her role. And the thing is: She can be different! Do you remember when she came in the day before yesterday and said she’ll only check in with me on Sunday because I’ll surely be insufferable all weekend long when you’re not there!? Last night she was completely different again. Then she really asked me how I was doing and that she can understand that it’s unusual and hard for me and said that she’s actually happy for us that we feel the same about that and that it’s not one of us that’s suffering from yearning while the other is partying… And this morning she was also okay… And then from one minute to the next she’s somehow stupid again. *you can hear him sigh and being quiet for a moment* Oh man… I’m sorry that I’m taking it out on you now. That’s somehow not a really good topic for a recording like that. We should actually talk about that in person… But sometimes I really wonder how us living together will work in the future… *a brief pause again and a sigh* I just want us to go back to being normal siblings again… and that she doesn’t feel responsible for me. After all, I don’t constantly meddle with her life, either… *you can hear him grumble* I think one day, I really have to talk about this with her properly… one day… when I’m not mad anymore… *you can hear him taking a deep breath* Well, I’ll go to the bathroom now, and then it’s almost time for you to call me. *you can hear him smile* And then I’ll go shopping, so that I have it over with and Laura won’t have anything to complain about and then I’ll talk to you here again. And tonight the boys will be there, but you already know that. Consider yourself hugged very tightly - right now during your seminar but also in the park on your bench! I’m thinking about you! Later! Oh - almost forgot: You should have finished the cocoa by now and you might still be thirsty… Time for package number 7… but now I’ll really leave! Have a good one, tesorino! (there’s a small bottle of apple juice in the package)

The more or the less - When we happen to collide Selig - Ich fall in deine Arme

Matteo: *unpacks the juice and smiles* *opens it and takes a sip while he thinks about the Laura-problem* *thinks that as an only child he might not be able to judge it very well and that they should really talk about it* *picks up his phone and texts David* Memo to ourselves: Talk about Laura… I think it sucks that she annoys you so much, that’s not how it’s supposed to be

ca. 11:20 am: David: Hey, na? I’ve had a shower by now… and we talked on the phone… that was very nice… *you can hear him smile* ...and I went shopping. Now it’s almost 3:30 and you’re still busy all afternoon. I’m not… because the boys will only arrive around 7. I hope that they won’t forcefully try to cheer me up or anything… then this surely will be embarrassing. *sighs quietly* And now I’m sitting here missing you and so that missing you won’t be so bad I’ll better tell you a few more things… I really just made the effort and sorted the songs I picked a little bit and put them into an order with the tracks I recorded and realized that we’re almost at half-time now. So if you’ve reached this spot, then we’ve already managed to get past 2 hours and about 20 minutes - which on the one hand is pretty cool, but on the other hand also means that I still need 2 hours and 40 minutes recording and I therefore have to hurry a little.

Matteo: *checks the time and sees that he’s pretty much correct and that it’s almost 11:30* *takes a deep breath because this basically means half-time*

David: *you can hear silence for a moment and then hear him change the topic* Hmmm… over the last few days, actually the closer the surgery got, I have been thinking a little bit about first times… because I’m looking forward to so many first times after the surgery… going outside without a binder for the first time, for example… the first time not having to think about how much longer I can wear it without it being unhealthy… *laughs quietly and murmurs* And, of course, also about the first time having sex without a condom… *a short pause again* I’m looking forward to all the new first times with you… but I haven’t only been thinking about the time after the surgery, but also about the past… Do you even realize how many first times we’ve already had together, Matteo? I don’t only mean first times each couple has together, like the first kiss or the first time… we had a few very special first times, I think. Although I actually think that every first time with you is special - no matter if it’s the first time that I woke up in the morning and you made me coffee. Or the first time that we fell asleep arm in arm - we even had that twice. The first time after our kiss and the second time in the pool. No, that’s not true… almost 3 times… well, 2.5 times… there was also that one time when I came to your place in the evening and I actually wanted to tell you that I’m transgender… and then didn’t manage to get a word out. *you can hear him swallow* Somehow I keep suppressing that evening… it was so damn difficult. And you were so great and understanding that I wasn’t able to say anything and that only made it more difficult. *you can hear him sigh quietly*

Matteo: *didn’t really notice tears welling up in his eyes and quickly wipes them away* *thinks that he wasn’t really that great, but that it’s typically David that he already found him great even though he hadn’t done anything*

David: Well, but I think this first time only counts half. We didn’t fall asleep arm in arm, but I woke up in your arms… And somehow all of those first times of falling asleep and waking up together were all different. During the first one, I was so nervous and at the same time I felt so comfortable. During the second one I was just desperate and thought I’d lose you if you knew. And during the third one you finally knew. You knew that I am transgender and you didn’t care and nothing was between us any longer. That was so incredible. And then there’s also the first time when we fell asleep together in /my/ bed… and the first time in a tent… and the first time on the beach… and in the car… in your grandmother’s house… in a hotel room… *laughs* There are so many first times just falling asleep… how sick! I’m sure I forgot a few… but you know what I mean. *brief pause*

Matteo: *thinks about which ones he forgot* *remembers the time when they were at Bea’s and David’s parents and the first time falling asleep on the sofa and then stumbling into bed overtired* *smiles slightly when he remembers David clinging onto his neck*

David: I’m trying to remember what my very favorite first time falling asleep together was… although all of them were nice… even the time in this weird hotel in Genoa… but I think my very favorite one was the one after our first time. Because that was when I somehow really realized it… *laughs* ...yes, I’m a little slow… I know, we’ve already been together for a day at that point. But in the pool… no idea, that was also great… but somehow still so unreal. We… or I… I don’t even know if you felt the same… somehow I was still in this kind of safety bubble… like in a hiding spot after a natural catastrophe, you know?

