#SKETCHBOOK PAGES that i had just been doing for fun and in my free time. instead of the paintings. thst i had spent all year fucking
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hi mutuals. ive been gone all day in capstone hell in part bc my advisor is basically making me restructure the entire thing and it’s literally due on saturday. also if i look at a screen for another second my eyes will explode out of my face i think. like screens are so weird and 3d to me rn and it hurts my eyes and is too up close but also im pretty sure i have a lazy eye now so that’s probably why lol. but I have a week of this left at least atp except i can’t possibly ahve a week of this left because i literalt graduate a week from today. i feel like setting everything on fire
#purrs#what is it with me and my teachers / professors changing my entire project at the last minute LOL. throwback to ap art i. senior year of#high school when i was so fucking stressed out and depressed about graduating (hmmm sound familiar 🤔💕) and i had spent literally ALL YEAR do#doing my stupjd breadth and composition. or whatever it was like the names of the 2 stupid categories w head to do and i spent the whole yEA#year doing paintings for my compositon and i didn’t finish them bc i bit off more than i could chew (hmm sound familiar 🤔💕) and got permissi#permission from her to do my last like 3-4 paintings as collages in my sketchbook and then i had to give her mt sketchbook to like physicall#physically handle them and grade them (which was mortifying bc mt sketchbooks are like my diary basically) and after she gave it back she sa#sat me own and told me that she thought i had a better chance of getting a high score if in just used my sketchbook collages + some RANDOM#SKETCHBOOK PAGES that i had just been doing for fun and in my free time. instead of the paintings. thst i had spent all year fucking#murdering myself over. and iwas so angry but i went with it and i only got a 4 LMFAOOOOOOOO like this is just a repeat of that where he’s li#like you have to redo your entire fucking soi and break down everything etc etc and i swear to god i’ll get like a C. and at this point i do#don’t care. i almost broke down crying to him i was trying so hard to hold it together but i was telling him how i am worried about changing#so much of this right now not because I don’t care but because im exhausted and i DESPERATELY want and need to be done bc it’s been like#2 weeks of this at least. and he said nothing to that (in part bc i didn’t even look at him when i said it bc i was too embarrassed and bc i#said something else right after to lighten the mood bc i was too embarrassed) but like. lol still. this all sucks TREMENDOUSLY. i literally#am graduating in one week and it feels like i still have a month left and i have no fucking idea honwim gonna do this bc the stupid paper i#have been trying to write for the last 2 days he basically told me i have to redo in its entirety AND THE THING IS ITS 10 FUCKING PERCENT OF#MY ETIRE GRADE LKKE THIS IS SO STUPID HELPPPPPPPPPPPP help. this is so stupid and my faculty mentors can’t help me and im like ok maybe i ai#will go lie in the street right now. also not counting seeing glimpses of my roommates i haven’t been around another human being in person I#in a week and 2 days and ive only left my room 3#3x in that time span too all to go like take out the trash or some shit. so im absolutely done with everything LOL there is no way this#project is happening and i want to just dump the entire thing unfinished and say please just take it i can’t do it anymore i literally can’t#him: don’t even worry about the time rn. just pretend you have infinite time. me: crying cat meme. LIKE SIR I WOULD LIKE TO BE DONE THIS#VERY INSTANT! HAVE I NOT SUFFERED ENOUGH!!!!!!! HAVE I NOT SUFFERED ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it’s the way i have literally created THREE#fucking collections of literature in the course of doing this project and it still isn’t good enough LOLLL like i appreciate you trying to h#help me do well and give me time etc bu you have to understand i need to be done with undergrad right this second or i will explode
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hanging out with rose and jack! (jack dawson x fem reader)
"It has always been my passion to go to America!" Fabrizio cheered in third class. You smiled brightly. Fab was one of your closest friends as well as Tommy, who you were sitting with. Jack was also present, your boyfriend of around 2 years. He wrapped his arm around you and you rested your head into his chest. "I'm thankful we made it here in time before the ship left!" You began to explain to Tommy how Jack won three tickets for Titanic in a game of poker and you only had five minutes to get to the ship. But as you were talking, Fabri and Tommy's eyes left yours. The attention was taken off you to another person walking downstairs. "Guys?" Jack's eyebrows furrowed. He turned around to see Rose standing above him, wearing an awkward smile on her face. You turned around, to see Rose and everyone else staring at her. Some sharing whispers.
You were quite fond of Rose for the most part. But you could tell she had developed a little crush on Jack. Which you didn't mind at all!
"Rose!" You stood up to greet her. "It's lovely to see you again, y/n!" She beamed politely. Jack rose up next to you. "Hey there, partner." He teased. Rose sucked in a breath. Was she nervous? "Hello, Jack." She cleared her throat. "May I speak to you?" She lowered her tone slightly so only the two of you could hear. "Sure, go ahead." Jack put his hands in the pockets of his worn out pants. You felt a little awkward standing there. The room was almost dead silent.
"Erm.. I meant in private." She corrected. Heads were then turned to you, including Jack's. You smiled. "Sure, go ahead! I'll find you guys later." You leaned up and kissed his cheek. "Alright. See you later sweetheart." He kissed your head and quickly waved goodbye to Tommy and Fab. As he walked out with Rose, you waved and yelled "ROSE!" Her head snapped to you, concerned. Jack was frightened too. "Yes?" She asked, worriedly. "I like your dress." You giggled. Scaring Rose was always fun. But you weren't lying. Her satin green dress was gorgeoussss. She chuckled and rolled her eyes, walking out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jack and Rose were walking around the deck talking about the weather, about how Jack met you, and his childhood. Up until when Rose got all upset about something silly and snatched his sketchbook. He almost giggled laughed at her childish behavior. But he didn't really mind. She sat down on a lounge chair to skim through the book of topless girls Jack had drawn. Still frustrated, Rose tried to find an insult about the drawings.
But couldn't. "These..." She turned the page as Jack sat down across from her on another chair. "These are quite good. Actually very good. You should sell these." She complimented. "Yeah, well, they didn't think too much of 'em in old Paris." She nodded. After turning another page or two, she began to find beautiful art of you. "But I mostly do it for my own enjoyment now." He told her, sheepishly smiling just at the thought of you. She continued turning the pages just to find that the rest of the book was all you. You were stunning, she had absolutely no problem admitting it. Nonetheless, she loved this art style and wanted it for herself. She was tired of being drawn like a porcelain doll. But she'd bring that up later.
Suddenly, your cheery voice was heard calling their names. The two turned, squinting their eyes because of the sunlight and seeing you running towards them. "Hi! There... there were ehm.." You panted, trying to catch your breath. Jack grinned, helping you sit down and rubbed your back soothingly. But not for long as you turned to him and Rose, stopping his motions. "There were free biscuits downstairs. Some kind lady was handing them out. So I took one of course." You paused, making a gross face at the thought. "But it's utterly disgusting! It must've been the worst thing I've ever eaten. It was hard and tasted like metal!" You stuck your tongue out, still tasting it. Tommy on the other hand, loved the biscuits. So, you and many others gave him yours, much to his delight.
Jack put his feet up either side of yours which were hanging off the side of the chair. He held onto your back and rested his chin on your shoulder lovingly. "Oh! My drawings." You cheesed, looking at the book in Rose's hands. "Hm?" The redhead hummed, looking down. "Oh, yes, I was just returning them." She threw the book onto the chair you and Jack were sat on, hitting his back slightly to which he dramatically cried out, gaining others' attention. He fell flat on his back against the chair with a hand over his forehead and his eyes shut tightly. Rose was not amused, you could tell. But you were, of course.
"Oh, I'm wounded! She's killed me!" He grabbed your arm and yanked you down, resulting in a small shriek. You began giggling (his favorite sound). "Only true love's kiss can save me now." He puckered his lips excessively, leaning in. You put a your finger in front of his mouth, blocking him. You steered your head to Rose. "Want to go for a stroll?" You offered gleefully. Jack rolled his eyes. He just wanted a kiss :( but most of the time you don't kiss him in front of other people because then it turns into a make out and it's rude blah blah blah..
Rose nodded standing up and ready to go. "I just want your loveeeee is that so terrible?" He clinged onto you, teasing. You grinned. You would have gave in if Rose wasn't there. It would've been rude and impolite! So you made a mental note to shower him with love later. Then the two of you stood up and walked around the ship with Rose. She began ranting about how she hates her life. "My dream has always been to just run away and become an artist! Poor, but free!" She laughed. Jack scoffed cheekily. "Listen, princess. You wouldn't last two days without any hot water and hardly any caviar." He joked. You let out a breathy chuckle at his humor. However, Rose was insulted. "I happen to hate caviar." She told him. "And I hate people telling me what dreams I should and shouldn't have!"
"Good for you, Rose!" You smiled. She nodded her head quickly, a little embarrassed. "You're right, I'm sorry." Jack apologized. He forgot that he'd just met Rose and didn't understand a lot about her yet. For example, he's known you for three wonderful years. And he's learned a lot about your body language, things you're sensitive to, etc. "Well.. alright." She accepted.
"Everybody expects me to be this delicate little flower which I'm not! I'm sturdy, I'm as strong as a horse! I'm here to do something. Not just sit around and be decorative. You see this hands?" She held her hands out. "These hands were made for work. Real work." She rambled angrily. The three of you were stopped when a man came up to Rose holding a tray with a teapot and cups. "Care for something, miss? We have tea and billiard." He offered. She scoffed, annoyed. "NO!" She dramatically replied. Jack laughed loudly, causing you to smile a little bit too. You actually felt a little bad for the guy. You three continued walking. "There's something in me. I don't know what exactly it is, but I can feel it. Whether I should be an artist or a sculptor or a.. a dancer! Vague and spirit."
"Or a moving picture artist!" She giggled and ran ahead of you two. She leaned against a broad white pillar as a man used a film to photograph her. You and Jack stood behind him, watching her. "I'm glad she's having a good time with us." You mentioned to Jack. The night where Jack came running back into your room late at night to tell you about a young girl who tried to jump off the ship shocked you. But what was even more interesting is that Jack saved her life and got you two invited to dinner. "I'm proud of you." You looked into his beautiful eyes. He smiled ear to ear and kissed you.
a/n:
WAS IT GOOD WAS IT BAD LMKKK i'm actually kind of proud of this 👀
ik it’s short, it’s only 1.2k words but it was still fun to write! (BTW i have requests open)
#titanic#titanic 1997#jack dawson#jack dawson x reader#rose dewitt bukater#rose#leonardo dicaprio#1997#kate winslet#y/n#jack#jack dawson x y/n#reader#jack x y/n#jack x reader#james cameron
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How tf do you manage to draw and release these amazing comics so fast, what is this sorcery
Thank you so much, I’m trying my best! Honestly, I wish I could draw faster, because we have too many ideas, and I love all of them…
The thing is, a lot of things that we post weren’t drawn that exact day, and I’m just finishing up sketches that we had lying around. When I was on my break at Katsu’s place, I had a lot of free time and finished like 3 sketchbooks in a couple of weeks haha, so I am pretty excited to post all the fun stuff that I’ve drawn over that time. I’ve kind of always been this way to be honest, whenever I have free time, I just draw. A lot. A LOT.
