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d3a7h · 2 years

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𝙲𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚍𝚑𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚜. 3

Pairing(s): Jay Halstead x Fem!Reader

Part 3

Warning(s): Language, Shooting, Blood, Suicide(Its the dean masters case :))

Word Count: 2385

quick psa: Uhm. Alot of the start will be alot of just cases and minor interactions between Y/N and people. This is a slowburn romance book.

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“House belongs to a Dean Masters his file was red-flagged to notify intellegence, but he must have been before my time.” “Oh, yeah, him. That robbery at the art institute last year. We liked him as the fence.” Voight told us all, I was at home before all of this went down, but our job never sleeps. “Neighbors said they heard a woman scream, we knocked, he yelled out that he had a gun and to leave him alone.”

We all went up to the door, Voight knocked before calling out, “Masters, this is Sergeant Voight with the Chicago Police.” He nodded to Jay, causing Jay to cock his shotgun before Voight started to speak again. “Open up, make this easy on all of us.” We heard a woman yell, “He’s gonna kill me!” So we had incentive for Jay to shoot the lock and kick the door open. We all went inside guns drawn, Voight told Masters to drop his gun to which Masters threatened to kill her.

Erin tried to coax him to let her go, I was trying to calm him down. He let her go and I could see a change in his demeanor, “I’m dead anyway.” I heard the gun go off and quickly looked at the floor turning away. I went to go sit outside as we waited for people to take pictures and mark evidence. Paramedics took the girl Masters had to check her out, Voight wanted to keep a uniform with her to keep her safe.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked up to see Antonio, “Hey ‘Tonio.” “You okay kid?” “Yeah I’m fine, was just upsetting to see someone think they needed to take that route.” “You should get home, get some rest.” “I’ll do that, see you in the morning yeah?” “Obviously.”

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𝙽𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝙼𝚘𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐

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Your alarm blared in your ear causing you to groan when it woke you up. You rubbed your eyes sitting up making sure you had your breathing under control. You stood up and walked out of your room, you turned on the coffee pot and then walked into your bathroom to take a shower. You forgot to even look to see if Jason was still there, you were so used to your routine that you forgot he was supposed to be at your apartment. You turned on the water before looking at yourself in the mirror as you waited for the water to heat up.

As soon as it did you undressed and got into the shower closing the door of it behind you. As soon as the water hit your back you let out a sigh, it felt amazing. You stood there a few more seconds before washing up. You got out, turned off the water wrapped yourself in a towel, and went back to the kitchen.

Y/N’s Pov

Jason was gone, I wasn’t surprised. At least he left a note I guess, I made my coffee and went back to my room to get dressed. I sat on my floor in front of my mirror and did my makeup, it wasn’t much. I always put on mascara, eyelashes and eyeliner, I didn’t really like all the other makeup.

I got up grabbed my keys and left my apartment locking the door behind me. I got into my car and drove it to the district, I was worried about Jason, I wanted to call Voight and say something but Jason’s a grown up. I parked and quickly went up to the bullpen seeing almost everyone up there already. I sat down in an extra chair and Voight came out of his office to talk to us all.

“Dean Masters was a hotshot artist in his 20s. Work dried up, picked up a drug habit, he’s suspected of not only being a fence but also forging paintings.” “What was that thing Intellegence had him on?” Antonio asked and Erin answered, “Stolen Klimt. Never resurfaced” “What the hell is a Klimt?” “An artist” “Named Klimt?” “Yeah.” “That’s a funny name, right? Or am I alone on this? Klimt. Say it out loud.” Erin and Ruzek had a small back and forth before he asked that question to which Jay and I agreed the name is kinda funny.

“So. This whole ‘They’re gonna kill me’ thing that Masters was going on about was either about the stolen painting or something else.” “Or he was just tripping and talking nonsense. I mean, did you see his pupils? He was gakked out of his mind.” “We got a known suspect took his own life rather than face something heavy-duty. We pursure the case.” Voight and Jay had a small back an forth but Jay just nodded, Voight hated when people second guessed him but I loved to do it so when Jay did it I wanted to band wagon. O walked in with the girl from last night which caught all of our attention. Voight asked Erin to talk to her and she took her into the break room.

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𝙰𝚍𝚊𝚖 𝙼𝚊𝚣𝚞𝚛’𝚜 𝙲𝚕𝚞𝚋

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I was sitting in the car with Jay, Voight, and Ruzek. Antonio was outside of it on the phone, he then walked over to Voight’s window. “Guy who runs this place is Adam Mazur. I know him from Vice. Called him the whac-a-mole pimp. We’d beat him down, and he’d pop up somewhere else a week later with a new stable.” Voight then told us lets go so we all got out of the car and made our way inside the building.

“Membership, guys?” One of the bouncers asked and Voight said yeah and showed them his badge which alarmed them but they didn’t show it. “If you press an alarm I will break your hand. Get up against the wall. Now. Turn around.” Jay said with a smile to the other bouncer standing there.

We walked past the velvet curtains and Voight announced, “Chicago PD. Everybody stay calm.” Antonio saw Mazur and asked him how he was doing, Mazur tried to run immediately. He didn’t even get a step in before Antonio grabbed him slamming him on the bar. Voight asked if he had a girl named Nadia, he tried to lie but Antonio twisted his arm more and he told us she was in room eight.

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𝙰𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚝

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Ruzek got kicked in the balls and was sitting in the locker room, Jay found it funny, Antonio told him he shouldn’t have let his guard down. He asked my opinion and I just shook my head raising my hands, “Antonios right, never let your guard down. You got played.” I smiled almost laughing before following the two boys out of the locker room.

Uniforms had found Nadia and brought her in, Erin went in to talk to her and I stood on the opposite side of the glass to watch. “So how did you know Dean Masters?” “Didn't really know him. I went on one date with the guy.” “You sure about that? I heard you were his favorite.” “Yeah, I get that a lot.” “I bet.” I saw myself in her and I couldn’t handle it so I walked off.

The boys had just gotten back from checking Dean Masters's house and we were now all looking at the money print that they found. “This is Agent Joe Hill, secret service, Chicago field office. We go back a ways.” Voight introduced us to the guy he had just walked in with. “Where are your earpiece and your sunglasses?” Ruzek asked as he shook his hand, “That's only when Obama is in town.”

“Does this mean we're handing over the case?” Erin asked the question I was wondering too. “No. Technically I can't get involved unless there's actual counterfeit currency found, but Hank just thought I could help,” he said and shook Erin's hand and then mine. “I thought counterfeiters were using high-end printers nowadays,” Jay asked holding the plate in his hand. “There's digital tech that'll print pretty good 5 or 10, then you pass it off at Walgreens buying dollar items that's what we call ‘baby laundering’ using plates— this is old-school. Takes some real work,” he explained to us all.

“There's three steps, the plates, the paper, and the printer. Guess who were looking for now.” Just as Voight stopped talking Jin walked in and asked Erin a question, “the hooker that kicked Ruzek in the nuts how’d she characterize her interaction with Dean Masters?” “Went to his place once.” “45 text messages between him and her over the last two weeks.” As soon as Erin heard that she walked off, I looked at Voight and he looked at me.

Erin soon came back to us and told us what Nadia told her, Jin started to look on security cameras, “Okay, pods found a match to the delivery van with the jesus fish on the back. You know the symbols actually called an ichthys—“ “Jin?” “Fine. You wanna keep calling it a “jesus fish,” knock yourself out. Also found something else.” “Tabernacle?” “Yeah. This vans registered to the Tabernacle of Divinity. Its a storefront church on 63rd and cal. They use it to deliver meals to the elderly.”

“That’s Pastor Mike’s place. An ex-gd.” I said and then Antonio spoke up to finish my sentence. “Supposedly underwent a jailhouse conversion a few years back. Guess it didn't take.” “Alright ill show Nadia a lineup of this guy and his associates if she picks anybody out, i’ll get a warrant,” Erin told us before she walked off yet again.

Once she got the warrant we were at the church, antonio got us through the gates. Jay busted in the front two doors, we heard music coming from behind another so we lined up on the sides so Antonio could kick in the door. “Police! Everybody get on the ground!” We kept telling them to get on the ground and to put their hands behind their heads. We cuffed them all and got them into a police van. Antonio put Pastor Mike in the back of one of our cars.

“No plates, paper, or in general any sign of a printing operation. I dont think pastor mike did this.” I said shrugging before Erin backed me up, “We really think Pastor Mike has the skills for counterfeiting?”

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“Alright, Pastor Mike was contracted by this man…” Antonio put up a picture on the white board before continuing, “Glen Ward. Now, Ward has done federal time in Leavenworth for Counterfeiting. But how Ward and his printing crew hooked up with Dean Masters and Noel Harris is anybodys guess, and why the two of them are both dead now, who knows?” “Pastor Mike didn’t say why Ward wanted them dead?” Jay asked, “He didnt ask.” “It could be any reason,” Erin added on. Ruzek told us that Jin got a hit on the name and found a chem plant.

We almost instantly left, right after we put our vests on. I was with Antonio and Voight, “Looks like Ward’s ready to roll.“ Antonio said to us after he looked inside the truck, Voight opened the passenger seat and saw a bag. “We got eyes in there yet?” Voight asked through the radio. “No were almost there stand by,” O answered back before talking again a few seconds later, “All right, we’re up. Counterfeit Central.” “Theres four presses” “Any Artillery?” “Cant tell.” “Were going in.”

Jay got us through the door and we all went in with our guns drawn, we were heard instantly which got us shot at so we all took cover behind stuff as we returned the shooting and went after different targets. I went after mine who went in a back area, I kept my back to a wall and moved slowly hoping he wouldn’t be able to catch me off guard.

I looked around corners and saw nothing until there was a gunshot and a burning pain in my leg. I didn’t worry about what it was because I was pretty confident I knew, I made my way to where he shot from and he I guess I caught him off guard because he jumped seeing me and pointed a gun at me.

“Drop it. You already shot me once, drop the fucking gun.” I said pointing mine at him, he slowly put the gun down and I kneed him in the groin pulling him up by the collar of his shirt pushing his face against the wall. I caught my breath looking down at my leg seeing the blood, I shook my head and cuffed the guy before holding him by the cuffs and dragging him back to the others.

Erin took the guy from me and sat him with the others, Jay helped me sit down somewhere. “He got you?” “No shit.” Jay smiled and kneeled down in front of me. He held pressure on my leg with his palm causing me to groan and squeeze my eyes shut. “Hey look at me ignore the pain, the ambo will be here soon.” I listened to him looking at him, I didnt want to get lost in his eyes because I knew I missed him. I wanted him to be mine, I wish he loved me still but he seems to like Erin. “Do you remember who I am?” “I met you when we were 16, Its really good to see you out of that life.” I felt dizzy, I saw white slightly, I knew I was losing a lot of blood.

