#high school when i was so fucking stressed out and depressed about graduating (hmmm sound familiar 🤔💕) and i had spent literally ALL YEAR do
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hi mutuals. ive been gone all day in capstone hell in part bc my advisor is basically making me restructure the entire thing and it’s literally due on saturday. also if i look at a screen for another second my eyes will explode out of my face i think. like screens are so weird and 3d to me rn and it hurts my eyes and is too up close but also im pretty sure i have a lazy eye now so that’s probably why lol. but I have a week of this left at least atp except i can’t possibly ahve a week of this left because i literalt graduate a week from today. i feel like setting everything on fire
#purrs#what is it with me and my teachers / professors changing my entire project at the last minute LOL. throwback to ap art i. senior year of#high school when i was so fucking stressed out and depressed about graduating (hmmm sound familiar 🤔💕) and i had spent literally ALL YEAR do#doing my stupjd breadth and composition. or whatever it was like the names of the 2 stupid categories w head to do and i spent the whole yEA#year doing paintings for my compositon and i didn’t finish them bc i bit off more than i could chew (hmm sound familiar 🤔💕) and got permissi#permission from her to do my last like 3-4 paintings as collages in my sketchbook and then i had to give her mt sketchbook to like physicall#physically handle them and grade them (which was mortifying bc mt sketchbooks are like my diary basically) and after she gave it back she sa#sat me own and told me that she thought i had a better chance of getting a high score if in just used my sketchbook collages + some RANDOM#SKETCHBOOK PAGES that i had just been doing for fun and in my free time. instead of the paintings. thst i had spent all year fucking#murdering myself over. and iwas so angry but i went with it and i only got a 4 LMFAOOOOOOOO like this is just a repeat of that where he’s li#like you have to redo your entire fucking soi and break down everything etc etc and i swear to god i’ll get like a C. and at this point i do#don’t care. i almost broke down crying to him i was trying so hard to hold it together but i was telling him how i am worried about changing#so much of this right now not because I don’t care but because im exhausted and i DESPERATELY want and need to be done bc it’s been like#2 weeks of this at least. and he said nothing to that (in part bc i didn’t even look at him when i said it bc i was too embarrassed and bc i#said something else right after to lighten the mood bc i was too embarrassed) but like. lol still. this all sucks TREMENDOUSLY. i literally#am graduating in one week and it feels like i still have a month left and i have no fucking idea honwim gonna do this bc the stupid paper i#have been trying to write for the last 2 days he basically told me i have to redo in its entirety AND THE THING IS ITS 10 FUCKING PERCENT OF#MY ETIRE GRADE LKKE THIS IS SO STUPID HELPPPPPPPPPPPP help. this is so stupid and my faculty mentors can’t help me and im like ok maybe i ai#will go lie in the street right now. also not counting seeing glimpses of my roommates i haven’t been around another human being in person I#in a week and 2 days and ive only left my room 3#3x in that time span too all to go like take out the trash or some shit. so im absolutely done with everything LOL there is no way this#project is happening and i want to just dump the entire thing unfinished and say please just take it i can’t do it anymore i literally can’t#him: don’t even worry about the time rn. just pretend you have infinite time. me: crying cat meme. LIKE SIR I WOULD LIKE TO BE DONE THIS#VERY INSTANT! HAVE I NOT SUFFERED ENOUGH!!!!!!! HAVE I NOT SUFFERED ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it’s the way i have literally created THREE#fucking collections of literature in the course of doing this project and it still isn’t good enough LOLLL like i appreciate you trying to h#help me do well and give me time etc bu you have to understand i need to be done with undergrad right this second or i will explode
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i got tagged by @chuukitten like a month ago lmao oops
rules: answer 21 questions and tag 21 people (im too lazy lol im sorry i just like to talk about myself so thats what im gonna do HAHA)
im gonna put this under a read more cause it got long
1. nickname: my bf calls me cube
2. zodiac: i dont do zodiac shit lol sorry
3. height: i dont actually know, im bad with remembering things like that
4. hogwarts house: the “fuck jk rowling” house (okay fine im hufflepuff)
5. last thing i googled: farmersonly… dont worry about it
6. favorite musicians: i mean yall know my kpop ones haha… loona, dreamcatcher, fromis 9, pentagon, exid, red velvet, twice, eyedi, weki meki, etc……. outside of kpop oh man where do i begin… its tough cause ive basically only listened to kpop in 2019 but okay so i’d say the band idles, death grips, grimes, streetlight manifesto, huh idk i have a lot that i like but i dont know who else i would consider my “favorites” at the moment
7. song stuck in my head: right now its pirate king by ateez
8. following: 1800 lol
9. followers: on this blog 264, but 724 on my main
10. do you get asks: occasionally
11. amount of sleep: i should sleep way, way more than i do
12. what are you wearing: pajamas
13. dream job: hmmm. i mean i dont dream of working, i dont have a dream “job”, but if the question is about my dream “thing i wanna do a lot of in my life” then i guess my answer is… idk… something where i can just engage in whatever is interesting to me at the moment. like in the vein of my tumblr blogs where i can just post and talk about stuff im interested in. idk if that means being a youtuber or journalist or just someone who does something else and engages in my interests as a hobby, but yeah. or something to do with linguistics of course. though like i dont wanna be a teacher and thats basically the only path lmao (that i would even consider, anyway)
14. dream trip: you know i dont actually have a lot of interest in travel. idk, it stresses me out. i cant think about going places without worrying about how i’ll get around, what i’ll be doing, what i’ll be able to eat since i have a lot of food anxieties… idk. if someone i love wanted to go on a trip with me i’d probably be down, but i dont really know on my own.
