Just checked on BabyTea and it reminded me - a couple of months I met this guy at his restaurant. It was pouring down the rain and BabyTea was asleep in the car, we got to chatting. He had a four month old daughter, and had spent every night awake with her on his chest because she would pause breathing and he’d give her a little tap on her back to start her again.

Which, all babies pause breathing for alarmingly long periods of time. They /don’t have breathing muscle memory and it is terrible/. I remember lying awake next to BabyTea listening, waiting for him to start breathing again. Your whole body hanging on that little pause. Which I suppose is parenting all over - your kid is learning something new and dangerous and you have to let them, and stop yourself from jumping in.

They WOULD start with breathing though. Talk about a trial by non-interference fire.

I created this while working on a specific ask (which is coming by the way if the person who knows what i'm talking about is reading this) but then I decided it's all pointless, empty and just not worth it and i need to restart the whole thing, but then i decided that if someone may enjoy it it's not my place to deny them that. So here's something, I suppose

Splinter on your relationship with Raph headcanons: beginnings

• The first and most obvious mistake on Raph's part? Thinking Splinter wouldn't realise.

• First time on the love round, people do tend to assume it's entirely possible to just hide everything from those around you. It rarely is

• Especially to parents. And Splinter doesn't call himself turtles' dad for nothing

• It would be a lie to say he wasn't himself unsure first how to handle the situation. There was danger, and two sides of his fatherly duty battled inside him for a long time: two instincts, one immediately focused on shielding his boys from any potential threat, the other wishing his son all the happiness and normality he can find and wanting to support him in that

• Having learned a thing or two himself however those past few years as his sons became more and more independent and yearning as all people their age naturally do, he finally decided IT will be best to make his choice based on what would truly be best for his boy. So he pretended to be innocently unaware of everything, and focused on observing Raphael for the time being

• And what he saw filled him with pride and joy unlike anything he experienced before as a father. Whoever the outside factor that took hold of Raph truly was and how was she like (Splinter was certain there was a "she") , that influence was working miracles. Raphael, the most complicated, unruly, hard to reach and deep down, the most emotional and scared of his boys, day after day, seemed more calm, more joyful, more hopeful and more open, as if something, someone was slowly dragging him out from his shell. A side of him Splinter knew all too well existed, but was so fiercely protected and pushed inside by Raph it almost never came to the surface, and certainly never out of his own will

• Was Splinter surprised in the least that a touch of female care and affection would be all Raphael would need to turn him & his entire attitude around? Not in the slightest. He was only amazed it's began happening already, and Raph gave in to it so soon... Or maybe old rat's mind was playing tricks on him and his beloved turtle boys were much older than he usually thought of them as. Definitely wouldn't be the first time

• Having witnessed how Raphael changed, Splinter made a decision, and it brought him such relief to give in to that instinct inside of him, instead of the ruthlessly defensive one he's known too well. He will stand by his son if he needs it, he will support him and whoever his new found sweetheart was, he will simply be around and step in with advice, open heart or anything else he might be able to provide if situation demands. He chose to trust his hot - headed rebel son and something was telling him his trust, against some odds, will be rewarded

• But he didn't say a word. It was pointless to attack Raphael with questions, pointless to try to get him to confess unless the willingness came from him first. Against his own rapidly growing curiosity, Splinter remained in the shadows and watched with fatherly happiness one of his mutant turtle sons in love for the first time. Something he never thought he'd get to experience

• And as far as he could tell, all the other brothers didn't know anything more than him

• The status quo lingered for so long, Splinter began to have doubts and something inside him - something not of a ninja master, not of a responsible parent, but of a curious dad - blossomed and at some point, he started considering again talking to his son, if only to give him confidence and reassure him as to the fact that if he is scared of revealing something to the girl above ground, he needn't be at all

• Especially considering the fact that Raph's brothers haven't been acting so innocently either lately. All in their own way, but their behavior let Splinter know immediately - they knew. They were very much in on the joke

• But then - finally - tension broke, and Splinter's long - kept patience was rewarded the moment a girl stepped into the lair - or more like, was carried into it - right beside Raphael's side and her astounded, yet kind and curious gaze was cast on the other turtles and their dad. Upon looking into her eyes, last of the old rat's doubts shattered

• Splinter's inner voice pushed him to play a good host and begin the conversation with words of welcome, but he knew he needed to allow Raphael to make the first step so as not to overwhelm either him or the girl by his side

• The girl drew apart from Raph's arm and ran a few steps towards the central part of the lair, her eyes wandering from one side to the other, taking it all in. Raph walked towards her while avoiding Splinter's gaze, still trying to find the words to explain everything, and she finally turned to Splinter - as if she only now noticed him

• But right at the moment three of them were about to speak, Mikey's voice sounded, ridiculously breathless from excitement

• "Sensei! Dad, this is Raph's girlfriend! Her name's [y/n]! She's totally cool she's the best i promise we can keep her here! Raph don't be mad i couldn't hold it in i'm sorryyyyyyy!"

Hi!! Love all your posts, oh my lord you must have wicked intuition !!

Pretty please, can we have the language for March 28th?

Thank you so much, the astro community is blessed to have you <3

Have a spectacular day :D

Language Of Birthdays: March 28 - Aries

[You can find the rest of the series here; or check out my masterlist]

The Day Of Innocence

March 28 people often present an innocent exterior to the world. In life they have to go their own way but may at times be blithely unaware of the direction they are taking. Those born on this day are most often intent on pursuing matters at hand, generally job-related, and display great concentration when doing their work. In fact, bombs could be exploding around them and they would remain focused on their objective. Strangely enough, though awareness of the feelings of others is not always of the highest importance to them, they are nonetheless very popular and well-liked for their openness and frankness. Their good sense of humor doesn't hurt, either.In a curious way, those born on this day seem to serenely accept circumstances and events surrounding them, whether good or bad. But often this is due less to an accepting philosophy than to the simple fact that they are not deeply interested.

Although they can play outgoing roles or be destined for extroverted activities, March 28 people like most to be left alone. Their need for privacy is especially evident in their home, which must be well-guarded against the outside world; despite any amount of public acclaim, they are happiest when living in secluded or out-of-the-way places.In many ways those born on this day are not cut out to be first in their profession. Rather, those who reach the top are often driven to do so because of their discomfort with being second. Somehow, in their innocence, they lack the toughness and ruthlessness to barge ahead in life. Often they will settle for a more comfortable position at a lower level as long as they have a degree of autonomy. Many March 28 people display a lack of self-confidence when they must perform at the highest level, subject to intense public scrutiny; in fact, they may be well equipped and prepared for such a position but still not believe it. Consequently, March 28 people are forever doubting their career choices and decisions. "Did I really do the right thing?" is a question which often occurs to them and therefore to others.

Those born on this day usually have a devoted and loyal following among friends, colleagues, family and the public. They spend a good part of their time doing favors for others, including serving as a contact person through whom people meet each other. Because they can become cornerstones of the established order, conflicts can arise between their private beliefs and what they are called upon to do. Protection is important to these private people; rarely will they leave themselves in a vulnerable position—emotionally, financially, artistically or politically.

People who seek deep and emotionally rewarding relationships with those born on this day may find themselves frustrated. March 28 people make good pals, but as soon as they feel restrictive chains or ropes have appeared, they disappear. To the other person, however, who may only be expressing love or affection, the shock of being left so quickly can be devastating. March 28 people are actually quite emotional, but rarely reveal the more intense desires, wishes or fears that lie behind a childlike exterior.

Strengths:

Independent

Sunny

Diligent

Weaknesses:

Unaware

Flighty

Advice

People born on March 28 must watch out for sudden and unexpected accidents usually unrelated to their occupations. Those born on this day are usually sunny and positive but because of their lack of self-awareness and dislike of analysis or psychological probing have little to fall back on in the case of depressions, which can be extremely severe. On the other hand, depressions may force them to fathom their deeper selves, so they should not waste the opportunity! Generally, those born on this day are sensible enough to take care of themselves, thus avoiding most diseases which are due to neglect or indulgence. Food should not serve merely as a fuel for powering the body but as a joy to be appreciated, that way it will be more nourishing. Exercise should be less of a regimen and more a recreation, that way it will be more refreshing.

Plan carefully and allow time for contemplation

Schedule frequent vacations where you turn the- motor off and get to know yourself better

Still the mind. Empty

Don't be afraid to drop the facade

Stop doubting yourself—it is holding you back

Thank you so much for your support, I hope you like the post!! <3

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Two Hundred Eighty-Five: Scissors ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: A Light Amongst Shadows ] [ AO3 Link ]

For most of her life, Hinata had no sway over her appearance. Hiashi kept her attire neat, always sporting their clan crest as not to let her forget who her actions represented. And even her hair was never allowed to grow, restricted to a traditional hime cut through all of her schooling, and even upon becoming a genin.

For the most part, Hinata didn’t really mind. Her clothes suited her well enough, especially with how baggy they were. Her lack of confidence coupled with her early blooming meant she was more than fine with being hidden under fabric. And in all honesty, her short hair was useful, keeping it out of her face when training or doing missions.

But after graduating from the Academy...things began to change for Hinata. Her teammates, a far cry from her own timid nature, helped bring out a subtle shift in her mindset. Watching her inspiration, Uzumaki Naruto, continue to defy odds made her believe that maybe there was still hope for her. 

The greatest change, however...came from her first attempt at the chūnin exams.

With mounting tensions behind the scenes, it was already slated to be an interesting year. Konoha’s junchūriki, as well as Suna’s, were going to be participating. Otogakure, a new village, was submitting entrants. And both Hinata and her cousin Neji would be thrown in together for the exams. At first, she’d simply hoped that they would skate past one another, never truly interacting.

But due to the high rate of completion in the Forest of Death, the proctors declared a preliminary round before arranging for the final task. And that was when random chance intersected with fate.

Hinata was to face Neji.

On one side, a girl attempting to change and defy the expectations and opinions of her clan. On the other, a boy born into servitude and mistreatment by that same clan, his genius overshadowed by his birthright. Hinata had long questioned the seal, knowing it was the reason behind her cousin’s anger and hate...and she knew it was justified.

If she were to be the outlet for that hate...then so be it.

But nor would she just give up…!

No matter her pain or stumbling, she refused to stay down, even as those around her cried for the match to end. It wasn’t until her heart was struck and Neji restrained that she was removed from the arena, rushed to the hospital and barely saved from an early death.

And still she wondered...had she changed? Even a sliver?

Would everyone be...proud of her?

Neji’s match against Naruto was quite the upset, Hinata torn between her cousin defying his fate, and her idol continuing on. In the end...Naruto was victorious, and Neji left to think. And his considerations were only deepened when Hiashi finally told him the truth of his father’s death.

From there...Neji too began to change. And Hinata was eager to see it, forgiving him his aggression and wanting only to rebuild what should have been a friendship from the start. Together, they began to train and strive to improve, gauging their progress against one another.

Hinata, finally, was flourishing. No longer did she have Naruto to worry about, the Uzumaki set to leave Konoha for three years. In those same years, she was determined to become someone worthy to walk beside a student of a sannin...and everyone else in their year. No longer would she be the timid, hesitating little genin. Hyūga Hinata was going to blossom at last.

And with her confidence...her hair began to grow. With Hiashi’s acceptance of her and Neji’s growth and independence, she was left to craft her own image. Foggy memories of her mother always included long, dark hair. So Hinata decided to emulate.

The next four years were filled with constant effort. Even upon Naruto’s return, she refused to waver. Though still soft compared to others she knew - Sakura’s take-no-shit attitude, Ino’s unshakable confidence, Tenten’s self-assured will to reach her goals - Hinata nonetheless kept training.

So when she stood before her village’s greatest enemy in the pits of its ruination, she did not tremble or flee. She stood her ground...even if, in the end, she knew it would be useless.

No more running away. No more second guessing. No more doubt. Even if she would face death...she’d do so with her head held high.

But Pein did not kill her, despite his best intentions. Hinata scraped through, her second near-death experience only serving to harden her resolve. Come wartime, she was ready, giving her all for her village, her country, her world. All of her hard work, all of her effort...it couldn’t be for nothing.

...and then the mokuton speared through her most beloved cousin’s chest.

Neji...unshakable pillar of strength and inspiration. Her cousin, her mentor, her friend...choosing his ultimate destiny. For her sake.

It shattered her, it boiled her...but only for an instant, heart pushed back to let her mind do what had to be done in the aftermath.

In the end...they were victorious. The cost was high, but that of losing would have been the ultimate price. Priorities, perspective...everything was changed.

A long-standing friendship would see her cousin brought back to her, and Hinata vowed then and there that she would never again let a brother die for a brother unless it was his own will. The Hyūga seal would die with him...but this time, stay dead.

Looking in the mirror of her rebuilt room, still novel after the leveling of Konoha, Hinata tries to recognize her reflection. The past several months after the war have been...difficult. Rewarding, but a test of her resolve and spirit. Hanabi has been working with her, alongside Neji, to end the Hyūga seal. Their Uchiha allies stand with them. But there’s still something missing...and she can’t quite place it.

She looks into the mirror...and in some ways, she doesn’t recognize who she sees. Hinata of the past is only caught in glimpses, pieces of the face that stares back. Her face isn’t as round as it once was, stripped of the stubborn baby fat that always made her look so childish. Still heart shaped, it’s more mature than it used to be. Her eyes are the most distinct difference. Hardened with all they’ve seen, shadowed with a lingering exhaustion she can’t seem to shake. So many time she closes her eyes and sees the war...sees Pein...sees the Tsukuyomi dream that now feels more like a nightmare.

...she really has changed. But has it been in all the way she’s wanted?

Studying her own face, she grips a pair of scissors in her hand. The tradition of long hair in the Hyūga is a prominent one. Her father, her cousin...Hanabi is the only exception, but she’s still young despite her heiress position. Soon, Hiashi will let her grow it out as a symbol of recognition.

Hinata, however...knows of another rite of passage. That of severing the past, giving oneself a clean slate. For four years now, she’s let her locks grow unfettered. These strands know of her failures, her victories, her joys and her sorrows. If she cuts them off - if she severs them now - will she get the rebirth she wants?

...for now, she sets the blades aside.

A bit more time to think.

“...you want to what?”

“It just feels like...maybe I should.” Hinata brings her hair around her shoulder, stroking at it slowly as Sasuke watches. He’s become a close companion during his stay in Konoha after his brother’s return. There’s only a handful of people she would consider breaching this topic with, and he was the first to come to mind that would give an honest answer. “...while I’ve grown a lot from all I’ve faced these past few years...it also feels like it’s all weighing on me. Part of me...wants to be rid of that weight.”

Sasuke knows the tradition well - Sakura did it during the chūnin exams, and another dear friend did the same for a fresh start so many years ago. “...I suppose that decision lies most with you.”

“...you really don’t have any o-opinion?”

“If you want to cut it, cut it. If you have any doubts, don’t. While it will, in time, grow back...it’s a lesson in consequences. This decision will have lasting ones. But…”

She glances up as he fades to silence, and then stiffens as he takes a section of strands. For a moment, Sasuke’s gaze is miles away...and she has to wonder what he’s seeing.

“...the rumors were true back then. I’ve always been fond of long hair. But no one ever really knew why.”

“...what was the reason?”

“...on most people, it’s never really mattered to me. Sakura’s didn’t, Ino’s didn’t...because it wasn’t quite right. But in your case...it fits rather well.” Slowly, he lets the hair slip from his grip. “...I like long hair because it reminds me of my mother. It’s not quite the same shade, but...yours reminds me of hers the most.”

In spite of herself, Hinata feels her heart quicken in her chest. She...she reminds Sasuke of his mother…?

“...but it’s still your choice. I can see the reasoning from both sides. Don’t make a call on my account, or anyone else’s. Like I said, your choice will have consequences, but...yours, at least, won’t be forever. It can grow back again. Not everything - or everyone - has that luxury.”

