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moonlitdesertdreams · 2 years

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Anything for you

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x F!Reader

Tags: hotch x oc, criminal Minds Imagine, aaron Hotchner x reader, hotch x reader, inter-office relationships, criminal minds, aaron hotchner x oc, penelope garcia, emily prentiss, jj, jennifer jareau, aaron hotchner, derek morgan, david rossi, spencer reid

WARNINGS: Kidnapping, mentions of murder, torture, general criminal minds lingo

Summary: You're kidnapped during a case. Post-rescue fluffiness ensues.

word count: 2.8k+

The first time you're kidnapped on the job, you feel like no training has prepared you.

It was a normal work day- the BAU had been sent to Saginaw, Michigan, and you had been working with Morgan to clear a hideout associated with a possible suspect. The unsub was targeting blonde females of short stature, and the team was aware that you and JJ both fit the victimology. Regardless, it wasn’t the first time someone on the team looked similar to their victims.

Girls are being lured out of their cars by a wounded animal on the road, and snatched in late evening or early morning hours. The unsub had been profiled as someone withdrawn and non-confrontational, so every inch of that theory is invalidated when you’re taken in broad daylight.

After clearing the house, you had made your way through a side gate in the backyard with intentions of talking to the neighbor while Morgan searched through personal items inside.

And your last recollection before the pain started was hopping down the back porch steps.

And fuck, did your head hurt when you slipped into awareness.

Once you regain some semblance of consciousness, you conclude the unsub must have fled into the neighbor’s yard from his hideout and panicked when you unknowingly followed.

Hence, the current predicament. Spread out on what you’re trying not to imagine as medieval torture device, the unsub has your arms bound high above your head. Your feet barely brush the ground, and the muscles in your shoulders scream with every move. You try to negotiate with your captor, though the words only exchange for a few moments before he plunges a needle into the thick muscles of your thigh.

A cool rush floods through your veins shortly thereafter, and your limbs feel heavier by the second. Your eyesight blurs without contacts or glasses and dry mouth creeps up from whatever drug is flaring in your system.

Thoughts of the team invade logical thought, trying to drown out the haunting images your brain is interpreting from your squinting eyes.

A hooded figure with an oddly deep voice comes into the room and photographs you at regular intervals . He takes more items of clothing each time, sometimes ripping and other times taking a whole article. If you were in your right mind, you would have caught on to the child-like nature and tantrums when your subdued body can’t coordinate with his movements.

“What’s your name?”

You blink slowly, awakening to a dark room. Your arms are sore, and your shoulders still ache. The toes of your boots brush what looks to be an old wood floor, though you are unsure due to the lack of visual acuity. An attempt to lift your head fails, and it instead droops until your chin hits your chest.

A limb shoots towards you, and instinct forces you to jerk. Rough fingers brush your reddened cheeks as the gag is taken from your mouth. “Sorry, did I scare you?”

“S-scare..?” You squint, but only the shadow cast by his hood is visible. “W-where am I?”

A childlike giggle.

“At my house. My Momma said we could have a sleepover.”

Even in a delusional and dazed, you’re able to feel the shiver down your spine.

“A sleepover?”

FLASH.

The sound of a camera shutter corrupted the functioning state you had started to develop, and you squeezed your eyes shut. You knew it was bad, but nothing in your brain could pull together enough info to react.

“You’re beautiful… just stay right there, I’m gonna take more.

- - -

“He’s not smart. In fact, disorganized to the point where he can’t even keep up.”

Aaron Hotchner sits across the table from Rossi, who is trying to explain their newest theory to the local police chief. With you taken, everyone’s nerves are on edge, and Hotch finds himself tasked with keeping his emotions under control.

It was exactly why workplace relationships- even those based in casual sex and physical comfort- were not allowed.

Additionally, it wasn’t as if members of the team hadn’t been kidnapped or put in danger before. Despite this, Hotch's mind is racing, trying to discern the best way to track an unsub who was so unorganized he didn’t even know what to do next. They got lucky discovering the first abandoned house Morgan and yourself had raided, but Hotch wasn’t sure they’d get that lucky again.

“We thought he was withdrawn, but maybe he’s escalating?” Reid suggested. It had been over twelve hours since the abduction of their teammate, and they were all pouring over case files in the station’s conference room.

Hotch stared down at crime scene photos, including the ones from where you were taken. Prentiss is doing the same, and lifts her head at Spencer’s remark.

“What if she scared him?” Emily offers, “There’s a chance he was just trying to flee and got cornered. It would maintain the withdrawn nature.”

“He took her in the middle of broad daylight.” Morgan contradicts, obviously feeling a bit guilty as he was your partner when the kidnapping occurred. “Into the woods, and away he went.”

Reid closes the folder in his hand. “Actually, it is a good theory. She has specialized training in hand-to-hand combat, it would be very hard to subdue her quietly. If the unsub is withdrawn and scared, he might have come from behind once he realized there was no way out.”

Chief Ballard of the local department speaks up. “She’s a fairly small woman, even with specialized combat it’s hard to fight back if you take a surprise blow to the head.”

Hotch looked up. He had sparred with you on many occasions in the gym, and knew firsthand the amount of tricks used to fend off larger attackers. However, an ambush and a good enough blow would render even himself unconscious.

“She could do it if given the opportunity. Between her hand-to-hand and her gun, there should have been some struggle. Though as Reid said, it doesn’t appear she had that chance.” Hotch concludes.

“That could be indicative of someone lying in wait, or someone scared to show their face.” JJ says, “It really doesn’t allow us a good lead either way.”

“Damn.” Hotch grinds his teeth, nerves getting the best of him once again. “You did a cognitive interview?”

“At the scene. I had-”

A knock from the room’s entrance makes them all jump, and an officer steps in the doorway. His eyes turn to Hotch. “Sir, there’s a woman on the phone for your team.”

Reid stands, moving towards the speaker setup in the corner of the room. “I called Garcia a little while ago, that’s probably her.”

The phone line crackles to life when Spencer picks up. “Hey, Garcia.”

“...S-Spence?”

Hotch’s blood runs cold, and he shoots to his feet. The team allows him the next move, murmuring your name as he approaches the receiver.

“Aaron… hey.” Your speech is slow and slurred, but it’s a clear sign of life.

“Where are you? Are you with the unsub?” Hotch feels the team’s eyes on him, but all that matters in the moment is the sound of your voice.

“N-No. I-I’m with my friend Jake. He wants to have a sleepover, is that okay with you?”

Rossi makes brief eye contact with Hotch, who nodded his head in silent agreement of how to play out the call.

Hotch takes it upon himself to answer and softens his tone. “You know honey, I just need to know what house Jake is in. Do you remember?”

A breathy laugh came through the background of the call, and Hotch assumed it was ‘Jake’ listening in. Your heavy breathing is the dominant noise, and it takes a minute for an answer.

“Y-yeah. Next door to the Youngs in a r-really pretty old house.”

Rossi taps the mute button in a flash of tanned fingers. “Our unsub has reverted to a childlike state. If he’s letting her make phone calls-”

“She’s gained his trust.” Hotch finishes, finally feeling like they’re on the same page.

“Smart girl. I’m calling Garcia to find a list of people with the last name Young in the area.” Morgan already had his phone to his ear.

“Those who live next door to old houses.” Hotch added.

“Did you notice the way she said ‘really pretty’?” Rossi rubbed his chin. “With the emphasis on ‘pretty’? Is she trying to appease him?”

“Morgan, narrow that down to Youngs who live next door to abandoned or condemned establishments.”

Hotch opens the line, your name sliding from his lips in that honey-soaked tone he usually reserves for early mornings and late nights in.

“Aaron?” Your words are still slow, though relatively coherent.

“I think a sleepover is a great idea.” He swallows the lump in his throat, “We’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

“T-Thanks, it’s gonna be fun.”

The line goes dead after, and Hotch drags in a deep breath.

“There’s only one place in the area with those parameters.” Morgan shoves his phone into his pocket as the team stands.

“Let’s go.”

You’ve been lowered to sit, but your hands are still suspended, fingers tingling with numbness. The unsub, or rather, Jake, as he told you to call him, is sitting with legs crossed underneath him a few feet away. There is a lop-sided grin on his face, and his child-like excitement is palpable.

“Do you wanna play a game?” He asks eagerly.

You manage to lift your head, filled with some hope after Jake’s strange allowance of a phone call a few minutes prior. While he might have killed two girls already, they were held for over 48 hours before Jake snapped. You are lucky enough to understand his mindset and play into it, even through whatever drug has been pushed into your system every few hours. The best guess you can muster was that the other girls were unable to deal with the strange kidnapper, and something they said or did broke his facade and led to murder. It was vague and unclear, but all you had.

“What kind of game?” You ask through a shiver. The tremors never seem to end.

“Tag.”

“I don’t know how I’m going to do that.”

Jake opens his mouth to answer, but is interrupted by the sound of stairs creaking. He freezes, turning towards the broken and sideways hanging bedroom door.

“Jake, hey.”

You pray the sounds are the rest of your team, but want to keep his attention away if it is.

“Yes?” His boyish gaze falls back to you.

“What about I Spy?”

Jake breaks out into a smile. “That’s a great idea! I just gotta do your medicine first.”

The man, who you now recognize as a white male in his late twenties with blonde hair and a pudgy face, drew another syringe out of his pocket and plunged it into your thigh. If your counting is still correct, it would be the sixth injection.

“Jake... “ You inhale as the freeze begins to spread, “I spy something… white.”

Eyes wide, they scour the room for your challenge. Your eyelids grow heavy, and you blink as the door moves ever so slightly. It’s slow, until a creak echoes through the empty room. Jake whirls around, coming face-to-face with Jennifer Jareau and Emily Prentiss holding him at gunpoint.

“Who are you?” He demands, scrambling to his feet. “Why are you at my sleepover?”

You sag with relief, shoulders hanging heavily on their bounds. “J-jake, they’re my friends.”

“Friends don’t point guns!”

Jake rockets towards the left, where your pistol, badge, and shoes are discarded, Prentiss sees his motivation, and a gunshot echoes through the room. The man cries out, and your pounding head flinches away from the noise.

“Stay on the ground!” Emily keeps her gun on him, and you druggedly take note of the wound in his leg as opposed to center mass.

JJ moves to kneel in front of you. “Can you hear me? Are you alright?”

You fight the new sedation as best you can. “J-J?”

“I’ve got you.”

The other blonde turns, yelling towards the door that they were clear and needed help. Morgan appears in the doorway, rushing in to assist JJ. He pulls a pocket knife from his pants pocket, slicing the rope and cable ties binding your arms. Your exhausted body slumps into his chest, clinging to his shirt. You notice the purple tint to her hands, and hope it isn’t a bad sign.

“You with me?” Morgan’s deep voice made you lift your head, unfocused eyes searching his face.

“You found me…”

“Yeah we did. You’re a smart cookie, gorgeous.”

You huff a laugh against his neck and suddenly take note of bright lights against your eyelids. Upon further inspection, you deduce it to be the sun. Morgan must have carried you all the way out.

“T-That’s bright.” You murmur, trying to shelter your eyes as Morgan lowers you to the grass.

“Medical is on their way. Where’s Hotch?”

The voices blend together for a few minutes, and you focus on breathing in. Another presence approaches and kneels down, surrounding you with a musky cologne and blanket of safety. A familiar hand rests on your cheek, and you blink up at his face.

Aaron Hotchner stares back at you, and a wave of emotion breaks through the drugs. “Aaron…”

“I’m right here. You did good work today.”

You take a moment to gaze at his familiar features. Dark hair, dark eyes. He’s kneeling beside you, but the size of his frame is still imposing. Against your will, you feel your throat tighten and eyes swell to accommodate tears. One hand extends towards him.

“I need…” You pause, trying to collect yourself. “Hotch- please.”

Hotchner doesn’t answer her, only draws you against his chest. Your arms lift to wrap around his neck, face hiding against the sun-warmed skin of his neck. Despite the ache it causes to rake across his shoulders, Aaron remains wrapped in your embrace as your body begins to shake. You smell of sweat and captivity, remnants of the ordeal you’d just been through. The clothes you wore were the same Aaron had seen you in last, though there were small holes scattered about your black trousers.

“I’m sorry this happened to you.” He murmurs against greasy hair, gripping the back of your skull with his hand. “I should have-”

You lift her head at his tone and point a wavering finger. “No, d-don’t blame yourself.”