15. instruments: i wish i could do music lol
16. languages: are amazing and i love them. okay fine lol i only speak english, but i took german in middle and high school, i took latin in high school as well, then took latin and ancient greek in college, and then after college i did a lot of looking into hungarian, vietnamese, a little bit of indonesian, turkish, and polish, and then recently i’ve been pretty focused on korean for obvious reasons. i speak none of those languages tho, lol. if i heard someone speaking some of those i could get the gist of what types of things theyre talking about most likely, but honestly my whole thing with languages is that im more interested in learning about the intricacies of how languages work and especially how they change over time than i am in actually learning the language. i’d love if my dumb adhd brain allowed me to focus hard enough and really commit to becoming fluent in a second language because so far i’ve only steadily approached being barely conversational, i’ve never actually reached even that point yet lol. and being only fluent in english makes me feel like a stupid american lol. i pick up bits of language really easily, but the rigor of learning ALL the vocab and ALL the little details you need to become actually fluent is where i fall off.Â
like whenever i go through an anime phase, i pick up lots and lots of japanese. like if they keep using a word i’ll see it in the subtitles and figure that it must mean that, and then i’ll pay attention to the endings they use and how they inflect it and i’ll make little inferences about what those signify, so then when i hear a word that i dont recognize but it has a grammatical ending that i know, i can infer the meaning of the word from context, and im going through this same learning process with korean now and it’s super super fun and i’m loving how much progress ive made (though i could have been making progress like three times as fast if i was actually taking a korean class)… but the actual work of learning common phrases, learning the sheer volume of vocab, all that stuff… yeah that’s where i fall off. so idk how fluent i’ll get in korean, but i’m down to find out, lol. maybe this is the one i’ll really try to focus on and achieve it with!
17. 10 favorite songs as of now: of all time????? um okay i cant possibly do that without spending a looong time thinking about it, so i’ll just do the first ten songs that come to my mind when i think of songs that i adore more than most others
keep the streets empty for me by fever ray
colossus by idles
watch it crash by streetlight manifesto
lucky girl by fazerdaze
realiti (demo) by grimes
egoist by loona (olivia hye)
picky picky by weki meki
mother by idles
peekaboo by red velvet
hi high by loona
18. if you were an animal: red panda maybe haha
19. favorite food: pizza cause im a garbage trash person
20. random fact: idk... if yall couldnt tell and didnt already know this, i’m a linguist haha. i went to school for linguistics, i majored in linguistics and classics (latin, ancient greek, etc) though honestly i was only into the languages, roman and greek history is cool and all but not really what i’m most into. majoring in classics was a mistake lol but oh well. i didnt end up graduating though because of unrelated reasons.... adhd, depression, just a general sense that the way the whole system works just wasnt made for me and it didnt click with me and ive never been good at forcing myself to be good at school... and like i was tired of hearing from professors that i have “a very organized mind when it comes to linguistics stuff” (something a greek professor said that meant a lot to me) or that i “understand how language works better than most other students my age” and that im a natural and that its impressive how nuanced my understanding of these concepts is.... while also failing or almost failing all of the classes whose professors said that about me. like basically all those statements were followed by a “, but” or a “, so if you just-”.... sigh. so i guess i’m not “actually” a linguist. whatever “actually” means there.Â
so other random fact i guess, which is still related but anyway... i have a conlang! that’s a constructed language. ive been working on a language for like 6 or 7 years. its at a state right now where it’s not really something i can just like... speak? it was at one point, maybe. but basically what i like to do is try out various ideas i have about language and phonology and morphology, so my language is kind of like a sandbox lol. if youre a scientist you conduct experiments, if youre a linguist i think you should try making a conlang. its not a common hobby but its something i spend an unconscionable amount of time thinking about lol. like basically 24/7. i’m almost always thinking about my word for x thing im seeing or thinking about, or like some sound change i heard that some language had, and how that would sound if applied to the words in my language...Â