Hearing the weight in his words, Hinata swallows dryly. “I...I understand.”

“...good. Did you need anything else?”

“No, um...that was - that was all I wanted to ask you. Thank you...for being honest with me.”

“It’s one of my few virtues,” he replies, giving a hint of a smile. “Hope you find some peace, whatever you decide, Hyūga.”

Nodding, she watches him go, her heart finally calming as she finds herself alone. Pale eyes flicker back and forth as she thinks.

...maybe...the scissors can wait.

                                                            .oOo.

     I am...v tired, so I dunno if I'll have much to say this time around xD      Hinata's hair, as small of a detail as it might seem, is interesting to me. Kishi obviously kept it short to signify her lack of care about Sasuke's supposed preference, but...well, it obviously is a little different in a universe where they get together. The verse I write really only changes post 699, so maybe her motivations ARE still the same when she's little. But I also like the idea of the Hyūga influence, too. Neji is a bit of an outlier there, but that COULD be explained by his genius, even if he's not Main House.      ...I dunno, I'm too tired to elaborate as thoughtfully on this as I want to, but hopefully you get my meaning xD      With that tho, I'm gonna wrap up. Thanks for reading!

Hey sunshine I am single for a longer time now, can u see something about my love life? And when will things start moving? A☯️ much love.

I see that your future significant other is blonde. He may also have blue eyes. I don’t feel like you two know each other yet but you will in the next 2 years, I feel. He seems to be gentle but also has a lot of inner strength. He has a positive outlook on life and he is very connected to his inner wisdom. He knows the importance of emotions and he is in tune with his heart desires. He also knows the importance of private space and personal boundaries. He can be sensitive to his surroundings at times. He seems to be needing to balance his emotional side. The Universe is also telling me that it is time for you to nurture yourself and others more carefully. What are the sources of nourishment and nurturance in your everyday life? Do you give or receive enough nurturing? The Universe is indicating that you should cherish and cultivate gentleness and loving care. You have an unstoppable determination so provide support for those who need courage and steadiness in their endeavors. Be calm and steady. Move through life calmly, without a worry. Maintain a steady pace and direction. Peace and harmony will soon reach you. Get through tricky situations peacefully. Don’t start unneeded conflicts. Remember that your feelings matter, don’t dismiss them. The Universe wants you to know that whatever you are doing, you are doing the right thing, so keep on going. There is value in the relationship you want to achieve. What you are doing right now is leading to prosperity, affluence, love and success. Keep in mind that it’s the journey to love that matters, not the destination. Your dedication and focus to your goals are admirable. However, you must balance it with self-love, family and other commitments. You seem to be the type of person who can carry heavy burdens with stability, focus and sheer willfulness. Now back to your love life, I see that you will have to put up a fight to achieve what you want. The Universe is asking you to stop being so negative. It is time to find the light in order to move on from something that has been giving you negativity. It may take a lot of energy from you. Although I do see wish fulfillments. You need to break free of the resistance that you are creating for yourself. Maybe you think you are not ready for a relationship just yet when in reality you are, you just need a little confidence and belief in yourself. There is a need of change in emotions. Ask yourself: are you being too negative on the concept of love? Are you hiding in the shadows waiting for someone to get to you? Don’t wait on life. Enjoy every moment given to you. Take time to spend more time with friends and loved ones. You should take every day as a gift, not worrying what will happen tomorrow. I am also getting the message that you should take control in creating your destiny. And you need to express yourself, the real you, to the world. Maybe you are too afraid to stand out from the rest of the world that your talents and gifts and wonderful personality may not be noticed by others. You need to stop being afraid of what others may think about you. You must adore and appreciate yourself for the beauty that you have. I am also getting that in order to get into a relationship you will need to get in tune with your birth innocence. Get in tune with the part of yourself that tends to conform to family values. You may need to also stop yourself from going too fast in your relationship. The cards are asking you to take slow steps in your future relationship, when you will get into one. Don’t rush things. You need to be able to make decisions for the relationship and guide yourself around in life that is focused on being disciplined or correcting problems that may come in your romantic relationship. You may be feeling restrained in the relationship. You have the key to unlock the doors of being clasped. There will be tough decisions to make in your relationship that may require logical thinking. Keep in mind that the sun will always shine, even after dark nights. This relationship may force you to change, whether to better or worse. It is your decision whether you allow this change or not. The Universe wants you to not be afraid of the change that may come your way in this relationship. You will get out of this relationship reborn. You will need to speak out your truth in this relationship because a clear communication will be needed for it to work out. You must listen carefully, and trust your intuition. The cards can also be letting you know that you have the power and magic to create anything you want out of your life right now.Also, you should trust that you have all the tools and skills necessary to accomplish what you desire in life. But there is a need of patience, independency and courage. This journey won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. You got to keep your cool and take things easily. After all, you cannot control all things in life and they are not always your fault. I do see this relationship bringing you a lot of joy. You significant other will totally adore you. There will be true faith and loyalty. You two will create a perfect unity with your hard work on the relationship. Your relationship will be long-lasting, I feel. There will be an undeniable spark between the two of you and even the people around you will notice it, you will be turning heads wherever you go. Like a sun to a flower they will all be drawn to you. The Universe also wants you to know that slow progress brings sweet rewards. So take things slow with this person and you will be fine. The advice from the Universe is to keep your head up high, your crown on your head and always trust that the things will work in your favor. Also keep your determination and strong will and have grace in your actions.

Love and light 🕊✨🖤  

My name's Elle, I asked for a shell reading and it was on the list but it hasn't been done? Just wanting to see if it didn't send...? Thank you!

Hi, dear. I accidentally deleted your ask, but now that you have asked me again I can gather it here. I hope that your reading helps you in whatever you need! Yes, you were on the list and it took forever to make your reading. University has had me busy this time. Now I have a few days off and I will start with the missing readings.

1. Who I think I am? The Temperance.

You receive from life what it offers you, as it comes, without demanding that the facts fit into a pre-established mold as this would be unreal and absolutely subjective. Thus, moment by moment, you feel life vibrate and you experience contact with the particular reality that you have to live, without discriminating the experiences as “the good” and “the bad.” All these experiences allow you to learn and grow. There lies the inner joy, source of eternal youth. Remember: you receive what you give. The person represented by The Temperance is characterized by patience and waiting capacity. You flow with the circumstances. Your action is correct. You see opposites not as opponents, but as complementary: one requires the other, nourishes the other and fulfills its part of the “plan” thanks to the existence of the other. This leads to balance and compensation. Integrating the opposites allows harmonic realization.

2. Who I really am? Two of Cups, King of Wands.

You are a person with authority, determined and confident. In some moments you may not see this courage within yourself, but really all this exists within you. You are able to lead a group and you can make the necessary decisions with the courage and confidence that everyone expects from you. You are an expansive person, never stop, and a guarantee for the people who have you in your life. You are like an amulet to many of them. Your presence, although you may not believe it, is positive and always brings positive results. You are someone who wants to continue learning, living and loving. One of your main goals, or so I interpret it, is to be happy. My girls see you as a person committed to those around you, friend of your friends. You may be a person who gives great importance to emotional ties, good friendships, love and mutual respect.

3. How others see me? The Tower, Queen of Wands, Nine of Pentacles.

Those around you see you as a person who may have gone through a past or recent disappointment. Others see you as a person who has gone through many ups and downs or profound changes during your life. However, others believe that all these deceptions have helped you recover the desire to live and become a cheerful person. Those around you feel admiration for you. They see you as a very independent person. You don’t need the help of others to get everything you want. In addition, you are a woman with a lot of security in the eyes of others. Someone who decides what he wants and achieves it with effort and courage.

4. What I contribute to others? The Fool (reversed), Knight of Cups, Ten of Cups, Four of Swords.

Through your advice or talks, you help others understand that recklessness isn’t good. It is as if you make them see things from a more logical perspective, trying not to launch without thinking. You convey seriousness to others and present a safer path. You are someone who helps others see the love around them. You know how to give them harmony and make the bad moments of others disappear from love and harmony. However, the cards ask you to work certain fears that you may be going through and that are dragging you into an emotional stalemate. Beware of these sensations, as they could affect those around you.

5. What should I accept about myself? Eight of Wands, Six of Wands. 

It’s strange what my girls say in this question. I hope the message they want to convey resonates to you, Elle. My girls tell you to accept the wonderful news that comes into your life. The good news or happy surprises may surprise you too much and it seems that they aren’t real. We all deserve good news! And you are no exception. Good things you must accept and don’t come with second intentions. Not even good things are accompanied by bad things. Finally, accept the achievements and victories that appear in your life during the present and the future. You are able to get what you want and nobody can get in your way if you decide to trust your skills and fight for what you want.

6. What do I need to forgive myself? Ten of Wands.

You take things that happen to you so seriously and you take responsibility for absolutely everything, overloading yourself with work to the detriment of your physical and mental well-being. Analyze if the burden you carry is correct and begin to assess what you already have in your life. All achievements, even if they are small, should bring you the well-being you need. You must enjoy the achievements, not only accumulate victories for wanting to be the best of all. If you consider that you have many burdens and few rewards, why don’t you analyze if it makes you happy so much responsibility? See what areas of your life may be hampering your happiness. Also what circumstances or situations affect you and what people are holding you back from getting all your dreams. Learn when it is enough and you must stop. Stop everything and take a breath. Take care of yourself and love yourself as you have never done. Emotional burdens may be overwhelming you, things that have accumulated and make your life difficult. Letting go is the learning you need to practice now.

7. What should I learn from the past? The Justice, The Lovers.

Your past relationships and those that follow in your present are very important. Think about them and what have you learned from them during their duration. In them you can find an important lesson to learn.

What we call “error” or “failure” is nothing more than a lesson we should learn. Recognize today what you were wrong about, where you diverted the course on your way to happiness and correct it. Consider that there are no failures, but new opportunities to start. Now, plant good seeds for tomorrow, ensure a positive effect for your future. You receive as much as you give, you reap the fruit you sow. Work according to the dictates of your conscience, always starting from the principle of doing to others what you would like them to do to you.

For now, don’t force yourself to decide under a climate of confusion, because you cannot force situations without risking error. Without avoiding the responsibility in it, be open, look for the answer inside, listen to your inner guide. Give yourself time to choose. If you feel the need to define actions, trust the supreme wisdom that lives in you to clear your mind and get the certainty you need now.

8. Positive points about myself? Seven of Wands.

You are someone capable of fighting for everything you think is convenient. You can get rid of all the obstacles in your path if you put attention and effort. The duality you have is good until it becomes an obstacle to have a firm decision about things. It’s good to hear both parts of the discussions or situations, but you should have your opinion no matter what the others say. Success is in your hands and you must learn to use it in your favor. You are brave and you can dare to do everything you want, but you must take the first step if you want to achieve your dreams. Get rid of your fears and turn them into your positive points. You have all the skills enough to turn your fears into positive points that will help you have a promising future. Embrace your fears and turn them into skills!

9. What should I improve on myself? The Judgement, Three of Wands (reversed).

It’s essential that you open your eyes more. My girls ask you to be more attentive around you, but not to the material world but to the spiritual one. The Universe is presenting opportunities that you aren’t able to see and, especially, your future is full of opportunities that if you don’t start working your intuition you will not be able to see. Some opportunities seem to be very important to you, so it would be a good idea to start working on intuition or your third eye. In addition, believing more in your future is also a point in favor. I don’t know if you’re going through a bad mood, but my girls warn me of negativity in your future. Don’t see your future with bad eyes, since you could frustrate many opportunities by not believing in you.

You have a new opportunity in the midst of radical changes. Don’t fear if you feel your life is moving and everything seems upset. Sometimes we need radical changes, close to forms of death, that remind us that when something dies, something is also born. Only in this way can we renew ourselves and start a new cycle, feeling clean, regenerated and full of vitality.

10. How to become the person I want to be? Six of Swords, Queen of Cups.

Learn to fight for what you want. Don’t let external opinions tell you whether or not you should fight for what makes you happy, but you are the one who has the last decision. Don’t lose hope so fast and have faith in everything you do. When you learn to trust yourself more and not let the mistakes of the past describe to you what the future will be like, then you will have become who you have always wanted to be. Finally, you should try to be more sensitive to yourself and others. Don’t be so hard on yourself and try to be more tolerant. Excessive sensitivity is not good, but in your home you should add some more sensitivity to your life.

11. Advice: Soaring: Clarity, freedom, solution. 

The angels suggest you to look at everything from another perspective. You can disconnect emotionally from your current situation; no matter what the problem is at all times, stop thinking about it. You are too close to see things clearly, as if you were observing the detail of a painting. There is a very simple solution and you will see it clearly when you detach. Stop focusing on the situation for a while. Leave it inside you. Close your eyes. Just relax. Meditate. Detach. Walk in the park. Dance. Have fun. Do whatever it takes to separate yourself from problems for a while, and the solution will be clearly revealed when the time is right for it.

I give this difficult situation to the universal power of love. I trust that everything is fine in my life. I see my life from an elevated perspective. Divinity guides me. Everything is clear in my life. I am safe.

Good luck, Elle!

Please consider leaving feedback to know whether or not my reading has resonated with you.

My siblings

I envy my siblings.

Our eldest sister, Grace, was a rebel in her youth. She was intelligent with a quick mind but rebelled against what our parents wanted for her. They wanted her to reach her fullest potential, well, the potential wanted from her. She fell in love early and fought for their love ever since she was 16 years old (I’m not entirely sure anymore, it was so long ago) even until now that they‘re married with two beautiful girls.

I envy her bravery for staying on the path that our parents forged for her even though she imagined a different life for her all because our parents needed her. She is a doctor like myself but more confident and more brilliant. She put herself into a situation she didn’t want, thrived in it and made the most out of it. I also envy her intelligence, how quickly she can process information and act on it. Many of her colleagues commend her for that. And if it wasn’t for her complete disdain for any administrative work, she would have climbed higher.

My second sister, Lily, was the only one of us who always wanted to become a doctor. She has wanted it ever since we were children. Being in medical school made her realize that it wasn’t for her. She left our home, got herself a job and that job built her character. Her brief stint of rebellion led her to law school. She came back home to enroll in law school, a beginning towards stability. Again, it wasn’t what she wanted but it was a good compromise with our parents.

I envy her personality. She is quick-witted, incredibly easy to talk to and a joy to be around. She has a beautiful face to go with it which makes the boys/men around her swoon. She knows how to make fun of herself without looking like a complete idiot and she makes everyone around her laugh.

Our youngest, Albert, is a genius. From an early age when our parents saw how intelligent he is, moved heaven and earth to give him every opportunity there is and they could afford to bring out his fullest potential. They were rewarded when he graduated from the most prestigious high school in the country. However, he could never reach his full potential because like all of us, he was put into a situation he did not want and went to medical school. He failed for the first time in his life, in medical school, and dropped the course entirely, for now. It wasn’t easy for our parents. They thought that he would be the exception. They hadn’t thought about the pain of failure he felt.

I envy his confidence and courage to start over. He rebelled, left home and forged a new life for himself independent of our parents. He is making his own money and is quite successful in his own field. He never liked medical school. He didn’t like how long it took to become financially stable. He didn’t like how much effort, time and money had to be put in to becoming a doctor. None us did.

And then there’s me. I’ve watched the movie About Time and there’s a scene where the main character is walking on the beach with his sister. The sister mentions that she is the ”faller” in the family, the one who stumbles and falls in life. I’m that sister. I’m the faller. I’ve failed too many times in medical school. Sometimes I don’t know why I still pursued it but other times I know and that is because it was all I knew. All four of us were told that we would become doctors when we were children. At a young age we already knew what course we’d take in college. We weren’t allowed to explore anything new and different when we were young, except for our brother. I regret not rebelling and not fighting for anything in my life like Grace for love, like Lily for a new and different kind of life and like Albert for independence. I wish I reached for what I wanted early on in my life. 