Matteo: *thinks about how at first, David didn’t want to leave and also about how strange it was afterwards in the flatshare, how insecure he was, and also about how hurt he was when David was so insecure about them* *but also remembers what David has said about him and all the things he did and how good it felt to hear it* *thinks that this was actually also a first time* *pulls his phone out again and texts David* I remember that you didn’t want to leave the pool and how insecure you were at the flatshare. But you know what else I remember? Your awesome speech to me about what it was that I did for you. That was somehow also a first time, wasn’t it? The first compliment-speech you gave me or something. Regardless, it’s a nice memory <3

David: Back then, I didn’t really realize this thing with the two of us… only once we were outside again… in reality, where everything somehow went on as usual and when we saw other people… and when we were at the flatshare and afterwards when you were in my room with me… then all of this slowly got real… and then as a culmination the sex with you… that was another thing that made me realize: All of this is really happening! You really want me! In every way, you now? You want to be close to me in every way… You’ll stay with me even if I show weakness. You’ll stay with me even though my body doesn’t look the way I want it to… You won’t just stay with me only in this safety bubble at the pool but also here in reality… I think I only understood and realized this that night, and I think I’ve never fallen asleep this happy in my entire life! *sighs and clears his throat*

Matteo: *thinks that he always wants to be with him, that he always wants to give him this feeling of safety* *smiles slightly when he realizes that this thought doesn’t scare him at all*

David: And with our first kiss it’s similar. Only that both our first kisses happened in the pool. The first first kiss was exciting and sizzling and… somehow also some kind of risk for me, because I had no idea where it would lead to. And the second first kiss was… just wow. Somehow unreal, but then also so real. I remember that I could hardly believe it that this was happening to me. I could hardly believe that you still wanted me - and still want me after all the crap that I did… This kiss was also exciting, but very different from the first one. Much… more safe and… somehow more hopeful, because I knew that we can build onto this first kiss… because I was able to look forward to what’s to come and no longer had to be afraid that you don’t want me, after all. *smiles lightly and you can hear his smile while he continues* If I think about this now, then we didn’t only have two first kisses, but quite a lot of them. Just like with falling asleep… We also had a first kiss in front of others - first in front of my sister and then in front of your friends… *laughs quietly* ...and then in front of the entire year… We had a first kiss in public in front of strangers… and the first kiss in a huge crowd in Venice… the first kiss on St. Mark’s Square… the first kiss on the other side of the Canal Grande and so on. And a first kiss after our first… “semi-fight” - back then on this old playground after I learned of the thing with Jonas - and the first kiss after our first “real fight” in Heidesee… Oh and of course our first kiss in the lake… *laughs quietly* and under water. And in the ocean! And in the rain. Do you remember? During that crazy thunderstorm in summer? Wasn’t that our one-month-sex-anniversary? Now we’ll already have our 4-month-anniversary this week! Wow… so many first kisses… *laughs quietly* ...and we had a first kiss in the snow! And in August, to boot! I don’t think that there are many couples who had their first snowkiss in August… Well, I guess we’re special! *sighs quietly*

Matteo: *smiles when he thinks about all the kisses* *briefly has this idea of making a list of their first kisses, the ones they already had and the ones they still want to have* *but isn’t really in the right headspace for that right now and postpones that*

David: And I don’t really have a favorite kiss! I like all of our kisses! *you can hear him drink something and then continue* Okay… what other first times did we have? The first time I met your mother… and the first time you met my parents - although I really would have loved to spare you from meeting my father… oh man, I never would have thought that I’d introduce them my boyfriend… and the first time you met Bea, of course. And I met your grandmother and Philippo… Those first times were also somehow pretty special. I don’t know, but somehow meeting the people that mean something to the other person makes you feel a little bit like you’re a part of their life, right? *hesitates*

Matteo: *nods slightly and briefly has to think about his father and how he might have reacted to his outing and to David* *thinks that his reaction might even have been pretty cool* *but also thinks that his father has given up on him, that he didn’t fight and that therefore he doesn’t want him to still be a part of his life*

David: Well, if we leave my father out of it - but even that was somehow important, wasn’t it? I thought it was important for my parents to see… oh man, this sounds really stupid now… but that they see that someone other than my sister and Bea can love me the way I am… and I also thought it was important that you meet them so that you can understand a little better why I haven’t tried to have more contact with them so far… and why I left. Somehow… I don’t know… I like stories from your past, anyways… but I also like it when you learn more from my past… somehow that explains quite a lot… why we are the way we are, doesn’t it? So this is why I like those first times… because with that, we basically let each other a little bit further into each other’s life… and in our pasts. *is quiet for a moment and then laughs quietly* Oh man, I could go on like that forever… with our first times… do you even care? If not, then it’s too late now, anyways, because I somehow still have to fill 2.5 hours. You’ll just have to suck it up… *laughs* But so that it won’t get too boring, you’ll get one or two songs now, okay? See you later…