The cloudy haze of pharmaceuticals is creeping into your eyes as you chastise him. “I know how you are… Aaron, y-you’ll beat yourself up.”

He chuckles, pressing a kiss to your temple. “Let’s just get you to the hospital, alright?”

Hotch picks you up with little effort, strolling towards the ambulance and stretcher where it was waiting. “...N-No. I’m alright.”

Once you’re placed on the stretcher, the arguing starts weakly and you’re swaying like a daisy in the wind. Hands still fisted in Hotch’s vest hold him in place beside you.

“We need to find out what you were given. Do the tests, and I’ll be satisfied.” Hotch orders, hand on your wrist rubbing gentle circles. “JJ can go with you.”

The blonde steps up beside their boss, soft smile on her face as she wraps an arm around your shoulder.

“No… I don’t-” You pause and swallow, panic rising as Hotchner attempts to step back

Your fingers tremble against Hotch’s torso where they’re wrapped in his shirt, and tears leak from the corners of your eyes. Of all the years Hotch had known you on the BAU, he has never seen you so upset. You’re all trained to deal with these types of things, but nothing prepares you for the actual thing. Especially when you’re being pumped full of illicit drugs to keep you sedate.

JJ rubbed your back, eyes lifting to Hotch. “You know boss, Morgan and I can handle the clean up and reports. You’re gonna have enough paperwork as it is.”

Thank God for Jennifer Jareau.

Hotchner stares at the two women before dipping his head in a nod. “Alright. We’ll meet you back at the station as soon as possible.”

“Sounds great.” JJ turns on her heel and bustles off towards a group of local detectives and beat cops.

The medics were prepping the gurney to go up, carefully arranging your loose limbs on the cushion. Hotch watches in amusement, as you’re looking more stoned by the second.

“Sir, are you coming?” One of the medics asks, motioning to the back of the rig.

“Yes, sorry.” Hotchner pulls himself into the back of the ambulance, accepting the hand you hold out to him.

“Thanks for comin’, boss.” You tug his hand close, lips brushing against his knuckles. His body was warm, and you stretched towards it.

Aaron leans in before the paramedics begin bustling to press a kiss against your forehead. “Anything for you.”

---

Criminal Minds Masterlist || Send me ideas

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ryannwritess · 2 years

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Oc x Aaron Hotchner

A/n just a short little drabble

"Do you have to get up at exactly 5:00 every morning?" I mumbled still half asleep shoving my head into Aaron's pillow

"Yes I do, you've never had a problem with it before " He said from the closet .

"Can't you sleep in just this once I promise I'll make it worth you're while "

"That's what you said last time and we were both late for work " He said coming out of the closet in his pajama top and slacks .

"Well you can't blame me did you see you're self that morning " I said hinting back to the morning a couple weekends ago.

"No I didn't get the chance " he joked .

"Please stay I swear this is the last time "I promised .

"I highly doubt that " He said already crawling back in to bed with me .

#criminal minds imagine #Aaron hotchner x reader #Hotch x oc #Aaron hotchner fluff #Hotchner #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x oc

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themanip · 11 months

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𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐤 𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐬 — 𝐚𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐧𝐞𝐫

EPILOGUE PAIRING — aaron hotchner x oc WORD COUNT — 900 WARNINGS — talk of bdsm, sexual themes, etc. NOTES — this whole story, imagine S1 hotch and s3-4 prentiss.

"Do women give better head than men do?"

Emily couldn't help but giggle at the question. Her fingers gently ran over the fabric of a shirt she was looking at, her eyes now staring at her friend.

"Are you thinking you want to change your trajectory to women?"

The department store music lulled over their heads, and they were both trying to pick out some new clothes for the fall. Maggie was looking more towards the jeans and skirts, since she could be more lenient with her professional clothing.

Emily, however, had to be pretty professional. All FBI agent stuff, she had to pick out dress pants and button up shirts. That had nothing to do with their current conversation though, more focused on sex than clothes.

"I like women, Emily. I just have a preference towards men. Lately, though, they've been pretty disappointing."

Emily scoffed, taking a shirt off the rack and holding it to her chest. Maggie eyed it up and down, and nodded approvingly. "There isn't a single color that looks bad on you, and it kind of pisses me off," Maggie sighed, shaking her head at the brunette. The striking red tone of the long sleeve, curving neckline was definitely a keeper.

Emily laid it over her arm, starting her pile for the night. "Thank you," she laughed. "But seriously, what's tugging your sleeve to ask about sex?"

Maggie sighed, looking at the long skirts in admiration. Her eyes trailed, and she eyed a yellow one, a beautiful golden tone that flared at the bottom. "I need more. I have had two situationships as an adult, and," she whispered the next part with a dramatic face, "neither could make me finish."

"That is a sad, sad life."

"Yeah, imagine having to live it."

They wandered off into other conversations, before they also wandered off to a Spencer's, the store. With bags in hand, Maggie had gotten a few jumpsuits and skirts, some short ones which she could wear outside of work and some that she could wear for work. Emily had only gotten two shirts, for the purpose of going on this trip. Truthfully, she didn't need any clothes but really wanted to hangout with her friend. They had missed each other.

As they neared the back of the store, they hit the sex toy section. Emily and Maggie were no strangers to sex, even telling each other about their masturbation habits, and their sexual partners.

Looking at a dragon dildo, Emily pointed to it with an impressed look on her face. "I'm into a lot of weird shit, but that seems like a little much," Maggie laughed, and Emily raised her eyebrows.

"You've always made it seem like you were vanilla, what kind of kinky shit are you into, Mags?"

Emily was not going to be the first to reveal her cards. She told her friend a lot, but nothing to the likes of her true sex life. Her intense need to dominate, her love for submissive women. She loved Maggie, but she was afraid that she would place judgement.

"I think I figured it out, why none of my flings could never get me all the way there. I think it's the pain, like masochism? Obviously not domestic abuse, but I wouldn't mind a belt or someones hands around my throat, you know?"

After a second of silence followed because Emily was a little dumbfounded, Maggie glanced at a pair of furry handcuffs. "Are handcuffs ruined for you because of your job?"

Emily laughed, nodding. "Yeah, but other forms of restraint are a thing. Handcuffs aren't end all be all."

Maggie's fingers twiddled with a pair of nipple clamps, and she raised her eyebrows at Emily. "They're pretty nice, I've used them before. But God, if you're getting any sex toys please don't get them from here." Emily knew a better place.

"What about you, Em? Are you more vanilla?"

Emily chuckled, and realized that Maggie was probably a little more open-minded than she'd give her credit for. Emily decided that once they were in a private place, she would entail exactly the things she'd been keeping from her.

"Wait, how did you get into this?"

They sat in Maggie's car, the sky now almost setting, and Emily had done a LOT of explaining. She'd explained that her own "fling" was actually her submissive, and that's why she was so shy and secretive about it.

"I did a lot of digging online, trying to find people who had similar interests. I found a few groups, and I got in touch with someone who was a manager of a BDSM 'club'. From there, I just kept meeting people and started really enveloping myself in the community."

Maggie nodded, mesmerized. "So, is this club only for dominants?"

"No, it's for anyone. Everyone has to have someone to vouch for them, though. You can't just walk in, and you go through a bunch of testing and background checks. It's pretty serious shit, and you have to sign an NDA."

"Would you..." she stopped her words slowly, "vouch for me?"

Emily took a deep breath in, and looked at her friend. She was not one to socialize, or ask for favors. She's not irresponsible, nor a person to take advantage of something like this. Emily thought for a second, "Are you serious about this?"

"Very much."

#thomas gibson #aaron hotchner #smut #criminal minds #cm #ah #hotch #hotchner #hotch smut #hotch x reader #hotch x oc

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saiilorstars · 1 year

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Home is my Happy Place

One Shot: An insight on how some of Hotch's returns home look like when Malú is around...

Fandom: Criminal Minds // Hotch x OFC

[ Malú’s masterlist ]

Taglist: @ocappreciationtag @arrthurpendragon @anotherunreadblog @maaaaarveeeeel @stareyedplanet @foxesandmagic @averyhotchner

If you’d like to be a part of this OC’s work/edits, let me know

Malú was long used to the crazy schedule that her boyfriend had. It was not easy, it was not something she would ever get used to, but it was something she would gladly live with if it meant being with her boyfriend. Aaron Hotchner was one of a kind, and Malú was certain that she would never find another man like him. And the best part? He thought the same about her.

As much as she loved him and practically worshiped the ground he walked on, he felt the absolute same towards her. It was strange to other people how in sync they were with each other about everything. How could they ever be apart?

The BAU's cases was the only answer — the only constant answer.

Malú grew used to the whole ordeal of having to be away from each other for days. All she asked from Aaron in return was to keep her updated on his well being. She was not a cop — far from it, she was a school psychologist — but she knew how dangerous his job was. She could not go to sleep each night until Aaron called or texted her.

Aaron didn't mind. He liked knowing how much she cared for him. He always aimed to call her for at least a few seconds to say goodnight unless there was absolutely no time for it. There was almost always time for a phone call of a few seconds.

"Where are you this time?"

"Portland," Aaron said, turning just slightly more towards the window that gave a view of the rainy night. None of the officers and detectives in the precinct would really care about his phone call but Aaron always tried keeping Malú away from his gore-filled job.

"Never heard of it," Malú said so nonchalantly that Aaron couldn't help his laugh.

That time, an officer or two may have turned their head his way.

"I'm kidding," Malú said a moment later.

"I know," Aaron said, finding a tad funnier the fact she had to clarify herself.

"I didn't want you to think I'm an idiot who doesn't know her cities and states," Malú said.

"I don't know, I could always give you a lesson or something," Aaron said ever so innocently.

It was Malú's turn to laugh. She did so with a few butterflies in her stomach. "When you get home, feel free to stop by."

Aaron would want nothing more than that. "It's raining here. Pouring. Believe me, I'd rather be with you."

A smile spread across Malú's face. "I'm in bed," she told him, "And you'll never guess what I'm wearing…"

Aaron hummed quietly, definitely not wanting to draw any attention to him right now. "There are so many answers to that; I wouldn't know what to start with."

"You get three guesses," Malú said. Aaron didn't need to see her face to know she was smirking. Indeed she was.

"Are you challenging me?" Aaron said incredulously. God, he really missed her.

"Maybe. I'm kind of bored over here," Malú said, "All alone in my bed. I don't know, maybe I'm wearing one of your shirts or, uh, maybe—" she snapped her fingers—, "I'm wearing the green satin set you like so much. Do you remember it?"

Aaron was following her taunt with amusement and a wide smile on his face. "Yes," he nodded, "I remember it very well."

"Or maybe, just maybe, I'm not wearing anything at all." Malú gasped lightly. "Which one do you think it is?"

"I think that you are nothing but a tease and you're getting me back for breaking your favorite coffee mug last week," Aaron said, although Malú heard the subtle clearing of his throat. As good as a profiler as he was, he also had tells for when he lied.

"All I know is that you and your butter fingers better find me a new favorite mug in Portland. That's in Oregon by the way. See? Told you I knew where it was. So…what's your guess?"

"My guess is…" Aaron happened to glance back at the precinct and saw Rossi waving him over to the conference room.

Malú heard his sigh and knew what it meant. "Don't tell me what you're doing. I get anxious just thinking about you going out there…"

Aaron sighed again. "I'm sorry, honey. I have to go. And you should get some rest. You're 3 hours ahead of me. You should be sleeping by now."

"It's Saturday tomorrow — or today, technically — and you know I don't care how late it is," Malú said, "I need to know you're okay."

"And I am, promise," Aaron said without hesitation. "We're almost done here. I might see you tomorrow for lunch."

"Mm, I like the sound of that. You better wear a jacket when you go outside."

Aaron laughed quietly. "Yeah…"

"I mean it. You said it was pouring out there."

"I will—"

"You better wear the jacket because if you get sick, I'm not gonna coddle you. And I'll tell Jack that you got sick because you didn't listen to me."

Aaron struggled to keep his laugh from getting louder. "I hear you—"

"Aaron, I really mean it. And I also love you, so…yeah…"

"Yeah," Aaron nodded, "I love you too. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Malú hung up promptly afterwards, and he went back to work.

