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99liners · 3 years

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adronitis — knj;

adronitis; frustration with how long it takes to get to know someone.

pairings: professor!kim namjoon x trophy wife!reader

extra characters: dr kim taehyung and tanaz (enouement), park jimin and rei (nodus tollens)

special mention: kim seokjin and inaya (aphotic)

genre: bitter fluff, angst, smut, marriage!au, age-gap!au (8 years)

words: 19.434

warnings: toxic relationship, professor / student relationship, dirty talk, brat-taming, thigh riding, daddy kink (joon has a daddy kink, what about it?), heavy dom/sub themes, orgasms (m / f), sensual love making, consented unprotected sex (bls say no to unsafe sexual practices bbs), creampie, mentions of cockwarming, unwanted pregnancy, morning sickness, talks about abortion, deception and lies, emotional manipulation, reader gets slapped ONCE (don’t come at my neck, i need to make things believable), depressive periods of time, violent (slightly graphic) nightmares, painful pregnancy, emotional blackmail, panic attack, exhibitionism, chair sex? sex in a classroom, cowgirl position.

a/n: namjoon’s professional character is loosely based on — the big bang theory’s dr leonard hofstadter.

part of: tatemae; 建前 — a bts series.

September, 2021:

“mrs kim, the choreographer will be with you in a minute, you can go ahead and wait in the studio and he will join you shortly!” the receptionist chimed as he flashed you a smile.

you looked up from the dance academy pamphlet in your hand that you were reading ever so diligently. you flashed him an unsure smile because why exactly would a choreographer want to meet you, it was not like you were here for any kind of dance lessons.

you kept the pamphlet in your handbag and walked towards the stairs where the receptionist pointed at, when another person crashed against you.

“i am so sorry!” the person said at once, looking at the toddler by your side. your two year old daughter; moon.

now, usually, you would be a bit annoyed because no one hurts your baby but when you took a good notice of her dishevelled self, you felt more worried about that person than moon, who smiled at the aforementioned person when she crouched down in front of your daughter.

“darling, i hope i did not hurt you,” the person mumbled, the movements of her hands retracted as if she was scared of touching moon.

“issokay auntie!” moon smiled.

“baby, that is a miss, not an auntie.”

“oh?” moon turned to you for a second before turning back again, “sorry miss!” she corrected herself, the smile still adorning her sweet features. she was the spitting image of her father, the same eyes, the same dimples, the same smile and you are not so sure if you hate it but your love for your daughter is deeper than the water in all the oceans combined.

“aren’t you a cute little thing,” the girl extended her hand finally, softly patting moon’s cheek.

although she was smiling too now but you could clearly see that she must have been crying earlier.

“are you okay?” you did not mean to meddle in anyone’s life but you just had to be sure. maternity awakens the advanced level of intuition.

the girl looked up to you and went to reply when another figure interjected and pulled her up, from where she was crouching down, by getting a hold of her elbow.

“do you need me to drive you?” the male asked her.

she shook her head, “i can go.”

“good, i will see you later then,” he placed a chaste kiss on her forehead before turning to you, “you must be mrs. kim.”

“ah, yes,” you offered him a smile. not sure if you must be mrs kim, but you are one, as a result of a series of unfortunate events.

“yes, i was contacted by your husband’s secretary that you would be dropping by today.”

“my husband’s secretary?” you gave him a puzzled look. since when does namjoon have a secretary?

“i am park jimin and i will be your choreographer,” the male spoke, his eyes fixated on the retreating figure of the girl from the previous encounter.

“i am sorry, is everything alright?” you looked between him and the girl.

“oh no. that is just my wife,” after he made sure that the girl, his wife, had left, he turned to you and smiled again, “as i was saying, mr kim soohyun will be our biggest client till date.”

you shot him a puzzled look, “no no, i think you have it jumbled up. i am kim namjoon’s wife and i am here for my daughter’s ballet lessons. i called and booked an appointment yesterday?”

the male, jimin’s, eyebrows scrunched up together before relaxing a few moments later, “ah. they must have mixed it up owing to the same last name. nonetheless, i will be more than happy to introduce you to our ballet teacher.”

you nodded and turned to your toddler who kept staring at jimin with enamoured eyes, “baby, you ready?”

moon broke out of her trance and grabbed the fabric of your jeans, her small fingers clutching the material as she tried to hide behind your legs, the smile never leaving her face.

you let a chuckle on understanding what was happening, “i think she likes you mr. park.”

“call me jimin,” jimin peeked behind you at your daughter, smiling at her, causing the toddler to gush out before showing you both to the ballet room.

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

after the admission process at the academy was over, you sat on one of the benches near the mirror in the huge studio where the ballet teacher was prepping up moon for her first lesson.

your daughter has always liked to dance, even when she was barely six months old and trying to stand straight, one thing was constant — her hips jerking to the tune of any song which was playing through the speakers or the television.

a few months ago, you were watching the french animated movie ‘ballerina’ with her when she became obsessed with the ballet moves. the spins and the grande jeté really fascinated her two year old mind to the point where you would find her standing in front of the mirror with her legs close together, trying to remember the poses of the ballerina from the movie and imitate it.

of course you found it extremely endearing and hence the dozen videos on your phone. later that night, you discussed your daughter’s recent obsession with your husband when he came back from the university. he has been busy lately with the x-ray diffraction experiment and he only gets hours at the helium-neon laser at night.

“i think i have got the perfect idea for moon’s birthday present,” you started when namjoon stepped out of the washroom after freshening up for bed. although it already had been a while since moon’s birthday but you both had yet to decide what to give her other than toys.

“yeah?” he smiled, his dimples deepening on the mere mention of his daughter. he finished drying his hands on the towel he was holding as he kept it away, approaching your figure sitting on the bed.

“yeah, she is not really that interested in sports.”

“well, maybe it is because she has no one to play with,” namjoon suggested, accompanied with a sly wink.

you rolled your eyes, “oh, please.”

“what? you don’t know! well we can give her a sibling to play with.”

“no and no. i do know what she wants.”

“what is it?” he said, sitting down beside you, letting his tired muscles relax.

“she likes ballet, i mean at least she finds it fascinating so i guess it would not hurt to give it a try once.”

“oh? ballet? my child?” namjoon quirked up his eyebrow, “are you sure?”

you hummed in response, feeling his lips on your neck, leaving soft kisses behind.

“are you really sure though? i cannot dance for the life in me and i cannot imagine my kid enjoying dance of all the things in this world.”

“do you not like it?” you turned to him, abrupting his actions.

taking the opportunity, namjoon connected his lips with yours, “i will never inhibit that kid’s senses, she is too smart already for her own good.”

you kissed back, your hand coming in contact with his chest as you pulled back, “so we can get her into ballet classes?” you asked once more to be sure.

namjoon growled out a hum in reply before reclaiming your lips in a passionate kiss when a knock at the door brought the both of you out of the flow of the movements, and the voice which accompanied the knock, set the two of you on your feet.

namjoon opened the door to see moon standing under his silhouette, her ryan plush clutched close to her chest, “dadda? can i sleep here, please?”

“of course, my love,” namjoon spoke out, leaning down to swoop up the child in his arms.

moon always feels safe in her father's arms as she rests her head in the crook of his neck, snuggling in comfortably.

“another nightmare, baby?” you asked after you put on your nightgown.

moon let out a soft nod, her eyes already closing up. she was tired from trying to learn the ballet moves while repeating the animated movie on the big screen in the living room all day and had fallen asleep soon after dinner.

namjoon walked around the room for a while, holding the toddler securely in his arms before he came over to the bed. you lied down from your sitting position and let space for moon under the blanket as namjoon laid her down beside your figure gently. moon stirred for a few seconds before turning to face you and went back to her slumber. you pulled the blanket over her, your hand finding its way on her soft tummy as you left small pats on it, humming a tune.

namjoon joined soon after, his hand which can easily cover moon’s entire head, played with her soft curls for a while before he kissed her head and went to sleep as well. his cute little family, it is everything he has ever wanted.

but it is not exactly what you wanted, well not at first but it is just something that you have come to terms with the passage of time.

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

November, 2017:

the material of the beige shrug hung loosely on your body as you balanced your practical sheets on one hand while the other connected with the door to push it open to let your body in. once inside, you briskly walked over to your desk, placing all the items on it before taking off your backpack and keeping it down on the floor after retrieving your stationery from it.

you looked up to notice a stranger, his presence was not heavy and yet there was something electric about it. you did not really notice him while walking in but now that you have, you cannot take your eyes off him. clad in a black turtleneck that bulged out conveniently at his biceps and then the arch of his chest, enhancing his perfectly proportioned body. the turtleneck was tucked inside a pair of black trousers which hugged his curves while it was loose near the hem. the sleeves were pulled upwards, gathering in small crests near his elbows. the pair of spectacles perched up on the bridge of his nose completed his look.

he was leaning back on the low podium, his ass resting against the piece of furniture, his arms crossed over his chest as he checked the time on his wrist watch and all that ran through your mind was ‘is the seat taken?’ as your eyes trained themselves at his unguarded lap. hell you do not even know if he is another student or a professor.

well for starters, he could not be a student because you are right in the middle of your third semester and he looked too young to be a professor. perhaps, a teacher’s assistant? but something in his whole posture told you he held a far bigger authoritative position than that.

“i think all the students have gathered,” the unknown male stood up from his position, picking up the whiteboard marker from the desk in front of him as he uncapped the stick, “good morning. i am dr. kim namjoon and i am going to be your guest lecturer throughout the rest of the course. i am, by profession, an experimental physicist. i will mostly be showing you how to conduct various experiments rather than teaching the theory part. any questions?” he finished after scribbling his name on the whiteboard behind him.

one of the students raised their hands.

“yes?” namjoon turned to the student.

“what are you currently working on?”

“my current research is based on trying to find the first conclusive evidence for the existence of galactic dark matter. my most recent experiments have been on the radiation levels of photo-multiplier tubes for a new dark matter detector.”

you are not sure why fuckboys even bother to exist with their stupid and lame pickup lines when a whole kim namjoon exists with his high intellect talks that already had your panties damp from the way he effortlessly discussed his findings. wait, that is just a figure of speech. you shook your head and rubbed your legs together once to feel the material of your underwear, are you seriously wet from just this?

“since the first unit of this semester is based on quantum optics, i will start with some basic research methodologies. miss, can you tell me the aim of quantum optics experiments with single photons?” he looked at the girl on the adjacent desk to yours.

she shifted her weight from one leg to the other, “sir, um, the aim is to gain interference results that underscore the quantum nature of light.”