Tom Odell - Grow Old with Me Bright Eyes - First day of my Life

Matteo: *has to grin a little when he hears the second song, because that’s actually Jonas and Hanna’s song* *but thinks that it suits them, as well*

ca. 11:40 am: David: And I’m back… You know which first time I found pretty special? Although… no, actually it was more than one first time… *laughs again* No, well actually all first times were pretty special… but some of them were more special than others. *gets a little more serious again* What I found special were all the first times that not every couples has… like the first night at your place without a binder. I remember how nervous I was and how uncomfortable I felt at first. And that’s another time where there were two first times… the first first time I took it off at night in the bathroom and didn’t tell you about it. To be honest, now in hindsight I haven’t go the slightest idea what I was thinking… why I didn’t just talk to you… *laughs quietly* Okay, we’ve only been together for such a short time and maybe back then I simply thought that we might also spend nights apart from each other and that somehow I could still postpone talking about it… I actually only remember being in pain and that I just wanted to get rid of the thing. And you know me - that’s saying something, if I voluntarily want to take it off in the presence of others. What was going on then? It was definitely an exhausting day… Oh, I remember… it was the day I had my PE exam in the morning, and then there was the Abi-prank and then the party… and on the days before, I was wearing the binder almost non-stop, as well… anyways, I still remember that I felt embarrassed and awkward and I was really yearning for you to hug me, but that at the same time, I couldn’t allow that. Then I pretended to be really tired and to already be asleep when you came back from the bathroom… *sights quietly* And youuu… of course you noticed and you asked google and you asked me about it. And that’s how it led to my second first night without a binder and this time, you knew about it. And I still felt embarrassed and awkward, at least at first… but somehow it was so important for all the nights that followed and for everything else that followed. *laughs quietly* Well, and actually there was also a third first night without binder… and without shirt. At that point I already felt a little less embarrassed, but still pretty nervous. Do your remember? That was this really hot day where you could somehow barely move without being soaked in sweat. And we put up Hans’ kiddy pool on your balcony. And at night, when we were lying in bed, I was really yearning to be close to you, but it was still so warm. *laughs quietly* And you suggested cutting holes in my shirt so that I wouldn’t be so hot…

Matteo: *laughs slightly* *still thinks that it was a pretty smart idea he had*

David: *you can hear him smile* I still remember what a sick feeling it was that there wasn’t anything between us anymore, no shirt or binder… and because of this feeling and because you always were so great and understanding, I could forget about this stupid dysphoria a little bit… And with each time it got a little better and a little less embarrassing and uncomfortable. I only have that with you, Matteo. That it feels normal to be the way I am. That nothing has to be embarrassing or uncomfortable… *smiles again slightly* ...not only when it comes to the trans stuff… but also with everything else. On Thursday night, when I was almost about to cry because we were facing this stupid Voluntary Year weekend, I knew that it would have been okay… somehow… oh man, okay, I’ve never cried in front of you… and actually… I always want to be strong… but I also know that I’m allowed to be weak in front of you. And that is… no idea. Good somehow, isn’t it? But that’s also one of those things that has developed. I still remember when I got the letter from the insurance that they will cover the costs for the mastectomy… back then you also said something along the lines that I’ll definitely have to tell you when I’m in pain. Well, that I should relax and don’t overdo it afterwards. And I agreed, of course… but on the inside there still was this feeling… that I don’t want you to worry unnecessarily… okay, I still don’t want that… but back then, I also still thought to some extent, that I have to be strong and want to be strong and that I… no idea… don’t want to be a burden to anyone. *sighs quietly*

Matteo: *really hopes that David has put this behind him, at least to some extent* *doesn't think that it’s good if he’s always strong or if he feels like he always has to be strong* *hopes that David really means it and that he knows that he can also be weak in front of him*

David: And the other day, when we talked about the mastectomy again and you said once again that you want to know when I’m in pain, then I promised you and I knew that I would be able to keep that promise. Because you don’t think I’m weak… and because you want me to be honest with you. And sure… I don’t want you to worry… But I also want for you to be able to trust me. I don’t want you to ask yourself if I might be putting on an act… because that would also cause you worry. And I think… well, if I should be in pain then the fact that we’ll talk about it might already make it better. That I’ll tell you instead of pulling myself together, I mean… and that you can be sure that I’d be honest with you if I really couldn’t bear it anymore and if I needed a doctor or something like that. *pauses for a second to remember how he even got to that topic and then says*

Matteo: *nods at everything he says and really hopes that David knows that he can tell him and that he only wants him to feel good and that he wants to contribute to that*

David: And it’s just the same vice versa… at least I hope so. I think it’s pretty nice that you trust me enough to talk about your fears with me… or about things that bother you… Well at least partly… I think… I hope… *laughs quietly* Oh man, I just feel like you trust me. And I want you to know that you can trust me. That there’s nothing that you think or feel that would lead to you being any less important to me, okay? Or that I’d think worse about you because of anything that bothers you… or that I’d think you’re weak or anything… on the contrary. To me, you always are and will be the best…

Matteo: *swallows slightly and briefly considers texting him that he doesn’t trust anyone as much as he trusts David* *but then thinks that this is something that you should say in person when the situation fits* *still hopes that David knows and feels that this is the case*

David: *you can hear him grin while he says* This is somehow really unstructured… I hope you won’t mind. I was actually talking about our first times… the special ones… the ones that not every couple has… For example, one shouldn’t think that for a couple it’s something special to go swimming in the lake for the first time… but for us it somehow was. Because before that, I hadn’t been swimming for such a long time. And because I never would have thought that I’d ever be brave enough before I had the surgery… Well… and then you came along… and I really urgently wanted to really be underwater with you… really in the water… and somehow it was another first time where you were more important than the dysphoria… *grins again slightly* ...and even without a binder… and later even without a shirt. And of course the first time swimming with the swim binder in Heidesee - and the first time swimming with others… I probably never would have dared without you. And all our first conversations… about the surgery, about testosteron, about dysphoria, about us as a couple. *laughs quietly* And the first time you got me a pillow after the testo shot so that my butt wouldn’t hurt as much. The first time I realized that you’ll go all this way together with me, back when I received the letter from the health insurance.

