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why-this-kolaveri-machi · 3 years

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it wasn’t power i coveted; it was acceptance.

Titans 3.06

y’know, i was just thinking the other day that 1.06/1.07 and 2.06/2.07 were the best episodes of their respective seasons, so i have great hopes going in to this one. fingers crossed!

as always, typing this up as i see the episode.

SPOILERS AHEAD

1. oh! um... that was a Cold Open, all right. *nudges* get it? cold? because it’s snowing? and two people got murdered in cold blood? eh?

... oh, i’ve just started.

1.5. i wonder if “i want to be sipping pina coladas on a beach with you” is the new “i’m just one day away from retiring.” i was so on edge after that--i kept expecting that car to explode. even so, the way they died wasn’t an anticlimax: brutal, and quick.

1.75. so i’m assuming that’s the titular lady vic! this show better bring up why this doll was important or why these two cops needed to be killed, and not leave it to the ether like jericho’s little mindscape jaunt in 2.08 (i’m still dying to know what that was about???)

i love how deliberately unappealing wayne manor is.

(sorry for the pic quality. i don’t have hbo max! ssshhh.)

2.3. i love the many references to “home” and “our house” when they’ve been here for less than a week and saw one of their friends get blown into pieces. i mean, i unironically love it: home is where family is, after all!

2.5. i’d like to say that kom is playing some sort of long game here, especially given the build-up we had last season and some of the more niggling details this season: why did kom choose now to use her bond to lure kory when she’s been on earth for months? why did justin call kory now, just around the time that she started getting kom’s visions? and what about kom’s ability to exactly imitate other people? hmmm.

2.75. the reason i wrote i’d like to say is that i’ve made the mistake of assuming plot complexity where there is none; i was so invested in the jason todd orchestrated his own death theory for instance, when it turns out that oops! ra’s al ghul just happened to leave a little lazarus puddle in gotham, and oh yeah! scarecrow just happens to have a network of henchmen working for him on the outside and a fully functional laboratory and a weapons cache fit for a new supervillain in the basement of the high security psychiatric unit/prison that he’s in!

(no i’m not bitter, why do you ask)

2.8. iiiii don’t know what to say about the implications of sex slavery being a thing on tamaran, so i’m not going to say anything at all. for now.

3. gotham, six years ago... wasn’t it five years before s2 that jericho died and the titans disbanded? and when was the flashback from 1.06 where dick let zucco die? i think it was after the events of 2.08: jericho? i can’t seem to find any transcripts or reliable information online, so i’m going to have to rewatch 1.06 at some point.

(i love the old-fashioned batman music in this heist scene)

3.5. “security is a joke... it’s my way of keeping my dad on his toes”. what you’re an ethical thief now, like an ethical hacker? i don’t think that excuse is going to sell, barbara, on the day you do encounter a decent security system and your father is forced to arrest you.

(then again, gotham’s security is piss-poor. did you know that you could just walk into arkham asylum without any official clearance, ply one of its most dangerous inhabitants with contraband, and said inmate could get away with having an entire laboratory and weapons cache--NO I’M NOT GOING TO LET THIS GO)

3.8 so that flashback between dick and barbara was really cute! and also illuminating:

a) dick sounds so light, so... um. look. i have some apologies to tender to mr thwaites, because while i’ve always thought he does a fine job as dick grayson, i’ve never been terribly fond of his cadence as he delivers dialogue. it’s often monotonous, i thought, but then again, he’s usually delivering exposition or dealing with one soul-crushing crisis or the other. so i was pleasantly surprised to hear dick sound so carefree and alive in his conversation with barbara, laughing frequently, his emotions so bare and bubbling to the surface. it’s really a fantastic contrast to the traumatised and world-weary dick grayson that we see now, even more so than the costume department just bunging a backwards-baseball cap on mr thwaites’ head and hoping that will convince us of his relative youth.

b) and god, when he wakes up from that memory, all alone in his bed, bleeding from bullet holes in his shoulder (bullet holes that are--in a somewhat convoluted way--barbara’s fault)? yikes. it’s great. you have my apologies, mr thwaites!

c) can you imagine dick just... crawling back to wayne manor, trying not to be seen by anybody, shedding his suit and just... collapsing onto his bed without even tending to his wound? the sheer emotional and physical exhaustion of it?

d) it’s so interesting to see how barbara and dick approach the idea of legacy--a big theme on the show!--in this flashback. barbara is the one bucking the idea that she should follow in her father’s footsteps, while dick seems pretty content with the batman-and-robin setup, and even tries to get barbara to join their team (robin-girl. pfffft). obviously after this several traumatic things happen wherein dick ends up questioning and then resenting his role as robin, his relationship with batman or even returning as a vigilante at all. and barbara... ends up replacing her father as commissioner. it’s tragic, really.

e) the dynamic between dick and barbara in the flashback reminds me of how it was between dick and donna in 1.08 and even between kory and dick in early s1. it’s like having an older, strong-willed woman by his side means he gives over the steering wheel for a while and lets himself... unspool, a little bit. it’s kinda endearing.

also:

*pinches his cheeks*

3. you know, we talk about dick and Eldest Daughter Syndrome, and that’s definitely valid, but here gar seems to me the embodiment of it, with all the emotional gardening and firefighting that he’s expected to do. he’s kind of the guy expected to keep his shit together and take care of everyone else while they are falling completely to pieces, unable to carve out time to process his own trauma. he’s also picked up dick’s and kory’s tendencies to bottle up their struggles and shun appearing vulnerable, and he’s struggling in the shadow of both dick and kory undergoing acute crises, his best friend (and frequent confidante) on the other side of the world, and seeing hank die, utterly helpless to stop it.

i’m glad that he got a chance to tell dick even a smidgeon of what he really feels, and i hope this is at least a semblance of a wake up call for dick to actually sit down and work with the people he repeatedly calls family.

3.5. it’s heartening to see that dick immediately makes it his priority to go talk to gar. but don’t blow off kory in the process, man!

4. i’m really loving this dynamic between kom and conner--i get the idea that both of them consider each other as Unknowns, alien two times over. but conner’s only ever known the titans, who embrace being different, and kom’s only ever known... well.

anyway, kory is Really Stressed, and honestly? #relatable.

when you’re forced to bring an estranged family member to hang out with your friends...

4.5. i love that the titans are spending so much time in the kitchen. a real family!

5. jonathan crane is a creep and i absolutely cannot stand him.

5.25. how did he get a whole lab setup (in the basement of a hospital...?) with a bunch of whitecoats to work for him? how did he just waltz into the viewing room of an operation theatre when he’s one of the most wanted men in gotham right now? why is jason wandering around maskless when--presumably--as the adopted son of the most famous person in gotham he’d be a tad more recognisable than your average joe?

why do i expect this show to answer anything anymore?

5.5. that’s not necessarily a criticism, mind; i’ve said since season 1 that titans is very comics-like in this aspect, all about the Aesthetic and the splash-page splendour rather than the niggling unimportant details of how or when the characters got to said location. like. the camera gliding over the operation being set-up, lady vic bursting in and doing her murder dance (imagine the luck of the poor intern who chose this day and this surgery to assist) and jason, shocked and slack-jawed, framed by blood.

5.75. it’s a sobering reminder for jason that, though he chose this path in order to gain control over a world that seemed like it was rapidly spinning out of his grip, he’s only succeeded in handing over even more control to a man with an agenda that is very clearly not aligned with his own. he’s in too far to stop now, though.

5.9. i have a lot more thoughts about jason! saving it up for the end of this recap, though.

6. more kitchen time! i better see dick do some cooking soon...

(”our kitchen”! it still delights me! kitchens are So Important)

6.25. so much of dick’s issues have revolved around his relationship with bruce, so it’s completely understandable that in the wake of a huge crisis where bruce literally asks dick to replace him and be a “better” him, dick would default to all the worst things he learned from the man. and i’m glad kory’s having none of it, but come on, guys. the woman’s literally fetched her fratricidal sister out of a hole in the ground with no idea what said sister is going to do next and experiencing a burgeoning sense of guilt far, far beyond her history with the titans, and dick’s too far into his autocolonoscopy that he can’t see that she needs help.

6.5. “he services your urges”--well, as far as we know, kory is the last person he had sex with...

7. “i hope [gar] isn’t angry with me...” SIR! i thought you’d already spoken to him! smh, as the kids say. kory wouldn’t be needing to reassure you if you just took the effort to build two way emotional relationships with the rest of the team. @superohclair was taking about dick’s relatively low emotional intelligence? i agree.

7.5. “i got my own problems [...] you and barbara? fix it.” YOU TELL HIM, KORY

8. man i really like this weird, sad tension between dick and barbara--this sense that both of them are approaching the other based on how they remember them and are ultimately disappointed by the truth. barbara thought she could trust dick to... well, be a better batman, but dick has not only failed at that in her eyes, but repeatedly undermined her while exploiting the authority that she gave him. in dick’s eyes, this is nothing like the barbara that he knew, rebellious and ready to do whatever it takes to find something.

like. this show sometimes really hits me in the chest about the ways it shows kids grow into adults and into caretakers, and the way it’s stop-start, the ways nothing can happen at all for a long time and then it’s Crisis Central all at once and there’s no space to breathe. the weird sort of sadness that comes with nostalgia.

8.5. oracle name drop! i agree with barbara, any system that can just randomly tap into gotham phonelines is a monster.

8.7. (i don’t know if it’s my imagination, but is dick holding himself... differently in this episode? like that wound is definitely bothering him, and he’s running on fumes)

9. man, that was a really sweet scene between kom and conner. “feeling alien in your own world”... “not quite here nor there”

honestly this team runs on conner and gar’s faith in their value as a family, and it’s a sign of conner’s generous heart that he extends that opportunity to blackfire. this arc of maturation for him, where he’s now able to consciously choose which parts of himself he can use to do the thing he wants to so--save people--has been so fulfilling to recognise. this baby’s grown with the titans! and what he’s learnt is that people can get fucked up, but the titans is a place where they can be fucked up, and grow.