Now more than ever, I often think that if our parents had faith in us and allowed us to experience everything life has to offer, we would be having a very different kind of life right now. We would have reached our greatest potential had we been given the freedom to choose what we wanted for ourselves.

An Ordinary Commentary by Ordinary Men  

“Living to Glorify God Brings Satisfaction to the Soul” 

#Christianity #Church #Bible #Commentary  

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Types of Righteousness and Religion Matthew 6:1-18 Our Lord warns His followers against counterfeit spirituality seeking to be seen and praised by men.

Harvey Goodwin—Verse 1: “In these verses our Lord applies to the subject of almsgiving, to what we commonly call in these days charity, the same spiritual principles according to which He has already explained and expanded several of the Laws of the Old Testament. All the men of our Lord’s time would admit almsgiving to the poor to be a great duty; but then many of them held or seemed to hold that there was virtue in the mere giving, independently of the spirit in which it was done, so that a man might make his charitable doings redound to his own praise, sounding a trumpet when he was going to distribute his alms, and the rest. Our Lord declares that, of which we can have no doubt when we hear it asserted, namely, that in the sight of God such almsgiving can have no virtue, no beauty, no excellence: the spirit which can alone render almsgiving pleasing to Him who sees the heart is the simple spirit of love, which withdraws itself from observation, seeks not its own, is unselfish, desiring to do what is charitable for the sake of charity only. But mark the awful emphasis, and something like irony, with which our Saviour says of those who make parade of their charity, Verily I say unto you, They have their reward; yes, they have their reward; they wish to gain the attention of mankind, and they gain it; they wish for applause, and they have it; they are pleased when they hear people say, ‘What a liberal man he is! and they have plenty of pleasure such as this. But what does it all amount to? what treasure is laid up in heaven by mere earthly applause? what satisfaction can it be to have cheated men into the belief of our excellent qualities, if the rottenness of our hearts is open and undisguised in the sight of Him who sees in secret, and who knows the thoughts and intents of the heart? They have their reward, have it already in this present world, and a poor unsatisfactory delusive reward it is.” 42 Charles Haddon Spurgeon—Verses 2-4: “'2. Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.' We must not copy the loud charity of certain vainglorious persons: their character is hypocritical, their manner is ostentatious, their aim is to be seen of men, their reward is in the present. That reward is a very poor one, and is soon over. To stand with a penny in one hand and a trumpet in the other is the posture of hypocrisy. ‘Glory of men’ is a thing which can be bought: but honour from God is a very different thing. This is an advertising age, and too many are saying, ‘Behold my liberality!” Those who have Jesus for their King must wear his livery of humility, and not the scarlet trappings of a purse-proud generosity, which blows its own trumpet, not only in the streets, but even in the synagogues. We cannot expect two rewards for the same action: if we have it now we shall not have it hereafter. Unrewarded alms will alone count in the record of the last day. 3, 4. But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth: that thine atms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shalt reward thee openly. Seek secrecy for your good deeds. Do not even see your own virtue. Hide from yourself that which you yourself have done that is commendable; for the proud contemplation of your own generosity may tarnish all your alms. Keep the thing so secret that even you yourself are hardly aware that you are doing anything at all praiseworthy. Let God be present, and you will have enough of an audience. He will reward you, reward you ‘openly’, reward you as a Father rewards a child, reward you as one who saw what you did, and knew that you did it wholly unto him. Lord, help me, when I am doing good, to keep my left hand out of it, that I may have no sinister motive, and no desire to have a present reward of praise among my fellow-men” 43 William Nast—Verse 5: “Verse 5. The Jews attached to prayer a still greater importance than even to fasting and almsgiving, but had reduced it to a mere mechanical performance. They prayed three times a day, at nine o'clock, A.M., at twelve o'clock, and at three o'clock, P. M., and resorted to the synagogue for prayer on the Sabbath, on Monday, and Thursday. Many a zealous Jew spent nine hours a day in prayer. Nor did they go for public prayer only to the synagogue, but, like the Roman Catholics, also for private prayer, because greater efficacy was ascribed to prayer in the synagogue. The Pharisees managed it so—this is implied in ‘they love’—that they were overtaken by the hour of prayer while on their way to the synagogue, that the people might see them pray and praise their piety. It is evident from the context that these remarks of our Lord are not directed against common or public prayer—a duty resting on express Divine command—but against performing private prayer in public places..” 44 Adam Clarke—Verse 6: “But thou, when thou prayest. This is a very impressive and emphatic address. But thou! whosoever thou art, Jew, Pharisee, Christian—enter into thy closet. Prayer is the most secret intercourse of the soul with God, and as it were the conversation of one heart with another. The world is too profane and treacherous to be of the secret. We must shut the door against it: endeavour to forget it, with all the affairs which busy and amuse it. Prayer requires retirement, at least of the heart; for this may be fitly termed the closet in the house of God, which house the body of every real Christian is, 1 Cor. iii. 16. To this closet we ought to retire even in public prayer, and in the midst of company. Reward thee openly. What goodness is there equal to this of God! to give, not only what we ask, and more than we ask, but to reward even prayer itself! How great advantage is it to serve a prince who places prayers in the number of services, and reckons to his subjects’ account, even their trust and confidence in begging all things of him!” 45 James Morison—Verse 7: “But, in addition to secrecy as regards men, take heed as regards another matter, namely, the fitting mood of mind in relation to God, when engaged in praying, use not vain repetitions: ‘Battering’ away at God, as it were, and ‘blattering’ (Luther has it, viel plujypern). ‘Babble’ not in prayer, in the spirit of those worshippers of Baal ‘who called on his name from morning even until noon, saying, O Baal, hear us’ (1 Kings xviii. 26), or of those worshippers of Diana who ‘about the space of two hours cried out, Great is Diana of the Ephesians’ (Acts xix. 34). As the Gentiles do; for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking: They think that in heaping word upon word, and persistently holding on with their speechifying, they shall secure attention and a hearing. Such multiplication of speaking is utterly in vain. ‘It proceedeth,’ as good David Dickson remarks, ‘from a base misconception of God.’ It is well observed however by Augustin that there is a great difference between much speaking and much praying. And even repetitiousness, when it is not wordiness but the expression of intensity of desire, will not be unacceptable to the Hearer of prayer. Such repetitiousness will not be immoderate. It is found in many of the psalms; and it was characteristic of our Saviour’s own prayer in the garden of Gethsemane, when He again and again ‘prayed, saying the same words’ (Matt. xxvi. 44).” 46 James Glentworth Butler—Verse 8: “Your Father knoweth what ye need. Prayer is the preparation and the enlargement of the heart for the receiving of the divine gift; which, indeed, God is always prepared to give, but we are not always prepared to receive. In the act of prayer there is a purging of the spiritual eye, which thus is averted from the things earthly that darken it, and becomes receptive of the divine light—able not to endure only the brightness of that light, but to rejoice in it with an ineffable joy. In the earnest asking is the enlargement of the heart for the abundant receiving; even as in it is also the needful preparation for the receiving with a due thankfulness; while, on the contrary, the good which came unsought would too often remain the unacknowledged also. Prayer is not designed to inform God, but to give man a sight of his misery, to humble his heart, to excite his desire, to inflame his faith, to animate his hope, to raise his soul toward heaven, and to put him in mind that there is his Father, his country, his inheritance. He is a Father to whom we pray; let us go to him with confidence; he knows our wants; let us remove far from us all anxious disquiet and concern.” 47 Edwin Wilbur Rice—Verse 9: “After this manner, or ‘thus.’ Jesus gives a pattern or specimen of true prayer. Thus it was understood by nearly all the early fathers and by the majority of evangelical Christians. Some hold that he gave this as a formula always to be used. Others say this is against his teaching in v. 7; and that he did not make the use of this particular form obligatory on his followers. There is no historical evidence, so far as known, that it was used as a formula of prayer by the apostles themselves. It is to be accepted as a proper mode of prayer, and it may be used in the worship of God privately or publicly, but always and only in accord with the principle already declared by Jesus—not to use display or vain repetitions in praying. Onr Father. ‘The Lord’s Prayer,’ so called because the Lord gave it as a pattern, might more accurately be called ‘The Model Prayer.’ It is usually divided into three parts: 1, preface; 2, petitions.; 3, conclusion. The Latin fathers and the Lutheran Church make the number of the petitions seven. The Greek and Reformed Churches and the Westminster divines make the number six, by making only one petition of the first part of v. 13, while the others divide it into two petitions. The works written on this ‘Model Prayer’ would make an immense library. The Preface is literally ‘Father of us, who art in the heavens;’ ‘our,’ not my, implying the brotherhood of the human race, especially of believers. The ‘fatherhood of God’ was an old thought in the Jewish worship. It seems a common thought of the race. The Vedas of India, the Zend-Avesta of Persia, Greek literature, as Plato and Plutarch, and the older Baal worship, have the same idea. It seems to be a relic of God's earliest revelation of himself in patriarchal times. But Jesus brings it into a new form and touches it with a new life. First Petition. Hallowed he thy name. That is, help us and others to revere, hallow, sanctify and make holy God’s name and being. Reverence lies at the foundation of all true prayer. 48 Phillip Schaff—Verse 10: “Thy kingdom come (second petition). The Messiah’s kingdom, which in organized form had not yet come, but was proclaimed by the Lord Himself, as at hand. It did speedily come, as opposed to the Old Testament theocracy; but in its fulness, including the triumph of Christ’s kingdom over the kingdom of darkness it has not yet come. For this coming we now pray and the prayer is answered, in part by every success of the gospel, and will be answered entirely when the King comes again. A missionary petition, but not less a prayer for our own higher sanctification and for the second coming of Christ. —Thy will be done as in heaven, so on earth (Third petition). ‘Heaven’ and ‘earth,’ put for their inhabitants. As by pure angels, so by men. The idea of human doing is prominent, our will subordinate to God’s will. ‘As’ expresses similarity in kind and completeness.” 49 Matthew Henry—Verse 11: “Give us this day our daily bread. Because our natural being is necessary to our spiritual well-being in this world, therefore, after the things of God’s glory, kingdom, and will, we pray for the necessary supports and comforts of this present life, which are the gifts of God, and must be asked of him,—Bread for the day approaching, for all the remainder of our lives. Bread for the time to come, or bread for our being and subsistence, that which is agreeable to our condition in the world, (Prov. 30.8.) food convenient for us and our families, according to our rank and station. Every word here has a lesson in it: (1.) We ask for bread; that teaches us sobriety and temperance; we ask for bread, not dainties, not superfluities; that which is wholesome, though it be not nice. (2.) We ask for our bread; that teaches us honesty and industry: we do not ask for the bread out of other people’s mouths, not the bread of deceit, (Prov. 20.13.) not the bread of idleness, (Prov. 31.27.) but the bread honestly gotten. (3.) We ask for our daily bread; which teaches us not to take thought for the morrow, (ch. 6.34.) but constantly to depend upon divine providence, as those that live from hand to mouth. (4.) We beg of God to give it us, not sell it us, nor lend it us, but give it. The greatest of men must be beholden to the mercy of God for their daily bread. (5.) We pray, ‘Give it to us; not to me only, but to others in common with me.’ This teaches us charity, and a compassionate concern for the poor and needy. It intimates also, that we ought to pray with our families; we and our house-holds eat together, and therefore ought to pray together. (6.) We pray that God would give it us this day; which teaches us to renew the desire of our souls toward God, as the wants of our bodies are renewed; as duly as the day comes, we must pray to our heavenly Father, and reckon we should as well go a day without meat, as without prayer.” 50 John Bird Sumner—Verses 12-13: “And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us. We are, then, trespassers: we need forgiveness. Our hearts must be ill-instructed in the divine law, if they do not tell us that it is so. And he who lives through mercy, must show mercy. An unforgiving spirit would mar the effect even of this Christian prayer, because it would betray a most unchristian state of mind. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. There are temptations which ‘are common to men.’ We see throughout all Scripture, that it is God’s will that his people should be tried. But who, that knows his frailty, and the infirmity of his best purposes, will not pray that he may be kept from temptation, and delivered from the evil one?” 51 Joseph Addison Alexander—Verses 14-15: “14. For, if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15. But, if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. The next two verses, as already stated, purport to give a reason for something in the previous context, which can only be the last clause of v. 12. As if he had said, ‘In asking for forgiveness, you must stand prepared to exercise it also, for unless you are, you cannot be forgiven, not because the one is the condition of the other, but because the two must go together, and the absence of the one proves the absence of the other.’ The verb four times repeated here is the same with that in v. 12; but instead of the word delts another figure is employed, that of a fall or false step, rendered in the English versions, trespass, and intended to express the same idea, that of sin, which may be considered either as a debt due to the divine justice, or as a lapse from the straight course of moral rectitude. The fulness and precision with which the alternative is here presented may appear superfluous, but adds to the solemnity of the assurance, and would no doubt strengthen the impression on the minds of the original hearers. In this, as in the whole preceding context, God is still presented in his fatherly relation to all true believers; as if to intimate that even that relation, tender as it is, would give no indulgence to an unforgiving spirit.” 52 Charles John Elliott—Verse 16: “(16) When ye fast.—Fasting had risen under the teaching of the Pharisees into a new prominence. Under the Law there had been but the one great fast of the Day of Atonement, on which men were ‘to afflict their souls’ (Lev. xxiii.27; Num. xxix.7), and practice had interpreted that phrase as meaning total abstinence from food. Other fasts were occasional, in times of distress or penitence, as in Joel i.14, ii.15; or as part of a policy affecting to be religions zeal (1 Kings xxi.9, 12); or as the expression of personal sorrow (1 Sam. xx.34; 2 Sam. xii 16; Ezra x.6; Neh. i.4; et al.). These were observed with an ostentatious show of affliction which called forth the indignant sarcasm of the prophets (Isa. lviii.5). The ‘sackcloth’ took the place of the usual raiment, ‘ashes’ on the head, of the usual unguents (Neh. ix.1; Ps. xxxv. 13). The tradition of the Pharisees, starting from the true principle that fasting was one way of attaining self-control, and that as a discipline it was effectual in proportion as it was systematic, fixed on the fasts ‘twice in the week,’ specified in the prayer of the Pharisee (Luke xviii.12); and the second and fifth days of the week were fixed, and connected with some vague idea that Moses went up Mount Sinai on the one, and descended on the other. Our Lord, we may note, does not blame the principle, or even the rule, on which the Pharisees acted. He recognises fasting, as He recognises almsgiving and prayer, and is content to warn His disciples against the ostentation that vitiates all three, the secret self-satisfaction under the mask of contrition, the ‘pride that apes humility.’ The very words, ‘when thou fastest’ contain an implied command. Of a sad countenance.—Strictly, of sullen look, moroseness of affected austerity rather than of real sorrow. They disfigure their faces.—The verb is the same as that translated ‘corrupt’ in verse 19. Here it points to the unwashed face and the untrimmed hair, possibly to the ashes sprinkled on both, that men might know and admire the rigorous asceticism.” 53 Charles Rosenbury Erdman—Verses 17-18: “Very popular with the Jews among whom Christ lived, was that of fasting. If this is practiced in order to show to God our sorrow for sin; or if it is involved in our devotion to his service, it is right and commendable; but if it is employed as a means of winning the approval and praise of men, it is hypocrisy and pretense. Jesus insists that fasting, and all forms of self-denial, should be in secret; we are not to parade our sacrifices; we are not to make capital out of our devotion. We are to have regard only to the Father who is in secret, who sees in secret and who surely will reward.” 54 Endnote: 42   Harvey Goodwin, A Commentary on the Gospel of S. Matthew (Cambridge: Deighton, Bell and Company, 1857), 93-94. 43   Charles H. Spurgeon, The Gospel of the Kingdom: A Popular Exposition of the Gospel According to Matthew (London: Passmore & Alabaster, 1893), 32. 44   William Nast, A Commentary on the Gospels of Matthew and Mark (Cincinnati: Poe & Hitchcock, 1864), 262. 45   Adam Clarke, The New Testament of Our Lord Jesus Christ (Matthew to the Acts), Volume 1 (New York: Lane & Scott, 1850), 84. 46   James Morrison, A Practical Commentary on the Gospel According to St. Matthew (London: Hodder & Stoughton, 1895), 88. 47   J. Glentworth Butler, The Bible Work (or Bible Readers Commentary) The New Testament, in Two Volumes, Volume 1 (New York: Funk & Wagnalls, 1889), 157. 48   Edwin W. Rice, Commentary on the Gospel According to Matthew (Philadelphia: The American Sunday School Union, 1897), 79. 49   Philip Shaff, A Popular Commentary on the New Testament, Volume 1 (New York: Charles Scribner’s Sons, 1891), 67. 50   Matthew Henry, An Exposition of the Old and New Testament, Volume 5 (Philadelphia: Edward Barrington & George D. Haswell, 1825), 67. 51   John Bird Sumner, A Practical Exposition of the Gospels of St. Matthew and St. Mark, in the Form of Lectures (London: Hatchard & Son, 1831), 70. 52   Joseph Addison Alexander, The Gospel According to Matthew (New York: Charles Scribner, 1861), 176. 53   Charles John Ellicott, A New Testament Commentary for English Readers (Matthew-John), Volume 1 (Edinburg: The Calvin Translation Society, 1884), 26. 54   Charles Rosenbury Erdman, The Gospel of Matthew: An Exposition (Philadelphia: The Westminister Press, 1920), 56.