Matteo: *grins slightly when he remembers the pillow* *also thinks that this is something that will still be there after the surgery* *but hopes that his care in this situation is good and that it makes it a little easier for David*

David: Sometimes I still can’t believe it that in a week from now, I’ll already have the surgery behind me… or from your point of view in probably two hours’ time… Unbelievable! And when I think back, then it still seems unreal to me that you’ve been there the entire time… the entire rest of the journey since May… it’s so nice that I didn’t have to go this last stretch of the journey on my own. And I’m already looking forward to the moment when I wake up after the surgery and you will be there. And to the moment when the bandages will come off for the first time. This will also one day be a part of the list of our first times: The moment we see my chest the way it’s supposed to be for the first time. I’m so looking forward to all the other first times with you… I think there will be plenty ahead…

Matteo: *tries to imagine what David might look like after the surgery* *has seen photos on the internet, but somehow has trouble applying it to David* *thinks that for him, it doesn’t really matter and that he simply hopes that everything will go well and that David will feel comfortable with it*

David: *you can hear him smile* ...our first Christmas… our first New Year’s Eve… *you can hear him grin slightly* ...our first plant that we buy together… and… everything that’s part of it. *you can hear him exhale* Okay, what other first times did we have that not every couple has… *laughs quietly* Me coming out to your mother, for example. What other couple has to come out to their future mother-in-law… And of course sex. *you can hear him grin slightly* I mean, okay, each couple has sex for the first time, eventually, but our first time was still special! *laughs again quietly* That’s probably also something that every couple says about their first sex… but… *gets serious again and takes a deep breath* I don’t know, I think what I found so special was the fact that you didn’t turn it into anything special… that sounds stupid somehow, because I know that it was also special for you, but for you, it was special because of /me/. And not because I’m trans. Do you know what I mean? I worried so much beforehand. Not only when I met you and fell for you, but also before that. What it might be like. If I’d even find someone who accepts me the way I am. Who will also accept my body even though it’s so hard for myself to accept it. And then you came along. And you didn’t question anything whatsoever, you just accepted everything and acted as if all of this were normal, or that my body was normal.

Matteo: *thinks that David really is absolutely normal in his eyes* *hates it that society has any standards for what a body is supposed to look like and that so many people feel bad because of it* *plans on telling David how hot he is more often*

David: *is quiet for a moment and then says quieter* I think I’ve never been as happy in my entire life as I was in that moment. You… somehow made all my doubts just disappear. Well not all of them… but really a lot of them. *sighs quietly* And I think you can generally say that all of those first times that not every couple encounters were so special for me because you made them so special because of /me/ and that the fact that I’m trans was entirely secondary. And before all of those first times I was so insecure and scared and nervous. Back then, I somehow couldn’t really understand that you really don’t care. We haven’t been together for that long at that point… and I kept being a little scared that you might eventually realize that this isn’t what you want… that you… I don’t know, either… That it might get too much for you and too complicated with me. And even though in our everyday life it somehow felt as if we had already been together for an eternity, because we were so familiar with each other and so many things were so easy and natural for us, I was still really dead afraid in such moments. *hesitates briefly* I was scared that you might eventually realize that you’d rather have… I don’t know… a boyfriend with a… more manly body. That it might suddenly bother you, after all, that I don’t have a flat chest or that I’m missing something down there between my legs. That all of this will get too complicated for you… with my doctor visits, my dysphoria… sometimes I’m still a little scared. But really very rarely… *pauses for a moment and then quickly adds*

Matteo: *only shakes his head and really hopes that he no longer has those doubts*

David: I hope you know that this had nothing to do with you. You did the right thing so many times back then… and you still do… with everything, really. I really couldn’t have wished for better reactions. You never urged me. You gave me time. You went even the tiniest step with me. All this insecurity that I felt, it never had anything to do with you, and only with myself. And all those first times that the two of us had together, they weren’t just first times between us - for me, they were first times in general. No one’s ever seen me without a binder before. No one’s ever touched my like you. No one’s ever been as close to me like you! And I realized only much later that all of this was also new for you! That surely you must have been just as insecure as I was. That maybe you didn’t know how to act with me, either. And now, when I think about it in hindsight, then I realize that back then, we might not have been as familiar with each other as we thought we were… there really were still a lot of insecurities back then - which is somehow logical, because for both of us all of this was completely new. But if I compare “back then” with “now”, then we’re definitely a lot more secure… also with new topics… *laughs quietly* Although it’s somehow sick to talk about /back then/… oh man, it’s only been four months… four months, Matteo… and it’s so sick how much my life has changed since then - how much /our/ life has changed. How much you have changed my life… now we even live together here in this room. You have started your Voluntary Year, I’m having my surgery and then I’ll start university. Soon we’ll have something like a real everyday-life together. I mean, of course it sucks that we’ll see each other less because of that. And that then there will also be things such as the seminars for the Voluntary Year or the surgery and the hospital stay that separate us for longer than necessary… but I don’t know… right now, I’m quite optimistic about all of that… *laughs quietly* Maybe because I have talked so much about us and because that made me realize once again how lucky we are that it’s going so well between us… *gets serious again*

Matteo: *swallows slightly but thinks that he’s right* *also thinks that it’s gotten more secure because of their holiday and them living together, and that it’s somehow more natural in a good way* *really hopes that it will stay that way and that they’ll just keep growing closer*

David: But right now I just think that we can do all of that. I mean, sure, I was already aware before this that we can do that. But that we won’t just manage it somehow and instead we’ll manage it really well. And to some extent I’m already looking forward to everyday life with you… to the messages that we’ll send each other in between and the moments when we finally see each other again in the evening after work or after uni… when we can be close to each other again and tell each other about our days. That will be a big change… but… I know that it’ll be good. And even though our lives will somehow change I still hope that we’ll never change. That it’ll always stay like this between us. I’ll take a short break and get myself something to drink… and you’ll get a few songs again. I hope you’re doing good! Later!