“Jay…” “Yeah?” “Im dizzy” I heard nothing, but I felt myself get lifted before I felt the cold air. I opened my eyes again and saw the ambo, I was relieved when I saw Shay and Gabby. I got seated on the strecher and Jay stayed with me. Gabby sat in the back with us and Shay drove. Gabby was checking everything and did as much as she could. “Its great to see you two again.” “Hows Antonio with you back?” You wanted to answer but everything felt heavy. “Y/N, Y/N, open your eyes, dont you dare not yet.” I heard her voice call my name but it soon faded into nothingness.

#chicago pd imagine #chicago pd x reader #imagine #jay halstead #jay halstead fic #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead x reader

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thecastingcircle · 2 years

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Roswell Conspiracies: Reboot?!?!!!?!

In looking into "Supernatural Academy", a mystery has been solved, what happened to '90s syndicated cartoon production company Bohbot Kids? Apparently, it became 41e.tv. Their biggest show is "Super Monsters".

The '90s was the downward spiral for syndicated cartoons. And saw the rise of infomercials 8 hours a day during the weekends. Why show movies or cartoons when some terrible product will pay for the time slot during the day or night? Bohbot Kids Network shows were on at 5 or 6AM and a lot of the time they were pre-empted.

A very good show was "Roswell Conspiracies: Aliens, Myths, and Legends". It was one of the shows that rode the wave of cultural icon, The X Files.

I started my Saturday mornings by taping the show first (and when it was pre-empted for an informercial it ruined my day). When the first half of the season was released on DVD (at my local dollar stores), I got them all.

At one point Fox Kids grabbed it and ran it up against "Men In Black" on Kids WB.

I clicked on 41E's other projects, and died of shock,

They've finally shortened the title!

New York and Los Angeles (November 12, 2019) – 41

ENTERTAINMENT LLC (41E) announced today a second project in YA animation in the science fiction space with Roswell Conspiracies™. The Company created the project in-house, owns exclusive, global, multimedia, animation rights and plans 8 hourly episodes (8 x 44’) first season.

Monsters aren’t real, but aliens are. And the creatures that humans call vampires, werewolves, ghosts and goblins are actually different species of extraterrestrials – most of whom are peaceful and able to pass as human beings. They live among us, hiding in plain sight. However, there are some aliens that are more horrible and bloodthirsty than any monster of myth or legend. These dangerous creatures are hunted by a cohort of humans and aliens who work for a top-secret multinational organization known as the ALLIANCE.

It’s been 20 years since the Alliance locked up the last of the enemy aliens, leaving the peaceful extraterrestrials to further assimilate and forge new lives alongside their human neighbors and friends. The Alliance has shrunk in size and scope, leaving a bare-bones team in charge of maintaining the ruse of “Area 51” – and an aging team of complacent guards to watch over their alien prisoners.

But then a so-called internet “joke” changed everything. This summer over 2 million users RSVP’d to a Facebook invitation to “Storm Area 51 (they can’t stop all of us)”. The event known as “Alienstock” was scheduled to happen on September 20, 2019. Although it was officially cancelled due to “safety concerns” – thousands of conspiracy buffs still showed up and actually stormed Area 51!

The skeleton crew of Alliance agents were completely unprepared for the onslaught and in the ensuing chaos, several of the alien-monsters managed to escape, including the biggest and baddest monster of them all: "Nosferatu, the Vampire King". This ancient, cobra-like alien, with his sharp fangs, hooded-head and unquenchable thirst for blood, is the original source of all vampire legends. Seemingly immortal, twenty years ago Nosferatu was finally captured, but now is back on the loose – leaving a bloody trail of death and destruction in his wake – and it’s up to a new generation of Alliance agents to hunt down and recapture this dangerous escapee.

Leading the search for Nosferatu is a pair of hotshot alien hunters – 24-year-old Nigerian-born Michael “Eek” Ekong and his new partner, a 21- year-old rookie from Norway, Valerie Torsdotter.

“Science fiction is always interesting – especially to older kids and young adults! This project speaks to a current, and consistently, trending topic of UFOs, aliens and, the world’s desire to know what’s really hidden behind the locked gates of Area 51,” says Kiersten Halstead, Vice President of Acquisitions, Development and Production.

“We developed it in-house to speak to a global audience who knows that aliens are indeed real!” "This story will resonate with fans of science fiction who like their alien conspiracies mixed with plenty of action, a bit of romance and a lot comedy,” adds Showrunner Kaaren Lee Brown who actually created the original project in 1999. “

Logan Lubera (Deadline: A Sequential Zombie, Stanger in the Dunes) is a Marvel cover artist and he did an incredible job with the comic book style” adds Halstead. “We envision this style in animation”. The all CG animation series will target males 12-24 years of age and launch in fall 2021. Roswell Conspiracies™ & © is an exclusive Property of 41 Entertainment LLC - All rights reserved.

I hope we get to see the original cast:

I NEVER thought I would see it rebooted. It's original run was under appreciated. Everything old, is truly new again.

#roswell conspiracies aliens myths legends #the x files #men in black #first look #gi joe extreme #transformers #gi joe #robotech #jem #my little pony #voltron #disney gargoyles #captain simian and the space monkeys

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vxlkyrie · 4 years

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bittersweet - ii

pairing: spencer reid x reader, jay halstead x reader, sonny carisi x reader

genre: angst, fluff

warning: cursing, violence, graphic crime details, mentions of rape, mentions of death, mentions of sex, fighting, mentions of kidnapping, mentions of abuse, mentions of alcohol

word count: 6.1k

summary: a huge case calls for the bau, intelligence, and special victims, causing you to cross paths with your ex – that no one in your team knew about

other parts: one, three

a/n: i want to thank everyone for giving me a lot of love and support for the first part of bittersweet! i hope you guys will continue to enjoy the series with this next part! (this one’s a bit longer)

the sounds of chatter and loud music fill your ears as you entered the bar. jay held your hand as he led you to a big group of people.

“hey guys!” jay said, causing several heads to turn your direction. he greeted a few of the guys with a hug as you awkwardly stood with a smile on your face. you recalled some of the people standing in front of you.

adam ruzek. kim burgess. kevin atwater. vanessa rojas. hank voight.

“detective l/n, nice of you to join us today.” hank said, giving you a handshake.

special victims and intelligence had worked on a few cases together. it’s how you and jay had met.

“there’s no need for formalities. please, call me y/n.” you smiled at the older man.

“so what brings you to molly’s tonight?” kim asked, taking a sip of her beer.

“we all know why she’s here.” adam smirked, giving you a side hug.

“she came in with jay. why don’t you just tell us you guys are dating already?” kevin laughed, others following.

“okay, you caught us,” jay said, raising his hands in surrender as you chuckled. “yes, we’re dating. we have been for a few months already.”

“that’s what i’m talking about!” adam yelled, bringing jay in for a hug.

“come on y/n, let’s get you a drink. it’s on us.” kim said as she and vanessa led you towards the bar.

later, you found yourself in deep conversation with the girls as you sat on a stool.

“so, when did all of this start?” vanessa teased.

“remember the last case we worked together and you guys were in new york?” you asked, earning a nod from kim. “well, we met up after we closed the case. i’m surprised none of you noticed that jay stayed in new york for one more night.” you raised a suggestive eyebrow.

“no way!” vanessa fake gagged, making you laugh.

“well i’m happy that you two are together. you guys have been dancing around each for the longest time.” kim laughed.

“you guys finally broke that sexual tension.” vanessa smirked.

“shut up!” you hollered.

you turned to see jay looking in your direction as the guys were having their own conversation.

you couldn’t help but smile at him.

and he smiled back.

“hey babe, you coming?” a voice interrupted your thoughts. you turned your head towards the owner to see spencer looking back at you.

“yeah.” you nodded frantically, walking towards the door.

you walked into the squad room to see a big group of people. you watched special victims and intelligence reacquaint themselves before hotch introduced the bau. they all shook hands, along with derek mentioning how he’s also from chicago.

“they definitely are quite the lookers.” penelope mumbled to emily as she examined the intelligence unit.

“damn right they are.” she chuckled.

you quietly walked up to the group.

“are my eyes deceiving me? is that y/n l/n standing in front of me?” hank joked as he walked towards you.

“hi hank, how have you been?” you said, giving the guy a hug.

“i’ve been great!” he pulled away. “i heard you’re now a hotshot profiler for the fbi.” he smiled.

the bau looked at you two with expressions that ranged from confusion to shock. you turned around to see them looking at you.

“you know them?” jj asked.

“yeah, we worked a few cases together.” you half-lied through your teeth.

you went around, saying your hello’s to the rest of intelligence. kevin even lifted you up into the air as he gave you a bear hug, earning laughs from the whole squad room.

“didn’t think they were that close.” derek whispered to spencer.

“what do you mean?” the younger man asked. “she said they’ve worked together before.”

“yeah, but it seems like they’re more comfortable with her than with the other detectives.”

you decided to go with jay to a big family dinner with his squad.

“jay’s chasing this guy who starts running into the residential areas,” adam recalled while you and the rest of intelligence were listening in. “next thing i know, jay’s toe hits the fence as he tried to jump it, so i just see him faced down onto the grass groaning in pain.” he laughed.

“he ate shit!” kevin shouted.

“you just had to bring it up.” jay rolled his eyes as he watched the table laugh their heads off, especially you. you looked at him to see him glaring at you.

“i’m sorry, i didn’t think i’d be here listening to my badass boyfriend trip over a white picket fence.” you pressed a hand over your mouth as you tried to suppress your giggles. even though jay looked annoyed, you could tell he was just joking by the way he pulled you closer to his side.

“not only is he clumsy, apparently he’s a big softie too.” vanessa raised an eyebrow at you two. now you were blushing as well as jay.

the night continued as everyone continued sharing stories. you talked about what it’s like in new york and how special victims is going. you even had your share of embarrassing stories about your boyfriend.

at times like this, you felt like you had a home away from home, especially with jay by your side.

you were ecstatic to see all of your friends in one big room together as they got to know each other.

this is better than any family reunion i’ve ever been to.

until you were face to face with jay.

“hey y/n.” he said quietly. you gave him a small smile.

“hey jay.” you hesitantly went in for a hug, ignoring the faint ‘awkward’ coming from adam. you hear him groan in pain shortly after, assuming that kim slapped his arm.

knowing who you currently work with, this definitely didn’t go unnoticed by any of them.

“how’s quantico?” he asked as you both pulled away.

“it’s been good.” you simply said, the air suddenly becoming thicker with tension. you ran your left hand through you hair, earning a glance from jay.

“y-you’re engaged?” he furrowed his eyebrows. your eyes widened, looking like a deer caught in headlights.

“yeah.” you answered, feeling guilt rush through you as you saw a pained expression paint your ex’s face.

someone come please save me right now.

“hey.” a voice said from your right side. you look up to see spencer with a faint smile on his face.

this is not what i meant.

“i’m doctor spencer reid.” he said, offering his hand to jay. you gave him a surprised look, seeing that he never shakes anyone’s hand.

“jay halstead.” jay responded, taking the taller man’s hand and shaking it firmly.

spencer lightly put his hand on your lower back. once you relaxed under his touch, something in jay’s head clicked.

you’re engaged to him?

