Not sure how I feel about this one but my friend said I had to upload it and really enjoyed it so here you go! My Vinny/Reader’s first kiss.

If y’all like it enough maybe I’ll write a second part of the first date.

So here’s The More Things Change

Background: The band and their girlfriends all go on a mini vacation to a beach house, y/n is paige’s best friend (Paige is Chris’ girlfriend) and you always get included, tonight is the first night of the trip.

Paige = Chris’ girlfriend

Shae is herself.

“Of course the first night of our trip would end with rain, so much for the bonfire on the beach,” Paige says to you, as you both sit watching the rain and lightning come down from the covered back deck of the house.

“I think its peaceful out here, listening to the rain and thunder. The forecast shows good weather for the rest of our stay so everything planned for tonight can happen tomorrow,” you say to her as you continue to watch the rain fall over the beach. “And hey, thank you for bringing me. I really needed a step away from everything.”

“I know, and you’re one of us now anyways. Everyone loves you so even if I didn’t invite you I bet someone else would have…. If you catch what I’m saying,” she says winking at you, immediately making you blush and turn away from her.

“Now I know you’ve had a drink or two too many, because I know you would never say that out loud where someone might hear you,” you quietly respond, annoyed she’d dare bring that up when anyone else would hear what she was trying to say.

“Chris says hes interested in you too, like more than you both already are. Besides, I don’t get why you two won’t just admit it. You talk all the time, both of you constantly watch the other when you think nobody is paying attention, and I know you two have been spending some time together,” she says.

“You mean like friends do? I spend time with you, and talk to you all the time. That doesn’t mean that we have a crush on eachother. Vinny has just become on of my friends, that is it.” you say with a groan. “Besides they leave for tour in a couple weeks, and while you work for them and get to join them and see Chris, we wouldn’t have that so it would be hard, really hard.”

“Shae and Justin make it work despite him being gone a lot and they have a baby, if the two of you wanted to you could. But fact of the matter is you are just scared, you don’t want to try anything in fear of rejection or that something will go wrong but I can tell you that wouldn’t happen. Anyways, I am cold I am going inside. I’m assuming you are going back to reading your book?” she asks you as she gets up, slowly making her way to the door.

“Yeah, its peaceful out here and I’d rather read than watch everyone battle eachother in whatever game the boys all broke out,” you respond with an eyeroll as you put your reading glasses back on and open your book back up, slowly swinging on the porch swing that is out here.

Inside

Paige walks in the house, shaking her head annoyed that you still won’t listen to her about Vin. If the two of you would just finally admit it to one another then the problem would be solved. And its not like much would change between the both of you, she knows that the two of you are texting all of the time, its obvious from the fact that when one of you sends a text to the other you sit and watch to see if the other one checks their phone. The two of you are awful at hiding the fact you are into eachother, everyone knows it except you the two of you.

“Let me guess, she still didn’t listen to you,” Chris asks Paige as she takes a seat on the couch next to him. She leans into his side, taking in the warmth she craved after being outside where it was chilly.

“Fuck, no. She got all annoyed I would bring it up where someone else could walk in on the conversation and then tried to act like they don’t talk all the time and everything, like we don’t all know the truth already. For being so smart she sure can be an idiot sometimes,” Paige says rolling her eyes.

“They both are,” Shae says laughing from her spot on the other couch. “We were trying to convince Vin that now is the perfect time to go make a move, and he has an easy opportunity but he refused to listen to us. We kept telling him that it is chilly out there, he should take a blanket to her. That you would figure out what was going on and would leave them to have their moment but he won’t. It’s ‘not a good time to make a move on her with everything going on’.” She says using air quotes around his words.

“We even reminded him that it’s never a good time when you are constantly touring, but he also ignored that.” Ryan says, joining in the conversation about Vinny, everyone acting like Vinny wasn’t there to hear them all talk about hi,.

“Sorry I don’t want to screw up a friendship that I really enjoy having, no matter what her response to any of it would be things would still change.” He says with a groan, annoyed that they have been on him about this for the last hour while you and Paige were outside, he finally got it to die down before Paige came back in.

“But who said it would change for the negative? I bet you would enjoy the ending,” Ricky adds in, turning to look at Vinny who is now visibly aggravated at the conversation.

“Nobody is going to shut up until I just go and talk to her are you,” he asks, annoyed when he sees everyone is nodding their heads.

Rather than answering Chris tosses the blanket they were trying to get him to take to you at him, which he takes as his answer.

Giving up he stands up, making his way to the back door with a sigh, figuring that they won’t know what you are talking about out there so he could probably get away with just hanging out with you instead should he lose his courage to actually try and make a move towards something more with you.

Outside

You hear the door open and look up, smiling when you realize that it was Vinny, before putting your bookmark in place and setting the book down next to you and taking your glasses off.

“Paige said that it was chilly out here, I thought maybe you would like to have a blanket or something,” He says softly, almost a whisper. Feeling like an idiot he just sets the blanket next to you.

Except you gladly accept the blanket, wrapping it around your shoulders, and sliding over some on the swing so that there was room for him, holding one side of the blanket out as an invitation for to join you, hoping that he would.

He takes notice and takes a seat next to you, letting you drape the side of the blanket you held out to him over him as well.

“Thank you that was really sweet of you, I was getting ready to go in because I was admittedly getting cold. I just didn’t want to because it’s so peaceful out here. I’ve always loved listening to rain storms,” you say, turning to look at him with a smile.

“Don’t tell the others that I am sweet, they’ll expect me to start being that way towards them as well,” he jokes, finally starting to relax now that he is away from the others.

“So you’re saying you are only sweet towards me? I’ll have to remember that next time I want something,” you tease him, both of you going quiet.

It wasn’t an awkward silence though, rather both of you were just relaxed and enjoying the company. That’s honestly a big part of why you like Vinny, he makes you feel comfortable, like you don’t have to try around him and you’ve honestly never felt like that before with anyone, friends or romantically with people.

Both of you just sit and watch the rain, not realizing that you have unconsciously moved closer to eachother until you are curled up in his side, his arm around you and your head resting on his shoulder. But that doesn’t bother either of you either, it just seems right, like this is what you should be doing in this moment.

You look up at his face, trying to read what he was thinking, only to find that he was watching you already. Blushing, you look out towards the water, embarrassed he caught you watching him. When he chuckles that just embarases you that much more, feeling like you just got caught doing something stupid.

A few moments later you glance back at him, to see if he is still watching you and you catch his eyes. Both of you sit there, the eye contact drawing you both in but neither saying a word as the silence feels sacred between you, like if you broke it that you would lose the moment.

Finally Vinny chooses to break the silence with a question, “Hey y/n can I try something?” he asks quietly, suddenly feeling shy himself.

Somehow you have a gut feeling that you know what he is asking to do, you can’t find the words to say yes so you pull your eyes away from his before you nod, refusing to look at him.

Neither of you move for a few seconds, both of you trying to figure out if this is a good idea or not.

Vinny cups one of your cheeks with his calloused hands and makes you look up at him, you both looking at eachother shyly. He finally decides to take a leap of faith, hoping that you will be there to catch him, and leaves a soft but shaky kiss on your lips.

Closing your eyes you lean into it, moving your own lips against his, relaxing into the moment that was finally happening before he slowly pulls away from you, a shy smile on both of your faces.

“Let me take you on a date before this trip ends, please?” he asks you, brushing a piece of your hair behind your ear.

“Okay,” you say softly, both of you curling up into eachothers side, not ready to go face the friends that are inside, more than likely having watched what just happened and ready to tease the two of you. You’d rather spend a little more time to yourselves enjoying the company before you go into the lions den.

Sid's GenLoss thoughts, or, how Vinny is the key to all this

gif by hackerling

As I mentioned in my last post, I really don't know who anyone in GenLoss is outside of Jerma and Vinny. But I was immediately invested when I saw it was filled with lore.

I haven't seen too many people talk about gl!Vinny, so I figured I'd make my contribution by talking him in particular. (Spoilers, obviously.)

The carousel.

Vinny is an outlier in episode 2, both in his actions and how others react to him. We see this as soon as Ranboo first enters the carousel room. While there is urgency in Vinny's voice, he doesn't seem nearly as panicked as the others. Compare and contrast how everyone else acts while the carousel is turning:

To how Vinny acts:

For most of the carousel sequence, Vinny is quiet and distant. He doesn't address or even look at the camera when he passes by it on the carousel. The most we get after Ranboo first arrives is as he leaves, but in both instances Vinny's shouts are almost half-hearted.

Then there's his introduction.

The title on this clip upload is inaccurate. Unlike all the others, Vinny makes no attempt to beg for his life. He doesn't beg to be freed or try to escape. Vinny just tells us he's useful because he's a hoarder and spends the rest of the time listing the things he's hoarded. Even after becoming 'the taken', Sneeg still mentioned that looks forward to the chance of staying alive.

But Vinny doesn't do any of that, nor does he does it appear that he wants to. He just wants to talk about something else. Plug and plays. Wooden ducks. Anything other than surviving and escaping.

Vinny doesn't speak much while chat solves the pipe puzzle, but there is one thing he says that stands out: "I welcome death at this point."

Vinny's reaction to death, and the candy room.

As Vinny climbs out of the tunnel and stands up, he pauses and looks at Niki's body.

See clip here.

