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sentientcave · 4 months

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And They Were Roommates

Got brainworms from Ceilidho talkin' about Fem!Soap and wrote out a few scenarios, and landed on this one as my favourite. Maybe personal trainer Soap and hot woman complimenting you in a dive bar bathroom Soap will get written about later on.

Part 1

Part 2 Here

(Fem!SoapxFemReader) ~2.2k words

Alcohol mention, but no other major flags at this point. (A few jokes about axe murderers) But also MDNI because this is an 18+ blog and there will probably be NSFW content in future parts

You had put an ad up online.

Your best friend had moved in with her boyfriend, leaving you with more apartment than you could afford. You had enough savings to get you through till the next month, but things were going to be dicey if you didn’t find someone to take over Fern’s half of the rent soon.

You’d had plenty of responses, mostly from men that gave you creepy vibes, even through digital means. You’d actually met with only one person, and she was allergic to cats, which made her a no go.

She’d been nice enough, though. If it really came down to it, maybe Fern would take Red Herring. She did love that fat orange bastard. And so do you. The thought of giving him up, even to Fern, doesn’t sit right.

Red meows loudly through the door as your key scrapes in the lock. You nudge him away with your foot while you enter the apartment, wary of any escape attempts. You feed him so he stops yelling at you, and boil water so you can feed yourself some instant ramen for dinner, and boot up your laptop to check the ad again.

A few more creepy responses, one of which is just a slightly blurry dick pic. You delete them. One that looks promising.

>Hey! I’m interested in the room if it’s still available! Can we meet soon? I’m a military gal and I’m being deployed again next week and I already gave notice at the last rat-hole I was renting. Seemed like 60 days was plenty of time for apartment hunting 60 days ago, but I haven’t found anything lol. Hopefully we get along! You can give me a call any time in the next few days, and we can set up a meet’n’greet. Thanks a bunch! Jamie MacTavish

Her number is in brackets below that, next to the soap emoji, for whatever reason.

No sense waiting around. You call the number right away.

“Hello?” The voice is a woman’s, a dusky alto, which is a good first sign.

“Hi, Jamie? I’m calling about the apartment. Or, um, from the apartment.” You give her your name as an after thought, feeling silly that you hadn’t led with that.

“Yaldy! I was hopin’ ye’d call. I’ve got a friend I can move in with if it comes down to it, but I really don’t want to. He lives in a worse rat hole than I do. Are ye busy now? I’ll buy ye dinner if you like, just for the short notice and the trouble.”

Anything would be better than ramen for dinner a second night in a row. “Yeah, alright. There’s a decent pub down the street, Keeler’s? It’s close so I can give you an apartment tour if you pass the ‘not a murderer’ vibe check.”

There's a beat of silence. “Does killin’ people in the line of duty count?” she asked. “Because, er, I have. But I’m not like, prone to doin’ that kind of thing in my spare time.”

You think about it a moment. State sanctioned violence does feel different than personal time violence, although you're pretty sure that speaks to some sort of unaddressed bias. Something to think about. “I appreciate the honesty, at least.”

She laughed. “I can meet ye at yer pub in half an hour. That work for ye?”

“Yeah. That works.”

“Great. I’ll text you a picture of me so ye know who tae look for. See you soon.”

You get the text a minute after you hang up. A picture of a gorgeous woman with big smile and bright blue eyes, the sides of her head shaved, the rest of it left long and braided back from her face. She looks normal enough.

You get ready and head out, texting Fern to let her know where you’d gone, just in case Jamie actually was a murderer in her spare time.

Jamie’s already there when you get to the pub, sitting at the bar with a pint, watching the door intently, her leg bouncing. You give her a little wave, and she beams at you. She’s even hotter in real life, wearing tight, ripped up jeans that cling to her muscular thighs, and a tight black tank-top under a cropped leather jacket. She has almost no jewelry, other than the dog tags around her neck and the silver hoops in her ears. She looks, well, normal. Friendly.

You go up and introduce yourself, earning a firm handshake. She’s strong.

“Hi!” she says excitedly. “Nice to meet you. I’m Jamie, but my friends call me Soap. I’d tell ye why, but it’s classified.”

“Is it really?”

“No. But it’s fun to say.” She flags down the bartender. “A pint for my friend here, if you don’t mind. You want to grab a booth? Or stay up at the bar?”

You look around, and there’s a few empty booths, but it’s early yet, and they tend to fill up quickly. “Let’s move. If we stay up here the single dads are going to start hitting on us.”

"We are a couple of dolls, aren't we?" She flashed another big smile at the bartender as he set a second pint out. "We're movin' to a table, if ye don't mind."

"No problem, love," he says, obviously besotted already. "I'll send Jenny around to take your order."

"Thanks, pal. Appreciate it."

You pick up the pint and follow her over to a booth, sliding in on the opposite side.

"So, you said you're military?"

"Ah am. SAS no less. Best of the bloody best. Not many jobs where ye get tae blow things up awl the time." She sheds her jacket, revealing impressively muscled arms. "I could just live on base, if things don't work out here, just so ye ken. No pressure on ye. But I hate stayin' on base when I don't have to. It's the communal showers. Most of the lads are, well, lads. Gotta shower in the middle of the night, and I keep bumpin' into my LT when I do. And he said I could move in with him too. I’m in a rush but I willnae be homeless, so ye don’t need to worry about me if you dinnae think we’ll get along."

You wince in sympathy. "That sounds terrible. I don't think I'd ever be comfortable showering in front of other people."

"Is naw so bad, if it's someone ye like seein' naked. But most of em are munters anyway. Wouldnae mind so much if more of 'em looked like you." She winked over the edge of her pint glass and took a swig.

You laugh at her little joke. She's fun, and you already feel at ease with her. She tells you about her old rat hole apartment, and a little about living on base, although she's a bit vague on the details of her actual job, beyond blowing things up.

She asks you about your work, and you tell her about the used bookshop you work at down the road. You're basically the only employee, and it's usually not too busy, although it can be annoying when you get a rush in the middle of pricing 'new' books. But it pays the rent, more or less. You talk a bit about Fern, and about Red Herring too.

"I love cats," she said excitedly. "Never been able to keep one, bein' away so much. LT had a dog, and he was awlright, but I'm definitely more of a cat girl. Got bit by a few too many pups in my day."

"Well, Red's a real love bug. Once we're done here you can meet him. I think we're going to get along fine."

"Och, really? Just like that, aye? Thought I'd have to work harder."

"Honestly, I thought I was going to have to accept some weirdo or give poor old Red away. You're a much better fit than I expected to find. I think we could be friends."

Her blue eyes track something behind you and narrow slightly. "Well, I'm holdin' ye to that. We're about to be accosted by my lads. Don't let them scare ye." She shoves her plate across the table into the spot next to you and clambers out of the booth. "Oi, what're you munters doin' here? I'm gettin' interviewed for an apartment. Dinnae need you scarin' my girl."

You look behind you, spotting a giant wearing a skull-print balaclava, and a more regular-sized (though no less muscular) black man with a brilliant smile. "We wanted to make sure she wasn't an axe murderer," he says pleasantly.

"Or a chainsaw murderer," the giant adds.

Soap cuts him off before he can take the seat beside you. "Over there," she orders, pointing at the opposite bench, where she'd been sitting. "I'm not lettin' you box her in." She grimaces at you apologetically as she drops into the spot beside you. Her thigh presses against yours for a moment, before you shift further down the bench. "They're sweet, in their own way. Think I need lookin' after. The big guy's Ghost, or LT. This handsome pain in the arse is Gaz. Don't let him sweet talk ye intae callin' him Kyle unless you want him tae put yer ankles up by yer ears. Made that mistake before."

"You don't have to bring that up every time you introduce me to a woman," Gaz says, clearly exasperated.

"I do. How else are they gonna know to call you for a good time?" She smacks his hand away from her plate when he reaches for it. "Oi! Order your own chips ye bastard."

"I only want a couple," Gaz protests.

"Ye always say tha' and ye always lie. Ah umnae fallin' for it again."

"You can have a couple of mine," you offer. "I wasn't going to finish them anyway."

"When do we get to see the place?" Ghost asked.

"Ye don't, unless yer carryin' boxes for me. I willna ask her to let three strangers in her home when she's only just met me."

"Well I guess we're helpin' ye move," Ghost said. "Was gonna leave it all to Price."

"Lazy cunts. Ne’er around when there’s work tae be done.”

“I was gonna help,” Gaz protests. “I already told you that.”

“And I did tell you that you could move into my place if you didn’t find somethin’ in time,” Ghost points out. “We’re not all bad.”

“Well, they’re not bad lads tae have watchin’ yer back in a fire-fight,” Soap admits. “But they dinnae know how to be normal about anythin’.”