“that was pretty derivative from the title of the experiment itself. i asked you the aim of the experiment not the foreword,” namjoon sighed and turned to another guy who only repeated what the girl said but in other, eloquent words.

namjoon let another sigh, “this is very basic, guys. it must have been taught in your undergrad. anyone else? how about you?” he turned his gaze at you.

you were watching the guy from the previous incident when namjoon’s eyes on your figure made you hyper aware of the fact that he was looking at you. YOU!

“sir, the experiments use parametric down-conversion to generate pairs of correlated photons. they mostly involve one- and two-photon interference schemes that rely on first and second-order coherence effects and they can be used as a complement to teaching quantum mechanics or quantum optics.”

“finally. thank you, darling! was that so hard?” he let out a sigh again but this time it was of relief.

you shook your head as a reply to his rhetorical question, your eyes gleaming at the praise and your heart doing little somersaults at the term of endearment.

namjoon walked back to the board, scribbling down the various research methodologies he would be teaching, “from next day, if someone cannot answer simple questions like that can leave the classroom. the door is to your left,” he announced before explaining the methodologies in detail for the rest of the class.

you opened your notebook and started taking down notes from the lecture when you felt like someone was staring at you. you looked up but found that everyone was doing their own thing till you turned to your professor who looked like he just turned his head back towards the whiteboard. was he watching you or were you just making up stories in your mind now. a lot of theoretical physicists turn delusional but you have not even finished your masters yet. no, you cannot turn insane or delusional as of yet.

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

over the next few weeks, in every class of namjoon, you constantly felt like someone was watching you.

in reality, you had left a mark on namjoon. every time he would ask a question, or just discuss some theory, he would always notice that you are one of the many who would answer correctly and the heavens know just how attractive he finds it. he has dated a bit here and there during his fairly busy life but no one has ever been able to leave a mark on him. he is, what you would call, a natural sapiosexual. intellect attracts him more than anything and when someone as beautiful and graceful as you is dishing it out, how can he ever say no to that.

however, it is not only against the university policies to be involved with your pupil, but also morally wrong so he keeps himself entertained by watching you from afar when you are working on one of the difficult sums he asks everyone to solve. the slight quirk in your eyebrows when you stumble on the solution after going through two-three unsuccessful attempts, followed closely by the utter excitement in your eyes when you manage to solve it and the next thing he knows, you are standing in front of him; a piece of paper extended towards himself in which, he presumes, is the solution that you came upon. every time you do it, your docile little movements make him want to sit you on his thigh and give you a gentle pat on your head and praise you for being such a smart kid. if only he could do that.

you looked up one day and caught namjoon in the act. he was staring directly at your face when you caught him but instead of moving his gaze away, he maintained eye contact. you gulped slowly, unsure what to do now. you were always left wondering who was watching you but now, in your current predicament you do not know what to do about it. dr. namjoon was watching you, and has been watching you since the last few weeks. so what about it?

one would think that namjoon would be embarrassed to be caught onto like this, they would be right but for someone with as high an IQ of 173 like namjoon, he knows how to dissipate situations faster than anything.

“y/n, yes,” namjoon spoke up as if he was anticipating that you would catch him staring at you, “can you come on the board and finish this?” he pointed at the half done equation he was working on.

you nodded, still a bit confused. was he watching you or not? have you turned delusional already?

“yes, sir,” you replied and got up from your chair before walking up the short dais. you took the marker from namjoon’s hand as he walked to the other end. he pulled out his chair and sat down, crossing his legs; his back straightening against the hard surface.

you looked at him as if asking for approval to start and when he nodded at you, you turned back to the whiteboard again and started scribbling. first you finished the half way done equation and continued with the solution. your movements were very restricted because you were all too aware that namjoon was staring at you. and you were not wrong.

his gaze was heavily focused on your figure rather than what you were writing on the board. he sensed the tension in your muscles as you dare not move one more muscle than is absolutely required for you to write.

midway through, you stopped and turned to him because you could not remember the tensor of polarization. namjoon was quick to catch on and instead of embarrassing you for forgetting an easy equation as he does with others, he turned towards the rest of the class and started, “partially polarized light is characterized with the tensor of polarization Jₘₙ = E₀ₘ * E₀ₙ”

you listened intently and wrote down the equation as he dictated. you were surprised that instead of throwing you out of his classroom, he helped you and did not even call you out in front of the class.

you continued writing, ‘where m and n corresponds to two possible directions of polarization and quick oscillations of the field are neglected.’ you enclosed it in a pair of parenthesis.

namjoon who was fairly busy admiring the unfiltered view of your ass when you stood on your tippy toes to write something on the upper clear end of the board, noticed what you were writing and immediately let out a proud smile, “good girl.”

although it was a soft mumble but you heard it loud and clear, owing to the close proximity.

your hand clutched on the material of your top where your heart resided as you tried to calm it down while your dominant hand kept on with the writing. after you were done, you capped the marker and placed it softly on his desk, “sorry sir.”

“hm?” namjoon got up, his fingers flipping through the pages of the coursework booklet.

“i forgot the equation back then.”

“oh that is fine. you are not supposed to remember everything.”

you let out a breath, you did not know you were holding in, “thank you.”

“don’t worry. you are smarter than these kids. you will do just fine in my class, darling,” he remarked before turning to the whiteboard to move on to the next topic.

you almost tripped owing to how giddy you were feeling from the praises he kept directing towards you as you made your way back to your desk.

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

this continued on for the rest of the semester: namjoon would keep calling you to the whiteboard to write equations while he watched your ass, to the point where you were basically noting down everything on the whiteboard for the entirety of the class time while namjoon kept sitting on his chair, dictating equations or theories every now and then.

you loved it, you really did because you knew he was watching you the whole time. every time he would call you to the board, he would give you some small compliments to praise your work, he would even praise your handwriting and cite that as the reason why he makes you do all the work because his handwriting is, allegedly, illegible.

no matter how much you did love the whole arrangement that you two had grown accustomed to, but it adversely doubled your work. since you were writing on the board in every class, so you had to rely on your classmates to get the notes for yourself later on and it was not helping how they would sometimes leave out the important parts.

come the end semester exams, it really gave you bad anxiety because you constantly felt like you were going to flunk his class which led you to look up the university website in hopes that you might stumble upon his notes. under the faculty listing, you did find his profile but there were not any kind of notes provided, instead you became familiar with his background through his resume.

(un)surprisingly, he was part of south korea’s gifted program and after finishing high school, namjoon attended seoul national university and got his doctorate at the young age of twenty-four (24) with a dissertation of the year award for experimental particle physics. currently he is a senior experimental physicist at the university and has been published in several peer-reviewed journals. all of those accolades and all you did was calculate his age, which would be thirty currently. you exclaimed a sigh, morally it was not wrong because he was only eight years older to you but still it was against professional ethics. shaking your head, you went back to your notes and tried to finish them from memory to revise for the test in two days which, fortunately, you managed to pass (you received the second highest marks which baffled you, too).

January, 2018:

when the fourth and the last semester started, you went to namjoon one day to meet him in his cabin.

“sir?” you knocked on his door before cracking it open slightly.

“yes. come in,” namjoon replied, his eyes stuck at the pieces of paper splayed on his desk.

“sir, i do not think i will be able to note down your lectures on the board this semester.”

“and why is that?” he did not bother looking up, the pencil in his hand marked along as he read the paper with due scrutiny.

“i almost flunked last semester because i had no notes of my own.”

“is that so?”

“yes, sir.”

“and yet you scored the second highest. upset for not bagging the first place, now are we? that is mighty greedy, y/n.”

you bit your lip, “honestly, dr. kim, even i do not know how that came about.”

namjoon’s gaze snapped up to you, “that is sir or professor to you and as you can see darling, i am fairly busy. so, let us put this bratty behaviour behind and leave things as they are.”

you opened your mouth to reply, but he beat you to it.

“dismissed,” he nodded at the door.

oh, the sheer audacity of the man. he had no care for your complaints and he outright dismissed you while you still had things to say. you swallowed your words, your jaw clenched from being treated like a little child but feeling defeated on watching him getting back to what he was doing, you took your leave.

two hours later, you saw him again as he entered the classroom. namjoon was trying to balance a bunch of papers in his hands as he walked in and dumped his stuff on the desk.

“y/n, do you know what is the dicke model?” he turned his attention to you at once, like the rest of the students were not even there or were somehow invisible to his eyes.

“the dicke model of a system of great quantity of two-level emitters interacting via an electromagnetic field is a noticeable case of synergetics in statistical system behaviour during the relaxation processes,” you replied casually.

“good. can you get started with superfluorescence in dicke model as an important example of collective quantum phenomena? thanks,” he did not wait for your acceptance before pulling out his chair and sitting down on it.

you let out an exasperated sigh, closing your notebook with a back flick of your hand as your feet set in motion. the audacious man really had no regard for your grades.

you snatched the marker from his desk in a hasty motion before scribbling the title of the topic on top of the whiteboard. your tippy toes balanced your figure so you reach the top when a realization brushed past you.

namjoon was not watching you today, usually his gaze is heavy on your ass when you stand on your toes but today he was too focused on his papers. your peripheral vision further confirmed that he, indeed, was not watching you, hell he was not even sparing a glance your way.

a small frown appeared on your lips before you approached his desk again to pick up the course book. again, not a single glance from namjoon. so, while sliding the book off the surface of the desk, you intentionally let it come in contact with his stack of papers causing some of them to fall flying down to the floor.

“brat,” namjoon mumbled, pushing his chair back to pick up the papers.

your eyes widened a bit, your tongue touching the inside of your cheek. did he just call you a brat in front of your classmates? while he was making you do all of the labour for free for an entire semester now? and what was that he said earlier today? bratty behaviour. fine, you will show him a brat.

letting out a huff of annoyance, you went back to the board and continued what you were writing. half an hour passed and still not a glance or word from namjoon, he was too engrossed in his paper which, you are guessing, is his latest research paper. well too bad, he should remember that he is a teacher too. and why are you doing all his work? you flipped through the pages of the book after you finished the details of an experiment and started scribbling text randomly from the book, which were irrelevant to the dicke model.

“professor?” one of the students started.

“what?” namjoon mumbled, finally tearing his eyes away from the manuscript in his hand.

