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skrunksthatwunk · 3 months

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thinking about how eiji's a pole vaulter and how ash talks about eiji "flying" and how eiji's associated with bird imagery and how eiji's free (unlike ash) and how eiji comes in on a plane and leaves on a plane and how ash cannot fly, ash cannot be free, how nyc is ash's prison, and how ash is the leopard who dies climbing the mountain, unable to live at such elevation, how he was trying to reach the sky and be free but was always stuck to the earth, how he chose to die instead of climbing back down, how he chose to die where he could see the sky and hope and freedom almost like a bird with eiji's letter right in front of him rather than letting everything go wrong and ruin it once again, how eiji's a failed pole vaulter anyway, how a bad fall ruined his career and grounded him (physically and emotionally), how it took flying to america and meeting ash and needing to save him and skip for him to try flying again, how he landed hard and harsh and still the thought of that escape compelled ash to protect eiji at all costs because if he could fly that means something to him, even if he doesn't think he can fly, how eiji is the manifestation of his hope and how when he breaks and asks eiji to stay with him a while he folds himself over his legs and weighs him down and traps him and grounds him, how ash fights like hell to keep eiji alive not because he thinks he can be like him (hopeful, flying, innocent), but because he makes him forget the gravity of his situation, and so he can see eiji fly again. how he wants to see him escape. how eiji is a bird and ash is a wildcat and how ash never once saw eiji as prey. how eiji never saw ash as a predator. how it is eiji's naivete that first endears ash to him, how it is his freedom and flight and removal from darkness and his ability to leave that darkness that really roots eiji in ash's blood as something essential to him keeping on living in this hell of nyc. how it is that distance from the violence and that hope for the future that ash chooses to surround himself in as he dies. how ash dies in a dream because he feels more than anything that he can't fly like eiji, that he can never leave. how his violence is a part of him and will be forever, how it weighs him down. how he wants to enjoy the view from the mountainside rather than looking up from the ground below. as if they can both fly. as if he is with him up there and not grounded. eye-to-eye with what he can't have, seeing eiji's homeland: the sky. how he dies trying to reach the top because he couldn't take retreating and trying again. how ash, tired and tired and tired and convinced it will go on forever if he crawls back down the mountain, chooses to close his life deluged in eiji, in eiji's insistence that they can fly together, in eiji's hope for him and for them, in eiji's beautiful dream. how ash dies without trying to realize that dream. how ash, in dying, destroys it.

#banana fish spoilers #I'M HAVING A FUCKING MOMENT #mutual reblogged exactly one (1) piece of ash fanart and sent me on A Multiple Hour Long Thing and now im rewatching it lol #yes i am only on episode 2 yes i am still going to write big long analysis posts ANYWAY #whatever hope this makes sense. anyway #banana fish #okumura eiji #ash lynx #asheiji #hhhhh i can't believe i've only watched this twice in like what 5.5 years?? sheesh #anywayyyyyyy i care about them a lot ok. god #and yes i DO kinda have beef with the decision to kill ash off at the end but it really does say so much About his character #that he chose to die in the way that he did even though he's been throwing his life away since episode 1 #dying in peace in comfort in solitude rather than in some chaotic battlefield.... ough...... in the peace eiji alone could give him.....#anywayss i relate to ash a little more than i should so. this one's for us cool guy bottoms up #edit i uh.... i forgot it was a leopard.... in the story..... but whatever it doesn't really affect the symbolic meaning it's just embarras #ing that i forgot >;/

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teufelme · 8 months

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You ever just want to talk about Bertl,