MY MAN CONNER

10. oh man i’m drinking in the gar-dick interaction in this episode like i’m three days into the desert and it’s the only source of water for miles around!

a) gar is absolutely not dealing with dick’s bullshit this episode and I LOVE IT. it’s such a far cry from the man who was idolising dick/robin back in s1 and expecting him to solve all their problems. dick is fallible, dick is fucked up, but he Tries His Best and that’s ok.

b) dick, huffing and puffing through that vent, unable to put any pressure on his left shoulder, trying to have a heart to heart with gar... fuck i love this asshole.

c) bruce took in a kid who was suffering... “and made him into a weapon”. well. i absolutely agree with dick that it was bruce who put these kids into these horrible situations with him and they came away with a bucketload of trauma to add to the one that they already had. but we know that bruce was really trying with jason, and at the end of s2, dick was coming to acknowledge that bruce had offered him something that wasn’t just darkness. jason’s death and bruce’s reaction to that shattered that fragile progress.

d) “gotham got to me too.” i feel more sympathetic towards dick running off on his own than most, and it’s not just because i’m an unapologetic stan. we’ve seen before that dick... devolves when overwhelmed, and he lashes out and makes ill thought out decisions and just Does Not Deal. it happened after hearing the news that deathstroke had returned in s2, and it didn’t help that everyone around him was reeling at the news, either. this time, however, he has his salvation in his family, and despite some stupid decisions like running off and kidnapping supervillains without telling his team, he’s been really on the ball this season. thinking clearly and logically, holding it together and working on a plan, thinking two steps ahead of the villains... yes.

e) gar needing to believe that jason isn’t beyond redemption... there’s a lot of blood on his hands, too, from when he was manipulated by cadmus last season. it makes sense why he’d relate to jason’s predicament, and i hope dick picked up on that.

f) my head just added a plaintive ow after dick jumped feet first into the storage room

i need, crave gifs of this scene!

11. *sits on hands* i’m going to talk more about red hood, i promise!

12. more gar and dick! is it my birthday??!!

(actually, according to the tamil calendar, it is my birthday! my “star” birthday)

12.5. excellent. dick using some implausible training that bruce taught him to solve a mystery? passing some of that knowledge onto gar? that proud smile when he sees gar perfectly execute moves that he taught him? MY HEART IS EXPLODING

13. aw, i love flashback!dick and barbara, they’re so cute <3

13.25. why does it not surprise me that the way he proposes a relationship to barbara is by saying “we make sense”? this guy can deduce exactly who was present where and what weapon they were holding from a garbled audio recording but other times he’s utterly clueless, and that’s a consistent character beat right from s1

13.5. so.... that’s why lady vic has it out for... barbara....? i don’t get it. it’s flimsy. but hey! the fun thing about titans is that i don’t have to get it. the payoff has nothing to do with the plot.

14. i can’t believe that barbara fell for that, but at least that wheelchair fight looked awesome, so.

15. oh yeah, i forgot that red hood bullied the mob into helping him and scarecrow... at least that explains the whitecoats and the elaborate set-up.

15.5. honestly i love how this dynamic between kory and kom is developing, though i wish more of the team would pay attention to it. time to call justin, i think!

16. i wonder what happened after that second flashback where barbara got hurt during that heist. did she give up on doing any more (maybe jim caught her)? was it because dick was called away by bruce and then the titans and got caught up in his own issues? maybe barbara froze him out because she wasn’t looking for the relationship that he was looking for? maybe the idea of doing that with someone turning into batman-lite was just... unappealing? scary?

whatever it is, it doesn’t look like dick ever processed the end of that relationship. it’s very intriguing to see where their dynamic goes next.

17. so.... what, did vic deliver some fear toxin to barbara? i... what?

17.5. and i TOLD YOU that they would never explain that doll or why vic attacked those two cops at the beginning! oh, titans. never change.

18. did jason just randomly have tim’s restaurant burgled? god, i’m feeling a bit nauseous... are they going to kill tim’s father?

18.25. i feel like the rest of the season is going to wrestle with jason’s culpability in the horrible stuff he’s doing and i’m already seeing that prospect divide fans. on one hand, his story is taking a lot of oxygen away from other equally interesting story arcs, and he’s done some truly awful things, like indiscriminate murder, threatening to kill children, blowing up hank, and potentially killing tim’s parents.

there’s something to be said for the kind of hold that crane has over him, and the so-called ‘anti-fear’ drug that he keeps plying jason with--he’s alone, drugged almost constantly (to the level of dependence), fresh from the trauma of being bludgeoned to death. he hasn’t conquered fear; he’s ruled by it. on the other hand, given that he’s the one character on the show given an obvious and identifiable ‘mental illness’ arc (maaaaybe dick too), one can argue that it’s irresponsible to show this progress into such violence: jason was vulnerable because he was struggling, and that left him vulnerable, but it took only a push before he became a fucking serial killer.

but that could mean we underestimate the degree of that vulnerability, and the mechanics of this universe where he fell into the clutches of the one supervillain perfectly designed to exploit that vulnerability. that helpless spiral into further and further self-destruction is all too real. it’s valuable to know that someone who has sunk that low can still seek help--actual help--and get it.

18.5. i don’t know. it’s not a question i’m going to resolve at the end of an overlong recap at 1 in the morning. i don’t believe it’s even a question that titans can resolve. but i am interested in where they’re going next with jason.

19. this episode was genuinely great! i’m pumped for the rest of the season!

#titans #titans spoilers #meta #dick grayson #koriand'r #barbara gordon #garfield logan #conner kent #komand'r #jason todd #jonathan crane #a byronic cupcake #badass strawberry truffle #manic pixie pop tart #a tragic jalebi #this is a 3k+ MONSTER yikes

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nadiaportia · 3 years

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Sayelle of Bizatena

art by @ia-bi-tia

The adventurous disciple with a rare gift

Other bios: Ximena | Deirdra | Heloisa | Cibela

Full name: Sayelle bint Zahir (”Sayelle, daughter of the Magician”)

Meaning of name: Amalgation of “Sayid” and “Elle”; Arabic for “patient” and French for “she”

Family:

Faarooq al-Rashid and Balqis bint Oaisara: Sayelle’s biological parents. They died when their child was only a baby in an earthquake that was part of what would later be called “The Cataclysm that almost was”, during which both an earthquake as well as a tsunami devasted parts of Bizatena.

Farida bint Zahir: Sayelle’s mentor and adoptive mother. She along the other apprentices of age helped raise the children brought to the Magician’s temple and later on took on the role of tutor in all affairs of life for Sayelle. She is supportive of her ward and protects her affinity for umbramancy as soon as it manifests.

Khentkawes: A dodo and Sayelle’s familiar. During a trip to an island north of Prakra, Sayelle got lost and injured but was guided back to the village by a perceptive and helpful bird. She decided to leave her peers behind to travel with Sayelle and see the rest of the world like only very few flightless birds living on an island could. Khentkawes is very clever and an equal partner in running Sayelle’s magic shop, responsible for cataloguing the goods kept and sold.

Nickname: Sally

Favourite meal: Tabbouleh, heavy on the spring onions and mint

Favourite drink: Pomegranate juice

Favourite flower: Hibiscus

Favourite color: Turquoise

Birthday: 27th of April

Age: 33 during the events of the game

Zodiac: Taurus

MBTI: ENFJ

Patron Arcana: Wheel of Fortune and the Seven of Cups

Upright: The Wheel turns endlessly with the passage of time, changing fortunes as if by whim.

Reversed: The Wheel must return all to its beginning- life cannot remain in the sun forever.

Upright: In dreams possibilities seem endless, but the waking world won't wait for you forever.

Reversed: Sometimes an offer is too good to be true. Be wary of false promises in the coming days.

Gender: Trans female

Sexuality: Bisexual

Height: 1,70 m // 5′6″

Appearance:

Sayelle is of slender build. Her skin is light brown with a cold undertone and she has an angular face. There are freckles on her cheekbones and nose, which is of aquiline shape. She has dark gray eyes and slightly full lips. Her wavy lilac hair is usually braided with some streaks being loose and in her face and her eyebrows are rather thin.

She usually wears small black glasses on her nose, a golden nostril ring and a golden necklace with a small turquoise pendant. She wears brown lipstick and dark brown winged eyeliner.

She carries herself with ease, a certain light-footedness and confidence.

Visual inspirations:

Golshifteh Farahani

Languages spoken: Bizateni, Zadithi, Prakran, the Common Tongue of the People of the Drylands, Firentian, Kerusksch and the Common Tongue

Magical abilities:

Air-based magic, the ability to conjure storms and manipulating temperatures

Umbramancy; shadow magic that requires a lot of discipline and focus. She can travel faster through darkness, is able to communicate with “the shadows” and has a connection to nocturnal animals and everything that primarily lives in in the dark.

Astral magic; the ability to separate her mind from her body even within the mortal realm, and having her conscience pass into the realms of the dead

Love interests:

Nadia

Deirdra: They were together for a brief time, broke up due to realizing they weren’t in the right headspace to be in a relationship, and during the events of the game have to work through some issues that happened while Vesuvia was a victim of the plague.

In general, like with most of my characters; if they’re compatible sexuality-wise as well as personality-wise, feel free to ship them with your OCs or MCs. Hit me up with a message and we can discuss the details!

Backstory:

After the death of her parents, the young Sayelle was like most children without parents or potential guardians taken to one of many temples where the Magician was revered and his craft taught. Her mentor, a Bizateni magician who herself had grown up at the temple named Farida, taught the young apprentice everything she knew, coming to see her as someone with immense talent, drive and also like she was her own child.

Shortly after her arrival at the temple, Sayelle proved herself to have a great interest in all things that had to do with magic, something she had in common with her late parents but other than them who didn’t show any signs of being able to use magic, Sayelle turned out to be a prodigy. By the time she was ten, children her age paled against her magicks and spell work and she became a peer to many older children who were on her level of knowledge. She found both good friends, admirers of her talents as well as rivals amongst her fellow magicians, and yet grew to see them as siblings, and the adult magicians that taught them the ways of their creed as mentors and in a sense aunts and uncles.

At the age of 17, she symbolically shed the name given to her birth by her parents and took on one of her own choosing, as well as officially binding herself to the Magician with a name, like it happens to all adult residents of the temples. Now legally of age, Sayelle was let into the secret arts of umbramancy - shadow magic - after Farida felt the affinity within her during the many years of training her and soon enough she mastered the spells so well that she was already on Farida’s level. It was sometime after that when the magician Soraya, who was in direct service to the Emir, came to visit the temple to look for potential acolytes to train at the Palace and was immediately drawn towards Sayelle and her master. Umbramancy was a highly revered form of magic, especially because there were very few who didn’t fear it due to its bad reputation or have bothered to get attuned to it - Farida being one of the few who had successfully done so but kept it a secret.