“y/n, can you help us organize some stuff before we deliver the profile to everyone?” spencer said as he looked at you. you nodded, excusing you and spencer from jay as you both walked back into the conference room.

the door closed as you saw the bau looking at you.

what the fuck is happening right now?

“you wanna tell us what that was about?” jj broke the silence.

“what was what about?”

“intelligence.” emily answered.

“oh, i told you guys we’ve worked together before. we became friends over the years.” you explained, ignoring your racing heart. even spencer was looking at you suspiciously.

“you work with profilers, y/n. we can tell intelligence is more closer to you than they are with benson and the rest of special victims.” derek pointed out.

“and what’s with the tension between you and halstead?” your fiance added.

“y/n, just tell them already.” hotch said, not looking up from the file in his hands. you gulped.

“jay’s my ex.” you blurted out loud. the team’s eyes widened.

“you dated him?” spencer asked softly. you nodded. you could tell he was hurt.

“interesting.” penelope muttered.

“are you guys ready to deliver the profile?” olivia cleared her throat as she opened the door, breaking the tension that briefly filled up the room.

“yes.” hotch answered, nodding at the rest of the team who started to walk out of the room.

a few moments later, it was just you and spencer in the room.

“why didn’t you tell me?” spencer softly spoke. you bit back tears as guilt ran through your veins.

“i’m sorry,” you sniffed. “it was such a long time ago. you didn’t ask and i didn’t think it’d matter when i was falling for you. i should’ve told you.”

“shhh, it’s okay.” spencer rushed over to you, wiping the tears that you didn’t notice falling from your eyes. he pulled you in for a hug.

“i’m so sorry.” you repeated, wrapping your arms around his middle.

“don’t be sorry,” he whispered, rubbing circles on your back. “that was all in the past. i trust you and i know you love me – that’s all that matters right now.” he kissed your forehead. you two hear the door slowly open.

“are you guys ready?” hotch asked as he peeked through the small opening of the door.

you fixed yourself up as you nodded at your boss. he gave you a small smile as he stepped away from the door. you looked to spencer, who gave you a reassuring smile. you felt your worries wash away as you walked out to the squad room, ignoring that suspicious looks coming from everyone.

“the unsub we’re looking for is a female in her mid-to-late 20s.” hotch started.

“she is organized. she could’ve possibly befriended these women and somehow end up poisoning them, later sodomizing them and killing them by slitting their throats.” spencer explained. you bit back a smile as he started wiggling his fingers around as he talked.

“this woman has killed nine women from three sororities, and it is possible she could be targeting more women either from the same sororities or from other chapters.” emily continued.

“she might have been someone who went through recruitment and wanted to be in one of these houses, but was rejected by all of them. she probably sees these murders as acts of revenge.” you added.

nods were seen throughout the room as officers took notes.

olivia’s phone buzzes, causing her to pull the device out and quickly look at the message she received.

“thank you agents,” she said as she approached the front of the room. “but it looks like we’re gonna have to stop right here.”

“why?” hotch asked.

“there’s been another murder.” she announced.

“same victimology?” hank asked.

“yup,” she sighed. “rebecca harris and stacy johnson were found in the middle of central park.”

“a double murder?” kim stated in confusion.

garcia started rapidly typing on her laptop.

“rebecca and stacy, both 22 and in their last year of college. both sigma phi kappa.” she said quickly.

“she went to killing active members.” you added.

“there’s more victims from here than any other states, why new york?” amanda asked.

“either she’s from here or went to college here – or both.” emily chirped.

“then she must’ve went to hudson.” adam uttered.

“if the recent victims were from the same chapter, then our unsub must’ve wanted a bid from sigma phi kappa the most.” you added.

“emily, jj, i want you two to go to the crime scene with tutuola,” hotch ordered. “garcia, dig more into these girls’ lives. morgan and reid, interview the deans.”

“me and hank will stay here. we’ll notify the family and see if we can get them here.” oliva added.

“y/n, since you’re familiar with greek life, what else should we be looking for?” hank asked.

“these chapters are under a council, we should talk to the people who help run recruitment and the girls from different sororities who became recruitment counselors during the fall. at least one of them must’ve talked to our unsub.”

“burgess and rojas, interview the council and get that list of girls who went through recruitment in the past five to seven years. dave and i will stay back and help build the geographical profile,” hotch continued. “the rest of you split up and go to each of the houses and see which girls became counselors and any other information we can get from them.”

everyone scattered around, whether it was heading to the cars or to the white boards.

“is talking to these girls going to be a pain in the ass?” amanda asked you, half joking.

“uh, i don’t think so. they’re nice – for the most part.” you answered honestly.

“i’ll hold you to that.” she chuckled.

“me and adam will take the delta xi house.” kevin said as he walked past you.

“kat and i well go to kappa alpha delta.” amanda said, grabbing her jacket. you stood alone in the middle of the squad room, looking around to see everyone in their own world.

does that mean-

“i guess that leaves us the sigma phi kappa house.” a familiar male voice said from behind you. you turn to see jay nervously standing. you could tell both of you didn’t want to work together, but your feelings didn’t matter when there’s a serial killer on the loose.

“yeah, i guess it does,” you smiled. “come on, hurry up before i take the wheel.” you joked, knowing that jay likes to drive. he sighed out of relief, smiling at you before he walked out of the squad room.

you felt an arm wrap around you. you turned, smiling at spencer.

“hey,” you softly said. “i’m about to head out with jay.”

“oh?” he quirked an eyebrow at you.

“we’re going to one of the houses. everyone paired themselves up and we were the only ones left.” you quickly tried to explain.

“babe, it’s fine.” spencer laughed. “just, stay safe out there.” he pouted.

“it’s just sorority girls.” you laughed.

“yeah, i know, but-”

“but?” you interrupted him. you knew what he meant, you just wanted him to say it.

you’re going to be alone in a car – with your ex.

“you never know,” spencer sighed, steering away from what he was actually trying to say. “just be careful.”

“i will.” you chuckled, letting it go. spencer planted a quick kiss on your lips.

“ready to go?” a third voice said, catching you both off guard. you turned to see jay standing there, holding a set of car keys.

you pulled away from spencer, nodded at jay as you grabbed your jacket and walked towards him.

you quietly sat in the car as jay drove towards campus.

“it’s been a while since i’ve flown to new york,” jay said, awkwardly trying to break the silence. “i think it’s been like, what, six years give or take?” you quickly glance at him.

i wonder why.

“i think the last time i was here, we watched that one musical you really liked.” he calmly said.

“come on jay, don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy watching heathers.” you laughed as your arm wrapped around your boyfriend’s.

“i enjoyed watching you sing along,” he chuckled, steam coming out of his mouth due to the cold weather. “and besides, i think i like the original movie more.”

“although the movie was good,” you said as you two walked down broadway. “i love the way they told the story through songs. it was fun catching the references.” you smiled.

jay looked down at you and felt himself smiling even wider.

“why are you looking at me like that?” you nervously laughed as you raised an eyebrow at him. you both stopped in your tracks.

“no reason. i just love you.” he blushed.

“i love you too, more than anything.” you smiled back as you both leaned in for a kiss.

you quickly blinked yourself away from your memories.

“that really was a long time ago.” you said, the awkward silence quickly coming back.

“so, doctor spencer reid. he looks really young to be a doctor.” jay mentions.

“he’s only a couple years older than us. and he’s not that kind of doctor. he has several phd’s.” you explained as you fiddled with your fingers.

“several? doesn’t that take years to get?”

“yeah, he’s kind of a genius. graduated high school when he was only twelve. he also earned some while working at the bau.” you smiled to yourself.

“wow y/n,” jay scoffed. “didn’t know you were into that.” he said, quickly glancing at you.

“what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” you furrowed your eyebrows at him.

“whoa, it was just a joke. no need to be so hostile.”

“i can tell that was not a joke. what the fuck did you mean by that?” you aggressively asked.

“chill!” jay exclaimed. “it’s just that, you’re you, and he’s, well, him.” he tried to explain. you raised an eyebrow.

“that is the worst explanation i’ve ever heard in my life.” you scowled.

“why are you getting so defensive about it?”

“first of all, it’s my relationship. so whoever i’m dating is really none of your business. second-” you spewed before stopping yourself.

“okay. you’re right, and i’m sorry,” jay quirked an eyebrow. “you were gonna say something?”

“what?”

“you said ‘first of all,’ and stopped yourself.” he pointed out.

“it’s nothing.” you crossed your arms.

“don’t pull that on me, i know you. what were you gonna say?”

you sighed.

“you’re not the first person to say that.” you practically whispered.

“no way, you’re dating that pipe cleaner with eyes.” a guy laughed at you as he pointed out your boyfriend who was uncomfortably sitting at a booth by himself.

you and reid were undercover at a club, trying to scope out for a guy who was a person of interest in a case of an unsub who went after couples, giving women the more brutal death.

fortunately, when you went up to get a drink from the bar, the guy you were looking for had approached you.

“um, yes way, actually.” you raised an eyebrow at him.

“come on, you can do way better.” he smirked, placing a hand on your arm.

“don’t think so.” you said as you tried to back away from him.

the moment he tried to yank your body closer to his, the guy was suddenly slammed onto the counter, bending over as his arm was pulled behind his back.

“how’s that for a pipe cleaner?” you smirked as spencer cuffed the guy.

“shit, i’m sorry y/n, i really am.” jay profusely apologized, putting the car in the park as soon as you both arrived at the sorority house.

“it’s whatever. listen, can we just do our jobs? we have 11 women murdered and our relationship is the least of my worries right now.” you frowned.

“you’re right.” he sighed.

“i’m sorry for your lost,” jay said as you comforted maria, sigma phi kappa’s president. “what can you tell me about rebecca and stacy?”

“they were great sisters. they were on our executive board too.” she cried.

“is there anyone who would want to hurt them? maybe an ex boyfriend or a jealous friend?” you asked.

“no, not that i can think of.” she replied.

“i heard there’s a group of girls from your chapter who were recruitment counselors.” jay said.

“yes, every fall. what about them?” she asked.

“we need your list of girls who’ve gone rho chi over the past seven years. we believe the person who killed rebecca and stacy might’ve been potential new member, but was dropped from sigma phi and one of the rho chis might’ve interacted with her.” you answered. maria raised her eyebrows at you.

“were you a-”

“a sorority girl? yeah, me and my older sister were.” you said, giving her a small smile. “we were in alpha chi delta. i was president my last year.” you revealed to her. she nodded at you with a smile, feeling like there was an understanding between you two.

“come with me, and i’ll help you guys with that list.”

you and jay followed her into a smaller room.

“just letting you know, there are a lot of girls that go through recruitment and i don’t think any of our recruitment counselors would remember them.” maria stated.

“it’s worth a shot.” jay said.

“that’s fine, we just need you to send them to our tech analyst.” you said as maria nodded at you.

“if you need anything, maria, feel free to contact us.” jay said as you two gave her your cards.

“do you really think a woman would kill because we rejected her?” maria softly asked.