#i . ooc .#The tags got so long just warning U now!#OK I know his appearance wasn't the longest but like. I'll never stop talking about him because he doesn't get enough credit? rip.#I know it's not really relevant any more because post-timeskip everyone is a lot better but. Referring to everyone's skill as of pre.#Reiner said Bertolt was the strongest of all of the shifters but he held himself back. He came 3rd without giving his all. Or really trying #I hc he held himself back to try not to let too much of his strength show bc people forget he had military training b4 joining the 104th.#And ofc. Also to not bring too much attention to himself bc of who he really is???#The way he mastered his Titan straight away and also has such a good handle on it.#Out of the 3 shifters he was the one that stayed true to the mission. Despite his reluctance he's got the strength and commitment.#People are so quick to say he relies on Reiner too much. And while he does at times. Reiner relies on him just as much if not more. Even if #Reiner doesn't realise it. Bertolt keeps him on track and has no one supporting him at all.#In COTT arc... U see him dodge Mikasa who is an Ackerman and seen as one of the strongest characters in the series...#And the same in RTS. Everyone gets too distracted by Mikasa to actually pay attention to how he dodges her 4 times?? Even tho she attacks #from behind? And the way he lands a hit on her. I just *screams*. I love how many times she tries to kill him. lol #How effective he is when he abandons his guilt and this is sort of irrelevant but. It's so special to me because as someone who is #a quiet person irl round people I don't know well. Who has it brought up a lot. I just adore when a character that remains in the #background just comes out and says enough is so hhhhh I know his reasons aren't good BUT RTS BERT... AH.#Also gotta talk about his marksmanship skills in a thread at some point?? Maybe Mp bert I J UST..#Anyway I might do a cheeky revamp of graphics n icons and that. Dunno yet. Need to actually write that'd be good lol.#This account is a lovebot didn't U know.

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nightfallsystem · 7 months

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sitting in bed depressedly unable to draw wahht do i even do

#ahhg #hhhhh.....................................................#i wanna like #i wanna lay down but more #put me into space #get rid of gravity #ahhhhgh #ok so my right arm is fucking up.... my back is fucked up... my head hurt...#i have 20-70 wounds..... uhhh..... thhe curse of leg sucks at doing the thing.#is this my life now #i have art to do. what am i doing #not even a vent. what am i doing #AHH i need food #i feel lonely #u never notice how lonely u can feel until ur friends arent replying at the usual time. ig #i like this site i get to talk to myself and post it online

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galariangengar · 1 year

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💭

#still on vacation for thanksgiving/I put the queue back to 40 posts a day #hhh first half of this little vacation was absolutely fucking horrible 🙃 I genuinely don’t ever wanna vacation with my parents ever again #they always talk about all of the fun stuff we can do and then immediately ruin everything with some bullshit #first night here/my mom threw up cuz she ate food too fast/her high blood pressure/elevation change #then my brother’s asthma fucked him up and he and my dad left back home early #and cuz my brother was coughing a lot and had phlegm/congestion… we didn’t go out a lot #my parents always disappoint me… they don’t care/love me… they treat my brother better #anyways… I spent a whole 24 hrs catching up/texting my guy friend from college a day or so ago #it was nice talking to him again/ just like how it used to be in college before the pandemic started #but also tbh…… I’ve been like… ‘in the mood’ lately since talking to him 👀#like I’ve had a bit of a crush on him for a bit in college but I wouldn’t be in a relationship with him #but in college/if the moment came by then I wouldn’t of mind having my first time with him cuz I do trust him #HHHHH and I haven’t stopped thinking about that one guy I went to high school & college with but only have like 1 conversation ever with him #HHHH god he’s cute and he’s tall and also latino and he has his own business that he followed me back on #ok time to stop ranting and shut up now/it’s almost time for thanksgiving dinner here for me and my family #squid sister says stuff

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coridallasmultipass · 6 days