Sayelle and Farida were invited to come to the Palace and vouch for themselves in front of the Emir with Soraya’s help. The ruler was clearly impressed by Sayelle’s talents and thus she and Farida left their life at the temple behind and moved into their chambers at the Palace, now with Sayelle as the resident umbramancer and Farida as her assistant to uphold the lie that Farida had learned umbramancy from Sayelle as her mentor could have very well been executed for keeping these sorts of secrets from the Emir’s eyes and ears at the temple and the magicians at court. Other than Farida, who constantly felt unwell at the Palace and grew annoyed with the nobility’s antics, Sayelle came to enjoy the attention, the ability to buy whatever she desired and be able to live a life she had never even dreamt of.

Years passed but Sayelle came to realize how selfish the Bizateni nobles truly were, but she didn’t think she’d be able to leave as she was the resident umbramancer who technically was upheld more as a symbol of status – having a magician with a very rare specialty and affinity gave a lot of fame to the Bizateni city-state. Yet Farida committed a selfless sacrifice to grant her adoptive daughter and protégée freedom from the court; by claiming as herself as the more powerful umbramancer, she took Sayelle’s place, who from then on returned to the temple in which she grew up on but her abilities still made her highly desirable. She took a leave from Bizatena and ever since worked as an adventurer, exploring ancient ruins and learning from the cultures that used to live there and the ways they utilized magic.

It was during those extensive travels that she not only met her familiar Khentkawes, but also various other wandering magicians and scholars, one of them Asra Alnazar and his then-girlfriend Ximena Rubalcaba. With them she struck up a close friendship which ultimately convinced her to set foot in Vesuvia where she opened a shop for magical utensils and worked as a professional medium and made the acquaintance of Deirdra Margalit, a teacher living in South End, with whom she had a brief relationship and continued to be friends with. When the red plague claimed many lives in the city, she volunteered in helping fight the disease but was powerful when it claimed patients, some of which had been friends and colleagues. She broke off contact to Asra when finding out about him wanting to aid Lucio in a sinister ritual and continued to run her business as usual after the plague ran its course.

More art:

feat. Nadia by @joeyhazell-art | post

feat Deirdra by @missrabbitart | post

#the arcana #the arcana OC #the arcana original character #sayelle of bizatena #FINALLY! this one took so long to make esp w rewriting the bio a bit #but sayelle lovers... come get your backstory

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zukoromantic · 4 years

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HELLO FOLKS

I am more than a week late for this, BUT HONESTLY, IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO APPRECIATE OUR LOVELY BEAKLEY!!!!!

@beakleyappreciationweek

I started this on time actually, but only got around to finish it now so that's kinda sad, but i needed to post it regardless!!

12th (DAY 4): mother and daughter / grief

(I am not exactly sure if this even counts but lmao, whatever! Beakley's probably gone through some tough times in her life and I just really wanted to write this okay)

SO UHM YEAH

------------------------

It had been six months. And what six months they had been. Many things had changed. Some hadn't. Everything had fallen to pieces, but at the same time, things weren't much different. The same had even been true for Beakley's own emotions.

She hadn't been sad when she heard the news from Scrooge. She had only been shocked. But oh, shocked she had been alright. She couldn't even really believe it at first.

"He is dead?", she asked disbelievingly. Not because she thought Scrooge was joking. He certainly didn't look like he was joking. In fact, the last time she had seen Mr. McDuck this devastated had been when... No, that was many years ago.

Now, yet another resident of the manor was gone.

The reason she had asked was because she had - ironically enough - never thought about him dying some day. Killing him? For sure. Some days, when he would get her especially frustrated, she had made very elaborate plans on how she could murder him without anyone being able to trace it back to her. She wasn't a spy for nothing after all. But him actually being dead? As in, not alive anymore, not living in the mansion. She had never really considered it. She tended to forget he was a bit older than her, and the thought of him dying before her was something she had always thought to be in the distant future.

He had been a part of her day like no other. Not a pleasant one, the oppisite. One snarky remark was enough to ruin her afternoon, that's how much she had despised his presence at times.

"I'm sure you were planning on forgetting the dishes in the sink on purpose. Luckily enough, Mr. McDuck has at least one servant who does their job properly."

Not only were his comments rude and unnecessary, but he often seemed to forget that she did not only have a full time job, but also a seven year old granddaughter whom she needed to take care of. It certainly wasn't Beakley's fault that this stupid butler immediately jumped to finish her tasks when she had to leave them alone for twenty minutes. The worst part was that she was 100% sure he knew exactly what he was doing every single time.

All of that made it a lot harder for Beakley to admit to herself that apart from all of the comments - which she certainly didn't miss - she did miss him in the mansion.

At first, she hadn't had any emotions regarding his death. She was even a little bit surprised herself at how cold-hearted she could be. But she was fine with it. At first. Nobody to insult her. Nobody to get on her nerves. Nobody to randomly wander into while cleaning. Nobody to share the work with. No other adult person willing to have a conversation that didn't regard money or breakfast.

She hated to admit it - and not to anyone else, she wouldn't - that their encounters... had kept her a bit more grounded in a way. She guessed that, technically, not all of them had even been too unpleasant. Sometimes, they would just exchange a few more or less bitter words. It had all been a bit less... lonely with him around.

Now? Scrooge had been talking even less since the funeral. Beakley knew he had cried. Not more than his ego would allow of course, and not in front of her. Or in front of anyone for that matter. It was no secret he was isolated from the public... or his family. Or his own employees. Now, he was even more alone. Beakley certainly wouldn't talk to him about it unless he initiated a conversation and she knew he would never. If he wanted to be like this, it was his decision. And he didn't care much about what she was up to either...

She now had not only a hand full with even more housekeeping, but Webby as well. She thanked the Gods for Webby. Seeing her grow more and more during those past years had been the most wonderful thing that had happened to her in a far too long time. It reminded her of the time when she was raising her own daughter. Of course the circumstances that led to Webby needing a different caretaker had not been optimal to say the least. But it was okay now. Webby was the one thing that had kept her where she was those past years and she wouldn't trade her for the world, even when the young girl's energy was a lot to handle sometimes.

Webby had been down after his death too. It had been no surprise to Beakly, considering he was the person she spent the second most time with.

Beakley had to smile. He had never been able to say no when Webby chose he was his new target on an important mission she had made up or when she needed someone to pretend they were a bad guy surprised to find that whoever she decided to be at the moment had found her after all, despite their efforts to remain hidden. He hadn't given his best regarding the acting, but it was always good enough.

At the time, Beakley couldn't help but be a little jealous at how much Webby used to like to play with him (she would never threaten her granny of course, so these roles were off the table for her), but now she missed the sight.

It took a while until Webby liked going on imaginary adventures as much again, but she had to leave a lot more to her imagination now. Beakley was sure that Webby never cried during the funeral or afterwards - she was still very young - but she knew that she was sad nonetheless. She had even chosen special flowers for that day to place on the grave.

Beakley made sure to spend as much time with her as possible ever since, which was hard because spending more time on both her job and with her grand-daughter was physically not possible without sacrifices. So not only had she gotten less sleep, but she was also less thorough with the house-keeping at times.

It wasn't like Scrooge would notice with being fully commited to his own unhappiness.

Yet another reason Beakly truly was grateful for having Webby to brighten her every day, even though it meant being more exhausted than she already would have been.

But oh, how wouldn't he just love this.

Getting careless? For shame nobody is around anymore who is actually capable of doing their job.

Gagh, how had he managed to get inside her head like this?

She looked angrily at the tombstone that she was standing in front of.

Duckworth

That was all it said. No more names, no dates, nothing. She wasn't sure why exactly, she didn't have anything to do with the grave or the funeral. Mr. McDuck had some of his people organize it after he gave them clear directions on most things. Maybe it had even been in that idiot's own will to have it like this and no other way. She wouldn't be surprised.

But she hated the remaining result.

It was like he had found a way of mocking her even after his death.

This was the first time she was here since the funeral. She hadn't shed a tear back then and she certainly wouldn't now.

That stupid butler really had the nerve to just die. He really was just going to lie here forever, leaving her alone in the mansion and silently letting her be angry for the rest of days. How did he possibly manage to be even worse now when he was dead?

Since the very momemt they met, she never would have thought it would eventually come to this. But she certainly liked him better when he was alive.

#beakleyappreciationweek2020 #bentina beakley #THANK YOU FOR READING #i am not sure if o screwed up the structure so feedback is highly appreciated!#also i am not sure if this even counts as grief but I TRIED OKAY #my work #i am actually thinking about creating a new blog for original content #then again maybe it would be kinda dumb and inconvenient but i don't know #but yeah i hope it wasn't too much jumping back and forth #also i apologize because i am on mobile and cannot make one of thsoe under the cut things

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braveskyered · 5 years

Text

Knights (Part 11)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

I got the harder times behind us…

Part 11: Hope Trouble Never Finds Us

- - - - - - -

Fingers moved across the keyboard, typing words and looking through various searches while working on some documents.

Thought back to the time before everything went sour. Knew something was wrong, but didn’t do anything to stop it. Filled with shame ever since it was realized just how much impact that person left them. Mother made it very clear how disappointed she is when it was discovered what actually happened.

A sigh. Decided to take a moment to look though something unrelated to work. Checked through articles that long distance friends had posted, browsing through them mindlessly until one post caught attention.

It can’t be… could it?

A hand trembled as it hovered above the keys.

“Ma-… Ma… kuh…!”

- - - - - - -

Arthur could hardly contain his grin as he waited for the children to come home.

The twins managed to graduate out of high school early, and best of all, they got accepted as students at the Cantabile Institute of Technology thanks to the prosthetic arm they made. An arm that could allow the wearer to feel things without it being to heavy on the body. The fact that two young kids had successfully made such an invention with feedback from Arthur was astonishing enough for a newspaper article to be made, which Elaine clipped out and framed.

The first model of the arm had been given to Arthur to test the functions, and both he and Elaine were ecstatic when he actually felt things through his left hand again. Granted, it wasn’t the same back when he still had his real arm, but it was feeling nonetheless. The tears of joy he shed was no doubt something his family will never forget, especially after Elaine recorded his reaction. He tried to get her to delete it, but Elaine refused.

“Nope~! It’s not everyday I see the star of my life be so happy!”

Best of all, it’s October 13th, the children’s birthday! Gwen and Percy will turn fourteen today, and Vivian be three. Oh, how time flies! Not only will Arthur get to celebrate his older children getting accepted into a place where their skills will be pushed to the limit and then some, but also celebrate another year of being with his family.

As always, he repeated the same mantra whenever his children reach a milestone.