“this woman is sick. she doesn’t handle rejection well and projected her anger onto women associated with what hurt her.” you explained to her, giving her a sad smile.

“holy crap, there are so many girls,” penelope shouted as she scrolled through the thousands of names that displayed in front of her. “i’m gonna need more specificities.”

“can you narrow it down to girls who were rejected from those three specific chapters?” emily asked as penelope typed away. the other two teams looked at her in awe.

“we need to get ourselves a garcia.” adam thought out loud.

“you could say that again.” kat agreed.

“sadly, i am a one-of-kind edition.” penelope smirked.

“that’s right baby girl.” derek smiled. several of the detectives looked at you. you shook your head at them, telling them to not even ask.

“there’s still at least 200 girls.” penelope said.

“how about girls that have been called back by those three houses up until the third day, but never received a bid?” you asked, ignoring that confused stares coming from several of the detectives.

“aha! we are now down to 30.” penelope smiled.

“okay, now see which girls ranked sigma phi kappa as their number one all three days.” you said.

“wow, we are down to 10 girls thanks to miss alpha chi delta,” penelope smirked. you gave her a questioning look. “what? i looked you up.” she admitted, earning chuckles from you and the others.

“that’s a start,” hotch said. “is there anyone that lived in richmond, chicago, and new york?”

“negative, sir.” penelope answered as she continued typing.

“she must’ve been vacationing in those two cities at the time of the murder,” hotch stated. “y/n how can we narrow down the list of recruitment counselors?”

“penelope, match up the 10 girls with who their recruitment counselors. if they were all in different groups over the years, they might have at least two rho chis each.” you looked at the tech analyst.

“you did it again pretty girl, we’re down to 23 recruitment counselors.”

“okay, we have a lot of people here. i need everyone to call every recruitment counselor and see if they can recall anyone of these girls.” hotch said.

hours passed by as all three teams made calls that seem to never end.

“thank you, ma’am. have a good night.” you slurred, barely being able to keep your eyes open. you leaned on your fiance who was sitting next to you the whole time.

“we cannot have you falling asleep on us,” spencer laughed as he fixed your disheveled hair. “besides, our food’s almost here.”

“suddenly i’m awake.” you instantly opened your eyes and sat up straight, earning giggles from everyone around you.

“you guys are so cute it’s disgusting.” sonny commented. the intelligence team gave jay a sympathetic look.

“it’s cute until you have to see them sneak kisses in the office for five straight years.” emily gagged.

it was hard for jay to keep a calm expression when everyone is gushing over his ex and her husband-to-be.

“listen-” you blushed.

“food’s here!” jj and amanda shouted as they walked in with bags that contained boxes of chinese takeout, hotch following behind with even more bags.

“thank god!” fin and rossi cheered as everyone gathered around and grabbed their own food.

“here’s yours.” spencer said, giving you your order as he returned to his seat next to you.

“thanks babe.” you muttered as you didn’t hesitate to dig in.

“what’d you get?” kim asked.

“oh, just some sweet and sour chicken, nothing too fancy.” you softly laughed.

“i thought you hated sweet and sour chicken.” jay chirped in. spencer gave him a look.

“i guess my taste in things have changed.” you responded, not realizing that the passive aggressiveness behind it. kevin spat out his drink, earning a slap on the head from adam.

you all continued eating. you whined as spencer stole a piece of your chicken, quickly stopping when he gave you a piece of his food.

“so, y/n, spencer, tell us,” amanda asked. “since you’re engaged, what kind of wedding do you guys want?”

spencer’s eyes widened as you scratched the back of your neck.

“we’re not sure yet, actually. we don’t know if we want to go all out or have a simple backyard wedding.” you said.

“i think you should go all out! get a huge venue, buy a ballgown as a dress, invite everyone. you must be making more money now that you’re a federal agent.” sonny chimed in, earning nods from the girls.

“maybe i should.” you laughed.

“you could have a small wedding. save up some money for a house.” jay casually said out loud as he chewed on his food. you could feel spencer gripping your thigh out of frustration.

he’s really trying it.

jay, stop talking.

“you could have it at my house.” rossi offered.

“do you know how many times we’ve used your house for events?” spencer chuckled.

“he’s not wrong. we’ve already had jj’s wedding at your place too.” derek said.

“like i’ve said, we’re still working on the details. either way, i just know i want a huge flower wall.” you smiled.

“filled with white roses?” spencer asked.

“of course! they’re my favorite.” you beamed at him.

“weren’t those the flowers spencer brought you on your first date?” emily asked. you nodded as everyone awed.

“and since then, i’ve only bought her white roses.” spencer said, slightly blushing.

jay could feel himself cringing.

“i thought you hated flowers.” jay grimaced.

“do you have a problem?” spencer said loudly, shooting out of his chair.

“spence-” you whispered, trying to calm him down.

“yeah i do,” jay barked as he walked over to spencer. “can you shut up about your stupid relationship and stop rubbing it in our faces for just one fucking minute?!” he pointed at spencer’s face.

“jay!” you yelled, standing up.

“oh i’m sorry that you fucked up your relationship with y/n! i’m sorry that your egotistical, meat-headed, jealous ass can’t handle that she moved on after six fucking years – something apparently you can’t do!” spencer yelled, harshly poking jay’s chest. he wasn’t one to get angry, but you could tell he was pissed off.

jay pushed spencer to the floor, causing you and derek to run in between the two.

“break it up!” derek shouted as he pulled spencer up.

“jay, stop it!” you pushed him away as kevin held him back, pulling him into a room next to olivia’s office.

“we’re going for a walk.” derek told spencer as he walked his best friend out of the squad room with jj following them.

you ran a hand over your face. you felt your phone vibrate.

jj: i’ll talk to spencer. talk to that hotheaded ex of yours.

you sighed, walking into the room kevin was holding jay as he calmed down.

“i got it, thanks kevin.” you told the bigger guy as he left the room and closed the door.

“what the fuck is wrong with you?!” you almost shouted at the jay who was sitting down and holding his head in his hands.

“what’s wrong with me? you two are practically making out in front of everyone in the squad room!” he sat up.

“we were definitely not doing that.” you raised your eyebrows.

“you might as well be.”

“you’re so childish. what the hell was that out there?” you crossed your arms.

“i’m jealous, okay?!” he roared, making you jump back a bit. “i know we broke up six years ago but goddamnit y/n i’m still hurting! during those six years, you never bothered to call back or answer any of my messages. maybe you blocked me – maybe you got a new number. either way, it hurts knowing that you don’t even want me in your life anymore after we broke up. and it hurts even more that now you’re here in front of me after all that time of not seeing you, you’re engaged to someone else.” he cried.

“jay-” you whispered.

“i was going to propose to you, you know?” he said, looking deeply into your eyes.

“w-what?” you felt like you couldn’t breathe.

“our last phone call. i asked when you would be visiting again because i was going to propose to you at that one restaurant i was talking about.” jay confessed.

“i guess this is it then, y/n.” jay softly said, fighting back the tears that were starting to form as he leaned on the kitchen counter.

“i’m sorry.”

“yeah, me too. i won’t forget about you, you know that?” he said.

“yeah, i know.”

he heard you quickly exhale through the speaker.

“if you need anything, and i mean anything, i’m one phone call away.” jay offered.

“thanks jay.” you sniffed.

“have a good night.” jay said, not knowing those will be his last words to you for the next six years.

“you too.” you quietly said.

jay pulled his phone away from his face and pressed the red button on the screen, ending the call. he took several deep breaths before walking into his bedroom. he sat on his bed, opening the drawer of his nightstand. he pulled out a small velvet box, popping it open to gaze at the ring he had worked so hard to get.

is she gonna like it?

is the diamond too small? too big?

will it fit her?

those thoughts filled his head for the past few months, only for you to suddenly break up with him.

in the end, it was all for nothing.

“jay.” you gulped, feeling your heart break.

“why are you with him, y/n? do you even love him?” jay scowled. you took offense to his questions.

“yes, of course! how dare you ask me that question!” you yelled.

“would you die for him?” he quickly asked.

you straightened your back. he raised an eyebrow at you, waiting for your answer.

“i-i almost have, actually.” you croaked.

“fbi! put the gun down!” you shouted as you and spencer aimed your weapons at the unsub who had been holding a man hostage for several days before your team found him.

“make one move and he’s dead!” the unsub threatened as he pushed the gun’s barrel further into the man’s head.

“you don’t want to shoot him, it’s not in your m.o.” spencer said, mentioning the fact that the unsub kills his victims with blunt objects.

“what do you know?” the unsub spat.

“i know that you’re a sick man whose father abused him as a child, and projects it onto other people. you torture and beat people up to reflect the actions your dearest daddy did to you.” spencer said.

you could tell the unsub looked pissed.

he aimed his gun at spencer. and the moment right before the unsub fired, you jumped in front of spencer, hitting the ground hard as soon as the bullet pierced through your vest.

spencer fired at the unsub, shooting him dead and ran to you.

“y/n!” he yelled as he pulled your laying body towards him, taking off your vest and putting pressure on the bleeding wound that colored your chest. “agent down, we need a medic!” he yelled at his radio.

the rest of the team arrived, taking the man taken hostage to safety.

“hey spence.” you weakly smiled at him, slowly blinking as an attempt to try to keep your eyes open. you loudly groaned in pain, closing your eyes as you clenched his hand.

“everything’s gonna be okay honey, just keep your eyes open. medics will be here soon, just stay with me.

“i feel cold.” you whispered.

“shh, be quiet. you’re gonna be fine.” he said as he saw the medics run in. as soon as they got you into the ambulance, spencer hopped in with you, never leaving your side.

after a few hours of waiting for the trauma surgeon, spencer was finally able to breathe again as soon as he heard that you (barely) made it. once you were awake and ready for visitors, spencer practically ran into your room.

“spence.” you looked at him with glossy eyes.

“babe,” he said as he gently grabbed your hand, rubbing circles in the back of it. “you gave us quite a scare back there.” he said, giving you a small smile.

“i’m sorry. i knew he was gonna shoot, and i just couldn’t let you take that bullet.” you explained as a tear rolled down your cheek.

“well, that was very stupid of you,” spencer chuckled. “i’m just glad you’re okay.” he said, pressing a deep kiss on your temple.

“you did?” jay asked, his face painted with more concern than hurt.

“yeah,” you slowly nodded. “he, uh, almost died for me too.” you told him, watching jay’s eyes widened.

your heart rate picked up rapidly as hotch quickly drove to a house just outside the city. spencer, in an attempt to save you, was taken hostage by an obsessive unsub.

you’d never forget the words that displayed on penelope’s screen: give me the doctor or y/n dies.

you thought it was stupid that spencer voluntarily brought himself to the unsub, but no one couldn’t blame him for thinking with his heart and not his head when it came to you.

the team, along with swat, barged into the house. you kicked down the door to see the unsub removing a knife from spencer’s abdomen. you shot the unsub down and immediately ran to your boyfriend who was covered in cuts and stab wounds. medics immediately arrived as you untied him, carefully taking his face in your hands, examining the blood that littered his face.