~0~

Aaron was usually a patient man. He worked under a lot of stress so he had to learn how to be patient, otherwise he would've been dead ages ago. When his case in Portland happened to finish earlier, he wanted to surprise Malú at her place. But looking at the time, he knew that she would be asleep still. Malú hated mornings and absolutely valued Saturday mornings more than anything else.

It would not be wise to wake her up.

So Aaron compromised instead. At six in the morning, he used his key to get into Malú's apartment and quietly walked inside. He left his things right beside the door and headed for the hallway. His heart raced with anticipation of seeing Malú again, even if she was asleep. Very carefully, he turned the knob of her bedroom door and quietly stepped inside the room.

She was fast asleep; she didn't move in the slightest with his approaching steps. She was also a heavy sleeper.

He pulled his jacket off and left it on the dresser then loosened his tie. Shoes were left at the foot of the bed.

Aaron didn't know if his exhaustion won him out or his deep desire to see Malú did, but either way he ended up crawling into bed with her. Amazingly, she didn't even move with that either. He scooted as close as he could to Malú, though very careful not to wake her up. Her back was to him when he brought an arm over her. He finally rested his head next to hers and breathed in.

She had to have showered last night. Her hair smelled fresh of coconut. Her skin was warm and soft under the covers. She was divine even when she slept. Dawn couldn't hide it.

At this point, Aaron would confidently say the exhaustion won him out as his eyes fell shut. And knowing where he was and who was next to him, he had no problem falling asleep.

~0~

"Wakey, wakey…" A soft voice hummed beside Aaron's ear. It took him a few seconds to realize a pair of lips were pressing alongside his cheek. "C'mon Aaron, wake up already."

"I'm up…" His eyes weren't even open.

"You're not up. You're not waking up!"

"What are you talking about? I'm definitely up. I'm talking aren't I?"

Malú rolled her eyes. He was sarcastic at all times of the day. She grew tired, though perhaps it was impatience more than anything else, and proceeded to maturely respond to the situation. Since she was sitting on her knees on the bed, she started jumping on her knees to bounce said bed.

Eventually, Aaron gave up and conceded her the point. He opened his eyes and immediately saw Malú sitting beside him, looking at him with a grin on her face. "You're beautiful."

Malú's grin widened even more. She tossed some of her hair behind her shoulder. "Why thank you. But I must admit that I did not wake up this way, that I did get up and brush my hair and my teeth and ate some breakfast. Speaking of," she reached for a bowl on the bed stand and held out a strawberry to him, "Breakfast?"

Aaron drew in a breath and pushed himself to sit upright. "What time is it?" He was still a bit groggy.

"Late for me but I imagine you got here pretty late so it's early for you," Malú said, leaning forwards. She fed him the strawberry.

"Thanks," Aaron said with a flush on his face. He was not one for sweet acts like this…unless it was him doing it to Malú. It's why Malú tended to return the favor most of the time. She wanted him to know and feel the same way he made her feel all the time — cared and loved for.

"You could have woken me up," Malú said, reaching for another strawberry in the bowl on the bed stand.

"You were sleeping," Aaron remarked matter-of-factly. He watched Malú as she fed him another strawberry.

"I was," she nodded, "And I would've woken up to welcome you back."

"I feel pretty welcomed right now," Aaron said, sharing a smile with Malú. As soon as he finished with the strawberry, Malú leaned over again and kissed him. Aaron's arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her body flush against his.

"Welcome home," she murmured against his lips.

"What a welcome indeed…" He looked at her fondly and brought his hands down her long hair. Her eyes closed as he stroked strands of her hair. "But you, my darling, are a liar."

Malú's eyes snapped open and a confused expression took her face over. "What? What are you talking about?"

Aaron looked her over again, lowering his hands down her sides until they came to rest on her hips. "You cheated."

"How did I—?"

"You're wearing the flower set," Aaron pointed out her pajamas, "Your favorite."

Recognition filled Malú's eyes when she understood. She'd played with him last night about what she wore to bed. "Oops," she said with a growing smile on her face.

"I was told—" Aaron's tone turned sharp at the same time his hands squeezed Malú's hips and brought her against him again—, "that there was a possibility you might not be wearing anything."

Malú barely held her shudder with his voice right next to her ear. While she gathered her cool (something she seemed to lose a lot in moments like these), her fingers drummed along his shoulders. "A 'possibility' doesn't mean it's a fact. You didn't make your guess so you lost."

"You didn't give me opportunity to make my guess," Aaron reminded her, "But I'll be happy to play again on the next case."

Malú rolled her eyes at him. She pulled back enough to look at him. "I would much rather play right now…"

Aaron raised his brows at her. "Right now?"

Malú straightened up to tower over him a bit. She pulled his loosened tie and tossed it to the side. "Why are you so surprised?"

Aaron's head raised and inadvertently moved his lips over her neck then mouth. "Well…I…wouldn't mind…"

"Mm, I thought so." Malú lifted one leg after the other to pull the covers off him. "And you'll see that afterwards I definitely won't be wearing anything anymore."

"Now that's an appealing factor," Aaron remarked, drawing a small laugh from her.

Malú draped her arms over his shoulders. "Welcome home, darling."

"Welcome home…" Aaron repeated like he was in a trance, watching Malú as such. She moved her legs again, pressing her chest to his, then cupped his face and tilted his head up.

She dove down and kissed him.

#ocappreciation #fd: criminal minds #cm #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fics #aaron hotchner imagines #hotch fics #hotch imagines #criminal minds fics #criminal minds imagines #cm fics #cm imagines #hotch x oc #criminal minds ocs #oc: Malu Ayala

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she4everyone · 1 month

Text

Million Words

Aaron Hotchner X Black OC

Summary: Silvia was the first woman Hotch had been with since Hailey's death, but things didn't work out. A few years later she met someone new and the two planned to wed, but what happens when she sees Aaron again.

Warnings: Angst (Timeline is fucked, by which I mean Haley and Hotch separated when Jack was one then she died)

"I think this is the dress," Silvia's mother, Kerry exclaims as she rushes over to her daughter. The white off-the-shoulder dress complimented Silvia's figure wonderfully. She was looking for the dress she was supposed to marry in, and this beauty might be the dress.

"I don't know mom," she says as she looks at the dress in every mirror.

"Honey this is the fourth dress shop we've been to. I don't think it's the dress that you're having a hard time with," Kerry retorts as she sips her champagne.

Silvia knew exactly what her mother was talking about. Her mother liked Eric but preferred Aaron in every category. The problem was, forever wasn't in the cards for Aaron and Silvia. Of course, Silvia was still in love with Aaron how could she not. But the two were at completely different stages in life. Silvia wanted to move forward in the relationship but Aaron said there was no need. They both knew that the real reason was his fear of losing her. The thought of going through another heartbreak stopping him dead in his tracks. It hurt like hell when the two separated from each other, but Aaron held out hope.

"Mom, Eric makes me happy. He loves me and is more than willing to give me what I want," Silvia responds as she walks back into the dressing room. She slips out of the wedding dress and puts her sundress back on.

"The wedding is in a month and you still don't have a dress! Don't you think that's a little strange dear," Kerry retorts as she sets her glass down.

Silvia tells the shop owner she'll probably return knowing damn well she wouldn't. The two begin to walk down the strip when a blonde-haired and brown-eyed boy runs toward Silvia, screaming her name.

"Silvia!!" The boy exclaims as he runs towards Silvia. She kneels down to capture him in her arms, joy filling her body immediately.

"Jack! Oh my goodness! You've gotten so big! How are you?" She asks pulling away from the hug to get a good look at him.

"I'm doing good" he responds with a smile.

"Jack, where's your dad?" Kerry asks as she also kneels beside Silvia.

She hadn't even realized that Jack had run up to her alone. Fear starts to course through her veins. Why was Jack alone? Where was Aaron?

“Jack! God, bud, you can never run off like that again,” Aaron exclaims as he runs toward the two women and young boy. He places his hand on his chest, feeling for his heart.

“Sorry, daddy. I saw Silvia and Kerry and I just had to say hi,” Jack explains turning to face his father.

Silvia stands up looking at Aaron, taking in the fact he hadn’t changed, not one bit. His black hair was still slightly floppy, and his face still tired. The only one who had truly changed was Silvia. She began embracing her natural hair and wearing it out more. Her style changed from completely covered to somewhat free. It was as if she embraced all the things Aaron had loved about her after they parted.

The two lock eyes, not being able to say much, but saying everything through their stares. Longing and sorrow filled the air, crushing the fun summer of reuniting that had happened a few seconds prior.

“Aaron, on my goodness! It’s been too long. How are you?” Kerry chatters as she pulls Aaron in for a hug. He gives into her warm embrace but looks at Silvia the entire time.

“I’ve been good. How’ve you been?” he asks as they pull away.

“We’ve been good. Just doing a little shopping today,” she says looking back at her daughter.

“Silvia,” Aaron says a little above a whisper.

“Aaron,” she says at the same volume.

“How have things been?” he asks.

“They’re good. Things are great.” Silvia replies as her left hand anxiously reaches for her bag. Her engagement ring catching Aaron and Jack’s attention immediately. The ring was square and filled with little diamonds, a ring that Silvia wasn't particularly fond of, but she didn't have the heart to tell Eric.

“You’re married!?” Jack exclaims, shock written all over his face.

“No, Jack. I’m gonna get married soon though. That’s why my mom and I are here. Looking for my wedding dress,” she explains while looking at Aaron.

Pain is the only word that could be used to describe Aaron’s face. Betrayal crept around on his skin, but he knew it wasn’t justified. Aaron knew what Silvia wanted, something she had dreamed of having her entire life, and Aaron couldn't give it to her when they were together.

“Congratulations!” Aaron says, not being able to hide the heartbreak in his tone.

“Thank you,” she replies softly.

“The wedding is in a month if you boys would like to come. I’m sure there could be some arrangements for you two to be there,” Kerry chirps.

“Mom, I’m sure they’re busy,” Silvia quickly replies.

“We’d love to come. Wouldn’t we bud?” Aaron says with one of his hands on Jack’s shoulder.

“Yeah! I’ve never been to a wedding!” Jack exclaims with a bright smile.

God, Silvia missed that kid. She saw herself being the mother he needed. Driving Jack to practice and his games, cheering wildly in the stands when he played, and being that mom who had all the snacks. Making sure he lacked nothing even though his mother had passed. Hopes that she and Aaron could give him a little sibling or two but things couldn’t turn out that way.

“Wonderful! Silvia will text you all the details. Surprisingly, she’s been very relaxed during this wedding planning. It’s like she doesn't even care who’s at the end of the aisle waiting for her,” Kerry explains, hoping it would knock some sense into these very two stubborn adults.

“I’m over the moon to be marrying Eric. Aaron, I’m assuming your number is still the same, so I’ll text you the details soon. Bye Jack, I promise I’ll see you again soon. I don’t care if I have to force your dad to bring you to me,” she says pulling Jack in for a long hug.

“Bye Silvy” he sighs as he holds onto her tightly. Just the site almost brings Kerry to tears. She couldn't understand why Aaron and Silvia couldn’t or wouldn't find a way to work things out.

The group part ways and Silvia heads to her shared apartment with Eric. When Silvia enters the apartment the smell of lasagna hits her nose.

“Welcome home baby!” he exclaims kissing Silvia's cheek.

“Hey,” she replies as she weakly smiles.

“Have you found the dress yet?” he asks as he grabs plates from the cabinet.

“Still a no,” she replies as she sits at the dinner table.

“It’s okay baby. You’ll probably find it last minute and it’ll be perfect. Just like you,” he says as he gives her a quick peck.

Throughout dinner, Silvia tries to find a way to tell Eric about Aaron. During their relationship, she hadn’t really mentioned Aaron all that much. Eric had assumed the relationship was too traumatic for her to talk about, but it was quite the opposite.

“Eric?” she says softly looking down at her hands, fiddling with her ring.

“Yeah,” he replies grabbing a hold of her hand.

“Don’t you think we’re moving a little too fast? I mean we’ve been together for two years, but it takes five to fully know a person. I was with my ex-boyfriend for six years before we broke up. I’m just not really sure about us,” she expresses as she slowly looks up at Eric.

“What about us? You’re not sure you know me well enough?” Eric asks with a light laugh.

“I’m not sure I love you enough,” she says quietly avoiding his eye.