You are okay, Arthur. This is your life now. Live for Gwen and Percy. Live for Vivian. Defy those who wanted your life to end, and live on. You matter to someone, and they need you. You are okay.

Taking a breath to steady himself, Arthur went back to his beloved’s side.

While Caelia is keeping the kids in the dark by taking them out clothes shopping, Arthur and Elaine worked hard to put up the birthday decorations in a guest room in Niniane’s mansion. The old woman wanted to make it a milestone birthday, both for the twins to get into a university, and for Vivian to reach the age of three as a rite of passage based on what her father had done for her back when he was alive. Arthur isn’t really sure what she meant, but he shrugged it off and decided to ask her later.

Eleanor came by later with her two daughters Phoebe and Rhetta, bringing in multiple presents wrapped and labeled and ready to be ripped open. Morgan’s husband Miles soon came by and brought the four cakes that will be used to celebrate the birthday, while Eleanor’s husband Nicholas arrived some time later with bottles of soft drinks and some more presents.

Vivienne, whose age started to get the better of her, finally arrived with Morgan. Shortly before Vivian was born, Vivienne had to start using a wheelchair, which Arthur took the time to carefully build and customize just for her at the time. Thankfully, her mind is still intact, and thus she is able to continue being the matriarch of the Knights family.

(Caelia once mentioned that the title of matriarch will be passed down to her eventually, even though she feels Morgan deserves the role more. Morgan in turn would retort that Caelia deserves the title, since despite being the older sister, she doesn’t have a monster form, and made Caelia drop the subject.)

Because all three of his children share the same birthday, combined with the fact that Vivian is still a toddler, it was decided that they make individual cakes for them. Gwen and Percy would share one cake (they insisted), while Vivian would have a smaller one made specially for her. The other two cakes were primarily extra for the rest of the family to eat. After all, you can’t truly celebrate a birthday without having at least one slice of cake!

Elaine got a text from Caelia saying that she and the kids are on their way home. Upon hearing this, Arthur and everyone else started getting ready for the surprise. The many presents are set in a pile, and the cakes are in place. Elaine then got a text from Caelia saying that she’ll enter the door first as planned, then have the kids come in right after.

“You have the poppers ready?”

“I do. You got the streamers?”

“Yep. Who’s got the hats?”

“Get ready, guys. Mom’s coming first, then the kids.”

Right on cue, Caelia came in through the door, gave Arthur and Elaine a nod, then gestured to the three outside.

“SURPRISE!”

“Waugh!”

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOU THREE!”

“Mom, not cool!” Gwen was scrambling her arms to get the streamers out of her hair, yet she’s smiling.

“Aw, man, you guys scared Vivian!” Percy looked down, showing more concern for his little sister than the surprise party itself.

Speaking of which, Vivian is curled on the floor, her hands over her head, looking like she’s about to cry. Arthur couldn’t help but chuckle as he kneeled down to comfort her, the little girl clinging to his shirt in response before observing her surroundings.

“Happy Third Birthday, Vivian,” Arthur smiled as he slid a party hat on his daughter’s head while minding her long hair, “It’s a special day for you, and your big brother and sister.”

Vivian looked up at him, still looking a little scared, but upon seeing the many birthday decorations and all her relatives, she started to perk up and turned to Elaine, “Thir…?”

“That’s right, Vivian. Third,” Elaine giggled and held up three fingers, “You’re three now, three years old. You’re becoming a biiiig girl. Happy Birthday!”

The surprise birthday party, despite the rough start, has been a huge success. Photos of the birthday kids were being taken with family members, the birthday song has been sung, and the three were tearing through the presents like there’s no tomorrow.

Arthur wasn’t sure what to get for Gwen and Percy at first, but eventually settled for the newest game system and a handful of games he managed to pick up at a discount as the first set. Well, he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to play some of the games himself. The most recent Super Smash Bros. came out just a few months ago, after all. The second set of presents for the twins were some advanced parts for their recent projects. While Arthur and Elaine weren’t exactly sure what the twins will do with them, but Arthur knew that each part will have their uses since they experiment so much.

There were many other presents, that ranged from clothes to tools and from toys to games. While Gwen and Percy were admiring the various parts and tools they received, Vivian constantly snuggled her new plush toy modeled after a white fox sitting on its hind legs. …or was it a dog? Arthur couldn’t really tell, since Niniane is the one who brought it, but at least Vivian is happy with it. Arthur then recalled the two stuffed animals the twins keep in their rooms, Gwen’s gray turtle and Percy’s orange alpaca. Has it really been eleven years since he gave those toys to the twins on their third birthday? Time sure does fly quickly.

Speaking of quickly…

“They’re tearing through the presents fast,” Arthur turned to Elaine, “We better get the rest of them.”

“I’m on it, my knight,” Elaine kissed his cheek, “Keep an eye on Vivian?”

He nodded and chuckled softly. Her kisses are always so sweet…

After Elaine left the room, Arthur knelt down next to Vivian to watch her admire her new toy. The three-year-old poked at the ears and tail the fox (dog?) has, gave them light tugs, squeezed the legs with her small hands, then went back to hugging it. Seeing his youngest child examining the toy like that made him smile, happy that she is curious.

…Happy that he is able to celebrate her birthday with her.

“Dad-dee.”

“You took what should have been mine.”

…No. He can’t think about it. He doesn’t want to think about it.

“Dad-dee?” Vivian looked up before reaching an arm out to him, her face showing a beaming smile, “Dad-dee.”

Smiling a little, Arthur wrapped his arms around Vivian. Even now, he finds it hard to believe that he is responsible for her existence, for Gwen and Percy’s existence. The fact that he is married to a woman who loves him dearly, that he is a father to three amazing children who also love him dearly.

That he is happy. Happy and safe.

Granted, the nightmares of the wraith, kitsune, and demon still come and go, but all he has to do is wake up and he would find Elaine beside him. Even now, he still wondered what he did to deserve her, but then her words would echo in his mind. Words that she made sure to repeat at least once every day.

“I love you, my star.”

Come to think of it, Elaine is taking a while. Concerned, he stood up while keeping Vivian in his hold. As Vivian started to babble about something, Arthur walked to the doorway and called out to his beloved, “Elaine?”

“I’m coming!”

Within seconds, Elaine came out from the room where the other presents were kept while holding three of the presents, two large and one small, in her arms. Arthur noticed that her fingers were a little tense, her right arm skeletal with a spectral glow like she does when she fights monsters.

“Sorry about that, my knight. There was a little… uninvited guest that tried to crash the party,” Elaine shrugged with an assuring smile, “I know you don’t like having them around, so I made sure it went bye bye.”

Arthur felt unnerved upon hearing that. A ghost? Shouldn’t Niniane’s home be full of protections that prevent exactly that from happening? Elaine didn’t seem too concerned, and she has done this before in their house, so he didn’t have a reason to doubt her, but…

“Pre-sanssss?” Vivian babbled before dropping her stuffed animal. She looked down and whined, trying to reach for it.

Right, birthday first, ask questions later. Arthur repeated that thought in his head as he knelt down to pick up the toy to give back to his daughter. This isn’t the time to have doubts, and he promised himself that this would be an ideal birthday for the kids. He owed them that much. The nightmare from last night isn’t real.

- - - - - - -

Arthur felt the wraith dragging him away by clenching his throat with a burning hand. He has trouble breathing, the pain in his neck indescribable.

His whole being hurt, his energy sapped away. The cuts and bruises spread all over from being slammed against a wall multiple time before being dragged to another place he couldn’t identify. His head pounded furiously, yet the blood that rushed into his head had been lost, allowing him to think more clearly slightly, yet unable to fully register the pain since he felt so numb. He has trouble seeing. The blood coming down from his forehead and the tears in his eyes didn’t make it any easier.

It’s what he deserved, though. Because sorry isn’t good enough. He shouldn’t have ran away from the past. He couldn’t run away from the wraith’s desires. Not after what he did.

“Where are they.”

Arthur didn’t answer. He couldn’t even if he wanted to. The wounds on his neck made it too painful to speak, let alone breathe. Even if he could talk, there is no way Arthur will allow the wraith to take his children as its own playthings.

“Where are they?!”

The wraith slammed him against the ground upon demanding. Arthur barely felt what seemed to be plush carpet on the fingertips of his right hand, but his head felt like it was slammed against a hard surface. His vision began to darken and blur. He barely curled his lips into a smirk for a split second, as if attempting to talk.

Well, all that monstrous wraith did was make it harder for Arthur to give it the answer it sought. Then again, the children aren’t anywhere nearby. He knew they were hidden and safe.

The wraith slashed at him, shredding his left arm into tiny unsalvageable little pieces with some blood mixed in. Arthur didn’t have the energy to scream in pain anymore, not when the left side of his face had also been clawed at, blinding his left eye.

“You took what should’ve been mine.”

He’s aware. Painfully.

Heh.

The clawed hands were about to swipe at him again, but all of a sudden, the sound of roaring waves crashed through the silence.

The fangs of a kitsune clamped down against his neck, and he saw red with splotches of blackened green.

- - - - - - -

If Vivian hadn’t climbed into his side of the bed back last night and woke him for attention, Arthur felt that he would never be able escape from that hellish dream. She is only three years old, and yet…

“…knight? My knight?”

“Uncle Arthur?”

Arthur snapped out of his stupor as he saw a hand waving in front of him. He thought it was Elaine at first, but then he realizes the title he was just called. Looking up to see who it is, he sees a tall and lean girl with short dark brown hair held up with an orange headband that barely reaches his height beside Elaine.

“Are you all right? Do you need to rest?”

He smiled, “I’ll be fine, Phoebe. I do appreciate you watching out for me.”

He has a hard time believing that Phoebe, who turned nineteen just a few months back, has grown so much since the last major family reunion the year before. She looked concerned, as she usually is, and often worried for his well being in the few times they see each other. As she is the oldest in her generation, Phoebe was told of Arthur’s past abuse from her mother, Eleanor. While Arthur felt fortunate in that Phoebe never pressed for details, he knew that she only meant well whenever she asked about his health, if maybe a little too often. As expected of a child in this family.

“Phoebe, how’s Rhetta doing?” Elaine asked to switch the topic, “I wasn’t able to ask her, since she’s never interested in talking to me.”

“Oh, she’s all right. She’s at that phase where it’s said that speaking to adults is considered ‘uncool’ at her school,” Phoebe sighed with a mix of annoyance and concern while tugging at the collar of her shirt, “I swear, peer pressure is not a fun thing. I’m having a hard time getting through to her, and I’m her sister.”