The Fray - You found me Mikroboy - Solang der Mut den Zweifel schlägt

ca. 12:08 pm: David: Alright… well according to my calculations it should now be a little after 12… we still have a few more minutes and I’d like to use them to conclude talking about the first times… *laughs quietly*

Matteo: *also laughs quietly and checks his phone* *can see that he’s right and that it’s 10 past 12*

...to be continued...

(next play)

4, 7, 9 for Runnek, 11, 15, 16, for Ava and 22, 23 and 29 for Aveline! :D

<3<3<3<3<3<3

Okay, oops, got a bit long but that's okay! Putting it under a read-more for convenience<3

Runnek: 4: Is your OC good at keeping secrets? Yup! They had to leave their home at one point, out of fear that people would discover their magic (which is banned in most if not all of that region, not 100% lorewise tho). Ever since then, they've actively worked on being subtle about things. Redirecting conversations, intentionally seeming suspicious at the right time in order to draw attention to the wrong details (a friend hides to the right, Runnek nervously glances to the left, and the enforcer takes the bait, giving time for the friend to slip away), etc, etc. Ironically, Runnek doesn't gain obvious magic powers (or, well, powers that are obvious when being used, but otherwise don't make them stand out) until after they return home. 7: What song reminds you of your OC? Does it line up with what you think they would listen to? First two songs that come to mind are Heroes- David Bowie, and Nuclear- Mike Oldfield. Heroes was written about the Berlin wall, and how Bowie witnessed people kissing next to it, below a mounted gun. In some ways, that reminds me of the Zaun/Piltover conflict, and how Arcane's central characters are kind of torn between the two, with the conflict separating loved ones. Meanwhile, Nuclear is both about the devastation of war and the everlasting effects of it, which perfectly lines up with A: the trauma that Runnek + their friends went through (especially Jinx), and B: the fact that they pretty much lost their childhood because of what happened ("the abandoned child" is a recurring lyric). I think that Runnek would enjoy both songs, but would only go out of their way to listen to Nuclear. 9: What are your OC's goals for the future? That one sorta depends on which of the story branches they're following, which I have tentatively nicknamed "Daybreak" (siding with Zaun in the hopes of securing a brighter future) and "Nightfall" (siding with Piltover to prevent their darkest hour, or ensure they endure it). Either way, their goals are almost entirely consumed by their desire to help their friends, despite having been separated from them for close to eight years. Daybreak: Runnek wants to help Jinx recover- and once it becomes clear that there's no chance of that, they just want her to find some balance of happiness and safety. Nightfall: While Runnek was in hiding, Vi lived out their worst nightmare, stuck in prison, being abused by guards, unable to help her family outside. Now that she's back out, Runnek wants to stick by her side, and return the favors from their childhood.

Avaskian Caldwell: 11: Does your OC have any hobbies that they hide from everyone? Why do they hide these interests? After a certain point (post-Cadou, once they're essentially a member of House Dimitrescu and can actually leave whenever they want to), there's a 95% chance that they discreetly order tabletop miniatures from the Duke (some are made for any ttrpg, others are from war gaming franchises, primarily WH40k) and painting supplies. They don't bother to keep the finished figures super hidden, but none of the Gremlins (aka Dimitrescu Daughters) really bother going to Ava's room and actually look around. At best, the gremlins pop in to grab Ava, and swarm out before taking in the decorations. Ava never mentions it to anyone, but literally only because they're not great at painting, and they'd be embarrassed if Cassandra saw. Not that Cassandra would care. Ava just has anxiety, the poor babs :( also Ava used to beatbox, but these days it hurts their throat, so they don't do it anymore 15: What's your OC's morning routine like? For the sake of clarity, I'm interpreting this as "what your OC does when they wake up for the day", since Ava mainly works the night shift at the castle. First thing they do when they get up is pretty much dunk their head in cold water to wake up. Okay, not really, but they wash their face, clean the wound on their throat (which canonically never fully heals), and fluff their hair a bit. After getting dressed, they take a couple minutes to write in their journal, maybe make notes of their dreams. Early in their time at the castle, they'll check in with Cynthia (head maid) about their duties for the day, then grab a quick snackie from the kitchen and get to work. If they're part of the senior staff/honorary member of the family, then they have some time to spare for personal interests, but will likely check in with the gremlins about plans for the day. 16: What's your OC's nighttime routine? Shower first, most nights. If they know the following day won't be super intense, they'll go for a bath instead, and let themselves stay up longer than usual. Their hair tends to dry fairly quickly, but they do fluff it with a towel before going back to their room. During winter, it's not terribly uncommon for one of the gremlins to come to them for nighttime cuddling (Ava is essentially a space heater, and post-Cadou Ava also purrs and it helps folks sleep), which they literally never decline. Once in a blue moon, Ava will stop by Alcina's room for late night tea, or actively seek out Cass for cuddles (because the two of them are the most touch-starved people in the entire village).