“What do you mean?” he asks as he pulls away from her.

“He wasn’t a terrible man he was just a broken one. We broke up because we were in different stages of life,” she explains.

“Okay, what does him being broken have to do with anything?” he asks as he leans back in his chair.

“I loved him more than anything in this world and still do. I’d give up everything for him, but I can’t see myself doing that for you. It isn’t fair to anyone in this situation if you and I get married,” she continues.

“Where is this coming from?” he questions.

“I saw him today. I should’ve known this from our very first date. I’d never be able to love you the way I love him. Everyone in my life knew it except for me. They begged me not to go through with the wedding because they knew it would end badly. I’m sorry it took me this long,” she finishes as she slides the engagement ring off her finger.

“Silvia, please no. I love you," he says.

“Eric, I can’t,” she says as she gets up to leave.

“So are we done?” he asks as he hangs his head.

“Yes,” Silvia says before grabbing her bags and leaving.

Silvia gets in her car driving straight to Aaron’s house not knowing what she’ll say. Before she knows it she's outside the once-familiar home. The home she once lived in with her family, Jack and Aaron. As she walks to the front door she finds it harder to breathe. Her fingers shake as she curls them into a fist. She knocks on the door hanging her head.

'This was so stupid. What do I even say?' she asks herself.

She puts her fist down and covers her face, embarrassment swirling through her body. Silvia sighs and turns to leave, but the sound of the door opening stops her.

"Silvia?" Aaron asks.

"Aaron," she says as she buries herself in his arms.

"What's wrong?" he asks lifting up her chin to look in her eyes.

"I can't marry him," she says, tears filling her eyes.

"Why?" he asks.

"Because I can't marry a man I'm not in love with," she says.

"Why aren't you in love with him? Doesn't he make you happy?" he asks.

"I'm in love with you. I still am, even after all these years. He doesn't and probably won't ever make me as happy as you do," she says.

As the last word escaped her Aaron glues his lips to hers. He cups her face kissing her softly.

"Glad to see the engagement ring is gone. I guarantee you the one I get you will look better," he says with a grin.

"Oh! The one you'll get me?" she asks wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Silvia Faith Harris I refuse to mess up this time. These past two years without have been hell. You are my person. The woman I'm supposed to spend forever with. You are perfect for me and I will give anything and everything to be the perfect man for you. Plus, I think Silvia Hotchner sounds better than Silvia Harris," he says.

"I have to agree that Silvia Hotchner sounds better than Silvia Harris. I also have to share my belief that a kid or two wouldn't be so bad," she says, resting her head on his chest.

"Jack deserves to be a big brother," Aaron says wrapping his arms around her.

"Speaking of Jack, where is my big man?" she asks.

"He's with Jessica. We're on stand-by with a case and I thought it'd be best for him to be with her rather than me dropping him off at three in the morning because I get called in," he says pulling Silvia into the home.

"So what you're saying is that we have the house to ourselves?" she asks.

"That we do honey. Welcome home," he says.

I hope you guys enjoyed this! I began writing this over a year ago and just felt very unmotivated to finish it but I eventually got it done!

#aaron hotchner #hotch x oc #angst #lore rekindled #jack hotchner #breakup #engagement

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boldlyvoid · 10 months

Text

i've been slowly working on a hotch fic based on the Alcott + the james/betty/august love triangle and some other taylor songs, for a few months now and i don't have many ideas for it it's still just an outline... its going to be hotch x oc Augustine who are neighbours growing up(you belong with me), they're best friends, the do everything together and everyone in the town thinks they'll end up married one day (marys song) Augustine is the director of the schools musical that year and she has Aaron come in to play the main character and has auditions for the love interest. Haley is cast and they end up falling in love during all the time they're spending for practice (better than revenge). Augustine is crushed cause she's been in love with Aaron and waiting for him to love her back for years now and she thought they'd end up going to prom together or getting together in the summer on their road trip to California. Haley finds out about their trip through Augstines little sister Inez who is in Haley's grade, this causes them to break up because Aaron wont pull out of the vacation as he's been looking forward to it all year. they go on their trip, they have a summer romance, she loses her virginity to him (wildest dreams) and then when they get back... he goes right back to Haley. Aaron and Haley are on and off for years before they get married, everytime they break up he goes to Augustine and he tells her about his problems and they end up sleeping together and he always goes back to Haley. (you all over me, haunted, the last time, clean, the 1) when they eventually do get married, Augustine is so done with all his shit that she writes all her feelings down, changes the names of her characters (James Betty and August) and releases their drama as a book series (all too well) she even sends a copy to Aaron so he'll know just how badly all of this hurt her.

she doesn't see him again until after haley's death. he meets her in the bar on the rooftop of her apartment building (the alcott) and he asks her to let him try again

#the line “leaving like a father running like water” and Haleys last name being brooks (like a babbling brook)#fic plots #hotch x oc #maybe one day i'll write it all out #Spotify

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aaronhotchstuff · 1 year

Text

scenes i’ll probably never reach (2/?)

Hotch and Phoebe (Part II)

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x OFC (Phoebe Scott)

Word Count: 913

Warnings: language (let me know if i missed any!)

Summary: Agent Hotchner just returned from a month of medical leave and after his first case with Dr. Scott, who was assigned to his team by his superiors without his knowledge, he informs her of his plans with her transfer to the BAU moving forward.

A/N: HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY TO ONE OF MY GREATEST LOVES, AARON HOTCHNER!! it’s already november 2 where i live and to celebrate, i thought i’d post a drabble of my hotch fic, sharp objects. i ended up writing two scenes and i’m posting them both!! i hope you enjoy them and please leave some feedback, thank you <3

Tag list: @yelenabolevas @chrissymunson @richitozier @delicateblackrose @arrthurpendragon @raith-way @claryxjackson @hiddenqveendom @decennia @lovehermioneforever @kendelias @waterloou @multifandom-oc-hell @come-along-pond @lizziesxltzmxn @maddies-buckley @bzzkills @cas-verse @foxesandmagic @issytrix @booty-boggins @reirvival (let me know if you’d like to be added or removed!)

“What?”

“I’m restarting the clock on your certification. I’ll be overseeing your training from now on,” he repeated in a much more authoritative tone ― if that was even possible ― and didn’t break eye contact. Hotch just watched as confusion filled her eyes and her lips went ajar.

Phoebe eventually scoffed. “I got that, sir. I meant...” she paused and gulped, composing herself so as to keep her professionalism, “Why? There’s no need for me to do it all over again for five hundred hours. Didn’t you speak with Morgan? He told me I was doing pretty good―”

“I’m not Morgan, Dr. Scott,” he interrupted. It sounded as though her name rolled off his tongue like poison, and he practically glared through her soul. “Yes, his evaluation of you will be greatly considered but at the end of the day, I’m team leader. I am the one responsible for this team. I’m the one who makes sure that everyone uses their skills and qualities in a way that best benefit this team as well as the bureau, and that they work well with everybody else. I’m the one who decides whether or not you can keep up with my team, do the work the way that we’ve always done it and actually do it well. I’m the one who decides whether or not you really belong here,” he finally paused, his words almost a warning. “I get the final say.”

Silence covered the already tension filled air as they stared back at each other, unsure of what the other is going to say after Hotch’s speech that felt a little dramatic (and redundant since she used to be the unit chief at her old office and knew exactly what he was talking about), but perhaps justifiable.

“If you did well with agent Morgan, then it will be in his report. I would, however, like to see you in training for myself, seeing as I already didn’t get to―”

“Do you?” she interrupted him this time, her expression blank as he raised an eyebrow at her. “All due respect, of course,” she added, almost with no regard whether her sarcasm was evident, “Do you get the final say?”

Hotch simply pressed his lips together.

“If you really have the final say, I wouldn’t even be here and we both know it,” she continued as though it wasn’t her boss she was talking to. “Here’s another thing we both know that you won’t admit; the brass wouldn’t have put me here if they didn’t think I belonged here. I’m more than qualified to have a position in this unit, agent Hotchner. I know you’ve been through quite a lot recently, and I know it seems like they took advantage of your absence by assigning me to your team without your say so, but I hope you’ll be professional enough that you won’t take your frustration out on me and give me the chance to prove to you that I deserve to be here.”

Phoebe kept her face straight as she finished her own speech; the momentary hint of pleading in her eyes caught by Hotch. They continued to stare at each other, although weirdly enough, this one felt a little less antagonistic.

She really didn’t want to be in the BAU; not at first, at least. It was just as dangerous as her last assignment, but she knew this would’ve cut off most of the time that she spent with her son, and Phoebe couldn’t afford that. Especially since he needs her now more than ever. But time went on and it felt like sign after sign was being dropped off her feet that it was time for her to come back, and when one in particular came directly from Danny, she knew she couldn’t not try it out.

And with how well things were going with the team (excluding Hotch), she has no regrets.

“Dr. Scott,” he sighed, finally trailing his eyes away from her as he sat down in his chair then leaned forward, hands intertwined on top of a couple of files. “This is your chance,” he informed her as his eyes found hers again, and what she had to do just so he wouldn’t hear her breath hitch. Fuck, she thought, I’m so fucked. “But if you don’t think I’m professional enough, or if you just don’t want to train under me―which is the only thing stopping you from certifying as a profiler―you can leave.” Hotch told her sincerely and even shrugged a couple of times, but she just looked at him in surprise. Did he seriously just quote me? “I’ll be more than happy to recommend you to whichever unit you’d like to transfer―”

“No!” Phoebe exclaimed, embarrassingly too loud and too eager that she had to subtly clear her throat and compose herself. “No, sir,” she repeated with a shake of her head, much more professional this time. But she couldn’t stop herself from letting out a small smile, “Getting rid of me isn’t gonna be that easy.”

Hotch smirked slightly, something so subtle that Phoebe just barely missed it as he dismissed her. She gave him a brief nod before she left him in the comfort of his office, and once the doors clicked shut, he couldn’t help but continue his paperwork in amusement.

Dr. Phoebe Scott belonged there, all right. The Behavioural Analysis Unit was like a huge puzzle with a missing piece, and she fit perfectly.

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randomwriting-misc · 2 years

Text

Ghost of Us

Summary: Aaron Hotchner goes into Witness Protection to protect his son, leaving everyone to deal with the aftermath of his blindside.

Inspired by Ghost Of You by 5SOS

A/N: A workshop in heartbreak

Two Weeks Ago

Sunlight across my face wakes me up as I stretch across the bed. I notice Aaron’s absence first thing and frown. Glancing at the time, I see I slept in. He must have gone to pick up Jack from his aunt’s house.

The last few days had been stressful, with the sighting of Mr. Scratch at Jack’s soccer game, we had taken time off to be with him. I drag myself out of bed, and that’s when I notice how off things are.

Most of Aaron’s clothes are gone. His shoes are too.

Confusion enters before panic. I burst into the living room, his laptop is gone and so are the things Jack has brought over and left, accidentally giving me a toy and book collection from him.

I try calling him, but it goes straight to voicemail. I keep trying, and texting, and it gets harder to breathe.

What is going on?

When I see the letter on the counter, my knees fall out from beneath me and I feel myself succumb to a panic attack. The room is spinning. Did he leave me? I don’t understand, we work together, is he just… going to ignore me?

My phone vibrates once, signaling a text, but it’s not from Aaron like I hope it is. A private number appears on my screen as I scramble to unlock it.

Hello, this is the U.S. Marshall. I’m breaking protocol for this agent, but as a favor to him and you.

They have entered the program to avoid detection. It was a highly secured operation that was strictly need-to-know. His phone is no longer with him.

For what it’s worth, we are all sorry.

My phone falls from my hand as it feels like my heart stops.

They’re gone.

------------------------

One Week Ago

“Hotch just sent in his resignation,” Rossi says carefully. Small gasps fill the room as he delivers the news to the team, or most of the team. My absence is heavily noted.

“Does this mean we’ll never get to see him again?” Penelope sounds like she’s on the verge of crying.

“We don’t have a choice.” Rossi is also trying to hold it together and be professional for everyone’s sake.

The room is solemn, letting the weight of the information sink in.

“Wait, how long has he been gone?” Spencer asks, doing the math in his head. I had been gone for over a week now, telling only Rossi that I was sick.

“He’s been in the program for 8 days.”

JJ seems to put two and two together at the same time as Spencer as they are both suddenly on their phones. JJ texting me, Spencer calling me.