Arthur knew that term all too well. Back when he used to live in Tempo, Vivi and Lew–

“Dad-dee?” Arthur looked down and realized that he forgot that he’s still holding Vivian. How that’s possible, he isn’t really sure, but…

These memories won’t stop haunting me even though it’s been so long now?

“My knight,” he looked up and saw Elaine smile lovingly at him, her arm already turned back to normal, “Let’s get back to the party. Okay?”

He nodded, and after taking a moment to adjust his hold on Vivian, went back into the party room.

To Arthur, the rest of the events that happen is all a blur. As soon as he released Vivian from his hold, the toddler ran up to Gwen and Percy to tear open the presents, even the ones that weren’t for her to the twins’ chagrin. More toys, machine parts, books, and games were added, and soon, it was decided that it was time to eat the cake.

The twins shared slices from one cake while Vivian sat between them to eat her own. Because Vivian is just a small toddler, Arthur convinced Elaine to have a smaller cake with less sugar in it to be made for her, so it wouldn’t make her as hyper, which she agreed wholeheartedly to. Vivian seems to like it, because she started to dig in to her cake with a spoon before the twins could even start to eat their slices.

“Heh heh! Vivian! You’ve got cake all over your face!” Gwen quickly cleaned the crumbs off around Vivian’s plate.

“It’s cake, Gwen. Of course she’s gonna go all over it,” Percy snickered.

Arthur heard the sound of a camera shutter and noticed Elaine has the camera on hand, taking photos of the twins laughing at Vivian being a mess. Gwen held up a napkin and started wiping some crumbs off Vivian’s face while Percy watched with a wide grin.

He isn’t sure why, but Arthur felt a weight lift itself from his shoulders. He felt lighter than usual as he watched his three children just being themselves.

Happy Birthday, you three. Know that I love you all.

- - - - - - -

A week later, it started snowing.

Granted, getting snow at this section of Tennessee isn’t unusual, since Cantabile is a city within the mountains. Since many of these mountains have outskirts with wide open fields, it gave Gwen and Percy the time of their lives to transform into their yokai forms and let loose, while Vivian tried to follow by her newly discovered ability to fly.

It’s funny in Arthur’s mind, really. To think that he used to be so afraid of various things amongst the paranormal, but upon living and interacting with it on a daily basis ever since he married into the Knights family, some of it wasn’t so bad anymore.

Maybe it’s just because his children helped him find it fun somewhat.

“Come on, Vivian!” Percy dashed past Arthur and Elaine as a kitsune, bounding around the snow in wide circles, “Try to keep up!”

“You’re still it!” Gwen, still in her human form with her hands and feet covered with an icy aura, ran over the snow with ease without leaving any footprints.

While Vivian flew around to chase her siblings in their impromptu game of tag, Arthur watched them with a smile on his face as he tried to keep up with them. Elaine had taken a job by herself and left with Eleanor this time for the weekend, since she felt that it was too dangerous for Arthur and the kids to come along. With that in mind, Arthur decided to spend some quality time with the kids, which led to their unique game in the mountains.

Although he doesn’t have any powers to brag about other than his knowledge of robotics and machines, Arthur still has the ability to run fast for a long period of time even though he is in his late thirties. Running away from the paranormal and just wanting to escape from the horrors back in the old days, Arthur knew that he doesn’t need to run away from his children with paranormal abilities, but to run alongside them.

He always did ever since they were born.

They were on a wide open hill within the mountains, broken only by a handful of trees at the top. Percy still ran as a kitsune, and Gwen took the opportunity to change into her wolf form to let loose. As the two raced downward, Vivian flew after them, trying her hardest to tag one of her siblings. Arthur ran after them from behind in a straight path, but soon he lost his footing and fell. Before he knew it, he kept rolling down the snowy hill.

He isn’t sure how he did it, but soon he managed to recover his footing for a brief moment, only to fall to his back and slid down the snow even further, laughing once he heard the kids do the same thing.

It never snowed in Tempo, which is a desert town. He quickly shoved the thought aside.

Soon, Arthur managed to stop himself from rolling. A good thing, because once the adrenaline began to wear off, he started to feel tired and sore all over as his head felt like it was spinning a little. The area on his left arm where flesh meets metal began to feel cold, too. The sound of snow being crushed by footsteps caught his attention, and he turned and saw a golden fox’s leg.

“Dad, are you okay?” Percy leaned against him.

He reached up to embrace his hold around his son’s neck and buried his face against the fur. Is a kitsune’s fur always this warm?

“Daddy, you’re cold!” Gwen nudged her head against his back.

He looked up from Percy’s fur and saw Vivian floating nearby, her cheeks looking rosy from the cold. He remembered helping her bundle up against the cold, but he guessed it can only do so much against windchill. Holding out his good arm, he beckoned Vivian to come to him, which she obeyed. As soon as Vivian came into his cold, he felt that even she is shivering.

“Dad-dee… C-cold,” Vivian muttered as she wrapped her arms around him for warmth.

“M-m-might be a g-good time to h-head home, then,” Arthur gave a low chuckle as he started to stand up, but Percy knelt down in front of him.

“Get on my back, Dad,” he said, “It’ll be faster this way. The sooner we get you home, the sooner we can get you and Vivian warmed up.”

Arthur didn’t argue. Under normal circumstances, Arthur wouldn’t dream on riding on either of them while they were in their monster forms. For starters, it felt awkward to him, and the two were often rambunctious whenever they romp around. Second, as their father, he never wanted to exploit his children for anything other than loving them as his family.

The fact that Percy is insisting on helping him put that feeling aside. Arthur knew he needed to get home, if to get Vivian warmed up at the very least. It wouldn’t do anyone any favors if she catches a cold. Arthur knew that he can handle it, but Vivian might be miserable.

The ride back to their home wasn’t the smoothest, but Percy being so careful when running the trek back home made up for it.

Once they reached home, Arthur made sure to give Vivian a warm bath.

- - - - - - -

The following Monday, Arthur is back at the university grading some worksheets the students did over the Fall Break. Normally, his boss Mr. Cromwell would be grading them, but the man had to go to a meeting with his fellow deans, so Arthur volunteered for the task until he came back. As a teaching assistant with his own office, it was the least he could do.

He still works at Four of a Kind Queens from time to time, mostly on the weekends. Elaine still works at the family shop, but she encourages Arthur fully when he works at the university, since the twins have been having a fantastic time learning new tip and tricks in the fields the university teaches with their father nearby. Well that, and the paycheck from the university is pretty good, too.

On Vivian’s end, because her powers are so unpredictable combined with her young age, and that her hair is still unnaturally long, it was decided that she is to be home schooled for the time being. Elaine gave a reason to the education board that Vivian has some “special needs,” which is somewhat true.

“I don’t want to get a school destroyed for the third time,” Elaine sighed as if reliving a bad memory, “This is for everyone’s sake.”

Arthur whipped his head at her direction, “Wait, do what a third time?”

“Oh, nothing, just thinking about my school days. I had to be home schooled after I turned ten, so… yeah.”

After he finished with the grading on paper, he had to put the grades themselves on to the online reports. A little annoying to do, since the online grading board is a bit finicky, but Arthur could tolerate it. Upon reaching the halfway point of inserting the grades, the phone rang, which he quickly answered.

“Cantabile Institute of the Robotics Division.”

“Are you… Arthur… Knights?”

“That would be me, how can I help you?” He opened up a window that showed an online planner.

The man on the other line was silent.

“…Sir?”

“Ah, sorry, I, uh… got distracted. Let’s see… I have some questions about the robotics program that my grandson was thinking of applying for next year. I would like to know what qualifications he would need and what classes he needs to take.”

Arthur rose a brow, “Well, that should be on the school website under the Programs tab. Were you and your grandson able to find that, Mister…?”

“Ah…! Er, I-I’m… Snowfield. Joe Snowfield.”

Rather nervous guy with a minor accent. Not that I’m any better on the nervous part. Arthur shrugged, “Mr. Snowfield, got it. Did you find that tab I mentioned before you called?”

“I did, but I… have some questions and I was hoping I could meet with you… personally.”

“I’m actually just a teaching assistant, sir. While I can discuss how to properly register for the classes in which semester and graduate in four years, if you want the finer details for the university’s robotics program while getting the official approvals for registration, you should talk to either Mr. Robert Cromwell, the dean, or to the actual instructors Ryan Kusey or Keith Matthews. They can give you more accurate answers than I can.”

Arthur could’ve sworn he heard Snowfield curse, but it’s probably because of nerves. It’s not unusual for grandparents to have a hard time, but…

“Does your grandson also have the surname Snowfield?”

“Er… Yes, he does.”

“I’ll give you the contact info for Keith Matthews since your surname is among the alphabet of students he handles. Could I have your contact info so I can pass it to him?”

“T-that won’t be necessary! I-I can see his contact info here, so I will make sure to schedule an appointment with him. Do you know if Mr. Matthews will be here on Thursday?”

“He’s here all five days of the week, so I doubt you’ll have any issues reaching him if you email him and if you’re flexible with time.”

“I-I will do that. Thank you, Ar– Mr. Knights.”

“You’re very welcome, sir. Have a good day.”

“Bye.”

Arthur hung up, shaking his head. It’s not the first time he’s had this kind of phone call, but that old gentleman had to take the cake. The man on the other line spoke as if he was overwhelmed by something, or had something else in his mind like he wasn’t completely there. Arthur didn’t think he or the university is that intimidating… right?

When he went back to his computer screen to add more grades in the online grade book, he glanced at the newspaper article he had framed, the article that had Gwen and Percy make that arm that contained a picture of the two standing proudly before their creation. A part of him did wish that he was among them when their achievement was acknowledged, but…

He shifted his focus back on the computer screen.

I can’t have them find me. I can’t have them take me back. If they do…

His fingers faltered.

Who knows they’ll do to the kids.

Gwen. Percy. Vivian.

I…

I’m so sorry you had to be born to a cowardly father like me.

His cell phone rang this time, and he answered it, “Hello?”

“Hello, my knight,” he recognized that wistful voice anywhere.

Letting out a breath with a silent exasperated laugh, Arthur shook his head.

How is it that she always has such good timing?

“My light,” he smiled, “What’s up?”

“I thought I’d just call and say hello. A good thing I did, since you only call me your light whenever you’re anxious. Did something happen?”

“No,” he shook his head, “I was just thinking about whether I should use it more.”