When Your Thoughts Attack | Steven Furtick [Elevation Church]

Odds are, if you really think about the way you feel, you can always find a thought that started it. If you're feeling insecure, did you compare yourself to someone else first? If you're frustrated, did you catch a thought of offense?

This one hurts: “What happened was I caught a thought of offense then I reaped an attitude of frustration.

   I got offended the other day because I saw GOD blessing somebody that    HE wasn’t supposed to bless.

     Did you ever watch GOD just do something awesome for the wrong person?      HE didn’t consult you.

   So I found myself feeling insecure.

   >> The reason, I felt insecure in myself, is because I caught a thought of           offense about somebody else. Here’s what happens:

you become a victim of your own judgement

when you judge others that way, you judge you that way

so don’t be surprised when the judgement comes upon you

Psalm 50:6 | And the heavens proclaim His righteousness, for God Himself is Judge.

Hebrews 12:23 | in joyful assembly, to the congregation of the firstborn, enrolled in heaven. You have come to God the judge of all men, to the spirits of the righteous made perfect,

Psalm 96:13 | before the LORD, for He is coming--He is coming to judge the earth. He will judge the world in righteousness and the peoples in His faithfulness.

         The less y’all are saying Amen, the more I know I’m preaching.

1.] I realized the thought I hold onto, never knew I could catch a thought, & I      trace sometimes the weakness of my faith by asking:

         “Where did that thought come from?”

     It’s important where it came from: because where it comes from      >>> determines where it leads to [GOD vs. devil].

1a] My issue is when I say I hear from GOD, I don’t hear HIM out loud.

          “I’m not mad at you, unless you start using it to manipulate ppl by            making up stuff that GOD told you. Cause GOD has 3-way calling, &            HE can tell us both, so don’t tell me GOD spoke something to you that            I’m not in agreement with, & try to get me to do something you want to            do by saying ‘GOD told you to’ -- especially if you heard from GOD to quit            your job, because you just tired of dealing with frustrated people.            I don’t know if that’s GOD or you’re just tired & need to get some sleep &            have a better attitude when you show up.

     >> When you say GOD spoke to you: How do you know?

       Great question, because I don’t hear GOD at an auditory level.        So when I say I heard GOD speak to me, that can be misleading.

When Peter said, “JESUS spoke to me.” It was literal. I was fishing one night, I hadn’t caught anything, I was frustrated..    Luke 5:4 | When Jesus had finished speaking, He said to Simon,    “Put out into deep water & let down your nets for a catch.” Then Peter thought: At first I was frustrated cause I thought, YOU’re a carpenter & I’m a fishermen--YOU do your job & I’ll do mine. >> YOU wanted my boat to preach from, I didn’t know YOU would try to drive it. But [watch this, Luke 5:5] because YOU say so, I will let down the nets.

GOD was showing me, that before Peter caught the fish, Peter caught a thought. But I don’t hear GOD out loud like that.. Before there was a seed, there was a thought/decision: (to obey/ignore GOD’s command)    Psalm 50:16-17 | To the wicked, however, God says, “What right    have you to recite My statutes & to bear My covenant on your lips?    For you hate My instruction & cast My words behind you.    1 Samuel 15:22 | ..Behold, obedience is better than sacrifice,    & attentiveness is better than the fat of rams.    Psalm 51:17 | The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a    broken & a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.

     So I connect with GOD (not in an auditory/sensory level);      >> I connect with GOD on the level of thought.

1b] This would be fine if HE was the only one who spoke by planting thoughts.       But I got this other joker, they call him the devil but when I say the devil       tempts me or the devil discourages me.

     I’m not talking about a guy in a hat/costume, or thing on our shoulder <flick>

     >> When he attacks, the devil approaches us with a thought.      The enemy is always speaking against what GOD told us.

     ISSUE: We’ve got two-voices in our head; & we’re caught between a thought.

     Case in point: GOD encourages us to do good, to stay in faith/humility/truth.

Psalm 45:4 | In your splendor ride forth in victory on behalf of truth & humility & justice; may your right hand show your awesome deeds.

Hebrews 11:6 | And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who approaches Him must believe that He exists & that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.  

GOD encourages us, your greatest years are still ahead of you (eternal reward/royal priesthood) The devil discourages us, “you’re washed up, you’ve already done all the good things you’re going to do. You better ride it out because it won’t be there much longer.” The devil twists spiritual truths, so we’ll be apt to see & accept it as confirmation to pursue temporal fleshly desires (sin/self/independence/pride/wealth/rebellion/destruction).    To do GOD’s work, you need to accumulate a bank roll.    To get others to accept GOD, first earn their admiration/respect. Those are lies, designed to twist GOD’s truth & fulfill selfish wants. Imitate Christ’s Humility: Serve others, prioritize GOD/things of GOD

Philippians 2:1-11 | Therefore if you have any encouragement in Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any affection & compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being united in spirit & purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or empty pride, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself & became obedient to death—even death on a cross. Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place & gave Him the name above all names, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven & on earth & under the earth, & every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Romans 12:9-16 | Love must be sincere. Detest what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.

GOD reminds us of the truth, go ahead & step into it & believe for it. The devil deceives us into doubting GOD’s faithfulness. What the devil does best is short-sightedness, blurr the truth, get us to focus on immediate pay-off & shame.    >> Amplify the pain to push us away from GOD, or    >> Link empty promises w/ sin, to lure us towards disobedience.    Hebrews 12:2 | Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author &    perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the    cross, scorning its shame, & sat down at the right hand of the    throne of God. These are clearly the same tactics he deployed on JESUS in the desert (twisting GOD’s promises, then giving empty promises) & on the way to the cross (magnifying the pain & shame). This is why he’s called the father of lies, everything is a lie.

Luke 1:37 | For no word from God will ever fail.

Jeremiah 32:17 | “Oh, Lord GOD! You have made the heavens & the earth by Your great power & outstretched arm. Nothing is too difficult for You!

   It is night & day, all creation can only give what we’re full of.

   The devil is full of fear & death, so those are the things he will fill our lives with    if we’re foolish enough to forsake GOD, fail to renew our minds in HIS truths, &    give into the fear/doubt/desires of this world.

Romans 10:17 | Consequently, faith comes by hearing, & hearing by the word of Christ.

2 Corinthians 5:4-6 | So while we are in this tent, we groan under our burdens, because we do not wish to be unclothed but clothed, so that our mortality may be swallowed up by life. And God has prepared us for this very purpose & has given us the Spirit as a pledge of what is to come. Therefore we are always confident, although we know that while we are at home in the body, we are away from the Lord.

Psalm 50:23 | Those who sacrifices a thank offering honors Me, & to those who rights their way, I will show the salvation of God.”

Those who have changed their course of life.

Those who glorify GOD, gives GOD honour which HE prize & requires; and not those who loads GOD’s altar with a multitude of sacrifices.    We glorify GOD most in obedience, as living proof of HIS goodness &    transformative work on our old nature (bent on selfish ambition).    We obey GOD when we love one another, & praise HIM continually by    acknowledging HIM as our source & seeking HIS guidance. Proverbs 3:5-6 | Trust in the LORD with all your heart, & lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, & He will make your paths straight. 2 Corinthians 5:7 | For we walk by faith, not by sight. WHY? Did GOD have to say all these things? Why are we encouraged not to fear a zillion times over in the entire Bible??? Our immediate payoff is not pleasure, persecution is on the forecast for all believers who want to follow CHRIST. But what follows that is support from GOD’s Holy Spirit (more of HIM, less of us). It’s backwards, opposite to how we expect encouragement/growth to take place. We want a constant stream of positive encouragement for good behaviour, but GOD wants increasing good works & glorification of HIS Name through our dependence on HIM & higher esteem for HIS invisible attributes.    All these life giving results occur upon death, when we knowingly:     1.] love/serve others who hate us,     2.] refrain from fighting for our rights (praise GOD for eternal hope), &     3.] continue to emulate & obey GOD, humbly killing off any desire for prestige/power.

John 15:18 | If the world hates you, understand that it hated Me first.

Matthew 10:22 | You will be hated by everyone because of My name, but the one who perseveres to the end will be saved.

Luke 22:42 | ‘Not My Will, But Thine, Be Done’

   JESUS did not die for nothing, HE looked on us & saw our deep need for HIM.

Matthew 9:36 | When He saw the crowds, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were harassed & helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.

   Don’t get caught up by the emotion, test that what you’re hearing measures up    with the doctrine of CHRIST. HE suffered & promised HE’ll never leave us     nor forsake us in the pain of following after HIM.

   This world is passing, don’t let immediate pain push you away from chasing    after GOD. HE has a plan & it is for the good of your eternal soul.           ___________________________________________________________

   >> Caleb & the other spies warn against entering the promised land         [Numbers 13-14]; this is the proverbial the Kingdom of GOD.

   Modern day Caleb does the same.

I got this thought that runs through my head all the time, that says it doesn’t matter..I could be doing anything.

Whenever you’re trying to do something...this idea pops up (it doesn’t matter)

“You’re not enough,” this thought attacks everyone, professional athletes too

When we think we’re not enough, we doubt GOD’s provisions. The disciples even told JESUS, there’s not enough food to go around, YOU need to send them away [Matthew 15:33; James 2:16]

How many times have we sent away something that GOD put in our life? Because we caught a thought from the wrong source

They wandered around the desert for 40 years [Joshua 5:6].     Joshua 5:6 | For the Israelites wandered in the wilderness 40     years until all the nation's men of war who came out of Egypt     had died off because they did not obey the LORD. Not because of their enemy, but because of their thought/decision. [Philippians 4:8; Romans 12:2; 2 Corinthians 10:5; Proverbs 4:23; Colossians 3:2; Ephesians 4:22-24; Acts 17:10-11]

Philippians 4:8 | Finally, fellow believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think on these things.

Romans 12:2 | Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test & approve what is the good, pleasing, & perfect will of God.

2 Corinthians 10:5 | We tear down arguments, & every presumption set up against the knowledge of God; & we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Proverbs 4:23 | Guard your heart w/ all diligence, for from it flow springs of life.

Colossians 3:2 | Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.

Ephesians 4:22-24 | to put off your former way of life, your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be renewed in the spirit of your minds; & to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness & holiness.

Acts 17:10-11 | As soon as night had fallen, the brothers sent Paul & Silas away to Berea. On arriving there, they went into the Jewish synagogue. Now the Bereans were more noble-minded than the Thessalonians, for they received the message w/ great eagerness & examined the Scriptures every day to see if these teachings were true.

          ___________________________________________________________

1c] Then even when things are going good!

      I get this thought & I don’t know where it comes from..!?       I don’t think it’s GOD, it’s hard to tell sometimes.

      It all starts with a thought.       [James 1:14-15; Mark 7:20-22; Genesis 4:7; Colossians 3:5-6; 1 John 3:4.]

James 1:14-15 | But each one is tempted when by their own evil desires s/he is lured away & enticed. Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; & sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

Mark 7:20-22 | He continued: “What comes out of a man, that is what defiles him. For from within the hearts of men come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, wickedness, deceit, debauchery, envy, slander, arrogance, & foolishness.

Genesis 4:7 | If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you refuse to do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires you, but you must master it.”

Colossians 3:5-6 | Put to death, therefore, the components of your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires, & greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming on the sons of disobedience.

1 John 3:4 | Everyone who practices sin practices lawlessness as well. Indeed, sin is lawlessness.

      Even when it’s going good, it won’t last. Then you sabotage the gift, you       don’t feel secure because even while it’s happening you don’t think it’s real.

      [Proverbs 23:7; Matthew 5:28; 1 Peter 1:13; James 4:7; 4:1-3; 2 Timothy 2:15; Colossians 3:23.]

Proverbs 23:7 | for he is keeping track, inwardly counting the cost. “Eat & drink,” he says to you, but his heart is not w/ you.

Matthew 5:28 | But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery w/ her in his heart.

1 Peter 1:13 | Therefore prepare your minds for action. Be sober-minded. Set your hope fully on the grace to be given you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

James 4:7 | Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, & he will flee from you.

James 4:1-3 | What causes conflicts & quarrels among you? Don’t they come from the passions at war w/in you? You crave what you do not have; you kill & covet, but are unable to obtain it. You quarrel & fight. You do not have, because you do not ask. And when you do ask, you do not receive, because you ask w/ wrong motives, that you may squander it on your pleasures.

2 Timothy 2:15 | Make every effort to present yourself approved to God, an unashamed workman who accurately handles the word of truth.

Colossians 3:23 | Whatever you do, work at it w/ your whole being, for the Lord & not for men,

     I’m not sure where it comes from, but I know where it takes me.

     When I look back on the seasons of my life, when I was so deep in depression.      Oh yeah, & I know the Bible verses, I know ‘em better than you.      Let’s have a quoting contest: Rejoice in the LORD always [Philippians 4:4]

         Well you can say it as many times as you want Paul, but I’m sad right now.          And I can’t find my way out, so now I’m fighting on the level of my feelings.

         But watch this, before it became a feeling, it was a thought. 

     Look even Paul, it wasn’t like Moses was a bad leader, even Paul had to fight      against opposing voices & thought systems that undermine the essence of       the grace of GOD & the gospel.

     Even in the churches that he started.

     Even in Corinth, he would write to them & what would happen to them was      they would be led astray (deceived) by the power of suggestion.

     >> He uses the example: Like Eve was deceived by the serpent.      Did GOD really say? See how he introduces doubt into potential/possibilities of faith?      Causing her to focus on what is not available rather than focus on what is.

     Paul is concerned because there are these spies at the Church of Corinth, &      they’re leading the Christians astray.

     They’re doing it by the power of thought, they’re introducing the thought that      you need something other than CHRIST to justify you.

        [Ephesians 2:8-9; 2 Corinthians 5:21; 1 Corinthians 15:57; Romans 5:8; John 3:16-17]

Ephesians 2:8-9 | For it is by grace you have been saved through faith, & this not from yourselves; it is the gift of God, not by works, so that no one can boast.