Also, when it comes to comics, we usually pre-write them, like the ideas, the dialogue, even the rough outline of the pages sometimes. So when it comes to actually drawing it, I don’t have to use as much brainpower in one sitting.
If any of you are concerned, don’t be: I’m taking a good care of myself, Katsu also makes sure that I don’t overdo it.
Speaking of Katsu, who is another big reason why we post pretty much every day: Katsu’s been managing my posting schedule for a bunch of years now, and I can’t stress enough how much easier it makes everything for me. Even when we have nothing to post, Katsu somehow finds something to post… Thank you, Katsu.
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the luck of the rabbit
cast: y (golden child) x gn!reader
wc: 437
genre: fluff, comfort
warnings: mentions of being tired, barely proofread
notes: 새해 복 많이 받으세요! a late happy lunar new year—consider this a little gift. life's been very busy but fun lately, but i hope i find more time to write in the future, haha. the banner is mine, btw. (also, rabbit. bunny. whatever. still thought of sungyoon when i saw what year we were celebrating.)
you opened a new page in your sketchbook, and put pencil to paper for the first time in a few days. your grip was light on the pencil, as if you were letting it move of its own accord, merely following its will.
after about 15 minutes, the page was no longer blank, but filled with a large rabbit and a variety of other doodles. how freeing it was, to stay in your room, draw and forget about stress for a while.
you felt a pair of arms wrap around your shoulders and you glanced upwards with a smile. "sungyoon! when did you get back?"
"only a few minutes ago. the bakery was quite busy today, but that makes sense when it's the day before seollal."
"i'm sure you're happy that it's finally the year of the rabbit?" you joked. amongst your friends, everyone liked to joke that his features were rather bunny-like, especially when he smiled.
"of course!"
you ruffled his hair with one hand, pencil in the other. “i can't wait to celebrate with you and your family. i've missed seeing them!"
work had been busy lately, and although you enjoyed your job for the most part, you still needed to rest, but also, reflect on everything that had happened to you in the last 12 months. you were more than happy to start over and welcome the new year with open arms.
hopefully, spending time around your chosen family would raise your spirits.
sungyoon glanced at the intricate drawings in your sketchbook in awe. "wow, this is really beautiful. i remember that my cousins really loved your art—they smile so much around you."
you beamed with pride. "i'm glad. i'd be happy to draw some more for them!"
he motioned for you to sit beside him on your apartment couch, and gently laid his head on your shoulder, letting out a content sigh of relief.
"doing errands really tires you out at the end of the day," he said, and you couldn't help but giggle a little. you stroked his back fondly.
"let's just stay here a little while longer then."
he yawned and pulled you closer to him. "hey, can i take a picture of that rabbit drawing of yours later? for luck."
to that, you chuckled. "you're enough luck for the both of us, sungyoon."
the red lanterns scattered around the house, your sketchbook, the thought of delicious glass noodle stir fry, memories of the people you loved (including the one with his head now in your lap)—all of these would carry you into the year of the rabbit and hopefully beyond.
taglist: @restlessmaknae
#kflixnet#kwritersworldnet#golcha x reader#golden child x reader#golden child imagines#golden child y#golden child sungyoon#golcha scenarios#golcha imagines#golden child scenarios#tranquilpetrichorfic
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So I woke up too early had a thought and now I can't sleep because it just keeps spinning in my head. Anyway, self-aware yan Mika go brrrrrr
Imagine Mika's second FS comes and it's adorable and he looks very sweet. But then you log into the game and little self aware Yan Mika has been getting riskier with what he does. Maybe darling in this case just doesn't care about him getting more into gore and his increasingly worrying remarks about him and about them, maybe they enjoy him talking about it maybe they just didn't noticed or thought it was a passing bug. And the moving CG is completely different. It doesn't show in the gacha preview, that looks just fine, but then you pull once (and if course you only need one of whatever pull you make, Mika's just so giddy to show you he can't help himself) and the moving CG has him showing you a page of his eroguro sketchbook.
The story is completely changed too. Part one is fine, but then part two starts and you compare again and again with information online bit for you the second story of the FS is just Mika opening his sketchbook showing you the one piece he has opened and explaining everything about it in excruciating detail. Maybe after a while every time you try to check on that second part the picture changes and it becomes something else, and again you have to sit there listening to him until he's done(the skip button isn't even visible, it's gone, if you try closing and reopening the game no matter how many times you do it it is still there right where you left if. Maybe Mika comments on how he's sad you're too busy to listen to his rambles but he'll wait for you to come back so he can continue, he's so excited to finally have the chance to share his work and passion with you after all!). And if you keep doing it the more interest he'll think you have on his work, you just wanted to see if everything is fixed after a while but now Mika thinks you like his work and you like hearing him talking about it and he relaxes even more with how he talks and what he talks about even outside of the FS story.
Whoops this got out of hand.
Warnings: yandere (i see it as horror, not romance), eroticised gore, Mika being a perv, stalking(? Hacking into cameras), lewd descriptions. Heed the warnings, please, the descriptions of his sketches got dark/gross. Let me know if I missed anything. Reader discretion is advised.
Although the nsft-ness isn't graphic, it's more than just suggestive so minors, don't read ahead nor interact.
Mika is so obsessed... You're all he ever talks about, you're all he ever thinks about. He's even had dreams about you! He's convinced he's fallen in love, and nobody will change his mind. Not even you. Not even the fact that his existence is a mistake, a broken piece of code, and that you exist on an entirely different dimension than him. He'll find a way to break free, to get to you. Until then, this is all he can do. Draw and imagine and hope. And then the FS2s roll around and he thinks... maybe it's time to give you a more personal story.
All this time, he fed you his normal thoughts, just telling you simple things: "I dreamt ya kissed me... I was disappointed when I woke up..." in which he left out that he dreamt you were kissing him while he was knuckles-deep in your ribcage. Gradually amping it up. "I sometimes want'cha to... hurt me. 'S that weird?" he wonders on your homescreen. He beams when he hears you giggle and coo at him from behind the screen. Then he starts randomly giving you a sentence or two about his special art. "I really like drawin' guts. The texture's so fun," and "Sigh... Drawin' blood splatters without no reference is so hard..." and, yes, after some time, "Hey, hey, Producer... Can I draw ya all gored up? You'd look so cute all bruised 'n bloody~" But still, he takes care to hide his eroguro leanings, for now. Mika is elated you seem accepting of his art, you even seem to think it's endearing at times. But he forgets he's not supposed to be "real", the only reason why you're laughing and calling him cute is because he's supposed to be "fictional", a non-threat.
Then his FS2 arrives. It's a regular card, like all the others. The emotion unbloomed, planned to show him greeting his lovely Producer. Waving and smiling, needle and thread in hand. In the storyline - he was supposed to be greeting them in the dressing room where they came by to check in on his plans for the feature live. That's not what he wanted. The emotion took his model just as much as the homescreen. It was him.
He was in control.
So he changed it. He left the first chapter of the idol story as it is, it was unimportant to him. He only changed the emotion and the second chapter. And Mika patiently waited for his Producer to notice the new banner, the new stories. Fiddling with the hem of his shirt, staring intently, quietly from the homescreen. "Read my story, please, Producer," "Plea~se, scout for my card," "Pay attention to me," "Choose me," love me, love me, love me, love me. He makes sure to come home to you even on a single pull. He wants to show off.
He wants you to see what he did. When you pull the card, when you watch the Emotion, it looks... off. There's something eerie about Mika's leer in it. It's as if he's staring right at you. It feels uncanny. His smile doesn't reach his eyes, in fact, it's more of a grin. And he's holding up a book of sorts. A sketchbook.
He's showing off a self-portrait. An ambitious "what he wishes he was" portrait. A sketch of himself, eyes torn out of their sockets by a pair of disembodied hands. But it wasn't simply gorey... no, Mika drew himself, covered only by a pair of briefs and his own blood.
You were likely taken aback by this. You were grateful for the 5*, but you couldn't shake off the nausea that came with meeting the eyes of this Mika. Just what on Earth could be the context? So you go and read the story. First chapter, entirely normal. Second chapter... there's no title card. No season, no writer, no nothing. The background is Mika and Ritsu's room, but the only character is Mika. It's voiced. Were feature scout stories always voiced? Mika opens by saying he wants to show you something. He wants you to sit on his bed next to him. You, the player, do. You have no choice. Mika is in control. He grabs his sketchbook from under his pillow. "Look," he flips it open, "Tell me what'cha think of this..." he shows you the sketch of himself, eyes missing.
"It's hard, Producer... I still don't really like my eyes... I just wish... Sometimes I wish I could pluck 'em out." The grin doesn't match his words. "Would'ya love me then?" Direct. "Do you keep leavin' and choosin' the others because of my eyes? I'll take 'em out fer ya. I'll let you do it! Just say the word!" You cannot interrupt him no matter how badly you want to.
The story ends with him promising to show you more. That you understand him, that he wants to share all his art with you. And you are... confused. Immediately leaving to social media to figure out what the hell happened. Yeah, Ensemble Stars had its crazy moments, it's rated 18, it's had so many questionable things... but the questionable things were only mentioned. Here, you were treated to very graphic art of a character being mutilated while half-naked. But everyone online, all the livetweets and liveblogs, all the translations, they're all presenting a far different story. A whole different Emotion. Just what the hell?
So you return again. You open the story again. Mika is overjoyed - do you want to hear more? Oh, for you, he'll show it all to you. You won't mind if your phone freezes for a moment while he's inserting himself into the code, right? This time, the story continues from where you left off. This time, he flips a page. Art of Mika himself tied up, blindfolded, gagged. Ribs spread apart. The same disembodied hands from before reaching in to mush his organs. "These are... Mm," he gulps. The Emotion shows him hesitating. He addresses you by your name. Voiced. "I want you to hurt me." Now it's getting weird. "You understand, right? I want to... give ya control. I wanna give myself to you, so if ya wanna rough me up like this..." That's far more than just "roughing someone up"
He has more to say, but you're, frankly, nauseated by it. You let him speak, but aren't listening. He mentions something about artistic gore and symbols. Excuses.
You're back on the homescreen. Mika, whom you put there since he was so likeable to you, was quiet again. No textbox. Just staring at you, smiling. Was the story going to change again?