Although he's not as animated or dramatic as the others, Vinny is clearly shocked that she's dead. He questions why Ranboo and Sneeg are so focused on candy and Mouse Trap while Niki is dead on the floor. Of course, both Ranboo and Sneeg have been heavily brainwashed at this point, while Vinny likely hasn't. Curiously, after they brush off Niki's body, Vinny seems to brush it off too. While it may be that self-awareness only comes in bits and spirts, I think it's more likely (as we'll see later on) that Vinny was still aware and decided it was best to play along.

The other two moments in the candy room are interesting as well. Vinny takes Sneeg's suggestion and tastes a piece of candy, only to spit it out with disgust. "You're eating this stuff?" As others have pointed out, the candy is definitely not candy, but we don't know what it really is. All we know is that it didn't taste good.

And finally, Vinny makes one more comment before they leave the candy room: "What am I even doing in here?" To which, Ranboo can't give an answer.

From this point on, I'm going to skip ahead to Vinny's death and work my way backwards.

Reaction to Vinny's Death, and the laser room.

One of the few times we see Ranboo and Sneeg react to what's happening around them is moments before Vinny's dummy hits the ceiling.

It's curious that they have such a strong reaction. They did nothing as Niki screamed for help and let her die. When Ethan dies later on, they give no reaction. And Ranboo simply moves on when Austin and Sneeg are crushed to death.

But here they are, screaming at him hitting the ceiling. And when Vinny dies, they flinch at the sight. It was a subdued reaction, yes, but it was more than could be said for the others, except for maybe Slimetowel. Even afterwards, when they pass by Vinny's body, they're still uncomfortable by the sight.

Whatever really happened to Vinny was so shocking that pierced through all of their mind-control and scared them.

(By the way, this doesn't quite tie into the bigger theory I'm getting at here, I just thought it was interesting.)

"Goddamnit."

Out of all the on-screen deaths, Vinny is the calmest about his.

Niki cries after she's shot and completely breaks down before being shot again. Ethan screams at whatever it is that happened to him behind the fake wall. Austin and even Sneeg scream as they're crushed by the wall.

But Vinny? Sure, he does yell as he flies through the air and hits his head against the ceiling, but it hardly compares to the sheer horror the others experienced. When he realizes that he's about to die, all he does is lean his head back, says "Goddamnit", and lets the comically tiny anvil crush his head.

If anything, Ranboo and Sneeg have more of a reaction than Vinny does. Vinny is resigned and accepts his fate. Hell, he smiles just before they throw him. And those things he said before: "I welcome death at this point." "What am I even doing in here?"

How is Vinny so apathetic to what's happening without being forced to? Well…

"Guys, don't worry about it. I got this. I've done it before."

When presented with the laser room, Ranboo and Sneeg are at a loss (haha) on how to solve the puzzle. Vinny confidently tells them he's done it before. Ranboo tries to ask what he means by that, but Vinny doesn't elaborate and simply tells them that they need to throw him across the room. (I'll be fully honest, the reason I think that line is important and intentional is because it sounded like he was reciting a script word for word rather than him naturally speaking LOL)

He might be implying that this has happened during one of his funny stories like whatever happened at the wooden duck factory…but I think it's a lot more literal than that.

Repetition is a theme in GenLoss. In fact, it's what 'generation loss' means in the first place: repetition until degradation. Several people seem to have gone through trials before they happen, such as Slimesicle having a part of the Mouse Trap puzzle inside his 'slime.' And wait…didn't Slimesicle and Sneeg die on Day 1?

Everyone being held captive by Showfall has done this before. They've been trapped, put through puzzles, failed to escape, and died.

For whatever reason, Vinny remembers this. He knows the puzzles' solutions. He knows when he's not supposed to be on-screen. He knows that they've failed to escape before, and he's just biding his time until his next death.

But what if he's just being mind-controlled the way Sneeg is, you ask? He's not. Things aren't completely censored for him. He was shocked when he saw Niki dead. He found the not-candy to be revolting. He's still aware of the horrors going on around him. He's just desensitized because he's gone through it before, and he'll probably go through it again.

For a brief moment, however, something different happened. He got through the lasers farther than he ever has before. It's different than before. He smiles. "I made it!"

"Goddamnit."

Livestreamer By Day, Rock Artist By Night: The Story of Vinesauce and Red Vox

People like watching other people play video games. It can be comforting when you don't have the time or patience to play a game, or maybe the personality playing the game makes it a more enjoyable experience. Either way, it is a favored pasttime of a great many of those who dwell in the virtual.

Livestreaming is a relatively recent invention of the contemporary internet, and being able to watch someone do something live on the computer has created communities and careers for the viewer and streamer alike. In the beginning, however, it was the wild west: people would simply hit 'record' and see what sticks. On websites like justin.tv (now Twitch.tv), random, faceless chat members rallied around these streamers, building them up to what they are today. And, squarely at the beginning of this phenomenon, was Vinesauce.

Vinesauce, hosted by Vinny (who has scarcely, if ever, told his last name to the internet--probably for the better) was created in February 2010, where Vinny uploaded amateur gaming videos and and personal recordings. Soon after, he took to livestreaming. Pre-dating Twitch, streaming was a new concept. Vinny took on the name Vine, and simply added "sauce" for fun. He recounts this in a Q&A session:

"It all started in a basement a number of years ago. A group of friends were gathered around a television playing one of the GameCube Mario Party games. The mini game in which vines grow out of the ground and into the sky appeared on screen. A random member of the committee was said to have uttered "Doesn't it look like those vines are growing out of an asshole?" Many jokes and laughs later, "Vinny" became "Vine." At least, that's how the rumor goes. Oh, and for the record, sauce is just a fun word.”

The following year, in 2011, Vinny launched the Vinesauce website. The stream was born, and other fledgling streamer were recruited to the Vinesauce banner, creating a network of streamers--gamers, friends, even people from across the world. From then on, Vinny has comfortably enjoyed a modest audience while he plays whatever game strikes his fancy. His streams could be considered "chill" in the highest capacity.

Of course, we aren't here to talk video games and livestreamers. We want music, and who am I to deny? Vinny was not only proficient at playing video games: the man had a passion for the guitar. Mentioned various times throughout his streams and conversations with chat members, Vinny made clear his love of music, and the particular artists that influenced him. Thus, together with long time college friend "Jabroni" Mike, in 2015 the Staten Island indie rock band Red Vox was formed. The name came to Vinny in a dream, and the music certainly reflects that. Each album inherits its own genre, and while some call the music "psychedelic", and the influences are there, it is not exclusive to Red Vox's theme.

Prior to Vinesauce, Vinny had played in other bands with Mike and friends, and had some experience playing in a group setting. Working with Joe Pecora of "Happy Anarchy", the first feature length album was recorded. Calling upon the myriad musical influences of Radiohead, Pixies, Bowie, Pink Floyd, Tame Impala...you can see what kind of music this might be. In fact, Vinny cites Tame Impala as a major contributing factor to the starting of Red Vox, and for me personally, Vinny was what fully introduced me to Kevin Parker, who has become one of my favorite artists today.

The first album to be released under the Red Vox name, What Could Go Wrong was described as a "loose concept" and applied to the band as well as the music. Dropping in March of 2016, each song in the album is connected by a theme of something going wrong; this concept could have been sourced from a feeling of nervousness or anxiety in releasing a fully produced album for the first time. Despite this, only some minor amateur shortcomings appear. Vinny and Mike are naturally talented musicians, and What Could Go Wrong was simply them finding their voice as Red Vox. AltWire described the album as, "...excellent in concept and execution. The musical pieces fall together neatly in place on this album, heralded by the fantastic musicianship of Vinny and Mike, where each song is gifted with a lovely suite of cool guitar-and-drum tunes, accompanied with strong and earthly vocals from Vinny."

That same year Red Vox would release Blood Bagel, a parody album that was really not intended to be anything too provacative or even, really, good. Described by Red Vox themselves in their description of the album: "For our next album, we wanted to strive for more depth and experimentation. This is not that album. This is Blood Bagel. Fuck you."

On a more serious note, the following year would see the release of Another Light, and two years later, in 2019, Kerosene. Each album improved and builds upon the last, and their latest album, Realign, is certainly one of my favorites for this very reason. The music is superb, with heavy usage of synthesizers being the key to Realign. Inspiration is drawn from MGMT and Tame Impala, and each track carries a distinct groove. A following was created behind Red Vox at this point, and Realign was eagerly awaited. As Haley Kennis of Afterglow writes, "Fans have been waiting since 2017’s Another Light for more music from Red Vox...But much like everything else in the world, the album was delayed at the last minute due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Finally, it was released on the evening of June 9 with a celebratory premiere of the album on the band’s Twitch page. But the question remained: Would Realign be everything we hoped it would? In short, Realign didn’t just live up to its high expectations — it blew them out of the water." Vinny is confident and his writing is on point, each song with a story to tell. Mike on drums carries the energy of the album and drives each beat home. Guest members Joe and Bill work the synths and everything blends together to create a smash hit.

The album art of Realign is notable in that it was based on an AI-generated image uncovered by Vinny in one of his streams. The art perfectly encapsulates a psychedelic sort of feeling of uncertainty, and illustrates the intersection of Vinny the streamer and Vinny the rock star.