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#ughhhh i started writing a quick bro / dave for todays date but im def not gonna finish in 45 minutes nooooo #its my ki.nk and i wanted to savour what i was writing by dragging it out hffffffff #wish i thought to start it before last night ughhhhh #but ughhhhhhhh dudeeeee its hapeninggggggggggg #god im so fucking thorsty for it #no one writes it the way i want it #and now ive gone and made it silly by trying to do it for today #but i cant just take those parts out bc they're so... baked... into the plotline #hfffffffff why didnt i just make this its own thing ughhhhhh (bc dave would never wanna do that sober thats why)#hffffffffffff screams #writing sm. ut is so time consuming for me #(tbh writing is on its own lol)#but to write. my fave thing. for the first time. its a lot of pressure for a fic that was supposed to be a quick joke #bro ended up being fucking smitten as hell too bc thats how i feel abt this ki. nk lmao #i dont think im even gonna get hi tonight lmao its okay a holiday doesnt mean shit when its something i do on the reg #im so tired hhhhh im just wasting more time typing out more tags bc im too tired to write fic words lol ugh #delete later / /#maybe i will so i can just go the fuck to sleep rn and write more when im more awake. date be damned. im not finishing in 30 mins lol #and even if i did finish in 30 mins i sure as hell aint proofreading and posting within 30 mins #ok yeah gonna get ready for bed and set the writing down for when im not gonna write something rushed ill regret and have to undo later

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koushirouizumi · 6 months

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{Also, any future P.M.M.M commentary may be posted here!}

#koushirouizumi msmm #koushirouizumi dw #koushirouizumi madoka #koushirouizumi text #koushirouizumi rp #(I made the acct in Dec 2k12 l m a o.....)#(oK BUT)#(Yeah Ive Been Behind on Commentaries)#(but using D.W.s style is MUCH easier than trying to post ANY longform commentary HereTM)#(I have journals for other charas I rped in past too I'm just still working on reorganizing my stuff and making a new musebox!!!)#(I noticed more Scene 0 stuff was going up Elsewhere recently too and yEAH Need to Catch up on as much of it as I can beforehand...)#(I actually Draft'd this in Sept. and im only just now clearing it out aND MORE SUDDEN FAN BASE MIGRATING mAYBE HAPPENING NOW??? hhhhh)#(I actually never got the chance to try rpng Madoka back then which I'm still bummed about...)

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empiresblrmybeloved · 1 year

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Hope you're doing alright!

HHHHHHHHHHHHH

#^ we r not ok #We we're going to leave the house #BUT GUESS WHAT #The person who we were going to stay with? Thier parents said we can't stay with them.#Anow now she got her phone taken away and we don't know why #But now we're worried #HHHHH #We see them at lunch tmmr so hopefully we'll be able to ask but fuck #vent text #tw vent #personal vent #cw vent #vent tag #vent post #Bun.txt #Carlos.txt

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roman-cup · 8 months

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hhhhh Thinking about how so many people in Phoenix's life just. Leave, for one reason or another.

When he was a kid, Miles was someone who was so important to him, and he just disappeared from class one day and Phoenix had zero idea why. Which later had such a effect on him that once he sees Miles has become a prosecutor, he changes his college major just for the chance to see him again

But in college when he was working on that law degree, he meets Dahlia. And they start dating (Ignoring the iris situation rn) and he is so happy and like lovesick about the whole thing. He ate glass for her. She frames him for murder and goes to jail and obviously he loses her there.

But at least he met Mia from that! Mia became his mentor and he cared deeply for her. And she ends up dying after Phoenix first ever case. (Even after she dies her profile still describes her as "A friend forever" or something like that. ) Mia is still around because Maya and Pearl but she isn't really THERE.

He meets Maya. They aren't really That close in Ace Attorney 1. I think they are both still grieving for Mia to intensely, and in different ways, to really gain that connection just yet. Plus at the time Phoenix is very focused on Miles, that he doesn't really notice how upset Maya is.

But Phoenix does care about her. And she leaves for a bit too. Like. She has every right too of course, I respect her for it. But afterwards Phoenix spends months NOT taking any cases because he misses her so much. The only reason he takes the Lana Skye case is because Ema reminded him of Maya.

And sometime after the Lana Skye case, Miles "The prosecution choices death" Edgeworth fakes his death. Leaving Phoenix now alone and with no closure. Maya is still gone, he doesn't actually like Larry, and even if he did, Larry isn't the kind of guy he can have a serious talk about stuff with, with stuff like this. Phoenix has zero support system. Not that he would open up even if he did, but he doesn't even really have the option.