2 Corinthians 5:21 | God made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.

1 Corinthians 15:57 | But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ!

Romans 5:8 | But God proves His love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

John 3:16-17 | For God so loved the world that He gave His one & only Son, that everyone who believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.

     He says I fear that you have been led astray from a pure devotion to CHRIST.

     [Jeremiah 17:9; Psalm 69:5; Revelation 1:1-20; 1 John 1:8-10; 1 Peter 4:8; 1 Peter 2:24; James 5:16; Hebrews 10:26; 1 John 5:17]

Jeremiah 17:9 | The heart is deceitful above all things & beyond cure—who can understand it?

Psalm 69:5 | You know my folly, O God, & my guilt is not hidden from You.

Revelation 1:1-20 | This is the revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave Him to show His servants what must soon come to pass. He made it known by sending His angel to His servant John, who testifies to everything he saw. This is the word of God & the testimony of Jesus Christ. Blessed is the one who reads aloud the words of this prophecy, & blessed are those who hear & obey what is written in it, because the time is near. John, To the seven churches in the province of Asia: Grace & peace to you from Him who is & was & is to come, & from the seven Spirits before His throne, & from Jesus Christ, the faithful witness, the firstborn from the dead, & the ruler of the kings of the earth. To Him who loves us & has released us from our sins by His blood, who has made us to be a kingdom, priests to His God & Father—to Him be the glory & power forever & ever! Amen. Behold, He is coming w/ the clouds, & every eye will see Him—even those who pierced Him. And all the tribes of the earth will mourn because of Him. So shall it be! Amen. “I am the Alpha & the Omega,” says the Lord God, who is & was & is to come—the Almighty. I, John, your brother & partner in the tribulation & kingdom & perseverance that are in Jesus, was on the island of Patmos because of the word of God & my testimony about Jesus. On the Lord’s day I was in the Spirit, & I heard behind me a loud voice like a trumpet, saying, “Write on a scroll what you see & send it to the seven churches: to Ephesus, Smyrna, Pergamum, Thyatira, Sardis, Philadelphia, & Laodicea.” Then I turned to see the voice that was speaking w/ me. And having turned, I saw seven golden lampstands, & among the lampstands was One like the Son of Man, dressed in a long robe, w/ a golden sash around His chest. The hair of His head was white like wool, as white as snow, & His eyes were like a blazing fire. His feet were like polished bronze refined in a furnace, & His voice was like the roar of many waters. He held in His right hand seven stars, & a sharp double-edged sword came from His mouth. His face was like the sun shining at its brightest. When I saw Him, I fell at His feet like a dead man. But He placed His right hand on me & said, “Do not be afraid. I am the First & the Last, the Living One. I was dead, & behold, now I am alive forever & ever! And I hold the keys of Death & of Hades. Therefore write down the things you have seen, & the things that are, & the things that will happen after this. This is the mystery of the seven stars you saw in My right hand & of the seven golden lampstands: The seven stars are the angels of the seven churches, & the seven lampstands are the seven churches.”

1 John 1:8-10 | If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, & the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful & just to forgive us our sins & to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar, & His word is not in us.

1 Peter 4:8 | Above all, love one another deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

1 Peter 2:24 | He Himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, so that we might die to sin & live to righteousness. “By His stripes you are healed.”

James 5:16 | Therefore confess your sins to each other & pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man has great power to prevail.

Hebrews 10:26 | If we deliberately go on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no further sacrifice for sins remains,

1 John 5:17 | All unrighteousness is sin, yet there is sin that does not lead to death.

     Pure is the right word. It’s that uncontaminated state that we access occasionally.      Where you know GOD’s got this & that everything is going to be alright.

     >> You ever just felt that & you had no reason to & you didn’t even have the fact to back it up?

What happens is the enemy deceived you; he can’t take what GOD gave you. You know that right?

I need to make sure you know that: he can’t take what GOD gave you.      Romans 11:29 | For God’s gifts and His call are irrevocable But if he can get you to catch a thought that opposes it, he can keep you so weak that you will not walk into it.

...

you reap what you sow, proverb:  you eventually have to face up to the consequences of your actions [Oxford].

Galatians 6:7-8 | Do not be deceived: God is not to be mocked. Whatever a man sows, he will reap in return. The one who sows to please his flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; but the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.

1 Peter 3:9 | Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.

1 Corinthians 6:9-12 | Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who submit to or perform homosexual acts, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor verbal abusers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ & by the Spirit of our God. “Everything is permissible for me,” but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible for me,” but I will not be mastered by anything.

Psalm 50:23 | He who sacrifices a thank offering honors Me, and to him who rights his way, I will show the salvation of God.”

New from Robert Daniels on 812 Film Reviews: 812filmreviews Best Documentaries of 2019

Last week, I released my list of the 25 Best Feature films of 2019. There, I explained that I typically do a separate rundown for documentaries. I have found that most who choose to include both forms of filmmaking in their end of the year lists tend to only include two or three entries for docs. The rest are naturally shortchanged in lieu of narrative features. Rather than make such a grave error, I made another rundown solely for documentaries.

And for good reason. 2019 witnessed stories covering a soul legend, space explorers, a honey maker, sexual predators, an ambulance chasing family, and a tragic death. I couldn’t imagine not highlighting every single one of these singular films. Here, are the Best Documentaries of 2019.

Amazing Grace

In 1972, Sydney Pollack (Out of Africa and Tootsie) was enlisted for a once in a lifetime opportunity. Accompanied by the Southern California Community Choir, the Queen of Soul Aretha Franklin recorded her live album Amazing Grace at the New Temple Missionary Baptist Church in Los Angeles. Pollack came to record the event for a later concert film. However, technical errors caused the audio to separate from its images. Much as he tried, the famed director couldn’t rectify his mistake. It took decades before editor Jeff Buchanan to retool the footage. The result, transports us back into time to witness an artist at the height of her powers, and for us to shout “praise be.”

Where to watch: Hulu

Apollo 11

I caught Apollo 11 at the tail end of Sundance 2019. By that point, the festival was ablaze with excitement for the film. Usually I chalk up such enthusiasm as festival hype, but Todd Douglas Miller’s Apollo 11 is far more. Another instance of salvaging and restoring footage, the 70mm film follows Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, and Michael Collins on their journey from earth to the moon. Without interviews or recreations, the editing by Miller makes for an exhilarating journey and a triptych portrait of a time gone by: from fashions to hopes, to unbridled confidence.

Where to watch: Amazon Prime ($3.99)

Black Mother

With 2015’s Field Niggas, Khalik Allah seemed to rewrite the rules of cinema in a poetic rendering of Harlem street life. However, his follow-up Black Mother confirms the director as a visionary in the medium. Set in Jamaica, the highly personal film (Allah is of Jamaican descent) is as much an ode to the people of the island, than as an individual’s search for identity, and an immersive examination of the country’s history. Lyrical and spiritual, Black Mothers wanders through the travails of Jamaica’s Black women—some of them sex workers, as they negotiate prices and receive ultrasounds. Allah’s filmic essay documents a struggle against arduous economic circumstances, along with a deeply moving religiosity, which communes with gorgeous shots of the Jamaican landscape for an evocative yet powerful reconstruction of Black existence.

Where to watch: Criterion Channel

The Black Godfather

Kingmakers are rare today. Before partisan political maps, 24/7 news coverage, and the internet, influencers could raise unknowns to grand political and artistic heights. One of the rare remaining examples is Clarence Avant—founder of Sussex and Taboo records, concert promoter for Michael Jackson, and fund-raiser for Democratic politicians. In The Black Godfather, Reginald Hudlin follows the straight-talking expletive-spitting “Godfather of Black music” as he recounts his life and witnesses his influence. More than a profile of a behind the scenes legend, the film demonstrates the continual need and joy that comes from Black men and women raising each other up.

Where to watch: Netflix

The Cave

At AFI Fest, I declared the Syrian filmmaker Feras Fayyad (Last Men in Aleppo) the most important documentarian of his generation. With America interested in the region yet disinterested in its people, Fayyad has consistently provided one of the few eyewitness testimonials of a silent tragedy. This time, he profiles Amani Ballor —a female doctor and head of a hospital in Ghouta. With medicine in short supply, and constant air raids from Russia, Amani must also contend with a still-sexist and religious definition of a woman’s role. Her strength and devotion to her patients, doctors, and nurses forces her to make the most of what’s available. To these ends, the hospital also operates in a makeshift cave. The result shows courageous men and women trying to help those in the most dire of needs even as the world doesn’t seem to be listening.

For Sama

Like The Cave, Waad Al-Kateab and Edward Watts’ For Sama is a brutal unflinching look inside the Syrian War. An intimate documentary, Waad dutifully films herself over the course of five years: from marriage to the birth of her daughter, during the siege of Aleppo. A tale of resiliency, Waad captures moments of pure disrepair: the death of a child on an operating table, and instances of hope—the belief in a cause. She also documents a burgeoning revolution, passionate protests for freedom, and the final embers of its fire snuffed out through betrayal. Determined, touching, and sobering Waad elucidates how a country descends into horror—and the multiple ways its citizens try to hold their lives and their nation together.

Honeyland

In a remote village of North Macedonia exists Hatidze Muratova, a beekeeper living in another era. Between the ruins of homes, she lives with her 85-year old bedridden mother. Tamara Kotevska and Ljubomir Stefanov’s Honeyland sees Muratova’s way of life threatened as outsiders begin to encroach upon her tiny village. Human greed, loss, and an apathetic mother nature nearly break Muratova in this poignant film about surviving through perseverance—even when the honey turns sour.

Where to watch: Amazon Prime ($5.99)

Leaving Neverland

Revered as the “King of Pop,” Michael Jackson lived a life that seemed outside the bounds of reality. Wildly famous, incredibly rich, and extremely guarded, any peak into his existence felt performative. In this regard, there was no greater nor more horrifying stage than Neverland Ranch, a theme park and compound that espoused all of Jackson’s cruelly ironic fantasies. Even so, his secrets unraveled when he twice went through sexual molestation trials (1994 and 2005). Dan Reed through the testimonies of Wade Robson and James Safechuck exposes Jackson’s acts of grooming, manipulation, and statutory rape with two young boys in a two-part documentary that serves as an uneasy study of a sexual predator that’ll make you never want to listen to another Michael Jackson song again.

Where to watch: HBO Go

Love, Antosha

On June 19, 2016, Anton Yelchin’s jeep rolled down his driveway and unsuspectingly pinned him against a pillar resulting in the end of his life. While it might sound vacuous to say loss and grief are never easy, when tragedy strikes at 27 the statement rings devastatingly true. In this regard, Garret Price’s Love, Antosha is a thoughtful memorial to the young performer. Featuring interviews with friends and co-stars, the film recounts the actor’s struggles with cystic fibrosis as he crafted his promising career. While Price mines personal stories that reflect the unique and brilliant individual Yelchin was, the most poignant moments arrive through interviewing the performer’s still heartbroken parents. Love, Antosha isn’t just a film about a talented actor’s untimely death, it’s about the grief that accompanies the loss of a son and a friend.

Where to watch: Amazon Prime ($3.99)

Midnight Family

In Mexico City, there are many independent ambulance drivers, all racing to the next accident. If they’re lucky enough to find someone in need, they can take them to an independent hospital where they receive a reward. I had worried that Midnight Family would be forgotten after Sundance 2019. Thankfully, the Academy Awards shortlisted Luke Lorentzen’s harrowing but conflicting portrait of a family operating a private ambulance in the heart of Mexico City for their Best Documentary Feature category. The Ochoas are the perfection subjects for the film because they’re uniquely aware of how their precarious financial situation and business might be dangerous to their patients too. But in an economically desperate environment, which offers few alternatives, they work to survive to the next day. Heroes and profiteers at once, Lorentzen documents the difficult results of economic disparity through the Ochoas in an incredible moralistic crucible.

Where to watch: In Theaters January 8th

One Child Nation

From 1979 to 2015, in an effort to curb rampant population growth, China instituted the one-child policy. For fear of forced-sterilization by the government, families who conceived more than one child would either need to abandon or abort them. In a defiance of censorship and government intimidation with One Child Nation Nanfu Wang and Jialing Zhang interview family members, former-party officials, and parents affected by the decree. Graphic and distressing, Wang discovers lost generations hidden in the policy’s victims, for a startling picture of state-sanctioned murder.

Where to watch: Amazon Prime (with subscription)

Surviving R. Kelly

Leaving Neverland wasn’t the only film that exposed a molester. Like Jackson, R. Kelly’s history of grooming and statuary rape (in this case of underage women) was widely known. In 2002, the singer was charged with multiple counts of child pornography but it 2008 was acquitted on every charged. Moreover, in 2017 there were allegations of Kelly running a sex cult. It wasn’t until Nigel Bellis and Astral Finnie’s 6-part Lifetime docuseries that walls caved in on the singer. Multiple survivors spoke on record about Kelly’s abuses in a harrowing take down of a sexual predator. A flash point, Surviving R. Kelly demonstrates the power of a documentary to institute change,

Where to watch: Netflix

That’s it for my 2019 lists. Once again, thank you for following along. From here on out, it’ll only be 2020 movies. Look out for my Sundance coverage coming soon!

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Interview | Weirdo | HumanHuman

When Going Solo first added the name WEIRDO to HumanHuman three months ago, with the teasing comment “we got a hint here… music coming soon”, it’s safe to say we were nothing short of intrigued. The anticipation paid off when the anonymous artist released debut track “Butter” - an upbeat euro-pop single built on imaginative instrumentation and seriously catchy lyrics. Within a few days of WEIRDO’s musical premiere, this faceless act was labelled as a Promising Artist by our community of tastemakers.

Over the past few months, a few choice pieces of information have come to light. WEIRDO is the solo project of a British artist who has relocated to the creative hub of Berlin from Brighton, and excitingly there’s an EP on the way. However, the rest of the mystery remains in tact… at least for now. With a new track on our hands, the delightfully honest and danceable “Armanio”, we want to find out more about the musician behind the moniker, what inspires his songs, and how we can all embrace life’s weirdness.

Let’s start with a rather obvious question, why the name WEIRDO?

Haha, this old chestnut. Well, I think I’ve began to embrace my craziness and stop trying to label my issues negatively. Weird people rock. I’d hate to be a conveyor belt child doing manufactured things… and trust me, there are plenty of them! I think after a while of fighting that I should be "normal and controlled", it’s now time for me to accept and understand myself a little more, both personally and musically. I am a flipping WEIRDO, there’s no doubt about it and the best thing is that accepting it excels my creativity.

“I am a flipping WEIRDO, there’s no doubt about it and the best thing is that accepting it excels my creativity.”

Your identity is currently hidden, much to the outcry of the blogosphere, but why do you think artists follow the anonymous route?

I think it depends maybe… the reason I am anonymous is because I’m a part of a reasonably popular “buzz band” and I don’t want people to draw lines between the two. There is nothing worst than that! The issue in this music industry is people don’t give second chances and people always relate someone to something. If Corey Taylor from Slipknot did a minimal tech album now, people would laugh, make fun, put down or insult his creativity - why? because he wore a mask for a few years in his most-popular venture. Then you get people like James Bay whose first shot at a career very luckily paid off and people will never judge him as it’s his debut project, and he most likely will never change his brand. It’s so superficial this industry, and so anonymity is simply so that people understand the musical vision I have, before they go ahead, judge and give me a 0.4 /10 on Pitchfork or something...

I guess the online world plays a huge part in the mystery, how else do you think digitalisation is affecting the music industry?