“Did she go with him?” JJ’s tone is pointed. Most people in the room don’t have to ask who “she” is. The original team was well aware of the relationship between Hotch and me. They watched us fall in love over the years. They were the ones who pushed us to make a move in the first place.

Emily shakes her head.

“No, she didn’t.”

“Well, does she know?” She asks.

“The last time I spoke to Aaron, he hadn’t told her. I’m not sure what she knows.” Rossi provides.

“Oh no,” whispers Penelope.

The two newest agents seem confused, they hadn’t been told about Aaron and me before Mr. Scratch through a wrench in our lives.

“She’s not answering,” JJ says.

Spencer frantically dials again.

“Her phone is going straight to voicemail.”

JJ asks if either Emily or Rossi has heard from me since Aaron left, and they both say no.

Panic ensues as JJ and Spencer rush out to head to my apartment, leaving the rest of them to explain to the newest agents of the BAU exactly why they are so worried about me in light of Hotch leaving.

By the time they get to me, it’s days into my spiral. They bang on the door and plead to open it. It’s only when I hear them check the ammunition of their guns that I turn my phone on.

I don’t let them in but send them a text in hopes they will leave.

I am alive, just drowning. Please go.

And they do.

-------------------------------

Now

Knock, knock, knock.

“Hey, it’s me. I know you're in there.” Spencer says standing at the front door of my apartment.

I don’t move to answer.

I can’t move.

Moving made everything real. Moving brought me back to my body and made me feel. The subtle up and down of my chest was already too much, grounding me into my body, into my reality. When it feels real, the crushing weight of my heartbreak is just too much to bear.

I am curled into a ball on the couch. The bed is still unmade from where we both slept for the last time. There is no courage within me to lay there and feel the emptiness with him gone. The crying has stopped, for now, just leaving me numb.

Aaron Hotchner is gone. Aaron Hotchner left me.

“We are all really worried about you,” Spencer says, he sounds like he’s talking to a wounded animal, coaxing them into safety.

“Just…let me know you’re alive, please. Penelope is close to calling the police to do a wellness check on you. We haven’t heard anything in days.”

Resigned to the fact I would have to let him in, or probably very likely deal with the police, I roll off the couch and unlock the door without a word. I hear his sigh of relief as I sit back down, wrapping a blanket around me.

Spencer tentatively walks in and scans the room, already profiling the situation he’s found me in, I’m sure. I knew how it looked.

A coffee cup sits at the dining table, next to a stack of papers. It isn’t mine.

A children’s movie case on the coffee table, the DVD still in the player.

A suit jacket is folded over a chair.

A key is placed on the kitchen counter.

A letter still left untouched next to it. Only two words are visible on the folded pages. I’m sorry. The contents on the inside of the pages are unknown.

It’s like nothing had changed in the two weeks since Aaron went into Witness Protection without telling anyone, everything except the results of my anger.

A shattered ceramic on the floor and a dent in a wall from the angry phase of my isolation.

I would have understood. I love Jack. I would do anything to protect him, but he didn’t tell me. He just left. Leaving the ghost of a life behind him. My mind spirals into these thoughts for the millionth time in a few days.

Spencer suddenly relives the moment they were all told Hotch had left, and how he wishes so badly they had known sooner. He looks at me with such concern in his eyes.

We sit in silence for a while before Spencer gets up and rummages through my kitchen. Wordlessly, he makes me a cup of tea and something to snack on.

“Thank you.” I flinch at my voice, hoarse and creaky.

Spencer just nods.

Tears slowly pour out of my eyes.

“It feels... it feels like he died. Like they both died.”

“I know. It does feel that way.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“You don’t have to know. You’re grieving, just let yourself grieve.” He pauses, choosing his words carefully.

“You deserve to grieve… but let us help you. Let us take care of the things you can’t right now.”

I sob, and even though Spencer is not a hugger, he lets me lean into him and cry into his shoulder.

--------------------------

Spencer leaves with the promise to return with friends to help straighten up the apartment from its current doom and gloom state. I shower knowing I desperately need it. Even if I am just letting the hot water run over me, it feels good. The feeling is fleeting when I realize I am washing away the last time Aaron kissed me, the last time Jack hugged me. It’s all a memory now.

Our relationship was full of love. We were together officially for two years, but we spent years beforehand with lingering eyes and subtle touches. He put everything above himself, and I wanted nothing more than to care for him the way he did for others.

The first time he kissed me was like a scene out of a movie. After years of getting closer and closer to crossing that line, a bad case where I was separated from him snapped something in him. Rain pounded against the concrete; I was covered by an emergency blanket after an unsub had gotten a hold of me during an arrest. Minimal injury sustained, but it had been scary.

Standing in the road watching them load his body into an ambulance, I heard Hotch yell my name. Running around the corner of the house, he locked eyes with me. I was frozen as he continues to run up to me. The emergency blanket falls from my shoulders as his hands find the sides of my face pulling me into a passionate kiss. My hands grasped on to him, pulling him closer. He moved his hand from my cheeks to around my waist and dipped me slightly backward.

Clapping and wooing pulled us away from each other reluctantly as the team stands behind us, smiling and laughing. I think I saw Rossi collecting money from Emily and Derek.

I find myself getting lost in the memories.

I should have seen the signs in those last few days. He brought me my favorite flowers, danced with me through my apartment to our songs, and kissed me like I was his lifeline. All while still feeling like he was building a wall between us.

The bathroom floor is where Penelope and Emily find me when they come through the unlocked door.

“Oh, my sweet,” Penelope says, it's like I can hear her heart breaking as I look up at them with red eyes.

There is no judgment from them as Emily helps me up and helps me into the bedroom. She finds clothes for me to put on and sits me down in a chair. Penelope’s touch is gentle as she brushes through my hair slowly, then braids it out of my way.

JJ and Rossi show up next with food for everyone. They both scan the apartment in the same way Spencer does before meeting my eyes.

No one asks if I’m okay, they already know.

Finally, Spencer is back, with a special guest in tow.

“Derek,” I say, tearing up yet again. “You’re here.”

“Of course, I’m here,” he pulls me into a hug, “I will always be here for you. I am so sorry.”

I squeeze him tight, and he sits down with me on the couch.

There’s not much talking as they start to move around and clean. Dishes are done, dusting is completed, and groceries are delivered courtesy of Rossi.

They don’t touch any of Aaron’s things that he left behind, not after finding his favorite t-shirt in my laundry sending me into an almost catatonic state, clutching on to it, the smell of him overwhelming my senses. They sneak away to the kitchen while they think I’ve fallen asleep, still holding the shirt tight to me.

“This is bad,” whispers Emily. Hums of agreement follow.

“I don’t know what to do,” Penelope says.

“We do what we’ve been doing,” Spencer interrupts, “She needs support. Her whole life was effectively ripped out from under her overnight. She needs time.”

They go quiet at his words. Out of everyone here, Spencer knows how I feel better than anyone.

“She hasn’t read his letter.” JJ’s voice is quieter.

“Probably because reading it is accepting the fact he’s not coming back,” Derek provides.

“Is any justification worth this? I know he was protecting his son but...” Penelope’s voice falters, “He should have at least told her.”

They are all silent again. Unsure of what to say.

“The Bureau has given her as much time as she needs,” Emily says, “Let’s just try our best to be there.”

Guilt rises in me, but as the smell of Aaron’s cologne creates an ache in my heart, I let the guilt go in favor of finally falling to sleep.

At least in my dreams, Aaron is there with me.

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secretly-tumb1r · 15 days

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Roadtrip - hotch x reader

summary: when hotch finally sheds his stubbornness, he decides to drive back to Quantico from New York, in an attempt to rest his punctured eardrum. You couldn’t leave him without company, so you join him.

Warning: 18+ MDNI, making out, alcohol usage

A/n: first hotch fic hope you love it!! Also i cant exactly remember the dialogue between hotch and prentiss at the start forgive me😭. Enjoy lovelies💞

(gif not mine all credits to original creator <3)

“Here, for your flight back.” Hotch hands the platter of baked goods to Agent Prentiss.

“What, you aren’t coming with us?” Her eyebrow cocks up in curiosity. “No, I really shouldn’t be flying” He shakes his head. “are you sure? it’s a 7 hour ride back to Quantico” Rossi asks, words chosen carefully. Hotch looks down. “I’ve taken that road before, you’ll see loads of country, beautiful scenery, maybe you should extend your trip a day or two.” Hotch easily picks up what he was putting down, suggesting he should take a rest. “Thank you” “Take all the time you need” Rossi nods at him and gets in the black SUV.

“Hey.. care for some company?” you smile brightly at Aaron and surprisingly, he returns the gesture. “Sure why not, hop in,” his eyes twinkle with happiness at the thought of you two on a roadtrip alone, maybe even in a hotel room. You cheerfully make your way to the passenger door, waving a quick goodbye to the rest of your team.

“Well.. we all know what’s gonna happen in the one day Hotch and y/n will take off” Morgan teases. “I don’t wanna think about it..” Reid grimaces at the thought, earning a laugh from the rest.

—————————————————————————

You had been on the road for quite some time yet. The sky was darkening and you were engulfed by silence bar the quiet radio playing in the background. Your eyes dared to close as your head fell down as sleep was consuming you. Work lately was.. exhausting. Aarons eyes shifted slightly from the road to your tired physique and his heart nearly broke. Seeing you so tired, he made his mind up to pull over at the nearest hotel.

It wasn’t for another 2 miles that his car finally stopped, and you were awakened from your slumber by a soft voice. “y/n” he gently patted your shoulder, “cmon wake up, we’re at a hotel” you stirred in your sleep “mm 5 more minutes” you practically moaned and leaned into his touch. His mouth went dry, and his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down as a he took a big gulp. “y/n, wake up” he said a bit sterner. Your eyes shot open at the familiar voice, embarrassment filling your body. “Sorry! sorry i’m up.” you try to look as awake as possible. “cmon let’s go in we’re both tired”.

Hotch was normally so.. stoic. His face blurred of any emotion except seriousness. You were pretty sure in the one year you had worked at the BAU, you’d never seen him smile. That was awake Hotch, sleepy hotch was merely the opposite. It looked like all attempts to contain human emotion were discarded a few hours back. Sleepy Hotch was more.. human like, it was refreshing seeming him emit feelings like the rest of us mortals.

“I’m sorry sir, we only have one available room right now.” Hotch’s gaze didn’t shift off the guy at the till. “It’s fine. We’ll take that please.” he hands him his credit card. “Are you sure? There’s only one bed in that room” Your breath hitched. You’d either be sharing the bed or one of you would have to sleep on the floor, which you assumed Hotch would take it upon himself to take his place on the floor. “Yeah it’s fine we’ll work something out” he sighs deeply and shoves his hands down his pockets.

Aaron tried to keep his composure at the thought of you two sharing a bed. Of course he knew it wouldn’t happen, he’d have to sleep on the floor, but the thought of it suddenly made him wide awake.

When you made it to the room you realised you had no change to sleep in, so you discarded your pants and bra and pulled your button up shirt that reached your mid thighs down. Stepping out the bathroom while tying your hair up in a low bun, Hotch’s breath hitched in his throat. You were radiating. Even tired and only in a shirt you still managed to look exquisite. His eyes hungrily scanned your body stopping at your exposed thighs, arousal building up inside him. He did his best to look you in the eye as he stared in silence.

“Like what you see boss?” You teased, your eyebrows lifting suggestively. “uh- “ he gulped hard. “i’m gonna go uhm- yeah”. He disappeared in the bathroom. Splashing some cold water on his face, he took his tie, belt and button up shirt off, leaving him in his pants and a undershirt he appeared to wear under his shirt. When he stepped out, you had to keep yourself from salivating. His biceps looked incredibly big, and his pants fit him perfectly. You bit down on your bottom lip, a gesture you only did when you were excited. Hotch knew that. His confidence building back up inside him as he repeated your previous words.

“Like what you see” and he suggestively raised his eyebrows like you did just moments ago. “uh- i- “ He laughed brightly, which took you by surprise because untill a few moments ago, you hadn’t even seen him smile before. Your shoulders relaxed as you slumped down on the bed. “so i’ll uhm- take the floor” he began to say. You quickly interrupted him. “cmon boss, don’t be like that, it’s only one night. I promise i’ll keep my distance” His mouth twitched into a smile, and his heart grew. He didn’t think you’d suggest sharing a bed, but he was glad you did. He joined you in bed, heart beating so hard he thought it would jump out his chest.