Aveline of the Plains: 22: What is your OC's dream job? Is this similar to what they're doing now? Do they believe they could ever achieve this dream? At the point that Skyrim takes place, Aveline is in the very common stage of life where you have no idea what you want to do (in her case, specifically because she wants to do everything). She grew up in a circus, and participated in performances starting when she was only knee high to a grizzly bear. But she kinda wanted to do more, or at least try her hand at other things. I think, in the end, she would decide that adventuring really is the life for her- traveling all over the world, seeing new sights, trading help for coin and new friends. But she'd still always love performing, as well as her time at the College of Winterhold (where she taught illusion magic). Once she got older she might semi-retire, and work as an assistant teacher at the college. 23: Who would this OC consider family? What is their relationship with these people? !! Aveline was raised by a single mother, who later married a woman that Aveline fully accepted as a second mom. While growing up, several other families in the circus had children, and Aveline kind of... assumed that they were her family too. So she, an elven woman, has three brothers who are as follows: A lizard, a cat man, and a big Orc. Everyone treats them as siblings, and lovingly refers to them as "the wild ones". Though they're essentially her brothers, she still refers to their parents as her aunts/uncles (which often confuses people who meet her family, especially because Aveline always forgets to tell people that she's not literally related to these people). Further down the timeline, she starts dating Serana, and while the two of them never actually get married (Serana has some very deeply rooted trauma involving churches and ceremonies) they do consider themselves wives/life partners. Both of Aveline's mothers also express their admiration for Serana when they first meet her (pre-relationship, during very mutual pining), and outright tell her that she's always welcome in the family, even if she doesn't return Aveline's feelings. Technically, Aveline, uh, killed Serana's dad? But her dad was trying to cause a mini-apocalypse of sorts, and Serana made it 100% clear that killing him was the only option. He's also partially responsible for the trauma she experienced, so... Serana's mother is "alive" (also a vampire), tho, and owes her freedom to Aveline, so they get along quite well. 29: What's your least favorite thing about this OC? I can't stop visualizing her in a modern-day AU, wearing a tank top that says "suns out, guns out" and then being mortified when Serana (her vampire gf) sees her. No, seriously, every time I think about doing art of her, it's the first (and sometimes only) thing that comes to mind. Also she has such a wolfish, shit-eating grin (how did that phrase even come to be???) and it's great, but, like, really hard to draw right

(Edward R. Murrow on CBS radio, and an ad for Ex-Lax touting its sponsorship of the radio soap opera The Doctor's Wife)

Day 42- TV and Radio: 

TV: 

Dragnet, season 1, episode 14, “The Big Lamp,” June 20th, 1952. 

Tales of Tomorrow, season 1, episode 39, “Appointment on Mars,” June 27th, 1952. 

Radio: 

The Whistler, “Night Flight,” June 29th, 1952. 

The Doctor’s Wife, “Dr. Sanders Goes to See Mrs. Irwin’s House,” June 30th, 1952. 

Edward R. Murrow, June 30th, 1952. 

On Dragnet, there was a spit-out-your-tea-moment when a jury came back with a not guilty verdict for a guy the show clearly painted as guilty. The judge in the show actually turned to the jury and said, “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, either you’re innately dishonest or you’re complete morons.” I’msorrywhat? Could that actually happen in real life? Dragnet is based on real cases, after all.

The Doctor’s Wife was fun to listen to. It was a radio soap opera, and so few of the original shows still exist on any media anymore. I heard a couple of soaps in Project 1939, and I think this is the only one I could find from 1952. Soaps then were only 15 minutes long, and they literally just tended to be two people having a conversation. This show was described as “a gay heartwarming story of a woman who is married to a doctor and likes it.” In this episode she talks to her housekeeper (played by Margaret Hamilton, the witch in The Wizard of Oz!), reads a letter from her brother-in-law, and talks briefly to her husband about a work situation. Sadly, there are no other episodes I can find. 

The Edward R. Murrow news program was also very interesting. There were stories about the upcoming political conventions, particularly the rifts in the Republican party, and questions about Adlai Stevenson even running for the Democrats. Truman had just signed an extension on some wage and price controls- he wanted to extend them for 2 years, but Congress forced them to last only 10 months. In world news, heavy rain was halting ground warfare in Korea, East Germany now had completed a canal giving them a workaround in Berlin, there were questions about the East or the West controlling Austria, and there was a lot of unrest in Egypt's government. I wish I could find more of these old broadcasts! 

...And now a word from today’s best sponsor: Ex-Lax! The Chocolated laxative! Do you experience something called “psychological shock” when you take a revolting tasting laxative? Yes, foul tasting medicines can do that. And once you do swallow it, do you experience physical shock because the medicine is too upsetting to your struggling tummy? Well, you need to try Chocolated Ex-Lax today! It's the only laxative on the market that tastes delicious, yet won’t leave you socially disgraced because you got explosive diarrhea at a PTA meeting or a Montgomery Ward’s! 

MARGARITA: The Birth of Venus

Los Angeles, early 2000s, before 2005.

Tags: toxic dynamics, significant age gap relationship

“You are going to shine, my beloved.”

Oliver would always say with that dangerous glint in his eyes. I always believe I know what I am doing. After all, throughout every point in my life, I met men like him.

When I was in grade school, back then in a small city I know no one truly bothered to learn the name about, little me knows we need to get out of there to be able to grasp a semblance of the glimmering spotlight.

de Armas caught a sniff of fresh meat and they were eager to capture me in their grip. Before I know it, I am no longer just the newcomer, but the rising star threatening the other actresses.

While beauty might raise my chance, I am aware the fresh, shining surname I now hold opens the doors of opportunity I never even dream and hear about. The rare ability to nitpick my projects and assure I star in movies to put my name on the map.

A fresh face who landed the big Cooper movie and go on to become the next generation of a previously established franchise. They have been clamoring to get me to star in a superhero film. I don’t know if I have it in me to be known as the girl who is seen in that action-packed adventure.

Oliver believed in me. At the very least, my star factor. The kind of charisma only theater kids or models who actually yearned to act have. He would go above and beyond to secure me roles, bypassing the having to audition part.

“What’s the catch?” I would ask him, bracing myself for the favor. I know it would sooner be something to pleasure and benefit the testosterone than anything else.

“We can talk about that later. What matters now, is that you will be the actress you want to be, and when I need you, and I will, you must say yes with no questions asked, just like I do now.”

Gritting my teeth, I wonder why my body responds to his drawl and almost lazy way of talking about this, as though he offers favors and stand in dark corners for a living.