“i am not sure if that is related to the dicke model,” she mentioned, pointing at the board.

namjoon shot her a confused look because you never miswrite anything. he turned his gaze to you, you were scribbling something at the top of the board, your body strained to its full length, allowing him a full view of your legs under your skirt, but that is not why he turned to you. he forcefully tore his eyes away from your seductive legs and focused on what you were writing, “y/n, i said the dicke model, darling.”

you stopped writing and turned to him, an innocent look plastered on your face, your eyes docile and gentle, “oh? really? sorry professor. guess i have been a bad student. are you going to punish me?”

namjoon’s lips parted in shock, did you just speak to him like that in a classroom full of his students that he has to keep seeing for another semester? for a second, he thought he was going to die of absolute embarrassment but was quick to think of a way to diffuse the situation.

he turned to the students in an instant, “i will teach the dicke model in detail tomorrow. dismissed.”

although, there was still twenty minutes left of the period but namjoon cannot possibly face his students for twenty excruciating and long minutes, also he cannot just let you go for what you have done. he should really punish you for misbehaving.

he kept sitting in his chair as the students packed up their stuff and started leaving one by one. after each student exited the classroom, he felt the shuffling of feet and noticed you coming towards his desk to keep the marker and book down when he grabbed your wrist.

you turned to ask him what he was doing when you felt a strong jerk and lost your footing, causing you to fall down on his lap.

“you like to entice me, don’t you?” his lips were right near the shell of your ear, he let a short lick on it after finishing his sentence.

you felt your heartbeat racing from the controversial position you found yourself in. you tried to get up but he grinded his crotch area right under your ass, connecting to your skin with a soft thrust. the more you struggled, the stronger his grip got on your hips. contrary to what you should be feeling at a situation like this, you were smirking. a soft blush on your cheeks from the scandalous nature of the position, it sent tingles to your stomach and you would be lying that you have not dreamt of this countless of times. he has such strong and full thighs, you constantly want to straddle them and now that you finally have, your body has frozen from the sheer sex appeal which has masked the atmosphere.

“i asked you something,” namjoon took a note of your actions, your legs closing up from the mere fact that you were sitting on his lap. and lord knows how hard he is getting from all the thoughts running in his mind, like how sexy you would look laid out all for him on his desk.

“yes,” you let out a hitched breath, “yes. i love it. i love when you watch me and i love when you pass me praises, it has me going crazy since last semester.”

namjoon chuckled, his hands rubbing your sides in a lazy motion, “i will tell you this one and one time only. when we are together, you address me as daddy or i will have to punish you. speaking of which, what was that behaviour earlier?”

you bit your lips, your fingers playing in your lap from the dominant aura he was exuding, “sorry daddy. i was upset that you were not paying me attention.”

“but i have a paper to publish, little dove. it is not going to publish itself, now is it?”

you shook your head a no in reply.

“hmm,” namjoon shifted his hand on your thigh, his nails trailing up your skirt but before breaching the hem he stopped, “get yourself off on my thigh while i finish proofreading this.”

“but i, i want you- daddy to touch me,” you turned back to look at him, a look of despair taking over your features.

namjoon just let out an innocent shrug, “no can do, little love. now get on it, daddy has a lot of work and class ends in fifteen minutes.”

each instance you were reminded that you both were sitting in your classroom, it only made the flow of oestrogen through your veins stronger which in turn dampened your panties from the vaginal lubrication you felt every time he shifted.

you noticed that namjoon had gone back to his work, feigning ignorance towards your actions. he really was not going to get you off and you were aroused beyond self control.

“fuck morals,” you mumbled before shifting your core from his lap to his right thigh which was outstretched.

you heard a short hiss coming from namjoon when your wet core came in contact with the thin fabric of the trousers adorning his thighs. you grinned on being able to elicit out explicit reactions from him, it egged you on.

honestly, namjoon was impressed too, no one has ever had this kind of effect on him and if it was not for the date of the manuscript submission tomorrow, he would have fucked you into oblivion on this very desk. alas, he has a paper to work on and you have a punishment to go through for misbehaving. there is no place for whiny brats on daddy’s lap.

after finding a firm footing, you propped your hands on the desk to gain stability and grazed your core slowly on his thigh. you settled on a slow pace and rode his thigh, the fabric though soft only felt rough against your bundle of nerves which were soaking wet now. you tried to go fast but found no elevation to rock his hips into so you went slower again.

you kept repeating your motions, diligently riding his thighs when namjoon’s free hand came on your ass and settled on its supple skin. he squeezed it every time you slowed down till you were forced to go faster which only aroused you further but did nothing to near you to your much needed orgasm.

and it was exactly what namjoon wanted, he knew that a faster pace was not providing you the high you needed but only tempted your nerves more.

“daddy please, it is not working!” you let out a defeated cry.

“maybe you are not doing it right,” namjoon’s hand came roaring on your ass cheek when you stopped your movements. your legs were strained from the awkward angle and just wanted some rest but you restarted your actions, prompted by the spank.

“please, help me out,” you whined louder.

namjoon let an eyebrow quirk up when your voice echoed in the empty classroom, “why should i? all you do is whine and bother me.”

“i will be a good girl! i promise. please, just this once,” you pouted, turning your head sideways to look at him.

he sighed when he saw your worked-up expressions, you are just too adorable for his heart, “just this once. this stays between us, you cannot misbehave in class again.”

you noticed how he melted at your ministrations and nodded excitedly, “promise! i will be your good girl.”

“yes, little dove. you will be,” namjoon mumbled, placing a soft kissing at the shell of your ear, giving you goose bumps, “turn around.”

you lifted your body and switched your legs to face him, letting your body settle down on his thigh again.

namjoon set aside his pencil and turned his undivided attention to you, “you better draft the mail to my publisher if i am late at finishing this paper,” he said before leaning down to kiss you.

“anything you want, daddy,” you assured him, meeting his lips halfway from the build up excitement. your legs were trembling slightly from the lack of attention to your wet core which translated into the kiss being a messy one.

you let his tongue in the moment you felt it against your lips, craning your neck sideways to facilitate it better. your arms wrapping them around his neck, your palms occasionally coming up to cup his soft cheeks. you pulled back for a second, a string of saliva connecting your lips to his as you took off his glasses which kept hitting against your nose.

namjoon’s eyes never left you, he watched you intently, his large hands enclosing your waist like you were a fragile glass piece. the string of saliva broke when you turned to keep aside his glasses on the desk. namjoon frowned at that, cupping your cheek and turning your face back towards him as he kissed you again.

unable to control yourself anymore, you started to grind your sensitive folds against his thigh again. heavy breaths dissolving in each other’s mouth. namjoon shifted his foot, arching his thigh upwards causing you to let out gasp as it provided an elevation.

“yes, go on,” he encouraged you, his hands getting a hold of your hips, guiding them on his thigh, “such a pretty little thing you are,” he mumbled, darting his tongue out which came in contact with the arched out expanse of your neck.

“fuck,” you moaned out at the sudden cold, wet muscle against your sweaty skin and bucked your hips more. your toes supporting your feet and owing to the rapid movements, you were sure you were going to pull a strain in your calf muscles from the tension but it did not matter. it did not matter with how closer you were inching near your high.

namjoon’s lips enclosed around your skin where he was licking it, he sucked a hickey and pulled back to admire it. the skin turned reddish pink so he went back in and sucked harder on it, so it would be more prominent.

“ow,” you winced when he kept sucking at the same location, your hips shaking.

“you are doing good, little dove,” namjoon praised you with a hum against your skin. his words sending vibrations throughout your skeleton. he let a soft peck at the purple hickey and moved to a location near your collarbone and repeated his actions.

your movements faltered, owing to the strain of legs when namjoon took over your thrusts and helped you grind on his thigh till you finally reached your high. your core was flat out against his thigh, your breathing heavy and your legs shaking.

“i am proud of you, little dove. you did such a good job,” your professor grinned, petting your hair gently.

you blushed deeply, hiding your face in his chest when you both heard the bell ringing, indicating the end of period.

June, 2018:

this new arrangement that you and namjoon had grown accustomed to was a more intimate routine than just scribbling lectures on the whiteboard.

it was casual sex for you, although you did take advantage of his knowledge prowess and took his help with various research papers which always ended in sex. every time you ran into an issue with some solution or theory, you would text him and he would call you over to his apartment. he lived in the heart of gangnam, gwanak-gu, from where the university was at a mere distance of two kilometres. whereas, you lived in bukchon hanok village owing to the cheap rent but it was at a considerable distance from the university. most of the nights after the ‘study’ sessions, namjoon would ask you to stay back the night and then go to university from his apartment itself but you always refused it. friends with benefits is what you had labelled this relationship as and there was no future. it is a pity, because namjoon would be such a perfect boyfriend and eventually a perfect husband but you wanted none of that. your eyes were set on the Nobel prize for physics. so dragging the visits more than sex seemed pointless, you did not want to lead his feelings on or even yours for the matter because you tend to get hurt when it comes emotions. so every night after sex, you leave his apartment and come back to yours no matter how late it got.

namjoon, on the other hand, had a different perspective. to him this was not casual sex, he was emotionally, mentally and physically invested in this relationship because you just never stop winning him over. earlier, he thought you were a smart little kid but now he thinks you are absolutely brilliant, not because you sleep with him but he is always left enamoured by the things you are working on. your research fascinated him more than his own experiments and he genuinely enjoys helping you out. and just like that, you keep winning bits and bits of his heart more everyday. not to mention, you in general are a huge turn on. your smile, your polite manners, your soft and calculated movements, and most of all, your meticulous brain. if he was a neuroscientist, he would definitely get an MRI scan of your brain and hang it in his room as a memento. that is just how much he has come to adore you, for him, it was more than sex and he really wants to be with you. finally, after a long time, he can say that he feels that one emotion called love and he is not going to let it go.

well too bad for him, cause you have no intention of staying; not only in the relationship but in the country altogether. the last semester of your graduate course, you worked diligently to finish your research paper which you sent to various reputed institutions of the world and one specific, favourite institution of yours replied with the answer that you were looking for.

on a particular sunday, you received the news that you had just gotten in the spring program of NASA, they offered you research work while you could simultaneously finish your doctorate. you could not possibly be happier, the news spread around your family kakaotalk group chat like wildfire, followed by a series of phone calls to convey congratulations. you could barely contain your happiness and hurried to namjoon’s apartment after lunch.

“oh, i did not know you were coming today,” namjoon let out a smile when he opened the door.

“is this a bad time?” you bit your lip, he usually loves it when you surprise him.

“oh, no. just my mum,” namjoon moved aside to let you space.

“do you want me to leave? i can just come back later at a better time.”

“why? this is a better time, come on. i will introduce you to her.”

‘as your student?’ you thought as you reluctantly entered the apartment, what other relation did you two even share.

he guided you inside to the kitchen area where his mother was serving two plates of food, “mom,” he smiled at her and turned to you, “we have a guest.”