Maya comes back, to her being accused of murder, but its ok. Phoenix helps her and they have each other's backs.

Maya gets kidnapped.

This is so different then her just leaving to take a short train ride over to her village. Phoenix is nervous that she might die, and Maya actively encourages him to get Matt a guilty verdict even though she WILL DIE and he can't do anything about it.

and then Miles comes back with his smug "Your hatred for me is one-sides" or whatever he said and ahhh, Phoenix deserved to just break down right there. Phoenix had been angerly grieving for a man who was still alive, and now he's here, alive, and also his best friend has been kidnapped and also he has to babysit Pearl. And Miles doesn't seem to realize/want to realize the effect he has had on Phoenix and I know he was going though his own stuff but ahhh.

They get Maya back and Miles leaves AGAIN after this. Phoenix and Miles seemed more mutually ok with it this time but still!

And then there is bridge to turnabout with the whole Iris thing and also he thought Maya was dead for some time there and AHhh

This post has gone off track but like. ahhhh.

#Phoenix and Maya and Miles have such tragic lives but they all respond so differently to that trauma and it so cool to me #idk where this post is going #ace attorney #maya fey #phoenix wright #miles edgeworth

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beehindblueeyes · 2 years

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Opening glimpses

Really surprised no one’s talked about this yet- here I am yet again to swoop in and jabber on. Want to express right now that posts may be slowing down. I’ve been pushing myself to get out at least a post to- I’m not even sure why. It’s counter productive as if I get all my ideas out now- I’ll have nothing for the future? That and I need to do school work. So , just be prepared.

Ok so besides the opening music being great, there’s a lot of details hidden in it? Besides just the missing posters we don’t see in the actual film (Vance, Billy, Griffin). We see blood and I mean blood. More than the kid who scraped his knee. I named him Howard btw.

Ok so please ignore how deep fried the gifs are. The app I use- does this despite it not being like that when editing.

Gif 1- I believe this is Robin? If not it’s certainly a nod to him with the bandana and bloody knuckles.

Gif 2- brief glimpse of a boy crying. From the hair and the skin tone to me he looks a little like griffin. The girl wiping her bloody mouth looks a tad like gwen…

Robin

Paperboy

Bruce

Griffin

Rip Vance we see your poster 🙏

Metal af????

First off holy shit. Like part of me is all giddy because in universe non behind the scenes gore closeups and they’re? Great. At the same time it all settles in harder how truly gory they are? :(

These are all incredibly fast. Like they’re a blink and you miss moment on the screen with how it goes from shot to shot to shot but hhhhh. Holy shit Scott

#the black phone #black phone #the black phone 2022 #griffin stagg #billy showalter #paperboy the black phone #vance hopper #bruce yamada #robin arellano #gwen blake #ghost lore #writing ref #writing reference #detail #scott derrickson #ghost boys #shadow kids

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chthonicgodling · 26 days

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long rambly post incoming💞 had been handed the perfect avenue to find out fast exactly how ~quirky the TaKi baby is: Hecate examining Loki and kindly asking if he wanted her to divine out the nature of said baby-or-babies

me being very eager to reveal The Surprise™ vibrating OoC VERSUS me also absolutely needing to stay In Character when allowing our lil guys to make decisions fgkfkg. of COURSE the latter won and obviously this didn’t happen,

Loki’s twitchy as hell around all his pregnancies, it is a shocking miracle that he hasn’t fully vanished from the second they knocked him up even after promising them he wasn’t going to. sure this is because (SELF ADMITTED IN WORDS LMAO) in the end ✨lust has won out over anxiety✨ but he IS still twitchy and he IS still cagey and that’s coming across in, literally now the only people he’s been letting touch him/near him has been ONLY Maci and Tory - again, a shocking miracle ; he also has not told anyone else he’s pregnant yet!!!