Berline informed me as the car slowed down, not that we are able to go any faster due to the swarming fans and another town car slowly trying to get out of the front doors, “We are here, Margarita.”

“I can see that, Berline,” I keep my tone as even as possible, not wanting her to take note of my 𝒃𝒊𝒕𝒄𝒉𝒚 attitude or brashy undertones of my words. The driver didn’t say anything.

When she exits first, I take a quick moment to inhale and exhale, a deep sigh to calm my jittery nerves down. 𝑺𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒄𝒖𝒔 𝒐𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆. Focusing on not 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 up is my best bet on making it through the red carpet.

There is a room where the stars get to take a little break, pick up a bottle of the most pure water, so they claim, or simply get drunk. I was ordering myself a classic mojito, when a thrillingly familiar voice calls, “You look ravishing, my beloved.”

A pair of arms yank me against the front of ridiculously expensive suit, a flow of silk against my backless chiffon dress. I smile, keeping my eyes down. 𝑫𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒃𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒚 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕.

“Cat got your tongue, my little bird?” He chuckles at his own words, almost sardonically. The cold of his ring press against the cut on my dress, and I shudder at the zing of electricity up my spine.

Berline had to lock her hand around my arm as she takes me to the front, where everyone is taking pictures. The rest of the cast is there, standing and waving at the crowd.

“Your place is there,” her fox-like eyes narrow as she points towards the middle of the stage. I give a nod, indicating I am listening. “Put on your best show, Margarita.”

One of the cast is missing, the man who I had some small scenes with. He was supposed to be my character’s former flame, so we only met in set for about two days.

I was told “he had other projects.” even though a small voice in my head whispers about the power Oliver wields. If he is capable of catapulting me into this world of ruthless glamour, surely he has it in him to sink one deeper than the Titanic.

Anthony’s Stupid Daily Blog (315): Wed 25th Jan 2023

If I was The Elephant Man I think I’d go to a restaurant I didn’t like and come out the front door clutching my throat yelling “I TOLD YOU I WAS ALLERGIC TO NUTS!”

Watched three zombie movies I’ve never seen before today. The first was the Cuban comedy zombie flick Juan of the Dead. Despite the name suggesting this would just be a cheap homegrown knockoff of Shaun of the Dead it’s quite different and puts a new, interesting comedic spin on the zombie format. It plays off the idea that behind every crisis there is someone willing to provide the solution for a price. In this case Juan, a 40 year old unemployed slacker, decides to set up a business where for a small fee he and his gang of misfits will come to civilians house and exterminate their recently reanimated dead friends and family members. I was surprised but how clever and funny this movie was. Next up was Rammbock: Berlin Undead. I’m this movie a man travels to Germany to return the house keys of his ex girlfriend Gabi who recently broke up with him citing an unsustainable long distance relationship as the reason. Michael is determined to win his girlfriend back but just as he enters her apartment complex a strange outbreak occurs that turns infected into rage driven cannibals. He managed to hold up inside the apartment and in the radio hears that the virus only takes effect when mixed with adrenaline and so if infected people stay calm then the virus can be eliminated with sedatives. If I got bit then I’d end up as a zombie for sure. There’s no way I could stay free of anger long enough for the virus to subside. I’d take a look at my phone and see that the battery was already down to 20% even though it had been on charge all night and this would be enough to fly into a fit of rage. Mid-movie Michael discovers that his girlfriend actually broke up with him because she was having an affair. The majority of the film fairly standard zombie fodder until the very end. A recently bitten Michael discovers that he has a sedative left and if he takes it there’s a chance that he might not turn into a zombie. However just as he’s about to take it he sees a recently transformed Gabi exit the apartment. She begins to charge at him but pauses when he drops the sedative to the floor. Rather than attack Michael she embraces him and we see that he too has become a zombie. The implication is that Michael deliberately allowed himself to turn into a zombie because he knew that this would be the only way that he and Gabi could ever be together again. It also says a lot about the male libido and the blindness lovestruck men can experience when trying to win the heart of someone who clearly isn’t right for them. For an obscure zombie movie it did cover some ground I haven’t seen before in kind of movie and this ending did stay with me for the rest of the day so I think it’s definitely doing something right. Finally I watched The Battery, a low budget and quite low key film about two former baseball players travelling around the country that has become ravaged by zombies. There’s hardly a plot other than one of the survivors thinks it’s a better idea to stay out in one place and the other thinks it’s better to keep on the move. Towards the end there is something of a plot where the two friends meet a girl who has been held up in a safe space but she shoots one of them and refuses to let them follow her. The two friends take refuge in their car which is then surrounded by zombies. The friends are trapped inside for days and we see them do everything to kill time from cards, to getting high, to listening to music to discussing whether the things outside are actually “zombies” or not. The two spend pretty much the entire third act inside this car talking shit and not very interesting shit either. I get that the positive if this sequence is that it helps he audience understand the fluctuating emotions one would have if trapped in their position but at the same time this will only ever work once because people won’t want to sit through the entire sequence again. Personally I think that it would be much better if they did this movie as an hour long play at the Edinburgh Fringe and set the whole thing in the car.

THREE VIBRAHARPISTS AT SMALL’S

BEN WOLFE with JOEL ROSS, Chris Lewis, and Aaron Kimmel, 30 SEPTEMBER 2022 Live!

KIYOSHI KITAGAWA with SASHA BERLINER, Dayna Stephens, and Jimmy McBride, 22 SEPTEMBER 2022

STEVE NELSON with Rich Germanson, Kiyoshi Kitagawa, and Charles Goold, 26 JULY 2022

Actually, it was the KIYOSHI KITAGAWA gig with Sasha Berliner that prompted this little tangent, though I had to wait for it to be archived to see it. But as with Ben Wolfe’s set with Joel Ross, I got to test my notion that, like the guitar as the chordal instrument, the vibraphone opens up harmonic space for the horn. The hypothesis testing was a mixed bag but I did hear some fine music.