You couldn’t help but feel giddy, like a highschool kid with her first crush. His presence was so hard to ignore, and your body moved before your mind as you turned to your side to face him. He was laying on his back looking up at the ceiling, he looked so beautiful. You couldn’t help but admire his features. His dark eyebrows, and even darker eyes, his high cheekbones and his big nose. Something about big noses excited something in you. You had no idea why.

Hotch turned his head to look at you, his eyes scanning your body. Your hands were pressed under the side of your head, and your leg was slightly bent, showing the curve of your ass. He felt his pants tighten as he abruptly got up, walking to the mini bar.

“Would you care for a drink?” You lifted yourself on your elbows to look at him. “Sure why not”. One drink turned into two and two turned into too many, and quickly you were laughing and telling eachother embarrassing childhood stories.

“No i’m not even lying! I licked his teeth!” you said as you teasingly pushed his arm. Hotch, between laughs, said “Your first kiss, and you licked his teeth?” He collapsed on the bed laughing. “What can i say i wasnt the best kisser”. Suddenly, he stopped laughing, his eyes filling with lust.

“Are you still bad at kissing?” His dark eyes bore into yours as you softly said “yes” picking up what he was putting down. “Why don’t you show me and i’ll give you some pointers.” His hand met your cheek, grazing it gently, as he pulled you in, his lips crashing onto yours. He tasted like alcohol and sweetness, intoxicating. His cologne filled your nostrils as you shifted your legs to straddle him, both of your thighs pressed against his ribs, as he cupped your face and tilted your head back, deepening the kiss. His hand moved to your thighs, kneading the soft skin making you gasp. He took the opportunity of you opening your mouth more to slip his tongue inside your mouth. His soft tongue dancing in a slow rhythm with your own. He moved both of his hands to your thighs gripping them tightly as your hands make their way to his hair, pulling it.

Your mouths moved in tandem and unity, a pace that was so calming yet so awakening. You had never felt this way before, and now that you had, you never wanted to back to feeling how you used to.

first part what do y’all thinkkkk?? i know this isn’t very “erotic” but i js needed to see if you guys would like it. Lmk if you do and i’ll post a very very spicy part 2 lovelies. LOVE YOU ALL MWWWAHHHH kisses xoxo💞

#secretly tumblr #criminal minds #matthew grey gubler smut #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner #aaron hotch hotchner #aaron hotch imagine #aaron hotch fanfiction #aaron hotch x you #aaron hotch fic #aaron hotch fluff #aaron hotch smut #hotch x reader #dom hotch #aaron hotch angst #hotch x you #hotch x y/n #hotch x oc

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thewulf · 4 months

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I just want to say I love your writing and that I can really connect with Aaron!

What about a young!Hotch x reader and they’re best friends crushing on each other?? Idk if you remember that TikTok trend where you call your crush or film a video and kiss your best friend and they don’t know what’s going on? And reader is the brave one! But something essentially like that? And they’re all cute and Aaron asks reader to be his girlfriend afterwards?

Wait stop I'm obsessed with this one. I'm so sorry it's been sitting in my inbox for a while! I'm finally getting around to all these older requests and they're so cute.

Omg imagine a young profiler Hotch in the BAU before he became Unit Chief. He's a third year profiler and you are new to the team. He's usually standoffish but helps you immediately and you two become fast friends.

One day at lunch you're showing him a bunch of things on your phone and then surprise him with a kiss or something like that. completely catching him off guard at his desk ahhhh I love it. Your unit chief, Gideon, makes a comment to the two of you always being around each other basically implying he knows something hahaha this'll be so fun to write, I've never done a young!Hotch before. Thank you sm!!

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aa-ronhotchner · 9 months

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I am thinking about writing a Hotch/OC that takes place from season 4 on, would anyone be interested in that?

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotch hotchner #hotch imagine #aaron hotchner fic #hotch x oc #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds x oc #criminal minds fanfiction

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hothothotch · 2 years

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you Hotch girls got me inspired, and while i’m finishing “fix you” next chapter, there’s a question i’d like to make:

do you read fics when there’s an OC, or only reader-insert?

i ask because i see a bunch of reader insert fics around here (maybe because i always use the same tags) and i kinda had an idea for a story, but it would be with an OC :D so please, help your new friend with that 🥰

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner fanfic #hotch x reader #hotch x you #hotch #bring aaron hotchner back #aaron hotchner x oc #hotch x oc #questions questions

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uranometrias · 5 days

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✮ꜜ : ❛ you're still a traitor : criminal minds x fem! reader [ pt. 1 ]

pairing: aaron hotchner x bau! reader (unrequited) | spencer reid x bau! reader | s7 team x bau! reader (platonic)

summary: being in love with your boss was hard. especially when there were so many factors surrounding you that made the possibility of being with him, out of the question. for starters, there was your age gap, and hotch was a stickler with baggage that he couldn't quite disclose to you. hotch was a fantasy, always out of your grasp, that is until emily dies. in the four months that followed emily's death at the hands of ian doyle, you found yourself living a life that you'd only ever dreamed about. hotch was careful, but the proof was right in front of your face as he went out of his way to care for you while you grieved. how stupid of you not to realize something was horribly wrong. but now emily was back, and hotch was back from reassignment in pakistan, and you were all on trial, and absolutely nothing makes sense except for the bitter understanding that you were a pawn in a game that in so few words was "way bigger than you." but at least you had spence.

content warnings: this is literally a barrel of angst. reader breaks the skin of her palms with her nails. mentions of slight! anxiety. follows the plot of "it takes a village" aka the iconic "this is calm, and it's doctor" episode. flashbacks x present day! spencer has been crushing on reader for as long as she's been crushing on hotch. hotch is NOT romantically interested in reader. slight! hotchniss vibes (but that's up to your interpretation. jj x reader angst! reader does not react to emily's return well. mentions of unit transfer / bureau resignation. spencer confesses to reader... open ending making room for a part 2! heartbreak, drinking, crying. best friend! penelope garcia + derek morgan. reader has a sister & niece.

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Your leg shakes violently as you sat just outside the court room, hands balled into tight fists as your nails press deep into the callousing skin of your palms. You couldn't say you were nervous, as far as the previous case was concerned you'd done everything you could to save Declan. You'd take whatever suspension they'd throw your way without batting an eye. You didn't regret the part you played, no, you just regretted the team that you were apart of.

It had been a crazy seven months. You remembered when things turned left, back when Emily started acting weird. She was shorter, snappier, she had less patience with any of you. Long gone were the days of wasting your time with jokes and innuendos. She had a lot on her mind, a lot none of you were privy to, and you remembered how you'd stretched yourself. You'd all tried so hard to show her you were there, to let her know that you could be trusted.

Your face contorts into a scowl, it had become your new resting face in the last few weeks. God, you hated how stupid and naive you'd been back then. Now that everything was out in the open, it was almost too obvious where the deception began. What was the point of taking care of people who had no trouble treating you like some disposable pawn piece to be moved to fit their whims. Damn. You were crying again, you'd been doing that a whole lot too lately.

You scrub furiously at your face, and you hate your teammates a little bit more. JJ had gone first, face devoid of any timidity or uncertainty. Long gone were the days of Jennifer Jareau the Liaison, she was a profiler now, one of you. When she'd come back, you'd been ecstatic. The unit hadn't been the same since she was transferred, you'd missed her so gravely. But now, now the sight of her just reminded you of the secret you'd been holding on the tip of your tongue.

Hotch wasn't the only one who had known about Emily.

You feel a hand moving to rest on the top of your thigh, and you flinch violently. You sniffle audibly, eyes moving to rest on Penelope, your God-given solace. Your best friend. She, Derek, and Spencer were the only ones who wholeheartedly understood what you felt. But even still, Hotch hadn't used their feelings to make them blind, the way he had done with you. He'd played you like a goddamn fiddle, and you'd let him. Because you were weak, stupid, grieving, and in love.

Hotch had never been in the cards for you, not that you weren't beautiful, gorgeous, an amazing agent. You had the stamp of approval of both Agents Gideon and Rossi. Erin Strauss had been (by your request) rejecting every request of transfer any other unit had tried to offer. You were an asset to the bureau, and a major part of this team. You'd been around since the beginning. You'd witnessed doe-eyed Spencer Reid join at age 23, full of facts and anxiety.

You'd seen Derek blossom and break out of his play-boy persona, and become someone that other branches of the law fought to have. You'd been around for so long, you'd witnessed so much, and Hotch knew that. Which you suppose is what you allowed yourself to believe was the reason he'd never shown signs of reciprocating your feelings. He was respecting your future, leaving your options open. But those were the delusional musings of a girl in love with someone she can't have. Hotch wasn't into you, and you knew that.

So why, why, why did you let him convince you of the opposite? For even one measly second? And, yes, of course in the grand scheme of things you understood why he did what he did. But it didn't make it hurt less. In fact knowing his duty to Emily outweighed his duty to anything else just made this whole ordeal feel more like a slap to your face. Penelope gives your thigh a reassuring squeeze, and you're pulled from your running mind. You blink, registering her worry.

"Are you alright?" she asks, and it's the first time anyone's asked you that since the first day. You know they were giving you space to cope, which only seemed to reaffirm your feelings of betrayal and loneliness. "We'll get out of this, alright? And we'll-we'll be able to be a complete family again." she proceeds, and serves you right for believing someone understood what was going on. They'd all misunderstood you. They thought your behavior was fear of the team being dismantled. Some profilers you were surrounded by.

"I'm fine, Garcia." you say, and you can't bite the snippiness if you wanted to. "I just want to get this over with, and get the hell out of here." you add, and you're standing up, Penelope's hand dropping limply as you move your seat. You find a more isolated corner, plopping back into the uncomfortable seat, as the legs squeak slightly. Your leg is back to shaking, only now you've taken to chomping on your bottom lip. You don't imagine Penelope's hurt expression, you know without a doubt that you'll cave. And you can't.

Not this time.

Your phone chirps in your pocket, and you jump once more. Your jumpiness was a new attribute triggered by the amount of sleep you hadn't been getting. Pulling it out you see that it's a call from your big sister, and you curse under your breath. You were supposed to be watching your niece so your sister could pick up an extra shift. None of you had really expected for things to go this far.

"Hey..." you wince, because you can hear the heaviness of your feelings ladled over your words.

"Hey, are you alright? I got a call from Spence." and you're surprised. You look up, searching for the brunette anywhere in the vicinity, and find that he hasn't shown up yet. It's a bit of a shock, especially for someone as punctual as Reid. You did however spot JJ still meandering about, and she's not looking tense at all. Despite your anger towards her, you couldn't deny that she'd quickly fallen into the role of a profiler. It fit her almost like a glove.

"Spencer called you?" you ask, and you hear the tension in your sister's sigh. You imagine that she must be exhausted. Your sister did a lot, and managing a blossoming family was hard. Your niece was five, and she had a new addition to the family on the way. Which was why it was so important for you to be there on the days she needed you to watch your niece.

"Yes, he said something about..." your sister lowers her voice. "Emily." she questions, and you find your head nodding despite the fact she can't see you. "Are you alright?" she asks again, and this time she emphasizes how important it is for her to hear directly from your mouth the state of your wellbeing. Your sister seemed to always see right through you, it was a wonder she wasn't the one in the FBI.

"I'm-" you trail off before you can lie. "I'm sure if they could they'd disband the unit." you whisper, and you look up just as Derek is exiting the court room, Penelope looking terrified as she takes his place. Derek scans the room before he spots you, and his eyes soften. JJ approaches him and the two seem to chat animatedly. Still they look so serious, there was no room for smiles and banter today.

It's not long though before they're looking at you again, and you know that they know. Your self isolation wasn't something you were exactly being subtle about. You immediately look away, focusing in on what your sister was saying. "Bad decisions or not, they're no good without your unit." she says, and pride still manages to swell up inside of you. "You guys do good work. You work because you're together, everyone plays their role." she proceeds, and it's then you shatter.