“I wouldn’t say no to that, my star.”

As Arthur filled out the remaining grades, Elaine kept talking about every day things over the phone. She talked about Vivian missing her daddy, talked about how much she misses him, talked about how much she loved him.

“I love you, my star.”

“I love you, too… my light.”

Even to this day, Arthur doesn’t really know what he did to deserve an amazing woman as his spouse.

- - - - - - -

Three days later, Arthur is in his office again, and crossed off the former day on the calendar to show that it’s Thursday today. Mr. Cromwell has to attend yet another meeting regarding the school board, but Arthur’s not complaining. He opened the calendar on his computer to check for any appointments any students have signed up for, but so far, he only saw one. That Snowfield gentleman he spoke two earlier this week had booked an appointment with Keith Matthews like he suggested, so at least he won’t have to worry about that.

“Let’s see,” Arthur muttered to himself as he picked up the binder containing the assignments, “Yesterday was Robotics III, so today is Robotics II, so this means that the assignment that’s due today is—”

Someone knocked on his door.

“Come in,” he turned to see the instructor he just thought about, noticing a cell phone in the man’s hand..

“Hey, Arthur. Do you remember answering a call from a Joe Snowfield on Monday?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, I just got a call from my insurance agent regarding my wife’s surgery, and I really need to take it. All Mr. Snowfield needs is a summary of the program and a list of the required tools. Could you help him on that while I get this taken care of? I already have the papers laid out to him out front, I just need you to explain the classes in a bit more detail.”

“Yeah, sure,” Arthur stood up from his desk and proceeded to walk out the door.

After his coworker left with a rather hasty thanks, Arthur rose a brow at the odd behavior before shrugging it off. Grabbing a small notepad, he left his office to greet the guest that his coworker left behind.

“Mr. Snowfield? I was told you need to know more about the program?”

“U…! Uso… It… It can’t be…”

Arthur took a moment to look at the man’s face and went still, as did the man in blue standing before him. The man’s arms went slack as he looked at Arthur with a stunned expression.

“It… It’s really you,” the man, allegedly said to be Joe Snowfield, whispered out loud, the shock never leaving his face.

“Arthur.”

It’s Mr. Yukino.

Vivi’s father.

- - - - - - -

…

What? What was… What was I doing?

It doesn’t look like anything’s happened, but…

Hey… are you okay?

…

Even now, I couldn’t do anything to stop it.

We’ve already hurt him enough as is.

It… It may be time to let him go.

…

Why?! How could you do this?!

None of us wanted this to happen!

I will never forgive you!

…

How can I…?!

After all what you’ve…!

I…! I…!

…

If you’re…

If you’re not happy here…

THEN JUST LEAVE!

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

I’m not freaking out.

But it feels like time is running out.

How did this shit come about?

I’m not freaking out.

Part 12: But…!

#mystery skulls animated #msa fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #msa arthur #arthur kingsmen #msa #elaine knights #gwen knights #percy knights #vivian knights #雪野信寛 #msa knights

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artemisyaxley · 5 years

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❝ I was a living star. I was combustion. I was a new sun born to shatter air and eat the earth. I am ruination.❞

KARLA SOUZA? No, that’s actually ARTEMIS YAXLEY. Only TWENTY-SIX years old, this RAVENCLAW alumni works as an UNSPEAKABLE and is sided with THE DEATH EATERS. SHE/THEY identifies as AGENDER and is a PUREBLOOD who is known to be DISTANT, CRYPTIC, and AMORAL but also MACHIAVELLIAN, CURIOUS, and KNOWLEDGEABLE.

CHARACTER PARALLELS: Sherlock Holmes ( Book & Elementary TV Series ),Natasha Romanoff ( Marvel Comics ), Rosa Diaz ( Brooklyn 99 ), Alice Quinn & Julia Wicker ( The Magicians )

TRIGGERS: slight misgendering. if i missed some, please let me know!

The Yaxley’s are a notable family within the Sacred 28 -- a legacy only strengthened by Corban Yaxley during the First and Second Wizarding Wars. Akin to Death Eater royalty, the family has been paying their dues and been loyal to the Dark Lord, blood purism & the power within society it rendered for as long as time has stood. The standard was perfection, the game was simple: stay loyal, stay powerful. Artemis knew from a young age what was and wasn’t expected of her and she played the role of dutiful daughter perfectly. The matriarchs were given just as much responsibility as their patriarch counterpart, if anything, Artemis had less room for indiscretions than her brother -- because he was the one who asked questions. She had them, but she never asked them -- Apollo always did. Always pushing the envelope, always pushing boundaries until he was old enough to properly break them, Artemis continuously picked up the slack. She compensated for his lack of respect because her brother Apollo was her sun, her best friend, the person she entered the world with, because he loved her and knew her better than anyone else. The game of chess came easy to her because she’d been playing one her whole life, every move several steps ahead, every loss calculated, backup plans to backup plans made.

As a child she was always fascinated with things far away, things she couldn’t touch because although the environment she grew up in was not bad by any means -- it was stifling. The stars were her escape, they alerted her to a different world, the great what if, cultivating a deep love for astronomy and muggle philosophers -- anything she could get her hands on. Apollo always pushed her to keep going, to keep learning, her family encouraged her to live inside their world while he told her she could do more. Book upon book was stashed in secret locations around their manor. The Yaxley’s were livid when they caught Apollo encouraging Artemis’ fantasies ( what they called them ), even more livid that Artemis let them. In turn, they became better at hiding, better at sneaking, just better at deceiving their parents. As they grew older and Apollo became more vocal, Artemis knew that if the path he went on was going to continue to be against what their family stood for -- he’d be quietly disowned or worse.

Entering school was an escape, another chess board and a place where Artemis was finally able to properly nurture and challenge her mind. Ravenclaw was the perfect house for her, talking in riddles herself when she could for the thrill of it ( how else would she separate those worthy of her time and not? ), lies rolled off her tongue easier than ever as the person who walked barefoot around the Astronomy Tower at night and wore heels to societal functions by day had to learn to reconcile who she was while at school. Faced with more people, new people, curiosity and the pursuit for intelligence, her mind expand and she loved it. Artemis tried to be even more for her family, while Wesley Rowle was already a close friend ( more than close, a mindmate ) of Artemis’ & someone she’s happy to spend her life with, their betrothal was an extremely advantageous affair for the both of their families. In her last year of school, Artemis hoped that Apollo would shape up and that her betrothal, her doing everything she possibly could to take the pressure off of him, would help him to be able to finally take his role as who he was in the Yaxley family -- he left. Of course, Artemis forgave her brother because she understood his motives and she loved him very very much but her family recoiled from the loss and put more pressure than ever on Artemis to succeed. Succeed she did. She was so good at the game it felt like she was meant for it.

Naturally, her love for knowledge propelled her into becoming an UNSPEAKABLE and it’s probably one of the aspects of her life she enjoyed most. Still one to talk in riddles to see who keeps up with her, almost everything she does in that sense – confusing & frustrating – is a defense mechanism. Her observant nature means she notices everything, although she doesn’t always understand it ( especially Muggle culture ) she’s always interested. Though she often seems to be neutral in demeanor, she never is in mindset, be sure to know that Artemis is watching you, observing you, collecting data to use against you as well as she doesn’t understand people as much as her brother did. Definitely the more sociable and pleasant of the two, Apollo had a gift with people and was always just kinder, more open than she could ever be. His gift was his heart that hers, though it’s her most prized possession that she felt was a curse at times, was her mind.

She was given a choice when the war started again -- become a monster or let the person she loved most die. Was a monster still a monster if they had valid and noble reason for it? Are they still a monster if they don’t believe in the monstrous acts they’re about to commit? ( Always. A monster is a monster the minute they choose to shed their human skin and bear the monstrosities as their own. )

There was once a girl who believed in the stars never once thinking she’d be the one to shoot them dead. Unlike the way stars have to collapse into themselves – she always had a choice. Neutrality was just as bad as the Death Eaters in Artemis’ eyes, a person who usually lived in the grey was black and white about this one thing. If she was going to commit such sins, if she was going to sell her soul to the cause, she was going to be extraordinarily bad. She was going to become a monster to live with being a monster her girlhood wrung out like a death, the girl who looked at stars and wondered about them, starting pinning them down, to dissect, study, keep them for herself. Artemis is smarter than to believe she is a god, to believe she, Wes & her family are invincible because power shifts all the time -- what’s to say they won’t be next to be thrown under the guillotine?

She is the member of the family who helps them plan, strategize, how to collect power and keep it. Many other Yaxley family members in higher up positions, littered throughout the Ministry, she played her part in writing them in the stars so their legacy could last millions of years before burning out. It wasn’t that she wanted power, not really not for herself, but Artemis needed to play a part to convince even herself that her life on a day to day basis had significance. For a person who could be described as machiavellian, Artemis’ finds this acquisition of power to be more of a requirement than a personal necessity, the lack of freedom would be remedied and easier to deal with, the deaths, the murder, the destruction, the endless chess game of life, would mean something if Apollo was still alive & well -- wouldn’t it? It would. The further down the rabbit hole Artemis went, the more she found herself enthralled with a game that is a merely a distraction, her humanity straying further away from her as finds ways to give into her life.

There are days she finds herself, looking at the stars, thinking of another universe where she’d never have to make the choices she did, where she sees infinite possibilities, the outcomes of who she could’ve been. There was a time where Artemis found herself among the stars, where she saw herself as one, so distant from everyone around her but content, anciently bursting with life, even if dimly lit, collapsing into her own mind, only to become something anew as more knowledge fed her light. The girl she once was had disappeared, had been shut away, the light in herself something she was unable to find replaced by a gift to be terrible, her goodness caved into itself revealing something dark. The light had always been Apollo’s speciality, she only took it from him, she only consumed -- even from the person she loved most. The more she looked up at them now, the more she consumed of people, situations, things, the more it hit her. Was she ever like them, really? Artemis was always more black hole than wishing star. Had she really ever had a chance to be anything else?

RANDOM NOTE ( tw: slight misgendering ): As a writer I think there’s an interesting thing in how Artemis’ gender presents itself in relation to her familial background -- she’s seen as a woman by her family but she’s aware and the people closest to her are aware that she’s agender. She’s felt a connection to the power that being a patriarch & matriarch in the Yaxley family has, but she’s never identified herself with it. In fact, gender has never been something she’s connected to as a concept or a thing for herself. Artemis is very interested in gender theory and the like but due to her life, has not let herself delve into it further than to explain who she was to herself and to understand who she was for herself.