“hello dear! let me get another plate,” mrs. kim smiled at you, the exact smile her son has.

you shook your hands, “no mrs. kim, i already had lunch. please enjoy yours.”

“you sure you don’t want some, honey? i make a really good beef stew.”

you felt really bad refusing her because she was just trying to be nice but you really did have a filling lunch.

namjoon pulled a chair out for you nonetheless, “this is my girlfriend, y/n.”

you stopped midway through sitting down on the chair, your ass almost made contact with the cushion of the chair when you stopped and turned to namjoon, “i am?”

“yes, darling and as you already know, this is my mother.”

you let yourself sit down and were at a loss of words, when exactly did you two start dating? does he have a different notion of your relationship because you are only in it for the thrill, the sex and to pick his brain sometimes.

“it is so nice to finally meet you, honey. joonie talks about you a lot.”

“he does?” you turned to her, trying to keep up the smile but it kept fainting away.

“oh only all the time! i have never seen my boy like this, he really likes you.”

“mom, stop embarrassing me,” namjoon chuckled as he sat down in front of you.

mrs. kim let a laugh too before the mother - son duo started with their lunch. you sat quietly, your eyes trained at your hands clasped on top of your lap, your fingers playing mindlessly amongst themselves.

“so what do you do, dear?” mrs. kim turned to you.

“oh, i am doing my graduation in advanced physics from seoulde.”

“oh! joonie works there too, so you guys met there. sounds amazing.”

you nodded.

mrs. kim continued, “so what are your future plans? i mean, of course, other than making this hopeless boy fall for you more.”

namjoon hid his face with his free hand, soft chuckles left his lips, his ears turning red from embarrassment.

you let out a laugh too, “well, just today i received my confirmation letter from NASA so i will be leaving for america in about a few months after receiving my degree here.”

“america? wow!” mrs. kim exclaimed.

“what?” came another voice which had no shred of excitement in it but felt rather angry.

you turned to your, alleged, boyfriend, a quirk in your eyebrows, “yes?”

“you are leaving? and i am hearing about this now?”

you shrugged, “i just received the mail this morning, came to inform you only.”

“inform me? so you are leaving for a few months? research internship?” there was a hope in his voice, he can live without you for a few months.

“why would i go to the other end of the world for an internship? i will do my doctorate there while working as a researcher for them.”

all the hope that had mustered in his eyes left in a flash as two black orbs just stared at you in absolute disbelief. are you for real right now? he cannot just let you go and live his life alone. you are the only one for him, the only one who will ever be for him. he cannot even imagine one month without you but he was willing to make an exception because you have a curious brain just like his and deserved to get recognition by reputed institutions. however, this is not going to work, simply not going to work out in any way possible. you can do your doctorate here as well and work with him someday, is that not an easier alternative?

mrs. kim sensed the tension between you two and turned to you, “bet there is still space in your tummy for some dessert because i have got some delicious cheesecakes,” she stood up, collecting her plate and hurried to the kitchen to take out the cheesecake from the fridge.

“you cannot just leave like that, darling,” namjoon started, his eyes watching his mother’s figure disappearing into the kitchen.

“i don’t see the problem, really. it’s a good offer, better than good really and i am fairly interested in their research models.”

namjoon went to reply but noticing his mother hurrying back, he let it slide and focused on having a good time with her and his girlfriend rather than fighting. there is no point in fighting, you are not going anywhere and no force of nature can change that.

mrs. kim left by evening, namjoon and you and saw her off till her car.

“think i should go too,” you mentioned as you both climbed back up to his floor.

“why? you want to leave already?”

you sighed, “oh come on! don’t be like this, i did not know we were a couple..”

“what? so that’s it? i am no one to you?” he turned to you after you both walked inside his apartment.

you sighed again, “that is not what i meant but like you are my professor and i did not want to get ahead of myself so i tried to keep my feelings.. you know.. casual.”

namjoon let a breathy chuckle, the very sound of it dripping sarcasm, “so i am another episode of casual sex for you?”

“no! i just don't know how to explain myself. i don’t just have sex casually, you are the only one and i was afraid i would get hurt by involving my feelings.”

“and what about me? i don’t know about you but i am in love with you, y/n if you have not noticed it yet,” he shook his head, his fingers gently massaging his temple.

“i am sorry, please listen to me,” you stepped forward towards him, your hands softly touching his elbow.

“what is left to listen?”

you bit your lip, moving his hand away from his face and cupping his cheeks, “we can still make it work.”

“how?”

“i don’t know. i really like you as well, we will make it work,” you mumbled before pulling him into a kiss.

namjoon took a second to kiss back but eventually he came around, his lips moving in perfect synchronization with yours, like they have for countless number of times over the past six months.

you pulled back, your forehead resting against his and the moment namjoon’s eyes opened and fell on your face, connected to his, his anger dissipated into thin air. he did not miss another beat to kiss you again. his hands on your waist tapped against it twice before pulling you up, your legs wrapping around his torso like routine work. he held you close effortlessly, all the while making his way to the bedroom. his lips never took rest for a second, kissing and nipping at every surface of your skin that he could, his tongue licking at your faded hickeys.

after reaching his bed, he set you down on it gently. he took a step back, unbuttoning his pants. you grinned slipping out of your top too, which met the same fate as have a lot of your other tops; on the floor. namjoon was quick to take off his t-shirt as well before dipping down in the bed, knees first. the mattress delved inwards right near your thighs where he kneeled in front of you. his hands were at your back in an instance, his fingers working their way through the hook of your bra; unlatching it from the hoop and pulling away the garment from your arms.

“i don’t think i will ever get tired of them,” namjoon muttered under his breath, his eyes duly trained at your breasts, filled with week-old hickeys.

you blushed softly, even after sleeping with him for months, he still has the same effect on you.

he ducked his head down to occupy his salivating mouth with your right bud, he has a weird affliction with your right breast. later he pities the left breast himself, trying to comfort it that he will pay it more attention next time.

his lips clamped down around your nipple, his tongue flicking it.

“mhm,” a soft hum left your lips as your hands built their hearth into his gorgeous locks.

namjoon’s lips turned into an o shape as he sucked on your nipple, his one hand squeezing the breast as his other hand squeezed the other.

you moved your hands downwards around his crotch area and palmed his hard on through the fabric of his underwear.

he hooked his hands under your arms and positioned your head towards the headboard, his mouth never stopping their assault on your nipples. he had retreated to sucking hickeys on your areola.

namjoon pulled back and let out a hum of satisfaction at his masterpiece; your bruised and marked chest, his hands pushing yours legs to stretch out before they made their way to your clothed clit.

“do you think we have a future together?” you meant to sound normal but his fingers on your folds turned the sentence into a squeak.

namjoon delved his head down again, biting on an area of skin between the valley of your chest, “since the first day i saw you, i knew.”

“such a pervert. you are my professor, remember?” you pushed away his cheek.

he chuckled, his fingers working around your folds effortlessly, arousing your wetness level higher and higher with every playful touch he left behind, “i am not even that old,” namjoon remarked before inserting two fingers inside your heat at once.

the action caused a slight arch in your back, a soundless gasp left your lips, “still a pervert. you are supposed to guide me, not fuck me.”

“oh really? let me guide you to a good orgasm then,” he offered with a smirk, his fingers moving inside you in a scissoring motion. his fingers lapped in the juices of vaginal lubrication, the motion eliciting out obscene gaping sounds from just how wet you are. the sounds filling the comfortable silent atmosphere of the room.

you tried to move your hand down his body to get a hold of his length but he caught it on time. gathering both your wrists, he pinned them above your head while delving his fingers deeper inside your walls, twisting and turning the digits at its joints to strike your upper walls in a rapid motion.

“oh, fuck,” you tried to get your hands out of his hold but his grip only got tighter, the bones in your wrist being pushed against each other. finding no other way to relieve the tension in your muscles, you arched your back to its very limit. your chest heaved upwards, presenting your breasts to namjoon’s mouth like an offering and who is he to say no those hardened little pink buds? popping one in his mouth, he sucked like his life depended on it, while adding another digit into your heat.

“please, don’t stop,” you managed to hitch out a moan, trying to pull your legs together when namjoon ceased all actions. his fingers retracted from your heat as he pulled away from your figure.

“what? please daddy, i was so close!!” you whined, trying to get closer to him.

“yes little dove, i know but i want you coming on daddy’s dick,” he got rid of his underwear and got on top of you.

“oh,” you fell back on the bed, blushing.

“i love when you get like this, all pink for me,” namjoon chuckled, his hand pumping his fully erect length, smearing the precum all over it before nudging it closer to your entrance.

“mhm, of course you do,” you mumbled, collecting a ball of spit on his fingers before guiding it to his dick and coating it with the droplets of saliva, helping it impale you better.

“always so tight,” namjoon spoke through clenched teeth as his hips inched further inside, perfectly fitting in the cavity of your pelvis like a missing puzzle piece.

he stopped once he had pushed inside fully, sheathing himself in your heat. he always made sure you had gotten used to the intrusion before he proceeds to rock your world.

howbeit, today was different. once you gave him the nod to start moving, he only started with a subtle roll of his hips. you drawled out another moan when he started moving in a rhythmic pace but it was not his usual pace. it was slower, much more intimate than any of the previous encounters you have had with him or anyone for the matter. his eyes never left yours, they watched them earnestly as your pupils dilated and contracted with every savouring thrust of his hips.

namjoon stopped for a second, angling his hips to reach newer places inside you. with a single, yet powerful thrust, he had your body jerking upwards, causing your head to hit against the pillows resting on the headboard. your body kept jerking up at every slowed down thrust he subjected it to.

“i really am in love with you,” his hand let go of your hands on either side of your head to rest on the rise of your cheek, his palms felt wet from the sweaty predicament you both had found yourselves in.

you clearly watched the way his pupils dilated when he proclaimed his love to you. he looked different even, this was not just him enticing you, he was making love to you and you are not so sure if it is something that you would have agreed to normally but given the circumstances, you could not help but swim in that ocean of love his eyes provided.

your orgasm hit you like one of his thrusts; sudden, powerful, slow but impactful. namjoon was soon to follow after, his face lowering near yours, a droplet of sweat which was hanging on his forehead fell on yours as he emptied his potent seed inside of you.

you chuckled, trying to wipe away the sweat accumulated on his forehead with the palm of your hands.