Play your role. What role exactly did you play? Hotch was the stoic leader that somehow seemed to play the role of pseudo-father so well for every member of the team, with the exception of Rossi and Derek. Derek, was the shoe-in for promotion. The older brother who teased you relentlessly, but would fight til his last breath to protect you, and he always did. JJ, the pretty girl. The one who everyone on the team at some point had been attracted to. But more than that, she was resilient, a subtle glue that kept your unit running.

You quickly slot through everyone else's roles in your head, and huff. What were you except the odd-woman out. The dummy with a crush on your unit chief, and too much knowledge for your own good. You supposed that was why Hotch had to distract you with exaggerated gestures. If you got out of your feelings and really thought about it, you knew that if anyone on the team was going to see through the smoke, and uncover the truth about Emily, it would be you.

So he had to handicap you. What better way than by hanging the possibility of a romance in your face. Still, it was cruel. Just more proof that this was not the family you made them out to be. "Yeah, I'm not so sure." you reply, and you can hear how disgruntled you sound. It smacks you like a ton of bricks, and it's then you truly realize just how hurt you were by everything. Your sister sighs deeply, and it makes you second guess yourself. Were you being irrational? Unfair?

"I know what Hotch did." she begins, "And it was awful to play with your feelings like that." she expresses, and you feel validated. "And nobody's expecting you to just welcome Emily back with open arms after months and months of thinking that she was dead. You were deceived, and I want you to feel however you want, okay?" she says, and you don't respond, mostly because it feels rhetorical. "Just don't do anything rash without thinking it through alright?"

You don't know what she means by that so your eyes roll. "I think we're well past that, if they find us guilty I could lose my job." you remind her, and she chuckles. You don't find it funny, you can't. Your love for the job outweighed a lot of things, so it had been a no-brainer to help Derek seek out Ian Doyle. You wanted his head spinning on a pike, and you weren't planning to take no for an answer.

two weeks prior.

You were sitting across from Derek, steaming mug of coffee in your head that was more french vanilla creamer than anything else. You held the staged photograph of Declan and Louise. Derek's holding an identical photo, a heady sigh escaping him as you both rack your brains for some sort of bullseye. Something that would point you right in the direction of Declan. "Okay, Emily needed to get Declan a new identity." Penelope says as she walks into the office. She sits in the chair right beside you, arm full of stress balls and files. "So she must have used someone that she trusted." she proceeds.

"Alright, well that's a short list, but it's probably not even written down." is Derek's tired reply.

"Even if it was, she's been so many places, with so many different points of contact. " you speak up, and you take a sip from your coffee, praying it kicks in and wakes you up a bit. "It's not gonna be super easy to track and narrow them all down." you say, and you realize your mistake just as Penelope is placing a file in your hands.

"Oh, tell me about it. Two columns, domestic and imports." she says as she passes the other to Derek, who's looking at you with an amused smile stretched across his face. Serves you both right for underestimating the genius of Penelope Garcia. "I accept your apology, cutie." she says, leaning into you as you grin, smacking your lips in a kiss.

"Hey." JJ's at the door of the office, all three of you turning to look her way as she beams brightly. "Have you guys seen, Spence?" she questions, and you remember how you'd offered to bring him a coffee as a respite from the garbage water they served in the bullpen. He'd shut you down politely asking to reschedule as he was going to be spending his day at the Firing Range. You understood the need, he wanted to protect himself, and the team. He had to get better.

"He's at the firing range." you and Penelope speak in unison, making eye contact, as hers narrow. You knew instantly she would have questions about why you of all people knew Spencer's whereabouts.

"Again?" JJ questions as you shrug your shoulders, her eyes flitting towards you.

"Ever since Prentiss died, he..." Penelope speaks your thoughts.

"Right." JJ nods her head. "Uh... did you guys just get a new case?" she questions, hands clasping together in front of her.

"It's just an old one." Derek answers.

"Do you want some fresh eyes?" she asks, and it's painfully clear that she's still figuring out how to feel more like the team again.

"Not just yet." Derek denies, and he's polite, but you knew why he was being this way. You were all for keeping anything related to Doyle under wraps until you were further along.

"Ok. Um, well let me know." she hums, and then she looks back at you. "Y/N, can I..." your eyebrows raise as she trails off. "Can we talk? It'll only take a second." she hopes, and you look to Derek and Penelope for a moment.

"We won't do anything big without you." Derek promises, and you nod, closing the file, and handing it off, before you stand to your feet. You follow JJ out of the office, and down the hallway, stopping just before you reach the heart of the bullpen. You look to her expectantly, a bit confused, but not on edge. You had missed JJ, and in the two months she'd been back, it'd been pretty hard to get some real time with her. You'd hoped a break in the case would help to change that.

"Everything okay, Jaige?" you ask, and you witness how she exhales in relief right in front of you.

"God, it is now." she says, and your eyebrows jump up. She seems to understand the confusion on your face as she lets out a chuckle, dispelling more of her own tension. "You've been calling me Agent Jareau since I got back... not JJ and definitely not Jaige." she explains, as it seems to register for you. "I guess I was just a little worried I'd done something to make you mad at me." she admits, and she's clearly sheepish.

"Oh." you chuckle yourself, and you reach out to hold her shoulder. "No, you've done nothing wrong." you promise. "I've just been a bit in my head these last few weeks, but I'm really glad you're back." JJ beams at your words, and all the remaining tension in her posture dissipates instantly.

present day.

"Hey, everything alright?" you look up, pulled from your thoughts at the presence of Spencer Reid. He's holding a medium cup of a steaming liquid that you can only assume is coffee, and you find yourself smiling despite yourself. "I remember you asked me a few weeks ago about coffee." he holds it out, and you're quick to press your phone to your shoulder, neck craning slightly as you take it.

"Thanks, Spence." you mumble, and you can practically hear your sister's smirk from the other line. "Could you just give me one second, I'm talking to my sister?" you question, and Spencer nods his head, eyes widening in understanding. You smile politely, and he beams back at you, pretty eyes seemingly brightening before he's making his way over to Derek who's smirking like the nuisance he is.

"Hey." you mumble once he's gone, and your sister is snickering. For some odd reason she'd been dropping hints that maybe the guy on the team you should be setting your sights on was Spencer. To your defense, it wasn't like he wasn't attractive. You'd be an idiot to deny his boyish charm and good looks, but after he'd sat you down and admitted he had a crush on JJ, back during his second year, you'd sort of blocked any potential attraction towards him out of your head.

Now he was just Spence.

"Hey, I should go. I just wanted to check in, Spence made me aware of everything so I've got everything figured out on this end." she promises you, and you nod once more despite yourself. "Just think about what I said, alright? It'd be a shame for you to leave behind such a good job." she finishes, and you don't know how to respond to that, so you don't. "Call me later?" she questions, though you know she's telling you more than asking.

"I will." you reply, and she sounds pleased as she exhales.

"I'll talk to you soon." and then the phone is clicking. You adjust your grip on your coffee, using your free hand to grab your phone, and place it down on your lap. The coffee smelled good, it was from that cute shoppe that sold different pastries and always smelled like cinnamon. You'd been there with Spencer and Penelope a handful of times, and they always made your coffee exactly how you liked it. Still, Spencer had never ordered for you so you await a mishap.

The first sip warms you up instantly, and you're knocked flat on your ass by how on point the drink was. Your eyes snap upwards, looking across the lobby towards Spencer, who's awkwardly sitting in a seat, Derek beside him. JJ was gone now, but you figured she was probably with Hotch and Emily, the three of them had been attached at the hip since the team was "back together". You're certain them being gone was what led you to standing to your feet.

You walk towards Derek and Spencer quietly, slipping into a seat next to Spencer as Derek leaned up against the wall. "I didn't know that you knew my coffee order." you whisper, and Spencer turns to look at you. He offers a half smile, you were certain you'd be passing a lot of those back and forth until the court proceedings were done with.

"Of course I do." he shrugs his shoulders. "I pay attention when you talk." he promises, and you wonder why he had to like JJ, and why you had to like Hotch. On paper, and off paper Spencer Reid was the perfect candidate for boyfriend, plus he never pretended to be into you to keep you from finding out the truth. You both fall into silence, there's not much else to say, but you let his words repeat in your head. I pay attention when you talk. It makes your stomach twist.

"You alright over there, pretty girl?" Derek's voice barely reaches over a whispered volume. It seemed you all were feeling the dreary aftershocks of an ordeal like the one you'd found yourselves in. You look up at Derek tiredly, and you don't understand why he's asking you this, not until you feel the scalding heat of hot coffee singing your skin. Two sets of worried eyes are drawn to your cup, it's squished in your palm, brown liquid streaming everywhere.

"Shit." you hiss, and the cup falls to the floor, you're quick to clutch your burnt hand. God, you were really torn up over this.

"I'll get this cleaned up." Derek promises, and he looks at Spencer as if he was communicating something he didn't want you privy to. Spencer falters, only for a second before he's reaching out for your forearm, and guiding you to your feet. You trail after him, walking down the long corridor, listening out for the telltale sign that Penelope was done, and they'd be calling you next. On your route you pass JJ who looks concerned as she looks between the two of you.

"Spence, Y/N?" she says, and you avert your gaze, you're not sure if you're more angry or embarrassed.

"Sh-she spilled some coffee." Spencer explains, but he doesn't stop walking. "Shouldn't be more than a first degree burn, if she soaks her hand for five minutes, everything should be fine." he is passive as he speaks, eyes never quite meeting hers as he continues to lead you.

"Let me take her." JJ offers, and both you and Spencer are quick to offer denials. She looks hurt but masks it quickly. "It's not like you can go into the girl's bathroom with her, right?" she says and it's then you both realize you've got no other choice. He looks to you, trying to gauge how you'd feel about it, and you sigh. Maybe this was for the best, you could finally get things off your chest with JJ. It was only fair. He seems to clock the instant you've decided, and concedes.

"I'll be right out here." he promises, and you nod slowly. He looks like he wants to say more, but he doesn't get the chance to.

"Spence." JJ says his name a bit more sternly, and he resists the urge to cut his eyes in her direction. He ignores her long enough to take in your ailed hand, he saw the way the skin began to redden and swell. He seems cross as he passes you off to JJ, and you feel a bit silly being fussed over for something as minute as a coffee burn. JJ's earnest in the way she takes you to the nearest women's restroom. You hiss the second the cold water comes in contact with your skin.

You don't say anything to JJ though, losing your nerve the second the two of you were alone. She looks like she's waiting for you to say something though, eyes brimming with some sort of unease. She was reading you, using her new skills to profile you. You suppose that's exactly what pushes you to finally speak. "We said we'd never profile one another." you remind her crossly, and she's sheepish. "Just because you're doing it in your head doesn't make it any less invasive." you keep your wrist in place, hissing silently.

"If you would just talk to me I wouldn't have to go that far." she counters, and you blink. Fair, but you had every right to keep your distance from her. Just because the rest of the team was still more or less unaware of JJ's role in harboring the secret of Emily, you'd read right through her.

"What's there to talk about exactly?" you ask. "None of us want to be here dealing with this." and you take the route of the naive girl.

"I'm not talking about with the trial... and the senators." she shakes her head, and she's almost pleading as she tries to catch your eyes in the mirror. "I'm talking about Emily." she deadpans. "Everything that happened?" she proceeds. "You've hardly said a word to her since she came back." she doesn't want to come off like she's scolding you, and so she takes in a breath before her tone can become defensive.

"I don't speak to ghosts." and it's a quiet little dig that she hears all the same. It forces a tense silence to wash over the restroom, the only sound slicing through the awkwardness is the water rushing from the spout. JJ clears her throat, blinking a few times as she adjusts your wrist, allowing the water to evenly coat your burn. Only a few more minutes of this and you could make your grand escape.

"That's not fair." she finally voices her thoughts with a deep sigh.

"Isn't it?" you snap. "Seven months we thought she was dead." and you suppose that was a mistake of hers, getting you started. "Pretty lucky that you were off at the Pentagon, right?" you ask sourly. "Or was it lucky that you were in on the whole scam? I mean you were at the funeral, but you didn't have to cry, you didn't have to grieve." you accuse, and JJ's jaw slackens, clearly surprised at your outburst.

"I lost my friend too, okay?" she counters and you scoff.

"Did you?" you argue. "All those nights I called you crying, all those texts, those check ins... how long did you know Emily was still alive?" you demand, and JJ's feeling cornered, and her heart rate is picking up. She knew there'd be mixed feelings about this, but she'd never expected to ever be at odds with you. You, Spencer, and JJ rounded out the younger crowd on the team, it was your job to stick together. "Answer me." you insist, and you sound so crushed as you speak.