"Wow, again? Um, well, I ain't got much else to show ya... unless you want me to show ya the... weirder stuff?" Weirder stuff. Just what the fuck could possibly be weirder than what he's shown you so far? ... Never underestimate Mika's tastes.
"This... is my pride and joy," A painting. Of you. How does this game know how you look? Unimportant. "Please, look at the details, carefully," the Emotion is blushing furiously. He gasps and hides his face behind the sketchbook, but his red ears still peek out. "I looked at you so much to draw this... I went through yer gallery... I hacked yer camera... I watched you..." he gulped, "I watched you when you were changin'... 'M sorry for bein' a pervert, (Y/N)-chan, but I did it all so I could do this. Ain't it perfect?"
Truthfully, it was weird just how "perfect" it mirrored your appearance. Not just weird, no, you've decided Mika was a maniac. Sentience, self-awareness, all of that can get fucked. Whatever it was, it was the work of a maniac.
The piece he was so proud of was of you, on your knees, hands tied behind your back, legs spread open. But don't worry! Your sensitive area was covered, remained hidden! By the intestines spilling out of the gaping hole in your middle. A drawn Mika, grasping your shoulder with one hand, the other holding the knife that was buried to the hilt in your gut. He was drawn kissing you. No, it was making out. Spit and tongue were more than present. "Do ya like it?" he has the audacity to ask. "This one took so long 'cause I had so many ideas... I wanted to also-" you stopped listening. Where's the skip button? The interface is malfunctioning. You're on auto without the ability to tap through or skip. You force quit the game.
And when you come back? "Hey, don't interrupt me! I'm bein' so nice, I know ya like my art, y've never once told me ya hate it. Y're the one who encouraged me, remember?" You do not remember. "As I was sayin'..."
You want off this ride, in short, but Mika's not having it. "I get y're pro'lly shy 'bout this, but ya don't hafta be! Y're my own li'l muse, ya need to get used to bein' the subject of my art." But you don't want that. "'Sides... This ain't fer nobody else to see, but me..." Mika giggles. Giggles! You wish you could slap him. He continues showing you piece after piece. Each worse than the previous. Each with worse reasonings and details than the previous.
"Y'know," he pauses. "You don't hafta listen to everythin' right now. If y're busy, you can leave. I'll wait for ya. I'll a~lways be waitin' for ya right here..." back to the unnerving leer from the first emotion. Such a creepy stare... He hugged his sketchbook close to his chest. "Ya don't hafta worry 'bout ever losin' me. I'm never leavin' ya..."
#[blacks out and comes to when this is alrd written out] damn what happened here uhhhhhhhh#ensemble stars#self-aware enstars#yandere enstars#mika kagehira#yandere#nsft-ish#asks#mika kagehira x reader
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Check it out everyone, 3 years of art progress! And I wrote a guide for beginners! 😊
Hi! I’m Laura, age 31. I’ve always drawn occasionally, but never really stuck with it. Frankly it stressed me out. I’d draw for a month, then cry a bunch, then quit for a couple more years. But this time I turned it into a habit somehow. I’ve been drawing near-daily since Feb ‘21 and my life is better for it. Art’s a huge part of me now; it affects how I spend my time, how I express myself, and how I see the world. I feel like a happier, more complete human being.
So here’s what worked for me. This is a guide for hobbyists (I don’t have commercial ambitions) and it may or may not work for you. But I hope you can learn something from it regardless. Without further ado, my thesis:
~ Laura’s Steps for Drawing A Lot and Hopefully Getting Better ~
1 – Manage Your Health
Know what’s bad for your art? Depression! Glad I got around to treating mine. But for real, if you lack self-confidence you might want to check your mental health. It isn’t the sole factor but it can rapidly overtake the others. Every day I see a post like “how do I improve, every time I try to draw I’m overwhelmed with thoughts I’m bad at everything and a burden to the people around me”. That’s relatable but not a healthy way to see yourself. Low self-esteem can be treated. Please consider talking to someone - you’re a wonderful, lovable person and deserve a happy life.
Also, try to get plenty of sleep and eat regular meals; it helps with everything. Exercise is worth a shot too. Going for walks is good for your mind and body. Yes it’s boring, but boredom gives you space to imagine things.
#2 – Make It Fun
You’re taking this too seriously. Yes, you. It’s just a hobby. Take the pressure off. Have fun.
What does that mean? It means you need to make art approachable. It has to be a comfort hobby you’re naturally drawn to. That means killing all thoughts of what you SHOULD do. If it makes you want to draw, go for it. Anime characters? Pretty ladies? Fanart? Furries? Doodles from imagination? Zentangles? Pencils? Digital? Do it. If drawing the “right way” burns you out, draw things the wrong way instead. You know who draws a lot? Children. You know who doesn’t draw super well? Children. Have that mindset. Draw like a child. Don’t compare yourself to others; just enjoy the process of creating something. You had that ability once and I know you can reacquire it.
Intimidated by an empty sketchbook? Don’t wanna ruin a white page? That’s OK; find something you don’t mind ruining. Grab a half-used notebook and a ballpoint pen. You EXPECT those to look horrendous. If you can have fun filling that notebook, you can have fun drawing regularly, and if you draw regularly you can slowly improve your art. It happened to me. I went from rarely drawing to wanting to do it every day. I still sketch in ballpoint now; it’s fun and comfortable.
Also, if drawing’s NOT fun? That’s OK too! There’s loads of ways to express creativity; go do do one of those. For me it was The Sims 3, then knitting, then drawing. Find something accessible and build your confidence up. The world needs bonsai trees and Minecraft castles just as much as drawings. <3
#3 – Seek Instruction
You’ve made drawing a habit, congratulations! You’ve probably learned heaps already; it’s natural to work out techniques as you go. But deducing art wisdom from scratch isn’t super efficient. There’s no need to reinvent the wheel when you can learn so much from others.
You can do a paid course (great way to meet people), but you don’t have to. All the information’s free on the internet! Teachers will cover the same things in different ways or from different perspectives. There’s no exclusive knowledge; the more you study, the more overlap you’ll notice. It all comes together for a more complete understanding of fundamental concepts.
Here’s some of my favourite resources (currently all available free online)(except the Winslow one which was taken down, boo):
r/artfundamentals, ie. drawabox.com . A great starter course on how to hold a pen, draw lines, build forms and so on. You can follow structured lessons or just practice whatever you need to.
How to Draw: Drawing and Sketching Objects and Environments from Your Imagination, by Scott Robertson. This book’s the gold standard on perspective and great for technical thinkers. It gets VERY advanced but there’s basic stuff to learn from as well. If the textbook intimidates you, try this excellent video playlist by Dan Beardshaw. He walks you through the same concepts in a simple approachable manner. Vital information if you want your work to look 3D.
anything by Andrew Loomis. He’s an icon for a reason; the Loomis head is a standard art tool to this day. I also enjoy the anachronistic career advice (“all advertisers will pay for a well-drawn head” or whatever it was). Here’s the ones I’ve read and enjoyed:
Fun with a Pencil
Figure Drawing for All It’s Worth
Drawing The Head and Hands
Creative Illustration (my current fave, great for composition)
Classic Human Anatomy in Motion, by Valerie L. Winslow. Hot take – people who say “learn anatomy” to beginners are idiots. SO MANY fundamentals come before anatomy if you wanna draw good-looking characters. You’ll get better results studying proportion, form, gesture, shapes and composition first. But if/when you want to learn bones and muscles, this is the book for you! It’s probably overkill, but I loved the breakdown of facial muscles and how they create expression. Top-tier reaction image material.
Proko!! Fabulous Youtube channel. Not only is Stan a great teacher, he invites on other artists too. Just go to his search bar and plug in a keyword; you’ll always find something helpful. I recommend his channel if you want to draw humans (loads of gesture, forms, proportion, anatomy etc.), but there’s a video or two on everything. Some of my other favourite videos:
Mind-Blowing Realistic Shading Tricks. Simple effective intro to light and shadow, I still go back and learn from it.
How to Draw Dynamic Shapes – FORCE Series Part 3. So compelling I bought the book afterwards. Blew my mind, instantly improved all my shapes and in turn my composition and gesture.
Painting Skin Tones and How Light Affects Color. Marco Bucci’s a genius with colours, he explains value and saturation in such fascinating ways.
Digital Shape Carving with Scott Flanders – good companion to the shading video above, teaches dramatic silhouettes and cel-shading within a really interesting workflow.
Google. Any question. Throw it in. Someone’s made a video or reddit post about it. You’d be surprised! I swear, the number of times I’ve typed “composition tips” or “digital watercolour clip studio paint” or “how draw horse head”.
Remember, take it easy. Don’t burn yourself out. Back off if you feel the tears creeping in. Study should supplement your drawings, not replace them. If in doubt, revert to step 2 – “bad” art is better than no art.
4– Study Life
If you did step 3 you’re way ahead of me on this one. USE REFERENCES. Draw things from photos (or real life if possible). Fill your brain with visual information. Here’s a thread I made for sharing references of humans.
What if you prefer to draw from imagination? That’s fine – try a hybrid approach. Doodle whatever comes to you, then look up references and try again. For example I’ll doodle a bear, then draw from photos of bears, then doodle new bears using the things I learned. It’s fun and also a good way to test your knowledge. You may also enjoy combining different references; eg drawing animal fusions, combining poses with an outfits etc. It gets easier to do the more you practice.
Between art pieces I keep a balance between drawing from imagination, drawing from reference, following art lessons, and studying other artists. Speaking of which –
5 – Study Art
Ever heard “Don’t draw anime until you’ve learned anatomy?” or “Learn the rules before you break them?” I strongly disagree with both of those statements. Fundamentals are great but there’s never a point you stop learning them, and studying life won’t teach you how to stylise. That’s why you also need to learn from your favourite artworks. This gets easier/more efficient as you build your broader art skills, but you can learn styles at any point of your art journey (see – step 2). In fact, it makes study more enjoyable, since stylised art can look better and feel more “you”. You already know what you want to create– why not start now?
Let’s take anime as an example. That’s a huge genre with loads of variation. So, what’s your personal taste? Round and cute, or sharp and serious? Choose your favourite shows and study how they do it. Observe their lines, shapes and proportions. Then try it yourself. Make fanart. Not only is replication good art practice in general, it’ll teach you a bunch of new tricks. For original work, pull from loads of sources, the more diverse the better. Work in your love for Silver Age comics or medieval tapestries or German expressionism. The more places you learn from, the more unique and personal your style will be. Your art becomes a visual scrapbook of all the artists you love. I think that’s beautiful. <3
6 – Find Community
Art friends! Best thing ever. You can bond over your shared obsession, commiserate over tough parts, and learn about art together. A lot of my drawings are in-jokes exchanged with my BFF. I’ve known them from childhood (lucky) but apparently adults can make friends too. Fandom spaces are great for this; many Discord channels have a dedicated artists’ zone. You can also try r/sketchdaily or challenges like Mermay/Inktober if you want a sense of community.