“aren’t you going to pull out?” you asked after a few minutes had passed.

namjoon looked at you from where he was lying beside you, his hand placed idly on your stomach, “no. let’s take a nap,” he pulled you close.

you giggled when his fingers tickled your sides, “ew, you stink of sweat,” you tried to get away but he caged you in his arms and before you knew it, he really did fall asleep. you watched him quietly, your own breathing synchronizing up with his as you placed a soft kiss on the side of his head.

later in the night, namjoon went to the medical store and brought the plan b pill for you although it was ineffective because you both ended up repeating the same thing you did earlier in the evening.

two months later. August, 2018:

you have not had your period for a while after the love making sessions with namjoon for the past four weeks. you checked your calendar one day which informed you that you had your last period over seven whole weeks ago. panicking, you called up your boyfriend, who would be in university at the time but you did not care. normally, you would be in classes too but you just finished final exams three days ago and were on a break, your flight to america being in four months.

“hey?” namjoon whispered in the receiver of his phone as he was standing right in the middle of his class.

“i have not had my period for a while,” you replied, your voice terrorized.

“mhm? what do you mean?”

“i might be pregnant! i don’t know what to do, oh god,” it felt like all blood had left your limbs.

“darling, calm down. it probably is a false alarm. my class will end in half an hour, i will come right over with a test, okay?”

you nodded at your phone, “yes.. okay, please hurry up.”

“of course, now don’t worry too much. i gotta go. bye, love you,” he said before disconnecting the call. a smirk appearing on his lips because this is exactly what he was waiting for.

over the past month he has not missed a single opportunity of cumming inside you and later in the name of the monthly pill, he had you go on a regular prescription of DHA vitamins instead.

when he returned from university a few hours later, a pregnancy test in your hand, you were already way past your anxious phase and refused to even touch the test kit with how scared you were.

“you have to take it to know,” namjoon sighed.

“i will take it in the morning,” you mumbled, pulling the blanket closer to your body, a hot water bag resting on your pelvis to lessen your pain which felt like cramps but it was certainly not your period. for the first time in your life, you were upset that you did not get your period even though it was always accompanied with horrible cramps.

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

“i don’t want it,” the moment your eyes fell on the pregnancy test in your hand, you gushed out at once. no change of emotions in your eyes, you just simply did not want a kid.

“are you pregnant, though?” namjoon asked, peeping in at the pregnancy test, “oh my god.”

“no no no, don’t get happy already.”

“why not?” he queried with an eyebrow.

“because i do not want it! did you not just hear me five seconds ago? i don’t want it!” your voice only went louder with each word, your throat dry from screaming first thing in the morning.

“darling, i need you to calm down,” namjoon ushered as he tried to get a hold of your hands. you kept pushing him away till yielding and letting him hold your hands.

namjoon gently brushed his thumb across your knuckles, “how about i call in sick today and then we can go to the hospital and get the confirmation?”

“what more confirmation do you need! i don’t fucking want it. we already got the confirmation and now i want it out of me,” you started to breathe heavily.

namjoon kept giving you a look till you came around, your weight sustained by the support his hands provided. you sighed, closing your eyes, “i am sorry.”

“sh, it is alright. i presume women go through extreme mood swings and it is only natural but don’t worry. i will take good care of you.”

“no..” you broke out in a breathy whimper, “you don’t understand. i don’t want a child, please.”

“sh,” he hummed gently, stepping closer to you as his hand started to brush your hair gently, “first let’s talk to a doctor at least, okay?”

you nodded, leaning in to his touch, “i need to pee.”

namjoon chuckled at the sudden proclamation, “go ahead,” he let you be as he walked back inside the room. he picked his phone from the nightstand and dialled a number.

‘will you be at the hospital today?’

‘okay, i will be over.’

‘no i am fine, it’s just my girlfriend.’

when you first heard him talking, you thought he was calling in sick but from what you could gather; he was talking to someone who, presumably, works in a hospital. you did mean to ask him who he was talking to but when another wave of morning sickness hit you, the thought flew right out like last night’s content gushing out of your throat into the toilet.

“you okay?” came a knock on the bathroom door accompanied by your boyfriend’s voice.

you let out a guttural groan before unlatching the door, “let’s go.”

“first let’s have breakfast. don’t worry, i will make you something.”

“i don’t want to eat,” you groaned, wiping your face with a towel.

“you must eat, darling. you literally threw up everything. so, no. we are not going without breakfast.”

you sighed, fighting - hell even talking felt like such a tedious task. you just wanted to go see the doctor and find a solution to this situation as soon as possible so you let him do whatever the hell it is what he wants to.

namjoon freshened up, took a quick shower and wore his clothes. you sat at the edge of the bed with bated breath. the entire time your eyes were trained at the washroom door, your ears perked up at every sound thinking that maybe namjoon will come out and then you guys could leave but it seemed like your boyfriend was taking his sweet time.

“you look so tired, dove,” namjoon mentioned as he was buttoning his shirt, “why don’t you go and take a shower too?”

you gave him a reluctant look.

“come on, you will feel better. i will whip up something in the meantime,” he offered you a smile.

you bit your lips as you gave it a thought. your nerves were on fire from the amount of paranoia you were going through regarding the sudden pregnancy and everything felt so sticky, even the air. maybe a shower would feel better. you let a soft nod before collecting a fresh pair of clothes from the closet and heading over to the washroom.

namjoon wore his glasses before walking to the kitchen in his apartment, he really needs to get a house now because you were not just two people anymore. he smiled to himself softly, thinking about the colours you two would decide for the nursery as his hands grabbed the box of cereal from the upper compartment and pouring out generous servings in two bowls followed by different types of cut up fruits. namjoon really cannot cook that great but he can manage small feats like that and they actually do taste good.

he took out the frying pan and dropped a cube of butter when he heard your soft footsteps. you were frighteningly quick with the shower. well that is a given because you do not want to go through with the pregnancy but alas, it is not your decision to make. namjoon has already made it, more like he already had and hence the pregnancy and he is going to make sure you can do nothing about it.

“the cereal is more than enough,” you mumbled sitting on one of the stools in front of the kitchen counter where the bowls of cereal were kept.

“eggs have protein,” he hummed.

there he goes again, why is he so awfully calm and natural about it? you cannot make heads or tails of it.

“why are you so okay with all this?”

“what do you mean?” namjoon turned back to you after cracking the egg into the searing pan.

“should you not be panicking like me? or am i overreacting?”

namjoon replied with a brisk shrug of his shoulders before bringing over the fried egg to you, “eat up.”

you kept looking at him, expecting a better answer than a stupid shrug.

namjoon caught your stare and sighed as he sat down in front of you, pulling his bowl of cereal closer to him, “i don’t know. it just feels natural, i guess.”

“natural?” you looked at him bewildered, “what is that supposed to mean now?”

“look i don’t know, okay. when i saw that you were pregnant, instead of getting worried, i felt happy. i want this even. i will take care of the both of you, i swear,” he extended his hand and placed it on top of yours which was lying idly on top of the counter.

you stopped mid-chew, and swallowed down your food in one gulp without a care in the world, “no. you won’t because we are not having this kid,” you pushed the bowl away and stood up at once.

“darling, calm down please.”

“no. i have been calm and patient since morning. now i want a solution. you don’t understand what i am going through, you never will,” you spat out before hurrying towards the doorway, placing your feet in your shoes in a frenzy and walking out of the apartment.

namjoon let out a soft groan. it is alright, he can work with that, maternity will change you eventually. he knows that you would be good, scratch that, an amazing mother.

he discarded his breakfast too and followed after you once he retrieved his car keys. he walked downstairs and saw you standing beside his car, waiting for him.

“we are going right now, okay? breathe,” namjoon assured you before unlocking the door.

you ignored his words and got in the car at once. namjoon got in soon after and started the car.

“what are you waiting for?” you asked, getting annoyed.

“seat belt, miss,” namjoon nodded at your side.

you sighed, feeling guilty for snapping at him every second, “sorry,” you mumbled before strapping yourself in.

the drive to the hospital felt like the longest ride you were ever on. you were both anxious about what the doctor would say, but also happy that in all probability you would be allowed to go through with the abortion in a few weeks time then you can focus on your future prospects and move out of seoul.

“we cannot terminate the pregnancy,” the doctor looked at you after the ultrasound.

you gawked at him for a good minute before regaining the will to speak, “w-what?”

“yeah, it can risk your health.”

“bu-but i don’t want it,” you are not one to cry in public but at the moment, mixed with so many emotions, you could feel the tears welling up on your bottom eyelid.

“i am afraid you would end up endangering your life too,” the doctor replied, putting away the machine in his hand.

“will the baby risk her life?” namjoon interjected when you went quiet again.

dr. kim taehyung, namjoon’s acquaintance, looked at him, “no hyung, that way both of them will live a healthy life.”

“are you sure?” namjoon reiterated.

he let a nod before sitting down, “yeah. they will be fine with the proper diet and care. since you are only four weeks along, i will be prescribing some multivitamins. make sure to take them along with your food,” dr. taehyung sat down before writing up a prescription.

you sat up from the stretcher after fixing your top which was hiked up to reveal your stomach.

“i really appreciate it. i know you don’t really see pregnant patients,” namjoon smiled, collecting the prescription.

“hyung, you don’t have to thank me. you can call me up anytime if there is an emergency.”

namjoon nodded and shook his hand before walking over to you, “shall we?” he offered you his hand.

you held onto his hand as you climbed down the hospital bed, your feet followed him wordlessly till the car.

when the ride stopped for a break at a signal is when you broke out of your trance, “what did you mean when you said he doesn’t see pregnant women?”

namjoon’s eyes were trained at the time on the signal, “hm?” he turned to you, “oh taehyung. we grew up together in the same neighbourhood.”

“that was not my question.”

“yes yes,” namjoon mumbled as the signal turned green and he pressed on the acceleration pedal, “he is doing his masters in surgery. so he is a surgeon.”

“why did we not go to an obstetrician?!” you asked, baffled.

“i know the kid, he is first of his class so you don’t have to worry about his skills. also, you were the one who did not want the kid so who better to give advice about an operation than a surgeon?”

you parted your lips to say something but let it slide owing to the creeping ache that had finally reached your head and manifested into a horrible headache. you leaned back in the car seat, planning to see an obstetrician later on.

first trimester:

during the first half of the second month into the pregnancy, every time you would raise a question about the pregnancy, namjoon would get taehyung over in the apartment for a quick check-up and the younger male would diligently tell you the same thing over and over again like a broken record: terminating the pregnancy would only risk your life and that you were doing fine and the baby was healthy.

contrary to all his assurances, you did not feel healthy even for one second. the morning sickness only got worse combined with bad episodes of constant heart ache like it was set on fire and was slowly charring to ashes. usually people gain weight during pregnancy but you seemed to lose a lot of it and taehyung had you hooked up on some vitamins and other medications to ease your pain but nothing seemed to help.

after not being able to bear the pain anymore, when you stepped into the third month of pregnancy, you sneaked out one day and went to the hospital when namjoon had left for university. you really should have called ahead and booked an appointment but you did not so you had to wait in the long queue outside the doctor’s clinic. you kept staring at the white marbled floors, your hands undergoing shaking fits every now and then, when you heard the nurse call out your name and you stood up at once.