The online world plays a huge part for sure. I can use emoticons to talk to someone and imitate happiness, sadness, anger or confusion… and that’s just a small fucking yellow image I add within my text conversations I’m having on a daily basis with anyone, everyone. The psychology of modern vocabulary and the use of emoticons is proof that you can hide or butter up (see what I did there!) anything. So online, you can create a fantasy world that people might indulge in, or show interest in. That really scares and inspires me simultaneously, and I think the digitalisation is actually improving yet sometimes creating a false identity for the music industry and it’s ever-growing young creatives. I just hope in the future, behaviour specialists or psychologists don’t actually take over the industry because they are smart and know how to win over modern society by creating false illusions using manipulative strategies. That’s basically the way news and media in the 21st century is heading already!

“It’s an intelligent pop affair, made of multicolor shades ranging from sticky vocals to euphoric synths, passing through live drums and finely adorned by swirling kalimba scales.”— Going Solo on “Butter”

Moving on to your music and especially debut track “Butter”. It’s a super catchy single, throwing out a xylophone melody, a German vocal sample and (what I’m guessing is) a recorder riff. Was this level of playfulness your initial intention?

Haha a recorder riff?! Where’s that? I will actually make sure there’s a recorder in one of the next songs on the second EP - that’s a promise from me to you. I think there’s irony and sarcasm in some of my lyrics and productions. With Butter, which I initially wrote in 2010 after a horrific break-up, the original demo was quite dark and edgy. I think as I’ve moved on and my life has changed, it’s become more of an uplifting song; a tale of how I once loved but now don’t with said person. I think that’s where the playful elements come from - the joy of being free and confident in myself again.

“I think that’s where the playful elements come from - the joy of being free and confident in myself again.”

“Butter” also has a rather unique refrain - “like butter melting through my fingers all you do is dirty my clothes” - what inspired that lyric?

At the time, it was anger and disappointment. It’s a rather cool attempt at making a statement, and I like creating unusual metaphors within my work. I think everyone can relate to an ex, or a friend, or a family member who just seems to get in the way, stop you from growing, control you or upset you. I like to try and relate to people with lyrics.

I loved the original video based around a Snapchat story and text messages. Was that simply a fun concept or is there an additional commentary on mobile phone culture and modern relationships?

There is definitely a suggestion to the social media culture and modern relationships and the irony of them. I’m a hopeless old-fashion romantic; I want to go for dinner and talk about music and wine, dream of waking up in the Bahamas and imagine a day I would begin to go to dance classes or something very new to me. I want to see the world through my eyes, not society’s eyes, and definitely not through the lens of my mobile phone camera. I can’t really stand social media because it’s taken away my privacy in all honesty, and that’s something we lack in today’s world, but also it’s helped share and expand my music and audience, so who am I to complain? I do daydream of going off grid and never talking to anyone again unless in person - that’s a healthy and satisfying thought for me.

In a previous interview with BEAT Magazine, you mentioned that you once lived in Brighton, a place well-known for self-expression. Did your time there have an influence on your music?

My time there definitely taught me that not everything you think is perfect, is perfect. It’s a wonderful city but musically, holds restraints. Rock cultured (thanks to the mods and rockers thing in the 60/70s), a student town and very small. Being there at that time helped my musical journey for sure - it started it. I’m happy I had the chance to work with and meet who I met there, but I’m glad that I moved on. It’s the same as London for me, a lovely place but it had it’s place in my life and after growing out of it quickly, I had to move on.

If you could live and create music anywhere in the world, where would that be?

Man! I want to see the whole world. If I could do one album per continent, that would be amazing. I think I’d definitely find opposing ideas from living in different places with adverse social rules to what I know as a Westernised working class fella. Let’s go to Tokyo next and after that, lock myself on a small island in Indonesia. I’ll try the US at some point but worried I’ll get fat very easily (I love food!) Visiting Africa would be really rewarding for me too, I’m sure!

What else has been instrumental in your creative process?

The standard thing: seeing other people succeed when you feel you deserve it more, watching people fail you and hurt you, other people’s situations you can relate to because of prior experiences and emotions. Also, the coming of age thing. I’m now mid-twenties and the feeling of realising who you are in such a large, selfish world can help you repair yourself, focus in on yourself and the ones around you that you care about most, and really getting creative with those discoveries.

We were very recently treated to a second single “Armanio”, crammed with one-liners and a repeated suggestion that the addressee should ditch her boyfriend. Why do not-so-great relationships stand at the centre of your songs?

I’ve had plenty of them. I have Borderline Personality Disorder (adds to the weirdness!) and I have a self-destructive tendency and waves of recklessness from time to time. I’ve got a heart but I can be trouble too, although I’ve learnt to grow and be in control of the bad traits now! I’ve been in a pretty content place for a few years, I’m starting to analyse others more and writing about their coming of age, mistakes and things I can see I used to do myself. It’s a beautiful thing to see people that are going through the same things as you. It’s helps deflate your ego and come back down to earth.

As with the last release, “Armanio” is tagged as pop, although some would suggest there’s plenty of other elements in there. What are your thoughts on genre labels?

Pop stands for “popular music” and if you asked me what genre I believe my music is, I’d title it Pop, more so because I dream of it being popular - who doesn’t?! I want everyone to know my story. I’m a human after all! We all want to be successful on our pursuit for happiness. I think you could tag the music as homemade, as it pretty much is. Indie, for sure, I’m independent right now but again, that title I don’t really enjoy too much. If I get a life changing opportunity and the label in question isn’t an “indie” label, then I’ll be told that I’m a fraud or fake for not sticking with my preconceived idea of being an “indie” band. If I turn down something, I could miss my chance to actually travel the world! I’m just gonna go with my heart: can’t have the media singing my own song “Armanio” at me!

“Up-beat, joyful pop that aims for the fun instead of the glitter and glamour of glossy pop.”— Disco Naivete on “Armanio”

Does the multi-coloured artwork have any relation to your sound?

Not at all, but once I entered the music industry and realised how it actually works beyond your fabricated fantasies of champagne, cocaine and happiness, I began to wear dark colours. The colourful thing shows I’ve got a playful side and now that I’m older, I want to show it off, feel happy and seem happy, and do things differently around here. It’s easy to be sad, feel sorry for yourself and write a ballad - that’s secondhand nature to me - but writing upbeat songs is much more challenging to me. I bloody enjoy it right now!

Can we expect some more visuals in the future?

For sure. I’m collaborating with some directors in the US, and some other guys too and videos are on their way for future tracks.

How about new music? Can you give us a clue as to what the next WEIRDO song will sound like?

Once again, the sound will alter, change, grow and surprise. If it didn’t, it wouldn’t be weird enough to comprehend my creative process. Every song will tie together because it’s my vocals, or I’ll use the same “sound palette” as before, but it will grow. It’s all based around how I envision it live, which will be the strong point of this whole thing. The band, the live experience, the fun I can take in the tour bus with me. That’s all I’m looking forward to right now - my future holiday on the road, sleepless nights and so many different lights.

https://humanhuman.com/articles/interview-weirdo

— Rejoice, little lambs! We have recovered our own Byun Baekhyun, spotted prancing about in the Southwest Side. I don’t remember seeing him with any clique back in high school, but I’m not here to spill yesterday’s tea. So straight to the rundown: can you say independent and reserved? Apparently now he spends time as an actor at Albee Theater, and keeps skeletons buried at Prague Tower, 202. But those won’t stay hidden for long, if you and I have any say on it. Welcome back, Teacher’s Pet; we missed you so.

In case you don’t remember the devil’s name, here’s to refresh your memory:

Back in high school, Baekhyun was a very shy boy. He used to hide his face every time he passed down the corridor full of beautiful people, he used to cry alone in corners whenever he felt like life was too much and he used to be invisible. Nobody really cared about him, even if he was the perfect subject to bully and tease, people would often ignore him and go on with their lives. Until the age of sixteen, he has been in an on and off depressive state and considered ending his life more than once, yet never had the courage to do so. One day, he got courageous enough to sign his name on the list for acting lessons. For the first couple of months, he had an old woman teaching them acting techniques and mostly helping them break their stage fever and remember lines. Baekhyun loved it there, he loved the atmosphere, he loved the people and he loved the stage (more than he expected to). The old woman however got very sick and could no longer teach them, so as custom asks, she was replaced by a younger male with some years of acting experience behind him. He was a marvellous man, tall and handsome, every girl’s dream. And girls did not really hide their love for the new teacher, they would often offer him compliments and make sure they are spotted. For Baekhyun, however, it was something else. Call it foolish, call it what you want, but for him it was love at first sight. He had never loved before, even if he was well aware of his sexual preferences, he never had something as strong going on. It made him fail at acting, it made him fear the stage and swoon like a lunatic every time the teacher was too close to him. And it did not take long for the male to acknowledge Baekhyun’s weird behaviour. One afternoon, after the acting class was over, Baekhyun was asked to stay behind so that the teacher can have a closer talk to him. The ‘talk’ got closer than Baekhyun expected and with just sixteen he has lost his virginity in the backstage of the school’s theatre. He did not find it weird, nor embarrassing, nor abusive: for him it was love. It only took one week for the rumours to spread and the once shy and innocent invisible boy became the ‘teacher’s pet’ in every sense of the words. Gossip Girl did not go easy on him, she humiliated him and made sure to ring the huge bell loud enough for everyone to hear it from miles away. That embarrassment hit Baekhyun and the mean words that were said about him, made him fall back into his depressive state. But his teacher was there, by his side (at least that is how he felt it) and gave him the affection he never had.

Nevermind the memory lane though, the present is always the ripest fruit:

Baekhyun is a prestigious actor, who gets big roles in important and popular plays and is applauded for each one of them. Even if he is still young, people do not doubt his talent and professionalism. However, bad mouths are around each corner and not only once has Baekhyun had his old reputation popping up in newspapers or on the internet. It seems that most of his haters think that he has slept his way to fame, inventing stories on how he slept with his manager or director to get the role he has desired. Not only that, many bash his acting skills and comment that “acting is not done while having sex” to bite Baekhyun’s pride off and bring up an old topic popular when he was in high school. The past is the past, yes, but Baekhyun’s hurtful relationship managed to leave behind some scars and make him bitter. The only way he managed to ignore hurtful comments, was by presenting a strong self-confidence (that he often does not have) and sometimes coldness. However, the comments would hurt less if they were untrue, but most of them (for Baekhyun’s shame) are true. He did sleep with prestigious people, with actors, who have more experience than he has, in order to get advice and new acting skills, but only because it was the only way requested by them. Baekhyun hardly enjoys sex, but he acts perfectly satisfied even if his heart is as cold as ice. Even if it has to be this way, none of his new ‘partners’ treat him as miserably as his old teacher. He is treated with respect and is often sympathised by the people he sleeps with, therefore he gets patronage and often expensive gifts. So his wealth is often supported by the luxurious people he ends up in bed with, but his career is never affected by his affairs.  

But we are nothing if not open books – my job is to ensure you get to the best pages:

Baekhyun was born and raised in a modest family, with no knowledge of who his father was and why he chose to abandon him and his mother. The lovely lady, who used to cut his sandwiches in funny shapes, was everything Baekhyun knew and loved. But there were also his mother’s grandparents that meant a great deal to Baekhyun too. His childhood was a happy one, he spent most of his time playing outside, running and bruising his knees, smiling from ear to ear whenever he would do something stupid in order to be forgiven. And his mother always forgave him, because she had a warm heart and a soft spot for her only son. In primary school, Baekhyun made tons of friends. He used to invite them over and celebrate his birthdays with them or just have pyjama parties now and then. Baekhyun felt like belonged next to people and he enjoyed having so many friends and being a social butterfly. With his mother by his side and his numerous friends, he had it all.

Baekhyun did not really know what life has written for him and he sure did not expect him to be out of ordinary. But as fate has it, it happened for him to be special. At the age of ten, he first discovered that he has no interest in girls. After years of watching girls dance around him, shake their bodies graciously and try to get a ‘boyfriend’ (so hold hands with him or kiss him), he discovered why he was not interested while all his friends were all over the place to get one kiss. Baekhyun met his new neighbour at the age of ten, and how he came that is how he went too. The neighbour did not stay for long, but it was long enough for Baekhyun to realise that he has a crush on him. And the neighbour, had a crush on Baekhyun too. They shared a close friendship for the time the neighbour was there, they shared secrets and held hands, even press some pecks on each other faces once in a while. Baekhyun was very sad when the boy left and his mother eventually found out the reason of his sadness. She accepted Baekhyun the way he was and told him: “Never hide who you really are. You are beautiful, just like that”. And her words stuck with him.

At the age of twelve, a great event shook Baekhyun to the ground. His mother, the lovely woman who he has loved his entire life, was diagnosed with an incurable disease: cancer. The once smiling lady, who used to goofy around to make her son smile, lost her shine. Of course, she was always a sun to Baekhyun, but daily she got paler, sicker and sadder. She tried hard to pull a smile in front of her son, but soon even the daily tasks were too much for her and Baekhyun had to help out with everything. And he did so, because he loved his mother. However, it pained Baekhyun every day to see his mother struggle and fight and fall into sadness as an inevitable result. Baekhyun was her only reason to smile and she tried to keep her smile for him only. When his mother was moved in the hospital, Baekhyun was forced to live with his grandparents, but he visited his mother every day. At the age of fifteen, his mother has passed away. This event left an open wound and made Baekhyun vulnerable to anything. He fell into a deep depression, he mourned his mother daily and felt like his life will never be the same again. His high school days have started awfully, he hated everything and did not find joy in being there, now that his mother was no longer around.

At the age of sixteen, his pain was finally to be ended or at least distracted. His first love made sure to make him feel things he never felt before, to make him happy and fulfilled. But as no real-life love story has a happy ending, his love life ended abruptly and hurt him more than ever. Baekhyun was ashamed to face his grandparents after what happened (even if they had no knowledge of what happened and even if they did, they kept their mouths shut). He spend most of his university time at the dorms and only visited his grandparents again at the age of twenty, only to be hugged and kissed and congratulated for his great results. His grandparents were very proud of him and Baekhyun found once more the happiness he has lost.

Starting with the age of twenty, his success started to build up like a snowman. He got small roles at first that were to be performed in big theatres. Soon, his talent was rewarded with his first big role: Benedick from Shakespeare’s comedy Much Ado About Nothing. He was so loved for his performance that it convinced his teacher that he deserves to continue his acting career. He graduated university with the highest grade and was immediately sent to stage to act in classic plays, modern plays and even some small parts in musicals. His success emerged and soon the television asked him to act in short commercials or short parts on TV. Despite the hate that he frequently receives he still emerges, he still grows and is applauded for every performance.

Let’s talk about Silver.

This post is partly a response to this brilliant post by @squid-inspiration and to this equally brilliant one by @twilight-sparx, but also summarizes some of my personal thoughts upon the subject of John Silver. 

Here is the thing: Silver has never really changed as a person, he has grown some, he’s discovered unknown qualities in himself, but ultimately, he is still the exact man we see in season one. The interesting thing is that he has everyone - including Flint, Madi, and probably even himself - convinced that he is a good man when in truth, he absolutely isn’t. 

Silver starts the show as a drifter, committed to one selfish goal - his independence and financial security.  He’s a liar, a thief, and operates under no illusion of grandeur. He’s not necessarily cruel or interested in getting his hands dirty, but he’s unscrupulous. He has no moral principles, he actively refrains from passing moral judgment, he avoids attachment. 

When he allies with Flint, he does so knowing what Flint is capable of. He doesn’t blink an eye when he finds Flint cradling Gates’ dead body. Where Du Fresne has trouble grasping the extent of Flint’s amibition, Silver admires him for it - not because he thinks Flint has a noble goal, simply because he recognizes Flint’s singular dedication. 

Mid-season two, Silver’s priorities start to change. He’s been accepted into the ranks of the crew, he realizes that he has found a grateful audience for his antics, he realizes that he can gain influence, he makes the addictive experience of what it feels like to belong. That’s when his goal changes, and instead of being focused only on his own prosperity, his goal becomes belonging - because he has seen the appeal of it. His loyalty toward the crew - his unability to abandon them - comes as a surprise to himself. 