Vinny Vinesauce and Vinny Red Vox are two sides of the same coin, and more than likely appeal to the same person. If you watch a Vinesauce stream, its like watching a close friend just chill and play some video games. If you've watched Vinesauce as long as I have (since around 2014), its comforting to hear Vinny's voice come through his music. If you listen to Red Vox first, the Vinesauce streams almost act as an inside look into the lifestyle of an indie rock guitarist. As you'll find, it is generally quite lax.

Today the band is working on their next album, with a single being dropped here and there. I eagerly await what next lies in store for Red Vox, as even aside from the Vinesauce brand, they have built a solid foundation for some of the most underrated indie music in the business.

Thanks for reading.

-G

Sources: https://www.highlandernews.org/37953/the-engrossing-sounds-of-red-voxs-ozymandias-and-a-discussion-with-the-bands-lead-vocalist/ https://youtube.fandom.com/wiki/Vinesauce https://vinesauce.fandom.com/wiki/Red_Vox https://www.afterglowatx.com/blog/2020/8/6/album-review-red-vox-soars-to-new-heights-on-realign https://www.altwire.net/2016/04/01/album-review-red-vox-go-wrong/

What was your last dream about? pamiętam tylko tyle, że M. powinna uważać na jej byłego

Would you like to build/design your own house? yes

Do you have a cherished childhood teddy bear? it’s not really a teddy but yeah

Are you psychic in any way? it seems

Are you a good dancer? meh

Are you a good singer? nooo

Are you a good cook? not the worst

Are you a good artist? maybe

Are you a good listener? try to be 

Are you a good public speaker? but don’t like to 

Are you a good babysitter? might be but hate that

Are you a good dresser? have my own style

Are you a good comedian? I’m funny :P

Are you a good cleaner? not good enough

Are you a good actor? I am

Are you a good writer? just like to write

Do you ever get chills & goosebumps when you listen to music? tell me about it...

What was the last song that had that effect on you? not sure which was last

Do you know what any of your siblings did over the weekend? I don’t care

Was the last book you read a hardback or paperback? paperback

What was the last thing you required the use of a spoon for? I was eating breakfast

The last time you ate something, was it in a bowl or on a plate? neither XD

Can you recall the last time you held hands with someone? I can

What was the last thing that made your heart melt? hmm...

Can you recall the last time you visited a bookshop? not the exact day but yep

Did you purchase anything? I don’t think so

Have you been wearing homemade masks or store-bought ones? both

Do you call yourself stupid a lot? sometimes

Are you listening to music right now? not rn

What is your newest favorite website? aliexpress?

Do you have a headache right now? had before today

What month is your birthday, and what month would u change it to if you could?  February and would like June, July or August that’s why I will spend my name day during summer instead of spring with my sister

Have you ever had to use an epi pen? not yet

Do you know the names of 3 of your neighbors? (list if you can): personal

What was the last grocery store you shopped at?

Do memories from your past come back to haunt you ? frequently

Have you ever seen an angel? or a ghost

Have you ever seen a demon? that time in a mirror?...

What color was the last sweatshirt you wore? grey

What was the last act of creativity you displayed? Vinnie’s tiny bird next to her signature?

Do you ever find yourself just writing/typing out your feelings? my tumblr is full of this shit

Whose house were you at last, besides your own? my current partner’s

Do you like your teeth? not really

Does piano music tend to calm you down? wouldn’t say so

What’s something you need to get done soon? ugh...

Is your best friend awake right now? they are

If I came to your house, could I find any kind of chocolate? ask my mother

Who was the last person to upload a picture with you in it? M.

Do you ever wear sleep masks when you sleep or shower caps when you shower? neither

Don’t tell me lies, so where’s your man? where’s Nat? XD

Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex? dad

Has anyone said they love you in the last week? yasss

Have you ever kissed under water? hell no

Have you kissed anyone whose name starts with a M? hahaha

Would you kiss the last person who texted you, on the lips? done and I hopefully will

Camping with a ton of friends or hotel with a few friends? hotel 

Could you go the rest of your life without a cigarette? absolutely

Have you ever wanted something you couldn’t have? like health

How is your boyfriend/girlfriend doing and where are they now? she’s angry, has a flu and she’s working

What was the last topic you read about? DID?

Do you prefer Windows or Mac? Windows

What’s the best amusement park ride you’ve ever been on? I’m not a fan of rides tbh

Would you know how to read a house blueprint? partially?

Do you keep notes on your phone? What sort of things do you write? used to on my old cell

Do you remember much from high school? tought so

Has anyone ever come out to you? yup

What was the last album you listened to in full? Red army choir or Anastasis?

Do you have Disney+? we don’t

Have you ever sent a package or letter to a foreign country? postcards

How many jobs do you have on your resume? 0

Are you comfortable with leaving the house without any makeup on?: I don’t wear makeup

Do you have any expensive hobbies?: if I had money...

What length do you like to keep your nails at?: short

Have you ever felt physical pain in a dream?: but not as much as Nat 

Have you ever had Christmas carolers come to your house and sing for you?: when I was a kid

What’s your favorite Studio Ghibli film?: Porco Rosso?

What did you learn from your last failed relationship?: can we not talk about it...

What’s something on your to-do list that never actually gets done?: I’m a huge procrastinator

Have you ever been really passionate about something but then lost interest? If so, what was it?: collages

What’s the worst thing about being male/female (whichever you are)?: period, being able to get pregnant and have female kinds of cancer etc.

What movie has the best special effects?: I’m into practical special effects more than cgi but... there’s too many to name

When did you last have a vision test?: ages ago 

How kids ruin the internet

(This could get kinda long soo yee :’3)

It didn’t get past me that Sonic93, the famous/infamous ranter who did videos with Amy-Chan calling out DA peepz, got themselves in a huge drama of their own. Little Fun Fact: I actually wtched all of those vids and even liked them alot back in the day. Back then they were interesting, entertaining and I even started to stalk out Jane’s, previously known as Akai, Ink Bunny page to see what she would be up to.

But I always had a weird feeling in the back of my mind; I mean, alot of the things Sonic93, Amy-Chan and many more on YouTube said about Jane were ... weird to me.

For example, the thing about Sonic being not in character is confusing to me. People pointed out he’s not acting like the Sonic from the games ... so? Neither is my Sonic, he never really did back then, nor does he now and that’s totally fine. Everybody has their own Universe, if they like it or not, some things are different, even if you ‘stay in the canon’.

Or the fact that her own Sonic OC, formerly called Akai Dalia, looked like Amy. Bruh ... do you need glasses? Want mine? Cuz I can see the similarities, Akai is a female hedgehog with a magenta fur and green eyes... aaand that’s it.

I’m not really going much more into this, since that’s not the point of this here post. What I AM focusing  on is the aftermath about all that.

This is speculation, so don’t take these things as fact, but due to the rants on the following people, their lives changed very bad.

Jane changing her own character, left DA, before returning and having a huge warning that says that she won’t allow the name ‘Akai Dalia’ to be used on her.

Then there is Brandon, or YoshiWii1 for those who remember. After the rants he pretty much left the internet as a whole and had to deal with his mental health. Bruh, this dude can’t look at anything Sonic related anymore and that’s just sad.

Amy-Chan herself had to deal with Sonic93′s abusive relationship with her.

And Sonic93 has dug her own grave and refuses to think or learn about her mistakes. Her obsession for a fictional character is going to be her downfall, espacially if she lashes out on people because of her love for said character

Please make sure to look up any videos about this situation itself, since I’m horrible at sharing information :’3

In any case though, this really felt close to home actually. If anybody remembers my breakdown on DA about the Purple Man drama-situation-thingy.

tl;dr a very popular artist left the FNAF community because their version of the Purple Man got so popular and glorified that people started sending creepy and sexual messages towards their character,.

This though got even bigger and more horrible when people started to harrass other artists about their version of the PM. Mind you, alot of people really liked that version, which was a simple design considering that it hardly was any different than the sprites we see in the games, and started using it.

I was one of these artists. Now, I didn’t get harrassed exactly, though I wasn’t allowed to upload my own PM art to the biggest FNAF group on DA and got a couple of comments saying that Vincent ain’t canon or whatever. There was also that one time when someone grabbed a crossover AU thing, featuring Vincent as a skeleton from Undertale and putting it into a Reddit that’s all about making fun of ‘cringy’ stuff ... I can distinctly recall someone saying something along the lines of ‘ Why must failed abortions ruin the things I love?’ (I seriously looked up the post I made back then on DA and it’s still there, yay~, though now the Reddit seems to have called their tits and do some nice (???) stuff idk o3o)

At that time of all the PM stuff I was severly depressive, because of my own IRL reasons, so this ... this was heavy on me. Being scared to be called out, cancled for having a Purple Man,

I admit whole heartedly here; my Purple Man was based on that popular PM. I didn’t get around him afterall either, so inspiration was a requirement pretty much. I took the aspects of long, tied up purple hair and the name from that PM and of course alot of inspiration got to Vinnie’s Ghost design. But that’s it, after I made Vinc, I concentrated myself on my own FNAF AU, so I don’t even know what all happened in the fandom.

But I do see alot of people in fandoms going up to others and try to cancle them, say how much their wrong, without thinking or talking it out. Nobody, and I say NOBODY talked it out with me back in the day. The Admins of the DA group said to me that if I wanted my PM art on there, I had to change Vincent’s design. That’s it, no talking, no figuring out anything. It hurt that artist that people were creepy to this specific character and the rest, the innocents that are merely associated get to suffer for it.