“y/n.” spencer croaked.

“why would you do something so stupid?” you mumbled, pouting at him.

“i guess we’re even now.”

“i- wow.” jay exhaled, running a hand through his hair.

“yeah.”

“so you really do love him, huh?”

“yes, more than anything in this world.” you confessed.

after a few moments of silence, jay spoke up.

“i understand,” jay nodded. “he looks at you the same way i looked at you. and i can tell he makes you very happy, both emotionally and physically.” he said, chuckling at the end as he recalled your words. you gave him a sympathetic smile. “i guess i’ve been acting kind of like a dick.”

“kind of?” you raised an eyebrow at jay.

“okay. i’ve been acting like a dick,” he admitted. you both shared a soft laugh. “i’m truly sorry for everything.”

“i’m sorry too.” you apologized back.

“come on, bring it in.” jay teased, opening his arms to you. you rolled your eyes and approached him, reciprocating the hug.

you failed to notice that the blinds in the room were open.

spencer squinted through the small spaces in between the blinds. once he saw you and jay in each other’s arms, he felt his whole world crumbling down.

you two broke apart, opening the door to see spencer quickly walking out of the squad room.

what the hell?

you looked over to see everyone looking at you with worry.

“what happened to spence?” you asked out loud.

“i tried to explain to him that it was probably just a friendly hug between you and jay, but he wouldn’t listen.” olivia said, resting a hand on your shoulder.

oh no.

“i have to go after him.” you exclaimed, trying to follow him.

“as much as that i would love for you to do that,” penelope stopped you. “you have to see this.”

son of a bitch.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x y/n #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead x y/n #chicago pd x reader #chicago pd x y/n #sonny carisi x reader #sonny carisi x y/n #law and order svu x reader #law and order svu x y/n

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killianglyndon · 3 years

Text

Someone You Care ch5

Warnings: mild curses, case mentioned, typical svu stuff, hurt/comfort?

Word count: 2k+

Series masterlist

It had been months since you and Rafael disclosed. Things had been great for the two of you, you grew closer to each other. Since both of your jobs were demanding, you always ended up in his place or sometimes he ended up in yours. So, Rafael had asked if you like to move in with him, and you obviously said yes to his offer.

——————

“It’s been a long week.” You sighed as you shrugged off your jacket. “It is.” Rafael said and helped you hang up your jacket. You walked into Rafa...no you and Rafael’s living room to sit down on the couch. You smiled to yourself when you thought of this, you and Rafael’s home. Rafael caught your smile while walking toward the couch and sat down next to you. He loosened up the tie and unbuttoned a few buttons before throwing his arm behind your shoulder.

“What are you smiling for?” He asked softly. “Nothing, I’m just happy. You know? Us coming home together and snuggling on the couch.” You smiled. Rafael beamed to your words, “I’m happy too.” Rafael leaned closer to peck a kiss on your forehead. Ring Ring. You grabbed your phone and checked who was calling, “It’s Jay.” You said to Rafael before answering.

“Hey, Jay.”

“Hey, (y/n).”

“What’s wrong? Something happened?”

“No. No. It’s just that we’re going to have a Thanksgiving dinner party next month. And we miss you a lot, so I just want to know if you like to come? Maybe you can bring your hotshot lawyer boyfriend?”

“I would love to, but I have to check with Lieutenant Benson first. It has been a little crazy here.”

“Same here.” Jay laughed

“I’ll let you know soon, okay?”

“Okay, take care.”

“You too, Jay.”

“So… you remember Halstead?” You asked. “Yeah, a detective from Intelligence. Right?” You nodded. “He asked if we wanted to have Thanksgiving dinner with them. And they wanted to meet you.” “You know they met me before right?” Rafael joked. “I know. But they still want to meet you. Since you’re my boyfriend now.” You chuckled. “I’ll ask the D.A’s office. I got plenty of vacation time. I think we can definitely spend Thanksgiving in Chicago.” Rafael said and used his hand to stroke your hair. “Thank you.” You smiled and snuggled into his chest. “There’s no need, (y/n). I know how much they mean to you. And I want to meet your friends as your boyfriend too.” Rafael wrapped his arms around you and trailed small circles on your back.

——————-

SVU had been working on Gary Munson’s case non-stop. You felt sick about this, a correctional officer used his power to sexually assault female inmates. The investigation was certainly not easy since many of Munson’s victims who Rafael and the squad helped to make bail later refused to testify. Thankfully, Liv and Chief Dodds managed to talk to Charisse and had her help put Munson away. The squad successfully arrested Munson.

It had been days since the squad put Munson away, but he made bail of course. And Rafael had not been like him recently, whenever you said or asked him something, he just gave you a short answer. Rafael seemed distant...and it had been bothering you a lot. Maybe it was work? It had been a lot of things going on lately.

Two of you were lying on the bed, Rafael turned his back on you. You leaned to him and asked, “Rafi, is everything okay?” “Yeah.” “What’s wrong? You know you can talk to me right?” “Everything is fine, (y/n).” Rafael snapped. “D… did I do something wrong?” “Just drop it, please.” “Fine. I’ll go to sleep in the guest room.” You murmured, got up from the bed, and walked out of the bedroom. Rafael tried to say something to make you stay, but nothing came out of his mouth. And you had already walked out of the bedroom.

Why wouldn’t he talk to you? Was he tired of you? Did you do something wrong? Or were you not good enough for him? Millions of thoughts came through your head, you felt hot tears rolled down your cheeks. You cried for hours until you were too tired and drifted into sleep.

And Rafael didn't exactly have a good night's sleep. Instead, he didn’t have any sleep at all, knowing you were crying in the other room. He felt wretched, but he had to do this. He had to protect you from this.

You woke up earlier than usual, you hardly had decent sleep last night. You decided to leave for work before Rafael woke up, you just didn’t want to face him last night. It was just too much.

You walked into the bullpen and were greeted by your partner, Sonny. “Morning, (y/n).” “Morning.” You murmured. You sat down in your chair and put your bag down. “Everything okay?” Sonny asked. “Yeah.” You replied hastily. Sonny could tell that something was wrong, but he decided not to push it. Sonny definitely saw your reddish and puffy eyes from crying last night. Your hair was a little messy, it was obviously you had a shitty night yesterday.

“Want some cannolis?” Sonny gestured. “Thanks.” You grabbed one. You knew Sonny was trying to cheer you up, you two had been partners for more than a year. He was your partner and a friend you could pour your heart out.

A few hours later, Rafael came into the precinct.

You eyed him walking in the bullpen, and you tried to avoid any eye contact with him. He walked into Liv’s office without saying anything to you. Rafael usually would have given you a kiss or gave you a squeeze on your shoulder. But he didn’t. Sonny definitely noticed this too. Thankfully, Liv had sent you and Sonny to interview some people for the case. You were kind of relieved that you didn’t have to face Rafael, yet, you felt powerless cause you didn’t know what to do.

You and Sonny were sitting in the car, “Okay, something definitely wrong with you and Barba. Want to talk about it?” “I…” You tried to say something but nothing came out.“Hey, it’s okay if you don’t want to talk. I’m here whenever you’re ready.” Sonny said. “No. I want to talk.” “Okay.” You took a deep breath before starting, “So, uh...this might sound stupid but Rafael is being distant recently. I mean I tried to ask him what’s going on, but he just shut me down. I don’t know what’s going on, Sonny. Was he...going to break up with me..?” Sonny gave you an assuring grip on your arm, “I don’t think he’s going to break up with you, (y/n). Barba is so in love with you, ya know? Maybe something happened to him and he’s not ready to talk.” “I really don’t know, Sonny…”

——————-

Rafael was miserable without you, but he thought he was doing the right thing. The threat started a few weeks ago, at first, Rafael didn’t think it was a big deal. Being an A.D.A, he got threatened all the time. But, last week, a letter with photos of you and Rafael together was sent to him. He was horrified upon seeing that, he had to protect you. He had to. But how? Rafael thought if he distanced himself from you, you would walk away. And you would be safe, he recalled the other night when he snapped at you. God, he felt so terrible about it, it broke his heart to hear you sobbing in the other room. But, maybe you would walk away, and you would be safe, right?

The other night, Rafael went home and found you weren’t there. He had tried to push you away, and now you were really gone. But wait, where would you go…? Your old place had rented out to someone else a few weeks ago. “Shit.” He cursed. Then he checked his phone to see if you had texted him, no new messages from you. You didn’t text him. He saw Carisi‘s name pop up on his phone, so he picked it up.

“Counselor, (y/n) crashes at my place tonight. Don’t worry, I tried to ask her to text you, but she was out as soon as she hit the bed.”

“Thanks, Carisi.”

“But I really think you should talk to her whatever is going on between you. She was really upset.”

“I…I can’t…”

“Ya did something wrong?”

“No. I mean not exactly…”

“Not trying to intrude but ya really need to talk to her soon. Figure it out, Will ya?”

“I will. Night Carisi.”

“Night.”

Rafael certainly did some thinking after his conversation with Carisi. Rafael didn’t realize how much pain he would cause you when he tried to push you away, he thought you would be safe at least. Truth be told, you were both miserable without each other. Rafael lay in the shared bed of yours, it felt empty without you beside him. Your sweet floral scents were still there, but it just didn’t feel right without your presence.

———————

Rafael must make this right, so he had asked Liv if she could meet up at his office this morning. Liv was always a great friend of Rafael’s and if anyone could help him, it would be her.

Liv was sitting on his office’s couch, and Rafael took out some files for her. “When did this start?” Liv asked as she kept checking out the files. “A few weeks ago, but I didn’t think it was a big deal. I mean I got threats all the time. I guess it’s the perks of being an A.D.A.” Rafael chuckled bitterly. “But then a letter with (y/n) and I’s photos were sent to me… I assumed whoever it was had been following us for weeks.” “You know you are friends with a bunch of cops right?” Liv asked and put down the files. “I know… I just thought if I push her away, and she’ll be safe…” “That’s...that’s… Rafael… I’ll look into this with the squad, okay? In the meantime, talk to (y/n), okay? She’s not doing great…” Liv sighed.“I will…thanks…” Rafael replied. Liv stood up and walked towards the door, “We’ll get him...” Liv said before leaving. Rafael rubbed his face with his hands, trying to get himself together.

———————

It had been a week since you heard from Rafael, he didn’t even try to call or text you. Was it really the end? You had been crashing at Sonny’s place since the day you told Sonny about it. You were sitting on his couch and watching whatever show playing on the TV. Sonny had been a really good friend ever since you two had partnered up, he was always there for you whenever you need. You felt bad about crashing at his place for almost a week, but he had assured you that you could stay as long as you needed. Knock Knock. “Were you expecting someone?” You asked. “Uh...I will go get it.” Sonny said awkwardly before getting up from the couch and walked over to open the door.