like the reason my language isnt at a point right now where i can speak it is because getting into korean has made me think about massively reconfiguring how the grammar works. its always been kinda like latin and german, cause those are what i was taking when i started, and then it got kinda like ancient greek, so the grammar has/had a lot of complicated conjugations that are just honestly so superfluous... its such a mess lol... i have a much better understanding of how those systems come about in language now, so even if i remake my language to have verb conjugations like latin or greek, it’d be a much more coherent and natural system than the one thats existed in my language for years... but after learning about hungarian and korean in particular, i really wanna try making it a lot more logical like those languages are. but my big thing is phonology (speech sounds), so i just get hung up on sound changes and cool new consonants and vowels to add, so i keep putting off actually fixing my language lol. also ive become attached to my awful, amateurish words haha. im so bad at this... a real conlanger like tolkien or the dude who made the languages for game of thrones would look at mine and scoff haha. most of my words are just straight up stolen from words in latin, german, many others, but predominantly... english. i just mangle english words and call it my own lol, and ive been trying to replace those words with original ones that i made up arbitrarily... like my word for nose is just “nass” and my word for dog is “handir” which is just based on english “hound” and german “Hund” and stuff lol. i wanna change those
21. my aesthetic: if you actually read this long ass post, you know that my aesthetic is just “too much information” but not in a sexy way or even an interesting way
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92 truths
 I was tagged by @hiimcaroline, which obviously want me dead xD
1. Drink:Â Cola
2. Phone Call:Â Mum
3. Text: “I will be back before midnight” to my mum
4. Song you listened to:Â Missi Hale - What the world needs now is love
5. Time you cried:Â Yesterday, but not much surprisingly
HAVE YOU EVER…
6. Dated someone twice:Â yop
7. Been cheated on:Â Kinda, hard to explain
8. Kissed someone and regretted it:Â Yup
9. Lost someone special:Â Yes
10. Been depressed:Â Ya.
11. Gotten drunk and threw up: Ya... xD’’
LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:
• blue
• violet
• turquoise
IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…
15. Made new friends: Yes, fortunately ❤️  I’d die otherwise xD
16. Fallen out of love:Â Hmmm... No, not of a particular person I guess. Things, like Caroline mentioned, yeah.
17. Laughed until you cried:Â Sure thing, many many times
18. Found out someone was talking about you:Â Yeah. Nah.
19. Met someone who changed you: I don’t know if I met, but I got closer to some people and that changed me
20. Found out who your true friends are: It’s always difficult to say, there are friends, but they can go anytime and I won’t blame anyone - it’s life. One time you’re closer to somebody and then suddenly not. It may come back, but life is life. I hope those, who I consider friends now will stay them for a long time
21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: I don’t really know what do you mean... xD Like, the list on my right I see now? Yeah. xD
22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in really life?: All of them, otherwise I wouldn’t have them as my FB friends - most of them are not close to me.
23. Do you have any pets: Yeah! A cat, Kesio/Keś and I’m incredibly happy about that
24. Do you want to change your name?: I used to want it so badly, now I’m getting used to this, but still I don’t really feel special connection with my name - almost all my friends call me Yuki or Śniegi
25. What did you do for your last birthday?: My awesome uni friends made me a cake and then gave me cola and we went to drink some tea! It was so sweet, thank you so much <3 Then I met up with my boyfriend. I’m used to celebrating my birthday, but lately it’s just so modest, that I was really grateful for that
26. What time did you wake up?:Â Many times. Officially, 9:30, nah
27: What were you doing at midnight last night:Â Explaining relative clauses to my friend via facebook xD
28. Name something you cannot wait for:Â graduating from uni, holidays (I hate the heat, but at least no uni...), moving out from my home!! especially the last one; aaand having my own family
29. When was the last time you saw your mom:Â 5 minutes ago
30. What is one thing you wish you can change about your life:Â One? Phah xD My laziness, anxiety, stressing too much about stuff that matter more or less, also my daily schedule... and my procrastination, oh yeah
31. What are you listening to right now:Â TV that I hear from the other room xD
32. Have you talked to a person named Tom: “Tom” I don’t think so, but Polish equivalent, which is “Tomasz” yes <- copied from Caroline, becuase same xD
33. Something that is getting on your nerves:Â Too much stress in my life and almost no free time without getting stressed about things that I should be doing... Thanks Uni, fuck you too
34. Most visited website:Â Tumblr, youtube, facebook :D
35. Elementary:Â Done
36: High School: Also done
37: College: Trying to survive.... It’s really hard tho
38. Hair color: Brown, although some people say that it’s dark blond, which always will be funny for me - no, it’s fucking not, geez xD Soon, I will have ombre, with silver toner ;>
39. Long or short hair:Â Medium I guess
40. Do you have a crush on someone:Â Dan from Imagine Dragons... I mean, my boyfriend of course! phih! (that save tho)
41. What do you like about yourself: .... yeaaaah. Suuure. But seriously, I don’t know. Not my body, but I guess that I’m empathetic, loyal and rather truth-telling, but with a skill - I mean, truth without hurting somebody’s feelings xD