Just back in June 2018 I got someone who argued with me about ‘Vincent’ being a nickname for William Afton, because they were very adamant that William is confirmed canon. I admit, I was really nervious talking to them and probably got really defensive too, but I  tried to explain to them that I’m an old fan and about AUs being a thing, but no, no resolution sadly.

And all of these things come down to this: Kids are stupid.

I’m positive that most of these people were and are kids. Kids who didn’t and still don’t know any better. Kids who follow their favorite creator without question, who don’t want to be part of the problem so they side with spreading the drama, kids who don’t understand that having canon characters act or look different is OKAY, kids who don’t know about AUs, kids who weren’t there, back some years ago when the community and fandom started.

So ... all my ramblings aside, I think this is unacceptable. Not trying to be understanding, being adamant, agressive and refusing to open their mind is killing fandoms and is one of the reasons any kind of fandom is toxic af.

After everything that has happened to me over the course of 11+ years on the internet, I ended up being anxious of talking to people, literally getting my anxioety and depression triggered by Purple Man art or just mentions, not being able to look up any fandom stuff of fear getting beaten down and much more.

Just little things can break down a person, so please be mindful and talk to people you think are ‘toxic’ or get ranted on or you think they made a mistake.

I’m still working on my own anxiety towards ‘negative’ comments about my Purple Man, even if it’s really tough for me. But I really REALLY don’t want anybody to go through things I did, or the things Jane and Brandon went through, or anybody else who got cancled because of their passions.

And to make my points clear one last time;

Let people have their own Universes. Let people have their own Characters. Let people enjoy themselves. Have an open mind.

Be NICE in your fandoms!

Chapter 5

First•Previous•Next

It's finally time for the first group's training mission. You wake up early to see Manda and Hayleen off. They’re standing outside the doors to the shuttle bay along with the rest of their group, waiting to check in and board their shuttle.

“Are you nervous?” You ask Hay.

She laughs. “Not really. It’s a shuttleport at a trading colony, though why they thought it would be super relevant for an astrophys major and a chemical engineering major, I still don’t know. It’s a bit out there, so we won’t have all the nice amenities, but six weeks at a travel resort would get old anyway, right?”

You shrug. You spent six weeks at a travel resort once while your parents were at a big conference. You had all the freedom a kid could want, but it did kind of get old.

“As long as you’re safe,” you say, hugging her.

“I’ll be fine,” she says, laughing and squeezing you tight again. “Manda will be there to protect me from the perils of office work.”

Manda slides up behind her partner. “And rampaging wild creatures, space pirates, and other ne’er-do-wells. But don’t worry,” she says, brandishing a finger gun with a jaunty wink, “I’ve got you covered.” She turns towards Lori, who looks like she just dragged herself out of bed. “Get over here, Lori, it’s group hug time!”

“Ugh, fine,” She groans, but she’s smiling as she wraps her arms around them. You join in, and even though Hay is all elbows and Manda squeezes you until you can’t breathe, you love every second.

“Oh, hold on, hold on,” you say as the pair turns to leave. You turn on your airscreen and pull up the camera. “One picture?”

Hay stands next to you, Manda’s arm around her shoulder, and Lori comes around beside you. You turn your hand so the camera faces you, and double-tap your first two fingers together to take the picture. The four of you are in frame, bubbly with excitement, glowing with love. It’s the best picture you take with them.

---

A bit past halfway through the term in Colab, you’re expected to present a project on the social, political, and environmental effects of colonization of a planet of your choice. Over the two weeks it takes you to put it all together, you end up spending a good amount of time with Lori. She’s perpetually busy, of course, but she does her part and even a little more than that, and you appreciate it greatly because you are absolutely dying from your course load this term.

You’re both sitting in the library, hidden among the viewing screens and shelves of indexed data chips, typing at a furious rate in order to get this paper done before the deadline. You could have done this virtually and stayed in your respective rooms tonight, but Lori says she works better face-to-face with people, and you weren’t going to turn her down.

“Okay, I think I’m done,” you say softly. She nods, and you watch as she scrolls through the document.

“I don’t see anything wrong… The figures all look right, too…” She looks up at you almost in disbelief. “I think we're good.”

“Really?”

“Really.” She glances back at her screen to hit save one last time. “Should I submit it?”

You nod vigorously. She navigates through the class page, uploads the file, and submits it. You get the confirmation message a few seconds later and collapse back in your chair with a long sigh of relief.

She chuckles. “I didn’t think we were going to make it for a while there.”

“I know. I was halfway ready to ask my parents to book me the next shuttle home.”

“Well, we did it,” she says, stretching with a soft groan. “Now we just have the presentation and we're done.”

“Don't remind me,” you say bitterly. “I hate public speaking.”

“Well I’m not doing it alone!” Her cheeks turn the faintest shade of pink as she scowls at the screen. “I'm a total wreck in front of people,” she mutters.

“So two tickets on the next shuttle out, got it,” you say dryly as you start putting your stuff away.

She sighs, and starts doing the same. “I wish I actually could go home. Sleep in my bed, have real food…”

You nod. “My mom won’t stop sending me pictures of all the dinners she and Dad go to. So much beautiful, beautiful food…”

Lori shrugs. “I’m just talking about my mom's pies here. And my cousin’s fried soosoo-worms, mm...”

“Those sound… interesting?” You say diplomatically as you stand and slide your chair into its place.

“Well, you can deep-fry anything and it’ll probably be good. But…” She leans in close, grinning. “Fried. Worms. They’re amazing, especially the way my cousin Vinnie makes them.”

“I'm going to have to trust you on that,” you say as you walk with her toward the library exit.

She smiles, but it fades quickly. “I wish you could actually see what it’s like.” There’s bittersweetness in her grey eyes. “There’s so many things back home that you—none of you guys, really—don't get to see.”

“My parents go there for stuff occasionally, they just didn’t take me along when I was little because… you know…” You mumble uncomfortably.

“Because it’s rough,” she guesses, and you nod sheepishly. She shrugs in return. “The city is awful, but my hometown isn’t nearly as bad.” She cringes, then amends that with, “…Okay, kind of bad. But if you were with me you’d be fine. I’d protect you.”

Something about that starts a warm feeling in your chest.

It’s just as much as Manda would do for Hayleen, you think. But still, there’s something softer in her expression.

“Thank you,” you say quietly. “A-and, if you were to visit me, I’d protect you too. I guess. Not that… there’s exactly anything dangerous where I live…” you mumble.

“A life of fancy events and important people is absolutely terrifying though.”

You make a face. “You’re not wrong.”

Now that you’re far from the library, she laughs out loud. “How do you do it?”

“Practice? And lots of very plastic smiles…” You straighten your posture and plaster one on your face. “Good evening, Ambassador Estevna. It’s good to hear of the success of your latest advancements in terraforming. Tell me, just how did you do it?”

“Oh, it was quite simple,” she says in what you’re sure is her snootiest fake accent. “You see, we took advantage of our people's greatest skill: producing a large amount of excrement!” She can only keep a straight face for a few seconds before she completely cracks up at your fake look of shocked disgust. You laugh with her, aware that you are actually attracting a few real looks of shocked disgust from people passing by. You realize that maybe it’s not so funny after all.

“Sorry,” you mumble.

“Oh, oh no,” she wheezes, wiping her eyes, “The worst part is that’s actually pretty much true.”

“I know. I-I mean, composting waste to build fertile soil is the reality for any planet similar to yours.”

She scoffs. “Yeah, except it’s a little different for us, since we messed it up the first time around.”

“What do you mean?”

“Exactly that. The initial attempt at terraforming—the conventional kind everybody else did?—failed, but we made do anyway. You know why we’re really the eighth colony even though we were the fifth settled, right?” You shake your head. “Because when Reunion happened, they waited until the last minute to try to contact us, they were so sure we were gone.”

“That's awful,” you murmur. She shrugs.

“Just because our terraforming failed didn’t mean we did. Five generations back, on my mother’s side, was the man who explored the cave systems near the landing site and figured out how to take the native bacteria there and use them to make air, food, and water happen. Everything was underground for decades because that was the only place we could create a livable environment—of course, nobody off-planet bothered to check.”

It's a lot to digest, though it doesn’t exactly go against anything you’ve learned… and you realize, now, that you’ve never been taught much about Lotanak at all. “So your people really deserved more than what you got,” you say quietly, after a while.

She scoffs. “Funny how the early meritocracy didn’t actually work like that, huh.”

“It’s unfair. I’m sorry,” you mumble. She elbows you gently.

“Hey, it’s not your fault. And if you end up being a fancy politician like your parents,” she adds, putting on that ridiculous fake accent again for a moment, “Maybe it'll turn out for the better, because you'll know that we exist, and we're actually trying.”

You nod, but bite your lip. It’s not that simple, and it’s never going to be easy. You think she knows it, too.

She messes with her airscreen, pulling up a star map as you pass through one of the observation decks. You’re startled when she stops suddenly and grabs your wrist. She points off into the distance.

“That, right there, is home,” she says softly. She turns to you, some unnameable emotion in her grey eyes. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

And you know from where you are that your home star must be somewhere behind you.

“Yeah,” you murmur. Her hand slips away, though it feels like the touch of her fingertips still lingers on your skin long after you’ve returned to your room.

---

The morning of your presentation rolls around, and you wait outside the room while the pair ahead of you goes. Lori’s pacing back and forth in the hallway and muttering to herself as you sit on a bench and impulsively check, double, and triple check that yes, you’ve uploaded all your presentation materials and the files are going to open properly.