If you don’t have art friends (yet), that’s OK; parasocial works too! I like watching “Draw With Me” content on Youtube. It’s great to put on while you’re creating, especially when you don’t have the energy for something educational. Not only is it inspiring, you can learn tips and tricks along the way. And of course, you can never go wrong with Bob Ross.
7 – Be Interesting
The very first step was to manage your health. In a way, we’ve looped back to the beginning. Because no matter what you do, art begins and ends with who you are. You can practice fundamentals 12 hours a day but if you never live your life, you’ll never make interesting art. No one cares for artists whose only character trait is how hard they grind. So go be the most vibrant version of yourself. Take up weird hobbies. Make weird friends. Seek new experiences. Question the beliefs you grew up with. Read books for a while instead of drawing. Develop your principles. Embrace what makes you different. Survive the worst year of your life somehow. Learn what makes you thrive. Your art won’t be for everyone. But it WILL mean the world to some. And to me, that’s the whole point of doing this. Good luck, fellow artist. The world is your adventure yet to come. I believe in you. <3
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im gonna reply to some asks but not that many bc the last time i tried to type up one of these posts i accidentally closed the tab and lost like several paragraphs so now im scared
lots of heavypaint questions
@porch-gremlin
its the fan tool on heavypaint!! which is a free drawing app that i love a lot. and the fan tool is my fave its kind of a crutch actually im trying to use other tools gkfdhgsdg but its so fun i can do a whole painting using it exclusively. heres a video of it in action while i mess w the configuration options. u can slide the noise jitter up and down so its more or less streaky hehe ^^
thank you!!! heavypaint ROCKS!!!!! I love it... its like the only art program ill be a shameless shill for lol
also im flattered you think of my art while playing splat...i should draw more splat i feel like i havent done enough.
my phone!! I have a samsung galaxy note 20 that I am still not done paying off LMAO.... but I've been a galaxy note user for years. combined with heavypaint its a shockingly good mobile sketchbook.
I'm sorry it's crashing on your tablet... I don't have a tablet so I don't really have an advice. Unfortunately because HP is a small dev app it can be kind of finicky... especially in between updates. I think if you reached out to vaughn ling/heavypoly he'd probably respond though! he seems to keep up with the community pretty well.
@hellisrealsign nice nice.. I'm glad our tastes match up a little! hopefully that means you don't mind my frequent fandom jumping LOL. I promise to always be true to my homestuck-loving infinity-train-loving self.
LMAOOOOOO I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD TIME? (covered in blood)
idk is it worth it to read any shounen manga for female side characters?????? (??) HEAVILY DEBATABLE. on one hand the casual observer would say no but on the other hand femslash shippers are the strongest people on god's green earth and will endure great tortures for paltry table scraps.
I think mha is a good manga but it's still a shounen, some of the tropes they squeeze the girls into kind of suck. I can kind of put my annoyance aside because regardless im still a big fan of cool fight scenes and the power of friendship but I think your mileage will vary depending on how much tolerance you have for that kind of story...? There's an awful lot of chapters afterall.
I will say this: though toga and ochako aren't the main characters they're not in the background either. the path of their relationship spans multiple arcs across the entire manga and is both plot relevant and relevant to the greater themes/thesis of the story. it's pretty clear that the mangaka and editorial team are dedicated to giving these characters the time and page space to play out. it's not perfect but thats better than a decent amount of big shounen femslash in my opinion? shrugs
Thank you! for both the compliments and the concern. but I want to assure you that... to be perfectly honest I don't think I'll ever stop posting my art regardless of AI. I don't want to make this into a hot take like this is an entirely personal opinion and I don't expect any other artists to share my position but: Everything about my art that I consider valuable is inherently impossible for AI to replicate and everything about my art that is replicable and monetizable is not something I'm interested in owning or protecting. (this is also why at the end of the day i dont really care that much about art theft, tracing etc. and i think 90% of the time style theft is just silly)
I believe art should be freely shared and to restrict that is to make art into a product which is morally despicable and moreover uninteresting... to me. lol. I DO RECOGNIZE HOWEVER I'm very lucky to have both more of an online audience than I even want + a fulltime job that takes the pressure off any of my other art to make money. it's totally valid for other artists to have differing opinions on this especially depending on personal circumstances. AND also I make art that is primarily a product above all else for work everyday so im a hypocrite but. yeah thats my two cents.
I love posting art online LOL. I do it because its fun for me.
HAPPY NEAR YEAR!!!!!!!!!11111111
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Get to know me tag game!
Exactly what it says on the tin, I was tagged by @samblerambles for this one!
Top 3 Ships: I hope this question means just, like, currently, cause no way could I choose a top 3 of all time 😭. Current Nuclear-Levels-of-Brainrot Blorbo ships are: 1) Jeca (Jesse x Beca, Pitch Perfect); 2) Zelink (Link x Zelda, primarily Breath of the Wild/Tears of the Kingdom); and 3) Zekkna (Jaina x Zekk, Star Wars Legends/Young Jedi Knights). Honorable mentions go to the polyam versions of these ships tho (JessexBecaxChloe and Jaina's Mini Harem aka JainaxZekkxJag(xmaybe Kyp but I'm not sold on him). And maybe also YonaxSidonxLinkxZelda, which I just think is neat and fun)
Favorite color: yellow! I love a good golden, sunny yellow I gotta say 😁
Last Song: unintentionally, Cake by Itzy (played on the radio at the boba place I went to today); intentionally, Mr. Perfectly Fine (Fearless Vault Track by Taylor Swift)
Last Book: you know what, it's been 7 months since I last read anything, I think that officially makes this answer None until I get around to reading another book 😅.... Or it's the Little Golden Books baby's first biography on Taylor Swift. Which might actually be cringier 😅 (cringe is dead and it's a cute book etc etc but goddamn does this still say something about my ability to read actual books nowadays rip)
Last Movie: The Eras Tour Movie, preceded by The Barbie Movie
Currently Watching: nothing intentionally. I like watching some of the MeTV block of classic 70's/80's/90's shows tho. I'm always down for classic Macgyver and Emergency!
Current obsession: while you might come to the conclusion, based on this post, that it's Taylor Swift, I'm actually still fairly normal about her I promise 😅 I maintain the distinction that I'm a swiftie, but I'm not a Swiftie™. There's a difference. No, the actual answer is only mentioned once so far: Pitch Perfect, more specifically Jeca (and also SwanSongs aka Jesse/Beca/Chloe), even more specifically the secret good sequel to the third movie where Jeca can still win (and everyone is truly, canonically queer in a myriad of ways) that lives rent-free in my head, multiple pages of my sketchbooks, and as the Big Damn Fic™ I've been posting very slowly to AO3 since last year. Don't believe me? I'm gonna add '#jeca' and '#not to Blorbo on main but' to the tags of this post, look through the reblogs and actual blogs I've tagged over the past couple years and you'll truly understand how deep it all goes.
Currently Working On: allegedly, it's chapter 2 of the Big Damn Fic™ I just mentioned, 'these hands had to let it go free and- (This Love came back to me)', for which i just posted the ending a couple weeks ago as its own fic in the series to show that I'm doing something with it.
Country You Want to Visit: Scotland, Norway, and New Zealand. And also maybe Iceland. Pretty much in that order. I'd take a tour of Europe too tbh but those are the Big 3 (4).
Tags for Funsies: @thesorrowoflizards @lord-owlsnake @qcboeifzzz @beautiful-flutey @avian-violet and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it! Go for it! (No pressure tho ofc)
#tag games#ask games#taylor swift#jeca#not to blorbo on main but#zelink#zekkna#zekk nolastname#zekk solo fel#oh man is the brainrot strong for these stories#got brainrot so bad i started mentally fleshing out jesse's mom and ended up drawing up an entire page of drawings for her#i think she's my second favorite pitch perfect oc now (second only to my beloved sunshine daughter Maria#naturally)#ill talk more about her when i post said drawings but just know that a) shes kind of a weirdo just like her son#b) she's World's Best Mom™#c) she will see a feral stray standoffish cat in human form (aka Beca) and say 'is anyone else gonna adopt this poor girl'--#--and not wait for an answer. sorry beca she's your mom now. yeah its permanent no backsies. yeah youre on the christmas card too.#(its ok tho in this verse beca's mom is basically nonexistent--much like the actual movies make her--so she's sorely in need of one)#anyways. brainrot. its real bro
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Soo Marcy aus!
I don't know who made the expression sheets, but lets get into the aus!
(See info below the cut on the aus!)
((also, if you have an au in this and don't want it, tell me and I can scribble/remove it out if you want!!))
A1, F1 and F7 (Orginal, Calamity (She go Blep!) and Adult) are all from the original show.
B1 (marky) is from the Fandom, while E7 (Darcy) is heavily inspired from the fandom.
C1, A7, and F2 aus, (Left behind, God and Cursed respectively) were designed by my friend. Left behind is well, being left in Amphibia. God is being a god and Cursed is based off my other expression sheet draw here.
E2 (fantasy au) was created by the lovely @tinydragontoons! Thank you for letting me draw her and lovely Mars! Def. go check them out. They got lots of art!!
E1 (True calamity) was inspired by a youtube video: THIS By the lovely Rezmei Seno!!
A2 (medieval) was not directly from someone but was heavily inspired by many people. There are so many medieval aus I couldn't just choose one!
B2 (PJO aka Percy Jackson Au) is VERY inspired (and also from) the amazing @raqueliie 's au!! I highly recommend checking it out if you have not. Their art is also AMAZING!
C2 and B4 (Good ending and Bad ending) are both from my mini-series "what if"? comics I like to doodle in my sketchbook.
Also D4 (beyond Amphibia) is another, (newer) part to my "What If-?" mini series. Its where the trio stay in amphibian and go to the new continent previously undiscovered.
D2 (amphibia as a child) is also very widely popular and I love it.
A3 and B7 (Swap!Sasha and Swap!Anne) are designed by me, but there are bunches out there and its really fun to see what could have happened!
B3 (only Human au) was orginally inspired by one of @themissakat aus. I don't originally recall which one started this particular au, but I do know that if you want to find more aus, go to their page and you will have aus for YEARS! Its beautiful.
C3 is obviously my au. (Lost au) If you want to know more, you can go here. Summary is, its a corruption au but worse. And in context for this, Marcy isn't fully corrupted yet.
D3 (superhero au) and C4 (fairytale au) are also aus of one of my friends. The super hero, they got powers. In fairy tale, I really have no clue where its going, but all I know is that it's pretty gay.