this is the part where I admit to you all again (I said this in that other pregnancy trope post here) that this aaaalllllll is a thinly veiled excuse to create angst really 💞 specifically if he doesn’t come out of this having cried a million times then I haven’t done my job. Actually allow me to quote MYSELF from when I was vagueposting about figuring out a way to make him have a Taci baby back in NOVEMBER before FENIXE BEAT ME TO IT ahemmmm from the beginning I have said;;

…I can’t make Loki do a plot right now cause he keeps climbing past my schemes to climb on top of Maci and Tory and I can’t stop him 😔 Like ok fine just keep doing that I guess! I’m still gonna make you cry no matter how long you try to stall!!

so!! SOOOooO!!!

so this is all fun and games and Loki agreed to let Hecate come by in desperation wrt unbearable morning sickness that Maci and Tory refused to let him just suffer through (and also Hecate can be persuaded to take commission for fun sex curses which Loki was more intrigued by than her involvement for any other LEGITIMATE reason lmfao) but!! there was real anxiety spiked when she offered to magic-look at the baby. well it’s not any of your business I don’t see why it should matter what shape the baby is!! why what are you all going to do to it if it’s not a shape you prefer??? h ey whoa Loki calm down you’re suddenly shaking?????

:( ah

it’s fine happy ending (Maci and Tory pet him until he pulled himself together and she of course immediately did back off) but

oh. yes. more of this.,,,,,,, oh sure this whole thing is Sexy and Cute and Fun and Hot and ✨yayayay new babies✨ (nothing willl happen to baby-or-babies dw!!) but —

make no mistake it has all come upon me for a very specific purpose. and I will force this emotional vulnerability upon him (& dump him upon Maci/Tory) if he if kills me hhhHH-

#LOUDER AND WITH GUSTO IF HE DOESNT CRY ONE MILLION TIMES I HAVENT DONE MY JOOOBBBBBBBB #it’s really not hard as tough of a facade he puts on this is Loki ‘Wet Eyes’ L*ufeyson we’re talking about #oc talk #Taki fuego #long post //#is this technically an-#Elysium drama update #??hm maybe!!

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go-to-the-mirror · 1 year

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ATTENTION ATTENTION

IF YOU GET NOTHING ELSE OUT OF THIS POST AND SCROLL AWAY WITHOUT READING THE READ MORE OR APPRECIATING MY WINNING HUMOUR PLEASE JUST. PLEASE JUST LISTEN TO THE SECOND OUTLIERS TRAILER. ITS SO FUCKING LIKE- "HE GRIPS MY ARM WITH A STRENGTH I SHOULD NOT HAVE THOUGHT POSSIBLE AND BEGINS TO TELL ME ABOUT THE STARS" WHO LET JONNY BE THIS GOOD AT VOICE ACTING HHH

That out the way, welcome to 154, aka the episode in which jon and martin say fuck! And jonny does a great job with the voice acting here bc of course he does he's like a fantastic actor and writer or SOMETHING. gosh.

i swear the rest of this is gonna be really tma related, but i heard that trailer today and cant stop thinking about it.

without further ado, @a-mag-a-day, it's TIME for the episode that LEFT US ALL IN SHAMBLES!!

(this is all rambling, my words are not the grand words of episode 152)

Shout out to patreon "Jess?", their name gave me a sensible chuckle.

(sigh) Hm. (sharp inhale) I’ve, uh, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking after what happened with Daisy last week. About- what I can do. What I am. What feels right.

Immediately puts me in mind of

MARTIN I’m sorry. That sounds… (small sigh) That sounds horrible. ARCHIVIST I wish it was, Martin. I really wish it was. But it feels… right.

(MAG 160.11)

Hm.

There was one, this one, that my hand…. pulled back from. I dropped it, twice, when I went to pick it up. Even now, I’m… (slight quaver to his voice) struggling to hit play.

Ok, like, his voice puts me in mind of this line

I don’t like this. I don’t like not being sure what’s going to be in my mind, what thoughts are mine and what are from… elsewhere, why I just know some statements are what I should be reading.