You think.

She groans softly. “I am going to die.”

“You’re not. I promise. It'll be over before we know it.”

“Because I’ll be dead," she hisses.

“You won’t. Now sit, your pacing is making me anxious.”

She obeys, though before too long she starts bouncing her leg. You elbow her.

“Come on, we’re okay. Let’s talk about something else, it’ll help.”

She takes a long breath and exhales through her teeth. “Okay. You’re right.”

She’s completely silent for a moment, and you realize you’re going to have to say something before she spontaneously combusts from tension.

“So… uh. How are your other classes?”

“Good. I mean, there’s not much going on this term but it’s not bad. Just…” She shrugs. “Monotonous. How’s yours?”

“Still awful, but I’m getting through it. Loads of reading that I can never get around to doing.”

She raises an eyebrow at you. “Well, if you stopped watching Missing Frequency all the time…”

“But I’ve just gotten to the part where Kara and Jax get back together!”

“That series is mediocre at best,” she says flatly.

“It gets better when you rewatch! Besides, season six comes out next week and--”

“Wait, wait, what?” There’s a sudden hunger in her eyes. “Please tell me you bought the subscription.”

“Of course I did. But what happened to ‘mediocre at best,’ hmm?”

“Just because it's mediocre doesn’t mean I can’t stay caught up,” she mutters, blushing lightly.

“Because you have so much spare time,” you tease. At that, she rolls her eyes.

“As much as you do, but you still manage. You have such efficient time management skills.”

You giggle. “I have my priorities.”

You both fall silent, staring at your feet. Same boots, but she has her pants tucked in neatly while in your skirt, your knees feel naked.

“Aurie?” She says quietly, after a moment.

“Hmm?” You nervously mess with the hem of your skirt.

“If… If I mess up, will you cover for me?” Her voice is shaky. “Or, if I need to leave the room, or…”

“Are you feeling sick?”

She shrugs, looking pale. “Kind of?” She tugs at her collar. “I’m just… really, really nervous.”

You turn to face her, and she stares at you, miserable. Impulsively, you grab her hands.

“You are going to be fine, okay? Listen to me.” Her grey eyes are fixed on yours, and something in you just aches to soothe the worry you see there. “I’ve got your back, no matter what. We’ve been through this presentation enough that you could probably do it in your sleep. Also, the presentation bit isn’t even a big part of the grade, and we’re both doing well in the class anyway.” She bites her lip and nods stiffly. “Now, breathe,” you say, more gently.

Her pale eyelashes flutter together, her lips part slightly, and you breathe with her, slowly, carefully.

Carefully, because now you’re oddly nervous too.

It’s contagious, you think to yourself. The anxious energy tingles in your fingertips after you let her go.

---

The first training group returns right on schedule, and you and Lori wait impatiently for your friends to emerge from the decontamination area. Manda and Hayleen have a short process but it still seems like forever. Finally, the pair comes down the hall, chatting amicably, and looking only a little worse for the wear.

“Hey guys!” Hayleen says as she notices the two of you. You run up to her and there's a minute of hugging and giggling before you all have to unblock the hall so other people can walk by.

“How was it?” You ask Hay.

“Mind-numbingly boring. Do you know what there is to do at a shuttleport in the middle of nowhere? When they don’s let you actually touch anything? Absolutely nothing.”

Manda drapes her arm around her partner’s shoulder. “Hay’s just bitter that she got the short end of the stick; they put me on security for stars-know-what reason and I was constantly busy with so much ridiculous stuff… Wait, I think I got the short end of the stick.”

“No, I did!” Hay shoves her gently, and Manda spins around to face her.

“You little…” She starts tickling her mercilessly.

Lori chuckles, pulling them apart. “Stick’s short on both ends, got it. I’m so glad you’re both home, though.”

“Me too.” Manda hugs Lori tightly. “Missed you, smelly,” she says affectionately.

“Missed you too, stupid.” They hug for a long moment.

“They’re so cute,” Hayleen stage-whispers at you.

“It's disgusting,” you reply, playing along. But really, you do feel weird looking at the two of them.

Eventually your little gaggle makes its way to the hallway junction where you have to move on to your separate dorms. You say your goodbyes and walk on with Hay towards her hallway.

“She’s not actually into her, you know,” Hay says casually as she unlocks her room.

“W-what?”

“Manda. And Lori. Not a thing; they’re just really close roommates.”

“I… Um, didn’t think…” you mumble, sure you’re tuning pink.

Hay shrugs, a faint smile on her face. “Just thought you’d be curious.”

“Thanks,” you say softly.

Once you’re back in your room, you lay down on your bed and stare at the ceiling.

Not a thing. They’re just really close roommates.

It’s a relief somehow, but you still feel overwhelming guilt over that.

First•Previous•Next

The Bridge to Nowhere

When Noah first posted this video it was the central discussion point for my colleagues and I for a solid couple of weeks. We were arguing over the many different explanations and theories it had put in our heads. Now, over three years later, I’d like to re-examine it.

After getting a remarkably tame and comparably considerate explantion of Severance from an unlikely source, Noah wanders off into New Jersey, stunned and very angry about being whisked there. There was some temporal disturbance too - Noah ends up going two entire months back in time while he does it. HABIT takes credit for the transportation, which I’m having difficulty believing. At no point has he demonstrated these “talents” before, and I’m more inclined to believe it was done on the part of Firebrand. Or at least, some collaboration of the two.

See, we were very confused about the relationship between HABIT and Firebrand. Firebrand seems to have no true reverence for the...thing, but seems to be comfortable with enlisting his help however briefly. In DEUS EX MACHINA, he attributes his split from the Collective to HABIT - somehow. HABIT claims to be doing this out of the good of his heart, but I am incredibly skeptical - he was very, VERY adamant on Noah drawing the severance symbol for him.

My current theory, based on the words HABIT uses when talking Noah into drawing the symbol, is that he somehow used this symbol to retroactively free Firebrand from the collective. The point that tips me off to this is when he says “and - Noah - I want you, to think about your freedom”. Seems awfully coincidental. I’d like to know HABIT’s motive for freeing Firebrand, but it turns out it may be more simple than expected. HABIT isn’t on the best of terms with the Slender Man - thralls of the monster were set upon him in “MOVING IN”, and he certainly didn’t seem to be on the best of terms in the videos afterward. It’s possible he was just trying to get back at his former “business partner” in some way.

Well, whatever the case, he’s gracious enough to let Noah go unscathed, which is more than I can say for the man in his bathroom behind him. Someone sent me a video from 2012 of a detective named Zeke Strahm that looks almost identical - wound and all - dying on camera after an entire channel’s worth of videos detailing his struggle against these forces.

If this is Zeke Strahm, then it lends credence to HABIT’s possible time manipulation abilities - Zeke died two years before this video was posted.

Noah manages to make it to a 7/11 to presumably take a leak when he finds himself somewhere besides a public restroom. The camera does not react to this new place well - there’s a disturbing tint and noise to everything, and a constant, droning ambiance in the background. Noah seems as put off as we are - he describes the place as “not right” and “unnatural”.

He wanders around for a bit, pursued by some barely-seen tracker who, if we grab some frames, seems to be HABIT, having a nose bleed, filming some ants. He receives a few texts from Firebrand telling him to “find the bridge”. The purpose of this seems to be to get Noah out, and Firebrand knows how it happens because he’s lived it already.

Noah makes it to the bridge after some incredibly off-putting and horrific footage and meets an unexpected visitor - Jeff. Jeff, who died over a year prior, murdered by HABIT. Jeff begs him to not listen to “them” and implores him to kill himself. Before he can offer much of an explanation he runs off, seemingly scared of what’s behind Noah - HABIT.

HABIT is surprised Noah made it into his...HABITAT, and asks him how he got there. Noah doesn’t know. This seems to be a future version of HABIT - he’s wearing different clothes, which is a good indicator about these kind of things. He gets incredibly frustrated with Noah’s indecisiveness about suicide, before composing himself when realizing Noah is filming him on his camera. This just underlines everyone’s belief that everything we truly know and see about the EverymanHYBRID crew is filtered to us through HABIT. He’s the director, even when it’s not his show, and puts on a happy face for the viewer. Disgusting.

HABIT reminds him of what he told him earlier and insists that Noah’s going to do what he told him to do, probably because he’s seen it happen already. He sends Noah on his merry way, and returns to his eternal pursuit of Jeff.

So, what the hell happened? Where did Noah go? Why was Jeff there? Why is HABIT insisting this is “his house”? How did Noah get there?

Let’s get the most obvious answer out of the way - Noah ended up in the “Candleverse”, a turbulent pocket of liminal space outside of the “iterations” the EverymanHYBRID crew seem to be stuck repeating. Whenever they die in their pocket universe - which for some reason, seems to be located entirely within our plane of existence - their souls return to the Candleverse to await the next cycle. We’ve seen brief glimpses of the place before, in strange EverymanHYBRID videos posted for our viewing pleasure by HABIT, but this is the first time an outsider has managed to break in.

And it doesn’t suit him. Noah gets very, very sick while he’s in there, going delirious, obsessively filming, suffering from blood noses and coughing up blood...we’ve received loud and clear that he’s not supposed to be there. But who sent him?

