Undiagnosed Autism

Autism Parenting + Wellbeing

More Schmojo!! And I decided to name her dark matter friend living in her bubble rod, “Beauregard.” >:3

Plus some doodles I thought of during work, and a lighthearted poke at myself lol.

hot take moment cwilbur is literally just psychotic as all hell and i think people got way too comfortable villianizing the shit out of a man who was clearly portraying signs of severe mental illness. cwilbur was like im so fucking paranoid and scared and i think everyone is out to get me and hurt me and ive spiralled to the point i cant reach out to the people closest to me because im so afraid and lost in this spiral and im having constant panic attacks and hurting myself because i dong know what to do with myself and the only way out for me is to die. and everybody was like EVIL MAN WHO ENJOYS HURTING OTHERS AND IS ABUSIVE ON PURPOSE AND A VILLAIN AND SHOULD NEVER BE TRUSTED AGAIN. and then he came back and was like im still deeply troubled and afraid but im desperately trying to make up for the wrongs i did in the past and the people i hurt in my own way and communication is really hard for me but i hope people know that im truely sorry and i love them. im going to try my hardest to fix this in the only way i know how and then respectfully remove myself from the situation because i feel thats the kindest thing i can do to the people ive hurt. and people were like ABUSER ABUSER ABUSER EVIL MAN ABUSER. like girl

Yeah no based true real no questions asked

I'd hope I manage to portray Wilbur the way he deserves in my content, cause that man is heavily bpd coded and he just needs therapy and someone who genuinely loves him but also can handle his bullshit (which has exclusively and reliably been Quackity like, canonically)

But yeah no completely agreed. The man has issues and has definitely fucked up a lot but at the end of the day he really does need love and care and patience, but also boundaries (and therapy and meds, obviously)

I know I haven’t been able to do much art the last few months but if you like the stuff I make, consider throwing me a tip. It’s my birthday and I recently had to quit my job because of how much it was exacerbating my chronic pain, so I don’t have any income right now and I still have bills to pay and a cat to feed

paypal 🖤 venmo

the disorder faking in this generation is genuinely wild. like.

.

I go to this support group thingy every tuesday, I love it, the therapist there and most of the people are super sweet, but last week I had. idk. and unpleasant one, I guess. I brought up my concerns about my skin picking disorder, and while I'm not diagnosed with anything I used the word dermatillomania, because I just know the name for that disorder and I'm pretty sure that's it. and the therapist mostly just dismissed it saying that everyone sometimes feels anxious and picks their skin or nails about it. I tried explaining that it's not just that, it happens all the time and on multiple occasions I gave myself an infection from picking skin, but her main giveaway was that I need to think about what makes me stressed and try to do something about it. and then she kinda went on this small, mostly lighthearted rant about youth these days self diagnosing with everything because they hear it on tik tok or whatever. and idk, the therapist is a genuinely lovely lady, so that was weird to hear her be so dismissive about this. I definitely am going to bring my skin picking with my psychologist or psychiatrist if I don't forget tho. it's getting real bad recently and I think I need some professional help with it lmao

Omfg I never actually posted about this but just like 2 days ago I realized that no it is Not normal to experience lightheadedness near daily when I've gone just a little too long without eating

I looked it up and apparently lightheadedness/dizziness CAN be a part of fibromyalgia (which I think I have for a number of different reasons), so like. It all makes sense.

Fuckin fibromyalgia. It's the source of like 95% of my physical problems, I swear. Every Damn Thing can be traced back to it. What a pain.

how in the world does anybody nap for only 30 minutes

I was talking about bugs at my therapy appointment today and my therapist asked how I knew so much about them like girl I was JUST telling you I was looking into getting an autism diagnosis

wishing i never tried to get an autism diagnosis

another day of working on my cv and then getting sideswept by my own thoughts of how difficult i find everything, and how my skills seem to be withering away the more time goes on. too scared to talk to my gp again and get yet another referral for something that might help for a moment but never truly stay with me. the longer time goes on the more i feel so helpless + just not meant to fit into the world we live in

social interaction is so weird. I don't understand it.

at my birthday party yesterday, I just sort of sat there. and watched and listened. and occasionally responded to something someone said. my brother and my friend did most of the talking. it's easy for them, they just know what to say and/or they don't care how they seem to others. they just talked to everyone the whole time.

I don't know, it just feels pointless. I want to like it, I really do, but when there's more than maybe 2 or 3 people (maybe 4, depending who it is) I just feel like an animal trapped in a cage. it feels really bad. it's not fun, it's just stressful. even when I like everyone there and everything is completely fine.

and when everyone leaves I'm just so relieved. I always want to talk to people more, I miss the times when I saw my friends more often, but when I do see them I just want to leave. like, I don't know what to do about it. I did all the things my therapist told me when I was in therapy but it changed nothing. it doesn't feel like I have social anxiety (though yeah okay that too - but it's better now with meds), it's like they're speaking a different language that's sort of similar but I can't quite understand it. I really want to and I try to pretend I do but I can't and it sucks.

like, my therapist would always tell me I can do it, there's no reason to be afraid of social situations because I'm really good at them actually. but no, I was good at therapy because it was a short period of time, I knew the rules and what was expected of me, I knew the only other person there, and I just. lied all the time about everything so she wouldn't be angry with me. I was so afraid she'd think I'm just wrong that I still had to pretend I'm normal.

haaaaiiii guyyyyssss (gn) probably gonna be on here more often again soon. life events occurring. have occurred? still occurring, i suppose.

i'll probably post abt it more in depth at some ltr point, still in the very early stages of some stuff. i dont want to classify them as positive or negative things, however they're certainly things.

there's a lot of thoughts in my brain (hah), and ultimately i want to share them, but for now this is kind of me waving at everyone with a smile while my life has an "under construction" sign

I feel like my crown just shifted up oh my god