“Are you supposed to be the normal one?” Ghost asks.

“Aye. And I willnae have you say otherwise in front of my new friend.”

She finishes eating long before you do, with the speed and gusto of a woman who often has to defend her plate against hungry scavengers. Gaz, true to Soap’s complaint, eats the majority of your chips, although he does thank you and give you a big, wide smile, the sort that could sell someone a bridge. He’s definitely a charmer.

Soap asks for the bill while you’re finishing up. You reach for your purse, but she puts a hand on yours and gives you an intense blue stare. “No, kitty. I told ye I was buyin’ ye dinner, I’ll no’ let ye make me a liar, especially when Gaz ate half your plate.”

God she’s strong. You’re not sure that you could shake her off to insist even if you tried. “Alright. I just—”

“Oh I ken. But I wouldna offer if I didna mean it. I’m a woman of her word.” She pays with cash, and offers you a hand up and out of the booth. She points a warning finger at her friends. “And dinnae follow us, ye creepy bastards.”

They laugh, like they hadn’t followed her to the pub in the first place.

“They really do mean well,” Soap says, linking her arm with yours as you step out onto the street. “But they’ve go’ a bad habit of thinkin’ they dinnae need to respect my space just ‘cause we’ve all spent nights crammed into one room sharin’ cots. I think if the captain had his way we’d all live in his house and sleep in a big fuck-off pile like dogs.”

“Sound a bit claustrophobic.”

“Aye. Ye understand why I’m so eager to make this work with ye, kitty-cat. If I move in with LT it’s just a matter of time before Price comes over tae help us fix somethin’ and says ‘Oh, I dinny know why ye both stay in this shitehole. Whyna stay with me a while, till we find ye somethin’ better?’ And then before we know it we’re all sleepin’ in the same bed and usin’ the same toothbrush.”

You giggle, hoping that's just a joke. “That’s gross.”

“I ken! Horrible men, they are. I need some girl time before I go mad.” She squeezes your arm and knocks her head against yours gently. “We’re goin’ tae be best friends in no time, kitty. I wish I wasna goin’ away so soon.”

“You haven’t even seen the apartment yet!”

“Och, tha’s a formality. I was more wurried about us gettin’ along, kitty. The apartment doesna matter all that much, so long as it’s got a workin’ shower and a place for my bed. If I pass Mr. Herring’s sniff test, I’ll give ye cash on the spot, aye? For next month an’ half of this one, since you’d be lettin' me move in before the first.”

And, well, it’s hard to think of a good reason to say no.

#cod mw #Fem!SoapxReader #And they were roommates #Soap Mactavish #simon ghost riley #kyle gaz garrick #Don't worry Jamie will be just as much of a menace as Johnny #she's just on her best behaviour right now #Call of duty #Modern Warfare #Cave Writing #Fem!Soap #Sorry if the scots is bad I'll adjust it if it is it's just real fun to write

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khaylin27 · 1 year

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You're a What!?

Part 1 of DODGERS VS PHILLIES BABY!!!

Pairing: Miles Teller x Fem!Reader

Summary: What if Miles Teller dated someone who was a Dodger fan instead of a Phillies fan?

Warnings: SO MUCH FLUFF, Miles being drunk, So many baseball references, Dodgers v.s. Phillies lol

Word Count: 1893

A/N: BEFORE Y'ALL COME AT ME, I respect Miles and Keleigh's relationship and marriage. THEY ARE RELATIONSHIP GOALS!!!! I wanted to write this because I love Miles and baseball. If you feel this isn't for you, please don't read it.

You met Miles not too long ago at a mutual friend's wedding in Philadelphia. He was one of the groom's friends and you were the bride's friend so you guys were ironically sitting at the same table.

You knew who he was because of his recent movie Top Gun Maverick but you were shy to say anything as he was drunk and dancing to Single Ladies by Beyoncé. So instead you decided to watch the Dodgers v.s. Angels game at your table while everybody danced.

As Max Muncy was up to bat, you suddenly got disturbed by a very drunk Miles Teller sipping another glass of whiskey. "Aren't you a little bit too drunk right now to be drinking some more?" You ask as your focus was now on Miles instead of the game.

"Maybe just a tiny bit but I'm sobered up now because you're talking to me." His flirty comment made your cheeks slightly red as he moves right next to you. "What are you watching there?"

"Umm the Dodgers v.s. Angels game. I've been a big baseball fan since I was little, especially for the Dodgers." As you said that you see that Max Muncy hits a home run and the Dodgers win. "OH MY GOODNESS. WE WON!!!" You shout out with happiness while Miles covers his ears. "Sorry for being loud."

"It's okay. I like a girl who's very passionate, especially about baseball. I'm the same way too. " He winks as he says that. "I don't think I introduced myself. I'm Miles, Miles Teller."

"And I'm James, James Bond." You both laugh at your response. "Just kidding. My name is Y/N L/N. I'm a friend of the bride."

"It's nice to meet you Y/N. I'm a friend of the groom but hopefully, I can be more than just a friend to you." He smirks at you as your cheeks were turning bright red. "Is it possible to get your phone number?"

"Well, I would give you my number but I don't think it's worth it considering how drunk you are. You might forget me." You laugh at the end because after tonight he might forget you ever existed.

"Sugar, I won't be able to forget a pretty face like you getting so excited about baseball." You're writing your number on a napkin as he says that and put it in his coat pocket.

"That's my number. If you don't forget about me, text me and we can go on a date." You say as you get your stuff to go say goodbye to the newlyweds. Leaving Miles at the table smiling happily as you leave.

The Next Day

You were asleep in the hotel bed until you hear your phone buzzing nonstop. At first, you thought it was your manager texting you for an upcoming project but to your surprise, it was someone else.

UNKNOWN: Hey sugar! I don’t know if you remember me from last night but I remember you ;)

YOU: Ahh so you didn’t forget about me, Miles. I feel touched 🥹

MILES: How can I forget a beautiful woman like you that passionately loves baseball?

YOU: You remember that too, I guess I left an impression on you. Are you hungover right now?

MILES: Yes you left a very good impression last night. And yes I am VERY hungover *sends pic

YOU: Aww so sorry for that bud. Wish I can help but your actions do have consequences. You drank too much and now you have a hangover.

MILES: It’s nothing that I’m not used to. It’ll go away once the medicine kicks in. What are your plans today?

YOU: Nothing really. This might be the only time I have free time so I’ll probably explore Philadelphia. I’d never been here before until I got invited to the wedding.

MILES: Oh that sounds fun but if you want I have Behind the Plate tickets to the Phillies tonight. Wanna come?

YOU: Ooh you got me at Behind the Plate tickets. Who are they playing against?

MILES: The LA Dodgers. Why?

YOU: Oh no reason :) What time do I have to be there?

MILES: We have to be there by 5 pm. So I’ll come to your hotel by 4:30 pm cause your hotel is close to the stadium.

YOU: WOW! How do you know I’m staying at a hotel?

MILES: I might have asked my friend where you were staying at 🫣

YOU: Wow 😅 you really think you have a chance with me?

MILES: Yep cause we both love baseball 😉 and I like you.

YOU: Is this considered our first date?

MILES: It can be our first date ;) Hey, I’ll text you when I’m at your hotel. I have to get ready.

YOU: Okay, talk to you later.

Hours Later

A couple hours later and now you’re heading down the hotel lobby. You see Miles wearing a red Phillies hat with a Phillies jersey. The Dodger fan in you was kinda disgusted but you didn’t want to say anything. This was considered your “first date.”

He hugs you. “Hey beautiful. You look amazing.” You were wearing a simple black romper but it made you look amazing. But there was one thing Miles didn’t like and it was the blue Dodger hat that was on your head. “Except I don’t like that hat.”

“Sorry to burst your bubble hot stuff but this girl is from LA and loves her Dodger blue.” You smile at him and comment back at him. “I also don’t like yours either.”

“I didn't know you were a Dodgers fan!?"

"If you weren't too drunk last night then maybe you would've remembered me saying that I've been a Dodgers fan since I was little." You laugh a little because he totally forgot you said that last night.

"Is that why you asked me what team the Phillies were playing today?” He asks as you guys walk into the limousine.

“Of course! If they were against someone else I wouldn’t have come. I’m loyal to my boys in dodger blue.” You smile at him. “You’re very lucky to have met me at the right time or else you would’ve lost me.”

In The Car

As you were heading to the stadium you guys started to get to know each other. He was born and raised in Philadelphia and perused acting. For you, you were born and raised in LA and perused being an influencer on social media. The conversation was very good and you got to know him a little more until you reached the stadium.

“Hey Y/N. I think we should hold hands. There’s going to be a lot of paparazzi and you might get lost.” He suggests as the limousine had stopped.