HABIT claims to not be the responsible one, and I believe him. There’s no reason for him to have done so - he’d just finished telling Noah everything he needed to hear and threw him out of his house. He didn’t have anything new to say beyond some foul taunts and a couple of hat re-adjustments. It’s incredibly questionable who could have enough influence over the Candleverse to do such a thing.

The Slender Man could have done it, but it doesn’t seem like something that lines up with what he wants Noah for. He wants Noah to get the journal - it’s why he showed up to “rescue” him from The Order in 2011. Putting him in harm’s way like this isn’t his style. However, HABIT had suggested that as long as Noah was in his house, he was safe from the Administrator, and as soon as Noah leaves, he found himself in another dimension, so it’s suspicious to say the least.

Could it have been Firebrand? Possible, but again, strange. Certainly his texts would suggest that he had a hand in it, but then again he could just be trying to salvage a shitty situation the best way he could. What would he have wanted Noah to travel there for? To get some footage of the Candleverse out into the world? Some vague hope of HABIT divulging more information?

There’s one other possibility I’m open to. Dr. Corenthal himself. The man is clearly not your typical psychiatrist from what I’ve seen in the EMH video “The Property”. He possesses some kind of influence over space, as he was able to carve his own little “Eden” into the nether, and willingly transport Vinnie in and out of it at will. perhaps he wanted to let the world see the Candleverse in all its terrifying, miserable glory, to get some footage out that WASN’T filtered, cut and edited by HABIT. A small little “fuck you” to the cunt. Corenthal’s connection to Noah is very tenuous - the only link is Milo and Mary - but it does seem to line up with his character and what we’ve seen he can do. Perhaps he wanted Noah to meet Jeff, hoping Noah would follow his advice?

Jeff’s appearance here is startling. Who is he referring to when he says “them”? HABIT is a single person, so it’s got to be more complicated than that. Is he referring to HABIT and Firebrand’s unholy alliance? Is he trying to put Noah out of his misery, or hasten his demise? Certainly, killing himself didn’t seem to stop the Collective from bringing Milo into their ranks. Why would it be any different for Noah?

Perhaps Jeff just wanted Noah to stop posting videos. One of the last sightings of Jeff on EMH video he was imploring us to stop watching - seemingly believing our viewership was perpetuating the horror of the Slender Man across the world. I can’t say I’ve found much to prove him wrong, there.

In any case, the videos of Noah’s trip to New Jersey left us horrified and confused, and Noah traumatized. The next we saw him, he was an abject mess - and still is, despite seemingly having been refocused around the release of DEATHTRAPEXODUS when he returned from his trip to the boardwalk - which he still has not finished uploading to the channel. I’m not saying he has an easy life, by any means, but it’s incredibly frustrating and sad to see him cycle in and out of complete and utter misery. Every time I think he’s pulled himself together, he falls apart again. Let’s hope he can upload Milo’s Journal for us before the end of the year. God knows it’s been almost a whole one since he managed to get the damn thing open.

Rio & Grace

Rio: Gracie! Can't tie either parental down so you're unlucky enough to be my first port of call Rio: If I come down this week (half term, right? God I feel old not knowing, ick!) how many of yous are gonna be about? Wanna catch all of you if I can Grace: I'm not surprised, Nico thinks mum's charger is the most fun thing EVER and you know dad still kicks it like he's at some 70s disco instead of a restaurant kitchen. So cringe! Grace: Iggy's took off in the van and Pablo's never here even when he is (ugh we get it, you're hanging shush) but everyone else maybe? Grace: Unless Junior's nerding it up idk Rio: Bless them, you'll miss them when you go Rio: Mum and Dad, the cats, only your faves and Nico is a little bitch 😂 Rio: Good enough for me! Sure enough I'll only hold any of yas down for a hot second regardless Rio: What've you been up to? Got any fun plans then? Grace: 😂 No way they're the worst and won't give me the chance Grace: Ask Janis they're always in her grill now she has a bf she can't ever peel herself off of Grace: Gurl you better make time for me! 😚 London's like another planet and I need that goss Grace: Gotta keep uploading that 🐰🐣 content Grace: but keeping it lowkey 👌 Rio: They're highkey nerds, tis true, least they give a shit, eh? 😘 Rio: Fucking knew it, sneaky bitch. I asked her at NYE and she said nah but I KNEW Rio: Ugh, gonna give her SO much shit when I come back 😂 Rio: Duh! My goss might not set the teenybop influencer world alight but think you'll be into it Rio: Also, got some lush bunny ears from work you can style up if you like, there's the content Rio: Very Ariana Grace: We're so blessed 🙏 Grace: OMFG THANK YOU 👏 she's such a lying bitch Grace: And they are so 😍💍💘 it's HONESTLY disgusting like I can't Grace: YAS 👑!! babes I knew I was missing you Grace: Such a mood Rio: 🙌 Rio: Steady on 😂 Fill me on the beef before I'm taking sides Rio: Can't roll like that babe 🙉 Rio: Is he a twat? I could barely get a look in, hot property with the whole fam that night not just Jan, like 😏 Rio: Right? My turn to THANK YOU 'cos all the other girls were raging after me lemme tell you, saying it reeked of misogyny and cheesy old school playboy Rio: Not educated in Hef paving the way for ladies being allowed to be sexual, ESP the sistas 💣💥 Rio: Its iconic, yeah? Like hush Grace: Honey not even! Now he's got her feeling the 💖 we all benefit Grace: Like from 💀 to 😍!! Grace: Here's the thing he's NICE!! 😮 How and who tf !! 😂 In THESE ends Grace: He's pimped my feed with his 📷 more that once. Lush! Grace: Trust her to find the one decent lad Grace: OMG how shaming! it's literally so on point I feel bad for how off they are. Beyond awkward Grace: 👯💜 Rio: Can't argue with that Rio: It'll be nice to see her happy Rio: All of yous Rio: Yeah, had noticed your new lad was off the feed Rio: Just not the one or do I need to crack skulls on YOUR behalf? Spill! 😘 Maybe Gus has had his 💔 Rio: Right? Not complaining when they were raking in the tips and looking fly doing it, this is why Vinnie listens to me and not them though so 💋 win win for me Grace: 🤞 Grace: UGH don't go there babe Grace: I'm off men rn 🙏 so you can relax Grace: Give Gus and Diego their time to shine 😂 Grace: OMG PLEASE say you can finally get me in sometime soon! 💋 Rio: Good girl 👍 Rio: Me too, more trouble than they're worth, and I'll always check what they're worth, feel me Rio: Love 'em 😂 I'd say they keep me sane but not with the shenanigans they still manage to get themselves into, nah lads Rio: You're old enough that I can vouch for you with him to get you in but Imma need to go out in Dubo with you first Rio: See how you handle your liquor, can't be risking the boss' license if you're gonna get #WGW 😏 Grace: I 100% swear down that D has a 💘 at his school but he's pulling a Jan over it so Grace: Yay! I'm buzzing Grace: Say when and I'll be on it Grace: The vibe looks EPIC in every insta it's 💕 Rio: Surely not! My babies! 😭 Rio: I've changed all ya nappies, it ain't right, I tell ya! 👵 Rio: Whenever you can pencil me in darling 💋 If you come back on the plane with me you'll only have to do the one back alone Rio: Unless you want to bring a mate but you've gotta vouch for them 'cos I don't know them enough to put my name on the line, they ain't my little sister 💛 Grace: 😂😂 I had to go full spa on him cos he was 🙎 and not vibing with the sheet masks he'd been stealing from me for WEEKS 😂😂 Grace: He's so 😍 for someone Grace: This is HAPPENING 👌 Mum'll say yes cos it's obvs for my mental health Grace: It's enough for collab our schedules tbh imagine trying to get the squad hooked up Rio: Aww! What a little sweetie! 😭 Giving me so much fodder to get 'em all with, yas gurl! 🙊 Rio: She defs knows the benefit of letting ya hair down and if she disagrees then she ain't our Muvva 👽 Rio: Same when I was your age, so many parties, so much time stretching ahead...ugh, hark at me Rio: Speaking of though, Pabs has managed to keep outta the drunk tanks since my last visit, yeah? 🙄 Chief Grace: I'd say go easy cos the acne is !! but where was mine was I was a 🍕 me and payback are bitches that have each other's backs like 😂 Grace: So welcome 💋 remember who treated you right hun 😚 Grace: Oh babe that's proper tragic 😂 Are you okay?! Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: I'd lie to spare your feels but I can't even cos he is not forgiven! Fuck him truly Rio: Way harsh babe! Gotta share that knowledge and spot treatment 🙏 older sib duties ✌ you only gotta look out for them 3, feel MY pain when I wanna be a petty bitch please 😉😂 Rio: Clearly not, like...What tf am I like? 🙈 Rio: Still in the dog house then...I hope little miss tiny tits is too, seen her being snide on the 'gram Rio: we know she's no 😇 so as long as she's getting her share of the 💩 from you, I ain't judging on the Pabs score 👌 Grace: 😈 LMAO jks obvs I'm living for getting to flex like that Grace: Nobody else lets me near their face, their loss but still BOO Grace: Ugh yes cos he doesn't even see that he did me WRONG she was trying he's just an idiot and its like BOY NO Grace: Never learning them lessons Grace: 🚫 No worries there she's BEYOND cancelled 🚫 Grace: I hate that bitch Rio: That's why you gotta get them clients honey, just you wait, people will be BEGGIN' for your time and expertise 😘 Rio: Yeah, he's a fool in general though Rio: Not to say that ain't valid, 'cos 100% babe, but it wasn't personal, like Rio: Try to remember that 'cos he's not that boy, no matter what typa foolishness he's caught up in rn 😒 Rio: 👏 I like what I'm hearing, Gracie! So much growth! Rio: Here for it Grace: I feel you but also it's like idk it was personal to me cos she was my best friend and he knew that Grace: On some level idk Grace: Whatever I'm trying to be over it Grace: There's bigger 🐠 Rio: Fair Rio: Idk if he knows he knew...Mouthful Rio: Give him time and a chance, but that's it, sensible big sister said her piece on that, you're free to go on doing what you're doing 😜 Grace: Thanks 👑 Grace: Rio, I can forreal come to london right? Like you're not just shhing me Grace: I'm so done with this place atm Rio: Of course you can Rio: As long as the 'rents sign off on it, you can stay for as long as you like Rio: That's Dubo for ya...gets under your skin Rio: Anything else I can do, tho? Grace: 💜 Grace: Ugh it's just everything Grace: There's barely anything I can do Grace: Ignore me I'm a hormonal 👾 Rio: Have you had your B12 and folates checked? Billie and Edie were anaemic you should double-check 'cos that will have you feeling rough as Grace: 👼 You're adorbs Grace: Enough of my chatter anyway, how are you? Rio: 👀 okurr but we're coming back to this later Rio: 'cos I'm same old same old Rio: Nothing beyond the promised goss of London to report Rio: No boys, remember? Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: Oh please you always have a boy Grace: Spill it Rio: 😨 Swear on my life, babe! Rio: Nothing and no one Grace: We're twinning then 💕 Grace: Do tell Janis 😂 Rio: Coming for ya brand Rio: Shameless 😏 like to think I could pass, not that old or having THAT crisis tho, jfc Grace: 👯💣🔥 Grace: You're flawless babe don't even stress Grace: when I'm your age I'll have to pray Rio: Aww, you doll, extra brownie points for boosting my ego 💋 Rio: What you chattin'?! We're all babes, lbr Grace: 😂 shhh avó be repping herself hard in me and no offence 👵 it's not goals 💔 lmao Grace: obrigado,... mas não, obrigado like she rocks it but she's also way old so Grace: the struggle is real 😂 Rio: You're mad gal Rio: don't be wasting your youth hating on what you'll miss Rio: though we all age like fine wine, avó paving the way 💣 Rio: Ma was onto something having us so young Grace: Don't let her hear you say that Grace: My ears are still ringing from her calling me out Rio: umm Rio: BISH YOU WHAT Grace: 🤷 No drama just Rio: You weren't on the pill? Or missed a day? Rio: We've all had the scare but I never got as far as needing to tell Mum Rio: You poor thing! 😨🙈 Grace: Well obvs that was my bad but she only made me die about a thousand times Grace: I survived Rio: Eeep! Rio: At least she didn't march you down the clinic in a shame cone like most would round here Grace: OMG like she made me go but my ootd was my own doing 🙏 Rio: Not so much as a high collar in sight 🙌 Rio: Explains your hormones though, babe, that shit will FUCK you up for ages Rio: so no worries there Grace: I know exactly what I'm in for Grace: Ugh Rio: Forreals Rio: Who'd be a fucking woman, eh? Grace: Mia. To fuck over the others Grace: kms Rio: 😂 Rio: Fueled by her PMS that one Grace: [Sends her 2 very similar selfies} which one do you vibe the most with? Rio: 1st one, s'more natural Rio: smile ALMOST reaches your eyes Grace: lmao Grace: Thanks babes Rio: if you gonna fake it 'til you make it Rio: gotta keep you the realest, ain't I? 😉 Grace: gotta keep me 😂 Rio: Wanna Rio: Blood ties aside 😘 Grace: 💜 Rio: Best get ready for work Rio: Could use you here to do my look for me, cba tonight 😐 blah Grace: I'd be living for that you know it but you'll be killing it with or without me, honey Grace: You got this gurl Rio: Cheers 🍸 Rio: I'll get the first round in when I see ya boo 💋 Grace: Yay! So excited 😚