“yes, that is me,” you spoke out, walking inside the clinic.

“good morning,” a doctor smiled at you.

“morning. are you dr. han?” you asked sitting down on the chair.

“oh, no. dr. han is my senior. she will see you at once after i finish the case-taking. i am dr. tanaz, her intern.”

you nodded and laid out your arm on the desk when you noticed her taking out the sphygmomanometer, “are you a gynaecologist?”

“barely. i am a general physician and am still a few months away from finishing the mandatory internship,” dr. tanaz replied, wrapping up the device around your arm, right above the elbow and attaching the Velcro tightly.

you nodded again, trying to pace your constant speeding up heart.

next, she attached the cold surface of the stethoscope’s chest-piece below the Velcro and listened intently. you felt a shiver run down your spine from the cold surface.

“why are you so worried?” she spoke up as her other hand pumped the air valve to inflate the cuff around your arm.

“huh? i a-am not,” you replied hastily, your back straightening.

“your blood pressure is unusually high,” dr. tanaz mentioned after noting the blood pressure on the aneroid manometer. she undid the Velcro and took off the cuff, “do you know what this means?”

you shook your head, rolling down your sleeves.

“pregnancy is a taxing experience, not only physically but mentally too so pregnant women do have a high blood pressure but yours is higher than the usual rate we see here. are you going through any kind of mental strain?”

you kept staring at her, “can you get an abortion even after two months of pregnancy?”

dr. tanaz raised an eyebrow, “do you not want it? why did you wait this long?”

“no. please, i do not want it. i am so tired,” your shoulders drooped down, you let out a sigh, “my primary doctor told me that the abortion would risk my life.”

“i see. will you let me handle this?” she offered you a reassuring smile, “i will run a few tests and then you can take the consultation from dr. han regarding your options.”

you nodded, feeling a little less anxious. compared to taehyung, dr. tanaz had a different but reassuring charisma in her eyes and her aura was warm too.

the tests took half an hour to finish up after which you went inside and sat in front of dr. han. dr. tanaz brought over your reports and kept them on the desk, while leaving she flashed you a smile which caused you to immediately smile back as well.

“so what do we have here?” dr. han started, looking over your reports, “what is the issue?”

“i don’t want the kid.. i mean i don’t even know how i slipped up or the careless action which led to the conception but i am not ready for it yet.”

dr. han kept reading through the reports, “dear, you are twenty-two, of course you don’t want it but have you really thought it through? i don’t want you to make decisions which you might regret later.”

“yes. i have thought about it. i cannot afford a child at the moment, there is a ticket to the states with my name on it next week and i want to be on that flight. i cannot let go of my dream to work for NASA.”

“are you a scientist?”

you did not realize that you had started crying, “not yet but i will be if i take up on that offer. i do not want to be a mom, i know nothing. i have only ever studied all my life and just, just this once i let this guy in my life and now this happened. i am tired of the constant pain and the paranoia,” you sniffled, catching your breath, “can i still get an abortion? i do not see the point of bringing a child when my own life is a mess. i don’t want to give it a life full of hurt and pain.”

“what about the father? have you talked to him about it? what does he do?”

“he, uh, he is a professor at my university and he wants it. i mean i guess it is easy for him because he is already settled in life.”

dr. han nodded, “okay. i see. well as far as i can see, i do see some complications but you can still go for an abortion. your window has shortened however since it already has been two months so you might want to decide on it faster.”

“but i was told that terminating the pregnancy would pose a threat to my life.”

dr. han took a double check of the reports, “i don’t see any life harming implications really.”

your eyes lit up at that, your facial features relaxed after what felt like an eternity. yes, you were talking about killing an unborn child but it was still better than bringing it up in a negative environment where you might end up hating it for ruining your dreams and no one deserves that, especially not your innocent little child, “are you sure?”

dr. han nodded, “yes. i am,” she smiled, writing up a prescription, “you can take these for the pain and rest is your decision.”

you nodded, taking it from her hand, “thank you so much.”

exiting the hospital, instead of going back to namjoon’s apartment where you had been staying ever since the news of pregnancy, you took a detour to your apartment. almost everything was covered with dust and was really dirty from the weeks of neglect so you did a cleaning session which made you feel refreshed too. by the time you were finished, it was already evening so you got yourself some cheesecakes from the local bakery on the ground floor of your apartment building. you have been craving sweets for two weeks now and your palate since then has only consisted of sweets, cakes, donuts and chocolates. namjoon thinks you can even just eat sugar right out of the container. when he had said that, you had felt so annoyed but remembering it now made you chuckle as you relished your cheesecake.

you finally finished your trip and headed back for namjoon’s apartment. since it was already late in the evening, he was already back from university and he did not like it one bit that you left without informing him, especially now when you are pregnant and under constant agony.

“where were you?” namjoon asked the moment you entered the two room apartment. he was leaning against the counter top in the living space, his arms crossed over his chest. from the looks of it, he had not even changed and was still wearing his shoes.

“hey babe. i went to my apartment and did some cleaning.”

“cleaning? you are pregnant, y/n!” yeah, your replies were not really helping the situation.

you shrugged, placing the packet of extra cheesecake on the coffee table, your now free hands peeling off the jacket which was hanging on your figure, “i am fine.”

namjoon sighed, shaking his head. he knows you are stubborn so he tries not to overburden you or scold you too much that you get annoyed, “i have got some news for you.”

you set aside the jacket, “so do i but go on, i want to hear it. i am in such a good mood.”

namjoon let out a smile at that, “i am glad, darling. anyways, so i talked to the registrar’s office and there is an opening for next month.”

“for what?”

“our wedding. i want our kid to have married parents and i mean i already love you and only ever want to be with you, hope you feel the same.”

“weirdest proposal ever but cute. don’t think we will need it though.”

“i am fine with doing it after the baby is born,” namjoon shrugged at your suggestion.

“no, i mean we don’t have to rush into this. i went to see an obstetrician today,” you started.

“what?” namjoon’s tone changed on a whim, it was sharp and unwelcoming.

“yeah, she said it’s fine if we go through with the abortion so we don’t have to get married. you can get back to your experiments and i can be in NASA,” you extended the prescription written by dr. han towards your boyfriend.

namjoon snatched the paper from your hand, barely registering even a word on it. instead he balled up the piece of paper in his fists, his features turning a shade darker and before you knew it, he had slapped you hard.

the impact had you tripping, considering the size difference but your back came in contact with a wall, effectively sustaining the fall.

he was not done, however, because he stepped forward till he had you trapped against the wall and grabbed your chin to make you look at him. his hold was punishing itself, “if you so much as think about killing our child again, i will fucking break your legs.”

you did not even dare let a breath skip past the distance between you two as you stared at him in absolute fear. he has never hurt you, he never so much as talks at a raised voice and you are not even sure what is happening right now.

“am i clear?” he leaned in closer.

you shied away, turning your head sideways to avoid his eyes and let a nod as a reply.

“use your words, darling. speak up,” he forced you to look back at him again through his grip on your chin which never loosened up.

“y-yes sir,” you whimpered out from the pain.

namjoon let you go at once after receiving the confirmation and stepped back too. his features went back to how they were and the tension from his muscles looked like they were lifted in an instant.

he turned to you and grimaced at the mark that his actions left on your face, “darling, don’t test my patience like this. i have always been patient with you, but know that i can and will draw the line at some point. come on, let’s get you freshened up,” he extended his hand but you cowered away immediately.

your hands were quick to hug your body to shield it away from his unwanted touch, “i am sorry..”

“sh, i know,” namjoon hummed as he stepped closer to you, his hands coming down on your shoulders to keep you in place from shying away again. his one hand crept up and brushed your locks, “i know you are sorry, come here.”

“no..” you tried to get out of his hold but all to no avail. he was far larger than your body specifications and easily dragged you to his bedroom. he opened the washroom door and nudged you in.

“stop shaking, i am not going to hurt you,” namjoon sighed, turning the faucet on.

“lies,” you mumbled, your arms never leaving your side from where they were clutching tightly on the material of your top.

although, in a normal setting, namjoon would have replied befittingly but at the moment, he knew he had crossed some lines too. he cannot break you like this, not when you are with a child on the way, his child, his blood. he has to be gentler with you.

he grabbed a hand towel and wet it under the running faucet, after wringing off the excessive water he gently wiped at your face with it. you flinched for the first few times that the soft surface of the towel touched your skin but went back to standing still as namjoon gently wiped at your face. his fingers occasionally tucking your hair back. surprisingly, his own hands were shaking lightly as he treated your body like a porcelain statue. he cannot imagine that he actually slapped you, hurt you in a physical way to the point where you are scared of him. he is not sure anymore if he can repay for the trauma he caused you, how do you repent for something like this? it is not like he is a violent person or someone who loses their cool a lot but when it came to his baby, he just lost it somehow.

he noticed your hands trembling, “dove, i am so sorry. are you cold?” he asked softly, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead.

you shook your head, your eyes trained at your feet, “please, don’t make me do this.”

“i am not making you do anything, darling. i never forced or even asked you to do anything. however we started, it was all mutual but now that we are in this situation, i am ready to settle down with you, with our baby,” his hand crept down and placed itself softly against your stomach. that was the only way his conscience could rest, he did it for his baby, his and your baby, yes.

you pushed it away, taking a few steps back, “i don’t want my kids to grow up with a father like you.”

namjoon shot you the same look he had before he raised his hand at you, making you regret your words in a moment but he only spoke this time. “do you think i will hurt them? i can give them anything they will ever want! i earn over a hundred thousand dollars not to forget the teaching gig which adds a few extra cents to that. my family is full of reputed scholars in various fields. how much do you earn? hell you do not even have a job to begin with!”

you backed away further, your hands grabbing your head as you could not bear having another thought or lest your head shall explode, “stop.”

“why should i? you talk big but you cannot even afford the cost of childbirth, let alone sustaining a child.”

you lowered your body till you were sat on the edge of the bed, tears streaming down your face, “stop.. please stop.”