(MAG 129)

And how like, yeah, if you think about it, that must be really like... there's something else in your head, pushing unwanted "awful knowledge" in it, altering your perceptions, your wants and needs, yourself in a fundamental and unchangeable way, like. UHM. THAT'S TERRIFYING.

God, why's Jonny such a good voice actor? The way he does Jon's... sort of about to laugh in a very bad way voice? That's just fantastic.

I am the avatar of awful knowledge and revealed secrets, so what does it not want me to know?

EATING YOUR PROSTHETIC MEET YOUR ANESTHETIC-

No, but there's this fantastic edit by instagram user archxvist that I listened to before I got to MAG 154, and it's that line, and I/Me/Myself and it's so coool you want to follow her and listen to it (it's pinned on her profile) don't youuuuu

(also it puts me in mind of this line)

ARCHIVIST Healthy? I am an Avatar of voyeuristic terror, who unquestioned craving for knowledge has condemned the entire world to an eternity of torment; healthy i-isn’t- i,it’s not

(MAG 161)

Which 1. HHHHH JON D: ANJSDFDHVD HHHHNHRHHNRNHNHR and 2. is a line that gets stuck in my head all the time and as you can see from point 1... it's not a great time. :( im so sad about him

"When he opened his eyes, he saw nothing, but he heard her breathing, slow and steady and focused, and he immediately knew that she was finally going to- (slight stumble) -kill him. When the garden shears plunged into his chest, he was surprised by how little actual pain there was- just the sudden feeling of moisture on his chest and the realization that his body was growing weak, fading away. He wished she would say she was sorry she was doing this, that she loved him, that she would miss him. But he knew better, and his final thought was a gentle sadness at how little he was surprised."

Lots of things! First of all, Getrude's little stumble is just like :(. She may have been less of a care about people person, and more of a care about the fate of the world person - and doesn't that ache, to know that all those deaths were for nothing - but she was still upset to know that he died. She was still upset when she read his page. And I'm upset about that in turn.

Secondly, why are their deaths so sad, Gerry and Eric's. Like, I just, was this necessary? Yes, yes it was, I'm glad it's like this, it doesn't make me any less sad at that... poor guy, poor Eric. Fuck you, Mary Keay.

GERTRUDE Yes. Well. I’m sorry. ERIC Wasn’t even hard for her, was it? Handing me over? No sign of regret. GERTRUDE (Still a bit shaky) No. ERIC No. GERTRUDE I’m sorry, Eric; I know this must be hard- I just read your death. I didn’t realize it had been quite so…

:(, poor guy.

ERIC God, I was a mess. I mean, part of me kind of suspected she’d killed before, but clearly she hadn’t done it enough to be a decent hand at chopping up and dumping bodies. She was having a real bad time of it. My legs were all over the shop. (Long inhale) Would probably have been funny, if it hadn’t been me.

I like him, he's funny, also jesus christ, mary why the fuck? Just to be evil? Fuck her.

ERIC I don’t know how to describe it. Never was great with words. Bad. It feels bad. All the time. I know that I’m not really Eric. I’m just a memory someone wrote down. It hurts, most of the time. I don’t like it.

"It feels bad."

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's sort of funny. Also interesting, I never really... paid attention to the statement/Gertrude part of this episode, and I mean it's interesting, I didn't know they weren't them. Makes sense, I suppose.

ERIC You too. (beat) You got old. GERTRUDE Better than being dead. ERIC (Short sigh of a laugh) Fair enough.

I love their little dynamic, they're friends your honour :3

ERIC S’pose that makes sense. And Gerry? Have you seen my son?

HIS DAD USED TO CALL HIM GERRY!! (starts sobbing)

ERIC Oh, just thinking. Five years as her husband, god knows how many as her possession, and she just couldn’t stand being bound in the same book as me. GERTRUDE Hm. I’m sorry. ERIC Yeah, it doesn’t feel great.