However, this newfound sense of belonging does not change who he is. It doesn’t change his moral ompass. He remains with the crew not because he’s committed to the cause or lifestlye of the pirates, he remains because he has formed an attachment which is strongly tied to what the crew means to him - what the crew can do for him. Silver is blinded by the new sense of importance he finds in being a quartermaster. He likes the power, the admiration. Acknowledgment and validation. The men like him. The men take his orders. The men listen to him.

Then season three wraps up, and Silver finds something even more alluring. True power. We see him get closer to Flint and grow more confident. Things are going well for him: Long John Silver is born, he finds Madi, he’s starting to be perceived as a leader in his own right. But what he still doesn’t have is any kind of principle that goes beyond what is good for him and his loved ones. His conversation with Flint at the end of season three - it states quite clearly that the most important thing to Silver is his own survival, and the best possible outcome that ensures his continued wellbeing. 

The war has never been Silver’s war. Flint is sorely mistaken if he believes, only for a second, that Silver is doing more than tagging along because it’s the most beneficial life for him at that particular moment. Silver’s personality has not changed, it’s only that he’s found a part to play which holds a different allure - the shiny, new pirate persona is a reward all on its own.

Silver loves Madi. Absolutely. He loves her a lot more than he loves his crew, and the inherent selfishnesss of a love that prioritizes a beloved’s life over those of everyone else becomes most obvious now, in season four. 

That is not to say that Flint, in his own way, is any less selfish than Silver. His selfishness, however, is less centered around his personal needs - emotional fulfillment, other people’s esteem and admiration - it’s focused more on abstract principles that he sacrifices everyone and everything to, even his own happiness.

Whereas Silver sacrifices everyone and everything for the things that bring him joy and gratification. 

For Silver, the question of whether it’s the right thing to exchange the cache for Madi is never even worthy of consideration. The cause has never been important to him, the cause, for Silver, is completely random. The crew no longer matters, loyalty toward Flint or their allies no longer matters. All that is left is Madi and what she means to him. 

His priorities may change, but Silver is still first and foremost an opportunist. Flint, on the other hand, is an idealist, or at least someone who is willing to deny himself when it means fighting for a goal that he forces himself to believe in. No less selfish, but certainly not more so, and as opposed to Silver, Flint actually has a working moral compass. That’s why Flint hates himself so much. 

All of that doesn’t mean that Silver isn’t capable of being compassionate, surprisingly brave, even loyal as long as there’s nothing at stake. Silver is not a good man, but he’s certainly no worse than any of the other characters in the show. Ultimately, Silver is playing a role, just as Flint does, but I think he’s a litle too convinced that he actually is Long John Silver, feared and respected pirate captain. I think he’s in denial about a lot of things, first and foremost his own responsibility. Just as he’s trying to blame Flint in 4.08 for the things he has done willingly and for his own, personal gain, he has been trying to re-frame his conflict with Billy as something that Billy presumaby made him do. 

For some reason, everyone else (apart from Billy) is buying into this narrative as well. Especially Flint, who has become so attached to Silver that he falsely attributes some of the virtues of James McGraw and Thomas Hamilton to him. 

I really think that Flint is in love with Silver - not necessarily in a romantic or sexual way, there’s very little for me to indicate that kind of attraction. But Flint’s assessment of Silver in 4.08? It’s his infatuation speaking. He’s been conned, same way as everyone else, into believing that Silver is a good person. If Flint has burrowed himself in Silver’s head, as Hands says, the opposite is also true: Silver has wormed his way into Flint’s heart, and he’s what Flint, who has pretty much given up on his own happiness, sees as his legacy. Flint, who wanted Thomas and Miranda as Nassau’s governors, now wants Silver and Madi as Nassau’s pirate king and queen. And while he may be right about Madi, I think he’s sorely mistaken about Silver. 

If we assume that both Flint and Silver survive the show, and end up as they do in Treasure Island, I think that ultimately, Silver will suffer the greater loss. His own sense of self-worth and purpose is now tied so strongly to how other people perceive him, to his new, shiny, position of power, the glory, that I think it will be difficult for him to accept that that he no longer has it. Silver will give up the war, but he will always mourn his own loss of relevance. He will become the Long John Silver of Treasure Island, the old man who was a part of something exciting and important, who can’t get over the loss of something that was bigger than him. A veteran in peace, talking about the good old times. Exaggerating his own importance, his own greatness, and incapable of letting go of the treasure and everything it stands for. 

What if you like someone who is a nonbeliever? It's hard.

Hi :)

Forgive me if my english is not really too good.

I know it is. Believe me. Girls that have no God fear, are a little bit interesting.. huh? 

But remember, that if you are going to get marry with ther, what should she look like? 

The most important personal relationship that a man can have, outside of his spiritual relationship with God through the Lord Jesus Christ, is his relationship with his wife. In the process of looking for a wife, the highest principle is to look for a woman with a personal faith in Jesus Christ. The Apostle Paul tells us not to be "unequally yoked" with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). Unless a man and woman are in full agreement on this most crucial issue, a godly and fulfilling marriage cannot take place.However, marrying a fellow believer does not guarantee the full experience of being "equally yoked." The fact that a woman is a Christian does not mean she is necessarily a good match for you spiritually. Does she have the same spiritual goals as you? Does she have the same doctrinal beliefs? Does she have the same passion for God? The qualities of a potential wife are crucially important. Far too many men marry for emotional or physical attraction alone, and that can be a recipe for failure.What are some godly qualities a man can look for in a wife? Scripture gives us some principles we can use to create a picture of a godly woman. She should first be surrendered in her own spiritual relationship with the Lord. The apostle Paul tells the wife that she is to submit to her husband as unto the Lord (Ephesians 5:22-24). If a woman is not surrendered to the Lord, she will not likely see submission to her husband as necessary to her own spiritual well-being. We cannot fulfill the expectations of anyone else without first allowing God to fill us with Himself. A woman with God at the center of her life is a good candidate for a wife.Paul also gives some character traits for a woman in his instructions about leaders in the church. "In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything" (1 Timothy 3:11). In other words, this is a woman who is not overly proud, knows when to speak and when to be silent, and is able to take her place beside her husband in confidence. She is a woman whose first focus is upon her relationship with the Lord and her own spiritual growth.The responsibilities of marriage are greater for the husband, for God's order places him as the head of his wife and his family. This headship is modeled after the relationship between Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:25-33). It is a relationship grounded in love. Just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it, the husband is to love his wife as he does his own body. Therefore, a man's personal spiritual relationship with the Lord is of supreme importance in the success of his marriage and his family. Willing sacrifice and the strength to choose to be a servant to the betterment of his marriage are the marks of a maturing spiritual man who honors God. Wisely choosing a wife based upon biblical qualities is important, but of equal importance is a man's own ongoing spiritual growth and his surrender to God's will in his life. A man who is seeking to be the man God wants him to be will be able to help his wife be the woman God desires her to be and will be able to build the marriage into the union God, he, and his wife desire it to be.

To be a godly wife, we must first consider what the word godly means. In 1 Timothy 2:2, Paul uses the word in conjunction with being “peaceful,” “quiet,” and “dignified.” The Bible says the Spirit, who is in every believer, produces visible and invisible acts of godliness, “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, and faithfulness” (Galatians 5:22). The decisive definition of godliness would be “Christlikeness.” Godliness involves a genuine striving to imitate Christ, to be like Him in thought and action as the apostle Paul strived to be (1 Corinthians 11:1). These characteristics of a godly disposition apply to every believer, whether male or female. Fortunately, the Bible gives more specific qualifications as to what a godly woman—particularly, a godly wife—looks like.In the book of Proverbs, there is a beautiful word picture painted of a godly wife. The virtues of a godly wife have not changed, even over thousands of years. A godly wife is one who has the complete trust of her husband. He doesn’t have to worry she will be tempted by the wiles of another man, overcharge the credit cards, or spend all day watching soap operas. He knows she is dignified, wise, and devoted (Proverbs 31:11, 12, 25, 26). He is confident of her support and sincere love because she is not vindictive or critical. Her husband has a good reputation in the community, and his wife never speaks ill of him, never gossips about him. Rather, she is always lifting him up and giving him praise. She maintains the household thoroughly and is well respected herself (Proverbs 30:12, 21, 23).A godly wife spends less time in front of the mirror than in sharing her goods with the poor and needy because she is selfless and benevolent (Proverbs 31:20, 30). But she doesn’t neglect herself; she keeps her body and spirit strong and in good health. Although she works hard and keeps long hours, she is not haggard; she cares about beautiful things to enhance herself and her family (Proverbs 31:17, 21, 22).Contrary to what many believe a biblical portrait of a godly wife to be, Proverbs 31 reveals she is enterprising and ambitious. The Proverbs 31 wife is a small business owner—she makes and sells garments. She makes her own business decisions independently, and she alone decides what to do with her earnings (Proverbs 31:16, 24). Notice, however, her earnings do not go toward shoes or bags, but to buy a field where she can plant a vineyard—something that will benefit the whole family.Through all of her endeavors, service, and hard work, the godly wife maintains joy. She can discern all she is doing is profitable, which spurs her on to a sense of gratification (Proverbs 31:18). A godly wife doesn’t worry about what the future may bring. She smiles at the future because she knows her Lord is in control of everything (Proverbs 31:30). Verse 30 is the key to the entire passage because a woman cannot be a godly wife without first fearing the Lord. It is her pursuit of Jesus and her abiding in Him which bring the fruit of godliness to manifest in the life of a godly woman (see John 15:4).Finally, a godly wife should be submissive to her husband (Ephesians 5:22). What does a submissive wife look like? Not what you might think. The Bible teaches that Jesus submits to His Father (John 5:19). Yet Jesus is equal to the Father (John 10:30). Therefore, a submissive wife is not less valuable as a human being; her role is not less important—but it is different. Christians know that Christ is every bit as divine as the Father (and the Holy Spirit), but each plays a different role in redemption. In the same way, men and women each play a different part in marriage. So, for a wife to be submissive to her husband as Christ is submissive to the Father means she willingly allows her husband to lead. Jesus went willingly, although not without distress (Matthew 26:39). Christ knew the Father’s way was best. A godly wife may find the path of submissiveness painful at times, but following God will always result in spiritual rewards that last for all eternity (1 Timothy 4:7–8).The Bible equates submissiveness to one’s husband to submissiveness to God (Ephesians 5:22). In other words, if a wife cannot submit to her husband, it may be a reflection of her struggle to be submissive to Christ. Submission does not imply weakness; a submissive wife is not “unintelligent” or “unimportant.” Submission requires strength, dignity, and devotion, as we learn from the Proverbs 31 woman.Proverbs 31 presents the ideal. A woman can be a godly wife without being perfect (we know there is no such thing as human perfection). But as a wife grows more intimate in her relationship with Christ, she will grow increasingly godly in her marriage. Godliness goes in complete opposition of what secular society says a woman should aspire to. However, as women of God our first concern must always be what pleases God.

Sending you a big hug.

In the darkness you will hide

Another thing I tried to translate. Love me some Norma(n). Any correstions/suggestions are welcome.

Norman’s four. The only thing he comprehends is that everything’s dark around him, and that his mother’s perfume can’t cover the smell of old things. His nose is itching, and he really wants to sneeze, but mother asked him to be quiet as a mouse, so Norman just buries his face in her hair a bit deeper. What he knows is that they’re hiding inside a big old closet and playing some sort of a game. Mother’s kneeling beside him, his chin is on her shoulder, and they’re holding each other. He puts his best into breathing as quietly as he can. So does she.

‘Shh, honey’ he hears her muddled tremble of a whisper at his ear. ‘Shh, honey, be quiet’.

The sound of something being loudly crushed comes from outside the doors along with muttered cursing. Norma shivers, startled. Norman presses his cheek against hers; she’s crying. That doesn’t seem to be such a nice game at all, but mother strokes his hair tenderly, and his worries come away. She whispers something else in a tired, almost begging voice. Some of the words Norman has heard many times before, but never quite understood the meaning. Fucking bastard, just go the hell away. Go away, please. God.

‘NOORMAAAA!’ a slurring drunken roar suddenly breaks through. The next moment Norman feels like the world outside explodes: the bedroom door is kicked open and smashed into the wall with an unimaginable crash, having obscured Norma’s loud gasp. The roar comes nearer, almost deafening them from right outside the closet.

‘NOOOORMAAAAA!!!’

Norman shivers, too, and puts his arms around his mother’s neck. She pulls him closer, holding her palm on his head in a protective gesture, and presses her lips against his shoulder, afraid of betraying their whereabouts with a sob or hectic breathing. They hear something break. Then come the threats to find them, then ‘I swear to God, if you don’t come out right now!..’, then… They hide, even when the bourbon-fueled roars leave the room, followed by the sound of knocked down night stands and shattered photo frames. They stay in the darkness, where nothing exists for Norman, apart from the feeling of his mother’s closeness, her perfume and her whisper, burning his ear.

‘It all gonna be good. It’s all gonna be good, honey. Shhhh.’

Norman’s ten and it’s his birthday. Better yet, Norman’s ten, it’s his birthday, and his father won’t be home. Norma’s hardly able to contain her own joy, when she sneaks into her son’s bedroom to smooch him awake and promises him a real party. Though this party, as always, has to be their secret, so shhh, not a word for now. Norman doesn’t mind. He’s quite used to hiding their happy moments from dad.

Father leaves home some time after noon, so before that Norman is forced to behave as his usual, not-laughing, not-making-loud-noises, not-drawing-attention self. He nearly goes mad, trying not to fidget and look interested in his toys. The clock hands are dead stuck to one place under his hypnotizing stare. He decides to be strong and wait, then he despairs, then mans up and sets on waiting once more only to later think how he’s the most miserable person in the whole wide world – all that within just 2-3 hours. But when mother closes the front door, her radiant smile becomes the best reward for his sufferings. The smile and her laugh, when she swings her arms around him, covering his face with generous kisses. She has an incredible laugh. It’s a pity she never laughs when father’s home.

Exhilarated by their own freedom, they decide to bake a cake. Just like that, fearlessly, knowing that at any other time the idea would have been met with a harsh ‘no’ and a snappy lecture on how they’re not millionaires to be spending money on such ‘dumb shit’. Dylan hears their lively voices and hauls out of his room: a scrawny, dark blond teenager in a rebellious leather jacket that he refuses to take off at home. He leans at the banisters, looking at his mom and little brother from above.

‘You really needn’t ‘ve bothered, you know, my birthday passed like 4 months ago’ he comments on the kitchen fuss with a sarcastic smirk, remembering his own ordinarily crappy ‘special day’. Norma shots a guilty glance at him; dawdles on an answer, cleaning the cream off the spoon with her finger and licking it.

‘Well, you keep telling me how old you are for all this,’ what was meant to be a defense sounds more like an accusation. ‘At least, for Norman it’s still important’.

The teen shakes his head and chuckles, amazed by how many excuses this woman can come up with. He knows, he feels that it’s not about age and that nothing will change as time passes.

‘Whatever, Norma’. He runs down the stairs and out to the street, not caring enough to hold the door behind him. It slams. Norma watches him go with a helpless and discouraged look on her face, thinking how everything just keeps going downhill between her and her eldest son, and Norman hates his brother for that. For stealing his mother’s thoughts. He pulls her apron for attention and doesn’t stop until she’s fully his once again.

And then they celebrate, listen to old records and dance in the living room. Dance in the living room, what an outrageous thing to do! Father would have made a scene, but he’s not there, and they’re stealing a whole evening of happiness together. Their secret.

‘I love you, Norman’. A warm smile pays off any other day when she doesn’t smile.

‘I love you too, mother’.

