We made it through the first day. This is gonna be hard and long.

Shoutout to those of you who:

- Don’t celebrate Christmas

- have trauma connected to the holidays

- feel disconnected from family, blood or found

- missing those who have passed

- can’t afford to buy gifts

- hate receiving gifts

- feel guilty for not being more happy or joyful because it’s expected, but you just can’t do it

- those who have to work during Christmas time

Know you are loved and valued where you are, even if you don’t feel it or others don’t show it to you. It is completely valid to feel a little off, or a lot off, this holiday season, and we’re right there with you 💜

:)

I think holidays are hard. They are "supposed" to be these happy times, but they are riddled with complications: memories of happy times that are no more, of *people* we no longer have around, of pains that are past or, too often, present. Holidays are hard because life is hard, and everything gets magnified when there is the added pressure to be "special." Even so, there are moments of tenderness. There is always the hope of pushing forward, of finding new things to believe in after overwhelming loss, of finding new people to build a sense of found family with. Life is temporary. But I am thankful. I have my art. And I have you. So let's sit in this little corner together and be thankful we found each other. We are lucky enough to keep putting ourselves out into this wild and treacherous world. I hope you are able to experience some kindness on this day. Sending you all little slivers of my love.

3m

Tomorrow marks a year since my mom died. Today it is my daughter's first Easter. Life has that funny way of continually being sorrow and joy in all things.

I am disabled. My children are healthy and happy.

I miss my mom. I am here with my own children. They smile when they see my face. They call me mama with their sweet little voices and pet my cheek with their tiny fingers as I press kisses into their skin.

I'm constantly a mix of grief and gratitude. Grief for my parents. Gratitude for the people I still have. Grief for the breakdown of my body. Gratitude that I am alive. I hurt in many ways, but I will power through today for my babies. I'll hold the baby up by her hands to take supported steps and help my son comb the underbrush in search of Easter eggs, though it will physically hurt me to do so. The world keeps going with or without me, so I'll do my best to keep up.

Made this to (hopefully) make tomorrow (Christmas) more bearable. 

Blocked out are names.

All of these will/do come from full grown adults. From their late 40s-80s. Same stuff happens every party so I’m prepared.

Also I have nothing against religion it’s not for me and that’s okay. The 2 on there about prayers is because if I breathe or blink or anything during them I get yelled at. Even if I don’t “try” to do anything disrespectful I still get called disrespectful. /nav

Hope this makes the day more fun.

If the holidays are a difficult time for you, you’re valid. If being around family is hard, you’re valid. If you have trauma that makes it impossible to enjoy this time of year, you’re valid. If you have no family, you’re valid.

You’re seen. You’re heard. And I’m so, so sorry.

I understand, and I’m right there with you. ❤️

Trying to remember to be kind to myself this holiday.

the horrors (ate food that upset my tumby)

Holidays are triggering for many. Myself included. If you're feeling emotionally heavy today, I hope you know you're not alone. If you don't celebrate, try to do one kindness for yourself. Easier said than done for most, but it's helped me out a lot today. I'd like to think it will do someone else some good.

You aren't your trauma. It's a part of you but it doesn't define you. Family isn't always blood and sometimes family can just be you. There's no shame in it. And there's nothing shameful about you 💙

sending love to those suffering through the holidays 🕯️🖤

Tbh I think the grinch had a pretty good thing going on at the beginning of the movie

I’d love to live by myself at the top of a mountain, avoiding all the music and decorations and just chillin with my dog

Reach out if you need help. There are resources available to you. You are not alone. You are not a burden. It is not all in your head. You are loved. You are cared for. Do not let others demean you into darkness.

If you are in the US, CANADA, UK, or IRELAND you can text HOME to the below #'s 24/7 and talk free to a trained crisis counselor. There is hope!

US: Text 741741

CA: Text 741741

UK: Text 85258

Ireland: 50808

My wee little Christmas decorations display. It's been so difficult since my mom passed in August; I miss her madly. BUT I'm trying to not just call in sick daily and stay in my pajamas; it's not easy but I refuse to wallow.

It’s 2:50 in the morning, and on top of everything else going on in my personal life, my immune system decided now was an opportune time to ✨fail ✨ me.

But this cough drop wrapper may or may not have made me sob all over again, and I thought others could stand to read these words, too.

This week doesn’t feel like it’ll be Christmas. It doesn’t feel real in any singular way. If you’re struggling too, if you’re grieving, if you’re mourning what you never had or won’t ever have, I’m so sorry and you’re not alone. ❤️

listened to never grow up and sad beautiful tragic and cried and it dislodged some of the bad feelings a bit

Dear Suz,

It feels like Christmas a little bit more this year. Not much, perhaps enough.

I made ornaments for friends I haven't met. I can almost see your eye roll. But in a very small way, it's like you were here again. Making ornaments at a dinning room table. You arguing over my artistic style. I can almost hear mom telling us its time to clear the table for dinner for the umpteenth time.

You live, in my memories now. I'm doing my best to hold onto that. Christmas isn't Christmas without you. It actually can be quite lonely.

Small pieces of myself live now, in the great outside....and since you are a part of me I guess pieces of you do too? I don't know how it works.

I love you,

your Chelle.