^ that's going to be like half of my reactions

GERTRUDE James? He died about twelve years ago. Elias is Head of the Institute now. ERIC Elias? Elias Bouchard, seriously? GERTRUDE Hm, he’s changed a lot. ERIC Must have!

HAHAHA! THE WAY THEY TALK ABOUT HIM, IT'S SO FUNNY

also uh. huh. you know i still don't get how the people who got elias was jonah magnus before the 158 reveal did it, but this does make it obvious in hindsight.

ERIC Well, that’s it, isn’t it? I suppose that’s why she gave me to you. One final screw you to the Eye. GERTRUDE Eric. How did you quit? (Eric holds back.) GERTRUDE (warning) Eric. ERIC (short laugh) Sorry. I just- (laugh) I don’t mean to be a dick, but- well, it’s been a long time since I’ve had any sort of- leverage, I guess? Just a- little bit of power. It’s kind of nice.

Hm, both :( and I really like him. he's funny.

GERTRUDE I suppose he might be useful.

...

hhhhhhhh

ERIC I don’t want to disappear on her terms. Or yours. I want to speak my piece, have it recorded.

fuck yea dude!

but the mystery, the promise of secret knowledge, of seeing something that no one else was privy to. A secret world that gripped my imagination.

ok, eye guy. fairly eye.

So when I finished my Masters in library science and saw a vacancy at the Magnus Institute, of all places, I jumped at the chance. The chance to pursue my passion and my career at the same time seemed like too good an opportunity to pass up!

THE ONLY GUY THERE WITH A DEGREE IN LIBRARY SCIENCE IS THE ONE THAT QUIT, LOVE HIM FOR THAT, HE ACTUALLY KNEW WHAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING

(Amused, wistful hm) I knew she didn’t have an uncle. I knew the man was dead.

Good lord. That's... good lord.

She never promised anything, not even in her vows. She never betrayed me. Not like you. She never played dumb when I was stalked by bloated, blood sucking things, or told me I was imagining it when your friend Adelard dropped a screaming box into the Thames. She didn’t try to keep me in the dark just so I wouldn’t stop being useful; she never made me complicit in a thousand nightmares, and lives ruined for the sick joy of some otherworldly voyeur.

Really shitty boss. Really a shitty boss. God, poor guy, poor everyone who worked for her.

And I just... she really had the audacity to kill Emma, with all that blood on her hands?

...

And that’s when you turned nasty, isn’t it? When all your resources, they no longer want to serve your purpose. I suppose you didn’t know there was a way out, a way to escape. But if you had, would you have told me?

It was fitting, I suppose. Even after everything, she made me taste blood one last time.

headinhands :(

ERIC Then if you don’t mind? I think I’d like to go away now.

hmhnrhr that's just... the way that line is delivered

(The Archivist sighs heavily.) ARCHIVIST Fuck.

INDEED!

MARTIN Look, Peter, I- [The door is thrown open. The Archivist bursts in.] ARCHIVIST Martin! MARTIN (Overlapping) Oh- (quieter) Jon! God, don’t do that!

MAKING A SOUND LIKE A CAT COUGHING UP A HAIRBALL RN NHNHRNHNRR

MARTIN No, it’s fine! I j- you just surprised me, that’s- (surprised) Jesus, you alright? You- You look like hell.

His only description is looking like shit. I love him so much.

ARCHIVIST Oh! Uh, Ri, Right, I um, God, I get weak. Hungry, I guess, sort of. I, I’ve been trying to avoid, being, um- sticking to old statements? Thank you for your little intervention, by the way. MARTIN Look, I wouldn’t have to if you’d hadn’t been- ARCHIVIST (Overlapping) Yes no, I know, I know; I’m sorry; that didn’t come out right; honestly, thank you. It’s been hell, but- I, I did need to hear it.

He stutters so much when he's talking to Martin, dude, get a grip. But also, well, I'm glad, yay! Good for them and stuff. Maybe with the power of heartfelt gratitude and love and stuff they'll gouge their eyes out and elope together? PLEASE!