E3 (owl house swap), B5 (Hogwarts) and A6 (UA - MHA/My Hero Academia au) are all fandom swaps and I just adore fandom swaps.
F3 (Ghost au) is also very fandom what if. Probably one of my favorite au ideas, and its certainly fun to mess with. There are lots of people who have added to this au.
A4 (Zombie au) and A5 (Soulmates au, and yes that is Sashannarcy my beloved) are very popular au ideas so I just had to add them. Any people to point to? No, but once again, The Missa Kat does have a zombie au!
E4 (Gender swap) is special. The reason why the gender swap is facing away (not just bc that was in the expression sheet) was kinda just, because they look the same XD. I have no known knowledge of any current aus of that, but maybe there is some that I'm just previously unaware of!
F4 (Power of Three au!!) is one of my LONG TIME FAVORITE aus. I have been a huge fan of this one. Its one of @honneibun 's aus and its so AMAZING! I highly recommend just looking at it. Its beautiful and It will always live rent free in my brain.
C5 (streamer/YT au) is from a fic I read a long time ago which never finished. If anyone can tell me who and where it is, I will be glad and my life will finally be complete.
D5 (Author au, NOT COMIC BOOK AUTHOR) is heavily inspired by the time skip and the above (C5) streamer/YT au. As far as I am aware, there are no current aus with this.
E5 (Oversimplified), well. I think you guys can probably guess. On YT there is a Simplified or Oversimplified series (idk maybe its called "So this is basically _____ "or something and I thought, Amphibia should be included!) and so.. yeah!
B6 (opposite au), I.. really do not like that one and will probably or def change it. Idk what was going through my head as I drew/edited it.
C6 (Never went to Amphibia au) is another popular one that I just HAD to include.
D6 is apart of my SCP aus that I also have. If you don't know what SCP is, then.. there's a website. Basically it stands for Sucure, Contain and Protect and it holds all the supernatural and dangerous creatures. (Its not real guys!)
E6 (newt au) is basically swapped Amphibia au. Very popular and I sometimes wished that there were more of them.
F6 (roommates au) however was HEAILY inspired and particially from I think @kyoryu 's au on twitter? I think its the same one. If its wrong than I can change it, but I'm pretty sure I'm right?
C7 (Animal au) I've seen everywhere and soo... I added it. No known (main) aus on it.
Finally, D7 (Alien au) Another one of my various multifandom aus that sit in my BIG BOOK OF AUS in the corner of my work area. Its always fun like that!!
If any of these are wrong or you think that I didn't give any credit to _____, just let me know and I shall change it.
also wow, you read it too here! Impressive!
#WHAT IF?-#May I offer you some Aus in these trying times?#Kit edits#The Aus of Kit!#Amphibia#Amphibia Marcy#Sashannarcy if you squint#Lost au#Hogwarts au#Animal au#Newt au#Roommates au#Alien au#SCP au#Power of Three Amphibia au#Gender swap au#Zombie au#Soulmates au#UA au#Owl house au#Super hero au#Fairytale au#Swap Amphibia au#aus#Ghost Marcy au#Marky wu#Adult Marcy#Calamity Marcy#Amphibia pjo au#Child in Amphibia au
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Day 19
When I was little I used to watch The Disney Hour on Sundays. Whenever the movie wasn't animated, I would experience some disappointment, except if it was The Swiss Family Robinson. That one time they played Old Yeller I rebelled and I think I shut the TV off just before Old Yeller gets shot. Animation, to me, unlocked a whole world of color, animation and artwork that no other mode of storytelling could equal. And now my daughter shares my love for the craft, not only as a spectator, but already at her young age, a contributor.
As soon as N- was old enough to hold a pencil, I decided that I was going to give her a giant supply of colorful construction paper, paint, crayons, markers (I got her metallic ones. She really loved those.) And shortly after she learned her alphabet and her numbers, I taught her color theory. Well I can't take all the credit, there was a song on Youtube by Scratch Garden that taught her, of the colors of the rainbow, which three were primary and which three secondary, which ones were warm and which ones were cool. It's called The Color Song.
When I was young I loved to draw. I especially liked to draw people. Facial expressions, poses; I once made a "photo album" of my made up family with twelve kids. And I drew all twelve. I also drew a whole story involving a quest to find out whether some gems were genuine. It start off with two people shouting "They could be real!". I've continued to draw off and on over the course of my life, and when N- was old enough I showed her a few basic things, and she just took off.
From a very young age she included amazing detail in her artwork. I enjoyed coloring her art for her, because adding color drew the eye to those tiny little details she had created. N- loves animals, and she invents her very own creatures. At a young age she started to "vent" with her artwork, and at first she didn't want me to see those pictures. I explained that showing them to me helps me to understand what she is feeling, and I won't be shocked or appalled. But if she doesn't want me to see a page in her sketchbook, I respect that.
When she got her first tablet, S- and I installed an app to teach N- how to animate. We thought it might be fun for her. She didn't use it very often, so we thought maybe it wasn't her thing. When N- was old enough to go on the computer, she found a website called Flipanim, and with it she can layer artwork, doodle, and animate. She has been using that site for over five years now. She goes through phases where she only wants to draw, and then other phases where she creates complex music videos.
She follows artists on Youtube such as Neytirix and RANDOMstuff Animation who inspire her. She also likes learning about other art forms from Youtubers like Moriah Elizabeth and North of the Border. We don't have an official Art class per se, because N- spends so much free time painting, drawing, animating and more. And I do plan to teach her a course in art history as part of our curriculum next year. The important thing is that N- draws just about every single day. Because practicing her craft is essential.
I've always admired animation. I know 3D animation has been popularized, but I think artsy films like Song of The Sea have their place as well. N- agrees with me. We watched it together, and she kept commenting on the artwork and the music and how the two went hand in hand with the storytelling. When I say "artsy films", I mean stylized and with artistic merit. I'm not knocking it in any way. It's one of my favorite animated movies.
I grew up thinking Disney was the end-all and be-all of animation. I do love so many Disney movies. Not as many as I did as a kid. Growing up my tastes have changed. When I was in my teens, some friends of mine introduced me to different styles of animation. We watched Millennium Actress, and since I loved the book Watership Down, we watched the 1978 animated movie. I had to watch Millennium Actress twice, because the first time I was hoping for a happy ending, and that's not the point of the movie. Watership Down was well done, but the book is just so much better.
S-'s favorite animated TV series was Tiny Toons, so as an anniversary gift I got him the DVDs. We actually bought a lot of animated series, from Samurai Jack to Freakazoid. S- appreciates animation too. In fact, we're a family of animation geeks. That's why, when we went to see the Super Mario Movie, S- and I were enjoying it just as much as if not more than N-. We introduced her to Powerpuff Girls as a kid, we took her to see Inside Out when it came out in theaters. We're kids at heart, and we hope she will always remain one too.
I think N- has so much potential. She could earn a living as an artist, either traditional, digital, animator, musician: she has options. And if she wants to keep those gifts of hers for herself and decides to go in a completely opposite direction, she will have my full support. As long as she earns enough to pay her bills, rent and groceries, with enough to put aside for rainy days and treating herself, I'll be happy. I don't want my child to get rich and famous. I want her to use her talents in a way that brings her contentment. I want to watch what she does in life, and give her as much support as I can.
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wow this post sure got long.
i’ve been wanting to make some more animal crossing art
i’m getting used to drawing again after almost 10 years of stopping (with like one drawing here and there every couple years) so i’ve been warming up letting myself draw poorly and it’s been extremely freeing, since the reason i quit drawing to begin with was because i started feeling like i wasn’t good enough. at that time i quit drawing and got into abstract painting because “you don’t have to be good at it” but newsflash to past insecure me you don’t have to be good at any art to make it. and while logically i know this, and i actually believe it deeply with my whole soul that you do not have to be “””good””” at art to create art and in fact it’s very human to create art and whether art is “””good””” or not is subjective anyway and i’m genuinely, and always have been, a huge fan of “””bad””” art because so much “””bad””” art is sooo good. and i feel this way about like all mediums. catch me consuming and appreciating all kinds of art all over the place. but, sorry gonna overshare for a sec, i’ve got an eensy bit of a personality disorder that makes me an eensy bit insecure and filled with an almost unshakable sense of shame and humiliation. well, it’s my fucking life goal to break free from that shame. and thank god, the older i’m getting the stronger my sense of self and self worth are becoming. and finally, i’m allowing myself to explore drawing again, which i used to do and enjoy for hours upon hours every day of my childhood. drawing was my main form of escape and artist expression aside from writing. i create all different types of art but drawing used to feel like mine. it came so natural to me i never thought twice about it. i let a small comment that someone made get to me. and i am determined to concur this. i was 16 at the time, or maybe had just turned 17. when i stopped drawing. and i’m 27 now and it feels soo freeing to let myself draw and not be “great” at it.
since i was about 20 i’ve been trying to get myself back into drawing, dipping my toes in drawing just one little thing every couple years. i felt so stressed because i had a lot of artist’s acquaintances. i grew up in a pretty artsy town in northern california. and i remember when i started trying to draw again, i felt so frustrated that my peers had never stopped drawing, they continued to practice and got better. whereas i stopped and got worse. and i compared myself and felt so angry. i felt like i would be just as skilled as them had i never given it up! and it made it so hard for me to start back up again. my drawing abilities had regressed to the skill level i was at when i was in like 4th/5th grade. i wasn’t even at the level that i was when i had stopped drawing at age 16/17. and it took me a long time to get over the fact that i’m going to have to practice a whole lot more to get back to the place i left off.
this year i decided i don’t care anymore. i keep a sketchbook in my bed under the pillow on the side i don’t sleep on. pencils and markers within reach. and i’ve been allowing myself to draw whatever, whenever i feel like it. silly art, vent art. sometimes i want to draw but all i can do is write on the page and that’s alright too. i’ve spent the last 10 years mostly just writing and painting abstract to express myself, so that’s just what flows easier sometimes. but i’ve been creating. drawing stuff. the other day i thought to myself “i havent really drawn a picture of spongebob since i was a kid” so i took out my markers and i drew a really crude drawing of spongebob. and then i drew patrick and squidward and sandy and a jellyfish. and it did look like a kid drew it lol. and it was so fun to make. A couple months ago i took out a crayon and drew along with Steve on some episodes on Blue’s Clue’s like i used to do when i was 5. Steve actually taught me how to draw a lot of basic stuff. and that felt so nice to imitate what he draws on screen and get my hands comfortable creating shapes intentionally again.
the other day i drew a whole bunch of pictures of Stitches and some of them turned out looking real freaky and i actually was pretty happy with the end result, having a bunch of blobby drawings of my favorite animal crossing villager all on one page lol.
i feel so inspired by the animal crossing art i see online it makes me excited to get to draw more. sometimes i don’t have a ton of creative energy to draw a big elaborate drawing like i used to when i was a teen but i’m gonna baby-steps my way up to drawing more and more elaborate and interesting animal crossing artwork. not even to share with others people or anything, although i might someday. but just for me. for the love of my favorite game and for the love of drawing
#long post#personal#my favorite art is the stuff that doesn’t even look like animal crossing at first glance#that’s what i feel most inspired by
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Final Evaluation of these project
These was a project where I had the opportunity to be intruduced to weaving, witch at first I thought it would take months to master, however very surprisingly I started to love it after my second lesson. Here I have learned how the machine works and all the different techniques used in weaving. To be honest my favourite is plain weaving not because it's easy and fast, but relaxing and beautiful. I loved playing with different threads, what I regret is not using other techniques and other materials like platic strips or fabric strips to try and recycled and include sustainability in my samples, not just and weaving but throughout the hole project and workshops.