42. Piercings:Â Two in a left ear (used to be 3), one in the right one
43. Blood type:Â A RH +
44. Nickname:Â Yuki, Ĺšniegi
45. Relationship Status:Â In a relationship for 2 years :D
46. Zodiac sign:Â Libra
47. Pronouns:Â She/her
48. Favorite tv show: I don’t have a favourite one, there are some that I watch and like
49. Tattoos:Â In the future :D
50. Right or left hand:Â Right hand
FIRST…
51. Surgery:Â Never :D
52. Piercing: My ears, when I  was like incredibly young, still baby that couldn’t talk
53. Word:Â Mama I guess, but not sure
54. Sport: Gymnastics and swimming, then dance, not sure what was first - now I’m just a lazy cinamon-roll
55. Vacation:Â Some Polish cities, the first one abroad was Germany I guess.
56. Pair of trainers: Not sure, I don’t care about the brand
RECENTLY…
57. Eating: Chicken in a creamy-mushroom sauce - I hate mushrooms, but this one wasn’t bad when you put aside mushrooms xD
58. Drinking:Â Tea, bitter one, could be better
59. I’m about to: Get a call from my work
60. Listening to:Â Shots by Imagine dragons, Broiler remix
61. Waiting for:Â A call from my work xDDD
62. Want:Â To relax without having in mind that I have to do so many things...
DO YOU WANT TO…
63. Get married:Â Yup, in the future, after uni I guess. Would be cool. I want my own family
64. Have a career and if so what: Yes, I’d love to be a translator (Preferably audio-visual things, like movies or tv series) <- Same as Caroline xD
WHICH IS BETTER…
65. Hugs or kisses:Â Both, but not too passionate kisses tho, I prefer those gentle yet full of feeling
66. Lips or eyes:Â eyes
67. Shorter or taller: No difference rly. I’m quite short and so is my boyfriend, but as long as he is taller than me then doesn’t matter
68. Older or younger:Â Rather older or at least same age
69. Spontaneous or romantic:  Spontaneous and romantic - yes, it’s possible. It really depends. Lately I need more romantic stuff, but with my schedule it combines a lot xD
70. Nice arms or nice stomach:Â Stomach, definetely.
71. Sensitive or loud:Â It really depends. Sometimes sensitive, sometimes loud, lately I prefer sensitive
72. Hook up or relationship:Â Relationship
73. Troublemaker or hesitant:Â Troublemaker; hesistant are kinda annoying
HAVE YOU EVER…
74. Kissed a stranger:Â Yup
75. Drank hard liquor:Â Yup
76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Well... I don’t wear them, but I did lost some. I have them in my cabinet, they are just lying there, dunno why I bought so many pairs xD
77. Turned someone down:Â Yes
78. Sex on first date:Â No, never, I strongly despite things like that
79. Broken someone’s heart: Hmm... Yeah. I did.
80. Had your heart broken: Oh yeah
81. Been arrested:Â Not yet, but been in a police station on an interrogation xD
82. Cried when someone died:Â Yes
83. Fallen for a friend:Â Yeah, for me love has to begin from a friendship, at least a little, or it should be based on one
DO YOU BELIEVE…
84. In Yourself:Â Sometimes or unconsciously
85. Miracles:Â No.
86. Love at first sight:Â Not really, but it can happen at the first meeting. My love was kiinda at first sight, but I was sceptical
87. Santa Claus:Â No
88. Kiss on the first date:Â Yup
89. Angels:Â Hmm.. not sure
OTHER…
90. Current best friend: Well that may sound sad, but I don’t really have one. Everyone around me has their best friend, so I’m just left there like h-hi can I at least talk to you? ;-; Some friends I may consider best friends, but we talk so rarely or meet hardly ever... Stupid uni, really, it destroys my life...
91. Eye color: Grey. In some light they’re green-ish or kinda blue... But I always say that they’re grey
92. Favorite movie: I reaaaally don’t have favourite movies, tv series or anime. It’s hard to choose or nothing comes to my mind when I have to answer stuff like that.
I tag:  @adsuro@likebreakofdawn @mikux3 same as always, because I don’t have more friends on tumblr hehehehe ;-;
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