ARCHIVIST Yeah. But it’s- (heavy inhale) It’s pretty drastic. MARTIN What, you gotta gouge your eyes out, or something? (Beat.) MARTIN (CONT’D) Fuck off.

AHHAHHAAHAHAHHAHHAH THATS JUST SO FUNNY, JUST THE SILENCE LIKE "UH WELL" QAHJDFSHAJDFSHJFJJSF IM SURE IT'LL ALL TURN OUT FINE

right?

ARCHIVIST I, I, I don’t know; I suppose. I, If your vision comes back, the Beholding probably does as well- probably. But i-it’s not like it’s easy to only blind yourself temporarily anyway I-

First thing that popped into my head was that in a nuclear explosion you can go temporarily blind for a couple of hours from the light. Enjoy that factoid, I guess.

ARCHIVIST No, you’re the first. MARTIN Why? ARCHIVIST Uh, because… because, because I trust you. I, I’m trying to think about what to do, and I… (exhale) If I did try this, I- I don’t want to do it alone. But we could leave here, you and me. Escape.

ITS FINE THIS TIME ITS GOING TO TURN OUT FINE, FUCK ITS GONNA BE FINE ITS GONNA BE SO FINE

"because I trust you" "we could leave here, you and me" HHHH

MARTIN I mean, (mirthless laugh) Could you even survive at this stage? Is there anything else keeping you alive? ARCHIVIST Uh, I,I don’t know. I don’t- know. But… maybe it’s worth it? The risk- y,you and me, together, getting out of here- (Martin sniffs.) ARCHIVIST (CONT’D) -one way or another.

ONE WAY OR ANOTHER

one way or another

ARCHIVIST Cut the tether. Send them away. Maybe we both die. Probably. But maybe not. (Emotional) Maybe, maybe everything works out, and we end up somewhere else. MARTIN Together? ARCHIVIST (Emotional) One way or another. Together.

(MAG 200, but you already knew that, didn't you)

it's fine. i'm fine. it's fine

[ID: Drawing of a person sitting at a computer, crying. /End ID]

ARCHIVIST But what if you don’t? (Small exhale) We could just leave. I mean, whatever their plan is for me, I am damn sure that doing that isn’t it. I’d derail everything- we could derail everything, and then just- leave!

THEY COULD HAVE! ALEXA PLAY ROLLING IN THE DEEP!

why... why... why...

[ID: CC!GoodTimesWithScar with his head in his hands. /End ID]

MARTIN Who are you kidding, Jon? You’re not going to do any of that. ARCHIVIST I, I, I could. MARTIN (Still brimming with false laughter) But you won’t. That’s why you came to me, isn’t it? (The Archivist exhales.) MARTIN (CONT’D) You know I can’t do it, not now; you don’t want to blind yourself; you don’t want to die; what you want is a reason to not do those things, so- you come to me. Well, you’re welcome. B,Because I can’t follow you on this one.

im literally, literally, in real life, crying. podded cast. why? why?

ARCHIVIST The Lonely’s really got you, hasn’t it? MARTIN You know, I think it always did.

no words, just sadness.

ARCHIVIST (Quiet) Maybe. (beat) Well, I’ll be here, if you ever need me. MARTIN (Also quieter, softer) I hope so. ARCHIVIST (Faster) Just-don’t-wait-too-long, okay? [He moves towards the door, sighs.] ARCHIVIST (CONT’D) If you haven’t already.

"I hope so" wh yherrghweherfv wdaj "just dont wait too long okay" hnhrfthrjhfsdehhhh hhrhnnhhh hhh h but he just they just htey they thyfruscdafsfidvjjfhvdxnj "if you havent already" AAAA just KILL ME it would HURT LESS

Now, let's see what past me had to say, while current me is sad. very sad /ref

It's so funny how despite me thinking it had 200 episodes the magnus archives ended on episode 154 with Jon and [Martin] running away and getting married wow what a plot twist