Both Chris Lewis and Dayna Stephens are comfortable middle register players, more Prez than Hawk to use that crude tenor test. I think they take the space they need to be uncluttered. I saw the first set of the Ben Wolfe gig and it started late in large part because Joel Ross needed to get things right. The result was that it took have the set for him and Lewis to mesh since early on, they mostly soloed serially. After Tadd Dameron’s Good Bait to open, the tunes were Wolfe’s. In time they did comment on one another’s work and soloed sympathetically. But it was a bit sterile and I can only hope that the second set was more comfortable. I saw Lewis with Sean Mason and was impressed with his older than his years-ness.

KIYOSHI KITAGAWA opened with Night and Day and ended with How High The Moon. I didn’t place anything else but the tunes, arising out of extended bass segues by the leader, were warmer and extended. Stephens is also a melodist, but I think Sasha Berliner made a difference and was the glue as she listened throughout and helped her bandmates. She played four mallets and really took the absence of the piano as her responsibility to take up. Not fill, but take up. Ross played some 3 mallets but was more of a soloist and it was STEVE NELSON’s gig, so he soloed too. Berliner got her share of the music to be sure but she supported Stephens’ contributions. Of course, she also had her leader’s melodic pulse.

Now I learned much from STEVE NELSON in that vibes as sole chordal instrument from his work with Dave Holland in his remarkable quintet, but here he had Rich Germanson’s light, spare piano as a basis for his own improvisations. It was Germanson who provided the harmonic openness and Nelson was the “horn” with thrilling pointed runs. Kitagawa was on this gig too—and he is an asset. This very quartet plays about monthly gigs at Small’s and, though there is a late September gig not yet archived, going to this one from July served this exploration.

I continue to want to explore vibes instead of piano and Small’s is more likely to have quartets with just one horn. But what Bobby Hutcherson did on Out To Lunch or with Jackie McLean and Grachan Moncur or Nelson himself in Holland’s band was to launch two horns. This was a useful exercise though.

MAN WALKS ON THE MOON

MAN WALKS ON THE MOON - https://keywestlou.com/man-walks-on-the-moon/Originally posted July 2017   Many times I have mentioned that the two happenings which excited/impressed/moved me the most were man walking on the moon and the Berlin Wall coming down. Today, the anniversary of the first man on the moon.  The year 1969. Neil Armstrong: “…..one mall step for man, one giant step for mankind.” It happens too many times as I get older. Go for a routine physical feeling fine. Walk out concerned. Every 3-4 years my blood pressure goes out of whack. It is out of whack again. Big time. One of the highest numbers I have recorded. My ankles a bit swollen, also. Most people might not be greatly concerned. At 82, I am. Everything concerns me. Tests next week. Water pills for a few days immediately. My blood work normal. Doctor thinks my murmur is louder. Sad about John McCain. A brain cancer tumor. One of America’s greats. May God help resolve the problem rather than take him. Trump at it again. His consistency is his inconsistency. Never know what he is going to do. When he does perform, it is generally incorrect. Three items of concern this week so far. Note it is only thursday. First, pulling the CIA out of Syria. A major Putin victory. Makes us look less than dependable to the free world. Plus, Trump got nothing from Putin in return. Second, the Presidential Advisory Commission on Election Integrity which Trump appointed. Met for the first time yesterday in Washington. I listened to the Chair and Vice-Chair speak. Two nuts. Both already believe there were major problems in 2016. Finally, Trump’s words last night re Sessions, the Justice Department and Mueller. Trump fears the police arm of our government. He should if he has something to fear. Which I believe he does. He wants to get rid of Sessions and the Acting Attorney General. Also Mueller, if Mueller gets into his and his family’s finances. On top of which he wants the FBI to answer directly to the President. Anna, my Anna. She is presently in Athens. Always in a place where excitement is going to occur. She e-mailed me yesterday. The media carried the story, also. Ermou Street in Athens is one of its finest shopping areas. Like our Fifth Avenue. I walked down it twice every day. To Playka and back. I wrote about Ermou several years ago. The streets full of beggars. Like I had never seen before. Makes our homeless look good. So you can understand. Every day there was a man with no arms and legs. Face badly scarred. Hair burned never to grow again. Blind. Propped up on a curb. His hands out searching for contributions. Anarchists ran Ermou Street monday. Breaking windows, destroying the inside of shops. Throwing chemicals about. Sixty stores involved. They were protesting on behalf of a 29 year old woman whose appeal of her terrorist conviction had failed. The police did not interfere. When asked why, they said they did not have instructions to do so. I can understand. As I wrote many times several years ago, the Greek Nazi Party is influential with the police. Half the members of the Nazi Party are police officers. The Golden Dawn (the actual name of the Greek Nazi Party) are a law unto themselves. I wrote I had a sense of fear every time I saw them. Young Aryans. Blond. Great bodies. Wear black shirts, ties and pants. Swastika look a likes as armbands. The Hitler salute. The Jew of Hitler’s days is the immigrant of today. They blame immigrants for everything. I saw what I assumed was an immigrant being violently beaten by them one day. Just off Ermou street. Two police officers were nearby. They turned and walked away. Hemingway Days today. At 6:30, the preliminary round of the Hemingway Look-Alike contest. Sloppy Joe’s Big day in Key West history. On this day in 1985, Mel Fisher discovered the mother lode of the Spanish galleon Atocha. After 15 years of searching and struggling. $400 million in gold, jewels, and other artifacts. Enjoy your day!