“Are you asking me because you’re worried or you just wanna hold my hand?” You ask with a smile as he smirks back.

Miles gets out of the car first and holds your hand as you get out of the car. He was right about the paparazzi, there were a lot and you were a little bit anxious. But when Miles was holding your hand it was calming to you and you got to your seats safely.

“Hey, thanks for holding my hand. I was feeling a little anxious back there with all that paparazzi but you calmed me down.” You sincerely thank him and he smiles.

“I’m glad that I helped. There’s going to be a lot of that today since I’m an actor and you're an influencer. But I’m going to be here for you.” You smile back at him. “Is it just me or are you hungry?”

“I’m kinda hungry too."

"I’ll ask a staff member to get us some Philly cheesesteaks. It’s a staple to have in Philadelphia and since it’s your first time you need to get it!” He says as he calls a staff member to get us some cheesesteaks.

Once he’s done talking to the staff member you ask him a question. “So who do you think is gonna win tonight?”

“I gotta go with my team. We got Harper and Schwarber!” He say’s excitedly. “You think your team is gonna win?”

“I for sure think my team is gonna win! We have Betts and Muncy.” You say with so much confidence to him.

Your Philly cheesesteaks come on time and you both open them. It smells so good but the taste is! Was so good!! “OH MY GOODNESS!! This is so good!!! How did I live my life not trying this!?”

“That’s what happens when you're a Dodger fan sugar. All you have is hot dogs.” Miles says.

“That’s not true. We have some BOMB tacos every Tuesday.” You say as you eat your cheesesteak.

Once you guys finish your cheesesteaks Miles makes you a deal. “Hey Y/N you wanna make a deal?”

You were now curious, “what type of deal?”

“I know you live in LA and I currently live here. I don’t want this to end. If the Phillies win tonight, this doesn’t end and we get to keep talking. Even though we live far away from each other.” Miles suggests.

“And what if the Dodgers win?” You ask with a smirk on your face.

“That’s up to you then. But I have much faith in my team that they’re gonna win.” He smiles as the game starts.

Bottom of 9th Inning

It was the bottom of the 9th inning. You guys were both anxious for different reasons.

You were anxious because the Dodgers were winning 4 to 3. Since it was the bottom inning, the Phillies were batting because they were the home team. If someone from the Phillies magically got two runs that would mean Miles would win his bet.

Miles was very anxious too. The Phillies need two more runs and they would win. Except there were two outs and if one more batter got out it would be over.

This was a make-it-or-break-it moment. If this batter gets out it’s game over, but if he hits a run the Phillies still have a chance. As Julio Urías was pitching the last pitch to determine it the umpire declares it as an out.

THE DODGERS HAVE WON!!! All Dodger fans at the stadium we cheering with joy because they won. Miles however wasn’t.

He lost his bet with Y/N and that meant he might never see her again. “OMG MILES!!! WE WON!!! WE WON!!!”

“Congrats to guys I guess?” He says with a sad smile.

You can tell he was sad. He really thought his team was gonna win. “Hey don’t be so sad? Cheer up hot stuff.” You say with a little smile.

“Why would I cheer up. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to see you again.” As he says that you put your arms around his neck and kiss him passionately.

You pull away and ask with a smile, “Does that answer your question hot stuff?”

“That most definitely does sugar.” He kisses you again but this time it gets caught on the Phillies kiss cam.

And this was just the beginning of their relationship and their feud with the Dodgers and Phillies.

A/N: OMG THE FIRST CHAPTER! Hope y'all liked it.

Here's to be added to the taglist

Taglist:(crossed out means I couldn't tag you) @eternalsams @angiem219 @mizzysx @xlynnx07 @withakindheartx @lethalbeautiful @atarmychick007 @shanimallina87 @adoringsebstan @mak-32 @nograce-nomercy @brittancqs

#miles teller #miles teller x reader #dodgers #los angeles dodgers #philadelphia phillies #mlb national league #Phillies #baseball #bradley bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x reader #top gun #top gun maverick #rooster top gun #rooster x reader #rooster imagine #rooster fanfic #bradley rooster bradshaw

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chialeah · 9 months

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TCR EPISODE 9

Fuck- this episode was so tense and heartbreaking but so so good! Definitely the toughest episode to watch so far. Masterclass in acting from all the cast involved! Major spoilers below!

1. With minimal dialogue from Danny this episode Tom brilliantly spoke through his eyes/body language to convey Danny’s inner thoughts/emotions. I truly was heartbroken watching Danny watch Candy betray him and stay loyal to Marlin. Also his face during the final scene! I truly couldn’t handle it.

2. The actress playing the DA is eating fr. I will definitely have to check out more of her work! Christopher Abbott has also been giving a wonderful performance these past few episodes. I’m such a big fan of his work and TCR has been a great addition. They truly are the backbone of the trial and have been doing a great job raising bigger issues/questions about Danny’s overall place.

3. Annabelle, Angelo, and Jerome taking the witness stand was a great addition. You could tell that they all were sort of empathetic to the internal struggles Danny has been dealing with(whether or not he deserved it in those specific situations). Jerome-I love you fr! I’ve loved his performances from these past two episodes and am grateful that he has been able to show a more gentle/vulnerable side to Danny and his alters.

4. Candy! I appreciate that the episode established that she was at the receiving end of abuse too. “Guilt or Grief, which one can you bear” is such a banger line and it was interesting to see how Candy reacted to it. I HATE that she did that to her own son but I get why she was so afraid. She wasn’t ready to lose everything so she decided push her own son further away by lying. Truly a shame fr! I hate Marlin so so so much! Appreciate the actor giving this role his all because he’s truly made Marlin such a despicable character lol. The look of heartbreak between Candy and Danny after she took the stand will haunt me.

5. The final scene! I had such a visceral reaction to this scene it was crazy! I knew that the binder clip was going to come back in a dangerous way. The look of solemn terror but also relief after Danny harms himself was so heartbreaking I legit started to sob. I do appreciate the show not showing the action of abuse or self harm but rather the characters reactions to it. I think this is a really smart way to emphasize the emotional/psychological toll it takes. I have a lot of questions about the outcome of Danny’s action in this scene but i guess we’ll find out more next week!

6. Spoilers!- From the set pictures and locations used during the filming of episode 10 it seems that whatever the outcome of the trial is Danny hopefully (eventually) gets sent to a mental facility upstate! Looks like some time has passed and Rya goes to visit Danny. He even has his scars from where he harmed himself! I’ll put some of the set pics below! This is truly saving me from having a full freak out about this episode lol.

Hopeful that we get to have some closure for Ari, Jonny, and the other alters in some capacity in the next episode. Hopefully Candy steps up in some way in the next episode as well. I also am looking forward for Danny’s defense (including Rya) to get a fucking win in the incoming parts of the trial. This show has truly done a great job giving example to the nuanced history mental illness has had within the social/judicial/political systems at play here in the U.S. Can’t believe we’re at the finale already! Looking forward to seeing these storylines get wrapped up. Great job all around! Bravo Tom!

My episode ranking so far:

9-8-7-6-3-5-4-2-1

#looking forward to next week-the finale!#tcr #the crowded room #tcr spoilers #the crowded room spoilers #tom holland #will probs add more as I make sense of my thoughts #such a good episode

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ovaruling · 9 months

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hey girl! happy to—the buccal fat removal was pretty simple compared to the other surgeries, but it was still very painful. as i understand it, the surgeon made incisions on the inside of both of my cheeks, and entered that way, and sucked out the “buccal fat yolk,” as he called it. he explained to me that there’s a pouch of fat there that is yolk-like, and does not usually disappear, even with dramatic weight loss, except in cases of extreme malnutrition where there is no reserve left. that’s how he put it, anyway.

so, he essentially stabbed inside my cheeks through up where the “cheek fat” was, just under my cheekbones, and sucked the fat through those incisions and stitched them from the inside. it was, as i said, extremely painful, and eating and drinking was very difficult for a long time. the scars are inside my cheeks and i can still feel them if i run my tongue over them.

the entire cheek area on both sides, inside and out, is mostly numb. sort of like… when Novocain has started to wear off at the dentist.

but i get sudden, electrifying wallops of pain where the buccal fat used to be at completely random times. i get at least one or two a day. it is pretty agonizing, ngl. it feels like instantaneous nerve pain, if you’ve ever had a dentist nick a nerve on a sensitive tooth. it runs through the cheek into my sinuses and down into my gums and it takes my breath away. when these episodes first started happening i genuinely thought i was having a stroke.

i get a lot of migraines now (brow and temple) and my jaw sits really uncomfortably—i’m always having to bite my inner cheeks or suck my cheeks in manually, or else they become fatigued.