#ill never use that gif for artemis so im using it HERE #iidyintro

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neffi3 · 6 years

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School reunion

Written for JayDick-Hell as a part of the Jaydick Winter Blahs Fic Exchange.

Prompt: It’s my highschool reunion and I need a hot date so I can rub it in the faces of the people who hated me

The night was going well for Jason; his men completed drug raids with added bonuses, nobody that wasn’t supposed to got hurt, Batman stayed out of his way; so of course the Golden Boy was waiting at Jason’s apartment for Red Hood to get back home.

For a second Jason contemplated shooting him, but decided it wasn’t worth having to clean the blood or worse – abandoning the apartment.

“Hey, Jay,” Dick greeted him casually, like he didn’t just break into the house of a crime oriented former Robin. In his civvies no less.

“What do you want?” Red Hood growled walking past the couch and his not-brother lounging on it to his bedroom to shed his gear.

“Can’t I just visit my favorite little brother?”

Jason dropped his guns and helmet in shock and rounded on Dick to stare at him in disbelief.

Dick send him a small, uncertain smile, eyes darting away and to Jason never settling on anything more than a few seconds.

Jason squinted at him suspiciously. Dick was acting weird and the show of vulnerability just added to Red Hood’s unease. Whatever he wanted, Dick knew Jason wasn’t going to like it and unfortunately for him no matter how much buttering up the Golden Child did wasn’t going to change that.

“Talk or get out,” Red Hood ground out, crossing his arms irritably.

Dick dropped his head, huffing out a nervous laugh. In the next second he lifted his head slightly, peering at Jason from behind the bangs of dark hair, biting his lip.

Jason viciously stomped on the thought of how adorable Dick looked like that.

“Will you be my date?” the older of the two asked quietly.

“Excuse me?” Jason blinked taken aback.

Dick jumped to his feet and started pacing a little to burn off some of the nervous energy. He flapped his hands around as he tried to explain to Red Hood why he needed a date in the first place. He sounded like he wanted to convince not only Jason but himself too, but the younger male decided to cut him some slack, because him even asking Jason to pretend to be his boyfriend was too bizarre to be real. Even if Jason wished it to be real.

“I have a case I’m working on,” Dick said, “and it turned out one of my acquaintances from high school is involved. But it would be suspicious if I just showed up out of the blue, especially when they would learn I was a cop. Fortunately in a few days I have a school reunion and they would be there. It’s a perfect opportunity to snoop around a bit and I would appreciate some backup.”

“Why don’t you take the Replacement?” Jason asked. “Or Babs? Anyone from the long line of your friends?”

“Tim is too young,” Dick shook his head. “Babs went there too so she’s known and her being Commissioner’s daughter would make things more difficult. And everybody else is busy.”

“I’m busy too,” Jason pointed put.

“Please?” big blue eyes begged him. “I really could use the help. Besides,” Dick added, a blush started to redden his cheeks. Jason watched, fascinated. “This is one of the events where you’re supposed to bring a hot date with you.”

It took a few seconds for Jason’s brain to process what was just said, but then Red Hood smirked confidently.

“You think I’m hot, Sweetheart?” Jason drawled.

Dick’s blush deepened, but he maintained eye contact resolutely.

“So, will you?” the older man demanded plaintively.

“There better be a lot of food, Goldie,” Jason agreed indirectly. “And booze.”

Dick’s smile lit up the whole room and left Red Hood dazed enough, that he barely reacted as Dick danced away with an excuse of not bothering him any further and that he will text him the details later.

It was how Jason found himself at the manor four days later, dressed in an expensive suit that – according to Kori and Roy – accented his hotness, tugging at the tie to get rid of the choking feeling at his throat. He came to pick Dick up, but apparently the Golden Boy wasn’t ready yet so Jason was forced to wait for him in his former home and hope that other Bats had the sense to stay away from him.

Red Hood wasn’t so lucky apparently.

“Huh,” Tim hummed with his mouth full, looking Jason up and down. “After your spiel about how you hate us all I didn’t think you would agree to this,” he commented after he swallowed whatever he was eating.

“What is it to you?” Red Hood sneered. “I’m always up for a case with ass kicking, free food and drinks.”

Tim blinked at him in confusion and then smirked with amusement.

“There’s no case, Jason,” he revealed.

“What?!” Red Hood’s jaw dropped. No it couldn’t be, the Replacement had to be lying, but Jason couldn’t think of any reason why he would do that. “But Dick said...” he trailed off, realizing he had been played. The fucker, Jason thought betrayed and angry, when I’ll get my hands on him…

“Dick wanted you to be his date,” Tim said, derailing Jason’s thoughts of murder of the eldest son of the Bat. “Apparently he assumed you wouldn’t agree if he just asked you outright.”

What? Red Hood stared at his replacement, mouth opening and closing without any sound. Dick wanted Jason to be his date? What did it mean?

“Jay!” Dick shouted excitedly from the top of the stairs. “You came!” he sounded a touch surprised, but it did nothing to dim his wide, happy grin as the acrobat bounded down the stairs in his hurry to plaster himself against Jason in a hug.

Jason’s arms automatically went up to hug Dick back, while his mind still tired to process the new information it was given. Did the Golden Child, the mighty Nightwing liked a street rat like Jason Todd in a romantic way? Jason was afraid to even hope.

“Let’s just crack that case of yours,” Red Hood said, pulling away.

“Yeah, the case, right,” Dick agreed, releasing him reluctantly. His smile dimmed a little and he shuffled awkwardly like Jason just reminded him this was not a real date.

Holy shit, Dick wanted it to be a real date!

Jason grinned like a shark. Oh, this was going to be great!

“So?” he prompted. “Let’s go,” he elaborated as Dick blinked up at him in confusion.

“Oh, of course!” the acrobat let out a painfully fake laugh and practically fled the manor. “See yea, Timmy.”

Red Hood turned to the Replacement, waggling his eyebrows and found him glaring at him protectively. He snorted and waved, following Dick out.

Jason’s plan on having fun was tampered slightly by one fact. On the way to the event Dick was kind of nervous and Red Hood got the feeling it had nothing to do with him or the fake-real date situation. No. When they got to their destination and Dick got all quiet and tense Jason realized why. Dick was scared. Dick Grayson, the social butterfly, the man who could and would laugh in the face of worst criminals the world had to offer and then some, was afraid.

Now Jason wasn’t stupid and guessed the probable cause almost immediately. He wasn’t a stranger to being bullied in school, but he didn’t had the chance to attend his classes too long. Dick however had the full experience and apparently it was bad. And the fact that Dick could have taken down his tormentors in a few seconds flat but couldn’t had to add the salt to injury.

For a moment Jason wondered why Dick even went to this reunion. Then some flashes of the cameras light up the surroundings and, yeah, right. Dick Grayson was a public person, it would be suspicious if he didn’t show to this party and the following scandal that was sure to be created by the gossip columns just wasn’t worth it. But that meant Dick couldn’t do anything if whoever had tormented him didn’t grow the fuck up and tried something for the same reasons.

Suddenly Jason’s role in this mess became clear to him. Dick didn’t want to take anyone else with him not only because he wanted Jason, but because they were widely known as well and had certain expectations to fulfill in the public eye. But Jason? Jason was nobody. He had a clean slate and could be practically anyone he wanted and do whatever he wanted. And having his hot date punching people in Dick’s defense was a lot more manageable scandal than the possible others.

Still, it didn’t make Red Hood any less irritated that the Golden Boy wasn’t upfront with him about the situation and still proceeded to have his fun, but keeping a more attentive eye on Dick through the evening. The Golden Boy was adorably flustered when Jason did nice things for him like bringing him some food or drink or whisking him away from highly uncomfortable conversations playing the good boyfriend card harder than was strictly necessary. Other than those random moments Jason left Dick alone stating, despite Nightwing’s dismay, that he won’t interfere with Dick’s reconnecting with his peers and went to mingle and pretend to fish for a non existent information. Red Hood caught a few wistful glances Dick send his way, but did nothing about it. Let Dick stew in the reality of his own making.

Ever since their entrance they both gathered jealous looks from some people. Dick more than Jason and hell, if it didn’t make Red Hood preen. In the course of the evening, Jason got hit on five times already. He let himself flirt a little, but ultimately turned the suitors down. One of them, a pretty woman just left with a huff she couldn’t quite hide when Jason glanced to check on Dick and found him all tense and posed to retreat.

At first Dick was too nervous, so Jason stuck close to him, reminding him of his presence. As the evening progressed the acrobat relaxed more and more and Red Hood decided he would be fine on his own and increased the distance between them. But now a single man had Nightwing jumping into flight mode in an instant. So this was it then. Jason finished his drink in one gulp and made his way over. It was his time to shine.

Despite everything Dick was having a good time. There were a few bumps here and there, but he managed to get through them on his own or with Jason’s help. However all good things didn’t last, not in this company at least, so Dick was hardly surprised to hear a posh snotty voice – even snottier than Damian’s and that was saying something – slightly deeper than he remembered calling his name. With dread he turned around and his fears were confirmed as he came face to face with his high school nemesis – Nathan Canavan.

“It is you, Grayson,” Nathan sneered. “Still living off of Wayne’s money like the charity case you are, I see. You have to be really good for Wayne to keep you this long.” He eyed Dick up and down making the acrobat feel dirty just from that, “I can see the appeal.”

Dick contemplated just fleeing the scene, but a hand landed on his lower back rubbing soothing circles and a solid body plastered itself along his right side. Dick leaned against it gratefully, instantly feeling better and grinning inwardly in delight as Nathan’s eyes widened in fear.

Canavan was solidly build, he was Dick’s height but had more muscle mass than the acrobat, making him bigger and probably stronger. Clearly he was counting on that as he approached Grayson to do whatever he had planned. But Jason was still taller and bigger, especially when he puffed out his chest, making the seams of his shirt scream in protest as his muscles buffed out in already too tight clothes.

“Who’s your friend, Sweetheart?” Jason drawled, sneaking a possessive arm around Dick’s waist making him shiver.

“Jason,” Dick allowed a fraction of the smug grin appear on his face, “this is Nathan Canavan.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Red Hood stated pleasantly, extending his hand.

“Likewise,” Nathan replied faintly, paling as Jason put far more strength into the handshake that was considered polite accompanied by a warning glare.

“I hope you don’t mind,” Jason apologized, “but Dick expects a call in a minute, so we need to find someplace quiet.”

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Canavan stammered hurriedly. “I was just leaving anyway, just came over to say ‘hi’.”