Not too long, Sonny walked back to the living room with someone behind him. “Who is it?” You asked and turned your gaze to him. It was Rafael. “Hey… I was wondering if we could… talk?” Rafael asked. He looked almost a little timid. “Sure… ” You murmured. “I’ll give you two the room.” Sonny said before disappearing into his room. Rafael walked towards you and sat down next to you. “I… I’m sorry, mi amor.” Rafael whispered and put his hand on top of yours. “I was getting threats the past few weeks…” “Wait, what? Why didn’t you say anything?” You asked. “I get threats all the time, I didn’t think it was serious until… I got an envelope with our photos in it. Whoever has done this must follow us for a while.” Rafael said and looked away from you.

“I...you could have told me, Rafi. We’re in this together…” You murmured and tears were around your eyes’ corner. “I know… and I’m sorry Cariño… I really am.” Rafael trailed. You couldn’t hold your tears anymore, you just let them roll down your cheeks. Rafael pulled you into his arm and held you tight as if he was afraid to lose you. “I forgive you, Rafi.” You murmured into his chest. “I love you, Cariño.” Rafael kissed the top of your head. “I love you too.” You said as you wrapped your arms tightly around him. Rafael pulled away a little and leaned in to kiss you on your lips. It was a chaste and gentle kiss, all loving and soft then turned into passionate and breathless. You pulled away after you were all short of air, and you tilted your head and saw a red-faced Sonny Carisi standing in the hallway. “Jesus, Sonny. You were there all the time?” You asked. “What? No… I thought you two were having some problems, ya know? You became...uh quite…” Sonny said awkwardly. You chuckled into Rafael’s chest, “Never have seen two grownups kissing, Carisi?” Rafael teased. “What!? No! I guess you can take this and go home, (y/n)...” Sonny handed you your bag. “Yeah, yeah.” You grabbed the bag from him and walked to the door with Rafael. Sonny walked two of you out, “Hey, thank you, Sonny.” You said and gave him a hug. “No worries, (y/n).” You two pulled away and said goodbye before leaving.

————————-

That night, you slept in Rafael’s embrace with your head under his chin. You breathed into his scent, it felt right. It felt like home. It was a long week for both of you, so you passed out as soon as you were in his arms. Rafael didn’t fall asleep until he took in your sleeping form in his arms. Rafael swore to himself that he would never let you go again, ever.

Taglist: @ritajammer21 @averyhotchner

#law and order special victims unit #law and order svu #raul esparza #ada rafael barba #rafael barba #law and order svu imagine #rafael barba drabble #rafael barba x reader #Rafael Barba imagine #reader insert #someone you care

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cupidmarwani-archive · 5 years

Text

Denial (Rhodestead)

Summary: Will is straight, but has this habit of watching videos of a faceless man on the internet get himself off.

Warnings: internalized homophobia, homophobia, eventual smut

WC: 6569

Here’s the thing: Will Halstead is straight.

Really, he is, no kidding. He likes women, and their chests, and their legs, and all that. He’s had girlfriends, and even had sex with one of them, once, when he was in med school. Her bed had been squeaky and the mattress too small, and the whole time he looked at this poster she had on her wall. It was for the Princess Bride. Buttercup and Wesley together, under beautiful text he could barely see because the lights were off.

He does not, on the other hand, like men. He has no interest in the way their shoulders move when they walk, or the veins on their hands, or their smiles, or the sharp angles of their jaws, or the tenor of their voices, or the way their bottom lips shadows over their chins, or the curve of- anyways. The point is, Will Halstead is completely, one hundred percent heterosexual.

But the other thing is, he follows this account on instagram, prncehrts. It’s some guy that never shows his face, just photos from the neck down. Some of his chest. His legs. His ass. He has a little muscle, but not enough to be overbearing or falsified. In some pictures he has the faint outline of abs, but in others his stomach looks soft, like the kind made to be bitten and covered in violet marks. Not that Will thinks about that of course.

And of course, there’s prncehrts’ other account, on some blogging platform called tumblr. The premium one. The one that Will pays $15/month to follow because these are photos too explicit to go anywhere else, like the ones that showcase his soft cock lying against one of his marked up thighs, or those that show him on his hands and knees, a hand wrapped around a silicon looking purple toy practically dripping with lube.

Will has the subscription for the express purpose of making sure prncehrts is safe. There are a lot of gay men- not that Will is at all one of them- who don’t always know what they’re doing, and could hurt themselves. It’s a matter of safety that Will watches. His body reacts, sometimes, but it just does that because of course he reacts to naked bodies. Because Will isn’t gay.

He watches, though, at least once a week. Refreshes prncehrts’ blog to see if there’s anything new, and takes a look at whatever comes up. Sometimes it’s a picture, sometimes a video, sometimes both and/or more than one.

For about five months, Will watches, listens, and vehemently reminds himself that he’s not gay and there’s nothing gay about this, even when he sometimes has to press the heel of his hand between his legs in an effort to relieve the pressure that comes just because his body reacts to nudity. Just prncehrts’ though, not any of the girlfriends he’s had in the past, including the one he had sex with once before breaking up with her because there wasn’t a real spark. And for five months, he doesn’t think about the real person who makes these videos until he clicks on one of prncehrts kneeling in front of the camera, everything above his smile cut off.

“Hey, so I was hoping for a little help,” prncehrts says, and his voice is so much deeper than most of the moans Will has come to associate with him. “You all know how much I adore Edward.” He holds up the silicone toy he uses so often, and is apparently named Edward. “But unfortunately, he’s torn a bit right here. So, I’m in the market for something new. I’ve got a wishlist in the caption of this video of some stuff I’ve been meaning to try out. Buy it for me and I’ll make something just for you. I promise.”

And Will doesn’t think about it. He clicks the wishlist, and buys the first thing on it, and leaves the username of the account he had to make to have access to prncehrts' premium accound in the “messages” section. He finds himself paying for overnight shipping, too. He just wants the best for this man he’s never met, even though he should probably be saving that money for a rainy day. He’s not off badly, he’s got plenty of money, but not enough that he should be splurging like this when he already has to budget every month for the fees to just look at prncehrts.

When it arrives the next day, he gets two notifications: one from his amazon account, saying the package was delivered, and several hours later, one from prncehrts over DM. Of course, he doesn’t look at it until his shift is over and he’s home, at which point he doesn’t hurry to see what he’s been sent. And he doesn’t kick off his scrubs before throwing himself on the bed, he just gets rid of them because he’s tired and wants to relax.

He taps on the little thumbnail, and the video fills his screen.

“Forgive the mess, sweetheart. Just got a new place.”

Will waves a hand dismissively, even though he’s watching a video recorded quite a while ago. Prncehrts is laying on a mattress on the floor instead of his usual luxurious sheets, but it doesn’t matter much. He’s still beautiful, and when he starts rubbing a lubed finger against his hole, his muscles tense and that soft stomach turns back to muscle, and that would be a good place to put his mouth too. The thought keeps coming to him, and he isn’t sure why. Will could never have sex with a man. He’s just not interested. He doubts he’d be able to get it up, he thinks, even as he lets his own fingers trace against the bulge in his boxers.

He watches the video, start to finish, twice. The path the video takes, the sounds that drip from prncehrts’ mouth, the way the toy looks inside of him, none of it matters, and neither does the new stain on the inside of Will’s underwear. He’s just not gay, so it couldn’t matter, even though he falls asleep with an image of soft lips and the working of a capable hand slipping against the back of his eyelids. It’s there all night, paints itself in front of his eyes again in the morning. He can’t stop thinking about it. And then he starts in on taking over the movement of the toy himself, pushing down on the small of prncehrts’ back and listening to those moans in real life, not just on a tinny video clearly not made professionally.

Maybe he should stop watching these videos. He shakes his head to clear it and goes for his morning coffee, wishing he had thought to completely pull off his underwear instead of just kicking them halfway down his legs last night. A shower, and coffee, and his scrubs, and he can go to work to think about things other than the fact that he needs to reevaluate watching prncehrts so much, considering he’s not gay. At this point, it’s just weird.

Then he gets to work, and doesn’t think about it for a while, because things are busy like they always are, especially with the new ED opening. It’s christened with a train crash, of all things, and some hotshot new doctor comes riding in doing chest compressions on a gurney, yelling out orders, and Will freezes where he stands because he knows that voice too well. Just twelve hours ago it apologized to him for the messy background. A few minutes after that came a very sincere, breathy, thank you.

The new doctor is prncehrts. He knows what the new doctor’s penis looks like before he knows his name. Will thinks he’s going to throw up. Instead, he gets around to actually helping with the influx of patients, and doesn’t even have time to think about it until he gets off work much later. When he has an ER full of trauma patients, they’re more important than remembering all the different positions (Will almost laughs when he thinks that particular word) he’s seen his new colleague.

After it all, however? After, he can’t get it out of his mind. Prncehrts, or rather, Dr. Connor Rhodes, is more stunning in real life. He has a good smile, and kind eyes, and he’s tall and Will’s eyes are drawn to him. But it’s just a matter of curiosity, because, again, Will isn’t gay. He knows better. He wants to see exactly how much different Connor looks in person, but just out of some sort of curiosity he can absolutely control. Will is the master of self control, especially when it comes to absolutely ridiculous thoughts like these.

Except he goes home that night, rewatches his private video, and comes in his boxers again.

He keeps up the routine, very intentionally not mentioning the connection he’s made. It’s not the kind of thing a person just says- “Hey, by the way, I know you have a side business selling nudes and I bought you a vibrating dildo which you sent me a video of you getting yourself off with. Oh, yeah, and I get off on it sometimes, but in a straight way, because I just happen to get off to the sight of any naked body, not just yours in particular. Hope this doesn’t make things awkward!” Not exactly light chit chat.

So Will doesn’t say anything, even when he watches Connor start flirting with one of the other surgeons, and then they kiss at work, and then there comes the day that prncehrts posts a new video of Connor being fucked by a slight woman with fairly short auburn hair. Fucked by, not fucking. With vague fascination, he watches her fuck him with a strap on, and listens to the needy moans it earns. But he doesn’t finish the video, because there’s this feeling in his gut of wrong. Watching the video suddenly feels wrong. He isn’t sure why, or what about it is different besides the woman appearing, but all in all it leaves a bad taste in his mouth. It's a short video, a teaser, for the full one available on her own premier blog. Will almost pays the fee to see the whole thing, but can't bring himself to. Something about it isn't right.

For three days afterward, Will feels weird about this whole thing. Tells himself he should stop watching, because he's straight and so is Connor and it's not the sort of thing a straight man does. For three whole days, his routine of looking and touching and thinking is disrupted, and he may be a little pent up when Connor shoves him against the wall of an elevator and argues with him, and his lips are against Will's ear as he speaks.

He doesn’t process the words being said, just the sound of Connor’s voice and the feel of his body and he melts. It’s easy to melt for him. And Connor definitely notices, but before Will has time to panic, Connor moves and then they’re face to face. Millimeters apart. And Will has studied these lips, studied the hands on his waist.

“I’m going to kiss you.”

Will nods, and just like that, Connor is kissing him. It’s like he’s imagined, not that he’s put any thought into this at all. He’s straight. He’s straight, and he’s kissing prncehrts and hands he’s intimately familiar with slip beneath his shirt and stroke along the bottom of his rib cage. This is wrong. Wrong. It feels perfect, but it’s wrong, and Will pushes at Connor’s chest and looks anywhere but at him.