a good experiment is—try to hold your mouth open as long as you can. just—open like a crocodile. as wide as you can go, until your cheeks reach the utmost point of fatigue. that’s what it feels like all the time if i try to relax my face—unless i am constantly drawing in my cheeks or making a “duck face,” my cheeks feel fatigued. i don’t know why—maybe they’re strained without the fat there to support them. collapsing, i guess.

it’s really uncomfortable tbh. i’ve gotten used to it, but it sucks.

and it just looks weird as hell too. all it did was age me and make me look dehydrated and starved.

ykw, i guess it really has affected how i do everything with my mouth and facial expressions. they all had to change in some way to accommodate the new “dimensions.” i wish i could show a before and after pic, bc i had a ton of nice healthy buccal fat and now i just look soooo hollowed out and honestly i look so bad lol. i smile differently, i make all my expressions differently. what feels “natural” is kind of weird—cheeks sucked in manually, or lips sucked into my mouth manually. biting of upper and lower lips into the mouth. just… a constant need to draw the face inward to relieve the cheek fatigue.

which leads me to say that once again there does not seem to be a resting position for my face anymore. it’s a neverending strain on the cheek muscles. maybe that’ll change over time—or maybe i’ll strengthen the cheek muscles with facial yoga, idk. but for now it’s a constant nagging need to keep my cheeks sucked in or my lips drawn into my mouth, like this…

…so that they’re supported in some way from the fatigue. idk, it’s really weird. hate it.

the sudden pains are pretty bad too esp bc i never know when they’ll happen. there’s no trigger, really, but i have noticed that cold or hot drinks/foods mean they’ll happen within the half hour. the worst is when they happen WHILE i’m drinking hot coffee or am mid-chew in food. i’ve almost choked a few times that way, lol. super annoying.

that’s all i can think of for now! hopefully that helps a bit. please feel free to ask any specific questions i didn’t answer!

#save #anti cosmetic surgery

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tzthrowbacks · 6 days

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I’ll be in Paris two weeks before the Olympics. Hopefully that time won’t be as bad?! What are your concerns/complaints?!

i would love to reassure you by saying that it will be calm before the actual games but i don't think so😭 because many people attending are probably gonna arrive days/weeks before just like you, to enjoy their trip. i truly hope you'll have a fun time tho. but (it's long sorry)

our public transports are the absolute worse. even on "slow" days, the traffic sucks. it's REALLY bad. by that i mean : i usually have to wait 20 min-ish before even getting in the subway, even if they come every 2min. and then you'll spent the whole ride playing twisters with complete strangers because of how crowded it is (not my pic but this is one of our busiest station at 9 in the morning. you can't even get on the platform)

all the places are super crowded. restaurants are full. streets are full. people can be rude and irritated because it's just anxiety inducing. and ppl notoriously don't like tourists so don't expect a warm welcome (i'm not proud of that one, i'm not even parisian born and raised here so i'm not like that, but most parisians are sadly)

i think that's obvious for every big city but you have to be very careful with your stuff. there are pickpockets (btw never stop when people ask you for info/signing petition, it's a trick they use to steal)

that won't affect your trip but i just wanted to complain about it : there's a shortage in security so they are asking old retired people to work as security guards. they also kicked some students from their dorm rooms because to accommodate workers at the olympics. they are building infrastructures that are not practical and and roadworks everywhere, and i don't even know if they'll be ready in time. it's just a whole mess and idk if it will be that enjoyable for the attendees

maybe i'm exagerrating because im feeling burned out lately. but that's basically how i feel. note that i've only been to london barcelona and berlin, those cities are like a walk in the park compared to here lol. maybe people from NYC or other really busy cities around the world will tell me that paris is not so bad, but i still don't think we rank very high 💀

i still love it here for many other reasons. but i feel like those issues in our daily life will be 10 times worse with the massive stream of people (but i'm seeing some hotels and air bnb saying that a lot of tourists are canceling their plans lately because of the "backlash", so maybe it won't be that chaotic idk, here's to hope😮‍💨)

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tariah23 · 1 month

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Omgggg

Sksjsks I went onto my insta and saw that someone liked this… old Jolynes from like, 2015-17 or so that I never got to finish (they’re all on my old laptop… I will rescue my files one day… this was my old cartoony style. I’ve revamped it a LOT. It used to be so much more loose… I kind of wish that it still was because it made the style look more simplistic and free? I’ve always been a huge fan of simple art styles!) I remember making an attempt at drawing every canon Jolyne outfit that I could find (at least the official colored drawings, not the ones from the manga since that would’ve been too much for me. I have the Jojoveller (I bought the Jojoveller back when it first came out from Japan and paid like, almost $200 for it orz….. should’ve waited for the price drop lol. I have every JJBA artbook tbh. But that helped me track down most of the official Jolyne stuff. Not all but a lot of it!) I’d drawn up at least 20 outfits at this point. At least I think so? These were just some of them. Hopefully, I’ll be able to retrieve my drawings again… the faces that I used to draw on my old style used to be so ugly, sorry.

Here’s an example of this same style but revamped to now lol…

(Yuki wip…. The bodies have more standard anatomy but the hands are still blocky like??? The faces are prettier tho…. Has it lost a bit of personality? Maybe… I do like my new style tho… But could I still even call it a cartoony style, especially since it looks more anime than before :/…. Uh, I’m thinking too hard on this :(….)

Another example is this Rengoku… it’s a little diff from the Yuki one despite being the same cartoon like style? (Barely cartoon anymore…) I don’t usually draw the nostril slit for this style but I did so for Yuki since it just looked better… idk if I’m gonna start doing that or not, I’ve literally been driving myself insane over deciding if I want to start drawing nostrils or not… for this Rengoku, it’s definitely more accurate to the style that I was pushing for but hm….. Similar to these Makima’s…. I didn’t draw the nostril…

I like to keep the ears very simple in this style as well and again, look at Makima’s hands. They’re supposed to be blocky like this hehe. The Yuki wip is more of an improvement of this same style but I’ve been so all over the place with it… I feel so bad, omg. The most polished example that I could find immediately of the original cartoon style was of these Shinobu’s… see how round and free everything is!?

Don’t even get my started on the chibi styles…. I have a handful… because I’m indecisive. The Sukuna wips are from a new chibi style that I’ve been thinking about and I rly like it… The Kak/Oc chibi was for a commission that I had sm fun drawing for. I still like the style! I’ve always loved when artists left the pupils white for some reason? I wanted to do that, too! I forgot to color the lineart in the girls skirt lol….

This style with Sanemi and Uzui is rly cute to me as well… I will not be retiring it. I kind of hate the old chibi style with Josuyasu tho. Hideous to me. And overly complicated. I don’t really like chibi styles that have TOO much going on, especially if they’re not as cute since chibi’s are supposed to be cute. I said ugly but beauty in art is subjective sjsjs… if they’re pretty and cute than idc. So I technically have three chibi styles that I like.

Ohh actually, I have two other chibi styles….. fuck, I just don’t have any pics of them that I’ve uploaded, only saved as files. One isn’t really a serious style at all tho, they were for fun (experimental) and the chibi that you can see hanging in the corner of Yuki in the wip above is of another simpler style as well…

#whaaaaaaaa #rambling #my art #sorry I’m always yapping!!!#an artistic Journey haha… I hardly ever talk about my artistic thoughts so…

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peaceisadirtyword · 2 years

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august (modern!Ivar/Reader)

A/N: Hello!! Please don’t hate me, July was a mess for me and I’m in Denmark right now trying to get my life together in some way! I will explain everything in a separate post if you want me to! But anyway, I had this written and as August just started I'd thought I’d post this😅 I think my writing is not what it once was, but I truly hope you like this one♥️ because I really enjoyed writing it.

I won’t bother you anymore, I’ll let you read and (hopefully) enjoy🥰 thank you!

Warnings: smut, a bit of angst, it’s ivar, he’s in love with Freydis

Words: +8k (I’m so sorry lol)

based on the song august by Taylor Swift🖤

Moodboard by me (taking screenshots and pics from pinterest!)

Ivar Lothbrok was the last person you expected to ask you on a date. You had been nervous about his presence for the entire evening, while Ivar and his brothers were sitting in the small bar you worked at, just in front of the beach, and ordering drinks as they watched the football game. It shouldn’t have surprised you to see them there, half of Kattegat went to the bar whenever there was a match, as your boss had decided to put an enormous TV to attract more customers to the big terrace just outside his local. He was happy as hell, but you preferred the quiet evenings of the early summer, when only some tourists and regulars came to grab a quick beer and maybe something to eat. But that day was even more chaotic.

Dealing with drunk guys was a nightmare itself, but when those guys were also mad because Norway was losing against Sweden it became too much to handle. Luckily, your coworker was nice enough to change tables with you so you wouldn’t have to deal with them. He had more experience in that field anyway.

