The Kind of Dreams That Lead to This

Viktor had been having a very particular type of dream, the kind where you wake up craving the touch of a lover. The way the sensitive skin of his thighs touched each other, the gentle shifting of the fabric of his boxers against his dick, was just enough to leave him breathing a little heavier and only served to increase the slick heat between his thighs. 

In which Viktor wakes up from a dream and Jayce gives him what he needs.

Paring: Jayce/Viktor (Arcane)

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 3359

Tags: Gentle Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Grinding, Cunnilingus, Porn with Feelings, Trans Viktor, Trans Jayce, Author is Trans, Soft Smut

Read here!

it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time

I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world

And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with

one of the reasons i want to quit teaching is because people with absolutely 0 knowledge of pedagogy, child development, and how to run a classroom always act as if teachers are always horrible people hell bent on ruining kids lives.

when your card declines at therapy and they bring out the person you used to look up to because you felt like they were going through the same thing as you before you found out they were the exact type of power-hungry abusive dipshit you're terrified of becoming

I feel like such a broken fucking person lol

I talked way too much in the tags don't read them

I really don't know what to post here....like i want to be active and stuff, but i have nothing to post🥴

Nobody follows me yet so maybe i'll treat this like a diary..a public diary

just needed to say but its 100% ok to write characters out-of-character.

if you craft a version of a character that is completely different from the canon character its not necessarily bad writing and that fact alone doesn't make you a bad writer in any capacity.

its ok to use a preexisting character as a starting place to write your own characters even if you're not changing names or changing a lot about them. I've read and adored a bunch of fics where the characters are definitely not like they are in canon and if i saw that version of the character in the show id be so confused. but I'm decidedly not watching the show, im reading your fic and im completely immersed in your version of the character.

using characters as a vessel to make your own story based on your own experiences is not in any way inferior to writing fix-its of canon or adhering exclusively to canon characterizations. not everyone will enjoy it or read it because no tropes or ways of writing will appeal to everyone, but there will always be someone that enjoys your work and appreciates what you do.

writing is fucking difficult no matter which angle you choose to take. and theres no trope or plot or personal experience that you can't write for any character because there are no laws of writing that say you have to stick to your source material.

its still a good idea to tag if you're characters don't adhere to canon characterizations just because like any trope your reader wants to be able to know what they'll be reading beforehand (and it'll help clarify that the mischaracterization is not an accident you forgot to edit but just how you chose to write this character)

basically your writings are still good and valid even if it wouldn't happen in the show. in some cases "they wouldn't do that in the show" is a damn compliment.

not going to write out the essay forming in my head but it’s so crazy to me like i know my vision of dennis is not universal and is mostly influenced by me thinking it’s fun to woobify him with fellow tumblrinas but it’s like…..how are people watching the whole show and thinking he is actually cold hearted angry and calculated and a genius potentially a secret serial killer and that this extends to his relationship with the gang…like idk it’s just funny to me…..there is so much in the show that goes against that

Sometimes there's just lids on things u don't wanna open

The man whistles softly as he vacuums in his formal ware!?!

thought id update to say; i survived opening night!!! and not only that, it went REALLY fucking well, and people seemed to REALLY REALLY like it omfg... god this is so crazy

i keep getting irrationally miffed at ppl 😐😐

testing, testing.

Can I ask what’s the reasoning behind 20 being the cutoff age and not 18?

yes! i know it is a weird boundary so i am more than happy to elaborate.

irl i am a high school teacher. i have students who are 18/19 years old, and it makes me really uncomfortable to think that what if one of them is on my tumblr. i can admit that it's a bit paranoid of me, but it's a boundary that i need to have to stay sane. almost everyday of my life is me putting out fires with 18/19 year olds and i just need a break.

i also have a sneaking suspicion that not everyone who says they are 18/19 is 18/19. and while i cant do anything to keep you from lying about your age, i do see when people who are under 20 follow me and then change their ages. like i said, i work with yall almost every day of my life, i'm not dumb. and i was a kid on the internet once, too.

i understand that it can be really exciting to find lesbian works on tumblr, which is why i dont always block right off the bat and post a lil warning message. i don't have a long dni, my only requirements are that you're over 20+ and not a spam liker.

however, not to be a teacher, but it's important to respect other's boundaries even without a reason. if there's a dni on someone's page, it's part of tumblr culture to respect that dni even if you don't understand it or don't agree with it.

anyways! just please respect this boundary of mine. it makes me feel safe on tumblr. i like not having a lot of followers and this helps a lot too :) you are more than welcome to follow when you turn 20!

.

i try not to let it get to me but the knowledge i am always going to be The Stupid One in every situation i’m in just…really, really sucks. sigh. oh well. i stay silly :3c