“i can give you both the life that you deserve. why are you fighting this? it was meant to be and hence is happening,” namjoon’s voice lacked the earlier accusatory tone as he crouched where you were sitting, his hands bringing your hands down onto your lap, holding them in his.

unable to reply, you just cried. you let him sit beside you and engulf you in a strong embrace, you let your head rest on his chest and you just cried. you are not even sure when the conversation went from not having the child to your unstable financial status on sustaining the child.

now that you think about it, abortions do cost a lot, and there is not much scholarship money left in your bank account. the flight ticket to the states was pretty expensive, too. maybe you should not have booked them the moment you received your acceptance letter. wait, as far as you know, NASA will pay a substantial amount but due to your pregnancy you cannot join the program in time.

one thought was accompanied with another like an endless chain. when sleep took over your tired features, you did not take note. namjoon did and helped you lie down in a comfortable position.

second trimester:

ever since that day, you have retracted into yourself. you barely leave the apartment and avoid any kind of talking too. namjoon, also, has left you all alone to your own devices. he brings the groceries on time, rubs your back when you go through one of those phases where your back feels like it is going to snap outwards, trying to facilitate the growing life inside you. he would hum to your six months old bump. all night, his hands would be on you, massaging some where, leaving lingering touches some place else and although you hate to admit it but you have grown used to it. rather, it is the only thing that helps you sleep easier at night, you always find yourself snuggling into his warmth the moment his body hits the bed.

some days he talks about his experiments and you listen to them quietly, even if an idea pops in your mind, you choose to stay quiet and namjoon hates that. he regrets what he has done to you, he merely wanted you closer to him but he had never given it a second thought that he might push you away from himself more. well, it is too late to think about all this, you are already pregnant and married to him.

a small wedding at the registrar’s office with both the set of parents in attendance last month. a sombre ceremony with family followed by a move into a house.

he wanted to make it a more memorable day for you but he knows you get tired too fast these days. the swelling in your ankles gets worse if you stand for longer periods of time, even your fingers would swell up.

it has gotten better in other terms, the morning sickness has calmed down. you rarely vomit these days and the heartburn has stopped too but in this trimester, it is your bones which hurt; be it your feet, back or pelvis.

having said that, the worst part was none of that. the worst part was your nightmares. at first the dreams only revolved around finding yourself in despair for the loss of your professional life but lately, they have become more and more violent.

one night you woke up screaming and crying, you were inconsolable to the point that your neighbours had knocked on the door to ask about your wellbeing. namjoon was able to array their fears but he was at a loss to comfort you. by the time he dismissed the neighbours and came back to the shared bedroom, he found you in the washroom, sitting in the middle of the bathtub. the cold water tap was turned on and you were shivering, your form hugging your knees.

“little dove, what are you doing?” namjoon grimaced as he approached you and got a hold of your arms to lift you.

“leave me alone! kill me before i kill this baby,” you screamed at him.

“what happened? tell me,” he frowned, sitting on the edge of the tub, “talk to me.”

“i dre-dreamt that i was sitting on the ottoman. my baby bump was gone and there was another person sitting on our bed, she looked like me and had the baby bump. she had a knife in her hand and basically i cut the baby out of myself,” you broke down into another fit of crying, your body convulsing at this point.

“you will never do that, i know you won’t,” namjoon succeeded in lifting you up in his arms. your wet nightclothes clinging to his dry ones, “you love our little one, don’t you?” he hummed near your ear while walking back inside.

you nodded furiously at that, you cannot possibly imagine hurting your own child but the dream felt surreal whereas the reality felt like it was slipping out of your clutches. your hands balled namjoon’s t-shirt up into fists, your face hidden in his chest, still shivering and sniffling.

“i really don’t want you to get sick, it will only be more painful,” namjoon said as he helped you sit down on the ottoman in front of the dressing table. he opened the closet to bring out a fresh towel and started undressing you.

you kept sitting there like a mannequin, letting him do whatever he was doing. your limbs held no weight anymore, your eyes trained pointlessly at the wall on the other side of the room.

after he was done undressing you, namjoon dried up your body with a towel and helped you slip into one of his t-shirts which fit your growing body perfectly. he moved you to the bed soon after, laying you down against the fortress of pillows you had made of the bed.

that night was not the end of the nightmares, you had the exact same nightmare every single night for an entire month, followed by the same reaction where namjoon would wake up to find you crying and howling in the middle of the bathtub surrounded by ice cold water. in the mornings, he would call over taehyung who would perform routine check-ups and prescribe some cold medications for your high fever.

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

May 2020:

when moon turned around one year old, you thought of going back to working on your dissertation paper and getting your doctorate from the university but five years is a long term commitment that you would have to give to your career with constant experiments and writing various research papers. it was not an option with a one year old at home and a husband always at work. maybe if you talk it out with him, you both can come to a middle ground regarding taking care of moon but you were wrong. the moment you brought up the topic, namjoon refused the idea.

“who will take care of moon when you will be gone?” namjoon turned to you. he was sitting on the carpet at the feet of the couch where moon was crawling, she was too busy trying to lick the toy hammer in her hand, babbling whatever sounds she had grown familiar with.

“dadda?” she turned to her father when namjoon spoke up, thinking he was talking to her because he mentioned her name.

your cute bright little kid, always so attentive of her environment.

“dadda is talking to mumma, not you, baby. also no putting dirty toys in your mouth,” he pulled the hammer out of her mouth causing moon to sit in front of namjoon, trying to climb up his chest to reach the toy.

“daddaaaa,” she whined louder and kept making grabby hands at it, fisting his t-shirt in the palm of her miniature hands.

namjoon let a laugh as he melted at her adorable actions and finally handed it back to her.

you watched quietly from where you were cleaning the living room. moon was a handful, she was not naughty but very excited, not to mention extremely curious, so household chores had to wait till namjoon came back in the evening.

“maybe you can take some time off, like stop teaching classes maybe,” you suggested.

“stop teaching classes? i teach the undergrad too these days so we can put something away for moon’s future.”

“you already earn enough with your research work,” you tried to reason.

“oh yeah? and where do you think the mortgage of this house comes from? or your car? my car? also who do you think puts the fresh groceries in the fridge?”

the words were jabs at your self esteem and they struck deep as always. you felt tears pricking at your eyelids. you turned your head upwards, trying to make the tears roll back, “but i want to get my doctorate..”

“and i am asking you who will take care of my kid in the meantime?”

“she is my daughter too! it is not like i would be leaving her or something.”

“feels like you want to, you have always wanted to.”

“don’t,” you warned him, “don’t you dare bring up that over again.”

“bring up what? that you wanted to k-” namjoon stopped when his eyes fell on moon’s smiling face who was staring at the two of you talking, “wanted to get rid of that angel? you even went to a doctor for that.”

“no i did not! i went to an obstetrician. don’t twist things. just,” you let out a defeated exhale, “let me have this.”

namjoon shook his head, his arms collecting moon up in his arms and standing up, “no. i had a mother who was never home because her work was so important, i can’t let moon have the same childhood,” he spoke as he slipped into a pair of loafers.

“wh-where are you going?”

“why do you care? not like you want to be with me or my kid.”

“where are you taking her?” you asked, putting down the vacuum.

“nowhere special but always remember, if you do anything that will endanger this kid’s childhood or her future, i will take her away from you and don’t think i can’t. pretty sure, it will be cakewalk to get her custody.”

you know he was not lying, not when he looked at you like that as the door closed behind his back. and with that he was gone.

you kept thinking about the things he said, where the hell did he go? he never leaves with moon like that. you shook your head, picking up the vacuum again. you continued with your cleaning and around six o’clock, you started making dinner. it had been less than an hour and yet namjoon was not back, what if moon gets hungry? she usually eats around this time.

brushing off the uneasiness, you quietly worked through dinner. the hotpot was shimmering hot when you went to give it a stir and took the lid off with your bare fingers, the steel lid was extremely hot and it caused you to yelp in pain, as the lid fell on the floor with a shrill sound.

you bent down to pick it up when it hit you just how calm everything was. although, it has only been a year since moon was born, but she has become your entire life; from the moment you wake up to the second you fall asleep. it is all about your daughter and right now the loneliness feels like it will bite at you and gnaw away your sanity.

you took a few deep breaths before getting back up and giving a stir to the pot. within five more minutes, it was done so you turned off the stove and walked to the couch, letting your body sit down on it. your eyes were trained at the clock in the living room which read 19:49. why is namjoon not coming back? it is way past moon’s feeding time.

staring at the watch was not helping at all, so you grabbed the remote and switched on the tv, a drama was on but you could barely sit still. flicking through the channels, you kept hyper fixating on the watch as its hands moved with the night.

you randomly typed in digits on the remote which switched on a channel that was playing resident evil in korean subtitles. the moment your mind registered all the bloody scenes, it travelled to the nightmares you had in your second trimester.

hugging your knees, you tried to fight back the tears but the more you relayed the dreams, the more you failed at your resolution. soon you were crying, your figure trembling lightly. you managed to change the channel to MBC countdown which was showing the new comeback of SHINEE. you wiped your tears and stood up, finally able to get your breathing back in pace. you went to turn the tv off when your eyes fell on your hands which were laced with your wiped tears, but to your mind it reminded you of yourself staring at your bloody hands after you had just cut out your still unborn child. back at the time of those nightmares, you had no idea how your baby looked like but now all that flashed was moon’s sweet little smile but in red.

you let out a shrill scream, trying to stop the thoughts before running to the washroom and turning on the cold water. you let your figure dip down in the ice cold water like you used to, shivering and shaking like a bobble head toy for what felt like hours before you heard the main door opening. there were soft footsteps but you did not hear the angelic sound of your baby, did namjoon keep her away from you? you started crying again, this time your eyes were devoid of any tears.

“darling?” namjoon called out for you but you kept crying quietly, thinking how you are never going to see your daughter again.

moon, on the other hand, had fallen asleep from playing too much. namjoon had taken her to the convenience store for a change in air and also to spoil her with some candies. she was extremely fond of lollipops although she could not even finish half of it but she loved licking on it. while he was there, he walked into his cousin, seokjin and his wife, inaya. their house being nearby, they convinced namjoon into coming to their place as they wanted to spend some time with moon.

moon missed you dearly and kept looking at their kitchen because that was the last place she saw you before leaving but her mind was quick to understand that this was not their house. inaya was able to sway her mind as she engaged her into playing games with her.

by the time namjoon finally took his leave around eight-thirty, moon’s eyes were fluttering close. she must have been so tired and she still mainly breastfed, at least at night so she refused to eat anything else. namjoon took her back in his arms as he started his way back home. nine o’clock and namjoon was back in his house, moon long asleep in his arms. he walked in the master bedroom, lying down moon carefully on your bed, not wanting to wake her up.

he looked around for you everywhere before he heard your soft sniffles coming from the washroom. he walked in at once, finding you in the tub of cold water, like he has many times, a year ago.