But turning around and seeing the Lothbrok men sitting on one of the largest tables made you wonder whether it was better to deal with drunk men or with your childhood crush and his entire family.

They were polite and nice. Apparently, Ragnar Lothbrok was back in town for the summer, and Björn, his eldest son, was back from southern Europe where he had spent the entire winter working on his own business. So the entire city of Kattegat knew they were there, even if they didn’t make an effort to acknowledge the rumours surrounding their family.

Hvitserk and Ubbe recognized you. It wasn’t until Ragnar asked why you looked so familiar and Ubbe added that you were always in Ivar’s class that he raised his head to look at you with curiosity. Even if Ubbe, Hvitserk and Sigurd knew you -they had hooked up with some of your friends back in high school- you didn’t remember talking to him since primary school, when you broke some kid’s nose because he was messing with Ivar. The both of you were in detention together that day, until Aslaug came to pick him up and he left. Even then, he barely talked to you. But it didn’t stop you from developing a very strange crush on him, a crush that no matter how many people you dated, it wouldn't go away.

Until he got a girlfriend. You remembered the way your heart seemed to stop and your stomach twisted so much you thought you’d be sick when you saw them together on campus. You had cried, feeling stupid because he probably didn’t remember you existed, and had to endure an entire year of them being together, until Freydis left him just before summer. You tried not to feel happy, knowing Ivar was head over heels for her and he would probably be heartbroken but even if you felt the worst person in the world, you were still happy she left.

It was the first time you saw Ivar since the summer started, and he barely curved his lips to smile at you for a second and he went back to looking down at his own lap while his brothers chatted around him.

After taking their orders you went back to the bar to get the drinks, and you spent the rest of your shift so focused on your work that you missed Ivar’s stares. Hvitserk wouldn’t stop pestering him about how nice you looked that summer, and that he should ask you out as you had always had a crush on him. Ivar didn’t fully believe his brother’s words but you did look cute, and the thought of moving on and forgetting Freydis with someone else was very attractive for him, so maybe it was that what made him walk over to the bar while you cleaned some glasses and prepared to close, after his family was already walking down the street after Norway lost the match. Not that they cared so much, as they were half Swedish and half Danish.

You looked completely taken aback when he left the piece of paper with his number on the bar, barely making any eye contact with you in case you burst out laughing.

Instead, you stuttered a bit while asking him what was it, and tried to fix your hair, flustered and knowing you didn’t look your best, after an entire evening of running around carrying drinks.

“I thought we could maybe…” Ivar had cleared his throat, hating Hvitserk and himself at that moment “Go out sometime, if you want to”.

So a week later, after a few days processing that Ivar Lothbrok asked you out and building the courage to text him, you sat on the now cold sand of the beach with an ice cream on your hand and looking at the fjord in front of you, still tense because you sat next to your crush. He invited you to the cinema, and he had been polite but still distant and somewhat cold when you went to grab a late dinner, almost like he was being forced to be there. His blue eyes avoided yours and he barely spoke.

You had a very interesting conversation about politics, when you commented on a very hot topic on international politics and Ivar raised an eyebrow and seemed to listen to you for the first time that day. But the conversation died when you couldn’t find common ground on a specific topic.

And you were about to finish your ice cream and go back home, to inform your friends that it had been a disaster and that Ivar was by no means interested in you. It would hurt to process that, but a night out with your girls and maybe a hookup with a random tourist would help.

Until he spoke, with his eyes still fixed on the sun that disappeared behind the ocean.

“I remember you”

You stopped licking the ice cream, turning to look at him with a confused expression.

“I remember you would defend me in school” he added, finally looking at you “I remember you standing up for me even if I didn’t ask you to”

“Yeah” you shrugged “I know how it feels when everyone decides to hate you just because they feel like hating someone”

“You were the only one in class that stood up for me” he shrugged “I never said thank you”

“It’s nothing” you giggled “Honestly, it was many years ago, you had enough on your plate to stop and think about me” you shook your head. Ivar as a child not only had to deal with a disease, but also with his parent’s separation, his father’s absence and his mother’s addictions. You remembered hearing your family talk about it for years.

“Yes but I kept seeing you in high school and at university” he said “And I never said anything”

You tried to hold back an excited smile.

“You didn’t need to invite me out to thank me”

“I didn’t invite you out because of that” he raised an eyebrow “I did because I thought…” he looked down, his cheeks reddening softly “I thought you were interesting and I would like to get to know you…”

And my brothers pushed me, he thought. Ubbe and Hvitserk wouldn’t stop trying to make him talk to girls since Freydis left. And you were the only one Ivar kind of liked out of all the girls they had proposed.

“Oh” you smiled brightly at him “Well, that’s nice” you giggled “Nice to meet you, then, I’m Y/N” you offered your hand. Ivar looked at it for a moment and you’d swear you saw his lips curved on a small smile. The first time he smiled at you.

“Ivar” he took your hand “Nice to meet you”

____________________________________

Kattegat’s Port was one of the biggest in Scandinavia. Everyone agreed that it was impressive and the entire city was proud of it. But soon, you learnt Ivar preferred the old, small harbour that had only small boats and ships that imitated the viking longships. Most of them were made by Floki, Ivar’s uncle (even if you were very sure that they didn’t share the same bloodline), and he had spent most of his childhood in that place. A bit further away from the city centre, it looked like the perfect place for a late picnic on a summer evening, and somehow you managed to change shifts at work as soon as Ivar called to invite you.

This would be your third… Date? You weren’t sure whether they could be called dates or not, as he hadn’t made any move towards you, maybe he was just lonely and in need of a friend. In any case, and even if your heart broke a bit more whenever you thought about it, you were fine with being his friend, way more than you had ever imagined.

You had to admit the place was beautiful, cosier than the port and even romantic. Ivar was already there when you arrived, with your favourite dress on and a strawberry cake you had managed to make even if you were too nervous. There was some food over a plaid blanket and Ivar admitted his brothers helped him to do it.

“This place is beautiful” you muttered, looking at the closest longship that swayed in the water.

“Floki built all of these” Ivar said, making you look at him with a small smile. After spending some time with him, you learnt that his tone of voice changed whenever he talked of someone or something that meant a lot for him.

You remembered Floki and Helga, as she had been the best doctor in town and probably the sweetest human being you had ever met and Floki was known for being Ragnar’s close friend and the best carpenter in all of Scandinavia.

“Where are they now?” you asked softly, they had left one day, no one truly knew where or why and no one was brave enough to ask.

“Iceland” Ivar shrugged “They left”

You pouted, his sad tone contrasted with the other times he had mentioned Floki.

“Everyone ends up leaving” he added, shaking his head and turning his head to grab a few grapes he had brought “Ubbe is leaving now too, and Sigurd, not that I care about Sigurd” he rolled his eyes “But soon it will just be my mother, Hvitserk and I, until I finish the degree at least”

“Not everyone leaves, then” you smiled, trying to cheer him up a bit “Hvitserk and your mom are still here with you”

“My mother has no choice, she’s my mother” Ivar looked at you almost like he thought you were mocking him “And Hvitserk… He could leave with Ubbe but for some reason he wants to stay… Ubbe is going to England to work on my father’s business” he explained “Which is now run by Björn and his mother… I understand Hvitserk, I would rather drown than work for Björn''

You held back a giggle.

“And he’s also staying with you” you pointed out, taking a sip of the champagne Ivar brought. It was one of the expensive ones, way better than the one you drank during Christmas “So not everyone leaves”

His small smile faded again.

“I suppose he will do it someday too”

You moved to kneel closer to him. Ivar eyed you with curiosity.

“You have very little faith on people, Ivar” you said, shrugging “It’s not fair, you can’t possibly know what people will do”

“I thought Freydis would stay” he cleared his throat “And she left too, like my father, like Floki, like Ubbe”

It was the first time he talked about Freydis in your presence. You licked your lips and drank a bit more.

“You’re still young, handsome, smart… You could work on being a bit nicer, but… You have time to find someone else'' you giggled, even if you didn’t mean it. You really liked Ivar, but you hoped he wouldn’t find someone at least for a while.

“Someone that thinks I am handsome and smart?” he asked, tilting his head with a playful smirk. Your head felt a bit lighter then, and the sudden nerves made you tremble. He was closer now, and you had to take a deep breath and think very carefully about your next words.

“Maybe, someone you like”

“That I like someone doesn’t mean that I can make them happy” he added “I’m not ready for another relationship, I’m not ready to have all of Kattegat talking about it, wondering when they’ll leave me again” his smirk faded, and now he sounded serious. You knew he wasn’t talking hypothetically anymore “For now”

You nodded.