Are You Ready To Wake Up?

It was okay to be a few minutes early but being this early was out right unfashionable. The room before him was completely empty. Oh well, he would survive this “faux pas”.  In the academic setting he rarely worried about how he appeared to others. To be clear: he was always going to look nice. Today for example, he wore a medium washed pair of Saint Laurent jeans, a pale pink button up shirt courtesy of his mother’s new fashion line, and matching gray shoes and blazer both from a Michael Kors collection.

His hair was also purposely styled to show they he gave effort but not “too much” effort. Whatever that was. He would always give a large amount of weight to his physical appearance but his social appearance tended to take a back seat when he was in the world of writing or between the walls of a school building. Here he relaxed and let his work do all the talking.

Blaise took a seat towards the back of the room and set his brown leather satchel next to him. According to his phone, he still had about twenty minutes to kill before anyone showed up. He really should have stopped for a coffee before he came. In fact, he had enough time to enjoy a good pairing of espresso and biscotti. He rarely passed up the chance to munch on a pastry coffee combo and of course today just had to be one of those occasions.

Determined not to wallow in his awkwardly earliness, he rummaged through his satchel until he emerged with an eyeglass case and a book of The Best American Essays. This class was assigned the 2016 edition as one of its required reading texts but the one Blaise held in his hands was an older edition, a little worn, from the year in which he himself was a student in his class.

 Back when he was undecided, his parents gunned for something practical like accounting or business but in his gut he knew those weren’t the right fit. It wasn’t until he thumbed through the pages of this essay book, highlighting and jotting little notes, did he realize that writing was the path he should take. It seemed fitting that on the day he turned from student to master that he would do so with this book in hand.

Blaise slid on his reading glasses and proceeded to dive into his book. The glasses were a fairly new bi-product of aging.  He was not yet thirty but his near perfect vision insisted on decaying. In the back of an abandoned lecture hall, Blaise could afford to care more about the content of his book than how dorky he looked in his new spectacles. He managed to get through a whole essay before he a vibration from his cell phone pulled him back into the real world.

 Adam Everett has uploaded a new photo to Facebook

 Blaise smirked knowingly at the notification. His cousin Adam rarely posted on social media and when he did it was usually about his budding romance with a silver haired guy named Spencer. Although he teased his cousin relentlessly about being a hopeless romantic, Blaise himself could not help rooting for two people in true love. He clicked on the notification to see the latest “Spadam” adventure.  

Once the notification was opened, several thumbnails of photos flooded the phone screen. The “new photo” of interest was actually a part of a photo set entitled “Hot Chocolate Rune Winter 5k” which contained about twelve photos. Scoff. Prior to Spencer, Adam was definitely not a photoset type of person.  Still, Blaise continued down the rabbit hole of sappiness and clicked on the first picture of the set. It was a selfie of sweaty damp haired Adam and the flawless silvered haired Spencer just after Adam finished his race. The next photo was one of Adam by himself holding his racing number and the photo after showed him just  as he was crossing the finish line. Most of the remaining photos alternated between the race itself and cute selfies of the happy couple. The second to last photo, however, featured a group picture with Adam and his friends including...Troi Bentley

Pining: An Interlude (Draft One)

ive feet away from me you stand. A goodbye on your lips you need not to utter because the remnants of the last goodbye still echo in my ears. Please stay right where you are so we can be suspended in a world in which I don’t have to watch you turn away. I don’t want to see your disappearing act again. Especially if this is the grand finale and you will never return to this stage. I do not know if I can bare to end this show. I do not know if I can bare to see you with a different leading man by your side...Five feet away from me you stand. You make it seem so far...

The words to an old piece of prose poured into Blaise’s head as he took in a picture of its muse. A refined draft of this piece appeared in his senior portfolio years ago, but the words embossed in his brain were from the original version. Blaise jotted down draft one after a particularly ominous evening with Troi Bentley. Somehow that night was not the complete end and they found themselves drifting back toward each other again and again. 

This photo of Troi and Vinny emphasized there would be no return to Troi this time. Or ever. Blaise figured their permanent ending was ultimately for the best. After all, the pining boy needed to be set free and the disappearing boy needed to go back to the one person who could make him stay and remain visible. Blaise paused on the picture for a couple of more beats until he digested this odd feeling that was not quite jealousy.

“Mr. Monroe?” A familiar female voice called for Blaise’s attention. He looked up to see Ms. Elizabeth Martin standing a few feet away from him. The perfect subject on which to purge the words that still clouded his brain.

“Five feet away from me you stand…” Blaise started, “ Please stay right where you are. Let’s stay suspended in a world in which I don’t have to watch your eyes flicker away as they allude to your impending disappearance…” He stood and walked towards her as he recited what he remembered from a slightly newer draft of his prose. When made sure to finish bridging the gap between them just as his piece also came to an end.

 Ms. Martin stared at him in contemplation until something clicked. “‘Pining: An interlude?” she asked.

 “I knew you were in love with me,” Blaise smirked. “What kind of TA can hear random lines from a student’s work and still identify the piece years later?” 

“One who has a substantial memory,” Ms. Martin retorted and turned to take her place at the podium in front of the room. Blaise went back to retrieve his items as well as to cast his reading glasses into hiding. With all his belongings properly organized, he claimed a new spot near Ms. Martin as other mentors and students began to come in.