"I knew the whole time." she answers, and you nod your head, because of course you already knew.

"Exactly." you sneer. "You're a liar." you hate how angry this whole thing makes you, but you can't deny it. They'd played with your feelings, all of them, and now you were meant to behave like nothing was wrong. "Did you know about Hotch?" you ask, and JJ flinches. She doesn't answer for a while, and the water seems to rush even louder in your ears.

"I told him it wasn't smart." she finally answers. "But we needed to ensure that Emily wasn't at risk, it was harmless... just some flirting to keep you from getting too close to the truth." and JJ is speaking as if this wasn't some major breach of your position as coworkers and alleged friends. "He'd never cross the line." she reminds you, and the reminder that yeah, Hotch would never be with you makes you wince.

"And he didn't." she says this like she knows for certain. "It was flirting, Y/N. it didn't mean anything, we just needed you to..." and she trails off when she sees how destroyed you look at her admission. "Y/N..." she trails off, and you inhale sharply.

"Don't." you exhale, and you snatch your hand from her grasp. The cool air of the bathroom immediately attacks the welts blooming on your hand. You don't have time to pay them any mind.

"We just wanted to protect you... and keep Emily safe in the process. The more of us that knew Emily was alive, the more of a liability we'd be while Doyle was still on the run." she says, and you suppose in the grand scheme you understand. As profilers, as special agents working for the FBI they'd done great work. As your friends, as people you'd considered family for years... they'd betrayed you.

Plain and simple.

"Congratulations, you did exactly what you meant to." you say dully, and you sniffle, though no tears are set to come. Instead you feel more anger blossoming in the pit of your gut. "I hope it was worth it." and it's dramatic, but you deserve the dramatics, sidestepping the blonde and leaving her behind just as Emily is stepping inside. She looks at you wide-eyed, before she sees JJ standing there seemingly frazzled.

"Is everything okay?" she questions, and you don't offer her an answer, instead leaving the restroom as your earlier words ring in your head. I don't talk to ghosts. And you don't, and despite your history you'd never allow yourself to. You find your way back to the seats that led to the courtroom, Derek was gone, the only person still there was Spencer. He stands up as soon as he hears your shoes.

"Where's Derek?" you ask quietly.

"He left with Garcia." he answers quietly. "I guess they're dismissed for now. They're in with Dave now." he explains, and your eyes shift to the door. More than likely you or Spencer would be next.

You sit down, and Spencer follows you, sinking back into his seat as his legs just barely brush against yours. "Are you scared?" you ask, and Spencer's head shakes.

"Are you?" he shoots back, and you look away from the door.

"Not of this." you admit. "But of what comes after." you add and Spencer's pretty brown eyes are swimming with confusion. "Can we really all bounce back from something like this?" you ask, and it's rhetorical, but he answers you all the same.

"We've come back from worse." he reminds you, and that faint smile is worming back onto your face.

"Sure we have." you agree numbly. Spencer's eyes drop to your hand.

"How does it feel?" he asks, and you follow his gaze with a shrug of your shoulders. He doesn't look pleased by this approach, and it makes you sigh.

"Just feels like I ran some water over it." you admit, and Spencer chuckles. "A bit anticlimactic if I'm honest with you, Doctor." and you're partly teasing, mostly because it's so easy.

"You'll need some sort of petroleum jelly... there's some pretty good products that aren't at all carcinogenic like the leading brands." he begins on a tangent, and it makes you smile a bit bigger. "That with some gauze is the perfect remedy for such a mild burn." he proceeds and you look down at it. There's a moment of silence between you, before he's talking again. "Can I ask what happened?" he whispers.

You hum, almost like you're pretending you can't hear him.

"With the coffee? Was it not good? I tried to follow your order exactly." he says and you squeeze your eyes closed.

"It wasn't you or the coffee, Spence." you promise him, and without thinking you reach out, small hand resting on his shoulder. "The coffee was perfect." you insist, and he relaxes, but not enough. "I guess I'm just thrown about all of this." you proceed. "No matter how much I try to remind myself that they did this to protect Emily... that their deception was for a good reason, it just makes me angrier. Why is it that I have to rationalize being angry?" you question.

"I have to reign my feelings in for the sake of the team." you're careful not to grow loud. Spencer's eyebrows are pressed inwardly, head shaking.

"You don't." he denies you quickly. "You shouldn't." he corrects.

"You're right." you agree, and your silent for only a second. "I wish everyone could be like you, Spence." you say, and your words surprise him. He feels this familiar wave of adoration that always seems to swallow him whole whenever he was around you.

"Really?" he knows it might be pathetic, to be hopeful for something like this. The chance to hear what popped in your head whenever you thought of him.

"Yeah." you say firmly, and he tries not to look too eager. "You're so smart." you tell him, and he knows this, but it still feels nice hearing it from you. "And you're always nice to me." you add with a quiet laugh. "And you'd never lie to me would you?" you ask, and in truth, it's not a fair question. Spencer wasn't in the position the others were in.

"What do you mean?" he asks, and he fears it may be the wrong response. You don't even react, at least not that he can tell.

"Nothing." you settle on, head shaking from side to side. "Forget I mentioned it." and he doesn't really want to remind you that his memory quite literally makes that impossible. "I heard that you weren't fighting the suspension." you say conversationally, and he's surprised, mostly because the only person he'd told about that was Derek. Which meant you had been talking about him when he wasn't around.

"I guess I just stand by everything we did." he tells you, and your hand still hurts a bit, but it's definitely a problem for a later version of you.

"Me too. I'm glad we got Doyle, and Declan's safe." you exhale, and despite your anguish towards the team, you meant every word.

"And the team's back together." Spencer himself doesn't sound so convinced. You look over at him at this, your own unconvinced expression slowly cracking through his attempt at a cool facade.

"Is it?" you ask, and Spencer's face softens, a small little frown taking over his otherwise usually content face. He couldn't admit it now, mostly because it didn't feel like the right time, but he paid attention to you. He knew all about your complicated feelings for Hotch "I don't want to be on a team with people who purposely keep me in the dark about things." you ask, and Spencer pauses.

"I'm sure they wouldn't if they had another choice." he offers, and it's not how he feels at all, but it's what you need to hear.

"You don't believe that." you deny, and Spencer can't fight his chuckle. "Or maybe you do, you've always been good at seeing the best in people."

"Oh, do you think so?" it's a bit of a surprise. With your job description it would've made more sense for you to tell him that he saw the worst in people. He felt it was a fair thing to say that he was exceptionally good at his job, but it's then he recognizes what it is you're truly saying, or at least alluding to. It makes his face heat up immediately, cheeks blossoming a rosy red that makes him want to roll his eyes.

"Of course." you promise, and then you're looking at him again. Your face is one of the prettiest he's ever seen, and it's not even subtle. You seem a bit uncertain of your own allure though, which to him is a major shock. "You're like the best person ever." you add, and he expects you to snicker or show some sign that you were joking, but you don't. Bad for him, because his deluded mind full of fantasies starring you would take words like those the wrong way.

"I think you're the best person ever..." he's whispered this, but you hear it all the same, and he's lucky enough to witness the way your entire face morphs. Despite the bleariness in your eyes, you beam brightly. He hates though, that you start to cry. It starts with one tear slipping down your cheek and dripping into your lap. The onslaught comes right after, and before you know it, you're choking on sobs.

"God..." he hears the bitter tang of self-loathing that attaches and weaves itself into your otherwise honey-filled tone. "You're making this so hard, Spencer." you huff, and you scrub at your face harshly. He doesn't understand, but he's too frozen in place to ask you what you mean. Lucky him, you seem to know that you've got explain a bit, so you do. "I'm gonna resign." you say this quietly, sniffling as more tears fall. Spencer feels like he's misheard you.

He wants to have misheard you. He flounders a bit, and he's mentally scolding himself, because he has to hurry the fuck up and say something. "You can't!" and he's scolding himself again for sounding too eager. You jump a bit at the outburst, and he winces right along with you. "We just got everyone back." he reminds you, and you exhale, head nodding in understanding.

"I know." you promise him. "Why do you think this is so hard. You think I want to be the asshole that turns the unit on its head?" you ask. "But I can't stay here and pretend that everything's fine... or act like I don't feel thrown about all of this." you proceed, and of course, Spencer understands, he's upset he was lied too as well.

"I understand." he admits with a sigh, and you let out a quiet noise of relief, almost like you were worried he'd be upset with you. He assumes this is just him being delusional again. You look like you have something sitting on the tip of your tongue, so he stays silent to give you the room to say all that you need to.

"Have you ever had feelings for someone?" you ask. You chuckle at the look he shoots you, "Not just for a second, Spence." you proceed. "I mean like... take your breath away, kind of almost-in-love feelings." you indulge, and Spencer's keen to shut his mouth. Yes, is the loud and resounding answer that rings in his head, because foolishly he'd allows you to captivate him like the siren you were almost three years prior. He'd be a dummy to tell you such now though.

"I-" he blinks harshly, eyes feeling too dry. "I can't say I have." he lies, and he remembers your words from earlier, how you'd praised him for being someone who would never lie to you. You don't seem to notice his deception though, and if you do, you're too in your own head to comment on it.

"Good." you say with a shuddered breath. "They're nothing but a headache, especially when the person doesn't want you back." you exhale the words, and it's like a dagger is being lunged into his chest. How dense could you possibly be with all your super smarts?

"Did something happen with Hotch?" he asks, and now it's your turn to be embarrassed, face pinching up as you choke on a breath. "I don't mean to pry, if it's personal... it's just that-" he trails off, seemingly waiting for you to berate him or tell him to back off. You don't, instead your nose twitches, and you begin to look at your shoes. "Y/N?" he nudges you with his elbow, and it's light.

"No." you finally say, head shaking. "I thought maybe..." you trail off, more embarrassment slicing at you as you cringe. "But it was all a ruse, just a way to keep me from getting too close, and figuring out everything about Emily before they wanted us to know." you say and Spencer's eyebrows furrow.

"They?" he pries, and you look at him like he's silly.

"Hotch and JJ." you answer plainly, and it takes Spencer a second. JJ who he'd went to for comfort for ten weeks? He blinks at you, and you shrug. "So you see... anyone that could take my feelings and use them to manipulate me... are they really worth sticking around for?" you ask, and Spencer doesn't want to validate you in this way. He wants to be selfish, he wants you to stay on the team.

He thinks about how devasted everyone would be. How devasted he would be to walk into the bullpen and find that your desk was empty.

"I don't want you to go..." he admits, and it's quite pitiful, the sadness that soaks the words like gasoline. You find yourself chomping on your lip again, nails pressing into the cuts of your palms, and Spencer's catching your bad habits in real time.

It's a bit invasive, the way his hand surges out, and stops you in your tracks. "Please don't do this." and you're not sure if he's talking about leaving the unit, or if he's referring to the gashes littering your hands. When he holds your palm out flat, and rubs his thumb across the bleeding indentations, you find that you understand quickly.

Every few seconds it's ebbing with more droplets of blood, and he's quick to wipe them away like they offend him. Just as he's moving to say something else, the doors to the courtroom are opening, and Dave Rossi is exiting, his eyes immediately on you and Spencer. You must look foolish, hands intertwined as you stare wide-eyed at the team's senior agent. It's probably why Spencer is dropping your hand as you're snatching it away from his grasp.

You still find that your eyes are quick to appraise one another. He's looking at you, and you're staring back, mouths parted as if you'd been caught. Had you been caught? Had there really been anything to catch? You don't have time to answer, because you're being called next. You frown at Spencer, standing to your feet as he feels his pulse threaten to leap to disrespectful speeds.

"Y/N..." he calls after you, and you stop for a second. Eager eyes fall back on him, and he's trailing off, because the look in your eyes says it all. If you got out of this without being fired, you could imagine a world where quitting the FBI no longer made you sick to your stomach. Silence befalls the space, and he shakes his head after a beat. You look disappointed but not surprised, inhaling deep and audibly as you march towards the court room.

Spencer doesn't know what you're going to say, but he hopes recalling all you'd been through in the last few weeks will be enough to make you stay. At least until he has the courage to ensure that you leaving the team doesn't equate to losing you entirely and completely.

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