“Until you’re ready, I guess”

“Until I’m ready” he repeated slowly, almost like he was amazed by those words “Until I don’t feel like a replaceable, useless thing?”

“I’m no psychologist, but I’d say so” you smiled softly “You’re not a replaceable, useless thing, Ivar”

“I can’t have another serious relationship right now, Y/N” he sighed “I truly can’t”

“That’s okay” you muttered, biting your lip. Your eyes never left him, even if he was looking at the sea now. You were more than ready for a relationship, but a mere glance, a promise, a smile and a kiss was more than enough, knowing he only needed time and maybe he’d be yours one day.

“Are you sure?” he turned to look at you, and you looked so pretty and innocent, looking at him with doe eyes under the dim light of the twilight that he felt bad for using you in some way. But he hadn’t felt as good as when he was with you since Freydis left.

And it wouldn’t hurt to try and move on, right?

You didn’t answer. Instead, you leaned in and kissed him softly. Ivar closed his eyes, sighing, and kissed you back. You tasted sweet, like the strawberry cake you had brought, and somehow you were softer than Freydis. Ivar had warm and soft lips, better than you had ever imagined, and his hand cupping your face was comforting. It felt like your first kiss all over again, and in some way it was. It was the first kiss you wanted.

When you broke the kiss, Ivar looked much more relaxed. And he smiled at you. Your heart fluttered, and you didn’t remember feeling so happy in your entire life.

______________________________________________________

The sky lit up with a new flash of lighting, startling you, just as Ivar opened the door to his house. You hesitated before entering, but he practically pulled you in with a roll of his eyes. It was the first time you stepped into the giant Lothbrok house, and it was… Quieter than you thought.

“I don’t want to wet the floor” you muttered, looking down at the beautiful and flawless wooden floor. Probably his mother would kill you if you damaged it.

“It’s okay, you can’t stay out there” Ivar scoffed, part annoyed and part amused. He saw your widened eyes as you glanced around the entrance while taking off your shoes, and he thought you looked sweet, all wet and intimidated. It felt good to bring you to his house, almost like he was exposing a new part of himself. It helped that everyone was out that day too.

“Come” he pointed at the hallway that led to his room. While all of his brothers slept upstairs, he couldn’t walk upstairs sometimes, so Aslaug reformed the old playing room and Ivar moved there when he was too big for Aslaug or Floki to carry him. It had bothered him sometimes, especially when his brothers would stay in Hvitserk’s room playing video games and he found himself all alone downstairs, crying and feeling lonely. Or when during their high school years Ubbe or Hvitserk would bring some friends to spend the night and Ivar would be left apart when they finished eating and went upstairs to listen to music, drink and talk.

“You can have a shower if you want” he pointed at the bathroom as soon as he entered his bedroom. You glanced around, the large shelf full of books grabbed your attention, as well as some vinyls and posters, but you didn’t stare too much, thinking he might not enjoy people staring at his things.

“Thank you” you smiled softly, and Ivar’s face softened when he looked at you, taking a couple of steps towards you, he kissed your wet cheek softly. After a couple of weeks he was way more comfortable in your presence, and he kind of liked how excited you looked whenever he’d take the first step and kiss you.

“You have fresh towels in the bathroom” he continued “I’ll give you some of my clothes while yours dry, okay?” he walked over to his wardrobe and you turned around so he wouldn’t see your excited smile.

When you closed the bathroom door behind you, your eyes travelled around the room. It was enormous, like the rest of the house. Especially the shower, which was obviously adapted for him. The big mirror was spotless, the sink and walls were made of marble, but the floor was still wood, less slippery and warmer.

You took your clothes off, leaving them carefully folded next to the door and entered the shower. It was big enough so Ivar could move inside with no problem, and the water was warm. You let it run down your body and relaxed under it, immediately forgetting the cold rain that had surprised you during your date. The plan had been to go to the beach, nothing too special, but the rain had interrupted you and you had ran into his house, which was close and also empty.

You wondered if he would have invited you in with his family inside.

Even if that shower felt like heaven, you stepped out after rinsing off the soft gel that felt like gold on your skin and quickly took one of the fresh towels you had retrieved from the small cabinet under the sink. After drying off your hair, you secured the towel around your body and took your damp clothes before opening the door.

Ivar sat on the bed, looking down at his phone and only raised his head when you stepped out. For a moment his eyes wandered down your body, only covered by the white towel that reached the middle of your thighs. You trembled under his stare. Not even weeks hanging out with him were enough to calm you down in his presence.

“Give me those” he cleared his throat as he stood up, leaning into his crutch with a small wince of pain. You pouted and looked at his legs “I’ll put them in the dryer”

“I can do it” you mumbled, wondering if the rain and the dampness worsened his pain “Just tell me where it is”

“Are you sure? My brothers could arrive at any moment, maybe receiving them half naked is not a good idea” he bit his lip to hold back a laugh when you widen your eyes “It’s fine, I’ll do it and I’ll give you some dry clothes so you can change” he shrugged and you gave them to him and immediately your hands grabbed the towel to make sure it stayed in its place. Not that you’d mind getting naked in front of Ivar Lothbrok.

When he was back you still stood awkwardly next to his bed. That seemed to amuse Ivar, who opened his wardrobe and grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.

“I’d give you something from my sister’s but she’s not in Kattegat now and keeps her bedroom locked when that happens” he shrugged. Smart choice, you thought, knowing you’d do the same if you had to share a house with five brothers.

“It’s okay” you muttered, grabbing the clothes “Thank you”

“What happened? The cat’s got your tongue?” he looked about to laugh again, and you looked down a bit flustered.

“Don’t laugh at me” you replied, biting your lip and glaring at him playfully.

“I’m not” he widened his eyes and pouted with feigned innocence.

“Being naked in someone else’s room is never comfortable, right?” you raised an eyebrow before you realised what you said, but Ivar was already laughing and shaking his head.

“I’m going to take a shower now” he said “You’re welcome to grab something from the kitchen or anything, but get dressed first” he raised an eyebrow.

You nodded and turned around to face the bed and give him some privacy as he grabbed the hem of his t-shirt and faced the wardrobe again, probably to get dry clothes for himself. But when you heard the shirt falling to the floor, you turned your head slowly.

His back was amazing. You already knew it, you had seen him grow into a huge and strong man, and you had touched it during some of your makeout sessions in the past couple of weeks. You had seen him shirtless on the beach other summers, with his brothers and always with his legs covered. Out of all of them, except maybe Björn, he was the strongest one, the muscles of his chest, arms and back toned from all of those years carrying his own weight. His skin had a golden undertone that seemed to glow, especially now that it was slightly wet. And his long hair collected in small braids and a ponytail brushed his shoulders.

But what made you part your lips in awe were the tattoos. They covered the upper part of his back, shoulders and chest and you had seen a peak of them when he wore short sleeves, but they were even more beautiful from up close, and when his muscles tensed underneath them it almost looked like they were moving. They were nordic designs, like the ones everyone in his family had. You always found them fascinating.

But his head turning to look at you interrupted your thoughts and you quickly turned around, biting your lip when you realised he caught you.

“You were looking” he said, and he sounded partly amusedand partly surprised.

“Just wanted to see your tattoos” you muttered in reply, and it was in part true “Sorry”

“Don’t be” he shrugged even if you couldn’t see him. You heard his steps and his crutch approaching you and your heart started beating faster “Want to see them?”

When you turned around again he stood just behind you, and you had to look up to meet his eyes. When you looked at his chest again, your fingertips tingled with an avid need of running them over the ink lines.

“How did you get them?” you asked. They were a bit less perfect than the ones you had seen, the edges weren’t as clean but they looked beautiful anyway, almost like the ones a viking would have worn.

“The technique is called stick and poke” he shrugged “It’s a more traditional way”

“Sounds painful” you frowned, and Ivar’s lips curved on a smile.

“I’m used to pain”

You pouted again and raised your head to look at him, but didn’t say anything. You had seen him struggling over the years, knowing he spent long periods in the hospital, with long and painful treatments…

“I would like to get a tattoo” you commented, knowing he wasn’t in the mood to talk about his legs and his pain “Maybe this summer”

You finally felt brave enough to run a finger down one of the lines that crossed his chest, still looking down to avoid his gaze.

“I can take you” he said, and you nodded absentmindedly, amazed by how soft his skin felt under your touch. Then his hand touched your jaw, making you raise your head and the next thing you felt were his lips against yours. You whined in surprise but kissed him back, suddenly his chest was closer than ever and his warmth surrounded you. His hand left your face at the same time as yours grabbed his shoulders. It travelled down your body, and it burned your skin over the towel. When he reached your thigh and the edge of the towel, Ivar pulled down, and it fell down faster than you thought. It pooled around your feet, and you sighed against his lips nervously. Was it always this hot inside this room? Ivar’s lips left yours to kiss down your neck and collarbone. You were surprised to hear the sounds that were coming out of your mouth.