“dove, what happened?” he asked, approaching your figure.

“did you take her away?” you asked, your gaze turning to him.

“what are you talking about?”

“you took my daughter away from me,” you whispered out.

“i would never do that, come out of there,” he got a hold of your elbow from over the dripping sleeve.

“then where is she?” your hands got a hold of his t-shirt.

“she fell asleep! i was at jin hyung’s. moon is here, dove, she is sleeping on our bed.”

on hearing those words, you stood up at once. your feet moving on their own accord as you walked out of the washroom, into the bedroom. you felt a wave of relief washing over you when you saw the soft rise and fall of moon’s chest, her hands closed in small fists, her mouth slightly open.

you advanced towards her but namjoon’s hand on your waist barred you from taking another step. you turned to him in despair, “please, i need to touch her.”

“i know but you are dripping water, you will get her sick too.”

“bu-but she must be hungry!” your voice broke, still struggling to get out of his grip.

“look at me,” namjoon cupped your face to tear your gaze away from moon, back to his face, “she is not going anywhere, she loves you and you love her. how about we get you changed and you can sleep beside her?”

“yes, can she sleep on our bed tonight?”

“of course,” he gave a slight squeeze to your cheeks, “come now.”

you were able to compose your demeanour at that, your cries had stopped and you did not see red anymore. you took a deep breath, your eyes closing at the intake and opening again at the exhale before you gave him the nod.

you walked back to the washroom, peeling your clothes off in a hurry. namjoon brought over a fresh pair of clothes as you changed into them and dried your hair with a towel. after you were done drying yourself up, you looked at namjoon, your eyes submissive, asking for permission.

“she is your daughter, dove. you carried her inside you for nine months, go ahead, be with her. you don’t need my permission.”

your eyes lit up at that, your feet turned and rushed out to her, “oh baby,” you whispered, climbing on the bed cautiously and sitting down beside her sleeping figure. your hands retracted twice before you finally let your fingers rest on her cheeks, caressing it gently. moon leaned into your touch in her sleep and you swore your heart was going to melt down.

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

back to current day:

since moon was only two years old, the teacher was going to teach her basic dancing skills till she was at least eight years old. you watched endearingly as the little doll tried to copy her teacher cutely when your phone rang, bringing you out of your focussed attention on moon.

it was namjoon.

“hello,” you spoke, picking up the call.

“where are you? would be great if you can swing by the uni.”

“don’t you have a class to teach? and i am out, brought moon to the dance academy.”

“ah, drop her at mom’s please. it’s urgent.”

“huh? what even happened, joon?”

“hurry up,” he only said before disconnecting the call.

namjoon was teaching a grad class. yesterday he had handed out the scoresheet of the surprise test and a particular student did not like her results.

areum was livid when she found out she failed the test. it’s not like she cares about physics, it was only an elective subject she had to take for one semester but failing classes is not going to help her grades overall. she cannot muster up any interest in this particular field and the F on her answer sheet was justified but there has to be a way to fix that.

good thing the professor is at least hot, areum guessed namjoon was in his early thirties and she is down for that. and that is what she did, she approached him sexually and that did not go down well with namjoon, not even by a bit.

after moon’s first lesson was over, you went to your in-laws house and dropped her off with your mother-in-law. she was more than happy to look over her granddaughter but you were still confused why your husband called you to his workplace of all places.

you crouched to moon’s level who was holding her grandmother’s finger, “i will be back soon, baby.”

moon nodded, “be good,” she smiled.

you chuckled at her words. moon knew you were going to tell her to be good but she could not remember all the words in that sentence and hence spurted out half the sentence.

“yes, i will be good and i expect you to be as well,” you kissed her head before leaving.

by the time you reached the university premises, namjoon’s class had come to an end and he was sitting in the classroom, areum was sitting in the front row as namjoon gave her detention because of her inappropriate behaviour.

making way to your old classroom, you walked in after knocking on the door once.

“what happened?” you looked at namjoon, your eyes turned to areum who gave you a close lipped smile.

“did you drop moon at mom’s?” namjoon asked.

you nodded, leaning against his desk, “will you tell me what is it?”

“come here,” namjoon patted his lap.

your eyes turned wide as you look at him livid, was he out of his mind? his student was sitting right in front of you two.

“her? don’t worry about her. she was willingly to sleep with me to turn her F into an A and i am going to show her why i am going to keep failing her if she is not going to pay attention to her studies.”

“and me sitting on your lap is going to help with that?” you asked, still confused.

namjoon sighed, “just get here.”

you walked up the dais and walked towards him when he stopped you.

“wait, can you draw the experiment for that?” he pointed at the whiteboard which read ‘two photon interference.’

you stared at the board for a few moments before getting the marker, “well, i might be rusty but this is an easy one,” you mumbled before drawing out a schematic of the mach-zehnder interferometer for two photons. after you labelled the different parts of the line diagram, you turned to your husband, “in the practical world it is harder than that because the arms need to be aligned to near zero pathlength difference but there is a method for systematically aligning the interferometer too.”

namjoon was grinning from ear to ear, yes, you are the girl he fell in love with and is still deeply in love with you.

it suddenly struck you that you were in the exact same situation that you were in a couple of years ago. you; solving out questions on the board while namjoon gave you that ‘i am proud of you’ look. and out of nowhere, just like that, you felt like a college student again. you are not really sure when you stopped being one but the reality begged otherwise. mentally, however, being a college student was far less scarier than being a responsible mother.

you smirked when namjoon tapped his thigh again. you walked to him, thinking about the time you came on his thigh alone. your feet stopped near his as you straddled his lap, facing him, your hands supported on the backrest of the chair.

one change in the classroom has to be the chair because this one had a more comfortable cushion and also had wheels attached.

“daddy has missed you,” namjoon muttered, his lips inches away from yours.

you felt a pang at that, “i know,” you replied leaning in ever so slightly and letting your lips brush against his but not fully kissing him. you lifted your hips as you started grinding him. time is of the essence here because there is only twenty minutes left before the lunch break. eerily similar to your first time with him in this very classroom.

“always down to business, darling, aren’t you?” namjoon smirked, relaxing his hips.

you gave him a curt shrug, before taking off his glasses, keeping them aside on the desk. you hiked up your dress till your hips while namjoon unzipped his pants and pulled out his semi erect length from the confines. the fastest way to stimulate yourself was to grind on his length, raw, it was faster than his fingers or tongue inside you because of the sheer anticipation and also the fact that you get to control the pace. while he held his length at the base, you inched closer, shifting your pelvis closer to his when your clothed folds came in contact with his pulsating length. again with a roll of hips, you started humping his dick. namjoon sneaked at the space where you both connected and held your underwear to the side causing your folds to come in direct contact with his length. you hummed, your bent knees lying on either side of his, your body grinding against his dick in a rhythm.

namjoon’s length grew to its full size on stimulation and he bucked his hips upwards, letting his dick spring free and prod at your entrance. every single brush of the tip of the head of his length against your wet folds sent tingles, causing your toes to curl up.

unable to take the torture anymore, you moved your hand down and grabbed his length in a haste, holding it in place while you lowered your body on it, the tip impaling your folds and making way for itself as it went deeper inside you. you hid your face in the crook of his neck as you stopped moving to let your body get used to the intrusion. namjoon wrapped his arms around you, placing soft kisses to the side of your head.

when you pulled out and positioned your knees again, his hands travelled from your waist to your hips, getting a grip on them. you started riding him, first slow, then picking up the pace, your bottom lip caught in between your teeth tightly. your hand, every now and then, brushed up to your hair to keep it back from your face while the other rested on his chest, the nails clutching on the material of his shirt, his hard pressed work shirt but you hardly care about it. if he wants to have sex in his workplace, then he should be okay with some crinkles on his shirt too.

namjoon was enjoying the scene but his eyes fell on the watch behind your back at the wall, only ten more minutes left.

“are you close?” he asked, his hips meeting your thrusts halfway.

you shook your head trying to produce as low sounds as possible.

“daddy has just the thing for you,” he grinned, turning the chair in a one-eighty degree angle with the help of his feet.

you were now facing areum, who watched you two bewildered. you could not help but feel embarrassed as a blush crept up your cheeks. you are thankful that you had not shed your clothing so she could not really see anything inappropriate. as if the act itself is not inappropriate.

“ask her why she failed,” namjoon encouraged you, positioning his hips at an angle as he pushed his length upwards in a particularly hard thrust.

your hands gripped tighter on the backrest of the chair, “why did you fail?”

areum turned to your fucked out face, “i-uh wrote a song lyric instead of an answer to quantum models for electromagnetic fields in media.”

you could not help the sardonic laugh that leapt out of your mouth, considering you are not someone who puts others down based on their learning abilities, or based on anything for the matter but at the moment, it was like a laughter of victory. you did not just land a hunk of a professor because you added an extra sway to her hips but because you have the brains to tie his down for all the lifetimes to come. you are smart, intelligent, attractive and the mother of an equally brilliant child. a sense of pride reflected on your features which also neared you towards your orgasm. wow, namjoon was right, he had the perfect catalyst to push you towards your high and it was working.

“yes, i know what you are thinking,” namjoon started when he noticed the expression on your face, “you are so smart, it really gets daddy’s dick hard every time.”

a shiver ran down your back at his lewd yet provocative words, the roll of your hips slowing down momentarily from getting tired. taking the opportunity, namjoon grabbed your hips and held them tightly near the base of his length and started thrusting at a fast pace. every time his length went upwards, you could feel the tip touching your cervix as your eyes rolled to the back of your head, which was thrown backwards, washing in the waves of pleasure.

namjoon kept thrusting upwards, his thrusts only getting harder as your walls started to clamp down around his length.

“fuck. even after pumping out my baby, this pussy is still piping hot and tight as ever,” your husband muttered out as he came inside you, his hips still rolling into yours, mixing his cum with your juices. you came, too, moments later, your legs trembling from the uncomfortable position.

he set you down on his desk, your back again to areum. namjoon zipped up his pants first before helping you with fixing your dress. he even fixed your hair for you before walking to areum to tell her something.

you kept sitting on the desk, your eyes fixed on the whiteboard. during sex, because of your dumb bundle of nerves which melt at the sight of his dick, it led you to believe that it was a good thing you landed namjoon but truth be told, your intelligence has only proved to be the bane of your existence.

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

a/n: the timeskip at childbirth was intentional, nothing special or significant happened so i did not write it (might write a drabble on it someday). all the scientific experiments, theories mentioned are all correct, both factually and practically. yes honey, homegurl read papers on quantum mechanics and polarization of light to write one (1) line :))

feedback is deeply appreciated.✨

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- jaimie.

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