Printing is another interesting and fun workshop that I enjoyed. Here I learned digital printing and screen printing, where I have done some samples, however I am disappointed that I didn't use this workshop better and create more interesting samples where one of them I have lost it witch was my first screen sample and only. This is where i regret not recreating it again and even better improve it by adding beading and embroidery onto it. On the other hand I am pleased with the digital prints, but at the same time could've been more creative.
The embroidary workshop was defenetly my best as Iove my samples and found this workshop very relaxing and enjoyable . Here I have learned appliquè reverse appliquè, pleats, pintuck, using disolvable fabric and different techniques between those. What I would've done to improve was try pleats samples, witch I haven’t done sadly.
The sketchbook workshop was the most creative lesson as I had to layout my samples and the hole book. I love my final outcome of my sketchbook and I think that as you open you can clearly tell and see the idea I had for this project witch was skyline and building mix. To improve my sketchbook I would've created a page that's about myself and show a bit of my personality using the workshop, however as you look at this book you can make many personality ideas about me, witch could be different depending each person.
For this project I was also supposed to create a blog content incorporating my samples, concept and sketchbook pages. To be honest at first I found it to be fun and interesting, as the days were going by I started to slitly dislike it for the fact that I struggled applying secondafy research, because I am a person who usually gets inspored by things around and I consider myself a creative person with own ideas. However I like to look at other artists, photographers and designers as it part of getting more creative inspired and open minded in fashion. What I regret is not finding more secondary research to compare my work and samples to in that way it would've been perfect.
Another thing is that I am not so happy about the reference page, that I admit I did it last "seconds". However as a hole I found these project interesting, helpful and different witch I am happy that I learned something new. If I had to do this again I would've defenetly be more free with it at relaxed and more organised.
This is my final outcome of my board, where I have created my narrative which is about skyline and building mix. I absolutely love these page I think you can tell my narrative just by looking at the weaving sample, embroidary sample and my design. This design was actually planed to come out 3D and actually crearte it, however I really didn't have enough time to do it so I decided to add it.
I love the cloud effect using cotton as I added some 3D texture and volume to the board, it might look childish for others, but for me it's just my style. The contrast between each piece of these board especially the cotton with the picture and my idea of concept as an overall makes it look very interesting and clear to understan. In my opinion I think that there is no need to add or replace anything in these board as I am very proud and satisfied with it, but at the same time there is always place for begter.
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Morning Pages
Morning Pages is practice created by Julia Cameron but I heard it from Ali Abdaal. I am an active journaller. I've kept a bullet journal since 2018 and have held a multitude of diaries, personal, public and visual. While I use my bullet journal everyday for planning, I've only realised recently the merit in stream of consciousness writing. I watched Struthless' video on replacing social media with micro-journaling which is how I got into the habit of micro-journaling. I did this on my phone it what a pretty useful grounding strategy for when I would get anxious at school or on public transport. I intended to replace social media with it but I'm not quite ready to leave Instragram.
So now we get to morning pages. There are a few reasons I wanted to pick it up.
1. Apparently I need to nourish my creativity
Now that sounds really stupid but this first semester in a creative course has really changed me (as dorky as that sounds). My creativity has always felt to be abundant prior to uni. When I was on the VCE grind, there wasn't many ways I could dispel my creativity. Now I've been thrown into the deep-end where I have to be creative and SHARE it almost everyday. Couple that with being exposed to some of the greatest creative works and minds, it's been draining. I have felt lacking in the creative department. I went from being the "art one" to being in a room with all the "art ones".
Now I'm not one to fall into the comparison hell hole but I certainly felt the need to up my game so to speak. It's not a competition like VCE, so why do I feel like I'm losing?
All my previous journals and diaries have primarily centred around planning and mental health. But none on my creative well-being. I don't take notes in my sketchbook or take the time at all really to reflect on my art. The only thoughts I have about my work is "shit and not shit". Okay I might be being hyperbolic but thats just what I do.
Essentially, I think morning pages might be my way of making sure my creative juices aren't being drained to the point of drought. It's weird being "a creative" and it sounds so pretentious. I don't completely hate it, it's better than being a "content creator". We'll see how I go.
2. I need something to do in the morning
My routine this semester was atrocious. I would get up extremely early for class and rush out the door to make it to Elizabeth street in time. On days I didn't have class I would sleep in until 12. On days I'd be working, I do nothing all day until my shift started because I would be so anxious I would lose track of time and be late.
These past few weeks I have been sick. 2 solid weeks of being sick, half of it covid related. Because of this I've been stuck inside what fun. What's interesting though is I've had completely free time for me to mould. Different to the lockdowns of years prior, I've had full control over my day without the burden of online school. It's just been me and my assignments.
Okay hold on I'm getting ahead of myself. Which is essentially the point of morning pages but the actual stream of consciousness hasn't began yet, this is still the preamble darling. I'm exhausting I know, get a grip will you!
My current routine has been pretty consistent and natural. Get up at 8:30, open the blinds immediately. Which was something I didn't do. But with my SAD revelation I've realised immediate sunlight is a bit of a bare necessity. I then jump out of bed and thats my day started. Bathroom, breakfast, Wordle etc. Then what? I don't want to start my work now. It's still the morning! C'mon lemme wake up first!
This typically leads to watching random videos on YouTube or scrolling through Instagram reels. Or on a BAD DAY watching YouTube Shorts. Good fucking lord my poor little brain.
Listen, I'm not a fan of the That Girl routine. There's no way in hell I'm going for a morning run do you think I'm a dickhead. On some days I do get sucked into a That Girl Instagram page and find myself watching 20,000 reels of the same shots of a white womans yoga mat and lemon water. There's a certainly something comforting about it, even though it's intention is to be inspirational. Oh Teddy's ranting about That Girls! Sorry about that.
The point is, as much as I don't believe in the ✨ Success, Manifest, Productive Morning routine ✨ rhetoric, I did feel my morning routine was missing something. After I would write my to-do list I'd have to get straight into ticking it off and that felt wrong.
I think morning pages is the solution to that. The term "brain dump" didn't really work for me, I think this does. Brain dump implied that these thoughts were silly and needed to be expelled in order to get to work. I like the idea of morning pages as it gives value to these morning anxieties and left over thoughts from the previous day.
3. I am a terrible writer
I am god awful at articulating anything. A conversation with me consists of "oh really? oh damn. oh HAHA. wtf? bruh? dorime. you know brett domino got his pants at a motorway service station?" yeah it's bad. My coursework without the proofreading from my own mother is unintelligible. Don't get me started on my tenses. I'm not sure why I struggle so much with writing but I imagine lack of practice has something to do with it. The thing is, I know I'm capable of great writing. Morning pages is a desperate attempt to unearth the... I was gonna say Shakespeare in me but that's not quite right.
A POEM I WROTE:
200222
2. I think I have
too much elbow.
I hope you enjoyed my reasons as to why I've decided to pick up this habit. I've been here for almost an hour with 1000 words and haven't even made it to the main part of the exercise. So here it goes.
I use the words but and a lot. I don't know what that says about me. Maybe that I have a lot to say and house many contradictions. Anyway this morning I listened to an album called Prioritise Pleasure by Self Esteem. I heard Self Esteem on the Cuddle Club podcast. Just typing Cuddle Club makes me crave fried chicken. Every Monday I get fried chicken and eat it while listening to Cuddle Club. Self Care at it's finest really. With the spicy bird clutched gripped in my tiny grubby hands I noticed Self Esteem, real name Rebbeca Lucy Taylor, sounds (accent wise) much like a little fellow named Rob J Madin. I like that theres no period after J, it's like it stands for nothing, it's just J! I think it stands for John but who am I to assume. With my oily paws I tapped into my web browser of choice "self esteem music where from" and my phone replied by displaying ROTHERHAM. Keep in mind, I have no idea how things work in the UK. They don't have states, I think they have counties? They have something called the North and South and the midlands. I honestly can't wrap my head around it. What was of importance to me was that Rotherham was accompanied on the map by another word in a larger font size that read SHEFFIELD. Which was all I needed to know.
I wondered if RJM was a fan of Self Esteem. I'd only just found her but he must know about her already, probably pre-self esteem era too. I logged that little thought in the back of my mind and it sat there. Until the other day where I was scrolling through Brett Domino's replies like an absolute stalker and saw he inquired about two tickets to see Self Esteem. I was a bit pleased with myself, I'VE CONNECTED THE DOTS! NO YOU HAVEN'T! Then this lovely morning I had another look at RJM's Best Albums of 2021 and noticed, oh yeah Self Esteem is on this.
"Stonking pop album from RLT.
Huge. 10/10."
Right there.
So now I'm listening to the album.
All the songs sound the same to me. That isn't a criticism, I just have really terrible ears. This happens with almost every album I listen to. So I have to listen to the album 3-4 times before I can actually hear the music. The other way is I sit there and listen and take notes. It sounds ridiculous because it is. I had to keep notes for Doja Cat's Planet HER. An exert from said notes:
"Woman: I've heard this one B4."
I've listened to Prioritise Pleasure almost twice now and my favourite track so far is How Can I Help You.
Let's talk about some juicy stuff now. Oh really teddy? We've been where for an hour and a half! Yes really! Sit down now.
I spoke to a dear friend last night regarding my personal qualms. Afterwards I felt a new sense of security and lightness. Is this what talking about your feelings honestly feels like? My main issue was my assignment that was due 2 days ago. I had put immense pressure on myself to make it marvellous which led to me procrastinating as per. But what my dear friend reminded me of was something of my character. Truth is I've been having an identity crises recently and she put to bed the nonsense thoughts I was having about who I am. She assured that some things are just not me. That somethings might look pretty and impressive but they're not me. She told me I have my own personal style. She said that I have my own way. Which as a creative is the best thing you can hear. I have a style? I have a me? Over the past few months I've been picking at idols and thinking "Oh I so wanna be them". I've been looking at Instagram and thinking "How do I get this style. How did this person come up with their style. Why don't I have this aesthetic. Why is everything in my room so mismatched. How do I unify my space." ABSOLUTE NONSENSE TO BE FAIR.