Suddenly he stepped back, but his ocean eyes didn’t leave yours as he walked over to the bed and sat down, taking sharp breaths with his chest rising quickly. He let the crutch fall down to the floor and leant back, supporting himself with his arms. You blinked quickly, suddenly feeling a bit conscious as you were completely naked in front of him.

Taking a deep breath, you approached him, scanning his face looking for any sign of discomfort. But when you stood close enough, he grabbed the back of your thighs and pulled you closer. His warm lips reached your belly and you gasped. It was more difficult to focus on being insecure about your body when his lips came so dangerously close to that zone between your legs…

When Ivar finally pushed you so you’d straddle his lap, you felt his already hard member pulsing against your core and your eyes fluttered shut when he kissed your collarbone again. When you opened them he was looking at you with his mouth on your chest, and it didn’t take long before you leant in to kiss him again. You had been with other people before, but you had never been so aroused in your life, feeling almost like you were floating.

Your fingers left his shoulders to caress his hair. Not really caring if you ruined his braids, you ran your fingers through it, finding it the softest thing you had ever touched. He let out a low moan, and you moaned in response. It was the most beautiful sound you had ever heard. But both the kiss and your caresses were interrupted by his hand reaching between your legs. Your entire body tensed and Ivar made a shooting sound with his mouth into your ear as he found your clit. This time the both of you groaned at the same time, you when he started moving his fingers and him when you bit down on his neck a bit rougher than you intended.

You let your head fall down onto his shoulder when one of his fingers entered you, letting out a moan a bit weaker, even if your volume only went up when he pushed in a second one and his thumb pressed on your clit. When Ivar curled his fingers and breathed into your ear, your walls clenched around his fingers. You were going to cum embarrassingly soon.

“Are you going to cum for me?” he whispered, and the sound of his voice so close was what you needed to start trembling and nodding desperately “Yes?”

“Yeah” you moaned “Ivar don’t stop… Fuck” you gasped when you finally felt it travelling down your lower belly. His mouth found your soft spot under your ear, and the force of your orgasm was enough to make you see stars behind your closed eyes, not even aware of the sounds you were making anymore.

When Ivar retrieved his fingers, he made you look at him as he licked them, into his now darkened eyes before pulling you in to kiss you again, biting your lips forcefully and making you moan again when you tasted yourself on his tongue. He didn’t even let you breathe before he whispered again against your ear.

“Good girl”

You let out a strange sound, and as he crawled back to lean his head onto the pillows of his bed, still looking at you with a smirk of satisfaction on his face, you were more than sure that you’d do anything for him. As long as he looked and talked to you like that.

You didn’t even realise when you started crawling over him and straddled his lap again. With him laying down underneath you it was easier to unbuckle his pants, finally freeing his cock. Ivar let out a relieved sigh, but looked down to grab your wrist as soon as his pants were at the middle of his thighs.

“That’s enough” he muttered, and for a moment he looked shy. You stopped then, looking at him carefully.

“Do you want me to stop?” you asked softly, suddenly remembering his legs and the pain he could have been feeling with you writhing on his lap.

“No” he shook his head and grabbed your neck to bring you down and kiss you again “Just leave my pants on”

You nodded quickly, even if you felt a sting of sadness knowing he didn’t trust you enough to show you his legs. But the thought quickly left your mind when he caressed your body again, grabbing your ass and touching your waist and your thighs, making you let out needy moans again. It was like you couldn’t get enough.

You reached down to grab his member, and he took a sharp breath as his muscles tensed under your body. With a small smile on your lips as he lost control for a moment, you started moving your hand up and down. His eyes fluttered shut and his grip on your waist tightened. Ivar let himself enjoy your touch for a minute, letting out hisses and breathy moans before grabbing your wrist to make you stop. You licked your lips as he reached to open one of the drawers on the small table he had next to his bed, and you trembled in anticipation when he took a condom out. Immediately his eyes were back on yours, and you felt hypnotised again.

“Open it” he ordered, with the same, firm voice from earlier. You had to suppress a moan as you obeyed, ripping the package carefully “Put it on” your hands were almost shaking as you did it, finally realising the size and the thickness of his member, which made you gulp “Come here”.

Back on your original position, you straddled his lap carefully as he laid down on his back. His hands grabbed your hips and his eyes wandered down your body slowly. You felt a bit self-conscious again but he didn’t let you cover yourself. Instead Ivar lined his member with your entrance, teasing you with the tip until you whined in protest and made him smirk.

“Sit down” he said, and you obeyed again. His hand guided your hips as he filled you for the first time. It was overwhelming, slow and a bit painful, but even if you didn’t make the effort to hide your moans, you forced yourself to keep your eyes open, enjoying the way his face contorted in pleasure and he had to fight the need of thrusting up into you while his eyes narrowed. He didn’t stop until he was fully inside you, and he let out a groan as he waited a few seconds to let you adjust. Then he opened his eyes again and licked his lips before saying “Now ride me”.

You didn’t need to be told twice. You started moving your hips slowly, and immediately the pleasure filled every single corner of your body. His breathy moans only encouraged you to move faster, even if the tight grip of his hand on your hip still guided you, setting up the pace. His other hand caressed your waist, your belly, your chest, grabbed your neck and even touched your lips when he pulled you down to kiss you again. Your legs were already shaking around him, you felt light-headed and you nearly begged against his lips.

Ivar stopped then, guiding your hips to move in circles and then back and forth, which made you yelp when his member started pressing on a very specific spot inside you.

You didn’t even realise you had started to beg until Ivar let out a breath against your ear.

“Please what?” he muttered “Do you want to come?”

You only had enough strength to nod, sitting back down to make it go deeper. His hand left your body to touch your clit again, and you gasped when he made you move faster.

“You look so beautiful like this” he said, his voice breathy and deeper than ever “And you feel so good, Y/N…”

You whispered his name, as a warning. It was too much and the intensity of the pressure building in your lower belly told you it was going to be strong. Painful even.

Ivar gritted his teeth together. If your walls were clenching so hard around him then, he couldn’t even imagine how it would feel when you…

“Cum then” he whispered again as he started thrusting again “Cum for me”

You closed your eyes and let out a moan so loud he would’ve thought it was a scream. Your entire body clenched and trembled, you felt like passing away when a giant wave of pleasure washed over you, almost making you drown. Your nails dig into his shoulders and chest, and Ivar let out a hiss in between moans. He had planned to hold on a bit longer, but the feeling of your walls clenching so tightly around him was too much.

The both of you ended up panting and shaking, and you had to move away from him as soon as your orgasm ended, too sensitive to tolerate any kind of contact. Ivar sat down as you licked your lips and laid on the bed next to him, feeling dizzy and almost like you were going to pass out. Your limbs felt heavy and you weren’t sure whether you could walk at that moment. Ivar took the condom off, leaving it on the floor carefully before laying back down to catch his breath. You smiled then, for some reason you felt the need of smiling and giggling like an idiot. God, if that wasn’t the best experience of your entire life…

“Are you okay?” Ivar turned his head to look at you “Sorry if I was too rough…”

“I’m fine” you smiled at him “I just need a moment” you closed your eyes again, taking a deep breath. Ivar chuckled and rubbed his face. It felt good to have a distraction, to finally feel like he had taken Freydis out of his system. And you were so sweet and good to him…

After a few minutes, and completely against your will, you left the bed. You wanted nothing more than to crawl back in and cuddle him. Inhale his scent while leaning onto his chest and kiss him again, this time slowly, caress his hair and fall asleep with his heart beating under your ear. But he hadn’t made a move towards you, and you were already embarrassed remembering the sounds you had made just a few minutes before. Your legs still felt shaky as you grabbed the towel and covered yourself, even though it was maybe a bit too late for that, before going back to the bathroom.

After peeing and cleaning yourself as fast as you could, you stepped out again. This time Ivar was standing, and looked at you with a small smile.

“I’m going to have the shower now” he said, and you nodded, biting your lip “If you’re thirsty you can go to the kitchen and grab some water”

You nodded before the door closed again behind him, and finally got dressed.

A few minutes later, when you reached the kitchen with the intention of drinking at least two litres of ice-cold water, you found Ubbe and Hvitserk sitting next to the kitchen island, both talking quietly and eating something. Hvitserk was the first one that saw you, smirking widely and winking at you.

“Hello” he looked very amused as you stood there, dressed in his little brother’s clothes and wishing the Earth would explode at that moment.