“Mhm,” Red Hood hummed and tugged Dick outside of the ball room, through the back entrance to the cool air outside.

Dick didn’t even know he was shaking until Jason leaned against the railing and pulled him flush against him, rubbing his hands along his spine, murmuring soothing nothings.

“Thank you,” the acrobat leaned back when he felt steady enough, but Jason kept him trapped, looping his arms around his waist loosely.

They looked each other in the eyes, the air around them suddenly charged with something.

“Jason?” Dick asked in confusion as he realized Red Hood’s face was getting closer to his own.

Hot mouth collided gently with his own, sending a shock of electricity through Dicks’ body. His lips parted automatically, but before Jason could take advantage of the invitation Dick pulled away abruptly, remembering.

Jason hummed questioningly.

Dick looked down, guilty and ashamed.

“I lied,” he confessed.

“I know,” Red Hood said, the corner of his mouth quirking up in amusement.

“There isn’t a case,” Dick continued.

“I know,” Jason repeated.

Dick didn’t register what he said, too determined to explain himself fully.

“I just wanted you to be my date. Not just today, but period.”

Jason smiled fondly and gently hooked a finger under other man’s chin to lift his head up. He leaned in closer.

“I know,” he stated and placed another kiss on those plush lips.

It took Dick a few seconds to pull back again this time.

“What?” he asked with wide blue eyes, shocked and yet hopeful.

“Can I kiss you?” Jason huffed out with an irritated breath.

“Y-yes,” Dick replied breathlessly. “But-”

“Good,” Jason purred, pulling Dick closer. “Kissing time now, shut up.”

#fic #mfic #batmanfic #fanfiction #jaydick #Jason Todd #dick grayson #Jaydick Winter Blahs Fic Exchange #JayDick-Hell

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psychotherapyconsultants · 7 years

Text

10 Famous People with Depression, Bipolar Disorder or Both

Whenever I hit a depression rut, where I feel disabled by the illness and therefore pathetic for being brought to my knees by a bunch of thoughts, it helps me to review celebrities — esteemed politicians, actors, musicians, comedians, astronauts, writers, and athletes — that I admire from both the past and present who have also wrestled the demons of depression and bipolar disorder. I feel less alone knowing that this infuriating condition doesn’t discriminate, and that I’m fighting alongside some of the world’s most talented and accomplished people.

Here are a few of the luminaries that have, over the course of their lives, shed some of the stigma of mental illness with their stories and who serve as inspiring role models for those of us in the trenches.

1. Ashley Judd

While visiting her sister, country singer Wynonna Judd, at a treatment center in 2006, counselors suggested that the actress and political activist check herself in, too. So Ashley Judd did just that and spent 47 days in a Texas treatment facility for depression and emotional problems. In a Today interview, she told Matt Lauer:

I was absolutely certifiably crazy, and now I get to have a solution. And for those who are codependent or suffer from depression, there is a solution.

In her memoir, All That Is Bitter and Sweet, Judd describes the abuse and neglect in her turbulent upbringing that led, in part, to her emotional pain and breakdown — and also the hope she feels by focusing on humanitarian work around the world.

2. Catherine Zeta-Jones

Academy Award winning actress Catherine Zeta-Jones never wanted to become a poster child for bipolar II disorder after she went public with her illness in April 2011, but she has nevertheless become a beautiful face behind the disorder. I, for one, am relieved the world can make a connection between one of the most talented and glamorous movie stars and a misunderstood illness.

I found it especially reassuring when she checked into a 30-day program in April 2013 to treat her disorder. The fact that a star can give herself permission to withdraw from the world in order to heal helps me feel less shame when I have to take a time-out for self-care myself.

3. Abraham Lincoln

Award-winning author Joshua Wolf Shenk did a masterful job of exposing the inner demons of the 16th president of the United States in his book Lincoln’s Melancholy: How Depression Challenged a President and Fueled His Greatness. I go back and read certain chapters whenever I need to be reminded that this curse can render gifts if we have the strength and perseverance to tame it, as Lincoln did. Shenk writes:

With Lincoln we have a man whose depression spurred him, painfully, to examine the core of his soul; whose hard work to stay alive helped him develop crucial skills and capacities, even as his depression lingered hauntingly; and whose inimitable character took great strength from the piercing insights of depression, the creative responses to it, and a spirit of humble determination forged over decades of deep suffering and earnest longing.

4. J.K. Rowling

When the author of the runaway bestselling Harry Potter series was a struggling writer in her twenties — a single mother and newly divorced — she suffered from severe depression and contemplated suicide. She sought help through cognitive behavioral therapy, and after nine months, the suicidal thoughts disappeared.

“I have never been remotely ashamed of having been depressed,” she said in an interview on Suicide.org. “Never. What’s there to be ashamed of? I went through a really tough time and I am quite proud that I got out of that.” Today she doesn’t hesitate to talk about her depression in order to fight the stigma associated with mental illness.

5. Jared Padalecki

Supernatural star Jared Padalecki openly talks about his struggles with depression and feels so passionately about supporting people battling emotional demons that he initiated Always Keep Fighting, his T-shirt campaign through Represent.com to benefit the nonprofit organization To Write Love on Her Arms (TWLOHA), which supports people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide.

During filming of the third season of Supernatural, Padalecki broke down in his trailer after shooting an episode. A doctor soon diagnosed him with clinical depression; he was 25 at the time. Padalecki recently told Variety:

I, for a long time, have been passionate about people dealing with mental illness and struggling with depression, or addiction, or having suicidal thoughts and, strangely enough, it’s almost like the life I live as well. These characters that we play on Supernatural, Sam and Dean, are always dealing with something greater than themselves, and I’ve sort of learned from the two of them that they get through it with each other, and with help and with support.

6. Brooke Shields

Brooke Shields had just released her book Down Came the Rain in 2005 about her bout with postpartum depression when I plunged into a severe depression and was hospitalized. A friend sent the book to me, and I’ll always remember the relief I felt when I read the back cover copy — feeling as though this actress-model was giving me permission to feel the pain: “Sitting on my bed, I let out a deep, slow, guttural wail,” she writes. “I wasn’t simply emotional or weepy … This was something quite different. This was sadness of a shockingly different magnitude. It felt as if it would never go away.”

She also wrote a brave op-ed piece for The New York Times following Tom Cruise’s infamous rant with Matt Lauer on NBC’s Today about psychiatry, lambasting Shields and others for taking antidepressants. “Once we admit that postpartum is a serious medical condition,” she writes, “then the treatment becomes more available and socially acceptable. With a doctor’s care, I have since tapered off the medication, but without it, I wouldn’t have become the loving parent I am today.”

7. Winston Churchill

British Prime Minister Winston Churchill referred to his depression as his “black dog”: recurrent episodes of darkness that permeated his life, influencing his career and political leadership. Some people surmise that it was Churchill’s depression that ultimately allowed him to assess the threat of Germany. British psychiatrist Anthony Storr writes:

Only a man who knew what it was to discern a gleam of hope in a hopeless situation, whose courage was beyond reason and whose aggressive spirit burned at its fiercest when he was hemmed in and surrounded by enemies, could have given emotional reality to the words of defiance which rallied and sustained us in the menacing summer of 1940.

He was born into a family of mental illness, and his daughter Diana committed suicide in 1962. Still, he managed to lead the United Kingdom as prime minister from 1940 to 1945 and again from 1951 to 1955, to thrive as a writer and historian, winning the Nobel Prize in Literature, and to be the first person to be made an honorary citizen of the United States.

8. Art Buchwald

He was one of the most successful newspaper columnists of his time, the recipient of a Pulitzer Prize, and a comic genius. But I appreciated Art Buchwald most as one of the three “Blues Brothers” (with Pulitzer Prize winner William Styron and former 60 Minutes reporter and cohost Mike Wallace), who spoke and wrote publicly about his bouts with depression and bipolar disorder.

Buchwald was hospitalized for clinical depression in 1963 and for manic depression in 1987. He was suicidal both times, and credited prescription drugs, therapy, and the hospital staff for saving his life. Had the nurses not been there to “rock him like a baby” during his harrowing dark night, he said he believed he might not have survived to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

9. Amanda Beard

Amanda Beard seemed to have the perfect life: four Olympic medals by age 18 and a promising modeling career. But in a People interview, she confessed that when she went home, “it was just darkness.” Her self-loathing led to bulimia, cutting herself, and depression. In September 2005, Beard began taking antidepressants and seeing a therapist. “It’s not like I went to therapy and — poof! better,” she said in the interview.

Today she’s off her medication, and she hasn’t cut herself since 2008. I admire that she’s real about the enduring struggle. “Even today I have my issues,” she says, “The key is saying, ‘Let’s enjoy this — life is short.’”

10. Jane Pauley

Jane Pauley, the former host of Today and Dateline NBC, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2001 and wrote about her illness in her 2004 memoir, Skywriting: A Life Out of the Blue. During a leave from the network, she was admitted to a psychiatric clinic and treated, but no one at the time knew about her struggles. Now she is outspoken about living with bipolar disorder and depression and raises awareness about mental illness.

In a 2004 Today interview, Pauley explained that her diagnosis was a shock and a relief. She believes it surfaced due to a combination of antidepressants and steroids she took for a case of hives. About taking lithium, she said to Matt Lauer:

It just is stabilizing. It allows me to be who I am. A mood disorder is dangerous. You’ve got to get those dramatic highs and lows stabilized. It’s dangerous if you don’t.

Join Project Hope & Beyond, the new depression community.

Originally posted on Sanity Break at Everyday Health.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2017/04/20/10-famous-people-with-depression-bipolar-disorder-or-both/

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positivepsychologyinterventions · 7 years

Text

10 Famous People with Depression, Bipolar Disorder or Both

1. Ashley Judd

I was absolutely certifiably crazy, and now I get to have a solution. And for those who are codependent or suffer from depression, there is a solution.

2. Catherine Zeta-Jones

3. Abraham Lincoln

4. J.K. Rowling

5. Jared Padalecki

6. Brooke Shields

7. Winston Churchill

8. Art Buchwald

9. Amanda Beard

10. Jane Pauley

It just is stabilizing. It allows me to be who I am. A mood disorder is dangerous. You’ve got to get those dramatic highs and lows stabilized. It’s dangerous if you don’t.

Join Project Hope & Beyond, the new depression community.

Originally posted on Sanity Break at Everyday Health.

from World of Psychology http://ift.tt/2oVJXVY via IFTTT

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