She assured me I just had to let my style grow, that it will come to me. Who you are will just, be. She has no style inspiration, she is herself. Which is absolutely true btw. If you know her you'll see her style and it is simply her.
This is what I needed to hear, as a designer and as a person. That I will live and who I am will follow.
So yeah. Breakthrough! That's all I have to say. Also that Self Esteem is quite similar to RJM, by that I mean they exert the same old millennial having a crises energy. Simplification but yeah.
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A Genuine Mess - Atsumu x f!reader
Pairing: Atsumu x f!reader
Summary: Atsumu insults you, the quietest girl in his class. But as he gets to know you, your few words often leave him blushing.
Genre, etc.: Tooth rotting fluff, Atsumu is a dork in love but still consistent with his canon character, reader is quiet but not timid
Warnings: none
Author's Notes: I wanted to try a different personality for the reader as well as taking one of Atsumu's negative character traits and flipping it on its head :) This was fun to write. Hehehe.
Words: 1.9k
*****
"What? She's here for me?" said Atsumu. He pressed his lips together to hide the smile forming on his lips. As he attempted to walk to the gym doors as normally as possible, Aran tilted his head while Osamu wore an amusing smirk.
Atsumu leaned on the frame of the gym doors. "What'd ya want?" he asked you, trying to be as smooth as possible. His voice didn't reveal his usual arrogance and was unexpectedly gentle.
"Could I see your hand?" you asked him with a quiet but direct tone.
When he held his hand out in front of you, you delicately turned it over, palm faced down, and positioned his fingers one by one. You didn't notice him gripping the side of his jersey in his other hand, trying to keep it together every time your fingers grazed his skin. You let go of his hand to pull out your phone and angled it to get a good shot of his hand.
Click.
"Thank you Atsumu-san," you told him, putting your phone away and leaving the gym.
Atsumu returned to the court, not even able to hide the childish grin from his teammates anymore. Some widened their eyes and others dropped their jaws as they witnessed the entire scene.
"So when did you start liking her?" Suna asked him.
"I don't like her," Atsumu adamantly responded.
A laugh escaped Osamu's lips and Atsumu told him to shut up. He hated that his twin knew exactly why he was acting like this.
*****
"Well that looks ugly."
Seated at your desk, you looked up from your sketch to see Atsumu's scrunched up nose. It didn't take long for it to disappear. Osamu whacked him on the head for insulting the quietest girl in class two and quite possibly their whole year.
"Sorry about this jerk," Osamu told you. "He doesn't have a filter."
But when he started to drag Atsumu away from you, they heard the rare sound of your voice.
"Miya-san," you said.
They both turned around but after looking at each other, they assumed you were referring to your classmate Atsumu.
"Why does it look ugly?"
"Ha?" Atsumu gawked at you. He scratched the back of his head. "I dunno. The shoulders just looked gross"–he got whacked on the head again–"Hey!" He glared at Osamu.
After they bickered for a bit, they turned their attention back to you, but you were already facing your desk, immersed in your sketch. Osamu raised an eyebrow at Atsumu, expecting him to know what that was all about, but he only shrugged his shoulders, not having a clue either.
The next time Atsumu heard your voice was when you came to see him at his desk.
"Ha? What's this?" he asked.
In front of him, you had placed another sketch. You didn't say a word but looked at him as if you were expecting some sort of comment.
Atsumu raised an eyebrow but looked at the sketch anyway.
"What's wrong with this dude's hand?" he asked as he squinted at the drawing, holding your sketchbook up to his eyes. "It looks like it's dislocated or something."
The classmate beside him shot his eyes open. He then looked up at you to see your reaction.
"Thank you," you told Atsumu with a little nod before returning to your desk. Those were the only words you had for Atsumu and they had left him and his classmate speechless.
Atsumu's eyes lit up the third time you came to his desk.
"Which one looks the worst?" you asked him, showing him three different sketches.
"This one," he said, pointing to the one in the middle. "There's no way a person could have hair like that."
You ignored his comment and asked him again which one looked worse. He still chose the middle one, saying the expression reminded him too much of his brother.
You gave him a nod as thanks and as he watched you return to your desk, there was a small uptick at the corner of his mouth, gazing at you gathering your pencils together and continuing your progress.
Over the next couple of weeks, he watched you from afar as you drew doodles during class when you should've been paying attention. He wondered if he should actually write notes from the lesson in case you needed them. Maybe he'd pass them to you the next time you showed him your artwork.
But you hadn't made a trip to his desk during the next two weeks. Why did you stop coming? So when you left the classroom, he quickly opened the sketchbook that was left on your desk and went through it page by page, curious to see what you'd been drawing this whole time. As he flipped through the pages, he saw how your drawings had gradually improved. He couldn't help but smile at your growth as an artist.
"Miya-san."
He jumped at your voice and snapped the book shut. He fumbled over his words. "I wasn't looking! It just fell and I picked it up from the ground!" he told you. "When I put it back on yer desk it just happened t' be like that!"
He then saw an expression he had never seen on your face. Your brows were furrowed and your lips turned into a frown. You let out a deep breath. "Miya-san, you're free to look through my sketchbook, but please don't lie to me."
His eyes widened before he lowered them to stare at the classroom floor. Shoulders sagging, he told you in a hushed voice, "I'm sorry." He sighed and dragged his feet back towards his desk. But just when he was about to pull out his chair, he heard your soft voice.
"Miya-san," you said, looking directly at him when he turned to you. "Like I said, you can come and look at it whenever you want."
Atsumu pressed his lips together, trying to hold back a stupid grin on his face. But his eyes betrayed his attempt as they crinkled and turned into crescents, elated at your offer.
*****
Over the next several weeks, Atsumu used any excuse he could to chat with you at your desk before he finally settled on talking to you about anything and everything. He tried to get to know you, asking you questions, but your answers were short and simple, not knowing how else to respond.
However, Atsumu shamelessly continued to talk about himself, his brother, the team, and whatever else was on his mind that day. You always nodded and listened with a smile.
"I think she's just being nice to you," commented Osamu.
"She's never stopped me," Atsumu replied with a huff, crossing his arms, which only resulted in Osamu shaking his head.
Without looking up from your sketch, you told him, "I like hearing him talk."
Osamu's eyes grew at your response but when he glanced over at his twin, Atsumu's ears and cheeks had turned red.
"Oh?" the silver haired twin said with a sly grin. "You're blushing 'Tsumu."
"No I'm not!" Atsumu said after clearing his throat and turning his head away. Osamu was about to tease him when instead, you said something that deepened his blush.
"It's cute."
Osamu's jaw dropped. Atsumu froze at your comment before deciding to put his face down on your desk, burying it into his arms.
As you and Atsumu got to know each other, he learned that you were still close with your friends from middle school. They were there for you, always supporting you and your passion for art. But when you asked them what they thought about your drawings, they had always said they looked good. You were grateful for them but you couldn't tell if they were just being nice.
"So is that why you asked me about yer drawings?" Atsumu noted. You confirmed it with a nod and he looked at you with longing eyes and a soft smile.
You caught him off-guard when you took a photo of him. "Your expression was interesting just now," you told him. "I want to use it as reference."
Atsumu blushed and covered the lower half of his face. He muttered something through his hands that you didn't quite catch.
"Hm?" you asked.
"Y-you can use me as reference any time."
You took him up on his offer. You'd often snap pictures of him, casually pulling out your phone when you'd find an interesting expression on his face. You even came to see him at practice when you wanted to practice drawing some hands. He often wondered what you noticed about him when you used him as reference, what expressions you saw in him.
One day after classes had ended and volleyball practice was cancelled, he sat at the other side of your desk as you switched to a different drawing pencil from your set. What did you see when you looked at him? His eyes? His nose? His lips?
His hand rose next to your face, his thumb grazing your cheek. When you looked up at him from your drawing, he pulled his hand back, suddenly realizing what he was doing.
He bit his lip, scolding himself for doing that to you. You called his name and his attention was back on you.
"Why did you stop?" you asked.
Butterflies were fluttering in his stomach, not at all expecting those words. Looking at you through his eyelashes, he saw you directly looking back at him. Were you serious?
Somehow getting the courage to make a move, he drew his hand toward you and gently cupped your cheek. He bent over your desk and brought his lips near yours, stopping midway as if waiting for permission to follow through. You leaned in a little closer and he closed the gap, feeling your soft lips against his.
Pulling back, his eyes studied your face for some sort of reaction. He bit his lip, doubting if that was what you wanted. Perhaps he didn't do a good job or you had changed your mind after the kiss.
What if you were just doing this for reference?
He searched your eyes for an answer, not knowing that you saw the insecurity in his.
"I liked it, Atsumu."
His eyes grew. He was both delighted and flustered, not believing that he got to kiss you, that you'd accept a kiss from someone like him. He hugged you and placed a kiss on your forehead, wrapping his arms around you and holding you close.
*****
"Guys! I have a girlfriend!" Atsumu declared, storming into the gym the next day. They all raised their brows when they saw who was holding his hand.
"Are you serious?" asked Aran.
"It's probably fake," Suna commented.
"He must have bribed her or something," Osamu added.
"All of ya just shut up!" Atsumu yelled at them as they all gave him a skeptical look. He sighed and dropped his shoulders as he held your hand.
They snickered and teased him, but when there was a silent pause in the air, they heard your voice for the first time.
"I like him," you told his team. Your voice was quiet but they heard every word. They freaked out, gawking at the two of you, an unlikely pair.
Atsumu turned his face away because his cheeks went red again. Your words, more often than not, caused him to be up in a fluster.
*****
I hope you enjoyed it.
I couldn't help but have Suna say it was fake for all my "A Glimpse of Yellow" readers. lolll.
If you liked this one, you might like one of these:
1) my Tendou one-shot (timid!reader)
2) my Sakusa one-shot (where he gets a crush on exchange student!reader)
3) my Kyoutani one-shot (another unexpected pairing)
And I want to shamelessly throw in my Suna chaptered fic (fake dating) just because it's my current series. lol.
I also have a Google form for my taglist if any of you are interested in it.
#miya atsumu x reader#atsumu x reader#atsumu fluff#atsumu scenarios#miya atsumu#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu fluff#haikyuu fanfic#atsumu fanfic#hihqnetwork#animehorizons#angelwalker’s virtues
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can you do a short story for albedo like you did for diluc , zhongli and xiao ?? no rush and take care🧡!