“Hi Y/N” Ubbe smiled politely at you “It’s nice to see you again”

“Hi” you mumbled, knowing you couldn’t turn around and go back to Ivar’s bedroom without losing all of the dignity you had left “I… Can I have some water?”

“Of course” Ubbe stood up before you could add anything else and opened a cabinet to grab a glass.

“Yeah, I think you need it” Hvitserk chuckled “How was your day? Interesting?”

You nearly choked with the water, and Ubbe hit his brother’s head softly, rolling his eyes with an amused smile.

“Ignore him, Y/N” he winked at you “Want to eat something?”

_______________________________________________________

The small tattoo studio to which Ivar took you was located on a busy street, but somehow you had never noticed it before. The owner was a giant man with long, grey hair and a beard, and his serious expression changed completely when Ivar entered the local. They exchanged a big smile and a handshake while you stood next to the door shyly, looking around. You had insisted on getting a tattoo the modern way, and Ivar had laughed at that, reassuring you that Haakon -the giant man you supposed- could do that too.

“Today it’s not for me” Ivar shook his head when Haakon asked him which design he had in mind. Then he turned to look at you, and you smiled “She’s Y/N, she would like to get a tattoo and I told her you’re the best artist in all Scandinavia”

The man shot you a gentle smile and nodded, motioning for you to approach the counter so he could show you some designs. After a while discussing different ones and the changes he could do so it would look better on you and also be unique, you finally laid on the chair as Haakon printed the design and prepared his tools. Ivar sat on a chair next to you, a small smile on his lips. You got to hold his hand during the whole process, and the sting of the tattoo was somewhat forgotten when you realised it was the first time you held his hand and prayed so it wouldn’t be the last.

_______________________________________________________

When you got the idea of that improvised trip to Lapland, you didn’t expect for it to actually happen. But that day when the sun went up you were sitting on a train with Ivar next to you, and you looked out of the window feeling the luckiest person in the entire world, hoping that warmth would last forever. His leg was touching yours, and your hand twitched with the need of grabbing his.

A week ago, during a night in which the rain and thunder didn’t let you sleep, you opened your laptop and organised a trip out of boredom. Lapland was always a good idea, and even better when after Lapland you got to travel around Finland by train and fly back home from Helsinki. Trains were a cheaper option and way more comfortable for Ivar, who had now way more space to stretch his legs and a comfortable seat. You had messaged him at dawn that same night, thinking he’d say no. He took a few minutes but he said yes. And you had squealed like a teenager at the thought of a trip with him. Ubbe had given you a few tips to help with his legs, and Ivar was surprisingly very calm and even looking forward to the trip.

“Feels good to be out of that city for a while” he muttered, his eyes narrowed as he just woke up and the sunlight hit them directly “I needed a distraction”

You turned your head to smile at him. Ivar’s expression relaxed. He liked you, and found it very cute that you always had a smile for him.

“Yeah, I guess” you shrugged “It’s a good way to end the summer too”

Ivar nodded absentmindedly. His phone inside his pocket burned then, and he remembered the text he received a few days ago. A part of him needed that trip to get it out of his mind, to avoid overthinking. But her words were embedded in his head.

I’ll be back on September 1st. Then we can talk. I miss you♡

Ivar wondered how she could miss him when it was her who left him. For someone else. Ivar had had his heart broken for the entire summer, but August had been a bit more tolerable thanks to you. So when you proposed that trip he said yes. He hoped he could get her out of his mind but it seemed impossible. Not even with you next to him to distract him.

“I hope we can see the Northern Lights?” you said looking at the sky with a hopeful sigh “It’s romantic”

“I’m afraid it’s a bit early for the Northern Lights” Ivar chuckled “But who knows… I’m not a very romantic person, though”

You looked at him with an eyebrow raised. You had seen him looking at Freydis, you had heard what he had done for her.

“I don’t believe that” you shrugged “I think everyone is romantic in their own way… Being romantic is not necessarily sending big bouquets of flowers every Friday, or organising a dinner with candles and rose petals on a Saturday, sometimes it’s just a simple gesture, or words”

“But sometimes a simple gesture or words are more difficult than a bouquet” he replied “Especially when you feel like you’re never good enough”

Your smile faded and you pouted, feeling your heart break for him.

“Who made you feel like you’re not good enough, Ivar?” you asked quietly, reaching to caress his hair softly. He didn’t move.

“Many people” he said with a sigh “When they leave me for someone better, or when no matter what I do that is never enough, when they couldn’t care less about me”

You frowned and stayed silent for a couple of minutes.

“I care about you” you said quietly “I wouldn’t leave if you don’t want me to, and no matter what you do it’s always enough” you smiled up at him, who looked taken aback “Don’t waste your time on people that don’t appreciate you”

Ivar gulped. He felt his eyes burning with tears but he refused to cry. He wished it was that easy.

“Don’t be sad” you pouted again “I want you to enjoy the rest of the summer”

Why do you care so much?, he wanted to ask. But then you stood up and closed the door to the compartment, locking it before drawing the curtains. And he knew exactly what you had in mind when you turned around with a shy smile. He thought it would be much easier if he could fall in love with you.

______________________________________________

August felt too short. Soon the days started to get shorter, and it rained more often. Suddenly you stopped going to the beach, and the university emails about the starting of the classes filled your inbox.

And Ivar stopped texting.

Finland had been a dream. It made you believe it could last, because for a few days it felt real. You didn’t hide on a harbour, or waited until everyone left the beach to sit on the sand. He kissed you, laughed with you, his fingers traced the lines of your new tattoo during the night, under the bedsheets of the cheap hotels you had booked. Those days were like a dream.

But dreams end too.

And suddenly you went from chasing Northern Lights to stare at your phone in silence, in the middle of the night waiting for a text, a call, anything that would calm your fears. He didn’t reply, didn’t call back. You saw Ubbe and Hvitserk on the bar a couple of times, but didn’t dare to ask them. You even went to the harbour a few times, waiting in case he’d appear from nowhere with a rational explanation. But he never did.

Sometimes you’d be angry, wanting nothing else than to send him a voice note or a huge text, but you always ended up deleting the whole thing before pressing send with the tears running down your face. Because at the end of the day, you could not lose someone who was never yours. And Ivar had never been yours, there was always something between the two of you that was impossible to ignore.

That first day of university you understood why.

Your friends were all back from their holidays, all tanned and with longer hair, new dresses and collars they had bought on those souvenir shops that are usually in front of the beaches. Maybe you should have been a bit jealous of them and their holidays around the world, but you wouldn’t change that summer with Ivar for anything else. In fact, you dreamed of leaving for a proper holiday with him one day. Maybe Italy, Greece or Spain…

They giggled around you, telling you stories about cute lifeguards, southern boys (and girls) with an accent and the best mojitos they had ever tried. You smiled with them, having missed them way more than you thought, until you spotted them in the parking lot.

Freydis was the first one. She jumped out of Hvitserk’s car laughing, and Ivar came out after her. He also had a big smile on his face, and said something before she giggled again, leaning in to kiss him.

Something inside you broke, and you couldn’t stop looking as they walked towards the main building. Hvitserk walked behind them, not looking very enthusiastic about Freydis’ return. But your eyes were glued to Ivar. Wishing he’d turn his head and look at you, acknowledge you at least, something that reassured you that what you lived that summer was real, even if it ended as quickly as it started.

He did look at you, his smile faded slowly when he finally spotted you, and you held back your breath until he looked away again.

“I heard she came back from Sweden not so long ago” your best friend spoke next to you, and you knew who she was talking about “She’s so pretty, it’s unfair”

“Yeah” you said softly. For some reason you didn’t feel the sadness you had been feeling since Ivar stopped talking to you. Instead you felt your eyes fill with tears of disappointment, which hurt even more.

“They do look cute together, Ivar is hot” she giggled “Maybe we’ll find something like that too, someday”

“I doubt that” you replied, thinking with your young innocence that you would never be able to love someone as much as you loved him. They entered the building then, and it was like seeing a door closing on your face, knowing it would probably never open again.

“Shall we get to class?” your friend, oblivious to your heartbreak, pointed at the hallway full of students.

“Yeah, I… I need to go to the toilet, save me a seat?” you replied, clearing your throat before taking a couple of steps towards the toilets.

“Sure, but don’t be late! It’s the first day” she winked at you and turned around, walking towards the classroom. You quickly entered the toilets, locking yourself in one of the stalls as the first tears started rolling down your cheeks, knowing you didn’t have much time because the classes were about to start, but relieved because at least you’d have a distraction.

The tears felt like fire on your skin, they burned and ruined the makeup you had put on that morning, hoping you’d see him and he’d give you one of his smiles, maybe cross that door with your hand on his. People would start talking but he couldn’t care less. It was the hope for that moment that kept you going for the entire summer. And you would have waited forever.

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