“As I was saying, it is okay to admit you had a crush on me. You aren’t my TA anymore. I promise you won’t get in trouble.” Blaise’s teasing solicited a subtle eye roll from Ms. Martin. She was not particularly upset or annoyed as much as eye rolling felt like a perfectly natural response to Blaise’s nonsense. “C’mon Liz. You’re attractive, I’m attractive. You’re intelligent. I’m intelligent. We’ve both got the writing thing going on. It’s only natural. Let me take you out to dinner- lunch even. And if you can resist me by the end then fine we’ll still have our great working relationship.”

Ms. Martin, the multi-tasker, had been using the time during Blaise’s monologue to finalize the list of mentor/mentee pairings. She peered over at him from the list once his rambling had came to an end. “You know Mr. Monroe...I am seeing Larry.” She was sure mentioning Lawrence Fisher, a new professor within the English department with whom she went on numerous dates over the past couple of months, would force Blaise to take things down a notch. She should have known better.

“Larry, oh right. He can come too. You know I swing both ways,” he playfully winked at Ms. Martin.

“And that is my queue to get things started.” A somewhat embarrassed Ms. Martin turned her attention toward the classroom that now had full attendance. After a brief introduction and some further instructions she began to call out pairings. “Mr. Joshua Depola and Mr. Blaise Monroe…”

 Blaise smiled and scanned the room for his match. Luckily, even without a raised hand, Joshua would have stood out. There were only a few male students taking the class and no one else had such a rich orange-red set of locks. He gave a nod to acknowledge the raised hand and Ms. Martin continued to call out the pairings. But wait, had she really said Joshua Depola or was it his discovery of the unsettling picture earlier that was warping his perception. He would find out soon enough. Either way, he would also make sure to approach the kid with an open mind. It was his duty as a mentor. 

One all of the pairings were announced, Blaise collected his bag, thanked Ms. Martin for putting up with him, and headed over to where his mentee was sitting. Up close, the younger male was a little cuter than expected and had an aura of...broodiness maybe. Not to worry, Blaise encountered many broody types in his world of art and writing.

“Hi, I’m Blaise Monroe,” he introduced himself and extended his hand for a handshake. “Can I buy you a coffee? I have a good place in mind that is not too far from here.” Getting to know his mentee while sipping coffee at his favorite cafe seemed like a win-win.

Film Review of The Circle

I’m going to confess that I’ve never seen Emma Watson in a movie before. I haven’t seen the new live-action “Beauty and The Beast.” Hadn’t seen Aronofsky’s “Noah” or the indie films “The Bling Ring” or “The Perks of Being a Wallflower.” I have also never seen any of the “Harry Potter” films. I was already in my thirties when those books came out and had no children to motivate me to get interested in the topic of adolescent magicians. I just never got around to reading the books or seeing the films and probably never will. Wait – I just realized upon inspecting Watson’s IMDb page I have seen her in one movie: 2012’s “My Week with Marilyn” and I literally can’t conjure up a single memory of her from that film. So, I don’t know her as an actress, but I am certainly aware of who she is. I know that she’s known to be a very thoughtful and intelligent young woman who is inspiring others with her literary campaign “Our Shared Shelf.” I appreciate that Watson is an admitted feminist with a bright, creative future who wants to inspire other young women. But I’m going to admit that I don’t think she’s a movie star. That probably sounds cruel and petty as if I were bashing her, woman-to-woman. My criticism of her, however, isn’t about her looks or her intelligence. I’ll explain in a bit. In “The Circle” Watson stars as Mae Holland, a mid-twenties gal living with her parents in the San Francisco Bay area. She works a meaningless temp job for the Water Department, likes to kayak alone and perhaps relies a little too much on her handy neighbor Mercer. Mercer and Mae have grown up together, and when her car breaks down, she gives trusty old Mercer a call despite the fact that she kinda knows that he cares for her and she’s using him. Except this exchange which happens in the first scene of the movie, we know nothing more about Mae or her interests or beliefs.

Film Review of The Circle

Mae’s parents, Bonnie and Vinnie (Glenne Headley and the late Bill Paxton in his final big-screen release) are clearly just getting by. You know this because their house is dirty. I don’t mean messy but dirty – you see dirt and grime and fingerprints on their walls and light switches which are something you never see in a typical Hollywood movie unless it’s intentional. Vinnie has Multiple Sclerosis, and Bonnie spends her life in a kind of servitude to her husband who clearly isn’t being proactive with his health since he likes to drink canned beer. Suddenly Mae receives a phone call from a friend who works for a social media company called The Circle, and she’s just gotten her friend an interview. Mae is elated and eager because she’s clearly been hearing good things about The Circle for a long time. Even her parents are over the moon because they’re telling all their friends about her salary and amazing dental plan. Mae takes a simple customer service position. She gets a tour of the campus from her friend Annie, played by Scottish actress Karen Gillan (a “Dr. Who” veteran) who quite literally bounces as she excitedly shows Annie the bocce court and coffee bar and play yards of The Circle’s campus. What Annie’s job is isn’t exactly known, but clearly, she has some real responsibility at this firm and shares access to some top-secret stuff with Mae. Mae heads home one weekend to spend some quality time with family and friends, and her old buddy Mercer comes by. Mercer (Ellar Coltrane of “Boyhood”) has that scruffy-but-sensitive look on his face like you just know that he has read “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” while working on an actual motorcycle. Mae learns that Mercer is making antler chandeliers. They chat and spar, Mercer and Mae, but then she heads back to work on Monday morning. There, curiously, a duo never named come up to her to inquire about her weekend. They’re not just making idle chit-chat, mind you. They want to know why she went home for the weekend. (It isn’t explained to the audience at the inception of Mae’s career that she will live on campus). Why didn’t she tell anyone where she was going? Why didn’t she post all about the experience on social media and why, in fact, is she not in The Circle? The Circle is a social media site, clearly modeled on Facebook. It’s important, they tell Mae, that she become a part of this family. That she does not just work here but share her life with the rest of the team. Why Mae is the only human being on the planet who clearly isn’t already in The Circle is not explained, but of course, the two magpies hovering at her desk quickly sign her up for an account. Now, Mae wanders the hallways of The Circle’s campus while text bubbles appear on the screen showing her likes and comments and communications. Once, feeling particularly effusive after a video chat with her mom, she uploads a photo of one of Mercer’s antler chandeliers so everyone online can enjoy it. Except, they don’t. In fact, in this ooh-so-sensitive world that Mae inhabits, her social circle is in fact horrified. Does Mercer, like, kill the deer to get those antlers!? Understandably, Mercer cuts himself off from Mae. Meanwhile, she also submits to a rigorous and invasive health screening. She discloses information about her family including her father’s health status and is elated to discover that The Circle would like to add her parents to her health plan. She doesn’t ask any questions about this. Does she think this is a good thing? Bad thing? She continues on her merry way, ingratiating herself into the group at The Circle. She meets a thoughtful young man, (John Boyega from “Star Wars: The Force Awakens”) who seems to know a lot about what happens behind the scenes at The Circle. And of course, Mae is just one of many hyper-enthused employees who is inspired by the work being done by Bailey, the CEO of the company. Tom Hanks plays Bailey as a nod to Steve Jobs, walking casually out on the stage with his ever-present cup of regular-guy coffee to introduce new ideas and technologies to the team. Like the idea of teeny, tiny cameras installed on the beaches to ensure the safety of swimmers. Or those same tiny cameras scattered throughout a city block somewhere in the Middle East, trained to watch for a high-level terrorist. Backing up Bailey is his trusty COO, Stenton (a sadly under-used Patton Oswalt who does little in the film beyond lurking). Does Mae think installing cameras everywhere is a good idea? Maybe, although we don’t know her thoughts. But she’s smiling and happy and gives no outward appearance of her inner thoughts. And that’s my complaint, or issue with Emma Watson as a leading actress. She is a fine thespian, a remarkable young woman, a talent and a mover and shaker in the world of conscientious youth but her inner workings never come across on the screen. The greatest actors are not celebrated for their demeanor or their looks or their ability to emote. They are noted for their ability to bring us into their world, and that starts with their thoughts. The greatest actors of any generation are known for capturing the experience and making it universal. If they can’t, they’re usually relegated to supporting or character roles. Which is fine. When Mae takes the kayak out at night, unprepared and for an unexplained reason, she sets off a chain of events that will put her front and center into the issues of personal and professional privacy. She is recorded for all waking hours, with the exception of some bathroom time, so that the world will see everything she does – an idea that The Circle and Bailey/Stenton are trying to get political support for. But despite the hyper-visibility, I know nothing of what is inside Mae’s brain. The whole time I was watching this movie I kept wondering “What is she thinking?” Does she truly believe that transparency is the answer? Does she have any feelings for Mercer? Why is she going kayaking at night? What does she think is going on with Annie’s behavior? Etcetera. I hadn’t read David Eggers’ novel “The Circle” upon which this film was based but while the film does pose some truly thought-provoking ideas about social media and the privacy line between work and personal lives and the issues of global manhunts and consumer transparency, “The Circle” not only didn’t tell us what we might think of these notions – it also didn’t really explain how the so-called protagonist felt. All in all, a dud of a film. A rare miss for an actor like Tom Hanks. And personally, I think that Emma Watson should stick to rom-coms and the light, fanciful film work that she began her career with. Again, I know that sounds mean but acting is as much about the inner work as how it appears on screen, and both this film and its leading lady never take us beyond the surface.

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from Film Review of The Circle

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