“Your videos. I’ve uh, I’ve seen them.”

“Okay.”

“I’m straight.”

At that, Connor starts laughing. It’s not the sultry one he uses in videos, but something honest and open, and Will likes it even better. It’s genuine. “Dr. Halstead, if you watch my porn and just kissed me, I don’t think you’re straight.”

The elevator dings and the door opens back to the ED, because Connor wouldn’t let him go to the clinical trial ward. “I’ve got a patient to check up on.”

“Will-”

“I’m busy.”

He walks too quickly, his lips tingling with what he just did. He shouldn’t have let Connor kiss him. He shouldn’t have mentioned what he’s seen. He shouldn’t have watched any of the videos in the first place. He’s ruined everything, because he can never talk to Connor again. He’ll have to find a new job. Everything is screwed up and Will is a good three seconds from having a complete meltdown.

Except before he can even go to a patient, Connor grabs his arm and makes him stop. “Will. Listen. What happened, we can ignore it, but-”

“I’m not gay. So yeah, we can ignore what you did to me.”

It’s like a switch has been flipped. “What I ‘did to you?’ What the fuck does that mean?”

Will should shut his mouth. He should walk away. He should stop, for just a moment at the very least, but he can’t because deep down, he’s scared. He’s not gay. No can ever think he is, because Will would lose everything. His family, his friends, his job. He isn’t. He’s not gay. He’s absolutely not gay.

“I asked first-”

“No,” Will argues, “you said you were going to kiss me. You didn’t give me a choice.”

“You nodded, you kissed me back-”

“Yeah, because I didn’t wanna get the shit beat out of me by some pushy homo-”

“Wow. Fuck you, Halstead.”

“I just told you, I’m not gay. So leave me the fuck alone.”

This time when Will turns to storm away, Connor doesn’t stop him. He knows he crossed a line, that he shouldn’t have said anything, but he’s not gay. Nothing he’s ever done has been indicative of that, and it’s not his fault that Connor made assumptions because he’s gay. Or maybe not, because he had been fooling around with that woman in the video Will saw a few days ago. Who cares? Will is straight, and he’s going to put this whole day, including the issue with his patient, behind him with as much alcohol as he can drain into his system without giving himself alcohol poisoning. And he absolutely won’t be checking prncehrts tonight.

Less than an hour later, however, Will finds himself being called to Ms. Goodwin’s office. Connor is sitting in one of the chairs, arms crossed, one leg bouncing anxiously.

“A patient reported something very concerning to me, Dr. Halstead. He said that you, quote, ‘accused Dr. Rhodes of forcing you to kiss him and called him a homo.’ Is that true?”

“That’s what happened, yes.”

“We don’t tolerate homophobia at this hospital, Dr. Halstead, as I’m sure you’re aware,” she starts.

Will doesn’t let her get that far. “But you tolerate him assaulting me?”

“Dr. Rhodes told me his side of the story, and the cameras back it up. You nodded when he asked permission, you pulled him closer. If you have… feelings for Dr. Rhodes, or are exploring your sexuality, that’s one thing, but your language was inappropriate.”

“So what, you’re going to write me up?”

“Dr. Rhodes specifically asked me not to. Why, I don’t know. But I don’t ever want to hear about this again, from either of you, am I clear?”

“Yes ma’am,” they both say, and they’re dismissed for now, but Will feels like he’s going to throw up because he hates being reprimanded, and absolutely hates feeling as though he’s disappointed an authority figure.

“Next time you have a crisis,” Connor says before they go their separate ways, “don’t use me as your little experiment and accuse me of… whatever that was.”

Just like that, they don’t interact for the last couple hours of Will’s shift, thankfully, and he’s able to go home and drink in the dark. And when he gets the buzz of a notification that prncehrts’ instagram, which is more suggestive than outright sexual, has posted again. He shouldn’t click on it, especially given what happened today.

But Will doesn’t have much self control, and he opens the notification anyways to a photo of Connor’s chest, starting just below his jaw and going all the way down to follow where his hair thickens into an obvious happy trail that would be fun to trace with Will’s fingers. He never would, but he has the thought.

Rough day. Livestream on my premium tonight to help destress?

All the comments are affirmatives, emojis, dirty words that make Will feel like his chest is folding in on himself and he isn’t entirely sure why. He also isn’t entirely sure why he opens up his computer to the premium account and joins the livestream, which hasn’t quite started yet. Connor is just kneeling in front of the camera, hands folded on his thighs and covering his crotch almost modestly.

The chat is going a mile a minute. Compliments. Demands. Will’s never said anything in these before, and isn’t about to start now, but he feels like he should say something. He has to say something. He doesn’t, though, he just watches.

“I’m gonna be honest with you all,” Connor says. Well, he’s not Connor, Will thinks. He’s prncehrts. They have different personalities. Act differently. “I’m not doing this stream for you, or for me. I’ve got this friend- acquaintance more like. Apparently, he’s one of you. He likes to watch.” Connor pauses, probably scanning the chat. “Yes, yes, I know, I’m not giving you a show yet. Be patient. He and I had an interesting day, and I got this feeling that he’d be watching. Are you watching?”

“I’m watching,” Will says in the silence of his bedroom. “Always.”

“This is a stupid idea, but you know, I figured I might as well have some fun. I'll be taking requests tonight from anyone who gives them, but you know, if you admit you're watching, I'll just listen to you. I know you want that, don't you? That's why you watch. So now's your chance."

It's obviously baiting. Connor wants to prove that Will isn't straight, that there's something wrong with him, that he’s not what he should be. He shouldn’t do this. He should close out of the window. Instead, he holds his phone tightly and debates sending Connor a text. It would be so easy. But the fact is, Will isn’t gay, and it’s one thing to just look, but another entirely to dictate what happens.

He’s still watching, though, when Connor begins taking commands from the chat and starts touching himself, shifting restlessly into the touch of his own hand, a hand that had felt blisteringly hot on Will’s skin only a few hours ago. Every slightest movement is mesmerizing, but nothing as much so as the way Connor keeps biting his lips around the softest moans.

“C’mon. Text me, call me. You know I’ll answer it. Whatever you’re scared of, don’t be.”

Connor stops his hand movements and whimpers, clearly following someone’s instructions in the chat. A lot of his viewers like to see him desperate. But if Will was there, that’s not what he’d be like. He’d just want to make Connor feel good, make him smile and moan and be happy. Not that Will has ever thought about what it would feel like, or would he would do given the opportunity.

Will picks up his cell phone and his fingers dance over the keypad without permission. He can’t help himself. He types, and presses send, and then drops his phone before he can think about it any more. All he does is watch. About a minute later, there’s an audible buzz on the livestream, and Connor picks up his phone.

“Aww, guys,” he says, “my dear Romeo just sent me his address. I guess that means we’re finished for now. But I promise, next video will be lots of fun.”

Blowing one last kiss to the camera, Connor ends the livestream and Will slams his computer shut. What did he do? His lungs aren’t working, and he doesn’t know why he did that because he’s not fucking gay. He should text Connor back and tell him not to come over, or clean up his apartment, or do something other than sit here, still in his scrubs, his phone in one hand and a half bottle of beer in the other.

For fifteen minutes, he stays there in indecision until someone knocks on his door, and he knows it’s Connor. He shouldn’t open the door. All of this was a mistake and he’s about to cry. But he goes to the door nonetheless. Smooths down his shirt. Opens the front door to reveal Connor standing there in a tee shirt and sweatpants. There’s no smile on his face.

“I was watching.”

“No kidding.” Connor strolls inside and throws himself down on the couch like he belongs here. He does, in a sense. He was invited. “I knew you would be.”

Will sits down on the coffee table across from him, still holding his beer bottle loosely. “Listen, I uh, I don’t think I want you to, uh, to- to-”

“You think I’d walk in here and just take off my pants, let you fuck me over your kitchen counter?”

“I…”

He laughs that genuine laugh again, the one that fills Will with warmth. “Listen. I get it. You’re repressed as fuck and I’m your nice little experiment and you never actually meant to meet me in person. It’s awkward. If you wanna watch my videos, look at my pictures, then by all means, since you’re paying me to look. But I don’t much appreciate whatever your little meltdown was today, got that? I’m willing to help you out, if you really do wanna ‘explore’ or whatever. But no more bullshit. If I help you, if we fool around, no more of that ‘I’m not gay’ crap.”

“But I’m not.”

Connor rolls his eyes. “And yet, you still watched the livestream.”

Will leans forward a little, enough to reach out a hand and cup Connor’s face. It’s warm, his stubble rough, and his eyes so soft and affectionate. Or something like that. No one has ever really looked at Will like that, except maybe the ex-girlfriend he shared one dull night with in his college days. There’s still a part of him that screams this is wrong, but a louder voice tells him this is the most natural thing he’s ever done.

“You’re in charge here. What do you want?”

He gets off the table to kneel in front of Connor and kiss him, this time without pretenses. It’s a strange feeling, but it makes him feel warm from his lips to his toes and everywhere in between. And better yet, Connor kisses him back, and it’s perfect. This is perfect.

Then it ends. Not because he wanted it to, but because Connor has decided to sit up properly, and he looks so beautiful with pink cheeks and swollen lips and blown wide pupils, all the things that the camera doesn’t show. Here, there’s no ambiguity on what’s happening, and every choice has been placed in Will’s hands so he can’t claim later that it wasn’t his fault or his desire.

“Can I… Can I touch you?”

“Where?” Connor asks softly.

Instead of coming out of his mouth, the words stick like peanut butter and Will can’t make himself say it. He gestures at Connor’s lower stomach, hoping it’s good enough.

“You want to touch my dick?”

Has to be crass, doesn’t he? Will nods, and Connor takes one of his wrists gently and guides it to the crotch of his sweatpants. There’s a bulge beneath the fabric, but he’s not entirely hard yet. Carefully, Will curls his fingers around it and moves his hand just a bit, like he was rubbing himself off through his clothes because it can’t be that different. Of course, he feels Connor slowly get hard, hears his breathing get heavier and faster.

“Just like that, Sunshine,”

Those words shoot down Will’s spine, and he asks, “Can you kiss me again?”

Connor immediately acquiesces, kisses him with a little more intensity. It’s nice, but Will craves more. He wants to be closer, touch more, do more, and for once his brain isn’t reminding him all the things that are wrong with what he’s doing right now. It feels good, and he needs just a little bit more, but he isn’t sure what that would mean.

“You wanna sit in my lap? Might be more comfortable.”

Yes, that sounds wonderful, sounds perfect. Will nods, and suddenly he’s being lifted into Connor’s lap and he can feel, against his ass, how hard Connor is, and that’s something he did. He caused that. With his own hand. In all honesty, Will doesn’t know what he’s doing, but he remembers that in a lot of videos Connor likes to grind against things, so maybe he could be one of those. He squirms a little, not entirely sure of what he’s doing, which makes Connor grab his hips tightly and throw his head back against the couch and make the most intoxicating sound Will thinks he’s ever heard.