He likes that formal ‘mother’, because Dylan always tries to come off so independent and grown up by calling her by her name. Norman thinks it’s stupid, but then again, he’s quite content to be the only one who calls Norma ‘mother’. That’s a nice feeling. It means he doesn’t have to share her with anybody.

Norman’s almost eighteen, and his temple is pierced with a sharp pain, as if someone’s drilling into his head. It’s cold in the basement, but he’s hot with anger. Tools are quivering in his hands. The half-finished work annoys him with its half-finished-ness, and he desperately wants to stab it with blades and throw into the garbage. Norman manages to keep calm. Right until he hears her.

‘Honestly, you can be so possessive sometimes’.

Irrigated voice comes from the top of the stairs. Oh, he knows how mother just can’t leave it be until she pours it all down on him, even if he gives up answering. They’ve been teasing each other mercilessly the whole day, and both are rather wound up. The invisible drill pierces his temple once more. Norman’s grip on the scalpel toughens slowly, his knuckles whiten.

‘Why, because you’re obviously never possessive, Mother’, he knaps every word loudly, with a sarcastic smile.

He hears an angry scoff, and then Norma drums her heels down the stairs; lips are rouged and tightened, eyes glaring. She herself feels that one more word and they’re going to find themselves in the middle of yet another fight, and she doesn’t want that, but her son’s overly friendly voice gets the best of her. Truth be told, sometimes she’d just prefer raging it all out in an argument than endlessly mocking each other. At least, she’s good at screaming.

‘You know what, Norman,’ her finger points at his chest in an accusing gesture, ‘if ever I gave you shit about your girlfriends, I…’

Norman bursts into nervous, shrieking laughter so loudly, that she halts in mid-sentence and leans back a little.

‘Oh no, Mother,’ he spreads his hands and smiles tensely, still holding the sharp instrument. ‘I’m the last person to come into your consideration. It’s so much easier to drive a couple of girls away for good by yourself, isn’t it? A couple of girls who just wanted to be friendly with an idiot who moved to this godforsaken place!’

Why on earth did he remember them now? Ah, what does it matter! She treats him like a silly boy, and the way she dismisses his words with a wave of her hand just makes Norman all the more furious.

‘Oh please, Norman, I know exactly what’s going on in their heads at this age!’

The distorted smile fades completely, and Norman smashes the scalpel onto the table. Then, putting his trembling hands in pockets, he walks around it and comes up to his mother, all straightened up and tense as a stretched string.

‘Well, I know men, Mother,’ he leans down to her from his height in a somewhat confiding way, as if letting her in on a secret. ‘And I know what they’re thinking of when they look at you.’

Norma seems to shrink under his stare, feeling his words form an unpleasant clump inside her stomach. Somehow, they disturb her. She wants to snap and show him that it’s not that easy to shake her self-control, but she feels vulnerable even in her attacking pose of preference, with her fist on her hip. The sharp Well, then, enlighten me, by all means! never leaves her lips. However, the cocky comment is, perhaps, reflected on her face, as Norman holds her shoulders and looks into her eyes.

‘They look at a wonderful, clever, funny woman, but ultimately want just one thing from you,’ he’s almost pitiful. ‘I just don’t want you to get hurt’.

His words hit the nerves. Norma scans her son’s face for a while as if trying to see who gave him the right to say these harsh, truthful things, and then fights his hands off. Though, to do this last one, she has to struggle quite a bit.

‘Why, Norman? Why do you think I’ll necessarily get hurt? Why is it that you can only see disasters everywhere?’

‘Because no one will ever love you like I do, Mother.’

She’s only able to let out a helpless sigh, not even knowing what her answer could possibly be. Her lips try to form the beginning of a phrase, but the phrase itself gets lost and sounds refuse her control. She’s confused, as if for the first time realizing that simple truth that has been growing between them this whole time. She doesn’t even have energy to argue. She doesn’t want to, really. That would be pointless. Instead, she gives up a staring contest, shakes her head and fetches her phone. Norman rolls his eyes, taking it to be another one of her phenomenal and endless means to ignore reality.

‘Now, what are you doing?’

‘Cancelling the crap outta it’, goes snarky reply.

He grins sarcastically, almost with regret.

‘Don’t be so dramatic, Mother. It’s a date night! Why would you cancel?’ he asks and then meets her look. The long, the what-did-I-ever-do-to-you-that-you’re-breaking-me-like-this kind.

‘That’s why, Norman’, she vaguely points from him to herself and back at him, and repeats his words slowly. ‘That’s why, because no one will ever love me like you do, will they?’

She sighs heavily as Norman observes her. Then blurts out the rest of it, the words that she doesn’t even wanna stop anymore, she’s that tired of thinking them and never bringing it up.

‘Norman, I think-- I think we’ve been together for so long, we’ve loved each other for so long, that maybe-- I don’t know, maybe we’re both a little bit in love’.

A long pause occurs. Then Norman comes closer and wraps her in his arms, part-making, part-letting Norma rest her head at the crook of his neck and clutch at his shoulders from behind. Then he sways her a little, and hides his unsure smile in her hair.

‘Maybe we are, Mother.’

Norman’s nineteen and he’s in complete and utter darkness. His eyes are closed, but even if he opened them, he wouldn’t see a thing. He doesn’t want to, either. This darkness has such a familiar flair to it that being afraid becomes unnecessary, he remembers it from childhood. It has his mother’s arms swung around his neck, her wavy breath and her intermittent mantra. Shh, honey. Norman reaches to kiss her neck. Turns out, the perfume he loved so much as a child wasn’t perfume at all, but the scent of her skin.

He knows he’s impatient. Norma’s hand, half into his hair, tightens its grip as she tries to hold him down a bit, driving her nails at his skin. Shh, honey. Easy. He slows down obediently but then, unable to contain himself, lowers his head to kiss her collarbones and that soft, pulsating place in between, and he could swear he hears a smile in her little rhythmic gasps. Norman wants to be closer still, hold her tighter. His one arm holds the weight of his body over hers, with the other he draws her to himself, hand flat on her back. Neither can really be moved, so he traces the tip of his nose up her neck to brush locks of hair aside and kisses her right under the ear – something he just recently learned she likes so much. Norma gives out a voiced sigh. Sure, she figured out all those pleasant little tricks a long time ago, but now they turned into theirs. Their little secret, like when Norman was little.

A distant street-lamp colours the room amber. Norman opens his eyes, but still sees only broken kaleidoscopic pictures. Honey gleams in his mother’s hair. Her half-closed eyes, half-opened lips. He covers them with his – the darkness has a warm taste. Norma doesn’t really try to hold him down anymore. Quick and hungry kisses mix with attempts to gulp some air, each touch is a grip. The desire of closeness tosses and turns on the inside, expanding immensely and threatening to break the rib cage. Embraces are so tight and greedy, as if their lives depend on them.

‘I love you, Norman.’ ‘I love you too, Mother.’

Fingers, buried in hair. The scent of heated skin.

‘I love you so much.’

Norman’s twenty-three. He knows that as a manager he simply must leave the house and go down to the motel, but he doesn’t want to. Bad things happen when he leaves.

‘Don’t be silly, Norman. Who do you reckon should clean the rooms, then?’

He gives her a gloomy look from under his eyebrows and fumbles with a bunch of keys. Norma is standing by the stairs leaning at banisters, all groomed up, full of light and brooking no contradictions.

‘We don’t have any guests, Mother’ he tries to protest, but she won’t have a word of it.

‘What does it matter if we don’t? Guest’ll come, and what then is gonna come out of our reputation when we have to put them in God knows when made rooms?’

We don’t have any reputation either, Norman wants to say, because no one even knows about us, we’re so far aside from the main road. But he knows that this discussion is only going to end up with him feeling guilty about not respecting Mother’s business and trying to make up for it. Thus, he tries to get at it from another angle.

‘Mother, I really don’t want to go and leave you alone in the house.’

‘Norman, honey,’ she smiles softly, comes closer and laces her fingers with his. ‘I’m not going anywhere. I’m always gonna wait for you here, okay?’

He can’t resist her when she’s like this. He can’t resist her altogether, and, to her content, he sighs and nods. Without taking his eyes off her, as if he can’t get enough, he squeezes her hands in his.

‘I love you, Mother.’

She flashes a soft amorous smile and reaches to give him a peck of a kiss on the corner of his lips.

‘I love you too, Norman’.

He walks at the porch with a heavy heart and in a sullen mood. Doesn’t want to look back, but looks anyway: the sun is so bright that there seems to be nothing behind the door glass but the bleak darkness. Voiceless. Empty. Norman jerks his shoulders and turns his back on the door, crumpling a pile of fresh towels in hands. He hates leaving the house because outside it gets so much harder to forget that Norma is long gone. He hates the feeling of her loss. It claws at his insides like the feeling of a nightmare that you keep having but never quite remember.

Thus, making a run down the steps, Norman sets himself firmly at returning as soon as possible to the calmness of the only place where he’s not torn apart by nightmares and staying there. And he’s just as sure that this place is with his Mother.

Always with Mother.

Introducing the Minimalist Oracle: An Interview with Rachel Lieberman

You might have noticed things have been a little quiet over here on the blog - and by a little quiet, I mean, yikes, I haven't posted since November. What's up with that? Well, I'd always rather save a post until I have something truly epic to share, and while that might not have been the case for the past couple of months, I definitely have something epic for you today! 

I'm always on the lookout for new, independently published tarot and oracle decks that exemplify beautiful design and interesting, original ideas, so naturally when I came upon the Minimalist Oracle, I knew I had to have it! As is usually the way when I find a gorgeous new indie deck, I get a copy for myself, and a truckload for the shop, too. 

What better way to get to know a new oracle deck than to chat to its creator? Today, we're joined by mystical creative person, Rachel Lieberman (clearly "mystical creative person" is the best descriptor of any artist I've interviewed so far!), who's here to tell us a bit about marrying up minimalist design and divination for deep soul work!

Welcome, Rachel! Tell us a little about yourself as an artist and oracle/tarot reader and human person.

Hi! Thank you so much for having me, Marianne, and for supporting what I have created. Let’s see – I live in Portland, Oregon, where I was born and grew up, though I’ve traveled and lived in lots of different parts of the USA and world. I have a very “normal” non-creative corporate day job as a Project Manager at a large translation company. 

I live a sort of double life as a corporate employee and a mystical creative person, which I love. I am really inspired by aesthetically beautiful objects that also hold wisdom and meaning, so it would make sense that I would be drawn to tarot and oracle decks.

I actually knew absolutely nothing about tarot or divination or the mystical world until about two years ago when some unexpected life events introduced me to some unseen things I didn’t know existed. I wanted to make sense of what I was experiencing, so I turned to tools like tarot to help me process. This journey for me has turned out to be about self empowerment, self love, and some very painful but rewarding deep soul work, and the tarot was a very important guide for me.

Tell us a little about your creation, the Minimalist Oracle. Where did the inspiration for this deck first come from? What was the process of creating the deck like?

I knew I wanted to create this about a year and a half ago, but I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know how I would possibly translate the vision inside into something physical. By January of last year, the inner whisper to do it had turned into a scream, and I knew I needed to drop everything and make it happen, so I pretty much did literally that. Last minute I took a week off from my job, and spent the whole week shut in my apartment formulating what this might look like. I’ve always been attracted to minimalist art. I also loved tarot and oracle decks but wasn’t seeing something that I felt really reflected my aesthetic. So, I figured I would create it. That week I only accomplished a fraction of what would be the final deck, but at that point I knew I couldn’t stop. The art I put in the deck is a combination intuition and precise calculation. I would typically sit down and let myself go wild with the color, shape, etc. Then I would carefully edit it until I felt that the emotion I wanted to convey was distilled to the most simple and powerful form possible.

It took almost exactly a year to finish creating it, printing it, and launching it, and a lot of edits and changes took place along the way, but I made it happen! It’s exciting to do something completely new.

Backtracking a little bit, could you tell us a little about your artistic background, and how that has informed and influenced the way you envisioned and created your deck? What does your art practice look like, day-to-day?

To be honest, when I set out to create this, I really didn’t consider myself an artist. I’ve always felt the desire to create, but as an adult I didn’t make it a priority. In a way I think I had a fear and judgment of that impulse in myself, which actually has made this process even more powerful, so I’m thankful for it. Two years ago, I randomly found myself at a point in my life where I had a lot of solitude and space from the rest of the world. I started asking myself the big questions – what do I NEED to do with my life? The answer was – create something visual. So, I started painting, drawing, making paper cut outs, everything I could, just for the sheer joy of it. I had no direction or idea what I was doing, but I came home every night and worked a little bit. Eventually I found that I was getting better at taking what was in my head and finding some way to make it real.

Even now, I don’t create art everyday. Sometimes I don’t create anything for months at a time, though I think that is changing. I make sure to leave the space in my life for it, and when I feel the visceral need, I go for it. However, everyday I consume images through tumblr, instagram, blogs, pinterest. There is something inside of me that feels hungry for it, so I take a little time everyday to “feed” myself. This inspiration helps refine, expand, and stimulate my aesthetic sensibilities.

As much as you feel comfortable sharing it, what role (if any) does reading cards have in your own spiritual practice, and how has working with your own art - both making the deck and reading with it - in this setting influenced and shaped your personal journey?

This deck is, in many ways, based on my own personal journey. The cards I chose to create were themes or feelings I experienced in my own life as I decided to start overcoming fear, limited beliefs, and old patterns. Creating the deck actually helped me define and gain perspective on how I saw both myself and the world, which was really beneficial. In a way, tarot and oracle decks are an organization system for the most chaotic thing in the world – the human growth journey, in all its messy glory. To see my journey in a more objective way was helpful.

Holding my own physical deck for the first time when I printed a test copy was such a magical feeling. Then, I worked with the deck everyday on my own for months before finalizing it and printing it to be released to others. I wanted to make sure that every card’s message was clear and expressed exactly what I wanted to say. Creating this deck was a huge victory for me – it made me feel powerful, free, and confident. It has changed the way I view myself and the way I operate in the world. I’m so glad I get to share it with others but my own desire to make it and use it was really my motivation.

Because we at Two Sides Tarot can never resist a good deck recommendation, what are the tarot or oracle decks that you love to read with? Are there any decks that have been a big influence on the Minimalist Oracle?

The Osho Zen Tarot was my first deck and I would say it was my biggest inspiration for the Minimalist Oracle. It’s a quirky, playful deck with a lot of personality, and I love that about it, though I rarely use it anymore. All of the independently published decks are my favorite now – I met fellow Portlander and tarot deck creator Coleman Stevenson of The Dark Exact during this process, and I love her everything she creates, including her deck The Dark Exact Tarot. Right now I am loving Rachel Howe’s Small Spells Tarot, Spirit Speak’s Iris oracle deck, and the After Tarot.

Finally, how would you like to see the Minimalist Oracle used? Any pro tips for working with it?

I really wanted this deck to have a friendly, loving, but direct personality. It will tell you the truth, but in a thoughtful way. So, I hope that the owners of this deck develop a relationship with it as a companion. It’s a deck that can be used everyday, since it helps connect with emotions, and those are constantly changing. It’s also a great addition to tarot spreads, partially because the clean lines go nicely with almost any aesthetic, which was my intention.

I designed the packaging specifically so that it could withstand being thrown in my bag everyday and come along – it travels well. I bring mine with me everyday to work and draw a card or two for inspiration that day, or use it as a journaling aid. For me, personal growth is at its best when its practices are integrated into our day to day lives – not as something that is limited to any one time or place. Use this deck to turn anywhere into a sacred space for you to connect with yourself!

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You can find out more about Rachel at her website, and I'm so happy to say that the Minimalist Oracle is in stock now at Two Sides Tarot! 

Thoughts? Questions for Rachel? Reflections on these beautiful cards? Leave us a note in the comments or come and say hi on Twitter!