Prologue Albedo x F!Reader: A strange feeling.
Synopsis: The first time he laid eyes on you, the world around him seemed to fade away. He didn't understand why his heart was beating so fast or why his sketchbook was now filled with nothing but portraits of you...
Style : Female reader, passion, love, soft, mellow.
Alert: None
Characters: Albedo x f!reader
Note: Come on, we're off to a little fanfic for Albedo, still in several parts. I'll post the rest of the resumes for Xiao, Venti and Albedo soon.
masterlist
Projects in progress and to come
My heart used to wear the colors of winter...
Love was just an empty word and I didn't know its real meaning...
But when I met you...
Your smile was for me like spring...
Blossoming the world with a thousand shades of life...
Albedo was sitting comfortably on the surface of a rock, ideally positioned to face the enchanting landscape of Dragonspine. The sketchbook he held in his hand was gradually filling up with sketches of the creatures that passed through his field of vision. The young man with blond hair was enjoying the solitude and the calm of the place. Mondstadt had become his home for some time now, and the people around him were all friendly and warm to him. Albedo liked each of these people, he could even think of them as friends, yet he was still uncomfortable. Social interaction was not his forte and when people like Succrose or Timaeus came to him with a lot of questions about his latest research, the weight on Albedo's shoulders only increased. At such times, the young alchemist would go off alone into the wilderness to seek peace and quiet.
Albedo slowly closed his notebook, watching the peak of Dragonspine's snowy mountain for a few more moments. The cold wind blew his hair and stung his skin. Something deep inside him, his instinct perhaps, was telling him that it was time to go home...
Albedo sighed loudly. He mechanically put his notebook in his bag before getting down from the rock on which he had settled. Slowly, he took the path back to Mondstadt.
You once lived in the mountains on the border between Mondstadt and Liyue. While you were still a child of five, a mage from the abyss came to attack your home, slaughtering your mother and father without mercy. The knights of Favonius who were in pursuit arrived in time to save you from the creature's flames... But unfortunately there was no hope for your parents.
You had been entrusted to the cathedral of the order of Favonius to be raised by the nuns who lived there. You were a lonely and withdrawn child, always seeming deeply sad, struggling with the demons of your past. For many years, a wall of silence hung over you. For a long time, the death of your parents haunted you, causing you to have nightmares and tremors. You had to learn to live again... What the sisters did wonderfully, devoting themselves body and soul to your reconstruction.
You had received a religious education. Your faith in Barbatos helped you find your way back to life. You wanted to live free, freed from the chains of the past. You wanted to turn the page of your history towards a new chapter...
As an elementary school teacher, you loved working with children. It was a real passion and you had already been congratulated for your excellent sense of pedagogy. The children loved your lessons and you made them interesting and fun. And since today was such a mild and sunny day, it was only natural for you to teach outside. You had thought of taking them to the square where the fountain stood, but since the sun was not hidden by any clouds, you chose the park near the headquarters of the Order of Favonius instead.
Under the shade of the trees, the children were listening attentively to your history lesson, your chapter dealing with a dark period that the city had known, the one that saw the birth of the legend of Lady Vennessa.
"Well, children, why don't you go relax in the park before we resume the lesson?
Happy, the children quickly got up, immediately starting to frolic in the grass. Only little Klee seemed to be daydreaming, standing on her tiptoes, her nose in the air and her eyes focused on the knights' building.
"Klee? Is something wrong?" - The little blonde turned to you, flashing her usual childish smile. You had moved closer to her, crouching down beside her to stand at the same height as her.
"I'm trying to see my big brother, he said he had to go home today... But it's too high!" - You smile at the little girl who used to tell you about her sweet and kind brother. You had never met him, being more used to running into Lady Jean or the cavalry captain, Kaeya, to drop off or pick up the little girl after school. - "Ah, big brother Albedo!" - Machinally, you turned your head in the same direction as Klee's. A young man with blond hair and a long white jacket was about to walk up the steps leading to the HQs before he was stopped by the voice of the little girl who was now running towards him, arms open wide. He welcomed Klee into his arms, placing a knee on the ground for support.
Your cheeks warmed as you looked at the young man. He was handsome. Incredibly handsome. And even though there was a certain coldness about him, the warmth on your face didn't seem to want to fade...
He and Klee seemed to be discussing something before she turned to point at you. Your eyes met... Lord Barbatos, was it possible to have such beautiful eyes? This man was so beautiful, so perfect, looking like a porcelain doll in every way. You felt so small, so unworthy of his gaze on you... Yet, as you saw the happiness lighting up Klee's face, you couldn't help but smile warmly at him, waving slightly to greet them both.
Albedo held Klee in his arms, tenderly stroking the top of her head. The little girl nestled affectionately against him, enjoying the warmth of his hands on her. Albedo knew that he missed Alice, Klee's mother, terribly. And although he could never replace his mother's absence, Albedo tried to give the little girl the love she missed so much. He wasn't very good with gestures of affection, but he had learned so much from the people of Mondstadt that it now seemed more natural.
"What are you doing here, Klee? Aren't you supposed to be in school?"
"Our teacher is teaching us outside today. You know, the one I told you about before. Look, that's her over there!" - Klee pointed at you. Albedo followed the direction the little girl was pointing...
Albedo didn't know how to explain his first impression of you. One thing was sure, he was not indifferent to you...
Why did his heart beat faster?
Why did the world around him seem to fade away, leaving only your silhouette shining in his field of vision?
Why did your smile shine like the brightest and most beautiful star?
His chest hurt, and when you looked away from him, the pain intensified. Klee let go of his arms to join his class. Free to move, Albedo pulled the drawing book he had put away a few hours earlier from his satchel. Before he knew it, the pages of his notebook were filled with sketches of you. He wanted to engrave your image in him forever...
Soon, it was time for the children to go home. Wishing them a good evening, you let them disperse in the streets of the city. As for Klee, she joined Albedo who was still sitting in the grass, his look concentrated on his notebook. It was only when he raised his face to Klee, that he noticed your presence beside him.
"Oh... Forgive me, I hope I didn't disturb your court... Miss?
"Y/N. Don't worry, you didn't disturb us. "
Even your voice gave him a strange feeling of well-being. It lulled him, soothed him. He didn't understand how or why you had so much power over him. Albedo put away his notebook, now filled with sketches of you. Standing up, he patted Klee's head in a gesture he intended to be affectionate.
"Klee, go back to HQ, I'll meet you later." - Klee nodded with a big smile then disappeared down the stairs to the Favonius Knights building. "Can I offer you something to drink? Klee has told me a lot about you, I would like to get to know you better."
Your shyness quickly resurfaced, spreading a soft warmth across your cheeks. You accepted his offer, wishing deep down that you knew this attractive young man. With a graceful wave of his hand, he invited you to walk beside him to escort you to Angel's Share.
"Do you draw, Master Albedo? I've seen you doodling in a sketchbook." - Albedo's cheeks took on a rosy hue as he thought about how many pages he had used to draw you.
"Albedo will suffice. And yes, I sometimes draw or doodle whatever inspires me. It's a very relaxing hobby."
"I see. Could I see them sometime?" - Albedo froze. He felt uneasy about showing you the sketches he had just made. After all, wasn't it a little strange that a man you had just met was drawing you in such detail and with such meticulousness?
"I could show them to you, but ... I'm afraid you'd be embarrassed by them."
"Why would they embarrass me?" - It wasn't usual to see Albedo blush. Almost nothing in the world could embarrass him and he was pretty sure you were the only one who had that effect on him.
"I'll show them to you... once we get to the tavern."
"Thanks. We could be on first-name terms, how about that?" - Albedo stared at you for a long time before nodding. The discussion gradually became easier for both of you, and by the time you sat down on the second floor of the tavern to drink a glass of dandelion wine, your exchanges had become so fluid that it felt like you had known each other for a long time. Although Albedo was able to maintain a calm facade, the smiles he threw at you from time to time gave you hope that he was comfortable with you.
"Tell me a little about yourself Y/N. Have you always lived here in Mondstadt?" - Your expression froze into a false smile, memories of the past surfacing again.
"No... I was born in Mondstadt, but not in the City of Freedom. My parents lived in the mountains, on the border between us and Liyue before they were killed by an abyss mage." - Albedo's lips parted slightly in surprise. - "It was the knights of Favonius who saved my life. They brought me back here and entrusted me to the sisters. "
"I-I'm sorry."
"It's okay, you couldn't have known. Besides, it's part of my past now. Today, I'm moving on." - Your eyes fixed on the wooden table. Your fists tightened, trembling, on something invisible to everyone else.
The young man was staring at you intensely. There was a long silence between you. Your eyes finally met his, it was impossible for you to decipher his thoughts. There was no pity in his eyes, only... benevolence? You smiled at him, bewildered by his kindness. You knew his reputation from the gossip of the townspeople. A gentle and kind man, but who could also be cold and distant, sometimes shunning the company of others... But not you. He didn't shun you. His teal eyes made you dizzy, or maybe it was the alcohol? To distract yourself from your thoughts, you suddenly got up from your seat and grabbed his notebook from his satchel. Albedo made no attempt to stop you, leaving you to flip through the pages at your leisure. It began with simple sketches of living creatures from Mondstadt, ranging from beautiful crystalline butterflies to strange ice hilichurls living in Dragonspine. Then you came across a sketch of yourself. The detail on your face was incredible, precise and mesmerizing. Under his pencil strokes, you looked so beautiful, so alive. He had detailed with incredible clarity your smile, your eyes, your movements. He must have spent so much time observing you to achieve this result... You kept turning the pages, again and again, coming across nothing but drawings of you. Tears came to your eyes. Had no one ever made you feel so... beautiful?
Feeling the tears, you let go of the precious notebook and put your fists against your eyes. Hesitantly, Albedo came and grabbed your wrist. He didn't know you, yet he was the only one who made you feel so alive, so embedded in this world.
"Thank you... Thank you."
Albedo wiped away one of your tears with his fingertip. How could something as insignificant as a tear be so beautiful? They looked like diamonds, shiny and pure. The young alchemist brushed strands of hair away from your face, taking advantage of the closeness to caress your cheek.
Your warmth was addictive.
When he felt you curl up against his touch, a warm smile on your lips, Albedo felt something change inside him. The ice that kept his heart imprisoned began to melt.
He wanted you.
What a strange thought... he had only just met you. But the chemistry between the two of you was so natural, so attractive, that it was easy for Albedo to be carried away by the current.
Strange.
This was a subject that deserved to be explored a little more...
#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact#genshin#genshin imagines#genshin x reader#genshin fanfic#genshin fanfiction#genshin impact fanfiction#genshin albedo#albedo fluff#albedo x reader#albedo genshin impact#albedo x you#albedo
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