“Do that again.”

“It doesn’t work like that,” Connor says breathlessly. Now he’s the one moving, lifting his hips off the couch and rubbing himself against Will’s ass. “Do you want me to touch you?”

“Yes?”

Connor stops moving altogether, which is the worst possible thing that could have happened, in Will’s opinion. “Is that a question or an answer?”

“Yes, please touch me.”

“Look at you, so polite.”

He kisses Will again, and then slides a hand between them to wrap around Will’s cock, his palm almost stiflingly hot through the thin fabric of his scrubs. It’s like all the times he’s touched himself, but more, because this is someone else’s hand. This is Connor’s hand, specifically. There’s another man here, touching his dick, rubbing a thumb against the head in a way that has him struggling not to moan, but Will is straight. He doesn’t like men. At this moment, he isn’t sure if he wants to keep going or jump away and throw up into the sink. His chest is fluttering like a butterfly’s wings in a storm.

“What happens next?” he asks between breathless kisses, which, of course, makes Connor laugh all over again.

“Whatever you want. We can just do this, we can stop, we can get naked. It’s all up to you.”

There’s nothing to hide behind now. If Will wants something, he has to ask, and he almost doesn’t want to because it’s easier to just stop now. But he doesn’t want to. He slips his hands under Connor’s shirt and just feels, because he can touch and there’s no reason not to. The hair on his chest is more wiry than soft, he notes, and keeps touching because he can, and he’s allowed to do whatever he chooses right now.

He could come like this. It’s embarrassing as hell, but he might, in his pants, the way he does when rolling his hips into his palm while watching Connor’s videos. The real thing is different, especially the way Connor touches him, the way he feels still grinding up against Will’s ass and moaning without pretense because this is not a show designed to please a viewer. Yet again, he finds himself in love with the real Connor, not the version of him that he sells online.

“I wanna make- I wanna make it good for you,” Will admits. “How do I do that?”

“This feels good enough-”

Will groans and presses his hands harder against Connor’s chest. “I don’t care about ‘good enough.’ I want to- how do I do more?"

“Are you asking if you can fuck me?”

“I don’t know?”

“Do you even have lube?”

He shakes his head, which gets Connor smiling at him again, and it’s blinding. Life changing. “Like I said when I got here, we’re not doing that tonight. I’ll help you get off, but that’s as far as we’re going for now. Okay?”

For now is an implication of more to come later, that Connor will give him the opportunity to do more than whatever is happening now. Will won’t take it, but the thought feels nice. He nods and keeps feeling, touching, taking as Connor makes both of them feel good in a way Will has never experienced before in his life.

“Connor…”

“Don’t. Whatever stupid shit you’re gonna ask me, don’t.”

“No, I- it um, I think…”

Connor rolls his eyes. “You’re going to come?”

Nodding, Will shuts his eyes and focuses on the way all of this feels, the way it overwhelms him. The way Connor takes care of him. He doesn’t have to think, just this once. Instead, he thinks about the way it feels to be touched, to touch, to know that he can do this because it’s good and maybe, just this once, Will deserves something that’s good. Connor doesn’t hesitate, or stop. He keeps touching, keeps making Will feel like he’s on cloud nine, and then the sensations crest and the next thing he knows his eyes are squeezed shut and his face is against Connor’s, cheek to cheek, touching, and it’s perfect.

Then it’s over, but Connor hasn’t stopped moving. He’s still rolling his hips up into Will, still breathing heavy and still needing to be taken care of, and Will panics because he’s past the moment of ecstacy, and he’s here, in a man’s lap, and what just happened isn’t right.

Will stands up and stumbles on shaky legs toward the kitchen. His underwear are wet. Connor is talking to him, but he doesn’t hear it, doesn’t hear anything but the blood rushing in his ears as his hands grab onto the edge of his counter and he leans over his sink to throw up. The magic is gone. All that’s left is pain and fear and disgust and Will has tears on his face.

“Hey, hey, Will? What’s wrong?”

“I’m not gay!”

Connor is quiet, then. Will can feel his presence just a few inches away, wanting to comfort but afraid to touch, his breath still not entirely under control. He doesn’t retort, or bring up what he said when he got here, but just stands there in silence beside Will as he dry heaves over the sink. The smell is awful.

“Let’s get you to bed.”

The second he touches Will’s back, Will jerks away. “Don’t fucking touch me, fuck, fuck-”

“You need to calm down,” Connor says in his ‘crazy patient’ voice. “Will, just a few minutes ago, you were asking about having real sex. Now, you’re… you need to know that it’s okay to like men, Will. There’s nothing wrong with it, wrong with you.”

“Yes there is! Oh my God. I’m gonna throw up again.”

He just dry heaves for the millionth time. But Connor is still there, and rubs between his shoulder blades until he stops. Then he guides him away, toward the hallway, and opens doors until he finds the bathroom.

“You take a hot shower and calm down. I’m gonna let myself out, and you’ll be on your own. If you need, or want, anything, you can always call me. I’ll cover for you if you wanna call out tomorrow. But really, Will, I promise, there’s nothing wrong with liking men.”

Connor leaves, then, and Will looks at his reflection. His hair is all messy and his cheeks are flushed cherry red. But he also sees what’s not there. Imprints of Connor’s hands on him. He’s dirty. He’s broken. He wants to claw off his skin, make this feeling go away. It would be easier.

Instead, he turns the shower on as hot as it gets, strips off his soiled clothes, and steps beneath the spray. Maybe it’ll clear him. He lets the water wash away what he did, even if it still clings in spite of his best efforts to wash everything away. He did something he shouldn’t have, touched something he shouldn’t have. He’s not fucking gay. If his stomach wasn’t empty, he might throw up all over again.

He scrubs himself raw, three times over, before getting out and surrounding himself in a fluffy bath towel. He walks slow, careful, to bed and buries himself in his covers still not completely dried off. It doesn’t matter. First thing in the morning, he has to go to work, and see Connor, and he knows he won’t be able to stop thinking about what happened tonight, especially if he sees Connor. He should call out.

Instead of doing either of those things, he falls asleep.

When he wakes up, it’s because his phone is ringing loudly- not his pager though, which means it’s not the hospital. He smacks it twice before getting a hand around it and sliding the answer button. “Hmm?”

“Hey, I wanted to check on you.”

He damn near throws the phone across the room. ‘What do you want, Connor?”

“Like I said, I wanted to check on you. You seemed pretty freaked out last night, and I uh, I feel bad about it. Thought I should make sure you’re okay. And if you’re up to it, I could come make you breakfast? Eggs, bacon, some orange juice. Maybe pancakes. Whatever you want.”

“Connor.”

“Please, let me? I promise I won’t do anything untoward.”

Will sits up and pushes his hair out of his face. “Okay, but I don’t have anything here.”

“I’ll stop by the store, don’t worry. See you in ten to fifteen.”

Connor hands up, then, and Will is left to think about what this means. Over the last day, things have been confusing, terrifying, wrong. He isn’t sure what happens now. Obviously, Connor is angry with him, and this could very well be an excuse to yell at him or hurt him. The last thing Will should’ve done is say yes. But it’s too late now, so he just forces himself out of bed and puts on clean clothes, runs his hands through his hair to try and tame it. There isn’t time. He doesn’t have time.

The time goes so quickly, but also too slowly, until someone knocks on his door and he opens it for Connor, arms laden with two grocery bags and dark bags under his eyes like he didn’t sleep last night, like he took this harder than Will did.

“You’ll have to show me where the dishes are,” Connor says.

Nothing else. He’s quiet, but proud in the way he stands with his shoulders in a perfect line, the way his torso cuts in slimmer at his waist, the way his hip cocks outward to shut a drawer after pulling a spatula free. He’s cracking the eggs in the blink of an eye, whisking them together in a bowl as he throws butter into the pan, and it feels domestic. Like something that would happen if they loved each other, if they had something worthwhile.

“I-”

“Shush,” Connor says. “I’m making you breakfast, and while you eat, I’m going to talk and you’re going to listen. Am I clear?”

Will nods and takes a seat at his table to just watch, because he can’t do anything better. Connor fries bacon as he scrambles eggs, humming to himself, too at ease for what happened between them. But it’s peaceful, and Will almost enjoys watching. The smell of something good cooking in his house, the crackling sound of grease, the slow bubble of orange juice poured into a glass. The last time someone cooked for him had to be before he left home.

It only takes a few minutes, but then a plate is served in front of him alongside a glass, and Connor smiles at him before sitting down. He has this urge to kiss him, but Will knows better. He’s not gay. And he’s fucked up enough at one time. So he doesn’t, he just cuts into the egg with his fork and starts eating while Connor studies him closely.

“Obviously, I made a mistake last night. Not because you aren’t attractive, but because it’s clear that you aren’t ready to admit that you’re gay, or bi, or- in whatever capacity- attracted to men. What happened last night, me coming over here, it wasn’t okay. Not for you, and absolutely not for me. It is not my job to coddle you, or show you the ropes, or help you through your crisis. It’s not fair to me.”

It isn’t fair, but Will wants it in a way he can’t entirely understand.

“So I’m not going to keep this up. I’m not going to kiss you, I’m not going to touch you, and I’m certainly not going to provoke you. That livestream, what I said was inappropriate. My actions, both then and everything that came after, weren’t okay, and I’m sorry for that.”

Connor shifts in his seat, reaching into his pocket for his wallet. WIll’s always hated his wallet, because it’s made of that expensive leather and it’s thick and he has all these cards and all this cash in it. Not because of his second job, but because the world has always been in Connor’s back pocket. It’s no wonder he never had to worry about being read as gay.

He pulls out two business cards and sets them on the table in front of Will. One has an icon on it of a heart, half rainbow and half some weird stripe design of blue, pink and white. The other is more professional and sleek.

“These are for people who can help. That one, that’s a support group I went to when I was younger. Maybe sixteen, seventeen. I went for a couple. It’s full of people of all ages, just like you, who are figuring out who they are. And this one is for a really good therapist who helps people struggling with their identity. Some of them are gay, or trans, or just people who are having an identity crisis about who they wanna be when they grow up. Either of them, or both, could really help you. But it isn’t my job, okay? I’ll support you however you want or need, but it isn’t my job to completely get you through this.”

Will picks up the two cards. They’re slick, smooth in his hand. Light as a feather but still incredibly heavy with their meaning. He holds them, looks at the little heart on the first card and wonders what it would be like just to go, just to see other people like him who might be struggling with the same thoughts.

“What’s the other half of this,” he asks instead of trying to keep processing. “Next to the rainbow.”

“That’s the trans pride flag. You know what that is, I assume?”

“Yeah, I know what being transgender is.”

Connor nods and Will doesn’t know entirely what to do next besides keep eating and stare at the cards.

“Just remember, you don’t have to go through this alone. Me, and the people on these business cards, we’re all family.”

#mine #fic #rhodestead #connor rhodes #will halstead #idek what this is jhkfjg

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