#permission from her to do my last like 3-4 paintings as collages in my sketchbook and then i had to give her mt sketchbook to like physicall
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hi mutuals. ive been gone all day in capstone hell in part bc my advisor is basically making me restructure the entire thing and it’s literally due on saturday. also if i look at a screen for another second my eyes will explode out of my face i think. like screens are so weird and 3d to me rn and it hurts my eyes and is too up close but also im pretty sure i have a lazy eye now so that’s probably why lol. but I have a week of this left at least atp except i can’t possibly ahve a week of this left because i literalt graduate a week from today. i feel like setting everything on fire
#purrs#what is it with me and my teachers / professors changing my entire project at the last minute LOL. throwback to ap art i. senior year of#high school when i was so fucking stressed out and depressed about graduating (hmmm sound familiar 🤔💕) and i had spent literally ALL YEAR do#doing my stupjd breadth and composition. or whatever it was like the names of the 2 stupid categories w head to do and i spent the whole yEA#year doing paintings for my compositon and i didn’t finish them bc i bit off more than i could chew (hmm sound familiar 🤔💕) and got permissi#permission from her to do my last like 3-4 paintings as collages in my sketchbook and then i had to give her mt sketchbook to like physicall#physically handle them and grade them (which was mortifying bc mt sketchbooks are like my diary basically) and after she gave it back she sa#sat me own and told me that she thought i had a better chance of getting a high score if in just used my sketchbook collages + some RANDOM#SKETCHBOOK PAGES that i had just been doing for fun and in my free time. instead of the paintings. thst i had spent all year fucking#murdering myself over. and iwas so angry but i went with it and i only got a 4 LMFAOOOOOOOO like this is just a repeat of that where he’s li#like you have to redo your entire fucking soi and break down everything etc etc and i swear to god i’ll get like a C. and at this point i do#don’t care. i almost broke down crying to him i was trying so hard to hold it together but i was telling him how i am worried about changing#so much of this right now not because I don’t care but because im exhausted and i DESPERATELY want and need to be done bc it’s been like#2 weeks of this at least. and he said nothing to that (in part bc i didn’t even look at him when i said it bc i was too embarrassed and bc i#said something else right after to lighten the mood bc i was too embarrassed) but like. lol still. this all sucks TREMENDOUSLY. i literally#am graduating in one week and it feels like i still have a month left and i have no fucking idea honwim gonna do this bc the stupid paper i#have been trying to write for the last 2 days he basically told me i have to redo in its entirety AND THE THING IS ITS 10 FUCKING PERCENT OF#MY ETIRE GRADE LKKE THIS IS SO STUPID HELPPPPPPPPPPPP help. this is so stupid and my faculty mentors can’t help me and im like ok maybe i ai#will go lie in the street right now. also not counting seeing glimpses of my roommates i haven’t been around another human being in person I#in a week and 2 days and ive only left my room 3#3x in that time span too all to go like take out the trash or some shit. so im absolutely done with everything LOL there is no way this#project is happening and i want to just dump the entire thing unfinished and say please just take it i can’t do it anymore i literally can’t#him: don’t even worry about the time rn. just pretend you have infinite time. me: crying cat meme. LIKE SIR I WOULD LIKE TO BE DONE THIS#VERY INSTANT! HAVE I NOT SUFFERED ENOUGH!!!!!!! HAVE I NOT SUFFERED ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it’s the way i have literally created THREE#fucking collections of literature in the course of doing this project and it still isn’t good enough LOLLL like i appreciate you trying to h#help me do well and give me time etc bu you have to understand i need to be done with undergrad right this second or i will explode
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